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1
00:00:00,109 --> 00:00:02,296
♪♪♪
2
00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:03,506
So get this...
3
00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:04,841
I got fired.
4
00:00:04,865 --> 00:00:06,843
God, I never thought
I'd say this,
5
00:00:06,867 --> 00:00:08,927
but apparently,
I'm not good enough
6
00:00:08,951 --> 00:00:10,555
for the dog food factory.
7
00:00:10,579 --> 00:00:13,599
I though you'd say that.
8
00:00:13,623 --> 00:00:15,017
Well, honey, don't worry.
9
00:00:15,041 --> 00:00:17,687
We'll get along fine
without your paycheck.
10
00:00:17,711 --> 00:00:20,105
Instead of going to the movies,
we'll watch TV.
11
00:00:20,129 --> 00:00:24,360
Instead of eating popcorn,
we'll lick salt.
12
00:00:24,384 --> 00:00:26,445
I don't know
it's like,
13
00:00:26,469 --> 00:00:28,197
why would
joanne fire me?
14
00:00:28,221 --> 00:00:29,824
Bob, she's your girlfriend.
Did she say anything?
15
00:00:29,848 --> 00:00:34,078
Eric, ix-nay
on the oanne-Jay.
16
00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:36,748
Donna, you know I don't
understand pig Latin.
17
00:00:36,772 --> 00:00:39,834
Bob, what is
joanne's problem?
18
00:00:39,858 --> 00:00:42,919
Eric, "ix-nay"
means "shut up."
19
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,047
It's okay, honey.
I can talk about it.
20
00:00:45,071 --> 00:00:46,799
Me and joanne
broke up.
21
00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:49,950
And I didn't
see it coming.
22
00:00:51,828 --> 00:00:54,432
Bob, what did I tell you
last week?
23
00:00:54,456 --> 00:00:57,727
Don't cry
in your kitchen?
24
00:00:57,751 --> 00:00:59,896
And I didn't mean
just that day.
25
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,814
I meant always.
26
00:01:01,838 --> 00:01:04,925
I'd better go, then.
27
00:01:06,217 --> 00:01:09,321
Nice going,
ackass-Jay.
28
00:01:09,345 --> 00:01:12,617
Ackass-Jay?
29
00:01:12,641 --> 00:01:16,454
Oh! Jackass.
30
00:01:16,478 --> 00:01:18,790
Well, honey, I don't think
you're a jackass.
31
00:01:18,814 --> 00:01:21,667
I think
you're a Jack-angel.
32
00:01:21,691 --> 00:01:24,796
Hey, mom, look, I know
you're worried about money,
33
00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:26,963
with dad not being
able to work,
34
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,925
but I want you to know i'm
gonna get right back out there
35
00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:31,176
and get a better job,
a high-paying job.
36
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,472
Oh, sure, just go down to
the bureau of high-paying jobs.
37
00:01:34,496 --> 00:01:36,432
You can't miss it.
38
00:01:36,456 --> 00:01:39,226
It's right next to
the pie-in-the-sky office.
39
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:41,270
Jackass.
40
00:01:41,294 --> 00:01:45,399
♪♪♪
41
00:01:45,423 --> 00:01:48,653
Oh, really? Thank you.
42
00:01:48,677 --> 00:01:51,029
Well, the job search
is going great.
43
00:01:51,053 --> 00:01:52,865
I think I have a shot
at washing an old man's back
44
00:01:52,889 --> 00:01:54,766
on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
45
00:01:56,935 --> 00:01:59,538
They were looking for a
waiter down at the restaurant.
46
00:01:59,562 --> 00:02:03,751
Whoa. Why'd you tell
him? I'm up for that job.
47
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:05,377
That's why I told him.
48
00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:07,463
No, no, no.
49
00:02:07,487 --> 00:02:09,715
Look, Eric, I need this
job way more than you do.
50
00:02:09,739 --> 00:02:11,300
You don't have
a baby on the way.
51
00:02:11,324 --> 00:02:14,011
But I do have
a family to support.
