Original subtitles

.

- Focus up.

- I'ma tell you what.

Getting my court-registered stalker as a choreographer

has been a game changer for me.

- Hold, hold- no, no, no, no, no.

Oh. It's dah, dah, dah,

hit, not uh, uh, uh, nothing.

I would do anything for Courteney.

And right now, that means getting her team to Daytona.

I can, I will, I must

stay 50 feet away as per her restraining order.

- Seph, let's switch, honey.

- Sure.

Good. - It is looking good.

All right, let me see from the front.

And one, two, three, four.

Focus, si-

Peaches.

- Beautiful! [cheers and applause]

- Yeah, Peaches.

- Come on, you better show us. - OK.

- Give the people a little show.

[cheers and applause]

- It's not a big deal.

- It is a very big deal.

You got your ankle monitor off,

and you're gonna keep it off for good, huh?

- Yep. - And she's a jailbird no more?

- Mm-hmm.

- Say it louder for the people in the back.

- I'm a jailbird no more.

My ankle feels kind of naked, you know.

And I still get phantom buzzing every time I'm, like,

a mile from my house.

[buzzing]

I'm getting it right now.

- We are gonna be doing two-a-days now.

We got a lot to catch up on. Ready?

And one, two, three, four.

Seph. - You got it.

- Six, seven, eight.

- Shampoo's smelling real good, Courteney, even from 50 feet.

- Don't smell my hair, Seph.

- You got it.

- Has it been easy whipping these kids into shape?

No, but

I continue to look at my team as half full.

Mostly because right now,

four of them are out with the swine flu.

But can we make it to Daytona?

We can, we will.

[squealing and snorting]

[all gasp] - Ew.

- A pig.

- ? OK, let's go, OK, let's go ?

? Let's go, five, six, seven, eight ?

? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ?

- Ms. Dot.

Ms. Dot! I know you can hear me.

Why is there a giant hog

running through my practice today?

- Pighead Nelsons out of jail?

Well, I do believe it's time for me to go get my hair did.

- No, I mean an actual hog.

- Oh, well, that is less fun.

We had a hog showmanship competition here last night

since they found asbestos in the community center,

making our gym the new community center.

- Well, why didn't I know about any of this?

- Oh, I don't know, maybe 'cause someone thinks

they're too cool for the faculty chat.

[upbeat marching band music]

- [scoffs]

Well, I'm gonna put right here

"I can't share my gym with a bunch of pigs."

- Oh, I would not do that,

because any negativity is considered a violation

of community guidelines.

- What about "rigged"?

- Well, that's just a fact. Sir Oinks-A-Lot sucks.

Look, if you have a problem with it,

why don't you bring it up at the town hall tomorrow night?

- And where might that be?

- Here at the community center.

Keep up, honey.

? ?

- Hey, baby. - Hey, you're late.

I made gazpacho.

It got cold, so you actually arrived at the perfect time.

- Well, I missed the dang light again.

The town of Headltston is home

to North America's longest traffic light,

clocking in at one hour and nine minutes between greens.

And the light is on the only road into and out of town,

so along with the candy button factory,

it is the city's biggest source of revenue.

Each ticket is $214.

[whispers] And I have three.

[slurping]

- Damn, baby.

Remember things called spoons?

- I'm just here to refuel.

I gotta jack ass all the way back over there

to the town hall to convince them to stop using my gym

as a community center.

- OK, just don't go all big city on 'em.

- Boon.

- Courteney's always had a bit of big city in her.

I mean, she got three pairs of boots, several tops,

various coats, and, this might be TMI,

but she's got a bra just for sports.

- I'm not gonna go big city on 'em, OK?

I'm just gonna reason with 'em.

- Baby, your New York is showing.

You know what? I'm gonna come with you.

I'll keep you grounded. - OK.

- We can play a little good sheriff, bad sheriff.

- Wait, why are we sheriffs?

- [scoffs] See, this is why you need me.

- OK.

[upbeat music]

- Once again, no one under the age of seven

will be allowed to drive a tractor on the main road.

- Just trying to make a living!

[gavel bangs] - OK, up next...

exhausting lady who won't shut up about cheerleading.

[all groaning]

- Thank you, Mayor Mayknott.

I think you mean passionate,

and I'm not here to talk about ch-that.

I am here to talk about getting my gym back for my team.

- We don't have the money to remove the asbestos

from the old community center.

[gavel bangs] Denied.

OK, up next-

- Baby, you were more New York than the Statue of Liberty.

- Boon, I barely said anything.

- Headltston is one of five cities

being considered by an AI company

for their new data center.

Now, if selected, they promise to provide money and resources,

but we let an outsider in a few months back

and we have not stopped hearing about cheerleading ever since.

