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I guess you could say this tale revolves around this guy.

He was my boss. He'll be dead soon.

No, not because that toy gun actually fired.

But because I think I killed him.

But let's start at the beginning.

Before it all went to hell.

After a slew of mind-numbing

talks and chats, informational meetings,

and a formal interview called "super dead",

you land a full-time job here, the bullpen.

A junior investment banker's home.

The recruiting sales pitch

is, "You have great exit opportunities.

Think about that."

To get you to join, they sell you on the exit.

And believe me, we're all trying to get the hell out.

But once you're here, you're theirs.

They lure you with fantasy and trap you with fear.

And I know what you're thinking, "Boo-fucking-hoo."

But trust me, this isn't just a story

about a bunch of corporate tools

unraveling in fun and entertaining ways.

It's about you, too. It's about all of us.

But for now, welcome to investment banking.

First, we've gotta get this conference call together.

Let's go over these. Discussion materials.

A sales pitch to convince a client to buy a company,

sell a company, leverage a company,

anything a company,

as long as the client makes a deal, the bank makes a fee,

the MDs make a juicy bonus.

And us junior bankers? We get that.

A deal toy.

Is Chandler on?

Someone, loop him in.

Brandon, you on?

Bobby's here.

I'll loop him in.

My job is to put these pitches together.

Bunch of charts, metrics,

sensitivity tables with shitty bullet points.

Including EBITDA assumptions.

EBITDA, finance term for how much money a company makes.

Sort of.

The kind of number you pull out of your ass

lots of the time.

And if Chandler sniffs it out, I'm fucked.

Hello?

Hey, Chandler, it's Bobby. Can I loop you into the call?

What call?

The Project Monarch call

you scheduled for 10 minutes ago.

Oh, yeah, patch me in.

Chandler's on.

We've got a quorum.

Page one, fine. Two, fine.

Actually, add Q3 APAC deals.

Easy for me to bullshit around.

Page three looks directionally right.

Kill page four.

Page five, cash balance looks high.

We sweep proceeds from the recent sale of air handling biz?

Swept them.

Accuracy matters.

Conviction matters more.

Cap structure pro forma for new unsecureds?

Yep.

Secureds pari to term loan?

Yep.

Revolver cash flow or an A.B.L?

Yep.

What?

A.B.L.

Page six. What the fuck?

Who chose this shade of orange on the concept chart?

Colors are important, too.

Got it.

You're amazing.

Betty, my analyst. Lifesaver.

Updated color palette. Beats the old goldenrod.

Yeah, more like golden shit.

[OVER TELEPHONE]: Love it! Moving on.

♪ Oxbridge, what up, lane?

♪ Let's go!

Hey! Devils are on fire, my man.

Back-to-back hat tricks for Hughes.

Leads the Eastern Conference in points and plus/minus.

Hey, what about Blackwood?

Pays to be tall at net, huh?

1.9 goals against average.

I mean...

What do you make of that winger they just signed from Russia?

Markov, yeah. Great release.

Flashes of Kovalchuk in his prime.

Right.

Hey, gotta get you to a game, man.

My seats go right behind the Devils net

first and third period. Pretty sweet.

I would love to come with you guys sometime.

It looks like my dabs

are gonna be sippin' bubbly out of the cup this year, B!

Hey!

Not if my Rangers have anything to say about it, T!

Then you woke up.

Hey, congrats on that Triton deal by the way.

That was great.

I saw the big piece in the journal.

I would love to see a case study if you have one.

Sold 'em at nine and a half times.

Fully synergized. Bottom of the cycle.

Get the analyst that worked on it

work out a few pages of nuts and bolts.

That'd be great. Thank you.

♪ Check 'em out

♪ Blessing to y'all, lessing us out ♪

♪ Too complex for the rest of the town ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah!

♪ Check 'em out

♪ Oxbridge

♪ UK, we reppin' out

That is Tom Abernathy.

Another MD I work for.

He invented SPACs, or MLPs, or some shit.

Loves talking about hockey.

Especially since I played a little pro minors in Europe.

Last thing I really enjoyed doing.

He thinks I look up to him, aspire to be him,

and follow the Devils.

We play this fun game where he pretends he knows

something about hockey

and I pretend to care what he says.

Sometimes, that feels like the hardest part of the job.

Pretending.

Another great part of the job?

Flipping the decks.

Looking for mistakes.

We call 'em "busts".

Why are your footnotes in Calibri?

You don't want to be fired, do you?

Why did you engrave your charger with your initials in gold?

Uh-uh.

Bedazzled in 24-karat gold.

Probably cost more than the charger's worth.

It's the principle, okay?

Everyone here takes everyone else's chargers.

Those sons of a shoe will know not to take mine.

You do not fuck with Farouk.

"You do not fuck with Farouk."

- That's a good line. - You think so?

Yeah, it rolls off the tongue.

You do not fuck with Farouk.

Hey, I heard Lev-Fin was meeting on Project Falcon.

You're on that, right?

Uh, I don't see a meeting.

Oh, it's more casual.

Lunch, getting drinks.

Isn't one of the MDs on that married to a film producer?

She used to work for Joel Silver.

Mm. Yeah.

I heard she was gonna be there.

Son of a donkey.

Do you know where?

I think it was close.

Nobody was Ubering.

You can probably still catch 'em.

Oh. And it was a Halloween thing.

Like dress-up.

But I don't have a costume.

You're a Christmas tree yeah.

I wish your tailor could see this.

He'd be so proud.

Don't worry. He will.

Peng is downstairs purchasing my dinner,

rubbers, and companions for the evening.

Are you for serious?

Accuracy matters.

Now, we're talking.

Go, go, go.

There is no meeting.

Farouk, fellow associate and Egyptian royalty.

Dad's a huge bank client.

Bought him a pesticide plant as a graduation present.

But Farouk's real dream is to make movies.

He's always on the prowl

for good story ideas or a snappy dialogue

when he's not threatening to get you fired.

The plane is running up straight.

Normal day in the sky. Wait, diversion, diversion.

Good night on the Savannah?

Seems we both have a penchant for bent-over dumb doll Rose.

Hey, do these footnotes look right to you?

Uh, yeah.

Times New Roman, but use size seven font.

Double-check that EBITDA.

And make sure it's pro forma for the new bullfrog.

Right.

Don't let the blasé attitude fool you.

Danny is a hell of an analyst.

They're the lifeblood of the bank.

The guys who actually know the numbers.

Me? I'm an MBA associate who fabricates numbers.

Know half as much and make twice his salary.

But he's probably gonna run this place one day.

Those are not ass implants either.

I got nudes, too.

Baby's first bath.

Fuck.

You should get that.

Hey, hon.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I haven't left yet.

Mm-hmm.

Dry white wine?

Yep, you got it. Okay. Be there soon.

Kiss, kiss. Love you more.

Um, oh, what is a valance?

It's on our Amex bill.

I just wanna make sure it's not fraud,

'cause our credit score is, like-- Joan?

That's Jack.

Another associate.

Probably an investment bank lifer.

Each new baby and valance charge

makes those golden handcuffs click a little tighter.

And triggers a nasty case of focal hyperhidrosis.

Sweaty armpits.

Valance is some sort of fancy window drape, I think.

Either of you two know what RMT math is?

Reverse Morris Trust math.

Are you dense?

You're useless.

What happened to the paleo diet?

Cheat day.

Gym girl and I are doing drinks at Pegu Club with her friend.

You in?

Oh, I can't, I gotta reprint these

and get 'em over to Chandler's.

Mm.

You should see his new place.

6,200-square feet ranch.

Oh my God.

Can you imagine the property taxes?

Ken Chandler's house.

