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Previously on Vanderpump Rules... You've been on the tag.

Self -destruction if you're f***ing up your life. Your mother asked me to give

you a job as a busboy. And that's exactly what you will be doing again if

don't show some respect.

I can tell when you drink a little too much because you get a look in your eyes

and you get an attitude.

I was fine until you started bringing it up. What, seriously?

Our engagement party's coming up and I would love for you to come.

I'm hoping to actually talk to her at some point before then.

Oh yeah, you're dreaming. That's not going to happen.

How big are you going to go? You're getting triple Ds. A full C, small D.

not going to pay for something that I don't like. It's not what you want,

though.

We both feel like you've just been so extremely negative lately.

These apps look a lot like people who used to be my best friends.

Jackson's got arrested.

Over a pair of sunglasses.

Sometimes you don't make the right choices.

Dude, stop acting like you're the number one guy in this group, man.

I'm the number one guy in this group. Are you?

Are you kidding me, Jax?

Ladies, I have champagne.

Oh, thank you.

There you go.

Cheers. Cheers.

It's been really hard for me this summer not having Ariana there 100 % for me.

Things with Shay and I haven't been the best. I want my old friend Ariana back,

so I'm trying to salvage what I can.

Should we try on some stuff?

Yeah.

Those are hot.

Those are really hot. But just, like, with nothing else?

Thank you.

You can see my nipple.

This looks like how is it sexy?

This is like way too girly for me.

I feel like inviting me lingerie shopping is a little bit of Sheena

issues under the rug, but we're working on it.

Yep.

Are you going to get anything?

No, nothing fit. I think this is...

I like that.

$100? That's just $150.

Hopefully my fiance likes it. She's gonna love it.

Tom and I have not had sex since we got engaged.

So if there was ever a time to be lingerie shopping, I guess it should be

-engagement. Has it, like, really sunk in, though? Like, you're engaged, but do

you realize, like, you're getting married?

I mean, of course I've been planning my wedding since I was, like, 12.

Yeah. But once we set a date, then we'll start looking at locations.

Because a lot of people, when they get engaged, they rush out and be like, oh,

my God, be my bridesmaids, everyone.

I'm like, I mean, Stassi might be a bridesmaid.

Oh, good Lord.

She's been texting and really trying to claw her way back in. I mean, I'm not

there yet. I know her and Kristen really want both of us to go to Palm Springs.

Kristen's friend Rachel has a house out in Palm Springs, so Kristen invited me

and Katie to come out and spend the weekend with her, but then she screwed

all up by inviting Stassi. I know she realizes she messed up, but I can't say

apology is going to change anything.

I am nowhere near ready to forgive Stassi, and it makes it even more

that now Tom's invited her to our engagement party. Way to contribute.

Bubba.

I feel bad because I kind of laid into him.

the other night when we were at the party. Yeah, Tom was trying to talk to

Schwartz about what had happened that day, and Jack kept trying to interrupt,

and Jack goes, stop trying to make yourself more important than me.

You're not more popular than me, and you never will be.

What I heard, you and Sandoval were, like, upset that night. Wait, wait,

Take it down.

I'm just saying, Jax told me is that you guys were upset because Sandoval was

like, why aren't we talking about my band? Nobody wants to talk about Tom's

band.

It's like if you got drunk and, like, you and Shay wrecked a car and he broke

his leg and, like, all of a sudden, like, I want to talk about my band or

something. It's like, dude, that's... Shut the f*** up. What about your band?

He's f***ing ridiculous.

Jax is acting like a f***ing fool.

When you just did that like when you went up again like that, then go to the

higher one. Okay, cool.

Let's do it again, mate.

I'm working on a pump CD. It's basically 10 songs composed, written, and

produced by me.

I'm very ambitious and talented in what I'm doing. I don't mean to sound

conceited, but I'm the white in Kanye West.

Hello.

Hello. James creates a lot of original music that really embodies the ambience

at Pump. That sounds great.

Yeah, I know.

So Ken and I said, okay, let's finance a pumped CD.

You clever boy.

You look like a slob, but you sound amazing.

Thank you. Good, sit down.

I'm so excited. You're still doing the song with Lala?

