Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,849
Hello, you've reached
Melody's phone.
2
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,150
Don't bother leaving a message
3
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,419
because I probably
won't listen to it.
4
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:25,124
You have 112 new messages.
5
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:29,862
Melody, it's Tommy,
you know, your landlord.
6
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,030
I know that times are hard,
7
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,965
but you need to pay that rent.
8
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:35,868
Melody, it's 12.30.
9
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,137
I've sent you another message
about your expenses!
10
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:42,708
Hi Melody, this is candy
from RVS r us,
11
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,344
and we've got your RV
all ready for burning man.
12
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,747
Melody, it's Sam.
13
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,482
Don't forget dinner tonight.
14
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,452
I'm sure you're looking
forward to it as much as I am.
15
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,455
Can you just tell your teenager
16
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,824
not to make things too weird.
17
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,159
Ta.
18
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,961
London is going through
19
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,663
the greatest property boom
in history,
20
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,999
and I'm missing it
because of you.
21
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:11,136
Tommy is pretty pissed off
about the rent, Mel.
22
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:12,638
He said if you don't pay it
23
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,074
he's gonna come back
to London on air miles
24
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,176
and garrote you
with dental floss.
25
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,845
I'm not sure
that's even possible,
26
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,380
but if he's willing
to use up his air miles
27
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:22,748
he must be really fucked off.
28
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,118
Melody, it's David Klein here.
29
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,187
I would very much like
to meet you for lunch.
30
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:31,190
Shall we say the at two o'clock?
31
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,501
You must think
I'm such an idiot.
32
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,202
I don't understand any of that.
33
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,637
I wouldn't say you're an idiot.
34
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,074
Oh. Well, maybe it's just
too much champagne.
35
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,775
It's really very simple.
36
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,611
Our new product is a medicine
37
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:28,614
based around a chemical
compound called Vincyclidine.
38
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,449
Going to make us pots of money.
39
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,888
- Excuse me, miss Munro?
- Yes?
40
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,789
A telephone call for you
at the bar.
41
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,658
Oh, how old school.
42
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,627
I'm so sorry,
will you excuse me?
43
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,328
- I'll be right here.
- Okay.
44
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,763
Don't go anywhere.
45
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,370
Melody Munro.
46
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,672
£5,000 on a Winnebago rental?
47
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,107
Perhaps you could tell me
how your work demands
48
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:57,042
any need
for a luxury motor-home?
49
00:02:57,044 --> 00:03:00,479
Excuse me, sorry.
What desserts do you recommend?
50
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:01,880
The Soufflé's very popular,
51
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,916
but, personally, I recommend
the pear tart.
52
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:05,117
Hm. We'll have two of those.
53
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:07,986
Oh, and the bill.
My guest will be leaving soon.
54
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,422
Alan, Alan, stop talking.
55
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:13,292
I've just sent you the
recording of our conversation
56
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,960
and my write-up.
57
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,128
I'll be back in three weeks
after my holiday.
58
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,830
No, you will not, you will
be in my office in...
59
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,236
How the hell did she...
60
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,673
Fuckin' badass, tell you that.
61
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,243
Thank you, Barry.
62
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,713
I'm so sorry about that.
63
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:38,550
So, what do you say
we get these to go?
64
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,820
I know a very good
and very discreet hotel
65
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,388
'round the corner.
66
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,325
Oh, David,
that sounds wonderful,
67
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,760
but I've got things to do.
Sorry.
68
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,963
Come on, sack that off!
69
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:53,765
I'm not buying you lunch so you can
go back to emails and photocopying.
70
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:58,036
Yeah, I don't really do
photocopying in my work, David.
71
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,671
'Course, I'm sorry.
72
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,741
I'm sure your role
is very important.
73
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,576
Yeah.
74
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,412
I work
in competitive intelligence.
75
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,482
You're a corporate spy?
76
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,783
Oh, actually we're trying
to get away
77
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,952
from the whole spy thing.
78
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,822
But what I've just told you,
it's commercially sensitive!
79
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,258
It's-it's completely secret!
80
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:24,196
Sensitive, yes.
Secret, not so much anymore.
81
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:30,068
Oh, wow,
82
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,337
this has been
an expensive lunch!
83
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,039
You whore!
84
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,074
No, David...
85
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,044
that's what you thought I was.
86
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:42,514
I am fucking you,
just not how you imagined.
87
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,030
So there's 100 pills,
your two ounces of Charlie,
88
00:04:58,032 --> 00:04:59,631
two bottles of liquid Ketamine,
89
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,501
and my own special mish-mash,
2ci, 2cb, m-cat
90
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,036
and a couple of others
that haven't come out yet.
91
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,304
Will that do you?
92
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,077
- Alan?
- I've found another one!
93
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:17,649
£2,347 on flowers, in may!
94
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,985
People like flowers, Alan.
95
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,656
If you like my flat so much,
96
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,292
maybe you could find it
in your barren heart
97
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,560
to pay me some fucking rent.
98
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:29,995
Listen, I've done more
for this flat
99
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,296
than you've ever done.
100
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,497
That's probably true, but...
101
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,132
I also own it so...
102
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,369
unless we enter a state
of pure utopian Marxism
103
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,638
in the next 24 hours...
104
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,574
you pay me some rent,
or you get the fuck out.
105
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,076
Goodbye.
106
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:50,882
He doesn't mean it.
107
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,992
It's amazing!
108
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:03,929
You've got me.
109
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,365
But we've got to do this
in order to do that,
110
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,799
so that's what we're doing.
- Yeah, it's important.
111
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,835
You're basically going to inflict
a religion on your child
112
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,737
because you want to put them
in a particular kind of school?
113
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,839
Yes, you've absolutely
hit the nail on the head.
114
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,073
That's exactly
why we're doing it.
115
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,208
Oh!
116
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:25,984
What did he say?
117
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,619
You can only eat the third one.
118
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,988
Third rice, third Reich.
119
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,157
- Conceptual.
- Mmh.
120
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,159
Please.
121
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:35,260
Try this for us.
122
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:38,930
Oh...
123
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,333
Shit the bed. Is it...
124
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:42,734
Is it meant to taste like that?
125
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,970
It's, um... it's political.
126
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:48,039
Wow. I mean, that's exactly
what this christening needs.
127
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,541
No, no, no, no,
what this christening needs
128
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,410
is mini Shepherd's pies
from a reputable caterer,
129
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,511
that's what
this christening needs.
130
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,545
- Samuel...
- I'm just saying...
131
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,680
just remember why we'e here.
132
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:56,748
Yes.
133
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,916
Dear sister,
134
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,118
we have come to ask you...
135
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,154
to be Auden's godmother.
136
00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:06,425
Um...
137
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,127
Is there a polite way
for me to say no?
138
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,262
No.
139
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,867
And renounce Satan, yes,
that is what I will be doing.
140
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,202
Wow.
141
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:20,071
Mum and dad would be so proud.
142
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,407
Oh, everyone thinks god
is bullshit, Melody.
143
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,777
You just have to believe in a
good education for our child!
144
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,146
Sam?
145
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,148
Sam?
146
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,753
Well, look, I'm gonna be on a low
serotonin comedown from burning man,
147
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,122
and I really don't need
to be having flashbacks...
148
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,757
in a church.
149
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,092
Who on earth is Bernard Mann?
150
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:47,365
So you're taking your teenager
to the Californian desert
151
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:48,500
for two weeks
152
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:50,101
so he can giveaway hot dogs
to people on drugs?
153
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,903
He's 20, it's three weeks,
and they're burgers.
154
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,605
And why do they get burgers
while I'm meant to serve
155
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,707
fascist uncle Ben's
at my firstborn's christening?
156
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:59,110
They're placenta burgers
cooked by the power of the sun.
157
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,612
Of course, they are.
158
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,618
Guten appetite.
159
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:15,794
It's... anti-Semitic pastry.
160
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,963
Yeah. It's a swastika...
161
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,465
but it's art, you know,
it's conceptual.
162
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,200
It's got sprinkles on it.
163
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:26,371
Oh, sprinkles or hundreds
and thousands
164
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,740
representing the hundreds
and thousands who died.
165
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,111
Millions of people died,
Saskia, in the war.
166
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,448
Millions... thousands...
Tom-may-to, to-mah-to.
167
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,550
Keep drinking.
168
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:37,976
Babe...
169
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,945
Babe... babe!
170
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:41,746
Babe!
171
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,281
Babe, we're going
to burning man!
172
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,449
We're going to burning man!
173
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,784
Oh, well, what time is it?
174
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,953
11:30. Look! I made breakfast.
175
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,788
Mmh.
176
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,828
Oh, um, by the way,
177
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,830
I tried to buy
an industrial magnifying glass
178
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,366
with your card,
but it got declined.
179
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:03,969
- What card?
- The one you said.
180
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,737
With the horse on it.
181
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,174
Fucking Alan day.
He's such a fuck...
182
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:22,454
What are you fucking up to?
He's onto you! Get out!
183
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,556
Barry?
184
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,607
You can't try and sack me.
185
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,075
Try and sack you?
186
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:46,845
I'll take you to tribunal.
187
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,317
I've been in this game a lot
longer than you, Melody.
188
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:59,424
I've seen the cry-on-demand
trick before!
189
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:05,296
My parents died three years ago
the day before Christmas.
190
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:08,166
My boyfriend is a 20-year-old
fucking concept chef.
191
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,436
If you let me fall
there is no one to catch me.
192
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:13,805
I want the mobile, the day pass,
193
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,574
and the range rover keys, now.
194
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:32,857
I have been a customer
at this bank
195
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,260
since I was seven years old.
196
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,196
No.
197
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,198
No, I understand that, but...
198
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,836
Will you please, please
just extend my overdraft?
199
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,673
So I just don't understand
200
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,542
how it can take a week
to do a background check.
201
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,978
No, I'm not going to a fucking
pay day loans company!
202
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,321
So, I'll just be two minutes
and I'll get some cash.
203
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,856
No problem. Okay.
204
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,597
We don't need money, babe.
205
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:13,832
There is no money
at burning man.
206
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,968
Listen, I'm saying
we just rock this stage
207
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,236
with nothing but each other,
208
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,238
a freezer full of placentas,
and a dream.
209
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,173
Come on, Harmony,
we do need money.
210
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,275
What about petrol,
water in the desert?
211
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,077
Babe, in-in Cuba
212
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,847
they make the petrol
out of sugar cubes,
213
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,048
or canes.
214
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,283
But, look, and people
will gift us water!
215
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,918
And you've always wanted
to go to burning man!
216
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,220
You said we've paid for it all,
we might as well go to...
217
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,388
Babe! Come on!
218
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,693
Oh, babe, I'm sorry.
219
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:44,095
I'm being selfish.
220
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,530
We'll go next year.
221
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:51,202
Or never.
222
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,538
Oh, babe. I'm sorry.
223
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,077
We can get money.
224
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:01,246
How?
225
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,487
- Going to burning man.
- We're going to burning man?
226
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,823
- We're going to burning man.
- Oh, fuck!
227
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,192
I love you.
228
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,267
Yeah, sorry about that.
Took a bit of time.
229
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:23,668
Harmony, we're not flying
over the Atlantic
230
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,270
in a small plane
with propellors.
231
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:29,374
I don't know, I've not
been much since flying over.
232
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,811
Well, hello. If it isn't
lofty the land baron.
233
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,445
Uh, yeah. Great. Whatever.
234
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,782
So I'm getting pretty fucking
pissed off about this flat,
235
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,484
if I'm being honest,
236
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,320
so I was speaking to the agent
237
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,556
and I'm putting it up for rent.
