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1
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{\an8}This programme contains some
strong language and adult humour
2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,000
{\an8}My name's Chi and my parents
were flattened by a lorry.
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,560
{\an8}Can we come in?
It's your parents, Lucia.
4
00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,520
{\an8}They've unfortunately...passed on.
5
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,320
{\an8}Well, do you know if they're
all right, or...?
6
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,280
{\an8}They weren't all right.
7
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{\an8}The house goes to my daughter,
Lucia,
8
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,520
{\an8}on the condition that she completes
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{\an8}the list of things
I've written down.
10
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,160
{\an8}How come she has to do things
that YOU'VE written down?
11
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,600
{\an8}Luckily, I can still talk to
my dead parents.
12
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,080
{\an8}Why does Dad have a mullet?
13
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:28,840
{\an8}Sorry, is that really the only
weird thing about this to you?
14
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,080
{\an8}They were worried I wouldn't
do anything with my life,
15
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,120
{\an8}so they left me
an annoying long list.
16
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,440
{\an8}- Learn to drive.
- Yeah.
17
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,280
{\an8}TYRES SCREECH
18
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,960
{\an8}It's not going in, this.
I don't know why...
19
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,480
{\an8}That's not the gear, that's my knee!
20
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,840
{\an8}- Get a job, Chi.
- What's wrong with you?
21
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,280
{\an8}I've got this awful rash.
22
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,720
{\an8}- Whereabouts?
- Amazing.
23
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,960
{\an8}Learn to cook.
24
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,520
{\an8}Just...spit...
25
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,720
{\an8}..into the bowl.
26
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:50,800
{\an8}- No!
- I couldn't have done it
27
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,400
{\an8}without my amazing friends
and/or family.
28
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,200
{\an8}Especially my loving Auntie Karen.
29
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,720
{\an8}I'm gonna die.
This is exactly what you wanted!
30
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,880
{\an8}Help me up, you can keep the house!
31
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,560
{\an8}She's like the mother
I used to have.
32
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,520
{\an8}You let that imbecile cook,
did you?
33
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,160
{\an8}Move your big fat ham hock legs
over.
34
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,600
{\an8}Don't pander to her. She can walk!
35
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,720
{\an8}I'm starting to really enjoy
working through the list.
36
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,920
{\an8}Things have never been better.
37
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,240
{\an8}Apart from when my parents were
alive, obviously.
38
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,280
Oh, Gav, I'm so bored.
39
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,880
How much longer till brunch?
40
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,000
Mum? Oh, Stacey's birthday.
41
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,720
I'm James Corden.
42
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,720
All right, Stace, how's it going,
all right?
43
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,480
- So funny.
- Gosh, yeah, that's brilliant.
44
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,840
Michael, why are we in the attic?
45
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,720
KNOCK ON DOOR
46
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,920
- Who's that?
- Oh, it'll be Karen
coming to check the house.
47
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,960
- I'm James Corden.
- Quick, tidy that up,
48
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,400
and turn that off.
She hates comedy, remember?
49
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,640
- Hi.
- Hi.
50
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,400
Don't I know you guys?
51
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,280
There's...been an accident.
52
00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,800
Again.
53
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,920
- Oh. OK.
- All right.
54
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,720
Your relative...
55
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,440
..Karen Cassidy-Grit,
56
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,280
um, unfortunately passed away
57
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,280
this afternoon at her workplace.
58
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,840
What?
59
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,120
- Yep.
- It's fine, he's joking.
60
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,280
- Oh.
- It's just a joke.
61
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,120
They do, like, weddings
and hen do's and stuff.
62
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,440
Oh, well, get your knob out, then.
63
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,200
No, I'm... I'm not joking.
64
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,400
Go on, then. How'd she go, then?
65
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,880
Yeah. Go on, then, mate. Tell us.
66
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,440
OFFICER SIGHS
67
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,440
- Mm...
- Oh, he's got props.
68
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,480
She left a health and safety seminar
early...
69
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,040
THEY CHUCKLE
70
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,040
..and she, um...
71
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,600
..tripped over a Hoover cord.
72
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,200
THEY LAUGH
73
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,200
A Hoover?
74
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,320
And then she fell
down a flight of stairs.
75
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,560
- She took a flight down the stairs!
- Bit excessive, Karen.
76
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,720
THEY CHUCKLE
77
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,880
It's a bit excessive, isn't it?
78
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,000
Yeah.
79
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,440
You are joking, aren't you?
80
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,360
No.
81
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,000
I'm afraid there's, um...
82
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,120
..nothing funny about this.
