All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S4E13

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Previously on Vanderpump Rules... Stassi
texted me this morning.

Oh my god. I can't even begin to express
how happy it makes me to hear about

your engagement. I don't want anything
to do with her. Matt fainted, hit a TV

and a piece of wood. All of his teeth
are...

My mom sent me screenshots of the whole
conversation that her and Sheena had.

Are you kidding me? He has an attitude,
and he's better than everything.

Does the truth hurt?

Jax is a very smooth talker. Brittany
deserves to know the truth. That night,

was telling me he was going to... I
never said that. Hello? Be honest! I did

say that.

Trust me, I'm not being disgusting when
I say this. If I wanted to have sex with

her, I would have.

So if you want to buy into that, that's
fine.

I would say if you want to buy into
that, that's fine. It's not fine. None

this is fine.

Okay, I understand.

I definitely chose Brittany because I
love Brittany and I want to be with her,

but there was a moment of weakness where
I thought about maybe partaking in some

kind of sexual activity with Lala.

I mean, they're just thoughts.

Did I used to be a liar?

Absolutely. Did I used to cheat on
Stassi? Yes, I did. I think that you

sent mixed signals. You have been a
little flirty back.

Okay. Anyway, you know, we can go on
circles all night. I'd like to go drink

some more drinks at the pool. Shall we?
Yeah.

Absolutely. Are we all right? Are we
going to get through this?

I just want you to be honest with me
always.

Okay?

Okay?

Yes.

May I make one suggestion?

Birthday boys go first.

Uh, yeah, that's true.

You gotta pack your basics when going to
Hawaii.

Hey, this is a true leader. He needs my
example.

You need maybe some snorkel gear, swim
trunks, and, of course, a beer bong.

Inch, inch, inch, inch. Oh, my God.

Peter, Peter.

Cheers, niggas.

Where's Wala at? I don't know.

Little bitch.

I'm gonna go find Lala.

I wanna come with you.

Hey, girly girl.

I was just checking on you, babe. Make
sure you're okay.

Well, whatever.

Faith, I mean, here's the thing, babe.
You were just as naked as I was today.

I've been put on blast for that.

You feel like I was having an issue with
you? Well, it's not going to get much

better if you're taking your top off in
front of my fiancé.

I'm put on blast for everything.

You told me you were in a relationship.

You're really going to turn this on me?

Hey, what is wrong with you?

I'm not someone that you could easily
crack, but I have hit my breaking point,

and I just want to get away from
everybody.

When you have a bunch of people
questioning your character, and whether

respect yourself or not, it's like, I
haven't spent my life for anybody.

I've been nothing but honest, so to look
at Jackson and be like, look me in my

damn eyes and tell me that you didn't
say that, and he can actually do that?

Look me dead in my fucking eyes.

You're a good liar. I never said that.

I don't think he is processing the hurt
that he's causing anybody.

Let's go night -night, can we?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I'm taking these off
because they're kind of wet.

James, I had a rough night. Let's...

What? I'm not doing anything.

God, you're such a pain in the ass
sometimes. You're so annoying. No,

just a tease, babe.

Babe, I would love for you to get in my
bed. James, get out of my bed.

No, no, whatever, dude. I'm done playing
games with you, babe.

What are you talking about? I'm talking
to Jax. Shut up.

Oh, when did I talk to Jax? Just, like,
bitch him out. Hey, relax. I've been

nothing but the best. I'm bored. Good
night, good night, good night. I'm not

talking to you tonight.

James is out of his damn mind.

Even though I don't genuinely feel sorry
for everything I said, I would rather

just, you know, put a band -aid on it,
close it up, and apologize.

First, I just want to say that I'm very
sorry.

if that conversation was inappropriate
or out of line.

Sheena feels like a backhanded apology.

Tom wants... He wants me to say I'm
sorry that I said that? He wants you to

I'm sorry that I did that.

Right, standing by what I said, I do
think he's acted that way before, and I

think it's rubbed off the wrong way on
you.

Sheena doesn't have remorse about
anything that she did because apparently

Sheena's too big to fail.

I can't really trust where you're coming
from.

God, I just wish you could actually mean
it. I did mean what I said.

I clearly didn't like his attitude.

I'm sorry that you guys had to see that,
but that's what I had to say.

