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1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,087
- Uh, what else?
2
00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:05,338
I've seen "Dirty Dancing,"
like, ten times.
3
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,840
Breaks my heart every time,
you know?
4
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,550
- Whoa.
- Andy.
5
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,760
- That Swayze
sure can dance dirty.
6
00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:12,804
- Don't you have
any sunblock?
7
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,431
- No, Walter J
has been hoarding it.
8
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,932
You want to worry
about a part of my body,
9
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,559
worry about my eyes.
10
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:20,061
They're like two flaming
meatballs in my skull.
11
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,439
- Last week Andy
set sail for the Bahamas
12
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,274
to sell his family's boat,
13
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,401
and he took his brother
but not me.
14
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,319
I was kind of sad at first,
15
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,947
but then I remembered
that Bob Marley song--
16
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,867
"No, woman. No cry."
17
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,660
- Check this out.
18
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,996
Keeps my hair
out of my stare,
19
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,706
also helps me combat
the glare bear.
20
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:40,957
That's what
I call the sun now.
21
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,375
- Andy, it's Darryl.
22
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,793
Take your drawers
off your head.
23
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,880
- [retching]
24
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,176
That happens about
five times a day.
25
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,886
Look at this.
26
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,013
"Old Man and the Sea."
Finally gonna finish it.
27
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,265
You know, I've started it,
like, a thousand times.
28
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,892
What else can I show you?
29
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:02,896
Uh, over here is
my trusty console.
30
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,065
Check out my trusty comp.
31
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,901
- Uh, Andy, why is it
pointed north?
32
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,445
At no time should you be
travelling north.
33
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,113
- Relax, Pam.
That thing's been broken
34
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,908
for days 'cause I was
using it as a bongo.
35
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,660
? Jah-min' with
the glare bear, mahn ?
36
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:19,120
? Jah-min' ?
37
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,289
? Jah-min' with
the care bear ?
38
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,041
What else can I show you?
39
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,793
[splashes]
Oh, damn it!
40
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,797
- Oh, Andy, was--was that
your drinking water?
41
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,465
- Yeah, it was.
That's okay, though.
42
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:34,177
I got this cool
desalinator device.
43
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,596
It sucks up seawater
through this hose
44
00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,139
and pumps out freshwater.
45
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,350
See, check it out.
46
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,726
Ow!
47
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,936
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
48
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,689
- Ah.
That's not good.
49
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,065
I better sign off.
50
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,692
I hate to get going.
51
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,443
I mean, these Skype sessions
are, like, the only thing
52
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:51,986
that keep me sane
out here, you know?
53
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,489
[laughs crazily]
54
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,577
- He's been sailing
for two days.
55
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,246
- I will leave you
with this,
56
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,873
the image of a man
and his boat.
57
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,875
Burn this into your brains.
58
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,043
- [laughs]
Yeah.
59
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,421
- No, no. No! No!
60
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,757
- Andy?
61
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:16,678
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
62
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:17,846
Andy?
63
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:21,516
Andy! Andy!
64
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,727
Oh.
65
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,311
- He's doing great.
66
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,566
[cheerful music]
67
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:36,698
{\an8}? ?
68
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,587
{\an8}- See? I knew it.
69
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,881
{\an8}I already feel stupid.
70
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,382
{\an8}I'm returning it.
I'm returning it.
71
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,675
{\an8}- All right.
72
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,260
{\an8}Well, you gave it your
best shot, corporal.
73
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,054
{\an8}[telephone rings]
74
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,638
{\an8}- Dwight Schrute.
75
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,642
{\an8}Well, hi, there,
David Wallace.
76
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,687
{\an8}Why would you ever call me
when the manager's out of town?
77
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,773
{\an8}- Well, I have
some very exciting news.
78
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,442
{\an8}- And you didn't call Jim.
That seems significant.
79
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:13,735
{\an8}- Hey, David.
- Jim, good.
80
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,653
{\an8}You should hear this too.
- Uh, no, he shouldn't.
81
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,072
{\an8}Wha--Ji--
82
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,698
{\an8}- Go ahead, David.
I'm listening.
83
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,533
{\an8}- No--I--okay, David,
I'm gonna take you off speaker,
84
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,536
{\an8}but I don't know
where I'd put you.
85
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,538
{\an8}- Guys, listen,
this is big news.
86
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:28,249
{\an8}The Scranton White Pages just
got in contact with my office.
87
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,168
{\an8}They have apparently
dropped their supplier
88
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,379
{\an8}for the last ten years.
89
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,255
{\an8}- The White Pages.
90
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,508
{\an8}The White Pages.
Do you want it? No.
91
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,926
{\an8}Do you use it? No.
92
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,094
{\an8}Does it inexplicably show up
93
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,512
{\an8}on your doorstep
three times a year?
94
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,014
{\an8}Yes, yes, and yes.
