All language subtitles for Stuck.In.The.Middle.S02E05.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264.DUAL-C76_Legendas02.ENG

Hey, Dad,
a little help.

We need more cups,
straws, syrup,

and if there's one
laying around, another me.

Any chance I could
get some back-up?

Didn't you hire
Lewie and Beast?

Hire them?
I can't get them to leave.

We're building
a new product line.

The slushy pants.

Keeps you chilled
inside and out.
Patent pending.

After you've finished
all the slushy,

you don't even have to
take off your pants to pee.

Which warms your toes.
Convenient, since they're
frozen by then.

Guys, this falls under
the same category

as your chowder
rain boots idea.

No.

Hey. I know you.

Phil Durning.

You gave Rachel
her driver's test.

So how's life in
the fast lane down
at Motor Vehicles?

Uh, I wouldn't know.
I was fired.

Twenty years,
and I got the boot

for some bad
online feedback.

Uh-oh.

I posted a bad review
of Phil

because I thought
he flunked Rachel when
she didn't deserve it.

But no one gets fired
for one bad review.

Yep, just one bad review.

It was the excuse
my boss needed

to give the job
to his nephew.

Then it was,
"Hit the road."

Wow. I feel terrible.

Don't feel bad.
Not your fault.

(chuckles)

Of course it wasn't
my fault.

Who said
it was my fault?

Anyway, it was good
to see you, Harley.

Can you point me
towards your tents?

Oh, good, you're
taking a vacation.

No, I'm going into the woods

to figure out where
my life went wrong.

Like a left turn
into oncoming traffic.

I got a man fired.

Fired!

This is bad, really bad.
I'm a monster!

Okay, I'm spiraling.

And when I spiral,
I talk to Ethan.

He's the one in the family
who makes me feel better,

- and sets me straight.
- You're a monster.

Thanks for nothing.
I could've gone
to Rachel for that.

I feel terrible.

You need to find
Phil a new job.

Find a grown man
a job?!

What's next,
buy him a house,

put his kids
through college?

If you don't find him
a job, you might have to.

I don't know anyone
hiring adults.

I barely know adults.

Hang on.

You want me
to hire Phil?

You're an adult,
he's an adult.
It's meant to be.

I don't know, Harls.

I just don't need
anyone in the store right now.

- But you do.
- Me?

The boss of a grown-up?

Wouldn't that be weird?

Phil Durning,
reporting for duty.

Would you like me
to call you Harley
or Miss Diaz?

Uh-oh. Oh! I forgot
my lumbar support vest.

I will be right
back. Okay?

Yep. Super weird.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like
things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in
a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out
your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at
is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up,
turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing,
don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin,
let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle
of the party ♪

♪ We're just
getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado,
rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

Not my new lip kits,
not my new lip kits.

Report card.

Lip kit?

That's not
my new lip kit.

For Daphne?

I wasn't expecting
a package.

Do you mind opening it?

It might be from
one of my enemies.

( music box plays
"Happy Birthday To You" )

"Sasha Berringer
is turning eight

at the Red, White, and You
doll store,

so don't be late.

Crumpets and tea
for you and your doll.

Right next to the Poodle Palace
at the Wellbury Mall."

A party?
I'll take Deathne.

Don't tell her
dolls will be there.

She doesn't like them.

Obviously, you have no idea
what a Red, White and You
party is like.

I have tea parties
all the time.

Which usually end with one of
your dolls getting bumped off.

I used to love
Red, White, and
You parties.

You get to dress up
like your doll,

sit at a fancy table,
and eat off real china.

You cannot go like this.

And you cannot take that.

We haven't even got to
your attitude yet.

Keep talking, and my dolls
might not be the only ones

getting bumped off.

FYI, death threats
fall under "attitude."

All right, so I have
a new employee

three times my age.

No worries.

I drank coffee
to feel more grown up.

I spit it out because
coffee's gross.

What are grown-ups thinking?

Anyway, got my clipboard,
my assignments.

Time to boss it up.

Got my trusty
support vest,

and I'm ready
to support
my new boss.

Boss. Right.

Okay, how about you
clean the rotors on
the slushy machine?

- Wait.
- Oh.

That's a messy job;
I can't ask you to do that.

You're wearing, like,
real people clothes
under that.