238
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,024
What?
239
00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:48,126
You're evicting me?
240
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,261
Um, no...
241
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,363
Well, yeah.
Obviously yes.
242
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,032
I am.
243
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,533
Look, sorry,
this is a really crap time.
244
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:56,501
Can I just call you back?
245
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,635
I'm just going into a meeting.
246
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:58,903
No, no, no, no, wait.
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.
247
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,873
I will get you the money.
I will pay the rent.
248
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,541
Sure. Whatever.
249
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,944
Okay, so there's a guy
from charlatans
250
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,279
coming this afternoon
to take photos of the flat.
251
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,882
When it's online you're free
to spend the £5,000
252
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,250
like anybody else and rent it.
253
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,219
I've got £1,010, Tommy.
254
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,020
Well, that's £3,990 to go!
255
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,355
Mind the doors.
256
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:22,227
What?
Is he-is he kicking you out?
257
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,330
He's taking my home.
258
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,805
Mel, we'll be on one of
those planes in a second!
259
00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:35,640
San Francisco,now in it ' s final stage...
260
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,876
Oh my god, babe,
look at the propellor...
261
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,477
Babe, come on.
262
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:43,414
Can't put it online if they
can't get into the flat.
263
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,483
- What?
- If I can stop them taking the photos
264
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,051
and doing the floor plan,
265
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,120
then that will buy me the time
to get the four grand
266
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,922
for the deposit, and then,
then I can keep the flat.
267
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:55,326
Do you know how hard it is to get
300 placentas in California?
268
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,494
Last call for passengers...
269
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,630
Look, babe, some of the biggest
food blogs in the world
270
00:14:58,632 --> 00:14:59,764
go to burning man.
271
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,332
They're really changing
what food is out there.
272
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,368
Food is just food, okay.
273
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,003
They are not changing
what food is,
274
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,704
they're just a bunch of twats
pissing around in the desert.
275
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,840
I find it hard to believe that
you think food is just food.
276
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:11,743
This is my home!
We have to defend it!
277
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,844
Come on!
278
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:28,626
You're safe.
279
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,028
You're safe now.
280
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:38,937
There is nothing else
about placentas
281
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,872
on the post cuisine circuit
right now.
282
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:43,074
It'll be yesterday's news
next year!
283
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,943
Showtime.
284
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:56,120
Is this even legal, Melody?
285
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,555
We're at war here, Harmony!
286
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,358
Legality is a luxury
that we do not have.
287
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,860
Okay, look, babe,
288
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:06,564
I know that you're upset,
but this, this is important...
289
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:11,102
and that's why you can do
your food concept thingy
290
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,137
- love plus food?
- Uh-huh.
291
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,572
- Here?
- Uh-huh.
292
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,941
But you said you'd rather
be gang raped by koala bears!
293
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,242
Yeah,
but I've basically realized
294
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,711
it's a really good idea!
295
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,112
Yeah!
296
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:25,116
But first we've got to stop
this fucker from getting in.
297
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,484
Okay.
298
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,822
Oi, charlatans,
get the fuck out!
299
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,056
Yeah, fuck off!
300
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,258
Get the fuck out my house!
301
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,461
What the fuck are you doing?
302
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,763
Are you fucking crazy?!
303
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,698
Crazy bastards!
304
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:42,734
Brick?
305
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:43,634
Piss?
306
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:44,769
Basically, medicinal.
307
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,205
I've only been drinking vodka
and Berocca this morning.
308
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,073
I'll be back, you bastards!
309
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:50,108
Take that, you little shit!
310
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,343
Oh, Christ, this place is worse
311
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,980
than fucking Johannesburg
on a Friday fucking night.
312
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,216
Woo!
313
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,591
Melsy-babes, how's it going?
314
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:07,825
You tell me, Charlie!
315
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,193
Fucking mental.
316
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,095
You would not believe
where I ended up last night.
317
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,296
Check it out.
318
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:16,901
I had sex with that guy.
319
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,670
That's a wonderful image,
Charlie.
320
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,406
So, what have you got for me?
321
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,608
Um, right
what have I got for you?
322
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,443
What do... well-the...
323
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,512
Okay, here's the thing, Melsy,
324
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:30,248
you are what we like to call
in the headhunting industry...
325
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,051
um... a person...
326
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,219
who I cannot get a job for.
327
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,121
Charlie, you tapped me up,
three weeks ago,
328
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,556
saying that you could get me
a job anywhere.
329
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,925
Yeah, I did, but that
was before you went around
330
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,827
stealing from your employer
and blackmailing him,
331
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,028
you know, which, all in all,
332
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,296
makes you look
like a bit of a crook.
333
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,365
I'm just being honest.
Thank you very much.
334
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,568
I won intelligence monthly's
industry's most promising
335
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,804
this year and 2013.
336
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:57,041
That is a prize that they give to the
most successfully duplicitous person
337
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,177
under the age of 30
in an industry that's based
338
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,945
on nicking
other people's information.
339
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,013
They want crooks.
- Okay.
340
00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:06,851
Between me and you, the economy
is awful at the moment.
341
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,090
Charlie, I'm about
to be evicted.
342
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:15,026
You've got a lovely figure.
Why don't you become an escort?
343
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,361
What? Is that the advice
you give to all your clients?
344
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,163
Only my fit ones...
345
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,966
who are otherwise
completely unemployable.
346
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,734
Or you could be a drug dealer,
347
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,369
except you'd trouble
with the police
348
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,071
and it's
bad for the environment.
349
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:28,706
Sell a kidney?
350
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,908
Wow, thank you, Charlie.
351
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,610
Your help has been invaluable.
352
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,465
Aah.
353
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,303
I mean,
how would your mother feel?
354
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,373
So, how much for a kidney?
355
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,275
I'm fuckin' ashamed of you.
356
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,413
According to the blood report,
357
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,315
technically you're not
even alive.
358
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,050
Go. Yeah.
359
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:24,595
Do you realize that
this line's recorded, yeah?
360
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,864
I can categorically state
that I do not intend to
361
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:27,999
and have never been involved in
362
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,800
any insider trading
or libel fixing.
363
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,369
Oh, come on, banker-boy,
364
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,837
surely you
and your little banker friends
365
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,872
must have fiddled the figures
at some time,
366
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,340
like that guy, Clive?
367
00:19:38,076 --> 00:19:40,077
Why don't you just go to a job
center like a normal person?
368
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,112
Sam, I'm not a normal person.
369
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:43,080
There's no way I'm gonna go
to a job center.
370
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,749
You know, this whole thing
would be so much easier
371
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,817
if you just gave me £4,097...
372
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:51,455
Well, not gave,
lent me £4,097.53...
373
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:52,590
And I'm done.
374
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:53,824
Found it!
375
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:57,662
Excellent!
376
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,764
Ah.
377
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,399
What are you gonna use it for?
378
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,568
Sorry.
379
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,936
Sorry, it's a bit
of a bad line here.
380
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,871
I've just been on the phone
to the agent
381
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,739
and he said somebody pissed
on him.
382
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,509
Piss?! What, someone pissed
on his head?
383
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:12,577
Oh, god, that's awful.
384
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,545
Melody, Melody?
385
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,782
Melody, do you know
what a hostile tenant is?
386
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,985
Yeah, it's what they call it...
387
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,486
It's what they call it
when someone tries
388
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:25,489
to intentionally sabotage
the viewings, you understand?
389
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:26,991
Tommy,
390
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,527
why would I want
to sabotage the viewings, hm?
391
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:38,202
Tracker activated.
392
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:45,743
Okay.
393
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:56,020
So... really I don't need
to give you the keys
394
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,623
because I'm going to be
renting it very soon, anyway.
395
00:20:58,625 --> 00:20:59,690
Oh, that's Lekker.
396
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,926
All I need is the full deposit
in cash
397
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,195
and clearance of the reference
check application,
398
00:21:04,197 --> 00:21:07,098
which you will put
into this in tray.
399
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:11,502
So, in a few days I'm going
to have all of that for you.
400
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:13,638
No, that's Lekker.In the meantime,
401
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,075
I'm under instruction that this
highly desirable loft space
402
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,711
is to remain on the market...
403
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,079
so...
404
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,982
I need the keys.
405
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:26,484
Look,
406
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:29,887
I'm sure we can come
to some kind of agreement.
407
00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:43,067
Do you know how long
I've been at this branch?
408
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:48,806
42 months.
409
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:50,741
You can count them.
410
00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:52,843
39 of those,
411
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:55,513
I've been sales agent
number one!
412
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,549
You're looking
at the best in show.
413
00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:00,151
Wow, do you want a prize?
414
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:02,687
Every month.
415
00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:09,627
Keys.
416
00:22:23,241 --> 00:22:24,809
Hoo...
417
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,878
You're playing with fire,
little lady.
418
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,180
One week.
419
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:32,316
One week without those photos or
the floor plans on the website,
420
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:33,384
and then I will have your money,
421
00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:36,153
plus a little extra
just for you.
422
00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:37,588
Are you trying to bribe me?
423
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:40,124
£100... 300.
424
00:22:40,126 --> 00:22:41,592
I'm an estate agent.
425
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:44,495
We follow a strict
moral and ethical code!
426
00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:52,937
800...
Two pounds and 45 pence.
427
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:55,539
That is my final offer, okay?
428
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,476
I'm just gonna leave that there
in your little special in tray
429
00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:01,746
and I'm gonna walk away, okay?
430
00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:09,620
You're one crazy camper!
You know that?
431
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,245
Nope.
432
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,881
How would you rate
your Google skills?
433
00:23:36,883 --> 00:23:38,382
Do you mean can I write?
434
00:23:38,384 --> 00:23:40,618
Would you say you have
good interpersonal skills?
435
00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:47,191
Motherfucker!
436
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,929
Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
437
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:54,999
♪ It's raining men,
hallelujah ♪
438
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:01,172
♪ amen, I'm gonna get out...
439
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:10,448
♪ Gonna get myself wet
440
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:13,951
♪ absolutely soaking wet
441
00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:28,098
♪ it's raining men, hallelu...
442
00:24:44,015 --> 00:24:45,683
What the fuck?!
443
00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:55,359
Check it out!
444
00:24:55,361 --> 00:24:58,462
This company
does liquid nitrogen
445
00:24:58,464 --> 00:25:00,297
in 19th century milk churns.
446
00:25:00,299 --> 00:25:01,732
Oh, Jesus, Harmony!
447
00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:02,900
Sorry.
448
00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:08,305
Lemon.
449
00:25:08,307 --> 00:25:09,640
Orange.
450
00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:10,674
Lettuce.
451
00:25:12,644 --> 00:25:13,911
Leave that there.
452
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:18,616
Harmony, there's another one
for you.
453
00:25:18,618 --> 00:25:22,052
How many did you get?
Just put it here.
454
00:25:23,788 --> 00:25:25,322
Oh, right.
455
00:25:33,431 --> 00:25:34,431
Ah!
456
00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:36,333
Oh!
457
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:38,736
Sorry, babe,
completely forgot about them.
458
00:25:40,105 --> 00:25:43,440
They're probably a bit off
by now.
459
00:25:50,949 --> 00:25:53,250
Mr. and Mrs. Burton-hall,
how are you?
460
00:25:53,252 --> 00:25:54,451
Mr. Burton hall.
- Good to see you.
461
00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:55,886
- Mrs. Burton-hall.
- Oh!
462
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:57,655
You look absolutely stunning.
463
00:25:57,657 --> 00:25:59,657
Come with me.