If I would have lied or exaggerated
something in those texts, then yeah, I

have felt bad. But if you don't want to
be called cocky, then don't act like it.

My feelings were hurt. His feelings were
hurt. And that's why I'm apologizing.

Okay.

Stop with your tongue. Stop with your
tongue.

Look at that. Maybe she should get
married right now.

God, I knew I loved her.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God. We got bottle service, dude.

I want to drink the hard alcohol.

Shana, what's wrong?

What? You're so drunk.

How the f*** do you know?

I can tell.

Shay and I are still working on
rebuilding trust, so sneaking drinks

back isn't helping.

What is your problem?

I'm not doing it. You're pissing me off
right now. Oh, my God.

You know who's wasted?

Everyone else. I don't care about
everyone else. Am I married to anyone

No. Then guess what? Then you go, and
I'm going to go back to our room and go

bed. I need my rock. Like, I need
someone to talk to about what just

with Ariana and I. But if I have a drunk
husband, he can't be that person.

Next stop, 8 -4.

All right, here comes the worst thing
ever.

I love you.

Day eight since the engagement.

Still, no fiancé's day.

I feel the pressure mounting, and I'm
like, we gotta do this. You gotta

consummate this goddamn engagement.

I'm just really disappointed.

Sheena took it upon herself to just talk
a bunch of shit about me.

That's kind of fucked up.

She doesn't quite understand how
devastating this is. I mean, she's

just put herself in the same realm as
Kristen. They both have lied and schemed

behind my back to try and break up my
relationship.

She tried to project her own
relationship insecurities onto us. She

been, like, focusing on her own
relationship, which now come to find out

actually deteriorating.

Yes, I was, but you weren't listening to
me.

And you're like, oh, you're wasting your
waste. And I was like, no, I'm not.

Well, I can tell when you drink a little
too much because you get a look in your

eyes and you get an attitude.

That was, like, the trigger that, like,
upset me. I was fine until you started

bringing it up. Seriously?

Well, there's a disagree on that, so.

Just saying.

If something bothers me that much, I
would think maybe you wouldn't do it

anymore. First day on this trip was
supposed to be about moderation.

Have a few drinks, get buzzed, have fun.

Be normal.

Unfortunately, it hasn't happened that
way.

I talked to Ariana.

I just said, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, et
cetera, et cetera, which is really

difficult for me to do because they
don't think I was wrong, but if it's

then I'm just going to say it. At the
end of the day, I know who my real,

real, real friends are.

Unfortunately, you have to be the bigger
person, which you always are.

The cocky ass.

Coming up.

I just woke up.

It's 20 past 10.

Yeah, no, I didn't leave late last
night.

Is James there?

Max behaving himself?

I'll leave that for him to answer.

Max, what were you doing?

James,

I'm holding you personally responsible
for Max's welfare.

Do you hear me?

Oh,

good. Is everybody behaving themselves,
James?

Not really.

After he's taken his meds. Have you
taken your medication?

You're not supposed to drink with
antibiotics either.

Yeah, I know. I don't want you kissing
anybody, just FYI.

What do you mean?

You cannot get an infection.

Max has a mouth full of wobbly teeth.

He needs to be putting that mouth
nowhere.

And I mean nowhere.

And I also don't want you doing anything
like surfing.

Unfortunately, we've got to go. Max has
a surfing lesson in 15 minutes.

Well, I'm glad you... I think it's so
funny. Don't do anything silly, okay? I

love you.

Bye, Lisa.

Bye -bye, Mom.

Paradise.

I can look

phenomenal on the sand, but getting in
that water, it's going to be a whole

different story.

Sunscreen? This is the type of suntan
lotion that you drink actually, and it

works from the inside out.

That's what matters the most, right?
What's inside.

That's tequila.

Oh my god.

One time when I was growing up, I did it
in a perfume bottle, and the alcohol

tasted just like perfume.

I'm going to go start some waves.

I'm going to hang. Hang Tim, bro.

I'm scared for them.

Jack!

Why'd you bring your sunglasses?

I've never surfed a day in my life, but
I've always really wanted to try it. So

be right in the way.

Yeah, I'm falling at this.

Lala, you're missing your bottom.

That's the underwear.

