Original subtitles

01 Decoys - Horror 2004 English

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHILDREN'S CHATTER]

[GROWLS]

[SCREAMING]

[BOY 1] Come on.

[BOY 2] Are they home?

Oh, well, nobody home.

[CHILDREN CONTINUE SCREAMING AND CHATTERING]

Hello?

Let me get that for you.

[YELLING] Oh, my God!

Jesus!

[GASPS]

Hey, that looks pretty good.

Cool.

[SCREAMS]

What the hell is going on?

[MUSIC - SLOWRIDE, WINTER]

[SINGING] Winter's coming on.

Can't you feel it in your bones now?

Laid to rest with the very best.

I did the best that I could.

Ice Queen, baby!

[CHEERING LOUDLY]

[LAUGHTER]

Damn, Javane, you're such a knob.

[CONTINUED LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC - SLOWRIDE, WINTER]

[SINGING] Send me on my way with disaster on the brain.

With blackened lungs still my song is sung.

I did the best that I could.

So tie me up and turn me loose, tell me about abuse.

The things I know, I learned on my own.

I wrote this book for fun...

for fun.

[ROGER] Remind me to take art next semester.

[LUKE] You might get burned.

[ROGER] [LAUGHS] Oh.

[GROWLS] You make my teeth sweat, girl.

You think Melody knows I'm a virgin?

Actually?

Yeah.

Uh, jeez, it's freezing in here.

Uh, someone left the window open.

I can't stand frigging smokers.

It's bad enough we gotta do laundry.

I'm not doing it at 30 below.

Uh-huh [SPEAKING NON-ENGLISH]?

I gotta slow down, man, OK?

Uh, you can slow down when you're dead.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa!

[MUSIC - MARGO GURYAN, SUN]

[SINGING] Sun, lying in the sun.

Had a lot of rain in the winter.

All I want is the sun.

Hi.

I'm Lilly.

Hey.

And this is my cousin, Constance.

Hola.

Sorry, I have a... an oral fixation.

May I?

We transferred from Bayside.

Our room's right down the hall from yours, number 1021.

[CHUCKLES] No, how come I haven't seen

you guys around before, huh?

We're pre-med, different schedules.

So what's your major?

I have no idea.

I'm a freshman.

[LAUGHS] How completely adorable.

You want a lick?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah.

There's, uh, a sorority party happening, uh, tomorrow.

And, uh, I was thinking maybe, uh...

We know.

Cool.

Maybe.

See you later, freshman.

[LUKE] Hello?

[CONSTANCE] Oh, yeah, I will.

I think he's kind of cute.

[LILLY] Sure, if you like Elijah Wood.

When was the last time you actually

had a conversation with a guy and he didn't get

distracted by your cleavage?

Look you in the eye?

Not if he can help it.

Up, down, up, down, up, down.

Hello?

Focus.

I'm up here.

[SIGHS]

Men back home, they don't care about the flesh.

It's what's inside that counts.

[CONSTANCE] The men at home are dead.

These boys are ripe for picking.

It's amazing, the power of a low-cut top.

[EXHALES]

Well, I, for one, am positively exhausted.

There's so much to do with so little time.

Mhm [CHUCKLES]

Do you wanna go to bed?

[WHISPERS] Oh, yeah.

[SIGHS] Will you do it for me again?

Mhm, you know I want to.

Thanks, much better.

You're welcome.

Honey, let's go see what Natasha's up to.

All right, whatever.

Who the man? What, what?

I'm the man. What, what?

Go, Roger.

Go, Roger, tell me what you want to see.

Every man in clothes has...

go, Roger, it's your birthday.

Dude, there's something I've gotta tell you.

Dude, [CHUCKLES] you're always busting me to get a date.

Boo-yah, I got one!

I just met the two finest women in the world.

Blonde goddesses.

Yeah, Constance and her cousin, Lilly,

presenting the babe bookends.

The hotter one just invited me to their sorority rush

party tomorrow night.

I'm so in.

Those blondes that you met, Rog, there's something

seriously bent about them.

Yeah, these are women, baby.

Oh, caliente.

Goodbye, 2-D. Hello, 3-D.

[LUKE] Dude, Lilly, her chest burst

open, and then these black fleshy snakes

started whipping around.

And, dude, I'm telling you, she's standing there euphoric,

just drinking in the spray from this trippy aerosol can.

And then Bigfoot showed up?