Have a look at this apartment.
464
00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:00,958
Beautiful, eh?
465
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,695
They sometimes drop their
business onto the floor, yeah?
466
00:26:04,697 --> 00:26:06,964
Now, look at this.
Security is very tight.
467
00:26:06,966 --> 00:26:08,098
Even Oscar Pistorius
468
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:09,980
wouldn't be able to shoot
through this door, eh?
469
00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:14,204
Be prepared to see
the apartment of your dreams.
470
00:26:14,206 --> 00:26:17,341
I'm sure there's a light switch
in here somewhere.
471
00:26:17,343 --> 00:26:18,342
Lights!
472
00:26:18,344 --> 00:26:19,610
- Jesus Christ.
- Christ!
473
00:26:19,612 --> 00:26:21,011
What the fuck?
474
00:26:21,013 --> 00:26:23,347
Look, I know we said
that we wanted an urban feel,
475
00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:25,449
but this-this is just sick!
476
00:26:25,451 --> 00:26:27,918
Hello JP!
477
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,553
Oh, don't mind us.
478
00:26:29,555 --> 00:26:31,589
I-I was just going to
put the kettle on.
479
00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:33,123
- Oh! Oh, oh!
- Oh, god!
480
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:37,161
Oh, this is happening again!
481
00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:38,796
No, wait. Wait!
482
00:26:38,798 --> 00:26:41,098
You have to see past the décor!
483
00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:47,404
Well done, baby.
484
00:26:47,406 --> 00:26:48,472
Mmh!
485
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:09,994
Melody!
486
00:27:11,697 --> 00:27:13,697
Open the fucking door!
487
00:27:21,339 --> 00:27:23,240
Still worshipping Satan, then?
488
00:27:27,178 --> 00:27:28,479
Here you go.
489
00:27:30,015 --> 00:27:31,315
I said wait Rose.
490
00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:32,483
Tough shit.
491
00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:39,757
How can you be
this hard up, anyway?
492
00:27:39,759 --> 00:27:41,859
You must have some of the
payout from the restaurant,
493
00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,160
right?
494
00:27:44,863 --> 00:27:48,999
You-you've spent £230,000
in three years?
495
00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:51,802
No, I spent it in two.
Well, just under two.
496
00:27:51,804 --> 00:27:53,637
On what?
What did you spend it on?
497
00:27:54,072 --> 00:27:57,074
Meals out, mostly.
Kitchen stuff.
498
00:27:57,076 --> 00:27:59,076
You're fucking joking me,
aren't you?
499
00:28:00,378 --> 00:28:02,546
You spent a quarter
of a million pounds on
500
00:28:02,548 --> 00:28:04,481
restaurants and kitchen stuff.
501
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,884
You-you're not even
paying rent.
502
00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:08,719
Well, obviously I can't
afford to.
503
00:28:09,087 --> 00:28:11,422
Oh, this is mad.
That is...
504
00:28:11,424 --> 00:28:13,057
I mean, I don't know
what kind of mad that is,
505
00:28:13,059 --> 00:28:14,658
but that's fucking mad.
506
00:28:16,128 --> 00:28:17,561
Oh...
507
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:20,397
What's mad auntie Melody
going to do, eh?
508
00:28:20,399 --> 00:28:23,167
- All right! Um...
- Nasty daddy won't help her.
509
00:28:23,169 --> 00:28:24,234
Okay.
510
00:28:24,636 --> 00:28:26,770
I'll speak to Saskia.
511
00:28:27,405 --> 00:28:29,540
She was telling me she's got
an opening for some...
512
00:28:29,542 --> 00:28:30,908
vacuous bullshit artist.
513
00:28:30,910 --> 00:28:32,342
I think you're wildly
overqualified for it,
514
00:28:32,344 --> 00:28:35,946
but Saskia won't give me a job
after godmother gate.
515
00:28:36,514 --> 00:28:38,215
Yes, she will.
516
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:41,952
But you are just going to have
to grovel to her, aren't you?
517
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:44,822
Is auntie Melody going to have
to grovel to Saskia?
518
00:28:44,824 --> 00:28:46,290
Yes, she is!
519
00:28:46,292 --> 00:28:48,592
Saskia, is going to be
very angry at Melody,
520
00:28:48,594 --> 00:28:51,128
but Melody doesn't care
'cause she needs a job!
521
00:28:51,130 --> 00:28:52,796
That's fun, isn't it?
522
00:28:52,798 --> 00:28:54,998
- You're a dick.
- Yeah, I know.
523
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,301
And you're a dick.
A massive dick.
524
00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:00,437
Yeah, we've got Cher Lloyd
coming in.
525
00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:03,841
Jungle book Mufasa thing
with her.
526
00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,342
Okay.
527
00:29:06,177 --> 00:29:10,414
So, Metro bitch, hit me.
528
00:29:10,416 --> 00:29:11,749
Metro bitch?
529
00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:13,117
Yeah, it's great, isn't it?
530
00:29:13,119 --> 00:29:14,551
It's kind of what's trending,
531
00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:17,554
but at the same time,
a state of the nation analysis:
532
00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:19,690
Thackeray meets Woolf,
but with Twitter.
533
00:29:20,059 --> 00:29:24,461
The red carpet is out,
it's opening night.
534
00:29:24,463 --> 00:29:25,929
What is the premier
535
00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:28,398
Melody Munro Metro bitch column?
536
00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:31,335
N-now?
537
00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:33,704
Just idea shower me.
538
00:29:34,405 --> 00:29:36,373
I was-i was kind of thinking
539
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:38,442
I wouldn't need to interview
for this job.
540
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:43,680
21st century journalism
is constantly revolutionizing.
541
00:29:43,682 --> 00:29:44,948
You know, by the time
you've written now
542
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:46,650
it's already last year.
543
00:29:46,652 --> 00:29:48,452
Tomorrow's now
has already been snapchatted
544
00:29:48,454 --> 00:29:51,488
by a 16-year-old info blogger
from Malaysia.
545
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:53,757
I don't follow.
546
00:29:54,025 --> 00:29:56,026
I've been seeing other
applicants for this job,
547
00:29:56,028 --> 00:29:58,095
so I guess, Melly,
548
00:29:58,097 --> 00:30:01,799
it's just a case of...
How much you want it.
549
00:30:04,169 --> 00:30:06,537
I'm really sorry
about the godmother thing.
550
00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:09,072
Thank you.
551
00:30:09,374 --> 00:30:10,574
So?
552
00:30:11,409 --> 00:30:12,676
I have the job?
553
00:30:13,344 --> 00:30:16,013
I'm really grateful
that you apologized, Melody,
554
00:30:16,015 --> 00:30:18,482
and family is so important
to me.
555
00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:22,052
But... if I'm honest,
556
00:30:22,054 --> 00:30:26,223
this other applicant has all
the skills to nail this job.
557
00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:27,758
Who is it?
558
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,427
Oh, you know her! Laurie mills!
559
00:30:30,429 --> 00:30:32,129
Yeah, I mean she really
has her finger
560
00:30:32,131 --> 00:30:34,765
on the pulse
of the Zeitline generation.
561
00:30:35,733 --> 00:30:37,634
She's a massive cunt.
562
00:30:37,636 --> 00:30:39,236
Cunt.
563
00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:45,843
So, yeah, I...
I really think...
564
00:30:46,277 --> 00:30:47,644
Cunt.
565
00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:49,613
Just get out.
566
00:30:54,385 --> 00:30:55,485
Cunt.
567
00:30:55,487 --> 00:30:56,987
Faster.
568
00:31:36,427 --> 00:31:38,595
Babe. Oh!
569
00:31:40,164 --> 00:31:41,698
Babe, what are you doing?
570
00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:43,500
Don't tell me. Listen.
571
00:31:43,502 --> 00:31:45,235
Amazing news.
572
00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:46,904
You know my auntie Babs?
- Yeah.
573
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:48,238
- The pedo.
- Yeah.
574
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:49,806
She just died.
575
00:31:49,808 --> 00:31:51,408
What? God, I'm so sorry.
576
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:53,076
No. It's fine.
577
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:55,445
She's now communing
with the lord of hosts.
578
00:31:55,447 --> 00:31:56,947
Imagine that.
579
00:31:56,949 --> 00:32:01,285
Anyway, more amazing,
I've inherited £4,000.
580
00:32:02,420 --> 00:32:04,554
Harmony, that-that's amazing.
581
00:32:04,556 --> 00:32:09,860
Babe, it means love plus food
can now be how I imagined it!
582
00:32:11,129 --> 00:32:13,263
- What?
- Listen, check it out.
583
00:32:28,713 --> 00:32:32,282
Isn't it amazing you always
get what you pray for?
584
00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:37,321
Great.
585
00:32:40,992 --> 00:32:43,160
I want you to get down
on your knees now
586
00:32:43,162 --> 00:32:45,829
and start to pray...
587
00:32:45,831 --> 00:32:47,998
because the day
of atonement, my friends,
588
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,034
is at hand,
and he brings not peace,
589
00:32:51,036 --> 00:32:52,836
he brings a sword,
590
00:32:52,838 --> 00:32:54,972
and behind him is fire!
591
00:32:54,974 --> 00:32:58,041
And if you do not
adhere to his creed,
592
00:32:58,043 --> 00:33:00,777
he will beat you, senselessly,
593
00:33:00,779 --> 00:33:03,613
like someone else's
redheaded stepchild!
594
00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:06,883
Do not listen to that fat cat
in a pointy hat...
595
00:33:14,625 --> 00:33:16,493
Yes! Get in!
596
00:33:17,428 --> 00:33:20,030
Just one more win,
one more win and we're safe.
597
00:33:21,265 --> 00:33:23,934
Can't bluff me, ashraf_17.
598
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,106
Harmony, I'm kind of
in the middle of something,
599
00:33:29,108 --> 00:33:30,040
something really important.
600
00:33:30,042 --> 00:33:32,009
Mel, Mel, babe, look who's here!
601
00:33:32,610 --> 00:33:35,278
Melody, you're missing
the revolution!
602
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,949
Harmony is so totes amaze, BTW.
Love and nong!
603
00:33:38,951 --> 00:33:41,685
Laurie's gonna come to love
plus food and do an article
604
00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:43,653
about it for her new
Metro bitch column.
605
00:33:43,655 --> 00:33:45,122
How nong is that?
606
00:33:45,124 --> 00:33:46,690
Woohoo!
607
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,829
Ah! N-
608
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:58,101
♪ aah
609
00:34:03,575 --> 00:34:05,909
miss Munro,
I know you're in there!
610
00:34:06,278 --> 00:34:10,213
The hermit crab cannot stay
in the shell for too long,
611
00:34:10,215 --> 00:34:12,616
it has to come out and breathe!
612
00:34:13,317 --> 00:34:14,718
Open!
613
00:34:16,554 --> 00:34:17,888
Miss Munro,
614
00:34:17,890 --> 00:34:20,323
you cannot fight
with the market.
615
00:34:20,325 --> 00:34:22,759
The market is like god,
616
00:34:22,761 --> 00:34:26,163
all-seeing, all-knowing,
omnipresent...
617
00:34:26,998 --> 00:34:28,565
so open the door!
618
00:34:36,340 --> 00:34:38,909
Miss Munro,
please open the door.
619
00:34:39,911 --> 00:34:42,279
I don't want
to do anything rash.
620
00:34:48,619 --> 00:34:50,821
September,
the German ring closed.
621
00:34:56,929 --> 00:35:01,531
Mel, don't leave me standing
out here like a twat, please.
