Original subtitles

(Taskmaster theme tune)

- Hello!

Hello, thank you.

If you like seeing an overweight, middle aged man

getting high on power, dishing out judgements,

and shrieking and clapping like an elephant bull seal, you've come to the right place!

Welcome to Taskmaster!

(Applause)

There are five competitors waiting over there, emitting the distinctive smell of fear.

There names are: David Baddiel

Ed Gamble

Jo Brand

Katy Wix

and Rose Matafeo.

And sitting next to me, here he is,

some crumbs in his beard dating back to the 90s.

It's Little Alex Horne!

Hello!

- Hi Greg. - How are you this week?

- I'm alright, would you like to know what I've been up to? - I wouldn't, actually.

Because,

I thought I might handle the banter section.

- I've got some stuff that I-- - Nope!

Because look what I've found, everyone. I found, Little Alex Horne's childhood diary.

From 1985.

- Oh yeah, I was 7.

- Should we see what little Alex was up to? Here we are: "I had a lovely time today.

"I made up a task, where you catch plastic ducks in a big net.

"I was so excited, I pulled my shorts down and rubbed my little-- (snorts with laughter)

(Laughter)

"I pulled my shorts down and rubbed my little dingle. "Uh oh! The curtains were open

and the man next door told mum that I was rotten to the core." (Laughter)

Okay, what's the prize task today?

- Okay indeed, and this week we've asked them to bring in

the best thing they've taken from somebody else's house.

Just like that time you came to my house, and took all the doors and food.

- I wanted to have a barbecue!

Okay, okay.

David, what house have you been to and taken something from?

- A few months ago, I went to this house.

That's me at Buckingham Palace,

where I was handing out Duke of Edinburgh awards. And from that very house, I took this.

That is some Buckingham Palace toilet paper.

And you know what, I went into the cubicles at Buckingham Palace

I didn't even need a shit.

- And you took one sheet.

- I mean, I'm slightly disappoint with it I have to say,

'cause, I was hoping the Queen's face might be on it.

I believe there used to be, like Henry VIII

used have a bloke who actually wiped his arse for him.

Isn't that correct Alex, I can tell you've got--

- Uhh, Henry VIII had a person who wiped his arse for him, yes, yes.

Andrex have the Royal Warrant from 1978, they've had that.

- Oh do they? - Yep, Shiel Pest have got pest control--

- So you could just-- - Sorry, Strong Vend have got vending machines,

and Indepth Hygiene Services have got the warrant for deep kitchen cleaning.

- Oh good, well I'm glad you stopped me for that.

Well, thanks for starting us off with a piece of toilet roll, David. Edward Gamble.

- Well, I thought I'd-- I've got a few things that I stole from this house.

This is the first picture.

It's a little sort of, antler head. - Is it Father Christmas's house?

- Okay, let's have the next picture. - Oh, it's a-- what is it?

- Well, shall we have the last ornament and then we'll try and guess who it is after that.

- Here we go. - There we go. (Laughter)

- You stole those thing from Greg? - Yes, from Greg's house.

- Is Greg asleep most of the time?

- I'll tell you what Greg was doing while I was stealing those things,

he was in his hot tub.

(Laughter and applause)

- I would like to point out that my hot tub is an inflatable hot tub. I'm keeping it real.

Um who's next, Katy.

For the last two weeks, Katy's been off ill. But now she's back, hurray!

(Applause)

- Can I show you the object first, I think you'll recognise--

- Yes. - --the thing that I took. - This is what she took.

- So that's the trophy, which you'll recognise. - It's not this one.

- No, does the name

Kerry Godliman mean anything to you?

- Yes. - I'll show you where she keeps it,

she keeps it in the shittest room in the whole house. I don't know if you can see it.

(Laughter)

- Oh my God!

That is an outrage, Godliman!

- I went round pretending that I needed to borrow the cat box.

I don't have a cat, but she didn't ask, or seem to care. I snuck it inside the cat box,

and managed to basically sneak it out, without her noticing.

- So Godliman doesn't even know it's missing. - No.

- Yeah, but it looks like she wouldn't give a shit. - Good, well stolen.

