All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S3E21

Tonight on Vanderpump Rules Secrets
Revealed. Are you serious?

Lisa Vanderpump and her gang of misfits
at Sir are bearing it all, revealing

everything you didn't see this season.

I saw Jax's dick. We've got intimate
moments.

Awkward rejections. Would you like to go
out for like a drink?

She's shady.

Newfangled health trend.

We're going to get injected.

Basically, it's like vitamins.

Ow! And all the laughter.

Raise your hand if your panties are wet.

Tears. Is it okay if I cry?

And arguments.

Everyone doesn't suck stockings out like
you do, Katie. That until now.

She needs to back the fuck off. You
haven't seen. Are you cheating on your

girlfriend? No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did. Now that's really good.
It's Vanderpump Rules Secrets Reveal.

Jack, it seems like you oddly throw the
L word around a lot for someone who's so

commitment -phobic. You say, I'm in love
with Tiffany. I'm in love with Carmen.

Yeah.

Yeah, I probably do. Did you have
Carmen's name tattooed on your arm as

Dotsie's? You put her name tattooed on
your arm? No, I did.

Well, it got covered up.

Hey, Taka, come here real quick.

This is Jack. Hey, man. How you doing?

Good. How are you? So Kevin was supposed
to cover up this tattoo right here.

All right.

Round two for me on the cover -up. So I
have one here.

Now we're going for here.

I got you. I got you. No more girls'
names anymore. Good.

Yeah, he said that last time. Yeah, I'm
done.

So I covered up Stassi's name.

I got to get the old Stassi tattoo.

It's time to see it go. Yeah, I could
guess that.

Go check it out.

It's gorgeous.

But when Tiffany saw the Carmen tattoo,
she jumped out of bed and started

crying. So now I have to get it covered.

So what do you want to cover it with?

Probably like a flower again. I'm
guessing it's the best bet, my best bet.

How long have you had that tattooed on
there? A good month and a half.

Shut the front door. You've had that for
a month? And you're already covering it

up. Yeah.

Have I learned a lesson about tattooing
girls' names on my body?

No. Are you ready to do this? I mean,
are you really ready to say goodbye to

Carmen? Yeah, I was ready to say goodbye
to her when I met her.

What the? Why would you get her name
tattooed on you then? Because it was a

Wednesday and I had nothing to do.

Dude, you're killing me.

I actually lost a bet with Carmen.

So she said, if you don't get the
tattoo, you're buying me a pair of

Well, I kind of added up in my head and
I'm saving myself about $700 getting

this tattoo.

So that's why I got the tattoo.

All right, let's fire away.

All right, so let's do the first line.
Okay.

This one hurts more than normal.

I wonder if that's karma.

You're 35 years old.

Stop with the partying. Get focused. Get
on track. Get your life together.

It's karma.

I'm so glad I don't have a tattoo.

Oh, wow. Hey, you should just leave the
rest of it so it says men.

That's funny.

Jack's had Stassi on his left arm,
Carmen on his right arm.

I mean, he's got two legs and his junk.
I mean, he's kind of running out of room

here. Looking good, man.

For me, a tattoo means forever. But for
Jack, I think it means more like this

week, maybe next week.

We'll see how the month goes.

That's really good.

That hurt.

God damn.

Okay, let's talk about Kristen's
relationship with Tom this season.

Kristen, isn't the reality that you and
Tom will always have a connection with

each other?

I mean, there's a path, so that's kind
of how it is when you're with someone

any period of time. I had to learn how
to let go and move on.

It's like our sixth month anniversary,
babe.

I'm not good at anniversaries.

Okay. Why are you so awkward about it? I
don't know.

I mean, it's not like after a month, I
was like, oh, we've been dating for a

month now.

Well, we broke up. Tom and I broke up
seven months ago.

Almost to the date. What's Teddy's date?

That's really strange.

What? I don't know, like, how you
remember the day you and Tom broke up

than the day we started coming out.

I mean, I'm so f***ing done with it.
It's annoying, like... It, like, it kind

bothers me. What? Like, why do you care?

It's bulls***.