Oh, here's one.
Fill up the straw caddy.

No. You're way
over-qualified for that.

You know what?
I'll knock the rest
of these out myself.

- So I should...
- Take a five-minute break.

Or ten. In fact,
take the whole day.

You're an adult.

I bet you don't even
have a bedtime.

Sorry we're late.

Traffic was a bear.

And that ant hill
wasn't gonna
poke itself.

Guys, you're not
late to work,

because you never
had the job.

I have a real
employee now.

Hello, boys.
I haven't seen you

since you attacked me
with water cannons

for no reason whatsoever.

Is this gonna be a problem
with us working together?

You don't work here!

Fine. Find somebody else
to put ice down their pants

and pee in their shoes.

That is not
a job requirement.

She's back,
like a wart.

I don't think you understand
how important it is

that you fit in
at Sasha's party.

Please. I go to
a lot of parties.

I do pretty well
for myself.

That's because
first graders are nice,

and invite all the girls
in their class.

That stops
at about fifth grade.

You have to make
a good impression now.

If you don't,
bye-bye, parties,

and hello whatever
Georgie does on
a Saturday night.

Deathne, don't bury
Mr. Chimp like that.

Bury him deeper
so he never gets out.

Okay.

I'm gonna
tell you something

that if you repeat,
you'll end up like
Mr. Chimp.

(sighs)

When I was your age,

I was invited to
Mitzi Holman's karate party.

Everybody wore karate clothes
except me.

I was rocking
my first pair
of skinny jeans.

My first roundhouse
kick, I--

Let me guess.
You ripped your pants.

No.
I farted.

It turns out karate clothes
are loose for a reason.

For two years,
they called me
Sensei Stink Butt.

That's pretty good.

It took me till fourth
grade to recover from that.

And it's me.

If you go to
the Red, White, and You
party like this,

those girls are gonna make
massive fun of you.

You might never recover.

I don't care.

But... Deathne might.

Hey, back from my break.

Great. Uh, why don't you
go to lunch?

I'm sensing the difference
in our ages

is making you uncomfortable.

I'm sorry.

It's just, I'm not used
to having someone work for me

who actually works...
or shaves.

Look, it's awkward
for me, too.

I'm just looking
to stay busy

until I decide
what road to follow next.

Two seconds is safe
following distance, by the way.

I'm sure you'll figure out
what you wanna do.

You just gotta find
your passion and go for it.

That's how I started
the Slushy Shack.

Didn't hurt that
my dad owned the store, but...

My passion was driving.

Oh, I think of the way
the Motor Vehicles

just yanked my heart out.

Yeah. Who's ready
to sling some slushies?

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm the waiter
at the tea,

and I'm putting down
this plate of scones.

We don't grab.

Yes, we do,
or we starve.

I'm not talking about
our family.

I'm talking about
human beings.

Let's start
at the beginning.

What do you do
when you enter the party?

Find the biggest kid there,
then stare him down.

Let him know
who's top dog.

Good in prison,
not at tea parties.

First, locate
all the mirrors.

That way, when you start
talking to someone boring,

you can check your hair
until you turn the conversation

back to yourself.

That's very interesting.

Okay, what do you do

if someone asks you
if you like their
party dress?

I'd say you
like you're wearing
your grandma's curtains.

No. You say,
"That looks so cute."

That's like saying you
look like you're wearing
your grandma's curtains

without
saying it.

That's so cute!

So how's it going
being the boss of an adult?

Turns out, fantastic.

I gave him the morning off,
and in three years,

he's gonna teach me
how to parallel park.

- (gentle music playing)
- What's that?

(music continues)

- (horn beeps)
- Check it, Harley.

Phil's Slushy Shed!

I took your advice,
followed my passion.

Yeah, and plopped it
right in front of my passion.

I'm going into
business for myself.

What do you think?

I think I'll let
you two talk.

Bye.

I think it's really...

I don't wanna
crush Phil's dreams.

But if he stays here,
he'll kill my business.

How to put this
delicately?

This is my turf!
You gotta bounce!

Don't worry.

I'm not setting up here.

I've got a spot
across town.

I just came by
to thank you.

Your advice put me
on the road to happiness.

The lights are all green,

and I'm speedin'
toward my future.

