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1
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,717
- Thanks.
- Oh!
2
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,510
- Oh, no, Dwight!
3
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,593
- Why couldn't
he start the work
4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:12,594
when we're already upstairs?
5
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:13,645
- Mm.
6
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,351
- [humming]
7
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,811
What the hell?
8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,688
No, this is not happening.
9
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:22,813
- Didn't you get the memo?
10
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:23,982
It's Stairmageddon.
11
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,859
[claps] Come on, Stanley!
12
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,569
Dwight is having maintenance
done on the elevator today,
13
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,071
and he was really on top of it.
14
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,448
Weeks ago, he started
15
00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,574
the Stairmageddon
awareness campaign.
16
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:35,618
The idea was
to get us prepared,
17
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,662
both mentally and physically,
18
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:41,207
for a day that hopefully
comes once in 100 years.
19
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,752
It's a "mageddon!"
20
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,754
Come on!
21
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:47,671
Come on, Stanley. Stay in it!
- [growls]
22
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:51,092
- I put 17 damn years
into this company,
23
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,928
and now they're making me
climb Stair Mountain!
24
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,347
- Come on!
25
00:00:55,348 --> 00:00:57,556
- Our office has
an unusually large number
26
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,934
of unusually large people.
27
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:03,229
- This is an abomination.
- Come on. You got this.
28
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,773
- So when something as routine
29
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,983
as elevator maintenance
happens,
30
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,986
and people are forced to
expend cardiovascular effort,
31
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,697
we have to compare it
to the end of time.
32
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,658
[cheerful music]
33
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:21,915
? ?
34
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,555
- So we're still good
for 5:30, right?
35
00:01:25,556 --> 00:01:26,627
- Yeah.
36
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:27,962
I told you that-
37
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,838
{\an8}- Have you guys seen
the website
38
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,132
{\an8}that has the cats wearing
all kinds of different
39
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,635
{\an8}holiday themes?
40
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,019
{\an8}- Nothing's changed.
41
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,312
{\an8}I'll be there.
42
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,354
{\an8}- Okay, it's just-
- I promise.
43
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,482
{\an8}- No, sometimes
you have to take
44
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,191
{\an8}an emergency conference call
from Philly.
45
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,442
{\an8}So I'm just...
- Yeah.
46
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,237
{\an8}- Making sure.
47
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,322
{\an8}- You have my word.
- Okay.
48
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,616
{\an8}- [muffled]
Red alert! Red alert!
49
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,033
{\an8}The reviews are in!
50
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,204
{\an8}I repeat, the reviews are in.
- What?
51
00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:01,620
{\an8}- I just got a text
from my brother.
52
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,707
- {\an8}ScrantonTimesTribune.
- Com.
53
00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:04,873
{\an8}There's a review
of the documentary.
54
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:05,958
{\an8}- [gasps] What does it say?
55
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,460
{\an8}- I don't know, Phyllis.
56
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,795
{\an8}I just got the text and started
screaming, "Red alert!"
57
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,296
{\an8}- Well, the alert was
already set to "red"
58
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,673
{\an8}because of Stairmageddon.
59
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,091
{\an8}You think I should set it
to "double red"?
60
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,677
{\an8}- I think we should.
61
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,805
{\an8}- [groans]
62
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,098
{\an8}- "'The Office:
an American Workplace'
63
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,059
{\an8}"airing on PBS next month
is a documentary following
64
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,478
{\an8}the employees of Scranton's own
Dunder Mifflin Paper Company!"
65
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,690
{\an8}- Whoo!
[applause]
66
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,274
{\an8}- In the theater world,
67
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:33,653
{\an8}there is the great tradition
of going to Sardi's
68
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:36,087
{\an8}and drinking until
the reviews come in.
69
00:02:36,088 --> 00:02:39,783
{\an8}My Sardi's has been
the men's room.
70
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,104
{\an8}And let's just say,
71
00:02:41,105 --> 00:02:43,162
{\an8}instead of liquid
entering my mouth,
72
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,123
{\an8}it's been the opposite-
73
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:48,585
{\an8}doing the opposite
out of my opposite.
74
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,961
{\an8}- "In this series,
which will air starting in May,
75
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,589
{\an8}"we get an in-depth look
76
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,759
{\an8}"at many interesting
local people.
77
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,554
{\an8}"There's Kevin Malone,
the Falstaffian accountant
78
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,432
{\an8}whose appetite far exceeds
his aptitude."
79
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:03,892
{\an8}- Wait.
80
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,393
{\an8}Falstaffian?
81
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,311
{\an8}- That's from Shakespeare.
- Got it.
82
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,189
{\an8}And aptitude?
83
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,815
{\an8}- "Meredith Palmer,
84
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,610
{\an8}"whose poor choices may
make early feminists
85
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,194
{\an8}wonder why they bothered."