83
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,640
What...?
84
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,520
It's happening again.
85
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:17,480
We've been trying to contact
her partner, David.
86
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,040
But...
87
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,720
..so far we haven't been able to.
88
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,760
FRONT DOOR CLOSES
89
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,760
Give me some ice.
90
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,920
I've just delivered a bicycle...
91
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,280
...to Elton John's...
92
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,280
..cousin's...
93
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,560
..friend.
94
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,240
What's going on here, then?
95
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,800
Anyone Who Knows What Love Is
by Irma Thomas
96
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,560
That can't be everyone.
97
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,640
Oh.
98
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,800
They're going to start
the toddler group in a minute,
99
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,400
- so we better go in.
- Right.
100
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,880
# You can blame me
101
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,200
# Try to shame me
102
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,800
# And still I'll care for you... #
103
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,880
Um. Good evening, everyone.
104
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,240
Woo.
105
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,720
It's love...
106
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,400
Sorry. Um. Before I start,
I just want to say,
107
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,720
Um, I've never done this before.
108
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,400
Except for when all my parents died.
109
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,200
So I have to admit,
I did find a template online.
110
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,240
Thanks.
111
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,280
SHE SNIFFLES
112
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,600
OK.
113
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,160
Karen, you've not only been
an auntie to me,
114
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,640
but a great brother too.
115
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,760
That's when we aren't arguing over
who can...
116
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,720
..pull the fittest bird.
117
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,640
Dave is a very lucky...
118
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,280
..guy today, and I think
we can all agree that...
119
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,000
..beautiful in his gown.
120
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,440
As you start this new chapter
in your lives,
121
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,400
I just want you to know
how happy I am...
122
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,000
..for you that this is happening.
123
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,640
So let's raise our glass.
124
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,400
Here's to Karen.
125
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,640
To Karen.
126
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,160
To Karen.
127
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,280
APPLAUDS SOFTLY
128
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,240
Well, that went well.
129
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,960
If there's anything you need,
I'm there.
130
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,080
Yeah, I'll have a think.
131
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,760
I just don't know
how to get over this.
132
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,640
Brimful Of Asha
by Cornershop
133
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,040
MUSIC STOPS
134
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,000
You're going to
have to do it.
135
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,040
Yeah. Of course.
136
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,080
MUSIC RESUMES
137
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,120
Bonjour.
138
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,400
MUSIC STOPS
139
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,760
HE IMITATES AN ENGINE
140
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,400
# Dancing behind movie scenes
141
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,960
# Behind the movie scenes... #
142
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,840
MUSIC STOPS
143
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,840
It's good.
144
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,440
All right. Big smile.
145
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,600
And spit.
146
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,960
No, in the sink.
147
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,280
# Brimful of Asha on the 45... #
148
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,320
MUSIC STOPS
149
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,320
- Lucas?
- Yes.
150
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,600
Are you sure that the duck
151
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,680
goes in the turkey
BEFORE the chicken?
152
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:27,760
Yeah, I think so.
153
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,440
As long as the chicken
isn't plus size.
154
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:30,640
Well, she's good to enter.
155
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:32,800
Yeah.
156
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,640
Ponytail's getting long, Dad.
157
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,560
Yeah, I was thinking of dyeing it.
158
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,520
What do you reckon?
159
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,880
Yeah. Or cutting it, either/or.
160
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,480
Sorry, what do you mean,
"either/or?"
161
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,760
I'm not sure about it.
162
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,320
- I'm gonna go and get some clippers.
- OK.
163
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,920
Karen. Karen. Karen, please.
164
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,240
- Karen.
- Chi...
165
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,520
- Karen?
- Chi.
166
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520
- Karen.
- Chi!
167
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,280
Oh, it's you.
168
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,480
Oh. Someone's got an attitude.
169
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,080
She's been like this for days now.
170
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,920
Yeah, well, I'm trying
to communicate with Karen.
171
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,520
I just want to catch up with her
172
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,520
and have a chat like I do
with you guys.
173
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,080
But I'm just getting nothing.
174
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,880
Why don't you do something
from the list?
175
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,400
Get therapy. That's a good one!
176
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,760
Oh, that is a good one
cos we always thought
177
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,360
you'd need therapy one day.
178
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,280
You know, I would. You know I would
179
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,520
if I thought I needed it, but...
180
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,120
..I just don't think it's for me.
181
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,520
Like, if anything...
182
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,440
..I'm mentally
thriving right now.
183
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:36,680
CHI SNIFFLES
184
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,000
What... What is all this, Chi?
185
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,280
What?
