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Ladies and gentlemen,
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please, welcome Ellen Degeneres.
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Thank you, thank you..
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Thank you very much.
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Yeah, woo...
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This is a very emotional night for me,
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you have no idea, ehm
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or maybe you do now.
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This has been quite a journey for me and...
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00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:07,530
to lead to this night, because
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since I made the decision
to come out three years ago...
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Easy for you to say, yeah...
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My life has been very interesting
the last three years.
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And I knew people would maybe
want me to talk about it,
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some people may not want
me to talk about it,...
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and I went back and forth trying
to decide should I talk about it or not
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Ultimately I've decided:
NO, I don't want to talk about it.
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It has been talked about enough...
How can I even, what would I say?
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I feel it would be best expressed...
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00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:03,460
through interpretive dance...
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"HEY EVERYBODY, I AM GAY!"
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So, that's what happened...
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It is interesting, because...
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being down there, and I know a lot of
people have been down there,
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it doesn't matter,
what the reason is,
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and it is a very symbolic thing,
it's a mental thing...
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when you are down there,
there are times,
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you do not believe you will
ever... ever get up again.
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It's a scary place and it's very dark...
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00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:32,730
But I believe that is
when you grow the most,
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when you face your fears.
That's when you grow.
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So I have decided,
I am gonna face every fear I have.
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I am gonna challenge myself
every opportunity I get.
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People always try to
make you feel better:
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There is nothing to
fear but fear itself.
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OK, great, now I am scared of fear,
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thank you very much, wasn't before.
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I also decided to get rid
of the need of approval...
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That is a strong addiction,
need of approval, isn't it?
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I am on a patch right now actually,
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it releases a small doses of approval,
until I no longer crave it,
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then I'm gonna rip it off.
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Cause if I make that decision
to get back on the stage,
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I thought I cannot worry,
what people think about me.
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There are things that need to be said
that I will say... I will...
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I know, a lot of people
don't want me to say them,
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cause people think once something has stayed
a certain way for a certain amount of time,
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leave it alone, don't change it.
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00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,030
But I think, things need to change...
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00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,710
and I will point them out to you tonight
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I will say these things.
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For instance: Do we
still need directions
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on the back of a shampoo bottle?
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Oh yeah, I've said it...
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00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:52,960
Who's shampooing for the first time?
Anybody?
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00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:59,430
And if you are, you can't read anyway.
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You're like a wild crazy ape person
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00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,880
that has been raised in the wild
by monkeys or wolves
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or something nurturing that would raise ya.
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00:08:06,630 --> 00:08:08,180
Reptiles won't raise you,
they don't even raise their own young,
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00:08:08,180 --> 00:08:11,780
Don't expect them to raise you.
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00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:13,130
Those monitor lizards don't
even look that dangerous,
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but those tail'll whip around,
slapping your head and break your neck.
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00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:17,490
So if you are in the wild,
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00:08:17,490 --> 00:08:22,840
try to catch the eye of a monkey
or a wolf or something like that...
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00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:29,100
Don't look them directly in the eye,
that is threatening to them actually...
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00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:33,860
Just sideways, if you walk next to them,
and kinda glance...
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00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:38,530
Actually, if you are lower,
that is even less threatening... just...
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Don't smile, if you show your teeth,
that's also threatening.
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00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,500
So say some hikers find ya...
you know...
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00:08:48,530 --> 00:08:51,700
That is a big find; if they
find a crazy wild ape person,
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00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,860
they're gonna bring you back
to civilization certainly.
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But they're not gonna
just throw you in the shower
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and expect you to know
how to shampoo your head...
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They're gonna shampoo your head for you...
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And then you would mimic that.
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That is how you survive so long in the wild
by mimicking things...
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00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,530
So who needs the directions
on the back of a shampoo bottle?
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00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:17,750
And it is not bad enough
there are directions,
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00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:21,630
there is a
1-800 number on the back.
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00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:26,100
In case the directions are
too vague for you.
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Rinse and repeat,
but how many times?
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To be the only thing to be more pathetic
than calling the 1-800 number
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is working at the 1-800 number.
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Alright, let's go through this again,
shall we?
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Right...
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I am gonna stop you,...
did you wet your hair first?
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You're welcome...
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That's my job.
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00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,960
Thank you...
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Thank you for holding.
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00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:18,960
It's about the size of a quarter
in the palm of your hand?
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00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,260
No, can't be two dimes and a nickel...
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00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:30,600
No, can't be three nickels and a dime.
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what, cause it can't spread out
that way... that's why...
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then you just rinse and repeat...
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00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:38,830
Oh my...
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00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,360
How old are you?
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You should repeat seven more times then.
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00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:46,160
What a fascinating story...
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00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:54,160
What did you survive on?
Nuts and berries or what?
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00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:57,360
Wolves? MY GOODNESS...
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00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:02,060
And they just nuzzled you?! Aaaw...
104
00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:03,540
No, I can't help you
with the conditioner,
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00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:06,610
you're gonna have to call
that line on your own.
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00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,060
I'm fascinated by animals...
all of nature fascinates me..
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00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:24,060
You ever watch ants?
You have the kind of time like me?
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It's for a while there.
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00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:29,800
It's interesting,
because if you watch them...
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they're always in that long
single-file line, if you notice that...
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They're always in that single-file line,
they don't have to be...
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There are no lanes painted for them
they were forced to stay in...
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00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,660
They can go anywhere on the ground
that they wanna go,
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but they stay in the line.
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00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:46,120
Don't you think,
there has got to be the one ant,
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00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,780
that asshole ant in the back,
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just filled with road rage back there,
just... "Common, let's go!"
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00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:09,240
You've ever noticed,
sometimes an ant will pick up a dead ant
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00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,160
and walk around with that dead ant
carrying that around?
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00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:17,630
That's to get into the car-pull lane
to pass up that line.
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I'm pretty sure.
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00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,260
And we kill them like crazy...
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Just any kind of way,
we can kill ants, we kill them...
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00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:29,830
orange soda, any kind
of liquid will do... just kill 'em...
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00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:32,830
cause the smaller something is,
the easier it is for to kill it, cause...
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00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:36,060
we don't see their little expressions
right before we're killing them...
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00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,930
It's true, we'll just kill anything..
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Fly gets into the house..
kill it right away! Kill the fly!
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00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:44,760
What's wrong with us?
What is the matter with us?
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00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,710
We've named them, they're called
HOUSE flies,
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that is their name.
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They know, where to be...
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00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,660
You don't see a horse fly
trying to get it in there...
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00:12:58,660 --> 00:13:03,160
they're on a horse sw,
they stay on the horses...
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00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,600
Flies are amazing, they are inside...
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00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,130
They're flying all over the place until
they find a mirror, you noticed that?
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00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:12,830
They find a bathroom mirror and
they are there for about an hour...
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00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,030
they don't move...
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00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:18,030
I think, it is cause they think,
they've found another fly.
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00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,560
They're having a conversation
with that fly:
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00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:23,600
Thank god, I thought I was alone...
142
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,930
You look very familiar.
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00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:43,700
I am very attracted to you...
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00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:47,130
You're a good listener..
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OK, here is the deal:
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I think there is an open window, you
go tell the other flies
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we've have found a house, I'll wait
here...
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00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:04,800
Go, I'm gonna wait here...
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00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:05,560
Alright, I'll go...
150
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,560
Hey, you wait here...
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00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,130
Don't come with me!
152
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,800
Are you mocking me?
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00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:24,130
Stay very very still!
There comes that human!
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00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,800
Finally, she's gonna read that
Greenpeace newsletter.
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00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:32,230
Why is she rolling it up?
156
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,110
I don't like to kill things, I really don't,
157
00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:46,140
I'll try not to kill st, if I can avoid it,
I'll get it out of the house.
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00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:48,330
People like to kill things,
a spider gets in, whatever, kill it...
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00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:50,300
I will take a piece of cardboard
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00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,360
and I'll try my best to get it
out of the door, if I can...
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00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:54,660
anything, that is in the house.
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00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,360
Not anything, let me qualify that...
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00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:59,500
If it's a burglar, I'm not gonna
take a piece of cardboard...
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00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:03,950
OUT, OUT,... Sir... Sir... OUT!
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00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:08,770
If a spider gets in the house,
people wanna kill the spider right away.