52
00:02:14,035 --> 00:02:16,096
And if I don't keep
the booze flowing,
53
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,140
they're gonna get violent.
54
00:02:18,164 --> 00:02:20,977
Well, look,
55
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:22,227
the only way Brooke
is gonna let me be
56
00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:24,856
a part of my kid's
life is if I prove to her
57
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,524
that I'm responsible,
and a promotion
58
00:02:26,548 --> 00:02:28,275
at the restaurant
would impress her.
59
00:02:28,299 --> 00:02:32,595
I mean, busboy's a job,
but waiter is a career.
60
00:02:34,263 --> 00:02:36,200
Okay, well,
then you know what?
61
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,243
We'll just both
go down there, apply,
62
00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:39,537
and may
the best man win.
63
00:02:39,561 --> 00:02:41,288
No, I want it.
64
00:02:41,312 --> 00:02:43,708
♪♪♪
65
00:02:43,732 --> 00:02:48,921
♪ hangin' out ♪
66
00:02:48,945 --> 00:02:52,675
♪ down the street ♪
67
00:02:52,699 --> 00:02:56,637
♪ the same old thing ♪
68
00:02:56,661 --> 00:02:59,807
♪ we did last week ♪
69
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:04,478
♪ not a thing to do ♪
70
00:03:04,502 --> 00:03:07,815
♪ but talk to you ♪
71
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:09,734
♪ we're all all right ♪
72
00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:11,652
♪ we're all all right ♪♪
73
00:03:11,676 --> 00:03:15,095
Man: Hello, Wisconsin!
74
00:03:20,142 --> 00:03:21,495
♪♪♪
75
00:03:21,519 --> 00:03:24,040
Laurie!
76
00:03:24,064 --> 00:03:27,209
Well, look what
the whore dragged in.
77
00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:30,086
Herself.
78
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,964
Need I remind you
that you are married?
79
00:03:31,988 --> 00:03:33,382
Oh, that's okay.
80
00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:35,867
The guy from last night
was married, too.
81
00:03:37,326 --> 00:03:39,096
What is your problem?
82
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,891
Are you two
at it again?
83
00:03:41,915 --> 00:03:43,434
Your green card
is on the way.
84
00:03:43,458 --> 00:03:45,436
I thought
this marriage was over.
85
00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,354
Laurie, I gave you $50
last week to go down
86
00:03:47,378 --> 00:03:49,440
to the courthouse
and file for divorce.
87
00:03:49,464 --> 00:03:51,191
What happened?
88
00:03:51,215 --> 00:03:54,152
Well, I had to get a new
makeup mirror and some wine.
89
00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:58,032
Tomorrow, we're going
to the courthouse.
90
00:03:58,056 --> 00:04:00,868
Hmm. The courthouse
is across town.
91
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:03,245
I wonder if you can make
it all the way there
92
00:04:03,269 --> 00:04:05,039
without sleeping
with someone.
93
00:04:05,063 --> 00:04:08,232
I bet I can make it there
without sleeping with you.
94
00:04:10,777 --> 00:04:13,923
Bitch.
95
00:04:13,947 --> 00:04:16,008
♪♪♪
96
00:04:28,753 --> 00:04:31,607
Bob...
97
00:04:31,631 --> 00:04:34,175
What are you doing here,
anyway?
98
00:04:36,177 --> 00:04:39,782
It's just something
I'm trying out.
99
00:04:39,806 --> 00:04:42,326
How's it going?
100
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,853
It's a little
uncomfortable.
101
00:04:46,479 --> 00:04:49,750
I thought it would be better
than sitting home alone.
102
00:04:49,774 --> 00:04:52,193
It's not.
103
00:04:56,656 --> 00:04:58,717
Oh, my poor dad.
104
00:04:58,741 --> 00:05:02,179
Wish there was something I
could do to make him feel better.
105
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:04,431
Well, once when I was sad
about Michael cheating on me,
106
00:05:04,455 --> 00:05:06,017
I got flowers
from a secret admirer,
107
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:07,685
and they cheered me
right up.