We're making the song, but it's not going on the album, I've decided.

Because things are a little complicated between you and Lala?

Yeah. Yeah.

Lala and I got into it a little bit the other day.

Those are the days you hit me up, babe. Those are the only days you're f***ing

lonely, you ain't got anyone else to f***ing hang out with you. Your f***ing

sake is f***ing, you should f***ing learn your lesson, babe.

You know... Part of me misses Kristen at this point, which I know sounds crazy.

Oh, goodness.

Really, yeah, that does sound crazy. If there's something destructive in your

life, you have to detach from it. And I've told you that about your drinking

well. I really don't want to let you down, Lisa.

There's only a few people that give you a chance in life. You know that. Don't

screw it up.

Yeah, and you're definitely one of those people.

Well, don't screw it up.

That's what I wanted to say, Lisa. Like, honestly, like, I know that I've been,

like... No, you don't have to say.

I'm very grateful. You thanked me.

By being professional and getting this done.

Dude, are you sure about that?

Because A, it's painful. It's really expensive. And also, I think the

funny and it's a good story. It's like a nice little memento.

God, I want him to keep that ass tattoo.

That's like our thing. That's our story.

Oh my God.

What the?

I got one too.

What? I want to be at Tattoo Brothers, you know?

Hey, what's up?

So, I guess Jax went to Sheena and said that we were quote -unquote upset

because nobody else wanted to talk about your band.

Are you kidding me?

No. For real.

Dude. Jax is probably feeling a little humiliated about all the things that he

said last night. Well, I'll talk to you in a little bit then. All right, cool.

Instead of apologizing, he's now on the offensive.

Trying to make me look like a douchebag.

You good to go? Yeah. Come with me. Okay, okay.

Way to take responsibility, Jax.

Way to be a good friend.

Hi, I'm Tom. Nice to meet you. Good to see you. Terrible tattoo.

Good to see you again. Welcome back.

You know what the number one reason for keeping that tattoo is? That terrifying

James Bond villain -esque device.

Okay, Tom, so this is the laser.

I mean, holy shit.

That thing is scary, man.

Would you like to hold a sand or would you like to hold blue balls?

Blue balls?

Is this going to hurt?

Yeah, dude.

All right. Do a little test spot first to see how you do, okay?

Okay. All right. All right, wait. Wait, hold on, hold on. Okay, okay. I got like

a cramp in my back. Hold on, give me a second.

All right, I'm ready. On three. One, two, three.

This time on the count of three, I want you to flex your butt cheeks really

hard, okay?

All right. One, two, three. Good, good, good, good, good. Ow, ow.

This is literally such a pain in the ass. It feels like a rubber band. Smack

on your skin.

Tell me if you need a break. Yeah, yeah, give me a break.

But a machine gun.

Very good.

Almost done.

Perfect.

Last little bit, okay? Hang in there. Five, four, three, two, one.

That's it.

Dude. What do you think? All right.

Yeah, it hurt.

All right, Tom, so you're just going to sit here for a minute. We're drinking

tonight. All right. All right. Take care. Nice to meet you.

Bye.

Dude, you did it.

Yeah.

Coming up. I don't think you're supposed to play with those.

That's what I'm going to do to you.

All I do is sit on your couch and drink. Story of my life.

I like queens really hardcore.

Will you just stay here forever?

I might have to.

I'm, like, so good at squatting. Like, I didn't realize that this was, like, a

talent that I should have tapped into years ago, you know?

Squatting is legit.

I can't even talk because I'm so stressed out about this comedy thing

rewritten sketches, and it's, like, in days, and I don't know what I'm doing.

Oh, well.

Rachel is the comedian.

I used to date someone that was really into porn.

So I installed a nanny cam.

I just had hours of him beating off.

Typically, I've done more dramatic roles.

Your mom, he just wants a pizza.

That gives an idea, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Expanding my wings. I have that one sketch specifically where I have to be

of like Vegas Ratchet.

So last night when we were at Kyle Chan's party at Comp, I was like, Tina,

you like teach me and help me and whatever?

So I invited her to the show. I didn't even acknowledge Ariana.

Katie looks hot as shit last night.

Okay, well, I don't know what to do about her.