186
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,080
Well, this.
187
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,880
Well, basically, there's lights
for every letter of the alphabet.
188
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,400
And you communicate to people via
the lights
189
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,920
like Winona Ryder did
in Strangered Stuff.
190
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,880
Yeah, but you've only got
about seven letters.
191
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,920
Yeah, well, she never said a lot.
192
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,360
I mean, she could say...
193
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,720
..tuba.
194
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,080
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean,
195
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,120
that'd be a nice conversation
to have with her.
196
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,600
Can she say twat? Can she?
197
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,640
- Well, yeah, she's got the T
and the W...
- Oh, good.
198
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,640
- ..and you could use the T again.
- Yeah.
199
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,040
Why have you got two number eights
but no other numbers?
200
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,680
Habanera
from Carmen
201
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,000
Oooh! Get therapy!
202
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,240
Get therapy.
203
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,400
Lucif Mortadelli.
204
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,920
- Is that you?
- Maybe. Yeah.
205
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,400
Yeah, fine. Why not?
206
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,960
Sorry, my schedule's
all out of order.
207
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,640
Uh, unless you're Rohan Deshpande?
208
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,600
No, I'm Lucia Mor...
209
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,080
Lucia Morelli, like you just said.
210
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,920
Yes. That's what I just said.
Yeah.
211
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,320
All right. OK, well, let's...
212
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,600
What a depressing face.
213
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,680
Let's just get your
consultation notes up
214
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,200
and we'll see
what's wrong with you. OK.
215
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,480
Bereavement, neglecting emotions,
216
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,440
having difficulty with daily tasks.
Yes.
217
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,560
Lacks self-awareness,
abandonment issues...
218
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:17,680
Oh!
219
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,360
You can see your dead parents?
220
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,920
Yeah. That's not what I'm here to
talk about, though.
221
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,400
Here to talk about Karen?
222
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,960
Karen? Who's Karen?
223
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,160
Um, that's my auntie.
224
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,400
Yeah. She, um,
she thought she was pregnant,
225
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,080
but turns out she just had
a stomach bug.
226
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,320
- And then she died.
- Because of the bug?!
227
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,840
Uh, no. She tripped over
a Hoover cord
228
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,400
and fell down 86 stairs
at a work training day.
229
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,400
Sorry. And you lost both
your parents last year, too?
230
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,080
Yeah, they got, uh,
obliterated by a lorry.
231
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,120
Oh, God.
232
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:52,960
No.
233
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,640
This is great.
234
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,560
Start at the beginning.
235
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,800
Well, it all started in 1984...
236
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,960
Not that far back.
237
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,880
Well, she won't need this
any more.
238
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,280
And she won't need that any more.
239
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,560
She won't need most of it, really.
240
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,120
True!
241
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,520
HE WHISTLES CHEERFULLY
242
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,600
Is that Match Of The Day?
243
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,400
God, yeah.
244
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,000
What's wrong with me?
I'm supposed to be sad doing this.
245
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,640
I really don't understand why I'm
so happy and joyous at the moment.
246
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,200
Well, grief affects everyone
247
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,080
in different ways, but...
248
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,280
..maybe you're just not thinking
of the right things.
249
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,680
All right.
250
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,160
Go on then, son.
251
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,760
- Trigger me.
- OK.
252
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,720
The, uh, the discontinued
McDonald's breakfast bagel.
253
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,960
I'd be sadder than that.
Much sadder.
254
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,280
Smiler ride crash at Alton Towers?
255
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,480
Oh, God!
256
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,240
Janine running over
Danielle in 2009.
257
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,720
- Yay!
- 9-11?
258
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,240
STIFLES LAUGH
259
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,240
Lady Di?
260
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,080
DAVE LAUGHS
261
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,080
The Yulin Dog Meat festival.
262
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,080
- CONTINUES LAUGHING
- The disappearance of Flight 370?
263
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,400
HE LAUGHS
264
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,720
Oh!
265
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,720
LAUGHTER SUBSIDES
266
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,600
What is the matter with me?
I'm absolutely buzzing.
267
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,640
Yeah. I mean,
you're probably wondering
268
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,680
how I've been coping with
the whole grieving situation.
269
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,520
You know what with another lady
in my life
270
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,400
just sort of disappearing
prematurely.
271
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,960
Yeah. Brilliant. OK.
272
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,640
- Let's go.
- Yeah, of course.
273
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,880
Bye, Karen!
274
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,680
- Oh...
- No.
275
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,680
DAVE LAUGHS
276
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,800
- She's not here! Because she's...
- Yeah, she's...
