Original subtitles

Previously on Vanderpump Rules.

I'm going to go to the bachelorette party.

Good. That's what I want to hear.

Did it bother you that she's coming to my bachelorette party? I didn't realize

she was. Once I feel betrayed, it's done.

There's nothing good that could come out of this trip. It's a ticking time bomb.

I don't think a bachelorette party would be complete without some sort of

embarrassing game.

You must.

Attain a pair of men's underwear.

Sign a man's ass.

Motorboat a D.

Throw a drink in someone's face.

Let's be honest, this is a typical night at Sir.

Tom and Ariana, I get it. You guys are so perfect together.

Mom.

You can't say you're not a good person.

You're hard not to love. Was Jax trying to hit on you again last night? I don't

know. He seemed sincere.

These sound like the preliminary stages of getting Jax.

Jax. You definitely railed the shit out of that girl in the bathroom. I did not.

We don't talk about what happened in Miami.

I shouldn't have to ask you to lie for me. Like, stop ratting us out.

You need coffee?

I need it like this.

Last night, but looking back at the pictures, it looks like I got a lot of

checked off my list.

A lap dance.

Check.

Body shot.

Check.

Pictures with shirtless men.

Check, check, check.

I am planning on checking everything else off my list. You know, do a bunch

raunchy sh**, not rocket science.

Morning sunshine.

Oh my god.

I actually feel okay.

I can't believe the boys bickered and the girls didn't.

What happened?

Tom brought up the whole San Diego thing and how, you know, Jack's breathing.

He did a railing. And then Jack got frustrated and basically turned around

was like, oh, well, what happened in Miami, Tom? Jesus.

Oh, my God. I smell.

Oh, my God.

I don't know about you, but I drink a lot of alcohol.

What happened last night?

All right, let's go do our thing.

Jack, how could you?

You're not sleeping next to the veil right now.

I feel like people give Jacks, like, a hard time.

Okay. I don't know, he just seems like a lovable idiot.

Like a lovable idiot.

If only that was it.

He's somebody that you just should be cautious around. I've been warned a lot.

Good to go on the warnings.

Jacks and I have been flirting a lot, and normally that's kind of how I am.

flirt with danger, you don't sleep with danger.

There's times when I might cross the line.

You never know. Time will tell.

This trip was awesome. No one's even thought or anything.

It's crazy.

In Sheena's world, it's all unicorns and penis straws. Even her and Katie are

getting along.

In my world, Kristen is doing everything she possibly can to ruin my trip.

Weren't you seeing, like, giant, like, earth -shattering eye rolls coming in

direction? She gave Ariana the dirtiest looks ever today, for no reason, on the

boat. Ariana, I did catch those.

As much as I should tell Kristen, bitch, go the f*** home.

I am not going to ruin Sheena's trip, and also, I'm an adult.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to wear heels again tonight.

See, why am I not sleeping with my girlfriend?

It's not like you have sex anyway.

You've been having sex lately.

Oh, really? Yeah.

Even though me and Katie aren't sharing a room together, we've been spending as

much time together as possible, and I gotta say, it's awesome.

I know

it's putting

some strain on her and Stassi's relationship, but you know what? If

like this can break that, then maybe that relationship's not worth having in

first place, you know?

I've been texting Stassi, trying to search for a sign of life, and she

been responding.

I get it, Stassi, that's how you treat Sheena and Kristen, but it's not how you

treat me.

Hello. Hi.

What are you doing?

I'm hanging this.

This is the one you painted?

Yeah. So what's going on? Do you want a cocktail?

Please? I made this by accident. I thought of you. But, like, a little bit,

because I do have to work.

Your drink is ready.

It's hot in here.

I know.

I need to call the maintenance guy.

Do you mind if I do that right now?

Well, yeah, call.

Ricardo, it still is so freaking hot.

Like, and I wear a lot of makeup.

He just told me I should wear less makeup. Wear less makeup?

Yeah.

I'm sweating all over the place. Like, I've never had so much sweat under my

boobs in, like, my entire life.

Okay, Ricardo.

Bye.

That was annoying.

He said you can't come until next week.