622
00:35:02,033 --> 00:35:03,366
I've got booze.
623
00:35:09,073 --> 00:35:10,307
Beer o'clock?
624
00:35:11,075 --> 00:35:14,945
Eh, don't-don't-don't
shut the door in my face,
625
00:35:14,947 --> 00:35:18,715
because I am about to do
something incredibly stupid.
626
00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,050
What?
627
00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:22,385
I'm gonna give you the money.
628
00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:27,491
- Yes!
- Yay! Best brother ever!
629
00:35:27,493 --> 00:35:29,526
Now, listen, this...
Is a temporary loan
630
00:35:29,528 --> 00:35:30,627
from Auden's university fund.
631
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:31,828
There are rules to this, okay?
632
00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:33,263
Okay, anything.
633
00:35:34,699 --> 00:35:36,099
You're to be godmother.
634
00:35:36,767 --> 00:35:37,834
R-really?
635
00:35:37,836 --> 00:35:40,036
Really? Wow.
Do you want the money?
636
00:35:40,805 --> 00:35:44,641
Sam, I would love
to be Auden's godmother.
637
00:35:51,682 --> 00:35:53,116
Oh, I'll be back in a minute.
638
00:35:53,118 --> 00:35:54,351
Where you going?
639
00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:55,886
Mwah!
640
00:36:00,992 --> 00:36:03,193
Yep. That's... typical.
641
00:36:03,961 --> 00:36:05,162
♪ Raining men
642
00:36:05,164 --> 00:36:07,330
- hey! I can take the flat!
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
643
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:08,598
- I can take the flat!
- Christ!
644
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,634
I've got the money.
I can give it to you right now!
645
00:36:11,235 --> 00:36:13,570
It's 8:30, you crazy woman.
646
00:36:13,572 --> 00:36:14,671
I'm going home!
647
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,306
Okay, okay, I'll come see you
648
00:36:16,308 --> 00:36:17,941
in the office first thing, yeah?
649
00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:19,409
Get off the vehicle!
650
00:36:19,411 --> 00:36:21,178
Get away from the vehicle!
- Okay!
651
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:22,746
- Get away from the vehicle!
- Okay, I'll see you first thing.
652
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:25,215
Ha, ha, ha! Woo!
- Yeah! Whatever!
653
00:36:41,265 --> 00:36:43,500
I love you,
and I love this flat,
654
00:36:43,502 --> 00:36:45,135
and I love you in this flat,
655
00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:47,637
and I think they should
stock you in boconcepts.
656
00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:49,472
Babe, babe, babe, try this.
657
00:36:49,474 --> 00:36:50,640
- Hm?
- Try this.
658
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:56,246
Oh, that is...
That's really a lot of salt.
659
00:36:56,248 --> 00:36:58,114
- Amazing!
- Bit too much?
660
00:36:58,116 --> 00:36:59,649
No, babe, no!
661
00:36:59,651 --> 00:37:01,785
Tell Gandhi
there was too much salt.
662
00:37:01,787 --> 00:37:05,322
Gandhi couldn't get any salt,
so he marched on the sea.
663
00:37:05,324 --> 00:37:06,957
Salt caused a revolution.
664
00:37:06,959 --> 00:37:11,494
That searing dryness
is the taste of a revolution!
665
00:37:12,464 --> 00:37:13,530
Suffer.
666
00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:15,699
Visionary.
667
00:37:15,701 --> 00:37:17,667
Completely
and utterly visionary.
668
00:37:17,669 --> 00:37:19,236
Huh? Thanks.
669
00:37:19,637 --> 00:37:21,304
It's pretty fucking nong, huh?
670
00:37:21,306 --> 00:37:23,773
This is the crest
of a new epoch.
671
00:37:24,342 --> 00:37:27,544
It's like being in
the cavern club at '62, or...
672
00:37:27,546 --> 00:37:28,912
Berlin, 1933?
673
00:37:28,914 --> 00:37:30,847
Yes. I love Berlin.
674
00:37:30,849 --> 00:37:33,316
Right, I'm really sorry, but we're going
to have to keep the kitchen clear.
675
00:37:33,318 --> 00:37:34,451
Oops, sorry!
676
00:37:34,453 --> 00:37:35,518
Just trying to say hi
to the maestro!
677
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:39,122
And also I did think I'd take a
couple of photos while I'm here
678
00:37:39,124 --> 00:37:41,124
just 'cause the agent said
he couldn't get in to take any.
679
00:37:41,126 --> 00:37:43,927
Oh, well I'm afraid the flat's
not for rent anymore.
680
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:47,597
Oh, yes, I know, I'm not-
I'm not renting it, so...
681
00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:49,532
Then why are you taking photos?
682
00:37:49,534 --> 00:37:50,934
Because I'm buying it.
683
00:37:51,235 --> 00:37:53,069
So if you could just move
684
00:37:53,071 --> 00:37:54,904
'cause you're kind of
in my visual space.
685
00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:59,409
My flat is not for fucking sale.
686
00:38:05,082 --> 00:38:06,583
Okay, just take the flat!
Take the flat.
687
00:38:06,585 --> 00:38:07,951
I accept your offer.
Just take the fucking flat.
688
00:38:07,953 --> 00:38:09,653
Sir, put the mask back on.
689
00:38:15,726 --> 00:38:16,860
Why?
690
00:38:16,862 --> 00:38:18,395
Why are you doing this?
691
00:38:19,430 --> 00:38:20,697
I'm just trying to live my life!
692
00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:21,698
No, you're not.
693
00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:23,933
You're trying to live
my fucking life!
694
00:38:24,702 --> 00:38:25,935
Get out!
695
00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:27,771
Mel!
696
00:38:28,806 --> 00:38:31,074
How on earth can I write
my piece for Metro bitch,
697
00:38:31,076 --> 00:38:33,476
though, if I haven't tried
our beautiful chef's cuisine?
698
00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:35,278
Oh, just fuck off!
699
00:38:35,746 --> 00:38:37,047
Mel, I really need this piece!
700
00:38:37,049 --> 00:38:39,149
No, don't you dare!
Don't you dare take her side!
701
00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:43,086
Well, you can serve the food
to her outside on the street,
702
00:38:43,088 --> 00:38:44,654
because that's where
she's going to fucking be.
703
00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:45,922
Yeah, well, maybe I will.
704
00:38:52,296 --> 00:38:53,863
Fine. Fine.
705
00:38:53,865 --> 00:38:56,199
Well, you can take
all of your twats with you.
706
00:38:56,467 --> 00:38:58,735
- Oh!
- Oh, Melody!
707
00:39:00,504 --> 00:39:03,606
Get out. Get out. Get out.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
708
00:39:06,511 --> 00:39:09,179
Get out of my fucking flat!
709
00:39:11,982 --> 00:39:13,216
Awkward.
710
00:39:13,218 --> 00:39:16,219
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
that is the end of part one!
711
00:39:16,221 --> 00:39:19,456
Part two, it seems,
is outside on road!
712
00:39:19,458 --> 00:39:20,990
Take your plates!
713
00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:30,066
Sitting at tables
is so mid-noughties, isn't it?
714
00:40:07,004 --> 00:40:09,472
Harmony? Harmony?
715
00:40:12,344 --> 00:40:16,179
Yeah, it's great energy
out here, motherfuckers!
716
00:41:01,959 --> 00:41:04,861
Melody, baby, great event.
717
00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:07,130
Loved the drama. Transformative.
718
00:41:07,132 --> 00:41:09,232
So I'll be around with
my surveyor in the morning.
719
00:41:09,234 --> 00:41:11,034
Should have the exchange
within the month.
720
00:41:11,036 --> 00:41:12,469
Nong!
721
00:42:17,134 --> 00:42:18,201
I've got it!
722
00:42:18,203 --> 00:42:20,003
I've got your dimensions!
723
00:42:20,005 --> 00:42:22,672
Nothing can stop
the JP de kock...
724
00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:24,407
five day house seller.
725
00:42:24,409 --> 00:42:27,343
No, no, no, you can't exchange
a property in five days!
726
00:42:27,345 --> 00:42:28,711
No, you can't,
727
00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:31,514
not unless
your name's JP de kock.
728
00:42:31,516 --> 00:42:33,149
I've done the searches.
729
00:42:33,751 --> 00:42:36,019
I taught myself conveyancy law.
730
00:42:36,353 --> 00:42:38,187
I've just done the survey.
731
00:42:38,756 --> 00:42:43,960
The market has spoken
and I am its instrument.
732
00:42:43,962 --> 00:42:46,663
But-but I need
a little bit more time.
733
00:43:03,113 --> 00:43:05,114
Another trader
jumped off Coq au Vin's roof
734
00:43:05,116 --> 00:43:08,451
well I would, too,
if I had to eat their food.
735
00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:13,089
I sometimes get a feeling
I'm on an escalator.
736
00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:16,225
Everyone says if you stay on it
you're going somewhere good.
737
00:43:17,094 --> 00:43:20,530
Everyone else is on it so,
you know, must be good.
738
00:43:21,131 --> 00:43:23,199
It's going up, isn't it?
739
00:43:24,802 --> 00:43:26,502
Then sometimes you get
the feeling that actually
740
00:43:26,504 --> 00:43:29,539
it may just end up
somewhere completely shit.
741
00:43:30,007 --> 00:43:33,009
Or maybe it doesn't end up
anywhere at all, maybe it just...
742
00:43:33,011 --> 00:43:34,911
just keeps going up.
743
00:43:34,913 --> 00:43:36,112
Do you ever think that?
744
00:43:36,114 --> 00:43:39,315
What, that my life is
a drifting sea of mediocrity
745
00:43:39,317 --> 00:43:42,118
and the only certainty
is my inevitable death?
746
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,353
Yeah.
747
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:45,088
No, not really.
748
00:43:45,090 --> 00:43:46,289
So what do you think of my plan?
749
00:43:46,291 --> 00:43:48,925
Getting Laurie to ditch
her article on Harmony
750
00:43:48,927 --> 00:43:50,994
and writing
an anti-charlatan piece.
751
00:43:50,996 --> 00:43:53,363
I thought that was
just a deranged rant.
752
00:43:53,998 --> 00:43:56,299
When did you and Saskia
get married?
753
00:43:57,668 --> 00:43:59,602
2011.
754
00:44:00,004 --> 00:44:02,805
You were there. You were
bridesmaid, for fuck's sake.
755
00:44:03,975 --> 00:44:05,675
Oh, yeah.
756
00:44:08,112 --> 00:44:09,946
You're being stranger
than usual.
757
00:44:10,615 --> 00:44:14,951
The key to intelligence work
as psychological leverage.
758
00:44:14,953 --> 00:44:16,486
You need to find out
what motivates people
759
00:44:16,488 --> 00:44:18,821
and then you can use that
to manipulate them.
760
00:44:18,823 --> 00:44:20,323
It's not gonna change her mind
about buying the flat
761
00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:21,591
because you send her
a few emails.
762
00:44:21,593 --> 00:44:23,026
People aren't
that impressionable.
763
00:44:23,028 --> 00:44:24,494
No, it's not just that.
764
00:44:24,496 --> 00:44:26,963
I mean, take Saskia,
for example.
765
00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:28,464
What's her core motivation?
766
00:44:28,466 --> 00:44:29,666
I don't know,
probably to get other people
767
00:44:29,668 --> 00:44:31,467
to give her the perfect life,
career and family
768
00:44:31,469 --> 00:44:34,037
while expending
no effort herself.