Any advice that anyone could give me at this point?

I'll take it. I had talked to Katie briefly about Palm Springs, and she just

said, like, honestly, Kristen, like, if Stassi's going, like, I'm just not ready

to be on, like, vacay with her yet. Like, I haven't even talked to her.

Katie definitely needs a little push to talk to Stassi, so maybe if I...

Drag them two and a half hours away from Los Angeles, lock them in a room

together, something good will happen.

All I'm asking is for her to just listen to me. And if she decides at the end of

everything that I have to say, like, you know what, no, then that's it.

I'm not expecting anything. And I understand that.

I feel like this can all be cool again.

We've all been through so much together for so many f***s. And if you can

forgive me and Tom can forgive Jack, it's like, come on.

We just have to figure out how to use this room.

I'm kind of nervous.

Nervous? Yeah.

Bad dress.

Hopefully we're not going to be there much longer.

Yeah. I wish we knew exactly where we were moving right now.

I do too. I woke up this morning.

I'm not happy.

I mean, Hawaii, you know, my friends, my job, my relationship.

What do you mean, your relationship?

Well, I mean, this is new.

So, I mean, I'm trying to, like, deal with this. Like, you know, you just

here. The last, what, two months have just been such... You know, I keep

repeating these things that I told myself that I was not going to do

Get arrested, have petty fights with my friends, you know, rush into

relationships.

You've got to be my witness.

I feel like I'm falling back into some old habits, and I don't want to go

No, I don't like seeing you upset. I don't like being upset. I feel like I'm

grown man, and I feel like I'm just crumbling right now. I feel like such a

pussy, but I'm not happy at all.

I talked to Shay last night, and he's like, I'm going through exactly what

going through, and I didn't even notice it. He was really upset, and she'd never

gone through issues for a while.

But I really didn't understand what their issues were.

She's like, well, it's drinking and this. But drinking, something's

your life, but you need to start drinking.

So he's not happy. He's not happy with Sheena.

Hi. Hi.

To be taken back? Yeah. All right. Right this way? All right. Thank you.

Feel free to take a pee wherever you'd like, and the doctors will be right with

you. All right. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome.

This is intimidating.

I don't think you're supposed to play with those.

This is what I'm going to do to you.

You know, five minutes ago, I was in a shifty mood, but now, boob.

They put me right in a great mood.

You need to make this look good.

Hi. Hi, Brittany.

Brittany, nice to meet you.

You know, the first thing we generally ask people is what size you would like

be.

Like a full C.

Full C, okay. We have our friend, I guess, Sarah.

I think we're a little bigger, though.

So, yeah, I mean, that'll put you well into the D range. You want that look. If

you're comfortable with that.

That's what you wanted, right?

Yeah. I mean, who doesn't love big boobs, you know? It's a win -win for

us, really.

If she wins, I win.

Not just for you, for me, too.

See what you did to me? Do you want me to put it on you? Yeah.

Salem scratched the shit out of my neck.

Jeez.

I don't know if you noticed, because you are a little tipsy.

I feel like we took ten steps forward and we've taken a few back.

When you drink, you drink too much.

And I don't like having to...

be your mother and tell you that. So I usually just like let it go because

there's no point in arguing with you. You don't let it go.

You're the only one who said anything.

And I'm the only one who matters because I'm married to you. So if it bothers

me, it should bother you.

Shay has already resented me so much for so many things. I hope that he'll

understand I'm only trying to help.

The thing you do that bothers me is just when you do mother me when we are out

and about.

Because I don't like having a drunk husband who can't take care of me.

I don't understand how you can't understand that.

What? No, tell me.

This is so frustrating.

I always say I'm unhappy because, oh, I'm drinking this, and now I'm a loser,

don't have a job. I've never said you're a loser. I'm not saying, but that's how

it's coming off.

And that's why I'm unhappy.

I want to fix this. I want to fix you. You can't.

You can't fix everyone.

Okay, well, now what do we do?

Now what's our next move?

What are you going to do for a career?

I'm pushing 30, and I just bought a Sega Genesis.

That's who I am. That's who I will be.

I think it kind of sucks that I'm still struggling and trying to prove myself to

my wife.

When we have children, I'm sure we'll go home, you know.