They say banking is an apprenticeship business.

If he was a cobbler, I'd be the lackey,

hammering shoe heels all day and night.

Guess there are worse things to be.

Love you, buddy.

Night.

Shit!

Hey.

Hey.

- For you. - Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Uh, good luck with the meeting.

If you need anything, just shoot me.

Text me.

- Anything like that. - Oh, hi.

Oh.

- Where are you going? - Hey, Mrs. Chandler.

Please let me offer you some Halloween punch.

Oh, no, thank you. That's very kind.

But the driver's waiting for me, so...

Oh, he can wait a few more minutes.

He really does need to go, Liz.

Of course, he does.

What else is new?

Come on in, Bobby take a seat.

Sure, why not?

-Here, take this. - What?

-Just fucking take it. - Okay.

Thank you.

Mm.

Mm.

Looks like you guys scored tonight.

Oh.

We bought all that.

We debated whether this was the year

to venture out, but he's so young.

Still plenty of kids came over, and as you can see,

we really got into the Halloween spirit.

Well, that was delicious.

Thank you.

I thought we agreed

it would stay in the holster, Ken.

It did.

Then why is it out?

Okay, please don't tell me--

Stevie didn't lay a finger on it, all right?

It was me.

I did it.

Why would you do that?

Actually, it was-- it was me.

I asked to take a look at it.

It just reminded me of a toy gun

I had when I was a kid.

Well, I don't want any guns in the house.

Not even toy ones.

I figured we could make an exception for just one night.

- I know. - But maybe that was a mistake.

No.

Oh, you know what?

Here.

- Oh, take it. - Take it.

Have fun with that.

Thank you.

Get the fuck outta here.

Yeah, and you should be ecstatic that I gave any tip at all,

because you gave me a 12-ounce passion fruit La Croix

when I ordered a 24-ounce tangerine Perrier.

Do you like passion fruit?

Oh.

Hey, hon.

Okay. Well, um, did you tell them

that we're not getting a divorce?

I missed-- I missed two dinners.

I can't, I can't, I got...

Can you help me?

Why would you think you...

No, not unless Nana magically taught you

Reverse Morris Trust math.

All right, I'll see you guys later.

Yeah, I'll sleep in the...

...the guest room, so I don't wake you up again.

All right, I love you.

Fuck!

This is Adesh.

How may I help you?

Hey, it's Bobby Sanders.

Tibet's the best we can do?

You're referring to the analysis?

Yes, your analysis.

I asked for the numbers on Chinese thermal coal imports,

not Tibetian-ese.

Tibetan.

Tibet is an actual importer of U.S. coal, Mr. Sanders.

Chinese thermal coal imports from the U.S.

is what I asked for.

They're meager figures, sir,

as I laid out in the report I sent you this evening.

93.3 percent of China's coal imports

come from four country.

Australia, Indonesia, Mongolia, and Russia.

Less than 2 percent are American I'm afraid to say.

But Tibet's a different story.

As China consumes more coal

and exports less to countries like Tibet,

Tibet is being forced to look elsewhere for its coal imports.

And that includes the U.S. Hence, my report, Mr. Sanders.

Hey, Adesh.

We're about to take our client's American thermal coal

company public

I understand that.

So, what is it you would like me to do exactly?

We need to show

that they have a market upside beyond a third-world country

with half of Rhode Island's GDP.

Yes, I see.

And uh, I wish I could provide you

with a bigger market for our client's coal exports,

but I'm afraid I can't in this instance.

Mr. Sanders?

We need to show that China

is the market for their coal, not Tibet.

But that would be inaccurate.

If Adesh had been born here

in the States instead of Mumbai, he would be running this bank.

But instead, he's running analysis for assholes like me.

He is good at his job.

I just need to be better at mine.

You said that Chinese thermal coal consumption was increasing.

At what rate?

10 percent, year over year.

Try to say that U.S. coal

exports to China will increase at 10 percent annually, too.

Not necessarily.

As I mentioned, the U.S. is not a major exporter.

Not yet.

It would be misleading to say otherwise.

But not necessarily wrong.

No matter what Adesh says,

our offering prospectus will say that U.S. thermal coal

has huge upside in China.

Technically, if we disclose it in the footnotes,

it's not necessarily lying.

And that's assuming that any investors

actually read the footnotes.

Tibet has five airports.

Fly into Lhasa Gonggar,

and you get a bird's eye view of Mount Everest.

Talking to guys like Adesh gets you daydreaming

about going somewhere exotic.

Not like I'll ever book any flights,

but going through the motions makes it all feel possible.

This guy escaped for real.

Hendrix. Walked in one day, called it quits.

All sorts of theatrics.

♪ Turn it up

♪ Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, turn it up ♪

The place can drive some a little nuts.

Made him a legend.

Gifford's the staffer.

Avoid at all costs.

He assigns work even when you can't keep up

with what you already have.

So, you do your best to look busy which rarely works.

Especially when there's a new deal on the horizon.

That means later nights

and even more fucked-up weekends.

You think you can fuck with Farouk, my friend?

Never.

Absolutely not--

I'm no son of a shoe.

Lev-Fin did not meet on Project Falcon last night.

You want to be fired?

Farouk, are you accusing me of lying?

Sanders.

Gifford, hey.

What's up?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah, sure.

Why would I do that?

To steal my charger.

- It's gone? -Yes.

Someone took it while I was out looking for that meeting.

Well, maybe it was your manservant.

Manservant?

No, Peng is a tailor.

My tailor.

And he's a loyal and honorable subject

acquired by my father decades ago.

He would never do such a thing.

Unlike you.

Well, it wasn't me.

And as for Lev-Fin, I may have made a mistake.

And if so, I'm sorry.

But if you wanna have me fired for looking out for you,

then so be it.

You would be doing me a huge favor.

You're lucky I'm merciful, bro.

Peng bicep.

Come.

Private measurements now.

Have a seat, Sanders.

Hey.

We got some bad news, Bobby.

And some good news.

Chandler's dead.

What?

He smashed his car into a lamppost

on his way to the train station this morning.

Lucky for him, he probably never saw it coming.

He was reviewing the pitch deck at the time.

Bastard was still clutching it in his hands

when they pulled him out of the wreckage.

Fuckin' imagine.

You know, I had a meeting with the client.

Number two guy at the firm scheduled for this morning.

They've been alerted.

And of course,

everything's been postponed on Project Swallowtail.

Oh, it's Project Monarch.

The client picked the name.

It's his daughter's favorite butterfly.

Was her favorite.

First-grade field trip to the fucking

botanical garden changed things.

So, are pencils down on Project Swallowtail?

God, no.

Pencils are very much up. He's dead. Deal's not.

And since you know

the project best, we're leaning on you

to make sure everything stays on track.

Good opportunity for you, Sanders.

Assuming you're up for it.

Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah.

The deal will be a good bullet on your résumé.

So, uh...

so, what's the good news? You said you had some good news.

Yeah, there's some great news.

We found a bunch of busts in the deck.

The good news is we have time to fix 'em.

- We? -Yeah.

Masterson's done a ton of work in the sector.

So, you're taking over from Chandler?

At our chairman's request.

They're the biggest player in the industry, Bob.

Which is why we need to impress them.

Important piece of business for our franchise.

And the league tables.

So, taking Betty off the project.

But she's my analyst.

She was holding the pen on the model the whole time.

She's not client-ready.

Her work has left a lot to be desired.

How so?

Half the EBITDAs on the comp set were stale.

Multiples weren't tying.

And I wasn't crazy about the color palette she used.

Yeah.

That's on me.

No, no, no, no.

No need to protect her.

Those were my mistakes.