Yeah, yes, and drink ice water.

It's so hot that, like, I almost would rather be in Miami sipping a margarita

the beach.

With Sheena and all her friends celebrating her. Yeah, you're right. So,

rather be here. Here, in this apartment's wedding. Wedding.

She's probably wearing those, like, bachelorette crowns. Bride -to -be.

Tutus or some shit like that. All white.

I'm having, like, a premonition of dildos.

I know. She's trying to make me lick this. Is it candy?

Yeah. Ow!

Don't slap my face with a penis!

That sounds like such an awful bachelorette. Yeah.

I can't believe Katie's there partying with them.

The only thing that makes sense to me is because she's there for short. So it's

like if after this he's going to keep being friends with Sheena and she's

to continue like this. Of course it will continue because she just did this.

This is a big step.

It was really hard finding out that Katie went to Miami.

We've been a team. Like we're a team.

And she switched to the other side.

Like what happened?

I'll be fine though.

I know you will.

I have to get ready for work. Can I change here in this bathroom?

No. I'm going to. I know. Thank you.

Yo,

John.

What's up, man?

How you doing, dude? Good to see you, man.

Great, man. It's been forever. It has been.

John was a model scout and kind of a man about town during the two years that me

and Jax lived in Miami together.

Who was Jax? Sleeping?

Yeah. Yeah, he... Standard. Yeah.

Jax, known as Jason then, drove John's car, he lived with him, and just

generally allowed this older, more established guy to completely hook him

So, obviously, rumors got started.

But dude, you should come to dinner with us tonight, man. Do you know where

you're going?

We're going to Dolce.

Nice place. Good place.

Yeah. I'm in.

Nice. I've kept in contact with John over the past 10 years, but I know Jax

him had a falling out. Dude, good meeting you, man. I'll see you tonight?

Yeah, definitely.

Okay, bye. So tonight is going to be quite the reunion.

Do you want some champagne?

Yeah.

Everyone has to use penis straw.

Yeah.

And it matches your lipstick. So first we have a game where you will make a

wedding dress out of toilet paper. And then we'll see who has the best one.

Okay.

Put your hair down. You got it? You holding it? Uh -huh. Hello.

Hey, you're late. So now you're judging.

I know I didn't mean to be late, but I might have been having sex and doing

tequila shots. Oh, that.

Okay. Kristen comes in 40 minutes late.

She just f***ed.

She reeks of tequila.

And now I get to smile and wrap myself up in toilet paper.

They're going to pick the best one.

Ours. We're going to lose.

I mean, number one, you're the bride. Number two, you're the maid of honor.

Number three, you're like making things happen.

What's the real number three?

I think light.

Vera Wang could walk in here with a toilet paper dress for Ariana, and

would still win.

Who is she marrying?

I made her do it.

Oh, I'm going to vomit.

Do we have rice I can throw at her?

Is this the calm before the third storm since we've been here?

It's pretty much how I feel.

It's time. Time's up, ladies.

Ready?

Okay, go.

Strike it.

Ew, and it's jiggling.

Yeah. Okay, you win.

Yay!

Ariana! I want to see Ariana.

Yes!

It's a dick bouquet. It's a dick bouquet.

Sounds about right.

I say we get down to carving some dicks.

Are knives involved?

Are you sure you want me, champagne, knives, and that one here? Probably not

good idea.

Coming up. I'm just, like, crying by myself because I feel like I'm ruining

This is amazing.

Did you get a lap dance?

Did you?

They force me.

Did you enjoy it?

No. Okay. Of course not.

I just want to enjoy it.

What would you like to

see? Yeah.

You know what?

I'm actually proud of myself.

That's nothing to be proud of.

No, it's not.

What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

Five days, maybe four days.

Are you... Maybe you have a sex addiction.

Are you new to the group? Of course I have a sex problem.

It's not a secret.

Okay.

Sorry, guys. Welcome to our group. I'm Jacques. I'm Jacques.

If Jacques is a sex addict, anyone that he has sex with is probably just a drug

to him. And then...