We're going to buy a house back home because we have two moms who are full

nanny babysitters. When we go back there, I do want to teach and coach.

That's where our kids will go one day, you know, and that Shay name will never

leave that school.

Shay and I went to high school together, and Shay doesn't like living in L .A. I

don't know that he's happy.

I don't make great money, but... I didn't marry you for your money,

My mom always said, marry first for money and then for love, and I did

Wow, you put some cream on my butt.

Aw, did you kiss my butt?

Maybe.

There you go.

Why do I feel like I'm here to do work?

Because I asked you to come and do work.

This thing has a lot of history.

Yeah, it does.

You know, it's actually probably really good that we're getting rid of this

couch, because this couch knows too much about our past.

He was at one end of the couch. You were at the under. You guys started touching

each other's legs. You started sucking his feet, returned the favor, and you

banged. So it's time for it to go.

Whoa, quarters, remote. Oh, remote.

No joke, though. The majority of the change in socks are probably from me.

How many third bartenders does it take to move a couch out of the apartment?

Hold on, I'm stuck.

Yeah, if you go real high, we can get this.

What's catching? It's like the couch has a curse of Kristen. It doesn't want to

leave.

That was my workout for the day.

You all right?

Yeah.

Oh, thanks.

I was lingerie shopping.

And Sheena told me that you told her that Tom and I were upset the other

because Tom wanted to talk about his band.

Which is 100 % not true, Jack.

Just own it.

I am being completely honest. I swear on my life, that is what happened. No. I

heard it with my own ears. That is what started it. And I completely remember

this happening in my head. Jack, you were literally acting like you had just

a... and lobotomy oh yeah you're welcome for helping your goddamn couch all

right so should i bring up all the things i've done for you i'm having my

issues right now stop making everybody look like because you're too much of a

pussy to admit to your wrong doing i'm not wrong i think tom's influenced by

ariana because most of the time tom sandoval is just generally a mellow guy

when ariana's around he definitely makes situations bigger than they are i'm a

badass

friend to all my friends. I f***ing take care of them. I do whatever they

f***ing need. I never f***ing stab them in the back. Ever.

Oh, Lord.

And you guys f***ing talk s*** about me like I'm a backstabbing, selfish piece

of s***.

You, Tina, f***ing everybody.

I care.

F*** you, man.

I've got things to do.

Coming up.

You heard about what happened at Pump. No, what happened at Pump?

Richardson and James got into an altercation.

I don't know who's more excited, you or me.

It's going to be a while before you're going to get to play.

I'm going to bury my head in those damn ways.

I'm a little scared. I mean, I've only been dating Brittany for three months

now, and this is like a permanent.

Dang, throwing some D's on that bitch.

Woo!

I mean, it's like when you get your pants altered.

There's no returns.

Did you call your mom?

Yeah, I called her on the way here. She's excited.

Now you're going to have big boobs to match that booty.

I know, and I'm nervous.

Don't be nervous.

How many times have you been here?

A handful.

Yeah, it's all finished.

No.

I come here a lot for my Botox, but for surgery, three times.

You don't need to keep doing stuff.

I know, but I like it. It's preventative.

Oh, there they are. Good morning.

Just get better looking every time I see you.

Okay. Excited?

Yeah. I'm ready to throw some D's on this.

Let's get this started.

Oh, this is so nerve -wracking. Just relax.

Before you know it, we'll be done.

All right. Okay.

All right, guys, let's rock and roll.

Thank you, sir. What?

Yes.

This is bigger than what we normally put in.

I think they both will be happy.

The Ds were not in our original plan, but no one's ever regretted buying a 70

-inch TV, you know? No one said, damn it, I wish I would have got the 40

So, go big or go home.

What's up, Boobs McGee? Don't make me laugh.

I mean, I guess you could call me Santa Claus.

Handing out little gifts here and there.

How you

feeling? Not a shot.

Want to go party?

Yeah.

Hi, Peter.

Who is that?

Lala. Lala, I came to you. Oh, there you are. Hey, how you doing?

How's it going?

Good. How are you?

I'm good.

We're busy tonight.

I know.

That's why I'm here early.

How's everything? Good.

I've taken up reading books.

