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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,531 _ 2 00:00:01,992 --> 00:00:03,366 Hello, Viv! Hello. 3 00:00:03,391 --> 00:00:04,584 She sounds like a monster. 4 00:00:04,609 --> 00:00:06,414 Oh, I know, I won't vote for her, she's horrific. 5 00:00:06,438 --> 00:00:08,593 Are you with me? 6 00:00:08,618 --> 00:00:10,523 [CHEERING] 7 00:00:10,548 --> 00:00:13,388 Our records show you may not have leave to remain. 8 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:14,435 They're taking him away? 9 00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:15,998 They're flying me out at 7am. 10 00:00:16,023 --> 00:00:17,780 You can't deport someone in a single day! 11 00:00:17,805 --> 00:00:19,724 Ho-ho, your little world. 12 00:00:19,749 --> 00:00:20,804 Hello, Bethany speaking. 13 00:00:20,829 --> 00:00:22,609 - Oh, my God! - I had it implanted. 14 00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:24,248 My hand is the phone! 15 00:00:24,273 --> 00:00:26,398 You were exposed to one gray of radiation. 16 00:00:26,423 --> 00:00:27,984 I think you might have ten years. 17 00:00:30,826 --> 00:00:32,568 Go on, Vivienne! You did it. 18 00:00:33,052 --> 00:00:35,623 Stephen, how much did you lose? 19 00:00:35,648 --> 00:00:38,051 £1,135,000. 20 00:00:38,468 --> 00:00:39,632 Let me in! 21 00:00:40,851 --> 00:00:42,015 Where are you going to live? 22 00:00:42,016 --> 00:00:43,374 Welcome home. 23 00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:54,614 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 24 00:00:54,905 --> 00:00:57,105 Just look at the state we are in. 25 00:00:57,387 --> 00:01:01,567 Christmas has been ruined for so many hard-working families. 26 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,932 The collapse of the banks goes on and on. 27 00:01:03,957 --> 00:01:05,628 Now they say Hathersage is in trouble. 28 00:01:05,653 --> 00:01:08,682 For God's sake, my mother has got her life savings in Hathersage. 29 00:01:08,707 --> 00:01:10,207 But they've done it, haven't they, the banks? 30 00:01:10,309 --> 00:01:12,700 They've left us completely [BLEEP]. 31 00:01:12,786 --> 00:01:15,448 We've told you before, you really can't use language like that. 32 00:01:15,473 --> 00:01:17,590 Well, you can censor me all you like, 33 00:01:17,914 --> 00:01:20,340 but they swear, don't you? 34 00:01:20,525 --> 00:01:21,525 All of you. 35 00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,637 When you think of what the system has done to us, 36 00:01:23,662 --> 00:01:25,340 don't you swear the roof down? 37 00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:30,029 What do we do, the rest of us normal people? What do we do? 38 00:01:30,054 --> 00:01:32,179 Normal people? You're a Member of Parliament. 39 00:01:32,473 --> 00:01:33,552 You're supposed to have the answer. 40 00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:35,975 I think I have, I've got exactly that, 41 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,170 because next year we face a general election and, God knows, 42 00:01:39,195 --> 00:01:40,750 we need to shake things up, don't you think? 43 00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:43,218 So I propose, in order to vote, 44 00:01:43,375 --> 00:01:47,468 every British citizen must take an IQ test. 45 00:01:48,072 --> 00:01:49,072 What? 46 00:01:49,097 --> 00:01:50,425 You can't say that! 47 00:01:50,450 --> 00:01:51,908 Oh, she's brilliant. 48 00:01:51,933 --> 00:01:53,322 I said you'd like it. 49 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:57,135 If you score above 70, you can vote. Simple as that. 50 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,361 Oh, she is outrageous. 51 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,644 70's quite low. It's not that bad. 52 00:02:01,723 --> 00:02:04,222 Are you saying that some people are too stupid to vote? 53 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,449 No. That's what you say, 54 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,379 millions of you, at work, at home, in the pub, 55 00:02:09,404 --> 00:02:11,418 you say, "Take away the vote." 56 00:02:11,644 --> 00:02:13,432 You say it, Dan. All the time. 57 00:02:13,457 --> 00:02:15,269 That was you and Brexit, nonstop. 58 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:18,707 You say things are too complicated and people are not clever enough. 59 00:02:19,102 --> 00:02:22,965 [HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN] 60 00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:29,518 And you said it, Steve. I heard you. You said it last week. 61 00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:31,104 STEVE: Oh, right. It's all my fault. 62 00:02:31,129 --> 00:02:33,783 - Some of us have work to do. - Excuse me! I'm working! 63 00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:36,551 But he's doing actual, physical work. 64 00:02:37,176 --> 00:02:39,340 - You want another cup of tea? - No. 65 00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:42,019 Like it or not, she's got a point. People are thick. 66 00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:44,254 Hold on. Would you ban me? 67 00:02:44,488 --> 00:02:46,019 Not if you passed the test. 68 00:02:46,144 --> 00:02:48,183 Oh, my God! You'd ban me! 69 00:02:48,527 --> 00:02:51,355 Edith, I don't get it. I thought you were the great anarchist. 70 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,830 Well, that's Vivienne Rook. She's ripping up democracy. I love it. 71 00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:57,643 Hold on, though. This isn't real. This isn't legal. 72 00:02:57,668 --> 00:03:00,736 She's only one MP. She can't actually do it. 73 00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:04,047 Hey, one more thing about next year, dad's birthday, his 70th. 74 00:03:04,673 --> 00:03:05,673 So? 75 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,181 How is that relevant? 76 00:03:07,206 --> 00:03:09,527 Oh, my God. Is he 70? 77 00:03:09,878 --> 00:03:13,535 He's still living in Leicester, which isn't far. Just saying. 78 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,465 2026, let the people decide, 79 00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,011 but only the clever ones. 80 00:03:25,363 --> 00:03:27,987 SIMON MCCOY: The shock from the banking crisis continues, 81 00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:31,885 with Moody's reducing the UK credit rating to A2. 82 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:35,369 Panic in the City as Kleiman Ajax has been declared bankrupt. 83 00:03:35,394 --> 00:03:38,619 Consequences for the pharmaceutical industry will be enormous. 84 00:03:38,644 --> 00:03:41,886 Can't get the drugs. Ordinary drugs, you can't get them. 85 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,160 Ruby takes Clobazam for her epilepsy. 86 00:03:44,418 --> 00:03:47,055 The chemist says, "We're out of stock. Come back in six weeks." 87 00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:51,674 The emergency election in France has seen a 30% swing to the right. 88 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,332 We were going to get Viktor into France. 89 00:03:54,031 --> 00:03:55,031 Not any more. 90 00:03:55,519 --> 00:03:57,460 Now they deport anyone without a visa. 91 00:03:57,630 --> 00:04:01,273 [HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN] 92 00:04:03,608 --> 00:04:05,812 In anticipation of the general election, 93 00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:08,334 the government has employed 10,000 data sweepers 94 00:04:08,359 --> 00:04:11,007 - to monitor Russian interference. - Hello. 95 00:04:11,008 --> 00:04:14,171 Hi, there, Bethany. I'm Lizzie. 96 00:04:14,536 --> 00:04:15,835 I like your phone. 97 00:04:20,914 --> 00:04:24,937 [THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY] 98 00:04:25,671 --> 00:04:27,991 Link, radio off, call Viktor. 99 00:04:28,016 --> 00:04:29,640 Calling Viktor. 100 00:04:30,282 --> 00:04:33,390 [TABLET RINGS] 101 00:04:34,383 --> 00:04:36,035 Link, try again. 102 00:04:36,036 --> 00:04:38,312 [TABLET RINGS] 103 00:04:38,453 --> 00:04:40,891 Link, send text to Viktor. 104 00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:45,194 Hey, comma, get up, you lazy bastard, full stop. 105 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:50,023 Emoji kiss, emoji wink... emoji erect penis, send. 106 00:04:51,031 --> 00:04:52,945 Link, try Viktor one more time. 107 00:04:53,055 --> 00:04:54,453 Calling Viktor. 108 00:04:54,478 --> 00:04:57,617 [TABLET RINGS] 109 00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,851 Viktor linked. 110 00:05:08,732 --> 00:05:12,937 Listen, I was thinking I could come out to see you on the 1st and... 111 00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:16,492 Viktor, is that you? 112 00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,523 Vik, are you there? Hello? 113 00:05:21,731 --> 00:05:22,731 Hello. 