277
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,160
That's not funny, actually.
278
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,200
THERAPIST TUTS
279
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,080
THERAPIST SIGHS
280
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,840
So, yeah, I've just been, uh,
sort of ticking things off.
281
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,280
No, I mean, it's all wrong.
282
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,400
You've essentially been grieving
from a shopping list.
283
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,240
And without any professional
guidance at all.
284
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,720
Hmm. Lucky for you,
I'm an award-win...
285
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,680
..uh, nominated therapist, and I can
286
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,000
actually help you work
through your grief.
287
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,440
- Hmm.
- But I am going to have
to keep this list.
288
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,240
Wait. No, no, you can't...
You can't keep it.
289
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,160
Because Karen was the only one
290
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,000
who I let have an extra copy
other than me.
291
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,600
Yes, but she's dead though,
isn't she?
292
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,080
But I can still feel her around me,
though. Like...
293
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,920
There's probably just moths, then.
294
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,680
Look, when you're dead,
that's it. OK?
295
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,800
You cease to be.
296
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,200
You are worm meat. OK?
297
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,040
- There's no after-party.
- Right.
- OK?
298
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,080
Yeah, but see, this is
what you're not getting.
299
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,880
I can actually still see my parents,
I just can't see Karen.
300
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,160
So, like, make that make sense.
301
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,640
Yes, I... Look, I want to help you.
I mean, I really,
302
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,360
really do, but in order
for me to help you,
303
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,440
you're going to have to stop
with this silly, spooky nonsense.
304
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,160
Sorry, do you know
if you're professionally trained?
305
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,440
- Come on!
- In fact, I think I'm just gonna go.
306
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,200
Excuse me. Sorry?
307
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,720
Are you seriously walking away
from six free therapy sessions?
308
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,400
I have a waiting list of four years
down the road.
309
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,720
Yeah, well, I've got an auntie
that I need to go
310
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,120
find out where she is. OK?
311
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,400
So think about that.
312
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,440
SLAMS DOOR
313
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,120
Do you have any idea
where I might be able to find her?
314
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,280
I don't know, do I?
Where you last saw her.
315
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,720
Oh. That church.
316
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,800
Where's Karen's box?
317
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,520
Hi. Uh, what's going on?
318
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,440
Oh, we're just finishing,
unfortunately.
319
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,640
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. Sorry.
320
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,040
Shit turnout.
321
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,760
Just looking for my auntie.
322
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,520
Oh, she's probably at the big one
just up by the McDonald's.
323
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,240
- It's where they all go now.
- Oh.
324
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,000
Amazing. All right.
325
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,560
Thanks. Amen.
326
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,160
# I sit and wait
327
00:13:53,760 --> 00:14:00,280
# Does an angel contemplate my fate?
328
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:09,000
# And do they know the places
where we go
329
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,120
# When we're grey and old?
330
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,160
# Cos I have been told...
331
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,520
14. Look after your spleen,
it's 14.
332
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,280
# That salvation... #
333
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,760
64. 64, knock on the door,
who's that? It's 64.
334
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,960
64. When I'm 64.
335
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,600
37. Gateway to heaven.
Three-seven. 37.
336
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,120
Gateway to heaven?
337
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,720
# Thoughts running through
my head... #
338
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,640
- Karen.
- 31.
339
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,720
31. Throw me into the sun.
340
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,200
Turn my body to ashes.
Fry me like a crisp.
341
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,280
It's 31. Three-one.
342
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,280
Praise the Lord.
343
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,520
- Bread and wine, please.
- We have garlic bread.
344
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,520
OK. Yeah. Modern.
345
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,360
I suppose even Jesus can't say no
to a bit of seasoning.
346
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,520
# Down the waterfall
347
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,040
- # Wherever it may take me... #
- Karen?
348
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,000
# I know that life won't... #
349
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,040
Stick around, guys,
for your chance
350
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:13,200
to bag this Driftmax Cordless IZ900
vacuum worth £400.
351
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,200
No more tripping up on cords
with this bad boy here.
352
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,760
# I'm loving angels instead. #
353
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,440
She tripped on
a Hoover cord
354
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,360
and fell down a flight of stairs.
355
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,640
Karen.
356
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,560
# Ma-i-a hi,
ma-i-a hu... #
357
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:34,680
Dave Gread.
358
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,560
I've seen Karen.
She's come back as a hoover.
359
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,240
Yeah, Chi,
Karen's not with us any more,
360
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,520
and I'm really, really upset
about that.
361
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,000
HE CHUCKLES
362
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,720
Where are you, anyway?
363
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,240
- I'm at the bingo church.
Be quick.
- Yeah, but what? I...
364
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,480
And I just don't feel listened to.
365
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,040
- PHONE RINGS
- Oh. Can you give me a second?
366
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,560
Oh, well, guess
who was goddamn wrong.
367
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,800
- Who is this?
- Hello?
368
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,680
I defied the odds
and I found my dead auntie.
369
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,320
Young old girl
who looks like a Tudor?
370
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,120
You haven't dug someone up,
have you?
371
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,000
I just wanted to call you
to let you know that you were
372
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,120
wrong and unhelpful.
373
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,200
And I found my auntie.
She's a hoover.
374
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,680
This is quite interesting, actually.
375
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,840
Oh, yeah?
376
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,240
No, not you!
377
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,640
Erm, is that you in there, Father?
378
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,560
Heavenly Father,
is that you in there?
379
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,440
Sorry, are you...
Are you talking to me?
380
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,080
- Yeah. I just wanted to start
by saying...
- OK, I don't know
381
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,360
- who you are...
- ..I'm sorry.
- ..and I'm not sure what this...
382
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,680
And I hope you can forgive me.
383
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,160
Sorry, you might have got
the wrong...wrong person here.
384
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:54,560
Forgive you for what, sorry?
385
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,520
Well, you probably know
all about poor Karen,
386
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,440
- but I don't even know where
to start...
- I don't know a Karen.
387
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,000
- ..but there was...
- Don't know a Karen.
388
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,240
You know, there was this time
she asked me to pass her
389
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,080
some toothpaste, so I passed her
what I thought was Colgate,
390
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:09,480
- but it was, ah... It was Canesten.
- Yeah, sorry, look, look,
391
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,000
- I think there's been...
- And, uh, it was, it was all fine...
392
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,240
I think there's been a mistake.
Can I just... Do you mind if I...
393
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,760
- ..running out with...
- Do you mind
if I...
394
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,400
Look, I don't understand who Karen
is. I don't understand who you are.
395
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,040
- She had all this...
- I've no idea why
you're talking to me.
396
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,040
Luckily, it did clear
the thrush in the mouth.
397
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,040
I just want to have a shit
and get back to work.
398
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,320
- It happened with the Anusol as well.
- Why are you still talking?
399
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,440
- And the garlic puree...
- Why are you talking about Anusol?
400
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,480
Why are you talking about An...
401
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,960
So go on, then. Erm, how long
have you been a nun for?
402
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,280
Oi, Chi!
403
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:37,400
There she is.
404
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,280
- You all right?
- Oh, all right?
405
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,920
I've been struggling a bit.
406
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,520
Oh, wait. Why is my terrorist here?
407
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,000
Oh, jeez, therapist. Oh, my God...
408
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,760
I don't know if you're allowed
to say this,
409
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,000
but it's a real
pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.
410
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,440
Oh, you don't need to call me...
411
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,640
Yes, actually, do call me that.
412
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,640
Hi, Dave Gread, Chi's uncle-in-law.
413
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,560
Erm, look, I think she thinks
that her Auntie Karen
414
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,040
- is here, but...
- She's a hoover.
415
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,920
Yes. Where is she, then, Chi?
416
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,200
Well, you'll find out in a minute.
417
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,840
The priest announces it
every 15 minutes.
418
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,240
- 33...
- Priest?
419
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,920
What do you think this place is?
420
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,520
A church.
421
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,720
Number one, all alone.
422
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,760
Well, I just feel like
a right idiot.
423
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,360
People are gonna think I'm stupid.
424
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,760
Come on, let's get out of here
425
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,360
before we all become
crippling addicts.
426
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,520
Why don't you go home,
have a nice, relaxing bath,
427
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,760
maybe shave off that moustache,
yeah?
428
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,800
Yeah, yeah. No, I suppose we could
have a soak and a splash.
429
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,520
- Yeah, nice.
- Ah, no.
430
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,760
You didn't mean both of you together
in that first part, did you?
431
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,760
I mean, I wouldn't usually
share a bath with a client,
432
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,360
but if she thinks it'll help.
433
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,160
OK, well, whilst
we're on the topic,
434
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,880
I wonder if you could do me -
not in the bath.
435
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,160
Recently, I've been feeling this
unusual sixth sense of
436
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,800
great happiness,
which is quite concerning.
437
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,400
Sorry, I'm closed at the minute.
438
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,520
You know, out of hours?
439
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,120
Right, OK. Well, maybe we could
suggest another time, or...?
440
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,200
- No.
- No? OK.
441
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,960
I've actually really been
struggling a lot recently.
442
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,400
You know, losing woman
after woman after woman.
443
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,080
My mum, who was a woman.
my stepmum, who was a woman.
444
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,320
My uncle, who might have been
a woman, you know...
445
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,480
- KLAXON
- OK. Good evening, ladies and gents.
446
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,040
We'll be starting our next game
in five minutes.
447
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:19,120
But before that, I have to introduce
our interim prize for the night.
448
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,360
It's this Driftmax Cordless IZ900,
449
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,040
worth £400.
450
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,960
But in the meantime,
it's Ring Doorbell raffle time.
451
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,680
Get those raffle numbers ready.
452
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,400
This is what I was meaning.
453
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,920
It's her. She's a hoover. Karen.
454
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,240
I can feel it.
455
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,480
Can you feel it?
456
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,800
- Erm...
- Can you feel it, Lucas?
457
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,440
- Yes, I suppose so.
- That means she's punishing me.
458
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,160
She knows I've been enjoying life
too much since she's been gone,
459
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,360
so she's sending out a warning.
460
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,400
God. Ruth, you're the professional.
461
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,000
KLAXON SOUNDS
462
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,200
What do you think?
463
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,280
I just went and rung the doorbell!
464
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,640
I can't believe it! Oh, my God.
465
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,440
Sorry. I just think if it helps you,
Chi, you know, who am I to say
466
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,040
whether your auntie's come back
as a hoover or not?
467
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,080
So that was the Ring Doorbell
raffle prize.
468
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,680
Real thrill-a-minute here, eh?
Exciting!
469
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,640
RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC
470
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,200
COUGHING
471
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,080
- You there, young girl?
- Me?
472
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,320
What ARE you doing?
473
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,600
Oh, I'm just sucking up
all the dirt, hair and shit
474
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,360
off the carpet
before my husband gets home.
475
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,040
- It's the only way.
- Surely, there's another way?
476
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,000
- Mm-mm.
- Shut those dirty suck lips.
477
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,600
I'm going to introduce you
to something
478
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,560
{\an8}out of this world.
479
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,040
{\an8}What's this mental machine?
480
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,040
{\an8}This is a Driftmax Vacuum,
481
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,080
{\an8}here to save you from
aimlessly sucking up debris
482
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,400
{\an8}into your windpipes.
483
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,720
{\an8}Oh, it... It can't be.
484
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,760
{\an8}It can.
485
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,200
{\an8}And complete with three
top lady features.
486
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,360
{\an8}One, dainty hand holder.
487
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,760
{\an8}- Two, female-friendly suction.
- Ah!
488
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,000
{\an8}Watch those fingers.
489
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,360
{\an8}Oh! Silly me.
490
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,240
{\an8}Three, colostomy windbag.
491
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,640
{\an8}Give it a squeeze.
492
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,880
{\an8}What's this extra long hose pipe
that's attached to it?
493
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,760
{\an8}Aha! That's the best feature.
494
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:57,880
{\an8}An extended cord.
495
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,000
{\an8}Talk about a cord!
496
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,240
{\an8}Now you can hoover AND cook
497
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,160
{\an8}and smoke.
498
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,280
Look at her go. What a lucky woman!
499
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,240
RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC
500
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,480
SHE CHOKES
501
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,960
MUFFLED SPEECH
502
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,280
Can you say that a bit louder
for our viewers?
503
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,000
Hello?
504
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,160
Hello?
505
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,840
{\an8}Oh, my God.
Something terrible has happened.
506
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,920
{\an8}SHE SPLUTTERS
507
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,920
{\an8}Pauline, good grief!
508
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,800
{\an8}What are you doing not
in the kitchen?
509
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,360
Driftmax Suckmaster,
in all good stores now.
510
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,520
- You've...
- No, you've got
that...
- Stop, stop.
511
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,560
I've got it, I've got it.
512
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,520
It's 35, three-five.
513
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,240
35. And you've got thir...
514
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,560
Can you not talk over the man,
please?
515
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,160
One score. 20.
516
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,200
Does it count if you just have
the two and not the 0?
517
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,400
Great. I've missed that last number
now, you slut.
518
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,320
I think it was a six. His mouth
looked a little bit like
519
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:53,360
- he did a six.
- Yeah?
520
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,000
- Will it be nine, no?
- Upside down nine, yeah.
521
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,640
I think I'm just gonna risk
what I've got, yeah.
522
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,440
- Bingo!
- What?
523
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,240
Sounds like we have a winner
already!
524
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,240
Wasn't that quick?
525
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,400
Let's see those lucky numbers.
526
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,640
Can I have the hoover, please?
527
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,280
No. Not the hoover round yet, no.
528
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,160
Let's have a look at your sheet.
529
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,640
- I did say "Bingo," to be fair.
- True.
- Yeah, OK.
530
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:20,760
Everyone's waiting.
531
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,400
Let's, ah, let's see those numbers!
532
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,520
What, don't you trust women?
533
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,880
- Is that what it is?
- No, that's
not... That's not it at all.
534
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,280
You are ruining this night
for everyone.
535
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,200
- Just show me the sheet.
- No, because what if my numbers
536
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,400
- aren't necessarily the same
as your numbers?
- Just give it!
537
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,280
False alarm, everybody.
538
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,520
It turns out we've got some
overenthusiastic dabbers over here.
539
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,560
All right, we're going to take
a quick break,
540
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,840
and then we'll be right back with
the chance to win
541
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,120
the Drifting Suckmaster 100,
whatever the name of the hoover was.
542
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,400
Sorry, if you're going to
say her name, can you at least
543
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,600
say it right? It's Karen.
544
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,880
- Not Suckmaster.
- She would have hated that.
545
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,240
Ridiculous.
546
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,040
No, we'll just have to get Karen
back a different way.
547
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,000
Lucassen, I need the toilet.
548
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,040
What? Really?
549
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,720
- Yeah, really bad.
- Oh. Together?
550
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,960
Together.
551
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,240
What are you doing?
You can't be in here.
552
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,880
- Why?
- Yeah, why?
553
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,160
What do you mean, why?
554
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,880
- Oi, give us the numbers
for the next game.
- Yeah.
555
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,640
Otherwise, I'll do something
I regret, OK?
556
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,640
Well, I don't....
I don't know what they'll be.
557
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,440
Didn't you follow me into
the toilets earlier?
558
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,120
- Did you?
- Well, I thought
he was a priest.
559
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:39,160
Oh. Fair enough.
560
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:40,960
Look, you've got to go.
The next game's about to start.
561
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,640
- Go on.
- Lucas, lock the door.
- Yeah.
562
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,600
No. Keep the door unlocked.
563
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,080
- No...
- No, obviously not
both of us on this side.
564
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,280
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
- Yeah, both
on the other side. Exactly.
565
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,200
- No, me on the other side!
- Yeah, sorry...
566
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,120
- Yes, both. You as well, please.
- I'm going to save Karen!
567
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,320
OK, both of you, please.
Both of you, please.
568
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,480
Out.
569
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,440
- All right?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
Are you all right?
570
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,240
I suppose I better get out there.
I don't want to...
571
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,560
Why are you sitting down?
572
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,160
Hello, everyone.
573
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,920
Turns out I'm the bingo now
because...
574
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,640
..the other guy won't let
the right people win.
575
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,240
This is the hoover round,
so pay attention,
576
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,160
especially Dave and Ruth.
577
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,200
Let's go.
578
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,000
- The next game's about to start
and I really need to get out...
- Hey!
579
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,160
I will get physical if you leave me
with no choice, sir.
580
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,280
OK?
581
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,680
- Come on, you.
- No, no, no, no...
- I need to get out there.
582
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,440
I can't let the game
start without me!
583
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,320
- Please don't shout at me.
- I'm not shouting.
584
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,640
- You shouted at me.
- It's just
I've tried really patiently,
585
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,640
and you're being... You're being
absolutely a nasty piece of work.
586
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,400
- Come on.
- No, please!
587
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,120
- Let me out.
- No!
588
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,520
Number two.
589
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,120
Erm, train number two.
590
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,720
Number four.
591
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,240
Helicopter number four.
592
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,960
I think we should get her
off the stage.
593
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,600
It's a process, Dave.
It's just part of a healthy process.
594
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,480
33. Lucy Letby, 33.
595
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,040
Say goodbye to your leg.
596
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,400
Give me it back!
597
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,040
- Give me it back!
- No, you can't -
I've got it!
- Please, please.
598
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,200
- Please.
- I've got a stitch.
599
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,000
- Would you like a glass of water?
- Yeah, please.
600
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,440
- I'm actually really thirsty.
- Yeah, all right.
601
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,000
- Just this. Yeah.
- Thank you.
602
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,040
- We get three of them a day, so...
- Really?
603
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,400
Yeah, yeah.
604
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,280
We get sandwiches as well,
actually.
605
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,160
Oh...
606
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,360
Where shall I put it?
607
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,600
Ah... I'm keeping mine on the
shelf, actually, just over there.
608
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,680
No!
609
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,480
Argh!
610
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,240
42. Ekin-Su, 42.
611
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,560
Bingo!
612
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,200
No, I mean... I mean, 48.
Can you sit back down, please?
613
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,240
Thanks.
614
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,520
Six.
615
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,200
# Ma-i-a hi, ma-i-a hu
616
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,480
- # Ma-i-a ho... #
- Number four.
617
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,560
Dave, pick up the phone.
Number four.
618
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,600
PHONE CONTINUES RINGING
619
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,880
Number four. Dave,
pick up the phone. Number four.
620
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,040
Hello. Dave Gread.
621
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,120
- Hup...
- Ow!
622
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,800
Please, please, please...
623
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,600
I have to get out of here!
624
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,160
Can you tell me what your
numbers are, please?
625
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:08,960
She wants me to tell
her the numbers.
626
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,520
You can't cheat at Bingo.
627
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,360
Oh, you're only five away
from a full house, actually.
628
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:14,560
Get off!
629
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,080
Quick round. 17, 16, 14, 22.
Over.
630
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,680
Sorry, everyone!
631
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,000
Very clearly having some issues
tonight with security.
632
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,520
Yeah, no, sorry.
This one's actually not real.
633
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,840
- He's AI. Thanks. Erm...
- Ah!
- Sorry, everyone...
634
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,160
..for everything. You know,
I actually really enjoy looking
635
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,600
at your lovely little faces.
636
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,000
Erm, it's just that something really
horrible keeps happening, where
637
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,160
all my family keep dying,
and it's really hard for me
638
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,480
to take in and really deal
with it at the minute, actually.
639
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,400
And, ah, the only thing I know
is that I'm 185 per cent sure
640
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:50,200
that my dead auntie is inside
this Driftmax Cordless IZ900.
641
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,000
Wow. Way to bring the vibe down
much?
642
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,600
It's supposed to be Fun Fridays.
643
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,520
It's fun - we're supposed to be
having fun.
644
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,680
LAUGHTER
645
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,680
Have you heard of fun?
646
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,000
No, sorry!
647
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,440
Shame on you.
648
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,280
Shame.
649
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,680
Why are you laughing?
650
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:13,200
This girl is clearly grieving
in a very, very, very unique way.
651
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,760
OK? Now, death is real,
652
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,720
and it comes for us all.
653
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,560
Some sooner than others.
654
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,560
You know, some people grieve with
an unusual sense of happiness.
655
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,960
Others take to wrestling men
656
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,000
because they can't
talk about their feelings.
657
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,920
You know, I've really been having
a hard time
658
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,000
- and I've been trying to speak...
- Others take to impersonating
659
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,600
a bingo caller in a casino
they thought was a church.
660
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,120
Now, that's all normal and healthy.
661
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,400
OK?
662
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,200
Chi, say goodbye to Karen.
663
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,760
- No, no, no...
- Say it, say it.
664
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,920
Come on.
665
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,320
You can do this.
666
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,800
Bye, Karen.
667
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,400
I love you, and...
668
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,960
- ..I'll see you soon, OK?
- No,
you're not going to see her soon.
669
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,040
CHI SIGHS
670
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:13,800
Looks like we're back on, guys.
671
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,480
Saturday Night
by Whigfield
672
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,080
Hold on, hold on.
There's no-one listening to this.
673
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,240
This... This is top-tier stuff.
674
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,160
HOOVER WHIRS
675
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,080
Do you know what? It's such
a relief to hear that you think
676
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,360
- I'm healthy and normal.
- You're not normal or healthy.
677
00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,320
But you literally
just said it, just then.
678
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,000
Yeah. I was just being
a professional.
679
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,600
No, there's a lot of work to do.
680
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:36,880
Oh, look.
681
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,360
There she goes.
682
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,120
Oh, bollocks!
683
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,240
Bless her. She looks so peaceful.
684
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:45,840
Bye, Auntie Karen.
685
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,160
Bye, Kaz.
686
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,360
Bye, Karen.
687
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,000
Fucking thing!
688
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,000
{\an8}Celebration
by Kool & The Gang
689
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,120
{\an8}Ah... Argh!
690
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:12,080
- # Celebrate good times, come on
- Let's celebrate... #
691
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,120
HOOVER WHIRS
692
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,120
Shut it!
693
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,000
# Celebrate good times, come on
694
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,920
# It's a celebration
695
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,480
- # Celebrate good times... #
- Fuck off!
696
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,160
Fucking stay there. Fuck!
50939
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