Okay. Yeah,

I love it.

Oh, good. All right.

I was given a book called Fountainhead, which is by Anne Rand. It's a

philosophical book, and it's about architecture and...

Architects, it's amazing what I accomplish now that I'm not focused on a

little string bean DJ.

You heard about what happened at Pump, right?

No, what happened at Pump?

Well, I heard that Richardson and James got into an altercation. When I work, I

work hard.

Oh, I know that. He works more than me. That's why you're my head guy.

This happened last night, actually.

Was he drunk? Like, I don't understand. I think so.

Kristen had come in. James was professing his love to Kristen. Over the

Yeah, yeah. I was not surprised to hear that Kristen was there because for some

reason she loves to throw gas on a fucking flame and then let that burn.

See, and I told him this a thousand times because he's already professed his

love to me.

I'm like, you don't... James talks a lot.

No, I get it. The drinking, I think, is why he flies out. Hello.

Well, hi, Lisa. What's going on?

Look at you. You look so pretty.

Well, so do you. We were talking about a little incident that happened at Pump.

Oh, I've already heard rumblings about that. Yeah.

What do you know? I heard that James was verbally assaulting Richardson. Like,

I'm better than you. You're going to always be a server.

That makes me so mad. Yeah. You have no idea how mad. He does that, though,

Lisa, when he drinks.

Stupid, stupid boy.

This stops right here. Just like when Kristen talked badly to Diana.

I will not tolerate that. Leave right now. Diana, walk away. You're not on the

restaurant. Move your ass.

Leave. Suck it in.

Stop my stuff.

It was because Kristen came in. He was like, you know, saying that, oh, I love

you, Kristen.

In my opinion, it's better if they're never even in the same situation.

This is a toxic relationship.

James has to be responsible for his own actions. I don't care if Kristen's the

catalyst. He can't blame it on anybody else.

So you haven't spoken to James? No, I haven't spoken to James or Richardson.

But I'm going to.

Richardson's worked for us for years, and he is my right hand at pump. And I

think what he's achieved and who he is is not going to be disrespected by a

little pipsqueak like James Kennedy.

I'm going to haul him over the goals.

So I'll keep you informed, Peter, as to what we're going to do with James

regarding here. Yes, ma 'am. Sounds good. All right? I'll see you later.

Lisa. Bye.

You got to take me to the bathroom.

No,

you can't grab my arms, honey. You got to, like, push my back up. Just pull

legs? No, don't joke.

I'm going to see things in this relationship that I haven't seen yet.

Don't hit your shoulders or your big old noggin on my boob.

We're going to get real comfortable real quick.

All right, I got to pee.

This is Terry's boyfriend duty right now. I'm going to have to help her pee.

going to have to help her change. I'm going to have to help her eat.

Is that enough?

I need a lot more.

No, that's good.

Here. I've held girls' hair back when they're puking. I'm pretty good at that.

I guess it's all part of it.

Hi. Hi.

I would get up and give you a hug.

I'll give you, like, I can't lift my arms above a third.

You got boobies. My proud father.

We got boobs.

Can't wait to put my face in them now. I'm excited.

You and Sarah should, like, stand in the mirror and, like, compare.

I mean, I'll be the judge. I can watch. I can judge, too.

No.

Cold day in hell.

Are you coming to the beach? Yes, I am.

We're doing our engagement photos. Oh no, I wish I could go.

I don't understand why everyone's going to hang out on the beach. Well, because

we're going to have a beach party with everyone afterwards.

Invited everyone that we work with to come out because I got so much.

for, like, not inviting or uninviting or whatever I did.

Lala and I have both been involved in an escalating series of just specifically

not inviting each other to things, so I'm just going to put an end to that

because there's a big body of water that I could just chuck her into if she gets

out of line.

I know, like, he's, like, dreading the whole engagement picture thing.

It'll be fun.

I mean, yeah, again, like... I don't need to be there. And then Courtney...

Okay, well, when you have, like, a really, like...

pessimistic attitude about it. You put that energy out there. It's not

pessimistic, it's realistic.

I always told myself I wasn't going to do engagement photos.

I mean, I don't want to be that guy standing behind his girlfriend on the

like this, the cheesy smile.