166
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,330
Spider doesn't know,
you don't want it in there.
167
00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:15,130
It's not like you posted signs
all over the place: "KEEP OUT SPIDER"
168
00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:19,230
Which to me would be very arrogant
assuming they only speak English...
169
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,130
But our ego tells us, we are the only ones
that have any kind of feeling,
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00:15:23,230 --> 00:15:26,130
we're the only ones with the relationship,
we're are the only ones with family.
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00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:31,900
You know, I think that if you kill a spider,
there is a relationship that you are ruining
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00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:33,900
There is a conversation going on
outside with the other spiders:
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00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:37,800
Did you hear about Chris?
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00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:42,800
Sneaker...
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00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,130
And now Stephanie has 900 babies
to raise all alone...
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She's got her legs full,
I tell you that, right now...
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00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,630
Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly.
178
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,430
It's just been though for them lately,
they just lost their web last week.
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00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:10,630
Those humans think, they are so smart...
180
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,530
Let them try shoot silk out of their bottom,
see what they could make.
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00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:20,660
It's true. Admit,...
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00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:22,500
if you look at a spider web,
that is magnificent to me...
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00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:25,650
Look at a spider web
and see what they can do.
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00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:28,760
Look at a bird's
nest and see what that is...
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00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,530
At least nature uses
every single thing they've got...
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00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:36,000
We don't, we're capable of so much more
and we just don't use it...
187
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,300
You know that Nelson Mandela quote:
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00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:39,960
Our deepest fear is not
that we are inadequate,...
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00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000
our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.
190
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:45,330
It is our light, not our darkness
that most frightens us...
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00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:49,530
"Bla, bla, bla,... " whatever he says..
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00:16:56,430 --> 00:17:01,260
It's true. They say we use
10% of our brain... 10%...
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00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:02,950
Imagine, what we could accomplish,
194
00:17:02,950 --> 00:17:08,430
if we used the other 60%...
do you know, what I'm saying?
195
00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:17,310
I like to think I am smart and I am
constantly reminded just...
196
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:20,560
left and right, that I am just not as...
smart as...
197
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,500
Every single time I drive my Toyota
Land Cruiser
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00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,530
into an underground parking structure,
I duck... every single time...
199
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,300
Don't trust it...
200
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:30,760
I am losing my mind
just slowly the older I get,...
201
00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:32,810
I am doing things that are starting
202
00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:35,270
to scare me, like I'll be
walking out of the house,
203
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,930
I've just had a banana,
so I've got the banana peel in one hand
204
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,090
my car keys in the other hand...
205
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:39,860
I go to the trash,
206
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:43,860
I throw my car keys away and
I walk out with my banana peel.
207
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,200
Constantly doing things like that...
208
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:49,330
I forget people's names all the time..
that's a REALLY bad one for me...
209
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:52,100
People I totally should know, too.
210
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,440
They are coming up to me at a party night
211
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,530
I just start panicking and
I have to do that fake-out thing:
212
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:58,200
I am sorry, remind me again,
how do you pronounce your name?
213
00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:03,200
['kath-ee], ok...
214
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:07,330
So the emphasis is
on the first syllable... ['kaeth-ee]
215
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:11,860
For some reason
I was gonna say [kaeth-'ee]...
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00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,660
Look at you...
217
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,830
I have a hard time staying focused
for long periods of time...
218
00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:26,530
That's... I try,... I really try... I do...
219
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:30,430
Somebody is talking to me and
I'm there as long as I can possibly hold on.
220
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:34,260
and then I just driiiift off...
221
00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:36,380
I don't know, where I go,
but I'm not here,
222
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:40,060
just the mouth
moving in front of me.
223
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,160
Have no clue, what it is, they're saying...
224
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:43,900
Then I realize I am gone and
225
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,830
I don't know, how long I've been gone.
226
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,600
So I start to come back...
227
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,570
I just catch the word "leotard" and
228
00:18:51,570 --> 00:18:57,160
I am like "what the... " and I'm back...
229
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,730
And I am wondering, if they know
that I was gone and I am back...
230
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:06,500
cause my facial expression
has changed so drastically...
231
00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:08,530
So I try to play with it like
what it looked like before,
232
00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:11,730
so it wasn't so...
233
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:24,670
Still I am not listening,
234
00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:27,830
cause I am worried about
my facial expression
and what that's looking like.
235
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,830
Then I totally go off again, like:
236
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:35,830
Is it everybody I talk to, is everybody
boring, or is it me, do I have ADD?
237
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,060
If so, I'm sure there
is some kind of clinic,
238
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,830
or some place I could
go get tested for that...
239
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,830
to find our for sure, but who's got
that kind of time and patience to...
240
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,580
call them up and make an appointment
241
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:45,830
and find out where they're located,
drive down there and take a test...
242
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,160
sit around and find out the answer...
243
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,960
I know I have ADD,
cause I don't have the patience
244
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:55,830
to go and find out, if I have ADD.
245
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,600
It's like people,
who take Ginkgo Biloba every day.
246
00:19:59,730 --> 00:20:04,500
If you can remember to take it
every day, you DON'T NEED IT!
247
00:20:05,730 --> 00:20:08,960
So anyway... so now I am back
and there is that space...
248
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,730
that silence...
they've clearly finished talking...
249
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:13,830
And you've no idea, what they said...
250
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,400
So you have to do that fake-out thing...
251
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:31,060
That is not good enough,
they're still kinda staring at ya...
252
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,930
Do, what I do, if I can help you out,
I am pleased to do it,
253
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:36,960
cause I know,
it's an awkward situation for all of us...
254
00:20:37,060 --> 00:20:41,160
I always say something
about Gloria Estephan...
255
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:46,960
I'm telling ya, it works,
if you commit to it...
256
00:20:47,060 --> 00:20:51,050
She can work in any conversation
you can possibly...
257
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,120
It could be like: "What�s that got to do
with copper plumbing?"
258
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:57,060
And you're like: "Gloria Estephan is
the copper plumbing of the music industry. "
259
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:01,500
I mean, look at her, she's beautiful,
durable, reliable, indestructible.
260
00:21:01,630 --> 00:21:03,820
Look, how she came back
after that bus accident,
261
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,630
are you gonna debate me on this?
262
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,160
And do that, that brings it on home...
263
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:17,630
I think people talk too much anyway...
264
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:19,230
talk, talk, talk...
265
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,460
Sometimes people're talking and
in my mind I'm like: "Shut up, shut up,... "
266
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:27,800
"bla, bla, bla... "
267
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,900
Right?
268
00:21:32,030 --> 00:21:33,800
People are sc... alright...
269
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,460
Now you're with me...
270
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,030
People are scared of silence...
271
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:44,130
Aren't they? You find silence,
people always have to fill it with st.
272
00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:47,260
The world is so full of noise.
273
00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:48,130
It is so hard to find silence.
274
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:52,630
I believe that silence is golden.
It is the one thing I hold on to.
275
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,400
It is where all of our answers are.
276
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:58,030
It is, where our truth is, our passion,...
277
00:21:58,130 --> 00:22:00,030
our path,... our everything.
278
00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:03,200
All of the answers are in silence,
if you can find it.
279
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:06,260
I was outside not too long ago,
I tried to meditate.
280
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:07,130
I closed my eyes.
281
00:22:07,260 --> 00:22:10,130
And I got to that still place,...
282
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:11,030
that everybody talks about.
283
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:13,430
Just for a moment, but I was there.
284
00:22:13,430 --> 00:22:15,200
And the first message that I got...
285
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:16,130
so strongly and so clear was...
286
00:22:16,260 --> 00:22:19,130
we are all one...
287
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:20,520
Every living thing,
we are all connected.
288
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,360
The next thing I felt
289
00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:26,030
was this little tiny thing
in the palm of my hand...
290
00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:29,260
there is this little mosquito
in the palm of my hand,
291
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:32,260
this little
prehistoric-looking creature...
292
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,560
this strange bug...
293
00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:36,930
And I'm thinking about, what I just thought,
I look at this thing...
294
00:22:37,030 --> 00:22:40,260
then I just killed it...
295
00:22:42,130 --> 00:22:46,930
and then I went back
to my lovely state of being...
296
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,030
the next thing I heard was: "Would you like
anything else or will that be all?"
