All language subtitles for Stuck.In.The.Middle.S01E17.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264.DUAL-C76_Legendas04.ENG

SUZY: Harley, come down here.
I need to see you.

Uh-oh.

Mom yelling, "I need to see you"
is never followed by

"You're getting
a pizza party."

Nope. It means you're busted.

Not sure why.

I've been 100% super good.
Mostly.

Come on.
Saturday morning dentist?

(imitates drill sound)

You'd do the same thing.

Okay, I erased it.

Did anyone really wanna start
their weekend with...

(imitates drill sound)

Hey, we brought you down
for a nice surprise.

What was that?

Uh, excitement.

Wheee!

Stop! No, you've done so many
nice things for the family,

we decided to do
something nice for you.

Yes! Pizza party!

Wait, she's getting
a pizza party

BOTH: Pizza? Wheee!

Enough! The next person to make
that sound is punished.

No one's getting
a pizza party.

You all know the surprise is
Harley is getting a segment

on her favorite TV show
Girl Power.

And that's exactly how
we wanted to deliver the news.

Me on Girl Power?

That show only has girls
with amazing accomplishments.

Like that one that taught
her dog sign language.

Look. Fire hydrant.

This is so exciting.
Everyone do the thing.

"Ratsongc"?

It's supposed to say
"Congrats,"

but we're not good
at standing still.

How did this happen?

Harley went on TV
before me?

How did this happen?

Oh, don't worry, Rachel.

When there's a show about
shallow, moody girls,

- we'll submit you.
- Ugh.

Yeah. Girl Glower.
Up top.

Not your moment, Dad.

Harley, you're
an amazing inventor.

So we submitted
an application to the show

highlighting some of
your greatest hits.

Conveyor belt table,
Slushinator,

skate kite.

So when's the camera
crew coming?

(doorbell rings)

Oh, sorry. I ordered
a pizza earlier.

Hey, I guess it is
a pizza party.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like
things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in
a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out
your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at
is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up,
turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing,
don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin,
let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle
of the party ♪

♪ We're just
getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado,
rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

As an inventor, I make things
to solve problems for my family.

Like vacuuming.

We all hate it,
so I invented something

to make it fun.

Say hello to
the Pick-Me-Up.

Picks up dust
and your mood.

Pick-Me-Up,
let's dance.

That's right,
it's voice activated

and even has a camera
to record your moves.

This is awkward.

I'm not used to dancing
in front of an audience.

You're doing great.

You put the "pow"
in Girl Power.

Ooh, that's good.
Remember that for the promo.

Okay. The Pick-Me-Up has...

- (door opens)
- TOM: Guys, quiet.
Harley's doing her segment.

Uh, guys, you're supposed
to be at the mall.

Sorry. Forgot my wallet.

Yeah, I have to go
to the bathroom.

Mom took the pee boot
out of the car.

And Dad said
don't use the bushes

while the camera crew's here.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Found the pee boot!
- Use the bathroom.

Hi. I'm Rachel.

Check me out at
rachelstyle_snap.loveit.

Whoa, Harley, you didn't
mention that you had

- such a big family.
- I didn't?

Huh. Weird.

Anyway, that's them. Bye.

(all talking)

I think the world
of my family,

but that doesn't mean
I wanna share my family

with the world.

We're going
school shopping.

I'm starting first grade.

Nailed kindergarten.

Turns out there's more.

Aren't you cute?

I could just pinch
your cheek.

Only if you wanna
lose that finger.

She's not kidding.
I think she's part ferret.

(forced laughter)

So funny, you guys.
Go.

Back to the Pick-Me-Up.

It has five settings.

Hey, here's my spare key.

Hang on to it.
We don't want
another key incident.

Key incident?
What is that?

We don't wanna
bore you with--

It was hilarious.

Has anybody
seen my car key?

- (machine whirring)
- I think we found it.

Wait. Here it is.

Then what's in there?

I guess we'll find out
in 48 hours.

That was a lot of work
just to find a filling.

Seven kids. You really
have your hands full.

And you still manage to keep
such an organized house.

Please. This is just
how we live.

Georgie, no!

Just grabbing a snack.

How did all that stuff
get in there?

Harley, the camera crew
comes in an hour,

and they can't
see the house like this.

We either clean it up
or we burn it down.

