All language subtitles for Stuck.In.The.Middle.S02E13.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264.DUAL-C76_Legendas03.ENG

Here's what I'm thinking.

This Saturday,
sister time,

Harvard Square.
Food, fun, that shoe
store that you love.

- Stop. I know
when I'm being played.
- What...

Spin Mom and Dad
as much as I do, you
get a real ear for it.

It's like learning
a different language,
except way more useful.

Wow, I call you out
and you throw a fit.

Classic diva
reality TV move.
I like it.

No. I'm showing you
my latest invention.

Presenting...

The Floor Finder.

In any family
with kids,

there's always
a ton of stuff on the floor.

Picking it all up
is endless.

This makes it easy,
and fun.

See? I call it
the Floor Finder

because it finds the floor.

I'm not driving you to Boston
so you can suck bulky trash

off Harvard Square.

No. You know that super rich
investor guy, Troy Havana?

He's gonna be there.

If I can show him
the Floor Finder,

this thing could
go national.

I can think of 20 things
I'd rather do than drive you.

Oh, just thought of
another 20.

Okay then.

I'm going to have
to use this.

- No!
- Wanna see that again?

RACHEL: No!

Still not seeing
anything, are you?

I just played
a Diaz card.

It might be made
out of thin air,

but in this family,

that's as good as
written in stone.

It guarantees
the holder one favor,

with no right
of refusal.

I got this one
six months ago.

I see you
sneaking out.

Or do I?

We're going to have to get
an early start on Saturday.

- 8:00 a.m.
- Noon?
- 8:00 a.m. it is.

I had that six months.
I'm using it.

I didn't love having
to give up a Diaz card,

but it's worth it,

because once Troy Havana
sees my invention...

(thunk)

Oops. That was
a gold brick.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like
things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in
a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out
your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at
is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up,
turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing,
don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin,
let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle
of the party ♪

♪ We're just
getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado,
rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

Look what I dug
out of the hall closet.

You went into
the hall closet?

Are you okay?

More than okay.

With Mom and Georgie
at the tournament,

and Rachel driving
Miss Daphne to dance class,

for the first time
in eight years,

I am free to go
golfing with my buddies.

Don't look at me like that.
I have buddies.

I hate to do this,

but I'm afraid Rachel
will be driving Miss Harley

to Harvard Square.

When did I give you
a Diaz card?

No, hon, I just checked.

It's definitely your turn
to take the kids to the dentist.

I don't make the rules.
I just live by them.

I guess golf can wait
another eight years.

And for the record,
I really do have buddies.

So this kid,
A.J. Borrello,

had the nerve
to give a report called

"One hundred things
you can do with jelly."

Can you believe?

I can't believe
I haven't learned

not to ask
how your day was.

Last week, when A.J. said
mustard was better than mayo,

we let it slide.

But this...
this is too much.

Why should jelly
be celebrated

when peanut butter isn't
getting the respect it deserves?

Peanut butter
is the hero of that sandwich.

Jelly's just the sidekick.

Yeah, they don't
call it jelly and
peanut butter, do they?

Sounds like
A.J. Borrello might.

Not for long.
We're doing
our own report.

"One hundred and one things
you can do with peanut butter."

You want in on
PB-no-J?

No, I do not need to be
on a team

that's mostly known for
sticking to the roof
of your mouth.

Say what you want about us,

but we will not have you
disrespecting our friend
peanut butter.

Oh, that goes
on our list.

Friend. One down,
100 to go.

I thought you had an appointment
at Troy Havana's office,

not a lame meet-and-greet
at some food truck.

This isn't just
any food truck.

Pizza in a cone
is the hottest craze

since the last idea
somebody brought Troy--

hats for cats.

Who would eat
pizza in a cone?

It's basically a funnel
for sauce to land on your pants.

Line's moving.

Sorry.

You're mad now, but you're
going to want one of these.

Floor Finder.

Look for it on
The Shopping Channel
in about a month.

Hey, friends!

Thanks for coming.

That's him.
That's Troy Havana.

Quick, make this look
like your living room.

Sorry, got to run.
Big meeting across town.

I know you were all
hoping for a photo,

but don't worry,
I won't let you down.

Mr. Havana, wait!
I wanna show you...

Here you go.

Oh, uh...

and here's a yo-yo
for your trouble.

That Troy guy
is a real jerk.

How can he leave
after two minutes?

He did get all these people
to show up at his store.

Sometimes people in business
don't play nice.

Like Troy Havana
always says,

"It's called business,
not bus-nice."

Ugh, just suck me up
in that thing and let
this be over.

Well, it's not
the freshest use
for peanut butter,

but it is a classic.

Make sandwich.

Now we just have
99 uses to go.

Rachel uses avocado
for her face mask.

- How does your face feel?
- Chunky.

Peanut butter does
make you look dumb.

Didn't think of that one.

Rachel uses
cucumbers on her eyes.

Maybe we should
use crackers.

I wonder what else
crackers can do.

One list at a time.

Why is there peanut butter
all over the doorknob?

Well, you don't hear it
squeak anymore, do you?