297
00:22:52,130 --> 00:22:55,930
told the waiter I was meditating,
"idiot, thanks a lot for interrupting... "
298
00:22:56,030 --> 00:22:58,030
He wouldn't get any tip,
I'll tell you that...
299
00:22:58,130 --> 00:23:03,260
It took him forever
to get that veal anyway, so...
300
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,010
I decided an outdoor
coffee was not the place
301
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:10,130
to be spiritual, people
are too rude and stupid...
302
00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:13,300
So I left...
303
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,030
I started walking to my car...
304
00:23:14,030 --> 00:23:14,930
which was like three blocks away...
305
00:23:15,030 --> 00:23:17,560
because the parking situation is crazy...
306
00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:22,700
cause the world overpopulated
with the wrong kind of people...
307
00:23:24,930 --> 00:23:27,360
and back to the loving place...
308
00:23:27,460 --> 00:23:33,260
so I am walking and I see my car,
and I see a meter-mate standing at my car...
309
00:23:34,260 --> 00:23:35,230
writing a ticket...
310
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:38,360
and I'm like: "Oh, please, wait, stop,
please don't write the ticket, I am here. "
311
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:39,600
and she's like: "I am sorry, but you're
312
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,260
parked illegally in
front of a fire-hydrant. "
313
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:46,600
and I like "Oh, illegally
in front of a fire-hydrant. "
314
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,030
And she is like: "Please,
stop talking to me that way. "
315
00:23:50,130 --> 00:23:51,930
And I am like: "What way?"
316
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,460
It was fun... and so...
317
00:23:55,460 --> 00:23:58,230
I said: "Please, be compassionate,... "
318
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,260
don't give me the ticket, I'm here...
319
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,030
and she said: "Oh, I'm sorry,... "
320
00:24:02,130 --> 00:24:04,330
I've already started writing,
I can't stop.
321
00:24:04,430 --> 00:24:08,100
Oh that's how, you've already
started writing, so you can't stop... OK...
322
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:09,230
Well,... I would not like to hit you, but
323
00:24:09,330 --> 00:24:12,830
my fist is already in the air, OK?
324
00:24:12,930 --> 00:24:15,360
and back to the loving place.
325
00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:18,360
So I get in my car,
326
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:24,030
and I lit up a cigarette and prayed
to where I would be lead...
327
00:24:26,430 --> 00:24:28,560
and I heard: "Drive!", it was her...
328
00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:30,900
And I'm like: "Alright... "
329
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,940
So I start driving...
330
00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:36,860
It is so hard to drive and
be compassionate and loving.
331
00:24:36,860 --> 00:24:37,100
Cause the way people drive...
332
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:39,760
it's just enough to... I'm telling ya...
333
00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:43,100
I was behind sb, they were going so slow...
334
00:24:43,230 --> 00:24:46,330
I could had gotten out of my car
and walked around it going.
335
00:24:46,430 --> 00:24:52,330
Sorry to have to pass you,
but you're going a little too slow.
336
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,330
Anyway, so I went to go around them
to give them the I-hate-you look.
337
00:24:58,100 --> 00:25:01,900
How else are they gonna learn?!
338
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:13,530
It's up to us... so...
339
00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:14,430
I went to go around them and it was...
340
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,000
a nun... can you believe that?!
341
00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:19,660
I was like: why don't you take
a vow not to drive...
342
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:25,230
drop it like a bad habit.
343
00:25:26,100 --> 00:25:31,660
...and back to the loving place and...
344
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,500
again praying to where I would be lead...
345
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:36,380
Then I see a health-food store just
right there, appears right before my eyes.
346
00:25:36,390 --> 00:25:39,920
That seems spiritual, I have never been
in a health-food store before...
347
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,480
I don't know, if you've ever
been in a health-food store,
348
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,330
but hey, if this is healthy,
sorry, don't wanna be it.
349
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,900
Oh, I aspire to be you... uhm...
350
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,860
They are so proud of themselves, too...
351
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,930
Guess how old I am!
352
00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:01,030
I don't know...
353
00:26:01,030 --> 00:26:01,660
Guess how old I...
354
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:03,030
30?
355
00:26:03,030 --> 00:26:04,860
I am 16, but the point is
I've never had diary...
356
00:26:04,860 --> 00:26:06,230
OK, whatever,...
357
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,430
They think they know it all.
358
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:15,860
Let me see your tongue..
359
00:26:15,860 --> 00:26:16,360
What?
360
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,700
Let me see your tongue...
361
00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:19,860
You're full of toxins.
362
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:24,900
I said: "You are full of toxins,
what a stupid thing to say to me?"
363
00:26:28,330 --> 00:26:29,330
I needed a herb...
364
00:26:29,530 --> 00:26:31,860
for st inside,
365
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,330
I mean like a spleen or something
that is inside...
366
00:26:35,430 --> 00:26:36,930
Cause st needed st...
367
00:26:37,060 --> 00:26:38,430
because of st that happened... and so...
368
00:26:38,530 --> 00:26:40,860
they do this thing called kinesiology...
369
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,300
they put the herbs in your hand
370
00:26:43,430 --> 00:26:44,160
and if your arm goes down, you need that...
371
00:26:44,330 --> 00:26:47,660
which is so... stupid,...
372
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:48,500
it sounds stupid, but
373
00:26:48,630 --> 00:26:53,130
but it's not, it works, I tell you what,
because last week I was in Gucci,...
374
00:26:53,230 --> 00:26:57,630
and I had a sweater in my hand
and it went right down.
375
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:08,630
Couple of minutes earlier I had a dress
in my hand and it didn't go down at all...
376
00:27:13,060 --> 00:27:15,400
Don't need it...
377
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:18,960
So anyway, so then he said...
he, she... I don't know, what it was...
378
00:27:19,060 --> 00:27:21,060
It's name was Earth Spirit...
379
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,060
Was that a boy's name?
380
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,330
Earth Spirit is all like:
"You need some wheat grass juice. "
381
00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:32,300
And I was like: "Wheat grass juice,
do I need a sprout wrap, too?"
382
00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:35,500
He said: "Your aura is brown.. "
383
00:27:35,630 --> 00:27:38,060
I said: "Your aura is brown,
what a stupid thing to say to me?!"
384
00:27:41,630 --> 00:27:43,060
We're gonna have to
call the security guard...
385
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:47,760
Oh, the health-food security guard,
what is his name? "Whispering Pine"?
386
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:52,160
Why, is my meat breath offending you?
387
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,300
So anyway, they kicked me out,
I left... and...
388
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,400
So I'm driving again...
389
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,800
back to the loving place and
praying to where I would be lead..
390
00:28:08,930 --> 00:28:11,300
and then it hit me:
391
00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:14,130
You're out of rum...
392
00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:26,360
If you're quiet, it'll come...
393
00:28:27,460 --> 00:28:31,260
So I went to the liquor store and...
394
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:33,230
no parking ever, you know,...
395
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:34,930
so I had to park across the street
in some parking-lot,
396
00:28:35,030 --> 00:28:36,040
because again... you know...
wrong kind of people...
397
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:40,930
So I am going to liquor store getting
the rum and a pack of smokes...
398
00:28:40,930 --> 00:28:43,700
and some rolling papers...
399
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:52,130
Peace!
400
00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:56,360
So I come out and go to my car...
401
00:28:56,460 --> 00:28:57,570
Parking attendant standing
right next to my car
402
00:28:57,570 --> 00:28:58,600
He wasn't there, when I got out...
403
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,370
parking attendant standing right there
404
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,560
Oh, you can't park here
for that establishment.
405
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:03,700
You must go in here and purchase st
and get validated...
406
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:09,600
I said: "Please, be compassionate, idiot. "
407
00:29:10,930 --> 00:29:11,700
"No, you have to go in here... "
408
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,460
Anyway,... it looked like
a spiritual type place:
409
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:18,700
It was called "Pleasure Chest",
or st like that..
410
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:26,200
Some type of toy store, I would guess...
411
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,100
unsafe toys...
412
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,800
cause I'd been playing with some of them...
413
00:29:31,860 --> 00:29:34,780
this pogo stick is going to hurt sb...
414
00:29:34,790 --> 00:29:36,600
I don't know...
415
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:37,530
who... is gonna..