You know, I've got to admit, it gets a
little frustrating when I see Kristen

giving, you know, a little more...

time and energy into her ex
-relationship rather than the

going right now. I just think you should
completely delete him from your life.

Like, that's normally what people do.

What do you mean, completely delete?
Like, as much as you can. Like, the

you guys have together and, like... I
mean, there's photos of he and I on

Instagram together, but I'm not going to
delete those.

I just want to move, like, you know,
forward with our relationship, you know?

Like, I understand how it could be hard,
but, like, it's been six months. Like,

it shouldn't be that hard, really,
anymore.

Six months for six years? Like, I think
that's fair.

I always told you I didn't. I always
said... Trash, trash, trash, trash,

All right, go on. Ugh.

Well, can I at least look through the
photos to make sure I'm not deleting

I don't want? It's not like it's a Tom
folder.

Yeah. What is this?

And selfie.

Thank you.

It's, like, such a shame that there's so
many photos of me and him because my

hair and my outfit were so on point.

Yeah. I'll still delete it.

Oh, that was my birthday.

That one, too.

I get how frustrating it is for James,
but it is six years of my best friend in

the entire world who I spent every day
with who knows me better than anyone and

vice versa.

It's not as simple as just... Just turn
it off.

Oh, I look so hot that night. Yeah, you
look really hot in that photo.

I don't want to delete every single
photo that I have on my computer. No, I

that. Look at my abs and my boobs.

That was really hot then.

I think that was really unhappy. Oh, but
you're still really hot.

Oh, it's a really good photo. Can I just
crop him out of it?

There we go. Can I keep that one?

Sure. Okay.

Are you sure you want to permanently
erase these items in the trash?

Kristen has now deleted all the photos
from her computer.

It's just a matter of deleting the
memories from her brain, from her heart,

her life.

Skeleton's gone.

Lisa, so you've got Serp, you've got
Villablanca, you've got Pump.

Yes. Will you continue to expand the
Vander Empire, or are you good with

three? No, I'm good with these three.

Well, it took a lot to get Pump up and
running.

Hi, guys.

Hello.

Hello. Oh, good Lord.

Hi. How are you?

Great, how are you? Hi.

Okay, so what we're doing tonight is I'm
going to... You are my guinea pigs.

Are you okay with that? Yeah. We always
have a test dinner for a couple of days

before we actually open to the public to
make sure that the kitchen and the

servers know exactly what they're doing.

We're just going to try out the menu
and, you know, just run things through.

That's what we're doing. And so what
better people to try it on than the

I love the most? Yeah. So the people
sitting over there, you mean?

Yeah, exactly.

From what I know, based on friends of
mine who have opened restaurants,

it is usually a giant show.

It's stressful.

Okay, so have fun, all right? Okay,
thank you.

Remember, I want every single person
that comes in here in the future, you

and remember their drink. Kill them with
kindness.

Of course. All righty. Good.

Pistachio, crescent salmon, and
brussels.

Can you talk to him? Yeah, sure.

Okay. Tuna's our turn. Ahi tuna. Thank
you.

Is it printing out to the people in the
kitchen?

I don't know. I haven't checked.

Hunger Games.

Well, I'm really hungry. There's no more
butter.

I have butter.

Well, I love butter.

It's been like 45 minutes and we haven't
even got our appetizers yet. This is

not a good start.

No, but that's why this is a soft
opening.

Okay, I guess I'm compassionate to that,
but I'm also really hungry.

Is this some kind of karmic punishment
for all the bad service that one of us

may have given at one point or another
to a customer that now we're sitting

foodless?

I was just told that the computer
systems are down. I'm going to be

the orders. Just work with me, okay?

We've seen our server twice.

Everyone else... Honestly, okay, this is
the thing. I hate knocking servers

because I...

understand what that's like. And I suck
sometimes.

For real. I can be a lazy ass.

But this is kind of annoying.

The service sucks.

Are they making it? Listen, I love their
butter.

How much butter are you trying to feed
these people?

Guys, everything's a muddle in the
kitchen. They can't find things.

It's like the machine's not working.

Well, this is a trial run for a pump,
and I think... Pump has failed the trial

run, so maybe they need to come down to
Sir and see how it's done.

I need a bite of this.

I'm hungry.