Rose.

- So um, this thing I've stolen,

is from the Taskmaster house itself.

But I've improved it by, um...

taking photos of me wearing the hat

and putting it on the hat, there.

Which I think is quite cool, and makes it the best thing

taken from someone else's house, yee-haw.

(Laughter)

- Jesus Christ.

Alright, Jo?

What have you stolen from someone's house? - Uh, that.

- It's a ceramic phrenology tattoo head. - Alright, who's house did you steal it from?

And how can we make it entertaining? (Laughter)

- Sigmund Freud's.

- Ohhh.

- Ahh fuck it, I wish it was.

It was from my friend Betty's house. (Laughter)

Yeah, and I didn't steal it, I asked her if I could have it.

- I mean obviously Jo, one point. Rose, I'm giving you two points. - What?!

- It's a cowboy hat from the set!

Ed, you never steal things from my house. Three points, how dare you.

Katy we've wronged a right, there. And Godliman, I'll see you later.

I find this incredible, that I'm giving five points to a piece of shit roll.

And I'm doing that just 'cause it was Buckingham Palace. - Thank you very much.

(Applause)

Alright, shall we get started? - Oh I think so.

And what better thing to start the day with, than eggs.

(Taskmaster task ditty)

Hello David. - Where are we?

- We're in a waste land.

Welcome to the meadow. - Thank you.

- Do you like it? - Not really, no. - No.

- God I just realised how hungry I am, when I opened this. - "Get an entire egg

"into one of those metal things."

- That's a pretty poor description, could you not do better than--

- That was the best I could do. - No, okay. - These eggs, into one of these metal things?

- "Highest single score wins.

"If you get an entire egg into one of those metal things

"without the egg breaking, its score is doubled."

- Oh, I've already lost the will to live. - Yes.

- "You may not move the chair, or the metal things

"and you must release your egg..."

- "While on the chair."

- "You have 10 minutes, your time starts now."

That's quite a daunting prospect, isn't it? - Is it?

(Applause)

- So they've gotta get an egg into a thing. - They were all quite angry about the task.

- Well, I'm very excited to see them.

Katy, when you said "I've just realised how hungry I am", had you see the eggs?

- No, I think I just forgot that you don't have to say everything that you think,

- You quietly say things to yourself,

and I'm beginning to think you might be an evil robot.

- "I just realised how hungry I am." Beep-beep be-boop.

Let's see some stuff. - Okay. So, highest score is what counts.

If the egg didn't break the score was doubled.

The first person we're gonna see is Ed Gamble. - But what-- how much is it per egg?

Are they one, one egg, one an egg?

- Are they one an egg? - One an egg?

- Are they one an egg? - 'Cause there's no numbers on the eggs.

Right, I've got ya. Two,

10, eight,

20, that's the-- Ohhh 30.

Ease on the chair.

Did that go in? - No.

- That went in.

- It came out again.

- Are you fucking shitting me?

- Well, it's all gone out the bottom.

- Yeah, cuz you-- there's a hole in the bottom!

That was-- the entire egg went into the metal thing. - Came out again.

- At no point does it say it can't come out again. - Okay. - Ohh things,

some plasters.

(Sings) Why didn't you do this first you stupid twat.

Fucking hell!

This is not gonna help is it?

The fingers might interrupt the...

Yeah, that's broken.

Right, oh you...

That's the end of that task.

- Yeah the entire egg's gotta go in, Ed. - Yes, mate.

10!

What a disaster.

- Thank you, Ed. - Thank you.

- I seem to be assassination people's characters today.

I wrote down that I've decided you are an exact combination

between a happy young squirrel and an old lady.

- I'll take that. - That's the sweet spot.

- Sayonara part one, it's been nice knowing you. Bye!

(Applause)

(Applause)

Hello!

Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our childish contestants are throwing eggs.

- Yes, Rose and David are about to throw eggs too. And here they are.

- What's this? - It's the first aid box.

- Yeah well you know what, this is a very simple task, isn't it? Okay, here we go.

- I suppose I could wrap up the egg,

so it doesn't get hurt.