114 00:05:24,414 --> 00:05:25,820 I said, hello. 115 00:05:27,101 --> 00:05:28,516 Hello, can you hear me? 116 00:05:29,508 --> 00:05:30,508 Ah. 117 00:05:33,773 --> 00:05:39,011 [HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN] 118 00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:41,055 I'm not... I don't... 119 00:05:41,056 --> 00:05:45,386 [HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN] 120 00:05:45,558 --> 00:05:48,894 I'm sorry, but I can't speak.. Erm... 121 00:05:48,919 --> 00:05:51,730 You called, Skype here, yes? 122 00:05:52,722 --> 00:05:54,504 - Yes. - Viktor Goraya. 123 00:05:54,777 --> 00:05:56,968 You called Viktor Goraya, yes? 124 00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,293 Daniel Lyons is you? 125 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:06,261 - Yes. - You know Viktor Goraya. 126 00:06:09,246 --> 00:06:10,558 He's my friend... 127 00:06:12,301 --> 00:06:14,355 ... and I'm calling him, which I'm allowed to do. 128 00:06:15,277 --> 00:06:18,023 I haven't done anything wrong and neither has he. 129 00:06:18,183 --> 00:06:19,183 Where is he? 130 00:06:19,208 --> 00:06:21,941 [HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN] 131 00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,611 It's you, huh? 132 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,338 Hello, sir. 133 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:30,909 [HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN] 134 00:06:38,628 --> 00:06:40,909 - Do you pay him, Englishman? - No. 135 00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:44,307 He's your bitch. 136 00:06:47,088 --> 00:06:48,387 Shit. 137 00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:50,518 I don't know but they were the police. 138 00:06:51,753 --> 00:06:53,424 Well, it was a uniform. 139 00:06:54,285 --> 00:06:55,878 Look, I've been out there. 140 00:06:55,903 --> 00:06:57,487 They were proper policemen. 141 00:06:57,807 --> 00:06:59,979 I'm looking for Viktor. 142 00:07:00,676 --> 00:07:02,690 Viktor Goraya. 143 00:07:03,626 --> 00:07:04,653 Erm... 144 00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:09,588 [HE TRIES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN] 145 00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:11,743 No, I won't be coming into work today. 146 00:07:11,768 --> 00:07:13,416 - We need you. - No, I'm sorry, I just can't. 147 00:07:13,441 --> 00:07:14,441 Sorry, no. 148 00:07:14,466 --> 00:07:18,003 He passed his Rule 35 assessment in the UK. 149 00:07:18,262 --> 00:07:20,416 So who do I speak to? 150 00:07:26,931 --> 00:07:31,423 My name is Daniel Lyons. I work for Manchester City Council. 151 00:07:31,642 --> 00:07:34,067 I need some help... For God's sake! 152 00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:36,181 Sorry, not you. 153 00:07:36,727 --> 00:07:39,805 So the police said, "Give us his name," but if I do that 154 00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:42,414 and they say, "Who are you?" and I say, "I'm his boyfriend," 155 00:07:42,439 --> 00:07:43,999 what if they pass that on? 156 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,673 Cos that's like evidence, isn't it? So what do I do? 157 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:49,955 I mean, what do I do? I mean, really... what do I do? 158 00:07:53,597 --> 00:07:56,172 - [PHONE RINGS] - Hello. 159 00:07:56,197 --> 00:07:57,784 Hello! Hello? 160 00:07:58,323 --> 00:08:01,023 It's me. I'm safe. I'm okay. 161 00:08:01,594 --> 00:08:03,713 - I'm sorry. - Oh, my God! 162 00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:08,055 - Are you all right? - Fine. 163 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,831 - Where are you? - I got away. 164 00:08:11,526 --> 00:08:12,979 - Are you all right? - I'm fine. 165 00:08:13,004 --> 00:08:14,252 I'm fine. I'm with Roman. 166 00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:17,221 I ran so fast I didn't have my phone, but I'm okay. 167 00:08:17,711 --> 00:08:18,730 I promise. 168 00:08:18,955 --> 00:08:21,563 Turns out he's in Odessa. 169 00:08:21,712 --> 00:08:23,704 Literally had two minutes' warning. 170 00:08:23,729 --> 00:08:24,829 Ran before the police arrived, 171 00:08:24,854 --> 00:08:26,407 left everything behind, got on a bus, 172 00:08:26,432 --> 00:08:28,868 this clickety-clackety bus type thing, 173 00:08:28,893 --> 00:08:31,634 no suspension, overland, nine hours later, 174 00:08:31,782 --> 00:08:33,188 Odessa, thank you very much. 175 00:08:33,376 --> 00:08:34,634 I don't even know where that is. 176 00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:36,751 Is he safe though, is he okay? 177 00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:37,845 He's got this mate, Roman, 178 00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:40,767 he says Viktor can hide there for a bit, so... 179 00:08:41,593 --> 00:08:43,782 - I'm sorry. - Thanks, sweetheart, thank you. 180 00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:45,720 - Hi, Lizzie. - Hello. 181 00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:47,423 Has he actually broken the law? 182 00:08:47,448 --> 00:08:50,351 Well, no, technically. Technically, no. 183 00:08:50,376 --> 00:08:54,007 But the Communist Party applied to make same-sex relationships illegal, 184 00:08:54,032 --> 00:08:55,546 or you can't express homosexuality. 185 00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:57,781 That's the phrase, you can't express it. 186 00:08:57,806 --> 00:08:59,804 They tried to do that back in 2016. 187 00:08:59,829 --> 00:09:03,235 Now this is the Communist Party, this isn't a bunch of nutters, 188 00:09:03,260 --> 00:09:07,038 this is the people's party and they applied again, in 2019, 189 00:09:07,063 --> 00:09:09,259 and, this year, third time lucky, 190 00:09:09,284 --> 00:09:12,322 so, yeah, any day now, he's a criminal. 191 00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:13,810 [PHONE BLEEPS] 192 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,039 Oh, I've got to go, mate, got to go. 193 00:09:18,665 --> 00:09:21,040 Delivering a parcel to Whalley Range. Sorry. 194 00:09:21,065 --> 00:09:22,100 So what are you going to do? 195 00:09:22,125 --> 00:09:23,923 Well, we've got to get him out, we've got to get him into a country 196 00:09:23,948 --> 00:09:27,626 that grants asylum but, to do that, he's got to cross the border. 197 00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,665 - You mean illegally? - Yeah. 198 00:09:29,797 --> 00:09:31,743 And how dangerous is that? 199 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:33,944 Very. 200 00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:37,384 So we'll have to do it illegally. 201 00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:40,046 God knows how, but I've got to get him over the border and out. 202 00:09:40,071 --> 00:09:42,003 Oh, my God! That's amazing. 203 00:09:42,223 --> 00:09:44,009 Give him my love! Good luck. 204 00:09:46,433 --> 00:09:48,855 I'm sorry but I'm running out of ways to say, "Oh, my God." 205 00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:51,983 Odessa's by the sea. I think it's a really nice place to live. 206 00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:55,023 - Do you think he sends Viktor money? - Oh, I know he does. 207 00:09:55,347 --> 00:09:57,120 Right, I'm late, I'm off. 208 00:09:57,167 --> 00:10:00,003 Bloody nerve, calling me in at half term. I bet it's trouble! 209 00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:03,550 I was thinking, Lee's spending the day with his little mate, Craig. 210 00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:04,586 I could take Lincoln out. 211 00:10:04,611 --> 00:10:06,594 There's this Chinese ceramics thing on at the Whitworth, 212 00:10:06,619 --> 00:10:08,765 then we could go see Toy Story Resurrection. 213 00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:10,844 You know Woody gets burnt to death? 214 00:10:10,869 --> 00:10:12,484 Don't go giving him nightmares. 215 00:10:13,127 --> 00:10:14,345 Right, behave. 216 00:10:15,019 --> 00:10:16,314 There's a good boy. 217 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:18,688 And you, metal head, bye-bye! 218 00:10:20,076 --> 00:10:21,076 Bye. 219 00:10:22,103 --> 00:10:25,150 What do you think? Nice little adventure with your auntie? 220 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,173 There. Gorgeous. Okay, don't tell your mum and I'll give you ten quid. 221 00:10:30,307 --> 00:10:32,533 Who's a beautiful girl? What do you want to be called? 222 00:10:32,558 --> 00:10:35,626 - Susie. - Okay, Susie, off we go. 223 00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:39,306 Whoa. Now we can have an adventure, you and me, 224 00:10:39,331 --> 00:10:41,236 but it's a secret from everyone else. 225 00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:43,846 So if I say the word "diamond", 226 00:10:43,871 --> 00:10:45,562 you say, "I want to go to the toilet." 227 00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:47,158 Like, oh, what a pretty diamond. 