All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S4E10

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Tattooed your name on my ass. That was
really strong. Oh my god, you did.

It's a sign of commitment.

I plan on being with you for a very,
very long time, but I really just don't

want to mess up. I don't want to do
either.

So are you allowed to, like, still go
and have drinks with me or no? That's

harmless, right?

I'm not asking to suck your... I'm
asking you to have a drink.

It'd be better if we were championing
the brand.

You have somebody who's buying when
you're talking to, you know, to... What

trying to... Is something wrong with you
guys?

I just want to apologize for the way
that I acted. I don't trust your

You can do whatever you want. Just do
what I get for me.

A joint birthday trip. I don't want
James. There was a polite argument for

Kristen. You're trying to act like I'm
a...

You psycho, because I don't want Kristen
to go on a f***ing birthday trip with

me. Look at this reaction.

Stop!

Treat each other.

You'll be nice.

Hi, Lisa.

Hey, hi.

How are you?

Good. There was poo -poo on the bridge.
Come in.

Thanks for seeing me.

Do you want some water? Maybe a Xanax,
too, if you have any. I'm trying to keep

my composure with Lisa, but she does
have an effect on me. I'll make this

concise. Tom wanted to be here. He
should be here if you're going to talk

sangria. Did you do your homework?

Yeah, I did, but I need to learn more
about the actual process, the procedure.

What's the red made of?

The red? The red.

No, I can learn that stuff over the
night. You should know the product

out and upside down.

I don't know everything I should
probably know about the sangria, but I

other things that have been sort of
occupying my mind, so.

I feel like our relationship has been
marred by multiple letdowns, and I think

I've finally done something right.

I think I've finally nailed it.

What have you nailed?

Should I just pull it out?

God, I don't know what it is.

So I finally went and got it.

Your opinion matters to me. I just
wanted to... You're not going to ask me,

you? I won't get down on one knee. No,
no, no.

Hold on a second. Ready? No.

Mika, Vanderpump. Stop it. Don't say
that. You have an amazing husband, a

beautiful family. You're successful.

Yeah. I'm here today to ask you to
forget about all of that.

All right? Stop being so stupid. I want
you to run away with me. Stop being so

stupid. Before I say yes, I need to look
at the mirror. Ready?

Yeah.

It's gorgeous.

I know.

Isn't it? Yeah.

I feel like I've finally done something
right.

This is great.

Yeah. It's so sweet, this ring, and it's
so Katie.

She is going to love it. What are you
going to do?

Surprise is so key to me. I want to
blindside her.

I don't think so.

Wait, wait, wait. This is getting way
too complicated. This will be a blip. It

wouldn't be me if it was just super
serious.

down on one knee, straightforward, you
know. I got to put a little spin on it.

Got to schwarzify it a little bit, you
know. It's a little dose of me, and the

rest is very traditional.

Who's going to get a big dose of you for
the rest of your life? I mean, really?

You won't find anybody better than her.

I know. I love her so much. I don't want
to find anybody else. She puts up with

your crap as well. Who else would do
that? Well, hopefully she says yes.

I didn't even think about that. What if
she says no?

Oh, my God.

Well, she might.

Get that ring on her finger and walk her
down the aisle as soon as possible.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay? But don't tell anybody.

I'm not telling anybody anything.

We should have been whispering this
whole time.

I know.

You?

Hi.

Good to see you. Good to see you here.

I'm just here to get some Botox.

And you're right. I know Ariana's not
exactly excited about how this tattoo

turned out.

That's so gross.

Excited? Excited? No. I'm excited. It
turns out that I know the office manager

at this tattoo removal place.

Girl, Katie is friends with Kristen. So
now I'm already cringing at the fact

that... Kristen is going to find out
about this tattoo.

I want to see what we're working with.
Good job. Let me tell you.

Maybe I can at least get a discount.

Katie was being a little annoying last
night. I agree.

Kristen doesn't have that power over me
anymore. But look at you now. Look at

you now. Stop, Katie. Shut up about look
at you now. Stop saying that. Look at

you now.

She's like a mosquito.

This is the most grudge -bearing group
I've ever come across in my life.

Except for when it comes to Kristen.

who is actually the one person that it
makes the most sense to just go ahead

not talk to.

Twilight Zone.

