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1
00:00:04,801 --> 00:00:06,879
That's right. Go ahead.
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,246
Play, recreate. Just tell me
if I'm in your way.
3
00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:12,767
Actually, Mike,
I could use a hostage.
4
00:00:13,868 --> 00:00:15,346
We got 2 days
till thanksgiving.
5
00:00:15,467 --> 00:00:17,246
Nobody gets any work done.
6
00:00:17,367 --> 00:00:18,912
Oh, I see
what's going on.
7
00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:20,713
You're staring
at a 4-day weekend.
8
00:00:20,834 --> 00:00:21,780
You're thinking,
9
00:00:21,901 --> 00:00:26,380
hey, 4 whole days.
Why not make it 5 ?
10
00:00:26,501 --> 00:00:27,847
So then
you're at 5 mentally,
11
00:00:27,968 --> 00:00:30,346
you look around,
no one seems too ticked off,
12
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,613
so you think, why not go for 6 ?
Am I right ?
13
00:00:32,734 --> 00:00:34,079
Basically. Yeah.
14
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,346
I know
how your minds work.
15
00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:38,346
I was a low-level grunt
myself once.
16
00:00:38,467 --> 00:00:39,813
Thanks.
Just knowing you care.
17
00:00:39,934 --> 00:00:41,813
Look at this.
This is very revealing.
18
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:43,146
The youngest member
of staff
19
00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:44,680
is the only one working.
20
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:47,847
Miss you, too,
honey.
21
00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:49,912
Yeah. Gotta go.
22
00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,380
I'm kissing you back.
23
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,380
I gotta go.
I really...
24
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:55,380
yeah. Uh-huh.
Love you a lot.
25
00:00:55,501 --> 00:00:57,046
Bye-bye.
26
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:58,534
I wish
you hadn't done that.
27
00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:01,680
You think
this is funny ?
28
00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,279
I never said
I loved her before.
29
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,546
Well, I got you
over that hump.
30
00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:07,513
She's my
high-school girlfriend.
31
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:08,946
She's still back
in Wisconsin.
32
00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:10,813
She thinks...
she thinks that...
33
00:01:10,934 --> 00:01:13,113
she thinks we'll
talk about it later.
34
00:01:13,234 --> 00:01:14,946
Oh, no, no, no, no.
35
00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:16,446
Please. Go on.
Go on.
36
00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:17,813
This is, uh...
37
00:01:17,934 --> 00:01:19,901
this is why I got
into politics.
38
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:22,747
We've been dating
on and off forever.
39
00:01:22,868 --> 00:01:24,879
I'm not even sure
what she wants from me.
40
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,546
At this point
I'm just thinking...
41
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,234
shh.
That was sarcasm.
42
00:01:31,868 --> 00:01:33,634
It was.
43
00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:50,380
How long have you
been going with her ?
44
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:51,380
7 years.
45
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:52,847
You never said
you loved her ?
46
00:01:52,968 --> 00:01:54,113
No.
47
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:56,413
I talked with her
for 30 seconds, and I told her.
48
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:57,946
I know, Stuart,
but it's hard.
49
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,713
I know that I'm ready
to move on.
50
00:01:59,834 --> 00:02:01,680
I just don't want
to hurt her feelings.
51
00:02:01,801 --> 00:02:03,146
You know, James,
if I may,
52
00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:05,012
you're just too nice
a guy.
53
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:06,813
Take it from
another nice guy.
54
00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:08,946
You're only
hurting yourself.
55
00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:10,279
No, just tell her
56
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,446
she'll always have a
special place in your heart,
57
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,012
but you're not
the one for her.
58
00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:16,780
She should find
someone who loves her
59
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:18,446
the way she deserves
to be loved.
60
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:21,813
What am I,
some kind of savage ?
61
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,413
All right.
Get off my back.
62
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,601
I'm only repeating
what I heard last night.
63
00:02:27,567 --> 00:02:28,879
Storm's coming, Mike.
64
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,446
Well, Lisa, Lisa.
Always nice to see
65
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:34,380
one of the city
council staffers.
66
00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:35,979
A fine morning,
isn't it ?
67
00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:38,413
I'm here to talk about
thanksgiving.
68
00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:40,413
Ok. I'm surprised
you don't know this,
69
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:42,946
but our forefathers
came over on a big boat...
70
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:46,380
the contest. The Mayor's
charity thanksgiving dinner
71
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:47,847
against
the city council's.