228 00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:48,886 I want to go to the toilet. 229 00:10:49,028 --> 00:10:50,760 I'd love to have a diamond. 230 00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:52,619 I want to go to the toilet. 231 00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:55,002 Someone please buy me a diamond. 232 00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:56,556 I want to go to the toilet. 233 00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:57,999 I wish I had a diamond. 234 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,503 I want to go to the toilet. 235 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,300 Very, very, very good... 236 00:11:02,607 --> 00:11:03,847 ... Susie. 237 00:11:10,739 --> 00:11:11,739 Hello. 238 00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:15,230 That's your bring your daughter to work activity pack. 239 00:11:15,628 --> 00:11:17,511 Aren't you gorgeous? What's your name? 240 00:11:17,536 --> 00:11:18,539 Susie. 241 00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:20,199 Welcome to Wytel, Susie. 242 00:11:28,336 --> 00:11:31,238 So just pretend you're very, very sad. 243 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:37,121 Hello, I'm Holly. I'm in charge of the daughters' playgroup. 244 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,886 I've not seen you before, have I? 245 00:11:38,911 --> 00:11:41,142 No, it's all this hot desking. 246 00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,783 I normally, sort of, work over there. 247 00:11:42,808 --> 00:11:46,167 This is Susie. She's a bit sad at the moment because her father, 248 00:11:46,192 --> 00:11:48,581 you know, let's not get into it! The buffoon! 249 00:11:48,683 --> 00:11:50,230 So be nice to her. 250 00:11:50,402 --> 00:11:51,822 Oh, of course I will. 251 00:11:51,847 --> 00:11:54,283 Now then, Susie, I've got some nice soft play. 252 00:11:54,308 --> 00:11:55,816 Would you like to come and meet the others? 253 00:12:07,355 --> 00:12:09,635 There now, Susie, 254 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:12,285 I must say, you look like a right little diamond! 255 00:12:12,942 --> 00:12:14,566 I want to go to the toilet. 256 00:12:15,056 --> 00:12:17,253 Oh, right then. Off we go. 257 00:12:24,957 --> 00:12:27,386 Well done! Good girl! 258 00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:31,261 Just like the old days. 259 00:12:31,286 --> 00:12:33,753 - This is the last time. - See you next week. 260 00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,800 - You suit those ribbons. - Can I keep them? 261 00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:38,925 I don't see why not. 262 00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:42,283 I spent a week working for Harpoons 263 00:12:42,308 --> 00:12:45,681 but, to be honest, I thought their standards weren't that high. 264 00:12:45,706 --> 00:12:48,071 They were a bit imprecise, which is deadly in this job. 265 00:12:48,831 --> 00:12:51,699 So I thought I'd go and work for Beckindole's, best careers in town. 266 00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:53,994 I've got a clean driving licence, 267 00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:56,097 so I can work the vans or the bikes, whatever you want. 268 00:12:56,199 --> 00:12:57,949 Well, for a start, you're not couriers. 269 00:12:58,339 --> 00:13:00,363 We call you lifestyle enhancers 270 00:13:00,753 --> 00:13:03,214 because you make people's life feel better. Do you get it? 271 00:13:03,753 --> 00:13:06,644 - Yeah, works for me. - Right, standard rules. 272 00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:08,273 50 pence a parcel. 273 00:13:08,515 --> 00:13:11,475 If any parcel takes longer than 60 minutes to deliver 274 00:13:11,664 --> 00:13:12,820 you won't be paid. 275 00:13:13,004 --> 00:13:15,937 No holiday, no sick pay, no argument. 276 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:20,007 You'll pay Beckindole £1.50 a day insurance if you're on the van, 277 00:13:20,352 --> 00:13:21,828 £1 if you're on the bike, 278 00:13:21,853 --> 00:13:24,179 and the £1 charge applies even on days off. 279 00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:27,226 You're a bit overqualified, aren't you? 280 00:13:27,251 --> 00:13:30,304 Oh, well, I suppose I've wasted my time a little bit. 281 00:13:30,329 --> 00:13:32,585 Yeah, you're not the only one. I've got tons of you these days. 282 00:13:32,875 --> 00:13:34,679 Neil, over there, went to Oxford. 283 00:13:34,984 --> 00:13:36,281 Studied astrology. 284 00:13:36,647 --> 00:13:38,609 Doesn't help him cycle any faster, does it? 285 00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:40,820 No, no, I don't suppose it does, astronomy. 286 00:13:41,273 --> 00:13:42,421 But never mind. 287 00:13:42,944 --> 00:13:44,234 So what did you do before? 288 00:13:45,234 --> 00:13:47,296 Oh, banking. 289 00:13:47,453 --> 00:13:48,999 Oh, those bastards. 290 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,390 I know, bastards. 291 00:13:50,816 --> 00:13:52,421 Look what they've done to us. 292 00:13:53,617 --> 00:13:55,539 I hated it, I'm glad to be out. 293 00:14:12,669 --> 00:14:13,965 So what do I do, just pull the string? 294 00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:14,990 Mm-hm. 295 00:14:20,731 --> 00:14:23,305 You... you can't let school kids have this. They'll be scarred! 296 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:26,536 We trust them with knives and forks. This is much the same. 297 00:14:28,984 --> 00:14:32,698 Not too hot, not too cold. That's why they're calling it 298 00:14:32,723 --> 00:14:34,536 Goldilocks Clean Meat, 299 00:14:34,898 --> 00:14:36,200 completely artificial, 300 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,848 grown in a laboratory. 301 00:14:38,653 --> 00:14:40,706 It's so far removed from the original animal, 302 00:14:40,731 --> 00:14:42,325 they're saying it's fit for vegans. 303 00:14:42,387 --> 00:14:44,019 Grown how? What does it look like? 304 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:46,031 They're called bolts, bolts of meat. 305 00:14:46,032 --> 00:14:49,472 Like those things in kebabs shops, but enormous. 306 00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:51,325 Well, I do love kebabs. 307 00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:57,833 - Damn. - Injected with saltless salt. 308 00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,622 Oh, my God! It's delicious. 309 00:15:01,575 --> 00:15:03,140 That's bad news, that. 310 00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:05,324 Mm, God, it's nice, isn't it? 311 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,246 They haven't cracked salad yet. We still need staff for that. 312 00:15:09,323 --> 00:15:11,550 I've done the sums. We need four. 313 00:15:11,698 --> 00:15:13,605 - Four people? - Mm-hm, I think so. 314 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,665 Well, I've got a staff of ten, so who's going to go? 315 00:15:16,690 --> 00:15:19,043 Beverley. Who else? 316 00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,954 Rosie, I've got to lose £200,000. 317 00:15:21,979 --> 00:15:23,922 It's the same every time. The banks collapse, 318 00:15:23,947 --> 00:15:26,244 the government bails them out, so they take money off us. 319 00:15:26,908 --> 00:15:29,275 I'm sorry, but six of the catering staff will have to go. 320 00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:32,043 Including all managerial posts. 321 00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,736 But that's me. You mean me? 322 00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:37,344 The Goldilocks system doesn't need skills at your level. 323 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:38,438 I've got two kids. 324 00:15:38,463 --> 00:15:41,610 We need to restructure. I can give you till Easter. 325 00:15:41,635 --> 00:15:44,354 That's plenty of notice for you to have a look around 326 00:15:44,618 --> 00:15:46,315 and try other avenues. 327 00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:59,196 - Here come the dinner ladies! - All right, girls? 328 00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:02,838 It's my big farewell, before I'm replaced by a bolt of vegan meat. 329 00:16:02,965 --> 00:16:06,719 We've got food and booze and music and it didn't cost me a penny 330 00:16:06,744 --> 00:16:08,797 cos it's my big, gay brother's birthday. 331 00:16:08,822 --> 00:16:10,416 He's paying for the whole thing. 332 00:16:11,056 --> 00:16:13,003 - You'll like him, Eric! - Whoo! 333 00:16:13,004 --> 00:16:14,015 Come on, then. 334 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,992 - Hey, lads. - Hi, Stephen. 335 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,220 - Hey, how are you? - All right? 336 00:16:17,245 --> 00:16:18,445 Thanks for coming. 