95
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,100
{\an8}There is a reason
we in the paper industry
96
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,853
{\an8}call this thing
"the white whale."
97
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,440
{\an8}Look at all
that sweet blubber.
98
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,192
{\an8}- Look, we need
our top salesman
99
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,320
{\an8}running point on this,
and, Dwight, that is you.
100
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,615
{\an8}- I'm gonna need to put you
on hold for a second.
101
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,450
{\an8}[telephone beeps]
Ha!
102
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,494
{\an8}Yeah! Whoo!
103
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:08,289
{\an8}Eat it, Jim!
Eat it, Phyllis! Eat--
104
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,750
{\an8}where's Stanley?
- He's in the bathroom.
105
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,127
{\an8}- Will you run to the bathroom
and tell him to eat it?
106
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,087
{\an8}- Of course.
107
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,381
{\an8}- Yeah! Okay.
[clears throat]
108
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,549
{\an8}Hey, David. I'm back.
109
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,217
{\an8}- Eat it, Stanley!
110
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,136
{\an8}- So, uh, last I remember,
111
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,138
{\an8}Tom Peterman was in charge
of that account.
112
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,348
{\an8}- No, my assistant spoke to
the receptionist over there.
113
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,934
{\an8}It's someone new,
but she didn't catch her name.
114
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,519
{\an8}- "Her" name?
115
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,188
{\an8}- No. Hey, Dwight shouldn't--
- [grunting]
116
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,524
{\an8}Thanks, David. Thank you
so much for calling me today.
117
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,067
{\an8}- Good luck.
- Good luck to you.
118
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,569
{\an8}- Dwight, you can't go.
119
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,738
{\an8}You have a problem with women.
You can't sell to them.
120
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,781
{\an8}- That is a damnable lie.
I love women.
121
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,868
{\an8}- Gina Rogers
at Apex Technology said
122
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,537
{\an8}you called her "Gyna"
for your entire meeting.
123
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,664
{\an8}- Ew.
124
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,416
{\an8}That's not good.
125
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,877
{\an8}- Yeah. She said
she corrected him five times.
126
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,670
{\an8}- Gyna said that?
127
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,881
{\an8}- You really think that
could be a woman's name?
128
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,632
{\an8}- Well, why not?
We name boys Peter.
129
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,551
{\an8}The most popular
Asian boys' name?
130
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,719
{\an8}Wang?
131
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,471
{\an8}- You make women feel
uncomfortable.
132
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,264
{\an8}- Come on.
That is so not true.
133
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:10,352
{\an8}Angela, when we would have
meetings in the warehouse,
134
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,062
{\an8}did I make you feel
uncomfortable?
135
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,813
{\an8}- Those meetings were
very brief.
136
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:15,690
{\an8}Boring even.
137
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:16,733
{\an8}- I remember them being--
138
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:17,901
{\an8}- Well, they weren't.
139
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,527
{\an8}- Very exciting and very long.
140
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,781
{\an8}- Hey, you told Rebecca
at Rydell Tires
141
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,616
{\an8}that she had horse teeth.
- Compliment.
142
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,409
{\an8}She could eat a coconut
like it was an apple.
143
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,952
{\an8}- You don't see where that
can be insulting?
144
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,206
{\an8}- In what universe is
horse teeth an insult?
145
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,249
{\an8}- Guys, we can't let Dwight
blow this.
146
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,669
{\an8}An account this size
could double our growth.
147
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,046
{\an8}That means raises,
bonuses...
148
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,423
pizza Friday
could come back.
149
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,717
- Hey, remember that week
in the '90s when we got bagels?
150
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,386
- [sighs]
I miss Clinton.
151
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,054
- Can you go instead?
- I can't.
152
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,640
I have the thing.
153
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,433
I have this
conference call today
154
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,560
with this company in Philly
that I'm helping start--
155
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,479
first board meeting,
156
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,898
also the first time I've ever
been excited about work,
157
00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,944
so that feels... wrong.
158
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,737
- Will you at least practice
with us at lunch?
159
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,198
Maybe we could give you
some last-minute pointers.
160
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,783
- Oh, great.
161
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,535
Pointers from the office women.
162
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,578
- Right. So are you going
to do it or not?
163
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,416
- I said "great."
164
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,627
- Okay, calm down.
165
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,504
It's just me,
not Tom Selleck.
166
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,798
[laughter]
- Nice.
167
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,176
- Toby got us all
to participate in "Movember."
168
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,470
It's a charity
for prostate cancer.
169
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,180
You pledge money,
and then you grow a mustache
170
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,807
for the month of November.
171
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,934
- So this is
how we look now.
172
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:36,104
I hope you like
being turned on all the time.
173
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,814
- You know, Selleck's stache
is fake.
174
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,149
- What?
- What?
175
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,318
- Yeah. I know the guy
who makes his nose wigs.
176
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,988
Pure, farm-raised chinchilla.
177
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,781
- Whoa.