I'm good.

I have an idea.

Why don't we finish
this interview,

say, anywhere but here?

Ken, can we talk outside?

We really tried to have
everyone out of the house,

- but you know how it is.
- Diaz happens.

It always does.

And now, Misha and Ken
are outside

"discussing next steps."

That's TV-speak for
"Nice job, wackos. We're out."

We don't know that.

They got some great footage
before Mount Pantry erupted.

I wanted girls to be inspired
by my invention.

There aren't as many female
engineers as there should be,

and this was my chance
to show girls why it's cool.

So we ruined your segment
and set back the women's
movement.

Bad morning,
even for us.

Your Girl Power segment
is a bust.

Finito. Nada.

I'm a loser
in many languages.

Got it.

But we do have
a different opportunity.

Our biggest show,
Quincy's Quintuplets,

was just cancelled.
Big scandal.

Turns out the quints
were actually triplets
and two cousins.

No wonder two of them kept
calling their mom Aunt Jess.

The timing of this
couldn't be better,

because we think
we just found

our next big family.
You!

We'll call it
The Diaz of Our Lives:

Nine Times the Fabulous.

This family, on TV?

Where you can rewind
and rewatch?

Thanks, but no.

But your family's so real.
People love real.

Everyone's gonna wanna
be a Diaz.

Really? Because most day,
I'm not sure I do.

Look, Girl Power was one shot
to show your inventions.

Here, they'll be featured
in every episode.

You'll be a girl
inventor hero.

I'm definitely a girl.

I am an inventor.

Hero? We'll let
the fans decide.

We're in.

Sorry, but that's a no.

Definitely not.

Sure, sure.
I get it.

I just thought the extra cash
could come in handy.

You know, seven weddings,
seven college funds.

A retirement home
in Hawaii.

BOTH: We're in.

Because of the college thing.

Looks like the Diazes
are going to be on TV.

Pick-Me-Up, let's dance.

Okay, first rule:
no dancing on the show.

Yeah.

Enjoy your nutritious,
whole grain cereal

with organic milk, Harley.

Or as we like to call it
in the Diaz house,

just an average,
ordinary breakfast.

(whispers)
Dial it back, Mom.

Oh, spoon.
(shrieks)

Just be natural.

Do what you normally do.

Okay, normally,
I'd get spoons,

but I don't normally
have a camera guy

spooning me
while I do it.

Oh, no ding on you, Ken.
You actually seem very nice.

BT Dubs, you have
something weird in your teeth.

Okay, I can't use
any of that.

Please don't talk to Ken.

Yeah, Harley, just pretend
there are no cameras around.

Say a guy doesn't wanna be
on camera too much.

Is there a place he could go
to, say, escape them?

There are no cameras
in the bathrooms.

Then that's where
I'll be spending my time.

Like that's new for you.

Dude, all I ask is that
you don't make me out

to be the bumbling dad.

Please don't
talk to Ken.

Who's worried about
the cameras?

I'm just a regular mom
doing regular things

with grace and style.

Oh, no. Mom's going
to court again.

Court?
Why would you say that?

You always wear
that dress when you
fight a speeding ticket.

Yeah, that's your
speeding ticket dress.

It's not. I don't.
(stammering)

Ken, would you just mind
erasing that last little bit

- for me, please.
- Please don't talk to Ken.

I need this show
to go well.

I'm applying for
a community grant

to start an afterschool
sports program at the park.

This exposure could be
a slam dunk.

Home run?
Touchdown.

We haven't settled
on a sport.

There's a very simple formula
to being a reality TV star.

Gossip plus drama
equals screen time.

I don't know much gossip.

Oh, Tammy Basford
shrunk her basketball uniform,

and said the cleaners did it.

I better just say
Tammy B.

It's too incriminating.

Are you trying
to get eliminated?

There's eliminations?

Keep it up
and there will be.

You gotta dish
the real dirt.

Wait, you wouldn't dish
on our family.

Shouldn't those secrets
stay inside the clubhouse?

You need to stop thinking
about them as family,

and more as
stepping stones
to a spinoff.

Hold on to your hat
for this part,

because I think we have
lightning in a bottle.

Pick-Me-Up,
pick up the clips.

That was all thanks to
the positive displacement
of this vacuum pump.