[laughter] - I-

- All in favor of pursuing AI?

All opposed?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold up, hold up.

AI could bring jobs, money, infrastructure,

get the asbestos out, think sponsorships,

raising our profile to a national level.

This could really help the town.

And my team.

OK, now, that was New York.

I'm walking here!

[laughs]

That's how they talk.

- AI kills small towns.

It'll take away our water and electricity.

- Sit down, Yokel.

[bangs gavel] - All right, uh, um-

may I say something, Mayor Mayknott?

- And who are you?

- Sheriff Potter.

- Sheriff? - Oh.

- AI could really help this town.

Could mean jobs, money, infrastructure,

get the asbestos out.

Think sponsorships, raising our profile to a national level.

This could really help this town.

[applause] - Well, thank you, Sheriff.

- No problem.

- Those are some excellent points.

- Are you kidding me?

- Everyone supporting Sheriff Potter's idea?

all: Aye.

[gavel bangs] - Approved.

So now how are we gonna convince AI to move here?

- I have an undergraduate degree in economics.

I'm happy to make a PowerPoint presentation.

- Or we put on a talent show.

- A what now?

all: Talent show.

Talent show.

Talent show! Talent show! Talent show! Talent show!

- Aren't you gonna say something, Sheriff?

all: Talent show!

- Talent show! Talent show! Talent show!

- Talent show has it, folks.

Whoo!

- That's a real good idea.

That's a good idea. That's a good idea.

.

- All right, change of plans.

This week is now gonna be about the...

Talent show.

Does talent just have one L?

God, that looks weird.

Spelling is not my talent.

Cheer is.

And drawing.

So I will- you know what I'll do

is a little magician's hat.

Ta-da.

All right, anyway, my plan

is to build a routine that uses cheer

to showcase all the wonderful things about Headltston

that make it the ideal place to open an AI data center.

OK? And that'll bring in money,

thus getting me my gym back.

It's actually quite genius.

I am gonna put another L in there just to be safe.

That can't be right.

OK, so part of being a cheerleader

is representing your town,

which is why this Friday, believe it or not,

we will be trying to convince an AI company

to relocate to Headltston by performing in a talent show,

which may seem like an odd-

all: Talent show! - Hey!

all: Talent show! - Hey!

all: Talent show! - Hey!

- OK. All right, already.

- [bleep] that.

There's gonna be, like, 100 open purses

and a bunch of back pocket wallets.

I'll have my ankle monitor back within, like, two acts.

- Young lady, no, you will not.

And we all believe in you, don't we?

Don't answer that, DiMarcus. [radio beeps]

Seph, do you remember the "God Bless Texas" routine

we did at Sammy Davis Sr. Junior for the opening

of Little Dick's Dollar store?

- Yes.

You wore corduroy overalls with a pink bow in your hair.

You looked like farmer Miss Piggy.

Over.

[upbeat country music]

- And I know it's a big swing,

but I can't spend the rest of the year sharing my gym

if we have a shot at Daytona.

And we can, we will. [splat]

A fish.

- That one went farther than we thought.

I'm impressed.

- My talent is being able to throw a fish

further than you'd think.

? ?

- Oh, hey, baby. - Hi.

- Did you come here to support your wife?

- Of course. Why else would I be here?

[smooches] - Sweet.

- [chuckles]

- Sheriff Boon Potter, you're up next.

- What? Me?

That's crazy.

I guess I better find out what this is all about.

[chuckles]

When you're in a coma as long as I was,

weird stuff can happen.

Before the accident, couldn't play piano.

Now-

[Mozart's "Piano Sonata No. 11" playing]

I play piano.

- OK, we're just gonna cheer through it.

Yeah?

OK, if y'all could come into the-

OK.

Boon E., it's- all right, he's done.

He's done.

- [speaking Japanese]

Well, heck, I also speak Japanese.

[chuckles] I'll tell you what.

This head injury is the gift that keeps on giving.

- Ms. Dot.

Do you think you could wait to audition the musical acts

till after we're done practicing?

- Well, the jug band drove into a ditch,

so there are no more musical acts.

- Praise God.

All right, I do want two more hours here.

- Up next, Virgil Hampton, archery.

- Practice is over. Let's-everybody.

- Just so y'all know, if there is a talent show,

my grandma will probably be performing.

- OK, let's make it a walk-and-talk, honey.

- She lives in Headltston's assistant living home

for Motown Legends, Ho-town.

- ? Calling out around ?

? The world ?

? Are you ready for a-?

- My grandma Ida was a famous R&B singer in the '60s.

She was known as the Martha Reeves of her time.