769
00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:41,544
Yeah, well I've thought
about it,
770
00:44:41,546 --> 00:44:44,914
and what drives Laurie
is her desire to not miss out,
771
00:44:44,916 --> 00:44:46,883
driven, no doubt,
by some deep-seated...
772
00:44:46,885 --> 00:44:48,384
childhood trauma
that her parents
773
00:44:48,386 --> 00:44:50,086
didn't take her to Disneyland
or whatever.
774
00:44:50,088 --> 00:44:52,021
It still burns.
775
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:54,057
Mmm, so all I need to do
is convince her
776
00:44:54,059 --> 00:44:56,826
that there's more cool in writing
this anti-charlatans campaign
777
00:44:56,828 --> 00:44:58,494
than there is
in stealing my life!
778
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:03,966
Fucking hell,
Zencorp is plummeting!
779
00:45:03,968 --> 00:45:06,736
Wh-why are you even calling me?
780
00:45:06,738 --> 00:45:07,970
Why do you keep
asking me about Saskia?
781
00:45:07,972 --> 00:45:09,806
Oh, I just wanna know
about my family.
782
00:45:09,808 --> 00:45:12,909
No, no, no, you're doing your
spying thing again, aren't you?
783
00:45:12,911 --> 00:45:14,911
Yeah, that's what you're doing.
You stop that right now.
784
00:45:14,913 --> 00:45:16,412
Thank you, Sam.
This talk has helped.
785
00:45:28,258 --> 00:45:29,859
Sorry, you were saying?
786
00:45:29,861 --> 00:45:31,661
Oh, yes.
787
00:45:31,663 --> 00:45:34,230
Look, this... space...
788
00:45:34,865 --> 00:45:37,834
it's one idea, I suppose,
789
00:45:37,836 --> 00:45:40,169
but, look, no one has ever
suffered in space,
790
00:45:40,171 --> 00:45:41,738
apart from aliens,
791
00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:43,806
and we can't relate to them.
792
00:45:43,808 --> 00:45:45,174
We can't.
793
00:45:45,176 --> 00:45:49,245
No, for food to mean anything
it's gotta be created in pain,
794
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,180
possibly boiled in blood.
795
00:45:51,182 --> 00:45:52,448
I've tried it in the past,
796
00:45:52,450 --> 00:45:55,551
but I've struggled
with coagulation issues.
797
00:45:56,253 --> 00:45:57,587
You're getting all of this?
798
00:45:57,589 --> 00:45:58,955
Yeah, this is so great.
799
00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:01,324
Amazing. Amazing.
Where was I?
800
00:46:02,459 --> 00:46:04,026
Ah, yes, coagulation.
801
00:46:04,028 --> 00:46:07,330
So what I've found, I think,
is to offset the...
802
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:09,632
Are you all right?
803
00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:12,769
Yeah, no, um...
804
00:46:13,170 --> 00:46:15,138
What do you think
about gentrification?
805
00:46:15,140 --> 00:46:16,672
It's definitely bad.
806
00:46:16,674 --> 00:46:19,041
But if you think about it,
anything that ends in "ation"
807
00:46:19,043 --> 00:46:20,676
is bad, you know?
808
00:46:20,678 --> 00:46:22,678
Industrialization...
809
00:46:23,747 --> 00:46:25,248
station...
810
00:46:26,116 --> 00:46:27,717
penetration.
811
00:46:28,485 --> 00:46:29,652
Oh no, that one's...
Well, I suppose
812
00:46:29,654 --> 00:46:32,388
it could be bad or good
depending on the situation...
813
00:46:32,390 --> 00:46:34,490
Yeah, definitely, um...
814
00:46:34,492 --> 00:46:36,492
Also, maybe
anti-gentrification,
815
00:46:36,494 --> 00:46:38,161
it's the new food?
816
00:46:38,163 --> 00:46:40,263
No, I think food
is still the new food.
817
00:46:40,265 --> 00:46:43,132
Yeah, but...
818
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:48,004
Well, I'm just really feeling
these anti-gentrification vibes
819
00:46:48,006 --> 00:46:50,173
and I just think that food
is so next gen
820
00:46:50,175 --> 00:46:51,207
that it can wait for just...
821
00:46:51,209 --> 00:46:52,842
No, Laurie mills,
food can't wait!
822
00:46:52,844 --> 00:46:55,645
My food can't wait!
It's too important for that!
823
00:46:56,013 --> 00:46:57,914
Look, Nelson Mandela once said,
"you haven't lived
824
00:46:57,916 --> 00:46:59,649
until you've found something
worth dying for."
825
00:46:59,651 --> 00:47:03,719
My food is worth dying for,
okay?
826
00:47:05,589 --> 00:47:09,025
God... your hands are so strong.
827
00:47:11,161 --> 00:47:13,596
Frozen and silent,
828
00:47:13,598 --> 00:47:15,932
Leningrad refused to die.
829
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,835
Bread was now made
with sweepings,
830
00:47:18,837 --> 00:47:21,437
cattle cake and sawdust.
831
00:47:22,372 --> 00:47:23,873
Over two and a half
million people
832
00:47:23,875 --> 00:47:25,875
were trapped in the city,
833
00:47:25,877 --> 00:47:28,744
over 400,000 of them children.
834
00:47:31,415 --> 00:47:34,617
People ate soap, linseed oil,
835
00:47:34,619 --> 00:47:36,786
the paste for wallpaper...
836
00:47:57,207 --> 00:47:59,508
"Saski-babes, totes adore
the charlatan thing,
837
00:47:59,510 --> 00:48:02,178
when you gave me the job
you promised me 100 percent
838
00:48:02,180 --> 00:48:04,847
editorial control to guarantee
Metro B's authenticity.
839
00:48:04,849 --> 00:48:07,316
I truly believe
in Harmony Ambrose."
840
00:48:07,318 --> 00:48:10,486
Hmm, not as vacuous
as we thought!
841
00:48:11,855 --> 00:48:13,055
Okay.
842
00:48:27,004 --> 00:48:30,072
By Laurie mills.
843
00:48:38,582 --> 00:48:41,384
By Laurie mills.
844
00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:52,228
What?
845
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,497
What do you mean, a dongle?
846
00:48:54,499 --> 00:48:56,599
Ugh! Come on, help me!
847
00:48:58,869 --> 00:49:00,603
Hmm...
848
00:49:03,140 --> 00:49:05,942
Ah, come on, just help me out!
849
00:49:18,822 --> 00:49:20,856
Surprise!
850
00:49:24,761 --> 00:49:26,162
You look like shit.
851
00:49:33,837 --> 00:49:36,238
At least you remembered
it's Auden's birthday.
852
00:49:36,540 --> 00:49:38,274
That's something, isn't it?
853
00:49:38,575 --> 00:49:39,775
Yeah...
854
00:49:40,277 --> 00:49:42,111
Yeah, where is the birthday boy?
855
00:49:42,113 --> 00:49:45,114
Saskia's taken him to the floating
tots swimming experience.
856
00:49:45,116 --> 00:49:46,282
Ah!
857
00:49:46,616 --> 00:49:48,284
It's my life, by the way.
858
00:50:06,336 --> 00:50:07,970
I'm sorry, Sam.
859
00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:10,139
What are you sorry about?
860
00:50:11,708 --> 00:50:12,942
Everything.
861
00:50:16,580 --> 00:50:18,080
I...
862
00:50:18,082 --> 00:50:21,384
know it's been hard
since they died, but...
863
00:50:21,386 --> 00:50:23,786
you've got to stop
doing these mental things, Mel.
864
00:50:24,287 --> 00:50:25,821
There are other flats.
865
00:50:27,124 --> 00:50:29,258
Yeah, I know
it seems crazy, but...
866
00:50:29,926 --> 00:50:32,161
if she gets my flat, then...
867
00:50:32,163 --> 00:50:34,063
she gets my boy,
and she takes my life.
868
00:50:34,065 --> 00:50:35,331
You know,
I can't let that happen.
869
00:50:35,333 --> 00:50:36,832
Then come home,
870
00:50:36,834 --> 00:50:38,467
be with people who love you...
871
00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:41,103
and forget the flat.
872
00:50:41,805 --> 00:50:44,273
And, do you know what, you
should forget Harmony as well.
873
00:50:46,176 --> 00:50:47,843
You're doing the crying thing.
874
00:50:51,081 --> 00:50:53,149
Why do I lose everything, Sam?
875
00:50:54,484 --> 00:50:55,684
Oh, fucking hell.
876
00:50:57,988 --> 00:50:59,221
Come here.
877
00:51:00,991 --> 00:51:04,260
Oh, god, no, no, no, no, no.
Ah, this is silly.
878
00:51:04,262 --> 00:51:06,128
I'm just gonna clean myself up.
879
00:51:06,130 --> 00:51:08,931
- You okay?
- Yep, I'm fine! I'm fine.
880
00:51:28,018 --> 00:51:29,318
Hey, chicken pop!
881
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,387
I forgot my dongley thingy.
882
00:51:31,389 --> 00:51:33,622
It's in, uh, my office.
883
00:51:34,758 --> 00:51:36,959
Ah, Melody!
You gave me a fright!
884
00:51:36,961 --> 00:51:39,595
Yeah, I know, I was just
looking for the loo.
885
00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:41,197
Oh, really?
886
00:51:41,199 --> 00:51:43,966
It's downstairs, same as it was
when you grew up here.
887
00:51:44,468 --> 00:51:45,701
Yeah.
888
00:51:45,703 --> 00:51:47,903
Ah, here we go.
889
00:51:49,306 --> 00:51:50,606
Toodles.
890
00:51:55,846 --> 00:51:57,246
Toodles.
891
00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:02,651
Hello. Hello.
892
00:52:02,653 --> 00:52:06,055
Hello, darling, my name
is Saskia armitage-Munro,
893
00:52:06,057 --> 00:52:07,289
don't you know.
894
00:52:07,291 --> 00:52:09,992
I work for Zeitline.
I work for the Zeitline.
895
00:52:09,994 --> 00:52:11,961
Well, I'm the main editor
of Zeitline.
896
00:52:11,963 --> 00:52:14,497
You know, one of the most
important magazines in London.
897
00:52:14,499 --> 00:52:17,867
Sammy! Sam.
Sammy, remember why we're here!
898
00:52:17,869 --> 00:52:21,137
Sam. Sam!
899
00:52:21,139 --> 00:52:22,605
Mmh, mmh, Toodles!
900
00:52:22,607 --> 00:52:24,473
Laurie, darling, love the fact
901
00:52:24,475 --> 00:52:27,443
you're Metro bitch now,
Zeitmost.
902
00:52:27,445 --> 00:52:29,678
Thing is, Saskia, is that...
903
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,581
I'm actually buying Melody's
flat through charlatans,
904
00:52:32,583 --> 00:52:34,283
so, I mean,
wouldn't that look a bit odd?
905
00:52:34,285 --> 00:52:36,619
That's what makes it so perfect!
906
00:52:36,621 --> 00:52:39,221
It's life as lived on
the front line of hip London!
907
00:52:39,223 --> 00:52:41,457
When you make a stand
and don't buy the flat
908
00:52:41,459 --> 00:52:44,527
it'll be a real story,
reportage.
909
00:52:44,529 --> 00:52:47,663
So you want me
to push Harmony's food thing
910
00:52:47,665 --> 00:52:49,532
until next week?
911
00:52:49,534 --> 00:52:52,301
No, no food thing,
just charlatans.
912
00:52:52,303 --> 00:52:55,304
That's going to
hurt Harmony's feelings?