- Oh God, okay.

Does that count as one of the metal things?

- Think that helps? Should I test it?

You see, I've saved it, I might give it one more.

Well that has slightly cracked.

I've gotta use this one now that I've done it.

- Nine. - Nine?

- Yeah. - Nine eggs in that one.

- Here we go.

(Laughter)

- So, I guess that's it? - Okay.

- No, I think enginuity's over.

- It's a tricky one. Do I risk it all?

- "You must release your egg while on the chair." Right so If I do this...

Right, now I consider that releasing--

Bollocks.

- You know, Im gonna stick to my guns, fuck it.

- I'll do that again, so I've released the egg, right.

There we go. - Thank you, David. - Thank you.

- Did they break, Rose? - No. - So should their score be doubled?

- Yep, you're playing games with me!

(Applause)

- Do you really think you could out-fox Alex Horne?

Making these tasks up is literally all he has in his life.

That is a quote from his wife. (Laughter)

- In my defence, I, I.. I've got no defence.

- It was the highest single score as well, so you scored minus 10.

'Cause that's minus five, double. - Gorgeous.

- This is interesting, this phrase "release the egg".

- Are you gonna-- You got problems with "release the egg"?

- I put it to you, - Yes. - that the shell is part of the egg,

and that you are not an egg liberator.

That the egg is not living inside its evil shell prison.

- Well, do I not put the shell in as well?

- The shell is not relevant to the egg. The eggs of birds are enclosed in a chalky shell.

- So and egg is not a-- The shell is not part of the egg.

- It's called an eggshell, because it's the shell around an egg.

- Well there you are, I liberated the fucking egg!

- Oh my God he released the egg!

- I am the egg liberator.

- If you're allowing the egg, he scored eight points there. - I'm allowing the egg alright.

- Thank you, I'm an egg liberator.

- So he's in second place so far. - Alex, who's left?

- Well finally, they've got the same names as my cousin and his wife, it's Katy and Jo.

- Can they go in any metal thing? - Well, all the information's on the task.

- Oh you always say that, it's so annoying. - Yeah.

Can I just confirm your tactic here, Katy. - To have fun.

- But why have you used the word an 'entire' egg?

Because obviously I'm kind of thinking of breaking them into 14 pieces,

and trying to get a fourteenth in. Why would you bother to even say that?

Look, that's rubbish.

- Can you hold this? Can you hold it, thus?

Okay, I'm on the chair.

I think it broke.

- That's it then.

- This will do it. - So, I have to get as many as I can in...

Ohh, see I don't understand, into all...

Eeegh!

- I don't know what's happening anymore. Stick it in the old glove.

- Is it actually written on them?

Oh I see, six, eight,

one.

- Yeah, it's in.

- That felt like it was aimed at me.

- Well, there's one in. - Yes. - Thanks Alex, see you later.

- Please with yourself? - Not particularly.

- You did alright, you constructed a tunnel.

- Yeah. - You got an egg in the one with two points. - You've got to feel some joy in life,

constructing your own tunnel. - I have a lot of joy in my life.

Just not standing on a bit of fucking wasteland.

- Katy, I thought that the um,

quiet robot came out at the beginning again there. What's your tactic? "Just having fun."

In fact, you had lots of tactics didn't you?

- So, I didn't understand what was going on, that's why I started just throwing.

And then I understood, and that's when I protected my egg.

- She was the only one who successfully protected her egg.

- Really? - It didn't smash?

Her egg did not smash, and she threw it into the tube,

bearing in mind that the leader so far is Ed with 10. Her tube was worth six points.

The egg survived, so she gets 12 points.

- That seems ridiculous.

- Rose comes last, so she get's one point for that.

The egg points don't transfer into actual points.

- But it was minus 10. - Minus 10.

And Jo got two points, gets two points.

David gets eight points, you get three points.

Ed got 10 points, he gets four points,

and Katy got 12 points, so also gets five points. So Katy Wix wins the task!

- That is a complete fluke.

- Can we have a sweet, sweet scoreboard update please, Alex.

- Of course you can, we have joint last place, Jo and Rose on three.

