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1
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,387
- No, you lied to me, Andy.
2
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:13,304
You pretended to be
in this office for three months,
3
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,806
and you were sailing
on your boat.
4
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,226
- I resent that.
I never lied to you.
5
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,561
- Really?
6
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:23,273
"Hey, David, all is good
in Scranton, PA."
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,859
- And all was good
in Scranton, PA., that day.
8
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,694
- "By the way,
Oscar says hi."
9
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,155
- Oscar says hi
all the time.
10
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,115
He says all kinds
of greetings--
11
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,117
hi, hello, hola.
12
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,910
You're telling me you've never
heard Oscar say hi?
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,912
- Andy--
- You're calling me a liar?
14
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,414
- Andy--
- By the way, that reminds me.
15
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,790
I want to ask you
about some of the lies
16
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,667
you've been telling me lately.
- Watch it, Andy.
17
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,836
- Oh, here we go.
January 7, 2013.
18
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,671
"Hey, Andy, all's well.
19
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,548
Been meaning to make it down
there, but my wife's sick."
20
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:50,091
Well, which is it?
21
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,135
Is all well,
or is your wife sick?
22
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,054
Busted!
- My wife?
23
00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,599
- This has been
a really tough time.
24
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:58,850
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
25
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,602
- Has it?
- Erin just dumped me,
26
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,062
and I can't remember
27
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,105
any of the "aha" moments
I had on the boat,
28
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,690
and I know
it sounds weird to say,
29
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,068
but I really miss my beard.
- Shh.
30
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,277
- It was
like a security blanket.
31
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,529
- Andy, shh.
32
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,450
I'm not gonna fire you.
33
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,703
- You're not?
34
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,955
- No.
- That's awesome.
35
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,582
- I wouldn't own the company
if it wasn't for you.
36
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,752
So I owe you that.
37
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,880
- David, I'll be there
for you.
38
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,591
These five words
I swear to you.
39
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,885
When you breathe, I want to be
the air for you.
40
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,137
I'll be there for you.
41
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,223
That's a poem by J.B. Jovi.
42
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,891
I want you to have it.
43
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,476
- We are even now.
44
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,894
Understand?
45
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,604
Got it?
- Crystal.
46
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:48,024
- And you are on very--
hey.
47
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:48,983
Very thin ice.
48
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:50,777
- Vanilla.
49
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,658
Vanilla ice.
He was a band.
50
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:02,163
{\an8}[cheerful music]
51
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:09,254
{\an8}? ?
52
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,655
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
53
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:39,951
- And how are you
on this fine d...
54
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:44,456
[weeps]
55
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,140
Okay. Ahem.
56
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,433
We ready?
57
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:06,519
{\an8}Don't use that part.
58
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,898
{\an8}Last week, Erin told me
that our relationship
59
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:14,027
{\an8}will be proceeding without me.
Ahem.
60
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,279
{\an8}Now I have to see her
every day at work,
61
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:21,284
{\an8}which is brutal.
62
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,411
{\an8}When people say office
relationships are a good idea,
63
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,997
{\an8}they never talk about what
might happen if you break up.
64
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:30,085
{\an8}[moaning]
65
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:34,172
{\an8}[wailing]
66
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,008
{\an8}- He sounds
like a wounded animal.
67
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,053
{\an8}- Should have put him out of
his misery and just fired him.
68
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,014
{\an8}- I can't be around sad people.
It makes me sad.
69
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,183
{\an8}- I'm the same way
with horny people.
70
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,143
{\an8}- Okay.
71
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,979
{\an8}- [moaning]
72
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,692
{\an8}- Yes, Pete and I have started
seeing each other,
73
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:54,859
{\an8}and Andy still doesn't know.
74
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,487
{\an8}We thought
that keeping it secret
75
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,323
{\an8}was more considerate to him.
- [sobbing]
76
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,660
{\an8}And hot for us.
77
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,287
{\an8}I mean,
I saw Pete's butt.
78
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,747
{\an8}It's sick.
79
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,837
{\an8}- Oh, that's mine.
80
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,839
{\an8}I'll just--I'll get it
out of the way for you.
81
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,383
{\an8}- Jim set up a job interview
for me today in Philly.
82
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,468
{\an8}It's with a real estate
company,
83
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,262
{\an8}which is a great fit for me,
84
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,390
{\an8}because I live in a house,
85
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,642
{\an8}and I know
what a bathroom is.
86
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,687
{\an8}I'm sorry.
I am just very nervous,
87
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:34,399
{\an8}because, honestly, this is
all moving a lot faster
88
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,818
{\an8}than I expected
and--and because
89
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,989
{\an8}my r�sum� can fit
on a Post-it note.
90
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,866
{\an8}- No, don't just let her
eat the grass.
91
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,159
{\an8}She'll puke it right up.
92
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,952
{\an8}Okay, just put out two bowls
93
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,371
{\an8}and see which feed
she prefers.
94
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,998
{\an8}I'm sorry to be taking up
95
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,750
{\an8}so much of your precious time,
mose,
96
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,626
{\an8}but she's your aunt too.
97
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,421
{\an8}Fine.
I'll see what I can do.
98
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,468
[coin dropping]
99
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,179
- I need you.
- Dah! Dwight.
100
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,347
- And you should take breaks
more often.
101
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,431
I've been waiting there
for 45 minutes.
102
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,558
- What?
What is it?
103
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,893
- It's my Aunt Shirley.
104
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,687
She's on her last legs.
105
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,731
- Dwight, that's awful.
- You have no idea.
106
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:18,068
I mean, her hair, her clothes,
it's all falling off
107
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,403
in great, big clumps.
108
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,822
And we need someone to go
out there and clean her up.
109
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:23,990
We had a nurse,
but she quit
110
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,993
because she was "poisoned"
by Aunt Shirley.
111
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,079
- What do you mean
by "poison"?
112
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,038
- Probably nothing.
113
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,249
Or strychnine.
114
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,210
Or lemonade and strychnine,
which is actually what it was.
115
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,170
- Okay, well, I'm very sorry
about your aunt.
116
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,755
- Thank you.
- But I don't see
117
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,215
how this is my problem.
118
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,759
- Angela, you owe me one.
Remember?
119
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,552
Now, please.
120
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,179
She's an old woman, Angela.
121
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,514
She needs a woman's touch.
122
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,599
It's all hanging out...
- Ugh.
123
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,601
- And there's parts of her
I don't even recognize.
124
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,229
There's this one hanging part
in particular
125
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,982
that's some sort of flap.
- It's fine.
126
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,693
- It's like a prehensile wing
or something.
127
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,611
I don't know, but it's--
- Oh, god. All right.
128
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,029
I can't--okay.
129
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,865
I'll help you.
- There's a divot where it was,
130
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,659
and it needs--
it needs...
131
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,916
- Where are you going?
132
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,711
- Not on a three-month
boat trip.
133
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:21,840
- Oh, burn. Ha.
Uh, excuse me.
134
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,633
What, everyone can just leave
whenever they want now?
135
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,261
- How dare you?
136
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,513
- I'm still the boss.
137
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,020
[inhales]
138
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,115
The answer is yes.
139
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,992
- I just have some messages
for you.
140
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,618
- Are they from you?
141
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:51,703
- Well, no,
they're from clients.
142
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,580
- Well, then
I don't want them.
143
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,290
You can keep 'em.
144
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:59,544
In fact, you can keep
that big, blue nautica sweater.
145
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,338
I know how much you love it.
- I can't.
146
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,965
- No, I insist upon it.
It's an awesome sweater.
147
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,092
Some great memories
tied up in that thing.
148
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,219
Remember that time that we
worked together,
149
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,846
and you operated the arms,
150
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,723
and we sat in front of the
mirror for, like, hours?
151
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,058
- I couldn't see anything.
152
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,810
- That was the best show ever.
153
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,145
- These are messages
154
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,688
from clients
who want to buy paper.
155
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,482
- I don't want to talk
about work right now.
156
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,442
- Well, I only want
to talk about work right now.
157
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,444
- Then I want
my big, blue sweater back.
158
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,072
- Well, I gave it
to the Salvation Army.
159
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,953
- I've got this seat
adjusted right...
160
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:36,081
- Perfect--yeah.
- So I can put this...
161
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,709
- She got rid of it.
162
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,211
My blue sweater.
163
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,088
What is that about?
164
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:46,424
- I was just leaving.
- Stay.
165
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,301
We are in the bro zone layer.