All right, let's do it. Come take a
seat. All right. This is Emily.

Hi, Emily.

Nice to meet you, Tom.

Nice to meet you. Emily, hi. What's
going on?

Well, I got a tattoo.

Where is it?

It's on my butt.

Let me see it. Okay.

Oh, my God.

You don't have to bend over. Okay. Yeah,
and it's hot for you, but... The red

ink appears a little bit callous, and
what that can indicate is a potential

ink allergy.

If I treated it now, I would give you
the same thing in a scarf, and you would

have it for the rest of your life.

Okay. We have to wait. We have to give
it time. As long as you don't go

sunbathing nude, we're going to have no
problem with it. Well, I mean, if I were

to go on a tanning bed. Who does that
anymore?

The GX5000.

We're looking at taking a trip. So I
would actually go on a tanning bed to

my skin.

No.

How much does this cost?

You're my buddy, so I want to see what
25 % off gives us. Your total is $1

The average time it takes to remove any
given tattoo is between 7 and 15

treatments. It's about a year and a
half, I believe.

Oh, God.

Ugh. Awesome.

Why did I do this?

This tattoo took maybe 15, 20 minutes to
put on.

It's going to be a year and a half to
remove it, plus $1

,000. So let me tell you guys, think
before you get ink.

I really hate myself right now.

Can I get three shots of tequila chilled
silver?

Lala and I have been talking about
getting drinks for a while now.

Is he bringing them over?

Yeah. It's a little weird because
Brittany is driving across the country

speak to move here, so I'm not going to
go out and get drinks with just Lala.

That's why Kristen and Sheena are here.

I heard that you, mister, kept your
mouth shut last night and let Katie just

get, like, annihilated from Tom and
Ariana.

So what happened? We got into the topic
of the birthday.

So we're already a couple shots deep by
this time.

The main thing was the guest list.

Obviously, you know, usual suspects are
all invited.

And your name came out first. I was the
first on Tom's list, you mean?

Katie had your back. She was like,
listen, if you're over Kristen so much,

why can't you just let it go? God forbid
you say let it go to Ariana.

She's one of my closest friends, but she
has a really bad attitude.

So am I going?

You're putting me in such a tight spot.
Hey, it's your birthday. You can invite

whoever you want. I know.

So, do you want me to go?

I mean, I go into Lock and Key with my
mindset, like, listen, Kristen, you

cannot go.

Tom said no, but I want you to come. I'm
going to fight for you. I'm going to

fight and fight and fight and fight and
make you proud.

I mean, I just can't do it. I just can't
look her in the eyes and tell her that

she can't go. Just book my ticket and
send me the email. It's fine.

Jax needs to understand that Kristen
will come if she's invited.

She'll come if she's disinvited. Just
because people don't want her there

doesn't mean she's not going to come.

Jax has to make it explicitly clear she
is not allowed on this trip. And he's

completely failing.

So here's the thing about Lala.

Don't tell me that you want to be my
friend and then continue to hook up with

ex -boyfriend.

Whatever. What is this?

Kristen is just trying to cockblock
James, period. It has nothing to do with

James is not allowed any pussy.

Cheers. Can I get a shot of vodka? You
know me, man.

I'm one shot ahead of you, honey.

Another?

Sure, no problem.

Did we order unlimited tequila? I'm
confused.

Can we take a shot of the alcohol?

That's a margarita.

You can call me a bitch, don't call me
baby.

Let me get this out of your way. Can I
hug you?

Yes, hug it out. She gives amazing hugs.

I'm sorry, she does.

I'm just saying she gives really good
hugs.

See how good they are?

When you get liquor in me, I don't care
if the Pope and Santa Claus are in front

of me.

You need me to lick your ear?

Hell, I'll lick the Pope's ear.

I hate to bring this up again.

But I am having a birthday party. If you
even right now give an invite and not

to me, I will f***ing murder you.

When's your birthday?

We are going to Waikiki.

Wait, am I invited? Am I invited?

Does that mean we all? You said we.

You're invited to my birthday.

God damn it.

Are you excited?

Wait, don't touch him. Look at him.

Oh, my God. Jack.

This is why you shouldn't have a
girlfriend. I agree.

I can read your mind right now. So bad.

If I wanted to take you home and have
sex with you, I would have done it a

time ago. What are you doing now?