337 00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:22,139 - This is really nice of you. - Oh, well, it's my brother's idea. 338 00:16:22,164 --> 00:16:25,492 Yeah, that's him, over there. Yeah, that's Dan, with the muscles. 339 00:16:25,855 --> 00:16:28,734 Yeah, he's 37 today, so he said, "Let's have a blow out." 340 00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:31,600 Oh, this is the long-suffering. 341 00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:33,250 Celeste, this is Pete from work. 342 00:16:33,476 --> 00:16:36,162 That doesn't help. You've got about five jobs. Which one? 343 00:16:36,515 --> 00:16:40,091 The couriers, yeah! Best courier team in South Manchester. 344 00:16:40,116 --> 00:16:43,218 That's Stan and Alif and Elaine and John. 345 00:16:43,413 --> 00:16:46,335 He works harder than anyone, your husband. He puts us to shame. 346 00:16:46,444 --> 00:16:49,288 Oh, I'm doing three jobs myself, but I bet he didn't mention that. 347 00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:52,987 We need the money! I'm the man who lost a million quid, remember? 348 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,319 How can we forget? 349 00:16:55,226 --> 00:16:56,266 We can try. 350 00:16:57,945 --> 00:17:00,529 Oh, brilliant. That's great. 351 00:17:00,554 --> 00:17:03,130 Oh, there's a perfect space at the back. I want you to play loud. 352 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:04,568 Oh, I can do loud. 353 00:17:04,593 --> 00:17:07,374 We did Glastonbury and Ralph McTell complained. 354 00:17:07,787 --> 00:17:09,061 We're okay, aren't we? 355 00:17:09,591 --> 00:17:12,132 I mean this plan, it is going to work, isn't it? 356 00:17:13,358 --> 00:17:15,968 I hope so. Fingers crossed, yeah. 357 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,155 Yeah, yeah, all right. 358 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:20,734 All right. 359 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,788 Oh, Lizzie, this is my Auntie Edith, 360 00:17:24,813 --> 00:17:26,241 the one that works for those charities. 361 00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:28,905 - Lizzie did that research for you. - On Wytel Industries? 362 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,233 Oh, yeah, thanks, Lizzie, it really helped, thank you. 363 00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,045 It was for this fundraising thing. 364 00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:35,701 They're going bust now, Wytel, did you hear? 365 00:17:35,726 --> 00:17:38,929 There's some sort of big scandal. It was on the news this morning. 366 00:17:39,206 --> 00:17:42,061 Oh, is that right? Erm, actually I forgot... 367 00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:43,539 ..that thing. I'll see you later. 368 00:17:43,898 --> 00:17:45,937 Oh, it's so good of you to come. 369 00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,414 I've driven past this house. 370 00:17:47,439 --> 00:17:48,537 I always wondered what it was like. 371 00:17:48,562 --> 00:17:51,498 Come on, have a look. Viktor says hello and thank you. 372 00:17:51,523 --> 00:17:54,156 The work you did with that petition was amazing. 373 00:17:54,181 --> 00:17:56,039 Dan's going a bit nuts, isn't he? 374 00:17:56,064 --> 00:17:57,779 Just a little bit. 375 00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:00,179 His head's going to go Hong Sha if he doesn't calm down. 376 00:18:00,437 --> 00:18:02,992 That's what they say now, Hong Sha, kaboom. 377 00:18:03,531 --> 00:18:05,820 Do you remember when Hong Sha went off? 378 00:18:06,234 --> 00:18:09,466 We all said, "Oh, the whole world has changed. 379 00:18:09,936 --> 00:18:11,911 "Things will never be the same." 380 00:18:11,936 --> 00:18:13,858 Hardly gets mentioned any more. 381 00:18:14,429 --> 00:18:18,014 Well, except the consequences of that ruined my entire life. 382 00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:19,936 I know, darling. 383 00:18:19,961 --> 00:18:22,593 Eric, you need lots of pepper. 384 00:18:22,632 --> 00:18:25,139 Coleslaw is all about the pepper. 385 00:18:25,335 --> 00:18:26,975 You just brought us here to work. 386 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,225 Correct. Get on with it. 387 00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,550 Gran, why does my signal keep cutting out? 388 00:18:31,651 --> 00:18:35,329 Oh, go on to Signor Two! That works, for some reason. 389 00:18:35,354 --> 00:18:36,682 Thank you. 390 00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:39,081 So what's this new job of hers? 391 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,503 Charity stuff. 392 00:18:40,612 --> 00:18:43,430 She used to help them out in the field, and now she does in the cities. 393 00:18:43,838 --> 00:18:45,664 She goes into boardrooms and asks them for money. 394 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,907 It just seems so calm for Edith. 395 00:18:47,932 --> 00:18:52,610 She was always chaining herself to railings and burning things down. 396 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,494 I'm strangely disappointed. 397 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,727 Lincoln likes those little ribbons. 398 00:18:58,752 --> 00:18:59,893 It's not a problem, is it? 399 00:19:00,183 --> 00:19:01,885 He looks very pretty. 400 00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,625 TABLET: Well, I doubt that Wytel knew what they were doing 401 00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:07,838 but the leaked document spells it out. 402 00:19:08,058 --> 00:19:11,727 Wytel supplied equipment to MBJM who sent it to Damascus, 403 00:19:11,752 --> 00:19:14,986 where it was used to build Syria's concentration camps. 404 00:19:15,027 --> 00:19:16,666 And to return to the headlines. 405 00:19:16,983 --> 00:19:19,853 The Prime Minister has confirmed the date of the general election 406 00:19:20,038 --> 00:19:22,277 as Thursday the 7th of May. 407 00:19:22,666 --> 00:19:25,002 We asked MPs for their reaction. 408 00:19:25,393 --> 00:19:27,713 I am delighted. 409 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,799 At last, let the fight begin. 410 00:19:31,564 --> 00:19:34,103 Right, food's up. We have beef burgers, 411 00:19:34,128 --> 00:19:38,127 hot dogs, proper sausages, veggie burgers, 412 00:19:38,152 --> 00:19:40,453 and this is the latest thing, 413 00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:42,233 it's orange burger, 414 00:19:42,234 --> 00:19:43,682 made out of orange peel. 415 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:48,194 Those two, you don't think...? 416 00:19:48,705 --> 00:19:50,361 - Do you? - I don't know. 417 00:19:51,462 --> 00:19:54,570 No. I think Beth's just being 14. 418 00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:57,103 She was never 14, she's just got a crush, that's all. 419 00:19:58,315 --> 00:19:59,384 However... 420 00:19:59,884 --> 00:20:01,805 Oh, my God, I thought so too. 421 00:20:01,830 --> 00:20:03,032 Do you know, I never know with Edith? 422 00:20:03,057 --> 00:20:06,134 Trust me, she's tried everything, 423 00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:07,829 all those years at sea. 424 00:20:17,454 --> 00:20:20,437 I tried telling my mum. She doesn't understand. 425 00:20:20,462 --> 00:20:22,173 I mean, she won't understand. 426 00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:23,985 She refuses. 427 00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:26,710 My mum and dad, they're like, haven't you grown out of that yet? 428 00:20:26,735 --> 00:20:28,538 I said, "Mum, you should look online. 429 00:20:28,563 --> 00:20:29,601 "You should see Richard Albright." 430 00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:31,609 He's got a wafer in his head. 431 00:20:31,634 --> 00:20:33,227 He can print his thoughts. 432 00:20:33,252 --> 00:20:35,196 Oh, my God. 433 00:20:36,424 --> 00:20:39,962 How far would you go, Beth, to be trans-human? 434 00:20:41,134 --> 00:20:42,269 It's like, 435 00:20:42,715 --> 00:20:45,464 sometimes, I think my lungs fill with up with air 436 00:20:45,489 --> 00:20:48,910 and it goes in and out like some sort of bellows, and it feels so... 437 00:20:49,242 --> 00:20:50,504 ... thick. 438 00:20:51,481 --> 00:20:55,128 - We could be so much better than this. - We could be free. 439 00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:58,824 We could be flying. We should be wavelengths in the air. 440 00:20:59,996 --> 00:21:01,637 How much money have you got? 441 00:21:02,508 --> 00:21:03,508 Why? 442 00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:05,676 Tell me how much. 443 00:21:06,159 --> 00:21:08,442 My dad gave me 10,000 for my 18th. 444 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:09,723 Even when we lost everything, 445 00:21:09,748 --> 00:21:12,020 he said, "That's yours. Hold on to it!" 446 00:21:12,785 --> 00:21:14,098 Cos I did it, Beth. 447 00:21:14,984 --> 00:21:16,253 I contacted that woman. 448 00:21:16,278 --> 00:21:19,261 I spoke to her, I actually spoke to her and she said we'd be perfect. 