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RADIO: # Away in a manger...#
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First, we're going to add some
organic fresh eggs instead of flour,
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because flour is for poor people.
Hmm.
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00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:20,800
Then we're going to just gently mix
together our ingredients
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00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,720
and then just...
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..spit into the bowl.
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00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,280
Oh, you spit in it. Oh, OK.
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00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,640
And you really just want to, like...
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Thanks, Nigel.
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00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,440
MUSIC: Wonderful Christmastime
by Paul McCartney
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Happy Pancake Day! Hey. What?
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00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,320
MUSIC STOPS
13
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Happy Pancake Day. What?
Pancake Day. OK.
14
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Happy Pancake Day! It's 4am,
shut the fuck up! Yeah, you too.
15
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:00,840
Happy Pancake Day.
16
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,840
MUSIC: L'amour Est Un Oiseau Rebelle
by Georges Bizet
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00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,440
GHOSTLY VOICES: Learn to cook.
Learn to cook.
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00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,200
Learn to cook.
19
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,960
Well, if that's what you think,
why do I bother?
20
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It's typical.
21
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,920
No, I want to speak to your manager.
22
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Don't raise your voice at me.
You've lost a customer.
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WHISPERS: Son, wake up.
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00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,160
Son. Son, wake up.
25
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,200
You all right, Dad?
26
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,400
Yeah, yeah, I'm good, thanks. I just
wanted to ask your advice.
27
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,560
Yeah, no worries. What with?
28
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,680
Well, you remember the other day
when we were at the sperm clinic?
29
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,840
Yeah, when you jizzed into the cup?
Yeah, that's right, son.
30
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,760
When I was fiddling away down there,
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I kind of happened to notice
something odd with my...
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..balls.
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00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,440
One of them is, like, bigger than
the other.
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00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:25,880
Oh, my God! What, like Penn and
Teller? Penn and Teller, exactly.
35
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,960
But...but it's growing.
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00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:33,400
Oh, my God. What if I've only got
a matter of months left? Or weeks?
37
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,280
Days? Oh, God, what do we do?
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00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:42,200
Thing, is all we're going to do is
just appreciate every moment. OK?
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00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:47,560
Promise me, yeah? Agreed. Agreed?
Just don't...
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THEY SOB
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00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,960
I don't know what we're going
to do, really...
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MUSIC: Wonderful Life by Black
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# Here I go out to sea again
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# Sunshine fills my head... #
45
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Dave... ALARM BEEPS
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Dave, the baby's ready. Dave?
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00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,360
# Gulls in the sky
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# And in my blue eyes... #
49
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,560
Dave? Chi! God. How did you get
here?
50
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:27,640
I walked. Are these
presents for Pancake Day? What?
51
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,280
No, I'm working. It's Pancake Day,
you can't just work.
52
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,280
Well, the thing is, I kind of have
to.
53
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:38,360
No, it's a family time, you know?
54
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,400
I'd like to be with Mum and Dad,
but don't worry,
55
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,040
we can do presents after
I've cooked.
56
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,080
Yeah, but...
57
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,600
So, why now, then? It's Pancake Day.
Already?
58
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,240
God, that's come round quick.
Yeah, I just thought, you know,
59
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,960
we'd celebrate it all together.
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00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,400
Oh. That sounds nice, doesn't it,
Dad? Yeah.
61
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,360
Oh, no, no, what are you doing
here?
62
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,840
Oh, you're up. God, you love
a lie-in, don't you?
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00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,240
It's my one day a week I get off.
This is you, isn't it? What?
64
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,200
You and your lanky fingers
beckoning her over here.
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00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,600
"Come over, Chi, let's ruin
Karen's day."
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00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,520
I just thought you'd want us all to
be together today, that's all. No!
67
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,840
What, you want to
be by yourself on Pancake Day?
68
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,880
Me and Lucas have taken
the whole day off work.
69
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,880
No-one takes a whole
day off for Pancake Day.
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00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,480
Well, Clare from your work did last
year, don't you remember?
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00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,880
Yeah, I do remember,
because Clare got hit by a car,
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00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,160
not because it was Pancake Day.
73
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,120
Yeah, if anyone knows you need to
bottle and cherish these moments,
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00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:37,880
then it's Flat Clare. Yeah, bless
her.
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00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,800
DOORBELL RINGS Who's that? Who is that?
76
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,400
It's just Gary, don't worry
about it. Is it Paedophile Gary?
77
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,880
Oh, what, Paedophile Gary?