I'm telling you.

I know it sounds insane, but it happened.

Oh, yeah, it has nothing to do at all with the five

beers you powered down.

Hey, wow, wow, wow.

I was not wasted.

OK, I'm telling you, though, something is seriously...

Luke.

Luke, it's all right.

I want you to calm down, OK?

I want you to breathe.

I want you to breathe.

OK, that's good.

What about the spray can?

What about it?

It had this little periodic symbol on it.

What, you mean like Prince, the little symbol?

No, no, it was, uh... it was N2.

Alex, what... what is N2?

Uh, liquid nitrogen.

It's hairspray.

What happens if it gets in your skin?

It can cause cryogenic burning and the instantaneous freezing

of tissue.

Was there anything else?

I don't think they have navels.

If you think that you saw something, Luke, I believe you.

OK, I'm having a party and it's in a place called reality.

You're both invited.

[SINGING]

Nathan, please shut up.

Hey, hey, nobody calls me Nathan.

It's Gibbi, all right?

OK.

What if they came here to take over SJC?

Trust me, I don't think St. John's College

is on the big alien radar.

If only I could get a good look at it.

At what?

The opening between her breasts.

- [CHUCKLES] - What?

No, it...

Look, there's a Cronenberg festival at the Cross River.

Cinema tonight, so let's just blow off this whole Animal.

House thing, OK?

[SIGHS] I gotta find the truth.

It is off the hook, yo!

[OOHING AND PARTY CHATTER]

Natasha's thinking about rushing Pi Omega.

Oh, you'll fit right in.

Thanks.

I'm in.

[CHUCKLES]

Hi, guys.

Hey, Mel.

[CHUCKLES]

Everybody, shooters!

[CHEERING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

OK.

Don't they look weird to you?

Do you mean the fact that they're incredibly beautiful,

toned and don't need an airbrush?

Yes, they're not normal.

They're obvious.

Here's hoping they're dumb as a post.

[CHUCKLES] They're pre-med.

Of course they are.

Hi.

I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

No, [CHUCKLES] no.

Wanna get your groove on?

Sure.

[GASPS]

Tick-tock.

[CHUCKLES]

Luke.

I'm, uh...

I'm all yours.

Is that a fact?

I'm all yours.

Is that a fact?

[MELODY] Hey, you OK?

Sure, why wouldn't I be?

Well, you wanted to be one of the boys, now you are.

You're not helping, Melody.

How about a cocktail?

Good times.

The funniest thing.

What's that?

I forgot a roll of quarters in the laundry room.

Quarters?

Uh-huh.

And somehow they just seemed to walk back to my room

all by themselves.

Was it magic or just a thoughtful neighbour?

Maybe.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, hey, Luke Callahan.

Where I'm from, we kiss hello.

Sisters.

Sisters, who are we?

[SCREAMING]

Pi Beta Omega!

[SCREAMING]

Now sister and brothers, it is my pleasure

to introduce to you the captain of the hockey

team, Bobby Johnson!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[MAN] Bobby, you rule!

Testing, testing.

As this semester's Pi guy, it gives me

great pleasure to name Pi Beta Omega's

candidate for Ice Queen.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Pi Omega newbie, Miss Lilly Vincent!

[CHEERING AND CLAPPING]

Oh, my.

It's awesome.

Uh, thanks everybody, and thank you, Bobby.

I need a drink.

[MAN] Give him a kiss!

[WOMAN] Come on!

[LOUD APPLAUSE]

[CHUCKLES] Let's Party!

[GROANS] You asshole!

Sorry.

This is like angora!

I'm really sorry.

I will never, ever forgive you!

Like, never!

Loser!

I can't believe this.

The truth hurts, don't it?

Why don't you get your own date, ass-wipe?

Oh, come on.

Just leave him alone.

[MOANS AND STARTS SOBBING] My mouth.

[WOMAN] Oh, Ginny.

- I'm sorry. - Incoming.

[GINNY] Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

Stop!

Get lost, you pussy.

Hey, where are you going, man?

I'm outta here.

Hey.

[ALEX] Luke, wait up.

Hey, she sure got under your skin in a hurry.

I've never seen you react like that.

Well, you're not her.

What happened?

Are you OK?

I thought she was different.

Ha!

Well, good thing you guys didn't have any kids, huh?

You know, it's easier this way, no messy divorce.

Let's go for a drive.