Right, and this is
so much less annoying

than a squeaky doorknob.

You know, I really wish
peanut butter

could get rid of
complaining.

- All this work
is making me hungry.
- Me, too.

There's gotta be another
way to get to Troy Havana.

Oh, good. I was afraid
I was gonna have to go
three minutes

without hearing
that name.

Hm. He's going to be on
Dancing With My Dad.

(gasps)

I love that show.

Seems a little beneath him.

The man put hats on cats.

They're doing a special
where celebrities dance

against regular people.

It's called
"Pros Versus Schmoes."

And it's filming
in Boston.

You're driving me
to Boston.

- You don't have
a card to play.
- Yeah, I know.

But you love the show.

I figured if
I sold the slap,
you'd let it go.

You're right, I'm in.

But because you think
you know me so well,
I'm thinking of going out.

But after strong consideration,
you'll still stay in.

When you know me,
you know me.

Guess who had fun
at dance class.

Dad brought the heat so hard,
we got to stand in front.

From now on, I'm telling Mom
class is cancelled

so Fancy Feet can take me.

I don't believe in signs,

but Daphne just walked in
literally dancing with my dad.

That's not a sign;
that's a billboard.

Your mother signed up
for the parent dance

at the next recital,
so I had to fill in.

You guys need to share
this talent with the world.

Dancing With My Dad
is doing a show in Boston.

Open auditions
are tomorrow.

Done. My face
was made for TV.

I'm gonna go
tell Deathnee.

Let's take it back a sec.

Me dancing on TV?
Sorry, no.

Come on, you'd be great.

And then I could show
my invention to Troy Havana.

He's already on the show.

You shouldn't bother
celebrities.

Your football hero
Brady Rice is also on the show.

Brady Rice?

The man who caught
17 touchdowns his rookie year?

The reason I wanted to name
the twins Brady and Rice,
that Brady Rice?

- Yeah, too bad--
- I'll do it.

And I won't ask him
to sign more than two things;
that would be rude.

Maybe four things.
You know what, let's
not put a cap on it.

I might be on TV.

You're not dancing,
they are.

Yeah, but they always show
the family of the dancers
performing.

And I have amazing
watching faces.

Concerned.

Relieved.

"We won" face!

So good. We better
be using that one.

I don't know what my face
is going to be doing,

but my body's gonna be
all like...

I am so nervous.

How's my hair?
Is my breath okay?
I need gum.

Dad, relax.

It's just an audition.

I am talking about
meeting Brady Rice.

Where can a man
find a stick of gum?

Brady's not here.

It's called
"Pros Versus Schmoes."

He's a pro,
this audition is for schmoes.

Couldn't they call it
"Pros Versus Joes"?

That's a lot
less hurtful.

You can stay
if you want, but...

That's right,
you saw it.

Sorry.

I'm still trying to find
the perfect color dress

that makes me pop
on TV.

I've narrowed it down to
red, green, purple,
yellow or blue.

So Dad and Daphne
need to stay away from those.

Because brown and orange
are so festive?

I just hope
they get on the show.

Otherwise I'm going to
have to figure out a way

to get invited to
Troy's seventh wedding
in Borneo.

Daphne better hold still
right here.

She's making people cry.

Not the kids,
the dads.

Don't ask how to samba
if you don't wanna know.

Listen up, people, I'm gonna
give you some intel.

If you wanna
get picked for the show,

it's not just about
the dancing.

The judges wanna see
a close, happy family.

Someone people
can root for.

You guys are the best.

I couldn't ask
for a better family.

Oh, we're up.
Wish us luck.

We don't need luck.
We got me.

Keep up.

Whatever happens, I will
always be proud of you guys.

You guys
are my world.

Careful. You're gonna
end up in the weirdo montage.

What happened
to my hair gel?

We replaced it
with peanut butter.

Great hold, and a scent
that will attract the ladies.

And the squirrels.

What's taking them
so long?

I hope Dad didn't go rogue
and do the electric slide.

TOM: We made it!

I'm so happy,
I could dance.

But I only do that
when the camera's on.

Yay!

What the...

Delicious igloo.

The containers
are the "igs,"

and the peanut butter
is the "glue."

Use number 64.

I'm starting to think
101 uses is too few.

I want to thank
all the little people...

Deathnee, the doll
with one arm,

the doll with no head,

the bear whose fur
I shaved off.

Sorry to interrupt.

You want to sneak in
some practice?

I am practicing...

my victory speech.

I'll help you practice,
but just so you know,

my go-to is...

Thank you, thank you.

For all you little girls
out there,

whose dream is to dance,
I'm coming for you.

Thirty minutes until
I dance

in front of
a national audience.

Dad, relax.

You're gonna be great.

Thanks to you for
helping me rehearse.

Daphne was too busy
working on her
after-show interview.

(imitating Daphne)
"I just want to stop
and take a moment to be real.

I was awesome out there."

It was fun, and hey,

I couldn't let you look bad
in front of Brady Rice.

I'm glad you talked me
into this, Harls.