Amazing! What?
78
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,440
Oh. Just gets better, doesn't it?
79
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,800
Oh. Hey! Hello, everyone! Welcome!
80
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,520
Everything OK? Chi asked me to come
here soon as I could.
81
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,480
What's...? Yeah, I just thought you
could join us for Pancake Day, Gary.
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00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,960
Oh! Happy Pancake Day.
Happy Pancake Day.
83
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,800
Many happy returns.
Happy Pancake Day. Nah.
84
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,080
Just keep your hands where
I can see them as well. OK.
85
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,280
OK, right, I don't remember
everything,
86
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,720
but I'm pretty sure
we need one of these...
87
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,000
..and then just, like,
a fuck ton of eggs.
88
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,080
I think you'll need some milk
and flour, too.
89
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,080
Yeah, no need to mansplain, Gary,
I think I know what I'm doing.
90
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,840
Right, OK, so who's doing what?
91
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,160
Well, I'll do the eggs. OK, right,
me, too. Dave, eggs?
92
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,520
Oh, no, no, I'm flipping.
What about your back?
93
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,280
I think he meant flipping the
pancakes. OK, Gary, what did I say?
94
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:35,840
Right. I don't know, but I'm not
sure why I'm holding these.
95
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:38,600
No, no, I don't need to hold the
eggs.
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00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,040
You're just holding them...
97
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,800
So if you crack the egg... Yeah.
98
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:46,800
..then pass it to me and I'll put
in the thing. Perfect.
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00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,680
MUSIC: It's the Most Wonderful Time
Of The Year by Andy Williams
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00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,560
Egg for you.
101
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,840
God, cooking's so easy!
Oh, you don't want the shell? OK.
102
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:02,640
You've got to have flour
if it's a pancake. No! Gary!
103
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:06,960
Why would you do that? I think
I'm going back to sleep again.
104
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,280
This is ridiculous. You need
to whisk it near your breasts.
105
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:15,000
# ..marshmallows for toasting
and carolling out in the snow
106
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,000
# There'll be scary ghost stories
and tales of the glories
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00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,280
# Of Christmases long, long ago
108
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:30,000
# It's the most wonderful time
of the year
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00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,280
# It's the most wonderful time... #
110
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Shut up!
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00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:49,520
# Of the year. #
112
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,760
Here we go.
113
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,160
Yeah, that's really nice.
That's really tasty.
114
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,720
Yeah, lovely! I mean, it's an
omelette, but...
115
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,200
One, two, three, four, five, six?
116
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,560
Six chilli chocolate chasers,
who the fuck is eating those?
117
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,200
Hey, do you want to join us
downstairs yet, Karen?
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00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,280
No, no, I can't right now,
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00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,440
I'm actually in the middle of
something very important right here,
120
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,520
so could you just...?
121
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,200
It's Pancake Day.
It's the day we... Pancake Day?
122
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,480
..when we celebrate the pancake
monks.
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00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:29,680
# One has an egg, the other
has some flour
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00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,560
# And they go to a terrible war. #
I've got you this.
125
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:38,720
Oh, what? Look, Pancake Day
presents. Yeah.
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00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:44,360
Oh, look at...this is what an
awesome dinner lady looks like.
127
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,800
Yeah. Look, there are two thumbs
pointing at me.
128
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,600
Yeah. Happy Pancake Day, Dad.
129
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,840
That's really lovely. It IS nice.
130
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,720
You joining us, then, Karen?
131
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,440
No, I'm not joining you,
I'm reading.
132
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,000
You know, I actually picked up on
some direct parallels
133
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,200
between myself
and the Prince Harry. You know,
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00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,920
we're both sort of outcast in
our own family establishments.
135
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,200
Yeah, interesting. See, I found it
to be Chi
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00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,000
who shared parallels with the Duke
of Sussex. Oh, yeah?
137
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,760
You know, what with Mum dying in
a horrendous car crash.
138
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,360
Can you stop dissecting my book
as I read it, please?
139
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,280
But I was wondering, can Chi be the
spare if she's an only child? Oh!
140
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:39,080
Oh, my God, shut up.
Just shut up, OK?
141
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,040
If anyone's the spare here, it's me.
142
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,320
LIVELY CHATTER DOWNSTAIRS
143
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,720
No, I'm the spare!
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00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,680
SHE SIGHS
145
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,120
Oh, it's for you.
146
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,480
You all right, Dad? Oh, God bless
us, every one.
