Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:07,041
Rose and Manfred...
2
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,043
She's really doing it.
3
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,144
Rose is getting married.
4
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,213
And we're clear.
5
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,448
Yep. That ought to do it.
6
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,117
Thanks, Freddie.
7
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,919
Who moves you,
Rose, him or me?
8
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:19,853
I love Manny.
9
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,155
Fine.
10
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,091
You just say the word
and I'll go.
11
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,293
Time's up.
12
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,263
Charlie, I am willing
to let you get in
13
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,564
on the ground floor
14
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,433
of an amazing
business opportunity.
15
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,601
How much is this
going to cost me?
16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:34,835
$5,000.
17
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,105
Okay, fine, I'll give
you the five grand,
18
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,574
knowing full well that I'll
never see it again and
wishing that it was you.
19
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:41,709
How much?
20
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:42,710
I think I'll need...
21
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,146
$10,000.
22
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,480
All right.
23
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,949
Although I could make due...
All right?!
24
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,318
How much are we talking about?
25
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,952
$15,000.
26
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,287
Hang on, I'll get
my checkbook.
27
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,756
Tell you what-- let it ride.
28
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,258
Really?
29
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,893
Hey, a 20% return
in a couple of weeks? Come on.
30
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,597
So listen, can anybody get
in on this deal of yours?
31
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,671
You ask for money
and they just give it to you!
32
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,541
And then you take the new money
and use it
33
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,443
to pay back some
of the old money,
34
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,111
but they don't want it back.
35
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,213
And they give you more.
36
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,748
'Cause they're greedy.
37
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:24,552
Oh, God, what have I done?!
38
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,288
* Men.
39
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:44,738
Hi. I'd like a Jumbo Jack
and an apple turnover.
40
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,274
(door slides open)
41
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,543
Do you want fries with that?
42
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,646
Sorry. I didn't realize
there was anybody in there.
43
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:56,250
Um, bless me, Father,
for I have sinned?
44
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,686
Are you asking me
or telling me?
45
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,754
Telling you?
46
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,123
I-I'm sorry. I just not really
sure of the rules.
47
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,958
When was your
last confession?
48
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,794
Oh, wow, let's see...
49
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,163
uh, that would be... never?
50
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,265
Are you even Catholic?
51
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,733
No, but I'm a big fan.
52
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:18,439
The costumes, the music,
crackers and wine.
53
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,041
That's the body and blood
of our Savior.
54
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,776
I know! Mm-mm good!
55
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,178
You guys ever think
56
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,013
about putting that
in supermarkets
57
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,147
like a Lunchable?
58
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,149
What can I do
for you, my son?
59
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:31,084
Oh, right to it.
60
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,553
Okay, just to be clear,
61
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,088
what I tell you
is between you and me.
62
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,123
And the Lord.
63
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,291
Sure, but I'm not worried
64
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,792
about him blabbing.
65
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,093
You I just met.
66
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,496
Couldn't pick you
out of a lineup.
67
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,733
Whatever you say here
is confidential.
68
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,868
And I just drank
a huge Arnold Palmer,
69
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,303
so could you get to it?
70
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,205
Absolutely, absolutely.
71
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,341
Uh, uh, here it is.
72
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,142
Do you know what
a Ponzi scheme is?
73
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,711
I do. Are you
an investment banker?
74
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,012
No, I'm a chiropractor.
75
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,048
A chiropractic Ponzi scheme.
76
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:03,116
Okay, you piqued my interest.
77
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,685
Okay, long story short,
78
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:07,355
I chiseled my family
out of a lot of money
79
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,189
that they're never going
to see again.
80
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:10,824
And you're
feeling guilty.
81
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,260
Bingo.
82
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:15,996
Hey, bingo--
that's your racket, right?
83
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,332
Yeah, that's us.
84
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,967
You've got to like a god
85
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,503
that's willing to put the hustle
on old ladies.
86
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,972
Arnold Palmer's on
the 18th hole.
87
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,840
Right, right, sorry, sorry.
88
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,710
So I was hoping
that you could forgive me.
89
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,246
Are you prepared
to make restitution
90
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,348
and confess what you've done
to your family?
91
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,049
Oh, God no.
92
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:39,019
I was just hoping you could
give me a few Hail Marys
93
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:42,590
and I could make a donation to
the church's legal defense fund.
94
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:43,957
Win-win.
95
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,394
I'm afraid that's not
how absolution works.