All the science stuff,
it's fab.

Really. But our audience,

they're girls who want
something totes fab.

Oh, should I do
game show hands?

I'll do game show hands.

You need to zhoosh it up.

Oh, right. Zhoosh.

I have no idea
what that means.

It means you need to add
a little glam.

A vacuum is boring.

What if it was
a vacuum and...

a makeup caddy?

But why would you want
your makeup stuck to something

that cleans Dad's
toe clippings off the floor?

Don't overthink it.

If you want girls to be
excited about inventing,

you need to speak
their language.

I have to speak zhoosh.

You are smart.

And do you mind looping
Daphne into your story?

She's not gonna be the adorable
breakout we thought.

Stranger danger!
Get away from me, Ken.

Please don't
talk to Ken.

MISHA: Okay, girls, confessional
is where you talk to the camera

and give us
your inner thoughts.

I think you already know
that I'm thinking.

Well, maybe your little
friend has something to say.

She's not too sharp,
is she?

Moving on. Harley.

I don't know if I can
do this talking to camera thing.

It's just not me.

It's totally weird, right?

Our childhood continued.
Beast and Lewie.

Year one, month five.

Guys, what are
you doing?

I'd like you to talk about
what's happening

in the family now.

But by the time
our parents had us,

they were too busy
to take videos.

We wanna make sure
we document our childhoods

before they slip away.

Yeah, I'd like to have
something to show my kids.

Top favorite arm farts.

Basic fudge squeak.

I love sports.

That's why I applied for
a community grant--

This is reality TV.

Nobody cares about good deeds.

Okay, you want the deets
on the Diaz clan.

Mom's secret meatball recipe
is actually from

the frozen food section
at the store.

Rachel, Mom
won't like--

Not the good store;
the store where they
mostly sell hardware.

- What happened
to your vacuum?
- I zhooshed it.

Zsoosh? Did you just
swear at me?

No. See, now
the Pick-Me-Up

is a vacuum cleaner
and a makeup caddy.

So you can vacuum
and have your lip gloss handy.

Why?

Because that's what
girls like.

I'm a girl,
and I don't like it.

Where was I? Oh, right.
Month five.

I stared at
my stuffed bear

through the bars
of my crib...

Triple flutter blast.

I cried out
for my parents,

but all I heard was

MISHA: Okay, boys.

Carolina downwind.

We're good here.

I'm gonna start with
the song I wrote.

It's about the point
in your life

when you go from boy
to man.

I call this "Dodgeball."

One, two, three, four--

I'm gonna stop you
right there.

I haven't played
anything yet.

Perfect. We only get one chance
to launch you as an artist,

and we wanna surround you
with the best available talent.

That sounds good.

- Really?
- I'm gonna play the drums.

I'm gonna play
arm farts.

Wait. Is there room
for two arm fartists?

Harley, that is amazing.

Girls are going to love
the Pretty-Go-Round.

Thanks. I worked
really hard and...

- What did you just call it?
- Pretty-Go-Round.

But that doesn't say
anything about what
it's supposed to do.

According to research,
the name tested very highly.

Really?

Well, I am a scientist.

Can't argue with research.

Here's the thing.

You've done such a great job
with the Pretty-Go-Round

that I think it's stealing
focus from you.

Nice work.
You've been upstaged

by something that sucks dirt.

It's also a makeup caddy.

You sleep on a dog bed.

At least I own it.

What I'm saying is, this...

doesn't go with this.

Anyway, here's your script
for when you present

- the Pretty-Go-Round
in your new look.
- What new look?

You look like you just
fell out of a unicorn's butt.

Hey, chickadees,
your BFF Harley here

with a hot scoop
on my latest invention.

The Pretty-Go-Round.

Isn't it totes cute?

Don't you love, love, love it?

It's also
a fabulistic vacuum.

Peep this.

Pick up the clip.

Pick up the clip.

Pick up the clip!

I said clip, not lip.

What am I doing?

All the girl power
in the world doesn't matter

if you lose the girl.

I said girl, not curl.

When they brought up
the idea of a boy band,

I was skeptical.

But every musician
has to start somewhere.

And it looks like I'm starting
with Buenos Three-az.

Okay, guys,
like they taught us.

Five, six, seven, eight--

Wait. I missed
one through four.