They're not really a person, and, like, that's not really attractive to me at

all. I'm shocked he's not a porn star by now. Look, he's thinking about it now.

I'm looking for something much more meaningful. So, yeah, all the flirting

I've been doing with Jax is going to stay flirting.

100%. Well, at least you're honest.

Is he honest?

So I need you to do an appetizer on table one for me.

Hi!

Look who's here!

I'm here!

Oh, Jesus. Peter!

Let's throw a uniform on her and get her to the table. She'll probably do a

better job than you're doing right now. There is nothing that could ever make me

go and put on that black dress and go serve chicken enchiladas to people ever

again. Can I have a drink?

No. Like, never again.

Yes, what are you doing here?

I'm trying to get her back to becoming a server here. Oh, don't do it, please.

We're just fine.

I might be a little stretched right now with some of the staff in Miami, but if

I brought Stassi back, I wouldn't just get a server.

I would get a plate full of problems, and I'm not that stretched.

Cheers. Yes.

I have some tables.

I'm going to go wash the floor.

I've been thinking all day.

I was remembering all the crazy tricks that I used to have when I was working

here. I know you know about the mug.

That's an obvious one.

Put red sangria in there and it looks like coffee.

Sometimes I would even be like, oh, I'm just so cold.

You sound like you're so proud of this. It's funny. It makes me laugh. It was

such good times.

Like, I used to have, like, a water glass. And so I started filling it half

Pinot Grigio, half with club soda.

And then I'd put a lemon in it to make it look like water. And I would walk

around and everyone thought that I was just drinking sparkling water with

So really, you actually owe me money for it. I do.

So next time you come in, you should actually bring a trick for me.

But my finest trick.

Was it something to do with jacks? No.

It was miniature wine bottles.

And we would take them into the bathroom and then hide them in... I have to show

you. Just come with me.

Come with me.

It's funny.

Is this just you or is this other people?

I'm pretty sure this was just me, but I shared them.

Okay. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what?

Someone is still doing this. This is my legacy.

This is what I brought to third.

I would like Darcy to find some other things that she could be proud of

of a few wine bottles in the loo. I mean, if this is really her crowning

it's kind of sad, really.

You know what we used to do when we used to find wine bottles in there?

What did you do?

We used to pee in them.

You're disgusting.

This is why I can't let Kristen back in my life. Kristen has now taken it over

the edge.

Oh,

there's a cat right there.

We're going to 17th and Collins.

Nice stuff from alone time.

I know.

Even if it's going to be brief.

I know.

My stomach hurts so bad.

Wow, what's going on?

My anxiety is so, has been so bad. I haven't eaten anything in like three

I hear myself complaining and I hear myself like not being into things. And

sucks because I'm here with people that I love.

And, like, I want to be able to have a good time, and I'm trying really hard

to be rude to Kristen and just, like, she doesn't have to like me either.

It's just been really shitty, and, you know, I don't cry.

Kristen's relentless, passive -aggressive bulls will eventually get to

Well, like, I've been just, like, going off by myself and, like, sitting in the

shower and just, like, crying by myself because my...

My stomach hurts so bad all the time. I'm just, like, waiting for whatever. I

don't know.

I think I just want it to be so great for Sheena that, like, I

don't know. I'm, like, carrying it, you know? And every time I get upset, I feel

like I'm ruining it. You're not ruining it.

Thus far on this trip and in general, I've been pretty cold to Kristen to make

sure she doesn't get the wrong idea.

I don't want to ruin your time either.

It's OK.

Being Ariana affected like this, I feel like I need to change my tactic here

because this can't keep going on. I'm going to be all right.

Oh, man.

Coming up.

I got some news.

I got some pictures.

What?

We'll be back in L .A.

Yeah.

I might actually be stoked to go back to work.

Yes.

Bartending is so easy.

Oh, man.

Dude, I'm excited.

My friend John's coming to meet up with us here at Dolce.

Yeah. You know him from here?

Yeah, yeah. From Miami? Yeah. He's a really cool guy. He's like a concierge

for... A lot of wealthy people, but it's just funny to hear them, like, talk

about Jax and refer to him as Jason.