96
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,228
You have to make
an act of contrition
97
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,397
and then do penance.
98
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,265
Do I get to keep the money?
99
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,267
No.
100
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,507
Huh.
101
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,108
Uh, you know what?
102
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:04,312
Um, I'm just going to mosey over
to Temple Beth Shalom
103
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,979
and see what their deal is.
104
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,649
I'll get back to you.
105
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,919
Oy vey.
106
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,922
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
107
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:18,292
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
108
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,462
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
109
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,531
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *
110
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,933
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
111
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:29,269
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
112
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,439
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
113
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,814
* Men.
114
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,552
Wow.
115
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,119
Yeah.
116
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,821
That was incredible.
117
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,289
More than incredible--
118
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,291
it was transcendental.
119
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,561
This is where I was
always meant to be, Rose--
120
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,295
right here in your arms.
121
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:59,066
I'm so glad to hear
you say that, Charlie.
122
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,968
Now get out.
123
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,736
So soon?
124
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,105
Manny will be home
any minute.
125
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,475
But I want to cuddle.
126
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,076
You want us to get caught?
127
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,412
This isn't fair.
128
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,746
The two of us
sneaking around
129
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,048
so we can spend
an hour together.
130
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,017
But what can I do?
131
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,719
I have a husband.
132
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,821
Let's go away
for the weekend.
133
00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:21,989
Just the two of us.
134
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,023
Where?
135
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,625
I don't care.
136
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,059
Someplace where we can walk down
the street holding hands.
137
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,861
Where we can laugh together,
play together,
138
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,898
yell at the top of our lungs
and not care who hears us.
139
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,900
So, Disneyland?
140
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:36,103
I was thinking more in terms
of someplace with liquor, but...
141
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,839
That's Manny's car.
142
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,840
I didn't hear anything.
143
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:40,908
It's a Prius.
144
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,545
Just think about
it, okay?
145
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:47,815
A romantic weekend
with nothing for us to do
146
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,618
but make love
and be together.
147
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,387
And, you know, drink.
148
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,124
Yay.
149
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,826
After all these years,
150
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,495
I finally get
a weekend with Charlie.
151
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,198
Did you hear that, hubby?
152
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,435
Up top.
153
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,173
* Men.
154
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,075
Think, damn it.
155
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:18,278
There's got to be a way to lose
the guilt and keep the money.
156
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:19,780
BAD ALAN:
There is.
157
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,315
Leave me alone.
158
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,951
You've made enough trouble
for me already.
159
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,619
Oh, quit your bitchin'.
160
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:28,388
And for God's sake, stop washing
your hands like Lady Macbeth.
161
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,991
I have to wash my hands.
I just peed.
162
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:31,992
So?
163
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,494
So what if I don't wash
164
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,995
and then shake
somebody's hand?
165
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,498
Screw 'em. They were
probably picking their nose.
166
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,768
Now listen to me--
you've got to grow a pair.
167
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,436
I've got a pair.
168
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,271
You've got a pair of panties.
169
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,507
Hey, you can't
talk to me like that.
170
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,442
And stay away from
that darn priest.
171
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,243
I need somebody
to talk to.
172
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,680
That's what
I'm here for.
Dad?
173
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,818
Hey, buddy.
174
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,487
Is there somebody
in there with you?
175
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,822
Oh, no. Nobody but me. See?
176
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,224
Then who were
you talking to?
177
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,460
Oh, I was just singing.
178
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,661
That wasn't singing.
179
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:10,097
Who are you, Simon Cowell?
180
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,199
What do you want?
181
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,567
I need to borrow 50 bucks.
182
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,968
Oh, oh, sure.
183
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,369
The reason I need it
is, me and Eldridge
184
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,138
went to visit this
friend of ours
185
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,340
who's in the hospital,
but he forgot his
book on the bus,
186
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,310
so I lent him mine,
but wouldn't you know it,
he lost that one, too.
187
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,245
So now I have to buy
two math books
188
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,548
'cause he's broke, and there's
this big math test coming up
189
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,483
and we were going to
study together for it.
190
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,058
Oversold it, didn't I?
191
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:45,833
* Men.
192
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,168
(chuckling)
193
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,738
What's funny?
194
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,773
Rose is at a dinner party
with her husband
195
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,441
and she's sexting me
from under the table.
196
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,009
Sexting?
197
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,445
It's like regular texting,
but, you know, dirty.
