All language subtitles for South Park 5x08 Towelie

Captioning made possible by
comedy central

? I'm going down
to south park?

? Gonna have
myself a time?

? Friendly faces
everywhere?

? Humble folks
without temptation?

? Going down
to south park?

? Gonna leave my
woes behind?

? Ample parking
day or night?

? People spouting
"howdy neighbor"?

? Headin' on up
to south park?

? Gonna see
if i can't unwind?

? So come on down
to south park?

? And meet some
friends of mine?

Ah, killed you.

I blew your
head off.

Jesus, is cartman
still in the bathroom?

Hey, cartman, we're
almost to level 20!

You giving birth
in there or what?

Let a man take a crap.

Dude, he's in there
punishing my toilet.

Yeah, that poor,
poor thing.

Come on, cartman,
you're missing the game!

I'm almost done,
you smart-Asses,

I'm just wiping my-
What the hell is that?

You guys, look what i found in
the trash can in stan's bathroom.

It's like a bloody cotton thing
wrapped in toilet paper.

Why did you pull it
out of the trash?

Because i thought
it was a jelly doughnut,

But look, check it out,
it's all bloody.

Are you boysstill playing
that video game? Yeah.

Hey, mom, cartman found a bloody
cotton thing in the bathroom.

Look.

But i don't think
it's for using,

I think it's just for
looking through.

Eric, put that down.
Why?

Just go put it back
in the trash can.

But it's like all bloody,
it might be alive.

No, that-
That came from me.

Just put it away.

This came out of you?

You just left it
in the trash can?

"You shouldn't have done that,
he's just a boy.

Poor little feller."

What is it, mom?

Yeah, what is it,
mrs. Marsh?

Boys, that's a...
feminine thing.

All right, it's a
personal woman thing.

I tell you what,

If you'll just drop the
whole thing right now,

I'll buy you that new video
game console you've been wanting.

The 2001
okama gamesphere?

Sure.
Cool!

Wow, this is like finding
trash can gold, you guys.

There it is,
the okama gamesphere.

Dude, it's got
128 gigahertz d-Ram.

What's that?

I don't know,
but it kicks ass.

Wow, dude, you're the
luckiest kid in south park.

Hey, this is
all of ours.

I'm the one who found stan's
aborted brother in the trash can

And blackmailed his mom
into getting the gamesphere.

All right, all right,
but you guys gotta see

If you can sleep over for
the rest of the weekend.

It's saturday at 2:30,
that means we have...

39 hours to play gamesphere
until school on monday.

Woo hoo!
Awesome!

Oh, crap.
What?

I'm supposed to go to the lake
with my family tomorrow,

And swim and play
in the stupid sun.

Dude, we got
gamesphere.

I know, i know.

Well, look, i'll stay over anyway
so i can play for... 18 hours.

And then i'll go
to the lake.

Don't forget to
bring a towel.

What?

When you get
out of the water

You need to dry off right
away to avoid catching a cold.

That's why
"towelie" says,

"Don't forget
to bring a towel."

Okay.
Thanks, towelie.

You wanna
get high?

No.

Anyway, that will give me plenty
of time playing video games.

Kyle, i think you underestimate
okama gamesphere.

Here you go, boys.

Aah!

Okay, turn it on.

Okama gamesphere!

Whoa!

Thirst for blood!

Oh yeah, "thirst
for blood", bring it.

Oh, this is so cool.

Bring it, bring it!

Fight, go!

Good night, boys,
don't stay up too late.

Good night, mom,
thanks for gamesphere.

Yeah, but you still "shouldn't
have done that, he's just a boy."

What?
Nothing, come on, randy.

Yeah, mom,
i can't go to the lake.

No, stan's having
emotional problems

And we need to help see him through it, he's got
- What is it?

Date rape
psychosis.

"Date rape" something.

Yeah, okay,
i will.

Okay, thanks, mom.

I don't have to
go outside!

Awesome!