178
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,784
- Damn!
It just keeps on coming, huh?
179
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,537
- I have very fertile
hair glands.
180
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:57,000
I am so glad I got all
of the dudes to do "Movember."
181
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,419
We have the dopest time
back in the annex.
182
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,046
- God!
183
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,923
- We even go to lunch,
pick up babes.
184
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,759
Smile if you love
men's prostates.
185
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,390
- Hi.
- Hi.
186
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,100
- Spring cleaning?
187
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,977
- More like fall cleaning.
[chuckles]
188
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,815
- I think the Senator
is having an affair.
189
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,400
[clattering]
190
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,403
- This doesn't--
191
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,697
I'm sorry.
Wha--what?
192
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,575
- I think the Senator
is having an affair.
193
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,660
- I literally have nightmares
194
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,830
in which
what just happened happens.
195
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,583
I wake up in a sweat.
196
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,670
And then I make Angela's
husband spoon me back to bed.
197
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,633
I am one cold mother[bleep].
198
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,343
- When he comes home
in the morning,
199
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,261
he has this secret
little smile.
200
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,514
- Oh, I'm...
- [sighs]
201
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,432
- Sure that's nothing.
202
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,434
- And he's always
at the yoga studio.
203
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,770
He never misses
the noon class.
204
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,730
It's hot yoga with Blake.
205
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,233
- Angela,
Blake's also a guy's name,
206
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,193
so he may be spending
his afternoons
207
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,778
with a guy named Blake.
208
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,780
So nothing to worry about.
209
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,366
Huh.
210
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,659
I am not suspicious.
211
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,537
He's not the cheating type.
212
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,580
I can't believe
I just said that.
213
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,083
Blake. Who is Blake?
214
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,918
- I don't know.
215
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,586
- I just never heard
about the Senator and yoga...
216
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,588
- Right.
- From you.
217
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,216
I'm sure
it's probably nothing.
218
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,551
But what's
with the yoga already?
219
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,677
- Right?
- And Blake.
220
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,095
- Right?
- All right, Angela, calm down.
221
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,263
- Okay.
222
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,514
- We need to go
and check this out.
223
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,349
- What?
- Angela, I'll go with you.
224
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,270
- So, uh, show us
how you'd normally sell
225
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,855
to a female client.
226
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,732
- Okay.
With pleasure.
227
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,942
Time to learn
a few new tricks, old dog.
228
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,736
- You got this, Schrute.
- Okay.
229
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,738
- You just walked
into her office...
230
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,114
and begin.
231
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,283
- Hello.
- Hello.
232
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,035
- May I please speak
to your boss?
233
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,369
- No, she is the boss.
- I am?
234
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,829
- Yes.
235
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,247
- [clears throat]
236
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,373
[deep voice]
Hi. I'm Mr. Hannon.
237
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,458
How can I help you?
238
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,418
- Okay,
this isn't working for me,
239
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,003
'cause no one would
ever believe
240
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,463
that she would be a boss.
241
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,131
- He's absolutely right.
I'm really struggling here.
242
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,008
- Oh, I'll be the buyer.
243
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,301
- [sighs]
Okay.
244
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,594
[clears throat]
245
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,054
- I can't count the number
of times
246
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,431
Dwight has invaded my space.
247
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:19,434
Insulted my body
and complimented my body,
248
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,478
which in its own way felt
like an insult.
249
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,314
Sure, I want him
to make the sale.
250
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:28,485
But more than that, I hope
I can save just one woman
251
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:31,446
from being complimented
on her piggish cunning.
252
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,824
Hello, Mr. Schrute.
Nice to see you.
253
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,284
Please have a seat.
254
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,411
- I never sit down
during sales meetings.
255
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,705
I want to appear
aggressive, imposing.
256
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,041
I am going to sell to you
in 12 minutes.
257
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,793
- No, actually,
she'd like to take her time
258
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,503
discussing her needs.
259
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,631
- I will tell her what her
needs are and then fill them.
260
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,299
This is gonna work out
best for you
261
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:54,052
if you just relax
and do nothing.
262
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:57,931
And once I'm finished,
it's over.
263
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,017
- Okay, let's stop here.
Anyone have any thoughts?
264
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,477
- I thought it went great.
265
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,688
- I have, uh, written down
a few questions.
266
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,731
One: have you ever
killed a woman?
267
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,692
How many women
have you killed?
268
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:12,237
Please, sir,
will you not kill me?
269
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,239
I just want to make it clear
that Dwight would never
270
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,574
willingly hurt a woman.
271
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,952
Although, if she steps into
one of his booby traps,
272
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,328
that's on her.
273
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,626
- Okay, let's get started.
- Okay, cool. We all on?
274
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,420
- Uh, well,
you're the only one on.
275
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,505
We're all here.
276
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,173
- Right.
[chuckles]
277
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,342
Okay, uh, over the next
three months...