72
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,113
You can't be serious.
73
00:02:49,234 --> 00:02:50,413
Simple scoring system.
74
00:02:50,534 --> 00:02:52,480
One man, one meal,
seconds don't count,
75
00:02:52,601 --> 00:02:53,847
desserts are optional.
76
00:02:53,968 --> 00:02:56,033
Whoever feeds
the most people wins.
77
00:02:58,534 --> 00:03:01,413
I always enjoy our
little competitive events.
78
00:03:01,534 --> 00:03:03,912
I mean, the volleyball,
the touch football,
79
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,546
your personal favorite,
the greco-roman wrestling,
80
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:08,780
but I'm a little
uncomfortable with the idea
81
00:03:08,901 --> 00:03:11,446
betting on who can feed
the most homeless people.
82
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:14,847
Why don't we just line
them up and race them ?
83
00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:16,413
Come on, Flaherty.
84
00:03:16,534 --> 00:03:17,979
We'll still
be doing good.
85
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,480
It's just a perk that I
get to kick your butt again.
86
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,879
I promise you,
it won't be as bad
87
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,000
as the time I struck you
out in slow-pitch softball.
88
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,513
I hate when
you bring that up.
89
00:03:31,634 --> 00:03:35,246
I should have realized that when
one is so continuously beaten,
90
00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:37,513
you lose the will
to even compete.
91
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,446
I tell you what.
I'll be in my office.
92
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:43,033
You give me a call if you get
the stones to get in the game.
93
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,046
Ooh ! What the hell
was that ?
94
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:52,513
Did she just question
my stones ?
95
00:03:52,634 --> 00:03:54,413
I don't believe
that woman.
96
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,113
I think I'm in love.
97
00:03:56,234 --> 00:03:57,546
You know, Mike,
I'm just glad
98
00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:58,946
you didn't stoop
to her level.
99
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:00,946
This is about
feeding people in need,
100
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,713
not about who loses
and who wins.
101
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:04,567
Oh, we're going
to win, James.
102
00:04:06,634 --> 00:04:08,133
We're going to win big.
103
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,113
Hey.
104
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,446
I can't believe I didn't
get one of these sooner.
105
00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:15,912
Perfect exercise companion
for a Mayor on the go.
106
00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:18,246
It's a small demographic,
don't you think, sir ?
107
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,380
I can make phone calls,
watch TV, read the newspaper.
108
00:04:21,501 --> 00:04:24,546
Hey, watch me read,
Mike.
109
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,546
I'm walking and reading.
110
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,380
Whoa ! Bet you can't do
this in central park, huh ?
111
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:33,346
What have you got lined up for
me on the thanksgiving front ?
112
00:04:33,467 --> 00:04:34,580
You have the photo op
113
00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:36,713
in front of Gracie
mansion with the turkey.
114
00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:39,879
I don't like to meet my
food before I eat it, Mike.
115
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,946
Oh, no. This guy's
just for show, sir.
116
00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,979
You won't be eating him.
117
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,613
You'll be eating
his brother.
118
00:04:45,734 --> 00:04:47,413
You know,
I was thinking.
119
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:49,979
Since this is our first
thanksgiving in office,
120
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,912
I'd like to do something
meaningful for the less fortunate.
121
00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:54,413
Well, we, uh...
122
00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,912
we, uh... we have
that little competition
123
00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:59,847
with the city council, sir,
the annual charity dinner.
124
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,480
Oh, great.
Count me in.
125
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:02,912
What's the wager ?
126
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,413
One of those paperweights...
127
00:05:04,534 --> 00:05:05,912
New York skyline
in a bubble.
128
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:07,413
You shake it up
and it snows.
129
00:05:07,534 --> 00:05:08,912
When was
the last time the may...
130
00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:10,267
why am I yelling ?
131
00:05:12,334 --> 00:05:14,979
When was the last time
the Mayor's office got it ?
132
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,446
Well, I did a little
research, your honor.
133
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,413
It was, uh...
about 13 years ago.
134
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:22,780
We're in office now, and
I say crush them, huh ?
135
00:05:22,901 --> 00:05:23,834
That's the spirit.
136
00:05:26,434 --> 00:05:28,879
Hey, look at you, sir.
You're walking and dialing.
137
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,213
Walking and dialing.
138
00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:31,946
Speaker Rosen, please.
139
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:34,713
I bet Rosen doesn't do 45
minutes of cardio every day.