449 00:21:19,832 --> 00:21:21,020 Oh, my God. 450 00:21:21,175 --> 00:21:23,004 You could pay for us both. 451 00:21:24,746 --> 00:21:25,973 Would you do it? 452 00:21:26,097 --> 00:21:27,133 Would you? 453 00:21:33,832 --> 00:21:36,305 - [UPBEAT MUSIC] - Woo! 454 00:21:36,574 --> 00:21:38,942 I want to see you all dancing. 455 00:21:39,035 --> 00:21:40,613 Hey-hey. 456 00:21:41,942 --> 00:21:45,440 ♪ Tonight, tonight's the wedding feast ♪ 457 00:21:45,465 --> 00:21:48,893 ♪ The men arriving with the slaughtered beast ♪ 458 00:21:48,918 --> 00:21:52,257 ♪ A wail, a chant soon fills the air ♪ 459 00:21:52,258 --> 00:21:55,886 ♪ For miles around the people cheer ♪ 460 00:21:56,535 --> 00:22:00,197 ♪ Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight ♪ 461 00:22:00,222 --> 00:22:03,565 ♪ All the spirits looking happy, red and bright ♪ 462 00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:06,910 ♪ Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight ♪ 463 00:22:06,935 --> 00:22:10,660 ♪ The bones are thrown and Mama's path is shining bright ♪ 464 00:22:23,598 --> 00:22:25,695 Thank you. Thank you, isn't she amazing? 465 00:22:25,728 --> 00:22:27,684 Miss Fran Baxter, everyone. 466 00:22:30,719 --> 00:22:33,382 Er, OK, just a couple of things. 467 00:22:33,407 --> 00:22:35,539 Happy birthday to me, obviously. 468 00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:39,508 Don't start singing, not yet, hold on. I'm 25 today. 469 00:22:39,533 --> 00:22:43,335 But first of all, I just want to say thank you 470 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:46,694 on behalf of someone who can't be here tonight, Viktor Goraya. 471 00:22:46,719 --> 00:22:47,797 Oh, here we go. 472 00:22:47,822 --> 00:22:53,116 So many of you, well, everyone, you've all been so kind. 473 00:22:53,141 --> 00:22:54,772 - He means you. - I'm the best. 474 00:22:54,797 --> 00:22:56,889 I know it has been months of worry and petitions, 475 00:22:56,914 --> 00:22:58,930 you all wrote letters and things, you've all been amazing, 476 00:22:58,955 --> 00:23:02,961 but he was trapped in a country that denies his existence... 477 00:23:03,928 --> 00:23:05,727 ... until Thursday night. 478 00:23:06,727 --> 00:23:10,022 Er, because Thursday night Viktor left Odessa 479 00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:12,016 and he went to Ternopil. 480 00:23:12,041 --> 00:23:14,110 At midnight, he got into a lorry, and 481 00:23:14,135 --> 00:23:16,585 they crossed the border at Krakovets, successfully. 482 00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,522 [CHEERING] 483 00:23:18,547 --> 00:23:22,077 Got into Poland, ten hours, down through Germany, 484 00:23:22,102 --> 00:23:24,229 still too dangerous, stopped near Stuttgart 485 00:23:24,230 --> 00:23:27,593 and they got from that lorry into another lorry. 486 00:23:27,618 --> 00:23:28,891 Thanks, Siobhan. 487 00:23:29,246 --> 00:23:31,782 From there, through France. 488 00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:35,233 I know, I know, I know. 489 00:23:35,672 --> 00:23:37,897 Onwards, down to Spain. 490 00:23:37,922 --> 00:23:38,985 [DRUM HIT] 491 00:23:40,703 --> 00:23:43,008 Thank you. He crossed the border 492 00:23:43,485 --> 00:23:45,735 and he did it, he got there. 493 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,975 [CHEERING] 494 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,921 And that was today. 495 00:23:49,946 --> 00:23:53,141 And he's surrendered himself to the Spanish authorities 496 00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:55,774 and they arrested him, but that was the plan. 497 00:23:56,399 --> 00:24:01,071 Socialist Spain, they arrested him, he applies for asylum, 498 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:02,446 they won't deport him. 499 00:24:02,471 --> 00:24:05,672 What I'm saying is, well, he did it. 500 00:24:06,993 --> 00:24:08,516 He's safe. He's there! 501 00:24:08,541 --> 00:24:10,504 [WILD CHEERING] 502 00:24:11,270 --> 00:24:14,602 I know this for a fact because, because, because... 503 00:24:15,772 --> 00:24:16,906 Here he is! 504 00:24:21,462 --> 00:24:25,000 ♪ 505 00:24:56,955 --> 00:24:58,274 All right, thanks. 506 00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:10,289 My name is Daniel Lyons and I have booked the conjugal suite. 507 00:25:11,155 --> 00:25:13,086 SPANISH TRANSLATION APP: Mi nombre es Daniel Lyons. 508 00:25:13,310 --> 00:25:15,524 Ha reservado la suite conyugal. 509 00:25:15,629 --> 00:25:17,086 First door on the right. 510 00:25:19,742 --> 00:25:20,742 Thanks. 511 00:25:31,664 --> 00:25:32,828 There you are. 512 00:25:33,844 --> 00:25:34,844 Hey. 513 00:25:37,422 --> 00:25:38,899 Look at this room. 514 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,774 God. Hello. 515 00:25:54,479 --> 00:25:55,641 Hi. 516 00:26:05,789 --> 00:26:07,852 So what they've done now is this. 517 00:26:08,383 --> 00:26:10,553 Beckindole won't let me drive across Manchester 518 00:26:10,578 --> 00:26:11,961 because of the congestion charge, 519 00:26:11,986 --> 00:26:15,164 so I have to pick things up from the depot on my bike, 520 00:26:15,461 --> 00:26:18,577 large or small, doesn't matter, I have to carry them on my bike 521 00:26:18,602 --> 00:26:22,866 out of the congestion zone to a designated Beckindole car park 522 00:26:22,891 --> 00:26:25,196 full of Beckindole vans. 523 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,968 I'm not allowed to use my own van, even if I had one, 524 00:26:27,993 --> 00:26:31,750 in case I build my own business in my spare time, 525 00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:35,772 so I can only use Beckindole vans, and I'm allocated one 526 00:26:35,797 --> 00:26:40,014 and I go to deliver my parcel, leave my bike, God knows where, 527 00:26:40,039 --> 00:26:41,688 because I'm not allowed to put it in the van. 528 00:26:42,391 --> 00:26:46,835 £7.60 an hour, except I only get £3.90 because I'm new, 529 00:26:46,860 --> 00:26:48,273 so I'm classified as an apprentice. 530 00:26:48,516 --> 00:26:50,203 So what are the five jobs? 531 00:26:50,727 --> 00:26:52,164 Celeste said you had five. 532 00:26:53,524 --> 00:26:57,336 Don't use her name. Not here! That's not fair. 533 00:26:59,789 --> 00:27:03,774 Delivery, courier, hospitality, pizza, and... 534 00:27:04,323 --> 00:27:08,313 Er, drug tests! I'm a guinea pig. 535 00:27:09,422 --> 00:27:11,188 The gig economy, that's me. 536 00:27:12,445 --> 00:27:13,727 And what does she do? 537 00:27:15,570 --> 00:27:16,851 Book-keeping. 538 00:27:19,234 --> 00:27:21,492 She used to have a staff of 25, 539 00:27:21,789 --> 00:27:24,109 now she does the budgets for local primary schools. 540 00:27:24,563 --> 00:27:25,977 She never complains. 541 00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:28,265 That pisses me off. 542 00:27:28,266 --> 00:27:32,719 I wish she would complain but, no, I get this monument. 543 00:27:33,171 --> 00:27:34,922 But that house is enormous. 544 00:27:35,524 --> 00:27:38,086 Your gran's. You could sell it, have 100,000 each! 545 00:27:38,111 --> 00:27:39,750 You could all sail through the recession. 546 00:27:40,030 --> 00:27:42,383 Houses don't shift these days. No-one's got any money to spend. 547 00:27:42,539 --> 00:27:43,758 You could try. 548 00:27:44,246 --> 00:27:46,227 The man who lost a million quid. 549 00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:49,819 I lost 20,000, which might be nothing to you, 550 00:27:49,844 --> 00:27:51,469 but it's left me stuck in this place. 551 00:27:52,163 --> 00:27:53,797 Know when you're lucky, Steve. 552 00:27:54,781 --> 00:27:56,836 Did you register this address for the election? 553 00:27:57,641 --> 00:27:58,945 I never got round to it. 554 00:28:00,378 --> 00:28:01,609 But now you can't vote. 555 00:28:01,938 --> 00:28:02,992 What's it matter? 556 00:28:04,749 --> 00:28:05,749 [PHONE BUZZES] 557 00:28:07,005 --> 00:28:08,461 Missed call. 558 00:28:09,108 --> 00:28:10,232 It's the wife. 559 00:28:10,382 --> 00:28:11,418 Stop it. 560 00:28:12,766 --> 00:28:14,461 Where's 0116? 561 00:28:14,676 --> 00:28:15,734 Leicester, I think. 562 00:29:27,711 --> 00:29:28,906 Hello, Signor. 563 00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:33,233 Family link override, not Muriel, not Celeste. 564 00:29:33,234 --> 00:29:34,289 Thanks. Call. 565 00:29:34,672 --> 00:29:36,953 Family link, Stephen calling. 566 00:29:37,383 --> 00:29:40,008 OK. Hello. Funny time of day. 567 00:29:40,262 --> 00:29:43,516 [PHONE RINGS] 568 00:29:44,453 --> 00:29:46,703 Hey, can it wait? I'm a little bit busy. Is it important? 569 00:29:46,930 --> 00:29:50,225 Hola, esta nueva Danielo en Madrido. 570 00:29:50,226 --> 00:29:52,969 Hasta la vista, paella, si, si, si. 571 00:29:53,547 --> 00:29:56,891 Er, OK, so I didn't want to wait, so... 572 00:29:58,569 --> 00:29:59,772 ... are the kids there, Rosie? 573 00:29:59,797 --> 00:30:01,453 Er, no, why, what is it? 574 00:30:01,656 --> 00:30:04,203 Er, so I got a call, and erm... 575 00:30:05,729 --> 00:30:06,960 ... Dad's dead. 576 00:30:08,644 --> 00:30:09,672 No way. 577 00:30:11,347 --> 00:30:12,410 Are you kidding? 