86
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,447
{\an8}- See? I make 'em think.
87
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,325
{\an8}- "Dwight Schrute,
the head salesman
88
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:24,120
{\an8}forever chasing a manager
position he will never get."
89
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,872
{\an8}- What does Josh McAuliffe know
about the paper business?
90
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,625
{\an8}He works for a news...
91
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,335
{\an8}thing.
92
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,880
{\an8}- "Andy Bernard,
the rudderless trust fund
93
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,633
{\an8}"child-slash-middle manager,
94
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:38,509
{\an8}"whose incompetence
is emblematic
95
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,552
{\an8}of a declining
American economy."
96
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,389
{\an8}- Ouch. Sorry, Andy, that's...
97
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,183
{\an8}[chair clattering]
98
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,352
{\an8}- It's okay. [chuckles]
99
00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:48,602
{\an8}He's a critic, right?
100
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,229
{\an8}I mean, those who can't do
criticize.
101
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,856
{\an8}The hell does he know?
102
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,774
{\an8}Plus, he said I'm emblematic
of America, so...
103
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,193
{\an8}I'll take that.
104
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:58,738
{\an8}- "A possible explanation
for his lack of career focus
105
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,908
{\an8}is his surprising
musical talent."
106
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:02,950
{\an8}- I want you
to print that out for me.
107
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,327
{\an8}- I will.
108
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,829
{\an8}- Now that this documentary
is coming out,
109
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,956
{\an8}my days at Dunder Mifflin
are probably limited.
110
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,458
And you know what?
111
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,002
Good.
112
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,629
Because this is not what
I wanted to do with my life.
113
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,465
I wanted to be
my generation's Lisa Loeb.
114
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,134
- "Though it mostly focuses
115
00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:21,093
"on the daily realities
of office life,
116
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,846
"a lurid subplot reveals
117
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,181
"the hypocrisy
of a local public figure
118
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:28,727
embroiled in a gay affair
while preaching family values."
119
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,354
- Oh. Which public figure?
120
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,897
- I bet it's Katie Couric.
121
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,440
I've been saying this
for years.
122
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,151
- No, I think they mean
123
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,445
more like a politician.
124
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,407
- I'm very worried for Robert.
125
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,076
They have us kissing on tape,
126
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:47,369
which means he's kissing
his political career good-bye.
127
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,247
[chuckles]
128
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:52,166
At least he doesn't have to
pretend to love Angela anymore.
129
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,960
Of all the beards
a man could have,
130
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,629
that has got to be
one of the itchiest.
131
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,427
- [grunting, wheezing]
132
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,846
You own the building.
133
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:07,306
Why can't you fix the elevator
in the middle of the night?
134
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,976
Who do I look like,
Jackie Joyner-Kersee?
135
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,937
- Well, I did say
it would be an inconvenience.
136
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,813
You should've called me
from downstairs.
137
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,106
We could've met in the lobby.
138
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,316
It's time to go out on a sale!
139
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,234
Here we go.
- Son, you've lost your mind.
140
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,863
I'm not going anywhere
until you fix my elevator.
141
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,572
- The buyer is
your sister's friend.
142
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:24,908
This is the printing paper
143
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,702
for the entire school district
of Lackawanna.
144
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,413
You are coming,
and that's an order.
145
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,456
- You are not my damn boss,
and you never will be!
146
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,750
Guess what.
147
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,919
Never gonna happen!
148
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,089
Pete, iced tea.
Three sugars, five creams.
149
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,924
- Your morning 3x5.
150
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,342
Coming right up.
151
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,651
- Well, we won't be late.
152
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,347
I love you, Mom. Thanks.
153
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:51,225
- Oh, your mom's
watching the kids tonight.
154
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,559
So what are you two up to?
[chuckles]
155
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,063
Oh, um, Embassy Suites.
156
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,480
"Do not disturb" sign
on the door.
157
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,773
Mommy and Daddy
are on the floor.
158
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,734
- [laughs] I wish.
159
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,528
- What, then?
160
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,738
- Oh, nothing that exciting.
161
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,205
- Marriage counseling?
162
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,915
Hmm.
163
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:16,083
Did you know that is
the only kind of counseling
164
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,711
I have never had?
165
00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:19,670
- You know, Jim's kind of
nervous about it,
166
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,213
but I think it could
really help.
167
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,798
- Mm.
- I mean, we're having issues.
168
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,849
It can't hurt to talk
about them, right?
169
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:31,933
- Hey, Toby.
170
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,935
Um, I wanted
to ask you a question.
171
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,311
- Oh, sure.
172
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,522
- It's a little,
uh, personal.
173
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,194
- Let's do it.
Let's get personal.