108
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,186
I mean, sure,
I sent them to myself,
109
00:05:09,210 --> 00:05:11,563
but it's the thought
that counts.
110
00:05:11,587 --> 00:05:13,107
Those flowers were
from you?
111
00:05:13,131 --> 00:05:15,943
You let me go
on and on about how
112
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,654
they were from me.
113
00:05:18,678 --> 00:05:22,074
God, try a little
honesty.
114
00:05:22,098 --> 00:05:24,118
Wait. That's actually
not a bad idea.
115
00:05:24,142 --> 00:05:25,870
If my dad thought
somebody else liked him,
116
00:05:25,894 --> 00:05:29,081
he wouldn't be so bummed
about joanne.
117
00:05:29,105 --> 00:05:31,083
But men don't really
like flowers, do they?
118
00:05:31,107 --> 00:05:34,194
No, they remind us
of bees.
119
00:05:35,653 --> 00:05:37,506
Oh, I'll send him fudge.
120
00:05:37,530 --> 00:05:39,925
He loves fudge. I know
because one time, he got some,
121
00:05:39,949 --> 00:05:41,927
and I asked
if I could have a piece,
122
00:05:41,951 --> 00:05:43,929
and he quickly changed
the subject.
123
00:05:43,953 --> 00:05:46,222
Well, let me tell them
what to write on the card.
124
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,850
I'm good at that.
125
00:05:47,874 --> 00:05:49,852
When I sent myself
those flowers
126
00:05:49,876 --> 00:05:52,855
and read how much I loved me,
I felt so much better.
127
00:05:52,879 --> 00:05:55,315
♪♪♪
128
00:05:55,339 --> 00:05:58,485
Hey, Roy. Remember me?
I'm Eric forman.
129
00:05:58,509 --> 00:06:00,236
Oh, hey, how are you?
130
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,238
I'm here to apply
for the waiter position.
131
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:05,076
Roy, that's the guy
I was telling you about.
132
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,619
Oh!
133
00:06:07,643 --> 00:06:09,621
Well, I don't think
we can hire a waiter
134
00:06:09,645 --> 00:06:13,876
who's got a disease that
spreads through food.
135
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:16,503
Roy, he really doesn't
like to talk
136
00:06:16,527 --> 00:06:19,279
about
his death-a-food-a-spread-itis.
137
00:06:20,823 --> 00:06:24,386
Death-a-food-a-spreada what?
Who are you, Elmer Fudd?
138
00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:28,724
All right, fine. He
doesn't have a disease.
139
00:06:28,748 --> 00:06:31,267
I just... I really
want the job, Roy.
140
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,187
Well, I wish I could
give it to both of you.
141
00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:35,981
Eric's got that zippy
personality, and kelso's all man.
142
00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:38,109
I know what
we should do.
143
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:39,443
We should make it
a competition.
144
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:42,302
That way, there's the
fun of someone losing.
145
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,868
♪♪♪
146
00:06:47,892 --> 00:06:51,080
Okay, everybody, let's put
some smiles on those faces.
147
00:06:51,104 --> 00:06:53,106
We're going to get divorced.
148
00:06:54,941 --> 00:06:56,961
What the hell's this?
149
00:06:56,985 --> 00:06:58,778
Looks like a box.
150
00:07:00,989 --> 00:07:03,050
I know it's a box.
151
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:06,011
Hey, what's with the attitude?
I'm just making conversation.
152
00:07:06,035 --> 00:07:08,013
Looks like a box.
It is a box.
153
00:07:08,037 --> 00:07:10,248
This is how
real people talk, man.
154
00:07:17,964 --> 00:07:19,942
Oh, it's a present.
155
00:07:19,966 --> 00:07:23,487
Oh, it's a wedding
present from aunt Martha!
156
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:26,073
You told her
about the marriage?
157
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:29,451
We agreed never to speak
of this evil to anyone.