Leave your hands above the table.

Oh, not bad. He can't do it. He's trying
to tuck his chest.

Sorry.

We're not sorry.

We're not sorry.

We're done. We're done.

Bad, bad, this is bad, this is bad, this
is bad.

Lala is just now filing her application
for skank of the year.

I gotta go out. I gotta put these flames
out.

Alright.

God damn, I don't want to hurt so bad.

Coming up.

I just got moved up. You moved in with
this one already, yeah? You moved

quickly, Jack. We took the leap.

Oh, my God, I can smell it. That's not
vodka, is it? A bottle of Sambuca just

broke. Come on. Now you've got to take
everything down. Yeah.

All the glasses, and we open it now.

Well, at least we have those glasses on
the other side that we can bring over on

this side while these are all washed.

I hate Sambuca.

Extremely sticky, has a really pungent
smell.

I can't think of a worse thing to spill
on the bar. What happened?

Don't know.

It stinks.

Will you look at what you're doing? That
is why we had this problem in the first

place. I got it. Don't worry. Are you
really cut out for this angry business?

What have they done? Nothing.

Did Schwartz at least bring some good
ideas to the table? Are you kidding me?

No. Nothing.

Siddly, bloody squat.

Nothing either.

Really, what Schwartz would have just
let me do the talking. This is just

getting damn frustrating.

I mean, you guys are going to grow up.
You don't know what you guys are doing.

You're jicking around.

I don't care what it is. I just want to
see him committed to something. I want

to see him... Find something.

I'm happy that Schwartz is making a
commitment, something, even though it's

the sangria.

If he wanted to be a trash man, then be
the best trash man. Well, that's a whole

other story.

And I'm so excited just to be in on the
fact that I know before she does because

she is going to wet herself.

So, Katie, you did get off work for my
birthday, right? Yeah.

Remember, you've got to dress up. Oh,
cool.

The animal makes everyone dress up.

Can you stop worrying about what you're
wearing and call it shiny bright?

You know, cleaning a shelf is better
with some coaching.

Good luck.

So you know, don't you? You know.

I knew you knew. Who else knows?

Nobody knows.

Schwartz has entrusted me to be his
proposal accomplice.

The fun is just getting started.

All right, all right, all right. You
should see it first, dude.

You want to do it right.

Gorgeous. It kind of looks like the
suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Are those all

diamonds on the side? Yeah.

So do you want to get married? Do you?
Marriage has always been something I've

looked at as like, ah, you know,
eventually.

But with Ariana, that someday has gotten
closer than where it was.

Let's put it that way. Well, we've got
to get the other guy out of the way

first, haven't we?

Yeah. I mean, I hope that goes according
to plan. I think it'll go good.

You do? Yeah, I'm really nervous.

All right, I better go.

I'll send somebody to help me. All
right, thanks.

Sorry about that.

I'll make sure that we put like a
sparkler or something on it when it

All right, we'll see you then.

Hey.

Hi, honey.

Are you close?

Yeah, I'm close. I'm very, very excited.

I'm very excited.

All right, can't wait to see you. Okay,
can't wait to see you too. I'll see you

in a minute.

All right, bye.

Hi.

Hey.

I made it. You made it.

Look at all these boxes.

I know.

This is really happening.

What do you got in there? A bunch of
clothes and shoes.

Oh, my God.

And the trampoline, too.

Whether I want it or not anymore, it's
kind of too late.

How am I going to fit all this in my
apartment?

We're going to make it happen.

We're going to make it happen. I'm sorry
that I couldn't take the day off. It's

okay. I have to work.

I'll give you my keys. I packed it up by
myself. I'll unload it by myself.

Do you want to come in? Yeah, that's
fine. Come in for a minute.

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited
Brittany's here, but, you know, it is

little fast.

You're a Cali girl now. I know.

Kentucky to California.

Hey, what's up?

Hey.

It's like a... We met before that, I'm
telling you. Yeah, Brittany, I just got

moved up. You moved out here? We're
about to be living.

With this one. You moved through this
one already, yeah? Yeah, sure did.

You moved quickly, Jackson. We took the
leap.

Max again.

This time next year, Brittany will not
be in the picture, I swear.

Well, best of luck to you, darling.

Thanks, have a good night.