That's like what the girls in the rap
videos wear.

Oh, that was a huge compliment.

I mean, I take champagne on the booty
anywhere I go, girl. It's vulgar.

Me? Yes.

I know.

Yesterday, Lala decided to go topless in
front of a bunch of couples.

And today she decides it's a better idea
to show up in the world's tiniest thong

bikini. If you need to borrow the rest
of your bathing suit, I have it right

here. She's like that bird flying into
the window over and over again. Like

feel bad for her.

I was only there for the tail end of the
conversation last night, but you left

really upset.

So I don't know what it was that like
made you cry. The problem that I'm

is this is just, this is who I am.

So to have people talking to me the way
I was spoken to last night was

absolutely not okay.

I've been in your position. I've been
the new girl at Sir. I've been the girl

who everyone thinks is a slut.

I've been the girl who slept with the
married guy when I didn't know he was

married. But I've grown from that.

I've redeemed myself from a lot of the
negative things that people used to

and say about me.

I make my blood boil, I think, because
I've been so genuine to everybody.

And I just can't win. I know the
feeling. Trust me. Like, I've been

it. This group of people has made me cry
many times, so.

We're matchy -matchy. You look so cute.

Thank you.

You're my heels for my house. I feel
really special.

Listen, when you don't have your shit
together, you have to improvise like you

do. After Stassi found out that I slept
with Jack, she backhanded me and wrote

me off. You are a dirty bitch.

Ew.

You are disgusting.

It's really cute, Kristen.

Do you remember when you used to live in
that really dingy, shitty apartment?

Where Tom and Ariana have to live now.
Disgusting.

For a while, I thought our friendship
was dead.

But then I just started to reach out
little by little, and she was receptive

it. I went on my first date ever.

Do you remember Kevin Jess's old friend
that you grew up with? Yeah.

He's actually in L .A. for work. He
lives in Austin.

So he was like, oh, you want to hang
out? And I was like, yeah. And then you

guys had sex. I mean, we, like, had fun.

Play the motherfucking field. Yeah. So,
yeah. What's going on with you and

Patrick right now?

We're just trying to figure it out.

We decided to live apart because it's
like we got to this point, like, in our

relationship where it was just, like,
roommates.

There's a lot of shit going on in my
life, especially with Patrick.

We went from a long -distance
relationship to living with each other

little while in New York to then living
with each other in L .A. It was like we

went from zero to old married couple
overnight.

We were barely, like, having sex. We
were, like, barely speaking to each

like, fighting. You just had your
routine.

And it was just like something needs to
change. I get that. My only concern is

that it's, like, an excuse to, like,
break up without having the balls to

up. Dottie is slowly rolling down the
mountain, head over feet.

She's on her way to rock bottom, and
it's kind of her fault.

I felt like I was codependent a little
bit. A lot. On Patrick, and I just don't

feel like fighting anymore with anyone.
For two years, I've invested so much in

Patrick that now I'm realizing that I've
compromised a lot of my friendships.

I handled things poorly, but I don't
feel like it's completely my fault. And

that's another reason I want to rectify,
like, things that I shouldn't have

done, like, last year and, like...
Katie.

I mean, the whole Katie thing, it's
super complicated. It's more complicated

than my actual relationship because the
whole sex tape thing, like, shook my

world. After I broke up with Jax, I
started dating this guy who I hear that

showing tons of people a video of myself
alone touching

myself. Like, Sheena was wrong. You
know, for the fact that she showed it to

people, I know that she laughed about
it, and that's not okay.

Katie knew how hurt I was by Sheena. She
knew how devastated I was. It's a big

deal when you're going to Miami with the
person who just showed my sex tape to

everybody.

One thing I've really learned about
myself is that I have a great ability to

just cut people out. I'm just hoping
that she could take ownership for that.

Yeah. I mean, I regret cutting her out
so quickly.

Especially now that we're engaged.

This is the thing. Kristen, I started
crying.

I was with my mom up in Lake Arrowhead,
and I was like, I was supposed to be

there.

Coming up.

She's been a pathetic loser who has no
friends, no job, no money. I just want

her to stay as far away from me as
possible.

Oh, it's beautiful out here. Oh, come
on. There's some tea.

Tea, tea. I don't know, Ken. I'm
worried.