158
00:07:29,475 --> 00:07:33,538
Well, I had
to tell a few people,
159
00:07:33,562 --> 00:07:36,708
because I never thought
I'd be able to say,
160
00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:39,044
"Laurie got married"
without adding,
161
00:07:39,068 --> 00:07:41,070
"and the baby
came early."
162
00:07:44,991 --> 00:07:49,096
Ooh, look
at the paper sparkle.
163
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,848
I wonder what it is.
164
00:07:50,872 --> 00:07:53,600
Well, keep wondering, 'cause
this package is going right back.
165
00:07:53,624 --> 00:07:55,060
But daddy!
166
00:07:55,084 --> 00:07:58,355
But daddy.
167
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:00,607
No, no,
I am just curious.
168
00:08:00,631 --> 00:08:02,860
Aunt Martha's well-to-do,
so you have to figure
169
00:08:02,884 --> 00:08:06,655
it's a pretty nice present.
Don't you wanna just peek?
170
00:08:06,679 --> 00:08:08,740
No, I wanna go
to the courthouse.
171
00:08:08,764 --> 00:08:10,075
Now get moving.
172
00:08:10,099 --> 00:08:11,910
Whatever's in this package
might make you happy
173
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:13,495
for a day,
174
00:08:13,519 --> 00:08:16,480
but a divorce is a gift
that lasts a lifetime.
175
00:08:19,525 --> 00:08:22,254
Guess what, girls.
176
00:08:22,278 --> 00:08:24,173
I got fudge.
177
00:08:24,197 --> 00:08:26,424
Fudge?
178
00:08:26,448 --> 00:08:28,510
What a surprise!
179
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:30,387
Who's it from?
180
00:08:30,411 --> 00:08:33,265
It doesn't say,
but there's a poem.
181
00:08:33,289 --> 00:08:35,517
"Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
182
00:08:35,541 --> 00:08:38,753
Fudge is sweet.
Here's some fudge."
183
00:08:42,882 --> 00:08:44,717
Well,
they rushed me.
184
00:08:46,386 --> 00:08:47,946
I wonder who it's from,
185
00:08:47,970 --> 00:08:50,615
'cause this sounds like
someone likes you.
186
00:08:50,639 --> 00:08:54,203
I hope it's a lady.
187
00:08:56,687 --> 00:08:58,874
Hello.
188
00:08:58,898 --> 00:09:01,710
Oh, hi, joanne.
189
00:09:01,734 --> 00:09:03,295
It's joanne.
190
00:09:03,319 --> 00:09:05,672
Really?
191
00:09:05,696 --> 00:09:08,175
Well, I think it's
a little late to talk
192
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,261
about getting back
together.
193
00:09:10,285 --> 00:09:12,453
Turns out
I'm very desirable.
194
00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:15,891
So I think
this is good-bye.
195
00:09:15,915 --> 00:09:18,352
Oh, and I want my
Barry white albums back
196
00:09:18,376 --> 00:09:20,002
and my body paints.
197
00:09:25,425 --> 00:09:27,861
Oh, my god.
198
00:09:27,885 --> 00:09:30,471
I know. They painted
each other! Ugh!
199
00:09:32,348 --> 00:09:33,909
Eric, you're first.
200
00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:36,078
I'm gonna test you on the
skills every waiter should have.
201
00:09:36,102 --> 00:09:38,122
Roy,
I want you to know
202
00:09:38,146 --> 00:09:40,165
that because of my extensive
background in crafts,
203
00:09:40,189 --> 00:09:42,376
I can fold a napkin
into a Rose, a swan
204
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,087
and the rarely seen
x-wing fighter.
205
00:09:45,111 --> 00:09:47,965
Cool.
206
00:09:47,989 --> 00:09:49,925
Okay, I'm gonna place
a difficult order.
207
00:09:49,949 --> 00:09:52,886
And you'll relay it to Steven
in the kitchen. Here goes.
