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um

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, God.

I gotta get going, and so do you.

When's Adam coming to get you?

12 .30.

You better hurry up.

You'll be fine.

I'll see you when you come back, okay?
Okay.

Good luck.

Luck.

Luck is for pussies.

Yep. Luck is for pussies.

Just keep telling yourself that.

You can do this.

Don't forget to water the plants.

You listening to me?

Yeah, man. Look, I got it.

Water the plants. Take out the trash.
Don't let the mailbox overflow.

You know, man, I do own my own place,
and I've managed not to burn it down.

I'm sorry, man. My mind's already on the
plane, and I'm a little nervous about

this meeting, man.

Feeling the big deal? I know you're
going to do fine, man.

Oh, and one more thing.

Watch out for Mrs. Crenshaw down at the
end of the hallway.

The old batty bitch.

If you make eye contact with her, she'll
never shut up.

Okay.

Okay?

Don't say I didn't warn you.

All right, fine, man. We gotta get
going. We gotta beat traffic.

I'm ready over there.

Get your bag, man.

Yeah. Guess who?

What the?

Keith, it's your sister.

Charlotte? Yeah, of course. I've got the
biggest surprise. You're never going to

guess. Oh, my God.

Okay, okay, okay. Guess, guess.

Wait a minute. You just said... Just
guess already.

Listen, Charlotte, I don't have time for
this. I'm on my way out the door. I've

got a plane to catch, and...

That's what they call down -home living,
huh?

Don't start. Okay.

What are you doing here?

What do you mean by that? You've been
saying come visit for years.

Yeah, I have, but how about a little
notice, maybe?

You mean you flew on a plane... Fly?

Fuck that. I rode the bus.

The bus.

She rode the bus. Two days on the bus to
come here on my doorstep unannounced.

But you told me to come visit, and you
said you were taking me to Hollywood

Boulevard, and you promised you'd take
me shopping on mail race.

I know, I know.

I know I said that.

But how about a little plan, a little
visit, schedule something, you know?

You want me to leave?

No, I don't want you to leave.

You spent two days on a bus.

You must be exhausted.

Keith, we've got to get going, man.
Traffic.

Just give me a minute, all right? Let me
handle this.

Yeah, she's staying.

You ready?

You get it taken care of?

I'll explain later.

Explain later.

Big deal.

Look, man, I said no.

I don't do aunts, I don't do cousins,
and I sure don't do sisters.

It's not going to happen.

It doesn't need to happen, okay? I'm not
looking for a brother -in -law. I'm

looking for a babysitter.

No.

No.

Name your price.

I said no.

Nada, zilch, not going to happen, never,
no way.

Anyways, it's no problem at all.

Well, I just wanted to thank you again
for being so nice and just showing me

around town.

Anything for Keith.

Anything.

Whoa.

What's wrong?

Don't tell me you're getting all shy on
me.

I mean, I'm just being a little
friendly.

Besides, what's the big deal?

I just, I can't. What?

You don't think I'm pretty?

No, no, you're very pretty.

Then what's the problem?

Let's get the fuck in.

I... I... Are you one of those sissy
boys?

Because Keith said he knew a couple of
them in his letters.

Is that what you are? You're one of
them, aren't you?

No.

No, I'm not. Look, I've got a
girlfriend.

Girlfriend, smurlfriend.

I bet she ain't as cute as me.

And I bet she ain't near as nasty.

Think this little country girl could
show you?

um um

Hmm.

Amen. Amen.

Oh God.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

We should be going.

Check, please.

Why you gotta be like that?

What the fuck is the big deal? It's just
sex.

Fuck.

Look, I'm not gonna have sex with my
best friend's little sister, okay? They

just gave me a good time, didn't you?

We'll fucking get to it.

Look, crazy bitch, okay? I don't know
what kind of backwards bullshit you're

trying to pull here, but it's not gonna
happen, all right?