I gotta clear my head.

OK, shotgun.

- I'm gonna go get my cell phone. - All right.

I'll meet you in the parking lot.

Don't leave without me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm loving you, buddy.

[CLICKS HIS TOUGH]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Ocupado, amigo.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR CONTINUES]

Hey, keep your pants on.

Somebody's in here.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

I guess I'm OK.

Um, I'll... I'll be out in one second, OK?

Or not.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Clumsy.

[ROGER] [GROANS]

It's hot in here.

Yes, it is.

It is rather hot.

[CLEARS THROAT]

And it's about to get hotter.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, God.

Ha.

Uh-huh.

Oh... oh, God, no.

Oh-oh, no.

No, this is bad.

You're crazy.

You're nuts.

Oh, please stop.

Constance, what are you doing?

You're crazy.

[LAUGHS] Stop, OK.

[ENGINE REVVING]

Come on.

[SIGHS]

Come on, Bobby, this way.

This way.

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

Now you're talking, baby.

[RATTLING]

No, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop,

stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

What's the problem, my dear?

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE] It's just...

that's a crazy birthmark.

Climb aboard Flight 69.

[CHUCKLES]

South bound for the region of...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Um...

[WOMAN] Hello, who's in there?

Look, look, look.

Look!

Uh... uh, Constance, I don't know how

to put this, um, delicately.

Oh.

You're a woman of a certain, um, experience.

Uh-huh.

[WOMAN] Hello, who's in there?

Constance, could you just, um...

just one... OK.

OK, gear down, big rig.

Woof!

Um, look, uh, I'm a virgin.

Aw.

[CHUCKLES] OK, it's ow.

OK, look it's uh...

[WOMAN] I got a serious situation, you guys.

Constance, I... I just want my...

my first time to be special, you know?

Beautiful, romantic, and not...

not a rushed job on the floor of the Pi Omega shitter.

Oh, well, you really know how to talk to a woman.

[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

Come on, I'm dying out here!

I wanna have sex with you, Roger.

I don't wanna frigging marry you.

Move!

[WOMAN] [RETCHING]

Oh, God.

Maybe it's just the battery.

That's the only new thing on this piece of shit.

We don't have to go off campus to talk, you know.

I know.

Look, sometimes women flirt because they

crave validation, not because they want to get with you.

So you're saying Lilly's normal?

If you take away the silicone, Botox and hair dye, yes.

She's just a girl.

[SIGHS] Why get me so hot and bothered?

Sometimes it's genuine.

What is it?

I thought I heard...

it's nothing.

You know what?

Forget it.

[GROANS] Let's call it.

Game over.

Come on, give it up, baby.

Come on.

Oh.

Oh, Jesus, Rog.

What?

Oh, nothing.

[BELCHES] That's the pepperoni.

[EXHALES DEEPLY] Yeah.

I heard about your fight last night.

Good.

Go for the kneecaps next time.

There won't be a next time.

[ROGER] That's what you said last time.

Dude, I'm not your mom or anything,

but shouldn't you go easy on the partying?

I mean, your heart could give out.

Dude, I've got these babies to keep it real, OK.

Don't you worry about it.

It'll keep pumping, and I'll do the humping, right?

What are we talking about?

So?

I'm still in the kiddie club.

No!

What happened?

I wanted to wait.

For?

The right moment.

Oh, man, you should go for it.

[CHUCKLES] Really?

OK.

Hi, your attention, please.

All alien babes are free to roam about the cabin.

Feel free.

Funny.

You know, I don't really know what I saw the other night.

When I was a kid, I...

I believed that something else existed, you know?

A unicorn in the forest, a monster under the bed.

A hot alien with snake tits?

[LAUGHS] It probably was my imagination.

I was kinda hammered.

Hey, man, I'm sorry things didn't

work out with you and Lilly.

[SIGHS] Whatever.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

You get it.

Come on in.

Luke Callahan?

Amanda?

AMANDA: Let's make this easy on both of us, huh?

[GASPS] Why didn't you call me?

Luke, I need you to come with me.

Detective Kirk needs to have a few words with you.

OK.

Um, [CHUCKLES] give me a sec.

OK.

[DOOR CLOSES]

No way.

No way, you and... you and her?

Mention it to anyone and you're a dead man.

Move those people back.

This is a crime scene, not a keg party.

You heard the man.

You've gotta back up.

No indication of a struggle.