208
00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:54,679
I'll have the surf
and turf, no seafood,
209
00:09:54,703 --> 00:09:56,681
meat... nice and pink, mashed
potatoes not mashed,
210
00:09:56,705 --> 00:09:58,600
sliced into wedges
and fried up.
211
00:09:58,624 --> 00:10:00,727
Okay, so steak, medium
rare and French fries.
212
00:10:00,751 --> 00:10:02,687
Okay, I'm gonna need
a number 4, still kickin',
213
00:10:02,711 --> 00:10:05,316
hold the guppy
and send it to France.
214
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:08,509
And that is how
you do that.
215
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:12,114
I'll have the surf
and turf, no seafood,
216
00:10:12,138 --> 00:10:14,032
meat... nice and pink, mashed
potatoes not mashed,
217
00:10:14,056 --> 00:10:16,576
sliced into wedges
and fried up.
218
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,579
One cheeseburger.
219
00:10:19,603 --> 00:10:21,623
It's very important
that a waiter can deal
220
00:10:21,647 --> 00:10:23,459
with difficult customers.
221
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,585
Steven and I are gonna play
a married couple.
222
00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:27,879
I'm not so into this,
Roy.
223
00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:31,342
Excuse me,
waiter. This wine is no good.
224
00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:32,968
It's our anniversary,
225
00:10:32,992 --> 00:10:36,638
and I want everything
to be perfect.
226
00:10:36,662 --> 00:10:37,889
God knows,
227
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:40,892
it's hard enough just
to get him out of the house.
228
00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,894
Oh, I'm very sorry,
madame.
229
00:10:42,918 --> 00:10:45,605
If you'll allow me to bring
you a complimentary bottle
230
00:10:45,629 --> 00:10:47,941
of our finest wine,
I'd be most obliged.
231
00:10:47,965 --> 00:10:50,110
Most obliged.
232
00:10:50,134 --> 00:10:51,635
That's Shakespeare.
233
00:10:53,513 --> 00:10:56,200
Waiter, it's our anniversary,
234
00:10:56,224 --> 00:10:58,243
and this wine is no good.
235
00:10:58,267 --> 00:11:01,705
Hey, you got a lot more
problems than the wine.
236
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:04,208
You are
one ugly broad.
237
00:11:04,232 --> 00:11:07,461
I do not appreciate
your tone.
238
00:11:07,485 --> 00:11:10,488
My tone? Dude,
your wife's a bitch.
239
00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:14,343
Okay, work your way
around the tables
240
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:16,178
with a tray full of dishes
without spilling
241
00:11:16,202 --> 00:11:17,804
or dropping anything.
242
00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:21,165
And for god's sakes,
watch out for the baby.
243
00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:29,107
Go!
244
00:11:29,131 --> 00:11:31,485
10 bucks says his skinny little
wrist snaps under the weight.
245
00:11:31,509 --> 00:11:33,237
I'll take that bet.
246
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:36,596
He's scrawny, but
strong, like the viet cong.
247
00:11:41,519 --> 00:11:45,416
So, like, when
does this test start?
248
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,168
Oh, what's this?
249
00:11:48,192 --> 00:11:50,128
Roy, I think you might
have left a $20 bill
250
00:11:50,152 --> 00:11:51,587
tucked in my sleeve.
251
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,966
I'm always
losing stuff.
252
00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:57,135
No, Roy, that was...
253
00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:58,660
And go!
254
00:12:00,455 --> 00:12:03,291
Ha ha ha!
255
00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:16,029
Well, Eric,
you're hired.
256
00:12:16,053 --> 00:12:18,073
Oh, really?
257
00:12:18,097 --> 00:12:20,242
Roy,
this is like a dream,
258
00:12:20,266 --> 00:12:23,478
a really mediocre dream.
259
00:12:29,275 --> 00:12:30,752
♪♪♪
260
00:12:30,776 --> 00:12:32,087
All right, everybody,
261
00:12:32,111 --> 00:12:34,089
only 12 signatures
to the end
262
00:12:34,113 --> 00:12:37,657
of what I like to call
"the shame."
263
00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:45,183
It's still there,
264
00:12:45,207 --> 00:12:47,727
and it calls to me,
265
00:12:47,751 --> 00:12:51,713
like a box with
something mysterious in it.
266
00:12:53,924 --> 00:12:57,488
There's nothing like a present
wrapped in beautiful paper.
267
00:12:57,512 --> 00:13:01,408
It's like Cary Grant
in a tuxedo.
268
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,643
I just wanna rip it off!
269
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,039
Don't touch it.
270
00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,083
I'm not.
271
00:13:10,107 --> 00:13:12,026
I'm smelling it.
272
00:13:14,028 --> 00:13:17,031
Ooh! What does it
smell like?
273
00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,536
A box.
274
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,890
I hope it's
a sewing machine.
275
00:13:25,914 --> 00:13:27,351
I hope it's a TV.
276
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:30,294
I hope
it's a chocolate TV.
277
00:13:32,921 --> 00:13:36,610
There could be
perishables in there.
278
00:13:36,634 --> 00:13:40,179
Oh, my god.
What if it's a puppy?
279
00:13:42,056 --> 00:13:43,325
We have to open it.
280
00:13:43,349 --> 00:13:45,725
I don't care
if Eric's in there.
281
00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:48,788
It's going back.
282
00:13:48,812 --> 00:13:51,082
Now let's get
these signed.
283
00:13:51,106 --> 00:13:53,377
Look, right here.
Paper's ripped.
284
00:13:53,401 --> 00:13:55,587
Oh, my gosh.
You're right.
285
00:13:55,611 --> 00:14:00,091
Hmm. I see part
of a word. "More."
286
00:14:00,115 --> 00:14:02,386
And under that,
something "crow."
287
00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:05,180
"More crow."
"More crow."
288
00:14:05,204 --> 00:14:07,432
It's a kenmore
microwave!
289
00:14:07,456 --> 00:14:10,352
I win! I win!
290
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,272
♪♪♪
291
00:14:14,296 --> 00:14:15,815
Hey, Hyde,
292
00:14:15,839 --> 00:14:17,484
where's table seven's
fish?
293
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,277
Oh, I got that for you,
Eric.
294
00:14:19,301 --> 00:14:22,406
Here is
your filet of sole.
295
00:14:22,430 --> 00:14:24,265
Burn!
296
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:30,271
All right, Eric, here's
the pea soup you ordered.
297
00:14:32,607 --> 00:14:35,752
You peed in the soup,
didn't you?
298
00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:38,880
No, I'm done trying
to screw you over.
299
00:14:38,904 --> 00:14:41,592
It's not your fault
you got the job.
300
00:14:41,616 --> 00:14:45,178
Some people are busboys,
and some people are waiters.
301
00:14:45,202 --> 00:14:49,224
And I guess i'm
just an extremely...
302
00:14:49,248 --> 00:14:51,459
Handsome busboy.
303
00:14:55,045 --> 00:14:57,566
Roy...
304
00:14:57,590 --> 00:14:59,359
That extremely handsome
busboy
305
00:14:59,383 --> 00:15:01,802
just broke my heart.
306
00:15:04,012 --> 00:15:06,950
I really don't think
he peed in the soup, Eric.
307
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,952
Couldn't you find
another waiter job for him?
308
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,954
He needs a break.
He's got a baby on the way.
309
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,665
Well, there might be
a job opening up
310
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,459
'cause jeanie said
she'd quit
311
00:15:15,483 --> 00:15:17,443
if I didn't stop
asking her out.
312
00:15:18,944 --> 00:15:22,090
Come on. I'm not gonna
stop asking her out.
313
00:15:22,114 --> 00:15:24,676
So look,
314
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,637
if I really
work hard with kelso,
315
00:15:26,661 --> 00:15:28,472
you'll give him
another tryout?
316
00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:29,931
Sure.
317
00:15:29,955 --> 00:15:33,893
But I really don't think
he can handle it.
318
00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:36,813
And my standards for
food service are really low.
319
00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:39,840
I haven't washed
my hands in four days.
320
00:15:48,056 --> 00:15:49,409
Dad...
321
00:15:49,433 --> 00:15:51,286
Too late.
I finished it.
322
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:56,040
So I was trying to figure
out who sent me the fudge.
323
00:15:56,064 --> 00:15:59,085
And I thought it could be
the lady at the pharmacy,
324
00:15:59,109 --> 00:16:01,838
which is nice because
she's seen my prescriptions,
325
00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:04,532
so we can skip
that awkward conversation.
326
00:16:07,159 --> 00:16:10,096
Or it could be
the mail lady.
327
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,683
Dad, I have to
tell you something.
328
00:16:12,707 --> 00:16:16,019
Jackie and I
sent you the fudge.
329
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,146
What?
330
00:16:18,170 --> 00:16:20,774
Well, you seemed so sad, and
we wanted to cheer you up.
331
00:16:20,798 --> 00:16:22,984
But then, we screwed up
your chances
332
00:16:23,008 --> 00:16:24,861
for getting back
together with joanne, so...
333
00:16:24,885 --> 00:16:27,596
So nobody likes me.
334
00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,266
We like you.
335
00:16:32,351 --> 00:16:34,144
Eh.
336
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,457
We're really sorry, dad.
337
00:16:37,481 --> 00:16:39,959
I guess it's not so bad.
338
00:16:39,983 --> 00:16:42,796
I mean, I haven't thought
about joanne all day.
339
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:44,964
Well, if you want, we can
all do something today.
340
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:47,425
I can take you
to the model train shop.
341
00:16:47,449 --> 00:16:50,011
Some of the tiny trees
in pinciotti town
342
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:52,514
are looking
pretty ratty.
343
00:16:52,538 --> 00:16:54,683
No, I'm gonna go down
344
00:16:54,707 --> 00:16:57,060
and talk to the girl
at the pharmacy.
345
00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:00,731
She's got a better keister
than the mail lady.
346
00:17:00,755 --> 00:17:03,066
You'd think,
with all that walking...
347
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,926
Hey, guess you either
got it or you don't.
348
00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:10,198
♪♪♪
349
00:17:10,222 --> 00:17:12,826
Eric, give it up. I'm not
gonna be able to do this.
350
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:13,951
Hey.
351
00:17:13,975 --> 00:17:16,162
Now that's not
the kelso I know.
352
00:17:16,186 --> 00:17:18,749
A lot of people said you
couldn't fit 73 cherry bombs
353
00:17:18,773 --> 00:17:20,542
into a toilet,
and who proved them wrong?
354
00:17:20,566 --> 00:17:24,921
I did.
355
00:17:24,945 --> 00:17:26,256
That's right,
and a lot of people said
356
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,759
you couldn't make out with
both of the ziegler twins
357
00:17:28,783 --> 00:17:30,761
in the same night,
and who proved them wrong?
358
00:17:30,785 --> 00:17:32,953
I did.
359
00:17:34,663 --> 00:17:37,058
And I also brushed
their mom's boob
360
00:17:37,082 --> 00:17:39,102
at a bake sale, so
actually, it was a three-fer.
361
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,772
Exactly. You are
Michael kelso, right?
362
00:17:41,796 --> 00:17:43,732
You make
the impossible happen.
363
00:17:43,756 --> 00:17:46,359
Now come on.
Let's do this.
364
00:17:46,383 --> 00:17:47,944
Okay, ready,
365
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:49,654
get set...
366
00:17:49,678 --> 00:17:51,472
Kelso!
367
00:17:53,641 --> 00:17:55,993
What?!
368
00:17:56,017 --> 00:17:58,562
Good luck.
369
00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:02,751
♪♪♪
370
00:18:02,775 --> 00:18:04,920
Ahh,
what a beautiful morning.
371
00:18:04,944 --> 00:18:07,088
The birds are singing.
The flowers are blooming.
372
00:18:07,112 --> 00:18:10,383
Divorce is in the air.
373
00:18:10,407 --> 00:18:13,094
Now let's finish this.
374
00:18:13,118 --> 00:18:15,680
Red, no one wants to get
divorced on an empty stomach.
375
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,833
Ooh!
And that's breakfast.
376
00:18:21,585 --> 00:18:24,272
You used the microwave.
377
00:18:24,296 --> 00:18:26,858
Red forman, I firmly
believe that god wants me
378
00:18:26,882 --> 00:18:29,861
to bake a potato
in four minutes.
379
00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:34,198
No, god wants
these two divorced
380
00:18:34,222 --> 00:18:36,367
and all evidence
of their unholy union
381
00:18:36,391 --> 00:18:37,619
out of this house.
382
00:18:37,643 --> 00:18:39,663
We got
another present!
383
00:18:39,687 --> 00:18:43,333
No, no. Don't open it
'cause we're not keeping it.
384
00:18:43,357 --> 00:18:44,984
Whoa.
385
00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:50,757
Look at that saw!
386
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:54,051
It's from Billy Schneider
down at the hardware store.
387
00:18:54,075 --> 00:18:56,387
He's had a crush on me
ever since
388
00:18:56,411 --> 00:19:00,892
I went ladder shopping
in that miniskirt.
389
00:19:00,916 --> 00:19:03,102
Okay,
just to make it clear,
390
00:19:03,126 --> 00:19:05,605
if you're buying me a gift,
I want candy.
391
00:19:05,629 --> 00:19:08,149
For my birthday,
392
00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:12,278
Christmas,
daylight savings... candy.
393
00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:14,030
Candy!
394
00:19:14,054 --> 00:19:16,097
Now you can have the saw,
red.
395
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:19,703
No, I...
396
00:19:19,727 --> 00:19:23,331
That would be,
uh, wrong.
397
00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:25,291
Well...
398
00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:28,753
It would be wrong
if they were divorced,
399
00:19:28,777 --> 00:19:30,964
but if they stayed married,
400
00:19:30,988 --> 00:19:33,615
sending the gifts back
would be rude.
401
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,203
You make a good point.
402
00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:42,183
But I want a divorce.
403
00:19:42,207 --> 00:19:45,102
I'll tell you what, honey.
We'll wait a month.
404
00:19:45,126 --> 00:19:48,422
If a riding mower hasn't
shown up by then, we'll talk.
405
00:19:50,007 --> 00:19:51,735
Okay, remember, buddy.
406
00:19:51,759 --> 00:19:53,737
The tray is like a lady.
407
00:19:53,761 --> 00:19:55,554
Dance with her.
408
00:19:57,472 --> 00:19:59,808
And go!
409
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:36,446
I did it!
410
00:20:36,470 --> 00:20:38,406
Congratulations!
You got the job.
411
00:20:38,430 --> 00:20:40,241
Oh, I can't wait
to tell Brooke.
412
00:20:40,265 --> 00:20:42,660
Hey, welcome to the
exclusive ranks of waiter
413
00:20:42,684 --> 00:20:45,538
at a crappy
hotel restaurant.
414
00:20:45,562 --> 00:20:48,374
I can't believe
that I did it.
415
00:20:48,398 --> 00:20:51,026
Yeah, I can't believe
the glue held.
416
00:20:54,947 --> 00:20:57,717
Yeah,
super glue kicks ass!
417
00:20:57,741 --> 00:20:59,427
You know what, kelso?
418
00:20:59,451 --> 00:21:01,972
Your first shift
is not gonna go well.
419
00:21:01,996 --> 00:21:04,205
Oh, it's gonna be
a disaster.
420
00:21:12,255 --> 00:21:15,068
"Warning. Never put metal
in the microwave."
421
00:21:15,092 --> 00:21:17,177
This isn't metal.
It's soup.
422
00:21:31,232 --> 00:21:36,196
Miss kitty,
Eric broke the microwave!
423
00:21:36,220 --> 00:21:38,220
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