Not the color palette. But the EBITDAs...

I made 'em up.

- Hard-coded them-- - Made 'em up?

- Pulled 'em out of my ass. - Out of your ass?

Yeah.

That's funny.

- You pulled 'em out of your ass? - Yeah.

That's funny.

That's funny.

She'll be fine.

Staffed her on a new M&A deal.

Thank God,

she can be somebody else's problem now.

So, who's replacing her?

No one, you'll be running the process.

Just you and me now, Sanders.

Lot of wood to chop.

As my illegally immigrated

Mexican cousin might say, "This is totally fucked."

Yeah, what a way to kick the can.

I mean, sure, I don't know about the accident,

but Bob out here has spent two years on Chandler's book.

He's gonna have to start all over again.

Chandler was his ticket to the top,

and now, he's dust, literally.

Don't remind me.

Oh, that.

I mean, the accident was pretty fucked, too.

All right what about Abernathy?

- Maybe he's the ticket. - Nice guy.

He's not gonna go to bat for anybody.

- So, it's Masterson. - Fuck.

Guy's got associates practically jumping out of windows.

Windows on the 44th floor don't open.

I've checked.

People are saying his car went up in flames.

You don't think there'd be an open casket,

do you?

Well, what does it matter?

It's not like any of us are going to his wake.

Yeah, but his family is.

He had a kid, didn't he?

Yeah.

He did.

Are you for serious?

If you put these up,

you deserve to be hit with 60 shoes.

I wish.

That is genius.

You know, the flyer says there's a reward.

You might wanna specify the amount.

It could supercharge the search.

You're mocking me, my friend.

I was not, but now, I am.

One would be a fool to fuck with Farouk!

Most definitely run a foul fucking with Farouk.

One would be a fool.

Who would be...

Fuck it.

Jack, be better.

My father will bury you people.

- All right, you ready to go? - Yeah.

Abernathy roadshow, okay.

Are we saying China or Tibet?

We're saying all of Asia, my man.

All right.

Farouk, to be continued.

And I promise I will keep an eye out for your charger.

I want that reward.

Say, you say you did find this charger, Farouk.

Any money in it for real?

Are you actually looking to be fired, my friend?

Oh, I'm dead serious.

Gold-plated monogram's worth like 50 bucks, right?

Fifty?

This cost me 15,000!

What?

You don't wanna do the IPO?

Look, all we're saying, Tom, is let's take a beat.

All right?

Think about the alternatives.

Market's shit.

All right. We try to go public, and we're trading

over the counter on the pink sheets.

The market's shit one day, it's not shit the other.

That has no bearing on our offering.

But we go public now

and no one buys it, what's the point? All right?

Our goal right now is to shore up our cash reserves

'cause we're strapped.

Tell me, you got any possibility that we could sell ourselves

to one of the big majors?

The market won't buy synergies with a strategic,

financial buyer will come in,

rationalize headcount, and sell you for pieces.

Gentlemen, we can sit here and we can talk direct listings,

we can talk SPACs,

we can talk any flavor-of-the-week vehicle

you wish, but the fact remains.

An IPO is your best way to access capital markets

in this environment.

If we recommend these guys

sell themselves, our bank won't be involved in the deal.

Thus, no fees.

Translation.

In order to make money, Abernathy needs them to IPO.

But fees

and Abernathy's personal career development aside,

these guys are spot-on.

An IPO in this environment makes no fucking sense.

Bobby, why don't you opine

as to why now is the perfect time

to bring these guys public?

One word.

- Solar. -Son, you're confused.

Our business is coal.

No.

No, not just coal.

Thermal coal,

which to most people sounds like another word.

Cancer.

And you're right. No one wants anything to do with that.

Especially not investors.

- You got nerve. - Hey, hear him out.

Gentlemen, our pitch

is to rebrand you as a solar royalty company.

Mm.

That dog won't hunt.

A forward-thinking company

who plans to use the cash generated from its thermal coal

to build solar panels on reclaimed land

that it already owns and already mined.

Not just a royalty play, but green royalties.

IPOs are about buzz, razzle-dazzle.

You show the company's evolving, investors will latch on.

Hey, one problem, Jim Bob Jumpback.

We ain't going solar.

No one said you had to.

Just that you plan to.

And you think the investors

will buy that we're evolving, huh?

Plenty of precedent.

Danny boy?

Gentlemen, it's such a lovely day outside.

Mm.

I only wish that we're sitting by a pool,

perhaps, instead of in this meeting.

Thinking about great literature.

Perhaps I had a-- a book to read.

Books?

Oh.

Where did I get this amazing piece of literature?

A little company called "Amazon".

Do you remember when they only sold books?

Books! I mean, come on.

Today, the majority of their revenue

comes from web services.

A little thing we like to call the "cloud".

Solar, speaking of a nice day, requires land.

Massive footprint.

And you guys have that in spades.

He's not wrong.

We'll throw a million bucks

at McKinsey, whip up an ESG report.

And what do you think we'll trade? Four or five times?

Yeah...

if you were just another miner.

But with a solar future, I'd say...

...three turns higher.

Oh, seven handle easy.

Let's not forget, gentlemen,

the key stakeholder here is Mother Earth.

Your best path forward is an IPO.

Renewables analyst is top rated on the street.

He's got you covered.

He'll throw a strong buy on the name.

Well...

...giddy up.

All right!

Let's hit the road and sell it.

No idea we had so much upside in Asia.

No way Chandler killed himself.

How can you be so sure?

Come on. He was fucking Chandler.

This job fucks with you, man.

Maybe it got to him.

Asshole MDs. Fellow asshole MDs.

Asshole clients. Not you guys.

Lots of people have stressful jobs.

They're not driving their cars into lampposts on purpose.

I don't think he was happy.

Who is?

If he did kill himself,

there's plenty of other possible reasons.

Like what?

He was over-leveraged.

He gambled too much.

His smoke show wife found his stash of his kiddie porn.

- Come on. We all have secrets. - I knew him.

He wasn't the kiddie porn type.

Still not buying burnout.

Myth.

Like Bigfoot.

Or my mother's love.

What about Hendrix?

Fucking Hendrix, man. Like, the job drove him crazy.

Literally.

Hendrix was next level.

Smartest finance guy I know.

He's probably buying up gold mines in Peru as we speak.

And he just did that shit to-- to-- to create buzz.

I mean, we're talking about him, aren't we?

With substantial organic growth opportunities ahead,

here's an overview of several projects underway.

Deep mine 53's estimated production is one

to 1.2 million metric tons per year, starting in Q1.

Where Branch Fork 42's estimated production is--

Irrelevant.

Hmm?

Well, in case you guys

haven't heard, the world is running.

No, it's actually sprinting away from fossil fuels

including coal.

I mean, investing in it now seems as smart as investing

in an abacus production.

Yeah.

But this is more of a solar royalty plan.

Right. Right. Yes.

I've read the deck.

How the plan is to reinvest coal into solar panels.

Right.

I plan to lose 10 pounds next month.

I also plan to up my meditation game,

so that I can be nicer to my ex-husband.

I also plan to...

...Bradley Cooper.

Okay. So, planning aside, why don't you look

at what they're doing right now?

Which is mining lots of coal at low cost.

Great.

- I invest for the future. -Good.

'Cause this company is uniquely positioned for it.

Danny.

Just paid down their debt with no legacy liabilities.

They go public. Execute on their roadmap.

They become an even more attractive buyout target

for a major player like Peabody.

You cash out, invite Bradley Cooper

over for a low-carb dinner at your new chalet in Aspen

where you share the divine joys of tantric meditation.

Do you practice?

I'm on my way around the red tantra.