174
00:06:39,195 --> 00:06:40,441
- I wanted to talk to you
about your divorce.
175
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,492
- Whoa.
176
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,737
- Sorry. I-
177
00:06:43,738 --> 00:06:45,696
no, no, no, what I meant-
what I meant-
178
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,614
- Oh, yeah, no, it's okay.
I can handle it.
179
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,784
Um, so...
180
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,452
- You guys obviously
went through some tough times
181
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,120
leading up to it.
- [chuckles, snorts]
182
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,040
- Okay.
183
00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:57,875
I was wondering if you ever did
any couples counseling?
184
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,420
- Oh, sure, lots of times.
Yeah.
185
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,561
Wait, you and Pam aren't
in couples counseling, are you?
186
00:07:04,562 --> 00:07:05,758
Oh, God.
187
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,093
- No, no, no, no, no.
188
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,972
Uh, we're just starting
couples counseling.
189
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:14,017
Uh, which doesn't
sound any better.
190
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:17,479
- Oh, you guys.
191
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,437
Kelly called it.
192
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,981
2013.
193
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,649
So s-hey!
194
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,825
Hey, hey, no!
195
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,652
No. Get outta here.
196
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,195
Clark, get outta here.
- My mistake.
197
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,989
- Yes, it is your mistake.
198
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,657
He's lingering. So annoying.
199
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,118
Gonna kill him.
200
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,244
How can I help? I'm here.
201
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,955
- That's all right.
202
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,665
- Hello, William Morris Agency.
203
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,291
I need to speak
with your best agent
204
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,419
who represents
your biggest stars.
205
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,172
Yes, I'll hold.
206
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,800
I'm sorry.
I misunderstood. Good-bye.
207
00:07:46,801 --> 00:07:51,637
When you're in a play, you get
a review of your performance.
208
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,765
When you're in a documentary,
209
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,518
it's like getting
a review of yourself,
210
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,977
and I've been getting some
pretty bad reviews lately
211
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,314
from Erin and Wallace.
212
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,359
Big thumbs down from my dad.
213
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,445
I could really use
some kind words,
214
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:10,031
and I think they might
come from someone
215
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,283
who's never met me.
216
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,496
[car door opens]
217
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,831
- Thank you, Stan.
218
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,292
Oh, honey.
219
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,171
Look, I just want our life
to get back to normal.
220
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,465
Ribbon cuttings, charity balls.
221
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:29,216
VIP treatment
at the county fairs.
222
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,300
- Don't worry,
I've scheduled
223
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,262
a press conference
for later today.
224
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,265
We just need to face
the cameras together.
225
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,851
A beloved public servant
and his devoted wife.
226
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,728
And move on.
227
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,063
- All right,
if I have to be the good wife,
228
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,772
I'll be the best damn wife
there is.
229
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,985
Correction. Best darn wife.
230
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,779
Sorry.
I'm a better wife than that.
231
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,281
[sighs]
232
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,387
- This documentary coming out
is putting me
233
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,759
on this trajectory to stardom
that I can't say
234
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,788
I'm altogether prepared for.
235
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:02,292
I just-I have to-ooh.
236
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,502
I'm in the newspaper. [laughs]
237
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,505
And who knows what's next?
238
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,840
[sniffs]
239
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,134
This is just happening
really fast.
240
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,803
Darryl, you're in luck.
241
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,973
I wanna cut your firm in
on the Andy Bernard business.
242
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,850
I wanna be repped by Athlead.
243
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,436
- Oh, sorry, man.
We only represent athletes.
244
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,938
That's what the "Athl"
stands for.
245
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,817
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
246
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:30,444
- So you just take people who
are already famous and wealthy
247
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,987
and make them
more famous and wealthy?
248
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,156
- That's the idea.
249
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,992
- Isn't that like
shooting fish in a barrel?
250
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,306
- You know, we have
a board meeting tomorrow.
251
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,246
I can't make any promises,
252
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,247
but I'm pretty sure
I won't bring it up.
253
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,791
- I'm just gonna say this.
- Uh-huh.
254
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:44,750
- You can do with it
whatever you want.
255
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,586
- Of course.
- On my acting r�sum�,
256
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,170
under "special skills"...
- Yeah.
257
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,423
- Fencing and tetherball.
- Mm.
258
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,175
Mm.
- Those are sports.
259
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,135
So just think about it.
260
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,594
- You know, I'm gonna
write that down.
261
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,263
- Cool.
- Fencing.
262
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,143
- Andy...
- Hmm?
263
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,227
[knocking]
- I need to talk to you.
264
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,521
- Yeah, come on in.
265
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:06,689
I'm just on hold
with another talent agency.
266
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:07,816
It's insane.