I want my filet. All this bread, like,
can you put that to the side?

Whoa. Yay.

Whoa.

I think that deserves an ovation. Right
here. There you go. That's beautiful.

Makes you feel weird.

Sorry, guys. The printer, we saw it
wasn't working and everything was...

Ruined in the kitchen, but it wasn't
plugged in.

I know it's a model. I get it. But
that's why you're my little guinea pig.

you, Lisa.

I will say that this was worth the wait.

Coming up.

I'm trying to apologize to you, and
you're coming at me with these...

it's not sincere, Jack.

What do you mean it's not sincere?

We're back with Lisa and the kids from
Vanderpump Rules.

I'm just curious, did Peter and Vale
ever hook up?

I heard they made out the night of our
anniversary party. He said that.

I kind of hope so, because he struggled
with the ladies this year.

Come in. Hello. Hey.

Hi.

Shoes, shoes. No, no.

Come on.

Look at my carpet. It's part of it.
Peter leaves dirty dishes and crap all

the place, but he still asks us to take
our shoes off.

My feet are not going to touch your
disgusting carpet.

So we have a surprise for you. Oh, no.
What do we got?

It has a P.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

A gold glittery cake with...

Pale blue riding is the perfect cake for
Peter. I need you to hold it up, and

I'm going to do this, okay?

This is what we do for Peter.

This is for me now.

Because that's the cake we wanted to
eat.

Well, what's going on with you and your
love life? Are you dating anyone?

At the moment, no.

You're smiling. You thought about that
for a second.

I did kind of meet this girl, though.

What's her name?

I can't remember.

Are you?

I can't remember.

Wander Burnett.

Blonde. You met her and did you get her
number? And did you just put blonde

girl?

Blonde model.

Blonde chick.

You spelled blonde wrong.

So how are you going to find out what
her name is?

I'm going to be like, hey, so what's
your name on Instagram?

So I can look you up. I think that you
could call this girl.

What, right now?

I want to see you find out her name.

I want you to ask her out for next week.

Okay. Oh, Jesus.

Here we go.

Hello?

Hey,

how's it going?

This is Peter.

I'm all right. How you doing?

Looking at Peter, if you were to see
Peter walk into a restaurant, you'd be

like, who's this strapping young fellow?

And then he starts talking about Star
Trek.

I was wondering, like, what's your name
on Instagram?

How do you spell your first name?

It's S -A -R -A -H.

Oh, no wonder it's not coming up. Peter
is a friend. He's like Peter, and he's

goofy, and he's funny, and he laughs at
his own jokes. But then when Peter is

trying to impress a girl, he becomes
Peter Madrigal.

By the way, I was wondering what you're
up to next week.

I have a fairly flexible schedule next
week.

Would you like to go out for, I don't
know, a drink or food?

When I see him turning on that charm and
giving those stares, I just, I want to

laugh inside.

Well, I am currently seeing someone, but
I mean, I'm always

looking for friends, but I am seeing
someone right now.

Okay, cool. Well, great. It was nice
talking to you.

Sorry. It's fine. No, don't, no, no
worry.

No worry.

I'm good.

I'll talk to you later, Sarah.

Okay. Take care, Peter. You too. Bye.

All right. Bye.

First of all, what is gank? What girls
need new guy friends that look like

Peter?

Really?

She's shady.

I know. Girls in L .A. are shady.

Schwartz, how much are you making these
days for modeling?

I do okay. I work pretty consistently.

Is modeling harder than it looks?

God, I can't believe I'm going to even
attempt to try to say modeling's hard.

But if you're like, I can't say that.

Dude, I had a good modeling job
yesterday.

How was it? It was awesome. What was it
for? It was good. It was for this

Italian company that suits and stuff and
ties. It was nice.

Perfect.

Oh, that's very cool.

Looks good.

Did you do me proud?

When it comes to modeling, Tom Sandoval
is pretty much my muse.

He's a legend in his own mirror.

It was a good gig, man. That's awesome.
I mean, anybody can take a picture, but

it takes a lot of practice.

It takes a lot of studying.

It takes a lot of different characters.

I did bust out this one once. Did you
really? What's it called again?

Sun in the Eyes?