About? What do you mean about?

About our son. Oh, about that. Yeah.

Really,

he's got one chance at this with his
teeth, of them being okay again.

I mean, he could get serious infection.

Max would be okay.

As long as he doesn't drink too much.

Well, that's exactly my point.

Pandora has been a dream and Max has
been naughty.

So it's so difficult for me as a mother
to detach.

So what do we do? Just sit here and just
pray and hope that he's okay?

Or should I call him again?

I wouldn't call him. He won't take my
advice.

I want Max to make the right choices. I
want him to make the right decisions.

As long as they're my choices and my
decisions.

Sorry. Can I just stay here and just
pretend none of this is happening?

Do I have to go to work?

Probably not.

Have the day off.

Can I just have like an hour?

Is that comfortable there?

It's perfect. It's bliss.

Who'd ever thought a little girl from
England would end up here?

I don't know how I feel about Brittany
being out there with Lala.

I see everybody out in that raft. I
don't know how I feel about that.

Why?

Why do you think?

If there is a shark, we have, like,
someone that we nominate to be

We point at each other.

I love the ocean, but I'm afraid of
sharks eating me in the ocean, which is

very rational fear.

All right, who's got a shark to fool?

Hi, mister.

Yeah, Lala is one of the biggest teases
I've ever met in my life. How do you

want it, like, down?

She gives me these sex eyes, but at the
same time, you know, I haven't seen any

of this action.

I don't want to get my shadow in it.

Hey, so I got this text from Kristen.

She's having lunch with Stassi. What?

Clearly there's something up. She's
unblocking her social media.

She's seen a pathetic loser who has no
friends, no job, no money.

This girl doesn't do things for other
people.

She's out for herself, and she's using
Kristen.

I'm very curious to see what she's using
her for.

She walks away from my friendship. She
says, you buy skis. You're a loser. I'm

done. She's still that little infant.

I just want her to stay as far away from
me as possible.

What the f*** is going on? I don't want
to be friends with Jossie again.

I don't want her working on Kristen to
try to get to me. I don't want them

talking about me. I don't want them
thinking about me. So whatever they're

doing, I hope, has nothing to do with
me.

This is the game. I know what she's
doing. She goes right to Jax's discard

That's hashtag Jax's discard pile.

When you should come crawling back.

I'm not going to work this time.

Yeah.

You can't talk. Every time I touch the
thing, it's burned.

I looked at it for literally three
seconds. Look, it's going away. Look,

going away, kind of. You can't leave an
iron on pants at all. I don't care how

many seconds.

It's kind of going away.

You want vodka cranberry or vodka Red
Bull?

It's going to be a long night, so I'm
going to go rock and roll.

I can't believe you sat in a raft with
Lala after last night. We didn't talk

about any drama. We didn't talk about
any of the bullshit.

That's all I really need right now. I
told you. It's not like we're going to

best friends or anything. Wait, you're
not going to be best friends?

No. That's a problem.

Why? Kidding me.

It's kind of like every guy's dream to
have a girl that just kind of blows

things like this off. Any other girl I
would have dated, the trip would have

been over. But with Brittany, not the
case. And that's what I love about her.

All right, let's get ready.

Okay.

The drinks are kind of strong this
morning.

Yeah, they are.

Can we dance tonight? No, I have to be
up to dance. Okay.

That's the plan. I'm done.

I'm done. Thank you.

Hello. Hey.

Hi, guys.

What's up, y 'all? Look how pretty you
look.

Max. Weekend at Bernie's style. Max.

What? How many fingers am I holding up?

Oh.

Hey.

I'm used to you being half naked and now
that you're just clothed, I feel a

little uncomfortable around here.

I sort of adjusted to you being half
naked.

Boohole.

Welcome you guys to Boohole. Thank you.
Because there are a lot of you guys, we

would highly recommend our spiked
watermelon bowl.

So what it is is about eight or nine
shots of Patron Silver, then about four

a half shots of Patron Citronash, and
then we do the blended watermelon itself

in about maybe five.

Thank you so much. Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Oh, it's so hot.

You have to understand, Brittany is the
craziest, freakiest girl I've ever

dated. She honestly puts me to shame.

No. Oh, my gosh.

