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1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,304
Previously on...
2
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:04,572
I-I think we can all agree
3
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,807
that Charlie lived life
to its fullest
4
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,742
and-and gave it
everything he had.
5
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,344
Gave me herpes.
6
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,381
I still don't see
why we have to sell.
7
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,582
I mean, he left it to me.
8
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:15,783
Obviously, he wanted me
to have it.
9
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,618
Can you make
the mortgage payments?
10
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,253
Not per say.
11
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,254
Are you okay?
12
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,622
Yeah, I'm fine.
13
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,358
I was just trying
to drown myself.
14
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,493
You tried to
commit suicide?
15
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,960
Yeah.
16
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,962
I had no idea that the water
would be that cold.
17
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,665
I have been
where you are.
18
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,635
Uh, rejected,
friendless, broke.
19
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,869
I'm not broke.
20
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,438
I'm worth, like,
a billion dollars.
21
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,807
Beg pardon?
22
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,375
I just went to one funeral,
23
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,910
I don't want to be
involved in another one.
24
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:46,547
Why don't you and I go out
and have a drink and talk?
25
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,515
About what?
26
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,317
Why somebody would want
27
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,552
to kill themselves when they
have a billion freakin' dollars.
28
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,354
My...
29
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,791
wife dumped me,
and I want to die.
30
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,960
I don't know
31
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:04,732
if I can ever love anyone
the way that I love her.
32
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,235
Oh, it'll be okay.
33
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,344
Oh, God,
I miss my wife!
34
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,611
Guess what.
35
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,780
I had sex
with two girls last night.
36
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:23,484
Great. Um, I masturbated
and cried myself to sleep.
37
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,753
I like my night better.
38
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:29,223
Hey, I dig your house,
so I'm gonna buy it, okay?
39
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,658
O-Okay.
40
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:31,659
You're the best.
41
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,161
Oh. Ugh.
42
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,396
Whoa.
43
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,734
Um, this is Walden.
44
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,206
He's gonna buy
the house.
45
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:48,476
Welcome to
my humble abode.
46
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,814
* Men.
47
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,816
So, what do think?
48
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,485
Will you stay on?
49
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,653
I'd consider it,
if the price is right.
50
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,555
I'd also consider
smothering you
51
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,557
with my sweet, sweet loving.
52
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,659
Well, money is not an issue.
53
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:06,694
Good to know.
54
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,530
Ka-ching.
55
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:10,631
What's down here?
56
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:11,632
Ice.
57
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,168
Mm. I like it better on top.
58
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:17,438
Me, too, puppy.
59
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,106
Anyway, what I
really need is
60
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,841
a housekeeper who's gonna
be here all the time.
61
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:25,213
'Cause, you know, I'm not very
good at taking care of myself.
62
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,315
Oh, I can take care of you.
63
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,284
Oh, I can
take care of you.
64
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,852
Well, my car's all packed.
65
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,454
I guess I'm ready to go.
66
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,888
Great news, Alan.
67
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,558
Berta has agreed to be
my live-in housekeeper.
68
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,559
Really?
69
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,429
Yeah, he talked me into it.
70
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,198
I wonder what his sweat
tastes like.
71
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,699
Well, that is good news.
72
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,868
Uh, here are
a couple of sets of keys,
73
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,370
remotes for the garage,
74
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,339
and remember,
garbage pickup is on Tuesday.
75
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,873
Oh, you take care
of the garbage, right?
76
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,376
Nope.
77
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:58,546
Well, uh, guess it's time
for me to go.
78
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,349
Wait. Come here.
79
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,650
Give us a hug good-bye.
80
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,884
Seriously?
81
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,486
Come on, Alan.
82
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,588
Despite everything, you and me
have been like family.
83
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,623
Uh, I guess.
84
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,791
(chuckles)
85
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,627
I'm taking
your room, Zippy.
86
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,730
Of course you are.
87
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,233
Well, see ya.