578 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,149 No, seriously, it's for real. 579 00:30:14,445 --> 00:30:16,524 No, I made it up, I thought it would be funny. 580 00:30:17,844 --> 00:30:19,070 No, he's dead. 581 00:30:19,378 --> 00:30:20,410 He's gone. 582 00:30:21,703 --> 00:30:23,672 Two days, she said, he's gone. 583 00:30:24,516 --> 00:30:26,257 Who did, Jacqueline? 584 00:30:26,664 --> 00:30:28,633 Yeah, yeah, she phoned me. 585 00:30:28,719 --> 00:30:30,852 Oh, my God, he was only 69. 586 00:30:32,969 --> 00:30:34,578 We never made it to his birthday. 587 00:30:35,297 --> 00:30:36,641 So what happened? 588 00:30:37,482 --> 00:30:38,779 He was hit by a bike. 589 00:30:39,265 --> 00:30:40,265 Sorry! 590 00:30:40,516 --> 00:30:45,297 I mean, a bicycle. She said he was hit by a Rideree bike. 591 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,086 A bike? 592 00:30:47,835 --> 00:30:48,843 Killed him? 593 00:30:48,944 --> 00:30:50,258 Stephen, are you kidding us? 594 00:30:50,844 --> 00:30:52,253 No, the bike didn't kill him. 595 00:30:52,254 --> 00:30:54,359 The bike knocked him over 596 00:30:54,384 --> 00:31:00,203 and he had a scratch on his hand, er, that was all. 597 00:31:00,399 --> 00:31:01,813 This is what Jacqueline said. 598 00:31:01,941 --> 00:31:06,209 Erm, he was fine, he had a scratch, 599 00:31:06,234 --> 00:31:08,261 but that turned into blood poisoning. 600 00:31:08,262 --> 00:31:10,766 Oh, my God. Sepsis. 601 00:31:10,932 --> 00:31:11,948 Yeah. 602 00:31:14,268 --> 00:31:16,056 And they tried all the antibiotics, 603 00:31:16,081 --> 00:31:17,720 but they didn't work any more, so... 604 00:31:20,754 --> 00:31:22,041 A scratch on his hand. 605 00:31:23,345 --> 00:31:25,009 He was hit by a bike? 606 00:31:25,736 --> 00:31:27,245 So they took him to hospital, 607 00:31:27,634 --> 00:31:29,291 one o'clock this afternoon... 608 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,447 ... organ failure, and gone. 609 00:31:34,892 --> 00:31:37,290 - What was he delivering, the bike? - Oh, Rosie, don't. 610 00:31:37,315 --> 00:31:38,727 I want to know. 611 00:31:38,838 --> 00:31:40,485 Actually I'd like to know. 612 00:31:40,665 --> 00:31:43,484 I mean, was he killed by a chicken vindaloo? 613 00:31:43,509 --> 00:31:44,946 You know what? You lot are horrible. 614 00:31:45,077 --> 00:31:47,571 No, he was horrible, Danny. He was. 615 00:31:47,618 --> 00:31:49,095 Oh, for God's sake. 616 00:31:49,226 --> 00:31:51,241 He slept with someone else and left us... 617 00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:53,245 is it really the worst crime in the world? 618 00:31:53,246 --> 00:31:56,435 Yeah, and then he had a whole second family with Jacqueline, 619 00:31:56,460 --> 00:31:57,747 and did he ever bother with us? 620 00:31:57,772 --> 00:31:59,606 And that's why, Rosie, 621 00:31:59,631 --> 00:32:01,669 because that's how you spoke to him every time. 622 00:32:01,694 --> 00:32:04,717 You can't hate someone and expect him to want to visit, can you? 623 00:32:04,780 --> 00:32:07,577 Oh, nice one, Danny. Now you love him, now he's dead. 624 00:32:07,897 --> 00:32:09,241 Cut the link. 625 00:32:10,789 --> 00:32:12,769 That was a bit hard, Dan. 626 00:32:14,202 --> 00:32:15,242 What a mess. 627 00:32:16,874 --> 00:32:18,194 Hey, I'm sorry. 628 00:32:19,011 --> 00:32:20,139 Yeah, me too. 629 00:32:23,390 --> 00:32:24,426 And me. 630 00:32:28,987 --> 00:32:29,987 You okay? 631 00:32:31,917 --> 00:32:32,936 No. 632 00:33:04,952 --> 00:33:07,788 I'm right though, because look at it from my point of view. 633 00:33:08,108 --> 00:33:12,210 Mum and Dad had Stephen, fine, they had you, fine, 634 00:33:12,413 --> 00:33:14,755 they had Daniel, they had a great, big, gay baby 635 00:33:14,780 --> 00:33:16,038 and they were still fine, 636 00:33:16,230 --> 00:33:17,827 then they had me and Dad buggered off. 637 00:33:18,230 --> 00:33:19,663 If that's not my fault then what is? 638 00:33:20,022 --> 00:33:21,592 But it's not your fault. 639 00:33:22,101 --> 00:33:25,694 I don't mean fault, I just mean there I was and off he went. 640 00:33:25,952 --> 00:33:27,567 Maybe it was just bad timing. 641 00:33:27,592 --> 00:33:30,561 That's when he met Jacqueline, just happened to be then. 642 00:33:30,671 --> 00:33:33,405 Jacqueline, I'll never forget that... 643 00:33:33,430 --> 00:33:36,897 "Don't call me Jackie, my name is Jacqueline." 644 00:33:39,163 --> 00:33:42,209 Which proves my point, cos he wasn't a wanderer. 645 00:33:42,380 --> 00:33:44,569 He stayed with Jacqueline, they had a son and everything. 646 00:33:44,794 --> 00:33:45,864 He was faithful, 647 00:33:46,552 --> 00:33:49,012 so the only time he wasn't was when I came along. 648 00:33:51,066 --> 00:33:52,739 It's because he couldn't cope. 649 00:33:54,411 --> 00:33:55,997 I don't know, maybe. 650 00:33:56,179 --> 00:33:57,226 Definitely. 651 00:33:58,028 --> 00:33:59,708 Just too much of a coward. 652 00:34:02,176 --> 00:34:03,981 I just wish I'd asked him, 653 00:34:04,066 --> 00:34:06,221 but I never had anything to say to him really. 654 00:34:06,246 --> 00:34:09,731 Whenever I saw him, I'd just sit there and think, 655 00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:11,614 "What shall I say?" 656 00:34:12,959 --> 00:34:14,309 I had a lot to say. 657 00:34:15,377 --> 00:34:16,413 Too late now. 658 00:34:19,067 --> 00:34:20,269 His loss. 659 00:34:20,270 --> 00:34:21,653 Oh, that's the truth. 660 00:34:22,692 --> 00:34:25,645 I always say, Rosie, shame on him. 661 00:34:26,987 --> 00:34:28,653 Shame on our father's head. 662 00:34:30,093 --> 00:34:31,097 Shame. 663 00:34:32,465 --> 00:34:34,075 As the polls open, it's being called 664 00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:37,217 the most unpredictable general election in living memory. 665 00:34:37,536 --> 00:34:40,221 Tensions are high, with the major parties keeping an eye 666 00:34:40,246 --> 00:34:42,419 on the Four Star Party's wild card vote. 667 00:34:43,262 --> 00:34:45,520 I think I might be a little bit tipsy! 668 00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,495 I haven't even voted yet, I'll be squiffy, 669 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,297 I'll probably tick the wrong box! 670 00:34:52,145 --> 00:34:55,801 Vivienne Rook has refused to appear on any terrestrial channel. 671 00:34:56,058 --> 00:34:58,784 She's turned down every interview and every debate, 672 00:34:58,809 --> 00:35:02,245 restricting herself to her own channel, Four Star Live. 673 00:35:02,246 --> 00:35:06,161 But Viv, campaigning isn't allowed on election day. 674 00:35:06,186 --> 00:35:08,886 This isn't a campaign, this is my channel, 675 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,887 this is my home. 676 00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:19,762 This is British wine for British people, 677 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:24,020 and what it deserves is tax breaks and subsidised transport. 678 00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:26,825 But where will the money come from, Viv? 679 00:35:27,020 --> 00:35:28,249 You can't raise taxes. 680 00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:31,487 I'll impose a tariff on wines from abroad. 681 00:35:31,512 --> 00:35:32,548 Let them pay. 682 00:35:35,238 --> 00:35:37,082 He didn't die for nothing. 683 00:35:37,254 --> 00:35:38,621 He died for us. 684 00:35:39,041 --> 00:35:43,048 Shame on every politician who has ever let our soldiers down. 685 00:35:43,151 --> 00:35:44,557 ♪ Tragedy ♪ 686 00:35:44,996 --> 00:35:47,112 ♪ When the feeling's gone and you can't go on ♪ 687 00:35:47,137 --> 00:35:48,527 ♪ It's tragedy ♪ 688 00:35:48,816 --> 00:35:50,885 ♪ When the morning cries and you don't know why ♪ 689 00:35:50,910 --> 00:35:52,814 ♪ It's hard to bear ♪ 690 00:35:52,839 --> 00:35:54,643 ♪ With no-one to love you ♪ 691 00:35:54,668 --> 00:35:56,604 ♪ You're going nowhere ♪ 692 00:35:58,526 --> 00:35:59,753 ♪ Tragedy ♪ 693 00:36:00,381 --> 00:36:02,237 ♪ When you lose control and you got no soul ♪ 694 00:36:02,238 --> 00:36:03,889 ♪ It's tragedy ♪ 695 00:36:04,256 --> 00:36:06,322 ♪ When the morning cries and your heart just dies ♪ 696 00:36:06,347 --> 00:36:07,701 ♪ It's hard to bear ♪ 697 00:36:08,076 --> 00:36:10,004 ♪ With no-one beside you ♪ 698 00:36:10,029 --> 00:36:11,868 ♪ You're going nowhere ♪ 699 00:36:21,266 --> 00:36:23,521 False facts, every day. 700 00:36:24,252 --> 00:36:25,777 Do you know where you can find the truth? 701 00:36:25,802 --> 00:36:28,505 Right here, Four Star Channel. 702 00:36:28,794 --> 00:36:31,314 God help us. We're the only ones. 703 00:36:34,950 --> 00:36:35,950 Are you done? 704 00:36:35,975 --> 00:36:37,146 You left-wing hippie. 705 00:36:37,171 --> 00:36:38,754 This is nice, like the old days 706 00:36:38,779 --> 00:36:40,794 It's 100 quid if I get it back before midnight. 707 00:36:41,270 --> 00:36:43,371 I love it, us lot in one car. 708 00:36:43,396 --> 00:36:45,458 We never do this. Should have bought sweets. 