I made love to a turkey sandwich before
I was fed. Oh, that's so hot. It was so

hot. Oh.

Are you scooping out?

Oh, my gosh.

Wait. I seriously want to put my face in
there. We're going to be wasted before

our dinner gets here.

How many are these?

Yeah, guys.

Yay. Cheers.

Cheers. I can't believe we only had sex
one time on this trip.

We haven't had sex no time.

Here in Hawaii, you've got to have at
least once.

James, how you doing out there?

Have you guys had sex?

Don't tempt me. Don't tempt me.

James?

What? Little known fact, James and I,
before Hawaii, did attempt to sleep

together. We were hammered. He couldn't
get it up. He claims that I couldn't get

him hard, but...

I just feel badly about the whole thing
because I really was having a lot of fun

and I did see something with me and you,
but then there was just a point where,

and I think you know what point that
was, it just wasn't clicking, I guess.

I was way too drunk.

The pressure was on and I choked. What
do you want me to say? It's not like you

quit seeing someone after that. You just
try again.

I don't want us to not be friends.

Yeah.

I mean, it's just not going to be the
same.

How could it be?

I mean, you're cool friends with Faith.
You can't be that way with me. I don't

look at Faith the way I look at you. I
look at Faith as a friend, and, like, I

love her. But I look at you way
differently than Faith. Like, come on,

compare the two of us.

The thing that's shitty is I really do
love and adore you.

Well, it was kind of obvious after last
night. I mean, you liked us, I liked us,

we didn't.

There's a reason why, right?

I don't even think you would have
remembered if we did.

I remain unapologetic. If you get
whiskey dick, stick to vodka. I've

never heard of anybody having vodka
dick.

I need to get drunk.

Coming up. Can I tell you something?

What? Since you just brought up Kevin. I
think he has a serious girlfriend.

Are we going to get crazy tonight? Yeah,
we're getting crazy.

Did you guys all have fun at the beach
today?

Yeah. You guys see any sharks?

Yeah, of course.

Orcas, actually.

Do you know whales' vaginas are as big
as the butts?

The butts? No, they're not.

The big ones.

The big ones?

Hey, Sheena.

Do you want to talk for a second?

So, yeah, obviously, you know, the other
night, The conversation didn't go so

well. You guys have this we're better
than everyone attitude. I do not have

that. I'm sorry.

Does the truth hurt?

And I kind of thought like maybe it
would be better if like, you know, me

you just talked.

When somebody asks us, Ariana's in a
good place, you just say, yeah, because

Ariana was in a good place.

And I feel like you're self -aware
enough to know that that's pretty much a

backstabbing thing to do. And that's why
I'm apologizing over and over and over

again. I've known Tom for seven years
now, and he is so stubborn. I'm going to

just have to take blame for everything,
say I was wrong about everything,

whether I mean it or not.

That's not a real apology.

Because I didn't think I needed to
apologize for doing something I don't

You don't regret that?

I've never acted like I'm better than
you, Sheena. Ever, ever, ever.

Okay. Ever.

And again, I'm very sorry for that.

What's going on between you and Sheena?

Well, I just wanted to talk to her about
something that had upset me, and then

it got to a point that I didn't want it
to get to. You told Ariana's mom pretty

much that I'm manipulative, and that,
like, I'm selfish, and that I only look

out for myself.

That is how I felt at the time. You say
that, but then like Shay's even

expressive. You know, he feels like
you're very good at convincing people to

exactly what you want. That's basically
the definition of manipulating.

When it comes to her marriage to Shay, I
don't think Sheena actually gets it.

And she tries to take over
conversations, tries to tell people what

the time.

It's really like her ego.

He's the king of just letting things go
and not speaking up about them if

they're bothering him.

But he's also intimidated by you.

All these things you're bringing up to
me are very similar issues that, like,

you have with Shay.

Apparently, Sandoval is tired of talking
about his problems and wants to turn

this whole thing around about mine and
Shay's problems, which, by the way, are

none of your business.

You've kind of had this, like, this is
how it's going to be kind of attitude.

I don't agree.

It's one thing for Sheena to actually do
what she did, but it's another thing

the way she's handled it. I mean, at
this point, I'll be nice to Sheena, but

don't know if we'll ever be the same.