I can't do it. I can't do it. I won't do it.

One last thing. What?

Did you name him yet? Not yet.

He's got to wait until he sees him first.

Yeah, you got to see the baby before you name him. Yeah.

Coming up. You said you're nothing. I'm James Kennedy.

That's disrespectful.

Do you want to, like, chat about what exactly it is you want?

Okay, first in the water, me pulling him out.

Reminiscent of the Sandlot movie, the scene where Squint pretends to drown,

Wendy's, like, giving him, like, mouth to mouth, and then he, like, grabs her

head. I don't want to do a whole series, Bubby.

Okay, Tom, stop.

Tom tends to get pissy when it comes to things like this. He gets this idea in

his head that it's going to be painful or cheesy, but...

No matter what, we're going to do it, and he's going to have fun. He's going

like it. For me.

For one second.

I thought he was a professional model, and sometimes modeling

can be tough, right?

I'm not doing it. It doesn't even make sense.

Oh, my God. This is so good.

I'm concerned that this might be the first of many things that are cheesy and

expensive.

leading up to the wedding.

Oh, what? Stop.

She's saving him. Down, and then I'll go like this.

I go, oh my God, that's going to be so cute.

That booty, though.

We're going to be doing things no matter what, and then eventually maybe he'll

start to enjoy them.

If not, that's his fault.

Remember when we were lingerie shopping and you said that Jack told you that Tom

was pissed that he couldn't talk about his band or something? Yeah, he brought

that up again last night.

That night, like, Jax was, like, talking about Brittany and her boobs. I mean,

we talked for a good hour about it.

Okay.

Part of me feels like he's losing something Brittany's going through and

exploiting it to get attention.

And the fact that the same... Hi.

Hey, guys.

I had to talk to Brittany and check in on her. She's in pain right now, and I

feel awful, but... Oh, my God.

Hi. How are you? Oh, hey. Thanks.

Bernie sends her love. Aw. Looking sexy, man. Hair blowing in the wind. Thanks,

bro. Three million different conversations going on. Yeah. Something

Pump that I'm... James showed up, I guess, to work drunk.

Then him and Richardson, like, completely got into it. I just know that

Lisa were calling in James for a meeting today, and Richardson had to be there

as, like, a witness.

He's a little out of control right now, isn't he?

Yeah, I think it's just the maturity thing.

I know also what he's going to do. He's going to be begging.

He's going to be contrite. He's going to be remorseful. I've never seen this

side of him.

Here he is.

He's the devil.

How are you feeling?

That does not make me unhappy, the fact that you're embarrassed. I know.

I've seen your texts and I haven't responded.

Someone to talk to you in person.

James has been texting me non -stop since the blow -up with Richardson.

Please go easy on me tomorrow, Lisa. I know things have been messed up, but I

will make it back, I swear.

We understand that you turned up loaded.

Kristen showed up too.

Why is she here? You're like a magnet for us.

Showed up to work drunk.

Kristen walks in, thrown in my face that she's, like, seeing this guy.

She knows she's trying to wind me up, and it's really f***ing working.

It gets to the point where Kristen and I obviously start shouting at each other

in the middle of f***ing pumps in front of the customers.

Richardson tries to stop the situation.

I tell him to mind his own f***ing business. I get into his face. It was a

complete fiasco.

You said,

you're not talented. You're nothing. You're beneath me.

I'm above you. I'm James Kennedy.

That's the person you become when you're drunk.

Because I try to hurt people when I'm drunk.

And who are you hurting most for?

I guess myself.

It's repetitive.

It's a pattern. That's become his normality. And I cannot support that any

longer. It's a job.

Yeah. And I don't think right now at Pump it's a job you're cut out for.

So can you, like, put me on a suspension for two weeks and I will buff tables,

I'll scrub floors, I'll be a dishwasher.

I'm not going to be erratic anymore without alcohol in my system. I

had a revelation that night. A revelation that came at my expense. Can

what I'm saying or not?

There you go, that's disrespectful.

Lisa, because I can't talk. I can't get two minutes in. Go away and grow the

f*** up.

I cannot have you in Pump.

We need to take right now a permanent break.

Come on. What's happening with the Pump album?