278
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,677
- That's the winter season.
- I, uh--
279
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,053
- Three months.
280
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,638
- [whispering]
I, uh...
281
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,181
I had some ideas, actually.
282
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,891
- Are you in your office
right now?
283
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,435
- [chuckles]
Yeah.
284
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,353
Trust me,
I'd rather be with you guys.
285
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,230
- Okay.
[laughs]
286
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,398
Yeah, it's sounding
kind of spooky-sexy
287
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,733
over here, Halpert.
288
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:50,859
- [normal voice]
Oh.
289
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,360
[clears throat, deep voice]
Sorry. I-I, uh--
290
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,820
I was saying that you should
probably just call me--
291
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,405
- Whoa. That's--
[laughs]
292
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,032
I think there's, uh--I think
there's been a mistake.
293
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:59,534
We're trying to reach
Jim Halpert, not Batman.
294
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,661
- [laughs]
- [chuckles]
295
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:02,912
- [normal voice]
Um, you know what?
296
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,372
I should've just had--
297
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,957
I should've just had you
call me on my cell.
298
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,917
I'll--I'm gonna try
a different spot, okay?
299
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,003
- Okay. Yeah.
- I'll call you right back.
300
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,464
- What's happening
in three months?
301
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,466
- Okay, when you're
selling to women,
302
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,344
it is crucial
that you listen, Dwight.
303
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:21,431
Also, you want
to respect their...
304
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,099
are you listening now?
305
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,642
- Yes.
306
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,061
- Okay, well,
you have to show us.
307
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,479
- That's impossible.
308
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,397
Listening happens in the ear
and in the brain.
309
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,149
I mean, some organisms
have external hairs
310
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,277
that vibrate to indicate
auditory stimulation,
311
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,739
but unfortunately, our external
hairs don't vibrate at all.
312
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,949
- Huh.
Uh-huh.
313
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,910
- What are you doing?
314
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:45,580
- A little smile and a nod
shows that I hear you.
315
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,749
Got it?
- Kind of.
316
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,250
- Nellie,
why don't you tell Dwight
317
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,710
what we were
doing earlier today,
318
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,420
and, Dwight, you show us
that you're listening.
319
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,547
- Well, we were
in the warehouse,
320
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,257
where we were discussing
the mural
321
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,051
that I've commissioned Pam
to paint there.
322
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,803
We were talking
about the color schemes
323
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,680
and the major themes
we want to hit--
324
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,557
children of the world
coming together,
325
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:07,060
cutting down trees
to make paper.
326
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:09,562
But not
in a child labor-y way.
327
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,272
- It's just up and down...
328
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,108
just a regular nod,
like a person.
329
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,442
- I am a person.
330
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,860
- Yes.
- Of course. You're a person.
331
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,404
- Yeah.
- We can do this, all right?
332
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,155
And then we thought we'd...
333
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,532
I can't. I just--
334
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,950
I can't carry on
with that face.
335
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,952
Look at it. I'm gonna get
nightmares with that face.
336
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,787
I mean, he looks like
he's laboring
337
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,665
over a stool,
having just eaten human flesh.
338
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,208
- That's a bit extreme.
339
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,626
- I'm s--I'm sorry,
but that is true.
340
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,503
- He's screwed. The meeting's
in less than an hour.
341
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,213
- Oh, all right.
God, Dwight.
342
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,881
Uh, just ignore
every instinct you have.
343
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,259
It's all garbage, okay?
344
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,928
You're the woman.
I'm the salesman.
345
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,264
Watch what I do
and try to learn.
346
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,557
- [soft voice]
Okay, I'm the woman.
347
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,850
I'm a woman. Good?
348
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,435
- Okay.
- No.
349
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,687
- Miss Thomas,
so good to see you.
350
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,980
- Hello.
351
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,857
- Oh, are those your kids?
They're so cute.
352
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,567
They could be models.
353
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,277
- Thank you.
I'm so proud of them.
354
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,863
I carried each one of them
for nine months
355
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,866
inside of my torso and then
pushed them out of my vagina.
356
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,410
- Boo. Weird.
- No.
357
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,829
- Okay, well,
this is a lost cause.
358
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,289
He's hopeless.
359
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,874
- Ten years ago,
I didn't care
360
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:14,127
if Dwight got married or
died a beet-farming bachelor.
361
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,671
But having kids
makes you so soft.
362
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,715
I used to watch
"Pulp Fiction" and laugh,
363
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,344
and now I'm like, "That poor
gimp is somebody's child."
364
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,095
You're gonna lose
this sale, Dwight.
365
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,847
- What do women like, Pam?
366
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,390
- Lots of things.
367
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,309
- Do they like pizza?
368
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,227
- A lot of them like pizza.
369
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,605
Yes, a lot of them do.
370
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,774
- Do they like lasagna?
371
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,068
- Yeah, a lot of them
like lasagna.