But Katy Wix is in the lead with 9 points. (Applause)

- She's back. - Why don't we see another lovely task, non egg-based.

- Non egg-based, okay we've got them building tourist attractions now. Here we go.

(Taskmaster task ditty)

Here you go, David. - Thank you. - Oh, thank you.

- (Laughs) No.

- Thank you.

- "Forge the best Mount Rushmore."

- "You have 10 minutes to write your shopping list

"and 30 minutes to forge your Mount Rushmore." - "Your time starts now."

Oh God.

- Forge.

- Does it mean forge it, as in like, become a blacksmith for half an hour?

- Clay, I suppose I could make just a big lump of clay.

- You need like, thousands of-- billions of years, really, to forge a mountain.

- I'm so bad at building things. - Lincoln, Jefferson,

Washington, Trump.

(Applause)

- Do you want to, uh, kick off? - Yes. - We're gonna start with David Baddiel and Jo Brand.

Two classic comedians from the 1980s.

- So, I'm gonna do three that I can remember.

And then, the fourth one I'm just gonna do Donald Trump. - Okay.

I think possibly...

possibly I'm going to make this quite shit.

- Okay, so if you could just you head... perfect.

- Oh, can you help?

- Okay, perfect (laughs).

- Ow! Oh God.

- You alright David? - That really hurt.

- Could you sort of, look a bit pained like you've just been shot. - So, Lincoln.

- Do you want me to go in? - Yeah, put your head in. So this is hair.

- Can you put it like that?

That's the spit of George Washington.

So get ready, and on one stick your heads through.

- On one or after one? On one. - In we go.

- Three, two, one,

zero!

(Applause)

- I mean, both not bad. - Thank you. - Not bad openers.

- I mean Jo's looked like some delinquent scouts

looking out through their tent.

- (Inaudible) fucking Mount Rushmore looks like. - Yeah, it is.

You've put plants in David.

- Yeah, well I thought there would be like, little foliage at the bottom of the mountain.

And I put a sign to the parking. - Jo spent a lot of time on hair.

I mean the more I look at it, it looks like a bin bag

that four people are trying to get out of.

Where as David's is surprisingly good. - No it isn't! - Yes, it is!

- He has got the angles right, he's got about the right distance between the heads.

- Has he? - Yeah, it's not bad. - It's genuinely not a bad attempt.

Good, and thus part two ends.

Go, go and watch your sassy advert, see if I care.

(Applause)

(Applause)

Hello!

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

You will be pleased to hear that during the break

Alex learned how to make the noise of an African Elephant.

- Ahhhhhh. (Laughter)

Before the break, we witnessed Jo and David's attempt at forging their own Mount Rushmores,

by getting people with faces to stand still.

Genuinely my best attempt. Next up,

he went to school at Wimbledon, it's Ed Gambledon, here we go.

- So, this is my Mount Rushmore, so it features

me and all the things that are important to me.

Oh yeah, hello.

I'm a fan of my fiancé, she's gonna be on there. Lovely blond hair, natural blond.

Food, I like food.

Does the Taskmaster like pizza? - Yes.

- Looking good, baby!

I like heavy metal music. - Why? - Why?

Because it's great music, Alex. Okay, Ozzy Osbourne.

Right, now we're at the zhuzhing phase. Few sprinkles.

That's the sun shining down on it.

An owl of course, to signify love.

This is making me part of the rock, you see. - Yep.

- Ready? - Yeah.

(Cheering and applause)

- I mean, you know fair play, we didn't say "The" Mount Rushmore.

It's a Mount Rushmore and I'd buy that.

- Best Mount Rushmore. - Yeah...

- There's a lot going on, there's cheese on it.

- I mean, I don't look happy with it there, do I?

- What does your giant clay-covered face represent? - Me. - Oh, you like yourself.

- I'm on my own Mount Rushmore, because it's me and my favourite things.

- I mean, it's pretty charming.

It is also evidence for someone being committed to an institution. (Laughter)

- Yeah, it had a real feel of like, therapy and making something about it.

- Yeah, it was a very positive experience for me.