Look, I appreciate you apologizing for
the actual act of doing that.

Obviously, talk to Ariana's mom if
you're concerned, but just please, try

to, like, put your emotions into it, if
you know what I mean. Like, please.

Yeah. All right.

Like that brother -sister thing where
you piss me off and I annoy you.

Yeah.

I just want to thank everybody for being
here. I know we've had a couple hiccups

along the way, but I think it all worked
out. I think we all had a great time.

It was a great birthday. We've had a
great birthday week.

Week or month, God, right? Yeah.

And I hope everybody enjoyed the trip.

Let's end this on a high note.

Cheers, guys.

Cheers.

Are

you

character thing?

No.

I'm looking at myself.

You look really pretty. I tried to go to
boxing this morning, and because you're

not supposed to work out 48 hours, after
Botox and the little like dots like

started the blood coming up so I had to
leave. I'm so pissed.

Hello ladies.

Hi, how are you? Have you seen the menu?
No, thank you so much. Did you guys

need to take a look or do you want to go
and order some drinks? I can do this

right now. Okay, perfect. Let's do vodka
gimlet on the rocks. On the rocks and

another vodka soda. Thank you.

I feel like I'm at home.

You picked a really fun joint.

Sheena actually called me from Hawaii
today.

Really? Yeah. I guess, well, you know
Tom and Ariana, the whole reason they

didn't want me to go. Because they're
like, Kristen's going to be drama.

We don't want her here. Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah. And guess who was

Tom and Ariana.

What did they do?

Sheena and Ariana got in a fight because
Sheena called Tom cocky or something.

Wow, big deal. Ariana like explodes.
That's what she does.

I have gotten over the Hawaii thing.

I'm over here and Tom and Ariana.

as far away as possible what's the point
of like having all this animosity and

this negativity it's like i was you know
just like katie said last year like i

want to let go of all the negativity
yeah come to text me is he coming yeah

um i'm calling an uber release you're
calling him an uber yes kristen what did

say about paying for boys

No, Kristen.

Is he incapable of calling his own Uber?

So then you send the address.

Are you kidding?

Kristen, I think, secretly wants to be a
sugar mama.

She likes being the one in control and
the one in charge.

But come on, you got to make him work
for it.

I was going to wait till we got a little
drunky.

But since you just brought up Kevin
first, I'm getting nervous.

Don't tell me he's, like, married or
something. I was going to, like... Well,

think he has a serious live -in
girlfriend.

Coming up. He apologized a hundred
times. He was like, I did something so

stupid. Jack has to ruin it for all of
us and get arrested.

Since you just brought up Kevin first,
I'm getting nervous.

He has a serious live -in girlfriend.

Who told you that I have some time on my
hands? I just did some Facebook

stalking myself.

You know, there's nothing that makes me
more excited than a good stalking

session. I don't know what I thought I
would find by social media stalking a

good friend of Jax's.

What's up, girl? Hi. But it makes
perfect sense that Jax's friend would

girlfriend. I need another cocktail
really quickly. So do I.

And I need to start to catch up to you
guys. Yes, you have a lot of catching up

to do. What do you want to drink?

Let me do a vodka soda. That sounds
perfect. Okay, perfect.

Sounds good.

Yeah. So what's up? What have you guys
been talking about?

I have to be totally honest.

Yeah?

It's been brought to our attention that
you have a girlfriend.

I have an ex -girlfriend. Does she still
live with you? No. We have separate

places. We've dated on and off, and
we've been broken up.

I mean, I've met this guy before.

He seems nice.

But I'm just saying, I saw some photos
that looked like there was some

cohabitation involved.

Listen, I understand on -and -off
relationships.

You know, even though we are doing on
-and -off, I would much rather be on

her and not... Is that serious?

Are you guys going to do, like, a long
-distance relationship?

Oh, I don't know anything yet. I mean,
why rush it, right?

I really like her, but I don't even know
how she feels about me yet, so. Like,

the fact that I just waitress is, like,
not okay.

I'm sorry, but I can't just, like, sit
and have, like, a fake conversation and

not say what's, like, on my mind. I'm,
like, I'll start sweating and, like.