She said it's fine,

But that i still have to go to
baseball practice tonight.

Oh yeah, we've got
baseball practice today.

God damn it!

We shouldn't have this many
responsibilities, we're children.

It's all right, we can still
play for six more hours.

And then we'll go
play baseball.

Don't forget to
bring a towel.

Ah, no.

When you're playing sports the
sweat can get in your face.

That's why towelie says,

"Always keep an extra towel
in your duffel bag."

Okay, we will.

All right!

You wanna
get high?

No, we don't
wanna get high.

Okay.

You sure?

Yes, go away,
you stupid towel!

Oh, dude,
did you see that?

I cut off your face
and ate it.

That's so cool!

Okay, boys, that's it,
you have to go now.

No, no,
it's okay, mom.

We can't go to baseball
practice because kyle has cancer.

No, stanley,
it's monday morning,

You have to
go to school.

It's monday?

Oh, um, i'm sick. Me too.

No, you're not sick,
now get to school.

All of you.

But mom!
Go!

Ahh!

I can't believe we
have to go to school.

Yeah, real life is
so boring and stupid.

We just have to try and make
the day go as fast as possible,

So we can get back
to gamesphere.

Hello, boys,
how are you?

Fine.

Say, boys, this may
sound a little odd,

But have you seen a talking
towel around anywhere?

What, you mean
towelie?

Echo, this is garret.

I've got a code five at...
park county, colorado.

Code five,
park county colorado!

What, dude?

This is gonna be
one long-Ass day.

That was the longest
day of school ever.

Come on, hurry,
i bet we can get to level 29.

Where is it?

It, it was
right here.

Where the hell
is it?!

Come on, man,
this isn't funny,

I need my fix.

Hello.

If you ever wanna see your
okama gamesphere again,

You'll bring us
the towel.

What, who is this?

Just get the towel

And meet us at the
gas station outside of town.

Or else.

Okama gamesphere!

Don't hurt it!

What?

They've taken it.

They've taken our
okama gamesphere.

No... no!

What do you mean
they've taken it?

Oh, this isn't
happening.

This isn't happening!

Towelie!

Hey, towel!

Where the hell
is he?

Where the hell
could he be?

I don't know, the guy on the
phone thought we had towelie,

So now we gotta
find him.

What has this
world come to,

Where people can just take
your okama gamesphere?

Hey, maybe we better
do a towel call.

Herrrre-Gttt!
Herrrre-Gttt

That's a towel call?

This is hopeless, we're
never gonna find him.

Hey, wait a minute.

Towelie always showed up
to give us towel advice

When we said something
about water.

Hey, yeah.

Well, guys, let's go to
the swimming pool.

Ah, let's go
take a shower.

Let's go water-Skiing!

Don't forget to
bring a towel.

There he is!

Be sure to bring a towel
so you don't get all wet.

Come on, dude.

Where we going?

Just come on,
it's getting dark.

Are we gonna
get high?

Are you sure this is
where they said to be?

They said the gas station
outside of town.

Well, i'm gonna
get a little high.

Hold it!

Who's that?

Step away
from the towel!

There you are, towel.

We've been looking
all over for you.

If you ever
go to a hotel,

Be sure to bring
your own towel.

It isn't safe for you
out here, towel.

There are people out here
who mean to harm you.

Excuse me, can we have our
okama gamesphere back?

We just wanna
play video games.

Your what?

Ah, look dude,
we're on level 24,

About to cross into
the caverns of madness.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You called us and said
if we brought the towel,

You'd give us our
video game back.

Oh my god,
it's a trap!

Cover, cover!

God damn it,
what now?

Run, towel!

Come on, they gotta have our
video game around here somewhere.

Where's the towel?

It can't be far.

Alvarez, you and mitchell
sweep left.

Ha, hurry, you must get
the towel back totynacorp.

Where is our
okama gamesphere?

Get the towel home.

They'll explain
everything.

Please, hurry.