88
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,270
I'll walk you out.
89
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,375
I could bite that ass
like an apple.
90
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,877
Well, I hope you'll be
very happy here, Walden.
91
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,879
Thank you. I don't
know if I can be
92
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,514
happy anywhere
without my wife.
93
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,483
Oh, come on,
you're young, you're rich,
94
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,552
and you've got a face
that gives women an erection.
95
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,390
What about love?
96
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,924
What about commitment?
97
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:47,295
What about spending a lifetime
with your spiritual soul mate?
98
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,596
Hey, look, a peephole!
99
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,267
Hello!
100
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,236
Man, I love peepholes.
101
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,739
Well, you know what they say.
102
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,741
People who love peepholes...
103
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,945
are the luckiest people
in the world.
104
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,716
Okay, good luck.
105
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:14,254
Hey, thank you
for all your help and advice.
106
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,789
Oh, you're welcome.
107
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,658
Uh, and if you ever need
a friend to talk to man-to-man,
108
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:18,726
you know where to find me.
109
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,394
Your mommy's.
110
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,296
Only temporarily.
111
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,434
Okay.
112
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,570
Well, uh, if I left
anything here,
113
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:32,573
feel free to, you know, keep it,
throw it away, whatever.
114
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,475
Great. Bye.
115
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,644
Bye.
116
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,650
Bye!
117
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,521
(sighs)
118
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,790
Okay, Walden Schmidt.
119
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:53,594
It is time to start your new
life as a single man in Malibu.
120
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,869
Hello?
121
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,937
Dad?
122
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,743
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
123
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,513
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
124
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:17,351
* Men.
125
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,488
Why are you
unpacking?
126
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,155
Because you told me
I could stay here.
127
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,957
Temporarily.
128
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,626
Yeah, a few days,
a couple of weeks,
129
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,461
a month, tops.
130
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,229
Yeah, right.
131
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,965
Why can't you just stay
with your girlfriend?
132
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,734
Oh, oh, this isn't a very good
time for Lyndsey and I
133
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:34,735
to be moving in together.
134
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:35,936
Why not?
135
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,237
Well, she's going through
136
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,172
one of those phases where,
uh, the very touch of me
137
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,074
fills her with revulsion.
138
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,376
Um...
139
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,378
I-I'm thinking
it's premenopause.
140
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,180
Yes, I'm sure that's why.
141
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,616
Well, just so you know,
142
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,851
I'm not putting my life on hold
while you're here.
143
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,352
Oh, and I wouldn't
expect you to.
144
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,054
Just go on with your life.
145
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,223
Do whatever it is you would do,
as if I weren't here.
146
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,491
Well, I have a date tonight.
147
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,859
Oh, great.
(chuckles)
148
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,294
We'll probably
wind up having sex.
149
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,096
Sure.
150
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,197
Rough sex.
151
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,401
Right.
152
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,403
So, stay away from my bedroom.
153
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:10,538
No problem.
154
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,440
Even if you hear me screaming.
155
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,442
Especially if I hear you
screaming.
156
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,911
Unless I'm repeatedly
screaming "umbrella."
157
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,279
U-Umbrella?
158
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,048
That's my safe word.
159
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,418
Sometimes they can't hear it
through the leather mask.
160
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:30,491
Most moms would've stopped with
"I have a date tonight."
161
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,294
* Men.
162
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,329
Hey, Bridge, it's me again.
163
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,966
What is the name of
that shampoo that I use
164
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,301
that doesn't sting my eyes?
165
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,236
Baby shampoo?
166
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,239
Where do I get it?
167
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,643
Any supermarket.
168
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,880
That is remarkably convenient.
169
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,616
Oh, uh, while I have you
on the phone,
170
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,384
will you take me back?
171
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:02,956
Wow, it's like "no"
is your favorite word now.
172
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,758
Okay, whoa, don't hang up,
don't hang up.