372
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,195
- Do they like rigatoni?
373
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,530
- Yes?
374
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,992
- Thanks for riding backup.
375
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:49,079
We'll bring this sale home.
376
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,373
- You know, I think there
could be a lot of benefits
377
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,957
if you could learn
to get along with women.
378
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,834
- Look, I have no problem
with women.
379
00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,420
It's businesswomen and their--
their power suits
380
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,964
and their shoulder pads.
381
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,800
Don't lie
about your shoulders.
382
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,718
- Dwight, listen to me.
383
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:07,889
Businesswomen are just normal,
nice, reasonable people.
384
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:12,102
Who's a nice, reasonable person
in your experience?
385
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:15,605
- I had a barber once who
used to comb my hair gently.
386
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,024
- Okay, so, when you're selling
to this woman,
387
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:21,569
just imagine she's that nice,
reasonable barber.
388
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:24,948
- Okay, I can do that.
- Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps.
389
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,533
- He used to fight dogs.
390
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,704
- Like, he used to make
dogs fight,
391
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,539
or he actually fought dogs?
392
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,582
- Little of this,
little of that.
393
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,170
- Which one
is the instructor?
394
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,548
They're all fatties.
395
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:42,757
- Angela, Angela.
- [gasps]
396
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,092
What? Where?
397
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,468
- Stairs, the stairs.
- Oh, my God.
398
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,761
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
399
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:48,680
- Oh, so wait.
400
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,473
Blake is a her.
401
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,142
- Oh, my God.
402
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,519
She's so stunningly tiny.
403
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,147
Thimble for a washbasin,
that one.
404
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,940
[gasps]
405
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,525
Oh.
406
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:01,901
Oh, God. It's her.
407
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,611
It's her.
- No, no, no, no. Look.
408
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,989
Look how bored the Senator is
when she touches him.
409
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,951
- That is what he looks like
in the throes of passion.
410
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:13,538
She's like a petite double zero
for sure, for sure.
411
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,666
Holy cow,
look at what they're doing.
412
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,377
- She's repositioning his hips
for downward-facing dog.
413
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,755
- [gasps]
I've heard of this--
414
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,673
dog style.
415
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,884
Oh, wait.
Oh, look, Oscar.
416
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,428
[gasps]
Thumbelina has a boyfriend.
417
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,555
And he has a ponytail?
Ew.
418
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,849
I'd like to see that
run for office.
419
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,476
Oscar, you were right.
420
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:35,894
I had nothing
to be worried about.
421
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,729
Thank you.
Let's go. Let's go.
422
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:39,064
- No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Ow.
423
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,315
- Shut up.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
424
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,692
Shh. Just--sorry.
425
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,694
Look.
426
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,405
[heavy metal music playing]
427
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,574
- Make the sale! Make the sale!
428
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,785
Make the sale!
Make the sale!
429
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,578
? ?
430
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,788
[button clicks]
431
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,122
[gentle acoustic music
playing]
432
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:59,709
- ? I wished upon a star ?
433
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:03,546
? That I wanna be with you ?
434
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:07,717
? ?
435
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,010
? Now I-- ?
436
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,180
- [inhales deeply]
437
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,182
Smell that, Pam?
438
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,601
That's phonebook.
439
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,812
Weak men can't lift it;
440
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,147
strong men can't
rip it in half.
441
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,609
Now you and I are
gonna sell to it.
442
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,450
- [imitates missile whistling]
- Oh.
443
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,869
- This is fun.
- Oh--
444
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:35,870
- You know?
445
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,123
This is fun.
446
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,582
Well, damn it.
447
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,377
I'm so glad I introduced
Movember to this office.
448
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,129
- I had a mustache once.
449
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,715
My lady friends called
it the Tickler,
450
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,925
'cause I'd stick it right
in their armpits.
451
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,927
- Ooh, Stanley.
452
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,554
Growing the mustache too.
453
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,931
Stache power.
454
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:58,518
- People don't realize I've had
this mustache for years.
455
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:02,564
I've gotten $160 in pledges.
456
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,774
- What I was saying
is the genius of Air Jordan
457
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:07,110
was not in the market
saturation, it was in--
458
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,653
[saw buzzing]
Uh...
459
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,488
- It was what?
- Sorry, um...
460
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,449
- Jim, we're having
a lot of trouble hearing you.
461
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,243
- The--the--the--what I was
saying is the real genius was--
462
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,078
[car alarm blaring]
463
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,788
- Hey!
Are those skateboarders back?
464
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,166
- Jim? Jim, are you there?
- Where are they?
465
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,375
- It was, uh...
- Little punks.
466
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,252
- It was in the authentic
design, right?
467
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,879
So, I mean, you really felt
like Michael Jordan
468
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,339
was wearing these shoes--
- Jim!
469
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,090
Who was messing with my van?
- Nobody!
470
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:31,426
- Jordan wore them for nobody?