It's over.

because you buy me some big fancy
dinner. I'm gonna fuck you. You're with

wrong girl. That's not how I wrote.

I wasn't. I didn't say.

You're fucking crazy.

Bye. Leave.

Is everything all right, man?

Things just... Pee -pee.

Hi there.

Hello. Can I get you anything else?

Why, yes, you can.

Oh, yeah

I don't know

Nice.

No,

no.

Here we go

Nice to meet you.

You two want to be next?

You rang?

Yeah, three times.

What took you so long?

I was busy.

Well, busy yourself with my broke -ass
shower.

You gonna stand out there all day or
what?

Come on, let's go.

Is this gonna take very long?

Well, I don't know that until I figure
out what's wrong.

Well, I really gotta take a shower and
get out of here.

Perhaps a little incentive?

Look lady, you breathing down the back
of my neck ain't gonna make this go any

fat.

Got your attention now, don't I?

Look, here's how it's gonna go.

You get me a hot shower in 20 minutes,
and I'll let you watch me take it. How's

that sound?

Yeah.

Mr. Fix -It, um, make it snappy, and
remember, 20 minutes.

Huh.

Mmm.

That's much better.

You know, you want to pull that out and
stick off by a lot.

It's not about anything.

Yeah, it is.

And birthday.

Pass me a towel?

Drop your cock and pass me a towel!

Thanks.

Shit.

Be a sweetie and run and get the phone.

Now!

Charlotte, what are you doing answering
my phone?

What are you talking about? I knew it
was going to be you. Besides, who are

looking for? I'm the only one that's
going to be here.

I was trying to check my messages.

Oh, well, if you're too busy to talk to
your little sister, then... Oh, oh.

Um, yeah, I'll just let you go.

Okay, while I got you on the phone, what
happened between you and Adam? He

called my cell last night and left some
weird message.

Something about you attacking him and my
crazy sister.

It was a bad connection. I couldn't
quite make it out.

Oh, well, since you brought it up, um, I
wasn't going to say anything, but

your little friend, oh, um, he proceeded
to get himself drunk, and then he got a

little handsy.

Wait, Adam?

Yeah, and then he wanted me to suck his
dick in the bathroom.

I told him he should be on his way.

Now that's weird.

I think I may have only seen him drunk
twice.

Oh, well, I gave him a piece of my mind
and told him I ain't that kind of girl.

All right, I'll have a talk with him.

How are things going over there?

Good. Real good.

Real good.

Yeah.

Okay, then. I'm going to call back and
get my messages, so don't pick up the

phone, all right? Okay. All right, all
right.

Yeah, yeah.

Talk to you soon.

Oh.

Bam.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh yeah.

Thank you.

How about that?

Bye -bye.

Good morning. Good morning. Another
beautiful day in the city.

Yeah, well, aren't you the typical one?

Yes, ma 'am.

You're here visiting Mr. Anderson,
correct?

Yeah. He gave me the heads up on his way
out. Oh.

Asked me to help you out with anything
you might need. You know, point you in

the right direction, so to speak.

Oh, he did, did he?

Well, I guess you know the city pretty
well then, don't you?

Yes, ma 'am, like the back of my hand.

Will you be needing the cab today?

No, but you call me ma 'am one more time
and I'm going to smack you. My mother

is ma 'am.

I'm Scarlett.

And, uh, what do they call you besides
yummy?

Uh, I'm Tommy.

I'm the concierge here.

Yeah, your cute outfit was a giveaway.

Oh, right.

Yeah, so, um, Tommy, where's the best...
place for a girl to get into trouble

around here.

Well, what's your poison?

See, we have boutique shopping right
down here.

The Galleria is down two blocks into the
right.

Tommy, baby.

I'm talking about real trouble. You
know, swinger parties, strip joints,

some of those live sex shows I've heard
about.

You know, trouble.

You get me?

Yeah, I got it.

Well, you know, if this were the
weekend, it'd be no problem.

Seeing how it's a Tuesday, I'm going to
have to ask around a little bit.

