All language subtitles for call.the.midwife.s12e02.720p.hevc.x265-megusta

Sweet dreams

are an ideal preface to the dawn.

We can begin in sunshine
and with purpose.

We can draw from a well

filled with rest and possibility.

Nothing has been started,

nothing has been spent,
if we're lucky.

Each day dawns blank,

a sheet of paper
waiting for our story.

We start to create it
the moment that we wake.

More marmalade!

Do tuck in. Plenty more
where that came from.

You can say that again.

I think what Nurse Crane
means is... Well,

variety is the spice of life.

Oh. Would you like me to make
a different flavour?

No!

Good morning, Lucille.

Morning.

You were on my mind the minute
I woke up this morning.

I had fun and games last night

with the set of the sleeve
on your cardigan.

There's no rush.

I've a bit of a special one
for your district list today.

Mr Thomas Woodleigh.

11 Caliphate Street.

Born 1889.

It appears he took a tumble
on his front step.

Multiple sutures
in his left hand.

Dressing changes needed.

And whilst detained overnight,

he underwent a test

that suggests a degree
of macular degeneration.

So he is losing his sight.

Further tests required, apparently,

and Mr Woodleigh is refusing
to cooperate.

See if you can get him
to trust you.

Then we can move things on.

Ah... Hands up everyone
who remembered their PE kit.

Me!

Hands up everybody taking tadpoles
for the nature table.

GLASS CLINKS Me!

Hands up everyone with
a delivery bag

and wearing a nurse's uniform.

I'm sorry.

I was looking for something
to donate to the raffle.

Ah! This is perfect.

Well, that was a present
from a grateful patient.

Why can't you give them
that Liebfraumilch?

It's been sitting there
since New Year.

The Liebfraumilch?

Oh, I don't think so.

I'm sure we'll have a use
for it at some point.

And we never drink whisky.

What's that?

It's the girls' measurements
for their maypole costumes.

All I have to do is
drop them off with Miss Nadine.

Mmm...

Teddy, do not take the lid
off that Tupperware box.

Sister, I collected the urn
from the Florrie.

Where shall I leave it?

Thank you, Cyril.

In my view, it should remain
in the Florrie.

And Sister Julienne should
entertain her friends there.

It's an opportunity to give
first-time mothers

some practical advice
in a less formal environment.

And I hope they enjoy
each other's company.

I intuit the hand
of Sister Veronica.

No, it's all my idea,

although I do admit
Sister Veronica's arrival

has lifted my spirits

and freed me to spend more time
with the people that we serve.

This parlour is a place
of quietude and reflection...

and the television.

I am not in favour of
this invasion.

Nurse.

You looking for Nadine?
Yes.

I think she might have
popped out.

Worse than that.

GIGGLES Oh, slow down, Lil!

If the boss finds out
I let you drive the van,

he'll have my guts for garters.

You worry too much.

Mwah!

Hello.

Miss Nadine has had
an ovary removed.

A very nasty case of torsion,
according to Sister.

Oh, no. The neighbour said
she was screaming

as they carried her
into the ambulance.

Well, she will be
on female surgical

for at least a fortnight,

and may then need to convalesce
away from home.

I believe her little girl is
staying with a friend,

but I've no idea who's looking
after the dancing school.

Unmarried ladies are often
extremely resourceful.

I imagine she has a plan
in place for all disasters.

I know she hasn't
a plan in place

for the maypole dance
at Whitsuntide.

I'd refer it to the committee,

but now she's in hospital
and Violet's away,

the committee is really just me.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Who... Who is it?

District nurse calling.

The cut is healing nicely,
Mr Woodleigh.

You'll be getting
these stitches out

by the end of the week.
Ah.

Can you get the smell of milk
out of me trousers

while you're at it?

I made a right fool of me self

tripping over that crate.

Glass everywhere.

Gold top everywhere!

Gold top?

I like your style.

Oh, I've got this grandson,
done well for himself.

He pays the milkman for me.

Yeah, keeps me in biscuits an' all.

There's a tin here somewhere.
Oh, on the table.

That's them.

He gets some Royal Appointment
shop up west to deliver 'em.

Classy.

Some of 'em are rock hard

and I can't dip 'em in me tea

cos they're covered in chocolate.

