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1
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,386
- [sighs]
I'm having second thoughts
2
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,638
about one
of the shirts I packed.
3
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,224
The blue one
with the stripes.
4
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,351
- I'm sure it's fine.
It's a blue shirt.
5
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,895
- Well, yeah, but I'm wondering
if it's too blue.
6
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:26,234
Like, am I making
a statement with the blueness?
7
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:29,404
I am leaving early today
for Philly,
8
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,991
because tomorrow is
the first day of my new job.
9
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,577
So I figure
I'd get in at 5:00,
10
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,204
check into a hotel
at about 6:00
11
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,873
so I can get
a real good night
12
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,500
of restless sleep
and nervous puking.
13
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,960
I think Jim is really nervous
14
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:45,628
about his first day
at the new job.
15
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,963
I wish there was
something I could do
16
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:50,467
to take his mind off it.
I feel so bad.
17
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,219
He is being kind of
adorable, though.
18
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,971
- Uh, excuse me.
Trying to get work done.
19
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,848
Some people don't care
about Jim's new sports job
20
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,641
in Phila-whatever.
21
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,227
- So you know my job
has something to do with sports,
22
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,980
but you don't know the end
of the word "Philadelphia"?
23
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,440
- Philadelphia.
24
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,359
From the Greek philia,
meaning "love,"
25
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,277
and adelph,
meaning "Adolf."
26
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,737
"The city
that loves Adolf."
27
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,781
Good luck
with your new enterprise.
28
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,532
And don't wear
the blue striped shirt.
29
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,702
It makes your neck
look like an old mop handle.
30
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,706
- Oh...
hey, guys,
31
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,583
the Christmas party
is today.
32
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,377
Merry Christmas,
everyone!
33
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,003
- No.
- Is it?
34
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:28,296
- I mean,
it says "X-mas party,"
35
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,715
but I think we all know
what that's code for.
36
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,926
- So we're not gonna have
a Christmas party this year?
37
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,928
Angela, how could you
do this to us?
38
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,013
- Oh, right,
like I'm responsible
39
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,890
'cause I'm in charge
of the party planning committee.
40
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,850
- Well, you are
the one in charge of it.
41
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,936
- Don't blame me
for something we all forgot!
42
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,730
- Yeah, let's not blame her
for something we all forgot.
43
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,900
I didn't realize how many of
Angela's opinions I agreed with
44
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,694
until she tried
to have my kneecap shattered
45
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,487
for sleeping
with her husband.
46
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,532
She makes a lot
of very sound points.
47
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,908
- I knew
the party was today,
48
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,785
but nobody asked me to plan it,
so I didn't.
49
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,495
Hmm, funny how that works.
50
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,330
- [scoffs]
We're out there
51
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,249
sweating our balls off
every day,
52
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583
bustin' our balls.
53
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,085
We deserve
a Christmas party!
54
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,254
- Darn straight.
This is America.
55
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,506
- Yes. This is America.
56
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,425
- Well, then, why don't we
just get some liquor
57
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,218
and those mini-cupcakes?
58
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,803
- Mini-cupcakes?
59
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,764
As in the mini version
of regular cupcakes,
60
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:22,559
which is already
a mini version of cake?
61
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,936
Honestly, where does it end
with you people?
62
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,771
- Kev's right.
That's no party.
63
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,398
That's like a kick
in our balls.
64
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,941
- I have an idea.
65
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,193
What about an authentic
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?
66
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:33,945
Drink some gluhwein,
67
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,905
enjoy some hasenpfeffer.
68
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,074
Enjoy Christmas
with Saint Nicolas'
69
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,952
rural German companion,
Belsnickel.
70
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,080
- Yes!
That, that, that!
71
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,458
Definitely doing that.
Are we all in agreement?
72
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:47,459
- No.
- No!
73
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,127
- Done, right?
- No.
74
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,545
I want tropical Christmas.
75
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:54,007
- Topless Christmas.
- Tapas Swiss Miss.
76
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,676
Spanish tapas
and Swiss Miss hot cocoa--
77
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,470
what's so hard
to understand?
78
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:01,264
- Or, who was it
that suggested
79
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,974
the authentic
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?
80
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,351
I think it was
someone really popular.
81
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,852
- We already said no.
- No, no, no.
82
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,312
- Too weird.
