All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S4E17

You're watching Bravo.

On demand.

Previously on Vanderpump Rules... You've
been on the tag.

Self -destruction if you're f***ing up
your life. Your mother asked me to give

you a job as a busboy. And that's
exactly what you will be doing again if

don't show some respect.

I can tell when you drink a little too
much because you get a look in your eyes

and you get an attitude.

I was fine until you started bringing it
up. What, seriously?

Our engagement party's coming up and I
would love for you to come.

I'm hoping to actually talk to her at
some point before then.

Oh yeah, you're dreaming. That's not
going to happen.

How big are you going to go? You're
getting triple Ds. A full C, small D.

not going to pay for something that I
don't like. It's not what you want,

though.

We both feel like you've just been so
extremely negative lately.

These apps look a lot like people who
used to be my best friends.

Jackson's got arrested.

Over a pair of sunglasses.

Sometimes you don't make the right
choices.

Dude, stop acting like you're the number
one guy in this group, man.

I'm the number one guy in this group.
Are you?

Are you kidding me, Jax?

Ladies, I have champagne.

Oh, thank you.

There you go.

Cheers. Cheers.

It's been really hard for me this summer
not having Ariana there 100 % for me.

Things with Shay and I haven't been the
best. I want my old friend Ariana back,

so I'm trying to salvage what I can.

Should we try on some stuff?

Yeah.

Those are hot.

Those are really hot. But just, like,
with nothing else?

Thank you.

You can see my nipple.

This looks like how is it sexy?

This is like way too girly for me.

I feel like inviting me lingerie
shopping is a little bit of Sheena

issues under the rug, but we're working
on it.

Yep.

Are you going to get anything?

No, nothing fit. I think this is...

I like that.

$100? That's just $150.

Hopefully my fiance likes it. She's
gonna love it.

Tom and I have not had sex since we got
engaged.

So if there was ever a time to be
lingerie shopping, I guess it should be

-engagement. Has it, like, really sunk
in, though? Like, you're engaged, but do

you realize, like, you're getting
married?

I mean, of course I've been planning my
wedding since I was, like, 12.

Yeah. But once we set a date, then we'll
start looking at locations.

Because a lot of people, when they get
engaged, they rush out and be like, oh,

my God, be my bridesmaids, everyone.

I'm like, I mean, Stassi might be a
bridesmaid.

Oh, good Lord.

She's been texting and really trying to
claw her way back in. I mean, I'm not

there yet. I know her and Kristen really
want both of us to go to Palm Springs.

Kristen's friend Rachel has a house out
in Palm Springs, so Kristen invited me

and Katie to come out and spend the
weekend with her, but then she screwed

all up by inviting Stassi. I know she
realizes she messed up, but I can't say

apology is going to change anything.

I am nowhere near ready to forgive
Stassi, and it makes it even more

that now Tom's invited her to our
engagement party. Way to contribute.

Bubba.

I feel bad because I kind of laid into
him.

the other night when we were at the
party. Yeah, Tom was trying to talk to

Schwartz about what had happened that
day, and Jack kept trying to interrupt,

and Jack goes, stop trying to make
yourself more important than me.

You're not more popular than me, and you
never will be.

What I heard, you and Sandoval were,
like, upset that night. Wait, wait,

Take it down.

I'm just saying, Jax told me is that you
guys were upset because Sandoval was

like, why aren't we talking about my
band? Nobody wants to talk about Tom's

band.

It's like if you got drunk and, like,
you and Shay wrecked a car and he broke

his leg and, like, all of a sudden,
like, I want to talk about my band or

something. It's like, dude, that's...
Shut the f*** up. What about your band?

He's f***ing ridiculous.

Jax is acting like a f***ing fool.

When you just did that like when you
went up again like that, then go to the

higher one. Okay, cool.

Let's do it again, mate.

I'm working on a pump CD. It's basically
10 songs composed, written, and

produced by me.

I'm very ambitious and talented in what
I'm doing. I don't mean to sound

conceited, but I'm the white in Kanye
West.

Hello.

Hello. James creates a lot of original
music that really embodies the ambience

at Pump. That sounds great.

Yeah, I know.

So Ken and I said, okay, let's finance a
pumped CD.

You clever boy.

You look like a slob, but you sound
amazing.

Thank you. Good, sit down.

I'm so excited. You're still doing the
song with Lala?