Well, and I told you it was on and off,
and I told you what we were doing. I

think there's something to be said for
an on and off relationship. No, 100%. As

long as they're not on right now, and he
is not cheating with me because I

don't. Let people cheat with me. I've
never done that a day in my life. So

there's a special appetizer today, and
it's called my tongue, which I am biting

because I'm not going to say anything
since I'm on this forgiveness kick.

Stassi, leave me.

Things will be good.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You guys are the best.

I know, we're probably making Stockley
feel weird now. This is why I watch

Once we walked in the club, I feel like
everyone sort of realized it's time to

just have fun, let loose. This is what
we came in for.

Hey, guys, guys, guys.

So I want to make a toast. I'm going to
acknowledge your birthday, your

birthday, your engagement.

I don't think that Britney's an idiot,
but I do think that she's oblivious.

It may not be today, tomorrow, next
week, but if she sticks around with this

guy, she's going to see exactly what
everyone else sees.

I can definitely, like, tell that your
happiness level is this high. I'm not

going to lie to you, like, Britney, it's
just, something's different. I don't

know. She's so monogamous. I've never
been like that. I'm always like this.

Jack Taylor monogamous.

And, like, I truly, like, I'm in love
with this girl.

Special liquid marijuana.

You will rape a dolphin if you drink
that.

We are a very unique group.

There's obviously weeks where we hate
each other, love each other, want to

each other, want to date each other. But
at the end of the day, we'll always

stick together.

When you go on a trip with 14 of your
best friends, unless you're swingers,

there's not a lot of sex going on.

I'd rather be on the beach with my
friends than hang out in the room

We have the rest of our lives to
consummate the shit out of our

Yeah, we're going to consummate the shit
out of this relationship.

Probably get going, though. Okay.

Success. I think the trip was amazing. A
couple bumps in the road, but nothing

really to get crazy about. Now we just
got a couple hours to kill before we fly

out tonight.

We made it. I'm taking this.

No, man.

Okay, and it's the local police station.

Should we head down there, like, soon,
or do we need to... Oh, my God.

All right, bye.

He apologized a hundred times and was
like, I did something so stupid. I'm so

sorry. Are you kidding me?

Jax has to ruin it for all of us and get
arrested.

He told me that it was, you know...

For a felony charge, and it was still
under investigation, so they didn't know

how long it was going to take, and they
could hold him up to 48 hours.

What a stupid thief.

Well, it's a job.

How much of a fucking idiot do you have
to be to steal a pair of sunglasses?

I'm just in shock right now.

What do I do now?

Like, freaking out in there.

He better learn from this.

This poor girl who thought she found the
guy of her dreams, moves out to L .A.,

and then, boom, he's in jail.

Hi, Marie.

It's Schwartz. Hi, Schwartz. I'm so
disappointed.

I don't understand this. It's amazing.
Like, what was he doing to get it? It

doesn't make any sense. Dude, you can
afford the losses, so why are you

them now?

I keep thinking, no, no, this is a joke.

We'll update you as soon as we get him
out.

We love you.

All right, we'll talk to you in a little
bit. We'll get him.

All right.

Guys, the bail is $11 ,000.

Who's going to post the bail?

I mean, $11 ,000.

How many ships that turn is that, 11Gs?

So we have a matter of hours to come up
with 11 grand, get him out of jail, get

all of our luggage, hop in an Uber, be
at the airport.

I need to go to Third Eye Blind
tomorrow.

I'm going to call the bondsman right
now. Yeah.

Jax is my boy, and I'll do anything for
him.

Hey, this is Tom Schwartz. I'm trying to
help out my buddy, Jax Taylor.

But, like, did you have to do it, Jax?

Come on, man.

Let's go straight to the airport.

All right.

Yeah,

really drunk. I'm walking to the store.

I'm taking this. I won't go.

I apologize.

It's...

I mean, it's embarrassing. It really is.

I'm embarrassed.

Because it's not the person I am.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules, what the
hell happened with Jack?

Class C felony.

He's got to feel something for the rush
of it.

I want to fucking kill him. You're
either a liar, you're a drunk, or you're

thief. What is it, Jack?

Don't try and pull the wool over my
eyes. Every time I feel like I'm hitting

rock bottom, I'm like, no, shit can
always get worse. You hate me, stuff.

You're not important enough to hate. Sit
down.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to
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