140
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,012
He's shaped like a giant
pear, big old blubbery...
141
00:05:37,133 --> 00:05:38,246
Saul ! It's Randall.
142
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,380
I'm calling about
the kids' little bakeoff.
143
00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:43,501
What do you say you and I make
things a little more interesting ?
144
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:47,446
We've got 2 locations
lined up...
145
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:48,946
St. Mary's church
146
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,113
and St. Stephen's church.
147
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:53,513
It's 1996, which is
an even-numbered year,
148
00:05:53,634 --> 00:05:55,434
so the Mayor's office
has first pick.
149
00:05:57,634 --> 00:06:00,079
Uh, great.
We'll, uh...
150
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,480
we'll take St. Mary's.
151
00:06:02,601 --> 00:06:04,079
Then we've got
St. Stephen's.
152
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,979
Yes !
153
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,279
Yes. So we've got
alphabet city,
154
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,912
we get the east village,
we get the bowery,
155
00:06:11,033 --> 00:06:15,046
and you have
the Lincoln center crowd.
156
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:17,634
Maybe they'll drop by
after the opera.
157
00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:20,480
You've got
St. Mary's. Good.
158
00:06:20,601 --> 00:06:22,279
So, now,
I've typed up a memo...
159
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,446
wait a minute. Wait
a minute. Wait. Wait.
160
00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:26,113
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
161
00:06:26,234 --> 00:06:27,413
What's wrong
with St. Mary's ?
162
00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:28,646
Nothing.
163
00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:31,213
All right.
I changed my mind.
164
00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:32,446
I want St. Stephen's.
165
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:34,446
Fine. So, now,
as I was saying...
166
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:36,446
actually, if it's all
the same to you,
167
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:39,747
I will keep the lower east
side and St. Stephen's.
168
00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:40,713
That's St. Mary's.
169
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,279
You bet it is.
170
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,480
Be my guest.
171
00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:45,546
What aren't you
telling me ?
172
00:06:45,667 --> 00:06:48,780
Gave you my memo, you're
ok with the lower east side,
173
00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:49,879
everything is all set.
174
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,946
No, no. Wait. Wait.
Wait a minute.
175
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:54,780
I changed my mind.
I want St. Stephen's.
176
00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:56,634
Whatever.
177
00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:07,979
Did you just trick me ?
178
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:09,400
I don't know.
You tell me.
179
00:07:10,634 --> 00:07:12,012
All right. Ok.
This isn't fair.
180
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:14,413
Because this isn't
about winning or losing.
181
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:15,912
This is about doing good.
182
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,413
This is about
helping people.
183
00:07:17,534 --> 00:07:19,534
You just keep
telling yourself that.
184
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:25,847
My boss assigned me
to city hall for 2 days.
185
00:07:25,968 --> 00:07:27,346
There is nothing going on.
186
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:30,446
Everybody is walking around
talking about a charity dinner.
187
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:31,879
You know,
if I'm a viewer,
188
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,813
I want to see that dinner,
189
00:07:33,934 --> 00:07:36,380
especially the handsome
man who helped organize it.
190
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:39,380
Mike, how many times do
I have to tell you this ?
191
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,501
Nobody
cares about you.
192
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:44,879
Thank you, honey.
That's comforting.
193
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,446
Except me.
194
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,380
Look, I don't think
you get this.
195
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,380
If I can get
one hot, edgy story,
196
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:52,380
I am in this slot
permanently.
197
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:54,446
You know, Janet,
she moved to Boston.
198
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:55,946
Wow, that's big.
199
00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:56,946
Who's Janet ?
200
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:58,380
You know.
She's a reporter
201
00:07:58,501 --> 00:08:00,879
who covers city hall
for my station.
202
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,413
Tall, blond, great body.
203
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:06,033
Janet moved ?
204
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:11,912
I... I... I... I mean, you really
think she's got a good body ?
205
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,634
I never noticed.
206
00:08:15,601 --> 00:08:18,780
In the spirit of the season, the
Mayor's office and the speaker's office
207
00:08:18,901 --> 00:08:21,879
will each sponsor a free
thanksgiving dinner
208
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,847
for members
of the community.
209
00:08:23,968 --> 00:08:25,912
Canned goods
can be dropped off
210
00:08:26,033 --> 00:08:28,413
at city hall outside
the Mayor's office.
211
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:30,413
Or at speaker
Rosen's office.