267
00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:08,941
This promo
with me playing banjo
268
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,902
has 250 views already.
269
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,569
And every time I click,
there's more.
270
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:13,905
251.
271
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,782
252. I can't even keep up!
272
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:17,700
- Stanley is refusing
to go out on a sales call.
273
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,327
- [grunts]
274
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,621
I hate people!
275
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,247
Why do they never do
what you need them to do?
276
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,581
Stanley has to go.
That's final.
277
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,251
- So what I'm hearing
you say is,
278
00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:27,751
"Make Stanley go out
on the sales call
279
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,794
by whatever means possible"?
280
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,755
- Yes!
281
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,132
I'm sorry I'm being curt,
282
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,843
it's just I'm about to land
a top talent agent.
283
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,428
- Mm-hmm. Good luck.
284
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,680
- Directory?
285
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,683
Movie star department.
286
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,519
Back.
287
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:45,611
Directory.
288
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:46,896
- For five years,
289
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,439
I've held my instincts in check
290
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,567
because I wanted
to be made manager.
291
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:55,030
Maybe it's time for me
to just let that thought go.
292
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,450
It's kind of painful, but it's
also freeing in a way.
293
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,953
Now it's all about
my instincts.
294
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,673
- Hey, Dwight.
295
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,836
- Stanley, one way or another,
296
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,879
you are gonna come with me
to make this sale.
297
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,340
- Pass.
298
00:11:13,341 --> 00:11:14,923
- Hey, can you just
let me out of here
299
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,364
before whatever comes next?
300
00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:17,760
- Don't worry,
it's just a bull tranquilizer.
301
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,429
Nothing to be alarmed about.
302
00:11:19,430 --> 00:11:21,972
It's just a man pointing a bull
tranquilizer at a coworker.
303
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,434
- Dwight,
you do not learn, do you?
304
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,479
For a threat to be credible,
you ha-
305
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,105
- Holy [bleep].
306
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,816
- No, you didn't.
307
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:35,445
Sick of you and your-ooh-
[tranquilizer gun firing]
308
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,738
[thud]
309
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,202
- It's all right.
Andy approved it.
310
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,873
- Man, he's really
in Twinkle Town now.
311
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,793
- Is he gonna be okay?
312
00:11:49,794 --> 00:11:51,710
I mean, weren't those darts
intended for an animal,
313
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,798
like, two to three times
larger than him?
314
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,926
- Okay, this dosage was meant
for a very small bull,
315
00:11:57,927 --> 00:11:59,677
and Stanley's got way more
body fat than they do.
316
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,721
- You gave him three shots.
- Shh.
317
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,308
We've got about 45 minutes
318
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,393
to get him to the client
before he comes to.
319
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,394
Grab his feet.
320
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,647
[grunts]
321
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:11,898
Let's go.
- All right.
322
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,442
- Move it! One, two, three.
323
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,985
[grunts]
324
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,071
He's like a manatee.
325
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,989
Ready? Let's go again. Come on.
326
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,991
We can do this.
327
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,993
One, two, three!
328
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,286
[thuds]
329
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,163
Oh, God.
330
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,581
No wonder my elevator cables
are under such strain.
331
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,250
- We gotta get a wheelbarrow
or something.
332
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,877
- Yes.
333
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,380
[grunts]
334
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,549
Okay. We're good.
335
00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:38,590
We're good. Let's go.
336
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,969
- Oh, my God.
337
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,470
- Push.
- I am!
338
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,057
Any big weekend plans?
339
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,517
- I might see a movie.
- Nice.
340
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,060
- What about you?
341
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,729
- Uh, I don't know yet.
342
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:52,521
- [grunts] Let's take him-
- I was thinking about...
343
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,773
- Let's go right to the top
of the stairs, okay?
344
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,109
- And then what?
345
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,404
- Okay, listen.
346
00:12:59,405 --> 00:13:00,904
I'm kind of embarrassed
to admit this,
347
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,283
but I've never actually
done this before.
348
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:07,287
- Well, if I may,
you're a natural.
349
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,080
- Thank you.
350
00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,289
I mean, I've rehearsed it
in my head,
351
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,666
like, 1,000 times, but, uh...
352
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,710
- That's a little weird.
353
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:16,004
- I know. Evel Knievel.
354
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,138
- Okay.
355
00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:27,097
That's about as good
as that's gonna be.
356
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,517
- Okay, now here's the plan.
I'm gonna launch him.
357
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,393
I need you to go down
to the bottom and catch him.
358
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,729
- Catch?
- Yeah.
359
00:13:32,730 --> 00:13:34,855
- I can't catch him.
He's, like, 250 pounds.
360
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,776
- You use your hands and just
blunt his descent, okay?
361
00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:39,485
He's gonna be moving slowly.
- Blunt?