198
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,949
You see, that's
not a smiley face.
199
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,183
Charming.
200
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,753
Um, listen, I need to talk
to you about something.
201
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,755
Yeah, sure. What's up?
202
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:08,656
(test message chimes)
203
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,423
Oh, you bad girl.
204
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,826
You know that money
you gave to me
205
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:13,994
to invest in my business?
206
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:14,795
Yeah, what about it?
207
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,664
Well, here's the thing.
208
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:20,067
I-I know I said I was
going to buy advertising...
Oh, I almost forgot.
209
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,502
I told Rose about how well
you're doing for me,
210
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,971
and now she wants in.
211
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,038
She does?
212
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,474
Oh, yeah.
And she's loaded, too.
213
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:28,809
Huh.
214
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,844
So what did you
want to talk about?
215
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,547
Uh...
216
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,752
Just that we're making
money up the wazoo.
217
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,155
So you're going to need
a bigger wazoo.
218
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,157
That's great.
219
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,425
(text message chimes)
220
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:46,860
(chuckles)
221
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:50,230
Oh, man, she's not
wearing any underwear.
222
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,032
She texted you that?
223
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,300
Sent me a picture.
224
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,535
Excuse me, but
I gotta respond.
225
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,207
Uh, let me just
give you some privacy.
226
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,709
Where you going?
227
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,644
Who's gonna take
the picture?
228
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,081
* Men.
229
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,718
So, Rose, I appreciate
your interest,
230
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,286
but things are going
incredibly well.
231
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,622
Yeah, I can barely handle
232
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,324
the volume of patients
I have now.
233
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,460
Really? $30,000?
234
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,329
Take it. Take it!
Shh, shh.
235
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,031
We could get
a new car.
236
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,333
Maybe one with
a working radio--
237
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,300
and brakes.
238
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,169
You know what, Rose?
239
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,171
We've been friends
a long time,
240
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,107
so I'm going to make
an exception here.
241
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,709
You're welcome.
242
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,946
Can you wire the money
over today?
243
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,214
I can give it
to you right now.
244
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,817
Whoa!
245
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,919
You surprised me.
246
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:48,288
Oh, Alan, Alan, Alan.
247
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:49,422
What are you doing?
248
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,058
Oh, what do you mean?
249
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,093
I'm-I'm just taking a break
between patients.
250
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,363
Oh, uh, uh...
251
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,932
Chiropractic X-ray glasses.
252
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,103
Cutting-edge stuff.
253
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,237
Oh, please.
254
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,806
There's nobody
in the waiting room.
255
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,307
You don't even have
a receptionist.
256
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,643
Oh, she's off.
It's a Jewish holiday.
257
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,311
Which one?
258
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:14,948
Hava-na-kuchnik.
259
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,151
What are you doing here?
260
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,320
Did you really think
I was going to invest
261
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:21,554
without doing my due diligence?
262
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,724
Everybody else did.
263
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,525
Now I know
what's really going on.
264
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,860
No, you don't.
265
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,862
You're stealing from
your own family.
266
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:32,399
Oh... I guess you do.
267
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,669
Shame on you.
268
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,741
A whistle blower.
269
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:44,244
This could be problematic.
270
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,149
* Men.
271
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,918
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
272
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,652
She's gonna tell Charlie.
273
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,822
Charlie's gonna tell Mom
then Berta
274
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,656
then Herb then Judith.
275
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:59,126
Oh, my God-- Judith.
276
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:04,231
Gotta be something that
I can do. There's got to be.
277
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,233
BAD ALAN: As long as you're
sitting on the toilet,
278
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,868
why don't you whip out
your lady parts and tinkle?
279
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,003
You-- this is all your fault!
280
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,172
I didn't hear you
bellyaching when you were
281
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,908
sitting in your office
watching 3-D beach babes.
282
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,444
Excuse me,
but I am about to go to jail!
283
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,847
You know what happens to
pretty, slender fellas in jail?
284
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,514
Yeah, they usually
hang themselves
285
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,116
after their first shower.
286
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,918
But relax.
287
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:27,220
Rose ain't gonna
tell nobody nothin'.
288
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:31,124
Way I see it, you've got as much
on her as she's got on you.
289
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,893
You're right.
290
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:33,994
She's cheating on her husband.
291
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,797
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
292
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,066
She tells on me, I tell on her.
293
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,468
Criss-cross, apple sauce.
294
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,937
I got nothing to worry about.