147
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,440
Oh, oh, oh! That's for you.
It's huge! You can have that one.
148
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,120
Oh, Chi!
149
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,120
And then, Gary, I think that's for
you. Oh, thank you very much, yeah.
150
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,840
Is that my wallpaper?
I did think it was thick.
151
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,480
Yeah. I'm sor... I didn't bring
anything, I'm afraid,
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00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,440
I didn't think to. Oh, well, you
know,
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00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,000
it's not like I was expecting
anything anyway, so...
154
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:57,280
I just didn't realise it was a
thing. Yeah, well, it is, so...
155
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,000
It's embarrassing.
156
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,120
All I've got is this old watch
157
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,360
that my father
left for me before he died.
158
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,840
It's actually got
159
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,960
my mum's initials engraved in it.
See?
160
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,800
Let's have a look. See, look.
161
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,360
Can you see 'em?
162
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,280
That's, erm... Mm, yeah, OK.
163
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,200
Yeah, no, I've always wanted an old
gold watch
164
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,760
with initials engraved into 'em.
165
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,960
So, yeah. That will do. Thanks,
Gary, you shouldn't have.
166
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,640
Could have wrapped it, Gaz. Mm.
167
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,600
This is brilliant!
168
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,960
Oh-ho-ho! Oh, wow!
169
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:44,080
Who's that?
Sue's hen-do. Who's Sue? My turn!
170
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,720
Was Sue making it? I'm loving it!
171
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:51,760
Oh, Chi, Gucci belt, that's so
generous!
172
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,920
Oh, OK, yeah, that is generous,
yeah.
173
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,000
Where did you get these, Chi?
From the shop.
174
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,320
Did you get these out of my van?
175
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:05,320
Right, I'm eating, because I
haven't had hardly anything all day
176
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,280
and I'm just wasting away.
177
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,080
You can leave some for the rest of
us, Karen. Ha!
178
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,680
This is really nice, innit?
179
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,400
Yeah, it is quite nice. Family time.
180
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,880
I mean, well, who knows
when we'll be able to do this again?
181
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:20,440
It really is, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it really is.
182
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,200
I have to say, today's made me
realise
183
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,480
just how important family is.
184
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,440
What's that paedophile
banging on about?
185
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,840
In fact, I think I'm going to go
and sort things out with my wife.
186
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,680
There you go. I'm going
to ask her to take me back!
187
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,760
Right, so if you'll excuse me...
Try your best. Good luck, Gary.
188
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,840
Good luck. Thank you. Yeah, go for
it. Go and get her back. I will.
189
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:45,680
Thank you. Well, anyway,
these are really nice!
190
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,440
Yeah, they're OK, actually, yeah.
191
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,560
Thanks, Chi! Thanks, Chi. It's all
right.
192
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,120
What do you mean, "Thanks, Chi"?
193
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,680
Well, Chi did most of the cooking.
Head chef, sous-chef.
194
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:59,000
Well, I mean, it was all of us,
really, don't you know.
195
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,080
And if you're going to thank
anyone, thank Nigel-Ella.
196
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,000
You let that imbecile cook, did you?
SHE GASPS
197
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,040
My throat's...my throat's
closing up now. Oh! Argh!
198
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,080
Argh!
199
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,040
She sounds like a duck
quacking. Argh!
200
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:17,000
Quack, quack. Argh! Just breathe.
You have to do CPR.
201
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,800
Come here.
202
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,560
What's that song that you're
supposed to do? Come On Eileen?
203
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,600
That's it, Come On Eileen.
204
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,600
No, it's, it's, erm...
Call The Shots, Cheryl Cole.
205
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,480
Stayin' Alive! Oh, no, it's not, no,
it's her other one.
206
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,080
It's The Flood.
It's Singing In The Rain.
207
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,680
Call an ambulance!
208
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,600
I can't believe this is happening!
209
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,160
This does not happen to
people like me! It's awful!
210
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:44,040
She looks disgusting.
Oh, God, not you as well as Dad!
211
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,760
What do you mean, "As well as Dad"?
212
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,000
He's fine, I'm the one
on a stretcher!
213
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,440
She doesn't actually need
a stretcher, but she insisted.
214
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,160
Yeah, I'll have you know that
actually,
215
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,480
my throat is almost
entirely sealed shut at this point,
216
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,720
so you can just give it a rest,
babe, yeah?
217
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,600
It's great that you can still
talk, at least.
218
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,600
Yeah, not
affected your voice box, thank God!