83
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,688
- This is me
and my family
84
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,065
celebrating
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas
85
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,858
in 1982 on the farm.
86
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,693
There's me
and my brother Jeb
87
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,570
breaking
the ceremonial pig rib.
88
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,114
He doesn't come back
for Christmas anymore.
89
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,034
The sepia tint
is from an app on my phone.
90
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,828
This is the same photo,
"Matrix" style.
91
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,873
- I'm not understanding
the confusion.
92
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,375
Am I the only one
who wants to try
93
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,460
hufflepuffs
and schnauzerhosen,
94
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,045
and meet
this Glenpickle guy?
95
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,173
[shrill whistle blows]
96
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,008
- Party planning committee,
emergency meeting.
97
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,259
Now.
98
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,139
- I'm on it.
- Right.
99
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,642
[cheerful music]
100
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:52,732
{\an8}? ?
101
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,443
- And that is why
this Christmas
102
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,988
should be
a Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas.
103
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,657
{\an8}Danke.
104
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,158
{\an8}- Thank you, Dwight.
105
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,868
{\an8}We will take your idea
into consideration.
106
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,246
{\an8}- Please do.
Thank you very much.
107
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,956
{\an8}Dwight for Christmas Party.
108
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,959
{\an8}- [sighs]
109
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:14,462
{\an8}Sorry, but that looked like
a cat's butt to me.
110
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,630
{\an8}Next!
111
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,176
{\an8}- Good luck, chump.
112
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,470
{\an8}- Thanks. Hope I get it.
113
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,771
{\an8}[poster rustling]
114
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,985
{\an8}Kevin.
- Yeah?
115
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,070
{\an8}- Santa.
- Right.
116
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:42,032
{\an8}- Santa...
117
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,616
{\an8}Kevin.
118
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:48,455
{\an8}It'll make Christmas
a ho-ho-home run.
119
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,207
{\an8}[applause]
120
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,377
{\an8}- Once again, displays
of support are not needed.
121
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,962
{\an8}Boos are okay.
122
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,589
{\an8}Next!
123
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,512
{\an8}Oh! Oh.
124
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,640
{\an8}- Thank you.
125
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:13,772
{\an8}- Lots of good ideas here.
- What was that?
126
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,190
{\an8}- I'm just hoping
German terrorists
127
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,566
{\an8}don't take over
this Christmas party.
128
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,985
{\an8}Make me go all
John McClane on their asses.
129
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,446
{\an8}- Wait, German terrorists?
That's oddly specific.
130
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:24,240
{\an8}And I think--
I think you mean John McCain.
131
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,576
{\an8}- "Die Hard" reference.
- I haven't seen it.
132
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,536
{\an8}- You haven't seen "Die Hard"?
- Mm-mm.
133
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,372
{\an8}- Why haven't you seen
"Die Hard"?
134
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,332
{\an8}- I don't know,
I just haven't.
135
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,876
{\an8}- Come on, you had to have
at least seen some of it.
136
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,127
{\an8}- No.
137
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,880
{\an8}- "Now, I have a machine gun.
138
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,799
{\an8}Ho, ho, ho."
139
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,342
{\an8}- [as Bruce Willis]
"Come out to the coast,
140
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,260
{\an8}we'll get together,
have a few laughs."
141
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,638
{\an8}- None of this
makes any sense to me.
142
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,140
{\an8}- Oh, yeah, and when he takes
the gun off his back,
143
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,685
{\an8}and he's like,
"Yippie-ki-yay, mother--"
144
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,978
{\an8}- Actually,
he doesn't say that there.
145
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,898
{\an8}He says it earlier when
he's on the radio with Hans.
146
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,902
{\an8}- Yes, you are right.
Forgive me.
147
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:03,029
{\an8}- Oh, that's okay, bud.
- Nope.
148
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,614
{\an8}- Common mistake.
- No, it's not.
149
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,282
{\an8}- Nerd!
150
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,576
{\an8}Do you know every line
of the movie?
151
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,120
{\an8}- My brother dared me
to memorize it,
152
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,956
{\an8}and I did it,
and I loved doing it.
153
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,083
{\an8}- Okay, let's hear it.
154
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,252
{\an8}- Hear what?
- "Die Hard."
155
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,796
{\an8}Every line. Go.
156
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,047
{\an8}- You don't like flying,
do you?