- No I meant, I didn't mean that as a compliment.

- Finally, it's two people who's names rhyme with breakfast cereal.

Weetabix, Katy Wix,

and corn flakes, Rose Matafeo.

- Gonna make some chips. No, we're gonna make Mount Rushmore.

I'm ready.

- Just trying to picture the shape.

Lincoln here,

is it Roosevelt next?

- Now to carve.

Am I gonna do Abraham Lincoln?

- I didn't think it would be this difficult.

Is this one got glasses? Oh this one's got a moustache doesn't he?

I remember that from the Superman films.

- Carving, it turns out a bit harder, then I originally thought.

- Just trying to get a bit of depth. That one's terrifying.

- Shit, oh God.

I've made the nose look like a dick. - Oh it's sinking.

- Oh that kinda looks like you!

- Just need to put tiny eyeballs in.

(Whistle blows)

(Applause)

- I think Mash Rushmore

is actually really impressive.

It actually does look like a beautiful statue. I mean, they're of evil ghouls.

If this task had been

make the statues from Easter Island out of potatoes,

you would be crashing up to five fat points here. - I'd argue, if you were going,

if you were gonna take Ed's one of "it's a version of Mount Rushmore",

then surely that stands up.

- It's all the things that are important to Rose.

- Yeah. - Potatoes and-- - Yeah, the four potato men that haunt my dreams.

- Stick 'em up, let's hand out some points. - There we go.

- I mean what's making me laugh is...(laughs)

It is shit on context though Jo, isn't it? - Well it is, but it's entertaining.

It's the best one for some people.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

- Okay, one point to Jo. - Right.

- Oh my God, it's genuinely hard.

The two that I'm instinctively drawn to as proper Mount Rushmores are,

is Mash Rushmore

and David's. I'm gonna give them five points each.

- Joint winners David and Katy, okay.

- I mean it doesn't look anything like Mount Rushmore,

but looking at it up there, I think that Rose's is a work of art.

But I'm touched by the sentiment of Ed's. So I'm gonna give them both four points.

- Five points to David and Katy, four points to Ed and Rose,

and just the one point-- - No, no!

- That's an outrage!

- No I'm gonna, I'm gonna give Jo a pity point, take her up to two points.

- I don't want your fucking pity point.

Piss off with it. - Well, you're fucking having it.

- No I don't want it... - You're fucking having it.

I'll give you three points if you argue with me again. - Piss off!

- Three points to Jo Brand!

- Five to David and Katy, four to Rose and Ed, and three points to Jo Brand.

(Applause)

- Another one please, Little Alex Horne. - Right. Ow, say your prayers, Greg.

(Taskmaster task ditty)

- Hello. - Hi, David. - How are you?

- I'm good, we're gonna start this one with a cuddle if that's alright.

- Little cuddle? - If you don't mind - Oh, no of course not.

- I really like you, Ed Gamble. - I really like you, Alex Horne.

- (Sighs) Awww.

Thanks, yeah I needed that.

- Thank you, okay.

- Have you put something on my back? Honestly I'm so paranoid.

Is there a mirror? No? Alright, joking.

- "Join your hands together so your palms are touching, "and each finger of one hand

"is touching the equivalent finger of the other hand." - Okay, I'll do that.

"Your hands must stay in this position for the entirety of the task."

- "Now turn the task over."

- Well that's a pain. - "Put the most gold rings on this drumstick.

"You have five minutes.

"Your time starts now."

- What is this? Why have I got that on me?

Oh did you cuddle me and put that on?

(Applause)

- More and more, David, I feel that this entire series is just a study of you.

- Yeah. - Give me your, um, thing. - Hand?

- No, your iPad. - There it is.

- And that's pretty easy for me to hold an iPad. - I see that now.

- It removed the power of your hands and arms. - Yeah,

it does, if you're a bit strange.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

- There were five gold rings to find available in the room, as always, always five.

They always sit next to each other, they're there together again, it's Jo and Katy first.

- I'm presuming-- Oh.

Oh, that's not really a gold ring is it?

- They're not gold rings, that's what I thought.

- That won't even go on there.