No, this is Sun in the Eyes, Treasure in
the Distance.

The best way to be a master is to look
like your poses are not poses.

And they're more just camera stills.
They're more caught in the moment.

It's like you're posing, but you're not
posing.

Did you do the, they're like, I'm going
to go this way, but hey, did you say

something? It's like this. You ready?

Ew. Hey, I got to go, but did you?

All right, I got to go, but did you say
something?

He doesn't point. Yeah, I'm no Tom
Sandoval.

I did a lot of this one. It's like, it's
real commercial. It's like.

Yeah, that is your go -to.

Oh, no.

Did you do the folded arms, leaning
forward, laughing?

I did.

Like this one, too.

Oh, God, dude, I can't. I'm cringing.

Dee Schwartz is doing pretty good. You
know, he's at that intermediate level,

like that, you know, maybe sophomore
year.

I think on our third look, she was
picking him up to me, and she's like,

did you go to the Tom Sandoval School of
Modeling? And I was like...

No way. Did she really say that? Yeah.
She knew about you. No, she didn't say

that. You asked, dude. He believed you.
Jesus. He was like, oh, she knew about

me.

Dude.

Jax, you were really outspoken about
wanting to break up Katie and Schwartz.

Did you two ever try to talk things out?

Hey. Hi.

How are you?

I'm good.

Listen, I'm meaning to talk to you.

First of all, I just want to apologize
for... for whatever it's worth.

I'm very sorry for spreading those
rumors that Tom slept with a girl in

That was wrong. And I'm also sorry for
being an ass to you for the last few

months. You're a cheater. You're a
cheater. I'm not a cheater. You are the

cheater. You cheater.

Where's your leash? Is Stassi here? Shut
the fuck up, Jack. I hate you.

That was uncalled for.

I don't expect you to be nice to me. I
don't deserve you to be nice to me.

But for my own peace of mind and just
because you deserve it, I just wanted to

apologize. I was angry. I guess it all
stemmed from, like, since Stassi came

back.

You're... demeanor changed a little bit.
How? You weren't around me. I haven't

hung out with you in, like, I don't know
how long. I understand, but it's

just... No, no, that's a cop -out. It's
not a cop -out. And I'm really tired of

hearing that. It's not a cop -out. It's
100 % a cop -out. Okay, well, I'm just

apologizing. I'm telling you why I did
what I did. So why now?

Why are you apologizing now?

Because I wanted to let time pass.

I didn't think it was right, sincere for
me to do it right after the fact. You

wanted to let time pass, or you went to
San Diego and cheated on your

girlfriend. I didn't cheat on my
girlfriend.

Yeah, you did.

No, I didn't.

I think so.

You didn't bring a girl in the bathroom?

I have the girl threw up in the
bathroom, yeah.

And I'm supposed to believe that?

Jax went away for the weekend and
cheated on his girlfriend.

And now he doesn't want that to get out,
so he's got to clean it up. I just

think this is a very opportune time for
you to come apologize.

What, you think I'm going to take this
opportunity to go to last year like you

did with mine?

I told Tiffany everything that happened.
She knows.

I would never do something like that to
her. You would, though. No, I wouldn't.

You would. You were there.

I'm trying to apologize to you, and
you're coming at me with... Because it's

sincere, Jack. It's not sincere. What do
you mean it's not sincere?

I don't buy it. Like, I'm really over
your... That's fine. And it's just

like, nauseating to hear this kind of
stuff. Because it's just so classic to

Jack's behavior.

It's just sad.

First of all, these underwear are dry
clean always.

Schwarz,

you were pre -med for a moment?

Well, I was taking the necessary steps.

To go to med school, and I did graduate,
but I was never cut out to be a doctor,

let's be honest.

Yes, let's. You don't want a scalpel in
my hand. I mean, Schwartz, you can't

even handle seeing me there.

All right, you guys ready?

Not really.

Okay, so we're here today for IVs. I'm
taking these guys. We went out. We've

been kind of partying a little bit
lately.

It's kind of like a little surprise for
you guys. So basically it's like

vitamins we're going to get injected.

Dude. How do you feel about that?
They're administered with needles?