When Jax left Miami, there was rumors about, like, him and John were,

like, hooking up or something.

The guy that's coming here?

Yeah.

Do you think he would be honest about that?

No. I mean, I got to say, there is believability to this.

At least, because very quickly after these rumors came out, Jason packed up

stuff, moved away, and changed his name to Jax.

I mean, it's really none of my business if anything did happen. I don't care if

he is or not.

Yeah.

I mean, either way, John's an awesome dude. So, frankly, Jax would be lucky to

sleep with a guy like John. He's cool as...

Is he going to get paid?

No, no, no, no, no.

Jax totally knows he's coming. I mean, dude.

Jax knows he's coming?

Yeah. At this point, I believe Jax would sleep with pretty much anything.

I mean, he slept with Kristen.

Watch, he's going to be calling him Jason.

Little Jason Couchy. Little Jason Couchy.

Funny.

I forgot my penis straws in the room, so I might need to do a pit stop before

restroom. I know, those are essential.

I know. I need them. That's funny.

Hey, guys.

Yay!

Hi.

You made it.

We love you. First one last night, let's make it a good one.

Hey guys,

I don't know if you know or not, my friend John, he might stop by. How do

know him?

He's an old friend of ours from Miami.

Oh, he spoke to you guys? Yeah.

You know, I haven't really spoken to John in probably 10 years.

The last time I saw him, we got in a huge fight and ended on bad terms.

Can I see your picture? I don't know which one I want to post.

Is he more like Jax or more like you?

Who? John? Oh, John?

Well, he's not like either of us. Yeah. You'll see.

Really? There he is. Hey.

What's up, man?

Johnny. See you, dude.

So, hey, John, this is Sheena and Shay.

They're the soon -to -be husband and wife.

This is Jax.

He doesn't know Jax. He knows Jason. He only knows Jason.

Yeah.

Who's Jason?

He doesn't know me by name.

Wait, who is Jason?

So back in the day when I was younger, John was a model scout.

And he placed me with my first agency.

Bring it in, Papa Bear.

How you doing, buddy?

Like my career. So, you know, I owe him a lot.

You knew these cats from when they lived in Miami?

My first roommate in Miami.

You lived with this hooligan?

No, I lived with him. He had a house. I stayed in his room.

Oh, that's nice.

Good to see you, buddy.

Can I see some of your modeling photos?

I got some pictures.

I did some nudes.

He did nudes? Nude photos?

Yeah, I had one in his house. What?

So I'm kind of confused. How do they have this relationship?

And why would Jax feel comfortable giving his nude photos to John?

Attention whore.

Jax is an attention whore.

Do you have any questions for the dessert menu so far?

Let's do the cobbler. Good choice.

Some ketchup, actually.

Ketchup, too.

Perfect. So what are you doing here, Miss Stacey?

You miss it, don't you, Missy? I do.

You do. I love CERN.

I'll always love CERN. And Christina said that it was a safe spot for me to

tonight, so I'll drop it. Well, you should come back here and you shouldn't

worry who's here.

This was your home.

This was my home, but I'm moving on.

The only person you really have a problem with here, really, apart from

Kristen, and I understand that. But the rest of it... But, no.

Kristen had a problem with... She had a problem with... Tom Sandoval had a

problem... Really? It doesn't mean you have to kind of exclude them from your

life and cut a whole chapter out of your life.

I'm choosing who I know is good for me, who is good to be around me.

A lot of people out of your life. People that are mean.

People that are mean to me. Casey's not mean. She's hurt me, and our lives are

going in different directions.

Are we talking about her going to that party?

We're talking about her going to Miami. She's in Miami.

Are you talking about that? I'm hurt, and I'm just so caught off guard.

Katie knows that if there's one way to piss me off these days, it's to go hang

out with the people that f*** me over.

Although she has the prerogative to do what she wants.

She's not following you. Of course she's allowed to do what she wants to

do, but she hasn't spoken to me about the fact that she's in Miami.

I understand that Starcy has a problem with a lot of people in her life, but

Katie should not be one of them.

Katie has been a loyal and supportive friend. In fact, Katie has been a much

better friend to Starcy than Starcy has been to Katie.