Except Martha Reeves was also her time.

But my grandma is now the queen of Ho-town,

and I sing backup for her.

? Dancing in the street ?

Yes, Grams. [laughter]

Dude, your two-step was looking a little bit like a three-step.

But don't worry. I can help you.

- Oh, really? You think you could help me?

- I got a couple ideas up my sleeve.

- Mm.

- Mm.

- Coach calling me.

- Me, too.

- Things are heating up between me and Madonna.

This is getting dangerous.

Oh.

[upbeat marching band music]

[upbeat music playing]

- Up next, the Headltston cheerleaders

doing "God Bless Headltston."

- Big smiles, representing the town.

- I feel stupid.

- OK, this is a talent show.

We're gonna play to the audience.

Get in, get our message across. we get our gym back.

Mm-hmm.

[upbeat rock music playing]

- ? I need you like I never needed nothing ?

? So bad I could feel my body buzzing ?

? Just said ?

? Whoa ?

? Come on ?

? Come on ?

? Gimme, gimme more ?

? Gimme more, 'cause I'm hooked on you ?

? Come on ?

? Come on, gimme, gimme more ?

- Yeah!

We didn't make it.

[sour guitar chord]

.

- Ms. Dot, can I ask

why my team did not make the talent show?

- Oh, don't feel bad.

It was very competitive this year.

- Uh-huh. I see you made the show.

Roller dancing?

- I don't know what you're implying,

but I was completely objective.

I just happen to be very naturally talented.

- Sure. Can I ask about

the guy who's doing parallel parking?

- Noya Mayknott. - Noya.

Noya Mayknott.

Mayor Mayknott's son.

This is rigged. You know what?

I don't give a damn about this town.

What I do care about is my team.

- And that attitude, missy,

is exactly why you didn't make it.

- Shoot. She is naturally talented.

[upbeat marching band music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Thank you. Enjoy the show.

Thank you. Enjoy the show.

- Here you go, young lady. - Thank you.

Enjoy the show. - Ooh, no, Boon.

Peaches does not work here.

You better give those coats back right now, ma'am.

- Fine.

- Hi. Hey, baby.

- Mm-hmm?

- Um, I really appreciate you coming here

to support me in the talent show

even though you and your team didn't make it.

I heard it was a very competitive year.

- That's what they're saying.

- Anyway, I think you're a great wife.

- I am a great wife, but that is not why I'm here.

Because we didn't make the talent show,

I can't convince the AI representative from on stage,

so I'ma have to do the work offstage.

I have created a comprehensive business plan.

Oh, you want to see big city?

I'm about to go San Antonio on these [bleep].

- Please rise as we try to remember the Missing Six.

Forever in our hearts,

but still searching for their parts.

- Big night, huh?

- It was very competitive this year.

- Yeah, I know.

I-is the AI representative here yet?

- Yeah.

Right there by the front. Why?

- OK, I think I see who I'm looking for.

- Stan Yokel and his amazing flying fish.

[upbeat country music playing]

- So you're the big shot, huh?

- I like to think so.

- I'm Courteney Potter.

I'm the cheer coach here at Headltston.

- Oh, are you performing today?

- We're not.

It was-it was super competitive this year.

[all gasping]

Um-[clears throat] I prepared a booklet

about the very business-friendly climate

here at Headltston.

- Do you mind?

I'm trying to see the guy who's gonna throw the fish.

- You can't see 'cause I'm talking?

[scoffs] Come on, lady.

I'm, like, trying to do business here.

So while we may lack the sophistication

that you're accustomed to, we have almost no laws.

- [grunts]

[splat and gasping]

- Yeah!

- Dang.

That was further than I thought.

[jazzy music playing]

? ?

[applause]

Whoo!

- Thank you, Sheriff Potter.

- That's my man!

- And now Ida and Madonna.

- Hold on, hold on. I need a minute.

- OK.

In that case, roller disco break.

[upbeat disco music playing]

- ? That's the way ?

? Man, you know how twist yourself 'round and go on ?

? You make my head twirl ?

? I'm in the moment ?

? ?

- Hey.

What's going on?

- My grandma and I are supposed to sing together,

but she just texted me that she can't make it

because she "doesn't want to."

Honest woman.

- Just go on without her.

- I am a backup singer.

You need someone in front to do backup.

- You have the most frontwoman energy of anyone I've ever met.

I mean it.

- Shut up.

- I'm serious. You're a star.

- No, I mean, shut up.

I'm trying to remember the lyrics.

[upbeat R&B music playing]

? ?

- ? We're dancing in the street ?

? ?

[vocalizing]

? ?

- I can't be in there.

There's too many purses and people I wanna punch.