166
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,595
Okay, Nard Dog, Plop,
and Clarker Posey,
167
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,097
AKA Clarkwork Orange.
168
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:56,601
Here's the sitch.
Erin dumped me, natch,
169
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:57,727
but she got rid
of my blue sweater,
170
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,896
which was her favorite.
171
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,606
Is she moving on
a little fast,
172
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,735
or am I being
a total psycho?
173
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,821
Plop, you go first.
174
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,906
- I don't know.
Women do tend to move on
175
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,200
quicker than men.
176
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,869
- Survey says...
[makes buzzer sound]
177
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,371
Doesn't make me feel better
at all.
178
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,622
- Sorry.
179
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,165
- Zero Clark Thirty,
what do you got?
180
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,291
- Well, look at it this way.
181
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,835
Being a bachelor
is not all bad.
182
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,838
I mean, you got
your freedom now.
183
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,132
- Last night
I ordered a pizza by myself,
184
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,342
and I ate it over the sink
like a rat.
185
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,218
- There you go.
Good for you.
186
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,846
- No.
187
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:33,722
- You're just letting it
all hang out.
188
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:36,266
That's what...
189
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,143
- It may not seem like it,
but this really helped,
190
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,562
so thank you.
- Cool.
191
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:48,028
I'll give you $100 to wear
that sweater to work tomorrow.
192
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,830
- Aunt Shirley,
hello, it's me, Dwight.
193
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,583
- Oh, looky here.
It's Big City Dwight.
194
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,918
Careful you don't get mud
on those fancy town shoes,
195
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,170
Big City Dwight.
196
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,421
- Hello, Aunt Shirley.
197
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,797
- Who's
this little kitchen witch?
198
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,008
She's so tiny,
like a little kitchen witch.
199
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:13,553
- This is Angela, and we
brought you some new clothes.
200
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,847
- New clothes?
What for?
201
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,307
- Oh, dear god. Okay.
- Oh. Oh, my god.
202
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:21,686
- You know what, before you
put the new clothes on,
203
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,272
Angela's gonna get you
cleaned up a little bit.
204
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:29,361
- Yes. How would you like
a nice, warm bath?
205
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,612
- How would you like
a mean, cold slap?
206
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,238
- Ow!
207
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,491
- Okay, Aunt Shirley, dear,
208
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,660
can I get you
a nice, crisp liter of schnapps?
209
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,621
- I could do that.
- Okay.
210
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,164
- No. No.
- Yeah, trust me.
211
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,665
- No.
- It keeps her docile.
212
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:47,629
Go to the kitchen, get the
largest receptacle you can find.
213
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,464
- Step on it.
214
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,424
- Why doesn't Erin seem sad?
215
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,093
- [giggles]
[phone chimes]
216
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:56,554
- Has she found someone new
or something?
217
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,431
And if so,
why hasn't she told me?
218
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:02,310
Is she trying to spare
my feelings?
219
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:06,398
During breakups, the mind goes
to some crazy, dark places.
220
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,910
- Andy, don't.
221
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,704
No good can come
from snooping.
222
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:21,830
- I'm not snooping.
223
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,415
There's just some crud
on her screen.
224
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,749
- You're clearly snooping.
225
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,084
- That's kind of uncool, man.
- Andy.
226
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,877
- Aw, come on.
- That's her private property.
227
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,754
- Boo!
- Uh, hello?
228
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,007
Who's snooping on who now?
229
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,050
- What does that even mean?
230
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,218
- Everyone, just...
- What's it say?
231
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,219
- Please stop.
- Put it down.
232
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,221
- Come on, Andy.
- Yeah, put it down.
233
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,515
- That's
her private property.
234
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,183
- Oh, my god.
235
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,852
- See?
- That's what nosy'll get you.
236
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,020
- Told you so.
237
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,647
- It just doesn't make
any sense.
238
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,232
- Darryl, Clark,
Kevin, Toby, Plop,
239
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,776
take a knee.
240
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:55,321
All right, you guys are gonna
think I'm psycho again.
241
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,781
Couldn't shake this feeling
242
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,159
that Erin's dating someone,
so I looked at her phone.
243
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,952
- Man, you can't do
that stuff.
244
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,579
You'll only find pain.
245
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,414
When my ex-wife got
into my email account,
246
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:05,331
she was devastated.
247
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,667
- Too late.
248
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,461
I found out she's been texting
a guy named Pete.
249
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,380
Does anybody know a Pete?
250
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,427
- Pete.
- Hmm.
251
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,220
- Pete what?
252
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,889
- It just occurred
to me that Andy
253
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,307
has been calling me Plop
for so long,
254
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,394
he forgot my real name...
which is Pete.
255
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:29,064
My name is Pete.
256
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,148
I'm gonna give him about
six months
257
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,734
till he puts it together.
258
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,179
- Hello.
259
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,472
- Hey.
There she is.
260
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,140
- [chuckles]
261
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,351
- How you doing?
- Hi.
262
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,811
Hey, do I look okay?
263
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:08,895
- You look great.
- Okay.
264
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,815
- Yeah.
- What's that?
265
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,400
Is that a--
- Okay, I know
266
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,776
where you're going with this,
and this is who I am now.
267
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,027
I'm a douche.
268
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,404
But look what I can do
with my hands.
269
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,239
- [giggles]
- Gotta go.
270
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,116
VIP just walked
through the door.
271
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,159
- How are you, Isaac?
You have something in your ear.
272
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,286
- It's a phone.
273
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,706
- Yes, it is,
and thank you so much
274
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,290
for setting up
this opportunity.
275
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,417
I really appreciate it.
- Of course.
276
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,626
Anything for Team Halpert.
277
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:32,877
You're gonna crush it, Pam.
278
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,212
- Thanks.
279
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,506
- You are gonna crush it.
- Mm.
280
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,841
- Wow, I missed you.
281
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,259
- Wait, are you saying that
into the phone,
282
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,802
or are you saying that to me?
- Call you right back.
283
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,803
What were you saying?
284
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,388
- Ha-ha.
285
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,556
- Are you excited to be here?
286
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:45,807
- Yeah.
287
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,891
I mean,
anything for Team Halpert.
288
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,476
- Okay.
289
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,478
- No, I'm excited to take in
the sights of Philly.
290
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,313
I'm hoping to drink
some "wa-der"--
291
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,606
- Right?
- down at the "li-berry"
292
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,108
on "Moon-day."
- Okay.
293
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,484
You know your dad has the exact
same accent, right?
294
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,028
- I know, but this is where
it all began.
295
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,155
- Aw.
- Hey, Jim.
296
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,406
We got Trent Edwards
on the line.
297
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,782
- I've gotta go.
- Okay.
298
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,243
- But you know what,
Team Halpert, okay?
299
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,411
You're gonna crush it.
300
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,829
You're gonna smash it.
301
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,330
Okay.
302
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,708
Good luck.
- Bye.
303
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,877
- God, she drank so much.
304
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,503
And so quickly.
305
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,132
- Mm. In her prime, Shirls
could put away homemade schnapps
306
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:24,346
morning, noon, and night.
- [coughs and laughs]
307
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,057
- Now all it takes
is 1/2 liter.
308
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,017
She's dreaming.
All right.
309
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,061
Let's get her out to the yard,
so you can spray her down.
310
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,479
- Spray her down?
311
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,606
- No, it's a lot better
than it sounds.
312
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,650
There's a private shower area,
313
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:40,195
very tasteful,
very rustic.
314
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,657
- Hey.
315
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:49,120
- Come on in.
Have a seat.
316
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,330
Uh, thanks for coming in.
317
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,667
I just got to get
something off my chest.
318
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:58,546
I just got
some really weird news, and, uh,
319
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,632
I'm just gonna come out
and say it.
320
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,009
I just got off the phone
with my doctor,
321
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:08,890
and turns out I contracted
ch-lamydia from Erin.
322
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,101
And it's incurable.
323
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,770
Pretty lame, huh?
324
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,689
- Yeah.
325
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,034
You were gone...
326
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,078
- I knew it!
327
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,124
- For a long time, Andy.
- You and Erin are f...
328
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,001
- Andy, just so you know,
329
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,293
there was no overlap.
330
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,462
- No overlap?
Great.
331
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:40,672
Good.
Wow.
332
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,382
This is suddenly so easy.
333
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,259
Guess what.
You're fired.
334
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:45,260
- What?
- Yeah.
335
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,679
You are fired.
