Original subtitles

Do you think it's strange that the highest compliment

you can pay a chef is to pantomime kissing

a duck on the lips and the duck's head explodes?

I'm gonna need some more coffee.

What are you talking about?

When you asked that gentleman if he was enjoying his food,

he did this.

Steve, you "quack" me up.

Bonjour, mes amis!

That's French for howdy, y'all.

What's with the box?

For every croissant you buy at Patsy's Pastries

this week, you get a raffle ticket for a trip

to France, so voilà!

I bought 20 croissants.

That's just a silly sales tool.

And the odds of you winning?

Pardon my French--

big fat zero.

Maybe, but isn't it worth it to dream of Paris?

Mm. Mm!

- Now I see the duck. - Thank you.

- Good morning, everyone. - Morning.

Sorry I'm late.

But, uh, today, I'm not just late for work.

- Oh, my gosh, are you-- - Gabby, are you--

I just may be.

Someone please finish a sentence.

I'm pregnant!

Oh, congratulations, Gabby!

I'm going to be Tía Isabella.

That's wonderful, Gabby.

I didn't know you got your test results back so quick.

Oh, no, those weren't pregnancy tests.

Those were just some tests to determine my chances

of carrying a child, and I guess we found out

the answer to that already.

Yeah, but if you didn't take a pregnancy test,

how can you be sure? - Oh, Bobbie, I am sure.

Let's just say that my body is always on time.

I'm like a Swiss watch, like a Japanese train,

like a birthday card from my mom

a week after my birthday.

Congratulations, Gabby.

OCD hug? - Yes.

Oh, gosh.

I'm just-- I'm so excited.

I have to pee! Ah!

Don't forget, you're peeing for two.

Ah. This is amazing.

- Yep, yep. - That's your reaction?

"Yep"?

Well, I think it's just a little early

to be celebrating.

Sometimes Gabby can be like a young child

holding a big clump of balloons.

You mean happy?

I mean I don't want her floating off into space.

I lost an uncle that way,

skinny guy, 80th birthday.

You know what you need? A trip to France.

I'm going back to Patsy's for more croissants!

♪ Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight ♪

♪ To get through the day ♪

♪ And sleep on through the night ♪

♪ But here you'll find a place ♪

♪ That'll surely lift your spirits ♪

♪ You belong at Happy's Place ♪

Hey, uh, is Gabby's skin more radiant?

Because she just asked me if it was.

And, uh, I said yes.

Was that the right answer?

Yes, it was. Well done.

You got off easy.

She tells me, feel my boobs.

They're fuller.

That doesn't sound so bad to me.

- Oh, no! - What's wrong?

You got to the end of TikTok

and realized you just wasted your life?

The bluegrass band I booked for tonight just canceled.

It's Tennessee. Go outside and throw a rock.

You could hit a banjo player.

Oh, my daddy always used to say,

you know the difference between an onion and a banjo?

What?

Nobody ever cries when they're chopping up a banjo.

This must have been what "Hee Haw" was like.

Anyway, I've got a band to find.

OK.

Hey, if you showed up for live music and instead,

it was a suspiciously available party princess,

would you be mad?

I'd be confused. What's going on?

Oh, our band for tonight canceled at the last minute.

You just can't trust musicians.

Rude. My band would never do that.

Wait, you're in a band?

We're called Sunburst, named after the flower,

not the orange juice.

It's just me and a couple of other dads

from my kids' preschool.

Ah, the cool dads. You guys any good?

Ask Emmett and Steve. They came to see us play.

They said we were amazing.

Well, that's all I need to hear.

Can you guys play tonight?

Absolutely.

I'll call the guys.

Tonight, we're gonna rock, assuming we can get sitters.

OK, guys, I need you to help me pick out a baby name,

and it has to pass the playground test.

What's the playground test?

Well, you can't name your kid anything

that rhymes with something bad.

You name your son Bart, bullies call him Fart.

Name your daughter Gabby, bullies call her

Blabby or Crabby

or Jolly Blonde Giant with No Friends.

What's going on?

Talking baby names, uncovering childhood traumas.

Just a typical Wednesday.

You have any suggestions for Gabby's little one?

It just shouldn't rhyme with a curse.

Oh, well, I like the way they used to do it

back in the Middle Ages.

Wait till the kid's three or four years old

and then give them a name.

Wow, when's the last time you heard someone say,

"I liked it how they did it in the Middle Ages"?

- Carry on. - Well, wait, wait.

Bobbie, don't you want to help?

No, I don't think I'd pass the rhyme test,

probably 'cause I know too many cuss words.

- Well, Bobbie... - Huh?

I mean, maybe it's just my hormones

making me extra sensitive, but I feel like

you're not totally excited for me.

Oh, no, honey, I am excited for you.

But?

