Original subtitles

Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show.

You're here. You made it. Thank you very much.

Well, guys, as you know, this weekend, the U .S. was hit by a historic winter

storm that shattered temperature records and covered nearly half the country in

a foot of snow.

Yeah, it is brutal out there. It is so cold, my belly button went from an outie

to an innie.

Yeah. We got a foot of snow here in New York City, and everything went from

beautiful to brown mush in two seconds.

Basically, the entire city pulled an avocado.

And, uh... Yeah, it's freezing out there. It's so cold, J .D. Vance shrunk

the size of Marco Rubio.

It's... It is so cold, I watched a Melania movie just to warm my heart.

You know?

It's so cold, President Trump got a space heater installed in his MRI

I just... Hey, Jimmy, let me try one.

froze itself.

Good night, everybody.

Thank you very, very much. Thank you.

But seriously, stay inside, stay warm, stay safe. Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Wow.

Mr. Mayor is here.

Well, this has been a historic winter storm.

Millions of people all around the country are dealing with snow and ice.

right now, let's get a weather update from Tonight Show meteorologist Paris

Hilton. Paris, how is it out there?

That's not hot. Thank you, Paris.

Thank you very much. Paris Hilton, everybody.

That's not hot.

That's not hot. Yeah.

Of course, due to the storm, thousands of flights were canceled, which created

total chaos with air travel, but the airlines wanted to let people know that

they were working on it, so they released some messages.

Check out this first one from Delta.

Here at Delta, our top priority is keeping you safe. Thanks for bearing

while we get you back in the air. Delta, keep climbing.

That's nice.

Here's one from United.

Together, we can weather any storm. We promise to get you to your destination

soon as it's safe to fly again.

United. Good leads the way.

I like that. You know, I like that. Oh, wait. Hang on. I'm sorry. I'm hearing

this one more message from Spirit Airlines.

Okay.

Watch this.

the Super Bowl matchup is officially set with the Seattle Seahawks taking on the

New England Patriots.

What a matchup. Seattle versus Boston.

Yep. Starbucks versus Dunkin'. Stale egg sandwiches versus stale egg sandwiches.

Yeah, it's a matchup between quarterback Sam Darnold of the Seahawks and Drake

May of the Patriots.

Yep.

Sam and Drake. This sounds like a comedy on the Disney Channel.

Yep, last year it was Kendrick, and this year it's Drake.

It's like half a joke.

It's kind of there.

I saw where we were going with it.

But we just didn't really...

Didn't really land the plane. Yeah, no, yeah, we stopped short. But there's got

to be something about Drake and Kendrick.

What was that?

We'll do the other half tomorrow.

Yeah, it's a to -be -continued joke.

We'll do the first half tonight.

And then you dip your toes in the water. You go, well, that's not bad. And then

tomorrow you go, I don't like it.

You guys see this? Trump said that he's skipping the Super Bowl this year

because it's just too far away.

Apparently, the NFL was like, if you stay home, we'll give you the football

peace prize.

Got a deal?

Cool?

I'll take it. I can't believe I got it. I deserve it.

I can't believe it's mine.

Trump said that he will not attend the Super Bowl because it's too far, which

also what he said about a meeting on the other side of the Oval Office. I can't

go. It's not great when you're too tired to sit for three hours, you know?

That is the whole joke there. That's the whole... There's no part two. That's

it. Yeah, that's not going to get any worse or better. Wow.

That landed.

Well, speaking of Trump, he just revoked his invitation for Canada to join his

new Board of Peace after the Canadian prime minister criticized the U .S. So,

far, the Board of Peace is going great.

And finally, I read that Lowe's is launching an initiative to reach younger

shoppers. Meanwhile, Home Depot will keep being a place where you slap an air

tag on dad and let him wander around for hours.

We have a great show. Pete Davidson is here tonight.

Paris Hilton is your host.