We have a lot of things going on this
week. I got my birthday,

Tom's birthday, birthday dinner,
birthday lunch.

We have Hawaii coming up, so there's a
lot going on.

I'm excited.

So.

That'll be fun.

Here's the keys.

Okay.

Drive safe. You can go home and take a
nap, and then I'll wake you up when we

get home, and we'll celebrate.

How are we going to celebrate?

Oh, I don't know. I have some ideas.

Okay.

I love you, baby.

Okay.

Drive safe.

All right. Bye, baby.

Look. Hi, mister.

You look pretty.

Thanks.

Yeah.

She's moving in with him.

She just told me she's moving in with
him.

He told me that they were just, like,
kind of seeing each other.

Are we dating? Absolutely.

Would I call her girlfriend yet? No.

I don't know. I don't think he's dating
anymore.

We're not talking about it.

This is exactly what I was telling you
about, though, when I said you're going

to see his true colors. I mean, here he
is with his girlfriend.

That's his girlfriend.

I am so happy that Jack did not come
home with me. One, I wouldn't have

remembered. Two, Brittany is his
girlfriend.

Not just some girl from Kentucky that he
knows.

The real live girlfriend that he hasn't
cheated on.

At least not with me.

I feel badly for her because literally
last night I was flirting with him, he

was flirting with me. You were all over
him. Yeah.

We were flirting with each other,
whatever, and he was like, can we

tell anybody?

I'm not trying to settle down with Lala
or get married to the girl, for God's

sake, you know, but Lala should have
honestly fucked the shit out of me by

though, because, quite frankly, she's
just been teasing me. I mean, Lala,

honestly, it kind of just pisses me off
you going off doing that with being snot

-nosed over there. It's just, it's
gross, you know?

I do have a good time with James, but I
also don't want a relationship.

In my head, we're one step up from
cuddle buddies, one step down from

We're Netflix and chill. I don't fucking
know.

I definitely, last night was my bad.

I feel like you should give me credit
because I was completely honest with you

just now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not like
raising my voice angry or anything. I

can't say I'm not upset, but you know.
You certainly know how to make a boy

jealous.

Having Kentucky Fried Chicken move in
with him into his little apartment.

Good boy, Jack.

Here's the awkward thing, though. What?

I got invited to Hawaii for Jackson
Tom's birthday. Oh, my God, dude. Do you

what he's trying to do? He's trying to
make sure he can, like, get with you and

then try and get with her. What? That's
exactly what's going to happen. Dude,

he's a grown -ass old man. If that's,
like, the way he works, what the f*** is

wrong with this guy?

Guarantee you that's his game plan.

I'm going to be going, too, because I'm
not missing a trip to Hawaii. That's for

damn sure. I'm going to walk around all
day with a f***ing coconut in my hand.

Just the coconut in your hand, please.

Naked with a coconut in my hand.

Mmm.

Coming up.

It's Ariana in his ear that makes it
worse. It's specifically said, if you

are going to be friends with Kristen
again, then you're not my friend.

No one tells me who I can and can't be
friends with.

Yes. It's your favorite star employee.

That voice, I doubt it somehow.

I had to come and get my paycheck.

I can't believe that I actually pay you.

It's unbelievable. I work hard.

Yeah, come on.

Um, question. Yeah. It's mine and Tom
Sandoval's birthday coming up next week.

You wanted to invite me to your party.
Actually, I wanted you to jump out of

cake. Oh, yeah. Okay, no problem. Next
question.

We were thinking of doing it in Hawaii.

Hold on a second. When is it?

Next week.

Next week? The schedule's already been
done. I hate it when they organize these

kind of elaborate trips and they all
want to go together because it kind of

the restaurant in a little bit of a
spin.

But they don't think about that. They're
just thinking about their trip. We want

to do it during the week, like a Tuesday
to Friday situation because it's

cheaper, because we all have to work,
and the weekends are just too expensive.

We'll do it back Friday night?

Yeah.

How many of you?

Myself, obviously, Tom Sandoval, Katie,
Sheena, Ariana, Lala, Faith, which...

Brings me into inviting Mac as well. Why
invite Mac?

He's been hanging out with me I'd

rather you didn't invite max to be
honest

these trips can kind of get a little
crazy then tattooing there are

Drinking shots out of people's butt

We're getting in a punch up you want to
go

Let's go!