Maybe you don't understand the fact that she actually wanted to go to this party

and be with her boyfriend.

It's just like you went to New York to be with your boyfriend.

James, how do you feel to be the only guy at this table who Schwartz hasn't

kissed? He's kissed me, he's kissed him, he's kissed him.

Do you want a kiss?

No, no, no, no.

Blokes don't kiss boys, bro. That's an American thing, mate.

Everything's great.

Are you eating right now? I'm eating.

I love it.

Tom has said to me before he did not throw his relationship in my face. So

the hell is this?

Kristen still got this resentment just being around Tom and Ariana.

But it's like our sex is crazy. Our love is crazy. We go crazy for each other.

Like it's only when they're around it reminds her.

Sorry, I keep, like, you know, turning my back.

But this area of the table seems very, I don't know.

Even when, like, before you guys got here, we're all

here together.

I'd rather, like, focus on the positive and focus on all the good things

that are happening.

Being how much Ariana is putting up with for the sake of her best friend makes

me wish that my best friend would just put up with one thing. One.

Let's use this opportunity to give me some dirt.

No, no, for real.

I have two words for you.

Bro code.

Bro code.

Rude bro code. Give me something good.

All right, well, drink up, honey. Drink up.

Okay, now she's trying to, you know, it's not going to happen.

I want to know the good stuff. I'm not going to do anything bad with the

information. I'm just going to tease and have fun with it. I want you to know

that she's trying to fly me with alcohol to get stories.

Bro code.

Okay, all right.

I mean, what could they be hiding?

Coming up.

I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.

This is what I wanted.

You

know me,

take it off the rear.

Yeah, I've heard these rumors in regards to Jax and John.

You never can put it past Jax, you know?

He's Jax.

Come here!

You know what? I want you to realize I love you because I'm over you.

And I still love you as much as I did in the first place. When

I started modeling, it was looked at as like a

homosexual thing. Like it was for a gay guy.

I'm coming from middle America where there was no gay men.

You get thrown into this world and like, whoa. So I was learning as I went

along.

I was a younger model who was hanging out with an older gay guy. People are

going to talk no matter what. I mean, people love to throw rumors out there.

Whatever.

I personally don't give a f*** what anybody says.

I know who I am and I know what I've done and I'm really happy with myself.

I'm not saying that you're bad.

I... Casey?

Yes?

Okay, listen.

My only advice to you is don't cut everybody out. You should talk to her.

It's weird. She was your best friend for you.

Well, pick it up. Talk to her. I am.

Hello?

Hi.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Fine?

Yes? Well,

yeah, because I haven't been able to talk to you in a while.

But I hope you're having a really great time, so I'm gonna go.

Stassi, please don't.

Cool.

It's not that I haven't seen Stassi do this before, but...

I never thought she would do it to me because we just have been such good

friends.

It doesn't make any sense.

I answered.

Okay, baby steps. I just don't want you to cut her out of your life.

You don't need to just dump all your friends because you've got many good

friends. What do you want? They're not.

People that I want to hang out with.

It doesn't make it... That doesn't mean that I should be friends forever.

Dora told you.

Oh, my God.

You're not listening to anything, and you're just going to hear whoever's

willing to do what you want, and it's not okay.

It's not okay. That is what you do.

The thing that bothers me about Darcy is she's not really looking for friends.

She's looking for followers. I don't understand it. The fact that she storms

from the table just goes to prove the point that she doesn't have an argument.

right. Me coming to Miami was the best thing I could have done for me and my

boyfriend. I think it's bullshit that Stassi can't support that.

There are a few things left to do on my list and I'm not a quitter.

It's go time.

Table dance.

really good up until now.

I can't watch you guys together.

I'm not with her to hurt you. I promise you.

I understand the same way that I've had it with James.

It's not the same thing, Tom.

I despise her.

You left me for her.

I don't need to be with her.

It breaks my heart.

I do care about you.

Stop being so hateful. I'm trying not to be Kristen.

I've not, I've not, I've really.

If I weren't with James, would that make you less hateful?