157
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,049
{\an8}- Don't change the subject.
158
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,634
{\an8}- No, that's the--
159
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,136
{\an8}- Movie is starting.
160
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,679
{\an8}- We're thinking
of collaborating
161
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,431
{\an8}with Mike Schmidt
on some of his charity work.
162
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,142
{\an8}- I love Philly. Dirty town.
163
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,769
{\an8}- You gotta go to this barbecue
joint under the bridge.
164
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:37,313
{\an8}It's a metal can
with a fire in it.
165
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,733
{\an8}Do yourself a favor.
Get the pigeon.
166
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:40,817
{\an8}- I'll try.
167
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,737
{\an8}- Ah-ha-ha!
Philly!
168
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,865
{\an8}Exciting stuff, man.
- Whoo!
169
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,034
{\an8}- So you sure you remembered
everything for your trip?
170
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,912
{\an8}- Yeah, I think so.
- Think that through for a sec.
171
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,748
{\an8}Yeah, Jim's going
to Philly tomorrow.
172
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,166
{\an8}He said he was gonna
take me with him,
173
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,667
{\an8}but that
was two months ago.
174
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,420
{\an8}And I haven't heard
anything since.
175
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,089
I mean,
he said that, right?
176
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,799
I'm not just making this up.
177
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,010
Yeah, I was standing
right here.
178
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,428
Yeah. Right.
179
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,263
And Jim was standing
right there, and--
180
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,057
That was the day
I was mad at Andy
181
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,683
about the Michelle Obama thing.
182
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,268
And Jim was all like,
183
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,644
[mocking tone]
"Uh, sports marketing.
184
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:20,190
Oh, it's happening.
It's happening."
185
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:24,235
You know what'd be interesting?
If you asked him about it.
186
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:28,198
I wonder what he'd say.
It'd be interesting.
187
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,284
What else could you possibly
be forgetting?
188
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,620
- Uh--
- Things? People?
189
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,497
[both chuckle]
190
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,082
- Do you know who's not
gonna get to work
191
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,792
on some exciting
new startup this year?
192
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,960
George Howard Skub,
193
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,838
AKA The alleged
Scranton Strangler,
194
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,965
because he's in prison
195
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,009
for something
he may not have done.
196
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,553
- I'm sorry, the--
uh, the Scranton who?
197
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,181
- The Scranton Strangler.
George Howard Skub.
198
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,432
Haven't I told you
about the jury
199
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,600
I was on
a couple years ago?
200
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,061
- [gasps]
Oh, what happened?
201
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,396
I mean, if you can
talk about it, obviously.
202
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,147
Because if you can't,
I mean, I understand.
203
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:04,693
- I--I could--
I could talk about it.
204
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,111
- See you next Christmas.
205
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,654
- I could, sure.
Have a seat.
206
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,698
I would start
at the beginning,
207
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:13,076
but I think I need
to go farther back.
208
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,161
- We're the party
planning committee,
209
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,913
and we did not get
where we are
210
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,373
by playing it safe.
211
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,292
We got here
by being risk takers.
212
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:22,585
And, yeah,
213
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:26,214
Dwight's party
is gonna be terrible.
214
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,383
Maybe.
215
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,594
Maybe it's not.
216
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,555
Maybe it's going to be great.
217
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,391
And, if it's great...
218
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:43,356
I think we all know
what that would mean to us.
219
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,651
- Let's do it.
220
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,236
- Yes.
Phyllis!
221
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,946
- No.
222
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,906
I don't want my name
attached to this party.
223
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,950
- What does that even mean?
Where would your name appear?
224
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,869
- Please just take my name
off of everything.
225
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,954
- Just take her name
off of everything.
226
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,373
- [in German accent]
"The fire has been called off,
227
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,167
"my friend.
228
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,794
"No one is coming to help you.
229
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:08,256
"You might as well come out
and join the others.
230
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,509
I promise I won't hurt you."
231
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,178
[imitates machine gun firing]
232
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,554
[in normal voice]
John McClane's not there.
233
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,889
Where did he go?
234
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,390
[vocalizes]
235
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,558
What's that sound?
236
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,101
Tony better go check it out.
237
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,102
Comes running down
the corridor.
238
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:22,270
Into one--nothing there.
239
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,688
Into another--nothing there.
240
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,273
One final corner to go around.