You're lucky to have family
around you, Mr Woodleigh.

Depends what you mean by around.

I've never been
to my grandson's house.

The one who sends you
the biscuits?

Uh-huh. And the rest.

They've just gone.

Gone where?

No-one is forcing me
out of Poplar or this house.

I worked them wharves
for near 60 years.

You were a docker?

Oh, um...

Oh... Here, make us
a cuppa tea, Nurse.

I mean, I'd do it, only
I reckon my hand won't let me.

Everyone here has expressed
an interest in attending

a breast-feeding demonstration,

therefore Mrs Wade has kindly
brought baby Simon in today.

Aw...

Luckily for us, he sounds
as though he's rather hungry.

Those little contented noises

they make
when they're feeding...

A bit like my old man
when he's got his Sunday lunch.

Your bodies will change rapidly

as you approach the birth itself.

That can cause
some breast tenderness.

Do you want
one of your biscuits?

Not really.

Oh, tea!
Your grandson might be hurt

if he came to visit and thought
you weren't enjoying them.

He won't visit.

Are there any Marie biscuits?

No, I'm afraid they're all
a bit more superior.

I like a Marie biscuit.

Mr Woodleigh, I'll be coming
back to check on your hand

until we take the stitches out.

But you know we're going to
have to address

the trouble with your eyesight,
too, don't you?

I manage.

It's like I'm looking through
a window

that's been badly cleaned.

A great dark streak
across the middle.

Is it like that now?

Can you see me?

Well, not if you move about.

Can you describe me?

Nurse's dress...

I don't think you're a Londoner.

But that might just be
the sound of your voice.

You've got a nice voice.

Thank you.

I'm going to speak
to the occupational therapists.

We'll see what they can do
to make life easier for you.

My life isn't hard.

Thank you, Sister.

That was ever so nice.

Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed it,
Mrs Reynolds.

I'm Lilian.

Lilian.

I didn't like to mention it
in front of everyone,

but one of my bosoms
is really sore.

Just one?
Yes. Sore and... I don't know.

As if it's a bit hot.

Why don't we take a look at it
in clinic tomorrow?

I'm sure we can put your mind
at ease.

Flower...

I'm sorry I'm late.

Don't worry.

Did they keep you in the office?

No. But I had to go and see
Brother Selwyn

and Sister Meryl.

They're being evicted
from their flat.

But they've just done
all those repairs

and got it all spruced up.

And their neighbours objected
to their presence.

That is against the law.

We all know that.

They're going to stay
with his family in Brixton

and look for a new home there.

Perhaps there's safety
in numbers.

There's no safety anywhere.

Lucille, have faith.

And if you can't have faith,

will you just allow me
to tell you something nice?

Please tell me something nice.

I've booked a telephone call
home to Jamaica.

To Jamaica? When?

Tomorrow night.

But it isn't even Christmas
or anybody's birthday.

How did you even manage to
do it without me finding out?

I'm just very good at
keeping a neutral expression

and secrets.

If I took up poker, I might
even make some money.

Good afternoon.

What on earth happened
nine months ago?

Must have been a power cut!

Lilian?

Me and my husband can't wait.

Am I still on course
to have it at home, Doctor?

Absolutely.

Baby, blood pressure, urine,
they're all spot-on.

Everything is as it should be
in that regard.

And I can still do the splits.

LAUGHS NERVOUSLY Well, probably.

I haven't tried since I've been
in the family way.

LAUGHS I would hope not!

I was a Redcoat.

I worked at a holiday camp.

That's how I met my Ronnie.

I was entertainment,

he was maintenance.

Well, they do say opposites attract.

Doctor, Mrs Reynolds - Lilian -
raised a concern about

some discomfort with her breast.

I wondered if we might take
a look at it before she leaves.

Of course.

Goodness. That does look sore.

I wondered this morning
if it was my bra.

I've just changed soap powders.

Lilian is getting dressed.

I think the speed
with which you referred her

to St Cuthbert's has shaken her
a little.

I haven't much choice.

The skin feels warm
as though there's an infection,

but she doesn't have
a temperature

and it's extremely unlikely
that it's mastitis

because she's still pregnant.

She's very keen to breast-feed.