173
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,595
Hey, uh, what is
the toilet paper that we use?
174
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,499
You know, the stuff that's
soft on my tushy like a cloud.
175
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,402
You grow up.
176
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,806
H-Hello?
177
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,980
Hey, Berta, will you
run to the supermarket
178
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:29,082
and get me
baby shampoo?
Sure.
179
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,653
Then I'll sit in the tub
with you and wash your hair.
180
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,688
Oh, Berta.
181
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,891
I miss her so much.
182
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,392
Oh, hey.
183
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,929
Hey, everything's
gonna be all right.
184
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,764
Just wait and see.
185
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:47,400
I've never felt
so bad in my life.
186
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,805
And I never felt so good.
187
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,844
EVELYN:
Don't!
188
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,880
Stop!
189
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,417
Don't!
190
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,687
Stop!
191
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:07,955
What are you doing?
192
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,690
I said don't stop!
193
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,727
I should be on the roof
with a rifle.
194
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,700
Oh. Hey, Walden.
Hey.
195
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,802
Uh, you left some books
in your room.
196
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,436
Oh, thank you.
197
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,405
Um, you didn't have to
drive all the way over here.
198
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,040
Is it really possible
to hypnotize a woman
199
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,441
and make her your slave?
200
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,143
Oh.
201
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,479
That was a, that was a
gag gift for my birthday.
202
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:33,981
(chuckles)
203
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,016
What about Ten Minutes a Day
to Incredible Wealth?
204
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,151
Oh, good, that's
my poop book.
205
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,091
Um, I'd invite you in,
206
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,694
but my mom doesn't let
me have friends over.
207
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:47,861
That's cool.
208
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,564
Mm.
209
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,766
You want to go out
and maybe do something?
210
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,467
What do you
have in mind?
211
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,903
EVELYN:
Umbrella!
212
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,037
Doesn't matter,
let's go.
213
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,039
Umbrella!
Umbrella! Umbr...
214
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,511
ALAN:
Nice car.
215
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,646
What is it?
216
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,480
It's an
electric Fisker.
217
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,449
State-of-the-art
lithium ion technology
218
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,484
supplemented with a
turbo-charged engine.
219
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,686
Solar panels
on the roof.
220
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:13,721
Oh, blue Volkswagen.
221
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:14,788
Punchbug!
222
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,026
So, how much does
something like this cost?
223
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,728
About a hundred grand.
224
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,162
It's great for the environment.
225
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,464
I don't know why anyone
would drive anything else.
226
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,467
Speaking for myself,
bone-crushing poverty
227
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,670
is something of
a stumbling block.
228
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,038
Maybe you could lease.
229
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,142
I got a confession
to make, Alan.
230
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,677
Me, too.
231
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,479
The hypnotism book
wasn't really a gift.
232
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,650
I really came over because...
233
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,551
I was kind of lonely.
234
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:45,853
Oh, sure, sure.
235
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,954
I been there.
236
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,221
A lot.
237
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,023
In fact, I'm there now.
238
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,925
I've never really spent
much time alone.
239
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,694
I've been with Bridget
since high school.
240
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,163
Mm. High school sweethearts.
241
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,765
When I was in high school,
242
00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,000
I was dating a poster
of Molly Ringwald.
243
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,204
You know, back then,
she was crazy in love with me.
244
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,073
I didn't even have
any money then.
245
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,975
Oh, I'm sure
she still loves you.
246
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,043
No.
247
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,579
She's changed.
248
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,815
Her heart has become
cold and angry.
249
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:17,918
Um, you're starting to go
a little fast there, buddy.
250
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,687
(chuckles)
251
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,188
I mean, who just wakes up
one day and all of a sudden
252
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,723
decides they don't want
to be married anymore?
253
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,858
Uh, well, actually,
it only seems that way.
254
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,293
In my experience,
255
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,595
they've been mulling it over
for quite a while.