219
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,680
I'm going to die! I'm going to die.
220
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,040
This is exactly what you
wanted, isn't it?
221
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,400
Kill me off and keep the house.
Pancake cunt!
222
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,040
Right, let's go to the hospital.
Let's run.
223
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,520
SIREN BLARES
224
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,600
That's amazing, Helen! I promise you
won't regret this, mi amor!
225
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,320
I'll be ten minutes, max.
HELEN: Yes, well, hurry up.
226
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:32,960
Hold on, my love! Gary, what?
Gary, this is your last chance.
227
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,800
God, where is everyone?
228
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,760
Ooh, breast screening. Yeah, what
time's that on?
229
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:45,040
I don't know, it doesn't say.
Oh, you've got to be over 50.
230
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,520
Oh, my, that's annoying. At least
it's something to look forward to.
231
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,880
Yeah. Do you think she's going to
die? Who? Karen.
232
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:56,240
Probably. What?
233
00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:00,320
It'll be fine, you get used to it
after a few grieves. BRB.
234
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:10,240
You all right, Dad? BRB.
235
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,360
What?
236
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,440
Argh! Argh. Sorry.
237
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,880
Sorry, I just...
Are you finished? Yeah.
238
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,480
Yeah, it's just because I'm feeling
quite delicate right now, so...
239
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,200
Right, I appreciate that.
240
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,800
You know, I am...I am a pharmacist,
by the way,
241
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,320
so we're the same, aren't we?
242
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,800
We're just, like, all in the
trenches together,
243
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:34,920
so, you know, just...
244
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,920
SHE WHISPERS: ..preferential
treatment, please.
245
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,080
Right. Well, we treat people
depending on what they need.
246
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,160
Well, I can tell you what
I need right now,
247
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,360
I need morphine and a biopsy.
248
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,440
Well, I don't think that's
an appropriate use...
249
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,440
And is this really the best
bed you've got?
250
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,920
Do you not do doubles?
251
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,600
I can't... Shocking.
252
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,920
Can you pass me that magazine,
Lucas, please?
253
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,640
Yeah, of course, Karen.
254
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,800
There we go. Anything else?
Not that one, the other one.
255
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,920
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Here we go, then, my sweet.
256
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,600
Just turn the telly on,
please, OK?
257
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,440
Wives of Cheshire or Beverly Hills?
258
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,360
Oh, Beverly Hills, I'm not
destitute.
259
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,360
Sorry, do you have the remote
for the telly? No, she won't have.
260
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:20,160
She's got it right here.
Why would you lie to me?
261
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,800
Help!
262
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,440
OK, I'm just wondering,
I'm not in the system.
263
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,240
but is there someone who could
give me a quick once-over?
264
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:31,920
No? OK. Thanks.
265
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,920
Ooh! Sorry, sorry.
266
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,920
MUSIC: Let The Sky Fall
by Ten Years After
267
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:53,960
Hey.
268
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:58,960
HE WHISPERS: So, erm,
what's your medical pronouns?
269
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,520
Erm, "Doctor" is fine.
270
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,000
Yeah, OK.
271
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,560
Well, look, this is really hard for
me to talk about,
272
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,720
but I promise you,
I'm not a sex offender. OK...
273
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,400
Even if I was, obviously,
you'd be my first choice
274
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,880
because, all right, you're really
handsome and everything, so...
275
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:19,080
Well, that's a new one.
Erm, what's the matter?
276
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,080
Well, it's probably just a bit
quicker
277
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,560
if I just drop my trousers like
this... No, God, no, don't do that.
278
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,040
It's all right, it's fine.
279
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,920
You know, chill. Just, you can't...
You can't do that here on the ward.
280
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,960
Can't do it here? No. It's a
hospital. Yes, but not here.
281
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,520
So, like, go to your lab or
something?
282
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,200
I've got a place
we can go, all right? Oh, OK.
283
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,720
You're not a sex offender, are you?
Definitely not.
284
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,920
SIREN BLARES
285
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,360
"Blood donor".
286
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,400
Hey, do you want to get in on this?
287
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,880
What are you doing? Just saving
lives.
288
00:16:53,880 --> 00:17:00,200
Oh, OK. Like who? Like everyone.
Parents? Yeah.
289
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,880
Cats? Mainly parents.
290
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,640
Except yours. Sorry.
291
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:12,200
OK, where do I go? Ask her. Are you
all right?
292
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,040
Can I give you all my blood?
293
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,520
Do you want to come with me?