Ah, god damn it!

Do you know wher
he's talking about, towelie?

Huh? Oh yeah,
back at the base.

It's a long ways away.

All right, we're gonna
have to use this truck.

Come on, guys.

Well?

They've gone, sir.

It's like they vanished
out of thin air.

Damn it!

I knew those boys were
protecting that towel.

They must have some
unexplainable bond with it.

Perhaps they're telepathically
linked to the towel, sir,

Like "e.T."

They could already be anywhere,
hiding out again.

No, the time for
being nice is over.

We must instigate...
plan "b".

You mean-?

Yes.

Destroy all towels within
a thousand-Mile radius.

Hey, do you love towelie?

Good, because towelie
merchandise is now available.

Be the first to show your
enthusiasm for towelie

With the all-New
"i love towelie" t-Shirt.

And if you don't
like towelie,

You can buy the
"i hate towelie" t-Shirt.

It's 100% cotton!

And available soon,
the towelie towel.

It comes with all your
favorite catch phrases.

You wanna get high?

So call now and order your "i love
towelie" or "i hate towelie" t-Shirt.

American express
anddiscover card.

Supplies are limited, so order one of these great t
- Shirts right away.

Are we
getting close?

I think so.

A little more
gas, kenny.

How long has it been since
you've been back there?

I've been wandering around on
my own for the past few weeks,

You know, helping people out
with towel safety

And proper towel use.
It's important.

No, it isn't.
Is.

No, it isn't. Is.

Wait, turn down here,
it's down this dirt road.

Brake kenny, brake.

Maybe it's down
that dirt road.

Dude, don't you
remember where it is?

I can't remember,
it all looks the same.

Hold on, let me get high,
then i'll remember where it is.

All right,
so where is it?

Where's what?

Ah!
Ah! Ah!

The base where you're from
and our okama gamesphere is.

All right,
that does it.

Brake angrily, kenny.

Now listen, towelie, we've
just about had it with you.

Calm down.

That's it, you're not
getting high again

Until we have our
okama gamesphere back.

That's my last "j",
asshole!

I don't care, you better
remember where your base is.

Oh, man, why is it everyone
riding me today?

God damn it.

Kevin.

Don't forget to wrap the
potato salad in aluminum foil.

Kevin, is that you?

Harris,
breach, bang and clear!

Hello?

Oh my god!
Oh, no!

All right, it's clear,
it's clear!

Aah!

Go, go!

Get it!

What the-?

Throw it down!

Oh, all right, have your
way with me if you must.

Go on, fulfill your
sick pleasures.

All right, let's go.

Where you going?

This is where
you came from?

Yeah, i think so.

Oh, man.
What?

I am so high
right now.

I have no idea
what's going on.

Welcome home,
smart towel rg-400.

Uh, hi, is this where
our okama gamesphere is?

We're missing out on some
quality video game time right now.

Thank you for bringing him
to us, boys.

You see, this is not
an ordinary towel.

He is the rg-400
smart towel,

Designed with a computer chip
inside the terry cloth.

We don't care.

You see,
here at tynacorp,

Our goal was to make
the perfect towel,

A towel that would sense how
wet or dry the user's skin was

And fluff itself
accordingly.

Dude,
we don't care.

Towelie was our
greatest success,

Smart enough to beat
the average human at chess

And absorbent enough to soak up
even the toughest spills.

But then one day,
towelie got high

And just sort of
wandered off.

We-Don't-Care.

All we want to know is
who has our okama gamesphere?

Ah yes,
your video game.

I'm afraid that what we all
experienced was a trap.

They called you and
said to bring the towel,

And then they called us and said
they were bringing towelie back.

Their plan was to wipe us
all out with one fell swoop.

Who's "they"?

Why, the military.

You see, after towelie got high
and wandered off from here,

The military
got a hold of him.

They wanted to turn towelie into
a weapon of mass destruction.

Don't care, don't care, don't care.