Yeah, they are. I have like a real
visceral fear of needles. Can you please

them that you've done it? Have you done
it? Oh, I have before.

Oh, okay. Yeah, she can do it. You can
do it. It's awesome.

It's great.

You know, in an acting class, they tell
you that it's good to get out of your

comfort zone. But if I'm being totally
honest, I think this might be a little

too far outside of my comfort zone.

So is Tom getting needled up right now,
or just like a... I don't know,

actually. One, two, three.

Done. That's it.

Okay, cool.

Not too bad, right?

No. Schwartz is, like, deathly afraid of
these needles right now.

I am not going to pass up this
opportunity with Schwartz. No, no, no,

no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Ah! Ow!

Ah! Ah!

They're going to freak out.

Dude, are you serious?

They're going to fake it.

Is that real?

Is he kidding?

No, no, no.

It's fine. It's fine. Can you put the
cap on here?

Dude, you better be joking.

It's fine. No, no, no. It's fine. Okay.

Dude, does it hurt?

I can't.

Dude, I can't. It's really nice to be
able to bully Schwartz every once in a

while. Get that fix in.

Why did you scream?

It just hurt, you know?

Needle, man. Did it really?

Yeah, a little bit.

He's an easy target.

Wait, I don't know if I can do this.

It's fine.

Yeah, thanks.

I'm getting like these visceral.

You know, Tom is terrified. I don't know
if he's more terrified of getting a

needle stuck in his arm or marrying
Katie.

It's really easy.

He's freaking out, man. Look at him.
He's freaking out.

Tom's is turning into coffee and Red
Bull.

So let's get the bag prepped for you.
Oh, my God.

Serial.

Doc, be careful. That guy never went
through puberty.

I don't think I'm going to cry.

Is it okay if I cry?

You're not going to pass that on to us,
are you? I don't think so.

Okay.

Just relax.

God,

why is this so hard for me?

Just keep your arms straight for me.

Okay.

And I'm going to freeze it for you so
you don't feel it. Okay.

He's panicking.

Dude, make sure there's no air bubbles
in those tubes. You'll die.

Just a little poke.

Done. That's it.

That was not bad, right?

That's it?

That's it.

Jump in your arm, kid. Okay. Yeah, so
just keep your arms straight.

Holy shit.

I can't believe how scared I got.

I know. It's like I was about to go
skydiving.

You okay?

I think so.

Oh, damn it.

Sheena, has your life changed a lot
since you've married Shay?

Um, other than my name, I don't think
that much has changed. We already live

together. And, I mean, if anything, it's
just happier and blissful.

Well, I hope Shay is a better husband
than dance partner.

I just wanted to talk to you about a
couple wedding things.

One thing I'm still kind of worried
about is I want a really fun, nice first

dance. And Shay has no rhythm and the
father -daughter dance. Like, my dad is

his 50s, this white guy who loves
football.

Excuse me, I'm in my 50s, please. No,
no, no, but I'm saying, like, for God's

sake, I was on Dancing with the Stars.
It nearly killed me.

These are their dance moves.

Oh, what about Gleb?

Oh, my God, that'd be perfect.

Gleb and Lisa became really good friends
after Dancing with the Stars.

Jay and I have met Gleb a few times at
parties. He'll come into Villa Blanca.

Sir, he seems like the perfect person to
teach me the perfect dance.

You might not get married after you
dance with Gleb.

I felt like I was virtually impregnated
when I was dancing on Dancing with the

Stars with him.

I'm not excited at all.

Hey. Hey.

What's up? How are you?

Good. Thanks for doing this.

All right, guys.

So why don't we just start with your dad
problem?

Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight.

You're doing an amazing job.

Club is awesome.

He's really nice.

Not bad to look at.

Clearly a really good dancer.

Kind of just want to watch him perform.

Aw.

Yeah. Aw, sweet.

Oh, I like that.

That's cute.

Oh, man.

I got to twerk a little on my wedding
day. I mean, obvi.

Zay, your turn.

Yeah.

Um, Schwartz, why do you think so many
women still fall for Jax? Jax is a

in the art of telling people what they
want to hear, including myself.

Right.

He's good at it. Does Jax tell you he
loves you?