212
00:08:30,534 --> 00:08:31,847
The Mayor's office,
of course,
213
00:08:31,968 --> 00:08:34,446
is conveniently located
on the first floor.
214
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,513
We're also on the first
floor, closer to the door.
215
00:08:36,634 --> 00:08:40,413
We're going to have a man
standing on the steps outside
216
00:08:40,534 --> 00:08:42,146
with a large
cardboard box. Yes ?
217
00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:44,213
What sort of a menu
will you be serving ?
218
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:46,713
The Mayor's office
will be serving
219
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:49,446
the traditional turkey
dinner with all the fixin's.
220
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:51,380
The speaker's office
will be offering
221
00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:53,446
a choice of turkey,
ham, or sausage
222
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,601
with more fixin's.
223
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:57,380
Yes, Ashley.
224
00:08:57,501 --> 00:08:59,979
Do you have any real news
for us today ?
225
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,446
We're having
pumpkin pie.
226
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:02,968
We're having cobbler.
227
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:08,313
All right, everybody.
228
00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:09,646
Zero hour approaches.
229
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:13,346
Tomorrow we go out there,
and we feed a hungry city.
230
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:14,879
Whose pumpkin pie is this ?
231
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,033
Uh, that's mine.
232
00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:22,380
That's a store-bought pie,
isn't it ?
233
00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:25,313
Anybody else here
buy their desserts ?
234
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,380
Huh ! I assumed
you made yours.
235
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:31,847
Yeah. The gay guy's
the only one who bakes.
236
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:34,968
I also knit those
little napkins, you putz.
237
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:43,346
You guys want to win
this thing or not ?
238
00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:44,879
Yeah, well, whatever.
239
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,380
I told the Mayor we were
going to deliver for him.
240
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:49,380
I even got him
to up the bet.
241
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,879
When the city council loses,
242
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,879
they got to stand up
at the next council meeting
243
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,380
and sing the song of our choice
from west side story.
244
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:58,813
Ha ha ha !
245
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:01,246
I hope it's
I feel pretty.
246
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:02,934
I love that song.
247
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,446
So they have to do this
at an official meeting
248
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,246
in front of the cameras ?
249
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:10,879
Wait a second.
If we lose,
250
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,346
do we have to sing
a song, Mike ?
251
00:10:12,467 --> 00:10:13,879
No. No, no,
no, no, no.
252
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,879
Not from west side story.
253
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,480
Oh, Mike !
254
00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:20,413
I swear to god,
I'll kill myself where I stand
255
00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:22,413
if it's from cats.
256
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:23,613
The sound of music.
257
00:10:23,734 --> 00:10:25,912
Oh, god !
258
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:28,747
It wasn't bad enough
we had to buy them beer
259
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,713
after they beat us
in softball ?
260
00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:31,946
It wasn't that bad.
261
00:10:32,067 --> 00:10:33,413
Forever !
262
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:35,767
We have to buy them
beer forever !
263
00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,346
Just look at you people.
264
00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:42,912
It's like
you lost already.
265
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,146
I am not
going to stand here
266
00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:45,912
and listen to
negative talk.
267
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:47,480
Not me. Not this guy.
268
00:10:47,601 --> 00:10:48,979
I'm going down
to that church,
269
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,513
I'm going to do
a little recon,
270
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:52,446
then I'm going
to get us ready
271
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:55,246
and lead us
down the path to victory !
272
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,067
Now, who's with me ?
273
00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:07,167
Who wants to skip out
a few hours of work ?
274
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:13,079
Aren't you going to go play
spy with the older boys ?
275
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,012
I've got to finish this letter to Becky.
276
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,346
I think this is it. I'm
trying to let her down gently.
277
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:19,380
You've been seeing her
for 7 years.
278
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,213
Gently is no longer
an option.
279
00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:22,213
It's not that serious.
280
00:11:22,334 --> 00:11:23,446
What do you mean ?
281
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:24,979
She's probably
in Wisconsin
282
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:27,046
thinking that you're
going to be the one.
283
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:29,912
I meant it's not
that serious for me.
284
00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:31,813
I know you're trying
to be Mr. Nice guy,
285
00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:34,346
but you'll make it much
harder for her in the long run.
286
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:35,546
You don't think...
287
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:39,534
no. Any time over 3 years
requires vocal contact.
288
00:11:51,534 --> 00:11:53,912
Hello, is Becky
there, please ?