913
00:52:55,306 --> 00:52:57,540
He doesn't matter.
Just do it.
914
00:52:57,542 --> 00:53:00,843
Betrayal? Love it.
So next gen.
915
00:53:01,646 --> 00:53:03,646
Okay, Toodles.
916
00:53:06,783 --> 00:53:08,284
Who was that, darling?
917
00:53:08,652 --> 00:53:10,152
So funny.
918
00:53:10,154 --> 00:53:12,421
Great story. Tell you later.
- Super!
919
00:53:14,292 --> 00:53:15,457
Our ancestors in caves
920
00:53:15,459 --> 00:53:18,027
didn't eat for taste,
they ate to survive,
921
00:53:18,029 --> 00:53:21,163
and that is the kind of purity
of consumption that we need.
922
00:53:21,165 --> 00:53:23,899
My new pop-up
will have the need concept.
923
00:53:23,901 --> 00:53:27,870
Every meal will be served
by a Japanese Shinto priest
924
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:30,072
holding a loaded gun
to your head,
925
00:53:30,074 --> 00:53:32,107
and that will
amplify the experience
926
00:53:32,109 --> 00:53:33,909
more than any flavor.
927
00:53:33,911 --> 00:53:37,513
It'll be like one plus one
equals... eight.
928
00:53:38,014 --> 00:53:40,950
A totally immersive
dining experience.
929
00:53:41,117 --> 00:53:43,118
Wow, that sounds great!
930
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:44,820
Oh, it's better than great!
931
00:53:44,822 --> 00:53:46,789
Babe, it's a revolution.
932
00:53:46,791 --> 00:53:49,351
That's what me and Laurie have
been working on with this article.
933
00:53:50,493 --> 00:53:53,596
It's just amazing that this
is happening to me, you know?
934
00:53:54,197 --> 00:53:56,699
I feel like the luckiest guy
in the world.
935
00:53:59,336 --> 00:54:02,171
Um... you...
936
00:54:02,173 --> 00:54:03,772
Y-you're not hungry?
937
00:54:04,174 --> 00:54:05,941
Oh, no, I am, I'm starving.
938
00:54:07,344 --> 00:54:09,645
And this is amazing, you know.
939
00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:12,781
It's probably the best-tasting
food I've ever tried.
940
00:54:12,783 --> 00:54:17,553
But I shouldn't really be...
941
00:54:17,555 --> 00:54:18,887
What?
942
00:54:19,222 --> 00:54:21,824
Look, Laurie says I really need
to be 100 percent
943
00:54:21,826 --> 00:54:23,359
brand Harmony right now.
944
00:54:23,361 --> 00:54:25,527
And I've already got the
advantage of one word equity,
945
00:54:25,529 --> 00:54:29,698
you know, like Boris,
or Shano... Warne.
946
00:54:30,066 --> 00:54:31,500
But also live it, you know?
947
00:54:31,502 --> 00:54:35,838
Every day is literally a battle
against the tyranny of taste,
948
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,008
this war of attrition
that I've got within myself.
949
00:54:39,010 --> 00:54:40,542
Basically, Laurie says
I've got to stop eating food
950
00:54:40,544 --> 00:54:42,144
that tastes nice.
951
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:45,781
All good, babe?
952
00:54:47,417 --> 00:54:48,951
Do you wanna fuck?
953
00:54:49,586 --> 00:54:51,287
You do fuck still, don't you?
954
00:54:51,588 --> 00:54:52,888
Oh, yeah.
955
00:54:53,556 --> 00:54:55,157
I'm still Australian.
956
00:55:05,136 --> 00:55:06,669
Oh god, I love you.
957
00:55:06,671 --> 00:55:08,671
- I love you.
- I love you.
958
00:55:08,673 --> 00:55:11,407
- Yeah, and I love you.
- Oh, and I love you!
959
00:55:11,409 --> 00:55:15,311
I love you.
I love you and I love you.
960
00:55:15,313 --> 00:55:17,012
Are you talking to the flat?!
961
00:55:18,615 --> 00:55:20,049
No?
962
00:55:23,086 --> 00:55:24,486
Babe!
963
00:55:26,723 --> 00:55:28,590
Oh, god. Oh.
964
00:56:29,720 --> 00:56:31,353
He had nothing to do with him.
965
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:37,025
Oh, my god.
966
00:56:37,660 --> 00:56:40,662
Well, Melsy babes,
967
00:56:40,664 --> 00:56:42,097
here you are!
968
00:56:46,202 --> 00:56:48,971
Oh, and just look at Harmony.
969
00:56:49,973 --> 00:56:52,608
God, if I hadn't been
lumbered with Sam
970
00:56:52,610 --> 00:56:55,411
I'd be all over
that sexy Aussie bum.
971
00:56:55,413 --> 00:56:57,413
- That's a nice image.
- Oh, shut up, darling.
972
00:56:57,514 --> 00:56:58,947
You know I heart you.
973
00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:03,619
Hey.
974
00:57:03,621 --> 00:57:06,221
What has she put you in, eh?
975
00:57:06,223 --> 00:57:07,723
Yeah, I know.
976
00:57:07,991 --> 00:57:09,858
I feel exactly the same.
977
00:57:11,027 --> 00:57:12,528
So, we start with the greeting.
978
00:57:12,530 --> 00:57:14,062
- Yes.
- You think so?
979
00:57:14,064 --> 00:57:15,197
Uh, miss out that bit.
980
00:57:15,199 --> 00:57:16,732
Can I just-can I just
ask a question?
981
00:57:16,734 --> 00:57:18,133
Are we...
Is this coming before that?
982
00:57:18,135 --> 00:57:19,902
This bit after.
Oh, look, look.
983
00:57:19,904 --> 00:57:21,036
He's worried.
984
00:57:21,038 --> 00:57:22,038
Oh, he's worried.
985
00:57:24,275 --> 00:57:25,607
Relax!
986
00:57:25,809 --> 00:57:28,677
That was a strange phone call,
wasn't it, Melody?
987
00:57:28,679 --> 00:57:30,179
What phone call?
988
00:57:30,181 --> 00:57:32,014
Oh, you know the one.
989
00:57:32,016 --> 00:57:35,150
The one when you rang
pretending to be Saskia.
990
00:57:36,986 --> 00:57:38,387
Dashing, dashing.
991
00:57:38,389 --> 00:57:39,888
Hi, hi. Thanks for coming.
992
00:57:41,157 --> 00:57:42,724
Harmony is
going to be heartbroken
993
00:57:42,726 --> 00:57:45,594
when I tell him after the
ceremony that you betrayed him.
994
00:57:45,596 --> 00:57:47,796
Why don't you just stop
making things up?
995
00:57:47,798 --> 00:57:50,132
Charlatans thing was
a nice idea, though.
996
00:57:50,700 --> 00:57:52,000
Bad luck.
997
00:57:54,004 --> 00:57:55,571
Why don't I take him?
I'm great with kids.
998
00:57:55,573 --> 00:57:57,840
Look, I'm fine.
I can hold a baby.
999
00:57:59,076 --> 00:58:01,443
I think it's probably best,
though, if I take him.
1000
00:58:01,445 --> 00:58:04,480
Why don't you fuck off
and get your own fucking baby?!
1001
00:58:08,551 --> 00:58:10,219
Uh, um...
1002
00:58:10,221 --> 00:58:13,722
Why don't we see if you
can manage holding this?
1003
00:58:15,058 --> 00:58:16,592
Hello!
1004
00:58:16,594 --> 00:58:17,926
Yay.
1005
00:58:17,928 --> 00:58:20,195
Is that better? Yes.
1006
00:58:23,933 --> 00:58:25,667
Can you get
your fucking shit together
1007
00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:28,337
and stop fucking swearing
in the fucking church?
1008
00:58:28,339 --> 00:58:30,339
Shall we begin?
1009
00:58:30,341 --> 00:58:32,007
Yes.
1010
00:58:32,009 --> 00:58:35,444
Our lord Jesus Christ
has told us
1011
00:58:35,446 --> 00:58:37,779
that to enter
the kingdom of heaven,
1012
00:58:37,781 --> 00:58:40,616
we must repent our sins!
1013
00:58:41,050 --> 00:58:42,985
For god so loved the world
1014
00:58:42,987 --> 00:58:45,487
that he gave his only
begotten son
1015
00:58:45,489 --> 00:58:48,457
so that whosoever believeth
in him
1016
00:58:48,459 --> 00:58:50,926
shall not perish,
but have everlasting life!
1017
00:58:50,928 --> 00:58:52,728
Hi! Hey!
1018
00:58:52,996 --> 00:58:54,329
Speaking of life,
1019
00:58:54,331 --> 00:58:56,098
that is why we are here!
1020
00:58:56,432 --> 00:58:59,868
So, may I ask you to bring
the godparents forward?
1021
00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:01,537
- Yes.
- Yes. All right.
1022
00:59:07,944 --> 00:59:09,111
Cunt.
1023
00:59:09,946 --> 00:59:11,914
And stop right there, yeah.
1024
00:59:28,531 --> 00:59:29,765
Bingo.
1025
00:59:48,485 --> 00:59:50,552
Have you seen Doris and Dave?
1026
00:59:50,554 --> 00:59:52,054
Thanks for coming!
1027
00:59:52,056 --> 00:59:53,889
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1028
00:59:53,891 --> 00:59:56,458
No, stop, stop.
Just fucking stop.
1029
00:59:56,460 --> 00:59:57,492
I don't wanna hear.
1030
00:59:57,494 --> 00:59:58,493
I took that by mistake.
1031
00:59:58,495 --> 00:59:59,828
Mel, just go, okay?
1032
00:59:59,830 --> 01:00:01,096
I don't wanna see you again
1033
01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:02,931
until you pay me back
my child's money,
1034
01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:04,566
all of it.
1035
01:00:05,668 --> 01:00:07,402
Um, where's Laurie?
1036
01:00:07,404 --> 01:00:08,870
Why?
1037
01:00:08,872 --> 01:00:11,607
A story she's written's
going bonkers on Twitter,
1038
01:00:11,609 --> 01:00:13,208
"burn charlatans burn."
1039
01:00:13,210 --> 01:00:16,244
God, that is so on trend.
1040
01:00:16,546 --> 01:00:18,447
Oh, Laurie, have you seen this?
1041
01:00:18,449 --> 01:00:20,449
You're such a clever girl!
1042
01:00:20,451 --> 01:00:22,050
We've gone viral!
1043
01:00:22,385 --> 01:00:24,386
- Sorry?
- "Burn charlatans burn."
1044
01:00:24,388 --> 01:00:25,754
God, it's brilliant.
1045
01:00:25,756 --> 01:00:27,456
Wow, Laurie,
how did you think of that?
1046
01:00:28,825 --> 01:00:31,593
Oh, I suppose you'll
have to publicly refuse
1047
01:00:31,595 --> 01:00:33,228
to buy the flat now.
1048
01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:36,632
Oh! Oh, we could live-stream
her telling the agent!
1049
01:00:36,634 --> 01:00:38,533
Yes, that's brilliant!
1050
01:00:39,502 --> 01:00:41,637
I don't know about you, Saskia,
but I'm really impressed
1051
01:00:41,639 --> 01:00:43,538
that Laurie would be willing
to risk her relationship
1052
01:00:43,540 --> 01:00:45,807
with Harmony for the sake
of the right story.
1053
01:00:46,242 --> 01:00:47,909
I'm not sure I'd be able
to forgive someone
1054
01:00:47,911 --> 01:00:49,311
who did that to me.
