Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,912 --> 00:00:04,984
FXX presents
Archer 1999.
2
00:00:08,019 --> 00:00:10,370
All right,
let's get this over with.
3
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,657
This proceeding and any
sentences arising therefrom
4
00:00:14,745 --> 00:00:17,432
shall be conducted under
the Federation Judicial Code,
5
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,680
Article Nine,
in re attempted murder
6
00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:22,118
and mutiny,
both capital offenses.
7
00:00:22,339 --> 00:00:23,948
Now, I know
you've all been sworn,
8
00:00:24,036 --> 00:00:25,636
and I have read
your complaints.
9
00:00:25,724 --> 00:00:27,823
- I have a question.
- Is it, "What's the best way
10
00:00:27,911 --> 00:00:29,675
- to interrupt a judge?"
- No.
11
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,678
- Then...
- It's, "Why does a spaceship
12
00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:34,695
have an enormous dedicated
courtroom in it?"
13
00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:36,456
- Yeah, right?
- I don't know!
14
00:00:36,544 --> 00:00:38,516
- I didn't build it.
- Well, it's ridiculous.
15
00:00:38,604 --> 00:00:41,589
I basically sleep in a coffin,
and this could have been...
16
00:00:42,431 --> 00:00:44,120
2 1/2 squash courts.
17
00:00:44,227 --> 00:00:48,089
- Ooh, or a holodeck!
- We have a holodeck.
18
00:00:48,177 --> 00:00:49,978
- Yeah, but we never use it.
- Can we please...
19
00:00:50,065 --> 00:00:52,713
Oh, so hey,
why not just have the holodeck
20
00:00:52,801 --> 00:00:54,259
turn into a courtroom?
21
00:00:54,347 --> 00:00:56,430
Ooh, or 2 1/2
squash courts.
22
00:00:56,518 --> 00:00:58,323
Order! Order, or I will
23
00:00:58,411 --> 00:01:00,707
hold you all in a different
kind of contempt.
24
00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:03,550
Now, then, Mr. Figgis,
25
00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,815
are the people
ready to proceed?
26
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:10,401
Oh, yeah.
27
00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:12,512
Uh...
28
00:01:13,317 --> 00:01:16,034
Oh, uh, sorry.
Yes, Your Honor, the, uh...
29
00:01:16,768 --> 00:01:17,783
What is...
30
00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,698
- Oh, come on, seriously?
31
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,862
Yes, Your Honor.
32
00:01:22,961 --> 00:01:25,175
The people are ready
to proceed.
33
00:01:25,263 --> 00:01:26,481
That's what I thought.
34
00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:29,114
And is the defendant
ready to proceed?
35
00:01:29,202 --> 00:01:32,891
No, the defendant is not
because there is no defendant
36
00:01:32,979 --> 00:01:36,062
because this whole thing
is a sham and a farce,
37
00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:38,872
and I don't recognize
this kangaroo court's authority
38
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:42,040
because it's presided over
by a male prostitute.
39
00:01:42,128 --> 00:01:43,465
- Courtesan!
- Pobobot!
40
00:01:44,630 --> 00:01:46,854
And by God,
you will recognize it
41
00:01:46,942 --> 00:01:49,587
because prior to my
current circumstances,
42
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:53,190
for 16 years, I was a
Federation High Court Justice!
43
00:01:53,278 --> 00:01:55,501
- I have a question.
- Woman, I swear to God.
44
00:01:55,589 --> 00:01:57,438
How'd you go
from being a Federation judge
45
00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:59,128
to, like,
blowing space truckers?
46
00:01:59,302 --> 00:02:00,869
Well, Missy.
47
00:02:01,597 --> 00:02:02,894
Th-that is a...
48
00:02:03,045 --> 00:02:05,134
Oh, that is a long,
crazy story.
49
00:02:06,398 --> 00:02:08,131
But it is entirely nongermane
50
00:02:08,219 --> 00:02:10,639
to the solemn proceeding
before this bench.
51
00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:12,795
And so, Mr. Archer,
52
00:02:12,983 --> 00:02:15,824
having reminded you that
the man who represents himself
53
00:02:15,912 --> 00:02:17,223
has a fool for a client...
54
00:02:17,725 --> 00:02:19,785
I'm not representing myself.
55
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,332
Well, then who is?
56
00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:24,326
Oh, just TV's Michael Gray.
57
00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:27,223
Who, for reasons known
but to God,
58
00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:28,957
is wearing seersucker.
59
00:02:29,045 --> 00:02:31,676
So if you wanna go aheadand
do that motion to dismiss,
60
00:02:31,764 --> 00:02:34,006
now would, uh,
maybe be a good time.
61
00:02:34,599 --> 00:02:36,940
Oh, and also,
we wish to countersue.
62
00:02:37,028 --> 00:02:38,044
- I'm not typing that.
- What?
63
00:02:38,131 --> 00:02:39,131
I'm gonna allow it!
64
00:02:39,299 --> 00:02:41,355
For injuries and damages
from you assholes
65
00:02:41,443 --> 00:02:42,848
attempting to murder me
66
00:02:42,936 --> 00:02:45,201
so Lana could steal
half of the ship.
67
00:02:45,303 --> 00:02:47,754
Well, when TV's Michael Gray
is done with you,
68
00:02:47,842 --> 00:02:49,941
I'm gonna own your half.
69
00:02:50,029 --> 00:02:52,667
So, hey, I don't think
this is going as well
70
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,322
as you think it's going.
71
00:02:56,417 --> 00:02:58,795
You goddamn crook.
72
00:03:31,359 --> 00:03:33,051
*ARCHER (2009)*
Season 10 Episode 09
73
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,011
*ARCHER (2009)*
Episode Title :"1999: Robert De Niro"
74
00:03:42,945 --> 00:03:45,818
Jesus, okay.
I think that's enough.
75
00:03:45,913 --> 00:03:47,293
I don't wish to cause
the witness
76
00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:49,408
- any further distress.
- I'm fine, Your Honor.
77
00:03:49,503 --> 00:03:50,919
What about my magazine?
78
00:03:51,007 --> 00:03:53,676
- Will you...
- There's lots more video, Your Honor.
79
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:55,450
Like the part when Pam
smashed me in the head
80
00:03:55,537 --> 00:03:57,621
- with a fire extinguisher.
- Yeah!
81
00:03:57,709 --> 00:03:59,754
Play that!
Ka-klunk!
82
00:04:00,981 --> 00:04:02,934
Do the people have
any further questions
83
00:04:03,022 --> 00:04:05,198
- for this witness?
- Not at this time, Your Honor.
84
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,809
Then your witness.
85
00:04:07,364 --> 00:04:09,371
Well? Uh,
what are you waiting for?
86
00:04:10,811 --> 00:04:12,934
Get up there
and cross-examine her.
87
00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:14,106
What are you, hourly?
88
00:04:14,194 --> 00:04:15,231
I think I would be,
89
00:04:15,319 --> 00:04:16,731
if I was a lawyer.
90
00:04:16,819 --> 00:04:17,660
- Damn it.
- Look at me.
91
00:04:17,748 --> 00:04:19,106
Look at me.
Look at me.
92
00:04:19,194 --> 00:04:20,684
Something is wrong
with your brain.
93
00:04:20,772 --> 00:04:22,098
You need to plead not guilty
94
00:04:22,186 --> 00:04:23,410
by reason of insanity.
95
00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:24,629
Beg them for mercy
96
00:04:24,717 --> 00:04:27,590
and realize
you're hallucinating me.
97
00:04:28,989 --> 00:04:30,811
I'll see you
disbarred for this.
98
00:04:30,899 --> 00:04:32,472
Great,
look forward to it.
99
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:33,660
Point of procedure.
100
00:04:33,748 --> 00:04:35,965
I, uh, no longer wish
to be represented
101
00:04:36,053 --> 00:04:37,363
by TV's Michael Gray.
102
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,763
All righty.
103
00:04:38,851 --> 00:04:40,040
Are the people
okay with him
104
00:04:40,128 --> 00:04:41,913
not having
an imaginary lawyer?
105
00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:43,310
They're great with it.
106
00:04:43,397 --> 00:04:44,607
Then your witness.
107
00:04:44,695 --> 00:04:48,394
Thank you.
Now, then, Miss Kane, is it?
108
00:04:49,702 --> 00:04:51,181
Yup.
109
00:04:51,269 --> 00:04:52,619
Um...
110
00:04:53,021 --> 00:04:54,732
Damn, I had something
for this.
111
00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:56,474
- Did ya?
- Actually,
112
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:59,348
can we maybe
call her back at a, uh,
113
00:04:59,436 --> 00:05:02,771
time later than, um...
Later than now?
114
00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:05,491
You're just a regular
Clarence Darrow.
115
00:05:05,976 --> 00:05:08,044
You may step down.
Thank you.
116
00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:09,238
Call your next witness.
117
00:05:09,326 --> 00:05:11,232
Your Honor, the people call
118
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,037
the defendant's mother,
Malory Archer.
119
00:05:14,125 --> 00:05:16,083
Ooh.
120
00:05:17,437 --> 00:05:20,571
Come on, are we not doing that?
121
00:05:22,536 --> 00:05:25,115
- Ooh.
- Oh, come on.
122
00:05:25,203 --> 00:05:28,021
- Are you kidding me?
- Sit down, sir!
123
00:05:28,109 --> 00:05:30,902
Are you... she's dressed
exactly like Marlene Dietrich
124
00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:32,441
in "Witness
for the Prosecution,"
125
00:05:32,529 --> 00:05:35,544
right down to the hair
and the rakish little beret.
126
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:37,230
Are you seeing this?
127
00:05:37,318 --> 00:05:39,005
- Are you?
- What?
128
00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:40,373
How the...
129
00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,208
Objection. I object.
130
00:05:42,358 --> 00:05:45,119
- To what?
- I will ask the question!
131
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:46,819
It's actually
the same question.
132
00:05:46,906 --> 00:05:48,763
I don't know.
Everything!
133
00:05:48,851 --> 00:05:50,630
Oh, then I guess
we can all go home.
134
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,542
Can we?
135
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:52,849
What the hell is happening?
136
00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:53,779
Don't look at me.
137
00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:56,036
God damn it,
TV's Michael Gray.
138
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,453
- Uh, Your Honor...
- Wait, wait, shut up.
139
00:05:58,541 --> 00:05:59,681
You shut up!
140
00:05:59,937 --> 00:06:01,500
Order!
You're out of order!
141
00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:04,169
You're out of order!
You're out of order!
142
00:06:04,257 --> 00:06:06,374
This whole trial
is out of order!
143
00:06:06,462 --> 00:06:08,356
Th-they're out of order!
144
00:06:08,444 --> 00:06:09,763
Everybody shut up!
145
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,894
And you bang that thing
one more time,
146
00:06:11,982 --> 00:06:13,612
I'll break it off
inside you.
147
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:14,770
Legit phrasing.
148
00:06:14,866 --> 00:06:15,905
Shh! Listen.
149
00:06:15,993 --> 00:06:17,333
Proximity alert.
150
00:06:17,421 --> 00:06:18,216
- What's going on?
- What alert?
151
00:06:18,304 --> 00:06:19,317
Why the hell is there
152
00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:20,286
a proximity...
153
00:06:20,382 --> 00:06:22,106
- Whoa!
- Ow!
154
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:23,543
-Collision.
- How the...
155
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:24,653
Who's on the bridge?
156
00:06:24,741 --> 00:06:26,739
Nobody,
because we're all down here
157
00:06:26,827 --> 00:06:29,370
at this goddamn
kangaroo railroad.
158
00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:32,836
- What?
- The... the... the... the... the...
159
00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,708
- Choo-choo!
- Krieger!
160
00:06:34,838 --> 00:06:36,380
Why aren't you up there?
161
00:06:36,468 --> 00:06:38,224
Well, then who would do this?
162
00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:40,979
Holy shit, dude,
that's really good.
163
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,209
You don't think
it's derivative?
164
00:06:42,296 --> 00:06:44,042
No, 'cause I don't know
what that is.
165
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:45,195
It's when...
166
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:46,817
Krieger!
Status report!
167
00:06:48,473 --> 00:06:49,592
Right?
168
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:52,542
Okay, uh, we've got
moderate hull damage
169
00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:54,945
- to starboard amidships, um...
- From what?
170
00:06:55,033 --> 00:06:56,651
I don't know.
Jesus.
171
00:06:56,739 --> 00:06:58,667
Turn that thing
to the exterior cameras.
172
00:06:58,755 --> 00:07:00,950
Oh, right.
173
00:07:02,692 --> 00:07:03,856
Oh, my God.
174
00:07:03,944 --> 00:07:05,021
A Dri'n attack barge.
175
00:07:05,108 --> 00:07:06,997
Which means...
176
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:09,020
Boarding party.
177
00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:11,213
And there ain't no party
like a boarding party
178
00:07:11,301 --> 00:07:13,137
'cause a boarding party
don't stop.
179
00:07:14,748 --> 00:07:17,565
Well, until these
monstrous bastards
180
00:07:17,653 --> 00:07:19,700
have slaked their thirst
for blood.
181
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,893
And let me tell you,
these little devils
182
00:07:21,981 --> 00:07:23,395
are just parched.
183
00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:26,223
I know, right?
184
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:28,098
Barry-6, out.
185
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,237
Wh-what do we do?
What do we do?
186
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,832
Well, the first thing
we've gotta do...
187
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:34,192
And I'm sure
we can all agree on this...
188
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:36,270
Is declare a mistrial.
189
00:07:43,583 --> 00:07:45,667
Come on, man.
What's taking so long?
190
00:07:47,544 --> 00:07:48,770
"Space metal"?
191
00:07:48,895 --> 00:07:51,042
Think about how dumb
that sounds.
192
00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:52,176
Now, come on, let's
193
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,700
peel this banana and...
194
00:07:53,788 --> 00:07:55,083
Take a bite.
195
00:07:55,171 --> 00:07:56,612
I mean, before
they all get away
196
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:57,815
in an escape pod,
of course.
197
00:07:57,903 --> 00:07:58,903
Cyril!
198
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:00,262
- Lana...
- You are not...
199
00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:02,051
- I'm serious.
- Abandoning ship.
200
00:08:02,139 --> 00:08:04,755
- Do not make me hit you.
- Excuse me?
201
00:08:04,843 --> 00:08:06,573
No, I...
I didn't mean that.
202
00:08:07,519 --> 00:08:09,004
- Whoa!
- Ow!
203
00:08:09,168 --> 00:08:10,237
Serves you right!
204
00:08:10,325 --> 00:08:11,963
Trying to cut the line
like that!
205
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,325
What...
No one is abandoning ship!
206
00:08:14,426 --> 00:08:15,789
We're gonna stay here
and fight!
207
00:08:15,877 --> 00:08:17,326
I really don't think
we should.
208
00:08:18,272 --> 00:08:19,567
Yeah,
good luck with that.
209
00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:20,981
Meaning?
210
00:08:21,069 --> 00:08:22,653
Meaning those freaksare
literally gonna
211
00:08:22,741 --> 00:08:24,762
- chew you up and spit you out.
- Well...
212
00:08:24,850 --> 00:08:25,897
Or not spit you out.
213
00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:27,599
I don't know about pirate
dining etiquette,
214
00:08:27,686 --> 00:08:29,582
but definitely
the chewing up part.
215
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:32,335
Well, nobody asked you,
since last I checked,
216
00:08:32,423 --> 00:08:33,856
you're a goddamn mutineer.
217
00:08:33,944 --> 00:08:36,325
Well, the last I checked... and
I'm not being facetious...
218
00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:37,937
- Nice sweater dress.
- What?
219
00:08:38,025 --> 00:08:39,461
- Sweater dress?
- What?
220
00:08:39,549 --> 00:08:41,658
So you think maybe
you arecrazy?
221
00:08:43,518 --> 00:08:44,608
I'm crazy?
222
00:08:44,696 --> 00:08:46,885
- I mean...
- She's crazy if she thinks
223
00:08:46,973 --> 00:08:48,299
she can fight off
an entire barge
224
00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:50,742
full of murderous
Dri'n pirateswithout me.
225
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,721
- Uh, first of all...
- Hull breach.
226
00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:55,784
- Oh, no.
- Oh, that's no good.
227
00:08:55,872 --> 00:08:57,439
Talk about crazy, huh?
228
00:08:58,825 --> 00:09:02,481
Whoo! Now,
that's what I calla nice gash.
229
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:07,642
No, we're not doing
space phrasing.
230
00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:09,869
Uh, because it's derivative.
231
00:09:09,957 --> 00:09:13,172
- And also because I said so.
- Hull breach.
232
00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:14,451
I'm the only chance
you've got.
233
00:09:14,538 --> 00:09:15,698
He's right,
you know.
234
00:09:15,786 --> 00:09:17,524
Yeah, you gotta let him go.
235
00:09:17,612 --> 00:09:19,313
That, or let us
in that damn pod!
236
00:09:19,401 --> 00:09:20,854
- I vote pod.
- Cyril!
237
00:09:20,942 --> 00:09:23,068
And, I'm sorry,
have we all forgotten
238
00:09:23,156 --> 00:09:25,088
he basically
sexually assaulted me
239
00:09:25,221 --> 00:09:26,690
with a rolled-up magazine?
240
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:27,992
- No.
- That's evidence.
241
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,002
You're evidence!
242
00:09:29,118 --> 00:09:30,938
And there was nothing
sexual about it.
243
00:09:31,026 --> 00:09:34,619
I don't know.
I thought it was pretty sexy.
244
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,971
On opposite day!
Gross, you guys!
245
00:09:39,059 --> 00:09:40,117
Goddamn.
246
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,385
Lana, I'm sorry
I attacked you.
247
00:09:42,518 --> 00:09:44,391
I honestly don't know
what got into me.
248
00:09:44,479 --> 00:09:47,047
And when this is over,
you can punish me
249
00:09:47,135 --> 00:09:48,369
- however you see fit.
- It's
250
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,360
- howmever.
- Shut up!
251
00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:52,892
But this calls for
some serious swash buckling,
252
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:56,232
and no one else can buckle
swashes like me, so...
253
00:09:56,406 --> 00:09:58,082
Xenomorphs detected.
254
00:09:58,238 --> 00:10:00,244
- Oh, no!
- Your call.
255
00:10:00,332 --> 00:10:02,104
Xenomorphs detected.
256
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:13,068
Xenomorphs detected.
257
00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:15,201
You're damn right,
they are.
258
00:10:15,289 --> 00:10:16,865
Get some!
Yeah.
259
00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:19,781
Be a hitter, big un.
And have fun out there.
260
00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:22,443
Oh, hey, and, uh,
if anyone finds Archer,
261
00:10:22,531 --> 00:10:25,476
remember,
he's all mine.
262
00:10:25,812 --> 00:10:27,701
Okay, so Mother...
Here you go...
263
00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:29,420
Is gonna lure them
into the holodeck.
264
00:10:29,508 --> 00:10:30,763
- Why?
- Well, for one thing,
265
00:10:30,851 --> 00:10:31,920
because shut up.
266
00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:33,661
But remember...
Here you go...
267
00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:35,140
If we have to fall back...
268
00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:37,467
And we can probably
go ahead and make that
269
00:10:37,555 --> 00:10:40,170
"when we fall back"...
Here, take some of these...
270
00:10:40,258 --> 00:10:42,037
Fall back to the escape pod.
271
00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:43,836
The pod is the Alamo.
272
00:10:43,924 --> 00:10:45,529
If we're just gonna
go back there,
273
00:10:45,617 --> 00:10:47,060
why'd we leave
in the first place?
274
00:10:47,148 --> 00:10:49,506
Because the goal isn't
to run away so fast,
275
00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:50,935
it makes
your vagina flap.
276
00:10:51,023 --> 00:10:52,490
Plus, all the guns
are in here.
277
00:10:52,578 --> 00:10:53,513
Not all of them.
278
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:55,076
You got
the sentry guns online?
279
00:10:55,164 --> 00:10:57,146
- Yep, yep, yep.
- Okay.
280
00:10:57,234 --> 00:10:58,365
Here we go!
281
00:11:02,211 --> 00:11:04,213
A and B guns firing.
282
00:11:04,617 --> 00:11:06,060
Wait, wait, wait. At what?
283
00:11:06,148 --> 00:11:07,564
What?
284
00:11:09,273 --> 00:11:12,107
- 80, 60...
- What the shit, Krieger?
285
00:11:12,195 --> 00:11:14,943
40.
286
00:11:15,031 --> 00:11:16,573
That's it.
287
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:18,951
Then what was the point?
288
00:11:19,039 --> 00:11:20,631
Mm-mm-mm.
Director's cut?
289
00:11:20,719 --> 00:11:21,857
- Ugh.
- Right?
290
00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:23,201
Wait, what?
291
00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:25,452
Uh, did they even hit anybody?
292
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,537
So then just totally pointless.
293
00:11:32,476 --> 00:11:35,077
Unless you lean on them,
you big dummy.
294
00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:37,406
- Okay, Mother...
- Archer!
295
00:11:37,508 --> 00:11:39,842
- That's your cue.
- And just how exactly
296
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,021
am I supposed
to lure those creeps
297
00:11:42,109 --> 00:11:44,945
to the holodeck without
getting myself killed?
298
00:11:46,866 --> 00:11:49,467
Oh, right, right,
right, right, right.
299
00:11:49,555 --> 00:11:50,646
Duh.
300
00:11:50,734 --> 00:11:51,842
♪ Toodles ♪
301
00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:53,508
The rest of you,
follow me.
302
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,998
Move, Cyril.
I want to hear it flap.
303
00:11:57,211 --> 00:11:59,638
Come on, Archer.
You can run, but...
304
00:11:59,726 --> 00:12:02,122
Well, I guess you can hide,
obviously.
305
00:12:02,210 --> 00:12:04,450
But stop doing it
is what I'm saying.
306
00:12:04,538 --> 00:12:05,796
- ♪ Yoo-hoo ♪
- Huh?
307
00:12:05,883 --> 00:12:08,552
Who's up for some
bopping and booping?
308
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,399
I'll bop your boop,
you little...
309
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:13,271
Why would it be a ruse?
310
00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:14,731
Come on, you mother humpers.
311
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,013
Jeezy Petes,
you really arecrazy!
312
00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:22,265
We're sitting ducks.
There's no cover.
313
00:12:22,353 --> 00:12:24,896
Jesus Christ, do you nerds
really never come down here?
314
00:12:26,444 --> 00:12:28,317
- Oh!
- This is incredible!
315
00:12:28,405 --> 00:12:30,364
I know, right?
Plus, upstairs,
316
00:12:30,452 --> 00:12:32,427
there's a bunch of
hologram whores giving out
317
00:12:32,522 --> 00:12:34,819
old-timey
50-cent blow jobs.
318
00:12:34,913 --> 00:12:37,069
Wait, what makes them
old-timey?
319
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,794
Uh, they're 50 cents?
320
00:12:40,946 --> 00:12:43,101
Hoooo, Mikey Mike!
321
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:52,011
Whoa!
322
00:12:56,703 --> 00:12:59,131
Is now the best timefor that?
323
00:12:59,219 --> 00:13:01,242
A lot better
than it's about to be.
324
00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:02,634
How many are there?
325
00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:04,454
Scores.
326
00:13:04,602 --> 00:13:06,420
Like, literally scores or...
327
00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:08,889
Cyril, get your shittogether.
328
00:13:08,977 --> 00:13:11,225
Now, listen, you gotta let
'emcome into our killing zone.
329
00:13:11,313 --> 00:13:12,821
Don't just start blasting
away
330
00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:14,174
the second you...- -
331
00:13:14,291 --> 00:13:20,694
Suppressing fire!
332
00:13:25,645 --> 00:13:26,910
Whoo!
333
00:13:33,622 --> 00:13:36,581
- Goddamn, dude.
- Seriously.
334
00:13:36,669 --> 00:13:38,403
You shot all my guys.
335
00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:40,453
Oh, for... way to go, Cyril.
336
00:13:40,604 --> 00:13:41,513
- What?
- "What?"
337
00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:43,037
I'm supposed to be the hero.
338
00:13:43,171 --> 00:13:44,364
- Doing what?
- Seriously, Archer?
339
00:13:44,451 --> 00:13:45,452
- Wow.
- Well?
340
00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:48,655
That is pathetic.
341
00:13:48,743 --> 00:13:50,745
So are sweater vests.
342
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:52,139
- Huh?
- What's a sweater vest?
343
00:13:52,227 --> 00:13:53,359
Hey, asshole,
344
00:13:53,447 --> 00:13:54,761
you really wanna be
the hero?
345
00:13:54,849 --> 00:13:55,988
I mean...
346
00:13:56,076 --> 00:13:58,165
Then let's just
you and me play.
347
00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,691
Danger.
348
00:13:59,779 --> 00:14:01,274
The self-destruct system
349
00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:02,581
is now activated.
350
00:14:03,222 --> 00:14:04,670
Why do we even have that?
351
00:14:04,758 --> 00:14:05,767
What?
How?
352
00:14:05,855 --> 00:14:07,326
Because
the password was...
353
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,777
- "guest."
- Told you.
354
00:14:08,984 --> 00:14:11,441
Detonation in two minutes.
355
00:14:12,659 --> 00:14:13,712
- What?
- Two? No.
356
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:14,897
I thought I set it for 20.
357
00:14:14,985 --> 00:14:17,025
- Krieger, can you override it?
- Um...
358
00:14:17,113 --> 00:14:19,087
Krieger cannot override it.
359
00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:20,902
- No.
- What do we do? What do we do?
360
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,254
Well, if you hustle,
I bet you can just make it
361
00:14:23,342 --> 00:14:24,615
to the...
362
00:14:27,154 --> 00:14:29,303
Escape pod.
363
00:14:29,391 --> 00:14:31,524
- Come on, everybody. Move it!
- Let's go!
364
00:14:31,611 --> 00:14:32,965
All except you, Archer.
365
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,429
They go.
366
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,418
You stay.
367
00:14:36,506 --> 00:14:37,816
What? No.
368
00:14:37,941 --> 00:14:39,053
Sterling, no!
369
00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:40,986
Mother, it's okay.
You go.
370
00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,019
I need to stay here
for a while.
371
00:14:43,107 --> 00:14:43,958
Archer...
372
00:14:44,046 --> 00:14:45,293
Detonation in
373
00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:46,777
90 seconds.
374
00:14:46,865 --> 00:14:48,013
Go!
375
00:14:48,123 --> 00:14:49,154
Son of a...
376
00:14:49,669 --> 00:14:51,294
Come on.
377
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,983
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Sterling!
378
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,035
Moms, huh?
379
00:14:58,123 --> 00:15:00,944
So you're willing to die
just to make sure I do?
380
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:02,468
- Yep.
- Why?
381
00:15:02,555 --> 00:15:04,950
Because, Archer,
a long time ago
382
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,707
in a galaxy far, far away,
you put your nasty dick
383
00:15:08,795 --> 00:15:11,058
in my fiancée's butthole.
384
00:15:11,639 --> 00:15:13,858
Wait, wait, wait, that...
That's what this is about?
385
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:16,172
- Oh, yes.
- Uh, what was her name?
386
00:15:16,453 --> 00:15:18,241
- Simone?
- Framboise!
387
00:15:18,427 --> 00:15:19,780
Detonation in
388
00:15:19,868 --> 00:15:22,303
- 60 seconds.
- Jesus Christ.
389
00:15:22,444 --> 00:15:24,918
Well, if it's any consolation,
Barry,
390
00:15:25,006 --> 00:15:26,576
I can't even remember
what she looks li...
391
00:15:28,537 --> 00:15:30,538
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- But wait!
392
00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:32,881
- Couldn't we...
- Malory, we need to move.
393
00:15:32,991 --> 00:15:34,959
- We've only got...
- Detonation in
394
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:36,325
30 seconds.
395
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,772
- That.
- No, no, no, wait!
396
00:15:39,809 --> 00:15:41,707
Wait.
Just wait a second.
397
00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:42,834
- Wait.
- What?
398
00:15:44,205 --> 00:15:46,250
Chicken butt.
399
00:15:47,251 --> 00:15:48,644
Chicken butt, Barry!
400
00:15:48,818 --> 00:15:52,082
Detonation in 15 seconds.
401
00:15:52,256 --> 00:15:54,288
Escape pod launched.
402
00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:55,700
Yes!
403
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,170
They're safe, Barry.
404
00:15:57,258 --> 00:15:58,910
Detonation in ten...
405
00:15:58,998 --> 00:16:00,535
- Are they?
- Nine...
406
00:16:00,623 --> 00:16:02,254
- What?
- Eight...
407
00:16:02,342 --> 00:16:04,116
- Are they safe?
- Seven...
408
00:16:04,209 --> 00:16:05,543
- Yes.
- Six...
409
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,012
So you're the big man, huh?
410
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,871
- Five...
- Yes, Barry, I am.
411
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,723
- Four...
- I'm huge.
412
00:16:10,811 --> 00:16:12,193
- Three...
- Not what Framboise said.
413
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,536
- Two...
- Oh, really?
414
00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:14,732
- Because...
- One.
415
00:16:14,819 --> 00:16:16,850
Shit, I had something for...
416
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,588
Ignition.
417
00:16:30,493 --> 00:16:33,951
Ramp-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ge!
418
00:16:34,251 --> 00:16:35,512
Ugh.
419
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,477
Sterling Malory Archer.
420
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,592
Code name Duchess.
421
00:16:40,686 --> 00:16:41,879
So here's the thing.
422
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,200
I need to access
my operations account,
423
00:16:44,288 --> 00:16:45,583
and you're preventing that.
424
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,114
Now, we can do this easy,
425
00:16:47,202 --> 00:16:48,538
or we can do it hard.
426
00:16:48,626 --> 00:16:51,733
The thought of me
dead gives you an erection?
427
00:16:51,821 --> 00:16:53,199
Jesus Christ!
428
00:16:53,287 --> 00:16:54,756
Your call.
429
00:16:55,457 --> 00:16:57,377
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
430
00:16:57,465 --> 00:16:59,250
Drink, drink,
drink, drink!
431
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:00,766
Ow! Ow!
432
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,045
Bawk! Bawk!
433
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:04,506
- Archer!
- I'm coming!
434
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:05,856
Phrasing, boom!
435
00:17:10,672 --> 00:17:12,442
Okay, let's try that a...
Oh, shit!
436
00:17:13,797 --> 00:17:15,078
Survey says...
437
00:17:15,608 --> 00:17:17,231
Don't try to doanything stupid.
438
00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:19,534
I don't have to try.
439
00:17:23,856 --> 00:17:25,600
I'll show you who's boss.
440
00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,694
How do you like that?
441
00:17:30,703 --> 00:17:32,065
Hey, asshole!
442
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:33,348
Lana.
443
00:17:34,805 --> 00:17:36,077
Lana.
444
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:38,317
Lana!
445
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:41,900
Lanaaaaaaaa!
446
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:43,033
What?
447
00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:44,251
♪ Danger zone ♪
448
00:17:44,338 --> 00:17:45,948
Sterling Archer,
449
00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:48,280
I'd like you to meet your daughter,
450
00:17:48,491 --> 00:17:49,522
Abbiejean.
451
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,686
Why is that
who named like me?
452
00:17:51,774 --> 00:17:53,319
Because he's your son,
453
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:55,496
you colossal idiot.
454
00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:57,489
Until you can look
at your mother
455
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,772
and see her
not just as your mother
456
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:01,020
but as a person...
457
00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:03,405
When have I everbeen
honest with Sterling?
458
00:18:03,493 --> 00:18:04,528
You can't grow up.
459
00:18:05,748 --> 00:18:07,631
Honey, you still got it.
460
00:18:07,764 --> 00:18:10,569
♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow,
a-huh-huh ♪
461
00:18:10,803 --> 00:18:12,019
Pretty much
my whole life,
462
00:18:12,106 --> 00:18:14,551
my default setting
has been half-ass.
463
00:18:14,647 --> 00:18:15,897
Whoo-who cares?
464
00:18:15,985 --> 00:18:18,405
Imagine as I literally
beat you to death
465
00:18:18,537 --> 00:18:20,803
that a giant hand
has turned my dial
466
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,377
from half-ass
to quadruple-ass.
467
00:18:30,104 --> 00:18:32,135
Oh, booyakasha!