No obvious cause of death.

Anyone for a little ring toss?

Watts, take over.

Bluto, Manny.

Holy shit!

There's nothing holy about that shit.

Callahan, you come with me.

[WHISTLES] Come on, puppy.

Hey, you know I...

I just saw him last night, a couple hours ago.

A lot of people saw him last night, sports fan.

You know, Bobby, he, uh, left the party with someone.

It looked like they were about to hook up.

Oh, please, don't keep me in suspense.

Her name is Lilly Vincent.

Where were you last night, Luke?

Me?

Yeah.

I went to the party for a little while.

And then I wanted to go for a drive, but it didn't happen.

Why did you leave?

I'd had enough.

Well, people said you were pretty upset.

People?

Heard about a little shoving match, too.

[SCOFFS] No, that was nothing.

Yeah, you hit girls a lot, do you?

Of course not.

Yeah.

Hey, why don't we go some place and warm up a bit?

Hop in, puppy.

[SIGHS]

Hey, hey!

[GROANS]

Let go!

[OFFICER] Calm down

[OFFICE CHATTER]

Detective, I didn't kill Bobby.

But the other night, I did see something

that was unbelievable.

Unless it's your alibi, I don't want to hear about it.

No, you have to listen to me.

[DETECTIVE KIRK] No, no, no, you have to listen to me.

See, I got you hitting on Bobby's girlfriend,

picking a fight with the deceased, clocking a co-ed,

leaving the party in a jealous rage

and at the scene of the crime at the estimated time of death.

Bingo!

[DRILLING]

Oh, finally.

How's business, Doc?

Oh, it's dead.

Competition's killing me.

Any updates?

[CLEARS THROAT]

This is really fascinating.

What's that?

[MEDICAL EXAMINER] Bobby, here, has

no sign of struggle, no exterior markings, no poisons.

He has above average blood alcohol level,

but certainly not enough to trigger a coma.

Huh, well, the expression on his face

tells me he must have felt something.

[MEDICAL EXAMINER] Now this is really baffling.

Bobby froze from the inside out.

Did you say froze from the inside out?

[MEDICAL EXAMINER] Yeah.

Well, how do you figure that?

When you take a piece of meat and you throw it out

in the freezing cold, the frost attacks the extremities,

and then it burrows through to the core.

Yeah.

[MEDICAL EXAMINER] Now our subject, his organs

are rock solid, but his exterior body

temp was barely below freezing when we found him.

No, no, Booby's deep freeze started from the inside out.

Huh.

Anything else?

Excuse me.

There's evidence that, uh, a hose

was forced down his throat.

A hose?

Yeah, a beer bong.

It's a funnel connected to a hose.

It's kind of... it's a drinking game.

Kids today, who the hell knows?

Right.

But in your opinion, Doc, did this hose kill him?

No way.

I've seen this kind of thing before, never like this.

[DETECTIVE KIRK] [WHISTLING] Hey, puppy, puppy.

Puppy, puppy.

Come on.

You're released, Callahan.

[LUKE] Great.

Hey, uh, you catch the killer?

Yes and no.

The clean corpse at Arch Memorial

means you're free for now, puppy.

[CONTINUES WHISTLING] Bye-bye, puppy, bye-bye.

Bye-bye, puppy.

I bet my badge that kid did it.

And when I pin it on him, it'll be my ticket.

[CONSTANCE] This type of behaviour will not be tolerated.

[LILLY] I didn't do anything wrong.

[CONSTANCE] We cannot be caught with our guard down again,

understand?

It looks bad for all of us.

All of us?

Archer Memorial Hospital. [ENGINE REVVING]

TAXI DRIVER: You got it.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS] Jesus.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Holy shit!

Hello, dickhead!

[GASPS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ROGER] So you're really getting the hang of this breaking

and entering thing, huh?

So what's next, Luke?

Uh, liquor store, maybe a Casino?

Yeah, that dude's been there for hours,

and his body was still ice cold.

That's 'cause he was dead, genius.

I broke his arm off.

It snapped.

OK, that's just nasty.

Why did you have to do that?

They even had a diagram of a tentacle.

I mean, when is someone gonna do something?

Yo, man, who made you CSI New Brunswick, man?

I know what I saw.

[ROGER] Dude, you're delusional, OK?

Bobby got tanked, man.

You know he got tanked, and he passed out after a sub-zero lap

dance, and that's it.