256
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:31,732
Uh, you know, the speed limit
is 35, and you're going,
257
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,066
oh, oh, 80.
258
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,802
(laughs nervously)
259
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,569
I mean, what ever happened
to till death do us part?
260
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,738
Yeah, who died?
261
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:38,872
Not you, not her.
262
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,573
Oh, good golly, 95.
263
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,574
(tires screeching)
264
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,776
Whoa! Whoa!
265
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,311
This thing really
takes the corners.
266
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,246
I love her, Alan,
and I want her back.
267
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,247
Well, I know you do.
268
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,816
Oh, 103, Walden, 103.
269
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,318
Life is not worth
living without Bridget!
270
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,886
Truck, truck, truck!
(truck horn blaring)
271
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,955
It hurts so much, I
can't take it anymore!
272
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,323
Umbrella!
273
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,590
* Men.
274
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,932
WALDEN:
I'm sorry I scared you
by driving so fast.
275
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,667
That's okay.
276
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,938
I'm sorry I peed a little
on your seat.
277
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,775
Where are we?
278
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,143
We're going
to my house.
279
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,211
I got to talk Bridget
into taking me back.
280
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,212
Oh, no.
281
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,048
No, no, bad idea.
282
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,150
When a woman says she doesn't
want you, begging does not help.
283
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,285
And I say this having spent
more time on my knees
284
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,820
than any straight man
in America.
285
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,757
What is this,
a gated community?
286
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,292
No, it's just
my house.
287
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,761
Wow.
288
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,962
Instead of going
to chiropractor school,
289
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,329
I should have
married a billionaire.
290
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,598
Next time,
you'll know.
291
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,803
BRIDGET:
What are you doing here, Walden?
292
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,772
I just want to talk to you.
293
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,774
Go away or I'll call the police!
294
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,641
"Go away
or I'll call the police."
295
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,643
(chuckles)
Man, that takes me back.
296
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,180
Um, what do you say
I drive us home?
297
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,214
How about that?
298
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,849
I'm not giving up that easy.
299
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,150
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
300
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,752
W-Where...?
301
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,320
You heard what she said
about the police, right?
302
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,655
I'm going to get my wife back.
Come on.
303
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,324
Come on?
What's my part in this?
304
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,126
I need you to help me
over the gate.
305
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,127
O-Okay.
306
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,196
Again, voice of experience here.
307
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,732
Criminal trespass usually ends
with her dating the cop.
308
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,734
Will you just come on.
309
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:17,670
(groans)
310
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,972
Here, give me a hand.
311
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,341
Here, let me go.
I'm going this way.
312
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,010
I got it.
I got it.
313
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,011
(grunts)
314
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,145
Okay, okay.
I got it.
315
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,848
Good luck.
316
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,082
Come on.
317
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,751
Again, come on?
318
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,720
I may need your help
getting in a window.
319
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:34,988
Oh, terrific.
320
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,723
Now I'm Spider-Man.
321
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,860
I got you.
322
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,999
Walden, do not make me
turn that gate on.
323
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,068
W-What does that mean?
324
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,269
Turn the gate on?
325
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,104
Don't worry, she's bluffing.
326
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,274
(both screaming)
327
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,712
(loud thud)
328
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:09,422
I still have
a buzzing in my ears.
329
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,993
I can't hear you, I have
a buzzing in my ears.
330
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,728
God, Walden, what
is wrong with you?
331
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,699
Well, if loving you
is wrong, then...
332
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,869
I am wrong.
333
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,403
It's true.
334
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,372
He talks about you all the time.
335
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,907
(warbling buzz)
336
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,042
Okay, I expect
this kind of thing from him;
337
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,044
he has the emotional maturity
of a 12-year-old.
338
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,279
What's your excuse?
339
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,347
Uh, I live at my mom's,
and she's having
340
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,684
rough sex with a stranger, and
I had to get out of the house.
341
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,323
Honey, I just don't understand
why we can't work things out.