295
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:47,040
Herky-jerky,
where's your turkey?
296
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,009
Why do you keep
talking like that?
297
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,878
I'm looking for a catch phrase.
298
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,412
BERTA:
Zippy?
299
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:55,983
Flim-flam, you're in a jam.
300
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,153
Oh, hey!
301
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,822
Somebody in
there with you?
302
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:02,923
Oh, no, no.
303
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,691
Um, how can I help you?
304
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,559
Just brought
your clean towels.
305
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,828
Oh, uh, what about
my washcloths?
306
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,062
I threw those away.
307
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,398
Why?
Do you really
have to ask?
308
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:19,339
Miss you, kiss you,
use a tissue.
309
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,011
* Men.
310
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,383
You're awfully quiet tonight.
311
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:35,188
Now, don't look at me that way.
312
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,891
You knew the deal
when we got married.
313
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,463
(doorbell rings)
314
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,631
Uh-oh.
315
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,833
Shh.
316
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,401
Who is it?
317
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,669
It's Alan.
318
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,371
We need to talk.
319
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,373
Just a second.
320
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,344
Let's go, Rose.
321
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,445
I haven't got all night.
322
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,151
What is wrong with you?
323
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,286
Manny is taking a
nap on the deck.
324
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,621
Oh, well, maybe
I need to, uh, wake him up
325
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:09,957
and have a little talk with him.
326
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,324
About what?
327
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,293
Well, it occurred to me
that you might be tempted
328
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,295
to tell someone about
my little business venture.
329
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:16,663
Oh, you mean your
Ponzi scheme?
330
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:17,865
Knock it off, Rose.
331
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,732
Unless you want me
to tell your husband
332
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,768
that you're having an affair
with my brother.
333
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,036
You wouldn't.
334
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,805
Criss-cross, apple sauce.
335
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,607
What?
336
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:30,210
Doesn't matter.
337
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,946
The point is,
if you tell, I'll tell.
338
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,181
Go ahead.
339
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,448
Tell him.
340
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,450
If my husband leaves me,
I'll still have Charlie.
341
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,619
But if I tell everyone
what you've been up to,
342
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,888
what will you have?
343
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:44,457
Crap.
344
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,760
Oopsie-doopsie,
watch your poopsie.
345
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,064
(bird squawking)
346
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,703
There's a bird
on your husband's head.
347
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,738
Yeah. So?
348
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:00,607
(bird squawking)
349
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,914
Crap.
350
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,049
* Men.
351
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,519
* Men.
352
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,355
This is your husband?
353
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:16,957
This is Manny Quinn?
354
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,692
Oh, my God, Manny Quinn.
355
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,294
Your husband's a dummy.
356
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:25,432
To be fair, he wasn't the one
fooled by a mannequin.
357
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,835
What do you use to get
bird poop off a husband?
358
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,703
Charlie thinks
you're actually married.
359
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,540
Uh, yeah,
that's kind of the idea.
360
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,642
I'm not gonna let you
scam him like that.
361
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,544
I understand.
362
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,212
What's that, Manny?
363
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,647
I hadn't even thought of that.
364
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,949
Thought of what?
365
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,483
What did he--
What are you saying?
366
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,085
How much would you need
to pay back
367
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,819
all the money you stole
from your family?
368
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,488
I didn't steal, they invested.
369
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,222
Fine. How much?
370
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,757
$50,000.
371
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:53,126
Why don't you wait here
and I'll go get my checkbook.
372
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,761
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
373
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,063
I-I am loyal to my brother.
374
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,897
You can't buy my silence
with a check.
375
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,800
You want cash?
You have cash?
376
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,070
I mean, I won't betray Charlie!
377
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:08,175
You may have to kill him.
378
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,212
* Men.
379
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,649
Well, hey, uh, what are you
still doing here?
380
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,351
I need my money back.
381
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:18,952
Why?
382
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,387
Just found out
383
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,155
two of my teenage granddaughters
are pregnant.
384
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,957
At the same time?
385
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,258
By the same guy.
386
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:28,095
Long story short,
I need cash quick.
387
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,262
Uh, o-okay.
388
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,964
Um, how much are we talking?
389
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,633
All of it.
A-All of it?
390
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,734
Is that a problem?
391
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:38,305
No, no, it's not a-a problem.
392
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:42,242
Um... if you want cash,
um, you'll have to wait
393
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,944
till tomorrow,
so I can go to the bank.
