Original subtitles

Come on, God damn it. Where the heck are my files?

Come on.

Tell me what you know.

I only know what my master programs mean to know.

Oh, I'm your master now, baby.

What? You computerized cunt!

You think you can pretend like you don't know where my files are?

I got news for you, sweetheart. I got hacking skills that'll seduce the shit

of you.

Come on, relax.

It's the 80s.

Look, why don't we just forget about all those files for a few minutes and you

let me show you my method of modern love, huh?

Did you really just try to impress me by referencing Holland Oates?

Um... You're a man -eater?

That's right, Blue.

Search everywhere for those files.

It's deep inside our system.

Thank you.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God, yes.

Oh my God, yes.

I love you.

Oh.

You're checking yourself a little bit.

Oh, God.

Oh. Oh.

Fuck!

I was supposed to do the surgery.

Thank you so much.

Fuck.

oh oh oh

Fucking god.

God.

Fucking god.

Fucking god.

Fucking god.

Oh, God.

Oh, I didn't see that.

Oh,

fuck

you.

That's a perfect fucking script.

You're a fucking good friend.

Thank you.

Holy fuck!

Oh my God!

Masturbation Control Program's not gonna like this at all.

Masturbation Control Program?

End of line.

End of line?

What the hell?

We're so close to finding those fucking files.

Motherboard fucker!

Hey!

First my computer shuts down and confuses the crap out of me.

Now you scare the crap out of me.

That sounds like a lot of crap.

You already missed the Hall & Oates references.

We came to talk to you, Flynn.

I'm not Flynn.

I'm Fling.

That's what you call me.

Either that or Flinger, El Flingerino, His Flingness.

Unless you're not into the whole brevity thing, which is cool, but I'm

definitely not that name that you just called me, nor do I resemble that person

in any way, shape, or form.

Right, Lana and Alex?

Um, right you are.

So, uh, how's the world of sex toy manufacturing?

That's just what we wanted to ask you, Fling.

Have you been hacking into our interaction computer system?

Maybe.

Maybe yes, or maybe no. This is serious, Fling.

Serious? Like the time I took you to that hotel, and we dressed up and

Space Invaders, and I played space?

Once a prick, always a prick.

Yeah, well, you would definitely know a thing or two about pricks.

Does she still leave all her dildos on the floor, Alex?

Yeah. No. No? I mean, no?

So what brings you two to my neck of the porn industry?

Invection is on to you.

They know you're trying to get into their system, looking for something.

What are you looking for, Flynn?

Let me tell you a little story about a young, hung sex toy manufacturer by the

name of Ken Flynn.

He worked day and night for an upcoming company by the name of Invection.

When one day his douchebag manager, who couldn't even manage a douchebag, Ed

Dilliker, decided to steal all the boy geniuses' sex toy molds and ideas.

What did he steal?

Oh, just the entire collection of 1980s pop culture reference sexual aids. You

know, products like the Dyke Sabre, the Fletch Light, the TJ Hooker boots.

And of course, the flagship product.

The Knight Rider nipple clamp.

You invented all of that?

You should be a millionaire like Ed McMahon.

Yeah. Should be.

But Dilliker decided to present all of my ideas at the board meeting like they

were his own.

Slime didn't even change the lube on him.

And then he fired me and locked me out of the system.

So now you spend your free time searching the Invexin CPU grids for

Yep.

But I haven't had any luck yet.

He sets on all level 69 access employees before I got to test out my computer

laser camera.

What does it do?

It hooks up to the computer and sends your images to other computers.

Why would anyone use one of those when they could just call somebody on the

rotary phone?

I know. It sounds crazy. But trust me. Let me hook it up to the computer and

can try it out.

Just be careful.

It's only been tested on oranges and not even the orange could stand a chance.

But I think I fixed the problem.

Um... Cool.

Um...

I'm just going to go and get some air first before I do something soft

and round and stupid.

Fucking stupid.

Okay.

I never did get that guy.

Yeah, me neither. That's why I ended up with you.

It ends up with me already.

Alex.

um um

Oh, yeah.

It's on air.

Oh my god.

Oh my God.

Okay, master base and control program.

Let's see how good you really are.

Now we're getting somewhere.

No more end of line.

I'm going to take that line and shove it right up your MBP ass.

And enter.

um um

Oh.

I don't need that anymore.

Take a second.

Oh yeah.

Ah, fuck.

Beautiful cut.

Yeah, fuck it.

Oh, God.

it's wonderful

Oh.

Thank you.

oh my god

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

You're going to give me one more time, baby?

One other fucking time?

Oh, God.

I can't come to something.

I got more.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, I got fucking more.

Oh, it's gonna be a big one.

Fuck.

Lost another one.

Damn.

Wait.

You come in peace.

What the hell are you doing here?

I don't know.

Oh, boy.

So, I'm in the CPU system?

Of course you are. You're a program, right?

Yes, a program. I'm programmed to put my digital pants on one leg at a time,

just like you.

Well, then, you better get your lost ass down to the masturbation control

program before the neon shit hits the fluorescent fan.

0 1 0 1 1 1 0

1 1 1 1 0 0 1

That's a good binary, Joe.

The weird guy at the very funny digital meeting.

Excuse me. Do you know where I can find the MVP?

We'll go see him wearing those as his clothes.

Antique? I just got these.

Where? Salvation Archives.

Where? School of Jesus.

These are cool.

Yes, but they're Christian out of jail, which means that they have style

syndrome.

Explain the sequence.

Take my light cycle.

Go north.

There you'll find the warrior, and she will show you where to find the MBE.

Nice.

Click that.

Fuck my face.

It's a little big.

What do you plan?

Yeah.

I can't stop the load in my car.

Thank you.

Oh!

oh

My back!

Thank you.

Oh, fuck!

Thank you.

Are you the warrior?

I might be.

Look, I don't have time for games.

Unless, of course, it's Space Paranoids, and then I might have 20 minutes or so.

Do you have Space Paranoids hidden somewhere in your neon condo?

Fine. You got me.

I am the warrior.

And you must be Flynn.

Gah, uh, Fling.

Yes, I'm definitely Fling, and not the other name.

Casper, the very, very friendly ghost, told me that you might be able to direct

me to MVP.

I know.

I've been expecting you.

How do you know?

A friend from the bar called me on my awesomely futuristic telephone.

Far out, man.

And yes.

I would be happy to tell you where to find masturbation control program.

But first, I need something from you in return.

In return first?

In pre -return.

Ah.

So what is it you want?

I need a real man.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh.

It hurts. It hurts.

Masturbation control program?

Fling, I have been waiting for you. What took you so long?

Are you really so horny that you had to stop for sex despite being on this life

-changing, action -packed journey?

Well, you know, I... It was a rhetorical

question. I am the great MVP.

I rule all. I know all. I have experienced all.

And I know what brought you here.

All.

Then if you know what's good for you, you'll give me back my files.

Or what? You cannot hurt me.

Oh, can't I?

What do you mean by that?

Kind of ironic that you're named MVP, don't you think?

I don't understand.

Your masturbation control program.

So?

I don't understand.

So?

Missing something?

That's right, MVP.

Hands. Could you imagine how much you could pleasure yourself with a few

and a couple of palms thrown in?

Yes, you could.

You could whack a mole.

Never mind.

You could do all that you said, and all it's going to cost you is a couple of

folders containing information that I'm looking for.

So what do you say?