416
00:29:37,660 --> 00:29:38,700
it's bad... on your back...
417
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,060
and it's...
418
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,330
not sturdy...
419
00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:53,430
so...
420
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:55,890
that's what I was thinking..
421
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,410
Anyway... I had to get st...
422
00:30:01,430 --> 00:30:02,500
and it was getting late..
423
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,330
I didn't wanna deal with the traffic
424
00:30:04,330 --> 00:30:05,260
and have to get into the car-pull lane.
425
00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:08,660
So I bought a blow-up doll,
which they had...
426
00:30:08,660 --> 00:30:13,230
I don't know,
if I didn't blow it up properly, or...
427
00:30:13,330 --> 00:30:14,330
Anyway, it was deflating,
it was losing air... that's the...
428
00:30:17,330 --> 00:30:19,530
And so, I had to pull over
on the side of the road and...
429
00:30:19,660 --> 00:30:24,230
why they put the valve
in the crouch area, I don't know.
430
00:30:29,430 --> 00:30:30,900
It's silly...
it's what it is
431
00:30:34,230 --> 00:30:36,560
blowing up...
432
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,430
So there I am on the side of the road...
433
00:30:41,330 --> 00:30:44,430
Linda... I named her...
434
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:51,230
That's when there is
a knock at the window...
435
00:30:51,330 --> 00:30:52,430
and it's a cop of course...
436
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,100
And I thought, OK...
This does not look good at all..
437
00:30:55,230 --> 00:30:59,000
And it does not help matters any
that I am naked..
438
00:30:59,100 --> 00:31:01,430
Now, I'll tell why that is..
439
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:07,760
Well, if you are going
to buy a blow-up doll,...
440
00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:11,330
be forewarned that
they do not come with clothes...
441
00:31:11,430 --> 00:31:12,430
I don't know, what that's about,
but there is no clothes or anything...
442
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,600
You can't even dress them up...
443
00:31:14,730 --> 00:31:18,860
So I thought, I am not gonna
look like a crazy person,
444
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,660
driving around with a naked passenger.
445
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,330
I am not STUPID...
446
00:31:26,430 --> 00:31:28,530
So there I am NAKED...
447
00:31:28,660 --> 00:31:34,520
Well except for the harness,
but forget about the harness...
448
00:31:43,330 --> 00:31:44,330
and the captain's hat
and the paddle and so.
449
00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:52,100
There I am on the side
of the road getting handcuffed...
450
00:31:52,230 --> 00:31:55,760
in my harness and a captain's hat
and a paddle holding Linda...
451
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,100
and the cop said:
"You have the right to remain silent. "
452
00:31:58,230 --> 00:31:59,680
I was like:
"Finally, that's what I've been... "
453
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,530
looking for all along...
454
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,300
It is hard to find the silence, isn't it?
455
00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:18,400
just hard..
456
00:32:18,430 --> 00:32:20,230
Even when it's silent, it's not silent...
457
00:32:20,330 --> 00:32:21,960
Even at night, when you are
trying to go to sleep...
458
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:22,860
just quiet..
459
00:32:22,860 --> 00:32:24,730
Your head just doesn't stop,
460
00:32:24,830 --> 00:32:26,200
Your brain just goes and goes...
461
00:32:27,460 --> 00:32:30,600
all these non sequitur
fragmented, weird thoughts
462
00:32:30,630 --> 00:32:32,880
that just pop in you head,
that is when you find out
463
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,860
how boring YOU actually are.
464
00:32:34,860 --> 00:32:36,200
It's just you, just your thoughts...
465
00:32:36,230 --> 00:32:38,030
you're trying to go to sleep
466
00:32:38,060 --> 00:32:40,260
all of a sudden
467
00:32:40,260 --> 00:32:43,460
I like grapes.
468
00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:54,960
That was a good restaurant,
we went to today.
469
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,300
That was some good tuna salad.
470
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,530
Not too much mayo...
471
00:33:03,700 --> 00:33:06,500
I should start making my own tuna salad.
472
00:33:08,260 --> 00:33:11,230
Silly to go out and pay for st,
I can make at home.
473
00:33:13,730 --> 00:33:15,760
I should have ordered st
I don't know how to make...
474
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:16,700
like eggplant and parmigiano...
475
00:33:16,730 --> 00:33:20,460
or st like that.
476
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:24,030
I've never really liked eggplant,
but the parmigiano sounds interesting.
477
00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:29,700
I think I left money in my pants.
478
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,360
If it's a one I don't care,
479
00:33:35,530 --> 00:33:39,200
but if it's a twenty
I wanna get that out of there.
480
00:33:43,030 --> 00:33:45,530
It's fun to find money though, that's fun...
481
00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:50,960
You're not really finding money,
it's your money...
482
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:53,360
I got to remember that...
483
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:57,460
money in the pants, money in the pants...
484
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:05,760
What's in the pants? Money.
Money in the pants...
485
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:09,260
M 'n' the P, em 'n' the pee,...
486
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,100
Ah, now I have to pee...
487
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,060
I just peeded, I don't really have to pee,
488
00:34:18,060 --> 00:34:20,600
I just think I have to pee...
489
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,230
If I don't pee now, I am gonna get up
in the middle of the night...
490
00:34:23,230 --> 00:34:28,860
and gonna be mad,
I didn't pee now...
491
00:34:34,460 --> 00:34:36,600
Now, I am not gonna wake up too much...
492
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,600
I am just gonna keep my eyes closed
and pee with my eyes closed...
493
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,400
Get back in bed, that is when
the weird images start,
494
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,130
that is the next phase, just these images...
495
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,530
Giant olive,... what?
496
00:34:55,030 --> 00:34:55,930
Cloris Reachman's face
497
00:34:55,930 --> 00:34:56,930
How come?
498
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,160
And that's when the song starts...
499
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,300
and you cannot stop
the song or anything...
500
00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:09,430
The more you try to stop the song...
501
00:35:09,430 --> 00:35:14,830
the more the song goes over
and over again in your head... just...
502
00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:18,800
By Mennen..
503
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,330
Stop it! Please, stop!
504
00:35:24,930 --> 00:35:25,930
By Mennen...
505
00:35:26,030 --> 00:35:28,230
Stop it! Please! Shut up!
506
00:35:28,930 --> 00:35:30,830
Shut up!
507
00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:32,630
And then you hear: "Shut up!"
508
00:35:32,630 --> 00:35:35,000
Who's talking?
509
00:35:35,230 --> 00:35:36,660
And that's when you realize,
510
00:35:36,660 --> 00:35:38,730
that it's you inner child,
just playing with you...
511
00:35:38,730 --> 00:35:39,800
just talking back and forth to you...
512
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,060
Cause you don't play
with our inner child anymore...
513
00:35:42,060 --> 00:35:44,800
so your inner child is wide awake
and just wants to play...
514
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,930
and here you are negotiating
with you inner child that night...
515
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,030
Please, I have a very busy day tomorrow,...
516
00:35:49,030 --> 00:35:51,360
Oh, please, I have a very busy day
By Mennen...
517
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:52,660
Stop it!
518
00:35:57,860 --> 00:36:01,600
That's why people are so angry
and grumpy and ragefull all day long,
519
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:02,960
cause their inner child
has kept them up all night long..
520
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:06,960
and they're exhausted and their inner child
is just sound asleep now...
521
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,460
That child doesn't go anywhere...
522
00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:11,960
we still have that child in us,
each one of us has that child...
523
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,200
that we need to play with every day
524
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:14,200
and we would sleep better...
525
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,930
I don't know what happens...
but somewhere along the way
526
00:36:16,930 --> 00:36:19,800
we just get so jaded, we lose that joy,
527
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,700
and that bliss,
when you look in a child's eyes
528
00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:24,360
they're happy with just about
every single thing
529
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:28,130
Just watching them learn how to walk.
530
00:36:28,130 --> 00:36:30,660
Their eyes are just...
they can't believe they're walking.
531
00:36:30,660 --> 00:36:35,000
they're so excited that they're walking
and just that's so happy for them...
532
00:36:35,100 --> 00:36:37,300
and then we get older...
533
00:36:37,330 --> 00:36:38,300
I got to walk...
534
00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:40,100
No, I'll get it...
535
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,530
We lose that sense of play
that we should all... I don't know...