362
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,237
- It's only-it's 15 feet down,
it's at a 45-degree angle.
363
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,531
Get set in your haunches, it's
like your catching a medicine-
364
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,991
- Dude, the size
of my haunches-
365
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,042
[thuds]
366
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,956
- Okay, good call.
367
00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:53,624
He would have put
a hole in your chest
368
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,042
same as he put
a hole in that wall.
369
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,753
- We should probably call
a doctor or something, dude.
370
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,219
- You okay?
371
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,637
- So how does it work?
372
00:14:05,638 --> 00:14:07,513
Is it like, you know,
the action of talking
373
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,183
to a third party
breaks up the log jam, or...
374
00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:12,101
- You're really there
to talk to each other.
375
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:15,438
I would say that the therapist
is more of a facilitator.
376
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,856
- Mm-hmm.
377
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,359
- He might start
by asking each of you,
378
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,194
"Why do you think you're here?"
379
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:24,030
- He took this job in Philly
without telling me.
380
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:26,408
He bought our house
without telling me.
381
00:14:26,409 --> 00:14:29,076
At a certain point, he
shouldn't be rewarded for that.
382
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:32,247
- If I didn't do certain things
without telling Pam,
383
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:36,918
she'd be married to Roy...
[chuckles]
384
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,836
- I feel like he's always
making these decisions
385
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:41,338
for the family, and then
I'm left playing catch-up.
386
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,217
- If she can just hang on
for a little while longer,
387
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,636
I-this will be so huge
for our family.
388
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,806
- Well, what's a little while?
389
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,391
- What do you mean?
390
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:54,019
- I mean, what's the end date?
391
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:56,896
It must be really hard for her
to sign on to be unhappy
392
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,190
if she doesn't know
when it's gonna end.
393
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,776
- That's kind of
an impossible question.
394
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,448
- Oh, guys, it's starting!
Hurry!
395
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,455
- Ooh, there's Angela.
396
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,664
I work with her.
397
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,374
- Huh. Yeah. [chuckles]
398
00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:19,376
I mean, I'm happy Angela's
the first one getting famous,
399
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:22,756
but it's a little weird, no?
400
00:15:22,757 --> 00:15:24,298
I mean, she can't sing or act,
401
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,758
so it's actually
kind of insane,
402
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,427
if you think about it.
403
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,928
- Her hair looks beautiful.
404
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,374
- Yeah, we get it, Phyllis,
405
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,849
she looks like
a freakin' movie star!
406
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,809
- Andy!
407
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,562
- I would just like
to start by saying
408
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:42,192
that there have been some
rumors about my personal life
409
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:45,695
that I would like to settle
once and for all.
410
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:49,657
As my long-suffering wife
can attest...
411
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,201
I am gay.
412
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,911
[surprised chatter]
413
00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:54,453
- Senator, were you
always gay,
414
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,664
or did your wife turn you gay?
415
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,374
- Question
for the senator's beard.
416
00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:01,086
- Aren't married couples
supposed to grow together?
417
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,755
- Yes, we're supposed
to grow together.
418
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,882
One of them's not
supposed to turn into
419
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,424
a completely different person.
420
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,636
- I haven't changed.
421
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:12,305
I was never happy
just selling paper.
422
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:13,932
You know, Pam's whole thing is,
423
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,142
why would you change
what's working?
424
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,143
But I don't think
she wants to change anything.
425
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,021
- I was okay with the job
426
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,980
when he said he could
work from Scranton,
427
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,068
and then he needs
part-time in Philly.
428
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,904
Now we're lucky if
we see him once a week.
429
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,240
- I put everything into this.
430
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,616
Everything.
431
00:16:31,617 --> 00:16:33,033
I mean, this hasn't been easy,
432
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,264
but I'm willing
to make the sacrifice for us.
433
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,163
- You want to know
what my dream is?
434
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,081
To have a fun day at work
with my husband
435
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:42,085
and then go home and have
dinner with our kids.
436
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,962
It's pretty simple.
437
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:48,091
- I'll say it again
for mis amigos Latinos,
438
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,385
yo soy homosexual.
439
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,178
- Poor Angela.
440
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,514
- [chuckles] Yeah. Poor Angela.
441
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,474
- I once believed
that a gay person
442
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,727
could be somewhat straight.
443
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:02,105
It wasn't until
my marriage to Angela
444
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,983
that I realized how...
445
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,569
charmless I find the female body.
446
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,572
- Ooh.
Always hurts to hear that one.
447
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,366
- There's someone else
I need to thank.
448
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:15,910
His name is Oscar Martinez.
449
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,704
- Come on.
450
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:22,167
- Oscar is the one who opened
my eyes to who I really am.
451
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,587
- Oscar is with
the senator too?