709 00:36:46,108 --> 00:36:47,435 Leicester, here we come. 710 00:36:47,460 --> 00:36:49,005 I'm just making sure he's dead. 711 00:36:53,099 --> 00:36:54,769 Now you did vote, you two? 712 00:36:54,794 --> 00:36:56,241 Did it by post, last week. 713 00:36:56,242 --> 00:36:57,855 No-one goes and does it by hand any more. 714 00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,488 Don't forget your passports. 715 00:36:59,513 --> 00:37:00,849 They're going to Scotland! 716 00:37:00,874 --> 00:37:03,029 Anything could happen in this election. 717 00:37:03,054 --> 00:37:04,793 If your lot get into power, 718 00:37:04,818 --> 00:37:07,068 Scotland could be divorced by midnight. 719 00:37:07,093 --> 00:37:08,536 Then they'll be stranded. 720 00:37:09,167 --> 00:37:11,318 Go, have a lovely time. 721 00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:14,511 Celebrate. It's your grandad's funeral. 722 00:37:14,536 --> 00:37:16,273 This is a very fine day. 723 00:37:16,274 --> 00:37:17,904 Don't listen to her. 724 00:37:18,210 --> 00:37:19,513 Go and have fun. 725 00:37:20,234 --> 00:37:22,075 Edinburgh is beautiful. 726 00:37:22,521 --> 00:37:25,154 Bye, then. See you next week. 727 00:37:26,505 --> 00:37:27,622 Bye, darling. 728 00:37:28,911 --> 00:37:30,855 Oh, my God. They believed us. 729 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,257 They'll understand. When they see in ten days' time 730 00:37:33,258 --> 00:37:37,482 they'll be like, "Oh, my God, that is infinite!" 731 00:37:39,294 --> 00:37:44,489 Destination Liverpool, Imperial B&B, Shiel Road, L6. 732 00:37:44,514 --> 00:37:45,552 Auto drive on. 733 00:37:45,577 --> 00:37:47,232 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 734 00:37:49,421 --> 00:37:50,473 Bye! 735 00:38:11,670 --> 00:38:12,721 Hey, there. 736 00:38:12,746 --> 00:38:13,857 Hello. 737 00:38:14,084 --> 00:38:15,271 Thanks for coming. 738 00:38:15,718 --> 00:38:17,325 - Stephen. - Steven. 739 00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:19,669 Killed by a bike. 740 00:38:20,266 --> 00:38:21,306 Shocking. 741 00:38:22,758 --> 00:38:24,146 Poor old Dad. 742 00:38:24,538 --> 00:38:27,982 Come for a drink after. You're very welcome, all of you. 743 00:38:28,827 --> 00:38:31,396 I saw you on the TV with the bomb. 744 00:38:33,467 --> 00:38:35,372 I'll see you later. Stephen. 745 00:38:35,530 --> 00:38:36,534 Steven. 746 00:38:41,989 --> 00:38:45,271 I still maintain it's not legal to call two sons the same name. 747 00:38:45,497 --> 00:38:46,717 He's Steven with a V. 748 00:38:46,742 --> 00:38:49,279 Jacqueline chose Steven with a V after her dad. 749 00:38:49,304 --> 00:38:50,607 You know that. 750 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:51,995 Jacqueline. 751 00:38:53,009 --> 00:38:54,536 Doesn't feel like a brother. 752 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,654 Half brother, if that. 753 00:38:57,644 --> 00:38:59,130 What does he do these days? 754 00:38:59,154 --> 00:39:00,513 He's a pharmacist. 755 00:39:01,103 --> 00:39:02,158 With a V. 756 00:39:02,935 --> 00:39:05,154 He's a varmacist! 757 00:39:07,935 --> 00:39:11,294 Oh, my God. This isn't the crematorium. 758 00:39:11,868 --> 00:39:12,868 What do you mean? 759 00:39:12,893 --> 00:39:16,006 This place isn't a crematorium, it's an aquatorium. 760 00:39:16,575 --> 00:39:20,967 They don't burn him, he gets dissolved. 761 00:39:29,460 --> 00:39:31,412 Bethany Bisme-Lyons. Thank you. 762 00:39:33,131 --> 00:39:35,420 Lizzie Mbeko. Thank you. 763 00:39:35,445 --> 00:39:36,721 If you'd like to get on board 764 00:39:36,746 --> 00:39:38,600 we'll take you across as soon as you are ready. 765 00:39:39,060 --> 00:39:42,365 [SHE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE] 766 00:40:22,722 --> 00:40:26,669 It's called alkaline hydrolysis, better for the environment. 767 00:40:27,061 --> 00:40:28,975 We were always green, this side of the family. 768 00:40:29,330 --> 00:40:31,912 Uncle Ted was buried in wicker, on a slope. 769 00:40:33,334 --> 00:40:34,920 So what do they do? 770 00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:37,705 Put the body in a big tube, fill it with water, 771 00:40:37,730 --> 00:40:38,730 heat it up. 772 00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:40,270 They boil him? 773 00:40:40,619 --> 00:40:41,670 My God. 774 00:40:42,068 --> 00:40:44,592 Boil in the bag, like sous vide. 775 00:40:47,114 --> 00:40:48,522 Is it worse than burning? 776 00:40:49,686 --> 00:40:51,576 I mean it is, I know, but why? 777 00:40:52,442 --> 00:40:53,474 The eyes. 778 00:40:58,690 --> 00:41:01,334 You dissolve, then you get rinsed. 779 00:41:01,993 --> 00:41:04,865 Then they pour you out into a tub, 780 00:41:05,408 --> 00:41:07,936 you get flushed down the drain, 781 00:41:07,961 --> 00:41:09,000 out to sea... 782 00:41:10,224 --> 00:41:11,366 the end. 783 00:41:17,738 --> 00:41:21,677 The Glenside facility offers alkaline hydrolysis, 784 00:41:21,678 --> 00:41:24,314 the modern alternative to burial or cremation. 785 00:41:24,698 --> 00:41:27,407 The remains of your loved one are broken down into liquid... 786 00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:40,303 Goodbye, Vince. 787 00:41:47,017 --> 00:41:48,884 I tell you what, Jacqueline is true to form. 788 00:41:49,188 --> 00:41:50,673 No money behind the bar. 789 00:41:50,726 --> 00:41:51,939 Any news from the polls? 790 00:41:51,964 --> 00:41:53,517 They're not allowed to say until ten o'clock. 791 00:41:53,542 --> 00:41:54,542 Low turnout though. 792 00:41:54,567 --> 00:41:57,189 See, it's like Viv Rook says, people are too thick. 793 00:41:57,346 --> 00:42:01,345 So Steven with a V just told me Dad didn't just work 794 00:42:01,370 --> 00:42:05,377 for that security firm, when he was 55, he put some money in 795 00:42:05,402 --> 00:42:07,757 like 2,000 quid, like shares. 796 00:42:07,758 --> 00:42:09,757 Three years ago, they sold the company, 797 00:42:09,758 --> 00:42:14,291 he got a pay-out, £75,000. 798 00:42:14,702 --> 00:42:16,639 - We get none of that. - Nothing. 799 00:42:17,381 --> 00:42:18,545 Here's to Vince. 800 00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:20,084 Yeah, Dad. 801 00:42:20,109 --> 00:42:21,123 To Dad. 802 00:42:22,651 --> 00:42:26,201 Hi, you lot. Famalam. Stephen. 803 00:42:26,389 --> 00:42:28,686 Steven. We were just toasting him. 804 00:42:29,305 --> 00:42:31,344 It's a nice little motor out front, Stephen. 805 00:42:31,851 --> 00:42:33,398 Yeah, it is, Steven, yeah, I like it. 806 00:42:33,510 --> 00:42:35,453 - 2.2 litre. - Yeah. 807 00:42:35,867 --> 00:42:37,992 Well, you always were very smart. 808 00:42:38,906 --> 00:42:42,671 Now, you've all got one of these. 809 00:42:42,696 --> 00:42:45,296 It's just something to remember him by. 810 00:42:47,475 --> 00:42:49,640 We should meet up some time. 811 00:42:49,780 --> 00:42:52,412 Go for dinner. That would be nice. 812 00:42:53,667 --> 00:42:56,404 Hey, you were amazing with that bomb, Edith. 813 00:42:56,951 --> 00:42:58,146 Are you all right now? 814 00:42:59,013 --> 00:43:01,104 Not really, no, I'm poisoned. 815 00:43:02,193 --> 00:43:06,630 Oh, well, that is a thing, isn't it? 816 00:43:08,682 --> 00:43:11,713 Well, see you in a bit, Stephen. 817 00:43:11,738 --> 00:43:12,880 Steven. 818 00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:19,029 Oh, my God. 819 00:43:19,904 --> 00:43:22,334 - Daddy. - That is weird. 820 00:43:22,359 --> 00:43:24,576 - Isn't that weird? - Is that all that's left? 821 00:43:24,643 --> 00:43:25,896 He looks like tea. 822 00:43:26,565 --> 00:43:29,169 Weak tea. Is that all we are in the end, tea? 823 00:43:29,679 --> 00:43:31,584 Just like scattering the ashes, I suppose. 824 00:43:31,698 --> 00:43:33,107 Can't do this with ashes. 825 00:43:34,303 --> 00:43:35,828 - Cheers. - Edith! 826 00:43:35,853 --> 00:43:37,164 - You can't do that! - It's acid! 827 00:43:37,954 --> 00:43:39,055 It's alkaline. 828 00:43:39,899 --> 00:43:41,078 What's he taste like? 829 00:43:41,103 --> 00:43:42,625 - Soap. - Soap. 830 00:43:42,884 --> 00:43:44,267 Like antiseptic gel. 831 00:43:44,673 --> 00:43:47,040 I can't believe you just did that! 832 00:43:47,065 --> 00:43:48,243 It's my DNA. 833 00:43:48,632 --> 00:43:49,853 We are as one. 834 00:43:51,011 --> 00:43:52,384 Cheers, Jackie. 835 00:43:55,616 --> 00:43:57,438 Why didn't you come home for Mum's funeral? 836 00:43:58,252 --> 00:43:59,299 Don't do that. 837 00:43:59,550 --> 00:44:00,743 Why not? 838 00:44:03,326 --> 00:44:04,923 I was stuck in Canada. 839 00:44:05,771 --> 00:44:06,835 Could have come home. 840 00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:09,959 I didn't want to. 841 00:44:10,452 --> 00:44:11,485 Why not? 842 00:44:13,647 --> 00:44:15,251 Because it was her funeral. 843 00:44:22,962 --> 00:44:25,446 I keep wondering whether she'd be proud of me. 844 00:44:26,540 --> 00:44:28,157 Of course she would. 845 00:44:29,158 --> 00:44:31,185 No job, another kid without his dad, 846 00:44:31,623 --> 00:44:32,798 I don't know if she would. 847 00:44:35,106 --> 00:44:37,749 She was tough, Edith. 