289
00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:56,033
Hello, James.
290
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,567
Wow, what a connection.
291
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,767
She's behind me,
isn't she ?
292
00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:12,067
HI, Becky.
293
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:22,446
She tricked me !
294
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,046
I like it.
295
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:27,146
It screams "witch's
cottage in the forest."
296
00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:29,446
You should have seen the
kitchen at St. Mary's.
297
00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,346
Completely remodeled !
Spotless !
298
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:32,346
Paul ! Paul !
299
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:33,979
Chrome fixtures...
300
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,000
don't make me
come over there.
301
00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:39,513
This is doable.
302
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,979
It depends on
what you want to do.
303
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,501
If you want to get tetanus,
it's definitely doable.
304
00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:51,480
Mike, hi !
305
00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:54,313
I see you've found
the "kitchen."
306
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:56,413
Oh, yeah, it was easy.
307
00:12:56,534 --> 00:12:59,079
We just followed the bread
crumbs through the forest.
308
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,413
I wasn't even going to
attempt a church switch,
309
00:13:01,534 --> 00:13:04,380
but we were in your office,
and it was right there.
310
00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:08,012
"I want St. Mary's !" "I want St.
Stephen's !" "I want St. Mary's !"
311
00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:10,413
What's a poor girl to do ?
312
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:12,546
We knew it was
like this.
313
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,446
That's why we picked
it. We love this !
314
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:16,946
Yeah, right.
315
00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:20,879
Just like you meant to miss
that last pitch by about 3 feet.
316
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,601
I hate when
she brings that up !
317
00:13:31,601 --> 00:13:33,713
We had great thanksgivings
at my family.
318
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:35,146
It wasn't always
that way.
319
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:38,213
Believe it or not, I actually
came out on thanksgiving.
320
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,646
Oh, how'd you
pull that off ?
321
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:40,646
Very subtle.
322
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:43,246
"Dad, great job
carving the turkey.
323
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:46,279
I'm a homosexual."
324
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,912
Well, every year, I go
to my sister's house,
325
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,912
hug her 3 beautiful
children,
326
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:53,213
then my family gathers
round, ties me to a chair,
327
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,979
and ask questions about why
I'm not married yet.
328
00:13:56,100 --> 00:14:01,033
Hey. Me, my mom, my dad, 3 hungry
man dinners, and a big box of wine.
329
00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:06,113
First "I hate you"
comes out around 9:30.
330
00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:08,912
Ok, guys.
Well, you got 2 options:
331
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:11,446
You can either go in here
and start working,
332
00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:14,146
or can stand here and start
learning edelweiss.
333
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:17,546
We would have gone in, Mike, but
we didn't want to disturb the rats.
334
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:20,179
They're decorating
for their Christmas party.
335
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,713
O ye of little faith.
336
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:28,446
Geez ! Mike, what did you do ?
Rob an appliance store ?
337
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:29,946
Made a few calls.
338
00:14:30,067 --> 00:14:31,847
Look, we have plates
and utensils over there,
339
00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:34,380
and every cooking implement
known to man.
340
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:35,879
We got a spatula.
341
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,346
We got your, uh...
your, uh...
342
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:38,780
your squirty thing.
343
00:14:38,901 --> 00:14:41,934
These are technical terms,
but I know you'll catch on.
344
00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:45,979
Hello.
345
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,912
Big daddy to home base.
Big daddy to home base.
346
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:51,413
Come in, Paul.
347
00:14:51,534 --> 00:14:53,979
Big daddy
does not copy.
348
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,513
Paul, I can hear
you perfectly.
349
00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:57,680
Still not copying.
350
00:14:57,801 --> 00:14:59,534
Paul...
351
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,979
Come in, big daddy.
352
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,513
Roger, home base.
353
00:15:05,634 --> 00:15:07,546
What's the situation
over there ?
354
00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,480
They've already
started cooking, ok ?
355
00:15:09,601 --> 00:15:10,879
I'll check in
again later.
356
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,847
This is big daddy...
357
00:15:12,968 --> 00:15:17,413
All right, Lisa's already
started. We got to get moving.
358
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:20,380
I got a refrigerated truck
out back. I got 30 birds.
359
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:22,680
All gutless, headless,
and happy to be here.
360
00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:24,380
I'll coordinate
everything.
361
00:15:24,501 --> 00:15:26,879
I just need someone to be
in charge of the cooking.
362
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,246
I'll do it.