What mother would want their son to go
away on vacation with Jack Taylor?

I mean, is there a mother out there? I
doubt it. If he gets in any trouble... I

mean, Peter's going too, so Peter likes
to look out for Meg.

Peter's going as well. Oh, you forgot to
mention that my assistant manager's

going. I forgot to mention that. Just a
little thing. Oh, Peter's going too. I'm

not going to be compromising anything
because of your birthday.

So you make sure to tell each and every
person they've got to get their own

shift covered.

Sounds good.

I'm not going to leave you fully
shorthanded. I'm going to leave you a

busboys.

James will be here. You just don't like
James. You've never liked James. Well, I

don't really need a reason. It's my
birthday. I don't want him there.

Okay. Well, it's me. What do I care?

And I'm also bringing Brittany.

So it's serious now, isn't it?

It's as serious as it can be at this
point. As it can be, as you're capable

being. She moved here.

She moved here for you?

It just kind of happened.

She'll see through you.

You think so?

Oh, yeah.

It's not going to take long.

Right? She's under the 90 -day trial
period.

Oh, for God's sake.

Ew. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Let me know
if you need it stiffer.

Oh, try this.

Try this. You know your drink.

Can we really just hang out and just
turn up in Hawaii, though? Because I

need to get out of the U .S. period.

Well, actually, Hawaii is the U .S.

I love and adore Faith.

She's just so genuine.

Like, I just get a good vibe from her. I
like her.

Well, I have news for you. I touched
James' pee -pee.

What? How big is it?

I'm just really curious to see what it
is that you find sexually attractive

about James.

I don't know.

I don't really know what I'm doing with
James right now. I'm breaking my own

rules. Rules I made up, I'm going
against.

With James, like, I just want to make
out with him and hang out with him all

time. The thing with Jack, though, it's
like, I don't really want to hang out

with Jack, but there's this weird sexual
tension there.

We went to Lock and Key the other night,
like, making comments about, like,

we're going to f***, and I'm, like,
returning, whatever, but Jack's walked

out. And then I text Jack at, like, 3 in
the morning that just says, Come get in

my bed. I notice this the next morning.
Home moment. Hashtag home moment.

Jack doesn't tell me much, though. As
far as I was concerned, he and Brittany

were not together.

When a guy is in a relationship, I have
no problem not flirting. I can back off.

If I knew this type of stuff, then I
would definitely be acting a completely

different way. You would.

But drunk Lala tends to forget those
rules.

The goal in Hawaii is to remember, don't
flirt with Jax when you're intoxicated.

When it comes to Jax and Brittany, I do
like Brittany. But at the same time,

Brittany knows who she's dating.

Figure it out.

Memories on the street.

And I'll drive this cake. It's right
there.

You've never been here. You haven't been
to her place, have you? I haven't been

to her apartment, no.

You don't have to know.

Welcome. You have really nice feelings.
Nice.

Finally having Katie and Sheena over to
my apartment means the world.

We've been friendly lately, but...

I think this is our next step into being
friends again. Okay, so I have your

hopefully really good lasagna. No carbs,
no meat.

Is my name in this?

People I want to punch in the face.

Ariana's name is probably first.

Kristen, someone I was so close to for a
long period of time.

That's how I get my aggression out these
days. We've definitely had some really

bad times.

What the f*** have I ever done to you?
Stop.

I've done nothing but have your f***.
We're three years straight. But the fact

is, Kristen has been trying to make
amends. And she and I are just

that. It's just so cute.

Thanks. The walls are a little bare
because I had to de -James the house.

Yeah. Getting there. It's my first
little. All by yourself. I like it.

And sometimes I miss living alone. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

How are things with Schwartz?

He's been on my nerves a little bit. He
went to Vegas, which was not happy about

it. I was like, dude, like, oh, man.
Then he just got Bubba tattooed on his

right foot. Oh, I heard about that.

So he does these things. That's
permanent.

That's, like, more permanent than a
fucking ring on your left hand.

So I'm trying to not have a big reaction
because I don't want to ruin it.

I went ring shopping with Schwartz. I
know the proposal is coming. I don't

when because he hasn't told me.

I'm just like... Obviously, I know Jax
has been talking to you about wanting to

invite you to the birthday, but he
hasn't really been as honest with

about it. So when we've been around...
I've been friends with Jax longer than

anyone other than Sandoval.