We're making the song, but it's not
going on the album, I've decided.

Because things are a little complicated
between you and Lala?

Yeah. Yeah.

Lala and I got into it a little bit the
other day.

Those are the days you hit me up, babe.
Those are the only days you're f***ing

lonely, you ain't got anyone else to
f***ing hang out with you. Your f***ing

sake is f***ing, you should f***ing
learn your lesson, babe.

You know... Part of me misses Kristen at
this point, which I know sounds crazy.

Oh, goodness.

Really, yeah, that does sound crazy. If
there's something destructive in your

life, you have to detach from it. And
I've told you that about your drinking

well. I really don't want to let you
down, Lisa.

There's only a few people that give you
a chance in life. You know that. Don't

screw it up.

Yeah, and you're definitely one of those
people.

Well, don't screw it up.

That's what I wanted to say, Lisa. Like,
honestly, like, I know that I've been,

like... No, you don't have to say.

I'm very grateful. You thanked me.

By being professional and getting this
done.

Dude, are you sure about that?

Because A, it's painful. It's really
expensive. And also, I think the

funny and it's a good story. It's like a
nice little memento.

God, I want him to keep that ass tattoo.

That's like our thing. That's our story.

Oh my God.

What the?

I got one too.

What? I want to be at Tattoo Brothers,
you know?

Hey, what's up?

So, I guess Jax went to Sheena and said
that we were quote -unquote upset

because nobody else wanted to talk about
your band.

Are you kidding me?

No. For real.

Dude. Jax is probably feeling a little
humiliated about all the things that he

said last night. Well, I'll talk to you
in a little bit then. All right, cool.

Instead of apologizing, he's now on the
offensive.

Trying to make me look like a douchebag.

You good to go? Yeah. Come with me.
Okay, okay.

Way to take responsibility, Jax.

Way to be a good friend.

Hi, I'm Tom. Nice to meet you. Good to
see you. Terrible tattoo.

Good to see you again. Welcome back.

You know what the number one reason for
keeping that tattoo is? That terrifying

James Bond villain -esque device.

Okay, Tom, so this is the laser.

I mean, holy shit.

That thing is scary, man.

Would you like to hold a sand or would
you like to hold blue balls?

Blue balls?

Is this going to hurt?

Yeah, dude.

All right. Do a little test spot first
to see how you do, okay?

Okay. All right. All right, wait. Wait,
hold on, hold on. Okay, okay. I got like

a cramp in my back. Hold on, give me a
second.

All right, I'm ready. On three. One,
two, three.

This time on the count of three, I want
you to flex your butt cheeks really

hard, okay?

All right. One, two, three. Good, good,
good, good, good. Ow, ow.

This is literally such a pain in the
ass. It feels like a rubber band. Smack

on your skin.

Tell me if you need a break. Yeah, yeah,
give me a break.

But a machine gun.

Very good.

Almost done.

Perfect.

Last little bit, okay? Hang in there.
Five, four, three, two, one.

That's it.

Dude. What do you think? All right.

Yeah, it hurt.

All right, Tom, so you're just going to
sit here for a minute. We're drinking

tonight. All right. All right. Take
care. Nice to meet you.

Bye.

Dude, you did it.

Yeah.

Coming up. I don't think you're supposed
to play with those.

That's what I'm going to do to you.

All I do is sit on your couch and drink.
Story of my life.

I like queens really hardcore.

Will you just stay here forever?

I might have to.

I'm, like, so good at squatting. Like, I
didn't realize that this was, like, a

talent that I should have tapped into
years ago, you know?

Squatting is legit.

I can't even talk because I'm so
stressed out about this comedy thing

rewritten sketches, and it's, like, in
days, and I don't know what I'm doing.

Oh, well.

Rachel is the comedian.

I used to date someone that was really
into porn.

So I installed a nanny cam.

I just had hours of him beating off.

Typically, I've done more dramatic
roles.

Your mom, he just wants a pizza.

That gives an idea, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Expanding my wings. I have that one
sketch specifically where I have to be

of like Vegas Ratchet.

So last night when we were at Kyle
Chan's party at Comp, I was like, Tina,

you like teach me and help me and
whatever?

So I invited her to the show. I didn't
even acknowledge Ariana.

Katie looks hot as shit last night.

Okay, well, I don't know what to do
about her.