1055
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,615
Oh, this is perfect.
1056
01:00:53,617 --> 01:00:56,018
You're such a clever
little angel.
1057
01:00:57,687 --> 01:01:00,288
I'm tweeting piers Morgan now.
1058
01:01:11,334 --> 01:01:14,903
Charlatans is the new form
of Chinese cabbage.
1059
01:01:18,575 --> 01:01:19,941
Actually, like,
speak up and say...
1060
01:01:19,943 --> 01:01:21,276
Fuck charlatans!
1061
01:01:21,278 --> 01:01:23,245
I just know how to tuck a penis
up my bum.
1062
01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:28,984
Heart Laurie mills.
1063
01:01:29,852 --> 01:01:31,653
Laurie mills is the one.
1064
01:01:37,193 --> 01:01:38,894
Ms. mills.
1065
01:01:40,363 --> 01:01:41,530
What's with the video?
1066
01:01:41,532 --> 01:01:42,631
I have come to tell you
1067
01:01:42,633 --> 01:01:44,466
that I think you're a cancer...
1068
01:01:44,468 --> 01:01:46,301
eating away at society.
1069
01:01:46,837 --> 01:01:54,476
You and your extensive range
of high-quality apartments...
1070
01:01:57,580 --> 01:02:01,650
apartments is what is ruining
the local spirit of my area.
1071
01:02:01,652 --> 01:02:04,619
You just bring in an influx
of wealthy,
1072
01:02:04,621 --> 01:02:07,155
aspirational,
good-looking people,
1073
01:02:07,157 --> 01:02:10,959
which, quite frankly,
I find disgusting!
1074
01:02:10,961 --> 01:02:11,993
Hmm!
1075
01:02:11,995 --> 01:02:13,695
But it's the market.
1076
01:02:13,697 --> 01:02:15,664
People want to live
in this area.
1077
01:02:15,666 --> 01:02:17,065
You want to live in this area!
1078
01:02:17,067 --> 01:02:18,834
How dare you, JP?!
1079
01:02:18,836 --> 01:02:23,872
I will never, ever,
buy a property from you.
1080
01:02:39,989 --> 01:02:43,024
Charlatans have taken our vibe!
1081
01:02:43,026 --> 01:02:45,761
It's ruined
our warehouse parties
1082
01:02:45,763 --> 01:02:47,796
and killed our street markets!
1083
01:02:47,798 --> 01:02:51,633
But now it is time
to take our streets back!
1084
01:02:55,505 --> 01:02:56,905
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
1085
01:02:56,907 --> 01:03:03,011
Fuck you, charlatans!
Fuck you, charlatans!
1086
01:03:03,346 --> 01:03:06,615
Woo-hoo! Woo!
Whoop! Whoop!
1087
01:03:06,617 --> 01:03:08,383
Whoop! Whoop!
Whoop! Whoop!
1088
01:03:09,486 --> 01:03:10,685
Yeah.
1089
01:04:14,885 --> 01:04:16,451
Fuck!
1090
01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,488
Oh, my god.
1091
01:04:20,490 --> 01:04:24,292
That was so inspirational, it's
given me an idea for a starter.
1092
01:04:24,294 --> 01:04:25,427
Oh no, wait.
1093
01:04:25,429 --> 01:04:27,162
Wait, I'm going to cook for you.
1094
01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:43,011
Babe, why are you throwing away
a picture of Laurie?
1095
01:04:43,013 --> 01:04:44,045
What?
1096
01:04:55,925 --> 01:04:57,559
Holy shit, it was you.
1097
01:05:04,267 --> 01:05:06,935
Just-just ignore that, babe.
1098
01:05:07,403 --> 01:05:09,271
You set this whole thing up?
1099
01:05:11,641 --> 01:05:13,909
You knew it would ruin
my article.
1100
01:05:13,911 --> 01:05:15,777
- I did it for us.
- No, you didn't.
1101
01:05:17,246 --> 01:05:20,682
You want this flat so much,
you're welcome to it.
1102
01:05:21,651 --> 01:05:24,953
You don't love me, I'm just
another thing to you like your...
1103
01:05:26,155 --> 01:05:27,656
de'longhi.
1104
01:05:30,626 --> 01:05:32,694
- Where are you going?
- To find Laurie,
1105
01:05:32,696 --> 01:05:34,195
someone who wants me to succeed.
1106
01:05:34,197 --> 01:05:35,597
Well, Laurie doesn't want you
to succeed,
1107
01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:37,499
she just wants your cock!
1108
01:05:37,501 --> 01:05:39,534
Laurie mills actually cares
about my food!
1109
01:05:39,536 --> 01:05:40,702
Oh, your food!
1110
01:05:40,704 --> 01:05:43,238
The food is
pretentious bullshit!
1111
01:05:54,050 --> 01:05:56,184
You still love me, don't you?
1112
01:06:10,033 --> 01:06:11,232
Mmh.
1113
01:07:54,370 --> 01:07:55,737
Who is it?
1114
01:07:55,971 --> 01:07:57,472
Melody Munro,
1115
01:07:57,474 --> 01:08:01,076
bailiffs collecting on behalf
of show me the Skrilla.
1116
01:08:15,758 --> 01:08:17,158
Are you letting us in?
1117
01:08:19,628 --> 01:08:23,331
You sure?
1118
01:08:25,067 --> 01:08:26,468
This hasn't happened before.
1119
01:08:27,203 --> 01:08:30,271
Just... just take it.
1120
01:08:31,707 --> 01:08:33,141
Take it all.
1121
01:08:37,546 --> 01:08:39,080
It wasn't a heart attack,
1122
01:08:39,082 --> 01:08:42,484
it was an irregular murmur
brought on by stress.
1123
01:08:43,219 --> 01:08:45,753
In fact, sayingthe words " heart attack"
1124
01:08:45,755 --> 01:08:46,988
made me more stressed.
1125
01:08:47,123 --> 01:08:49,691
Apparently, my blood pressure
is the worst seen
1126
01:08:49,693 --> 01:08:52,360
outside of Japanese
mid-level management,
1127
01:08:52,362 --> 01:08:53,628
which is great.
1128
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:57,699
The doctor's given me
this... heart rate thing.
1129
01:08:57,701 --> 01:09:00,301
Okay, listen, I'm going to
stop you right there.
1130
01:09:01,470 --> 01:09:02,770
Look.
1131
01:09:07,042 --> 01:09:09,043
I want you to sell the flat.
1132
01:09:09,045 --> 01:09:10,645
I can't talk about the flat.
1133
01:09:11,347 --> 01:09:15,016
Talking about the flat makes me
very uncomfortable and nervous.
1134
01:09:15,018 --> 01:09:16,251
I need to remain calm.
1135
01:09:16,253 --> 01:09:19,921
I need to remain extremely calm.
1136
01:09:19,923 --> 01:09:22,423
Okay, well I'm gonna move back
with my brother.
1137
01:09:22,425 --> 01:09:23,825
And, Tommy...
1138
01:09:24,460 --> 01:09:25,760
I'm sorry.
1139
01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:31,065
Fuck.
1140
01:09:31,067 --> 01:09:32,901
Sorry.
Sorry, my heart's beating.
1141
01:09:32,903 --> 01:09:34,869
Sorry. It's the emotion.
1142
01:09:34,871 --> 01:09:36,037
Fuck.
1143
01:09:36,039 --> 01:09:37,138
Suni!
1144
01:09:37,573 --> 01:09:40,074
Suni, fucking getting in here,
Suni!
1145
01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:43,011
Fuck. I'll see you later.
1146
01:09:43,013 --> 01:09:44,179
Arh!
1147
01:10:03,732 --> 01:10:06,367
We're temporarily closed
at the moment,
1148
01:10:06,369 --> 01:10:07,502
but you can still view
1149
01:10:07,504 --> 01:10:10,338
our extensive
range of properties online!
1150
01:10:10,340 --> 01:10:11,906
It's Melody.
1151
01:10:12,341 --> 01:10:15,109
Step away
from this retail property!
1152
01:10:15,111 --> 01:10:18,313
I have your keys.
You can have them.
1153
01:10:26,455 --> 01:10:27,722
Wow.
1154
01:10:29,358 --> 01:10:30,992
You're joking, yeah?
1155
01:10:32,695 --> 01:10:34,495
To the Victor, the spoils.
1156
01:10:38,801 --> 01:10:41,202
Come on, JP, let's get you
a celebratory drink.
1157
01:10:41,204 --> 01:10:42,904
Glasses are over there.
1158
01:10:44,974 --> 01:10:47,942
But... first probably
some water, eh?
1159
01:10:47,944 --> 01:10:52,447
The... toy... factory.
1160
01:10:55,117 --> 01:10:56,651
Ah, Melody,
1161
01:10:56,653 --> 01:10:58,219
fancy meeting you here!
1162
01:10:58,221 --> 01:10:59,454
What are you doing?
1163
01:10:59,456 --> 01:11:01,256
Burn charlatan burn!
1164
01:11:01,258 --> 01:11:04,392
I wrote it, so now...
1165
01:11:06,695 --> 01:11:08,696
I'm going to do it!
1166
01:11:08,864 --> 01:11:11,899
Okay, glass, video record.
1167
01:11:11,901 --> 01:11:15,203
Say my name.
I am the Metro bitch!
1168
01:11:15,205 --> 01:11:19,274
Laurie... I wrote it...
You know that.
1169
01:11:20,276 --> 01:11:23,778
Oh, Melody,
you are funny sometimes!
1170
01:11:23,780 --> 01:11:25,380
This is really fucking serious.
1171
01:11:25,382 --> 01:11:27,448
You're right, Mel,
it is really serious.
1172
01:11:27,450 --> 01:11:28,883
- Harmon...
- Mel, I found it.
1173
01:11:28,885 --> 01:11:30,285
I've found the revolution.
1174
01:11:30,287 --> 01:11:33,588
And, look, it'll cause
a little bit of pain,
1175
01:11:33,590 --> 01:11:35,556
quite a lot of destruction,
1176
01:11:35,558 --> 01:11:38,960
but from its ashes
a new world will arise,
1177
01:11:38,962 --> 01:11:40,495
a better world,
1178
01:11:40,497 --> 01:11:43,064
and I'll be the one
to capture that...
1179
01:11:43,799 --> 01:11:45,566
in a kebab.
1180
01:11:45,568 --> 01:11:47,201
Okay, right, kids,
playtime is over.
1181
01:11:47,203 --> 01:11:49,837
You can go to jail for this
stuff for a very long time.
1182
01:11:49,839 --> 01:11:52,573
You can't stop me this time,
Melody.
1183
01:11:52,575 --> 01:11:56,277
Do you know that Bob Marley
once said,
1184
01:11:56,279 --> 01:11:57,745
"you haven't lived
1185
01:11:57,747 --> 01:11:59,714
until you've found
something worth dying for"?
1186
01:11:59,716 --> 01:12:00,948
Nelson Mandela.
1187
01:12:00,950 --> 01:12:05,153
Well, I... am... Bob Marley.
1188
01:12:06,221 --> 01:12:08,423
Well, you can be Bob Marley
all you want,
1189
01:12:08,425 --> 01:12:10,391
Harmony and me,
we're getting out of here.
1190
01:12:11,260 --> 01:12:12,760
- No!
- Come on, Harmony.
1191
01:12:22,004 --> 01:12:23,738
Do you know what?
1192
01:12:23,740 --> 01:12:25,206
You two...
1193
01:12:26,041 --> 01:12:27,608
you deserve each other.