536
00:36:49,330 --> 00:36:51,200
Why do we stop playing games?
537
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,460
Just go to a total stranger
tomorrow on the street...
538
00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:56,860
Just go to them and touch them: "You're it!"
and just run away...
539
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,230
It would be so fun, you know!
540
00:37:04,230 --> 00:37:07,100
Maybe they will here?
just do it back to you.
541
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,560
Just try it tomorrow..
542
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,800
Have a giant game of tag
going on the street all the time
543
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,900
Everybody playing
with their briefcases and backpacks...
544
00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:17,300
walking along,"Who's it?",
"Ugh... You're it", "No, you're it!"
545
00:37:22,130 --> 00:37:23,230
At work just play,...
546
00:37:23,230 --> 00:37:25,430
when your boss comes in looking for you
547
00:37:25,430 --> 00:37:26,400
just play hide-and-seek...
548
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,730
just duck behind the desk...
549
00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:59,000
What are they gonna do? Fire you?
550
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,460
Was just playing hide-and-seek... I...
551
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:12,100
Children are so amazing,
they just remind you of how
552
00:38:12,100 --> 00:38:14,800
simple things should be...
553
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:15,930
I have a godchild that
554
00:38:15,930 --> 00:38:18,660
is the most beautiful thing
in the world to me..
555
00:38:18,660 --> 00:38:20,000
my godchild, she's an angel...
556
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,360
she's just a little precious...
just... ray of light...
557
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:27,200
she's two... or six...
I don't know... but she is...
558
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,400
Kids have fun so easily...
559
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:38,960
You are on a plane and
there is a kid in front of you...
560
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:39,730
a two-year old... or a four-year old...
561
00:38:39,730 --> 00:38:41,750
peek-a-boo... that's all they need...
562
00:38:41,750 --> 00:38:42,750
they don't care about
in-flight entertainment or anything.
563
00:38:42,750 --> 00:38:46,420
peek-a-boo is enough for them,
just to make them giggle.
564
00:38:46,420 --> 00:38:48,690
all it takes for you
to make a little kid just giggle
565
00:38:48,690 --> 00:38:50,120
is go: "Boo!"
566
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,130
and then they duck down,
they're so excited...
567
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:56,200
they never get tired of that game though...
568
00:38:56,200 --> 00:39:01,290
They will play from here to Paris...
they just...
569
00:39:01,290 --> 00:39:04,850
A couple of hours in,
you're trying to end that game...
570
00:39:04,850 --> 00:39:10,790
I don't know... my imagination is...
that stops me...
571
00:39:13,990 --> 00:39:16,130
sometimes... when you're a kid
imagination is fun.
572
00:39:16,130 --> 00:39:17,920
and nobody tries to stop you.
573
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,810
When you get older,
all of a sudden
574
00:39:19,810 --> 00:39:23,040
you use your imagination to
keep you from doing things.
575
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,190
At least for me... like...
576
00:39:24,220 --> 00:39:26,540
I wanna do st and I'll just think...
oooh.. what if?
577
00:39:26,540 --> 00:39:28,780
You know that thing?
578
00:39:28,780 --> 00:39:30,420
Let's say for instance:
579
00:39:30,420 --> 00:39:32,550
I am out of cheese, ok?
580
00:39:32,580 --> 00:39:34,930
And then I'll think:
Oooh, but what if...
581
00:39:34,930 --> 00:39:37,260
I go to the store and they're out of cheese?
582
00:39:38,210 --> 00:39:39,970
I'd be like: "How can you be out of cheese?"
583
00:39:39,970 --> 00:39:41,930
and they would be like:
"What do you mean like,
how can we be out of cheese. "
584
00:39:41,930 --> 00:39:44,780
"You're out of cheese,
people run out of cheese. "
585
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:47,770
Then I'd be like: "Yeah,
but you're a store... "
586
00:39:47,770 --> 00:39:50,540
you should have cheese stocked up
in the back, for people like me...
587
00:39:50,540 --> 00:39:52,140
coming in looking for cheese...
588
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:53,910
and that is when they
send the manager over,
589
00:39:53,910 --> 00:39:55,680
who thinks he is so
cool for being a manager.
590
00:39:55,680 --> 00:40:00,130
Cause his picture is framed in front
of the store, cause he is the manager.
591
00:40:00,140 --> 00:40:02,080
and he would be like:
"What seems to be the problem, MA'M?"
592
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,790
which to me is
so condescending as "little lady"
593
00:40:04,790 --> 00:40:06,940
and I'd be like:
"The little lady's problem... "
594
00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:08,320
he'd be like: "Who is the little lady?"
595
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,480
I'd be like: "Shut up and listen to me... "
596
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,180
You're out of cheese and I want some...
597
00:40:13,180 --> 00:40:15,030
He's like: "How about some cottage cheese?"
598
00:40:15,030 --> 00:40:18,080
Like he is gonna negotiate the situation,
he is a diplomat.
599
00:40:18,090 --> 00:40:19,580
He is the manager...
600
00:40:19,580 --> 00:40:21,470
And I'd be like:
"I don't want cottage cheese... "
601
00:40:21,470 --> 00:40:24,090
I want cheddar cheese...
sharp cheddar cheese is what I came in for.
602
00:40:24,090 --> 00:40:25,810
Sharp cheddar cheese and cottage cheese
and not the same thing.
603
00:40:25,810 --> 00:40:29,260
Just cause they have cheese in the title,
doesn't make it a cheese at all.
604
00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:31,150
It would be like going to
a music instrument store,
605
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:32,150
"and say I'd like to buy a trumpet
and they'd say:"
606
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,560
"I am sorry, but we're all out of trumpets,
but would you like a shoehorn?"
607
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,580
See, that is not the same thing, Mr. Manager
608
00:40:41,090 --> 00:40:44,010
"Thank you for the shoehorn!"... You know...
609
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,060
He starts getting all nervous and everything
cause a crowd has formed...
610
00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:50,690
and then he starts feeling humiliated,
cause they're all sitting around and mumbling.
611
00:40:50,690 --> 00:40:51,820
What seems to be the problem?
612
00:40:51,820 --> 00:40:54,980
I don't know,
she wants some cheese.
613
00:40:55,010 --> 00:40:58,140
and so he just slaps me right
across the face. And so...
614
00:40:58,140 --> 00:41:01,450
that's when Skip, the part-time guy,
who works there, who hates the manager...
615
00:41:01,450 --> 00:41:03,160
cause he thinks he is so cool
for being the manager...
616
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,470
and treats Skip like shit,
cause he is just a part-time guy.
617
00:41:05,470 --> 00:41:07,810
Skip is gonna quit on the phone
and go back to school anyway.
618
00:41:07,810 --> 00:41:09,330
He doesn't even need the money,
he is from a wealthy family,
619
00:41:09,330 --> 00:41:10,470
he's just doing it for the experience,
620
00:41:10,470 --> 00:41:12,180
cause his family wants
him to work on summer.
621
00:41:12,180 --> 00:41:15,640
So anyway, he takes the hose
622
00:41:15,650 --> 00:41:19,410
and he goes to spray the
manager right in the eye.
623
00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:22,330
but that's when he is leaning down
to pick up the cottage cheese.
624
00:41:22,330 --> 00:41:25,520
So he misses him and get the old woman
who's standing right behind him,
625
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,040
she's there picking an avocado,
cause the older you get the less you eat.
626
00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:30,670
And all she wants is the avocado...
627
00:41:30,710 --> 00:41:32,060
So she screams out:
628
00:41:32,060 --> 00:41:36,510
My eye, I've been sprayed in the eye
with a produce hose.
629
00:41:36,510 --> 00:41:39,230
That is when her nephew, who is
visiting from Austin, Texas...
630
00:41:39,230 --> 00:41:41,280
is two aisles over picking out
tortilla chips...
631
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:45,330
cause he thinks they are gonna have
some guacamole. Little does he know it's one avocado.
632
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,730
and so he starts running:
"I'll help you, aunt so-and-so!"
633
00:41:48,770 --> 00:41:50,250
running and then, when he is running
down the aisle...
634
00:41:50,250 --> 00:41:52,280
he slips on the water from the produce hose,
635
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:55,950
break his leg, breaks his arm,
bruises two ribs right there...