363
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,380
That's the kind of
enthusiasm I'm looking for.
364
00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:31,879
You like to cook ?
365
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,380
No. But I do so love
being in charge.
366
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:38,380
Now, fetch me some
spices and some pans
367
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:40,912
and, what the hell, give
me that squirty thing.
368
00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:42,680
You can't cook
at all, can you ?
369
00:15:42,801 --> 00:15:44,879
Not a lick.
370
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,879
I thought the subway
was nice,
371
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,946
and I really like
the soup kitchen,
372
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,747
but since I'm only
in town for 2 days,
373
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,847
maybe we could see
something else.
374
00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:55,979
I've got to be honest
with you, Becky.
375
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:59,567
There's really not that
much to see in New York.
376
00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:02,546
Listen, Becky...
377
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:06,246
ok, this isn't easy
for me to say, but, uh...
378
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:08,979
you know, I'm so glad
I came to see you.
379
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,912
I've been really
depressed lately.
380
00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:16,912
You remember my cat
Mr. Tuggles ? He died.
381
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:19,912
He was my best friend
in the whole world.
382
00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:22,133
I mean, besides you.
383
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,780
That makes things
difficult.
384
00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:29,446
My family totally
rallied around me, though.
385
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:32,446
It was funny because
my mom gave me a cat,
386
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:34,146
and my sister
gave me a cat.
387
00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:35,713
It really
cheered me up.
388
00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:36,946
Aw, that's great.
389
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:39,012
So what I was saying
to you is that...
390
00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:41,012
of course, they
didn't get along.
391
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,279
No, of course,
they didn't.
392
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,946
In fact, the cat
my sister gave me
393
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:49,780
actually killed the cat
my mom gave me.
394
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,346
You don't say.
395
00:16:51,467 --> 00:16:54,946
Hey, wait, wait...
is that right ?
396
00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:58,079
Are you questioning my ability
to do simple arithmetic ?
397
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,046
Why, it's just, uh...
398
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:02,380
I don't know. That
number seems a little low.
399
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:04,480
Perhaps you're not
following my system.
400
00:17:04,601 --> 00:17:06,979
Whenever a person
walks through the door,
401
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:10,813
I put a mark on the board.
402
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:15,313
I respect your position as
our team's impartial counter.
403
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:16,979
I took a pledge, Mike.
404
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:18,847
Yeah,
I appreciate that.
405
00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:21,480
I was thinking maybe you
could come up with a more...
406
00:17:21,601 --> 00:17:24,346
effective system.
407
00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,413
You know what I mean ?
You know what I mean ?
408
00:17:26,534 --> 00:17:28,780
You realize the depths
you've sunken to ?
409
00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:31,413
I was here first.
No, I was !
410
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:33,367
Don't push me !
Will you shut up ?
411
00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:38,200
That's 2.
412
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:42,380
I can't break up with her.
I mean, what would I say ?
413
00:17:42,501 --> 00:17:44,380
Well, first off, you
should tell that girl
414
00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:46,813
to think about getting
a dog next time.
415
00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:49,446
James, you can't keep
stringing her along.
416
00:17:49,567 --> 00:17:51,012
You've got to say something.
417
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:54,979
Say nothing. Keep miss
in-love-with-you on your back burner.
418
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,313
My back burner.
419
00:17:56,434 --> 00:17:57,613
Yeah.
420
00:17:57,734 --> 00:18:01,380
You see, the hot stuff,
the stuff I pay attention to
421
00:18:01,501 --> 00:18:03,879
I keep on my
front burners,
422
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,912
but I always have
a few lonely pots
423
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:08,413
simmering
in the back,
424
00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:10,313
yearning for me
to stir them.
425
00:18:10,434 --> 00:18:13,079
That's beautiful,
Stuart.
426
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,847
Yeah, well, sometimes a girl's
just happy to be on the stove.
427
00:18:16,968 --> 00:18:18,279
Where's
my damn poultry ?
428
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,680
It's still cooking.
429
00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:22,879
We're running out of time.
Just turn the oven up.
430
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,613
I'm giving it all
she's got, captain !
431
00:18:26,734 --> 00:18:28,912
Come in, talk to me,
big daddy.
432
00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:30,979
Mike, they're
wrapping it up here.
433
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,279
I don't think they're
serving anymore.
434
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,113
Paul, are you eating ?
435
00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:37,179
No.
436
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,613
Why ?