Towelie was at
their base for months

As they tried to copy
his t.N.A.

But then, one day,
towelie got high

And just sort of
wandered off, again.

God damn it.
Can we please!

Just get back to playing
our video game, please?!

I'm afraid not,

Because your okama gamesphere
is at their base.

Can you tell us where
that is, please?

You mean to go
right into their base?

Of course.

The entry code should still be
in towlie's memory banks.

You could sneak him in there
and recover his t.N.A.

Great plan!

Sir, sergeant masters and
buller reporting, sir!

Ah, yes.

Tell me, marine, did you
accomplish your primary goal?

Sir, yes, sir!

All towels
have been destroyed.

The smart towel is
no doubt eliminated.

Ah, and you're
quite sure of this?

Yes, sir, there isn't
a towel left within 100 miles.

Hmm, so perhaps then,
you can explain to me

Why we just got footage of the
towel returning to tynacorp?!

We-
Outsmarted us, sir.

Well i'm through
playing hide-And-Seek.

We've got
no other choice.

Prepare to blow up
all of colorado.

In a moment we will
be over the base.

This is the only way in.

Any attempts on ground would be
easily spotted by guard posts.

Okay.

I hate to send you
back in there, towelie,

But only you have their security
system in your memory banks.

That's all right, it's always
good to bring a towel.

Good luck, boys.

The fate of the world
is depending on you.

We're not doing it
for the world,

We're doing it for our video
game. God, are you deaf?

All right, boys,

When you drop from the
plane, cover and roll.

Go it?
Yeah.

Go, go, go, go!

Dude, i figured
what? It out.

If we can go in and get
the gamesphere in 30 minutes,

We could still be back at your house
playing video games by midnight.

So that'd be what, like, eight
hours we could play before school?

Seven and a half.

Hurry up,
stupid parachute.

All right, i think
we go over there.

Let's see...

No.

Come on, towelie,
the guy said

You had the security system
in your memory banks.

Hey, it's been
a long time.

You just have no
long-Term memory

Because you get high
all the time.

Don't preach to me,
fatso!

I can preach to you all i want
'cause you're stupid!

You're stupid!

Yeah, but
you're a towel.

You're a towel!

Just let me
get high.

I know i can remember
if i get high.

Oh, god damn it.

All right, fine, here's
your stupid lighter.

Hold on.

Wait a second.

That's it.

That's it?

Yeah, that's the melody
tofunkytown.

? Won't you take me down
to funkytown?

No, towelie,
the entry code!

For what?

God damn it,

I guess we're gonna have to
climb the stupid fence.

Let's look in here.

Kill me...

Kill me.

Oh my god, no!

Well, well, well,
look what the cat dragged in.

What are
these things?

Genetic copies we tried
to make with your t.N.A.

They didn't work
too well, i'm afraid.

Kill me.

Do you have our
okama gamesphere?

You did very well to get the
towel this far, boys.

I wonder, what did they
tell you at tynacorp?

That the big, bad government
wanted to genetically engineer

Towelie as a weapon?

Now let me tell you
the real story.

Oh god, don't care,
don't care.

Yes, we've been trying to make our
own genetic copies of the towel.

But only because
we had to.

You see, when we started
spying on tynacorp,

We discovered
a certain terrifying secret.

Go on, ask him
what terrifying secret!

What terrifying secret?

That tynacorp was making these towels
in order to take over the world.

We're never gonna play okama
gamesphere again, are we?

Don't you see
what genetically enhanced

Smart towels like these
are capable of?

You get out of the shower
and dry yourself off.

But even after you're dry,
the towel makes you more dry.

It keeps getting you
dryer and dryer.

Can you imagine it,

What it would feel like
to be way, way too dry?

I'll tell you something,
you don't want to know.

And i don't know.

And we don't care.

You've been double-Crossed
by tynacorp, kids.

They set this all up to get you
in here and take us down.

So, let me get
this straight,

Our okama gamesphere
is back at tynacorp?