336
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,556
One of the perks
of being boss.
337
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,933
I can fire anyone
who steals my girlfriend.
338
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,811
And, wow,
that turns out to be you.
339
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:56,062
Yup, sorry.
340
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,440
? So you had a bad day ?
- Andy.
341
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,942
- ? The camera don't lie ?
- Andy.
342
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,403
- ? You're a big idiot,
get out of my office ?
343
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,238
- Andy.
- ? Turns out you're fired ?
344
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,491
? Because you suck
and you're fired ?
345
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,285
- If you want to talk to me...
- ? You had a bad day ?
346
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,203
- I'll be in the annex,
all right?
347
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,830
I'm gonna be in the annex.
348
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,832
- [scatting]
- Toby.
349
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,501
- [scatting]
- Toby.
350
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,253
- You can't fire Pete.
351
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:24,007
You understand why, right?
- No.
352
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,260
- Andy, we had
this exact same conversation
353
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,845
when you wanted
to get rid of nellie.
354
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,640
You can't just get rid of
people over grudges.
355
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,434
- Nellie was
a professional grudge.
356
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,145
This is
a purely personal grudge.
357
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:40,231
- All right, well, look,
while I have you,
358
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:42,776
this is
a relationship disclosure form
359
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,528
for Pete and Erin.
360
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:48,323
- They already have
a contract?
361
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,204
"Mutually agree to..."
362
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,665
every phrase is like a dagger
in my crotch.
363
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,626
- It's just boilerplate.
You don't have to read it.
364
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,919
- Well, I'm not signing away
my rights.
365
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,379
- I already signed it.
366
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,799
I was just showing you.
367
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,467
- Okay, well,
we'll see about that.
368
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,136
- Andy, that's not
the original.
369
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:14,015
And destroying it
will not stop them from dating.
370
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,684
Andy.
371
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:29,698
It's the original.
372
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,200
- ? If they're talking
Chester Avenue ?
373
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,743
? Talking triplex ?
374
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:34,994
? Talking converting ?
375
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,663
Is that her?
376
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,123
Hey, guys.
377
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,207
Say something. I said--
- Hello.
378
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,543
- Hi, I'm Mark.
- Hi. Pam. Hello.
379
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,586
- I'm the horrible boss
around here,
380
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,840
but please don't hire
Jamie Foxx to kill me.
381
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:50,468
? Django ?
382
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,722
I don't agree with the use
of the n-word in that movie.
383
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:54,848
It's too soon.
384
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,726
- I'm Pam Halpert.
- Oh. Hi.
385
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,686
- They call me Marky Mark
around here,
386
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:00,937
because here at Simon Realty,
387
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,648
we are one funky bunch.
388
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:04,941
Come on, you guys.
389
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,485
Raise the roof
when I say that.
390
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:10,905
What are you,
all temps again today?
391
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,449
- Whew! Smells funky.
392
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,159
Somebody take a shower.
393
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,911
[whistles]
Let's go, "Gangnam Style."
394
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,747
[laughs]
He's heard "Gangnam Style."
395
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,248
He knows it.
Right?
396
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,083
That's 'cause he's American.
397
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,002
This is Carl.
398
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,337
He's, uh, from here.
399
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:29,049
He's from...
our neck of the woods.
400
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:32,093
But "Gangnam Style"
is great, isn't it?
401
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:35,263
- Oh, my god.
He's Michael Scott.
402
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:41,269
- [grunting]
403
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,312
- Time to get clean.
404
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,605
- It's hosin' time,
Aunt Shirley.
405
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:44,898
Have a seat.
406
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:45,857
And you're gonna have a hard
time hearing
407
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,734
over the roar of the hose.
408
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,402
- Do we have to do chains?
- You'll see.
409
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,653
Here we go.
- Get this show on the road.
410
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,031
- Let's do it.
Ready?
411
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,241
Here's a box cutter to get her
clothes off.
412
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,994
- Dwight, I can't do this.
413
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,287
- Okay, I understand.
414
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,622
If you feel uncomfortable
with the box cutter,
415
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,749
the pressure from the hose
is probably strong enough
416
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,709
to rip the clothes off
of her body, so--
417
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:05,877
- Dwight.
- let's get to it.
418
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,420
Give it a whirl.
- No, no.
419
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,381
Dwight, I am not gonna hose
your aunt down
420
00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:10,715
like some animal.
421
00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,842
- Stop your bellyachin'
and hose me.
422
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,094
- I need you to hose my aunt.
423
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,428
- No, Dwight, no.
- OK, you are useless.
424
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,388
Give me the hose.
- No, Dwight, I won't--
425
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,263
- Give me the hose.
426
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:21,601
Ahh!
427
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:25,021
Ahh!
428
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:28,358
- Oh, oh.
429
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:32,320
I am gonna give your aunt
a proper bath and a haircut
430
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,571
like a lady.
431
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,657
And you two are gonna shut up
about it.
432
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,492
Do you have a bathtub?
- Yes, ma'am.
433
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,077
- Good.
434
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,162
- This is not so much an office
435
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:44,708
as it is a rec room
with a bunch of computers in it.
436
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,918
And frankly,
if I had my way,
437
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,254
I'd toss the computers
in the "gar-bahge,"
438
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,297
but unfortunately,
we use them
439
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:54,217
for practically
everything we do, so...
440
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,760
that ain't gonna happen.
441
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,303
He's a temp.
Don't worry about him.
442
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,723
Alice!
443
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:03,226
All right.
Stay awake, okay?
444
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,769
This is Ms. Dimicucci.
445
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,896
She's in charge of the
diversity committee.
446
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,607
So if you want to joint that,
447
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:13,069
I don't know if you're gonna
be allowed in.
448
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,281
Exclusive group.
Heh.
449
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,575
Yeah, I'm in real estate, yeah.
450
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,076
I mean, you ever see the movie
"Glengarry Glen Ross"?
451
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,995
Well, I'm Ross.
[chuckles]
452
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,288
I've never seen that movie,
453
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,914
and that's not how we do
business.
454
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,249
I know the general gist.
455
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,043
We're on the up and up.
456
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,211
But it is exciting.
457
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,505
I mean, I don't know what you
guys have been doing
458
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,716
following this lady around,
459
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,927
but this is the real estate
game.
460
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,096
Look at that.
Look at that.
461
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,515
You feel that energy?
462
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,894
They're coiled springs.
463
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,231
- Hey, Nelly.
464
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,775
Mm.
465
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:55,111
I am so sick of February.
466
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:59,324
It's the shortest month, but it
sure doesn't feel that way.
467
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,784
We should catch up.
468
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,452
- Um--
469
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,537
- You know, I've been going
over my notes from the trial.
470
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,830
- Oh, no, Toby, no, no, no, no.
- I feel like I may have
471
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,916
glossed over a few minor
points.
472
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,044
- No, Toby, you cannot keep
blathering on
473
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:12,796
about this Scranton Strangler.
474
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,172
Do something about it.
475
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:15,757
Get it out of your system,
whatever it takes.
476
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,008
- I'm drafting a letter.
477
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,718
- For two years.
478
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,595
Then what, another year picking
out a stamp,
479
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,347
another six months before you
decide to lick it?
480
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:27,102
Just--
I don't want to hear it.
481
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,770
My Aunt Joan.
482
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,981
Oh, well, she--she worked here
before I did,
483
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,858
so there's
no nepotism involved.
484
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,444
In fact, to be honest with you,
I'm probably a little harder
485
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:40,490
on her than I am
on the rest of these people.
486
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,325
Can you not work
on this?
487
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,285
Work on this month's.
488
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:47,789
Okay, Nana?
489
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,626
When I say chillax,
people chillax.
490
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:52,627
Watch this.
491
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:56,756
Hey, Roger, chillax.
492
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,883
He must not have heard me.
493
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:01,636
- Ahh, I heard ya.
494
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:05,390
My best friends in this office
are "Cut the Rope,"
495
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,268
"Angry Birds,"
"Minesweeper."
496
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:11,104
I'm still playing
"Minesweeper."
497
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,857
But as far as human contact
around here,
498
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:17,652
I, uh, do my best to avoid it.
499
00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:20,196
Living the life.
500
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:24,242
- Step this way for
the Spanish Inquisition.
501
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:27,078
[chuckles]
"Kids in the Hall."
502
00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:29,330
Just--
it's not high-pressure.
503
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,750
It's just a little
[Brooklyn accent] cawfee talk.