241
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,900
[imitates machine gun firing]
242
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,902
John McClane's not there again?
243
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,737
- No.
- How is that possible?
244
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,156
[vocalizes]
The sound he heard before.
245
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,784
Nothing but a band saw
running in the wind.
246
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,410
[gasps] All of a sudden--
[as Bruce Willis]
247
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,204
"Drop it, dick head.
It's the police."
248
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,497
[German accent]
"You're not going to hurt me."
249
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,664
"Oh yeah? Why not?"
- Okay. Wait.
250
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,166
I have to pee.
I'll be right back.
251
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,127
- Yeah, sure. Hey, do you mind
if maybe I just keep going?
252
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,629
- You mean, like, by yourself?
253
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:51,508
- Yeah.
Just kind of in the flow.
254
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,052
- Yeah. Sure.
255
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,553
- Okay.
256
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,682
[German accent]
"Because you are a policeman.
257
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,141
There are rules for policemen."
258
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,267
[as Bruce Willis]
"That's what my captain keeps
259
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,686
telling me."
260
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,978
[imitates blow landing]
Elbow to the face.
261
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,356
[grunting]
262
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,316
[imitating machine gun firing]
263
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,443
[grunting]
264
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,988
My pistol! My pistol!
265
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,325
[grunting]
266
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,370
- [clears throat]
267
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:23,081
The party planning committee,
minus Angela,
268
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:28,378
has decided that we're all
going to do Dwight's Christmas.
269
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,422
- Yes!
Yeah!
270
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,048
Yeah!
Okay!
271
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,384
Yes!
It's a Christmas miracle!
272
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,969
Yeah!
273
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,430
Whoo-hoo!
- Dwight, there is one rule
274
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,056
that you need
to take very seriously.
275
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,684
- Uh-huh.
- And that is...
276
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,020
- Uh-oh.
- That there are no rules.
277
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,855
- You have never been cooler.
278
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,691
Whoo-hoo!
279
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,026
Yeah!
280
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,361
[cheering]
281
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,407
[laughs]
282
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,325
Best Christmas ever!
283
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,869
Whoo!
284
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,121
- Best Christmas ever.
285
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,372
- You're welcome.
286
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:05,874
- Thank you.
287
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,546
- [playing horn]
288
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:16,468
And Pennsylvania Dutch
Christmas has officially begun.
289
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,137
- Ugh.
What is this stuff, lava?
290
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,098
- That is gluhwein,
otherwise known as glow-wine,
291
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,476
also used to sterilize
medical instruments.
292
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,103
And, interesting factoid,
293
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,731
this is the very spoon
that guided my soft skull
294
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,983
through the birth canal
when I was born.
295
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,818
Enjoy.
- What is it?
296
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,905
Don't touch it.
297
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,823
- Somebody's found the hog maw.
- Oh!
298
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,241
- What?
299
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,409
It's a Pennsylvania
Dutch specialty.
300
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,453
Hog maw.
That's a beauty, isn't it?
301
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,954
I don't even want to tell you
what it's made of
302
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,623
until after you try it.
303
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,667
- Ugh.
I'm not eating mystery meat.
304
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,418
- It is stuffed pig stomach.
305
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,837
And, after we finish it,
we get to break the pig rib.
306
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,089
- Can't wait.
- Weird.
307
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,757
Where are the sugar cookies?
308
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,425
Where's the karaoke machine?
309
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,636
- This is austere, Meredith.
310
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,390
This is celebrating Christmas
for all of the right reasons.
311
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:07,018
The cookies and toys and sweets
are mere distractions.
312
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:09,145
I mean, most people
don't even know
313
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,981
that a candy cane
represents a shepherd's crook,
314
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,942
which I assure you
does not taste like peppermint.
315
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,402
It tastes like sheep feces.
316
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,112
- How would anyone even know--
317
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,405
- Have you ever tasted
a shepherd's crook?
318
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,532
- I don't know.
Is it what you expected?
319
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,659
- I feel like--
320
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:25,995
Dwight is holding a candle
and reading a poem.
321
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,081
- So happy right now.
322
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:33,878
- [speaking German]
323
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,505
Wait, what is that I hear?
324
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:36,965
Is someone on the roof?
325
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,342
How strange.
326
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,720
Excuse me,
I have to run to my car
327
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,638
to take a dump.