That's right.

She screwed him to death, got her bloodsucking hooks in him.

[GIBBI] Hooks? Hooks?

Look, man.

All right.

You said yourself, the detective had nothing to go on, right?

Bobby was clean... no cuts, no scars, no [SUCKING SOUND]

sucker burns, nothing.

Because she shoved them down his throat.

Oh.

Or up his...

Luke, do you have any idea how insane you sound?

Yes, thank you.

Anyway, man, Constance cleared her.

That's it, game over.

That's because she's one of them, too.

Come on.

All right, all right.

Look, man, this has been an experience, but I gotta bounce.

I'm meeting Natasha at the GSU.

It's her Pi Beta rush meeting tonight, you know.

So I'm about to Pi Beta rush.

You know what I'm saying?

[LUKE] Hey, Gibbi.

Just be careful, man.

OK.

[ROGER] Hey, you know what I think?

What's that?

I think this is all an elaborate plan

to screw up my evening.

What?

Yeah, man.

Tonight's the night, buddy, OK...

Constance and me.

I've got a ticket to ride, man, and ride I will.

I got... I got some candles, I got some incense,

I even got some Lauryn Hill.

[LUKE] This ain't about you, man.

I know, man, that's the point.

It's about you.

I finally find a girl, a hot girl,

who's interested in me and you can't... you

can't stand a competition.

[SIGHS] Pi Omega's all wrong, man.

I'm talking casa du Roger.

Boys, there has been a death on campus.

There's a slight possibility Constance might

not be up for some nookie.

[CHUCKLES] Well, actually, Constance feels that now,

more than ever, that we should make love tonight,

seeing how delicate life is and everything.

Take the room, bro.

Yes!

Yes, [CHUCKLES] OK.

This is great, man.

Thanks.

Looked like I've gotta find a place to crash tonight.

[LOUD BANG]

Oh, God!

Help me!

[LAUGHS] Whoa, yeah.

That kid gets under my skin.

So are you going to that Ice Queen thing tonight?

Yes.

Do you want to go together?

How come you don't have a date?

There's someone I like, but the timing's not right yet.

Who?

It doesn't matter.

So, um, this guy I know you like him or...

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi.

I can't hold it in any longer.

The council had a secret vote.

Guess what?

What?

You're in!

[LAUGHING, CHEERING AND SCREAMING]

[NATASHA] [GASPS] She's so brave.

[GIBBI] Yeah, she's a dime and a half.

I'm like a deer in boob lights right now.

I'm just saying, she got the badonkadonk!

[LAUGHS] Whoa.

[NATASHA] Let's go say hi, Nathan.

Uh-huh, Nathan.

Yay, Nathan.

[SIGHS]

Whatever you say, baby.

Sisters?

Lets.

Something ain't right.

It is pretty hardcore.

Bobby dies yesterday and she's out tonight in a red dress.

Hi.

I got a plan.

To do what?

To finally uncover them for who they truly are.

OK, what is it?

Look, either you're in or you're out.

[ALEX] Where'd you get this?

Bustyourbabysitter.com.

Seriously.

I need you to plant that in the shower upstairs, OK?

Oh, right.

It's not like that.

Girls gone wild.

[LUKE] Look, Lilly and Constance aren't normal, Alex.

Photos equal proof.

Forget it, I'll do it myself.

Hey.

I said I was in, I'm in.

All right.

Meet you in the dorm room, OK.

[CRACKLING OF DOOR]

[HOUSE MOTHER] Girls?

Who's out there?

Mhm.

[EXHALES LOUDLY]

Damn, baby girl, where you taking me?

Some place romantic.

[LAUGHS] Fo' shizzle!

Whoa, you in trouble, girl.

Mhm, nom, nom, nom.

OK, open.

[ANIMALS WAILING IN BACKGROUND]

You sick, you know that, Natasha?

And I like it.

Come here, girl.

Give me some sugar now.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING] Oh girl.

Come on in here, Nathan.

I love it when you call me that, girl.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING] Tender love to you.

Oh, yeah.

Dang!

Ooh, I like what you've done with this place.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING] I don't know what was wrong with you,

so you don't want nobody loving you.

[SINGING] Loving you.

[SINGING] I'll buy you ice.

Baby, you know...

What do you dream about?

[GROANS AND CHUCKLES]

[SPEAKING SPANISH] Papi like.

Oh-oh, you just bought yourself a shirt.