- No, no, no...
471
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,094
- We're not following you,
Halpert.
472
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,388
- This ends now!
473
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,392
- Have a seat.
Um, she will be right in.
474
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:40,894
- Oh, great.
Oh, I'm sorry.
475
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,062
Do you mind telling me
her name?
476
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,605
I realized we don't have it.
477
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,942
- Uh, she'll be right in.
- Okay, great.
478
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:50,278
- She--okay.
479
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,615
- Just a little off the top
and then a nice combing.
480
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:58,203
Yeah.
Just comb it.
481
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,505
- Oh, my God.
482
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,049
It's Jan.
483
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,968
- Oh, dear God in heaven.
484
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,556
- Jan used to be
one of my superiors,
485
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,475
and she is
one of the most erratic
486
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,811
and terrifying people
I have ever met.
487
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,062
[glass shatters]
488
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,773
- You son of a bitch.
489
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,108
You're firing me?
- I'm in an interview.
490
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,651
- Where the hell
do you get off?
491
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,027
- Jim and I are pretty sure
she had an affair
492
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,445
with her ex-assistant Hunter.
493
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:33,905
He was 17.
494
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,491
But she looks great.
495
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,327
If she asks,
will you tell her I said that?
496
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,621
[whispering] Forget everything
we taught you.
497
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,712
- Hey, Jan!
It's so great to see you.
498
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,505
- Where's Wallace?
- What?
499
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,632
- I was under the impression
David Wallace would be coming.
500
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,175
He bought back
Dunder Mifflin, correct?
501
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,553
- Hey.
502
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,596
Your daughter could be
a bubble-bath model.
503
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:01,182
I could just bite
her head off.
504
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,892
[laughs]
505
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:06,521
- Sorry.
Um, David is in Vermont.
506
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,523
Did you speak with him?
He sent Dwight instead.
507
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,067
- Molly!
508
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,778
David Wallace
is in Vermont.
509
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,531
- Oh, my God.
Um, I talked to his assistant.
510
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,158
And I guess it did get
a little confusing
511
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,076
'cause you said
not to tell anyone your name.
512
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,704
And then also, these Bluetooths
are very hard to hear with.
513
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,289
I know you love
the way they look,
514
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,666
but Tom never had us use them--
- Molly.
515
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,711
I am not Tom.
I am Jan.
516
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,546
- [tearfully]
I'm so sorry, Jan.
517
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,218
- Anyway...
518
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,764
I thought it would be fun
to have a little chat
519
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,933
with, uh, David Wallace
after all these years.
520
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:45,894
Oh, well.
521
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,939
What are you doing?
522
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,191
- Listening.
523
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,400
- Stop. Stop that.
- Sorry.
524
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,693
Okay.
525
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,364
- So this was all
just a trick.
526
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,115
You don't really
have any business to give?
527
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,117
- No, I-I do.
528
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,660
- But not to us.
529
00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:05,747
- Insightful, Pam.
530
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,624
- You did good, Dwight.
It's okay.
531
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,542
Seriously, Jan's not normal.
Let's just go.
532
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,753
She's not gonna sell to us.
533
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,963
- Yes, she is.
534
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:16,091
Now, I may not have
any instincts with women,
535
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,301
but I have an instinct
for sales.
536
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,428
You keep her occupied.
I'll be right back.
537
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:21,846
- What?
- [growls]
538
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,306
- Pam.
- Yeah.
539
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,767
- I'm a very busy woman, so...
- Yeah, um...
540
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:29,020
do you have
any other pictures of Astrid?
541
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:31,064
- Fine.
I will show you one...
542
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,399
slideshow.
543
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,818
"Cowgirl's Third Thanksgiving"
544
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,071
or "Around the World
in 80 Birthday Presents?"
545
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:39,781
- Hmm. They both sound great.
546
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,618
[keyboard clicking]
Okay.
547
00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:46,037
[harsh clacking]
548
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:49,708
Molly!
Computer help, ASAFP!
549
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:54,379
- Erin, did this call--
- Uh!
550
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,548
Sorry. I just--
I saw your face.
551
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,634
- Oh. I'm sorry.
It's for the thing.
552
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,594
- I know. That's great.
It just--it makes it look like
553
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,805
there's an eyebrow
in the middle of your face.
554
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,348
- Wow.
555
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,183
- A handsome eyebrow,
but, um...
556
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,269
it makes your mouth
look like an eye socket,
557
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:11,438
which isn't bad.
- Uh-huh.
558
00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:14,607
- But, um, you look
like a cyclops whose eye...
559
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,693
fell out...
560
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,236
which is great.
561
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,031
It's such a great cause.
562
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,449
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
563
00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:31,041
- ? Mommy,
you're a princess ?
564
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:35,378
? Mommy,
you're a superstar ?
565
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:39,007
? Mommy,
you're the greatest ?