328
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,643
- I wish my car
had a bathroom.
329
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:49,978
- "Let Heinrich
plant the detonators
330
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,813
"and Theo prepare the vault.
331
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,690
After that--"
- Eh. That wasn't the line.
332
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,650
I'm sorry, Pete.
333
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,235
- That is transcribed
by some fan.
334
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,112
They make mistakes.
335
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,406
- I don't know.
This looks pretty legit.
336
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:02,991
[cell phone chimes]
337
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,910
Oh, my gosh.
I just got an email from Andy.
338
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,829
That means they hit land.
339
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,331
"What up, shorty?
We got in last night,
340
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,960
"sold the boat,
went out, got drunk,
341
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,838
"saw 'Life of Pi,'
got super depressed
342
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,965
"and introspective.
343
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,384
"Gonna hang out here
a while.
344
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,511
"Maybe a couple of weeks.
345
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,431
"Figure this whole
life thing out.
346
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,517
Maybe see 'Hobbit.'
Lates."
347
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,606
- Hey.
Everything okay?
348
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,775
- So what comes next?
349
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,320
- Right, um, okay.
350
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,198
So he says,
"After we call the police,
351
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,949
they'll waste hours
trying to negotiate--"
352
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,368
- We should just
watch the movie.
353
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,702
That makes much more sense.
354
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,621
- Or we can just
sit and talk, though.
355
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,039
- No.
No more talking.
356
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,499
It's movie time.
357
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,835
- I mean, are you sure?
Um...
358
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:58,588
Yeah, I probably have
a copy or two in my car.
359
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,298
- Oh, great.
Great!
360
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:01,966
So we're watching
"Die Hard," now.
361
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,468
Good! This is a good plan.
362
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,220
- Okay.
363
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,347
- Here's the thing
about moonlight.
364
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,724
It's not sunlight.
365
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,935
- [mouth full]
I love this hog mama.
366
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,436
- Dwight said it's "hog maw."
367
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,729
- [chokes]
368
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,398
What is maw?
369
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,149
- It's the lining
of the stomach of--
370
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,526
- [cackling]
Ohh...
371
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,152
[German accent]
Judgment is nigh,
372
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,530
for the Belsnickel ist I!
373
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,782
- Yes, he is finally nigh.
374
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,701
- I am nigh!
375
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,911
Every year, my grandfather
would dress up as Belsnickel
376
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,329
at Christmas.
377
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,582
He was... okay at it.
378
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:37,002
I am great.
379
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,878
You know how they say some
people were born to be bad?
380
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,132
Well, I was born
to be Belsnickel.
381
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,217
Ohh, Belsnickel
382
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,428
has traveled
from distant lands
383
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,847
to discover how
all the boys and the girls
384
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,807
have been behaving
this last year.
385
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,975
Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
386
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,977
Ohh... too much strudel.
387
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,604
- So he's kind of like Santa,
except dirty and worse.
388
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,982
- No, much better--
no one fears Santa
389
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,942
the way they fear Belsnickel.
390
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,444
- Wow, it's my favorite part
of Christmas--
391
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:03,778
the authority.
392
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,905
- And the fear.
- Yes, exactly!
393
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,741
- Come on, Dwight,
you're making this up.
394
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,659
- No...
- This is a real thing.
395
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,370
"Belsnickel is a crotchety,
fur-clad gift giver
396
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,622
"related to other companions
of St. Nicholas
397
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,666
in the folklore
of southwestern Germany."
398
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,084
- Ah.
- Wow.
399
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,419
- Okay, great.
Seriously, you guys?
400
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,087
Now you believe
in Dwight's traditions,
401
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,882
when some democrat looks it up
on Wikipedia?
402
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:28,094
- "His partner, Zwarte Piet,
or Black Peter, a slave boy,
403
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:31,765
often portrayed in colorful
pantaloons and blackface."
404
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,476
- Uh-uh.
No, Dwight. No.
405
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,144
- Oh, come on.
406
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,438
We don't blindly stick
to every outmoded aspect
407
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,023
of our traditions.
408
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,817
Come on, get with the spirit
of it, you guys.
409
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,073
[phone blips]
410
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,407
[suspenseful music]
411
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,117
- Okay, Karl was actually
412
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,244
a ballet dancer
in real life.
413
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,163
Isn't that crazy?