But it's Ariana in his ear that makes it
worse. According to her, you want her

to die.

I know, I get it. It was crazy.

But the way they're acting is as if,
like, you, like, killed their dog.

And then, like, took a s*** on it and
then put it in the mail and sent it.

I mean, just some of the same stuff. I'm
like, stop victimizing yourself.

And if someone apologizes, just be like,
okay, cool.

She has specifically said, well, you
guys are going to be friends with

again, then you're not my friend. She
said it that night.

Like, she said it multiple times, and
I'm sorry. No one tells me who I can and

can't be friends with.

Hannibal's never going to agree to
wanting me to cut. He never did.

He won't. Like, Jack literally said
today, and he goes, I'm sorry that you

are having to deliver this information
to her.

I have to give up on Hawaii.

Aloha, Ariana, you won.

I don't want to throw away my
friendships with them, but when you're

unreasonable, what am I supposed to do?

Right. It's stressing me the f*** out.
My PMS is, like, at an all -time high

right now. Like, don't...

You pissed me off this week.

Don't do it.

Coming up. Make sure whatever you're
going to say before you whip that ring

make it really fast.

Ring then? Mini speech?

Yeah. Well, I think mini speech then
ring. Then she's going to know it's

Hey, what's up, man? What's going on,
big daddy?

I'm all hungover.

Looking a little bedraggled, but I got
you.

Really? Yeah.

For real? Come take a look.

Dude. Look at this. Thank you, man.
Watch how sexy this is.

Hey. It's a baby.

Will you continue being my friend?

I got to practice.

Man, we'll get to that.

I'm a little nervous.

I got some fresh digs. I thought I'd run
it by you.

Yeah? I want to be fresh tonight. I had
a nice, healthy breakfast. I worked out.

Now that it's like within a few hours,
Hours of going down.

I'm a little worried about so many
moving pieces.

My advice to make it more of a surprise,
make sure whatever you're going to say

before you whip that ring out, make it
really fast.

Ring then? Mini speech?

Yeah. Well, I think mini speech then
ring.

Then she's going to know it's coming, so
you whip that ring out right away.

Well, she's going to know it's coming
when I get down on one knee.

Can I be standing behind Katie like a
pageant mom?

Coaching me in squats here? No, don't
ruin it. This is by far the biggest step

and commitment that Schwartz has ever
taken or had in his life.

I can't help but to feel a sense of
pride in knowing that I have at least

shape Schwartz a little bit.

We're going to eat dinner. After they
clear the entrees, that is the cue. What

if after the entrees start getting
cleared, I make like a birthday speech?

No, no, no, don't do that. Don't do
that. No, that'll confuse me.

I'm not nervous, but...

You sure?

Yeah. Maybe I should have simplified it
a little bit.

No, yeah, yeah, I'll be cool.

So I go down on one knee, and then
hopefully she says yes.

It'll be so surprising.

I need to give her a second to
acknowledge what's going on, and then

like, bada -bing, bada -boom.

P .S. I love you.

Let's go to Hawaii and have lots of
fiancé sex.

Amazing.

Hawaii fiancé sex? It's got a great ring
to it.

Dude, let me see what you got over
there. All right, you want to see an

Yeah. This, I was going to do this with
this.

I don't want to look conspicuously
overdressed. You don't think it's too

I styled Schwartz on his very first
night out in L .A. All he had was flip

-flops and really torn jeans.

Yeah, it's double -breasted. It's 100 %
Topshop.

Nothing's really changed, so of course
he's coming over here for some style

advice. Dude, Ty, just don't button it.
I like it, dude. I think it's good.

Yeah. Dude, I'm your ace. I'm ready to
fucking roll. Yeah.

Dude, we've been through a lot, man.
Dude, that's real talk, man. Would you

think that, like, answering a Craigslist
ad. My oversized polo shirt.

Remember I just went in circles when I
first walked in here?

I was so overwhelmed.

I was fucking terrified. I didn't leave
my room for three months.

I played online poker every single day.

Our friendship started.

From a Craigslist ad.

Schwartz was living in Florida and he
had dreams of moving to Hollywood.

I just had a real deadbeat roommate
beforehand.