437
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,546
Just give me
the final number.
438
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:44,046
They've had 247 very
satisfied customers.
439
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:46,879
Ok, they're at 247.
440
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,380
We have 245.
441
00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:53,501
No ! No, I will not lose to this
woman again, do you hear me ?
442
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,580
Thank you.
443
00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,879
Look who I found:
Some more hungry settlers.
444
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,979
Great, sir.
That puts us over the top.
445
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,879
Great ! Let's have at
that turkey.
446
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,179
Turkey ! Ah, carter,
how much time do we have ?
447
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,879
Hold on, uh, ok, ok...
448
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:10,946
2 minutes !
449
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,646
You've got
exactly 2 minutes.
450
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,480
Mike !
451
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:17,879
Mike, what are you
doing ? It's not ready yet.
452
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,480
That's all right.
I'll just, uh...
453
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,912
I'll check its vital signs.
454
00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:25,979
Nope. Nothing.
This bird is dead.
455
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,513
Let's carve it up.
456
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:30,033
No, Mike, the thingamajig
hasn't popped up yet.
457
00:19:32,033 --> 00:19:35,413
Yep. Happy thanksgiving.
458
00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:38,912
Ok, what
would you like ?
459
00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:40,912
White meat or, uh...
460
00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:43,012
whiter meat ?
461
00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:47,380
For 3 unlucky men, the Mayor's annual
thanksgiving feast turned into a nightmare.
462
00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:52,046
Not only were they treated to a free meal,
but also to a mild case of food poisoning.
463
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:54,313
The culprit ?
Undercooked turkey.
464
00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:56,680
While no lasting harm
was done,
465
00:19:56,801 --> 00:20:00,380
the memory of a hand outstretched
in kindness, only to inflict pain,
466
00:20:00,501 --> 00:20:03,879
will stay with these gentlemen
for a long, long time.
467
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,267
This is Ashley Schaeffer,
channel 10 news.
468
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:10,012
I'm baaaaack.
469
00:20:10,133 --> 00:20:13,879
You're back. You're back with
your typical liberal media bias.
470
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,480
245 satisfied diners and
you focus on the 3 guys...
471
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,246
who spent the night
in the hospital.
472
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,879
In private rooms !
473
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,713
Thank you, Paul. In private
rooms on the city's tab.
474
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:25,480
Whatever helps you
sleep at night.
475
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:28,979
Ok, I'll see you at home,
and, um, tell you what.
476
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,701
I'll cook tonight.
477
00:20:36,133 --> 00:20:37,413
It's nice of you
478
00:20:37,534 --> 00:20:40,413
to take the bus back to
Wisconsin with me, James.
479
00:20:40,534 --> 00:20:42,513
Oh, well, I really
wanted to see my folks.
480
00:20:42,634 --> 00:20:44,979
Plus you shouldn't
travel alone.
481
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:46,413
I'm not.
482
00:20:46,534 --> 00:20:51,534
Can you believe they were giving
away cats at the bus station ?
483
00:20:53,567 --> 00:20:55,567
Oh, good luck,
little buddy.
484
00:20:57,567 --> 00:21:00,946
So are we going to have some
time to spend with one another
485
00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:02,446
when we get home ?
486
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:04,546
Ok. To tell you
the truth,
487
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:06,946
I really don't think
that would be a good idea.
488
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,279
You know, you see,
Becky, I, um...
489
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,346
I, um, oh, boy,
this is hard for me.
490
00:21:13,467 --> 00:21:18,213
The truth is, Becky,
as much as I want to...
491
00:21:18,334 --> 00:21:20,701
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.
492
00:21:25,667 --> 00:21:28,601
I just think it's best
that way for both of us.
493
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:36,601
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be pulling
into Wisconsin in about 14 hours.
494
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:40,167
Ok, that probably
wasn't the best timing.
495
00:21:45,133 --> 00:21:49,012
* so long, farewell,
auf wiedersehen, adieu *
496
00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:50,113
* adieu *
497
00:21:50,234 --> 00:21:53,367
* adieu, to yieu
and yieu and yieu *
498
00:21:59,601 --> 00:22:01,946
Are you enjoying the
performance, speaker Rosen ?
499
00:22:02,067 --> 00:22:04,033
I'm having a ball !
500
00:22:14,968 --> 00:22:16,634
Sit, Ubu, sit.
Good dog.
501
00:22:18,734 --> 00:22:20,300
Moo.
9999
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