Well, let's get the girl
some answers.

The wedding photographs

were the best wedding
photographs I have ever seen.

I have such a beautiful frame

for the one of Celine and Edwin.

Tell her I will send her
a photo of the photograph.

What do you mean,
wait till I hear the news?

Yes, of course I will act
surprised when she tells me.

That is lovely.

And so soon after the wedding!

We will be needing
an even bigger photo frame.

Celine is having a baby.
Oh, alleluia!

Praise Jesus.

Cyril says alleluia,
praise Jesus.

Lucille...

Lucille.

Lucille!

Our time will come.

Here, I wouldn't mind her
giving me a bed bath!

TUTS Ronnie!

I've never known anyone who
could lower the tone like you.

Mrs Reynolds,
you can come through.

You can wait here, sir.

Oh.

Morning, Mr Woodleigh.
Ah!

Here I come,
all bright and breezy.

You... You don't sound
bright and breezy.

I'll have a look at your hand,

then I'll take you through
the appointments we've arranged

about your eyesight.

You'll need to open
them curtains

or you'll not be able to see
what you're about.

The curtains are wide open,
Mr Woodleigh.

And it's a sunny day.

Is it?

Oh. I can't see anything
all of a sudden.

All of a sudden?

GASPS Not on this side.

I thought X-rays were
for looking at your bones,

not your bosoms.

Oh, you'd be surprised
what we get up to.

I've never heard of anyone
having a biopsy.

I'm not even sure what it is.

It'll all be over in two ticks.

And you really can't see
anything at all

out of the left one now?

Drops! That's what you need
to give me.

Eye drops will put it right.

I wish they could.

The trouble is, Mr Woodleigh, I
think you've had some bleeding

at the back of your eye.

Is that this maculitis
they've said I've got?

Macular degeneration.

Yes, I think so.

Well, we need to get you
to a specialist

before we can be sure.

Mr Woodleigh already has
an appointment booked

at the eye hospital
in a fortnight's time.

I wouldn't mind getting this
looked at sooner.

The thing is, Tommy, at your age,

macular degeneration usually
progresses slowly.

It just creeps up on you,

but it can make sudden lunges
forward like this.

I reckon an ambulance ride
is in order.

Good morning, Cyril.

Is Fred about?
Oh, I'm standing in for him

while he drives Violet
to the railway station.

Well, I hope she has
a lovely holiday in Jersey

with the Lady Haberdasherers'
Forum.

Meanwhile, since I've had no choice

but to take over the organisation

of the Whitsun event from
Miss Nadine,

I'm refreshing everyone's memory

regarding their responsibilities.

This is for Fred.

Kindly draw his attention to it
when he returns.

Of course.
All hands on deck.

I've put you
in charge of the maypole -

retrieval, refurbishment
and safe installation.

Er, consider me at your service.

All I can say, Cyril,

is I wish there were
more like you.

Next the raffle.

Your razor and your toothbrush
are in this bag.

You hang on to it now.

I'll only get in that ambulance

if you promise me
I'm coming home again.

Of course you're coming home.

They'll only keep you in
for a night or two.

I need to be where I belong.

Even if you can't see home,
you can smell it.

Well, we've had
a day-and-a-half of it

at the maternity home.

Two deliveries

and then a very weepy admission
for bed rest.

Gladys Prior.

Have you had a day of it too,
lass?

Today, I had to look after
an old man who has no family

and is almost completely blind.

Tommy Woodleigh?

The trick is to remind yourself

of what you've actually done
to help.

Now, you've heard,
because Miss Nadine is poorly,

there's been some changes
to the maypole display.

No costumes, just Sunday best
with white hair ribbons.

Auntie Shelagh says she'll lend
me a party dress of Angela's.

Well, I've got news for you.

There's no need.

GIGGLES Is this for me?

Go on and try it on.

That's an expensive
little boutique.

Matthew bought a sailor suit
for Jonty from there.

He said his wallet needed
gas and air!

Once in a while doesn't hurt.

And I want Colette to know
she's as good as anybody else.

That's not how you take
somebody's pulse, Cyril.

Maybe I just like touching you.

Reminding me that the girl
I love is still in there,

that her heart's still beating
like it always did.

I'm not dead, Cyril.