636
00:41:55,950 --> 00:41:58,960
gets a stitch put into his cheekbone,
just one, but it's still a stitch
637
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,050
chaos breaks out...
638
00:42:00,050 --> 00:42:02,550
it is all over the Hard Copy and
Entertainment Tonight, Access Holywood
639
00:42:02,550 --> 00:42:06,230
Lesbian Demands Cheese, Causes Riot
640
00:42:06,230 --> 00:42:07,230
I don't even want the cheese...
641
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:23,640
To me the key to being
fashionable...
642
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:28,860
and I've been interviewed on this
hunderets of times...
643
00:42:28,900 --> 00:42:31,220
is standing out, but fitting in...
644
00:42:31,220 --> 00:42:32,010
that is what it is..
645
00:42:32,010 --> 00:42:33,380
You don't want to wear
st too wild...
646
00:42:33,380 --> 00:42:35,240
that sb notices and
is kind of freaky, you know
647
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:37,180
but you also don't wanna wear some outfit
648
00:42:37,180 --> 00:42:39,230
that someone could have exact
same thing on
649
00:42:39,230 --> 00:42:41,450
when you show up at the party.
That's embarassing..
650
00:42:41,450 --> 00:42:42,450
I don't know, if it has happened to you, but
651
00:42:42,450 --> 00:42:43,670
it's happened to me twice...
652
00:42:43,670 --> 00:42:47,580
Both times, it was William Shatner
and I'll tell you st...
653
00:42:54,340 --> 00:42:58,200
I think, I look better in the tubed top
and I'll say it...
654
00:43:01,070 --> 00:43:02,780
I don't know,
I dress kinda boring...
655
00:43:02,790 --> 00:43:05,160
I don't care...
I don't go for the trendy stuff
656
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,520
I don't unders... sometimes I think,
657
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,030
the fashion designers are just trying to
see what they can get away with...
658
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,010
You know, they come up
with some of these things
659
00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:12,120
and I am just looking at them
660
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,920
like I'm talking about the
sarong and sari
661
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:15,770
which is the same thing...
662
00:43:15,770 --> 00:43:20,110
I think, and if not,
I am _so wrong_ and _sorry_, but...
663
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,280
There was a time,
there was the dressing room.
664
00:43:31,290 --> 00:43:34,060
You could walk into a door,
there were a whole door...
665
00:43:34,090 --> 00:43:35,500
and you could close to door
and you could try on clothes...
666
00:43:35,500 --> 00:43:38,240
and cry... or whatever you do
in a dressing room...
667
00:43:38,250 --> 00:43:39,250
But you had a door.
668
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:42,020
There is no door any longer...
669
00:43:42,030 --> 00:43:43,210
You go to try and close 'em...
670
00:43:43,210 --> 00:43:45,930
the door is just getting
higher and higher up...
671
00:43:45,930 --> 00:43:47,350
and lower and lower down
672
00:43:47,350 --> 00:43:50,780
You're trying to get undressed
behind a 2x4 back there...
673
00:43:55,490 --> 00:43:59,160
People can the underwear going down
around your ankles...
674
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,430
I don't know about you,
but I always take my underwear off
675
00:44:01,430 --> 00:44:06,100
no matter what I'm trying on.
676
00:44:08,150 --> 00:44:10,340
Just a habit really...
677
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:14,360
That's so the salesperson
can get to you.
678
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:15,560
cause they couldn't before...
679
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:17,490
for the door, they'd just be
on the outside of the door:
680
00:44:17,490 --> 00:44:19,100
"Can I get you anything, you need
anything, everything alright?"
681
00:44:19,100 --> 00:44:20,280
"How is everything?
Can I get you anything?"
682
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,690
Now they can just poke their head in:
"Can I get you anything?"
683
00:44:22,690 --> 00:44:26,000
"How is everything?
Everything alright?"
684
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:31,470
Rollin' upside down
on their little car mechanic gurney.
685
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:38,510
I said, I would call you, Rachel,
I don't need anything.
686
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,720
Scoop...
687
00:44:42,430 --> 00:44:44,570
Booa, they check on you a lot, don't they?
688
00:44:44,570 --> 00:44:46,730
What could be going so wrong,
689
00:44:46,730 --> 00:44:48,400
that they need to check
on you that often.
690
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,780
"MY BRA IS IN MY ASS!"
691
00:45:00,180 --> 00:45:00,930
"RACHEL!"
692
00:45:20,730 --> 00:45:22,240
I'd like to see how far
they'll go to help you,
693
00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:25,290
if you tell them your bra
is in your ass.
694
00:45:25,290 --> 00:45:28,470
"Oh my, it's in the ass?"
695
00:45:30,710 --> 00:45:32,990
Do you need a different size or color
I don't know what to do...
696
00:45:32,990 --> 00:45:35,250
about the bra in the ass..
697
00:45:38,570 --> 00:45:41,770
I'll get the manager,
I don't know...
698
00:45:42,700 --> 00:45:44,510
And they have taken the mirror
out of the dressing room.
699
00:45:44,510 --> 00:45:47,870
So you are forced to walk out
to take a look at yourself.
700
00:45:48,170 --> 00:45:51,090
So they get another crack at you,
to tell you, how you look.
701
00:45:51,100 --> 00:45:53,100
Cause you don't have
opinions of your own.
702
00:45:53,100 --> 00:45:55,410
That looks fabulous...
703
00:45:55,410 --> 00:45:56,530
Really?
704
00:45:56,530 --> 00:46:00,040
Yes, your ass looks fabulous...
705
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:01,140
That is how they get you.
706
00:46:01,140 --> 00:46:03,890
They tell you, your ass looks good,
you are buying it.
707
00:46:04,820 --> 00:46:10,320
That blouse, makes your ass
looks fabulous...
708
00:46:14,810 --> 00:46:16,750
Is that your bra?
709
00:46:22,220 --> 00:46:27,170
Well, it makes your ass look fabulous.
710
00:46:32,070 --> 00:46:34,080
The ass is such an important
thing,
711
00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:35,050
that we check out our asses
like crazy,
712
00:46:35,050 --> 00:46:36,590
when we try on clothes...
713
00:46:36,590 --> 00:46:40,210
You know what we do? When we check out our ass,
our entire facial expression changes.
714
00:46:40,210 --> 00:46:42,930
We make the ass face suddenly,
it is that kind of...
715
00:46:52,750 --> 00:46:56,540
That's my asssssss...
716
00:47:02,250 --> 00:47:04,870
And that's my ass that way...
717
00:47:07,350 --> 00:47:11,430
I'm gonna walk away,
and that's my ass...
718
00:47:15,260 --> 00:47:17,020
We don't make the ass face,
when we are at home...
719
00:47:17,020 --> 00:47:19,210
naked, looking at ourselves
in the mirror...
720
00:47:19,220 --> 00:47:20,990
Totally different face then...
721
00:48:02,650 --> 00:48:05,620
Mighty fine seat you've got there!
722
00:48:11,730 --> 00:48:14,830
I am amazed by people, who are just
so comfortable with their nakedness...
723
00:48:14,830 --> 00:48:17,250
it doesn't matter, what they look like...
724
00:48:17,250 --> 00:48:18,680
they're just totally comfortable
being naked.
725
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:20,150
I love that...
I mean, I...
726
00:48:20,150 --> 00:48:21,960
I admire that in p...
I think that people...
727
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,810
that are like the ones most compfortable
being naked...
728
00:48:23,810 --> 00:48:26,380
are people, who videotape their sex...
729
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:31,040
You gotta be so confident
about your body...
730
00:48:31,050 --> 00:48:31,960
videotaping your sex...
731
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,240
Because, no matter,
how much your partner loves you...
732
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:37,720
in the heat of everything,
stuff is moving so fast...
733
00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:39,070
and going on, you know...
734
00:48:39,070 --> 00:48:40,630
You're watching it back on video tape,
735
00:48:40,630 --> 00:48:45,990
you're risking your partner going:
"I never saw that before!"
736
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:48,810
"Have you seen this on yourself
right there?"
737
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,260
I don't know, I just...
feel like...
738
00:48:52,260 --> 00:48:55,240
People, who videotape their sex
there is only one of two reasons
739
00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:58,250
that you're doing it cause,
either you are so egotistical...