Okay. You do that.

And in the meantime, I'll do the
shopping.

Okay?

Don't let me down, Tommy.

great night.

Hi there.

Hi yourself.

I'm Charlotte from upstairs, apartment
60.

Oh, Keith's sister, right?

Yes. Where is he?

Actually, he's out of town business.

Are you alone?

Yeah, you could say that.

Well, maybe we could do lunch or
something.

You know what? That sounds great, but
for right now, can I get some sugar?

Morning coffee, huh? Yes. I'm the same
way.

Thank you so much. You're welcome.

You can say that.

Actually, I'm just busy.

Here you go.

Thank you.

And again, if you need anything else,
call Myers Market. They deliver.

And ask for Ricky, sweetheart.

And tell them that Julie sent you.

I'll do that.

Thanks again.

You're welcome.

Hello?

What did I tell you about answering my
phone?

God, Keith, what is the big deal?

It's not like this is the freaking White
House. We're not dealing with national

security here.

It's a freaking answer machine.

Yeah, the one I was trying to check.

Well, let me help you out with that,
buddy.

The damn thing ain't rung since I've
been here. No one's called.

Okay?

Same old Charlotte.

You just got me going.

I placed an order at the market earlier,
and I just thought it might be the

delivery guy checking on the address.

That's all. My apologies.

It's okay.

Listen, while I got you on the line...
Oh, that's him right now. You know what?

Call me if you need anything.

Yeah, just call me. Okay?

Your groceries?

Well, yum yum.

Come on in.

How much do I owe you?

It'll be $26 .50. You can set those
down, I'll be waiting.

So, Julie says you're a real sweetheart.

Oh, Miss Thompson.

Yeah. Miss Thompson, she's nice.

Well, I can be nice, too.

As a matter of fact, I can be real nice.

Uh -uh.

Yeah,

I know.

Thank you.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ah.

Yeah, um, I have some, uh, other
deliveries to get to.

Okay, you go do that.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks for the fresh ice.

Yeah, I need, uh, I need time.

You're angry.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Next time, bring a friend.

Or two.

Yeah, I can, yeah, I'll do it. I can do
that.

Thanks again.

Hey,

thanks

for the tip about the guy at the market.

No problem.

Was it Ricky?

Yes, it sure was.

Now that's my kind of girl.

Ditto, babe.

You know, I was thinking, I was going to
cook dinner tonight, so if you'd like

to come by.

That sounds like fun.

Is it just the two of us?

And Brian, my other half.

Sounds like more fun.

Good, then I'll see you at eight?

Perfect.

Oh, and where's something sweaty?

Not bad at all.

That fucked me.

Come up to the roof.

Hmm.

Raise your hand.

This is where the party's at.

Sure is.

All right.

May I? Yes, you may.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Ricky Dickey.

I see you brought some friends.

Yeah, um, that's Dave and this is Steve.

Hi, boys.

Did you tell them how great I sucked
your cock the last time?

Is that why they're here?

Because they want some of the same?

Yeah. Yeah?

All right.

Whip them out.

Come on.

Don't be shy.

Right now. Pull him out.

What? Yeah.

I want to see him.

Here in the hallway?

Yeah. Um, nobody's around.

Besides, I want to see how big they are.

Huh? Come on.

Dude.

Come on. You too.

Hey.

Do it. Guys, just do it.

Come on, bro.

Hey.

That's better.

Keep tricking that cock. That's nice.

You like that, don't you?

I'm so close.

Here.

Getting it nice and hard for me.

You want to put it in my mouth?

You want to gag me with it?

Taste that cum?

Rub it all over my face?

Yeah, I thought so.

And you, you're back.

He'd be a dork. Seriously, dude.

He's cute.

Yeah, keeps taking more cuts.

I'm gonna fuck with him.

You must be Charlotte.

Uh, yeah.

I'm Christy, Keith's girlfriend.

Oh, hi!

Hi. What are you doing here?