- Mm. [chuckles]
414
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,168
- Jim, that guy.
415
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,461
[scoffs]
416
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,338
You gotta stick
to your word!
417
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,382
Like when you say something
to a buddy,
418
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,009
a real buddy...
419
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:09,552
what are you gonna do, lie?
420
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:10,929
To your buddy?
421
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,931
[sighs]
It's awful.
422
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,933
- Take a bowl
and pass it down.
423
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,685
- Thank you, Dwight.
These are nice.
424
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,061
- No, these are gift bowls.
425
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,021
When you receive a gift,
it will go in the bowl,
426
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,356
but the bowls must be
returned at the end.
427
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:22,565
They're a set.
428
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,694
Now, hold your bowls forward.
429
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:29,030
Der Belsnickel will decide
if you are impish
430
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,782
or admirable.
431
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,492
- Oh, it's like
naughty or nice.
432
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,703
- No, impish or admirable.
433
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,204
- Well, what's
the difference, then?
434
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:39,290
- Impish is like
when you're really bad.
435
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:41,751
And admirable is like
when you're very kind.
436
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,003
- Naughty or nice.
437
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,212
- No. It's different than that.
438
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,588
- Quick question--
do you just decide
439
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,507
who gets what in the moment,
or did you make a list?
440
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:50,051
- I decided earlier.
- Oh. Nice.
441
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,429
Did you check that list?
- Of course I checked it.
442
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,930
- But more than once? 'Cause
you could have made a mistake.
443
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,765
- I checked it more than once.
- Okay, so you made a list,
444
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:58,143
you checked it twice, and now
you're gonna find out who's--
445
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,311
- Impish or admirable.
- Damn.
446
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,605
- Phyllis Vance!
Cheer or fear?
447
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:03,940
Belsnickel is here.
448
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,569
I judge your year as...
449
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,405
admirable.
450
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,948
There you are.
451
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,616
- Oh. What are these?
452
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,785
- It's a set of rubber gaskets
for canning jars.
453
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,455
- I'd rather have the bowl.
- You can't have the bowl!
454
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,248
Oscar Martinez,
455
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,417
cheer or fear?
456
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:23,793
Belsnickel is here.
457
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:27,380
I judge your year...
458
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,798
as impish!
459
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,551
- Ow! You hit people
with that thing?
460
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:32,677
- No, I'm carrying
around the stick
461
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,012
in order to look cool.
462
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,096
For the kinder.
463
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,473
- Ooh.
464
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:37,515
- Mouse trap.
465
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,975
- In a head-to-head contest,
466
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:41,603
people prefer Belsnickel
over Santa every time.
467
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,188
There aren't as many songs
about him,
468
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,857
but I attribute that more
to rhyming difficulties.
469
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,692
My brother and I
wrote one once.
470
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,527
It was about
a fickle pickle salesman
471
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,237
who would tickle you
for a nickel.
472
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,618
Impish!
- [giggling]
473
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,161
- Stop giggling.
474
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,413
- [giggles]
It tickles.
475
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,249
- No, it doesn't--
- Oh, you know what?
476
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,834
I gotta go.
- Stop giggling.
477
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,378
- Oh, really?
Already?
478
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:07,671
- Yeah, it's all right.
- It's a punishment.
479
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,005
Hey, where are you going?
480
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,758
- I have to go to Philly.
But this was amazing.
481
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,301
Okay?
- But you work tomorrow.
482
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,386
- Yeah, I know,
I'd just like to settle in
483
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:15,637
and get
a good night's sleep.
484
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,180
- But we were gonna
break the pig rib.
485
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,682
- Ohh.
- Remember?
486
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:21,017
- That's right.
487
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,268
- No matter!
488
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,521
Belsnickel cares not
about this--
489
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,814
off with you!
490
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,357
- Perfect.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
491
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,900
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
492
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,610
Don't you want to know
your present?
493
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:32,445
- You know what?
Yeah. Have at it.
494
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,407
- Jim Halpert,
cheer or fear?
495
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,283
Belsnickel is here.
496
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,536
I judge your year
as impish.
497
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,246
- Ohh! Are you nuts?
498
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,497
- I judge you impish!
- Ow! Ow!
499
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,832
Okay, that is three,
500
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,250
and you didn't
hit anybody that hard.
501
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,459
- They're not
abandoning the party.