848 00:44:37,774 --> 00:44:39,751 She wasn't just nice, she was tough. 849 00:44:40,001 --> 00:44:44,118 And I wonder if she'd think I was mad, with Viktor. 850 00:44:44,302 --> 00:44:46,713 I think she'd be ashamed, some of the things I've done. 851 00:44:46,738 --> 00:44:48,353 You could never do anything wrong. 852 00:44:48,758 --> 00:44:50,710 Oh, trust me. 853 00:44:51,754 --> 00:44:53,095 She'd kill me. 854 00:44:54,529 --> 00:44:56,220 If she knew, she'd kill me. 855 00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,274 All that stuff they say about them looking down on you... 856 00:45:05,901 --> 00:45:07,071 ... I hope they don't. 857 00:45:30,860 --> 00:45:33,103 Phone call, Bethany Bisme-Lyons. 858 00:45:33,128 --> 00:45:35,962 - Oh, Signor, open on link. - Link open. 859 00:45:36,718 --> 00:45:38,892 Hello, darling, how is it? 860 00:45:39,228 --> 00:45:40,279 Hoots, mon! 861 00:45:40,772 --> 00:45:42,641 - [SOBBING] - Bethany? 862 00:45:43,001 --> 00:45:44,193 Can you hear me? 863 00:45:45,646 --> 00:45:46,850 Beth, are you all right? 864 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:51,107 Can you help me, please? 865 00:45:51,509 --> 00:45:53,256 What is it, sweetheart? What's wrong? 866 00:45:54,131 --> 00:45:55,545 I'm here, what is it? 867 00:45:55,857 --> 00:45:56,959 I'm sorry. 868 00:45:57,381 --> 00:45:59,052 Are you all right? Are you hurt? 869 00:46:00,435 --> 00:46:03,052 Whatever it is, I will fix it, I promise you. 870 00:46:04,277 --> 00:46:05,365 Now, tell me. 871 00:46:06,758 --> 00:46:09,576 She's in Liverpool, not Scotland. She's in bloody Liverpool. 872 00:46:09,865 --> 00:46:12,721 What for? What's she done? 873 00:46:12,746 --> 00:46:14,763 She won't say, God knows. 874 00:46:14,895 --> 00:46:16,169 I'll call Stephen. 875 00:46:16,194 --> 00:46:17,194 No. 876 00:46:19,209 --> 00:46:20,209 Please. 877 00:46:21,421 --> 00:46:23,717 Muriel, don't. She called me. 878 00:46:23,742 --> 00:46:24,742 Go. 879 00:46:36,710 --> 00:46:38,115 Just tell me what's happened. 880 00:46:38,588 --> 00:46:40,131 - I can't. - Why not? 881 00:46:40,336 --> 00:46:41,465 You'll hate me. 882 00:46:41,490 --> 00:46:43,177 I could never hate you. 883 00:46:43,385 --> 00:46:44,389 Never. 884 00:47:02,982 --> 00:47:03,982 Oh... 885 00:47:07,841 --> 00:47:09,052 They won't tell me. 886 00:47:09,077 --> 00:47:10,545 All I've heard is crying. 887 00:47:10,570 --> 00:47:13,677 I did try, I said, "Let me in," but they wouldn't. 888 00:47:13,702 --> 00:47:16,248 What are you doing in Liverpool? Why did you lie? 889 00:47:16,273 --> 00:47:17,941 - It's the only place they do it. - Do what? 890 00:47:17,966 --> 00:47:19,030 The operation. 891 00:47:19,244 --> 00:47:20,655 What operation? 892 00:47:26,408 --> 00:47:27,463 It's only my mum. 893 00:47:27,921 --> 00:47:30,272 - You promised me. - It's okay. 894 00:47:30,297 --> 00:47:31,467 I'm here now. 895 00:47:31,986 --> 00:47:34,280 You have nothing to worry about. 896 00:47:36,472 --> 00:47:38,124 So what happened to your eye? 897 00:47:38,874 --> 00:47:39,874 Lizzie? 898 00:47:41,750 --> 00:47:42,944 Can you tell me? 899 00:47:43,135 --> 00:47:45,030 It's gone wrong, but we can fix it. 900 00:47:45,055 --> 00:47:46,311 We just need to find them. 901 00:47:47,997 --> 00:47:49,264 Let me see. 902 00:47:50,612 --> 00:47:51,960 Let me see your eye. 903 00:47:57,439 --> 00:47:58,439 Okay. 904 00:47:59,084 --> 00:48:00,678 Well, that's not too bad. 905 00:48:01,380 --> 00:48:02,499 Hello, Lizzie. 906 00:48:02,799 --> 00:48:03,799 Hello. 907 00:48:04,052 --> 00:48:05,717 So what have you had done, hm? 908 00:48:06,385 --> 00:48:07,858 You daft things. 909 00:48:09,138 --> 00:48:11,171 You haven't had a face-lift, have you, at your age? 910 00:48:13,069 --> 00:48:15,561 It's okay but there is a lot of swelling, 911 00:48:15,586 --> 00:48:16,618 but that will calm down. 912 00:48:18,935 --> 00:48:19,935 What? 913 00:48:20,510 --> 00:48:22,233 I can't control it. 914 00:48:22,416 --> 00:48:23,463 What are you doing? 915 00:48:23,635 --> 00:48:25,014 It won't stay still. 916 00:48:25,039 --> 00:48:27,147 Lizzie, stop it, what are you doing? 917 00:48:27,224 --> 00:48:28,522 I can't see. 918 00:48:29,374 --> 00:48:30,522 What is that? 919 00:48:32,435 --> 00:48:33,764 What have you done? 920 00:48:34,549 --> 00:48:36,467 - It's a camera. - What? 921 00:48:36,616 --> 00:48:39,936 They promised us, they said we could see, digital vision. 922 00:48:40,302 --> 00:48:42,357 But, but that's not her eye. 923 00:48:43,225 --> 00:48:44,889 What's happened to her eye? Where is it? 924 00:48:44,914 --> 00:48:46,569 - They took it out. - Who did? 925 00:48:46,594 --> 00:48:48,889 - The people on the boat. - What boat? 926 00:48:48,928 --> 00:48:53,108 They said to me, "You're next," but I couldn't, I was too scared. 927 00:48:53,133 --> 00:48:54,874 I can't see with this eye. 928 00:48:55,117 --> 00:48:56,202 It's supposed to integrate, 929 00:48:56,227 --> 00:48:58,444 I'm supposed to see the output in my head, but I can't. 930 00:48:58,526 --> 00:49:00,280 My eyesight's over there. 931 00:49:03,090 --> 00:49:04,090 Oh! 932 00:49:08,267 --> 00:49:09,298 Oh! 933 00:49:09,944 --> 00:49:11,139 Your mother's on the way. 934 00:49:11,337 --> 00:49:12,384 God, help. 935 00:49:12,409 --> 00:49:13,967 It's been going on for decades, 936 00:49:14,047 --> 00:49:17,311 cruise ships arrive at the docks specially adapted as hospitals, 937 00:49:17,725 --> 00:49:20,569 run by Russians, Slovakians, Romanians, 938 00:49:20,594 --> 00:49:23,186 and people go on board for cheap operations. 939 00:49:23,211 --> 00:49:27,497 It was face-lifts in the '90s, gender reassignment in the 2000s, 940 00:49:27,522 --> 00:49:30,319 and now they've discovered transhumans. 941 00:49:30,344 --> 00:49:31,387 But they're breaking the law. 942 00:49:31,483 --> 00:49:35,131 This lot are. They're butchers. But you try finding them. 943 00:49:35,156 --> 00:49:36,444 It's a great big ship. 944 00:49:36,469 --> 00:49:39,464 I mean, try finding the owners, try suing them. 945 00:49:39,706 --> 00:49:42,155 There's a chain of ownership bouncing round and round the world 946 00:49:42,180 --> 00:49:44,444 until you end up with no-one and the ship sails on. 947 00:49:44,526 --> 00:49:47,592 And her eye, her real eye? 948 00:49:47,734 --> 00:49:49,788 Gone, junked. 949 00:49:51,385 --> 00:49:55,389 If you had 500,000, they say there are grafts now to integrate 950 00:49:55,414 --> 00:49:57,397 the lens with the optical nerve, but... 951 00:49:57,422 --> 00:50:00,221 not for kids like that, in Liverpool. 952 00:50:00,903 --> 00:50:03,572 Somewhere there's a golden world where these things are possible, 953 00:50:03,597 --> 00:50:04,978 but it's never here, is it? 954 00:50:08,459 --> 00:50:09,470 Call Stephen. 955 00:50:09,495 --> 00:50:11,549 Calling Stephen Lyons. 956 00:50:54,481 --> 00:50:55,751 See you later, Fran! 957 00:51:02,795 --> 00:51:04,752 - See you tonight, yeah? - Yeah. 958 00:51:07,403 --> 00:51:09,838 Stephen Lyons not answering. 959 00:51:17,686 --> 00:51:18,758 Did you tell him? 960 00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:24,205 You gave away £10,000 and your dad works every hour! 961 00:51:29,423 --> 00:51:32,174 Oh, to hell with it. He can wait. 962 00:51:33,509 --> 00:51:35,314 Thank God you were scared, 963 00:51:35,339 --> 00:51:36,650 it saved you, Beth. 964 00:51:37,593 --> 00:51:39,521 It saved you. 965 00:51:57,477 --> 00:51:58,560 It's gone ten. 966 00:51:58,900 --> 00:52:02,346 If the exit polls are correct, this is an extraordinary result. 967 00:52:02,502 --> 00:52:05,650 We're seeing 288 seats for the Conservatives, 968 00:52:05,675 --> 00:52:07,971 287 seats for Labour 969 00:52:07,996 --> 00:52:12,267 and an astonishing 15 seats for Vivienne Rook's Four Star Party. 970 00:52:12,292 --> 00:52:15,875 That's 15 seats, leaving the balance of power in the United Kingdom 971 00:52:15,908 --> 00:52:18,717 firmly in the hands of Vivienne Rook. 972 00:52:20,228 --> 00:52:25,385 I will not... I will not form a pact with the Tories, 973 00:52:25,410 --> 00:52:28,017 I will not form a pact with Labour. 974 00:52:28,307 --> 00:52:32,252 Instead, for every vote in the House of Commons, 975 00:52:32,420 --> 00:52:34,478 - they can come to me. - Yeah! 976 00:52:35,830 --> 00:52:40,978 They can come to me and I will decide. 977 00:52:41,003 --> 00:52:43,051 [CHEERING] 978 00:52:50,334 --> 00:52:51,783 Happy now, Rosie? 979 00:52:53,157 --> 00:52:54,212 Yeah. 980 00:52:54,369 --> 00:52:55,391 Hm. 981 00:52:57,408 --> 00:52:58,596 New world. 982 00:53:06,851 --> 00:53:08,252 Sorry! 983 00:53:47,447 --> 00:53:48,557 What are you doing? 984 00:54:20,691 --> 00:54:22,096 Hey, what are you doing? 985 00:54:22,463 --> 00:54:23,713 That's my bike! 986 00:55:00,439 --> 00:55:01,916 _ 987 00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:06,497 There she is, there she is! 988 00:55:06,881 --> 00:55:09,494 We need to get Viktor out. He could be executed. 989 00:55:30,207 --> 00:55:34,119 Astonishing! Astonishing! 72725

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