I prefer more of a pink myself.

Whatever floats your chakra.

In the end, your ex-husband

cries into his unenlightened pillow.

I like that part.

Being nice is uh-- is overrated.

So is a slick pitch.

I think the tree would like you to have a seat.

We're done here.

They are sitting on high-quality coal mines.

- So you say. -No.

He does.

Best geologist in the coal business.

And I know his word means something to you.

I read how you operate.

When you were investing in traditional energy

to build your first fund,

you drove all through the back roads of Texas,

speaking to wildcatters, not financial analysts.

Why?

Because my daddy is a wildcatter from Midland.

And he always says

that you take a wildcatter at his word.

Especially one from West Texas.

Cline.

Where'd you say you played high school football again?

At Kermit High.

Two-time 3A Winkler County champs, West Texas.

Allstate safety my senior year.

So, I'd say...

...you can take this Texan at his word, too.

Allstate senior year, Cline?

Bunch of malarkey.

Honorable mention.

I've got the yearbook.

We'd have given you a lickin'.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hell of a save in there, Bobby.

Yeah, I thought we were dead for sure.

Now, let's hope this IPO works out.

I like our odds.

That's just not sales talk, is it?

No, I mean, Gemma's got one of the biggest energy funds

in the industry.

So if she bites, this will be over-subscribed.

Easy.

Bobby! A word.

You're interested?

I'm definitely intrigued.

-Good. - Good.

I'm available for any follow-ups.

Wonderful.

'Cause I'd like to get to know you a little bit better, too.

Me?

Yes.

We're gonna bring on some new people

here at the fund.

And I think you might be a very good fit.

Maybe meet later?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Good.

I'll have my office set it up.

Nice touch.

Now, watch me go.

You have to take this Gemma job.

You'd never have to worry about money.

How is some hedge fund shit

gonna be any different to this shit?

Buy side.

Junior banker's wet dream. You have all the power.

Here's my wet dream.

Just sent you a link.

"The four funds have combined

over 15 billion under management."

So, you figure 2 percent management fee.

Wow.

Pesticide industry merger.

Who needs Viagra?

Page 17.

"22 percent annualized returns."

Plus, you know she uses leverage.

Imagine if you had carry in the funds.

Yeah and still spending my nights

fumbling around Excel and PowerPoint.

Not to mention my nightly fireside chats with Adesh.

Can I see your acquisition target?

I take it by the sounds,

you'd like to start KYC on the name?

These PE guys won't stop chasing me.

- Can you convince 'em-- -Use your Bs.

They're chasing me. I can't--

Use your Bs.

Huh?

If you combine with the buy side, use three Bs,

bifurcation, backwardation, and Bal Harbor.

If you use the three Bs in the conversation,

they can't...

Harbor Miami?

Joan wanted to vacation there.

It's like, $500 dollars an hour to park in a...

My name has three Bs.

Smart. A mnemonic device.

That's not mnemonic, numbnuts.

Yes, it is, fuckwad.

Shit, Gemma is asking times to meet.

Oh, you got a little--

Yeah. Got it off there.

Chandler's markup.

- Chandler's. - Recovered from the wreck.

Turn his comments and mine. Tick and tie.

Scrub the numbers this time. Check if they have any NOLs.

Market update for today's close.

Swap my photo for his on the team page.

If there's room, you can add yours.

Also, make sure to add our Asian M&A guys to the team page.

Need to show we're a global franchise.

We don't have an Asian M&A group.

Check the company database

for some Asian people and put them on there.

Three of 'em.

And Sanders, resend the 7:00 a.m. dial-in info.

I can't find it in my inbox.

Can't tell me Gemma's phone

isn't looking a lot better right now.

Fucking fascists.

You don't know what that means, do you?

Fuck.

I did kill him.

Ah. Mouche.

It's French for fly, right?

I always remember that one 'cause it rhymes

with fermer la bouche.

Oh.

Shut your mouth.

That's about the extent of my French.

What about you?

I minored it in college.

So, I've got a little bit more.

I'm an excellent

conversationalist in English, though.

Throw out any subject.

Okay.

Aluminum siding.

Why don't we talk about vinyl?

I can do much better with vinyl.

Or spot me, Steel.

I've been workshopping a whole bit.

Michelle.

Hi.

Did you receive those pending patents I emailed you?

Yes, thank you so much.

Are you new to pesticides?

I am.

It's good to get in now.

As my father often says, "It's a big growth industry."

He'd know.

He bought me a pesticide plant.

And if you need those translated,

I'll be happy to help however I can.

She's probably good, Farouk.

French minor in college.

Ah.

Thanks.

Oh, and maybe I could hear that steel siding bit sometime?

Yeah, I would-- I would love that.

Jack, I gotta get on her pesticide deal.

Well, what if he puts me on it?

He won't.

I can't handle another staffing.

I'm here every night.

Joan will divorce me for real, or worse, buy another valance.

Gifford knows you're way busier than I am.

So, that's why we suggest you and not somebody else,

so he staffs me and not you.

Blow it.

Jack, Jack.

If he receives an email from Farouk

suggesting only me as his replacement,

then, of course, he's gonna know I'm behind it.

I can't hack Farouk's email password.

Fuck.

It's probably some famous movie line.

I know.

I've tried a bunch.

"Coffee's for closers." "You complete me."

Try, "I'm gonna put my nutsack on your drum set."

It's gotta be eight to 16 characters.

Okay! Plan B.

We're just-- we're just gonna have to find

a way to get the password from Farouk.

How?

We-- we pretend that we're IT.

Can you do a fake accent?

- Fake accent? -Yeah, yeah.

You're gonna have to disguise your voice.

You know, like when you tell your wife

that you love her, or her parents.

- Nana. - What?

It's not a fake accent.

It's a different octave, like a higher pitch.

Okay, but she hasn't divorced you yet, has she?

No.

It could be worth a try.

Great.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Come on.

This is your mom, okay?

Okay.

Jack, huh?

Let's go.

This is Farouk.

Farouk, it's, uh... it's Dwayne in IT.

Are you calling about my charger?

No! No, no, no, no.

We're just-- we're just doing some, uh,

some tech stuff, and uh, we--

we just need your, uh, email password.

Sorry, who are you again?

Dwayne in IT--

Jack, are you trying to sabotage this?

If I could lie, I'd have an affair!

Step aside! I got it.

Farouk.

This is-- this is Dwayne's manager.

Vladin.

We are experiencing an escalated

tier three systems upgrade emergency.

I do not know what that means.

Your email is compromised

and infected, possibly, with malware.

So, we're going to need immediate access.

Wouldn't IT have my email password?

Yes, but our server is corrupt.

But it is forbidden to give out our passwords.

We were told it is a one-strike policy.

That was made quite clear during orientation--

By us! By us! Okay?

And I want you to know you're wasting valuable time.

Okay? I need you to do exactly as I say.

Now, if you refuse to cooperate,

we're going to have to start deleting your files.

But I am not refusing to cooperate--

Which could include photos,

correspondence, your screenplays.

Wait! I haven't backed those up.

Do not F with Farouk. That is my password.

All caps, one word

with an exclamation point at the end.

Thank-- thank you.

And thank you for your cooperation.

- Fuck, yes! - Yeah!

We are in! We are in!

Hey, Michelle, here we come.

Okay.

Are you okay with this?

No!

Sounds good.

Are you for serious?

Why would I have asked to be taken off

this pesticide deal I've been working on for five months?

You sent me an email

requesting I restaff it, and I did.

You should be grateful I was able to.

I never sent such a thing.

Someone hacked my account!

Farouk, there's no evidence

anyone has done anything with it. None.

They sent this email, didn't they?