502
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,044
- Just--just--hey!
503
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,587
- [shouts indistinctly]
- That's enough, I'm done!
504
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,047
Okay? Agh!
- Impish!
505
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,508
- Aah! Ow!
506
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:56,386
- Belsnickel,
I gotta run out early too.
507
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,972
[all groan]
508
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:02,058
- Oh...
what was that?
509
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:05,812
Now I'm gonna be all whipped
for my first day at work.
510
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:09,065
God.
511
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,984
One second.
512
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,361
Oh...
- Well...
513
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,155
this is it.
514
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:17,115
- I'm probably never gonna
see you again.
515
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,576
- Shut up.
I'm trying to be serious.
516
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,202
- Okay, sorry, sorry.
517
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,373
- I can't believe
this is actually happening.
518
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:27,000
- Listen,
thank you so much
519
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,877
for putting that
all together.
520
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,546
That was the perfect
last Christmas party.
521
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,259
All right, wish me luck?
522
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,345
- Okay.
[smooches]
523
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,013
Good luck.
You're gonna be great.
524
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,306
- I'll call you when I get in.
525
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,058
- Okay.
- All right.
526
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,185
- Love you.
- Love you.
527
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:57,322
[laughter, indistinct chatter]
528
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,215
[elevator bell dings]
529
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,133
- What's going on?
- Party's over.
530
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,471
You quit on Christmas,
Christmas quits on you.
531
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,390
And guess what, kids.
532
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:27,227
Belsnickel isn't real.
It's me, Dwight!
533
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:35,443
- We found some old
decorations in the warehouse.
534
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,946
Oscar ran to the store
for some food and drink,
535
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,198
and I dipped into
my stash of eggnog.
536
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,117
I guess they needed me
after all.
537
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,993
It's like in
"It's a Wonderful Life,"
538
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:46,037
when Jimmy Stewart realizes
that all those people
539
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:47,831
at the building and loan
were just jerks,
540
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,041
and he was the real hero.
541
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:53,545
- Kevin, Kevin!
Aaah. Stop it!
542
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,548
[indistinct chatter]
543
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:01,845
- Oh, blegh.
544
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,680
[chatter]
545
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:05,390
- Let's do it again.
546
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,308
- This'll keep you warm.
547
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,727
- I love it, I love it,
I love it.
548
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,270
- This'll keep you warm.
549
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,814
- You and your coat.
[laughter]
550
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,484
- It looks great on you.
551
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:19,446
[indistinct chatter]
552
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,866
- Again.
- No. No. No.
553
00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:25,160
- A tapa?
554
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,037
- No, thanks.
555
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:29,122
- Oh, it sounds like
the party's
556
00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,124
starting up out there.
- Yeah.
557
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:35,545
So anyway, the entire jury
wants me to vote guilty.
558
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,589
But then I did
a little research of my own,
559
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,758
and forget everything
you thought you knew
560
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,134
about fingerprinting.
561
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,762
- Meredith's a little cute.
562
00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:46,097
I'm just realizing.
563
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:48,475
She got, like,
a Emma Stone thing.
564
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,935
["We Wish You
a Merry Christmas" playing]
565
00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:52,979
? ?
566
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:56,524
Boo!
567
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:11,790
- For what it's worth,
I liked your party better.
568
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:13,500
- Everyone thought
the food was gross,
569
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:17,712
and that Belsnickel was
some darkly erotic freak.
570
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,507
- I don't think anyone
thought that.
571
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,634
- Jim couldn't even stay
till the end of the party.
572
00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:24,594
- Well, that didn't have
anything to do with you.
573
00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:26,221
- I don't care.
574
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,223
Guess how much I care
on a scale of one to ten.
575
00:22:28,306 --> 00:22:30,350
- Zero.
- Damn it.
576
00:22:39,693 --> 00:22:42,570
- I'm gonna tell Jim
to go [bleep] himself.
577
00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:46,658
- [groaning]
578
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,160
- Do you think Andy would ever
jump off an exploding building
579
00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:52,956
tied to a hose for me?
580
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:56,835
- Yeah.
Definitely.
581
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,963
[explosions, screams on TV]
582
00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:02,298
- [sobs]
583
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:04,134
- Hey, what's--
584
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:06,594
Oh, no, come here.
Hey, hey.
585
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,055
Come on, huh?