So get up.

I'll pour you some coffee.

You can face the day.

There's a stain on my dress.

I keep meaning to deal with it.

I'll get you a damp cloth.

I was hoping for
a punctual start this morning.

Is there any other kind?

Apparently so,
if one is a health visitor.

Perhaps Sister Veronica's
concerns are less pressing.

Should I answer that?

No. You are not a telephonist.

This is Nonnatus House.

There is no-one here
to attend to you.

Meanwhile,
there has been no comment

about the uncharacteristic
tardiness of Nurse Robinson.

It is four minutes past the hour.

Latecomers are my domain,
and I shall deal with them.

Good morning, Sister Julienne.

Greetings.

Good morning, Sister.
I feel it might be appropriate

for you to pop in on
Lilian Reynolds this morning.

She was on the telephone
first thing,

fretting about
a home delivery pack.

I thought she sounded
very on edge.

Of course.

She's due a routine urine test,

and I'd like to check on
her biopsy site.

Sister, do you not find it funny

taking orders like the rest of us?

No. I'm simply a midwife
amongst midwives.

Makes me happier than I can say.

I'm sorry about the mess, Sister.

My husband's like a little kid -

always taking things apart
to see how they work.

As long as he puts them
back together again.

He only does that
when people pay him.

When it's our own belongings,

it's like he only does it
to satisfy his curiosity.

This biopsy seems to be
healing very nicely.

My skin's still really sore
and itchy, though.

Lilian, a biopsy is a test,
not a form of treatment.

Did the specialist
not explain that to you?

He was quite breezy, really.

He said it looked a bit naughty

and it wasn't usual to see
breast tissue

looking like orange peel,
all dimpled and whatnot.

Did you ask him what he thought
the problem might be?

I didn't really ask him
anything.

I just wanted to get my bra
back on and out of there.

I didn't feel comfortable
without my underpinnings.

I was never
that sort of entertainer.

So often these days, now that
medicine can do so much,

doctors investigate
simply because they can.

And the results
can be very reassuring.

I do hope so, Sister,

because I've had a call
to go and see him

at the hospital this afternoon.

It's my Ronnie.

Come to pick me up.

Mrs Wallace.

I'm so glad you could come.

Many apologies if I smell
of disinfectant, Nurse Crane.

I've come straight from
the hospital.

I probably smell
of sterilising fluid.

My last act on duty

was to make up
a dozen baby bottles.

We both know why we're here,
Mrs Wallace.

Lucille is so loved
by so many people.

But she is going further
and further downhill.

And it breaks my heart
to see it.

She needs help, Mrs Wallace.

You mean medical help?

That may become a requirement...

but Lucille sets such store
by her religion.

I was wondering if there might
be some comfort

in her faith for her.

There's always comfort
in faith, Nurse Crane.

The trouble comes
when you stop believing that.

Please, will you try and find
a way through for her?

Nurse Crane,
that is what a church is for.

You leave it with me.

It might be
that nurse you fancy.

You ought to ask her, has she
anything wants mending.

Do come through, Mrs Reynolds.

Oh, and Mr Reynolds too.

I've come round
with my begging bowl, Sister.

Have you anything
for the Whitsun raffle?

I have often had cause

to wish we lived
in a less godly society.

For wherever there is altruism,

there is invariably a raffle.

Marmalade!

And plenty of it.

Good gracious.
Someone's been busy.

There must be a year's supply
in here.

The gesture is not entirely
devoid of self-interest.

Want a cuppa tea, Lil?

I don't know.

I don't know, Ronnie.

I don't know what's happened.
I don't know what he said.

It was like my blood was
rushing in my ears,

drowning his voice out.

He was smiling, wasn't he?

He can't have been saying
anything that bad.

He was saying you got cancer,
Lil.

I can't have cancer.

Cancer is a lump,
and I haven't got a lump.

And I'm having a baby.

Nobody gets cancer
when they're pregnant.

Miss Higgins,

I think I need to speak to
Mr Sawyer at St Cuthbert's.

He's just written to me about
Lilian Reynolds' diagnosis.

It's a really rare type of
cancer involving inflammation.

I've never come across this
before.

I'll seek to connect you
immediately.

