Original subtitles

Hey, I'm Trey Jordan, you know the super mega extraordinary movie star,

spectacular actor from the TV show TCS with Trey Jordan.

Welcome to my crib.

See this staircase right here? This is from my mega hit movie Freaky Ass

Frankenstein. It was shot right here on the staircase.

Oh! And these staircases, you see this railing?

This used to be Tyler Perry's.

Stolen.

Come check out my other rooms.

This here is for my proceeds.

I bought this table with the money I made for my hit movie, Little Black

Cracker Ass Parent.

Coming to a theater near you.

Mommy. See what's in my fridge.

Who wants Chinese?

How we doing?

Damn, I'm ready.

We eating.

Hey, who wants Kristoff?

This is where all the magic happens. Right here.

Really. I stole this from Chris Angel.

Fuck you, Chris Angel.

Welcome to my master bath.

This is it, y 'all. This is where it goes down.

I had this shower installed.

You know, when I go out on the club and I bring home my dirt.

take them in and I clean them up before I take the clothes off.

Tell me I'm dirty.

Y 'all remember this?

I know y 'all remember this. In that PCS comedy sketch.

Black to the Future.

Great Scott, Marty. We've got to go black to the future.

Holy shit. I got to get black to the future.

Did you check the flux cablacator?

Y 'all remember this?

That's right, when I played the Black Roddy Dangerfield in a PCS sketch,

at School, media's always giving me shit all the time about Black this, Black

that in my sketches.

They didn't like Black Zorro, they didn't like Caddy Black 1, they didn't

Caddy Black 2, Black Flipper, and they didn't like Black Enthusiasm.

That's why I took a moment for my people to make a special service announcement.

Black people, stop stealing!

Y 'all want to see my big brown cotton, don't you?

It's sweet, delicious, and it's made of Swiss chocolate.

See this right here? This is the cheese wood gift that came from Jake Donaghy,

the king of the network.

When TCS was number one, we ain't number one no more.

We're not even number 201, I don't think.

People getting us back.

How is my sweet pene gigante con nero doing?

I'm confused, Alicia.

It means big cock with money, but it was much funnier when I thought it than

when I said it out loud.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out what my network comedy sketch bill needs

to stoke the ratings.

I already hired an erratic black star.

What else can be done?

Well, how about I stroke your ratings?

Until they grow.

Karina.

You always make me feel better.

Oh, baby.

Let me fuck your beautiful breasts, baby.

Your hot, young tits.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, God, that looks good.

Oh.

Yes, baby.

Feels so good.

Oh, God.

I'm glad you like it. Oh, God, baby.

Tits are so soft.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, no, don't come yet.

Oh, God, that's beautiful, baby.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my executive dick, baby.

You make life worth living, baby.

Suck that big dick, baby. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm your boss, baby.

Oh, yeah.

So tight, baby. How does it stay so tight?

You're such a fucking hero. How does it stay so fucking tight?

You fuck everybody, don't you think?

Everybody.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, baby.

You like my cock inside you, baby?

I like your cock and sweat in my mouth.

Yeah? You want my cock and sweat in your mouth, baby? Yeah.

All right, taste your cock, baby. Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, baby.

Suck that dick.

Oh, yeah, baby, you know how to do it, don't you?

Don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Put those beautiful hands on my dick.

Yeah, you're so hot. You're so fucking hot.

Yeah.

You juicy, sexy bitch.

Take good care of me.

Make love to Michael.

cunt on my dick, baby.

Taste your cunt on my fucking dick.

Come on, baby.

I want my dick in your mouth.

I want you to taste what you fucking taste like, you hot cunt.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, baby.

How's that taste, baby?

Nice, sweet, young, Latina cunt, baby.

Now you know what I feel like, baby.

Come on.

Too bad you can't fuck yourself with fucking war.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby. Suck that dick.

Grab my balls while you suck my dick. Come on.

Sticky cunt on my face, baby. I want to eat you while you eat me. Come on.

Come on.

Feel like a horrible dick, baby.

Oh,

baby.

Oh, baby.

Oh, God, baby. I

love your cunt. I love that cunt.

You're fucking hot.

You're fucking hot. No man could last in that kind of thing.

have a job with me, baby.

Spin on my fucking -

Just the way I want to fuck you baby.

Get your beautiful body baby.

Crazy about you, babe.

Play with the clip, baby.

Can you play with the clip for me?

Play with the fucking clip.

Don't ever leave me, baby.

Don't hide your nipples, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Put them together, baby.

Oh, God,

baby.

Oh, don't hide your nipples, baby.

any big ideas?

Will I have sex?