That is obviously
a metaphor,

'cause speeding
is a no-no.

That's me,
Harley Diaz,

helping people
help themselves
since 2003.

In fact, let me be
the first to leave you
some online props.

All right.

Phil Durning,
or as I call him,

Phil McAwesome Slush,
is the best.

Exclamation point,
exclamation point,
exclamation point.

Why does that
sound familiar?

Phil Durning,
or as I call him,

Phil McAwful Driver,

is the worst
Motor Vehicle employee ever.

Exclamation point,
exclamation point,
exclamation point.

Did you write
the bad review
that got me fired?

That depends on how mad
you're going to be.

Why would you do that?

Funny story.

I thought it was
your fault Rachel failed,

which it wasn't.
My bad.

But since we're
such good friends now,

it's all water
under the bridge.

We can laugh.
(nervous laughter)

Water under the bridge?

You got me fired!

Security marched me out
in the middle of

Cora's baby shower.

I didn't even
get to see her face

when she opened
my ladybug plates.

New plan.

This truck isn't
going anywhere.

But Phil, these are
my customers.

Not for long.
Grand opening special.

All slushies,
half price!

Phil, I have
a loyal following.

They're not going to
leave me just for some discount.

You're right.

First 50 slushies free!

Dad!

What are you doing?

A Diaz never says no
to free dessert.

Awesome news!

I totally splurged
and bought you

a Red, White, and You doll
all your own.

I'm returning it
right after the party,

so don't get it dirty.

Take it away.
It's hideous.

This is Britta.

She's a poor Swedish
immigrant who
came to America

to become the first
female bobsled racer.

I couldn't get the bobsled,
it was non-refundable.

Her core values
are kindness and compassion.

You trying to give me
nightmares?

Take it,
or I will be your nightmare.

I can't believe
Phil's destroying me

with my own idea.

Darn me and my inspirational
personality.

You talking about Phil?
The ice jockey who
stole our jobs?

You mean my business.

The jobs weren't
yours to steal.

Pfft. Details.

We have a meticulously
thought-out plan

to get Phil
back for you.

Yeah. We're gonna shoot
frozen mini pancakes at him

with a slingshot.

We were gonna
do waffles,

but we ate those while
we were coming up
with the plan.

Forget it.
I'm not fighting dirty.

I'm better than that.

But I will
take a pancake.

If you change your mind,
we'll be outside,

eating the rest
of our ammo.

If I'm going to beat Phil,

I need to come up with
some eye-popping promotion.

And I'm gonna help you,

because no one messes
with my sister.

And because you're sorry
about telling me to
find Phil a job.

Oh, you remembered that.

Slushy Shack, yo!

Go! Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!

Excuse me,
my esteemed siblings.

May I have a large
Kendrick Lamarmalade, please?

What is she wearing?

What is she saying?

The last time
I heard her say please

was, "Please let me
pull your scab off."

I said no;
she did it anyway.

And may I say, Harley,

that outfit is so cute.

Thanks.

Thank you for my beverage.

It's most refreshing.

Get out of here.
You're freaking us out.

Yes. Nailed it.

(phones chiming)

- What is that all about?
- Maybe it's about
this review.

"At the Slushy Shack,

I found a finger in
my Alicia Kiwi."

Gross.
That's what happens

when you let
Lewie and Beast work here.

They don't work here!

And all of my drinks
are finger-free!

This was Phil.

Horrible adult Phil.

Guess he's not afraid
to fight dirty.

Finger slushy or not,

I had a magnificent time.

(muffled) Stole my customers!
Finger slushies!

You're absolutely right.

We can't let Phil
get away with this.

See, this is why
you're my BFTF.

You understand
couch mumble.

The gloves
are coming off.

We need to fight
dirty, too.

Lewie and Beast
were right.

I never thought I would
hear those words come
out of my mouth.

Whatever we do,
it's gotta be bad.

Yeah.

Ooh, what if we
soap his windows?

There we go.
Sparkly clean.

- That's a terrible idea.
- Well, what do you have?

I say we fill up his truck
with something

so he can't work.

It's not my birthday.

Oh, we're too nice.

What would Daphne do?

Britta and I
are off to tea.

- More like where
did Daphne go?
- Yeah.

Rachel is going to drop us
off at the party.