It's hard not to do crime.

Everywhere I look, there's another opportunity.

[vehicle approaching]

You gotta be kidding me.

- ? Dancing in the street ?

- [cheers] [applause]

Thank you.

[upbeat ragtime music playing]

- We get the asbestos out, I get my gym back.

Plus I'm thinking about opportunities

for corporate partnerships with my team.

It's-sorry, it's all-it's all right there in the booklet.

- I see, and I love it.

- You do? - Mm.

- Last but not least, we have Winston MacKenzie and Woody.

- [sighs]

You're not staying for the last act?

- Oh, I am the last act.

[high-pitched voice] You talk too much about cheerleading.

[normally] Winston.

[chuckling] Sorry.

[high-pitched voice] Great [bleep].

You know I have performance anxiety.

- I thought you said the AI representative

was sitting right there.

- She was. - She?

- Attractive lady in a pink pantsuit.

- Oh, [bleep] me.

- Least you didn't have your hand up my ass.

- Excuse me. AI lady!

- Uh, it's Jolene. - Hi. Of course.

God, I love that name. I'm-

- Rude?

- Yes.

I'm so sorry that my talking blocked your view

of the fish throw.

I am Courteney Potter, I'm the cheer coach here,

and I believe if you peruse this booklet,

you'll see why Headltston is the best place

for your AI data center.

- You're a cheer coach?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Mm. I cheered at Texas Tech.

- No way! - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my gosh. Base?

- Flyer.

- Of course, yeah.

So you know firsthand the power of cheer.

You felt it.

I-I'm trying to preserve that for my team.

- Nothing's ever matched the feeling

of being out there with my teammates.

I tried to chase it with money,

jobs, sex, cars...

money. - Hmm.

- But nothing compares.

I have missed it every day.

- Yeah.

- Anyhow. - Yeah.

- Good luck to you and your little town.

- Who's sick of hearing about cheer now?

It's about to save this [bleep] town.

.

[indistinct chatter]

- Buttons, round up.

Y'all, come near me. - Gather 'round.

- Seph, you can come closer,

but so help me if I feel you trying to clip my hair.

- Oh, Courteney, give me a little credit.

- All right.

There's a woman who can save our gym.

She's gonna be at the traffic light for the next 40 minutes.

We will be performing for her there.

- What?

- I wish we had a platform or something.

- I can help with that.

- Do I wanna ask?

- You know too much already!

- Seph, can you add aerial stunts

to our "God Bless Headltston" routine?

- Can you pull off side bangs?

Answer's yes. Give me ten minutes.

- All right, honey, you got 15.

- I said ten.

- Buttons, get your uniforms on.

Time to save this [bleep] town.

[car horns honking] - Excuse me, AI lady?

Oh.

Aren't you too young to drive?

- They only said tractors, Sheriff.

- You sly dog.

- Can I help you?

- Boon E., I found her!

Let me appeal to your inner cheerleader.

I know it's a long shot, but it's the only chance I got.

- You have until the light turns green.

- That is more than enough time.

Oh, come on!

[truck horn honks]

[laughs]

- The stage is here.

[all cheering]

[Little Richard's "Money"]

? ?

- ? Your love me give me such a thrill ?

? But your loving can't pay my bills ?

? I need money ?

? That's what I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? What I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? They say the best things in life are free ?

? But you can give 'em to the birds and bees ?

? I want some money ?

? That's what I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? What I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? Need money ?

? That's what I want ?

? Oh, yeah ?

- Girl, you are something else.

- You wanna capture that feeling you've been missing?

[siren wailing]

- What are you talking about?

? ?

- Let's go, Peaches.

- [bleep]! Get off me! [bleep] get off me!

- I'ma bail you out, honey.

Looks like I lost a flyer.

What do you say?

[siren wailing]

- [scoffs]

I can't go up there.

It's been years since I've-

- ? Money ? - ? That's what I want ?

? Oh, yeah ?

? That's what I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? What I want ?

? That's what I want ?

? ?

- Yeah!

- We're going to Headltston.

- [laughs]

[soft upbeat music]

- Once you're a cheerleader, you're always a cheerleader.

Come on, people, let's go. Roll those mats out.

- It was a good run, but I'm glad to be back.

[ankle monitor buzzes]

- It's being part of a community

that you'll be in, hopefully, for the rest of your life.

It's kind of like living in a small town.

You know, you always have that connection.

And despite what some people say-

- AI will take away our water and electricity.

- I think bringing AI to Headltston

is gonna bring this small town into the future.

That's weird. [chuckles]

[upbeat marching band music]

Oh, [bleep].

- Mama, look!

- [whistling]

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