We had the same name, we were the same
age, same initials. It just seemed like

fate. It's crazy to see how far this
friendship has come.

From Craigslist conversations to f***ing
being by my side when I proposed to my

girl. Holy s***, man. That's awesome,
man. Dude, give me a hug. Alright.

Give me a hug, man. Alright.

I love you, dude. Dude, just no crying
before me tonight, okay? I'm not, I'm

not, I'm not.

You're going to look great tonight.

Iron that shirt, though. I'll send you a
pic. I'm going to iron it.

I'll iron the shirt.

I love you.

Love you, dude.

See you at dinner.

All right.

What do you think, Charlotte?

Yeah? I feel good about it, too.

Oh, you're going to get the penne
Sicilian pasta. It's like pasta.

Honestly.

I don't know how they make the sauce,
it's unbelievable.

What the fuck?

Tuesday... Wednesday...

Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Are you not supposed to be on the floor?
Yeah, I'm just checking the schedule

real quick. I want to see if I can get
covered.

Covered for what? Monday through Friday.

I heard everyone's going to Hawaii, so I
wanted to join them and see if I can

get covered.

Listen, I don't think you need to worry
about Hawaii.

Just saying. Why do you say that?

Have you actually been invited to
Hawaii?

Well, I'm assuming I am. Me and Tom are
buddies. Everyone else is off.

You're not on the best of terms with
Jack. Talk to Jack.

I have spoken to Jack. What did Jack
say?

Why he doesn't want me to go I don't
understand why you want to go in fact it

was at this very spot Just a little
while ago you guys wanted to kill each

you don't know me

Lala the entire

week off so she's gonna be going faith
has the entire week off She's gonna be

going which means max is gonna be going
Those are my three closest friends right

now Jackson. I don't get along, but it's
not like I can't stay out this away for

four days while I'm enjoying myself in
Hawaii and I'm probably going to be

staring at Lala's tits the whole time so
it's not going to really matter.

I'm going to talk to him and I'm going
to get it covered. That's the best I can

do right now. I'm not missing this shit.
Can you go back on the floor? Stop

gawking at the bloody schedule.

Can I take a picture? Forget about the
schedule. Take a picture of what? I'm

going to take a picture of the schedule
so I can make sure that I'm going to get

this covered.

You can get out of here. I'm telling you
now. Go back.

All right.

Ridiculous. Coming up. I can't breathe.
I can feel my heart rate just start

accelerating, and I'm like...

Happy birthday.

Hey.

Hey, guys.

Hey, look at you.

Look at you, man.

This whole birthday dinner and drinks is
just the front for Schwartz's

engagement. Happy birthday to Tom. Happy
birthday, Tom. I'm so excited for

Hawaii. Yeah.

How do you get her dressed up out of the
house in front of a bunch of people and

have her distracted?

I mean, my birthday is just, it just has
to be it. It's the perfect opportunity.

Eye contact, everyone.

Good sex, eye contact.

Me and Tom look at each other right when
he says that.

Are you guys ready to order? Yeah. All
right. The other one I was looking at,

but I think I'm going to go with the
Mickey Cohen.

Unless I want everything to go right
tonight, I can't help but worry and

acknowledge that there is a chance that
some things might go wrong.

I wanted to order crab cakes. Would you
get brussels for that?

Sandoval is the only other one at the
table that knows what's going on. I

tell anyone else because I didn't want
them anticipating the moment, and I find

myself anticipating the moment.

My best friend tonight is definitely
beer. I'll have another.

Hey, Brittany. Here's a formal welcome
to L .A. Hey.

How many hours did that try?

It was like 32 hours without stopping,
of course. I just can't believe you did

it by yourself.

Yeah.

I obviously love you so much.

I didn't have room for anybody to come
with me. I heard you showed up. There's

no room for even barely even you. You
were like this in the studio. So where

all that stuff going?

My studio is great for me. I refuse to
pay a lot of money in rent.

So anticipation is like peaking.

When you're a bachelor, that's one
thing, but now you're a couple. Right,

I'm just like... Girl needs her closet
baked.

Can we start with some oysters?

Save the oysters for Hawaii.

Save my liver and my waistline for
Hawaii. Yeah, we've got to take it easy

week. Maybe not tonight.

We have a lot to do next week. And then
I went and cleaned out H &M and Zara.