Kristen, no, no.

I want you to be happy.

I wanted to be happy with you.

But, Kristen, like, honestly, after six years, if we're still, like, struggling

for that, like, how can we keep going on?

It's not you f***ed up, Kristen. We f***ed up. Okay, so we realize that now.

But, Kristen, like, if we can't be happy with each other, maybe we can find

happiness with other people.

But then we have.

Experiences that can never be replaced.

For those times, I will never forget that.

It breaks my heart. Like, I try really hard.

And I'm like, I cannot.

Christina, please. Like, I just want you to be happy.

I just want you to be happy. I promise you.

I really do. I promise you. I just want you to be happy.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Sorry that we didn't work out.

There were times where I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives

together.

It was so hard for me to go through this.

Like it really was.

I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you.

This is what I wanted.

Come. has been saying for so long that he despised and hates everything about

and what our relationship was. But he has feelings and he has an emotional

about our relationship.

There's no way.

This is so weird and so familiar at the same time.

Anything that I do is never something that I'm doing to specifically try to

you. Okay?

I don't want you to cry.

I'm going to be really cool to James, okay?

Can you try to listen to me, please?

I don't ever want to cry. I cry thinking about you all the time.

There was a time that I loved Kristen, and, you know, there is a little part of

that that stays with you.

I feel that we finally had some closure, and I feel that she knows that I do

want her to be happy.

I'm not going away. Maybe that will help disarm her from wanting to attack.

My life and my relationship with Ariana.

There are

two

things that I know now for sure.

Tom still has strong feelings for me.

And if Ariana weren't in the picture, Tom and I could maintain some sort of

relationship. So I want Tom and Ariana to break up.

Coming up. I was like, hey, Jack, did you ever kiss John? He's like, probably

couple times drunk.

Sure you were drunk?

Jax is like the king of homoerotic undertones.

Actually,

I think he's the king of homoerotic overtones, too.

There's alcohol in this truck but not enough sleep.

I do not feel like getting on a flight right now.

Do I just stay?

Um, hey, A -holes.

Come on, we gotta get up.

Hey.

Tom and Jack's friend John was really nice. Oh, yeah, he's a really cool guy.

He's a really nice guy.

I was like, hey, Jack.

Do you ever kiss John? He's like, probably a couple times drunk.

Sure you were drunk?

Kristen actually made a really good point last night.

She was like, all of our other trips never went well because of the people

went on them.

It was like, this one went well because it was like, you're a guy this trip. I'm

like, they're saying Stassi ruined the vacation.

Yeah. This was the most amazing bachelorette party weekend ever.

Not only because of all the crazy shit. We did, but the group of people I was

surrounded with, the good friends I had who were able to put their differences

aside and rally for me was so awesome.

You look awesome.

Thanks. I've always thought that enemies can eventually become friends if they

have some common ground.

Turns out that common ground is me.

Hi, beautiful hotel room.

Oh, man.

Man. Sad.

We kind of have to hurry.

Yeah, I know.

Sheena and Shay had a good time, and we survived.

It was nice. It feels like a bit of a weight was lifted off my shoulders, to

honest. And I'm proud of you guys for not fighting.

Yeah, me too.

Turning over a new leaf.

But I do wish she would get hit by a Mack truck or something,

but not die.

I want to break Tom and Ariana up.

His relationship with Ariana is bullshit.

He's the other woman. She's the homewrecking whore.

She's the girl that my boyfriend cheated on me with.

She's got to go.

Go me.

Okay. Bye, Miami.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

Sometimes when I get drunk, I become a make -out slut. So are you drunk right

now? No.

Unless you're giving me wine.

Good.

I would prefer it if you do not date somebody who's working here.

He's supposed to be above the staff, not on top of them.

I get a text today from my Emmy girl. She said, I would love to see the look

Tom's face if he saw me in person. I want to confront him. Truth always comes

out. Sorry, dude, you deserve it. Karma's a bitch.

That is done with our friendship.

You have lived under her shadow.

If she apologizes, I love a good apology. All I want is a little bit of

Oh, stop it.

It's not always about you.

That.

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