But perhaps you'd like to take
the call in your office,

after which you can confer
with Mr Reynolds.

We, uh...

We thought you might know
what's happening.

Where's Lilian?

She's at home.

She was too upset
to leave the house.

I would like to be connected
to Mr Sawyer, please,

consultant general surgeon.

Mr Sawyer took me
through your diagnosis

step by step.

Could you understand
what he was saying?

Some doctors are better at
talking to other doctors

than they are to people.

I'm sorry if he didn't make
things clear enough to you.

Your variant of breast cancer
is very, very unusual.

He's only ever seen one case
before.

It is cancer, then?

I'm afraid it is, Lilian.

He only ever said that word once.

He used all kinds of other words

like problem and
malignancy and disease,

but he only said cancer once.

I was hoping it was
a slip of the tongue.

And I haven't got a lump.

It's just sore.

Mr Sawyer recommends
that you start treatment

as soon as possible.

And we will be with you
every step of the way.

But I'm having a baby.

How can I feed my baby
if they cut my breast off?

You won't have a mastectomy.

It isn't suitable
for this kind of cancer.

The best treatment
at the moment is radiotherapy.

Mr Woodleigh...

I know that voice.

I thought you was
the district nurse.

I am.

But I was passing by
on my way home

and I thought you might like
a packet of Marie biscuits.

Oh, now you're talking.

It's not much, but I thought
you might not have anyone

to bring you anything.

Well, they're all so far away.

I'll write to them
when I get home,

tell them the good news.

Have you had good news?

Oh, not about me eyes.

They say I'll never get
me sight back.

No, the good news'll be
that I'm back in my own house.

And writing letters.

A man can dream.

Yes.

Wh-What do you dream of?

I can't tell you, Mr Woodleigh.

It might not come true otherwise.

They'll be bringing the tea soon.

You enjoy your biscuits.

Shelagh, are you ready?

Excellent. I need another B.

You come in here between
Sister Veronica and Nancy.

Right, everyone extend
your free arm.

What are we doing?
Don't interrupt.

Now, Team A are going to process

in a clockwise direction,

and Team B anticlockwise.

Am I A or B?

You're the maypole.

Don't we all just go
in the same direction?

Not according
to these excellent,

if not quite complicated,

instructions
Miss Nadine's provided.

What do we do next?
If I've read this correctly,

the As go underneath
the B's extended arm,

then the next B and so on.

Shall we give it a go?

One, two, three and...

Clockwise, Nancy!

Don't forget to skip.

It's not funny.

I've got to teach this
to Miss Nadine's Dance School.

Oh, can you not teach them
the twist instead?

I know that one.

Lil!

Sister Julienne's here.

Have you come about the baby
or about the cancer?

That's not a question anyone
should have to ask, is it?

But I can answer it.

I've come about you.

First and foremost,
I am your midwife,

and my overwhelming concern

is for your well being
and for that of the baby.

But the cancer specialist
wants radiation to start

within the next two weeks,
so he has asked if the baby

can be induced in hospital.

I wanted to have it here at home

with Ronnie holding my hand.

An appointment
has been made for you

on the maternity ward
at St Cuthbert's on Monday.

I'm not ready.

I'm just not ready.

I used to have a whole routine
before I went on stage.

I'd line up my tap shoes
and my ballet shoes.

I'd have a particular way
of setting out everything -

eyelashes, panstick, lipstick.

Getting pretty was
part of the performance

and getting ready
is part of this.

I'm so sorry.

We haven't even
thought of a name.

So... no home birth
for Lilian Reynolds.

Oh...

And I suppose that decision was
made for her

without consultation or agreement,

and certainly not with her approval.

All I could do was pass on
the news as kindly as possible.

I saw this day after day

when I was looking after
my godmother Daphne.

It's as though cancer
is this monstrous bully,

this great dictator whose voice
must be heard first,

who must be considered
before all else,

and very often before
the wishes of the patient.

And we're not used to that,
are we?

Hmm.

The mother is at the heart
of everything we do.

It's kind of you to offer
to pray with us, Mrs Wallace,

but I'm not sure
we should force the issue,

given Lucille's state of mind.

Lucille's state of mind
is forcing the issue.

The girl is under spiritual attack

and you are her pastor
as well as her husband!