He has.

That's the deepest thought. I have my
deepest love for Tom.

Aw. Stop.

Dude, those thumbs are burning, man.

Oh, my God. I totally looked at your
phone earlier. I'm not going to lie.

What did it say?

What did it say? It was like...

New York girl, L .A. girl, Miami girl.

I mean, of course I've done a lot of
sexting. Who hasn't? One big boob,

Don't you ever, like, send the wrong
text to the wrong girl? All the time. I

mean, there's been times where I've been
sexting multiple people at a time.

Sure, why not?

This is the one time when we all lived
together.

He was hooking up with a chick named, I
think it was Maria. My mom's name's

Maria. He sent a text to his mom saying,
I want to f*** you.

I mean, I think the only appropriate
response to sexting your mom is to just

light yourself on fire and just jump far
off a building.

Just read it.

Oh, no.

That was the one that was up. It's like,
I want your baby.

Oh, my God.

That's what I thought earlier.

That's what I poured my coffee to.

Listen, Kristen and Sheena are talking
about the sex they saw on Jack's phone.

You don't want to know what I've seen in
Jax's phone. I've seen things that I

can never unsee.

I've seen pictures.

If I'm not being clear enough, I saw
Jax's dick.

Come see me, baby.

I want all of this. I want your babies.
I need to see you, please. I want you to

tell me you want my babies.

Sexting is usually about, like, casual,
consequence -free, like, hot sex.

The last thing you want to do is...

really be in touch with the fact that
you could get pregnant every time you

sex. That is Jackson's line.

He's like, I want to have your baby. And
the girls are like, smoothing,

smoothing. They should make an app for
this.

Like Marcus, and he's like, yeah, we're
done.

OK, there's something I've been wanting
to ask you. Was the bachelorette party

as fun as it looked?

I was having fun with my life in Miami.
I had a lot of fun. It was fun.

In Miami, everybody had a good time.
Everybody got along, which was shocking.

Your things got very revealing one
night.

All right, who is skinny dipping?

Let's do it.

We're at Sheena and Shay's bachelor
party. We're in beautiful Miami at 2 in

morning. We're all about three sheets to
the wind drunk.

Why not? Why not skinny dip?

First of all, these underwear are dry
clean only.

I mean,

we're in Miami, and it is definitely a
full moon.

I'm looking around, and I'm like, where
are the girls?

On past trips, it's usually the girls
that get naked and go skinny dipping.

This year, it's the guys.

I don't know what happened.

I do not skinny dip with guys.

And frankly, I wish the guys wouldn't be
going skinny dipping in front of us

girls. Like, I don't need to see that.

Hey, ladies.

I hope you're enjoying the view. Thanks
for nothing.

Coming up... Don't try and make me look
stupid.

I say we get down to carving some dick.

Kristen, everybody gets a knife and we
just carve. You really want to give me a

knife?

I'm suddenly regretting that knives play
a big part in this game.

This is so good.

Man, I made my balls too small.

Some girls are more into carving balls.

Some are more into carving that head
perfectly. And Kristen is just all about

shaving down that shaft.

Sheena, what did you even do?

Sheena by far has the worst place. I
just made balls.

Sheena has to eat the penis.

Eat it!

Yeah!

Shay's a lucky man.

To Sheena and this amazing week that
we've all had together.

Cheers!

We are back with the gang from

Vanderpump Rules.

Well, I have to ask, Katie, it seemed
like you and Stassi used to do

together. Yeah. Yeah?

Absolutely.

Hi.

Hi. This is so cute.

Welcome to JD Law.

It's a fashion truck.

Oh, wow. There is a new modern miracle
in terms of dresses.

Dresses in truck.

I'm talking about trucks that drive
around.

They carry dresses and jewelry and
handbags, and you can go shop there. I

love this place. I think it's such a
great idea.

It's so cool.

And, like, I feel like you don't have it
anywhere but L .A. Yeah. The dream

would be that it just drives right up to
my doorstep any time I want it.

I mean, I'm going to the beach.

Pick out a bathing suit and a truck.

Ooh, this one is really sexy, too. It
goes, like, over the boob.

Go to a cocktail party.

pick out a dress from the truck.