504
00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:33,585
Okay? Like buttah.
505
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:34,878
Come on in here.
506
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:38,006
Mike Myers.
- [mouthing] Oh, my god.
507
00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:47,432
- Thank you.
508
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,391
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
509
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,976
Really appreciate it.
510
00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:52,354
You guys were supposed
to have my back, okay?
511
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:55,273
Instead, you let a guy
named Plop steal my girlfriend.
512
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,317
- Hey, Boss,
I did everything I could.
513
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,943
I invited Pete out
for drinks.
514
00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:01,738
I emailed him shots of my junk.
- Ugh.
515
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,115
- Kid doesn't have
a romantic bone in his body.
516
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:06,451
- Darryl,
you're my best bro here.
517
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:07,327
Where were you?
518
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,953
- Sorry.
519
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:10,455
Next time you sail around
the Bahamas for three months
520
00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,456
I'll do better.
521
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:13,416
- Yeah, good.
Think about it.
522
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:15,794
- Andy, if it's any
consolation,
523
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,921
Pete is a really cool guy.
524
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,547
I mean, right, everyone?
525
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,216
Really cool.
526
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:24,302
I mean, the guy is, like,
Vince Vaughn cool.
527
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,888
- That's not consolation.
528
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,015
That's the opposite
of consolation.
529
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:32,394
- Look I--
I didn't want to say anything,
530
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:33,937
but the musculature.
531
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,106
- Oh.
- I mean, come on.
532
00:22:36,231 --> 00:22:38,650
People throw around the term
chiseled a little too much
533
00:22:38,733 --> 00:22:41,277
for my taste,
but Pete is chiseled.
534
00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:43,738
- No one's throwing the word
"chiseled" around.
535
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,323
- Come on, Andy.
They're a good match.
536
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,033
- That doesn't matter, okay?
537
00:22:47,117 --> 00:22:50,787
What matters
is that I am hurt.
538
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:54,082
Deep hurt inside of me.
539
00:22:54,207 --> 00:22:56,876
I don't care if they're Romeo
and freaking Juliet.
540
00:22:56,918 --> 00:23:00,505
I feel like the guy
that Juliet dated before Romeo.
541
00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,173
Probably her boss.
542
00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:03,216
And guess what,
543
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,635
Juliet's boss
also had feelings.
544
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,929
- Hey, Andy.
- What?
545
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:10,890
- You got a booger bubble
going on there.
546
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:15,478
- Sorry.
547
00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:16,688
- That's okay.
548
00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:19,441
- My whole life
is a booger bubble.
549
00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,828
- Do you like comedy or music?
550
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:32,871
Pick one.
551
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:33,955
- Music.
552
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:35,373
- Mm.
- Comedy.
553
00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:37,083
- I can do both.
- Great.
554
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:39,919
- What if Mork met Borat?
555
00:23:40,045 --> 00:23:41,463
- [laughs]
Yeah, that would be--
556
00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:42,630
- Nanu nanu.
557
00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:44,090
I like--
558
00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:45,258
- [laughs]
559
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:47,802
- I've been to every improv
in America.
560
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,013
Not when they're open,
but I'll just go
561
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:52,015
touch the door,
you know.
562
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:56,102
And where there's comedians,
let themselves in.
563
00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:59,397
Have you been to any stand-up
comedy open-mic nights?
564
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:01,232
- Um, gosh, I'm--
- It's a game.
565
00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:02,650
You have to know somebody.
566
00:24:02,776 --> 00:24:05,528
You have to be related
to the person.
567
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,739
- This is a tiny r�sum�.
568
00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:11,201
[inhales]
Papa Smurf.
569
00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:14,162
Come back
to the mushroom.
570
00:24:14,245 --> 00:24:15,288
- [chuckles]
571
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:16,790
- From "The Smurfs" movie.
- Yeah.
572
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:19,876
I've seen that with my kids.
It is tiny.
573
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:22,921
But what I did mentioned was--
- ? R�sum� ?
574
00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:27,842
? R�sum� mucho ?
575
00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:29,260
- [chuckles]
576
00:24:29,344 --> 00:24:30,804
I've actually been commissioned
577
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:32,722
by the city of Scranton
to paint a mural--
578
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:37,060
- What does this say here?
[speaking gibberish]
579
00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:38,520
What language is this?
580
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:40,438
Swahili?
Oh, wait a second.
581
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:41,564
Now I can read it.
582
00:24:41,606 --> 00:24:43,316
- Oh, 'cause it was
upside-down.
583
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,484
[laughs]
584
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:46,319
- You're a good audience.
585
00:24:46,403 --> 00:24:47,696
- [laughs]
So--
586
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:49,656
- Unlike some of these people
around here.
587
00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:52,951
- Yeah.
The city commissioned me to do--
588
00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:55,286
- Yeah, we don't have a lot of
call for doodling around here.
589
00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:58,998
But I like this r�sum�
and here's why.
590
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:03,044
It shows that you
stick around.
591
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:05,797
Yeah,
you don't jump ship easily
592
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,842
like a lot of these people.
[sighs]
593
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:11,720
I mean, they--
they worship me, you know,
594
00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:16,182
but do they like me?
595
00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:20,353
I mean, do you think
they like me, Pam?
596
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:24,858
- Yes.
597
00:25:24,983 --> 00:25:26,401
- Sometimes I feel like I'm
like--
598
00:25:26,526 --> 00:25:28,862
did you see "The Odd Life
of Timothy Green"?
599
00:25:28,945 --> 00:25:30,071
- Uh-huh, yes, I did.
It's a great movie.
600
00:25:30,196 --> 00:25:32,282
- I feel like I'm like
Timothy Green.
601
00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:34,409
They expect me to do miracles.
602
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,994
I can't do miracles.
603
00:25:36,077 --> 00:25:37,162
I can do magic.
604
00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:39,247
- Oh, yeah?
- I do close-up magic--
605
00:25:39,372 --> 00:25:41,541
- Great.
- at senior citizen's homes.
606
00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:43,084
Charity.
607
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:45,795
But mostly because their eyes
don't work as quickly,
608
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,757
so, you know, they don't catch
the movements as easily.
609
00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:50,842
It saves a lot of time
on practicing.
610
00:25:50,925 --> 00:25:53,219
I don't have time for that.
I've got to work.
611
00:25:53,303 --> 00:25:56,181
Whew, I've got a lot to do.
612
00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:57,849
Believe me,
I've got stuff piled up.
613
00:25:57,891 --> 00:26:00,685
- What if Bob Dylan
was your boss?
614
00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:02,645
I'm gonna do Dylan.
615
00:26:02,687 --> 00:26:05,857
[upbeat guitar music]
616
00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:07,984
? Pam Halpert is my name ?
617
00:26:08,026 --> 00:26:11,529
? I've been
at Dunder Mifflin for... ?
618
00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:13,156
Seven years?
Eight years.
619
00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:15,575
? Eight years, man ?
620
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,660
? Got the Dunder Mifflin
blues ?
621
00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:19,704
? Got the Pam Halpert blues ?
622
00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:22,415
? Got Pratt--
went to Pratt Institute ?
623
00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:24,250
You have children?
- Two children, yes.
624
00:26:24,334 --> 00:26:26,878
- And you do art and painting?
- Mm-hmm.
625
00:26:26,961 --> 00:26:29,547
- Kind of the same thing.
? Kind of the same thing ?
626
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:32,217
? Sometimes
I repeat myself ?
627
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:34,219
? But that's just being Pam ?
628
00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:36,221
? ?
629
00:26:36,304 --> 00:26:38,264
? Well, I'm kinda cute ?
630
00:26:38,348 --> 00:26:43,103
? And I'm...
but I'm married, so... ?
631
00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:45,188
? Leave that be ?
632
00:26:45,313 --> 00:26:48,149
What if Bruce Springsteen
was your boss? Hey!
633
00:26:48,233 --> 00:26:50,360
Let's go! Whoo!
634
00:26:50,402 --> 00:26:54,280
- Hey, you got a sec to talk?
635
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:55,699
- Kind of painful to chat
with you Pete,
636
00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:58,576
ever since the ol' one-two
punch to my scrotum hole,
637
00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:02,330
translation penis,
translation my manhood.
638
00:27:02,372 --> 00:27:07,627
Yeah, look, I understand
breakups are tough.
639
00:27:07,752 --> 00:27:09,379
You know,
it happens to all of us
640
00:27:09,421 --> 00:27:11,881
at some point in life.