I just don't want you to get too excited

because then you'll be disappointed.

You know, Bobbie, that's not gonna happen, OK?

There is something going on in my body.

Here, feel my boobs.

Just feel 'em.

Thanks, but I have a feeling they're just gonna be the same

as they were this morning.

Bobbie, look, I have been not pregnant my whole life,

and I know what that feels like.

This is different.

And, you know, I just want to enjoy every moment.

And you should. Don't pay any attention to me.

Well, you're kind of hard to ignore,

when you're doing this whole Bobbie Bummer thing,

always expecting the worst.

Ooh, I have to pee again. This is so exciting.

I pee now when I'm excited.

"Bobbie Bummer"?

I'm not like that, am I? - You? No.

Not really.

Not all the time. Not about everything.

Anyway, work, work.

That was pretty weird,

what Gabby said about me, right?

- Definitely. - Yeah.

- You know the weirdest part? - What?

Bummer and Bobbie don't even rhyme...

but it still works.

I heard you hired Takoda's band

to play tonight. - That's right.

You know, I haven't seen him this happy

since that butterfly landed on his shoulder.

OK, you cannot hire Sunburst to play here.

Their style is not a good fit for the tavern.

Why? What type of music do they play?

Folk, rock, country?

Death metal.

Sunburst is a death metal band?

Emmett and I watched them play at a biker bar.

They got fired because they were too loud.

He told me you guys said they were awesome.

We lied!

Music is subjective, you know?

I hear some people don't like...

Beyoncé.

Why are you whispering?

I don't want the Hive to hear me.

OK, I sent you a YouTube link of them playing in his garage.

Aw, cute.

Look at them, all dressed in black and--

oh, oh!

That is very loud!

Ah, so much feedback. Is that singing?

- No. - Oh, when will it stop?

Please, make it stop. Ah!

Not exactly "Halo," huh?

Listen, you cannot hire them to play here.

His heart will break when all the customers

run out screaming just like the bikers did.

Guys, I just got an alert

that Sunburst got another view on YouTube.

Wow. And how many is that?

15.

15 whole views. Ah!

Ah!

Oh, God.

Well, is it me or did my kitchen

just get more beautiful?

Don't you mean gloomier, darker, more depressing?

All excellent compliments, but no.

I'm gonna take a wild guess here.

You got something on your mind?

It's that baby thing.

Gabby called me Bobbie Bummer.

She said I'm always expecting the worst.

Am I like that?

Well, if you are, you're expecting me to say yes.

Is that what you're expecting?

Yes.

Then you answered your own question.

What's happened to me?

I'm an optimist.

Daddy always said, I'm either looking

at the bright side or polishing a turd.

Well, that's right.

Then he had to go and screw it all up by dying.

I appreciate you trying to lift my spirits.

Look, I brought it up because when Happy got sick,

you said he wasn't gonna die, but he did.

What's your point?

It's this.

One reason it hurt so bad was because you were an optimist.

You weren't expecting the worst.

Oh, and if I had have been expecting the worst,

it probably wouldn't have hurt so much?

Probably.

So if that's how you're looking at things now,

makes sense. - Well, guess what.

My good friend Gabby is excited about something,

and I'm gonna be excited about something too.

Well, you just go ahead and get excited.

Thanks, Emmett. This helped a lot.

Glad to hear it.

Now I'm kind of depressed.

Let me guess, you still haven't broken

the news to Takoda.

How'd you know?

Seeing his hair that close to the chili makes me anxious.

This is awful.

If I do fire him or if I don't,

either way, the sweetest man on Earth

gets his feelings hurt.

God, why can't Takoda be a worse person?

May I make a suggestion?

Please.

Lie.

Or maybe you tell him the news.

I would love to help,

but I have a doctor's appointment.

Oh, dang it.

Lying.

OK, OK, I can do this.

OK.

Takoda, I need to talk to you about Sunburst.

Did I tell you that my mom's gonna be coming to the show?

No.

She is so excited, and she never gets a chance

to leave the nursing home.

Where she works?

No, she lives there.

She even wrote "Sunburst" on her oxygen tank.

Wow!

So what did you want to say?

Lie.

Takoda, I'm sorry, but Sunburst can't play

at Happy's Place tonight.

Oh, no. Why?

Because... the stage can't support a whole band.

Oh, don't be silly. I rebuilt it last year.

Well, actually, the real reason is

because no budget for a band.

No budget. - No problem.

We'll play for free, every weekend, if you want.

But--

Is something going on?

Are you looking to fire us?

What?

I mean, that's silly.

Look at you, a talented musician

with a little silly streak.

I'm gonna start calling you "silly."

OK, so we can play.

Yes, silly.

I can't wait to tell my mom.

At her age, it helps to have things to look forward to.

All right, man.