Ladies and gentlemen, please follow me on the floor of NSCS TV Studios, home of

such great programs as America's Next Topman, according to Himmler, and of

course the hit sketch comedy show TCS with Trey Jordan.

And what luck! It's one of the stars of TCS, Miss Jenny Marona!

up in a very small town.

There was hardships, you know? We had barber shops, but no bleach.

Hey, yo, check this shit out.

Me, me, bop, bop.

I'm a black robot, motherfucker.

But, hey, look at me. I'm a black robot, too.

Racist.

Look, it's Mr. Trey Jordan. Sorry, such a blockbuster movie is that. I'm a black

cowboy, bitch.

My crack around gets croaky with it.

And are we motherfucking married yet? Thank you. Thank you, Ken.

All you white people, thank you for making me so rich.

See this chain?

It was Dracula's.

And here, fans of TCS,

is the comedy trifecta, Miss Liz Lyman, the producer.

Hi, Ken.

I hope you all enjoy the show.

Thank you, Miss Lyman. Oh, and a couple of quick messages for you.

Your doctor called.

It's not a growth. It's a small vibrating rubber toy that must have got

your vagina.

It's not.

It's not.

Don't judge me.

You all just paid the tour of my workplace.

You should be ashamed.

Oh, and Miss Linus, by the way, Mr. Donagree is waiting for you on set.

And on our right is the bathroom, if anyone needs to tinkle.

Don't you think that Welcome Back Hotter is maybe a little dated for a sketch?

What are you going to do next?

Spartacus? Hey, when are we going to shoot the gay gladiator sketch?

Did you say something?

Not a word, sir.

Listen, I want this sketch comedy show to be fresh, Lyman.

Don't you want this show to be fresh?

I think I've done fresh with keeping it real and bringing the beat back and

walking the dinosaur.

Look, Lyman, you and I aren't so different.

Except for maybe your Ross gift card, which has clearly given you free reign

buy your entire wardrobe from under a sign marked discontinued clothing 75 %

off. We both want this show to succeed.

And dressing Jenny as Patsy just isn't going to cut it.

No, sir.

No way.

What do you mean, no way?

No? You don't want the show to succeed?

No, you don't want to be like me?

No, you don't want to stop dressing like a Walmart greeter?

Listen, when you brought Trey on the show, I went with it. When you wanted to

change the name of the show, I went with it.

Whatever you want to do now, I'm not going with it.

Well then, you leave me no choice.

Well, what are you going to do, fire me?

No.

I'm going to give Trey a promotion to executive producer if you don't do this.

Well, he'll just... He'll just what?

Lyman, come here.

Listen, as king of the show... Producer.

Do so, whatever.

I want to make a few changes.

Instead of having a musical guest each week, I want to have a midget in a clown

outfit fighting a large dog with nunchucks.

I know. I don't think we could do any more animal sketches.

Sketch?

So, what would you like me to do to freshen up the cell?

Sex.

Sex. Believe me, Lyman, sex is what sells on TV.

Microwave ovens aren't a different story.

You need violence to sell microwaves.

And that's why I teach you, bitch.

Welcome, Black Cotter.

I want you to write a sketch for me while I'm a cop, okay?

Getting up at the crack of dawn, putting on my uniform, never using electricity,

raising bombs.

Betray it.

That's an Amish guy.

Then who's the ones walking around, moaning, with their clothes all torn,

brains? Zombies?

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. A zombie Amish cop.

Yeah. Okay?

Yeah. I have something interesting to talk to you guys about.

You're going to Lesbo?

No, Fred, I'm not going to be a lesbian.

You're going to try to change everyone's mind about you?

What, nobody likes me?

You're going to get that surgery where they replace your knees with jet fuel

rocket knees.

And when the guys come up and be like, yo, nice knees, baby, you can be like,

thanks. And then burn his face off with your rocket knees.

It's a cold bitch, Lima.

Damn.

What, was it rocket fuel knees? Jake wants us to add more sex to the show.

Listen, we can do this as long as we don't get hacky and we don't write any

sketch about guys driving around a white van picking up amateurs, okay?

Hi, Ms. Lyman. How are you doing today?

Hi, Ken.

What do you want?

I'm going to pick up a pre -taped sketch for two and a half men and a cup.

Rudy has the tape. You can pick it up from him. Yes, ma 'am.

Okay, so see what you guys can do with it.

You know, Fred, a great sex sketch featuring an attractive blonde could

said blonde into the limelight.

Was any of that in English?

What I'm saying is, if I were trying to get my star to rise, a great sketch by a

great writer would probably do that for me.

So now you want to be a comedy writer?

No. Stay with me here.

Okay. I... You.

want me to write me a good sketch so you can say that you did

it no fuck it i'm just gonna fuck the shit out of you and you're gonna write

a good sketch okay

So big and hard in my mouth.