Any advice that anyone could give me at
this point?

I'll take it. I had talked to Katie
briefly about Palm Springs, and she just

said, like, honestly, Kristen, like, if
Stassi's going, like, I'm just not ready

to be on, like, vacay with her yet.
Like, I haven't even talked to her.

Katie definitely needs a little push to
talk to Stassi, so maybe if I...

Drag them two and a half hours away from
Los Angeles, lock them in a room

together, something good will happen.

All I'm asking is for her to just listen
to me. And if she decides at the end of

everything that I have to say, like, you
know what, no, then that's it.

I'm not expecting anything. And I
understand that.

I feel like this can all be cool again.

We've all been through so much together
for so many f***s. And if you can

forgive me and Tom can forgive Jack,
it's like, come on.

We just have to figure out how to use
this room.

I'm kind of nervous.

Nervous? Yeah.

Bad dress.

Hopefully we're not going to be there
much longer.

Yeah. I wish we knew exactly where we
were moving right now.

I do too. I woke up this morning.

I'm not happy.

I mean, Hawaii, you know, my friends, my
job, my relationship.

What do you mean, your relationship?

Well, I mean, this is new.

So, I mean, I'm trying to, like, deal
with this. Like, you know, you just

here. The last, what, two months have
just been such... You know, I keep

repeating these things that I told
myself that I was not going to do

Get arrested, have petty fights with my
friends, you know, rush into

relationships.

You've got to be my witness.

I feel like I'm falling back into some
old habits, and I don't want to go

No, I don't like seeing you upset. I
don't like being upset. I feel like I'm

grown man, and I feel like I'm just
crumbling right now. I feel like such a

pussy, but I'm not happy at all.

I talked to Shay last night, and he's
like, I'm going through exactly what

going through, and I didn't even notice
it. He was really upset, and she'd never

gone through issues for a while.

But I really didn't understand what
their issues were.

She's like, well, it's drinking and
this. But drinking, something's

your life, but you need to start
drinking.

So he's not happy. He's not happy with
Sheena.

Hi. Hi.

To be taken back? Yeah. All right. Right
this way? All right. Thank you.

Feel free to take a pee wherever you'd
like, and the doctors will be right with

you. All right. Thank you. Thank you.
You're welcome.

This is intimidating.

I don't think you're supposed to play
with those.

This is what I'm going to do to you.

You know, five minutes ago, I was in a
shifty mood, but now, boob.

They put me right in a great mood.

You need to make this look good.

Hi. Hi, Brittany.

Brittany, nice to meet you.

You know, the first thing we generally
ask people is what size you would like

be.

Like a full C.

Full C, okay. We have our friend, I
guess, Sarah.

I think we're a little bigger, though.

So, yeah, I mean, that'll put you well
into the D range. You want that look. If

you're comfortable with that.

That's what you wanted, right?

Yeah. I mean, who doesn't love big
boobs, you know? It's a win -win for

us, really.

If she wins, I win.

Not just for you, for me, too.

See what you did to me? Do you want me
to put it on you? Yeah.

Salem scratched the shit out of my neck.

Jeez.

I don't know if you noticed, because you
are a little tipsy.

I feel like we took ten steps forward
and we've taken a few back.

When you drink, you drink too much.

And I don't like having to...

be your mother and tell you that. So I
usually just like let it go because

there's no point in arguing with you.
You don't let it go.

You're the only one who said anything.

And I'm the only one who matters because
I'm married to you. So if it bothers

me, it should bother you.

Shay has already resented me so much for
so many things. I hope that he'll

understand I'm only trying to help.

The thing you do that bothers me is just
when you do mother me when we are out

and about.

Because I don't like having a drunk
husband who can't take care of me.

I don't understand how you can't
understand that.

What? No, tell me.

This is so frustrating.

I always say I'm unhappy because, oh,
I'm drinking this, and now I'm a loser,

don't have a job. I've never said you're
a loser. I'm not saying, but that's how

it's coming off.

And that's why I'm unhappy.

I want to fix this. I want to fix you.
You can't.

You can't fix everyone.

Okay, well, now what do we do?

Now what's our next move?

What are you going to do for a career?

I'm pushing 30, and I just bought a Sega
Genesis.

That's who I am. That's who I will be.

I think it kind of sucks that I'm still
struggling and trying to prove myself to

my wife.