Golfing with my buddies
would've been fun,

but nothing can beat
dancing with my daughters.

This is so exciting.

There are more stars here
than at last year's

"Studs Versus Duds" edition.

I've gotta find
Troy Havana.

I just hope he's here.

His daughter better
not be dancing with
his cardboard standee.

Hey, let's go check out
that food table

and get a refill.

Yeah, we're
running on empty.

Hey, look.

It's Brady Rice.

Don't embarrass
yourself, Dad.

Way to go.
You played it cool.

See? I'm not as much
of a schmo as people think.

You better have
a spare shirt,

'cause I'm not
touching that.

Oh.

- Did someone hear
an opportunity?
- Excuse me?

You're probably wondering
what this is on my back, right?

No. I'm wondering
why you're in my way.

In any family with kids,

there's always
a ton of stuff on the floor.

Picking it all up
is endless.

This makes it easy,
and fun.

Somebody get this man a water.

I think there could be
a real future here.

Great invention.

Can-do backstory about
you sneaking in here

to show it to me.

Actually, I'm here with
my dad and my sister.

They're also
on the show tonight.

Oh, so that's
your family.

I saw them earlier.
Fantastic dance moves.

Big, close family.
That's a winning combination.

The judges love
that kind of thing.

Yeah, my sister Rachel
says that's key.

She's the one over there
practicing her faces.

That's her "ooh, I hope
he doesn't drop her."

Harley,
I'll make you a deal.

I'll fund your invention
and make you gobs of money.

- Just one thing.
- Anything. You name it.

Get your family to
drop out of the competition.

Something else?

Wait. You want me
to get my dad and
my sister to drop out.

Two problems.
My dad and my sister.

They're my only
competition.

I came to win.

Why else would I be here?

To meet Brady Rice?
I own his team.

You want to win by
making other people quit?

That's not very nice.

Nice? I didn't get
to where I am by being nice.

Look, kid,
you play this right,

and in a few months,

your vacuum gizmo will be
in stores nationwide.

So what do you think?

(cheering)

MAN: Five minutes
to show time.

I think you're nothing
like I thought you would be.

There's no way I'm asking
my family to drop out,

especially after how hard
they've been practicing.

Well, my dad anyway.

You know how much money
you're throwing away?

It's like Harley Diaz
always says.

Having to choose
between family and business,

is no choice at all.

That's cute.

Dumb but cute.

You just made the biggest
mistake of your life.

So I told him I didn't care
how much money I was giving up,

'cause I couldn't ask you guys
to drop out.

Wow, Harls, I am
really proud of you
for taking the high road.

Did he say how much
money specifically?

That jerk thinks
he can buy whatever he wants.

Go out there
and step-step-kick his butt.

Hello. That's what I do.

(crashing sound)

DAPHNE: I slipped.

That's use number 100
for peanut butter.

Making Troy Havana
slip and fall.

Nobody treats
our sister like that.

Looks like
you sprained your ankle.

We're sorry, Daphne.

We didn't mean for it
to happen to you.

This is our fault.

Don't blame peanut butter.

Now you've got no deal,

and your family
won't dance anyway.

- You should've
taken my offer.
- I don't want it.

I can't believe it.

He's going to end up winning.

He's not going to win.

Someone else
can dance with Dad.

Who?

You. You know
all the moves.

You can totally do it.

As long as you don't
wear pink or possibly purple.

That's my back-up outfit.

I don't know
how good I'll be.

It doesn't matter.

The only thing
I wanted to do tonight

was dance with my daughter.

Now go get
my favorite thing in the world.

The winner's trophy?

Revenge.
Now get to wardrobe.

ANNOUNCER: Stellar performance
by Team Havana.

They're gonna be
tough to beat

with a score of 38.

You're gonna dance?

That's right, she is.

This schmoe's got
more than one talented daughter.

Good luck. We just got
38 out of 40.

Pretty great,
right, Savannah?

She hates me.
I don't know why.

Maybe because you
named her Savannah Havana.

Oh, and you know,
the pure evil thing.

Whatever.
I don't have to
find the dance floor.

I own it.

And I'm talking
about the dance,

and I actually own
this building as well.

ANNOUNCER: Please
welcome to the stage

Harley Diaz,
dancing with her dad Tom.

♪ ♪

With 39 points,
Team Diaz takes the lead.

Yes, but there's still
a few teams that have to go.

- We didn't win yet.
- We beat Troy.

That's all the win I need.

Considering I went there
to sell a cleaning device,

I'll take second place
for dancing.

I'm just happy Brady won.
That guy's the king.

HARLEY: Maybe someone else
will want to bankroll
the Floor Finder.

I mean, Troy Havana's
not the only investor out there.

Oh, and Harley,
I had such a blast

doing the show,
I have something for you.

Hold out your hand.

A Diaz card?
For what?

If you didn't play yours,

I never would've gone
to dance class with Daphne,

and none of this
would've happened.

Thanks, Dad.

And here's one from me.

Thanks to you,
I got to go backstage

at my favorite
TV show.

Let's see what magic
you can work with this one.

Actually,
you got enough.

We're good.