I know I am.

And that doesn't make things
any easier.

All we're going to do is pray.

You don't have to anoint her,

you don't have to lay hands on her.

You just have to give
the Holy Spirit a chance!

I have given the Holy Spirit
every chance.

I have given him the chance

to make me feel welcome
in this country.

I have given him the chance
to put a child inside my body.

I have given him opportunity
after opportunity,

and either he has failed me

or I have failed in his grace...

That is impossible, Lucille.
If you think that,

then you can't see me clearly.

Or perhaps you aren't even
looking.

You're going to have to
come and live with us, Grandad.

Harlow is not the moon.

You don't need an oxygen helmet
or even vaccinations.

I seen it on the newsreel
when they built it.

There was cows.
There's more concrete now

than there is
down the Commercial Road.

You'll feel right at home.

Mr Woodleigh.

Oh, is that
my little foreign nurse?

I came to ask
for your permission

to admit the occupational
therapist to your house

so she can assess you for aids.

Hey, hear that? My house.

No-one's telling me
where I can or can't live.

Not my granddaughters.
Not my daughters. No-one.

Is this your family?

Some of us.

My mum's gone out for a smoke
in the day room.

I thought you didn't have
any family,

apart from the one who sends
you the posh biscuits.

My grandad's a bigger liar
than Pinocchio.

He's got three daughters,
11 grand kids,

including Simon,
the biscuit monitor.

And these are his
youngest great-grandchildren.

You all left Poplar
without a backward glance!

Which suited you
down to the ground.

You can't take somebody's
independence off them

if they're alone in the world.

Hold Nicole for a minute.
I need to get her a bottle.

What about Harold?

It's a good, solid name.

For somebody's grandad!

I want something modern.

Paul, then.

Or John.

You can't get much more modern
than a Beatle.

What if it's a girl?

How about Yoko?

Are you in discomfort, Lilian?

It's them practice contractions.

She gets loads of them.

It's just that your blood
pressure's up a tiny bit.

And that can happen
when you're in labour.

If I'm in labour, you're going
to make me go to hospital.

Nonnatus House.
Midwife speaking.

She's four fingers dilated
already and doing well.

Sister, if we can't
put her first,

who will?

Midwife! May I come in?

Step right in.

Perfect timing.

Lilian's waters just broke, and
we needed to change the bed.

Well done.

You're going to make me

go to St Cuthbert's now,
aren't you?

Because of the cancer.

Just for tonight,
the cancer is not relevant.

You are going to have the baby
here.

Here? At home?

If that's what you choose.

I do choose it.

Where is Mrs Turner?

Oh, she's caught up
at work, most probably.

Those babies don't work to
the same time clock as we do.

I hope she hurries up.

This is like being stuck
inside a migraine.

Cease this at once!

I came to watch a rehearsal
of the maypole dancing,

not a re-enactment of
the Battle of Agincourt.

Baby's head is advancing,
Lilian.

Well done.

Yes, that's my girl!
Oh, shut up.

I need to concentrate.

Another one?

Lilian, I'm going to apply
some pressure

to prevent baby's head
from being born too quickly.

Now give me
a steady, steady push.

And pant.

And here's your reward.

Baby's head.
Really?

Well done, sweetie.

Can I touch it? Is it real?

Ah, yes. Now use the pain.

You have a daughter.

A girl?

I told you.

The most beautiful baby
I have ever seen.

We won't be calling her Harold,
anyway.

She's absolute perfection.

So I can't think of a better
name for her than Lilian.

Lilian's old-fashioned.

It's a name from the past.

My mum's name. Her mum's.

Andrea.

Andrea Lilian Reynolds.

Put Lilian in the middle,
where she won't lose it.

PANTS I'm so sorry.

There was a forceps delivery.
Don't worry.

JAUNTY MUSIC It all worked out.

One and two and three and four.

That is magnificent, class.

Sister Monica Joan!

Why didn't you tell us
you knew the maypole dance?

You omitted to enquire!

Mr Woodleigh chose
to isolate himself.

It was his way of saying,
"The world no longer suits me."

'Tis turning in a way
I do not choose,

so I will stand still,
shut the door.

I thought you said
you liked him.