586
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:16,229
- I'm still Andy's girlfriend.
587
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:20,233
- Oh, yeah, of course.
I know.
588
00:23:20,358 --> 00:23:21,943
- But you can leave your arm.
589
00:23:44,716 --> 00:23:46,509
[person whistling
"Jingle Bells"]
590
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:49,095
[indistinct chatter]
591
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:51,056
- Dwight, want me
to get you some eggnog?
592
00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:54,434
- No, thanks, I'll just have
another Dumatril.
593
00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,811
Jim taught me
this really cool way to take it.
594
00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:59,147
You crush it into a powder,
and you snort it up your butt.
595
00:23:59,272 --> 00:24:01,024
- Yep, I did say that.
596
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:02,400
- Jim!
597
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:03,985
- What's going on?
Where's the Belsnickel?
598
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:05,111
- Oh--
599
00:24:05,195 --> 00:24:08,573
oh, my God!
600
00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:10,867
- What are you doing?
601
00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:12,702
Last time I saw you, you were
whipping me out of the building.
602
00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:14,788
- Shh.
Let's not speak of that.
603
00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:16,748
The pig rib.
604
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,333
We could totally break
the pig rib!
605
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:22,295
I'm gonna dig it out
of the trash.
606
00:24:22,337 --> 00:24:24,172
- What happened?
Did you miss your bus?
607
00:24:24,255 --> 00:24:26,758
- No. I just missed my wife.
608
00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:30,261
- I found it!
609
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:31,763
- And I found out
610
00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:32,847
that there's a bus
at 5:00 a.m.
611
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:36,434
[all cheering and chanting]
612
00:24:42,982 --> 00:24:44,025
- Oh!
613
00:24:44,109 --> 00:24:46,861
[all groan]
614
00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:49,114
- Damn it!
615
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,740
Jim got the bigger half.
616
00:24:50,782 --> 00:24:52,117
I actually am
a little bit upset
617
00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,743
that Jim got the big half.
618
00:24:53,868 --> 00:24:57,038
Looking at it now,
I wish he hadn't come back.
619
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,707
[cheering]
620
00:24:58,832 --> 00:25:00,208
- Back for more, huh?
621
00:25:00,333 --> 00:25:03,878
- Ooh, nog it.
Let me get some nog.
622
00:25:03,962 --> 00:25:07,048
[indistinct chatter]
623
00:25:07,132 --> 00:25:09,884
- Thanks, Phyllis.
Where's Andy?
624
00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:11,803
- You!
625
00:25:11,886 --> 00:25:13,179
- Oh, hey, man.
626
00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:14,848
Oh, you know what?
Before I forget again,
627
00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:16,433
I talked to the guys
about hiring you.
628
00:25:16,516 --> 00:25:18,435
They're gonna bring you in
for an interview.
629
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,147
[festive music playing softly]
630
00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:25,442
? ?
631
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,068
- That's great.
632
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,486
- Right?
633
00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:31,364
- Thanks, man.
- Hey, of course.
634
00:25:31,406 --> 00:25:33,950
- I shall come by
at your convenience.
635
00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:36,202
- Thank you, sir.
636
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:38,121
- Whoo!
- Go get 'em.
637
00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:39,706
- Oh! Whoa!
[alarmed shouts]
638
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,168
[alarmed shouts]
639
00:25:44,836 --> 00:25:46,463
- Very impish.
640
00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:53,053
? ?
641
00:25:56,639 --> 00:25:58,183
- Two dimes, seven nickels--
642
00:25:58,266 --> 00:25:59,809
well, okay, no,
that doesn't add up.
643
00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:01,102
It was one quarter and--
644
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:03,480
- Shh.
645
00:26:03,521 --> 00:26:04,314
- What?
I was just explaining--
646
00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:06,524
- Shh.
647
00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:07,984
- But why wouldn't it--
- Shh.
648
00:26:08,109 --> 00:26:09,611
- What are you doing?
- Shh.
649
00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:11,279
- Why? What is it?
- No... more...
650
00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:13,948
Talking.
651
00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:16,451
- Are you gonna kiss me?
652
00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:18,536
- Yes.
653
00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:33,927
[exhales]
Toby kisses like a fiend.
654
00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:36,262
I don't even know
what just happened.
655
00:26:36,312 --> 00:26:40,862
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