1194
01:12:28,877 --> 01:12:31,646
She's always been
such a dull bitch.
1195
01:12:32,748 --> 01:12:34,582
Let's burn this fucker!
1196
01:12:48,831 --> 01:12:50,431
Hey, Sam, it's me.
1197
01:12:50,966 --> 01:12:52,433
I wanna move back home.
1198
01:12:53,235 --> 01:12:55,770
You set this whole thing up?
1199
01:12:56,004 --> 01:12:58,740
You've got to stop
doing these mental things...
1200
01:13:02,177 --> 01:13:03,578
You set this whole thing up?
1201
01:13:03,580 --> 01:13:07,949
You're playing with fire.
1202
01:13:14,757 --> 01:13:16,357
No. You've got to stop.
No, wait.
1203
01:13:16,359 --> 01:13:17,291
- Stand back, please!
- No, no, no!
1204
01:13:17,293 --> 01:13:18,826
These guys, they are morons.
1205
01:13:18,828 --> 01:13:21,362
It was me. I did it.
I burnt charlatans.
1206
01:13:22,631 --> 01:13:24,031
Fuck you, Melody!
1207
01:13:24,033 --> 01:13:25,700
I burned charlatans
1208
01:13:25,702 --> 01:13:28,736
and it's all here
on my Google glasses!
1209
01:13:29,037 --> 01:13:30,438
You stand back!
I'm warning you!
1210
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:31,806
Mel, I'm scared!
1211
01:13:31,808 --> 01:13:33,374
- Where's JP?
- He's in the car!
1212
01:13:33,376 --> 01:13:35,109
Laurie's gone nuts!
1213
01:13:35,377 --> 01:13:39,046
We're non-violent, officer,
apart from arson!
1214
01:13:51,827 --> 01:13:52,994
You win.
1215
01:13:52,996 --> 01:13:55,496
The attractive
loft conversion is yours.
1216
01:13:55,498 --> 01:13:56,964
- JP, stop moaning!
- What?
1217
01:13:56,966 --> 01:13:57,899
I think you've got work to do,
1218
01:13:57,901 --> 01:13:58,733
and I think
you're gonna enjoy it.
1219
01:13:58,735 --> 01:14:00,301
Come on!
- What?
1220
01:14:01,804 --> 01:14:04,639
JP! JP, tell them!
1221
01:14:04,641 --> 01:14:06,340
Hello, officers.
1222
01:14:06,342 --> 01:14:08,910
This woman is fucking crazy!
1223
01:14:08,912 --> 01:14:10,711
I've had enough of this shit!
1224
01:14:10,713 --> 01:14:12,780
I'm going back to Africa
to sell weapons.
1225
01:14:12,782 --> 01:14:14,916
No, JP! You tell them
it was me.
1226
01:14:14,918 --> 01:14:16,384
It was her.
1227
01:14:16,386 --> 01:14:18,286
She's one crazy fucking bitch!
1228
01:14:18,288 --> 01:14:20,388
No! It was me!
1229
01:14:23,058 --> 01:14:24,625
Jesus Christ!
1230
01:14:24,627 --> 01:14:25,860
Oh, god, that felt good.
1231
01:14:25,862 --> 01:14:27,995
Right, lads, it's taser time!
1232
01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:18,846
Thank you.
1233
01:15:19,281 --> 01:15:20,681
All right, Jones?
1234
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:21,782
Yeah, you know.
1235
01:15:21,784 --> 01:15:23,584
How's anger management
classes going?
1236
01:15:23,586 --> 01:15:24,986
Shit.
1237
01:15:30,093 --> 01:15:31,125
That's nice, innit?
1238
01:15:31,127 --> 01:15:32,894
Stop.
1239
01:15:34,296 --> 01:15:35,596
How's my nephew?
1240
01:15:36,465 --> 01:15:37,899
Good. Really good.
1241
01:15:38,333 --> 01:15:39,367
Did you get the money
1242
01:15:39,369 --> 01:15:40,902
that I transferred over
for his birthday?
1243
01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:41,904
Mm-hmm.
1244
01:15:45,073 --> 01:15:47,441
So, only two weeks to go!
1245
01:15:48,777 --> 01:15:50,511
Fucking hell,
1246
01:15:50,513 --> 01:15:51,846
two weeks.
1247
01:15:53,749 --> 01:15:55,650
See Laurie's campaign?
1248
01:15:55,652 --> 01:15:57,985
What,
the free the charlatans one?
1249
01:15:57,987 --> 01:15:59,220
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
1250
01:15:59,222 --> 01:16:01,222
She's been trying to get in
to do an interview.
1251
01:16:01,456 --> 01:16:02,490
One good thing about prison,
1252
01:16:02,492 --> 01:16:04,592
you can stop people
from visiting you.
1253
01:16:04,594 --> 01:16:06,694
Well, she is a massive cunt.
1254
01:16:07,162 --> 01:16:08,329
Yeah.
1255
01:16:09,097 --> 01:16:11,532
Saskia has said if you wanna
do a column
1256
01:16:11,534 --> 01:16:15,069
about being a posh girl in
prison there might be a slot!
1257
01:16:15,071 --> 01:16:17,204
Ooh, yeah!
1258
01:16:17,206 --> 01:16:18,706
Thanks.
1259
01:16:19,141 --> 01:16:22,343
I was actually thinking of trying
some cooking when I get out...
1260
01:16:22,945 --> 01:16:25,947
like a local restaurant
somewhere.
1261
01:16:26,949 --> 01:16:29,617
And nothing with a theme
and not a fucking pop-up.
1262
01:16:29,619 --> 01:16:31,719
I was actually quite
into the Nazi food.
1263
01:16:34,323 --> 01:16:36,857
By the way, yeah, Tommy's back.
1264
01:16:37,526 --> 01:16:39,193
I don't know, I thought maybe...
1265
01:16:39,195 --> 01:16:40,595
you guys could...
1266
01:16:40,829 --> 01:16:42,797
I'd still rather have
my old room back with you,
1267
01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:43,731
if that's all right.
1268
01:16:43,733 --> 01:16:45,499
That's fine. Of course.
1269
01:16:45,501 --> 01:16:47,268
Good.
1270
01:16:47,736 --> 01:16:49,036
Harmony sends his love.
1271
01:16:49,038 --> 01:16:51,872
- Does he?
- No. Not really.
1272
01:16:54,177 --> 01:16:55,576
Phew.
1273
01:17:03,452 --> 01:17:05,219
Oh, god.
1274
01:17:29,778 --> 01:17:32,713
Welcome to guerrilla gourmet,
my new cooking show,
1275
01:17:32,715 --> 01:17:35,116
where we're shooting here in...
1276
01:17:35,717 --> 01:17:38,853
Where are we?
In Ukraine,
1277
01:17:39,388 --> 01:17:41,322
and I'm cooking a flaming galah.
1278
01:17:46,561 --> 01:17:47,662
Fuck.
1279
01:17:47,664 --> 01:17:49,630
Ah, yes.
1280
01:17:49,632 --> 01:17:51,165
Harmony, I see men in the trees.
1281
01:17:51,167 --> 01:17:53,034
Just keep shooting, Anatoli.
1282
01:17:53,036 --> 01:17:54,735
This is what this is all about.
1283
01:17:54,737 --> 01:17:58,339
This is a cooking revolution
right here.
1284
01:18:00,109 --> 01:18:02,343
Oh, fuck. Fuck!
1285
01:18:02,345 --> 01:18:03,611
Oh, my leg.
1286
01:18:03,613 --> 01:18:05,680
Anatoli...
1287
01:18:05,747 --> 01:18:07,782
Anatoli, mate.
1288
01:18:10,085 --> 01:18:12,153
I'll get the first aid kit.
1289
01:18:13,388 --> 01:18:15,489
Anatoli, did we bring
the first aid kit?
1290
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:24,432
I have seen the light!
1291
01:18:24,434 --> 01:18:27,368
'Cause the anti-Christ
is coming too!
1292
01:18:27,769 --> 01:18:30,705
He gonna be bringing
smite and retribution!
1293
01:18:30,707 --> 01:18:34,208
Giant wasps, they be coming too!
1294
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:39,513
Welcome to JP's AKS!
1295
01:18:39,515 --> 01:18:40,614
Today, we're gonna be selling
1296
01:18:40,616 --> 01:18:42,750
the best fucking weapon
known to mankind!
1297
01:18:42,752 --> 01:18:45,286
Fucking get some, baby! Yeah!
1298
01:18:48,256 --> 01:18:51,392
Ladies and gentlemen, we've only
got 55 of these AK-47s left.
1299
01:18:51,394 --> 01:18:52,827
We've got to get rid of them!
1300
01:18:52,829 --> 01:18:54,361
You know, I don't wanna have to
put these in the trunk
1301
01:18:54,363 --> 01:18:55,996
of my car when I leave here
and try and drop them off
1302
01:18:55,998 --> 01:18:57,998
at a township somewhere, no!
1303
01:18:58,000 --> 01:18:59,400
These things have to go!
1304
01:18:59,402 --> 01:19:00,634
There you go, baby.
1305
01:19:00,636 --> 01:19:02,503
Do you wanna hold that
and show them how you shoot?
1306
01:19:02,505 --> 01:19:06,173
Now, look at this.
Now, you just aim down.
1307
01:19:06,175 --> 01:19:08,175
There you go, baby!
There you go!
1308
01:19:08,177 --> 01:19:10,244
Get some! Fuck you!
1309
01:19:10,246 --> 01:19:11,912
When you absolutely positively
1310
01:19:11,914 --> 01:19:14,381
must kill every motherfucker
in the room,
1311
01:19:14,383 --> 01:19:16,317
this is the only
weapon of choice.
1312
01:19:16,319 --> 01:19:17,985
Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
1313
01:19:17,987 --> 01:19:19,620
Yeah, we just sold
another five of those.
1314
01:19:19,622 --> 01:19:21,956
You could shoot someone
about 1,000 yards with this
1315
01:19:21,958 --> 01:19:23,858
and still take
their fucking arm off.
1316
01:19:23,860 --> 01:19:25,659
That's just
the way it works, eh!
1317
01:19:25,661 --> 01:19:28,129
Now, this is the way I prefer
to... give me that there, baby.
1318
01:19:28,131 --> 01:19:30,097
This is the way I prefer
to shoot, yeah?
1319
01:19:30,099 --> 01:19:32,166
You're gonna take these
and you're gonna fucking blow
1320
01:19:32,168 --> 01:19:35,469
some fucking people's head off!
Yeah, like that!
1321
01:19:35,471 --> 01:19:37,872
Fucking get some!
Fucking get some!
1322
01:19:46,715 --> 01:19:47,615
And I said, you know,
1323
01:19:47,617 --> 01:19:49,183
"cointreau is
for flambéing bananas,"
1324
01:19:49,185 --> 01:19:50,584
but they were drinking it!
1325
01:19:50,586 --> 01:19:52,419
Oh, goodness. Horrible!
1326
01:19:52,421 --> 01:19:54,889
Well, to bring it back
to a conclusion,
1327
01:19:54,891 --> 01:19:57,925
I think everything has gone
most satisfactorily,
1328
01:19:57,927 --> 01:19:59,126
Mr. and Mrs. Munro,
1329
01:19:59,128 --> 01:20:01,095
and I really don't have
any other questions.
1330
01:20:01,097 --> 01:20:03,430
It just remains for me
to ask Auden
1331
01:20:03,432 --> 01:20:06,433
if you have anything to add,
young man?
1332
01:20:06,601 --> 01:20:08,102
Cunt.
89113
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof