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1
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♪ Men ♪♪
2
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[instrumental music on TV]
3
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Are you happy?
4
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,980
I was before you ate
that last garlic knot.
5
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,069
I'm serious,
I mean, don't you think
6
00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:27,810
our relationship has become
a little bit predict..
7
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Predictable? Yes.
8
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Why do you ask?
9
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Well, I was thinking
that maybe we could..
10
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...spice things up a little.
11
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What'd you have in mind?
12
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Well, um..
13
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...I have been reading
"Fifty Shades Of Grey."
14
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Oh.
15
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And I have some silk scarves
16
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and, uh, some duct tape.
17
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Do you see this
taking place in a bedroom
18
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:52,922
or the back
of a panel van?
19
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I don't know. I'm only
halfway through the book.
20
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Forget the book.
21
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:57,927
What about you?
22
00:00:58,014 --> 00:00:59,363
Do you have
any fantasies?
23
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Oh, of course I do.
24
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If I lived
only my regular life
25
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I'd eat a rifle.
26
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,457
Tell me one.
27
00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:07,980
Well, I..
28
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,548
...guess I...always wanted to..
29
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:13,116
...take some naughty
pictures of you.
30
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:14,248
We could do that.
31
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- Really?
- Yeah, why not?
32
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There's already
a lot available online.
33
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What else?
34
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,996
Oh, well, I-I-I guess
35
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it's a-a cliche
for a guy but, um..
36
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I've...always wanted
to have a-a threesome.
37
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Okay.
38
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:33,702
And I know
it's silly. I know--
39
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No, I mean, okay, we can do it.
40
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If you are messing
with me there is no way
41
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I will everforgive you!
42
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I'm not messing with you.
43
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Seriously, we can
have a threesome?
44
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Come on,
you'd do the same for me.
45
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,674
- Of course, I would.
- Good.
46
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:50,936
'Cause I have
a fantasy of my own.
47
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Oh, hmm,
lay it on me, baby.
48
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I want to have
a threesome also.
49
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,421
See? See?
50
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This is why
communication
51
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:01,208
isso important
in a relationship.
52
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,383
I mean, two minutes ago
53
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:04,689
I didn't care
if you lived or died.
54
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:08,998
Now, I love you more than any
man has ever loved a woman.
55
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:13,437
You complete me but add another
chick and I'll complete myself.
56
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,005
- Great!
- So, what's your pleasure?
57
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Blonde? Brunette? Someone with
a little junk in the trunk?
58
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No, no.
59
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,664
In my threesome,
there's you, me
60
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,013
and another guy.
61
00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:34,806
An-another guy?
62
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Yup.
63
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Boy, I don't know.
64
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:40,986
Uh..
65
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I mean, I-I never
thought about it
66
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you know,
that-that way.
67
00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:44,947
[giggles]
68
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,428
Four balls,
two bats and one mitt.
69
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:50,257
- Uh..
- Could be fun.
70
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:51,910
Yeah, yeah, but, uh..
71
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,956
...who would
the other guy even be?
72
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,175
[Walden]
'Hey.'
73
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Oh, crap.
74
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:06,186
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
75
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,537
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
76
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:12,453
♪ Men men men men
manly men ♪
77
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,498
♪ Ooh hoo-hoo hoo-hoo ooh hoo ♪
78
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:17,936
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
79
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:20,722
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
80
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♪ Ha ah ha-a-ah ♪♪ Men ♪♪
81
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♪ Men ♪♪
82
00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:35,302
So, you want to have
a threesome with me and Walden?
83
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:37,347
You have your fantasy,
I have mine.
84
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,783
Yeah, but mine's a traditional
85
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wholesome three-way.
86
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,874
You, me and an anonymous
drunken slut.
87
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,267
The way God intended.
88
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:49,403
Walden is a friend.
Plus, we see him all the time.
89
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,187
- So?
- So it'll be awkward.
90
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,015
Not for me.
91
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:54,625
I-I just don't think
it's a good time.
92
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,061
I mean, he just
broke up with Zoey
93
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,759
and he's feeling very
vulnerable right now.
94
00:03:57,846 --> 00:03:59,108
I think this would help.
95
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,849
You know, he needs
to get back on the horse
96
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,199
and in this case, ne-e-eigh!
97
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:07,159
Do we have a deal?
98
00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,163
Alright, after we have mine,
we will approach Walden--
99
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,644
- No, no, no, no. I go first.
- Why?
100
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:14,906
Speaking from experience
101
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,821
once you get yours,
I'll never get mine.
102
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,132
I am offended..
103
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:24,699
...that you would insinuate
104
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:27,397
that I would break
a sacred trust.
105
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:30,226
I love you, Lyndsey,
and if you can't believe in me
106
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:31,619
then, then we have
bigger problems
107
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:34,012
in our relationship
than whose dirty, nasty
108
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hump-fest we have first.
109
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,538
Take it or leave it.
110
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,756
[sighs]
111
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Take it.
112
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Oh, I plan to.
113
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♪ Men ♪♪
114
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Gorgeous day,
isn't it?
115
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Wonder what
the poor people are doing.
116
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,866
One of them is asking me
what the poor people are doing.
117
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,433
[laughs]
118
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Rich,
good-looking and funny.
119
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:09,309
God certainly gave
with three hands.
120
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:12,921
Hey, speaking
of three hands, um..
121
00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,880
...there's something
I-I need to ask you.
122
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,709
- Sure.
- Oh, boy, where do I start?
123
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,537
Uh, um, okay,
here's the deal.
124
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:22,844
Um, things with
Lyndsey and me
125
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have gotten a little stale,
uh, sexually speaking.
126
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,501
Everything is by the numbers.
127
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:31,069
I get it. You're skipping
right from 68 to 70.
128
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,854
Exactly, exactly.
129
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:35,247
Um, anyhoo..
130
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,338
...uh...we've come up
with a solution.
131
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:39,600
What's that?
132
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,732
We're going to have
a, uh, a threesome.
133
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,908
[chuckles]
134
00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:47,216
Really?
What? She agreed to that?
135
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,913
Yup.
136
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,394
Dude, way to go.
137
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,091
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
138
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,658
Um, the thing is..
139
00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,705
...um, Lyndsey
wants to have a sausage fest
140
00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,054
before the clambake.
141
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:01,839
[both laughing]
142
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:03,754
- That's clever.
- Yeah.
143
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:06,061
Yeah, and she-she has
this crazy idea
144
00:06:06,148 --> 00:06:08,019
that before
I have mythreesome
145
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:10,544
she wants to have
one of her own.
146
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,284
Whoa, what, hold on.
147
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,764
She wants to have
a threesome without you?
148
00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:16,811
Oh, no, no, I'm gonna be there,
uh, uh, but with..
149
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,290
...another guy.
150
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,466
- Huh.
- Yeah.
151
00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:22,077
And the, the really
crazy part is..
152
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,600
[laughing]
153
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:25,167
...um, uh..
154
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:28,083
...that she wants
the other guy
155
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:31,129
uh, to be, um, you.
156
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,439
Okay.
157
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:37,919
Yeah, now, I-I-I told her
158
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,181
that there was no way--
159
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:40,878
Oh, no, no, no. I'm in.
160
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,447
Wh-what? What? You're in?
161
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,754
Yeah, sure.
It sounds like fun.
162
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,408
You know, now that Zoey
and I aren't together
163
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:49,539
I don't see any reason
why I shouldn't be
164
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,062
doing my own thing.
165
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:53,151
And Lyndsey's own thing.
166
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,284
Probably not
your own thing.
167
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:58,156
- Well, ar-ar-are you sure?
- Yeah. Why not?
168
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,594
Time to shake things up, get out
of my comfort zone, you know?
169
00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,726
Maybe slip into
your comfort zone.
170
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:05,599
Get it?
171
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,732
I got it.
172
00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:11,300
Well, I guess, I guess,
I should let Lyndsey know.
173
00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:12,344
[laughs]
174
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,695
Um, she'll be thrilled.
175
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,218
As am I.
176
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,741
Yay.
177
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,613
Hey, do you..
178
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,918
You wanna do this, right?
179
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,137
Oh, oh, absolutely,
uh, you know
180
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,617
I'm-I'm very open-minded
181
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,619
uh, about sexual matters.
182
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After all, I-I did grow up
183
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,360
during the sexual revolution.
184
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,362
Well, technically,
a few years after
185
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,277
but there were still
condoms and diaphragms
186
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:35,280
layin' all over the place.
187
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:36,717
Oh, and, uh,
just a heads-up..
188
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:38,980
...um...exit only.
189
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,332
Nope, not even a thumb.
190
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,033
♪ Men ♪♪
191
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,776
I am so happy you said yes.
192
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,170
I am honored you asked.
193
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,911
Aren't you adorable?
194
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,478
Not as adorable as you.
195
00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,870
Oh..
196
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,350
Yeah, yeah,
we're all adorable.
197
00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:02,917
Um..
198
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,136
...w-w-we need
to establish some ground rules.
199
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,964
Hmm, sure, like what?
200
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,313
Uh, well, uh,
for instance
201
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,837
uh, there are a few things
202
00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,186
that I happen
to know Lyndsey
203
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,493
is not exactly
fond of doing.
204
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,321
No, I'm good.
205
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,671
R-really?
206
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,063
You're good?
207
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,239
With everything?
208
00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:23,459
Even the Philadelphia
Dump Truck?
209
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:26,201
Back it up.
210
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,333
Beep, beep,
beep, beep.
211
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,163
Anything else?
212
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,383
Uh, well, I guess
this goes without saying
213
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,645
but, uh, you know
214
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:36,951
we're not making
Band-Aids here
215
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:40,694
so Johnson should never
meet Johnson, so..
216
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:42,260
Well, that's true.
217
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,827
Two dongs
don't make a right.
218
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:46,308
[laughing]
219
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,400
Oh, oh, and speaking of..
220
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,837
Um, if you have any desire
221
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,448
to stick your tongue in my mouth
222
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,189
just stick your tongue
in her mouth
223
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,495
and then she'll
stick her tongue
224
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:00,627
in my mouth
and we'll consider
225
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,193
the circle complete.
226
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,067
Fine.
227
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,851
It's your loss.
228
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,595
Iwould like to
propose a toast.
229
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,815
Oh!
230
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,209
Friends may come
and friends may go
231
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:21,952
friends may peter out,
you know.
232
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,301
But here's to us
233
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:25,086
through thick and thin
234
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,262
peter out and peter in.
235
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:31,788
Hear, hear.
236
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:36,010
Cheers.
237
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,577
So, what do you say?
238
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:40,580
Let's get these balls rollin'.
239
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,149
♪ Men ♪♪
240
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,089
This is okay,
what we're doing, right?
241
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,004
I mean, we're all
consenting adults.
242
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,702
Oh. Oh, yeah, sure.
243
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,486
Sure.
244
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,096
I mean, you know,
if one of us was
245
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:20,489
mentally impaired
246
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,491
then the-the consent
might be suspect.
247
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,538
True, I mean,
i-if you were
248
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,758
required to wear
a helmet or..
249
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:32,544
...have a service dog..
250
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,981
...that might be construed
251
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:35,330
as takingadvantage.
252
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,940
Yeah, yeah,
but everybody here
253
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,594
knows what they're
getting into, so..
254
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:39,595
Yeah, nobodies
taking their
255
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:42,163
pants off
for a candy bar.
256
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,860
Or...absolution.
257
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,168
Um, so, listen..
258
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,213
...uh..
259
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,388
...don't feel obligated
260
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:53,043
to bring your
A game today, okay?
261
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,654
My A game?
262
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,525
Yeah, I mean,
what I'm saying is..
263
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:57,569
...you're younger than I am
264
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,658
you're prettier than I am
265
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,573
there's...more..
266
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,401
of you than there is of me.
267
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:06,883
What do you want me to do?
268
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:08,624
Well, I'm just saying we're
playing on a public course here
269
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,626
spot me a couple of strokes.
270
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:14,804
You just be the maypole
271
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,719
and let her
run around with the ribbons.
272
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:21,289
No, no, that is not my style.
273
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:24,727
I'm very aggressive.
I'm in it to win it.
274
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,863
What do you think, boys?
275
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,821
I am definitely
gonna win it.
276
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,999
Oh, yeah, well,
we'll see about that.
277
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,871
Uh, you do look
beautiful, darling.
278
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,263
Yeah, thanks.
279
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,525
Ooh!
280
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:49,665
This is probably
bad to say but..
281
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:50,971
...Zoey had an outfit like that
282
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,973
she used to wear all the time.
283
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,235
Well, not all the time.
284
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:57,238
Just when we
were having sex.
285
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,719
Which was pretty much
all the time.
286
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,025
I'm sorry, sweetie.
287
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,070
Oh, I guess we're starting.
288
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:05,550
Okay, uh, um..
289
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:16,257
You know, I-I, um..
290
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:18,389
...I not only loved Zoey.
291
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,522
I also loved her daughter.
292
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,132
That is beautiful.
293
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,190
I kinda thought
we were gonna be family.
294
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,714
We're your family now.
295
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:39,889
I'm starting
to feel a little like
296
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,586
a very distant cousin.
297
00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,898
[sobbing]
I miss her so much.
298
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,988
[Lyndsey sighs]
299
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,904
I'd have given odds
that I'd be the one crying.
300
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,514
♪ Men ♪♪
301
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,042
♪ Men ♪♪
302
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,348
Walden, you doing
okay in there?
303
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,002
[Walden]
'I'm okay.'
304
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,744
'I just need a minute.'
305
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,790
Maybe this just
isn't meant to be.
306
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,226
Why not?
307
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,357
The man is clearly upset.
308
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,663
Oh, boo-hoo.
309
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,014
[door opens]
310
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:21,713
I'm really sorry.
311
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,107
Hey, no need to apologize.
312
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:25,761
In fact, if it would help
313
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:28,198
you can close your eyes
and pretend I'm Zoey.
314
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,200
- Really?
- Of course.
315
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,723
Um, should I pretend
you're somebody else?
316
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,725
Do whatever you want.
317
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:38,643
That's a good idea.
Let's-let's try that.
318
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,863
- Attaboy.
- Okay.
319
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,002
Oh, Zoey!
320
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,481
[imitating Zoey]
Oh, Walden.
321
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:54,007
Give us a good shagging,
won't you?
322
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,619
I can't.
323
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,055
'I can't do this!'
324
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,364
"Give us a good shagging,
won't you?"
325
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:06,715
- What? That's a thing.
- It doesn't matter.
326
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:07,803
Let's just make sure we don't
327
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,326
get a crybaby
for my threesome.
328
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:10,719
Your threesome?
329
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:11,981
We haven't
even had mine yet.
330
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,853
Uh, I beg to differ.
331
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,506
I held up my part
of the bargain.
332
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:16,856
If I serve pie
and nobody's hungry
333
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,859
it still
counts as dessert.
334
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,776
I suppose.
335
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:25,865
Now what?
336
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,214
Well, not that you care
337
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:28,302
but I did take
a lethal dose
338
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:31,305
of boner pills
before we started.
339
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:32,610
Is that so?
340
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,569
I'm either going
to have sex or a stroke.
341
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,182
Your call.
342
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,186
Come on.
Let's go to your bedroom.
343
00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:44,231
Really?
344
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:45,275
I'd rather take care of you
345
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,320
for the next 20 minutes
346
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,626
than the next 20 years.
347
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,237
That's the spirit.
348
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:55,720
♪ Men ♪♪
349
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,200
It's a beautiful day.
350
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:58,506
Why don't you go
down to the beach
351
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,508
and find some kids
to play with?
352
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,162
I don't wanna.
353
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:03,380
Okay, why don't you
354
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:04,729
go ride your bike?
355
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,340
I don't feel like it.
356
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,298
Well, you can't sit
in the house all day
357
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,126
staring at that computer.
358
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,867
I made a billion
dollars doing this.
359
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:14,870
Carry on.
360
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,918
[Skype caller tone]
361
00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:23,705
- Hi.
- Hi.
362
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,446
Great to see you.
363
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:26,577
What's up?
364
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:28,275
Well, I got a most interesting
365
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,059
phone call this morning.
366
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,714
From Lyndsey.
367
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,150
Alan's Lyndsey?
368
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,761
The-the one with
the drinking problem?
369
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,850
The very same.
370
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:39,939
What she ha..
371
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,592
What did she want?
372
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:42,767
Well, she wanted
to tell me
373
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,117
in no particular order
374
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:46,771
that you're a great guy..
375
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:49,122
...that you're still
very much in love with me
376
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:50,819
and that
I'm a complete idiot
377
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,212
for breaking up with you.
378
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:55,737
I am. I am. You are.
379
00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:58,174
You didn't put her up
to that call, did you?
380
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,915
No, not at all.
381
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,395
'I do miss you.'
382
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,571
It's been
veryhardfor me too.
383
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,922
I was kinda hoping
that you'd say that.
384
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,750
So, do you think that--
385
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,708
You, sir, can make out
386
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:15,061
with my girlfriend
any time you want.
387
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,236
[Alan]
You got her so worked up
388
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,281
she humped my brains out.
389
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,505
So, where were we?
390
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:27,856
I miss you, you miss me, ah..
391
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,830
[thud]
'Ow! What did I do?'
392
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,963
[thud]
'Ow!'
393
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,009
♪ Men ♪♪
394
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,053
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
395
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,402
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
396
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,143
This is just like
Christmas morning.
397
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,189
But instead of celebrating
the birth of our Lord
398
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,148
little Alan's
gonna get some strange.
399
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,671
I know you're excited
400
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:01,759
but the first step is
401
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:02,760
selecting the right girl.
402
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:03,805
Mm.
403
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:04,849
Hey, what about that
404
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:05,894
blonde over there?
405
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,330
Eh, I guess.
406
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,245
What's wrong with her?
407
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:12,553
Well, her outfit's a little
matchy-matchy, isn't it?
408
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,946
The outfit's going to be
on the floor of the bedroom.
409
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:15,991
Well, still,
it says something
410
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:18,211
about her
lack of imagination.
411
00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:19,473
Fine.
412
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,996
Hey, how about the redhead?
413
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,215
Ooh, redheads.
414
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,174
They do dirty things.
415
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,568
- So, should we approach her?
- No, no, hang on. Hang on.
416
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,397
- She's got a tramp stamp.
- So?
417
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,573
It's a little skanky, isn't it?
418
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,705
We're trying to
invite her to a threesome.
419
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,707
Skanky is good.
420
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,274
You're right.
You're right.
421
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,842
Oh, although,
she does have cankles.
422
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,323
Skanky cankles.
423
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,674
Isn't that what they call
Santa Claus in Norway?
424
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:47,805
Are you done?
425
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,155
Sorry, just a little case of
426
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,808
the pre-menagejitters.
427
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,551
You do realize
if I wasn't here
428
00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:56,031
you couldn't get
any of these women?
429
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:57,424
I'm not so sure about that.
430
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:59,252
I still have
a few moves up my sleeve.
431
00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:00,383
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
432
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,168
Be my guest.
433
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,213
Fine. Okay, watch this.
434
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:09,305
- Hello.
- No.
435
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:19,054
I'm good with
whoever you pick.
436
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,969
♪ Men ♪♪
437
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,275
[Alan]
'I-I'm confused.'
438
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,624
The only reason
you're doing this
439
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,974
is because it's your
husband'sfantasy?
440
00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:27,541
Ex-husband.
441
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,238
[Alan and Lyndsey]
Ah.
442
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:34,200
Wow. What a view.
443
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,463
The view from here
is pretty good, too.
444
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:37,681
Certainly is.
445
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,730
I'm gonna end up watching from
the sidelines again, aren't I?
446
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,775
You're lucky you
even get to watch.
447
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,478
♪ Men ♪♪
448
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:54,437
Wow! You two
look really lovely.
449
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,135
Y-you could
actually be sisters.
450
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:59,268
That is exactly wrong.
451
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:02,228
Oh, no, I meant, uh,
I meant, uh, sisters.
452
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:06,710
Like, uh,sisters
doing it for themselves.
453
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:10,584
What's the deal? Is he dying
and this is on his bucket list?
454
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,803
It's complicated.
Just stay focused on me.
455
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:13,978
Okay.
456
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:18,244
So, uh, shall we
get this party started?
457
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:21,856
Great, is there somewhere
where I can just...freshen up?
458
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,684
Sure, the bathroom's
down the hall.
459
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:25,599
Okay, be right back.
460
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:26,817
[chuckling]
461
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,908
Um, so, how are we
slicing up this pie?
462
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:31,996
What?
463
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,433
You know,
who gets what when?
464
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,651
Or we just gonna take shifts
465
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,653
and tap each other out
like wrestlers?
466
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,354
- Nice to meet you, too.
- Yeah.
467
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:42,833
So, uh,
how do you know Lyndsey
468
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,531
and, uh...the old guy?
469
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:49,927
Oh, Alan? He lives here.
This is my house.
470
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:52,452
No kidding.
471
00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:55,672
Oh, oh and one more thing,
um, if I yell "cheeseburger"
472
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,413
it means I'm getting close
and you need to whack me
473
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,067
on the back of the head,
'cause I want this to last.
474
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,111
[laughs]
475
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,201
You're so cute.
476
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:05,291
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
477
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:07,815
Oh, no.
478
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,077
No!
479
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,513
Oh, man!
480
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,167
I just cannot catch a break.
481
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,649
♪ Men ♪♪
482
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,350
[moaning]
483
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,356
[Alan sighs]
484
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,054
She sounds fun.
485
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,494
Oh, so does he.
486
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:40,195
You know,
if...we...close our eyes
487
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:41,544
and don't say anything..
488
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,198
Way ahead of you, Walden.
489
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:46,419
[Alan]
'Cheeseburger!'
490
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,944
♪ Men ♪♪
491
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:55,906
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
492
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:59,258
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
493
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:02,261
♪ Men men men
men manly men ♪
494
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:04,480
♪ Ooh hoo-hoo hoo-hoo ooh hoo ♪
495
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:07,701
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
496
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:10,443
♪ Men men men men
manly men men men ♪
497
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,619
♪ Ha ah ha-a-ah ♪♪ Men ♪♪
33014
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