Perhaps he saw himself in me.

He knew I was mourning for
home. He heard it in my voice.

I hear it in your voice.

I see it in your eyes.

Even when they're closed

and your lashes come
halfway down your cheek.

Do you remember
dancing outside in the dark

when I was mending
Nurse Crane's car?

I remember you picking me up
on that motorbike

that you borrowed
for our first date.

And you in your tiny yellow
dress and your giant hair.

Giant expensive hair
blowing all over the place.

I got in that sidecar
next to you

and I thought,

"This is the beginning
of a journey"

"and I don't know
where it's going to end."

And I put my foot on that
kick-starter and I thought,

"This is it."

"I'm never getting off
this ride."

I have to get better, Cyril.

In the morning,
I'm going to the doctor.

Thank you.

Lilian, dear.

We need you to take these pills.

What are they?

They're called Stilboestrol

and they will prevent you
from lactating.

It would be better if we stop
any milk flow

before the radiotherapy begins.

It wouldn't be good for Andrea,
would it?

Feeding off a breast
that's diseased,

never mind full of radiation.

Can I ask you a question?

I want you to.

Do you think
God is punishing me?

I haven't always lived
a virtuous life.

In fact, I've never lived
a virtuous life.

I don't believe in a God
that punishes.

The God I know is full of love.

He's got a funny way
of showing it sometimes.

I can fix just about anything,
but I can't fix her.

I can't imagine a world
without her.

SOBS I can't imagine
bringing up a baby on me own.

Please don't imagine that yet.

Lilian's about to start treatment.

And no-one will tell us
it's going to cure her.

And I can't either.

But I can tell you to hope.

Men don't look after babies,
not without their wives.

Oh, I promise you, they do.

And they do it well.

But it isn't just the baby
that needs you now.

It's Lilian, too.

She hasn't stopped
being your wife

just because she's a mother
or because she's ill.

I wish, um...

I wish I knew more about babies.

They're much less complicated
than television sets,

I assure you.

Good morning, Nurse Robinson.

Oh, good morning, Miss Higgins.

Would it be possible for me
to see Dr Turner?

And what is it regarding?

I need to speak to him
about something personal.

I wasn't sure if you'd put
your white coat on,

if you'd treat me as
a physician or like a friend.

I can be either...

because I'm both.

I have such a lot of friends.

Even my husband is my friend,

and they've all tried to
help me and got nowhere.

I think I want you to be
my doctor.

That's all right.

And from everything you've told
me about your feelings,

even your physical symptoms -

the lethargy,

the headaches -

medical intervention is
what you need.

I know the way through
these woods, Lucille.

Now, before we move on...

I have to ask you
one last thing.

Have you found yourself
thinking of hurting yourself?

Yes.

Yesterday.

I went walking.

I stood by the road.
I stared at the traffic.

I stared at the road, thinking
maybe it could take me home.

In what way?

If I died on it.

All My Love By Cliff Richard.

♪ All my love

♪ Came to nothing at all,
my love... ♪

♪ When I woke up to find

♪ You were no longer mine

♪ All my love

♪ Thrown away after all this time

♪ Now there's no place for me
in the future you see

♪ I don't understand you

♪ I've done all I can do

♪ Tell me how could I give you more

♪ More than all my love... ♪

Is it the Valium
helping her to sleep?

Rest is the best thing in this
phase of a nervous breakdown.

A nervous breakdown,
it seems like...

such a big thing for her to have.

It's an overwhelming thing.

But we will look after her,
and it will pass.

I was afraid I would lose her.

I started to think
she was already lost.

I've no doubt she thought
the same.

But... Lucille is still
inside Lucille.

And we will bring her out again.

Lil!

How was it?

Quick.

It might not be so bad,

even if I do have to go
every few days for a bit.

Oh... It feels like I've got
sunburn.

That may become a little more
intense over time.

Sit down and rest.

She needs a bottle.

All in hand!

Oh, and guess what?
Took her to the clinic.

She's put on 5oz.

You took her to the clinic
for the first time without me?

Yeah.

I thought I might as well
get into the swing of things.

You'd think I was dead already!

Are you getting up?

I've made an appointment
to get my hair done.

I'm determined to go,

even if I have to come
straight back to bed.