Look, I restaffed it.

Since Jack doesn't have capacity,

I staffed Bobby like you suggested.

But I did not suggest it.

I own the pesticide plant.

My father says this deal will provide me

with excellent experience.

You know, countdown prices have raised

to 70 dollars per short time?

Hey, Farouk.

I'm happy to bite the bullet on this one,

but let's not make a habit out of it, okay?

Peng, my mandarin.

Why wasn't this pre-peeled?

Do I have to do all this work?

I'm sorry?

Can I help you?

Bobby.

Filling in for Farouk.

Well, do you have the updated football field?

Farouk was wrapping it up.

I asked for a 5 percent haircut on the downside case

and 50 bps of margin expansion on the upside.

Right.

Maybe we should just call Farouk.

I don't exactly know what's going on here.

I got the football field.

Oh. Great.

You wanna present it then?

Football field...

is a, uh, presentation of the valuation methodologies,

public comps, DCF, downside, inside out.

How about the cow dung spot prices skyrocket?

We all know what a football field is.

We just need the numbers.

He's a bit foggy.

We were going over the football field

late last night...

...for the steel siding addendum.

- What's that? - New SEC reg.

I haven't heard of it.

Wrote a memo on it.

I can recirculate it, or go over it now if you'd like.

Just the football field.

You'll have it by tonight.

Along with the rest of the closing appendices.

Right?

- Right. - Mm-hmm.

Yes, right.

Steel siding addendum. File, too.

Yeah, I just want the football field tonight.

Tonight.

You got it.

Great.

Where were we on the fairness opinion?

I was thinking we could do some number-crunching

and legal scrivening tonight if you're free.

Your cubicle or mine?

Please find attached

updated football field and closing appendices.

Your to-do list?

That is a reminder that I'm not alone here.

- Oh. -Yeah.

Yeah.

- It's comforting. -Mm.

Sort of.

I could use a drink.

Bars are probably closed.

I do know a place.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh!

Did you see that?

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Very doable.

You think? Let's see it.

No, no. Heels.

I should make you a drink first.

No, you're stalling.

Get concussed or worse...

Die?

No one's ever died playing horse.

Mm.

You're a hustler, aren't you?

- A horse hustler? - Yeah.

Don't I have to pretend to

suck first in order to be a hustler?

And then I school you?

Sorry, can you let me

tell my joke, so I can just charm you?

Oh, yes. No, yeah. Continue.

I lost it now.

You're probably too busy getting your butt kicked

in hockey to have time to play horse.

How'd you know I play?

I can tell by the way you walk.

You sorta waddle.

Bow-legged.

Wow. Really?

No. Well, yeah, you walk funny.

But the background of your phone is you in your hockey gear.

Do you miss it?

I miss losing myself in something.

I mean, I'm fucking lost all day here,*

but I miss-- I'm never lost in what I'm doing, you know?

That's exactly how I felt

on the basketball court in college.

Sometimes, I think that part of me died

when I stopped playing.

Yeah, I'm full of insights like that.

You know, sometimes you have to make your own break.

Like scheming your way onto a pesticides merger.

No, the crop protection sector is growing 30 percent--

No, stop. You sound like Farouk.

Yeah.

He hates this gig, too.

He's biding his time, so he can sell

his pesticide plant and start making movies.

You know what, I actually envy the guy.

- What? -Yeah.

He's maybe actually found the thing that he loves to do.

The only thing worse than doing a job you hate

is doing one that you can just scrape by on.

You really are full of insights, huh?

That one was highly unoriginal.

That's just something I heard a guy say

at a graduation speech once on YouTube.

I'd really like to own my own WNBA team.

Back home in the Midwest.

- No shit. - Yeah.

But law is a decent holding pattern.

We'll figure it out.

And until we both figure it out, you, sir, still have H-O-R-S.

I need to sink this to stay alive.

Fuck.

- Looks like I lost. - Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm telling you.

No, no, no, no. She wouldn't stop.

No, she's blabbing about equity kickers.

You know, like,

"Oh, this is right out of the KKR playbook."

And I'm like, "I wanna see you on my bed,

not on my cap tables."

Look, I gotta jump. All right?

My lunch date just arrived.

Axl McGee.

- How are you? Good? - Yeah, yeah, good.

Great. Sit down.

So-- so you work with Gemma?

Well, LP of hers.

Advise a few family offices,

a couple big shops on the street.

Yeah, is she joining? Is she on her way?

No, it's just us. Just us.

She mentioned the IPO that you're underwriting.

Said you're a real thought leader

in the energy space.

Her words.

Well, if she says so.

Brave man,

taking any energy company public these days.

You're familiar with the energy sector?

Enough to be dangerous.

Yeah.

So, we're talking the lowest cost,

largest U.S. coal producer in--

How do you get comfortable with pure-play coal?

You know what I mean, like--

You know, uh...

Use your Bs.

Huh?

When you're in a bind with the buy side,

use your three Bs.

Backwardation. Backwardation. Backwardation.

The coal market is floating with backwardation.

Spot prices are surging. Forward curve is steepening--

You know something?

I took Western Coal public, I don't know, eight years ago.

I'm dating myself here.

They just filed for Chapter 11 for the second time.

Use the three Bs.

Bifurcation. Bifurcation. Bifurcation.

The market is bifurcated.

So, met coal is-- is not economic to mine.

Of course. But we're talking about low cost,

thermal coal production with a solar royalty potential.

Right?

So, what better inflation hedge than a low-cost

commodity player with a green future?

Greenwashing.

Love it.

Hmm.

Gentlemen, what can I get for you?

Chopped herb salad san farro.

- Okay? -Gluten allergy?

Intolerant.

So like a protein?

Only if it's wild caught.

You're in luck.

Our Copper River King salmon looks excellent today.

Long as it's poached.

Gotta love the specialized order.

Holding this, poaching that, it's all just a power play.

The kind of guy who uses the no-asshole rule when hiring

even though you know he's a total asshole himself.

Red sea bream looks good.

Coming up.

Bal Harbor.

You work these three Bs in the conversation...

You know you haven't had real

red sea bream unless you go to Atlantikos in, uh...

Slap me in the goddamn face.

Bal Harbor!

Whoo!

Mm.

So, I'm on this breakaway, right?

And I'm shouting, screaming the German word for rebound.

Because I know my left winger's is trailing me.

- Rebound. - No. It's...

Pull up the hat.

Goalie goes down. You're onto this huge rebound.

He's Czech.

And you know what the Czeck word for rebound is, right?

- No. - Neither do I.

Oh my God.

Well, look, I gotta run.

I'd love to get eyes on that IPO material.

All right.

Real pleasure meeting you, Bobby.

Yeah, likewise. You got it.

Bobby!

Impressive.

Axl must really like you. I already got a text.

You've been here this whole time.

Long enough for me to see what I had to.

And what was that?

How well you make friends!

Oh, you have this whole hobnob thing down, don't you?

I could use that.

Just think of it.

No more incessant pitch deck revisions.

No Excel models.

Just...

just this.

You create an experience.

Something the client will remember, a story to tell.

Therein lies your power.

Then you'd pay me for that.

More money than you know what to do with.

Guys like Axl, they just-- they can invest anywhere,

but they'll do it with me

in exchange for the privilege of hanging out with you.

That sounds a little sad.

I guess I get it.

So, what's next?

I'll let you know.

Oh, I have house in Montauk. It's open most weekends.

It's all yours.

God, it's scorching out.

Are you as hot as I am?

♪ Baby, class is in session, I'm ready for my lesson ♪

♪ And boy, I can't wait

♪ You've got all my attention

♪ Girl, I'm here to listen and do whatever you say ♪

♪ I'ma let you know that I'm a quick study ♪

♪ I'll be your best student, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, you gonna love me, just keep it coming ♪

♪ I got it, you can trust me to keep it real ♪

♪ You can probably learn something from me ♪

♪ I'ma let you know that I'm a quick study... ♪

Oh.

♪ ...I'll be your best student, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, you gonna love me, just keep it coming ♪

♪ I got it, you can trust me to keep it real ♪

♪ You can probably learn something from me ♪

♪ I want you to teach me, show me how you do it, eh? ♪

You mind?

You know, you might really suck at horse, but...

You could have a very bright future at this.

Well, you know,

I was the two-time all-American lotion applicator.

Mm?

Okay, fine. Honorable mention.

What's the secret?

Soft touch.

Make sure to use the whole surface area.

And...

...take your time.

Am I making it hard for you not to pick up your phone?

So hard you have no idea.

I think I might.

Your phone broke?

Got a little wet.

Short-circuited the-- the chip, I think.

Don't disappear.

Not on my time.

Won't happen again.

You know, prior to taking over this deal,

I heard a lot about you, Sanders, from Chandler.

Big fan of yours. Big fan.

Had a massive hard-on for you.

Said you had a sharp pencil.

Which is why I can't explain how fucking terrible this is.

I can tackle that again.

Let's not boil the ocean here.

These are simple decks.

You tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em,

you tell 'em, then you tell 'em what you just told 'em.

I'm happy to change whatever you want.

That would mean all of it.

The whole damn thing.

But maybe I'm wrong.

You know, I've only been at this job,

what, 25-some-odd years? I could be wrong. I'm not.

It's just math.

Math?

They teach adding and subtracting

in business school, right?

Okay, good.

Now, it's time for a little refresher.

Just-- just really quick. We'll start with page one.

Who is the dyslectic behind this work of art?

Your executive summary,

which summarizes one thing excellently.

Your inability to summarize anything.

Now, stay with me, Bobby.

Are you with me? Bobby? Bobby?

Stay with me. Thank you.

Section two.

Now, companies in this sector trade at price to tangible book.

At least they did in the two decades

that I covered them.

But you decided to show P.E. multiples here,

which means you must know something

the rest of the industry doesn't.

Shh! I won't tell them, 'cause it's fucking bullshit.

Multiple on the Barick deal looks wrong.

The company just filed their 8-K.

I double-checked with Equity Research.

They confirmed it was correct.

It just looks wrong!

Fix it!

And how the hell did you come up with this number?

I can't see what you're looking at.

Let me just, um...

let me just--

I'm gonna circle it for you, so you can see it.

You wanna see it? Just this number.

You're right. Uh, yeah. Just hang on a second.

See it there? See that number?

I backed into it.

Oh, okay. Backed into it.

Okay, great. That there. Save that for later.

Section three. Sum of the parts.

Now, on this page, the page you made here,

you made that with your little fingers, didn't you?

This says that if the company divests its dogshit assets,

that the RemainCo will trade at a discount to SpinCo.

You should be proud of yourself for this one.

Now, this really takes the cake.

Yeah, he's trying to intimidate me.

But even he doesn't know

what the deck is supposed to show.

As long as he keeps me confused and lost,

I'm the fall guy for when shit goes south.

My only hope to unfuck this mess is to decipher those notes.

It's like a toddler did it!

It's stifling in here!

- You sick? -No. No.

Get out. Get out. The Seahawks are in town.

I am not missing them, because of you. The dust in the vents.

It's blowing dust up my nose. I have allergies!

-Get out. Get out! - Between the valuation

and the sum of the parts, any preference

on which I prioritize?

Pull the fucking doors!

Sandy, get my oil of oregano! Fuck!

Fucking dirty-ass millennial.

Fucking frick!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

You think these pages are bad?

Well, the ones that give you nightmares are these.

I don't even know which way is up or down.

Voice memos.

Everything they say goes in here.

Figure it out later.

No more tape or Elmer's.

Genius.

Adesh, what are we looking at here?

I'm uncertain, Mr. Sanders.

You're uncertain?

It could be a six or an eight.

Does either one make more sense than the other?

I'll see if I can confer with some of my colleagues

who have also had extensive experience in dealing

with Mr. Masterson's notes.

Fucking nested if statements.

SOS, my model just reffed out.

Oh, sucks to be you.

This is true friendship.

Turn your search switch off and then on again. Look.

Fuckin' dandruff in my bald spot.

Gracias, Danny deal-flow. Fuck you, Excel.

It's okay, buddy.

It's gonna be okay.

Come, come, Bobby.

Welcome.

Do you meditate?

- Not really. - Do you breathe?

- Breathe? - Yeah.

I want you to breathe with me, Bobby.

And I want you to think about the fire,

red, red, red down in your undercarriage. Right?

- Right. - Yes.

And out.

Do you have a dog, Bobby?

We did, growing up.

Yeah, her name was Annie. Yeah.

Oh, did you have to put her down?

We did actually.

She had these stomach issues.

Max here has cancer.

Best-case scenario, a few months.

Oh!

But the vet says

that he could be in agony for most of it.

He won't be Max.

Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, the vet wants us to put him down.

But I'm not so sure that he shouldn't, you know,

die a natural death.

What do you think?

I think that it's not my place to say.

I made it your place to say.

Say, Bobby!

I would put him down.

Even if my heart

wants him to live out whatever natural days...

...he has left?

I think that I would rather keep the good memories.

I want you to come work for me, Bobby.

I know you have a few months left

before you get your bonuses, so see the IPO through.

Then you and I get together after.

Work together.

- Sounds great. -Okay.

Just don't fuck up anything at the bank.

Don't burn any bridges.

Namaste, Bobby.

Namaste.

Bobby, your nether regions are on fire.

You can go.

I'm good.

So, I set out to take Gemma's advice.

I just needed to hold it together for a few final months.

Success in banking isn't so much doing stuff right

as it is not fucking it up too badly.

So, that became my goal.

Michelle and I kept our thing going, and going, and going.

Things were even looking up

for Danny, who had a hair specialist

diagnose his bald spot.

Turns out, the stress of thinking he had a bald spot

had actually caused one.

The doctor prescribed weekly sessions of hot yoga

as a stress reliever which got Danny back on track.

And despite all his initial

trouble with RMT math, Jack became a whiz at it,

giving unsolicited tutorials to whoever would listen.

The kind of guy he once made fun of.

Bobby horsecock.

Everything was right in the universe.

Until it all felt as up for grabs.

Abernathy's imaginary downhill three-footer for a triple bogey.

What are we doing for lunch?

It's a push, not a pull.

- Hey. -Hi.

Grab a seat.

Okay.

Do you remember how I told you I wanted to own my own

WNBA team?

- Yes. - Well...

You're buying the Starzz.

Funny.

No.

But you are looking at their new general counsel.

What?

- Michelle, that's amazing. - Shh! I'm not done yet.

So, the owner of the Starzz also happens to own

his own minor league hockey team.

And they are looking for a new general manager.

So, naturally, I pitched them the best candidate.

Between your playing and your business experience,

you'd be amazing.

I had no idea what to say.

I think Farouk is looking

for material for his next screenplay.

He's got his dictaphone out.

Pretend to work.

That's something I'm good at.

Hello?

You have my charger?

Reward?

Now listen to me, you son of a dog.

If you-- no, wait, wait, wait. I'll pay you whatever you want.

I am on my way.

Hey!

I told him meet me on Pearl Street.

Where were we?

GM job is bait to suck you right into marriage.

Gemma's job is easy street.

Bullshitting all day with LPs.

You carry in her funds.

He's gonna be just as miserable there as he is here.

Miserable?

Joan emailed me a calendar invite

to her C-section.

You're three times over-subscribed.

Well, a lot of hard-working people were counting on us

to execute this IPO.

And we have you to thank for it.

I'm just happy it worked out.

And thank Gemma, too.

I mean, none of this would have been possible without her.

How much is she in for?

Let me check.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just gonna call you back.

Hello, Bobby.

You're fucking them on the IPO.

No!

I'm shorting them.

Sustainability funds are all the rage these days.

I-- I do what you advise, Bobby.

You gotta lead with your brain.

Not with your heart.

Coal's dying.

I'm just putting it out of its misery.

We sent over employment contracts.

Haven't gotten them back yet, Bobby.

I haven't gotten time to read it yet.

Whenever you get time.

Fuck! Fuck! What'd I do?

Fuck! Fuck!

If you don't sign it, I'm gonna.

Did you see the base salary?

Pull.

Money isn't everything.

Bullshit.

Money buys you everything that's not money.

Freedom, most of all.

After a few years, you cash out, go live on a beach or a yacht.

Not a big water guy.

Buy your own mountain.

Carve your face in it.

Ah! Why would I want a mountain?

I just have a few scenarios to work through, okay?

Like whether you pick the hot girlfriend and GM job

or this hedge fund job I'd kill for?

Yeah.

- Fuck you. - Fuck you!

You have two legitimate outs and you're bitching about it.

I'm not trying to be a douche.

Yeah, yeah, you are.

I'm just trying not to fuck up my life.

Dude, we all fuck it up eventually.

Hey, it's Bobby.

My office now.

Fuck.

Oh. It's that bad?

Yeah, he's probably gonna tear up the deck

and make me start again.

Or maybe he's finally gonna give me the axe.

Did you know bonuses are forthcoming.

And it got me thinking.

What are bonuses, Bobby?

I mean, what do they signify really? I'll tell you.

They're an honest-to-God assessment of one's value.

- That's what they are. -Look.

I know I haven't been on top of my game

these past few months.

The Chandler thing kind of threw me.

But I assure you, I will--

The mistake we make,

we fool ourselves into thinking of bonuses in terms of our jobs.

Forgetting that we have to earn our bonuses at home, too.

And I simply haven't.

My wife moved out.

She says it's over.

Look, I'm sure it's temporary.

That's-- yeah.

Now that the deal's dead,

I need to-- I need to fucking refocus my priorities.

I gotta straighten out my life.

Wait, wait. The deal's dead?

Financing hit a snag.

We've been pencils down for over a week.

Sandy, get my crowbar!

I've been dicking around

with this deck for the past three nights.

Good on his wife for bailing.

Hey, Michelle.

Utah Comets ownership group

wants to meet with Bobby Sanders this weekend.

And since Park City just got a big snow dump,

figured we could hit the slopes, too.

There's a 9:00 flight from Newark Friday.

You know, I work weekends.

So, I can't really afford to just drop everything

and go skiing.

All right. Maybe we'll talk later.

No, look, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that. It is exciting, and I'm--

Pencils back up, Ichabod.

Bobby? Bobby, what's going on?

I'll talk to you later.

Let's go.

Wait.

We'll be needing this.

No, we won't.

Back to the drawing board.

We were hired to explore strategic alternatives.

Big, out-of-the-box ideas. You follow?

Refreshing boilerplate wedges with hand-wavy assumptions

every two weeks isn't gonna cut it.

You can tell by that matinee- idol-like, penetrating look

that it's all starting to sink in.

Pull over.

Why don't you fuck yourself off?

Do you mind a little privacy?

Get out! Get out!

Hi, sweetie.

Uh...

Can you fuck the fuck off, please?

Not you! Not you! Honey, don't hang up!

Don't hang up! Don't hang up! Hey, no!

How are the kids? I miss you. I'm so lonely, Marcie.

I-- I know.

No, I lost my fucking ring at the park. You know that.

I take it off when I do pull-ups.

No, no, that was one fucking time I was drunk.

It meant nothing.

She was an analyst for Christ's sake.

No, I didn't even fuck her. It was just a handjob.

She gave me a handjob. It was terrible.

No, you have a way better body than she does.

Look, I couldn't even fucking get hard.

I know, that's the thing! So, I basically didn't fuck her.

Okay, yeah, I went down on her.

But, no. I-- I was drunk.

She meant nothing to me. She was an analyst.

I don't even know if we fucked. She had the ugliest shoes.

I don't even think I fucked. Yeah, she gave me a blowjob.

Not good!

The craziest thing is, is that anyone at this bank,

anyone on the planet would sleep with that music.

If he was drunk, she must have been blasted.

I still don't buy he could get it up.

I think he stole your Viagra.

Danny and I kept

replaying that part where he begs to stay

at their house in Sag Harbor and starts crying.

Had to have faked that.

No, those tears were real.

Our guy's coal company just got ginsu-ed.

Why they chose to go public

where our global environmental priorities are shifting,

I don't understand.

Yeah, stock's down 70 percent after Gemma shorted him.

No way they're coming back from this.

Breathe.

Do you feel the heat in your undercarriage, Bobby?

Hold that.

I've had this thing for 23 years.

I can't tell if it's hideous or lovely.

Art.

So, apparently, an audio is making the rounds.

A very...

private phone conversation between me and my wife.

You know anything about that?

Uh, I-- I might have heard--

It was a rhetorical question.

Your email was flagged and discreetly forwarded to me

by compliance.

It got me curious, though.

What other emails were you sending

and receiving from your work account?

Quite a few, huh?

Seems you've been exploring some strategic alternatives

of your own.

GM position for a hockey club?

Job offer from a prominent hedge fund manager

in the process of eviscerating one of our clients,

suggesting, of course, you were in on it.

Push an IPO.

You know we'll doom our client in exchange for a job offer.

That was not what I was doing.

Not only do your actions constitute a fireable offense,

but they'll likely kill your career.

Could even land you in prison.

I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

Don't be sorry. I'm feeling charitable.

I'm gonna keep this between us.

And you are gonna stay in my good graces.

Because, Sanders, you're all mine.

He's right.

Masterson fucking owns me.

Turns out, he now also owns Farouk's charger.

I don't think he has the authority to demand

you move outside his office.

You should ask compliance.

Compliance got me into this mess.

You think your coal guys will hire our restructuring group

when they go bankrupt?

They called me five times already.

I can't bring myself to pick up.

There we go.

You're not taking those with you?

I'm putting them in storage.

I don't wanna be reminded of two guys

whose careers I ended, you know?

Nothing you could do, man.

That's banking. Onto the next client.

Hey, discussion materials are packed and ready to go.

Double-check.

Will do.

Now.

Okay, one second. They're just at my new desk.

Don't need a play-by-play.

Just need to know I'm showing up to the client meeting

with what I need.

11, 12 pitch decks spiral bound.

MASTERSON Delivered to my house tonight?

Yep.

Got someone messengering them to you within the hour.

And the box will fit in the overhead compartment?

Measured it myself.

Do it again.

All right.

15 by 12 by 10 inches. Hello?

Hey.

Hey.

The box on my desk needs to go to Masterson's home ASAP.

Finalized the purchase agreement.

Deal's closed.

That's-- that's great.

Yeah.

We should get a drink and celebrate.

The WNBA just announced a lockout.

I'm supposed to start my new job Monday.

So, they want me to fly out tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah.

Right.

Not ideal, but...

definitely what I signed up for.

Yeah.

Have you given any more thought to that GM role?

I don't think it's something I can pursue right now.

This Masterson thing, I gotta figure it out

before I can do anything.