566
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:43,219
? How can I ever
fill your sho-o-o-es? ?
567
00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:46,181
[sustaining note]
568
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:47,515
- Wow.
569
00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:50,060
Your voice
is as lovely as ever.
570
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:51,728
- Aw.
571
00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,646
- And it is so cute
how she signs her name.
572
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:54,939
- [chuckles]
573
00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:56,316
Well, that--that was--
that was me too.
574
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:58,026
- Oh, okay.
575
00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:00,695
It's just that's how Cece does
it with the backwards "E"s.
576
00:22:00,779 --> 00:22:03,323
- Cece can't spell her name.
- Oh, actually, she can.
577
00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:04,991
- Well, it's not really
much of a comparison, is it?
578
00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,702
I mean, "Cece" is two letters,
and "Astrid" is...
579
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,704
I mean, there's even some
adults who--
580
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,581
who--who can't spell it.
581
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:14,709
- Of course.
- Can you spell it?
582
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:15,960
Try to spell it, Pam.
583
00:22:16,086 --> 00:22:19,756
- Um...
"A"...
584
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:23,301
"X"?
I don't--you got me.
585
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,969
- Don't patronize me.
586
00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,179
- [whispering]
I'm so sorry.
587
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,806
I hate this.
You're better.
588
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,474
- Astrid will be fine.
589
00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:31,768
My sperm donor was
a Caltech physicist.
590
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,895
Your sperm donor sells paper.
591
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,564
- By my "sperm donor,"
do you mean my husband, Jim?
592
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:39,192
- I'm just saying
your sperm was free.
593
00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:41,069
? You get what you pay for ?
594
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,696
- Well, Jim and I love
each other,
595
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,614
so that's gotta be
worth something.
596
00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:46,574
- So now you're saying
that I'm unlovable.
597
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,201
That's what you're--that's
what you're basically saying.
598
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,661
- I'm very sorry.
- Right?
599
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:51,413
- I--I am--
- I mean, is that it, Pam?
600
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:53,039
- No. I'm--
- 'Cause that's--okay.
601
00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:54,416
- I'm sorry.
- No, I hear it.
602
00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:55,834
I hear it.
603
00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:57,836
- Do you have another
one of these?
604
00:22:57,919 --> 00:22:59,295
The slideshows?
- Yes, I do.
605
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:01,256
- Let's--let's see it.
- Molly!
606
00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:04,175
- [whispering]
Okay, we should go now.
607
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:05,593
Let's go.
- [stammering wildly]
608
00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:06,886
Just wait.
609
00:23:07,012 --> 00:23:10,265
Just a minute.
Just watch.
610
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,017
[scoffs]
611
00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:15,562
- Wait.
Why are you--
612
00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:18,231
oh, are you getting
your jollies right now?
613
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:20,900
Can't get enough
of the show?
614
00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:23,361
Your jollies are all on fire--
- Please.
615
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,821
It's Robert
who's enjoying it.
616
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,406
- What?
617
00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:28,074
- This could be the affair
that you're scared of.
618
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:29,951
Politicians
are wonderful liars.
619
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:31,870
You never know
who they really are.
620
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:38,043
But, uh,
he's probably not gay.
621
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:40,795
He's straight.
He's straight, so...
622
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,801
- Mm. Excuse me.
Could I get some more water?
623
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:48,803
- No.
624
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:50,388
- Jan...
625
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:52,557
you thought I had
no more cards left to play.
626
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:55,518
Well, I've got one.
Man-Boy!
627
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:57,312
The ace of babes.
628
00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:58,813
- Oh, my God.
629
00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:01,149
- Where's the Quiznos?
630
00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:03,485
- You're the Quiznos.
[chuckles]
631
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:05,612
Jan, may I introduce to you
632
00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:08,114
your own personal
Dunder Mifflin liaison,
633
00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:09,949
devoted to servicing
this account
634
00:24:09,991 --> 00:24:12,869
with total
client satisfaction.
635
00:24:12,911 --> 00:24:15,830
I sensed that Molly
wasn't quite
636
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:18,249
meeting your needs--
637
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:22,796
nothing like, uh,
your old assistant...
638
00:24:22,921 --> 00:24:25,924
Hunter.
Was that his name?
639
00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:27,550
- I-I--
- Hmm?
640
00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:28,927
- I don't recall.
641
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:31,096
And, yes, Molly is crap.
642
00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:33,306
- Okay, you do not have
to do this.
643
00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:36,559
- Do what? Get into sales?
That's what I want.
644
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:39,896
- He's been growing
that mustache for weeks.
645
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,564
Best he can do.
646
00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:43,692
So young.
647
00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,070
- Will you, uh...
648
00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:48,613
[clicks tongue]
You.
649
00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:50,448
Can you turn around
for me, please?
650
00:24:53,118 --> 00:24:54,202
Dwight, you can go.