342
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,425
Okay, I'll tell you again.
343
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,460
Oh, this part
is never good.
344
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:50,330
I'm tired of living
with a child.
345
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,300
I'm tired of being
more of a mother than a wife.
346
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,868
Whoa, oh,
whoa, whoa.
347
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,104
You are not more of
a mother than a wife.
348
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,806
Really? Who picks out
your clothes?
You.
349
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,175
Who tells you
when to go to sleep?
You.
350
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,111
Who does all the cooking
and cleaning around here?
351
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,913
The cooking and the
cleaning ladies.
352
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,047
Before we were rich!
353
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,216
You.
354
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,719
Look, Walden, you're a sweet guy
355
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:15,055
and I'll always love you,
356
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,390
but I can't live
with Peter Pan anymore.
357
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,893
Uh, now, now,
to be fair,
358
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,129
uh, Peter Pan
didn't want to grow up.
359
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,398
Uh, from what I understand,
Walden's just never had to.
360
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,002
Sorry.
361
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:33,140
Seemed important
up here.
362
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,509
Down here,
not so much.
363
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,214
Bridget, believe
me, I can grow up.
364
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,349
Oh, please.
365
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,217
At least give me
a chance to try.
366
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,852
(warbling buzz)
367
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:46,853
(warbling buzz)
368
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,888
I gave you 15 years.
369
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,757
It's over!
370
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,825
Okay.
371
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,828
Can I at least play
372
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,530
a little Donkey Kong
with Alan before I go?
373
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,798
Are you insane?!
374
00:14:58,865 --> 00:14:59,866
Get out!
375
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,501
Oh, yeah, fine,
I'm insane!
376
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,769
(wild grunting)
377
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,904
Come on, Alan!
378
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:07,440
Thank you for the water
and the... (warbling buzz)
379
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,811
Hold on.
380
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,214
(door opens, closes)
381
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:15,548
Let's go.
382
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,825
Where does she get off
calling me a child?
383
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,828
Um, you seem a little upset;
maybe I should drive us. Um...
384
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,463
She is a stupid-head.
385
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,199
Oh, oh, white Volkswagen.
Huh?
386
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,500
Huh? Come on.
387
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,037
Oh, wait, wait,
I've got an idea.
388
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:39,006
Why don't we stop,
have a drink and talk about it.
389
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,940
Drinking is not the answer.
390
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,211
No, stopping is the answer!
391
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,216
Oh, dear God,
where is that toilet paper?!
392
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,202
(chuckles softly)
393
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,490
Oh, boy.
394
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,993
(snorts)
395
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,065
Alan?
396
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,101
Yeah?
397
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:44,204
Why are you
lying on top of me?
398
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:47,274
'Cause I didn't want
to be on the bottom?
399
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,280
I think we're naked.
400
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,283
Yeah. You can ignore
what's going on down there.
401
00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,253
That was a
morning reflex.
402
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,191
Could you get it
off of me, please?
403
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:07,026
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
404
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,096
(groans)
405
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:12,932
Do you remember anything?
406
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,501
Uh...
407
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,504
we went to a liquor store,
and then we came back here.
408
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,372
(sighs)
409
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,374
Then we went
skinny dipping.
410
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,409
Right, right.
411
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,411
Whose idea was that?
412
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,045
Mine.
413
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,415
Shh.
414
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,520
* Men.
415
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,924
Okay, your pants
are clean.
416
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,559
Thank you.
417
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,929
Two words for you:
adult diapers.
418
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,632
Look, Walden was driving
ridiculously fast,
419
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,334
and-and I have
a nervous bladder.
420
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,968
Save it, Zippy.
421
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,404
This is not my first
pee stain rodeo with you.
422
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,472
(knocks)
423
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,177
(Australian accent):
Hi. Is Charlie here?
424
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,011
Oh, God, another one.
425
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,948
You deal with it.