Oh yes, it has been
all along.

Can i kill the
towel now, sir?

Go ahead.

No, wait.

Perhaps now, we can use
their own towel against them.

If these boys must
return to tynacorp,

Then we will launch a sneak
attack on tynacorp as well.

You boys can take the towel
to tynacorp's central core

And upload this encryption disk
into their system,

Bringing them down,
once and for all.

But we don't care.

What the hell is this?

The towel was supposed to
go in there

And then run its own
self-Destruct sequence.

The towel has a will
of its own,

It's learning...
compassion.

We don't have the manpower to
hold off the entire military

And stop those wonder boys
from getting to the core.

Then we have
no choice.

We'll have to test the new
prototype a little early.

Don't forget to
bring a towel.

All right, boys, take
the towel back in there

And say your mission
was accomplished.

Then upload this encryption
disk into their computers.

We're just going in to
get our video game back.

If anything goes wrong

Use this newly-Developed
photon rifle.

Photon rifle,
whatever.

Hello?

Hello, anybody here?

Welcome to the party,
boys.

Ahh!

Oh, boy!

So, you thought you could
outsmart us, did you, kids?

Yah, move,
move, move, move!

Don't make a move,
you bastards.

Bring the towel here, boys,
they can't shoot children.

Don't listen to them,
they lied to you before.

Oh yes, boys, obey
your government.

Or perhaps it's time
these boys knew

What wasreallygoing on.

Oh my god, look!

Our gamesphere!

Okama gamesphere!

Oh sweet, it still
saved our place.

You see, boys, i'm afraid
you were double-Crossed.

If they were the military,

Why wouldn't they just
attack us to begin with?

Because they're not
the military.

All right,
maybe we lied to you,

But it was to protect
your own skin.

We're a resistance group
pretending to be the military

To bring tynacorp down.

Whoa, check it out,
you guys, parachute level.

Sweet.

Then perhaps
we should show these kids

Who tynacorp really
is made up of.

Go on, tell them why you've
been making towels... zeitar!

Oh, there's gold,
get the gold, kenny.

Our planet was dying,

We had no choice
but to find a new one.

Manufacturing smart towels
was our way to spy on humans

And see how they lived.

And now you know the
horrible truth, boys.

Truth or no, your alien
murdering group is over.

Can you turn it up?

Boys, try to reach
the core override.

We've got no choice but to
try to take them all out.

I think i can get it
from here, boys.

What are you doing?
You'll kill us all.

Sorry, zeitar, didn't your
momma ever tell you?

Don't mess with
earthlings.

Whoa!

Hang on.

Kenny!

Ahh!

Oh my god!
Our gamesphere.

You've gotta move me
closer.

Hurry up, kyle,
this place is coming apart.

What are you doing?

Get away from me,
you evil towel.

Towelie,
listen to me.

Let them go,
drop them.

No way,
they're my friends.

They aren't your friends.

Humans have
ruined the planet,

Killed off their own
environment.

Their time is over.

It is the
towels' turn now.

I've almost got it.

You're going to
let them go, towelie,

Because i know
your weakness.

Here, you can reach it,
come on, towelie.

How long has it be since
you've had a nice burn, huh?

20, 30 seconds?

Oh, crap.

You're going to have to
choose between their lives

And getting high.

You asshole.

Towelie, don't let go of us,
you god damn towel!

Kyle's almost there.

Come, towelie,
make your decision.

I choose...

I choose...
both!

I got it!

Ahh!

Come on, guys, let's go
play video games.

All right!
Hooray!

Oh, dude,
we finished level 50.

Awesome!

Oh, man, i have no idea
what's going on.

Check it out.

Now, we're going into the
secret underground base.

All right guys, focus,

Looks like this is gonna
be an underwater level.

Don't forget to
bring a towel.

You're the worst
character ever, towelie.

I know.

Captioning made possible by
comedy central

Captioned by
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