You have to tell me if this is up my
butt, okay?

Okay.

Oh.

Okay, turn around.

No, not at all.

Actually, I love the sleeves. These are
so cute. Oh, my gosh, you have to get

that. There's so many cute dresses, but
most of all, so much great jewelry.

Why does shopping make me so happy?

Shopping brings me, like, the greatest
pleasure.

Kind of.

Your total for the romper and the four
rings is $146 .06. And just your

signature.

Thank you.

Lisa, how many more years can you see
yourself running, sir?

Well, I don't know.

Ten more years.

Oh, lordy. I don't think I'll be alive
by then.

Jax will be here.

I'll still be muddling Mojito's back.

Thank you. Yeah, of course.

Well, hello. How are you doing? Hi, Lisa
Vanderpump. Todd Johnson.

Good to meet you.

Hi. That's what you do.

A friend of mine in the restaurant
business has used Todd quite a few times

really good results.

I want to make sure that the whole
service and all the staff aren't getting

caught up in their nonsense, kind of
reminiscent of last year's Secret Diner.

So I just want you to kind of really,
you know, test them, you know.

Just kind of put them through their
paces a bit. I want him to go in and

reassure me that everything's okay.

So are you going to go in there for
dinner tomorrow night?

Definitely. I'll be there. I'll pop in
at some point. Sounds great. And then

after you finish, you can give me the
heads up. I love doing this. Thank you

much. Thank you. Really nice to meet
you. Yeah, it's good to meet you too.

It'd be interesting to see what Todd
comes up with, because as the owner and

boss, you can never, ever experience
what the regular customer does.

And that's really important.

Hi. How's it going?

Good, thanks.

What would you suggest I drink? We have
a great sangria. Do you prefer red or

white? I'll take the red. So for Todd to
go in and give me an accurate

description of what's gone down is
something I really value.

Excuse me, I'm ready for a table.

Oh, do you have a reservation tonight?
No, I don't. Okay, that's not a problem

at all. I've got a spot for you in the
room here if you just want to follow me.

Okay, great. Thank you.

I'm used to being the judge and jury and
kind of making the...

Final decisions on everything. I'm just
going to get the crispy chicken.

Perfect. All right, thank you. And
again, I'm Kristen, so can you. Awesome,

thank you. A little holler.

It's not really easy for me to kind of
hand over the reins and listen to maybe

somebody else's criticism, but if it's
good for the restaurant, I guess it's

something I've got to go through.

Where'd that come from? It's got a huge
hair.

Hey, it's good, but I've ended up with
this hair. I don't know. It's not mine.

So can we just redo it? Absolutely.
That's not a problem.

My least favorite part about waiting
tables is waiting tables. One

thing I do hate about serving are the
customers who are the total drama

They just invent problems to get things
for free. Hey, I think I just want to

order some dessert.

Do you want me to wrap it up to go? No,
no, I'm good. What? Really?

I was like, I ate quite a bit of the
other one before I realized what was

on. Cool.

Okay. The guys you do all this literally
hate, I can't.

I've got, who's that?

A whole file?

Are you kidding me? Well, it's usually,
I'm kind of an overachiever. This is

like a little extensive.

Do you have like my gynecologist results
in here?

I've ordered them, but they haven't
arrived.

Are you serious?

What could possibly be in this
manuscript? Is it war and peace?

What you have in here is suggestions.

I usually have 250 to 350 suggestions.

And you're not going to do all of them,
but all the descriptions of why you

should maybe make some changes are in
there. This is overwhelming.

I cannot get through this. Do you know
how much work I have to do? I cannot

possibly get through this.

It's like managers and stuff. But as far
as dinner goes, I had the crispy

chicken. Now that's really good. The
gravy had great flavor, but it was thin

it didn't have any color. The green
beans were barely lash.

cooked of any type. Black potato.

I would suggest take red potatoes and
maybe put them in quarters.

No, no, no, no. I don't want to hear la,
la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

The only thing about the lounge, the
chairs are not very comfortable.

Oh, the chairs are super comfortable.
The little, the little, the little.

chairs are really comfortable. You just
got to get down. Get down there, baby.