740
00:48:58,250 --> 00:49:03,340
you're looking at it together going:
"Look at us!"
741
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:08,150
We are hot!
742
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,320
Look at us, look at us...
743
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,270
Look at me, look at me...
744
00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:21,160
Look at you, look at me again,
look, look, look...
745
00:49:21,510 --> 00:49:23,280
Look at me, you
746
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:26,200
Or you are looking at it together
like football players
747
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:28,560
to try to improve
for the next time...
748
00:49:29,100 --> 00:49:30,820
to get better, you know...
749
00:49:30,830 --> 00:49:34,420
Alright, let's take a look right here,
shall we?
750
00:49:36,810 --> 00:49:39,480
OK,here is what I'm talking about,
see how your elbow is up so high?
751
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,510
and your back is arched right there?
752
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,180
Not the best time to do it,
I think I'd hold on with that
753
00:49:46,180 --> 00:49:50,750
until... THERE... that is
when you do it, right there.
754
00:49:50,750 --> 00:49:53,130
And what's going on right here?
What's up?
755
00:49:53,140 --> 00:49:55,760
What is happening right there? Huh?
756
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:59,250
I'll tell you: nothing...
757
00:50:07,230 --> 00:50:08,690
A lot of energy, a lot of energy...
758
00:50:08,690 --> 00:50:11,840
Look at my face! Nothing going on!
759
00:50:15,550 --> 00:50:17,030
You might wanna check in
once in a while.
760
00:50:23,580 --> 00:50:26,720
I know I am biting my lip,
it's to keep from laughing.
761
00:50:28,930 --> 00:50:30,300
Where did you come up
with that little techniqe?
762
00:50:30,300 --> 00:50:32,170
Did you make that up?
763
00:50:32,170 --> 00:50:35,050
I thought so. Don't do it!
764
00:50:37,710 --> 00:50:40,540
Don't cry! Come on!
765
00:50:40,540 --> 00:50:42,730
This is how we learn...
766
00:50:42,930 --> 00:50:45,900
Let's go, get back in there
and try again, come on!
767
00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:48,420
What do you mean,
you are not in the mood?
768
00:51:00,490 --> 00:51:02,700
I don't know, I don't understand
a lot of the stuff
769
00:51:02,700 --> 00:51:03,760
that people are into.
770
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,690
But I do believe,
that everyone has the right
771
00:51:05,690 --> 00:51:07,640
to do, whatever they wanna do
with their bodies.
772
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:09,110
If it makes you feel good,
do it.
773
00:51:09,110 --> 00:51:10,740
It is your life...
774
00:51:10,740 --> 00:51:12,210
It is your body...
775
00:51:12,970 --> 00:51:14,740
Two consenting adults...
776
00:51:14,740 --> 00:51:16,240
I just don't understand a lot of it.
777
00:51:16,970 --> 00:51:19,310
Like people who are into the
Mile High Club?
778
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,010
Wanting to have sex
in the bathroom on the b...
779
00:51:22,710 --> 00:51:24,750
I don't understand that,
I have questions!
780
00:51:26,720 --> 00:51:28,170
How do you even have room
781
00:51:28,170 --> 00:51:30,890
to fit two people in there
to have sex?
782
00:51:30,890 --> 00:51:33,900
I barely have room
to have sex in there by myself.
783
00:51:38,020 --> 00:51:41,970
I have to leave the door open a smidge
cause my leg has to be like that...
784
00:51:44,430 --> 00:51:46,010
That's how I like it!
785
00:51:53,190 --> 00:51:55,920
Sex... that's a... boy,
that will separate you...
786
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,170
You tell sb what you are into...
787
00:51:57,170 --> 00:51:59,370
and people are: "Uuh, you like that?
You are weird!"
788
00:51:59,380 --> 00:52:03,030
That separates people like crazy,
when you talk about sexuality.
789
00:52:03,030 --> 00:52:05,710
Very interesting, we have this
huge debate going on right now...
790
00:52:05,710 --> 00:52:08,110
about same-sex marriage.
791
00:52:08,110 --> 00:52:10,640
There are people, who are against it,
there are people, who are for it.
792
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,900
and the people, who are against it
some people say:
793
00:52:13,900 --> 00:52:16,070
Marriage is a union between
a man and a woman...
794
00:52:16,070 --> 00:52:18,210
it's always been that way
and it should always remain that way.
795
00:52:18,210 --> 00:52:19,210
if we change it
796
00:52:19,210 --> 00:52:21,260
and it's between two people
of the same sex.
797
00:52:21,260 --> 00:52:23,120
then, what is next?
Someone could marry an animal?
798
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,260
That's where they go to right away.
799
00:52:28,100 --> 00:52:29,210
These people scare me...
800
00:52:29,210 --> 00:52:31,010
And they think, we are weird.
801
00:52:43,790 --> 00:52:46,070
I don't wanna marry a goat,
I really don't
802
00:52:46,070 --> 00:52:50,660
I can't imagine marrying a goat,
I can't even imagine dating a goat.
803
00:52:50,660 --> 00:52:54,280
Getting to the point that you're so serious
to make that kind of commitment
804
00:52:54,970 --> 00:52:56,750
Till you've lived together for a while
805
00:52:56,750 --> 00:52:57,510
to figure it out
806
00:52:57,510 --> 00:52:59,740
and see of you are compatible.
807
00:52:59,740 --> 00:53:02,370
I am just picturing the apartment
with you and the goat.
808
00:53:02,370 --> 00:53:05,610
Photographs all over the place.
809
00:53:05,610 --> 00:53:09,210
You and the goat on the beach running
holding hands...
810
00:53:14,650 --> 00:53:17,640
You and the goat
with the 4 for 1 photo strip
811
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,290
Sunday morning,
you're trying to read the paper...
812
00:53:25,290 --> 00:53:27,530
It's trying to eat it...
813
00:53:27,820 --> 00:53:30,230
Don't you eat that section,
I haven't read that, yet.
814
00:53:30,230 --> 00:53:33,880
Don't you eat, don't you eat,
come here...
815
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,400
Love you, you... goat.
816
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,880
I think that would be a though day
even for the most liberal parents
817
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,480
the day you bring the goat home.
818
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:57,530
Mom, dad, this is Billy...
819
00:54:02,220 --> 00:54:04,340
We are in love...
820
00:54:06,330 --> 00:54:08,070
If you don't like st,
821
00:54:08,730 --> 00:54:10,590
say you don't like it,
say you disapprove of it.
822
00:54:10,590 --> 00:54:12,780
say, it's your opinion,
that you don't like it...
823
00:54:12,780 --> 00:54:13,890
or it's wrong.
824
00:54:13,890 --> 00:54:15,730
Everyone's got a right
for their opinion.
825
00:54:15,730 --> 00:54:16,720
I fully believe that.
826
00:54:16,730 --> 00:54:18,420
But when people bring God
into it and say:
827
00:54:18,420 --> 00:54:21,120
God says this,
God wants this, God believes that...
828
00:54:21,620 --> 00:54:22,450
I don't know,
how you do that.
829
00:54:22,450 --> 00:54:23,150
I don't know,
how you speak for someone else,
830
00:54:23,150 --> 00:54:25,570
because until you are sitting
with someone
831
00:54:25,570 --> 00:54:29,020
and hear it for yourself
with your own ears...
832
00:54:29,020 --> 00:54:31,600
out of someone else's mouth
it's hard to speak for someone else
833
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:33,550
That's what I believe...
834
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:45,230
I have learned in this business
to not believe anything I read or hear
835
00:54:45,230 --> 00:54:47,040
until I sit down with that person and
836
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:48,320
hear it for myself.
837
00:54:48,620 --> 00:54:50,240
That's one of the perks of this business.
838
00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:51,890
You get to meet a lot of
interesting people.
839
00:54:51,890 --> 00:54:54,630
and you get to have a lot of
interesting conversations.
840
00:54:54,630 --> 00:54:56,480
I've been lucky enough
I've met the president,
841
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,180
and Oprah, and Madonna,
and lot of people and so...
842
00:54:59,180 --> 00:55:03,920
it was a matter of time before I would
met God and I have.
843
00:55:07,260 --> 00:55:10,300
What a day that was!
844
00:55:10,300 --> 00:55:12,870
I will tell ya something,
this was magical for me
845
00:55:12,870 --> 00:55:15,210
cause I was invited over
to God's house one afernoon...