Wow. That was amazing.

Really?

No, I'm lying!

How are you so bad at this?

What am I gonna do?

Maybe the regulars will like it.

People slow down to watch a train wreck.

You're right. They do.

What are you thinking?

I think I might just know how to fix this.

Fix it. Yeah!

So what exactly are we doing?

Gabby needs help finding a name for her baby,

so we're throwing her a baby name party,

'cause I'm a fun lady who likes to throw fun parties.

You know you're fun when you have to tell everyone.

Oh, hush.

Everybody, put your babies' names in the tin,

and let's get this party started.

There you go.

If none of these work,

we can always name the kid Folgers.

What's going on?

OK, is this because I ate the last croissant?

It was for the baby.

No, we're throwing you a baby naming party.

Oh, my gosh, I love it.

I've never heard of that.

Exactly.

It's 'cause it's not a thing.

Well, we've got a coffee tin full of baby names,

so pick one.

Ooh, this is so exciting.

OK.

Terry Bradshaw.

You're welcome.

Emmett, do you really think

I should name my baby Terry Bradshaw?

I'll let his 212 career passing touchdowns answer that.

- OK, pick another one. - OK.

I swear, there's a good one in there.

All right.

Um...

Astrid.

No last name.

Let her be born knowing she will be a star.

Aw, Steve.

You really think she's gonna be a star?

Absolutely.

Star quarterback.

Honey, boy or girl, we're gonna love

this kid to bits and pieces. - Yeah.

I can't wait to gobble on its little baby toes.

Your kid can play in my kids' band.

Aw. You know what?

You guys are really great.

Why don't we take a selfie so we can remember this moment?

All right, I got it.

And I bet someday, we'll be showing it

to little Terry Astrid Bradshaw,

the bass-playing quarterback with...

both: Tasty toes.

OK, here we go.

Ooh. All right.

Oh, it's my doctor. I'll be right back.

OK.

Doesn't really matter what you name a kid.

They're gonna call you Shortstack anyway,

till you hit a growth spurt and start pounding 'em.

Did they call you Shortstack because you were short

or because you were sweet like syrupy pancakes?

Do you remember the second half of that story?

Knock it off, you two. This is Happy's Place.

Everybody, get happy. Come on.

Wow, that's a change in attitude.

What's gotten into you? - Emmett.

- Uh-- - Emmett's thoughts.

Emmett's thoughts got into me. That's it.

You're so cute when you're embarrassed.

I'm proud of you. - Thank you.

Oh, here she is, star of the party.

What's wrong, honey?

Um, yeah, we don't need to find a name for the baby.

I'm not pregnant.

- Hey. - Hi.

You poor thing.

What did the doctor say?

Oh, he said there was a very simple reason

I wasn't pregnant.

Turns out, I'm infertile.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

I'm such an idiot.

No, you're not. Let me just--

- Oh. - There you go.

Who orders 12 pairs of maternity pants on final sale?

Well, they'll come in handy after Christmas.

I just--

I just wanted a baby so bad.

I know. I know.

Oh, hey.

Hey.

How's Gabby doing?

As well as can be expected: sad, disappointed.

The doctor said she's not able to get pregnant.

- Oh, man, that's rough. - Yeah.

So her boobs weren't really, you know...

I mean, it was all in her head?

Really? That's your question?

Well, I've never been in this situation before.

I don't know what to say. - Well, not that.

OK.

How are you?

What do you mean?

Well, turns out, Bobbie Bummer

had the right idea after all.

Ha-ha, no, no, I didn't.

I don't think it would have hurt any less,

knowing this was coming.

Maybe there's just no good way to handle this.

Well, I guess all we can do is hope for the best,

prepare for the worst, and leave the rest up to God.

Well, look at you, talking all deep and stuff.

My granny had that on a quote pillow.

Hey, should I go in and talk to her?

Nah.

I think she wants to be alone for a while.

I don't think she's ready to talk about it.

Well, aren't you done with your shift?

What are you doing hanging around here?

For when she is.

Wow, impressive crowd.

And I mean numbers, not sense of fashion.

Didn't think he'd have a crowd.

He wasn't going to, till I reached out

to his 15 subscribers on YouTube.

Two of them were Russian bots,

but the other ones were actual fans

who love a good train wreck.

Nice work, Isabella. You did it.

I always like to support local musicians.

Have you got any earplugs? - Yes, I do.

We'd like to dedicate this first song to Isabella

for giving us a shot. - Sunburst. Ah!

And to my mom for coming out.

Not so close to the oxygen tank there, Mom.

One, two, three, four!

They sound just as good as I remember!

The good thing is, their pyrotechnics guy

couldn't find a babysitter.

♪ Disconnect, reconnect ♪

♪ I'm insane, I'm alive ♪