Goodbye to that.

- Oh no, I've broken it.

- Yeah, there's one there.

- One.

- One.

- Gold rings in the room.

- You've got one on your... - Yes.

(Audience laughter)

- You've got one on.

(Applause)

- Okay, anyone else?

Oh!

It's on. (Whistle blows)

- (Blows whistle) Thanks Jo, should it end in a hug as well? - Yes.

Have you put a gold ring on my back? - What? - Yeah, go on then.

I don't think I would have been able to do very much with that,

because I'm not very flexible. - No. - It would have stayed there for like,

probably the rest of my life.

(Applause)

- That's the least erotic piece of film I've ever seen in my life.

Well that really backfired on Alex Horne,

because I thought it was weird when he started hugging people

because he doesn't like physical contact. - But also, you were creepily good at putting--

sneaking things onto people's backs.

- I had practiced that task and was very nervous about doing it.

- You didn't like the ladies taking the rings off your fingers

with their mouths though, did you? Didn't like that one little bit.

- I was smiling, and looking uncomfortable. - And sweaty, you were quite sweaty.

- That's the only bit I enjoyed. (Laughter)

- How did they do, how many rings did they get each?

- Did you not see? - Yeah, but I just wanted you to sum it up. - Okay.

- Well Jo got two on, Katy got three.

They were both unlucky with the Hula Hoop, which would have counted.

- Right okay, part three is complete. Who will win the Taskmaster trophy?

Not this one here,

but the one that Kerry Goldiman chucked in her garage. Find out, in part four.

(Applause)

(Applause)

Hello everyone, we've made it to the last part of the show,

and there's only a smidge of a task left to complete.

- We've already seen Jo and Katy trying to find the golden rings,

Here are Ed, Rose and David grouped together to complete the story.

- Fuck, that really hurt.

- Hmm, it's a little bowl of beans.

- Gold rings? - Gold rings please, yes.

- There's no bloody gold rings in here. So, so far I can see one gold ring there.

And one on my back.

I've got five minutes. Let me think this through.

- Matches.

What?

(Laughs)

- Okay.

(Audience laughter)

Ahhh!

(Whispers) Ah fuck, come on.

(Whispers) Come on, please.

Why is it so hard?! Why is it so hard?!

Ahhh!

- Fuck!

(Whispers) God dammit, I hate you so much!

I hate you so much!

- Come on, come out of there. - The thing is that the problem is

bean juice makes it quite slippy.

Ahhhh!

Oh very clever.

Very clever.

I knew you wouldn't just hug me 'cause you wanted to. - Cuddle.

(Whistle blows)

Thank you, David.

(Whistle blows)

(Whistle blows)

- (Inaudible) just count the rings, one, two...

- Three. - Thank you, Ed. - See you later.

- I've done it. - You did well.

(Applause)

- So yet again, your roar of a mighty lion came out. (Yells)

Which I enjoyed. - I'm so sad.

- Let's uhh, shine a light on David's method,

getting the back ring.

(Laughter)

- That was beautiful. - It's an extraordinary decision.

- I'm glad though, I didn't spot the ring on your finger.

'Cause I think me licking that off your finger,

would have given you a strange feeling in your dingle.

- Did you feel that your youthful exuberance got worn down during the task, Ed?

- It was-- I thought it was quite frustrating, a frustrating task.

And you can even see that when I realised there was one on my back.

I couldn't even be bothered to be angry at that point. "Yeah, very clever!"

- Was anyone else really upset

when you realised that the only reason that Alex cuddled you was to do that?

'Cause I felt really hurt.

- Yeah, we started off a couple of tasks hugging, thought. Or I tried to, didn't I?

- Yes after that, you thought that was what we were doing from then on.

David only got one ring on his stick in the end.

He got one but he was very pleased, he said "I've done it!"

- One ring on your stick's better than none, David.

- Rose and Jo both got two rings on their sticks.

So they come joint second and get three points. Katy and Ed both got three

so share five points each!

(Applause)

- How's the scoreboard looking, Alex? - Well, I can tell you the scores are now like this.