468
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:35,458
I've been shot, stabbed,
set on fire, poisoned, shot,
469
00:18:35,553 --> 00:18:37,840
sexually assaulted,
partially chewed,
470
00:18:37,928 --> 00:18:40,084
shot,
and declared legally dead
471
00:18:40,172 --> 00:18:41,489
twice on the same day.
472
00:18:41,577 --> 00:18:42,989
Think you might have
a problem.
473
00:18:43,077 --> 00:18:44,715
Yeah, Lana,
it's called cancer.
474
00:18:46,357 --> 00:18:47,785
Archer?
475
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:50,056
- Are you...
- The man who cheated death?
476
00:18:53,147 --> 00:18:54,645
I might be immortal.
477
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:57,019
Archer!
478
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,284
This close.
479
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,329
♪ Rebound ♪
480
00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:08,084
♪ Rebound
481
00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:12,078
Goddamn Barry.
482
00:19:13,366 --> 00:19:14,906
- Mother?
- Sterling?
483
00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:16,304
W-w-wait, what are you...
What are you...
484
00:19:16,391 --> 00:19:17,314
I... I...
485
00:19:17,431 --> 00:19:19,317
I know you didn't
just break
486
00:19:19,405 --> 00:19:20,871
another glass in here,
487
00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:23,106
because if I told you once,
I told you...
488
00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:25,614
My Lord Jesus!
God!
489
00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:27,489
Gladys!
He's awake!
490
00:19:27,577 --> 00:19:30,873
- He's awake!
- Yeah, um, duh.
491
00:19:30,983 --> 00:19:32,473
Wh-why am I in a hospital?
492
00:19:32,561 --> 00:19:35,200
You were shot
by a crazy woman.
493
00:19:35,288 --> 00:19:37,035
Just like Eddie Waitkus!
494
00:19:37,123 --> 00:19:38,465
- Who?
- Don't get him started.
495
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:39,731
Oh, man.
496
00:19:39,819 --> 00:19:41,529
For a second there,
I thought maybe the booze
497
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:42,621
had caught up with me.
498
00:19:42,709 --> 00:19:44,389
Ooh, speaking of...
499
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,817
- With me standing right here?
- He's gonna need it.
500
00:19:47,905 --> 00:19:50,778
Wait, why?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
501
00:19:50,866 --> 00:19:52,850
H-how long have I been here?
502
00:19:53,686 --> 00:19:55,381
- Mother?
- Sterling-
503
00:19:55,469 --> 00:19:56,950
- Mother, how long
have I been here?
504
00:19:58,319 --> 00:20:00,039
- Three years.
- What?
505
00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:02,085
No.
Three...
506
00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:04,231
Wait, not... no.
No, no, no.
507
00:20:04,319 --> 00:20:06,155
Y-you want me to call
Dr. Gorenstein?
508
00:20:06,243 --> 00:20:08,270
Oh, please.
You think he could be bothered?
509
00:20:08,358 --> 00:20:10,397
At midnight on a Sunday?
510
00:20:11,553 --> 00:20:13,404
Plus, what would
his mistress say?
511
00:20:15,271 --> 00:20:16,801
So bad.
512
00:20:16,889 --> 00:20:19,434
Wait, why are you here
at midnight on a Sunday?
513
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,669
Well, I, um...
514
00:20:21,928 --> 00:20:23,207
She's always here.
515
00:20:23,295 --> 00:20:25,998
Oh, now, not always.
516
00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:39,022
Let me get you
some ice chips.
517
00:20:40,558 --> 00:20:42,012
For three years?
518
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:44,257
I wanted to be here
when you woke up.
519
00:20:47,092 --> 00:20:49,115
Okay, so, like,
520
00:20:49,233 --> 00:20:50,934
wh-wh-what about Lana?
521
00:20:51,022 --> 00:20:53,426
- Lana?
- Hey, wait, do I have a kid?
522
00:20:53,514 --> 00:20:57,006
There's plenty of time to
talk about all of that.
523
00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,230
The important thingis that
you're back
524
00:21:00,404 --> 00:21:01,723
and we're together.
525
00:21:01,811 --> 00:21:03,762
Um, uh, okay.
526
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:06,067
After all, the real story's
527
00:21:06,155 --> 00:21:08,278
always been
about you and me.
528
00:21:08,366 --> 00:21:09,629
What are you...
529
00:21:09,717 --> 00:21:11,764
Which, when you think about it,
530
00:21:11,998 --> 00:21:13,765
at its heart,
531
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,209
it's really a love story.
532
00:21:16,350 --> 00:21:19,045
Please, Mother,
don't say that.
533
00:21:19,377 --> 00:21:20,857
It's true.
534
00:21:23,014 --> 00:21:24,442
Ugh!
535
00:21:26,063 --> 00:21:28,483
Corrections done by srjanapala
536
00:21:54,501 --> 00:21:58,200
Made in Georgia.
36602
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