641
00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:13,800
But you gotta move on.
642
00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,888
- Great advice.
643
00:27:18,972 --> 00:27:20,557
Thank you.
You can leave now.
644
00:27:20,598 --> 00:27:21,808
- Listen to him, Andy.
645
00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:23,143
He's trying to tell you
something
646
00:27:23,268 --> 00:27:24,269
that you really need to hear.
647
00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:27,731
- Awesome perspective.
648
00:27:27,772 --> 00:27:29,024
Thanks for butting in.
649
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,901
- Well, I've been
where you are now.
650
00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:33,319
I dated this girl Alice,
651
00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:35,155
and it was an ugly breakup.
652
00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:36,740
She worked in a marketing
agency
653
00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:38,366
right next to my house.
654
00:27:38,450 --> 00:27:39,951
I'd run into her every day,
but I had to grow up
655
00:27:40,035 --> 00:27:40,910
and deal with it.
656
00:27:41,036 --> 00:27:43,246
And I did.
657
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,789
We're even Facebook friends
now.
658
00:27:44,873 --> 00:27:47,083
- See,
we can all be friends.
659
00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:48,918
- Yeah.
- Just get over it.
660
00:27:49,002 --> 00:27:50,462
It doesn't have to be awkward.
661
00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,630
- I do think we can have
a fair--
662
00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,758
- Yeah, so life gives you
lemons.
663
00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:57,927
You've just got to eat 'em
rinds and all.
664
00:27:58,053 --> 00:27:59,429
And if you don't want to
eat 'em, your ex-girlfriend
665
00:27:59,554 --> 00:28:00,847
will shove them down
her throat with the help
666
00:28:00,972 --> 00:28:02,891
of her hunky new boyfriend.
667
00:28:03,016 --> 00:28:04,559
So that's fun.
668
00:28:08,188 --> 00:28:09,564
- Nothing to see here.
669
00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:12,025
Boss at work.
670
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:14,486
This will be your desk
right up front,
671
00:28:14,569 --> 00:28:16,196
best seat on the roller
coaster.
672
00:28:16,321 --> 00:28:19,699
You must be this tall
to ride this ride.
673
00:28:19,783 --> 00:28:22,452
No pregnant women allowed.
674
00:28:22,619 --> 00:28:25,163
Are you--I don't--
I'm not allowed to ask, so--
675
00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:26,373
- I am not preg--
- Are--you're not.
676
00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:28,416
- I am not pregnant, no.
- I didn't ask her
677
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,626
if she was pregnant.
678
00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:30,919
She just offered.
679
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,172
The last three girls here
all got pregnant.
680
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:35,757
- Don't--don't--
- Wow.
681
00:28:35,799 --> 00:28:38,259
- Don't be afraid.
It's a different chair.
682
00:28:38,343 --> 00:28:40,428
I don't want a guy up here.
683
00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:43,556
I want to, you know,
see a woman come in
684
00:28:43,598 --> 00:28:45,892
and do a great job,
something--
685
00:28:45,934 --> 00:28:47,394
I have to look out this window.
686
00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:48,978
I don't want some--
- I'm sorry.
687
00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:50,980
I thought this job was for the
position of office manager.
688
00:28:51,064 --> 00:28:52,190
- It is.
689
00:28:52,273 --> 00:28:54,484
Yeah, you'd manage this office.
690
00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:58,029
You'd answer the phones
and forward the calls and,
691
00:28:58,113 --> 00:28:59,989
you know, go for a coffee run
now and again.
692
00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:02,784
- So kind of like a
receptionist.
693
00:29:02,867 --> 00:29:04,577
- Yeah, like a receptionist,
694
00:29:04,619 --> 00:29:07,622
but we'd call you
the office manager,
695
00:29:07,706 --> 00:29:12,419
because it's less demeaning.
696
00:29:12,502 --> 00:29:16,089
By the way,
how long are these cameras
697
00:29:16,214 --> 00:29:17,465
gonna be following you around,
698
00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:21,177
because I think this
is pretty cool.
699
00:29:21,302 --> 00:29:22,804
[whistles]
700
00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:24,764
Pretty, pretty cool.
701
00:29:24,931 --> 00:29:26,933
Larry David,
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"
702
00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:28,476
Do you like that show?
- Yes.
703
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:34,149
- Eh, a think they indulge
themselves a little too much.
704
00:29:34,232 --> 00:29:35,650
I like scripted.
705
00:29:35,734 --> 00:29:36,985
Speaking of which, I wonder
what it would be like
706
00:29:37,152 --> 00:29:39,404
if old Al Pacino met young
Al Pacino.
707
00:29:39,571 --> 00:29:42,991
Hooah, look at you.
708
00:29:43,116 --> 00:29:44,993
You look good.
709
00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:46,536
Uh, thank you.
710
00:29:46,619 --> 00:29:48,705
Uh, who's this old guy?
711
00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:53,877
That's... Pacino.
712
00:29:53,918 --> 00:29:58,214
- I spent ten years as a
receptionist to Michael Scott.
713
00:29:58,256 --> 00:30:02,552
And I have kids now.
714
00:30:02,594 --> 00:30:06,348
And I just--I can't.
715
00:30:09,017 --> 00:30:11,269
- Ow,
the braid is too tight.
716
00:30:11,353 --> 00:30:13,355
- Hush.
717
00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:16,107
Loose braids reflect
a loose character.
718
00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:18,026
Now stay still.
719
00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:20,612
- Yes, ma'am.
720
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:24,616
- I think your hair is much too
long for your age, by the way.
721
00:30:24,699 --> 00:30:25,700
- Okay.
722
00:30:25,742 --> 00:30:29,037
- There.
723
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,039
- Thank you, Angela.
724
00:30:32,415 --> 00:30:35,669
- I'm going to the prison
this afternoon,
725
00:30:35,794 --> 00:30:37,379
gonna talk to The Strangler.
726
00:30:37,545 --> 00:30:39,297
- Probably best to use
his real name
727
00:30:39,422 --> 00:30:40,799
rather than The Strangler.
728
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,885
- Don't use his real name.
729
00:30:43,968 --> 00:30:46,513
George Howard Skub.
730
00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:49,265
It's a devil name.
731
00:30:49,349 --> 00:30:50,892
- Just wanted to say
I'm doing it.
732
00:30:50,934 --> 00:30:53,770
I'm going.
733
00:30:53,812 --> 00:30:56,064
- He's doing it.
734
00:30:57,357 --> 00:31:00,902
[phone buzzes]
735
00:31:01,027 --> 00:31:02,028
- Hey.
736
00:31:02,153 --> 00:31:03,571
- Hey, how'd the interview go?
737
00:31:03,738 --> 00:31:04,906
- Oh, my gosh.
Wait until I tell you.
738
00:31:05,073 --> 00:31:08,243
This guy was unbelievable.
Okay, so--
739
00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:09,994
- I can't wait to hear
about it later.
740
00:31:10,078 --> 00:31:11,746
Do you want to come in at 8:00?
741
00:31:11,871 --> 00:31:13,456
And don't eat,
because I'm ordering in.
742
00:31:13,498 --> 00:31:15,041
- 8:00? Really?
743
00:31:15,125 --> 00:31:17,210
- I'll make it worth your
while, I promise.
744
00:31:17,252 --> 00:31:19,587
- Sure.
I mean, it's Philly.
745
00:31:19,629 --> 00:31:22,799
I can kill four hours, so yeah,
I'll see you at 8:00.
746
00:31:22,882 --> 00:31:23,925
- All right, love you.
747
00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:25,343
- Love you.
748
00:31:31,683 --> 00:31:32,934
- Hi.
- Hi.
749
00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:34,769
- I'm here from BCI Marketing
Consultants
750
00:31:34,853 --> 00:31:36,021
to meet with Andrew Bernard.
751
00:31:36,062 --> 00:31:38,398
- Oh, yes, the consultant.
752
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,566
Andy said you could start
right away,
753
00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:40,984
so I will take you
to your desk.
754
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:44,237
- Okay, great. Thanks.
755
00:31:44,404 --> 00:31:46,990
- Fresh meat.
Fresh meat.
756
00:31:47,073 --> 00:31:48,825
- Just keep walking.
Don't give her anything.
757
00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:50,285
She'll take it and run.
758
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:52,078
I'm Erin, by the way.
- Nice to meet you.
759
00:31:52,245 --> 00:31:53,705
Cute sweater.