It's like they're set from Hawaii.
Everything in there is like flowered

you know, like Hawaiian shirts. So you
feel like a dad, right?

Yeah. Oh, my God. He smells like a
tourist. I am. Brittany, are you

domesticating it?

I guess.

You've got to teach Brit the L .A. way,
man. You've got to, I mean.

You wait as long as you can to get
married.

You got to be more selfish.

I have Katie exactly where I want her. I
mean, she is more or less giving up

hope that we're ever going to get
engaged.

Weren't you supposed to be married by
now?

Like I recall last year. All right, next
subject.

Is that a crab cake?

Yeah. You should get a crab cake too,
babe.

Oh, dear.

This is the price to get an lobster
roll. Pretty much anything.

What about the hotel? Is it like on a
beach? Yes.

I got the ring, came up with the idea,
orchestrated it. But the cue is when

clear the entrees. That'll be so fun.

I want to see Jack try and ride a horse.

Can we please ride horses?

I can feel my heart rate just start
accelerating.

I can't breathe. I think it's the best.

Abercrombie all over again. Bunch of
dudes playing football in the water

Call each other Chad and Zach.

I know you wouldn't normally be standing
on a hood of a junkyard car like stark

naked. There's no way that makes sense
in this picture.

I guess because it's black and white.
No, but your hair's parted.

That makes sense.

It's funny because it's something I'm so
well prepared for yet.

That moment before, it's just
terrifying.

Another. French fries? Yeah, you got it.

Their oatmeal, blueberries, and
butterscotch. They're the best thing

had in my mouth ever. No offense,
Schwartz. They're the best thing. They

better than Schwartz. Ever.

So, you know, yep.

Are you f***ing with me right now?

What? What are you wearing?

Shut the f*** up. Is he reposing or
what?

I see this guy down on one knee, and I
see the look on his girlfriend's face.

Oh, my God.

Of course, Tom has to draw

attention to it. I'm trying to not,
like, feel awkward or sad about it.

You know what, actually?

Actually, you guys, guys, guys, guys,
guys.

Can I take over?

Sorry. I'll take it from here.

Katie Maloney.

No, you're not.

You're the love of my life. No, you're
not.

Oh, my God. I want to spend the rest of
my life with you.

Lady, you never said yes.

Katie Maloney, you're the love of my
life. I want to spend the rest of my

with you.

Lady,

you never said yes.

Yes, of course.

And I'm just like, oh, my God.

It's about time.

I had no idea.

Wow.

It turns out he was period.

I'm engaged.

You're such a bitch to me today.

My allergies.

Definitely not crying.

Congratulations. I'm very proud of him.
I mean, he's stepping up to the plate.

Another one bites the dust.

Bobby, I did a modeling job with her
last week. He's been talking about it

the day I met him.

Oscar, thank you so much. I really
appreciate it. How fast was your heart

beating? Oh, my God.

It feels better than what I imagined it
would feel like. All the time, I thought

he never listened to me, and he
listened.

Mom. What?

I woke you up because I have good news.

I'm engaged.

He doesn't believe it.

I'm thinking to myself, why didn't I
just do this sooner? Because it feels

great. Perfect.

So cute.

It's going on Instagram. It's official.

Special, special thanks to Tom for
letting me steal some of his birthday

thunder. I'm so proud of Schwartz right
now. I love you, dude. I love you, man.

It was so awesome, man. It couldn't have
gone any better.

Congratulations. It was a four -year
engagement.

It's not funny.

It's not funny.

There's a lot of things that could have
been wrong, but they didn't.

And it was the fairytale ending.

Look at that. Look at that. I got a
peppermint stuff.

You do. You have that.

You're very good to be on day off the on
say now Next

time

on Valentine rules, I gotta let some
people know who's coming to Hawaii who's

not coming to Hawaii It's my birthday.
Yeah, yeah, what I say goes.

I love to flirt with Jack, but I don't
know how to stop.

I just heard you guys were, like,
whispering in each other's ears. I'm

have to talk to her about it.

Your presence does make me feel
uncomfortable.

Your own family has noticed a change in
your personality.

You guys aren't true friends? Okay,
that's good.

Don't listen.

I'm just excited to go back to Hawaii.

I can't believe I'm about to get on a
plane with these.

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