452
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:29,132
- Yes!
And I knew it the whole time.
453
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:33,219
I kept the secret.
I kept the secret so good.
454
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,513
You didn't know,
you didn't know,
455
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,474
and you didn't freaking know.
456
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,184
But I knew!
457
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,269
- He knew!
- Yes! We did it.
458
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:42,812
- You did it, Kevin.
459
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,564
- Yes!
460
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,982
Oh!
461
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,776
I did it.
462
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,652
Oh, I did it.
463
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,738
- With this new
self-awareness,
464
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:56,117
I was finally able
to find love at long last,
465
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,828
with my amazing...
466
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:01,373
chief of staff Wesley Silver.
467
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:04,125
- What?
- Wesley Silver's gay?
468
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,584
[surprised chatter]
- [gasps]
469
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,880
- Whoa, Oscar and I
did not see that coming.
470
00:18:10,361 --> 00:18:13,300
- They make a nice couple.
- [gags]
471
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:16,721
[both grunting]
472
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,973
- Almost there.
Almost there.
473
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,851
Okay.
474
00:18:21,852 --> 00:18:23,686
We're running late.
Let's get him inside.
475
00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:26,105
- We can't just leave him
bubble wrapped like this.
476
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,190
- Are you kidding me?
477
00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:28,482
The bubble wrap is
the only thing
478
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,942
that's stopping his suit
from getting wrinkled.
479
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,612
These meetings are
all about presentation.
480
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,614
- That's actually really smart.
481
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,116
- Thank you.
482
00:18:36,117 --> 00:18:38,409
- God, if only there was
any other use or situation
483
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,493
for that kind of knowledge.
484
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:40,745
- Let's get him inside.
485
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,540
[as Stanley] Shotgun!
486
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,625
[laughs]
487
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,293
- All right.
- [chuckles]
488
00:18:47,419 --> 00:18:49,754
- Senator Lipton,
what affect with this have
489
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,236
on your family arrangement?
490
00:18:51,237 --> 00:18:53,632
Will you and Mrs. Lipton
continue living together?
491
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,010
- [laughs]
- Of course.
492
00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:57,011
As you know, Robert and I
have a young child.
493
00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,305
- I'll be moving in
with Wesley.
494
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,724
- What?
- We need to know
495
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,600
who we are as a couple.
496
00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:03,934
- Robert, we never
discussed this.
497
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,519
- Will you take
this opportunity
498
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,396
to promote change
in the Republican Party
499
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,565
with respect to their stance
on gay marriage?
500
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,483
- No, I'll just be switching
to the Democratic Party.
501
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,028
- [scoffs]
- What?
502
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,654
[clattering]
503
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,322
[mic feedback screeching]
504
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,992
- Hey, wait, wait, how-
how we doing this?
505
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,205
- Well, I'll grab the forelegs,
and you push his hindquarters.
506
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,831
- Just say "arms" and "legs,"
okay? That just-
507
00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:26,206
that's the vernacular
that I'm comfortable with.
508
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,417
- Fine, let's go.
509
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:29,002
- [sighs]
510
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,670
- Hoist his shank on three.
511
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:32,671
- What's a shank?
- It's by the tenderloin.
512
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:36,009
Roll him, roll him, roll him.
Good. Good.
513
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,011
Okay, careful, he's slouching.
514
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,096
Okay, can you-
slouch him into the seat.
515
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,350
[grunts] Here.
Go around, get the seatbelt.
516
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:43,725
- All right.
517
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:48,563
- Got it?
- Yeah-yup.
518
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,484
- [grunts]
519
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,445
Get in the back.
520
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,030
- What?
- Get in the back.
521
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,366
- Aw, come on.
- Get in.
522
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,499
- Damn it.
523
00:20:06,576 --> 00:20:09,875
- Carla fern is not
just an actor's agent.
524
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:13,338
She does writers, directors,
travel, and real estate,
525
00:20:13,339 --> 00:20:15,214
which is perfect for me,
because I change
526
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,592
what I want to do,
like, six times a year.
527
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,261
Actor?
528
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,931
- Oh, no. [chuckles]
529
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,099
Well, I have an act.
530
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:26,059
Dog, cat, mouse.
531
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,103
- Yeah, wow, cool.
532
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:31,564
Is it hard
to train them to do that?
533
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:33,608
- Eh, you go through
a lot of mice.
534
00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:34,983
It started by accident,
actually,
535
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,277
as these things tend to do.
536
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,569
You know,
I was setting down my cat,
537
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,154
and I accidentally
put her on top of my dog,
538
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,989
and I was, like,
so mad at myself at first.
539
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,826
And then I was like, wait.
540
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,370
Wait a second.
541
00:20:45,371 --> 00:20:47,121
- Does anything go
on top of the mouse?