- Oh, thanks.
760
00:31:53,788 --> 00:31:55,999
- Your shoes match.
- [indistinct].
761
00:31:56,166 --> 00:31:57,125
- I'm Kevin.
762
00:32:02,130 --> 00:32:04,132
- Pete?
763
00:32:04,257 --> 00:32:06,301
- Alice.
764
00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:07,510
Oh, man.
765
00:32:07,635 --> 00:32:09,220
- It's been a while, huh?
766
00:32:09,262 --> 00:32:10,263
- Oh, do you two know
each other?
767
00:32:10,347 --> 00:32:12,349
- Yeah, we have a history.
768
00:32:12,432 --> 00:32:13,892
- Oh.
769
00:32:14,059 --> 00:32:15,894
- History. Wow, okay.
770
00:32:16,061 --> 00:32:18,229
We date for two years.
771
00:32:18,396 --> 00:32:19,314
- That's so random.
772
00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:23,276
- Well, is it?
773
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:28,573
- Andy also hired a management
consultant today.
774
00:32:28,656 --> 00:32:30,909
Oh, no.
775
00:32:37,290 --> 00:32:40,418
- Hey, Erin, look who's back,
the Birdman.
776
00:32:40,585 --> 00:32:42,754
- Hello, beautiful.
777
00:32:42,837 --> 00:32:45,090
- Didn't you two used to do it?
778
00:32:45,215 --> 00:32:46,758
- We absolutely did.
779
00:32:46,883 --> 00:32:48,843
Thank you for remembering.
780
00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:52,222
- She's looking good.
781
00:32:52,389 --> 00:32:54,099
[chuckles]
782
00:32:57,811 --> 00:32:58,687
- Hi.
783
00:32:58,812 --> 00:33:00,188
Toby Flenderson.
784
00:33:00,355 --> 00:33:02,232
I'm here to see
George Howard Skub.
785
00:33:02,273 --> 00:33:05,068
This is the prison.
786
00:33:05,110 --> 00:33:10,615
I am not going in there
with expectations per se.
787
00:33:10,699 --> 00:33:12,534
I will meet George Howard Skub.
788
00:33:12,617 --> 00:33:16,162
I will tell him that I believe
he is innocent.
789
00:33:16,246 --> 00:33:20,000
I would understand if he felt
motivated to hug me.
790
00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:22,419
I would understand if a
friendship began.
791
00:33:22,544 --> 00:33:24,379
How did Bogart put it?
792
00:33:24,462 --> 00:33:29,801
I think this is the start
of my first friendship.
793
00:33:29,926 --> 00:33:32,887
- So Pete was a librarian?
794
00:33:32,929 --> 00:33:35,056
- He worked as a librarian
freshman year.
795
00:33:35,223 --> 00:33:36,808
- Was he, like,
the sexy librarian?
796
00:33:36,891 --> 00:33:38,601
- Okay.
797
00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:40,353
- Did he have thick glasses,
and he'd take them off
798
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,688
and just shake that hair loose,
799
00:33:41,855 --> 00:33:43,106
and you knew he was
a secret slut?
800
00:33:43,189 --> 00:33:45,400
- That's none of your--
801
00:33:45,483 --> 00:33:48,069
is there somebody who's
in charge of marketing?
802
00:33:48,236 --> 00:33:51,781
Maybe I should sit near him
or her.
803
00:33:51,906 --> 00:33:53,366
- Hi.
- Hi.
804
00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:57,078
- Hi. How's it going?
- Hi. Good.
805
00:33:57,162 --> 00:33:59,497
I'd love to discuss strategy
with you if you have a--
806
00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:02,584
- Wow, this sure is intense.
807
00:34:02,751 --> 00:34:04,419
And to share a workspace with
someone
808
00:34:04,502 --> 00:34:06,504
you used to get it on with.
809
00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,715
- Andy, that is really
inappropriate.
810
00:34:08,798 --> 00:34:10,258
- Awkward.
811
00:34:10,342 --> 00:34:11,426
- It is awkward.
812
00:34:11,593 --> 00:34:13,136
This is a really uncomfortable
situation
813
00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:14,888
that you've contrived.
814
00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:17,640
- Really uncomfortable
situation.
815
00:34:17,766 --> 00:34:20,435
- Yeah.
816
00:34:20,477 --> 00:34:22,520
- It's all right, Pete.
You can handle it.
817
00:34:22,604 --> 00:34:24,397
I mean, we all just gotta
move on.
818
00:34:24,522 --> 00:34:28,193
Ain't that right,
Professor Lecture Much.
819
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:30,570
Question,
how's that medicine taste?
820
00:34:30,653 --> 00:34:33,114
Your-own flavored?
821
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,700
Is it just me or have these
tables turned?
822
00:34:38,036 --> 00:34:41,081
Hmm.
823
00:34:41,164 --> 00:34:46,628
Hmm.
824
00:34:46,753 --> 00:34:48,505
- So there's no marketing
department.
825
00:34:48,546 --> 00:34:50,590
- No.
- No.
826
00:34:50,715 --> 00:34:52,342
- You know, times were tough.
827
00:34:52,384 --> 00:34:53,426
I was unemployed.
828
00:34:53,468 --> 00:34:55,220
I was still heartbroken
over you.
829
00:34:55,261 --> 00:34:56,846
I'd lost a good 50 pounds.
830
00:34:57,013 --> 00:35:01,226
But as you can, I've put all
that weight right back on.
831
00:35:01,267 --> 00:35:03,311
Feel how fat my buttocks are.
832
00:35:03,395 --> 00:35:05,105
- Yeah, it's crazy.
833
00:35:05,230 --> 00:35:07,148
Touch it.
It's like a warm pumpkin.
834
00:35:07,273 --> 00:35:09,275
- So Andy just called you up
out of the blue?
835
00:35:09,359 --> 00:35:12,195
- Yeah,
too bad you broke up.
836
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:13,780
- Yeah.
837
00:35:13,905 --> 00:35:14,989
- You must be pretty horny.
838
00:35:20,412 --> 00:35:22,664
- Well, the good news is,
nobody lost conscious.
839
00:35:22,789 --> 00:35:25,125
At least you know
he is The Strangler.
840
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:27,252
The proof is in the grip.
841
00:35:27,335 --> 00:35:29,796
Did they say when
the vocal chords would heal?
842
00:35:32,841 --> 00:35:35,552
One week?
843
00:35:35,635 --> 00:35:39,681
Okay, two weeks?
844
00:35:39,723 --> 00:35:41,850
Okay.
845
00:35:41,975 --> 00:35:43,727
You offered your neck,
inserted the truth.
846
00:35:43,893 --> 00:35:45,603
[chuckles]
847
00:35:45,645 --> 00:35:46,813
The proud neck of justice.
848
00:35:46,896 --> 00:35:48,523
Isn't that the expression?
No.
849
00:35:48,606 --> 00:35:51,192
Anyway, it was--
it was very brave.
850
00:35:55,405 --> 00:35:57,365
It really was quite brave.
851
00:36:01,411 --> 00:36:03,538
- I feel like a show pony.
852
00:36:03,621 --> 00:36:04,664
- And you look like one too.
853
00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:05,874
Thank you, Angela.
854
00:36:05,957 --> 00:36:08,209
- You're welcome.
Would you like some stew?
855
00:36:08,293 --> 00:36:12,797
- By all means, and I will
carve the roast skunk.
856
00:36:12,964 --> 00:36:16,134
Angela.
- Mm-hmm.
857
00:36:16,259 --> 00:36:17,427
- Would you like
the stink sack?
858
00:36:17,552 --> 00:36:18,762
- Is it any good?
859
00:36:18,845 --> 00:36:19,971
- No, you don't eat it.
860
00:36:20,013 --> 00:36:21,556
It's a toy,
like a wishbone.
861
00:36:21,681 --> 00:36:23,600
You know, prettiest girl
gets the stink sack.
862
00:36:23,767 --> 00:36:25,143
- Thank you.
863
00:36:25,185 --> 00:36:29,981
- So when's the wedding?
864
00:36:30,065 --> 00:36:34,110
- Um, actually,
we are just friends.
865
00:36:34,277 --> 00:36:36,696
- That's what Mose said
to his lady scarecrow,
866
00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:39,783
and look what he did
to that poor thing.
867
00:36:39,866 --> 00:36:41,117
- Hello?
868
00:36:41,242 --> 00:36:43,119
- Hey, back here.