Yeah.

up today.

Mm -hmm. Mm, fucking crutches.

Have a nice big cock.

Just take a seat if you're okay.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

-hmm.

Nice juicy ass.

I hope you're going to make it come good.

I want you to come all over me.

Yeah, come over here.

Yeah,

give me all of that pig blood on my ass.

Thank you. I mean, thank you. Thank you very much, Sherry.

Hey, I have a quick question.

How did you get into this business?

Oh, when I was a little girl, I had this dog named Rafi.

He was an Israeli setter. He was like gray and white, little dog.

I used to take him for a walk.

Yeah, he died a little while ago.

It was pretty sad.

Oh shit.

Yeah.

oh yeah

Shit.

like this

Good job, baby.

That's when I got this job.

Yes. Yes, you certainly did.

Well, I just want to say thank you for that.

I really needed it.

Hey, Ben.

Danny, what are you doing here? We broke up like months ago.

Well, I called your cell phone and it was out of service.

So I bought you a beeper.

I'm kind of more of a cell phone kind of girl by now.

What, are you kidding me?

You're dating New York's Prince of Pagers.

You're a beeper royalty.

You're not going to have my princess be caught with some clunky cell phone.

Well, it actually was pretty compact.

But... Did you just call me princess?

Oh, yes, I did.

You know, you can be quite romantic sometimes.

Does that mean we can bone?

Fine.

Rudy! Rudiger! Get in here.

Whoa, whoa.

What's this?

Don't worry about it, babe.

It's just for me. No one will ever see it.

What could possibly go wrong?

You're okay with it, right?

Yes. Yes.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck.

Yes.

Please.

Oh, you know I want it.

Oh, give it to me.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, I love it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like that.

Yes, please smack my ass.

Yes.

That's so fucking good.

God feels so good. Yes.

Grab me and fuck me. Just like that. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Fuck yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh.

Fuck, yes.

Yes.

Please,

give it to me.

Give me that fucking cock.

You know I love it.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, fuck. Oh, I'm not going to let you do this.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I just need one cup of tea that cups so much.

Yeah, like that.

Yeah, right there. Nice and fucking deep.

Yes. Oh, please. Yes.

It's so good.

Yes, right there.

Yes. Oh, I love it.

Oh, fuck yes.

I want

it

so fucking bad.

Fucking deep.

I fucking love that. Give it to me. Please.

Oh,

God

damn it.

Yeah. How'd that feel?

Fucking gun

How's that feel?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking throws me a baton in that cock.

Oh, good.

Oh, fuck yes.

Oh, my God, yes.

Yeah, especially halfway through when you decide to offer me that new deal on

pagers.

No princess of mine is going to pay full price on pagers.

Hey, Mr. Ruediger, you got that tape Ms. Lyman asked for?

Yes.

Thank you, sir.

Welcome to another episode of EPS with Trey Jordan.

That's me.

Now check out this hilarious skit.

I don't know what you're so

upset about, Lyman.

The ratings for your show are through the roof.

And all because you stuck your ass out for the team.

And my boobies are all over television, sir.

And because of them, your show is a hit.

So embarrassed.

Sure, you were howling and panting hilariously like a rabid dog in heat.

But the point is, you took one for the team.

And as hilarious as it was, I will forever respect you for that.

Yeah, that was real noble of me.

What? I'm sorry, I was just listening to someone else.

Someone else?

There's no one else in this room except me and Ken.

Thank you.

And please come back to see me again soon, Lyman.

Ken, good job on that little tape mix -up.

Thank you, Mr. Donoghue. You keep this up, and one day, you'll make Senior

Wow. Me?

Senior Page.

Senior Page!

Hello, my little flour tortilla.

You're so powerful now that you've gotten your promotion, and you just

town from El Cuapo.

Please, take this taco, and our bodies are durable.

That's a good pitch.

I like you.

Come sit right there.

Yeah. And you, come sit right over there.

Yeah.

Bye.

I love you.

Good job, Senor Pig!

From the makers of the hit TV show TCS with Trey Jordan comes a whole new spin

-off series.

Amish zombie cop starring Trey Jordan.

Not today, copper.

You can run, but you

can't hide from the Amish zombie cop.

Jackson, it's a good day to be a cop.

You'll serve up justice without a brain.

You'll eat your brains, Job 30.

You're playing around, Jackson.

electricity, sucker.

I'm the zombie cop always gets his man.

He likes brains, justice, and raising

bars.

Amish zombie cop.

Amish zombie

cop.

When his partner dies, Amish zombie cop vows revenge.

I'm a zombie cop coming this fall.