542
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,915
- Yeah.
543
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,835
Little hat. Yeah.
- Aw, that's cute.
544
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,211
What's the mouse's name?
545
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,754
- Eh, you know,
546
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,086
it really doesn't make sense
to name the mice.
547
00:20:57,087 --> 00:21:01,135
They're kind of like
cannon fodder, you know?
548
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:03,930
You're not one of those
PETA guys, are you?
549
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:06,433
Oh, great.
550
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,934
I guess my realistic dream
551
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,728
is to do
a horse, dog, cat, mouse.
552
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,813
You know, all four,
like in a column.
553
00:21:11,814 --> 00:21:13,147
And then sometimes-
and I know how this sounds,
554
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:15,984
but I kind of imagine doing
all four of those
555
00:21:15,985 --> 00:21:18,235
with a piece of cheese on top
of the mouse's hat.
556
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,528
Yeah, I mean,
you wouldn't think
557
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,613
the cheese is the hardest part,
but, you know,
558
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,867
all four of 'em,
they really love cheese.
559
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,660
- Okay, Stanley?
560
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:28,747
Do you understand
what we're about to do?
561
00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:31,332
- Hello.
- Okay, we-hey.
562
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,626
Hey, listen, listen.
563
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:36,755
We are going to go discuss
paper contracts
564
00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:40,133
for city of Lackawanna
public schools, okay?
565
00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,761
- Pigeons.
- Oh, God, this is bad.
566
00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:44,804
Looks like we've got no choice.
567
00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:47,766
You, my friend, are going
to have to be Stanley Hudson.
568
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:52,723
- Isn't the client, like,
best friends with his sister?
569
00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:55,899
- New plan, okay?
570
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:58,025
We get him a cup of coffee
and we go back to the old plan.
571
00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,986
Let's go. Gimme a hand.
572
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:01,780
Here we go. Come on, Stanley!
573
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,157
Here we go. Upsie-doozie.
There we go.
574
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,577
Okay, all right.
Come on, big guy.
575
00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:08,952
You can walk, right?
Yeah. [laughs]
576
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,872
What a pretty smile. Let's go.
577
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:14,793
- I'm sure Athlead
will be a huge success.
578
00:22:14,794 --> 00:22:16,585
But I don't want him
to do it anymore,
579
00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,253
and I don't want
to give him an ultimatum,
580
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,757
but I am not moving
our family to Philly.
581
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,885
- Well, if Pam says
she won't go, then...[chuckles]
582
00:22:23,886 --> 00:22:25,427
We're gonna need
a lot more than counseling.
583
00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,513
Hmph.
584
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,975
- That was exhausting.
585
00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,686
- Blah, blah, blah, blah.
586
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,312
Jim.
587
00:22:34,313 --> 00:22:36,188
- Well, they deserve
each other, then.
588
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,606
- They do. That they do.
- That is for sure.
589
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:38,900
- [whispers] That they do.
590
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,784
- And for-oh, whoopsie daisy.
591
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,285
[chuckles] There he goes.
592
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787
For your day-to-day use,
593
00:22:50,829 --> 00:22:52,831
we offer 100% recycled paper,
594
00:22:52,832 --> 00:22:55,040
made completely
out of post-consumer waste.
595
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:57,085
- Ooh, that bunny's
got clothes on.
596
00:22:57,086 --> 00:22:58,168
- [laughs] Oh, yeah.
597
00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:59,628
- Stanley,
what is going on here?
598
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:00,714
- He's fine.
599
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:03,466
He gets carsick really easily.
- Driving.
600
00:23:03,467 --> 00:23:05,551
- It's a long drive.
He was in the backseat.
601
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:07,219
But right now
we're talking to Mrs. Davis
602
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,388
about the full range
of the products that we offer
603
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:11,725
and our competitive rates,
right, Stanley?
604
00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,145
- Ooh-hoo,
look at that baby...
605
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:20,233
- Stanley.
- Oh...
606
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:21,734
- That's Benji in the middle.
607
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:24,988
- That's Benji.
Oh, he's precious.
608
00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:27,240
That's a healthy-looking baby.
609
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:28,867
- Very special little boy.
610
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,577
- Look at him.
611
00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:33,329
I've never seen
such a beautiful child.
612
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:34,539
- Funny sense of humor.
613
00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:35,873
If you push his nose,
he'll go, "Eee."
614
00:23:35,874 --> 00:23:37,709
- Like this? Watch.
- Eee.
615
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,044
[laughter]
- Like that.
616
00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,004
- A beautiful family.
617
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:44,132
[laughter]
618
00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:46,426
- Right? Come on!