869
00:36:43,203 --> 00:36:45,914
- Ohh.
870
00:36:45,955 --> 00:36:47,290
Wow.
871
00:36:47,415 --> 00:36:48,958
Seriously?
872
00:36:49,125 --> 00:36:50,335
Oh, my gosh.
873
00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:51,252
Is that champagne?
874
00:36:51,378 --> 00:36:53,546
- S�, se�or.
875
00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:57,759
- Oh, Jim, I should have told
you I didn't get the job.
876
00:36:57,842 --> 00:36:59,219
- Oh, man.
I'm so sorry.
877
00:36:59,302 --> 00:37:00,345
Are you all right?
878
00:37:00,387 --> 00:37:02,055
- Oh, yeah,
I'm more than all right.
879
00:37:02,222 --> 00:37:03,390
There's just nothing to
celebrate.
880
00:37:03,473 --> 00:37:04,766
- Are you kidding?
881
00:37:04,808 --> 00:37:06,768
You're in Philly.
We're having dinner together.
882
00:37:06,935 --> 00:37:09,270
And this is just consolation
champagne.
883
00:37:09,354 --> 00:37:10,939
It's from the part of France
that immediately gave up
884
00:37:11,022 --> 00:37:11,898
to the Nazis.
885
00:37:11,981 --> 00:37:13,191
- [laughs]
886
00:37:13,274 --> 00:37:14,984
You're very quick on your feet.
887
00:37:15,110 --> 00:37:16,611
I remember you.
888
00:37:16,736 --> 00:37:18,530
Funny.
889
00:37:18,613 --> 00:37:22,409
- All right, so tell me all
about it.
890
00:37:26,538 --> 00:37:31,126
- Okay, well, gosh,
thank you for your help today.
891
00:37:31,209 --> 00:37:33,795
Your perspective was very
useful.
892
00:37:33,837 --> 00:37:35,255
Thank you.
893
00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:38,633
- It was not an unpleasant way
to spend an afternoon.
894
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,856
- Dwight. Dwight.
- Right, not outside.
895
00:37:52,939 --> 00:37:54,649
No more.
896
00:37:54,691 --> 00:37:56,985
You know what? My farm is only
a few acres east of here,
897
00:37:57,110 --> 00:38:00,071
or we could use
the slaughter house.
898
00:38:00,196 --> 00:38:02,657
- No, Dwight, the senator.
899
00:38:02,741 --> 00:38:03,992
- Leave him.
900
00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:06,202
He probably won't even notice
that you're gone.
901
00:38:06,244 --> 00:38:08,329
Be with me, monkey.
902
00:38:08,413 --> 00:38:12,167
- I can't be your monkey,
Dwight.
903
00:38:12,250 --> 00:38:16,171
I'm not talking about some
frisky romp in the warehouse.
904
00:38:16,296 --> 00:38:18,089
We have wasted too much
of our lives
905
00:38:18,173 --> 00:38:22,135
ignoring the fact that we
belong together.
906
00:38:22,218 --> 00:38:26,598
The 80 or 90 years that I have
left in this life
907
00:38:26,639 --> 00:38:28,600
I want to spend with you.
908
00:38:30,685 --> 00:38:32,020
- I made a vow.
909
00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:35,106
I gave my world.
910
00:38:35,231 --> 00:38:38,860
- Stand by your man.
911
00:38:42,197 --> 00:38:45,867
That's what I would want
if you were mine.
912
00:38:45,992 --> 00:38:46,951
- Good night, D.
913
00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:54,918
- How are you doing?
914
00:38:54,959 --> 00:38:56,044
Was it really rough?
915
00:38:56,169 --> 00:38:58,963
- So unpleasant.
You?
916
00:38:59,089 --> 00:39:02,467
- Hey, love turds,
conference room now.
917
00:39:05,970 --> 00:39:07,806
Thank you all for coming in.
918
00:39:07,847 --> 00:39:09,432
Just wanted to check in.
919
00:39:09,557 --> 00:39:12,435
How was everyone's day?
920
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:13,812
- [sighs]
921
00:39:13,937 --> 00:39:16,439
Honestly,
it was a little weird.
922
00:39:16,564 --> 00:39:19,317
- Really?
923
00:39:19,401 --> 00:39:23,154
Hmm, that's interesting,
because Erin and Pete
924
00:39:23,238 --> 00:39:25,240
thought it wouldn't be weird
at all.
925
00:39:25,365 --> 00:39:27,117
Why do you think it was weird,
Gabe?
926
00:39:27,242 --> 00:39:30,578
Maybe because you and Erin
used to be an item?
927
00:39:30,662 --> 00:39:32,622
- I still wear Erin's
button-downs
928
00:39:32,664 --> 00:39:35,125
around the condo sometimes,
so it feels to me like
929
00:39:35,208 --> 00:39:36,167
we're still in a relationship.
930
00:39:36,251 --> 00:39:37,877
- Gabe.
931
00:39:37,961 --> 00:39:40,171
Ohh.
932
00:39:40,296 --> 00:39:42,173
- And, Alice, I understand
933
00:39:42,257 --> 00:39:45,010
you once dumped Pete.
Ouch.
934
00:39:45,093 --> 00:39:47,345
- It was an amicable breakup,
Andy.
935
00:39:47,429 --> 00:39:49,556
- Okay, while we're rewriting
history,
936
00:39:49,597 --> 00:39:50,807
you never had a drinking
problem.
937
00:39:50,932 --> 00:39:52,100
- It was college.
938
00:39:52,183 --> 00:39:54,227
That is what you do.
939
00:39:54,352 --> 00:39:56,479
- Yeah, you're also supposed to
go to classes, so there's that.
940
00:39:56,563 --> 00:39:58,940
- Hey, Andy, is this at all
work-related?
941
00:39:59,024 --> 00:40:00,400
- We'll get to that.
942
00:40:00,483 --> 00:40:03,361
Gabe, did Erin ever tell you
that she loves you?
943
00:40:03,445 --> 00:40:07,198
- Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
944
00:40:07,282 --> 00:40:08,616
She wouldn't even let me
say it.
945
00:40:08,742 --> 00:40:09,993
It was adorable.
946
00:40:10,118 --> 00:40:11,411
She'd plug her ears
and scream her heart out.
947
00:40:11,536 --> 00:40:12,704
- Gabe, can you stop talking?
948
00:40:12,787 --> 00:40:14,581
Because every word out
of your mouth
949
00:40:14,664 --> 00:40:17,042
is like the squawk
of an ugly pelican.
950
00:40:17,083 --> 00:40:18,752
- I got a tattoo for you.
951
00:40:18,835 --> 00:40:20,962
- I didn't ask you to get
that Nike swoosh.
952
00:40:21,046 --> 00:40:22,630
Nobody did.
You did that for you.
953
00:40:22,714 --> 00:40:25,050
- Just do it.
954
00:40:25,133 --> 00:40:27,635
You were the it
that I was just doing.
955
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,220
- So you're dating
a secretary now?
956
00:40:29,262 --> 00:40:31,014
Blowin' up in the world, Pete.
957
00:40:31,056 --> 00:40:32,891
- She's nice to me.
958
00:40:33,016 --> 00:40:34,809
- How's that P.E. degree
coming?
959
00:40:34,893 --> 00:40:36,186
That's what he wanted to be.
960
00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,562
His dream in college was to be
a gym teacher.
961
00:40:37,687 --> 00:40:38,563
- Well, guess what.
962
00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:40,106
He could still be
a gym teacher.
963
00:40:40,148 --> 00:40:41,733
In fact, we could all still be
gym teachers.
964
00:40:41,775 --> 00:40:43,777
So let's--
- I technically cannot.
965
00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:45,487
I don't have the lung capacity
to blow a whistle.
966
00:40:45,612 --> 00:40:47,322
- Oh, my god.
967
00:40:49,699 --> 00:40:52,911
- What kind of music
are you into, Peter?
968
00:40:52,952 --> 00:40:54,329
- I like all kinds of music,
Gabe.
969
00:40:54,412 --> 00:40:56,414
- Really, all kinds?
970
00:40:56,456 --> 00:40:57,791
So you'd like "Songs of Hate"
971
00:40:57,916 --> 00:40:59,668
written by the White Knights
of the Ku Klux Klan?
972
00:40:59,793 --> 00:41:00,835
- No.
973
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:01,836
- Erin, are you even hearing
this?
974
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,004
- Gabe, he didn't even say
that.