I don't know about the Pump album.

That is a minuscule... That's been my life.

It's a minuscule part for you because you've got so many things going on.

James, you have had nobody more supportive to you than Ken and I.

So what do you want me to do during the week now?

I'm going to have nothing to do. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I understand you're contrite. I understand you're remorseful, and I'm

your tears.

But maybe this is a lesson.

Where you grow up now, you grow up.

You know what?

I want you to go back to bussing tables three days a week. I want your feet to

be firmly planted on the ground.

You've given him a lot of chances.

More chances than he deserves, if I'm honest.

Coming up. She's been talking a lot of shit about me. Because you're negative

and you're sour.

You writing this now? No one here.

Lala, I feel like we're missing somebody in the trio.

Where's James? Where's your guys' sidekick? Well, I think they're coming.

he's talking about bringing some girl with him that he met.

Wait, but isn't, he's bringing a girl with him? Yeah. But he's trying to get

Kristen back, but Kristen's coming here with... Wait, she's coming here? Lala,

I'm so confused.

His goal in life is to make people jealous and also always have someone

because he's so insecure that he can never be just by himself.

Lala! I mean...

No psychology major, but I know a little bit about it. I am so confused by the

men at serve because it seems that they always need someone who's fully

committed to them as they're off cheating every five seconds.

So Kristen brought a date last night. Yeah, Carter was there at the parlor for

Kristen's comedy show. Wait, so Kristen had a comedy show?

Yeah, she did sketch comedy, and then there were stand -ups in between each

sketch.

I'm loving the no -weave look on you, lady.

Wow, has she been taking sketch classes or did she just kind of like decide she

was going to start being funny?

I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, if you're going to do sketch comedy, you

should maybe like take a class or something.

I don't know what she does in her free time. I take sketch comedy very

seriously, so it offends me when people just think that they can just do it.

I'm all about people trying to better themselves.

Lord knows, she needs a hobby. But you don't just start telling people that you

do comedy. I mean, Kirsten's a joke.

But she doesn't make jokes.

I think she's been hanging out with Rachel and Rachel's comedy group. I

that Rachel is funny in conversation, but I don't think her jokes are original

or funny, really.

Ariana sure has a lot of strong opinions on a comedy show that she never even

saw. She's living under a little rain cloud right now, and that's kind of

up. Is she trying to be funny, or what is she doing?

I'm tired of pretending like I don't notice that there's, like, major, like,

attitude behind this whole thing. You're different about hanging out, and you

don't want to pretend like I don't notice it anymore. And I've been trying

like, be sensitive to your feelings. Okay, and I mean, I've been kind of

pretending like I've been having a good time around you guys for a long time,

so... Well, I have to go set up for the

other shot we're going to do, so... Holy sh... Way to make me feel like a...

Idiot for putting extra effort into rebuilding our friendship. If you're not

having fun with us, stop faking it and stay home.

So gorgeous.

What's up, guys?

Hey.

This is Laurel, everyone, who hasn't met. Nice to meet you.

This is Laurel, Sheena, Sheena, Laurel. Hi, nice to meet you guys.

James knows exactly what he's doing. If he makes me a little jealous.

I'll kiss him, and if I kiss him, he'll make Kristen really jealous, so she'll

f*** him. It ain't gonna happen, James.

I like to kiss men with jobs, but I can guarantee you Kristen still f***s him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened this morning?

I lost my f***ing job at Pump. You got fired from Pump? I got fired from Pump,

and the Pump CD is on hold.

Yeah. You're a f***ing DJ.

You know, it's an easy job. All you gotta do is show up, hit play, and not

drunk. But he is hellbent on f***ing it up.

And to be honest, it's actually pretty fun to watch.

I'm heartbroken, bro. I disappointed Lisa for the final time. She's done.

over it. I'm not trying to blame it on anybody, okay? I'm not even going to

blame Kristen on walking in as to why I got f***ed up. Because if she didn't, I

probably would have screwed up next month anyway, okay?

It sucks.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

How are those pictures?

Oh, my gosh. What do you want me to show you? I know exactly what James is

doing.

James assumed that I was bringing Carter.

James didn't want to be left alone, so he put a Craigslist ad out to the local

high school newspaper.