619
00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:48,636
Yeah, maybe
I'll never be manager,
620
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,599
but I just managed to get
our most stubborn salesman
621
00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:55,143
to close a sale with one
of our biggest clients,
622
00:23:55,144 --> 00:23:56,935
and I must say
it's the most pleasant
623
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:58,271
I've ever seen Stanley.
624
00:23:58,272 --> 00:23:59,980
I think we should
consider injecting him
625
00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:02,031
with bull tranquilizer
on a daily basis.
626
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:05,278
- So what can you do?
627
00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:08,114
- [British accent]
Well, what can't I do?
628
00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:10,158
Right? I can sing,
629
00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:11,910
I can dance,
630
00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,287
I can play the banjo, innit?
631
00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:15,955
And if you hadn't noticed,
632
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:18,875
I've got a pretty good
British accent.
633
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,335
- Can you drive a car?
634
00:24:20,336 --> 00:24:21,794
- [normal voice] At the risk
of sounding arrogant,
635
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:23,380
I did drive myself here.
636
00:24:23,463 --> 00:24:24,923
- Why do you have, uh,
637
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,967
a high school musical
here on your r�sum�?
638
00:24:28,051 --> 00:24:30,595
What are you, like, 40? 45?
639
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,722
- My exact age is 28 to 34,
640
00:24:32,806 --> 00:24:34,349
so basically just send me out
641
00:24:34,350 --> 00:24:36,100
on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's
going out on.
642
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:39,229
- Gyllenhaal, got it.
643
00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:41,564
Can you juggle and crap?
644
00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,191
- Yes.
645
00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:45,360
And yes. [chuckles]
646
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:48,655
- Would you dress up
as, say, a birthday clown
647
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,658
and go to a kid's party,
let them throw pies at ya?
648
00:24:53,827 --> 00:24:56,079
- Whereas that is not
649
00:24:56,121 --> 00:24:59,374
why I have entered
show business,
650
00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:03,712
I do understand that
you have to build credibility.
651
00:25:03,795 --> 00:25:05,296
[sniffs] I'm all for it.
652
00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:07,257
- You're not in a union,
are you?
653
00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:09,009
- No, I am not.
Is that-should I?
654
00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:12,095
No. Right.
655
00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:13,555
They foster laziness.
656
00:25:13,596 --> 00:25:14,806
- Thank you.
657
00:25:14,931 --> 00:25:16,391
Personal note now.
658
00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:17,809
Are you gay?
659
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:19,602
- Not at this time.
660
00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:24,357
However, if the part
should call for being gay,
661
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:27,485
you will find no one gayer.
662
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,571
- Okay.
663
00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:32,532
Well, Mr. Bernard,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
664
00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:35,785
- Well, at least I tried.
Thank you very much.
665
00:25:35,910 --> 00:25:39,414
- No, we're-we're gonna
take you on as a client.
666
00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:44,085
- You are?
667
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:46,838
Yes!
668
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:48,722
Yes.
669
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:52,385
Are you being
for real right now?
670
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:53,720
Oh, man.
671
00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:55,430
Ah, yes!
672
00:25:55,472 --> 00:25:57,057
I need this so bad.
673
00:25:57,182 --> 00:26:01,353
I really think
this is what could fix me.
674
00:26:01,436 --> 00:26:06,816
- We are extremely excited to
be working with you too, sir.
675
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:09,819
Pay Todd on your way out.
676
00:26:09,944 --> 00:26:13,782
- Most talent agents take 10%
of whatever jobs they get you,
677
00:26:13,907 --> 00:26:17,369
but with Carla,
you pay a flat rate
678
00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:19,913
of $5,000 up front.
679
00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:22,374
And that includes headshots.
680
00:26:22,375 --> 00:26:23,999
- Uh, it doesn't
include headshots.
681
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,919
- It doesn't include headshots.
- No.
682
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,879
- Well, of course not, because
that would be insane if it did.
683
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,570
Still getting
a bargain, though.
684
00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:38,473
- So I just smiled
and complimented her grandkids,
685
00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:40,392
and we closed it?
686
00:26:40,393 --> 00:26:41,725
- You earned yourself
a nice, fat commission
687
00:26:41,726 --> 00:26:43,103
and you didn't even know it.
688
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,273
I'll go tell Andy
the good news.
689
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:50,652
Oh. [chuckles] Silly me.
Gotta take the stairs.
690
00:26:50,735 --> 00:26:52,445
- Oh, no,
I'm not doing that again.
691
00:26:52,446 --> 00:26:54,363
You got me down,
you gotta get me back up.
692
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:56,324
- Well-no, no-n-
693
00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:07,669
We need a winch and a hoist.
694
00:27:10,839 --> 00:27:13,717
[cheerful music]
695
00:27:13,842 --> 00:27:20,807
? ?
696
00:27:20,857 --> 00:27:25,407
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