426
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,384
Um, hi.
I'm-I'm Charlie's brother Alan.
427
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,318
I'm Penelope.
428
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,453
Is he here?
429
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,456
Uh, maybe you better sit down.
430
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,291
Is-Is everything okay?
431
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,493
Um, no.
432
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,164
Penelope, the-the thing is,
uh, Charlie passed away.
433
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,598
What?
434
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,433
It was very sudden.
435
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,302
Oh, my God.
436
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,337
I'm sorry, he was just
such a terrific guy.
437
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,638
I can't believe he's gone.
438
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,175
Hey, what's going on?
439
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:31,211
Hello, I'm Penelope.
440
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,480
Hi. I'm Walden.
441
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,747
What are you crying about?
442
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,749
I have no idea.
443
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,286
Don't worry about me,
I'll let myself out.
444
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,388
You smell good.
445
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,224
Oh, thank you.
It's baby shampoo.
446
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,092
"What are you crying about?"
447
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,161
(Australian accent):
"I have no idea."
448
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,732
Oh, Bridget. Hi.
449
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,066
Hi.
450
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,468
I came to talk to Walden.
451
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,369
Really?
452
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,404
Yeah, I think maybe
453
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,206
I've been a little
hard on him.
454
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,641
Well, um...
455
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:02,642
Bridget?
456
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,444
Hey.
457
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,745
Walden?
458
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,614
Look who came
to talk to you, Walden.
459
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,615
Your wife.
460
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,383
You're married?
461
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,618
Oh, yeah, long time married.
462
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,619
Uh, they just met.
463
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,387
This is Penelope, my girlfriend.
464
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,456
What?
Shut up and walk.
465
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,360
I'm-I'm glad you came.
466
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,694
Come, sit-sit down.
467
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,264
When I saw you with that girl,
468
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,233
I thought that maybe
she was with you.
469
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,367
(chuckles)
470
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,101
You're kidding, right?
471
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,238
I mean, come on,
Alan's the ladies' man.
472
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,439
He's a total
pickup artist.
473
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,673
ALAN:
Come on!
474
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,775
Charlie's dead,
Walden's married,
475
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,545
what's wrong
with me?!
476
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,514
* Men.
477
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,617
* Men.
478
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,785
So, I was thinking
479
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,420
we could go out to
dinner sometime.
480
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,456
Let me prove that
I can change.
481
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,690
I can be a grown-up.
482
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,692
I guess I owe you
that much.
483
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,094
Sweet!
484
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:58,298
Sorry to interrupt.
485
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,700
I was just on a little jog
with my lady.
486
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,502
Uh, I'll, uh,
487
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,770
get out of your way.
488
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,538
Uh, hold on.
489
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,541
I'm-I'm going to say
good-bye to my guest,
490
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,210
because that's the grown-up
thing to do, right?
491
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,352
Alan, thank you.
492
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,087
You saved my
butt back there.
493
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,855
Oh, I'm glad
things are working out.
494
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,223
I owe you big-time.
495
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,592
If there's anything
that you need,
496
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,160
any way I can help you,
you just let me know.
497
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:34,634
Well, since you mention it,
you could do me a little favor.
498
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:35,635
Name it.
499
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,337
Well, really uncomfortable
500
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:38,805
living at my mom's.
501
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,807
Um, do you think I could
stay here for a few days
502
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,208
till I find my own place?
503
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:43,410
No problem.
504
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,345
Few days, couple weeks.
505
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,379
Yeah, done.
506
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,615
Month, tops.
507
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,149
Whatever.
508
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:51,484
Great, great. Thanks.
509
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:52,852
And, uh, and don't worry,
510
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,554
I'm not one
to overstay my welcome.
511
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,655
Cool.
512
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,461
I'm back.
513
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:04,230
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
514
00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:06,265
The all-new VOLKSWAGEN Jetta.
It's great, for the price
of good. That's das auto.
34093
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