Ta-ta.

I did that.

Hard to believe
it's the same girl

who once had
a pet cockroach.

I got it!
I know how to get
Phil back.

I'm gonna need
rubber gloves,

fishing net, a big bucket,
and some chocolate chip cookies.

Wait, how do the cookies
play into it?

They don't.
Sudden inspiration
makes you snacky.

And this is Deathne.

She was born in Transylvania
to a yak farmer,

and the queen of
the undead.

Her core values are
holding a grudge,

- and kicking out teeth.
- (Rachel laughs nervously)

Kicking out teeth.
You're hilarious.

And now, Deathne's
favorite accessory.

Her Pit And The Pendulum
play set.

See how the blade
goes back and forth?

- Back and forth--
- Excuse me.

I need to have a moment
with my sister.

What are you doing?
This is not your party outfit.

You didn't like
what I wanted to wear,

so I brought this,
and changed when I got here.

- That is so wrong.
- Really?

Were you wearing that short
skirt when you left the house?

So you pulled
a me on me.

I'm flattered,
and furious.

You were jerking me
around this whole time?

I had to get you
off my back.

So I went along with
whatever you said,

like you do
with Mom and Dad.

Okay, freak show,
you don't deserve it,

but I'm gonna
get you outta here

before you embarrass
yourself, or me.

Mostly me.

All this creepy
weirdo stuff,

Daphne's rehearsing
for a play.

Don't ask me where it is;
you can't see it.

We have to go.

But we wanna hear
more about Deathne.

ALL: Yeah.

They like you.

Duh. What's not to like?

But thanks for worrying
about me, Sensei Stinky Butt.

(woman shrieking)

Now it's a party.

Operation Payback
locked and loaded.

Phil doesn't think
we can fight dirty?

This is dirtier than
the back of our shower curtain.

Harley, we've
been thinking.

If you won't take
care of Phil, we will.

- Yeah, we're gonna
go commando.
- You mean going rogue.

Commando means
not wearing underwear.

No, we mean commando.

Guys, appreciate the thought,
but Ethan and I got this.

I built
a motion-sensor device
using a dual printed circuit--

So you're boring him
into leaving.

Fast forward. We took a ton
of bait from the store,

worms and crickets,
and stuffed it
in Phil's awning.

When he opens it up,

it'll rain all over
his customers.

Boom! One big,
squirmy bait-nado.

And that's not
the best part.

I'm getting it
all on video
and uploading it.

When it goes viral,
he'll never sell
another slushy again.

No need for praise.

The satisfaction is in
the work itself.

So you're gonna bug bomb
a bunch of innocent kids

to get back at Phil.

What did they
ever do to you?

(scoffs)
So?

What was your big
commando plan?

We were gonna push his truck
into a tow-away zone.

We wouldn't drop
a bait-nado on
our worst enemy.

We just got a moral lecture
from two boys

who are barely
wearing underwear.

This might be a mistake.

(slushy truck music plays)

- Who's ready for slushies?
- (kids clamoring)

He's going to open
the awning.

BOTH (in slow motion ): No!

What were we thinking?

Ugh. This was
all my fault.

I was the one who
told you to fight dirty.

I was also the one who
told you to get Phil a new job.

I know I'm your BFTF,
but I'm not sure why.

From now on,
let's stick to me
telling you what to do.

That works for me.
I gotta change.

Hey, Phil.

About what happened
out there...

I started it,

and I'm supposed to be
the adult here.

No more fighting dirty.

I learned my lesson.

Me, too.

I also learned what
a night crawler tastes like.

No surprise. Gross.

Look, I know you told me
to follow my passion, Harley,

and I tried,
but slushies aren't it.

I just miss the thrill
of getting into a car

with a first-time driver.

Every day was like
cheating death.

That's what my mom said
when she was teaching Rachel.

Problem is,
I can't go back

to the Motor Vehicle
Department,

or call or write.

Kind of a pest
after they fired me.

Well, you've already proven
you can go into business
for yourself.

Why don't you do that?

You can teach kids
how to drive.

Phil's Driving School.

That has a nice ring
to it.

Know what has
a better one?

Phil McAwesome's
Driving School.

Hey, I'll post
your first review.

- Please don't.
- Yeah, no.