I'm just about to head in.
294
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,920
Yeah. All right? All right.
295
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,200
Right.
296
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,280
Do you want to pop yourself down
there and make yourself comfortable?
297
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:33,560
Yeah.
298
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,200
Other way.
299
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,160
You done this before?
300
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:46,160
I've donated before, yeah,
but just not blood, leggings. Right.
301
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,440
You're just going to feel a sharp
scratch... OK, yeah.
302
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,600
..but that's it.
303
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,200
So what do you think you're going to
do with my blood, then?
304
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:59,120
Going to take it home, or...? No.
No? No. It's not for me personally.
305
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:03,560
Oh, really? Like, famous people?
306
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:10,280
No. No? What about mums and dads?
307
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,480
Are you always this pale, love?
308
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,160
Yeah. Sorry, I'm just a bit, erm,
Caucasian.
309
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,640
Right, I'm just going to go speak to
a colleague...
310
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,320
OK. ..and you wait here, all right?
Yeah.
311
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,880
# Goodbye, blood... #
312
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,040
I just feel, like, you've been
there for me, you know?
313
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,920
Like, you've been there for me
like,
314
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,680
well, like Tina was for Turner,
315
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,320
and for that, Karen, I can't thank
you enough.
316
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:47,400
And maybe if you...
WHEN you get through this,
317
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,560
maybe we can have, like, a little
bit of, like,
318
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,400
special, like, Karen
and Lucas time.
319
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,720
Because in a way, what with my mum
not really being about,
320
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,720
you've always been a bit of a...
Excuse me. Oh, thank fuck for that.
321
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,560
Have you worked out what's
wrong with me yet?
322
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,480
I'm afraid we're
going to need this bed back,
323
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,360
a more at risk patient has taken
priority.
324
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,200
What? Not possible. Can you get out
of the bed, please? What, me?
325
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,320
Yeah. Should I be moving?
326
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,200
Is this safe? Yeah, of course.
Come on.
327
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:19,560
Hi, Auntie Karen.
Don't "Hi, Auntie Karen" me.
328
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:25,720
No, don't! This is unbelievable!
Legs up. Down. Legs down.
329
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,480
There we go.
330
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,240
Just eat this to try and get
your blood sugar levels back up.
331
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,640
We're going to hook you up to an IV
drip just to be safe.
332
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,800
She doesn't need an IV drip, OK?
She needs a good kick up the arse!
333
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,720
Excuse me, are you a relative?
No, she's my niece.
334
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,560
Are you the next of kin?
Could we call Mum or Dad?
335
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,160
SHE SIGHS: Dead. They're both dead.
336
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:48,160
Oh, gosh. Right, well,
she's stable,
337
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:53,760
but we suspect she's dangerously low
on most vital vitamins.
338
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,720
GOD, NO, NOT CHI, TOO!
339
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:04,840
She's incredibly malnourished
and vulnerable! Aren't we all?
340
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,040
Have you not been checking
up on her?
341
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,000
If you're her auntie
and all she's got,
342
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,960
I would suggest maybe
stepping it up a bit.
343
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,280
No, I'm sorry,
but what would you know?
344
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,000
It's got nothing to do with you,
has it? And what about me?
345
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:26,000
She tried to kill me! There's a
little Rose West lying in that bed.
346
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,960
THEY CHUCKLE
347
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,680
Who's Rose West? Serial killer.
Is she pretty? Very.
348
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:36,440
Thanks for doing this, Doc,
I've been worried to death.
349
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,320
Sometimes, when I get nervous,
350
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:46,840
the clock goes from, like,
six to 12,
351
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,680
and I couldn't get
the wind in my sails...
352
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,920
It's really fine, you don't have
to... Yeah.
353
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:56,480
So...Covid. Was it real?
354
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,280
Yes.
355
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,200
God, they're listening, aren't they?
356
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,080
Blink if they're listening.
357
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,680
So that wasn't a blink, was it?
358
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,560
Are you having any trouble
urinating?
359
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,520
Erm, no, seems to be fine.
360
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:23,920
Yeah? Any trouble passing stools?
Stools? Like chairs?
361
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:27,400
Keep going. Harder? Keep going.
Yeah? Keep going. Right.
362
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:31,960
Keep going. More? Keep going.
Harder, or...? Keep going. Yeah?
363
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,080
Yeah. Yeah. This is so selfish!
364
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,880
Who? You!
365
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,520
SHE SIGHS
366
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,000
So I was just giving blood, yeah?