651
00:24:54,285 --> 00:24:55,620
I will call you
in a week or so
652
00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:57,163
and let you know
whether I want your business.
653
00:24:57,288 --> 00:24:58,623
- Very good.
654
00:25:01,918 --> 00:25:04,921
- Do you have
a valid passport?
655
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:08,091
[telephone rings]
656
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:09,843
- Jim Halpert.
- Hey, it's Colin.
657
00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:13,138
- Hey, man.
I am so sorry about that.
658
00:25:13,221 --> 00:25:14,180
- I know.
Don't worry about it.
659
00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:15,598
- [laughs]
660
00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:17,934
- It's just--
it's not totally working.
661
00:25:18,018 --> 00:25:19,394
- Yeah.
No, I know.
662
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,896
This whole telecommuting
thing--not ideal.
663
00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:23,398
But don't worry.
I'll figure it out.
664
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,442
- Yeah, well,
it's not just not ideal.
665
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:27,027
I mean, with you there,
666
00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:28,987
I don't know how
we're gonna do this.
667
00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:35,118
- Uh, what does--
what does that mean?
668
00:25:35,243 --> 00:25:36,661
- Oh, hey, Molly.
669
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:38,663
Um, you should just quit.
670
00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:39,622
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
671
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:41,332
- Thanks.
- Okay.
672
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:43,877
Oh, and, Molly.
673
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,171
I know it can't be easy
working for Jan.
674
00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:47,839
Good luck with your feelings.
675
00:25:51,092 --> 00:25:54,512
- Dwight, that was really nice.
676
00:25:54,554 --> 00:25:56,473
You should ask for her number.
677
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:58,600
- Oh, I got her number.
678
00:25:58,725 --> 00:26:00,226
415-YCL.
679
00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:02,103
- That's a license number.
680
00:26:02,187 --> 00:26:03,563
- That's all you need.
681
00:26:03,646 --> 00:26:05,648
And when I have
curried favor with her,
682
00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:07,275
I will let you know.
683
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,110
- Oh. Why me?
684
00:26:09,194 --> 00:26:10,987
- Because you are my friend.
685
00:26:11,029 --> 00:26:13,531
And you are a woman.
686
00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:15,909
And women love gossip.
687
00:26:16,034 --> 00:26:17,202
It's like air to you people.
688
00:26:17,285 --> 00:26:18,620
Ugh. God.
689
00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:21,539
[retching]
690
00:26:21,664 --> 00:26:24,000
- Oscar,
what is happening here?
691
00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,419
Why would you say you think
the Senator might be gay?
692
00:26:26,503 --> 00:26:28,630
- I don't know, Angela.
I'm dehydrated.
693
00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:29,839
Maybe...
694
00:26:29,881 --> 00:26:30,924
you heard me wrong.
695
00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:32,300
We should just go.
696
00:26:32,425 --> 00:26:34,010
- Look, look, look.
Here he comes.
697
00:26:34,052 --> 00:26:35,303
- Here he comes.
698
00:26:38,723 --> 00:26:40,850
- What is he doing?
- He's making a phone call.
699
00:26:40,975 --> 00:26:43,019
- Oh, oh!
700
00:26:43,144 --> 00:26:45,772
[phone vibrates, rings]
701
00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:00,286
- Oh, guys.
702
00:27:00,328 --> 00:27:01,621
I just came
from Sasha's school.
703
00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:02,872
Let wouldn't let me
pick her up.
704
00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:05,500
They wouldn't even let me
on the playground.
705
00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:07,002
A group of moms chased me
down the street.
706
00:27:07,085 --> 00:27:08,586
- I'm sorry.
707
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:10,630
But I also completely
understand.
708
00:27:14,968 --> 00:27:16,678
- Hey.
709
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:18,847
Your mustache.
710
00:27:18,972 --> 00:27:20,515
Oh, bro.
711
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,142
- Yeah, shoot.
712
00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:23,893
Uh, you know, it's just
a habit at work--
713
00:27:23,935 --> 00:27:25,395
my afternoon shave.
714
00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:27,313
I'll donate double.
715
00:27:27,439 --> 00:27:29,482
- I was gonna shave off
my mustache today
716
00:27:29,566 --> 00:27:30,942
'cause of the school incident,
you know?
717
00:27:31,026 --> 00:27:34,154
But, ahh.
718
00:27:34,237 --> 00:27:37,115
We can't lose two.
719
00:27:37,282 --> 00:27:41,453
Maybe I'll pick my daughter up
tomorrow wearing a ski mask.
720
00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:44,205
Yeah. That should do it.
721
00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:48,793
Clark, you're not shaving
your stache, are you?
722
00:27:48,877 --> 00:27:50,420
- Um...
723
00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,130
- Absolutely not.
724
00:27:52,213 --> 00:27:53,840
Get in.
725
00:28:00,847 --> 00:28:03,058
[engine revs]
726
00:28:03,108 --> 00:28:07,658
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