You know, I really hope I get to hear that steel siding

bit one day.

It's because I'm not saying, yes, right--

Shh.

Fermer la bouche.

Hello?

I'm sorry. Is there a case of moron going around?

Because I was delivered a box of your desk trash

and deal toys last night.

Where are the pitch decks?

Oh, shit.

The analyst took the wrong box from my old desk.

I can get it to you before your flight, I swear.

I'm downstairs in the car.

You're riding to the airport with me.

And bring my phone charger.

Maybe it's my fault. I expected too much.

We're gonna start you off slow.

Pick up and drop off my dry-cleaning.

Then you move to shoes.

In a few months, maybe you'll be confident enough

to take my coffee order.

But let's not be hasty.

It's like a toddler did it!

Pull over!

Have you lost your fucking mind?

Tread carefully, Sanders.

Some moves you can't come back from.

Counting on it.

Pencils are down now.

But I couldn't walk away without a deal toy.

I hadn't been seen in days. And everyone had a theory.

Deactivated his social media.

Went off the grid.

Nah, hombre.

He probably just blocked you. Bet he's in Miami.

Three Bs.

Bitches, booties, and Bal Harbor.

Can you fuck the fuck off, please?

Not you, not you. Honey, I'm so sorry.

Please don't hang up. Don't hang up! Don't hang up!

No, no. That was one fucking time.

I was drunk. It meant nothing!

She was an analyst for Christ's sake.

No, I didn't even fuck her. It was just a handjob!

She gave me a handjob. It was terrible!

No, you have a way better body than she does.

Look, I couldn't even fucking get hard.

I know, that's the thing! So, I basically didn't fuck her.

Okay. Yeah, I went down on her.

I was drunk. She meant nothing to me.

She was an analyst. I don't even know if we fucked.

She had the ugliest shoes. I don't even think I fucked.

Yeah, she gave me a blowjob. Not good.

And in the end,

the only guy who really deserved to be fired,

actually was, after attempting a hasty exit.

Sandy, get my hammer!

Weeks went by, and I still hadn't reappeared.

Written off as someone who lost it.

But who's to say I didn't do it all?

Maybe I took a trip to South America

to meet Hendrix,

where I ended up staying, and cornering the ESG market

for Gemma's new fund.

And she admitted that the whole sick dog schtick

was just that.

In truth, little Max

was the picture of canine health.

And Michelle...

...expanded the WNBA brand with not one,

but several teams that she co-owned

while continuing to own me at horse.

Turns out that mining Bitcoin takes a shit ton of electricity.

The kind generated by low-cost coal.

Or maybe none of this is true.

Maybe the point wasn't some lesson

about how to live your life, or end it.

Because it's not about what you get.

Whether that's the job, the money, the girl.

It's about what you lose.

Could be your hair, your independence,

or 10 straight games of horse.

In the end, we lose it all.

Only thing that's left is...

After a slew

of mind-numbing coffee chats, informational interviews,

and a full-day of formal interviews...

Ah! Let's start again. I can say that line much better.

May God destroy my house and the house

that gave birth to me if I don't.

Make-ups, touch-ups, quick, quick, quick!

Red camel, yellow camel. Red camel, yellow camel.

Red camel, yellow camel.

Okay, okay. Good, good, good. Go, go, go, go.

Scene one, take 81.

A-- after a slew of-- Cut!

Again!

Roll again. Come on.

In the end, the only thing left is the tale.

Your life's discussion materials.

And if you happen to return a gold-plated,

monogrammed charger to a rich Egyptian

who sees it as a sign of divine intervention,

well, then that tale may even be turned into a movie

for the price of a pesticide plant.

Scene one, take 81.

What does Peng mean to you?

Oh, everything.

Which is why I've actually made him

head production assistant on this film.

You know, when I was a boy, that is when we acquired Peng.

My father said to me, "Farouk, you are too old

to tie your own shoelaces."

And then Peng was right there.

He's to me, you know, like family.

Well, not my family, more like your family.

Right, Peng?

What are you doing?

There we go.

He likes to uh, polish the shoelaces.

For me, this endeavor is not about the money.

It's about storytelling. I have a labor of love.

What the hell? Cut!

Peng, that makes no sense. It doesn't make any-- any sense.

It is important to have a soundtrack

to one's life.

That is why I have composed a song

for every facet of my day from morning to night.

Listen, this track over here, it's called "Up In It."

I play it every day before I go to set

to remind myself to up my game.

It's composed by this dope-ass beat producer in Los Angeles

named Pricks Meditated, 17 years old.

I discovered him when I was on TikToks,

you know, doing the dances. I know how to do a whoa.

Anyway, I was trying to pay him, but I have to pay him

through his mother's Paypal account. I don't understand.

Why not wire transfer, huh?

You had your own bank account by the time you were 17?

I had my own bank.

Peng, dance with me.

This is the beat to slow down.

I like to slow down.

Okay, Peng. Time for a massage.

It's not about the money.

It's about the passion to tell a story.

My story.

Cut.

I like that one.

Peng?

Good boy.

Good boy.

That will do, Peng.

That will do.

♪ Now, let me get this out of the way ♪

♪ So we can move right along got back to lyrically intact ♪

♪ Lyrically intact, oh

♪ Now I got that out the system ♪

♪ Bump this track off on your system ♪

♪ True to listen

♪ This that stuff that people might be missin' ♪

♪ This music now efficient

♪ Plus, take out the extra, oh

♪ Waiting boys and girls in every color ♪

♪ Dig this clever brother

♪ I'll let you try to get a few more ♪

♪ Now, I'll bet you'll find no other ♪

♪ So, ever it's tradition

♪ You can blame it on his brother ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm bad, get it?

♪ Got them feeling just like an addict ♪

♪ Who never kicked the habit

♪ I slowed it down a little bit so y'all can understand it ♪

♪ I talk like I comprehend this verse ♪

♪ I'm overseas tanning

♪ The haters can't stand it but the rest of y'all jammin' ♪

♪ So, basically what I'm sayin' ♪

♪ Y'all really need to can it

♪ I got that type of music make 'em stay ♪

♪ They understand it

♪ I know I be that fire, no this man no tellin' no lie ♪

♪ Just get it

♪ Where you from?

♪ Where you from?

♪ Where you from?

♪ From the side of town where we play ♪

♪ Where you from?

♪ Where you from?

♪ From the side of town where we play ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ I'm bouncin', I'm turnin', I'm whippin' and dippin' ♪

♪ I'm postin', they skippin', they hatin', I'm pimpin' ♪

♪ I'm simpin', they trippin', my fingers, they flippin' ♪

♪ For suckers who can't get and they don't wanna listen ♪

♪ Hey, pop it, keep it movin', he shouted where that thing is ♪

♪ My Lambo game useless and can I get a witness? ♪

♪ I'm all about my bitches, ain't never own no other ♪

♪ Some people married to the streets ♪

♪ But I will never trust her

♪ I'm Mr. Never Cuff Her

♪ I'm Peppe from a side of town where people never trust us ♪

♪ So check her bed at ease

♪ Bet, you don't make me have to squeeze back ♪

♪ If you're on your back flat

♪ You tell 'em you don't need that ♪

♪ Now, where the keys at?

♪ We need to take them streets back ♪

♪ This ain't a talent show, I never need the feedback ♪

♪ I got a gun for you, but it ain't a hot-head ♪

♪ 'Cause we know it's all kept ♪

♪ And homie, we don't play that ♪

♪ Where you from?

♪ Where you from?

♪ Where you from?

♪ From the side of town where we play ♪

♪ Where you from?

♪ Where you from?

♪ From the side of town where we play ♪