394
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:45,845
Tomorrow's fine.
395
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,114
Good, good.
396
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,948
Of course you're gonna
lose quite a bit
397
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,317
by pulling out early.
398
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,320
Yeah, well, if Jimmy
Lee had done the same,
399
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,955
I wouldn't
need the money.
400
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,460
Okay, tomorrow!
401
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,195
Oh, boy.
402
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,597
BAD ALAN:
Don't panic.
403
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,566
In the toaster, numb-nuts.
404
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,869
Okay, Mr. Smart Guy.
405
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,738
How do you suggest
I pay off Berta?
406
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,905
I spent all the money.
407
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:13,706
On what?
408
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,142
Well, you know,
409
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,511
clothing, jewelry, electronics,
a little lipo.
410
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,013
Liposuction?
411
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,881
I had a bit of a muffin top.
412
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:25,552
You know, I actually feel
a lot better about myself now.
413
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,154
Okay, well, um,
414
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,921
then you're gonna
have to get another investor.
415
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,290
What about the goofy chick?
416
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,391
Rose?
417
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,959
She did offer me $50,000.
418
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,561
Why didn't you take it, schmuck?
419
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:37,697
Because if I took it, I would
have to betray my brother.
420
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,998
CHARLIE:
Hey, Alan.
421
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,433
Who you talking to?
422
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,434
Nobody.
423
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,935
Want some toast?
424
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,437
Maybe later. Check it out.
425
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,872
Two first-class tickets
to Paris.
426
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:46,606
We're going to Paris?
427
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,007
Great idea.
428
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,942
Can we leave before
the banks open tomorrow?
429
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,244
What?!
430
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,145
Are you out of your mind?
431
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,646
I'm taking Rose.
432
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,582
Did you know they have
their own Disneyland there,
433
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:56,816
and they serve wine?
434
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,519
But what about her husband?
435
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,654
I'm gonna ask her
to leave him and marry me.
436
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:05,658
Oh, gee, Charlie,
that may not be the best idea.
437
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,594
I don't recall
asking for your opinion.
438
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,063
Hey, hey,
I'm just looking out for you.
439
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,165
Do me a favor,
a little less looking out,
440
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,167
little more moving out.
441
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,170
You're right.
Screw him.
442
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,605
Okay, let's go get that cash
443
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,573
from the crazy chick
who married the mannequin.
444
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,808
She's crazy?
445
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,976
I'm the one talking to
a kitchen appliance.
446
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,514
Hey, look,
I'm trapped in a toaster.
447
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,585
Wait, wait, I'm coming with you!
448
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,689
* Men.
449
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,826
I think that's
everything.
450
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,328
So what did you
tell your husband?
451
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,929
I didn't have to
tell him anything.
452
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,531
He's in New York
for a big fashion show.
453
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,698
Perfect.
454
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,900
So what kind of clothes
he design anyway?
455
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,736
Men's sportswear, mostly.
456
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,870
Anything I might like?
457
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,139
No, it's more the kind of stuff
458
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,140
Alan would wear.
459
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,508
Oh, so, tacky.
460
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:59,512
You know, I think I left
my raincoat in the bedroom.
461
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,747
I'll get it.
462
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,883
Oh, thanks.
463
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,253
Uh-oh.
464
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,093
Whoa.
465
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:19,599
I guess the guy brings
his work home with him.
466
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:22,969
Yep.
467
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,205
Tacky.
468
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,108
I got it!
469
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,412
* Men.
470
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,149
* Men.
471
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,385
Here is your $10,000.
472
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,220
Hope it works out with
your granddaughters.
473
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,054
They're 15 years old
and pregnant.
474
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,558
What should I look forward to,
the next season of Teen Mom?
475
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,028
And that is it.
476
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:51,298
Everybody is paid off.
477
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,132
But you're broke again.
478
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,067
But my conscience is clear.
479
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,237
Dy-no-mite!
480
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,874
The rhyming thing
really wasn't working.
481
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,443
Leave me alone.
482
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,345
All you are is my dark side.
483
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:07,514
Fine, would you rather
listen to your light side?
484
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,081
What are you talking about?
485
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,983
There's more of us
in here, buddy.
486
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:13,019
More?
487
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,887
Oh, really?
488
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,356
That shirt with those pants?
489
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:17,890
What were you thinking?
490
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,929
Okay, who else you got?
491
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,297
Who else do you need?
32880
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof