Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
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Y'all ready for Lil Rel, make some goddamn noise!
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
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[crowd cheers]
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Get ready for Chicago's own...
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The West Side's own...
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Nancy's son...
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Make some noise...
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for Lil...Rel...Howery!
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[cheers and applause]
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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What up, y'all, make some noise! Y'all, what up?!
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[cheers and applause]
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Yeeeeeeeah!
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That's right, I got my fuckin' chest hair out,
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you can't tell me shit.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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You know a nigga in his 40's get comfortable with the
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chest hair out, I don't give a fuck.
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I'm like, "This the last day of summer,
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fuck it, I'mma let this chest hair out."
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I went to church like this and everything.
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I couldn't WAIT to put my offering in, I'm like--
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"I don't want no envelope, I'm puttin' cash in,"
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You know what I mean?
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[Rel laughing]
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Let me tell y'all somethin', I'm so fucking happy right now.
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Give it up for yourselves for comin' out tonight, Chicago!
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[cheers and applause]
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I feel GOOD, this is my fourth special,
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you know what I'm sayin'?
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This is my fourth fuckin' special.
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And I'm at the crib!
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But you know what's funny? I been home, and I've been
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trynna support a lotta black businesses and shit,
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so, you know, I got a black car service...
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that, uh, you know...
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[laughs]
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I gotta be honest, it was some crazy shit.
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First of all, I don't know who my assistant called.
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I don't know who the fuck she hired.
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First of all, this nigga was old as fuck, right?
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And he called me, I don't know if you ever
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had a car service before,
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They supposed to meet you at baggage claim
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with a sign with your name on it.
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This nigga called me. I'm like, "Hello?"
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"Where you at?" I'm like, "What do you mean, where you at?"
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I'm like, "Who is this?" "Who is THIS?"
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It's like, "Nigga, I'm-- it's me. Who is you?!"
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"Oh, oh, you my client. Hey, where you at?"
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[laughter]
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I said, "What you--"
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I walk outside, this nigga drivin' a limo.
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First of all, I ain't been in a limo since six funerals ago.
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You know what I'm sayin'?
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[laughter]
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Like, it was a full-blown LIMO-ZINE, ya know what I mean?
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Nigga out there with that headset on there.
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You know the Bluetooth with the headset like this?
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Nigga look like you work for customer service,
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you know what I'm sayin'?
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Nigga waving at me like he my uncle and shit.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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I get over there, that nigga already shaking and shit
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cuz he's old as fuck.
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So I got my luggage, and I'm like, "Hey, man,
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you want me to put it in the trunk myself?"
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he's all, "I got it, goddammit,"
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and he slapped my hand.
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[laughter]
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He said "I picked up Dr. King!"
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I'm like, "What the fuck that supposed to mean?"
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He started picking that shit up,
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He was shaking his ass off.
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This old-ass nigga had to lay in the trunk with the luggage
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to get in there. That nigga's--
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[laughter]
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He had to lay in there with it and shit.
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[laughter]
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He got stuck. He had to call me on the Bluetooth.
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"Hello? Hey!
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[laughter]
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Where you at?"
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"Whatchu mean, where I'm at, I'm in the car!"
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"Hey, man, come out here and come get me
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if you wanna get where you're goin'."
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[laughter]
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Nigga had on pastor boots and shit when I walked out there.
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You know, the boots that zip up.
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[Rel laughing]
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We get in that fuckin' limo,
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I guess this nigga thought... [laughs]
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You know, old people don't know how to use Bluetooth.
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We in the limo, I could hear the whole conversation
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'cause he didn't realize the shit transferred to the speakers
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from that big-ass Bluetooth.
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[laughter]
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He on there arguin' with his wife and shit.
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She like, "I need some toilet paper!" "You'll get it,
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goddammit, I'm almost there."
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I tried to tell him, "Hey, brother, the Bluetooth,
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I can hear your conversation."
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He go to try to raise the partition up
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like that's what it was.
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[laughter]
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You know, that shit was old as fuck, 'cause it's a limo.
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It's an old-ass limo.
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"Nigga, you got that from A.A. Rayner, motherfucker?!"
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[laughter]
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Got me in a funeral limo.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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Had this nigga take me to Walgreens and shit.
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I'm like, "Where the fuck you taking me and shit?"
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I knew he was on some bullshit.
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'Cause this the thing about it.
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This how you know you're in a sketchy neighborhood.
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And let me say,
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it's a little confusing now in Chicago,
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especially out West 'cause... it's kind of gentrified,
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but it's not gentrified.
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[laughter]
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Like, Chicago weird.
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It's like they couldn't get rid of all the dope fiends.
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Them niggas still walking around.
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But seeing white people not scared of dope fiends is the
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weirdest shit in the world to me.
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You see somebody walk a poodle, and nigga doing this shit.
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[laughter]
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They be walking past like they don't even see 'em and shit,
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"I don't give a fuck."
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[laughter]
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I saw a nigga get mad,
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"What the fuck happened to the neighborhood?!"
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[laughter]
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Nigga dope fiend walking around with that goddamn store bag.
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You know that bag?
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You don't know what store it came from,
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it's just a black bag full of shit.
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[laughter]
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They got chicken and Airborne in there.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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I went to this ghetto-ass Walgreens and shit.
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I just needed some deodorant.
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But you know how you in a fucked up Walgreens
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when they lock everything up.
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That's how you know that shit.
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[laughter]
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When you got to ring that fuckin' doorbell to get it, nigga.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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Got to ring that fuckin' doorbell.
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Ding dong!
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[laughter]
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You know the nigga with the key be irritated.
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"Oh, goddamn, what?
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[laughter]
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What the fuck you want?
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Hurry up and tell me what you want, man.
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[laughter]
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Show me the money first."
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You're like, "What?"
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[laughter]
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"Show me $6.97!
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[laughter]
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I ain't unlockin' SHIT 'til you show me $6.97.
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You know what I'm sayin', T?"
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[laughter]
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He unlocked that shit with an attitude
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'cause you know that shit be poppin' back.
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"Hurry up or it'll snap back!
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Hurry up!
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[laughter]
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Hurry up and snap it back, motherfucker!"
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[laughter]
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Nigga be nosy as hell,
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"Whatchu musty or somethin'?"
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"None of your fuckin' business!
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[laughter]
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Give me the Cool Rush and shut the fuck up."
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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I would'a went to the Dollar Tree,
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but that shit look scary as hell.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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Them Dollar Trees be lookin' scary,
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You don't know if it's open or not, you ever
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go to the Dollar Tree like, are they open?
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[laughter]
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Too many niggas outside with a tank top.
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[laughter]
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Niggas be trynna hold the door for you,
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"Oh, I got you. Go ahead, man.
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[laughter]
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Oh, no, fam.
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You good, fam?
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Go ahead, go ahead."
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[laughter]
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They ain't never got shit in order at Dollar Tree.
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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"Where the waters at?" "Uh, next to the diapers."
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Why?
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Why?
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Why?!
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[laughter]
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Like, it's a bunch of niggas that can't read that work there.
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They don't know where to put that shit at.
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[laughter]
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Glad y'all laughin' at this shit.
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Glad I'm home. I got a real haircut, shit.
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Man, I've been fucked up for like two weeks.
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I just shot two movies.
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And I trusted white people cuttin' my hair.
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I was like, "Fuck it."
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I got me a nigga to cut my hair today.
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I'm so happy.
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Y'all just don't even fuckin' know.
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'Cause my barber, this nigga went on
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vacation before I came out here, which is so fuckin'--
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I said, like--
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I'm paying him too well.
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You on vacation?
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God damn, nigga.
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How good you doing?
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You making more than you're - --, huh?
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[laughter]
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That nigga had me fucked up
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'cause he wasn't answering the phone.
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I was calling the shit out of him.
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I showed up at the shop like I was his
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baby mama with my arms folded.
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"Reggie in here?"
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My arms was folded. "Where Reggie at?"
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You know, that's the baby mama arms.
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"Where he at?"
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[laughter]
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[Rel laughing]
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Fuck out of here.
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He wasn't there.
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Then all the other barbers I like was all...
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They all had clients.
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They always get that one free nigga.
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He be happy as hell.
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"I'll take ya!"
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You know, do all this...
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He be cleaning the shit out that chain.
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Nobody sat there in weeks.
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"I'll take ya."
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He got to plug all his shit in because he ain't had nobody.
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He got to put his jacket on and shit.
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Yeah, sit with this nigga.
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He ain't cut--
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He nervous as fuck because he ain't cut nobody in weeks.
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He be trying to small talk his ass off.
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"Oh, so, okay, love, what you got going on today?"
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What the fuck?
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Just cut my fuckin' hair.
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Don't talk to me.
266
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,226
Sitting there,
267
00:09:55,226 --> 00:09:56,426
This nigga fucked me up, too.
268
00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:56,993
Because let me tell you this.
269
00:09:58,459 --> 00:10:00,259
I'm about to be 45, so I'm on the last leg of my hair.
270
00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:00,626
You can't--
271
00:10:01,659 --> 00:10:01,959
I can't do no more fuck-ups.
272
00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,159
You nicking me this time, the
273
00:10:05,159 --> 00:10:06,159
rest of that shit going back there.
274
00:10:06,159 --> 00:10:06,826
You know what I mean?
275
00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,426
Anybody who bald in here know what the fuck I'm talking about.
276
00:10:11,593 --> 00:10:12,593
You remember your last haircut?
277
00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:16,726
Nigga sent you back.
278
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,559
The rest of your hair be like,
279
00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:20,559
"All right, guess we going back here.
280
00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:21,226
Come on, y'all.
281
00:10:23,226 --> 00:10:24,493
Come on, y'all.
282
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:25,493
He fucked us up."
283
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,559
[laughter]
284
00:10:34,059 --> 00:10:35,793
Motherfucker, nicked the shit out of my ass.
285
00:10:36,893 --> 00:10:38,026
I knew it because I heard it.
286
00:10:39,359 --> 00:10:40,493
You know, 'cause let's think about it.
287
00:10:40,493 --> 00:10:41,659
Like, black--
288
00:10:41,659 --> 00:10:42,926
I love being black because we
289
00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:43,526
can hear when somebody fuck us up.
290
00:10:45,259 --> 00:10:47,093
I feel bad for white people because they only get the scissors.
291
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:48,226
They shit be quiet as hell.
292
00:10:48,226 --> 00:10:49,059
They just get them scissors.
293
00:10:50,793 --> 00:10:52,193
That shit be silent.
294
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,059
They don't know what the fuck goin' on.
295
00:10:54,726 --> 00:10:55,659
They don't know what they got 'til they twisted them around.
296
00:10:55,659 --> 00:10:56,693
"All right, Voila!"
297
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,193
They don't know what the fuck going on.
298
00:11:02,193 --> 00:11:02,659
Oh, shit.
299
00:11:05,026 --> 00:11:06,993
You can hear them clippers fuck you up because that shit
300
00:11:06,993 --> 00:11:07,926
[imitating clippers]
301
00:11:07,926 --> 00:11:08,859
That's a good sound.
302
00:11:08,859 --> 00:11:10,459
[imitating clippers]
303
00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:12,259
I heard...
304
00:11:12,259 --> 00:11:13,226
[guttural noise]
305
00:11:13,226 --> 00:11:13,459
What the fuck was that?
306
00:11:14,793 --> 00:11:16,059
That nigga cut the lights out in the shop
307
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,193
so I couldn't look in the mirror.
308
00:11:18,393 --> 00:11:19,759
"Motherfucker, what you do to me?!
309
00:11:20,993 --> 00:11:22,293
Cut the lights back on, nigga!"
310
00:11:27,059 --> 00:11:28,493
This is how I knew he fucked me up.
311
00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:29,893
When he started stepping away from me and shit,
312
00:11:31,393 --> 00:11:32,393
that nigga was examining me from all types of the--
313
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,759
He kept changing guards and shit.
314
00:11:34,759 --> 00:11:36,759
[tapping on microphone]
315
00:11:36,759 --> 00:11:38,226
"Anybody got number seven?"
316
00:11:38,926 --> 00:11:40,593
[laughter]
317
00:11:43,626 --> 00:11:44,826
This is why I knew he fucked me-
318
00:11:44,826 --> 00:11:45,826
The brother went, "Aw, naw.
319
00:11:45,826 --> 00:11:47,093
You good? Go home, man.
320
00:11:47,093 --> 00:11:47,893
It's all good. Happy birthday."
321
00:11:48,626 --> 00:11:49,859
Shit, man.
322
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:49,993
It ain't my fucking birthday.
323
00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:52,159
[laughter]
324
00:11:56,493 --> 00:11:57,793
Bullshit-ass fuckin' barbers.
325
00:11:57,793 --> 00:11:58,693
Sick of these niggas.
326
00:12:00,493 --> 00:12:01,959
I hate tall-ass barbers, too.
327
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:03,093
They get on my fuckin' nerves.
328
00:12:04,493 --> 00:12:05,459
Nigga should be playing in the summer league.
329
00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:05,959
He cutting hair.
330
00:12:09,593 --> 00:12:11,793
You know, 'cause they got that tall-ass torso.
331
00:12:13,459 --> 00:12:14,493
So you be sitting there, it'll be all dick-first team.
332
00:12:16,959 --> 00:12:18,526
You be scared to turn your head and shit.
333
00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:22,126
Everywhere he go, you try to move and shit.
334
00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:24,693
Nigga, grab your head like you're a little kid and shit.
335
00:12:24,693 --> 00:12:25,393
"Sit still."
336
00:12:30,426 --> 00:12:31,726
I hate them aggressive-ass barbers.
337
00:12:31,726 --> 00:12:32,459
"Nigga, sit still."
338
00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:35,293
Nigga, grab you like you seven and
339
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,626
your mama coming to pick you up.
340
00:12:36,626 --> 00:12:39,659
[laughter]
341
00:12:41,359 --> 00:12:46,126
[Rel laughing]
342
00:12:49,359 --> 00:12:51,626
Fellas, it's fucked up, because
343
00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:53,726
you know, we can't just throw a wig on.
344
00:12:54,493 --> 00:12:56,459
[laughter]
345
00:12:59,126 --> 00:12:59,793
We can't.
346
00:13:01,226 --> 00:13:03,426
They never made a successful man wig, ever.
347
00:13:05,059 --> 00:13:06,093
I'm sick of this shit.
348
00:13:06,093 --> 00:13:07,326
We should get some wigs.
349
00:13:07,326 --> 00:13:08,793
I should be able to get me a fuckin'
350
00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,159
high-top fade for no reason if I feel like it.
351
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,226
I'd love to go to the beauty supply,
352
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:16,126
"Oh, shit, you want the 'Bobby Brown.' Hold on.
353
00:13:17,993 --> 00:13:20,059
Hell yeah, niggas been wearing the fuck out of these slopes.
354
00:13:21,393 --> 00:13:22,759
I guess it's a 90's party tomorrow, so
355
00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:24,293
today everybody's got to have fades."
356
00:13:31,626 --> 00:13:33,659
Give me that 'Denzel training day.' Hell yeah.
357
00:13:35,626 --> 00:13:36,593
You go 360s.
358
00:13:37,293 --> 00:13:40,426
[laughter]
359
00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:45,593
[Rel laughing]
360
00:13:49,926 --> 00:13:50,859
Wig game.
361
00:13:53,593 --> 00:13:56,159
I'm glad school just started back. Thank God.
362
00:13:57,626 --> 00:13:58,759
These kids back at the fuckin' school,
363
00:13:58,759 --> 00:13:59,993
I forgot how hungry they be.
364
00:13:59,993 --> 00:14:01,126
Don't you forget that in the summer?
365
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:03,059
Like, "Oh, shit, I'm supposed to feed you."
366
00:14:06,026 --> 00:14:08,593
I used to just give you something at 5. You here all day now, huh?
367
00:14:12,926 --> 00:14:16,559
Them kids be hungry as hell walking up to you at 2:30.
368
00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:17,259
"Excuse me.
369
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,526
You ain't got no snacks or nothing?"
370
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,693
"No, nigga, it ain't five o'clock!
371
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:22,459
Shit."
372
00:14:29,359 --> 00:14:31,026
My damn kids are getting big.
373
00:14:31,026 --> 00:14:33,726
Motherfucker, I got teenagers now and shit.
374
00:14:34,926 --> 00:14:35,993
Teenage daughter-- first of all,
375
00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:38,693
having a teenage girl is so fuckin' weird.
376
00:14:38,693 --> 00:14:40,126
They are always so fuckin' irritated.
377
00:14:41,026 --> 00:14:42,226
Goddamn.
378
00:14:43,893 --> 00:14:45,859
You can't even speak to them without them getting an attitude.
379
00:14:46,726 --> 00:14:47,659
I'm like, "Good morning."
380
00:14:47,659 --> 00:14:49,193
[Aggressively sighs]
381
00:14:49,193 --> 00:14:49,659
"You know somethin', never mind! Goddamn!
382
00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:52,593
Just speaking to your mean ass, shit."
383
00:14:58,393 --> 00:15:00,159
And I get my kids for the summer 'cause, you know,
384
00:15:00,159 --> 00:15:02,093
I'm divorced, so I'm a summertime dad.
385
00:15:03,526 --> 00:15:04,893
You know, these niggas coming for the summer, they--
386
00:15:06,093 --> 00:15:07,026
you know, 'cause dads ain't shit.
387
00:15:07,026 --> 00:15:08,259
All the other dads--
388
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:10,459
You take 'em to the grocery store, like
389
00:15:10,459 --> 00:15:11,393
"Get whatever you want.
390
00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:12,759
That's what you gon' eat.
391
00:15:12,759 --> 00:15:13,359
I don't give a fuck. I ain't making shit."
392
00:15:15,259 --> 00:15:16,859
You want to eat Oodles and Noodles all summer?
393
00:15:16,859 --> 00:15:17,593
It's on you, playboy.
394
00:15:20,059 --> 00:15:21,526
Y'all pick out whatever y'all want. I'll be
395
00:15:21,526 --> 00:15:22,959
at the register. Shit, I don't give a fuck."
396
00:15:24,726 --> 00:15:26,359
My seven-year-old walkin' with all these goddamn...
397
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,726
[Rel laughing]
398
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,259
Walkin' with a whole thing of Ritz crackers.
399
00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:30,626
"Alright, is that what you want for the summer?"
400
00:15:33,026 --> 00:15:34,859
Walkin' around, he done took them out the box.
401
00:15:34,859 --> 00:15:36,459
Alright, I gotta really pay for this shit now.
402
00:15:36,459 --> 00:15:38,826
[laughter]
403
00:15:43,893 --> 00:15:45,726
My daughter. Shit!
404
00:15:45,726 --> 00:15:47,259
Teenage girl.
405
00:15:47,259 --> 00:15:48,526
All she wanna do is make TikToks all fuckin' day.
406
00:15:50,359 --> 00:15:52,093
She be propping that phone anywhere, just fuckin' TikTok-in', and...
407
00:15:52,093 --> 00:15:53,359
[laughter]
408
00:15:53,359 --> 00:15:55,226
doing all that weird shit they be doing.
409
00:15:58,159 --> 00:16:00,293
She be propping that shit anywhere, you know what I mean?
410
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,193
So you don't know where the fuck they be in your house.
411
00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:05,993
I went to her TikTok to make sure she wasn't on no bullshit.
412
00:16:07,326 --> 00:16:08,559
And I'm looking, I'm in the background in
413
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,493
so many of her fuckin' TikToks,
414
00:16:09,493 --> 00:16:10,459
minding my business.
415
00:16:11,693 --> 00:16:12,959
'Cause you don't know where they be
416
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:14,493
propping that shit in the house.
417
00:16:14,493 --> 00:16:15,126
You know, they be in that door, that shit everywhere.
418
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:17,993
I'm in the background in my drawers, going through cabinets and shit,
419
00:16:17,993 --> 00:16:19,193
[laughter]
420
00:16:19,193 --> 00:16:20,426
minding my fuckin' business!
421
00:16:20,426 --> 00:16:22,293
[laughter]
422
00:16:36,826 --> 00:16:38,993
[Rel laughing]
423
00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:44,993
Then my daughter, I think she phony as hell too, 'cause...
424
00:16:46,693 --> 00:16:48,126
'Cause you know, you know, 'cause this-- on some real shit,
425
00:16:48,126 --> 00:16:50,493
I love Britney, but she ghetto as fuck.
426
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,493
And this is what I dont understand.
427
00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:54,793
I don't know any other parents going through this,
428
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:56,559
you do all this shit to do well in life
429
00:16:56,559 --> 00:16:58,759
So your kids don't have to live or grow up how you fuckin' did.
430
00:17:00,593 --> 00:17:02,226
And these niggas still want to be ghetto for no fuckin' reason.
431
00:17:03,126 --> 00:17:03,793
For no fuckin' reason.
432
00:17:05,426 --> 00:17:07,793
We live in a suburb, you go to a private school
433
00:17:09,026 --> 00:17:10,926
you want to be this shit. Why? Why?
434
00:17:13,459 --> 00:17:14,526
And I know she ghetto.
435
00:17:16,193 --> 00:17:17,593
But she got a fake voice for me.
436
00:17:17,593 --> 00:17:18,859
I don't know if your kids do that shit
437
00:17:18,859 --> 00:17:19,826
where they got they voice for you.
438
00:17:21,026 --> 00:17:22,426
"Hey Dad, love you Dad, Dad, Dad."
439
00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:25,559
Get the fuck outta here, you don't talk like that.
440
00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:28,826
You got fucking baby hairs and braids, you motherfucker.
441
00:17:31,226 --> 00:17:33,159
"Hey Dad," come on now.
442
00:17:37,193 --> 00:17:38,359
I know she don't talk like that.
443
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,193
So one day I tried to fool her, right?
444
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:42,593
I was like, you know-- I told her I was going
445
00:17:42,593 --> 00:17:43,959
to the store so I could hear her real voice.
446
00:17:43,959 --> 00:17:45,093
I'm like, "Hey, I'm 'bout to run to the
447
00:17:45,093 --> 00:17:45,993
store, you need anything?"
448
00:17:45,993 --> 00:17:46,926
"No, I'm good Dad."
449
00:17:47,693 --> 00:17:48,526
"Alright, bye."
450
00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:50,493
And I left and I heard her,
451
00:17:50,493 --> 00:17:51,826
"That goofy ass nigga
452
00:17:51,826 --> 00:17:55,293
lame as hell. My daddy lame as hell.
453
00:17:56,593 --> 00:17:58,426
Period. Lame, period."
454
00:17:58,426 --> 00:17:59,693
Like...
455
00:17:59,693 --> 00:18:01,559
"I knew it, motherfucker!"
456
00:18:02,259 --> 00:18:03,993
[laughter]
457
00:18:15,126 --> 00:18:15,993
[Rel laughing]
458
00:18:17,259 --> 00:18:18,259
Yeah, but you know, I got a...
459
00:18:19,759 --> 00:18:22,959
My son, he's 14, he just got the bass in his voice.
460
00:18:24,159 --> 00:18:25,993
Ooh shit, that nigga just got that shit.
461
00:18:27,726 --> 00:18:28,926
It sound disrespectful when they first get that shit too.
462
00:18:30,159 --> 00:18:31,626
You know what I mean?
463
00:18:31,626 --> 00:18:33,059
And then like with him, I don't know if this--
464
00:18:33,059 --> 00:18:34,526
look, I know this sounds fucked up, but
465
00:18:34,526 --> 00:18:36,393
any kid, especially boys
466
00:18:36,393 --> 00:18:37,793
when they first get that first voice,
467
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,393
it sound like they don't know how to
468
00:18:40,393 --> 00:18:41,193
talk for real. This nigga sound like a slave.
469
00:18:43,259 --> 00:18:45,393
'Cause he ain't used to it yet, you know what I mean?
470
00:18:45,393 --> 00:18:46,826
I walked into his room like, "Good morning"
471
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,193
[deep voice] "Good morning, Daddy.
472
00:18:49,659 --> 00:18:50,859
[deep voice] Good morning."
473
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:53,793
I said, "who the fuck is you?"
474
00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:55,426
[deep voice] "Who-- it's me, Daddy.
475
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:56,459
[deep voice] Judah, Daddy.
476
00:18:57,726 --> 00:18:59,593
[deep voice] It's me...
477
00:19:00,993 --> 00:19:02,293
[deep voice] It's me, Pa."
478
00:19:02,293 --> 00:19:03,259
Pa?!
479
00:19:07,059 --> 00:19:09,393
"The fuck was you watching last night, 'Roots?'"
480
00:19:11,059 --> 00:19:11,826
[deep voice] "I ain't watch no here 'Roots,' Daddy.
481
00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:20,359
[deep voice] It's me, Daddy."
482
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,193
Fuckin' teenage boys, man.
483
00:19:32,059 --> 00:19:33,359
And then you know,
484
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:34,693
when you have a teenage boy,
485
00:19:34,693 --> 00:19:35,459
especially when you're a man,
486
00:19:35,459 --> 00:19:36,159
you know...
487
00:19:36,159 --> 00:19:36,526
you...
488
00:19:37,159 --> 00:19:38,393
[sighs]
489
00:19:38,393 --> 00:19:39,626
you be wondering if, you know--
490
00:19:39,626 --> 00:19:40,093
okay, this is what happened, okay?
491
00:19:41,793 --> 00:19:43,859
'Cause you like-- I know I was different than this nigga
492
00:19:43,859 --> 00:19:45,126
when I was 14.
493
00:19:45,126 --> 00:19:46,559
So, I went to get his laundry,
494
00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:49,759
right? And I saw those fucking drawers.
495
00:19:51,093 --> 00:19:52,459
I was like, "Look, I know I wiped my
496
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:53,793
ass better than this when I was 14."
497
00:20:00,059 --> 00:20:02,359
And you know, when you a dad, you a little sensitive to it.
498
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:03,726
You pull him to the side, "Hey,
499
00:20:03,726 --> 00:20:05,159
come here. Hey, hey, hey, come here.
500
00:20:06,893 --> 00:20:08,259
Hey, man, what the fuck? You better burn these or throw these
501
00:20:08,259 --> 00:20:09,859
away, man, 'fore your mama see 'em.
502
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:11,926
You know, I'm just trynna
503
00:20:11,926 --> 00:20:13,193
keep it real with you.
504
00:20:13,193 --> 00:20:13,893
I don't want you to get in trouble."
505
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:16,426
'Cause you know, mamas are mean,
506
00:20:16,426 --> 00:20:18,793
then-- mamas don't give a fuck.
507
00:20:22,426 --> 00:20:23,959
Mamas don't give a-- you could have a house
508
00:20:23,959 --> 00:20:25,459
full of company, a bunch of people in there.
509
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:27,793
She see them drawers, like, "Uh-uh.
510
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,093
UH-uh.
511
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:29,659
UH--
512
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:30,459
UH."
513
00:20:32,393 --> 00:20:33,626
She go in the living room,
514
00:20:33,626 --> 00:20:35,526
"UH-UH, what the fuck is THIS?!
515
00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:38,793
You don't know how to wipe your ass?
516
00:20:39,659 --> 00:20:40,526
Huh?!
517
00:20:41,593 --> 00:20:43,126
You didn't smell this?
518
00:20:45,859 --> 00:20:46,693
HUH?!
519
00:20:48,093 --> 00:20:49,493
Do I gotta put you back on a fuckin' potty?
520
00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:50,926
HUH?!
521
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,493
You are four-TEEN.
522
00:20:54,693 --> 00:20:57,459
You want me to wash these?
523
00:20:58,893 --> 00:21:01,193
You need some pantyliners, motherfucker?!"
524
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,793
[laughter]
525
00:21:05,626 --> 00:21:07,926
"This is disgusting."
526
00:21:11,159 --> 00:21:12,626
She start talking to other mamas,
527
00:21:12,626 --> 00:21:14,893
"Does yo' boy do this?! Do yo' boy do this?!"
528
00:21:15,826 --> 00:21:18,126
[laughter]
529
00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:25,126
Mamas be mean than a motherfucker.
530
00:21:26,426 --> 00:21:28,993
"Who in here's musk stink?"
531
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:34,726
You be in your car on the way to school
532
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:37,793
"One of y'all musk stink!"
533
00:21:43,293 --> 00:21:45,126
You done got out the car and everything.
534
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:47,226
She go and roll the window down,
535
00:21:47,226 --> 00:21:47,859
"Yo musty ass!
536
00:21:48,693 --> 00:21:49,326
Come here!
537
00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:50,426
COME HERE!
538
00:21:52,126 --> 00:21:54,059
And put on this Suave.
539
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,393
Put this Suave on.
540
00:22:02,426 --> 00:22:03,693
'Cause you musss
541
00:22:03,693 --> 00:22:05,259
sssty."
542
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:10,826
[laughter]
543
00:22:17,393 --> 00:22:18,826
[Rel laughing]
544
00:22:25,526 --> 00:22:27,526
And them the new mamas, you know what I'm sayin'?
545
00:22:29,826 --> 00:22:30,659
Shit, you know,
546
00:22:32,026 --> 00:22:33,493
I grew up in the 80s, so I had an 80s mama.
547
00:22:34,826 --> 00:22:36,259
You know, you grew up with a mama in the
548
00:22:36,259 --> 00:22:37,726
80s, that's when all the women was smokin'.
549
00:22:42,193 --> 00:22:43,693
You know, so they had them goddamn voices.
550
00:22:43,693 --> 00:22:44,626
[raspy] "Yeah, yeah, okay,"
551
00:22:44,626 --> 00:22:45,626
You know that shit.
552
00:22:47,926 --> 00:22:49,026
They was mad as hell,
553
00:22:49,026 --> 00:22:50,426
[raspy] "Ohhh, okay!"
554
00:22:51,893 --> 00:22:53,293
You come in, "Hi, Mama."
555
00:22:53,293 --> 00:22:53,893
[raspy] "No no, don't 'Hi Mama' ME!
556
00:22:55,193 --> 00:22:56,593
[raspy] Take off your bookbags,
557
00:22:56,593 --> 00:22:58,059
[raspy] take off your school clothes,
558
00:22:58,059 --> 00:22:58,193
[raspy] do your homework, and go to bed!"
559
00:23:02,693 --> 00:23:04,393
"Damn, Mama, it's only 3:15."
560
00:23:04,393 --> 00:23:06,259
[raspy] "I don't give a fuck. Go to bed!
561
00:23:06,993 --> 00:23:08,359
[raspy] NOW!
562
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,226
[raspy] NOW!"
563
00:23:19,259 --> 00:23:20,826
You be trynna watch cartoons.
564
00:23:20,826 --> 00:23:22,293
[raspy] "What the fuck are y'all watching? Go to bed!"
565
00:23:23,726 --> 00:23:24,859
"He's a Thundercat."
566
00:23:24,859 --> 00:23:26,293
[raspy] "Them ain't no goddamn
567
00:23:26,293 --> 00:23:27,026
Thundercats, they're all Thunderstrippers!
568
00:23:28,693 --> 00:23:30,759
Motherfuckers walkin' around with drawers and swords. Go to bed!"
569
00:23:36,259 --> 00:23:38,493
My mama called the Thundercats "Thunderstrippers."
570
00:23:40,026 --> 00:23:41,459
[raspy] "Swole-ass cats...
571
00:23:43,693 --> 00:23:44,693
in Daisy Dukes!
572
00:23:46,226 --> 00:23:48,159
Walkin' around with Daisy Dukes and swords!"
573
00:23:48,859 --> 00:23:51,793
[laughter]
574
00:23:52,926 --> 00:23:56,159
[Rel laughing]
575
00:23:56,159 --> 00:23:58,193
This is some real shit.
576
00:23:58,193 --> 00:24:00,293
I remember we was watching 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' one time.
577
00:24:01,793 --> 00:24:03,659
[raspy] "What the fuck are y'all watching?"
578
00:24:04,859 --> 00:24:06,393
"These are 'Alvin and the Chipmunks.'"
579
00:24:06,393 --> 00:24:07,393
[raspy] "Them ain't no goddamn chipmunks.
580
00:24:08,426 --> 00:24:09,459
[raspy] Them are squirrels.
581
00:24:11,793 --> 00:24:14,526
[raspy] They done put some sweater dresses and glasses on squirrels.
582
00:24:17,426 --> 00:24:19,893
[raspy] What the fuck is goin' on on this program?
583
00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:22,659
[raspy] Who that white man, that's they daddy?!
584
00:24:23,559 --> 00:24:24,826
He need to be in jail!
585
00:24:26,159 --> 00:24:28,226
Out here raisin' squirrels...
586
00:24:29,559 --> 00:24:30,959
with them sweater dresses and goddamn glasses.
587
00:24:31,993 --> 00:24:33,526
Talkin' 'bout, 'Duh! Duh!'
588
00:24:33,526 --> 00:24:35,993
[singing] 'Duh-duh-duh-duh!'"
589
00:24:36,693 --> 00:24:39,726
[laughter]
590
00:24:46,459 --> 00:24:48,393
[raspy] "That white man need to be locked up!"
591
00:24:48,393 --> 00:24:50,293
[laughter]
592
00:24:50,293 --> 00:24:53,526
[Rel laughing]
593
00:24:59,259 --> 00:25:01,893
I'm laughin', my mama was mean than a motherfucker.
594
00:25:03,726 --> 00:25:05,793
I remember when we went to get my first pair of glasses.
595
00:25:08,126 --> 00:25:09,793
And I don't know if you grew up with a poor family,
596
00:25:09,793 --> 00:25:10,726
you used to get the speeches.
597
00:25:10,726 --> 00:25:11,693
[raspy] "Okay, wait--
598
00:25:11,693 --> 00:25:12,793
woah-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-WOAH."
599
00:25:12,793 --> 00:25:14,859
[laughter]
600
00:25:15,993 --> 00:25:17,559
This was before Lens Crafters.
601
00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:18,593
This is when you would have to go to Woolworth
602
00:25:18,593 --> 00:25:19,826
to get your glasses.
603
00:25:19,826 --> 00:25:20,959
"Before we walk in this Woolworth,"
604
00:25:20,959 --> 00:25:24,159
[laughter]
605
00:25:25,593 --> 00:25:27,626
"Don't you look at none of those pictures...
606
00:25:28,393 --> 00:25:29,093
with the glasses.
607
00:25:30,293 --> 00:25:32,026
That is not your rack.
608
00:25:33,959 --> 00:25:36,059
As soon as you walk in, that's your rack, right there.
609
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,059
Right here, this is your goddamn rack."
610
00:25:42,426 --> 00:25:43,826
You walk in that fuckin' Woolworth,
611
00:25:43,826 --> 00:25:45,459
you're like, "Mama, these are reading glasses.
612
00:25:46,826 --> 00:25:47,959
For adults."
613
00:25:47,959 --> 00:25:49,226
[raspy] "I don't give a fuck,
614
00:25:49,226 --> 00:25:50,026
get the plus fours and shut up."
615
00:25:55,293 --> 00:25:56,693
Anybody with glasses, you know that ain't
616
00:25:56,693 --> 00:25:57,526
a real prescription.
617
00:25:57,526 --> 00:25:58,259
Plus fours?
618
00:25:59,793 --> 00:26:02,293
Prescriptions usually start at 0.67 or somethin'.
619
00:26:03,026 --> 00:26:03,626
A plus four?
620
00:26:06,493 --> 00:26:07,959
I was in school, fucked up with them fuckin'
621
00:26:07,959 --> 00:26:09,459
strong-ass adult glasses.
622
00:26:11,393 --> 00:26:13,293
The chalkboard was right here like, "Goddamn."
623
00:26:14,759 --> 00:26:16,026
I had to look across the street at another school
624
00:26:16,026 --> 00:26:17,293
and do they work.
625
00:26:17,293 --> 00:26:18,059
Fuck it, I'm gonna do what they doing.
626
00:26:18,059 --> 00:26:19,459
[laughter]
627
00:26:19,459 --> 00:26:21,026
I don't know what the fuck going on here,
628
00:26:21,026 --> 00:26:22,393
but whatever they doing down the street,
629
00:26:23,693 --> 00:26:24,759
That's what I'm gonna get, shit, man.
630
00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:27,059
[laughter]
631
00:26:27,059 --> 00:26:28,659
I had to leave the school to turn my shit in.
632
00:26:28,659 --> 00:26:30,293
[laughter]
633
00:26:32,859 --> 00:26:34,493
[Rel laughing]
634
00:26:41,626 --> 00:26:43,326
My grades was all fucked up.
635
00:26:44,926 --> 00:26:46,993
And my mama was an asshole, she used to put the bills
636
00:26:48,093 --> 00:26:48,959
with the grades.
637
00:26:50,959 --> 00:26:52,759
So you come home with somethin' fucked up, she like,
638
00:26:52,759 --> 00:26:54,293
"Oh, so you getting D's and shit?
639
00:26:55,626 --> 00:26:56,626
Whelp, they about to cut the lights off."
640
00:27:00,393 --> 00:27:01,993
[laughter]
641
00:27:03,993 --> 00:27:05,659
I'm like, "I'm eight years old."
642
00:27:05,659 --> 00:27:06,993
I'm like, "What, what, what, what, what?"
643
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:09,126
"Yup, they about to cut the lights off,
644
00:27:09,126 --> 00:27:09,693
'cause of YOU.
645
00:27:11,393 --> 00:27:12,726
You gon' make a payment arrangement."
646
00:27:14,059 --> 00:27:16,126
[laughter]
647
00:27:17,559 --> 00:27:19,426
Now I'm eight years old on a phone crying, nervous,
648
00:27:19,426 --> 00:27:20,459
"Hello."
649
00:27:22,059 --> 00:27:24,126
I'm calling Commonwealth Edison, "Hello, ComEd.
650
00:27:25,526 --> 00:27:27,293
I would like to make a payment arrangement."
651
00:27:28,426 --> 00:27:28,559
[raspy] "Tell 'em why."
652
00:27:30,426 --> 00:27:31,993
[laughter]
653
00:27:33,293 --> 00:27:34,859
[Rel whimpering]
654
00:27:36,193 --> 00:27:37,559
[Rel whimpering]
655
00:27:38,593 --> 00:27:39,259
"Stop cryin' and tell 'em."
656
00:27:40,559 --> 00:27:42,426
"B-B-B-B-Because...
657
00:27:42,426 --> 00:27:44,326
I got a D in Social Studies."
658
00:27:45,659 --> 00:27:46,659
[raspy] "Tell her the truth!"
659
00:27:47,526 --> 00:27:49,526
"And I peed in the bed."
660
00:27:50,459 --> 00:27:51,526
"Pissy-ass."
661
00:27:52,226 --> 00:27:53,326
[laughter]
662
00:27:54,293 --> 00:27:55,793
[Rel laughing]
663
00:28:00,326 --> 00:28:01,459
Mean-ass mamas.
664
00:28:02,926 --> 00:28:04,793
And you remember, that's what they used to have the--
665
00:28:04,793 --> 00:28:06,726
you remember they used to have the house phone in the kitchen?
666
00:28:08,193 --> 00:28:09,126
That's where they used to talk shit about you at,
667
00:28:09,126 --> 00:28:10,393
ya know what I mean?
668
00:28:10,393 --> 00:28:11,759
They be in there talking, "No, no,
669
00:28:11,759 --> 00:28:12,159
this motherfucker goin' pee in the bed.
670
00:28:13,926 --> 00:28:15,226
Talkin' 'bout, he had a dream that he was going to the bathroom.
671
00:28:16,559 --> 00:28:18,426
Gon' stand over his brothers and pee on them.
672
00:28:19,893 --> 00:28:21,359
Had to give all of 'em a bath last night.
673
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:22,359
You know what I'm sayin'?
674
00:28:23,693 --> 00:28:24,659
Alright, Jenny, I'll see you at choir rehearsal."
675
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:30,059
[laughter]
676
00:28:34,693 --> 00:28:39,693
[Rel laughing]
677
00:28:43,826 --> 00:28:45,026
Mean-ass fuckin' mamas.
678
00:28:46,493 --> 00:28:48,126
Then you got the cool-ass daddy, he don't do shit.
679
00:28:49,493 --> 00:28:50,926
Like, "Dad, you don't see what's goin' on?"
680
00:28:50,926 --> 00:28:52,326
"Hey, brother, you know what it is.
681
00:28:57,093 --> 00:28:58,626
Be cool, man.
682
00:29:00,059 --> 00:29:01,559
I'm just trying to watch Buck Rogers and go to work,
683
00:29:01,559 --> 00:29:02,393
ya know what I mean?"
684
00:29:03,093 --> 00:29:05,059
[laughter]
685
00:29:05,826 --> 00:29:10,726
[Rel laughing]
686
00:29:11,859 --> 00:29:13,659
Y'all laughin', shit!
687
00:29:15,026 --> 00:29:16,293
But you know, man, I give my parents grace,
688
00:29:16,293 --> 00:29:17,626
'cause when you become a parent,
689
00:29:17,626 --> 00:29:18,959
you really start to understand, like,
690
00:29:20,159 --> 00:29:21,493
fuck, kids gon' kid, shit.
691
00:29:22,993 --> 00:29:25,326
God damn, these kids don't give a fuck.
692
00:29:26,593 --> 00:29:27,959
You know what I'm sayin'?
693
00:29:27,959 --> 00:29:28,926
They really don't, they little assholes.
694
00:29:30,426 --> 00:29:32,893
And this is when I knew, I knew it when my youngest
695
00:29:32,893 --> 00:29:34,659
was little, because he was a crying-ass baby.
696
00:29:35,926 --> 00:29:37,526
You know, [crying] "Eh, eh,"
697
00:29:37,526 --> 00:29:38,659
I don't know, anybody ever had a crying baby that
698
00:29:38,659 --> 00:29:39,626
that make you cry back to him,
699
00:29:39,626 --> 00:29:40,559
you ever had that shit?
700
00:29:41,393 --> 00:29:42,626
They go, "Eh, eh,"
701
00:29:42,626 --> 00:29:44,259
You go, "Eh, eh, eh, eh, shut up!"
702
00:29:45,593 --> 00:29:46,993
They be in they little walk of confusion
703
00:29:46,993 --> 00:29:47,859
trying to get out the room.
704
00:29:48,559 --> 00:29:50,993
[laughter]
705
00:29:52,226 --> 00:29:54,793
[Rel laughing]
706
00:30:01,126 --> 00:30:02,493
My spoiled-ass kids.
707
00:30:03,359 --> 00:30:04,859
You know who I love?
708
00:30:04,859 --> 00:30:06,093
I love, like, my little cousins, the ones that,
709
00:30:06,093 --> 00:30:07,259
you know, they got the hood mamas.
710
00:30:08,726 --> 00:30:10,193
Those some grate-- Them kids be grateful.
711
00:30:10,193 --> 00:30:12,326
The kids who got fucked up parents?
712
00:30:12,326 --> 00:30:13,493
They be so grateful.
713
00:30:14,793 --> 00:30:16,059
The ones that gotta be too independent,
714
00:30:16,059 --> 00:30:17,226
they be grateful as fuck.
715
00:30:18,593 --> 00:30:20,393
They be little humble kids, "How you doing, man?
716
00:30:20,393 --> 00:30:21,259
You know somethin'?
717
00:30:24,459 --> 00:30:26,426
They unappreciative, take me, I don't even want
718
00:30:26,426 --> 00:30:27,559
no nuggets or nothin'.
719
00:30:29,093 --> 00:30:30,993
You just give me two or three pizza rolls a day,
720
00:30:30,993 --> 00:30:32,226
I'll be alright, you know what I mean?"
721
00:30:32,926 --> 00:30:35,659
[laughter]
722
00:30:37,093 --> 00:30:38,059
That little boy just be carrying his car seat,
723
00:30:38,059 --> 00:30:39,259
you know what I'm saying?
724
00:30:39,259 --> 00:30:40,626
"I'm good, I promise you that.
725
00:30:41,993 --> 00:30:43,193
You ain't gotta worry about me or nothing,
726
00:30:43,193 --> 00:30:43,993
you know what I'm sayin'?
727
00:30:45,526 --> 00:30:46,759
You drop me off at school, I ain't gon' be no trouble.
728
00:30:47,726 --> 00:30:48,793
Mm-hmm."
729
00:30:57,493 --> 00:30:59,326
Little boy be independent as fuck.
730
00:31:04,759 --> 00:31:07,193
'Cause that's what it is, kids just don't be givin' a fuck.
731
00:31:07,193 --> 00:31:09,459
Like, this Father's Day, oh my God, these kids
732
00:31:10,293 --> 00:31:11,059
fuckin' fooled me.
733
00:31:12,726 --> 00:31:14,026
They made it seem like they was gonna take me out to dinner
734
00:31:14,026 --> 00:31:15,893
for real, I put on my fuckin' best suit.
735
00:31:17,326 --> 00:31:18,793
They was like, "We gonna take you to dinner, daddy."
736
00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:20,693
I'm like, "What? Hell yeah, about time."
737
00:31:22,359 --> 00:31:24,226
Put all this nice shit on, these motherfuckers got me
738
00:31:24,226 --> 00:31:25,059
at the buffet.
739
00:31:27,126 --> 00:31:28,493
I'm in there with all these other dads,
740
00:31:28,493 --> 00:31:29,659
all holding trays and shit.
741
00:31:30,959 --> 00:31:32,526
Saying, "Happy Father's Day" to each other,
742
00:31:32,526 --> 00:31:33,959
"Happy Father's Day to you, brother, how you doing?
743
00:31:33,959 --> 00:31:35,726
You good?
744
00:31:35,726 --> 00:31:36,526
Hey, Happy Father's Day to you, that baked chicken good?
745
00:31:36,526 --> 00:31:37,159
How it taste?
746
00:31:38,893 --> 00:31:39,993
They gonna do a lamp, if it's gonna be that hot in this place,
747
00:31:39,993 --> 00:31:40,759
ya know what I mean?"
748
00:31:43,559 --> 00:31:44,193
Motherfuckers.
749
00:31:47,626 --> 00:31:49,559
They treat us like shit on Father's Day, fellas.
750
00:31:50,959 --> 00:31:52,359
Mother's Day, they get church services and shit.
751
00:31:56,726 --> 00:31:58,526
You get a Happy Mother's Day even if you not a mama.
752
00:32:00,226 --> 00:32:01,993
When you're a dad, you gotta show a picture of your family,
753
00:32:01,993 --> 00:32:02,993
"I'm telling you, it's him.
754
00:32:04,226 --> 00:32:05,526
I swear 'fore God, it's my family."
755
00:32:12,859 --> 00:32:15,293
They wanna give you a fuckin' program.
756
00:32:16,959 --> 00:32:19,559
We don't get no sales, they don't sell shit.
757
00:32:20,926 --> 00:32:22,126
You know, women, y'all get Neiman Marcus stuff
758
00:32:22,126 --> 00:32:23,393
and Macy's sales...
759
00:32:24,459 --> 00:32:25,359
We get a Target section.
760
00:32:26,893 --> 00:32:28,893
One section of Target that sells a T-shirt that say,
761
00:32:28,893 --> 00:32:29,959
"I love Dad," that's it.
762
00:32:30,959 --> 00:32:32,459
All XXLs.
763
00:32:34,359 --> 00:32:36,493
[Rel laughing]
764
00:32:37,826 --> 00:32:39,193
They think every dad a XXL, like fuck it.
765
00:32:40,659 --> 00:32:42,626
They be havin' shit they want us to do next our stuff,
766
00:32:42,626 --> 00:32:44,159
they got like grills and charcoal.
767
00:32:44,859 --> 00:32:45,793
[laughter]
768
00:32:46,559 --> 00:32:47,459
WD-40 and shit.
769
00:32:57,326 --> 00:32:58,659
I'm talking shit, but...
770
00:32:59,859 --> 00:33:00,759
But life is good for me and shit.
771
00:33:02,393 --> 00:33:02,959
You know, I'm engaged and shit, you know what I'm sayin'?
772
00:33:03,793 --> 00:33:05,059
[audience cheering]
773
00:33:07,193 --> 00:33:08,926
I'm in a grown-ass relationship!
774
00:33:09,759 --> 00:33:10,726
I LOVE that shit.
775
00:33:12,026 --> 00:33:13,393
We both in our fuckin' 40s, we adults.
776
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,326
I feel bad, one of my homies 45 with a 24-year-old,
777
00:33:17,326 --> 00:33:18,493
that nigga be looking tired.
778
00:33:21,593 --> 00:33:23,559
We went on vacation with these motherfuckers and...
779
00:33:24,926 --> 00:33:26,359
She had all these activities she wanted to do,
780
00:33:26,359 --> 00:33:28,126
"We gonna go jet-skiing, we gonna do this,
781
00:33:28,126 --> 00:33:29,559
we gonna do that, and da da da da."
782
00:33:30,426 --> 00:33:31,159
Alright, damn, nigga.
783
00:33:32,559 --> 00:33:34,259
Me and my girl, as soon as we got in the room,
784
00:33:34,259 --> 00:33:35,293
we went to bed, like, "alright, good night."
785
00:33:36,659 --> 00:33:37,959
It was still 2:00 in the afternoon,
786
00:33:37,959 --> 00:33:39,126
"We came here to get some sleep.
787
00:33:40,626 --> 00:33:41,126
Good night."
788
00:33:41,826 --> 00:33:42,593
[laughter]
789
00:33:43,959 --> 00:33:44,926
We still had our clothes on and everything,
790
00:33:44,926 --> 00:33:45,293
we didn't give a fuck.
791
00:33:46,593 --> 00:33:47,959
We ain't took shit out our bags or nothin'.
792
00:33:53,026 --> 00:33:55,093
We be up early as hell for breakfast and shit.
793
00:33:57,093 --> 00:33:58,526
We both got our "tucked-in" outfits on together,
794
00:33:58,526 --> 00:33:59,959
"Alright, baby, we gonna get that--
795
00:33:59,959 --> 00:34:01,159
you know, they got an omelet station, I think."
796
00:34:03,159 --> 00:34:05,626
We got our "tucked-in" matching "tucked-in" vacation outfits.
797
00:34:07,559 --> 00:34:09,093
That's that grown couple shit,
798
00:34:09,093 --> 00:34:10,126
y'all both got them "tucked-in" outfits.
799
00:34:11,559 --> 00:34:14,126
[laughter]
800
00:34:16,093 --> 00:34:18,626
[Rel laughing]
801
00:34:19,959 --> 00:34:21,093
Y'all bought all your outfits from Target.
802
00:34:21,093 --> 00:34:21,326
Fuck it, "tucked-in."
803
00:34:25,426 --> 00:34:26,426
We grown as fuck.
804
00:34:27,626 --> 00:34:29,126
We got our own nightstands.
805
00:34:32,093 --> 00:34:34,226
Same shit on it: our glasses, our iPad,
806
00:34:34,226 --> 00:34:35,893
[laughter]
807
00:34:35,893 --> 00:34:37,093
and our water, same shit.
808
00:34:37,793 --> 00:34:39,393
[laughter]
809
00:34:40,859 --> 00:34:41,826
That's that grown shit!
810
00:34:43,059 --> 00:34:44,093
Soon as we finish fuckin', we like,
811
00:34:44,093 --> 00:34:44,859
"Alright, good night.
812
00:34:46,726 --> 00:34:48,293
You got your side, I got my side, good night."
813
00:34:49,959 --> 00:34:51,493
We do the same shit, we put our glasses on, get our iPad.
814
00:34:52,659 --> 00:34:53,726
We sittin' right next to each other,
815
00:34:53,726 --> 00:34:54,959
sendin' each other shit.
816
00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:55,826
"Hey, look what I just sent you.
817
00:34:58,459 --> 00:34:59,993
Oh, look what I just sent you!"
818
00:35:01,359 --> 00:35:03,926
[laughter]
819
00:35:03,926 --> 00:35:05,693
You won't even show 'em the shit,
820
00:35:05,693 --> 00:35:07,193
"Nah nah nah, I just sent it to yours, nah nah nah,
821
00:35:07,193 --> 00:35:08,159
don't look at mine, DON'T look at mine.
822
00:35:08,159 --> 00:35:08,959
Look at yours."
823
00:35:11,226 --> 00:35:14,259
[laughter]
824
00:35:21,893 --> 00:35:26,726
[Rel laughing]
825
00:35:31,893 --> 00:35:33,359
God, y'all laughin', shit!
826
00:35:35,126 --> 00:35:36,193
That shit beautiful though.
827
00:35:36,193 --> 00:35:37,593
You know, we...
828
00:35:37,593 --> 00:35:39,259
'bout to get fucking married and shit.
829
00:35:40,159 --> 00:35:41,059
And she got, she got--
830
00:35:41,059 --> 00:35:41,993
[audience cheering]
831
00:35:41,993 --> 00:35:43,526
Well, stop clapping,
832
00:35:43,526 --> 00:35:43,959
it ain't gon' be no real wedding, fuck that shit.
833
00:35:45,493 --> 00:35:47,026
I'm trynna get eloped,
834
00:35:47,026 --> 00:35:48,259
I don't wanna do no more weddings, fuck all that.
835
00:35:49,626 --> 00:35:51,426
My last wedding, man, that shit took too long.
836
00:35:53,093 --> 00:35:54,593
'Cause you know, when you're the groom,
837
00:35:54,593 --> 00:35:57,559
you gotta stand up there the whole fuckin' program.
838
00:35:59,859 --> 00:36:01,493
We gotta stand up there the whole, fuck--
839
00:36:02,259 --> 00:36:02,926
The WHOLE TIME!
840
00:36:04,259 --> 00:36:05,226
You're the bride, y'all just show up at the end,
841
00:36:05,226 --> 00:36:06,159
"Alright, let's do it!"
842
00:36:06,159 --> 00:36:06,693
You know, fuck all that.
843
00:36:08,359 --> 00:36:10,026
I gotta sit there and watch all this bullshit
844
00:36:10,026 --> 00:36:11,493
somebody planned in my family.
845
00:36:12,659 --> 00:36:13,993
"Who the fuck hired a praise dancer,
846
00:36:13,993 --> 00:36:14,959
what the fuck?
847
00:36:16,626 --> 00:36:18,459
Why the fuck is this nigga miming in my fuckin' wedding?"
848
00:36:19,359 --> 00:36:20,693
[singing] "I love--"
849
00:36:20,693 --> 00:36:21,826
This nigga had no paint on his face.
850
00:36:21,826 --> 00:36:23,793
[singing] "I love you, Jesus.
851
00:36:25,359 --> 00:36:27,326
I worship him."
852
00:36:27,326 --> 00:36:28,593
I'm looking at the program,
853
00:36:28,593 --> 00:36:30,626
"Who the fuck let Reggie mime-dance?
854
00:36:32,759 --> 00:36:34,726
He ain't got no fuckin' paint on his face.
855
00:36:37,426 --> 00:36:39,026
Can't mime with a regular face, nigga."
856
00:36:39,026 --> 00:36:41,026
[singing] "I love you, Jesus."
857
00:36:48,159 --> 00:36:49,393
Nigga wasn't even good.
858
00:36:53,226 --> 00:36:58,226
[Rel laughing]
859
00:37:01,459 --> 00:37:03,093
But that's what I love about Future Wifey, though.
860
00:37:03,093 --> 00:37:04,659
I love that, you know...
861
00:37:04,659 --> 00:37:06,259
I really needed to find a woman
862
00:37:06,259 --> 00:37:09,426
I could pray with and like love on, and...
863
00:37:09,426 --> 00:37:11,559
[audience cheering]
864
00:37:11,559 --> 00:37:12,426
build together.
865
00:37:13,659 --> 00:37:15,059
That shit crazy though, you know,
866
00:37:15,059 --> 00:37:16,726
and I think that's the thing about it too, y'all.
867
00:37:16,726 --> 00:37:18,259
Like I've been on a real journey,
868
00:37:18,259 --> 00:37:20,293
like I took this journey to get my shit together,
869
00:37:20,293 --> 00:37:22,026
ya know what I mean?
870
00:37:22,026 --> 00:37:23,559
Like I fuckin' started working out, ya know what I mean?
871
00:37:24,926 --> 00:37:25,893
Like really, this has been a five year journey.
872
00:37:27,393 --> 00:37:28,859
Which, let me say this, everybody,
873
00:37:30,059 --> 00:37:31,426
look, I really worked on me for real.
874
00:37:31,426 --> 00:37:34,126
This has been a five year journey.
875
00:37:34,126 --> 00:37:35,693
I've actually did the work.
876
00:37:35,693 --> 00:37:36,726
[audience cheering]
877
00:37:36,726 --> 00:37:39,159
But niggas is such haters.
878
00:37:40,726 --> 00:37:42,459
I remember I posted something like a few weeks ago,
879
00:37:42,459 --> 00:37:44,126
I was like, "I'm proud of myself, look at me.
880
00:37:45,493 --> 00:37:46,026
I'm motivated, I hope this inspires somebody."
881
00:37:47,326 --> 00:37:48,293
The first thing niggas say, "Ozempic!"
882
00:37:48,293 --> 00:37:48,826
I'm like, motherfucker.
883
00:37:49,526 --> 00:37:51,626
[laughter]
884
00:37:55,226 --> 00:37:56,759
First of all, guys, look.
885
00:37:58,026 --> 00:37:59,559
If I took Ozempic, you would know it.
886
00:37:59,559 --> 00:38:02,293
I'm too funny not to talk about taking that shit.
887
00:38:02,293 --> 00:38:05,359
I would have every type of joke you could fuckin' think of
888
00:38:06,226 --> 00:38:06,559
if that was my thing.
889
00:38:07,793 --> 00:38:09,259
Also, Ozempic people look different.
890
00:38:09,259 --> 00:38:09,926
Okay?
891
00:38:10,826 --> 00:38:12,193
Come on, alright, look,
892
00:38:12,193 --> 00:38:13,726
We all love Busta Rhymes, right?
893
00:38:16,859 --> 00:38:19,359
That shit don't last if you get the Shubidi Doubles.
894
00:38:21,459 --> 00:38:23,026
'Cause all it is is just Sherman Klump juice,
895
00:38:23,026 --> 00:38:23,793
ya know what I mean?
896
00:38:25,593 --> 00:38:27,659
We're literally watching Busta Rhymes transf--
897
00:38:27,659 --> 00:38:28,959
[Rel laughing]
898
00:38:28,959 --> 00:38:30,259
He was Buddy Love one week, then
899
00:38:30,259 --> 00:38:31,793
went back to "labadabadaba.
900
00:38:31,793 --> 00:38:33,659
Oh, sorry about that, I'm so sorry."
901
00:38:34,426 --> 00:38:36,959
[laughter]
902
00:38:38,926 --> 00:38:41,093
Sorry, this nigga hair came back and everything.
903
00:38:47,759 --> 00:38:49,526
But then y'all pick on everybody else
904
00:38:49,526 --> 00:38:51,393
about Ozempic, but y'all ain't say shit to Al Sharpton.
905
00:38:51,393 --> 00:38:52,759
Ain't nobody say shit to him.
906
00:38:55,193 --> 00:38:56,626
Y'all let that nigga walk around,
907
00:38:56,626 --> 00:38:58,193
with his little ass body like it didn't happen.
908
00:39:03,959 --> 00:39:05,959
Al Sharpton be irritating the fuck out of me.
909
00:39:07,293 --> 00:39:08,526
He be trying to do a little workout shit,
910
00:39:08,526 --> 00:39:09,493
it don't even be real workout shit.
911
00:39:11,193 --> 00:39:12,459
Nigga bought them little weights you get at fuckin' Walmart,
912
00:39:12,459 --> 00:39:13,459
you know the twos.
913
00:39:15,493 --> 00:39:16,993
This nigga working out with Peloton weights.
914
00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:24,793
[Rel laughing]
915
00:39:26,226 --> 00:39:27,693
Fuck that, I took a real journey, shit,
916
00:39:27,693 --> 00:39:28,393
ya know what I mean?
917
00:39:29,659 --> 00:39:31,226
Built a better relationship with God,
918
00:39:31,226 --> 00:39:33,359
that was so important with me, like for real, for real.
919
00:39:37,326 --> 00:39:39,226
And God don't play, man, you know,
920
00:39:39,226 --> 00:39:41,059
when you really start having a real conversation
921
00:39:41,059 --> 00:39:42,726
with God about yourself,
922
00:39:42,726 --> 00:39:43,859
that shit get crazy.
923
00:39:45,226 --> 00:39:46,526
I'm talking about real ones, not the fake ones,
924
00:39:46,526 --> 00:39:47,626
I'm talking about the real ones.
925
00:39:49,059 --> 00:39:50,593
'Cause God will show you stuff about yourself,
926
00:39:50,593 --> 00:39:51,359
you're like, "Damn, why you gotta bring that up?"
927
00:39:51,359 --> 00:39:53,759
[laughter]
928
00:39:58,426 --> 00:40:00,159
But that was very important for me to do that,
929
00:40:00,159 --> 00:40:01,893
go to therapy and shit, ya know what I'm sayin'?
930
00:40:03,193 --> 00:40:04,359
Had to really deal with what that pain was,
931
00:40:04,359 --> 00:40:05,726
for real, losing my mama.
932
00:40:07,026 --> 00:40:08,559
Which was a lot, you know what I'm saying?
933
00:40:08,559 --> 00:40:11,593
I didn't realize it was a lot until I went to therapy.
934
00:40:12,659 --> 00:40:14,193
Honestly, growing up in Chicago,
935
00:40:14,193 --> 00:40:15,826
I didn't know how fucked up and traumatized I was
936
00:40:16,693 --> 00:40:17,393
until I went to therapy.
937
00:40:18,459 --> 00:40:20,193
It's so much shit we normalize
938
00:40:20,193 --> 00:40:21,393
livin' in this motherfuckin' city.
939
00:40:22,226 --> 00:40:23,493
For real, for real.
940
00:40:23,493 --> 00:40:24,893
I remember when I was telling my therapist
941
00:40:24,893 --> 00:40:26,659
half the shit I went through in my childhood,
942
00:40:26,659 --> 00:40:28,226
and I ain't realize it was fucked up.
943
00:40:28,226 --> 00:40:29,993
Like, 'cause I don't know-- look, I'm from out of West.
944
00:40:29,993 --> 00:40:32,826
But I used to-- I lost friends almost from the age of 12
945
00:40:32,826 --> 00:40:33,926
all the way until now.
946
00:40:34,793 --> 00:40:35,793
And it was normal to me.
947
00:40:36,993 --> 00:40:38,426
It was normal to look at my yearbook
948
00:40:38,426 --> 00:40:40,026
and see "Rest in Peace" at the end of it,
949
00:40:40,026 --> 00:40:40,659
and shit like that.
950
00:40:41,559 --> 00:40:42,226
And that's fuckin' crazy.
951
00:40:43,093 --> 00:40:43,626
It's normal to us.
952
00:40:44,393 --> 00:40:45,859
We, nigga...
953
00:40:45,859 --> 00:40:46,726
My therapist was listening to that shit like...
954
00:40:48,226 --> 00:40:50,726
[laughter]
955
00:40:52,059 --> 00:40:53,859
"You know those were children, right?"
956
00:40:59,193 --> 00:41:00,659
She had to go to therapy after talking to me.
957
00:41:00,659 --> 00:41:01,826
Like, God damn!
958
00:41:03,393 --> 00:41:04,926
"What the fuck?
959
00:41:04,926 --> 00:41:06,126
They ain't never did no movie about none of that shit?
960
00:41:09,859 --> 00:41:11,759
So it was a nigga that used to dance real good,
961
00:41:11,759 --> 00:41:12,626
and then he got killed."
962
00:41:14,426 --> 00:41:16,093
[laughter]
963
00:41:16,993 --> 00:41:17,426
"Best footwork I knew."
964
00:41:20,093 --> 00:41:22,626
[laughter]
965
00:41:26,059 --> 00:41:27,259
People forget about that shit.
966
00:41:27,259 --> 00:41:28,559
That was a different time,
967
00:41:28,559 --> 00:41:29,959
You grew up with niggas was real--
968
00:41:29,959 --> 00:41:30,626
niggas could really dance, real...
969
00:41:33,793 --> 00:41:36,259
This jukin'-ass nigga was in a gang!
970
00:41:42,593 --> 00:41:44,159
No, you need a dance scholarship!
971
00:41:44,159 --> 00:41:45,226
What the fuck you in a gang for?
972
00:41:51,326 --> 00:41:52,993
You're supposed to be fuckin' Alvin Ailey.
973
00:41:52,993 --> 00:41:54,026
This nigga's a GD.
974
00:41:54,759 --> 00:41:56,859
[laughter]
975
00:41:57,993 --> 00:41:58,859
This nigga should be on Fame.
976
00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:01,059
[singing] I want to live forever.
977
00:42:03,059 --> 00:42:04,726
I'm like, "Nigga, you in the wrong movie, you..."
978
00:42:07,726 --> 00:42:10,259
[Rel laughing]
979
00:42:11,926 --> 00:42:13,759
But that shit was very important, ya know what I mean?
980
00:42:13,759 --> 00:42:14,893
You know, really going in there and dealing with that shit.
981
00:42:16,393 --> 00:42:18,059
'Cause I got into a lot of stupid shit because of that.
982
00:42:18,059 --> 00:42:19,559
Especially when you in pain, man, you
983
00:42:19,559 --> 00:42:21,093
don't know what to do with that fuckin' pain.
984
00:42:22,759 --> 00:42:23,993
When I was in my pain, man, I kept trying to get into fights.
985
00:42:25,459 --> 00:42:27,193
I got into a fight at the club for no reason one day.
986
00:42:27,193 --> 00:42:29,026
I remember these niggas didn't even want to fight me.
987
00:42:29,893 --> 00:42:31,093
They was being nice.
988
00:42:31,093 --> 00:42:32,193
"Lil Rel, you funny as hell."
989
00:42:32,193 --> 00:42:32,326
"Say that shit again, fam.
990
00:42:33,193 --> 00:42:33,326
[angrily] Say it again."
991
00:42:35,793 --> 00:42:37,359
"Oh, damn, Lil Rel trippin', man--
992
00:42:37,359 --> 00:42:38,526
I guess we gotta steal on him now.
993
00:42:38,526 --> 00:42:39,359
Shit, you want to fight?"
994
00:42:44,959 --> 00:42:46,059
Niggas jumped me and I was like,
995
00:42:46,059 --> 00:42:47,826
"Ah, yeah, yeah!"
996
00:42:49,526 --> 00:42:50,593
And he was like, "Hey, man, leave this nigga alone, shit."
997
00:42:51,759 --> 00:42:53,293
"He got some issues inside."
998
00:43:00,159 --> 00:43:02,726
I was doin' stuntman shit when I was getting in my bullshit.
999
00:43:04,193 --> 00:43:05,859
Nigga tried to hit me with a car and I dove out the way.
1000
00:43:07,526 --> 00:43:08,959
Caught my ankle. That shit was crazy.
1001
00:43:09,993 --> 00:43:11,226
I remember my ex-wife,
1002
00:43:11,226 --> 00:43:12,659
she used to get calls about me.
1003
00:43:12,659 --> 00:43:14,059
I know she used to be like, "What the fuck?"
1004
00:43:14,059 --> 00:43:16,159
She's like, "What the fuck did he do now?
1005
00:43:17,293 --> 00:43:18,626
Whatchu mean he dove out the way
1006
00:43:18,626 --> 00:43:20,326
and somebody hit him with they fuckin'...
1007
00:43:21,093 --> 00:43:21,526
Nissan Civic."
1008
00:43:30,426 --> 00:43:31,793
Hit me with them plastic rims.
1009
00:43:31,793 --> 00:43:33,359
That shit came up and popped off and shit.
1010
00:43:39,559 --> 00:43:40,826
Motherfucker hit me with that shit.
1011
00:43:42,193 --> 00:43:43,559
But then you know, look, at the end of the day,
1012
00:43:43,559 --> 00:43:44,726
like, I'll say this.
1013
00:43:44,726 --> 00:43:46,059
Doing that shit was big for me.
1014
00:43:46,059 --> 00:43:47,493
Ya know what I mean?
1015
00:43:47,493 --> 00:43:48,626
I think it helped even just dealing with my dad
1016
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:50,193
'cause, you know--
1017
00:43:50,193 --> 00:43:52,659
our dad has gotten older and he's dealing with like...
1018
00:43:52,659 --> 00:43:54,326
I don't know which one it is, to be honest with you.
1019
00:43:54,326 --> 00:43:55,693
It's like Alzheimer's or dementia.
1020
00:43:56,959 --> 00:43:58,593
It's kind of mixed sometimes, 'cause...
1021
00:43:59,926 --> 00:44:00,993
And it's weird 'cause me and my brother,
1022
00:44:00,993 --> 00:44:02,326
we-- we-- we...
1023
00:44:02,326 --> 00:44:03,926
like, we sibling well.
1024
00:44:03,926 --> 00:44:05,393
I don't know if you got a good sibling.
1025
00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:06,793
Me and this nigga do a good job,
1026
00:44:06,793 --> 00:44:08,826
but I feel bad for y'all who got siblings
1027
00:44:08,826 --> 00:44:10,226
who don't know they fuckin' rose,
1028
00:44:10,226 --> 00:44:11,493
You know what I'm sayin'?
1029
00:44:11,493 --> 00:44:13,393
Like, I pay for shit. He do the shit.
1030
00:44:13,393 --> 00:44:14,593
That is our share.
1031
00:44:16,593 --> 00:44:17,559
And it works.
1032
00:44:18,759 --> 00:44:20,193
I pay for it. He do the leg work.
1033
00:44:21,926 --> 00:44:23,559
That's beautiful, 'cause some of y'all niggas,
1034
00:44:23,559 --> 00:44:24,693
y'all gotta do everything.
1035
00:44:24,693 --> 00:44:25,593
I feel bad for you.
1036
00:44:26,459 --> 00:44:27,693
Your siblings ain't shit.
1037
00:44:27,693 --> 00:44:28,926
Y'all be having meetings about--
1038
00:44:28,926 --> 00:44:29,059
"Hey, look, Daddy can't stay here."
1039
00:44:29,759 --> 00:44:30,993
[laughter]
1040
00:44:32,293 --> 00:44:33,459
"I'm sorry, Daddy gonna have--"
1041
00:44:33,459 --> 00:44:34,826
And Daddy be sitting right there
1042
00:44:34,826 --> 00:44:35,859
while y'all talking about him and shit.
1043
00:44:36,559 --> 00:44:39,026
[laughter]
1044
00:44:39,893 --> 00:44:40,793
"I took care of YOU."
1045
00:44:45,359 --> 00:44:48,159
"Hey, Daddy, you see what I'm talkin' about?
1046
00:44:48,159 --> 00:44:49,426
I'm still on his ass."
1047
00:45:00,926 --> 00:45:04,059
We went to see my dad last week.
1048
00:45:05,093 --> 00:45:05,726
And my dad, he's in a--
1049
00:45:07,093 --> 00:45:08,359
we got him in this beautiful place he stays in.
1050
00:45:08,359 --> 00:45:09,559
And, you know...
1051
00:45:09,559 --> 00:45:10,726
But this thing about him,
1052
00:45:10,726 --> 00:45:12,193
my dad is not OLD old.
1053
00:45:12,193 --> 00:45:13,459
He's still like--
1054
00:45:13,459 --> 00:45:14,959
He athletic, and that's the problem.
1055
00:45:16,459 --> 00:45:18,026
He one of them niggas that still got his strength.
1056
00:45:18,026 --> 00:45:19,893
Some of the old people in there, they good and weak,
1057
00:45:19,893 --> 00:45:21,293
so they can talk all the shit they want to,
1058
00:45:21,293 --> 00:45:22,493
but they ain't gonna do shit to you.
1059
00:45:23,359 --> 00:45:24,626
My father be saying--
1060
00:45:24,626 --> 00:45:26,026
And then this the thing about him,
1061
00:45:26,026 --> 00:45:27,393
I don't know if anybody going through that
1062
00:45:27,393 --> 00:45:28,693
with anybody who's going through that.
1063
00:45:28,693 --> 00:45:29,993
Like, it's weird because you don't know
1064
00:45:29,993 --> 00:45:31,659
when they tellin' you a real story.
1065
00:45:33,726 --> 00:45:35,293
Or... Ya know what I mean?
1066
00:45:35,293 --> 00:45:36,559
It's like, "What the fuck you mean you stabbed somebody
1067
00:45:36,559 --> 00:45:37,526
at work last night?"
1068
00:45:38,226 --> 00:45:40,893
[laughter]
1069
00:45:42,226 --> 00:45:44,626
And it be sure, you be sitting there like,
1070
00:45:44,626 --> 00:45:45,759
"I know-- nahhh."
1071
00:45:47,059 --> 00:45:48,326
And my dad be telling a good-ass story,
1072
00:45:48,326 --> 00:45:49,459
"Hell, yeah, I was on my way to work,
1073
00:45:49,459 --> 00:45:50,393
and I had to stab this nigga.
1074
00:45:52,059 --> 00:45:53,893
Over there on Roosevelt, I stabbed the shit out of him
1075
00:45:53,893 --> 00:45:54,559
on my way to work.
1076
00:45:56,393 --> 00:45:58,059
I was riding my bike, the nigga threw a rock at it,
1077
00:45:58,059 --> 00:45:59,193
I tripped.
1078
00:46:00,359 --> 00:46:01,693
Took the knife out my nursery shoe
1079
00:46:01,693 --> 00:46:02,626
and stabbed him."
1080
00:46:04,793 --> 00:46:06,793
Like, "Hey, man, stop telling everybody this story, nigga.
1081
00:46:06,793 --> 00:46:07,659
I don't know if it's true."
1082
00:46:10,659 --> 00:46:12,559
Or you got to be careful about what they watch
1083
00:46:12,559 --> 00:46:13,459
before they go to sleep.
1084
00:46:14,826 --> 00:46:16,259
Anybody that's dealing with that shit--
1085
00:46:16,259 --> 00:46:17,793
'cause whatever they watch,
1086
00:46:19,559 --> 00:46:21,026
they gonna put themselves in that shit.
1087
00:46:23,126 --> 00:46:23,959
Okay? It's--
1088
00:46:23,959 --> 00:46:24,526
[Rel laughing]
1089
00:46:25,859 --> 00:46:27,659
Me and my brother was listening to my dad one day,
1090
00:46:27,659 --> 00:46:28,893
he was like, "Look, man, let me tell y'all somethin', man.
1091
00:46:28,893 --> 00:46:30,493
I had to kill all the motherfuckers
1092
00:46:30,493 --> 00:46:31,859
out that Nakatomi building.
1093
00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:36,759
They started shooting at the glass,
1094
00:46:36,759 --> 00:46:38,126
I had to walk over that shit and my foot started bleedin'."
1095
00:46:39,459 --> 00:46:40,726
I said, "Nigga, did you watch Die Hard last night?
1096
00:46:40,726 --> 00:46:41,526
What the fuck you talking about?"
1097
00:46:45,926 --> 00:46:48,026
"Did you know Harpo tried to beat me last night?"
1098
00:46:48,026 --> 00:46:48,826
I'm like, "What?
1099
00:46:50,759 --> 00:46:52,159
Did you watch The Color Purple, nigga?
1100
00:46:52,159 --> 00:46:52,893
What the fuck?"
1101
00:46:53,593 --> 00:46:55,893
[laughter]
1102
00:47:02,059 --> 00:47:04,393
But you still got to take care of your people, man, you know?
1103
00:47:06,126 --> 00:47:07,526
Spend time with them, make sure they in the right facilities.
1104
00:47:07,526 --> 00:47:09,193
'Cause if you don't take care of your people,
1105
00:47:09,193 --> 00:47:11,426
the state gon' send people to take care of them,
1106
00:47:12,493 --> 00:47:12,926
and you don't want that shit.
1107
00:47:14,126 --> 00:47:15,526
'Cause some of these workers ain't shit.
1108
00:47:16,559 --> 00:47:17,793
That's right.
1109
00:47:17,793 --> 00:47:18,959
These CNAs are ghetto as fuck.
1110
00:47:20,626 --> 00:47:22,493
That's who they gon' send to take care of your fuckin' people.
1111
00:47:23,959 --> 00:47:24,693
This motherfucker, this motherfucker right here...
1112
00:47:26,493 --> 00:47:28,759
This mean ghetto motherfucker is takin' care of your grandfather.
1113
00:47:30,793 --> 00:47:32,559
He be fucked up.
1114
00:47:32,559 --> 00:47:33,726
He can't even tell her when he shit on himself or anything.
1115
00:47:33,726 --> 00:47:34,293
He's scared.
1116
00:47:35,793 --> 00:47:37,493
He be sitting there like, "Scuse me, Miss Kwee Kwee.
1117
00:47:40,393 --> 00:47:41,659
Scuse me.
1118
00:47:43,393 --> 00:47:45,293
Miss Kwee Kwee, I had an accident.
1119
00:47:46,759 --> 00:47:47,959
Scuse me--"
1120
00:47:47,959 --> 00:47:49,859
"Damn, what a--ugh, ugh!
1121
00:47:51,093 --> 00:47:52,493
Yo' dusty, dirty ass."
1122
00:47:52,493 --> 00:47:53,726
"Okay, yes. I am.
1123
00:47:56,193 --> 00:47:57,526
It's all good. I told you not to
1124
00:47:57,526 --> 00:47:58,493
give me no goddamn peanut butter.
1125
00:48:00,093 --> 00:48:01,626
You know I'm gonna eat whatever the fuck you give me.
1126
00:48:06,959 --> 00:48:08,126
You gotta wash me off."
1127
00:48:10,426 --> 00:48:12,793
"I ain't washing your goofy ass off, HELL no.
1128
00:48:14,193 --> 00:48:15,993
You gon' go in the motherfucking tub."
1129
00:48:15,993 --> 00:48:16,893
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
1130
00:48:18,159 --> 00:48:19,759
You left me there too long last time."
1131
00:48:23,093 --> 00:48:25,459
[laughter]
1132
00:48:27,259 --> 00:48:29,126
She left that nigga in the tub, he got his hat on and shit.
1133
00:48:31,093 --> 00:48:32,559
You know, he got his about- to-go-outside-hat.
1134
00:48:32,559 --> 00:48:33,193
"Hellooo?
1135
00:48:34,493 --> 00:48:36,026
I'm finished, hellooo?"
1136
00:48:40,426 --> 00:48:42,326
She ain't helping him 'cause she on her Instagram live,
1137
00:48:42,326 --> 00:48:46,026
like, "Yep a bitch at work, getting motherfuckin' money.
1138
00:48:46,826 --> 00:48:48,659
Several clients."
1139
00:48:54,259 --> 00:48:55,859
"Hellooo!"
1140
00:48:56,759 --> 00:48:58,326
We all leavin' comments
1141
00:48:58,326 --> 00:48:59,559
'cause we can see the old man in the background,
1142
00:48:59,559 --> 00:49:01,159
like, "Hey, it's an old nigga in the
1143
00:49:01,159 --> 00:49:02,393
back of your video...
1144
00:49:03,293 --> 00:49:04,559
yelling for help."
1145
00:49:05,393 --> 00:49:06,193
"Hellooo?
1146
00:49:06,793 --> 00:49:07,393
HELLOOO!"
1147
00:49:13,193 --> 00:49:14,326
Nigga done took his hat off.
1148
00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:15,759
"Please, come get me, please?
1149
00:49:17,026 --> 00:49:18,826
I'm at 4445 Washington, please get me.
1150
00:49:20,826 --> 00:49:21,693
16th floor, please.
1151
00:49:22,959 --> 00:49:24,359
I swear 'fore God, I got you."
1152
00:49:29,693 --> 00:49:31,793
Nigga put his glasses on in the tub to read the comments.
1153
00:49:31,793 --> 00:49:33,126
"Let me see if somebody gon' save me."
1154
00:49:33,826 --> 00:49:36,293
[laughter]
1155
00:49:45,093 --> 00:49:46,326
"I swear 'fore God, please.
1156
00:49:48,126 --> 00:49:49,593
Stop talkin' 'bout how thick she is and come get me, please."
1157
00:49:50,293 --> 00:49:54,859
[laughter]
1158
00:49:58,226 --> 00:50:03,226
[Rel laughing]
1159
00:50:08,859 --> 00:50:10,626
God, y'all laughing, that's some real shit.
1160
00:50:13,159 --> 00:50:14,759
Take care of your fuckin' people, you know?
1161
00:50:16,793 --> 00:50:18,459
It was tough, too, 'cause I was just here
1162
00:50:19,626 --> 00:50:20,926
not too long ago for a funeral.
1163
00:50:22,293 --> 00:50:24,259
Lost my Aunt Joan, who was so fuckin' amazing.
1164
00:50:25,593 --> 00:50:27,159
Aunt Joan was so dope, man, like--
1165
00:50:27,159 --> 00:50:29,793
and it's so funny, Aunt Joan was somebody--
1166
00:50:31,226 --> 00:50:32,526
I looked at that had the first really good job.
1167
00:50:33,726 --> 00:50:35,259
She was a manager at Burger King,
1168
00:50:35,259 --> 00:50:36,526
and that was a big deal...
1169
00:50:38,359 --> 00:50:39,759
in the fuckin' 80s.
1170
00:50:39,759 --> 00:50:42,226
Like-- ooh, I'm not even lying to you.
1171
00:50:42,226 --> 00:50:43,759
She'd show up with her Aunt Joan car
1172
00:50:43,759 --> 00:50:45,026
and her uniform, and it was like,
1173
00:50:45,026 --> 00:50:46,726
"Oh, shit, here come Aunt Joan!
1174
00:50:47,793 --> 00:50:48,793
In her Burger King uniform."
1175
00:50:50,526 --> 00:50:52,326
That was a big deal, somebody had a manager job at Burger King.
1176
00:50:52,326 --> 00:50:53,926
That's when they used to pay people, managers--
1177
00:50:53,926 --> 00:50:55,626
like, you ain't even had to have a high school diploma,
1178
00:50:55,626 --> 00:50:56,959
you just had to work there long enough.
1179
00:50:58,193 --> 00:50:59,359
He's like, "No, you a manager."
1180
00:50:59,359 --> 00:50:59,493
It's like, "Alright, cool."
1181
00:51:01,526 --> 00:51:03,259
And she used to give us all types of free shit.
1182
00:51:03,259 --> 00:51:04,259
We had all the free toys.
1183
00:51:06,893 --> 00:51:07,626
I'm not even lying.
1184
00:51:10,093 --> 00:51:12,126
And she had a beautiful funeral and shit, and--
1185
00:51:13,393 --> 00:51:15,359
It was at the original church we all,
1186
00:51:15,359 --> 00:51:17,126
you know, our family basically came up in.
1187
00:51:18,426 --> 00:51:19,659
And it's an old church, you know, that shit.
1188
00:51:21,026 --> 00:51:22,159
I don't know when they gon' get the floors done.
1189
00:51:22,859 --> 00:51:24,193
[laughter]
1190
00:51:25,726 --> 00:51:26,093
And let me tell you why I'm telling y'all that, right?
1191
00:51:26,693 --> 00:51:27,526
'Cause--
1192
00:51:27,526 --> 00:51:27,659
[Rel laughing]
1193
00:51:29,026 --> 00:51:29,826
I got a little nervous at the funeral shit,
1194
00:51:29,826 --> 00:51:31,126
'cause the...
1195
00:51:31,126 --> 00:51:32,159
the casket started, like, shakin'...
1196
00:51:33,359 --> 00:51:34,759
'cause the floor was shakin', like--
1197
00:51:34,759 --> 00:51:35,659
[singing] "Jesus gon' work it out!"
1198
00:51:35,659 --> 00:51:36,326
and then this was--
1199
00:51:38,326 --> 00:51:41,626
I saw the organ and shit shakin', I'm like, "God damn."
1200
00:51:44,159 --> 00:51:46,659
[Rel laughing]
1201
00:51:48,959 --> 00:51:50,793
Then they have older pallbearers and shit.
1202
00:51:50,793 --> 00:51:51,493
I hate that shit.
1203
00:51:52,826 --> 00:51:53,393
Let me say this, please get pallbearers
1204
00:51:54,693 --> 00:51:56,293
that's the-- like, make them honorary.
1205
00:51:56,293 --> 00:51:57,826
Don't make them for real pallbearers.
1206
00:51:59,459 --> 00:52:01,359
Y'all know them old-ass niggas can't pick that casket up.
1207
00:52:04,426 --> 00:52:05,793
So then they start looking for
1208
00:52:05,793 --> 00:52:06,693
volunteers, you know, they got the--
1209
00:52:06,693 --> 00:52:08,126
[Rel laughing]
1210
00:52:08,126 --> 00:52:09,026
the creepy-ass funeral director with
1211
00:52:09,026 --> 00:52:09,926
with white gloves,
1212
00:52:09,926 --> 00:52:11,326
"Would YOU like--"
1213
00:52:11,326 --> 00:52:11,893
"Alright, nigga, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah."
1214
00:52:12,593 --> 00:52:14,826
[laughter]
1215
00:52:18,826 --> 00:52:20,826
Let me tell you, there ain't nothing like freestylin' with some
1216
00:52:20,826 --> 00:52:22,293
niggas you don't know carrying a casket.
1217
00:52:22,293 --> 00:52:22,959
It ain't--
1218
00:52:24,359 --> 00:52:24,826
'Cause you know, y'all gotta have good feet.
1219
00:52:26,559 --> 00:52:28,093
Like, good feet movement.
1220
00:52:28,093 --> 00:52:29,159
If y'all got different shit going on, that shit...
1221
00:52:31,626 --> 00:52:33,393
It could take 30, 40 minutes to get out that fuckin'--
1222
00:52:34,093 --> 00:52:35,259
[laughter]
1223
00:52:36,759 --> 00:52:38,559
But that's not what fucked me up, alright?
1224
00:52:38,559 --> 00:52:40,359
This is some real shit.
1225
00:52:40,359 --> 00:52:41,793
I don't even know if my family even know I laughed at this,
1226
00:52:41,793 --> 00:52:42,926
but I'mma tell y'all, what the fuck.
1227
00:52:44,259 --> 00:52:45,726
So we get to the burial, right?
1228
00:52:45,726 --> 00:52:47,326
And a couple of things.
1229
00:52:48,559 --> 00:52:49,826
First of all, I am tired of people
1230
00:52:49,826 --> 00:52:51,559
who know we going to bury somebody--
1231
00:52:53,393 --> 00:52:54,893
We got to walk through grass, and they don't wear gym shoes.
1232
00:52:55,893 --> 00:52:56,326
Okay?
1233
00:52:57,826 --> 00:52:59,159
You walk into that shit, we got to wait on you,
1234
00:52:59,159 --> 00:52:59,659
'cause you got them fuckin' heels on.
1235
00:53:02,493 --> 00:53:04,826
People got to walk with you and shit to the chairs.
1236
00:53:08,393 --> 00:53:09,793
Little tiny-ass heels.
1237
00:53:11,126 --> 00:53:12,826
You know, 'cause if it's not a stiletto--
1238
00:53:12,826 --> 00:53:14,226
the little tiny heels get real stuck in there, because they--
1239
00:53:14,226 --> 00:53:16,759
[laughter]
1240
00:53:18,426 --> 00:53:19,193
"Waaait!
1241
00:53:20,059 --> 00:53:20,193
Don't-- don't do it yet."
1242
00:53:20,893 --> 00:53:23,026
[laughter]
1243
00:53:25,693 --> 00:53:27,026
"I'm supposed to do the scripture.
1244
00:53:27,026 --> 00:53:27,559
Wait!
1245
00:53:28,193 --> 00:53:28,559
WAIT."
1246
00:53:29,259 --> 00:53:34,193
[laughter]
1247
00:53:43,659 --> 00:53:48,659
[Rel laughing]
1248
00:53:50,093 --> 00:53:51,893
I'm glad y'all laughin', that's some real shit.
1249
00:53:53,959 --> 00:53:55,759
But you know what I laughed at the hardest?
1250
00:53:57,159 --> 00:53:58,526
You know, people y'all never noticed, is
1251
00:53:58,526 --> 00:53:59,893
the niggas that let the casket down, right?
1252
00:54:00,926 --> 00:54:02,426
[Rel laughing]
1253
00:54:03,793 --> 00:54:04,693
They been there all fuckin' day doin' that shit.
1254
00:54:05,993 --> 00:54:07,693
They don't give a FUCK about your funeral.
1255
00:54:09,026 --> 00:54:10,359
They don't care about your family,
1256
00:54:10,359 --> 00:54:11,493
they don't care about your tears.
1257
00:54:13,393 --> 00:54:14,726
I swear to God, I saw that nigga with his foot on a little silver thing,
1258
00:54:14,726 --> 00:54:15,526
doing this shit.
1259
00:54:17,226 --> 00:54:22,226
[laughter]
1260
00:54:24,859 --> 00:54:26,759
He started watching shit on his phone and shit.
1261
00:54:26,759 --> 00:54:27,493
"Ah ha ha!
1262
00:54:28,259 --> 00:54:29,126
Heyooo, ahhh!"
1263
00:54:31,026 --> 00:54:34,993
[laughter]
1264
00:54:38,393 --> 00:54:39,926
That nigga don't give a fuck about your funeral.
1265
00:54:41,859 --> 00:54:44,026
[laughter]
1266
00:54:45,393 --> 00:54:46,693
He don't even let that shit down nice,
1267
00:54:46,693 --> 00:54:47,526
ya know what I mean? Like--
1268
00:54:47,526 --> 00:54:49,759
[Rel laughing ]
1269
00:54:51,493 --> 00:54:53,393
They was letting that shit down, that shit had got stuck.
1270
00:54:54,626 --> 00:54:55,926
It's like, ah-- you know, 'cause
1271
00:54:55,926 --> 00:54:57,459
you know, we all cryin', and we sad,
1272
00:54:57,459 --> 00:54:58,726
you know, 'cause it's just our last time
1273
00:54:58,726 --> 00:55:00,326
seeing our loved one, it's going down.
1274
00:55:01,959 --> 00:55:03,459
And we all like, "Oh my God, ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
1275
00:55:04,926 --> 00:55:06,359
Next thing you know, you hear this nigga
1276
00:55:06,359 --> 00:55:08,426
talking about, "Ah shit, it ain't movin'!"
1277
00:55:09,126 --> 00:55:11,359
[laughter]
1278
00:55:12,926 --> 00:55:15,459
"It ain't movin'! Anybody got another key?"
1279
00:55:17,493 --> 00:55:19,793
'Cause you know, they got to crank that shit down like this.
1280
00:55:20,493 --> 00:55:23,959
[laughter]
1281
00:55:25,859 --> 00:55:29,726
[Rel laughing
1282
00:55:34,093 --> 00:55:36,226
But you know what I love about being back home in Chicago?
1283
00:55:36,226 --> 00:55:37,893
One thing I love about-- I love going to
1284
00:55:37,893 --> 00:55:40,193
like my home church, ya know what I mean?
1285
00:55:41,493 --> 00:55:42,493
I love-- 'cause like I live in L.A. and
1286
00:55:42,493 --> 00:55:43,459
shit, and--
1287
00:55:44,093 --> 00:55:45,359
[sighs]
1288
00:55:45,359 --> 00:55:46,293
These churches are weird in L.A.
1289
00:55:46,293 --> 00:55:47,959
[laughter]
1290
00:55:47,959 --> 00:55:49,493
Ya know what I mean? For real.
1291
00:55:49,493 --> 00:55:50,593
First of all, they ain't got no real choirs,
1292
00:55:50,593 --> 00:55:51,493
no, they got Dru Hill.
1293
00:55:52,193 --> 00:55:54,726
[laughter]
1294
00:55:55,859 --> 00:55:57,326
Just six random people with a
1295
00:55:57,326 --> 00:55:57,959
microphone walkin' up, singin' and shit.
1296
00:55:59,259 --> 00:56:00,526
They be walking around with that microphone
1297
00:56:00,526 --> 00:56:01,659
all service 'til it's their time.
1298
00:56:02,593 --> 00:56:05,759
[laughter]
1299
00:56:07,493 --> 00:56:09,359
I mean, I'm sick of it, like L.A. is just too new and bougie,
1300
00:56:09,359 --> 00:56:11,526
like, even like-- they don't even sing the like, the passionate
1301
00:56:11,526 --> 00:56:13,026
gospel songs, ya know what I mean?
1302
00:56:14,793 --> 00:56:16,159
These new black people at church, this new gospel music is too
1303
00:56:16,159 --> 00:56:17,426
just-- I don't know,
1304
00:56:17,426 --> 00:56:19,359
it's just too windy and heav-it-y.
1305
00:56:20,059 --> 00:56:21,626
[laughter]
1306
00:56:22,493 --> 00:56:23,159
It ain't no soul in it.
1307
00:56:23,159 --> 00:56:23,959
[belting]
1308
00:56:23,959 --> 00:56:24,459
I miss that shit.
1309
00:56:25,826 --> 00:56:27,259
You know, now these people talkin' 'bout,
1310
00:56:27,259 --> 00:56:29,493
[nasal singing] "Worthy is your name!
1311
00:56:30,326 --> 00:56:33,193
Je-eeeee-sus.
1312
00:56:33,193 --> 00:56:36,293
You deserve our praise.
1313
00:56:37,193 --> 00:56:39,593
Worthy is your naaame.
1314
00:56:39,593 --> 00:56:42,726
Worthy is your NA--"
1315
00:56:43,893 --> 00:56:45,193
This nigga got braids and shit and
1316
00:56:45,193 --> 00:56:46,059
tracksuit on, talkin' 'bout,
1317
00:56:47,293 --> 00:56:49,393
[nasal singing] "Jeeeee-eeee-sus!
1318
00:56:49,393 --> 00:56:51,726
You deserve our praise!"
1319
00:56:52,426 --> 00:56:54,993
[laughter]
1320
00:56:56,659 --> 00:56:58,126
You remember when you ain't know the words to church songs?
1321
00:56:58,126 --> 00:56:59,559
They got that shit on the screen,
1322
00:56:59,559 --> 00:57:00,859
[nasal singing] "Worthy is your name!
1323
00:57:01,559 --> 00:57:02,226
Jeeeeeee--
1324
00:57:02,226 --> 00:57:03,126
eeeeee--
1325
00:57:03,126 --> 00:57:04,393
--suuuuus!
1326
00:57:05,293 --> 00:57:07,493
You deserve our praise!
1327
00:57:08,493 --> 00:57:09,993
Worthy is yooooour--
1328
00:57:09,993 --> 00:57:11,026
--naaame."
1329
00:57:11,726 --> 00:57:13,026
[laughter]
1330
00:57:14,759 --> 00:57:16,626
Man, what the fuck is this?
1331
00:57:20,293 --> 00:57:21,659
You ain't got no verses, just chorus.
1332
00:57:23,793 --> 00:57:26,259
[laughter]
1333
00:57:28,359 --> 00:57:30,293
[Rel laughing]
1334
00:57:34,826 --> 00:57:37,759
I miss church, like, in the late 80s, early 90s.
1335
00:57:37,759 --> 00:57:39,726
[cheering]
1336
00:57:39,726 --> 00:57:41,226
Choir robes, shoulder pads in it.
1337
00:57:46,559 --> 00:57:48,159
You remember loose-ass sleeves?
1338
00:57:48,159 --> 00:57:49,159
You remember they had them loose-ass sleeves?
1339
00:57:50,559 --> 00:57:52,159
And them shoulder pads with loose-ass sleeves?
1340
00:57:53,659 --> 00:57:55,026
You ain't know where they arms at in those sleeves.
1341
00:57:56,626 --> 00:57:58,426
Their choir robes was one size fits all.
1342
00:57:58,426 --> 00:57:59,726
Everybody had on extra-larges.
1343
00:58:02,093 --> 00:58:04,493
[singing] "Don't wait till the battle's over, shout now," you know.
1344
00:58:12,559 --> 00:58:14,226
That's why you ain't know what the words were.
1345
00:58:14,226 --> 00:58:16,993
[random singing]
1346
00:58:19,926 --> 00:58:20,926
They ain't give a fuck then.
1347
00:58:20,926 --> 00:58:23,826
[unintelligible singing]
1348
00:58:24,526 --> 00:58:28,393
[laughter]
1349
00:58:32,559 --> 00:58:34,126
You know, had to have some--
1350
00:58:34,126 --> 00:58:39,126
[imitating the words]
1351
00:58:58,026 --> 00:58:59,993
[laughter]
1352
00:59:01,893 --> 00:59:03,259
It was too many people singing, you don't know what to put--
1353
00:59:04,126 --> 00:59:08,726
[imitating the words]
1354
00:59:09,626 --> 00:59:11,559
[laughter]
1355
00:59:15,259 --> 00:59:19,426
[unintelligible singing]
1356
00:59:19,426 --> 00:59:21,359
[singing] "FARE-THA-WEHHH!"
1357
00:59:22,926 --> 00:59:24,993
What the fuck is "fare-tha-well?"
1358
00:59:25,693 --> 00:59:27,159
[laughter]
1359
00:59:31,126 --> 00:59:33,293
[singing] "IT'S--THE--GREEEAT!"
1360
00:59:34,059 --> 00:59:38,793
[Rel laughing]
1361
00:59:40,326 --> 00:59:41,993
Y'all laughin', I miss old church.
1362
00:59:44,226 --> 00:59:45,559
They used to give anybody a solo.
1363
00:59:47,993 --> 00:59:49,459
You get a solo now, you could have a
1364
00:59:49,459 --> 00:59:50,693
record coming out, a record deal or somethin'.
1365
00:59:52,959 --> 00:59:54,326
In the late 80s,
1366
00:59:54,326 --> 00:59:55,526
you could've just got off drugs.
1367
00:59:59,326 --> 01:00:01,126
As long as you got baptized, they put you in a choir.
1368
01:00:04,159 --> 01:00:05,459
You get a solo and everything.
1369
01:00:05,459 --> 01:00:07,426
[Rel laughing]
1370
01:00:09,259 --> 01:00:10,793
You know, that's what they used to do.
1371
01:00:10,793 --> 01:00:12,259
They'd give people solos who had the best backstory.
1372
01:00:14,026 --> 01:00:15,793
You didn't have to know how to sing.
1373
01:00:15,793 --> 01:00:17,293
They'd be like, "Oh, they givin' a dope fiend Larry a solo, oh."
1374
01:00:22,059 --> 01:00:23,759
He didn't have to know how to sing or nothin'.
1375
01:00:24,926 --> 01:00:26,326
That little dope fiend, he'd be
1376
01:00:26,326 --> 01:00:26,993
happy as hell walking up to that podium.
1377
01:00:29,426 --> 01:00:31,326
First of all, they gave him a choir robe two weeks ago.
1378
01:00:31,326 --> 01:00:32,559
He been wearing that shit every day.
1379
01:00:35,959 --> 01:00:37,326
You see that nigga at the bus stop
1380
01:00:37,326 --> 01:00:38,326
on a Wednesday with the choir robes on.
1381
01:00:42,126 --> 01:00:43,459
"Goddamn bus is running late again.
1382
01:00:43,459 --> 01:00:44,626
I'mma be late for choir rehearsal."
1383
01:00:45,359 --> 01:00:46,993
[laughter]
1384
01:00:51,493 --> 01:00:53,426
[Rel laughing]
1385
01:00:54,659 --> 01:00:55,926
They give him a solo and everything.
1386
01:00:57,826 --> 01:00:59,226
You could tell he nervous too, the
1387
01:00:59,226 --> 01:01:00,426
choir director trying to talk to him.
1388
01:01:00,426 --> 01:01:01,393
[whispering] "You got this."
1389
01:01:06,426 --> 01:01:07,759
And I feel like they gave everybody
1390
01:01:07,759 --> 01:01:09,493
the same solo that just got off drugs.
1391
01:01:13,126 --> 01:01:15,059
If they knew how to sing or not.
1392
01:01:16,459 --> 01:01:17,393
You hear this song:
1393
01:01:17,393 --> 01:01:18,893
"Da da da...
1394
01:01:18,893 --> 01:01:21,693
Da-da-da da da da da
1395
01:01:22,559 --> 01:01:24,493
Da-da-da da da da da
1396
01:01:25,359 --> 01:01:27,093
Da-da-da da da da da
1397
01:01:27,693 --> 01:01:27,826
Da-da--"
1398
01:01:28,893 --> 01:01:30,493
[singing] "Tragedies are...
1399
01:01:31,226 --> 01:01:32,493
common place.
1400
01:01:33,959 --> 01:01:35,393
[audience singing along] All types of di-seas-es,
1401
01:01:36,593 --> 01:01:37,859
people are slipping za-way.
1402
01:01:38,726 --> 01:01:40,926
E-conomies do-own,
1403
01:01:42,159 --> 01:01:43,359
people ain't gettin' no pay!
1404
01:01:44,559 --> 01:01:46,726
As for me,
1405
01:01:48,193 --> 01:01:49,893
[audience singing along] all I can say is--
1406
01:01:51,393 --> 01:01:55,093
Thank you Lord, for all You've done for--"
1407
01:01:55,093 --> 01:01:56,559
This is when he start feelin' himself.
1408
01:01:57,526 --> 01:01:58,126
[singing] "Yeeeeeahhh!
1409
01:01:58,893 --> 01:01:59,693
Yeeeah yeeeah!
1410
01:02:00,993 --> 01:02:01,126
[singing] Yeah, it could've been me!
1411
01:02:01,859 --> 01:02:02,926
Thank-yooou!
1412
01:02:03,526 --> 01:02:04,126
OUTDOORS!
1413
01:02:04,859 --> 01:02:05,459
Thank-yooou!
1414
01:02:06,226 --> 01:02:06,526
WITH NO SHOE--
1415
01:02:07,259 --> 01:02:07,993
Thank-yooou!
1416
01:02:08,759 --> 01:02:09,493
AND NO CLOTHES!
1417
01:02:10,093 --> 01:02:11,026
Thank--"
1418
01:02:11,026 --> 01:02:11,159
He just start crying.
1419
01:02:12,426 --> 01:02:12,659
[sob-singing] "OR JUST ALONE!
1420
01:02:13,926 --> 01:02:15,493
[mumbling] WITHOUT A FRIEND!
1421
01:02:16,459 --> 01:02:18,059
Or just-- ba-ba-ba-ba--"
1422
01:02:18,059 --> 01:02:19,026
[cries]
1423
01:02:19,726 --> 01:02:21,559
[sobbing]
1424
01:02:22,593 --> 01:02:23,893
They gotta keep singin',
1425
01:02:23,893 --> 01:02:25,059
somebody gotta rub his back.
1426
01:02:25,059 --> 01:02:26,759
[singing] "Thank yoooou.
1427
01:02:27,493 --> 01:02:28,759
Thank you--"
1428
01:02:28,759 --> 01:02:29,893
[sobbing]
1429
01:02:30,659 --> 01:02:31,859
"Thank yoooou!"
1430
01:02:32,559 --> 01:02:34,093
[laughter]
1431
01:02:36,193 --> 01:02:40,459
[cheering]
1432
01:02:41,293 --> 01:02:44,293
[Rel laughing]
1433
01:02:45,793 --> 01:02:46,859
But hold on.
1434
01:02:48,626 --> 01:02:50,593
That's what them pastors used to be assholes.
1435
01:02:52,359 --> 01:02:53,759
You know, you done sang that song,
1436
01:02:53,759 --> 01:02:55,293
everybody in the church shoutin' and cryin'.
1437
01:02:56,826 --> 01:02:58,259
The pastor get down and put all your business out here.
1438
01:02:58,259 --> 01:02:59,026
[hoarse] "Let me say this real quick.
1439
01:02:59,026 --> 01:03:00,426
Ah, ah, ah,
1440
01:03:00,426 --> 01:03:01,926
Brother Larry just snorted crack cocaine.
1441
01:03:01,926 --> 01:03:03,893
Amen-- ah ah ah ah.
1442
01:03:03,893 --> 01:03:05,893
35 minutes ago-- ah ah ah--
1443
01:03:05,893 --> 01:03:09,859
he was out there selling his body, male prostitutin', amen.
1444
01:03:10,759 --> 01:03:11,893
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah--
1445
01:03:11,893 --> 01:03:13,526
stole his mama's wigs
1446
01:03:13,526 --> 01:03:16,226
and sold them at the church picnic, amen.
1447
01:03:16,926 --> 01:03:18,126
Badaaaaah."
1448
01:03:18,826 --> 01:03:20,159
[laughter]
1449
01:03:20,926 --> 01:03:21,826
[Rel laughing]
1450
01:03:23,159 --> 01:03:23,826
That nigga Larry be the choir stand like this.
1451
01:03:25,626 --> 01:03:27,359
[laughter]
1452
01:03:29,459 --> 01:03:30,259
"Whatever."
1453
01:03:33,393 --> 01:03:35,126
[laughter]
1454
01:03:36,459 --> 01:03:37,593
"You know somethin'? I QUIT."
1455
01:03:37,593 --> 01:03:38,593
He take a choir robe off.
1456
01:03:38,593 --> 01:03:39,259
"I quit."
1457
01:03:47,426 --> 01:03:49,993
[Rel laughing]
1458
01:03:51,393 --> 01:03:53,693
[hoarse] "He was just on drugs, amen."
1459
01:03:54,393 --> 01:03:55,693
[laughter]
1460
01:04:00,559 --> 01:04:02,026
"God delivered him,
1461
01:04:02,026 --> 01:04:02,959
he was just...
1462
01:04:04,493 --> 01:04:05,793
...on crack cocaine.
1463
01:04:07,793 --> 01:04:10,693
Selling his body on Madison Street, amen.
1464
01:04:12,426 --> 01:04:14,093
Out there selling himself.
1465
01:04:15,793 --> 01:04:17,093
But God saw fit!"
1466
01:04:17,793 --> 01:04:19,326
[laughter]
1467
01:04:29,226 --> 01:04:31,726
[Rel laughing]
1468
01:04:33,759 --> 01:04:36,259
[Rel laughing]
1469
01:04:37,559 --> 01:04:38,926
Y'all laughin', I miss those preachers.
1470
01:04:40,693 --> 01:04:42,659
They used to preach hard back then, be tired.
1471
01:04:44,226 --> 01:04:46,393
These new pastors, they still got they same energy.
1472
01:04:46,393 --> 01:04:47,393
'cause they don't, you know...
1473
01:04:48,293 --> 01:04:49,693
they don't exude none.
1474
01:04:49,693 --> 01:04:50,893
They be like, "Hey, you guys got the word?
1475
01:04:50,893 --> 01:04:51,826
Great, see you next Sunday."
1476
01:04:51,826 --> 01:04:51,959
Ya know what I mean?
1477
01:04:53,126 --> 01:04:55,326
[laughter]
1478
01:04:56,493 --> 01:04:57,393
These old pastors back in the day,
1479
01:04:58,893 --> 01:04:59,393
you know the 80s, they had that towel on they neck.
1480
01:05:01,059 --> 01:05:02,126
That's how tired they was.
1481
01:05:02,859 --> 01:05:04,426
They'd be like--
1482
01:05:04,426 --> 01:05:05,359
[gravelly] "Here, let me say this to y'all,
1483
01:05:05,359 --> 01:05:05,759
we 'bout to get out."
1484
01:05:07,093 --> 01:05:08,193
Voice gone, "We 'bout to get up out of here.
1485
01:05:08,826 --> 01:05:10,093
Ummm...
1486
01:05:11,759 --> 01:05:14,259
We gon' here-- to get out of here soon."
1487
01:05:17,193 --> 01:05:18,626
He be so tired, he delirious.
1488
01:05:18,626 --> 01:05:19,926
[gravelly] "We 'bout to get out of here.
1489
01:05:22,026 --> 01:05:23,959
Amen, we 'bout to GO, amen."
1490
01:05:26,859 --> 01:05:27,993
Start having side conversations.
1491
01:05:27,993 --> 01:05:29,093
"What we doing after this?
1492
01:05:29,093 --> 01:05:29,959
What's going on down there?
1493
01:05:31,426 --> 01:05:32,926
After this-- they what-- they want to do-- now--
1494
01:05:32,926 --> 01:05:33,793
where-- after, after what?
1495
01:05:36,159 --> 01:05:38,759
Amen, they gon' be sellin' chicken dinners...
1496
01:05:40,559 --> 01:05:42,393
...immediately after service.
1497
01:05:44,159 --> 01:05:46,626
You know, Mother Bullock can fry some chicken, amen.
1498
01:05:48,293 --> 01:05:50,559
I'mma make sure I get me
1499
01:05:51,893 --> 01:05:54,193
some of that chicken.
1500
01:05:55,393 --> 01:05:56,693
Hold on, they got on the menu?
1501
01:05:56,693 --> 01:05:57,359
They got what on the men--
1502
01:05:58,659 --> 01:06:00,226
Yeah, they gon' have some greens,
1503
01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:04,793
cornbread and macaroni...
1504
01:06:05,893 --> 01:06:08,059
and cheese."
1505
01:06:13,626 --> 01:06:14,926
You can tell he thinkin' about the food,
1506
01:06:14,926 --> 01:06:15,659
he got quiet,
1507
01:06:15,659 --> 01:06:17,026
"Cheese.
1508
01:06:22,059 --> 01:06:23,793
Okay, God has smiled on me now."
1509
01:06:26,326 --> 01:06:28,559
[laughter]
1510
01:06:30,526 --> 01:06:31,959
Preachers be delirious.
1511
01:06:31,959 --> 01:06:34,193
[Rel laughing]
1512
01:06:35,893 --> 01:06:37,659
Just start talkin' 'bout whatever come to his head.
1513
01:06:37,659 --> 01:06:39,826
"I gotta get some gas after this, 'cause
1514
01:06:40,826 --> 01:06:41,693
uh...
1515
01:06:43,393 --> 01:06:45,726
I gotta drop off Mother Johnson...
1516
01:06:47,626 --> 01:06:49,359
because her son is sick.
1517
01:06:52,459 --> 01:06:54,659
And the van is..."
1518
01:06:54,659 --> 01:06:56,859
[laughter]
1519
01:06:57,993 --> 01:06:59,259
"on a couple flat tires, so...
1520
01:07:01,826 --> 01:07:03,026
We gon' go and get her--
1521
01:07:03,026 --> 01:07:03,759
GOD HAS SMILED ON ME!"
1522
01:07:04,926 --> 01:07:08,559
[laughter]
1523
01:07:09,326 --> 01:07:13,926
[Rel laughing]
1524
01:07:19,893 --> 01:07:22,326
[laughter]
1525
01:07:23,026 --> 01:07:23,659
[Rel sighs]
1526
01:07:28,959 --> 01:07:29,626
Yeah, that's it.
1527
01:07:29,626 --> 01:07:30,526
Uh
1528
01:07:30,526 --> 01:07:30,693
I don't know what--
1529
01:07:31,393 --> 01:07:32,226
[laughter]
1530
01:07:33,626 --> 01:07:34,693
[Rel laughing]
1531
01:07:35,526 --> 01:07:37,426
[audience cheering]
1532
01:07:38,459 --> 01:07:39,493
Chicago, thank you so much.
1533
01:07:40,859 --> 01:07:42,593
I had so much fun with y'all tonight.
1534
01:07:43,693 --> 01:07:45,026
I'm Lil Rel, that's my time.
1535
01:07:45,026 --> 01:07:46,059
Peace out y'all, thank y'all so much.
1536
01:07:46,826 --> 01:07:50,259
[upbeat music]
103364
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