When we have children, I'm sure we'll go
home, you know.

We're going to buy a house back home
because we have two moms who are full

nanny babysitters. When we go back
there, I do want to teach and coach.

That's where our kids will go one day,
you know, and that Shay name will never

leave that school.

Shay and I went to high school together,
and Shay doesn't like living in L .A. I

don't know that he's happy.

I don't make great money, but... I
didn't marry you for your money,

My mom always said, marry first for
money and then for love, and I did

Wow, you put some cream on my butt.

Aw, did you kiss my butt?

Maybe.

There you go.

Why do I feel like I'm here to do work?

Because I asked you to come and do work.

This thing has a lot of history.

Yeah, it does.

You know, it's actually probably really
good that we're getting rid of this

couch, because this couch knows too much
about our past.

He was at one end of the couch. You were
at the under. You guys started touching

each other's legs. You started sucking
his feet, returned the favor, and you

banged. So it's time for it to go.

Whoa, quarters, remote. Oh, remote.

No joke, though. The majority of the
change in socks are probably from me.

How many third bartenders does it take
to move a couch out of the apartment?

Hold on, I'm stuck.

Yeah, if you go real high, we can get
this.

What's catching? It's like the couch has
a curse of Kristen. It doesn't want to

leave.

That was my workout for the day.

You all right?

Yeah.

Oh, thanks.

I was lingerie shopping.

And Sheena told me that you told her
that Tom and I were upset the other

because Tom wanted to talk about his
band.

Which is 100 % not true, Jack.

Just own it.

I am being completely honest. I swear on
my life, that is what happened. No. I

heard it with my own ears. That is what
started it. And I completely remember

this happening in my head. Jack, you
were literally acting like you had just

a... and lobotomy oh yeah you're welcome
for helping your goddamn couch all

right so should i bring up all the
things i've done for you i'm having my

issues right now stop making everybody
look like because you're too much of a

pussy to admit to your wrong doing i'm
not wrong i think tom's influenced by

ariana because most of the time tom
sandoval is just generally a mellow guy

when ariana's around he definitely makes
situations bigger than they are i'm a

badass

friend to all my friends. I f***ing take
care of them. I do whatever they

f***ing need. I never f***ing stab them
in the back. Ever.

Oh, Lord.

And you guys f***ing talk s*** about me
like I'm a backstabbing, selfish piece

of s***.

You, Tina, f***ing everybody.

I care.

F*** you, man.

I've got things to do.

Coming up.

You heard about what happened at Pump.
No, what happened at Pump?

Richardson and James got into an
altercation.

I don't know who's more excited, you or
me.

It's going to be a while before you're
going to get to play.

I'm going to bury my head in those damn
ways.

I'm a little scared. I mean, I've only
been dating Brittany for three months

now, and this is like a permanent.

Dang, throwing some D's on that bitch.

Woo!

I mean, it's like when you get your
pants altered.

There's no returns.

Did you call your mom?

Yeah, I called her on the way here.
She's excited.

Now you're going to have big boobs to
match that booty.

I know, and I'm nervous.

Don't be nervous.

How many times have you been here?

A handful.

Yeah, it's all finished.

No.

I come here a lot for my Botox, but for
surgery, three times.

You don't need to keep doing stuff.

I know, but I like it. It's
preventative.

Oh, there they are. Good morning.

Just get better looking every time I see
you.

Okay. Excited?

Yeah. I'm ready to throw some D's on
this.

Let's get this started.

Oh, this is so nerve -wracking. Just
relax.

Before you know it, we'll be done.

All right. Okay.

All right, guys, let's rock and roll.

Thank you, sir. What?

Yes.

This is bigger than what we normally put
in.

I think they both will be happy.

The Ds were not in our original plan,
but no one's ever regretted buying a 70

-inch TV, you know? No one said, damn
it, I wish I would have got the 40

So, go big or go home.

What's up, Boobs McGee? Don't make me
laugh.

I mean, I guess you could call me Santa
Claus.

Handing out little gifts here and there.

How you

feeling? Not a shot.

Want to go party?

Yeah.

Hi, Peter.

Who is that?

Lala. Lala, I came to you. Oh, there you
are. Hey, how you doing?

How's it going?

Good. How are you?

I'm good.

We're busy tonight.

I know.

That's why I'm here early.

How's everything? Good.

I've taken up reading books.