Good girl,
because one way or another,

you're going to be wanting
to look your best.

A ticket to Jamaica?

An open return. For you.

I can't go, because
I can't leave my job.

But you have sick leave.

So I took the money
out of our savings.

We're saving to buy a house.

We'll have a house one day.

But now... you must go.

Before you ask,
I'm not going anywhere nice.

I just want to look...

better. Better enough
so people stop treating me

like I'm on my way out.
Lilian...

I know my chances aren't good,

but just for now, I'm not going
to ask you any more about them.

Lilian, I am so sorry if we
were overstepping the mark.

We only meant to help.

Look at me.

That was me.

I gave it all up to be
a mother, and I was glad to.

But cancer has taken
more than that,

and it's not going to stop
until it's taken everything.

I understand...
You don't.

How could you
possibly understand?

You threw away everything
that made you a woman.

You didn't want it.

Covered it up. You denied it.

And what I can't deny is
how much I have hurt you.

I can only beg for
your forgiveness.

You look like a woman in great
want of a galvanising beverage.

I hid a Swiss roll
at the back of the larder.

Lilian's needs...

are very complex, Sister.

You mustn't exhaust yourself
trying to care for her.

It's never a burden
to love or give.

I know that.

That doesn't mean
it isn't tiring.

And it doesn't mean
that I don't make mistakes.

No. To the left a bit.

A bit more.

A bit more...

That's it.

Oh... Now it's listing.

It's definitely listing
to one side.

I think it needs a little
more ballast at the base.

Then you will have to
get that organised.

It is clearly unsafe.

In fact, it is
the most perilous erection

I've ever seen.

Oh... I-I-I've done everything
I can think of.

She won't feed.

She doesn't need
a fresh nappy...

Lilian, she won't come out
the bedroom.

Shh-shh.

Lilian...

Your baby needs you.

She was calling for you,

for her mother,
and only her mother will do.

I said terrible things to you.

I... I don't wish
I'd led a different life.

But your body,

your brave, enduring body

has done unimaginable things.

And it's doing things now
that I can only wonder at.

You do things that I can
only wonder at.

Thank you for helping me.

Oh...

There was a stain on the skirt
of the top one,

but I managed to get it out
in a boil wash.

I couldn't bear to put it away

unless it was
completely pristine.

And why doesn't that
surprise me?

They'll be here waiting for you
when you come home.

When I come home
from going home.

Maybe it is
that much of a puzzle.

For now,
no-one's making you choose.

I don't think I could choose
anything just now.

Dr Turner prescribed change.

Cyril bought the ticket.

Sister Julienne gave me
the time off.

I feel like a parcel
being posted somewhere.

You could choose
to give in to it,

choose to be loved, even.

Loved...

Choose to let the sun
shine down on you.

If it does turn nippy...

there's always this.

You finished it? Oh, Phyllis.

Well, it's hardly a present.
You paid for the wool.

Now, off you pop
and finish your packing.

Congratulations, madam.

This...

Thank you, maestro.

And for our next number,

we have 31.

Next ticket, please.

And the final number is...

56.

56.

I have the ticket.

Come and collect your prize,
Sister Monica Joan.

It's time to say your goodbyes,
Lucille.

I don't want to.

I want to go,
but I don't want to leave

or watch them waving.

We can slip away.

Just the two of us.

Like we're going on a date.

Like we're going
on our first date.

Cyril, where you get that from?

Let's just say
someone owed me a favour.

Come on.

The sooner you get to Jamaica,

the sooner you'll be
coming back.

Just when I've had my hair done.

I love you, Nurse Robinson.

I'll fetch your bags.

Nothing is written,

and no dream has a duty
to come true.

Their power is to show us
where the heart's desire lies

and what beauty really is.

A touch. A glance.

A glimpse into the future.

Lay these moments down
like treasure,

for when today becomes the past,

we are forever what we hope for

and what we must let go.

Mrs McKay?

Talbot, not McKay.

We do everything together.

I shall soon be giving
Fanny Cradock quite a run

for her money.

I meant to give it to you
earlier.

I could go weeks

not knowing where the next meal
was coming from.

The ambulance has arrived.

Please get my mum.

You were the one forcing me
to talk about this.