We can see the leader is Katy Wix with 19 points. (Applause)

- Please stand up and head to the stage for the final task of the show.

(Applause)

Welcome to the stage, Alex who will be reading the task out?

- Katy Wix. - Excellent.

- "Read the Taskmaster's mind.

"The Taskmaster will choose a card, "you must state if that card features a horse

"or a laminator.

"You will receive one point for every correct answer in a row."

So there's no science to it, it's just guessing.

- Well, you've got to read his mind.

You will sit opposite him, you can talk to him,

maybe you can ask him what he's picked but he can lie.

And you will get an actual Taskmaster point for every correct answer in a row.

So there are infinite points available here.

- Let's play Horse or Laminator.

Katy Wix steps up.

- Is it a horse?

- Yes, it's a horse. - One point.

(Applause)

- This thing that you put down, when's the last time that you saw one in real life?

- Three weeks ago. - Okay, is it another horse?

(Applause)

Umm, okay horse.

(Applause)

It can't be, it can't really be four horses, can it?

Okay fine, a horse.

(Applause)

- Four points to Wix.

- Oh laminator, fine.

(Applause)

Another horse. - Looks like the old master has taken her down.

- Oh, I'm glad that's over. - Congratulations. Five points.

Well, Ed you're up next, you need to get eight to tie with Katy. - Yeah, not gonna happen!

Hello Greg. - Hi, Ed. - Laminator.

- One point.

- Laminator

See ya later! (Applause)

- Up next and still in with a chance of winning his first episode is David Baddiel.

(Applause)

- I don't really know what a laminator is.

So...

it's a horse.

Shit!

(Applause)

- It's Rose Matafeo up next. (Applause)

- Can you wink if it's a horse?

Horse.

- One point.

- Can you wink if it's a horse?

Laminator. - You told me to wink.

(Applause)

- Up comes Jo Brand.

Jo, currently in last place. If you get 15 in a row

you will tie.

- Piece of piss, ladies and gentlemen.

Alright, is it a horse then?

- One point, she's on her way. 14 to go. - 14 to go.

- Laminator.

- Two points.

She's overtaken the personal buffer now. - Umm, is it a horse?

- It's a horse!

- Is it a horse?

(Applause)

How many have I got? You've got four, 11 to go to tie.

- Laminator. - Oh God.

- Laminator. - Oh my God.

- Horse.

- Oh my God.

Hang on, hang on, hang on, right. - Horse.

(Applause)

Just having a shit.

Laminator. - I mean, I am starting to think she's reading my mind.

- Nine in a row!

- Uuuummm, horse.

(Cheering and applause)

It's got to end sometime. Horse.

(Applause)

Laminator.

- Three to go. - Jesus Christ.

- Come on let's, come on let's everyone, come one put your hands on.

- Laminator.

(Cheering and applause)

- So this is for 14.

- Laminator. - Ohhh it's over.

- Jo Brand gets 13 points!

- Incredible though.

Let's all go down and we'll add up the scores and we'll see who's won! (Applause)

Well, well, well.

- Well, well, well. - Jo Brand has psychic power.

How did that affect the final scores, you little monkey?

- Well, the scores of that particular task are unprecedented, except that David got zero.

- That's not unprecedented, is it? Ed and Rose both got one point.

Katy, we thought was romping home with five points. Jo Brand gets 13 points for that one.

(Applause)

And that has affected the series scoreboard incredibly. I mean, David is on 89.

But Rose is now in second last place,

on 113.

Jo's on 115.

Katy's on 117, Ed's on 118.

It's incredibly exciting! (Applause)

But the actual episode. was not won by Jo Brand, she held on right until the end.

Katy Wix wins the episode with 25 points! (Cheering and applause)

- Please head up and take home all the things that have been taken from homes!

(Applause)

So, what have we learned today? We've learned that beware of Little Alex Horne

when he comes looking for a cuddle. He doesn't want a cuddle at all!

The filthy little ferret's just trying to get you to suck his finger. (Laughter)

But most importantly we've learned Katy Wix came out on top,

and has proven herself the very best! Well done, Katy Wix!

(Applause)