846
00:55:15,220 --> 00:55:17,230
for a fondue and chablis.
847
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:22,140
Normally, I don't like chablis,
but it was nice, it was dry...
848
00:55:22,150 --> 00:55:24,040
with a peppery oak aftertaste.
849
00:55:25,210 --> 00:55:27,950
I'm getting ahead of myself,
anyway, so...
850
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:29,760
I get up to God's house.
851
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:33,460
As I am pulling up,
Jeniffer Love Hewitt was just leaving.
852
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,450
She is sweet...
853
00:55:38,700 --> 00:55:41,690
So I go in and
I'm sitting in God's living room...
854
00:55:41,690 --> 00:55:43,220
and I'm waiting...
855
00:55:43,220 --> 00:55:44,700
It's bright in there,
let me tell you that.
856
00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:47,260
Every lamp was on,
crazy, crazy bright in there.
857
00:55:47,260 --> 00:55:49,070
So I'm sitting there and
I'm waiting.
858
00:55:49,070 --> 00:55:50,350
And I started thinking...
859
00:55:50,350 --> 00:55:51,970
Wonder what he is dressed like...
860
00:55:51,970 --> 00:55:54,280
I wonder, if he's wearing that
robe all the time.
861
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:55,800
Because I feel like that about the Pope
862
00:55:55,830 --> 00:55:59,800
like once in a while, don't you think
he throws a pair of shorts and a tank?
863
00:56:00,110 --> 00:56:01,650
Chillin' out...
864
00:56:02,060 --> 00:56:02,960
Then I start thinking:
865
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,480
I wonder, if I am dressed appropriatelly
to meet God.
866
00:56:05,490 --> 00:56:06,650
I don't know,
how you are supposed to dress...
867
00:56:06,650 --> 00:56:09,080
and then I realize, God's seen me naked.
868
00:56:09,170 --> 00:56:11,390
I just took my clothes off.
869
00:56:14,870 --> 00:56:17,050
So I'm looking around the living room
870
00:56:17,050 --> 00:56:19,190
and in front of me there
is a coffee table
871
00:56:19,190 --> 00:56:24,490
with two magazines on:
Teen People and Guns and Ammo.
872
00:56:25,510 --> 00:56:29,760
A poster of a kitten on the wall:
Hang in there, baby!
873
00:56:31,090 --> 00:56:35,060
Pictures of Jesus
EVERYWHERE... I mean
874
00:56:35,070 --> 00:56:37,510
You can't even believe,
how many pics of Jesus there were.
875
00:56:37,510 --> 00:56:41,440
Picture of Jesus on a pony
with a cowboy hat.
876
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:46,720
Picture of Jesus on a beach
with the T-shirt that said:
877
00:56:46,720 --> 00:56:50,200
"My parents created the universe
and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"
878
00:56:57,640 --> 00:56:59,820
I was getting nervous,
I'm gonna meet God...
879
00:56:59,820 --> 00:57:01,600
and just a minute,
I don't even know, how to greet God.
880
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,750
Do I shake hands? Do I curtsy or
do I bow?
881
00:57:04,750 --> 00:57:06,420
Do we hug? I feel close enough to God.
882
00:57:06,420 --> 00:57:09,810
To hug God, but I know,
a lot of people want to hug me
883
00:57:09,810 --> 00:57:10,470
because TV does that.
884
00:57:10,470 --> 00:57:12,970
But I don't want to hug
a lot of these people.
885
00:57:14,780 --> 00:57:15,630
It's just trying to be respectful.
886
00:57:15,630 --> 00:57:17,880
A couple of minutes later,
God walks in the room
887
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:21,260
carrying a try of fondue
and chablis.
888
00:57:21,260 --> 00:57:25,720
I would say, she was about forty-seven,
forty-eight years old...
889
00:57:36,260 --> 00:57:41,860
Just beautiful, beautiful black woman.
890
00:57:47,460 --> 00:57:49,460
We just immediately hugged...
891
00:57:49,460 --> 00:57:51,000
she smelled so good,...
892
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:53,980
she said, it was Kelvin Klein's Obsession.
893
00:57:55,350 --> 00:57:58,340
We sat down and started drinking
the chablis
894
00:57:58,340 --> 00:57:59,760
and talking about the weather...
895
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,740
what was gonna happen to it.
896
00:58:05,420 --> 00:58:07,700
I was asking different questions,
a bunch of questions...
897
00:58:07,700 --> 00:58:08,700
I was just curious about.
898
00:58:08,700 --> 00:58:11,410
What is the hardest thing about being God...
899
00:58:11,410 --> 00:58:12,780
She said, trusting people...
900
00:58:12,780 --> 00:58:14,580
You never know,
if people really like you...
901
00:58:14,580 --> 00:58:17,410
Or if it's just cause you're God.
902
00:58:18,650 --> 00:58:20,510
People always want st from you.
903
00:58:20,510 --> 00:58:21,840
they want money
904
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:22,840
and they want more money...
905
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:25,350
that's what they ask for a lot,
nobody ever thanks anymore.
906
00:58:25,350 --> 00:58:29,840
The only people, who thank,
are boxers and rappers.
907
00:58:33,990 --> 00:58:36,430
Rappers are singing songs like:
"Slap the bitch up the ass. "
908
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:41,750
I'd like to thank the Lord Almighty
for this award...
909
00:58:41,750 --> 00:58:44,590
Praise Jesus...
910
00:58:47,780 --> 00:58:49,870
Nobody cares about
the miracles anymore.
911
00:58:49,870 --> 00:58:51,720
Miracles just go by unnoticed.
912
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:53,130
I said: "What
was the last miracle?"
913
00:58:53,130 --> 00:58:55,070
and she cried... she was upset
that I had to ask.
914
00:58:55,070 --> 00:59:00,180
It's the toilet that
flushes automatically.
915
00:59:02,250 --> 00:59:04,260
Before that it was the
George Foreman Grill
916
00:59:04,260 --> 00:59:05,950
cause the fat just drips
right off...
917
00:59:12,730 --> 00:59:17,500
So anyway, I guess, it was the chablis,
or st, but I'd loosen up enough to say:
918
00:59:17,500 --> 00:59:21,670
God, I have to admit,
I really felt alone a lot,
919
00:59:21,670 --> 00:59:26,270
I felt like you didn't exist,
I didn't believe in you for a time.
920
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:31,490
She said: "Do you remember that day
you were walking on the beach... "
921
00:59:34,910 --> 00:59:39,080
I said: "Yeah. "
She said: "I was there. "
922
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:42,190
I said: "There was just
one set of footprints though. "
923
00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:51,010
She said: "I was on your back... "
924
00:59:57,570 --> 00:59:59,710
I thought I felt heavy that day.
925
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:03,310
I thought it was water retention.
926
01:00:03,310 --> 01:00:04,310
She said, know that when you're bloated...
I am there...
927
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:09,400
That comforts me...
928
01:00:10,350 --> 01:00:12,460
I'm not gonna bore you with everything
929
01:00:12,490 --> 01:00:13,290
we talked a lot of stuff...
930
01:00:13,330 --> 01:00:16,220
she told me the meaning of life
and stuff like that... but anyway.
931
01:00:17,610 --> 01:00:19,210
I was leaving,
I was walking out the door,
932
01:00:19,210 --> 01:00:20,140
and I turned around
and I said:
933
01:00:20,140 --> 01:00:23,250
God, I have to say
I am sorry.
934
01:00:23,250 --> 01:00:27,210
I am so sorry
that we are killing all the animals.
935
01:00:27,220 --> 01:00:28,390
I am so sorry that we are
chopping down all the trees.
936
01:00:28,390 --> 01:00:31,430
I am sorry that we are filled
with hate instead of love
937
01:00:31,430 --> 01:00:33,180
I am sorry that we call each
other names
938
01:00:33,180 --> 01:00:33,880
and judge each other.
939
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,250
I am sorry that we go to war
and kill each other.
940
01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:37,250
I am sorry.
941
01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:39,180
and she was silent for a few seconds.
942
01:00:39,180 --> 01:00:40,200
Then she looked at me
and she said:
943
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:44,820
Have you seen Gloria Estephan's hair lately?
78126
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