975
00:41:03,129 --> 00:41:04,214
- He's not a very sophisticated
man.
976
00:41:04,297 --> 00:41:06,091
I mean, he can't use
chopsticks, so do I need
977
00:41:06,132 --> 00:41:07,634
to say anything else?
978
00:41:07,717 --> 00:41:10,178
- Erin, I've been to Japan.
979
00:41:10,303 --> 00:41:12,347
I know how to use chopsticks
so well.
980
00:41:12,389 --> 00:41:14,766
Come back.
981
00:41:14,808 --> 00:41:16,393
One night.
- Gabe, I don't--
982
00:41:16,476 --> 00:41:17,686
- Give me one night with you.
- What is that supposed to be?
983
00:41:17,727 --> 00:41:19,312
- I've shaved everything.
- I don't want you to shave--
984
00:41:19,396 --> 00:41:21,064
- I wasted two years
of my life on you.
985
00:41:21,147 --> 00:41:22,607
You realize that, right?
- I just want to be
986
00:41:22,691 --> 00:41:25,151
real clear that chopsticks
is not the measure of a man.
987
00:41:25,193 --> 00:41:27,696
- I am as smooth
as a porpoise for you.
988
00:41:27,779 --> 00:41:28,863
- Why did you say at the
beginning,
989
00:41:28,947 --> 00:41:29,864
"This is really going
that well."
990
00:41:29,948 --> 00:41:33,284
[all shouting indistinctly]
991
00:41:33,410 --> 00:41:36,913
- All right, all right, yes,
that is a legitimate question.
992
00:41:37,038 --> 00:41:41,042
Does making Erin and Pete
feel bad make me feel better?
993
00:41:41,167 --> 00:41:43,044
Yeah.
994
00:41:43,169 --> 00:41:46,423
Yeah, it does.
995
00:41:46,548 --> 00:41:48,967
- So imagine, like,
the real estate version
996
00:41:49,092 --> 00:41:51,511
of Michael Scott,
and that was this guy.
997
00:41:51,636 --> 00:41:53,555
He did half the interview
as Ace Ventura.
998
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,473
- Tell me about the cologne.
How much?
999
00:41:55,557 --> 00:41:57,642
- Oh, entire bottle at least,
and--
1000
00:41:57,726 --> 00:41:59,019
- You're definitely affording
this.
1001
00:41:59,144 --> 00:42:00,729
- Wait, guess--
guess what poster
1002
00:42:00,812 --> 00:42:03,231
he had on his wall.
1003
00:42:03,314 --> 00:42:04,649
- "Austin Powers."
- Mm-mm.
1004
00:42:04,691 --> 00:42:05,984
- "Ferris Bueller."
- Mm-mm.
1005
00:42:06,026 --> 00:42:07,652
You're getting colder.
1006
00:42:07,694 --> 00:42:09,154
- Not "Night at the Roxbury."
1007
00:42:09,237 --> 00:42:11,781
- No.
[laughs]
1008
00:42:11,823 --> 00:42:13,825
"The Odd Life
of Timothy Green."
1009
00:42:13,950 --> 00:42:15,577
- [chuckles]
I'm sorry.
1010
00:42:15,660 --> 00:42:17,620
How did you think I was
expected to guess that?
1011
00:42:17,746 --> 00:42:19,456
- I don't know,
but it's interesting, right?
1012
00:42:19,539 --> 00:42:21,750
- It's fascinating.
- He said he can't help
1013
00:42:21,833 --> 00:42:22,917
tear up when he looks at it.
1014
00:42:23,043 --> 00:42:24,044
It's, like,
right next to his desk.
1015
00:42:24,169 --> 00:42:25,962
He must look at it, like,
20 times a day.
1016
00:42:26,087 --> 00:42:28,048
- That's amazing.
1017
00:42:28,089 --> 00:42:29,424
Well, listen,
you can't win 'em all, right?
1018
00:42:29,507 --> 00:42:31,134
- Mm-hmm.
- So the next interview
1019
00:42:31,259 --> 00:42:34,304
has to be better.
1020
00:42:34,429 --> 00:42:35,430
- I don't know.
1021
00:42:35,513 --> 00:42:37,432
- What do you mean?
1022
00:42:37,515 --> 00:42:40,894
Of course it will.
You're amazing.
1023
00:42:40,977 --> 00:42:43,229
- I know, it's just even if
it was a great boss
1024
00:42:43,313 --> 00:42:48,234
and a great job, I just--
I don't know if I want--
1025
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,903
I don't know if I want this.
1026
00:42:55,909 --> 00:42:57,202
- Huh.
1027
00:43:01,748 --> 00:43:03,792
This is a little out
of left field.
1028
00:43:03,917 --> 00:43:06,461
- Is it?
1029
00:43:06,586 --> 00:43:09,631
Is it?
1030
00:43:11,591 --> 00:43:14,302
I just--I--
I liked our life in Scranton.
1031
00:43:17,806 --> 00:43:21,142
- And I've started a business
in Philadelphia.
1032
00:43:35,573 --> 00:43:38,118
- This was what my grandfather
knew.
1033
00:43:38,159 --> 00:43:40,787
"Mahjong" will be here
to stay.
1034
00:43:40,912 --> 00:43:43,790
- "Hobbies of the East"
continues in a moment.
1035
00:43:47,419 --> 00:43:50,130
- [clears throat]
1036
00:43:50,213 --> 00:43:51,673
You could all be doing this.
1037
00:43:51,756 --> 00:43:53,299
Just saying.
1038
00:43:53,341 --> 00:43:54,718
I watch way too many ads
online,
1039
00:43:54,801 --> 00:43:57,137
and I don't do enough sit-ups.
1040
00:43:57,220 --> 00:43:58,763
So I bought these.
1041
00:43:58,888 --> 00:44:00,974
Now every time an ad pops up
online,
1042
00:44:01,016 --> 00:44:03,393
I get 30 seconds
of ab blasting.
1043
00:44:03,476 --> 00:44:05,645
I call is ads for abs.
1044
00:44:05,729 --> 00:44:08,940
Ironically, I learned about the
boots from an ad online.
1045
00:44:09,065 --> 00:44:11,234
- Why can't you just do
regular sit-ups?
1046
00:44:11,276 --> 00:44:13,862
- I'll tell you why.
1047
00:44:13,987 --> 00:44:19,242
Because... the floor...
1048
00:44:19,284 --> 00:44:22,996
is... disgusting.
1049
00:44:23,079 --> 00:44:27,417
[grunting]
1050
00:44:27,500 --> 00:44:32,922
Yeah, my trainer said
everybody fails working out.
1051
00:44:32,964 --> 00:44:34,507
That's how you win.
1052
00:44:34,632 --> 00:44:37,427
Okay, all right.
1053
00:44:37,510 --> 00:44:40,764
Okay, Kevin, a little help, buddy?
1054
00:44:40,805 --> 00:44:45,143
- Oh, why don't your famous
stomachs help you now?
1055
00:44:45,185 --> 00:44:47,771
- Can someone please help me?
1056
00:44:47,896 --> 00:44:49,022
- Oh, these teas are hot.
1057
00:44:49,105 --> 00:44:52,609
Can someone help me, please?
1058
00:44:52,692 --> 00:44:53,777
Thanks.
1059
00:44:53,818 --> 00:44:57,030
Thank you.
- Just--
1060
00:44:57,155 --> 00:44:59,657
just--people,
1061
00:44:59,741 --> 00:45:01,242
I'm not going anywhere.
1062
00:45:01,326 --> 00:45:03,787
Soon my core will get strong
again,
1063
00:45:03,912 --> 00:45:06,748
and when that happens,
I'll be able--
1064
00:45:06,790 --> 00:45:07,791
head rush.
1065
00:45:07,874 --> 00:45:10,919
Augh!
1066
00:45:11,002 --> 00:45:12,587
Can someone please help me?
1067
00:45:12,629 --> 00:45:14,339
I-- hey.
1068
00:45:14,381 --> 00:45:16,466
I'm not going anywhere.
1069
00:45:16,508 --> 00:45:18,802
I'll be right here.
1070
00:45:18,843 --> 00:45:20,804
Oh, that's not good.
1071
00:45:20,845 --> 00:45:23,223
Hey, guys, I've got 20 bucks
for anyone who will help me.
1072
00:45:23,264 --> 00:45:24,766
Kevin,
would you like a pizza?
1073
00:45:24,816 --> 00:45:29,366
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