Okay. Yeah,

I love it.

Oh, good. All right.

I was given a book called Fountainhead,
which is by Anne Rand. It's a

philosophical book, and it's about
architecture and...

Architects, it's amazing what I
accomplish now that I'm not focused on a

little string bean DJ.

You heard about what happened at Pump,
right?

No, what happened at Pump?

Well, I heard that Richardson and James
got into an altercation. When I work, I

work hard.

Oh, I know that. He works more than me.
That's why you're my head guy.

This happened last night, actually.

Was he drunk? Like, I don't understand.
I think so.

Kristen had come in. James was
professing his love to Kristen. Over the

Yeah, yeah. I was not surprised to hear
that Kristen was there because for some

reason she loves to throw gas on a
fucking flame and then let that burn.

See, and I told him this a thousand
times because he's already professed his

love to me.

I'm like, you don't... James talks a
lot.

No, I get it. The drinking, I think, is
why he flies out. Hello.

Well, hi, Lisa. What's going on?

Look at you. You look so pretty.

Well, so do you. We were talking about a
little incident that happened at Pump.

Oh, I've already heard rumblings about
that. Yeah.

What do you know? I heard that James was
verbally assaulting Richardson. Like,

I'm better than you. You're going to
always be a server.

That makes me so mad. Yeah. You have no
idea how mad. He does that, though,

Lisa, when he drinks.

Stupid, stupid boy.

This stops right here. Just like when
Kristen talked badly to Diana.

I will not tolerate that. Leave right
now. Diana, walk away. You're not on the

restaurant. Move your ass.

Leave. Suck it in.

Stop my stuff.

It was because Kristen came in. He was
like, you know, saying that, oh, I love

you, Kristen.

In my opinion, it's better if they're
never even in the same situation.

This is a toxic relationship.

James has to be responsible for his own
actions. I don't care if Kristen's the

catalyst. He can't blame it on anybody
else.

So you haven't spoken to James? No, I
haven't spoken to James or Richardson.

But I'm going to.

Richardson's worked for us for years,
and he is my right hand at pump. And I

think what he's achieved and who he is
is not going to be disrespected by a

little pipsqueak like James Kennedy.

I'm going to haul him over the goals.

So I'll keep you informed, Peter, as to
what we're going to do with James

regarding here. Yes, ma 'am. Sounds
good. All right? I'll see you later.

Lisa. Bye.

You got to take me to the bathroom.

No,

you can't grab my arms, honey. You got
to, like, push my back up. Just pull

legs? No, don't joke.

I'm going to see things in this
relationship that I haven't seen yet.

Don't hit your shoulders or your big old
noggin on my boob.

We're going to get real comfortable real
quick.

All right, I got to pee.

This is Terry's boyfriend duty right
now. I'm going to have to help her pee.

going to have to help her change. I'm
going to have to help her eat.

Is that enough?

I need a lot more.

No, that's good.

Here. I've held girls' hair back when
they're puking. I'm pretty good at that.

I guess it's all part of it.

Hi. Hi.

I would get up and give you a hug.

I'll give you, like, I can't lift my
arms above a third.

You got boobies. My proud father.

We got boobs.

Can't wait to put my face in them now.
I'm excited.

You and Sarah should, like, stand in the
mirror and, like, compare.

I mean, I'll be the judge. I can watch.
I can judge, too.

No.

Cold day in hell.

Are you coming to the beach? Yes, I am.

We're doing our engagement photos. Oh
no, I wish I could go.

I don't understand why everyone's going
to hang out on the beach. Well, because

we're going to have a beach party with
everyone afterwards.

Invited everyone that we work with to
come out because I got so much.

for, like, not inviting or uninviting or
whatever I did.

Lala and I have both been involved in an
escalating series of just specifically

not inviting each other to things, so
I'm just going to put an end to that

because there's a big body of water that
I could just chuck her into if she gets

out of line.

I know, like, he's, like, dreading the
whole engagement picture thing.

It'll be fun.

I mean, yeah, again, like... I don't
need to be there. And then Courtney...

Okay, well, when you have, like, a
really, like...

pessimistic attitude about it. You put
that energy out there. It's not

pessimistic, it's realistic.

I always told myself I wasn't going to
do engagement photos.

I mean, I don't want to be that guy
standing behind his girlfriend on the

like this, the cheesy smile.