I have a feeling that's not
gonna matter. Hit it.

(computerized voices)

Who needs guitar rock
when you can do...

whatever the heck that was.

- And Ethan--
- Rachel, stop.

Ethan once wrote
Zayn from One Direction

for hair advice,
and my dad--

Rachel, can I have
a word with you?

What you're doing
is not okay.

Good. Then
I'm doing it right.

This is our family.
You can't just keep
spilling their secrets.

You don't hear me telling
everyone Mom takes pictures

of our school photos
so she doesn't have
to buy them.

You can't hear us out here,
can you?

(sighs heavily)

(both shriek)

Harley?!

What are you doing?

Oh, you know,
just taking a bath.

With no water.

And in my clothes.

- Whose clothes?
- I don't even know anymore.

Scoot over.

(sighs)

It's hard being real
on a reality show, huh?

Yeah.

The me they're
telling me to be,

I don't know how to be.

Honey, all you
have to be is you.

You're great.

The thing is,

I don't think I wanna be
on this show anymore.

But everyone else
is loving it.

Come on.

You're hiding
in here, too?

- What are you wearing?
- What are you wearing?

Things didn't exactly
turn out like we planned.

Wait, I thought
I was the lead singer.

MISHA: Unless you're
an animated raccoon,

you thought wrong.

You're the backup singers.

Why don't you guys
clear out?

We're gonna do one
with just the raccoon.

Insulting.

Very.

I'd like to think I can sing
better than most raccoons.

RACHEL: We'll be right back.

We're just going to
the bathroom.

Together like girls do.

Harley, you look amazing.

Which makes this
hard to say.

We don't wanna do
the show anymore.

Okay, here's something
super embarrassing.
Last summer, Harley--

Rachel sucks her thumb
when she's nervous.

- What?!
- She did it last night.

You people have cameras;
show the video.

That's right.
I just won reality TV.

I never thought a win
would make me feel so bad.

For the record,
I did win though.

Hey, what's everyone
doing in my room?

We all want out
of the show.

Guess I'm the only one
who didn't look bad.

I was afraid I was gonna be
the bumbling dad,

- but it's been okay.
- (sighs)

But if the family's not happy,
we're quitting the show.

Don't we have
a three-year contract?

What did the lawyer say?

Lawyer? What lawyer?

Oh, I am the bumbling dad.

So we're stuck for
the next three years?

Sorry. My bad.

I was leaning on
the Pick-Me-Up.

Pretty-Go-Round.

Wow. Stuff's happened.

Where's the stinkin'
off button on this thing?

Oh, it's under
the vacuum's wig.

Why would a vacuum
have a wig?

Not the time.

I think I just found our
"get out of zhoosh free" card.

Can't a girl just
go to the bathroom anymore?

You can't quit.

The Diaz of Our Lives show
is going to be gold.

Yeah, but our family's
signing on to a new show.

It's called
We're Done Here.

Oh, wait. Let me
zhoosh that up for you.

We're totes out.

Not sure what channel's
that on,

but you have a three-year
binding contract with us.

Sorry.

Okay.

Then sit back and enjoy
some behind-the-scenes video

my Pick-Me-Up happened to
pick up.

Pretty-Go-Round.
What do you mean, video?

It's a vacuum.

With a voice-activated camera
that was there the whole time,

underneath all the zhoosh.

Turns out, my vacuum picked up
more than one kind of dirt.

Yeah, I know
it's a reality show,

but no one has to know
the storylines are fake.

We make stuff up
to get ratings.

Of course the boys
aren't a band.

The audience is dumb.
They won't know.

Harley's invention?
Boring.

Girl Power?
Yawn.

Anyway, this isn't
a reality show.

It's a way to sell
hair products.

Good show, right?

When I post it,
it's going to be gold.

You know...

I don't think
Diaz of Our Lives
is gonna work out.

Oh. One last thing.

I still want my segment
on Girl Power,

with my original invention.

Fine. (huffs)

I don't know why I decided
to do a show with smart girls.

Ken, we're leaving.

Please don't talk to Ken.

My invention went from
Pick-Me-Up

to Pretty-Go-Round

to bye-bye, TV crew,

and that's real girl power.

No zhoosh required.

As much as
it may be tempting

to share your family
with the world,

sometimes it's better
just to keep them to yourself.