Yeah.
367
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,360
And then whilst I was giving it,
they actually realised
368
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,160
I don't have enough for me, so
they're just putting it back in.
369
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,120
SHE LAUGHS
370
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,120
No, we're just testing you for
anaemia,
371
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:53,600
we're not putting it back in.
372
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,520
"Testing you for anaemia." Bitch!
373
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,960
Feels nice.
374
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,440
Have you washed your feet today?
Right, OK, move now. What?
375
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,240
No, move!
376
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,560
What? There's no room. Well, you
have to make room,
377
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,360
because I'm the one that's not well.
378
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,560
Legs over. I actually do feel a
little bit dizzy, not going to lie.
379
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,520
Yeah, well, so do I, actually,
380
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,240
so just move your big, fat ham hock
legs over. Amazing news!
381
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,320
I've got the all-clear! Oh! My
balls, they're absolutely fine!
382
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,120
Thank God!
383
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,200
What was wrong with your balls?
384
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,880
Well, look, this whole time,
I thought I found, like,
385
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,800
this dodgy lump, but it turns out
it's benign.
386
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,320
Oh, this is amazing! Did you guys
not hear him? He said he has benign!
387
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,160
No, no, no, that's a good thing,
Chi. Oh, congratulations!
388
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,680
Do you want to see?
389
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,680
Absolutely, not, no. It's fine.
It's benign.
390
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,160
No, I don't want to see them when I
don't physically have to.
391
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,200
You're not going to catch anything,
I can't even catch anything, so...
392
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,560
Will you stop crying? I'm fine.
393
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,760
It's just such a relief that
you're OK.
394
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:54,840
I really thought that you was going
to leave me. I'd be all on my own.
395
00:22:54,840 --> 00:23:00,000
I did think at one point, you know,
that I'd had it. But, yeah...
396
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,920
SHE YAWNS
397
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,080
Just makes you think, don't it?
That I'm here.
398
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,080
Ah, finally! Are you going give me
my bed back yet?
399
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,120
We ran through your test results.
Right?
400
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,840
The good news is, you didn't have an
allergic reaction,
401
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,640
but you do, however, have very high
blood pressure
402
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,000
for someone of your age.
403
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,280
All right. I suspect you experienced
some kind of panic attack.
404
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,400
Pancake attack?
You need to massively de-stress.
405
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,440
Hold on, Nurse Ray, do you
think our fertility issues
406
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:38,920
could simply be
because her eggs are so uptight?
407
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,880
No! I'm not an uptight person, OK?
408
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,480
I'm completely calm and relaxed.
409
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,600
Sorry, there's, like, a
small very large spider...
410
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,840
Get it off me, get it off me!
411
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,560
Ow.
412
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:01,120
I'm actually starting to...like,
I'm feeling much better now.
413
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:04,960
That's...that's good, isn't it?
414
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,920
ALL: # There's a monk with a egg
and a monk with some milk
415
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:16,600
# And a monk with a field of feet
416
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:21,040
# When you all go to war,
the ingredients... #
417
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,080
So, hang on, why did
the monks go to the terrible war?
418
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,800
What do you mean, monks?
Why are you all singing about monks?
419
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,280
Like, what has that got to do
with pancakes?
420
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,240
# Make pancakes for the... #
421
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,400
What is this? Why is there
flour all over the letterbox?
422
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,800
Well, it better not
be in the crease of my sofa.
423
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,800
Am I allowed to have flour
now I'm an "almac"?
424
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,440
# He loves the pancakes
425
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,120
# And we sing... #
426
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:46,600
Why did you lock me in? HE GASPS
427
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,560
I need to get to Helen!
428
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,320
# We're making pancakes
for Jesus... #
429
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,040
Oh, it's everywhere!
430
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,880
# We're making pancakes
for the Lord... #
431
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,280
Wipe your feet, please.
Wipe your feet, I said! All of you!
432
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,360
# We're making pancakes... #
433
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,160
Oh, my God! Don't...
434
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,400
Let's sing the Pancake Song.
Yeah, the Pancake Song.
435
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,960
BOTH: # So there's a monk
with an egg
436
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,960
# And a monk with some milk
437
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,840
# And a monk with a field of wheat
438
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,880
CHI: # Feet
439
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:30,000
BOTH: # They all go to war,
their ingredients smash
440
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:35,200
# And they make pancakes so sweet
441
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:40,200
# They're making pancakes
for Jesus. #
35939
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