I can't do it. I can't do it. I won't do
it.

One last thing. What?

Did you name him yet? Not yet.

He's got to wait until he sees him
first.

Yeah, you got to see the baby before you
name him. Yeah.

Coming up. You said you're nothing. I'm
James Kennedy.

That's disrespectful.

Do you want to, like, chat about what
exactly it is you want?

Okay, first in the water, me pulling him
out.

Reminiscent of the Sandlot movie, the
scene where Squint pretends to drown,

Wendy's, like, giving him, like, mouth
to mouth, and then he, like, grabs her

head. I don't want to do a whole series,
Bubby.

Okay, Tom, stop.

Tom tends to get pissy when it comes to
things like this. He gets this idea in

his head that it's going to be painful
or cheesy, but...

No matter what, we're going to do it,
and he's going to have fun. He's going

like it. For me.

For one second.

I thought he was a professional model,
and sometimes modeling

can be tough, right?

I'm not doing it. It doesn't even make
sense.

Oh, my God. This is so good.

I'm concerned that this might be the
first of many things that are cheesy and

expensive.

leading up to the wedding.

Oh, what? Stop.

She's saving him. Down, and then I'll go
like this.

I go, oh my God, that's going to be so
cute.

That booty, though.

We're going to be doing things no matter
what, and then eventually maybe he'll

start to enjoy them.

If not, that's his fault.

Remember when we were lingerie shopping
and you said that Jack told you that Tom

was pissed that he couldn't talk about
his band or something? Yeah, he brought

that up again last night.

That night, like, Jax was, like, talking
about Brittany and her boobs. I mean,

we talked for a good hour about it.

Okay.

Part of me feels like he's losing
something Brittany's going through and

exploiting it to get attention.

And the fact that the same... Hi.

Hey, guys.

I had to talk to Brittany and check in
on her. She's in pain right now, and I

feel awful, but... Oh, my God.

Hi. How are you? Oh, hey. Thanks.

Bernie sends her love. Aw. Looking sexy,
man. Hair blowing in the wind. Thanks,

bro. Three million different
conversations going on. Yeah. Something

Pump that I'm... James showed up, I
guess, to work drunk.

Then him and Richardson, like,
completely got into it. I just know that

Lisa were calling in James for a meeting
today, and Richardson had to be there

as, like, a witness.

He's a little out of control right now,
isn't he?

Yeah, I think it's just the maturity
thing.

I know also what he's going to do. He's
going to be begging.

He's going to be contrite. He's going to
be remorseful. I've never seen this

side of him.

Here he is.

He's the devil.

How are you feeling?

That does not make me unhappy, the fact
that you're embarrassed. I know.

I've seen your texts and I haven't
responded.

Someone to talk to you in person.

James has been texting me non -stop
since the blow -up with Richardson.

Please go easy on me tomorrow, Lisa. I
know things have been messed up, but I

will make it back, I swear.

We understand that you turned up loaded.

Kristen showed up too.

Why is she here? You're like a magnet
for us.

Showed up to work drunk.

Kristen walks in, thrown in my face that
she's, like, seeing this guy.

She knows she's trying to wind me up,
and it's really f***ing working.

It gets to the point where Kristen and I
obviously start shouting at each other

in the middle of f***ing pumps in front
of the customers.

Richardson tries to stop the situation.

I tell him to mind his own f***ing
business. I get into his face. It was a

complete fiasco.

You said,

you're not talented. You're nothing.
You're beneath me.

I'm above you. I'm James Kennedy.

That's the person you become when you're
drunk.

Because I try to hurt people when I'm
drunk.

And who are you hurting most for?

I guess myself.

It's repetitive.

It's a pattern. That's become his
normality. And I cannot support that any

longer. It's a job.

Yeah. And I don't think right now at
Pump it's a job you're cut out for.

So can you, like, put me on a suspension
for two weeks and I will buff tables,

I'll scrub floors, I'll be a dishwasher.

I'm not going to be erratic anymore
without alcohol in my system. I

had a revelation that night. A
revelation that came at my expense. Can

what I'm saying or not?

There you go, that's disrespectful.

Lisa, because I can't talk. I can't get
two minutes in. Go away and grow the

f*** up.

I cannot have you in Pump.

We need to take right now a permanent
break.

Come on. What's happening with the Pump
album?

I don't know about the Pump album.

That is a minuscule... That's been my
life.

It's a minuscule part for you because
you've got so many things going on.

James, you have had nobody more
supportive to you than Ken and I.

So what do you want me to do during the
week now?

I'm going to have nothing to do. Listen
to me. Listen to me.

I understand you're contrite. I
understand you're remorseful, and I'm

your tears.

But maybe this is a lesson.

Where you grow up now, you grow up.

You know what?

I want you to go back to bussing tables
three days a week. I want your feet to

be firmly planted on the ground.

You've given him a lot of chances.

More chances than he deserves, if I'm
honest.

Coming up. She's been talking a lot of
shit about me. Because you're negative

and you're sour.

You writing this now? No one here.

Lala, I feel like we're missing somebody
in the trio.

Where's James? Where's your guys'
sidekick? Well, I think they're coming.

he's talking about bringing some girl
with him that he met.

Wait, but isn't, he's bringing a girl
with him? Yeah. But he's trying to get

Kristen back, but Kristen's coming here
with... Wait, she's coming here? Lala,

I'm so confused.

His goal in life is to make people
jealous and also always have someone

because he's so insecure that he can
never be just by himself.

Lala! I mean...

No psychology major, but I know a little
bit about it. I am so confused by the

men at serve because it seems that they
always need someone who's fully

committed to them as they're off
cheating every five seconds.

So Kristen brought a date last night.
Yeah, Carter was there at the parlor for

Kristen's comedy show. Wait, so Kristen
had a comedy show?

Yeah, she did sketch comedy, and then
there were stand -ups in between each

sketch.

I'm loving the no -weave look on you,
lady.

Wow, has she been taking sketch classes
or did she just kind of like decide she

was going to start being funny?

I thought it was pretty funny. I mean,
if you're going to do sketch comedy, you

should maybe like take a class or
something.

I don't know what she does in her free
time. I take sketch comedy very

seriously, so it offends me when people
just think that they can just do it.

I'm all about people trying to better
themselves.

Lord knows, she needs a hobby. But you
don't just start telling people that you

do comedy. I mean, Kirsten's a joke.

But she doesn't make jokes.

I think she's been hanging out with
Rachel and Rachel's comedy group. I

that Rachel is funny in conversation,
but I don't think her jokes are original

or funny, really.

Ariana sure has a lot of strong opinions
on a comedy show that she never even

saw. She's living under a little rain
cloud right now, and that's kind of

up. Is she trying to be funny, or what
is she doing?

I'm tired of pretending like I don't
notice that there's, like, major, like,

attitude behind this whole thing. You're
different about hanging out, and you

don't want to pretend like I don't
notice it anymore. And I've been trying

like, be sensitive to your feelings.
Okay, and I mean, I've been kind of

pretending like I've been having a good
time around you guys for a long time,

so... Well, I have to go set up for the

other shot we're going to do, so... Holy
sh... Way to make me feel like a...

Idiot for putting extra effort into
rebuilding our friendship. If you're not

having fun with us, stop faking it and
stay home.

So gorgeous.

What's up, guys?

Hey.

This is Laurel, everyone, who hasn't
met. Nice to meet you.

This is Laurel, Sheena, Sheena, Laurel.
Hi, nice to meet you guys.

James knows exactly what he's doing. If
he makes me a little jealous.

I'll kiss him, and if I kiss him, he'll
make Kristen really jealous, so she'll

f*** him. It ain't gonna happen, James.

I like to kiss men with jobs, but I can
guarantee you Kristen still f***s him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened this
morning?

I lost my f***ing job at Pump. You got
fired from Pump? I got fired from Pump,

and the Pump CD is on hold.

Yeah. You're a f***ing DJ.

You know, it's an easy job. All you
gotta do is show up, hit play, and not

drunk. But he is hellbent on f***ing it
up.

And to be honest, it's actually pretty
fun to watch.

I'm heartbroken, bro. I disappointed
Lisa for the final time. She's done.

over it. I'm not trying to blame it on
anybody, okay? I'm not even going to

blame Kristen on walking in as to why I
got f***ed up. Because if she didn't, I

probably would have screwed up next
month anyway, okay?

It sucks.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

How are those pictures?

Oh, my gosh. What do you want me to show
you? I know exactly what James is

doing.

James assumed that I was bringing
Carter.