Because this is West Hollywood. But I
just wouldn't have wanted to sit there

an extended period of time.

Okay, so I'm not going to listen to
anything.

Really off, you know.

Let me go look at the chairs in his
house, see if I like those.

Make sure that all your customers get a
comment card. Can I give you a comment

card?

Swords, how much easier was your life
when Katie and Sheena buried the

It really simplified things, and it was
a beautiful moment for all of us. But

before that, there were definitely some
issues.

Thanks for the pizza party.

What?

Hey, guys.

So did you guys have so much fun
tonight?

I'm sorry, but the fact that, like,
Jayden and Kristen were there, we were

what in the hell is going on over there?

What do you think Kristen is sitting
with?

Why is she sitting there? Why can't they
be like, your actions are kind of not

okay. You probably shouldn't be here.

Whatever.

How does my friendship with Kristen
affect your life and Sophie's life? How

that affect you guys? Well, why was she
there with you to begin with?

Because she sat down at the fucking
table. She invited herself and sat down

the table.

Stassi is such a fucking bitch. Sorry,
but she was.

Maybe you guys could all take notes from
her. She's grown up.

Everyone doesn't.

That's Stassi's ass like you do, Katie.

I simply just don't give a shit about
being friends with Stassi anymore. It's

always all about Stassi. Katie would
take a bullet for that girl in a

and Stassi would be like, ew, I'm not
getting blood on me for you.

You're the one oddly obsessed with her,
not me.

I respect my best friend enough to not
hurt her feelings.

You like to harbor grudges, bub. It's
not about harboring grudges.

You were agreeing with us, though,
earlier. No, bub, no, I wasn't. You were

agreeing with us earlier.

This is a reoccurring argument with Tom
and I. I want him to have my back more,

and he just wants to be a big pussy and
not have conflict with anyone anytime.

You don't make a big...

deal out of it. This is the guy that's
supposed to be supporting and protecting

me and he's not doing either.

Sitting there with Chris wasn't an ideal
situation that I wanted to be in.

But if that's her issue with me, then
f*** her.

No, if that's her issue with me, then
she needs to f***ing get over it. So

the f*** up. Big f***ing deal.

You f***ing ignored me for so long.
Don't try and make me look stupid. You

f***ing get on my nerves all the f***ing
time.

It's fine.

And you trying to be my friend is
f***ing bullshit.

I'm not trying to be your friend. You
have tried for some No, I used to let

do my hair because you're really good at
it. I see through it. I see through all

the bullshit.

Okay.

What pisses me off about Sheena is that
she keeps running her mouth. She needs

to learn to back the f*** off and stay
the hell out of my business.

I'm sorry, but she f***ing pushed me and
I tried to bite my tongue as long as I

could. But don't make fun of me.

You guys let Katie leave?

Go get your...

You can go, man. What are you doing
here?

I swear to God, I did not know Katie
left. I'm not playing stupid.

Yes, she left a long time ago. Uh -oh.

Coming up. If I could please have your
attention, we're going to take you back

to the beginning.

We're back with Lisa and the staff from
Sir.

The wedding itself was so beautiful.
Thank you. You did such a great job.

Shay had a really good time. He was so
sweet, so nice.

I think Sheena would agree with you.

All right,

everyone, if I could please have your
attention.

Something amazing happened tonight.

The first one out of all of our group of
friends got married.

Shay and Sheena.

Me and Shay and Shay's buddy, Ryan.

we're gonna perform the song that Shay
wrote for Sheena, but the way the

went, it was just too chaotic.

So I'm like, let's do this in a more
intimate environment.

We're gonna take you back to the
beginning.

You catch me running crazy.

You call me baby.

Dude, I can't do this.

You can see the nerves that Shay has,
and he's just trying to get through it,

and he's smiling, a little drunk.

Raise your hand if your panties are wet.

Shayna and Shay are definitely one of
those couples that you just root for.

If you wonder why girls fall for guys
who are musicians, this is it right

It's just the fact that he did this

for me means so much.

I love you so much.

Okay, we have shared a lot of secrets
tonight.

Thanks, everybody. For more with
Vanderpump Rules, go to BravoTV .com.

and have a drink.

Yes.