Who were they?

They're grocery boys from the market.

Groceries. I deliver groceries.

Where are their bags?

I put them up for you. They're in the
kitchen. They're just waiting around for

tip.

Come on in.

Yes, come on in.

Let's do this some other time. And next
time.

Bring some freaking groceries.

So it's not so obvious.

Like what?

I don't know. Bread, eggs, milk. You're
the fucking grocery boy. You'll think of

it. Be smart.

Is that so soft?

Wow. I love those shoes.

Did you get them from here?

Yeah, over at Shandella.

I love them, and they are so
comfortable.

They make your legs look great.

You think?

Yeah. Just wish I had legs like that.

Oh, come on. I bet you beat boys off
with a stick.

Nope.

Haven't had a date since I've been here.
No.

I don't believe a word.

Well, those grocery boys are the closest
thing I've had to a date all week.

But I thought you went out with Adam.

Um, he only went out with me because
Keith made him.

But he's so cute.

You think?

Um, and a little too...

Limp -wristed, if you know what I mean.
No, do you really think so?

I swear, if I didn't like cocks so much,
I'd turn gay myself.

Wow.

Speaking of wits, I have a question to
ask.

It's kind of personal, so if you don't
want to answer it, it's completely fine.

No, it's okay.

I was wondering...

what it was like to kiss a girl.

I mean, I wouldn't ask, but Keith said
that you like girls, and I just assumed

that... He told you that?

Well, yeah. I mean, it just kind of
slipped out, and I was so intrigued that

pressed him for more information.

Hey, it's no big deal.

I just wanted to know.

You know, it looks softer.

Witter? More... sensuous?

Or... romantic?

Maybe?

No.

No, I can't do this. This is so wrong on
so many different levels.

What's the big deal?

You're my boyfriend's sister. That's
what the big deal is.

It's not like we're related or anything.

I mean, trust me, this is nothing
compared to what goes on in my neck of

woods. Okay?

Yeah, okay, but that might be okay where
you come from, but that's what has me

totally freaked out.

Relax, okay?

It's not like...

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, come fuck me. Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh no.

Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, fucking God.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Good to have you home, Mr. Anderson.
Thank you.

So how was your trip? Everything going
okay?

Yeah, everything went well.

Um, Mr. Anderson, would you mind saying
hello to Charlotte for me?

We got to talking the other day, and she
was explaining to me just how lonely it

was far here in the big city.

No problem. I'll tell her.

Hey, Mr. Anderson.

You back so soon?

Listen, I finally got up to your
apartment and fixed that shower of

a little plumbing problem. Didn't take
me but about 20 minutes.

Well, it's about time.

Hey, say hi to Charlotte for me, would
ya?

She's quite some gal.

Long time no see.

How was your trip? Good, thanks.

Give Charlotte our love. We just adore
her.

Okay, I'll do.

Ah, Miss Sanderson.

Been a wee, have we?

Yes, Mrs. Crenshaw.

Have a house guest, do we?

Yes, we do, Mrs. Crenshaw.

I don't approve of the going on this
week.

I can't imagine you do, Mrs. Crenshaw.

That's graceful.

Say hi to Charlotte for me, would you?

She's quite some gal.

Would you mind saying hello to
Charlotte, Bonnie?

Do you call it our love?

Oh

my

God. What the hell is this? Charlotte!

Christy, are you kidding me? What is
going on here? Nothing!

Nothing?

So I guess I've worn out my welcome, so
to speak.

I sure wish Chrissy would have told me
he was coming home early.

Oh well, that's the way it goes.

Time to move on.

Maybe Uncle Bernie's place in Florida.

That sounds like fun.

A little sun, lots of punts on the bee,
skimpy bikinis, suntan lotion.

Hmm.

Uncle Bernie?

It's Charlotte.

Yeah, um, you still have that condo in
Fort Lauderdale?

You do?

You are?

How about I come house -sit for you?

I was thinking the same thing.