James didn't want to be left alone, so
he put a Craigslist ad out to the local

high school newspaper.

Nice try.

Anyway, I need a drink. I got to refill
my drink.

Huge mistake.

Huge.

Through therapy, I've learned to not be
so

confrontational. I just feel like I need
to say something.

Getting an eye on his face right now is
going to be really therapeutic.

Are you trashing not only her as a
comedian and our show?

All of this is not necessary.

I would love to show, and don't trash my
best friend as a fucking comic. I said

I had heard your jokes and I didn't
think they were original.

Are you a fan of comics? I've been doing
comedy for ten years.

She's on a little YouTube short, shows
up on a sitcom every five years.

As far as I can see, Ariana sleeps late
and complains a lot.

That's not exactly working on your
career.

You are not a stand -up comic.

So you are not a sketch actor. Actually,
I killed the game last night, and I

wrote one of the sketches.

That's great.

I did. Good job. She does this four or
five nights a week. She's going on a USO

tour. Because you're a fucking idiot,
and you talk out of your ass, and you're

negative. She didn't say what you said
that she said. Yes, she did. No, she

didn't. Were you there?

Oh, oh, Jack said that. Why wouldn't I
have said that?

Why wouldn't I have said that?

She's your best friend.

No, she's not. She has not been acting
like my best friend.

She's been talking a lot of shit about
me. Because you're negative and you're

sour. You can just be positive and be
normal and be chill. You writing this

down?

No one here even likes you. Hey,
Kristen, what's your survival rate on

these days, because I know a lot of...
I'm sorry, because I'm literally friends

with every single person here. Yeah, and
you've literally done your f***ing job

ass -kissing everybody and, like,
walking... It's not ass -kissing. Yes,

It's called owning my s***. I acted
immaturely last summer.

Immaturely? First thing, you were a full
-blown f***ing psycho.

I have your girlfriend

insulting my best friend. Like, go f***
yourself.

Okay. I'm done with this.

I didn't involve you. Yes, you did. Oh,

God. Oh, I'm up again.

Everything comes full circle.

The real Kristen.

Yep.

I haven't seen a sunset like this since
Hawaii.

Hawaii was nice.

It was nice until the end.

I don't know if I'm going to go to jail
for three days. I don't know if I'm

going to go to jail for a month. I don't
know.

It's all up in the air right now. Am I
scared? Absolutely.

When you're a 36 -year -old man taking
something from a store, there's

wrong.

Trying to build my credibility is really
hard because I keep f***ing up.

And I don't...

know the direction i'm supposed to go uh
am i happy and with who i am am i happy

with where i am i think well are you
happy i don't know i gotta figure it out

you know britney moving in and you know
i'm doing the token jacks move where she

moves in within five days i feel like i
i need to escape you know at my age i

shouldn't be getting arrested i
shouldn't be getting in trouble and i

like you know just out of control we got
softy back in the picture we got

kristen back in the picture

I argue with Tom and Ariana about stuff
that maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I

wasn't. I don't know.

There's so much. It's not just one
thing. It's not just the group. Even

try not to let things bother me, it's
tiring.

I think there's just, like, something
wrong upstairs.

But at 36, I mean, can I change?

I don't know. I would love to change. I
would love to be not so involved and

everything, but I feel like that's just
me.

I'm always involved.

I'm like in there some way or another.
Even if it doesn't concern me, I feel

like I have to be in the center of
attention.

I feel like I'm not accepted if I'm not
talked about.

It's not bad not to be talked about.

I don't have a ton of people in this
town to talk to besides you and Tom and

Tom. And right now I don't even know how
much I can even speak to Tom.

And it's sad because, you know, for me
to lose my friends would be huge to me.

Huge.

I don't have anything else.

So for me to f*** up... Sassy should be
back

here. Everybody should be back here. I'm
the one that should be gone.

These aren't my good friends. I feel
like they're constantly, like, making

excuses and bailing me out of trouble.

It's just embarrassing.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

He was rage texting me for four hours.
The bubble never stopped for one second.

Why don't we stick up to your friend and
not throw me under the bus? I'm not

throwing you under the bus personally.

Ariane, they can just peace out on me so
easy. Like, maybe everyone else can

too. I got basically fired from pump.

Why? Kristen walked in and then
everything just gave up. She was there

got fired. End of story.

Surprise. Oh, my God.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to
bravotv .com.