Nice try.

Anyway, I need a drink. I got to refill my drink.

Huge mistake.

Huge.

Through therapy, I've learned to not be so

confrontational. I just feel like I need to say something.

Getting an eye on his face right now is going to be really therapeutic.

Are you trashing not only her as a comedian and our show?

All of this is not necessary.

I would love to show, and don't trash my best friend as a fucking comic. I said

I had heard your jokes and I didn't think they were original.

Are you a fan of comics? I've been doing comedy for ten years.

She's on a little YouTube short, shows up on a sitcom every five years.

As far as I can see, Ariana sleeps late and complains a lot.

That's not exactly working on your career.

You are not a stand -up comic.

So you are not a sketch actor. Actually, I killed the game last night, and I

wrote one of the sketches.

That's great.

I did. Good job. She does this four or five nights a week. She's going on a USO

tour. Because you're a fucking idiot, and you talk out of your ass, and you're

negative. She didn't say what you said that she said. Yes, she did. No, she

didn't. Were you there?

Oh, oh, Jack said that. Why wouldn't I have said that?

Why wouldn't I have said that?

She's your best friend.

No, she's not. She has not been acting like my best friend.

She's been talking a lot of shit about me. Because you're negative and you're

sour. You can just be positive and be normal and be chill. You writing this

down?

No one here even likes you. Hey, Kristen, what's your survival rate on

these days, because I know a lot of... I'm sorry, because I'm literally friends

with every single person here. Yeah, and you've literally done your f***ing job

ass -kissing everybody and, like, walking... It's not ass -kissing. Yes,

It's called owning my s***. I acted immaturely last summer.

Immaturely? First thing, you were a full -blown f***ing psycho.

I have your girlfriend

insulting my best friend. Like, go f*** yourself.

Okay. I'm done with this.

I didn't involve you. Yes, you did. Oh,

God. Oh, I'm up again.

Everything comes full circle.

The real Kristen.

Yep.

I haven't seen a sunset like this since Hawaii.

Hawaii was nice.

It was nice until the end.

I don't know if I'm going to go to jail for three days. I don't know if I'm

going to go to jail for a month. I don't know.

It's all up in the air right now. Am I scared? Absolutely.

When you're a 36 -year -old man taking something from a store, there's

wrong.

Trying to build my credibility is really hard because I keep f***ing up.

And I don't...

know the direction i'm supposed to go uh am i happy and with who i am am i happy

with where i am i think well are you happy i don't know i gotta figure it out

you know britney moving in and you know i'm doing the token jacks move where she

moves in within five days i feel like i i need to escape you know at my age i

shouldn't be getting arrested i shouldn't be getting in trouble and i

like you know just out of control we got softy back in the picture we got

kristen back in the picture

I argue with Tom and Ariana about stuff that maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I

wasn't. I don't know.

There's so much. It's not just one thing. It's not just the group. Even

try not to let things bother me, it's tiring.

I think there's just, like, something wrong upstairs.

But at 36, I mean, can I change?

I don't know. I would love to change. I would love to be not so involved and

everything, but I feel like that's just me.

I'm always involved.

I'm like in there some way or another. Even if it doesn't concern me, I feel

like I have to be in the center of attention.

I feel like I'm not accepted if I'm not talked about.

It's not bad not to be talked about.

I don't have a ton of people in this town to talk to besides you and Tom and

Tom. And right now I don't even know how much I can even speak to Tom.

And it's sad because, you know, for me to lose my friends would be huge to me.

Huge.

I don't have anything else.

So for me to f*** up... Sassy should be back

here. Everybody should be back here. I'm the one that should be gone.

These aren't my good friends. I feel like they're constantly, like, making

excuses and bailing me out of trouble.

It's just embarrassing.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

He was rage texting me for four hours. The bubble never stopped for one second.

Why don't we stick up to your friend and not throw me under the bus? I'm not

throwing you under the bus personally.

Ariane, they can just peace out on me so easy. Like, maybe everyone else can

too. I got basically fired from pump.

Why? Kristen walked in and then everything just gave up. She was there

got fired. End of story.

Surprise. Oh, my God.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to bravotv .com.