Proceed, baby.

Ooh.

[ROARS]

OK.

Can you, uh... all right.

Perfect.

We are good to go.

Casa du Roger.

Come on, they're gonna be alone, unguarded.

She's sure to pop, and we're gonna be right down the hall.

Let's get back.

[SIGHS] Yes.

[GIBBI] Whoa!

Ooh, how you doing?

You've reached Gibbi.

I can't come to the phone right now 'cause

I'm all up in the business.

Well, come on, girl, come on.

You do me right, I'll buy you a house, baby.

I'll buy you a house with a big-ass bathroom in it.

And you can have all sorts of perfumes and they can all...

[GROANS, MOANS AND CHUCKLES]

Oh, girl, you're some kind of freak, you know that?

Oh, what the hell?

[GROANING AND SCREAMING]

What's happening?

Somebody help me!

Help me!

[SCREAMING]

Cold.

[GROANS]

He's tanked.

[WOMAN] Good luck, sister.

Oh, yeah, those other girls don't stand a chance.

Baby, come on.

I'll have a Vodka, chilled.

Make it a triple.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about!

[LAUGHS] Oh, my... that's what I'm talking about!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I'm a marshmallow!

I am a marshmallow.

I'm a cookie!

, Hey hey.

You've got a long night ahead of you, all right?

Remember that.

You're right.

You're right, man.

Smarten up.

[ROGER] Tonight's the night, man.

- Yeah. - Luke?

Yeah.

Come here.

I love you, man.

DJ: Ah right, listen up, everybody.

It is showtime!

And now, presenting this year's Ice Queen, a woman who

could cause a global meltdown...

Miss Lilly Vincent!

[LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Hi.

I'd like to dedicate this crown and this entire night

to a guy who stole my heart and took it with him

to heaven, Bobby Johnson.

We miss you.

[CLAPPING]

Could I had a moment of silence?

Um, pretty please?

[LAUGHS] Sweetie?

Mm-hmm.

You are no good to me like this.

Save your energy, OK?

See you tomorrow night.

Thank you.

Bobby, I know you're up there somewhere.

This is for you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, big fella.

What, what, what?

Come here.

Hi, Alex.

Hey.

Hey.

[GROANS]

Hey, I brought you a balloon.

It's pretty, like my kitty.

Don't even go there.

Roger's out of commission.

I'm going in.

Just make sure everything is ready.

Luke.

Alex, I know what I'm doing.

Just be there.

You smell like chicken.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I like what you said about Bobby.

That was, uh... that was nice.

Thanks.

[CHUCKLES]

So where'd you cousin go?

I'm not her keeper.

Wanna get outta here?

Sure.

Good.

I lost him.

That string of three stars, that's the belt of Orion.

What do you know about him?

Nothing.

He's the night sky's grandest figure.

He's the warrior, a hunter of prey.

Most people think of him as aggressive,

but I think he's misunderstood.

It must be tough, getting a bad rap for 1,000 years.

Have you ever felt isolated, like you just don't fit in?

Well, imagine getting dropped off here

and not knowing a single soul except your cousin

who secretly resents anything good that happens to you.

It's unreal.

I actually feel guilty when I'm happy and she's not.

That sucks.

[LILLY] Yeah.

And she's the one with the boyfriend.

I'm all alone.

No, you're not.

[MUSIC - ROBERT WILSON, THINK THAT YOU'RE THE ONE]

[SINGING] I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know what's the matter with me.

You've been the kindest girl.

You've being the kindest one I've even known,

but I've still got cold, cold feet.

And you think that you're one.

You couldn't be more wrong.

You think you're the one for me.

Am I just taking advantage of you?

You know that's not right.

Send a hand in a treacherous town.

Luke, what are you doing?

[MUSIC - ROBERT WILSON, THINK THAT YOU'RE THE ONE]

[SINGING] Got me here tonight.

You were all alone.

You were all alone and the beginning it felt right.

I don't know what I'm gonna do about it.

And I don't know what there is left to say.

Thanks very much.

This is goodbye.

Please feed the cat.

See you Monday.

I love fresh air.

So do I. Here, come on.

[CHUCKLES]

We're in business.

This is so beautiful.

So are you.

[MUSIC - ROBERT WILSON, THINK THAT YOU'RE THE ONE]

[SINGING]... got me here tonight.

You were all the alone.

You were all alone.

At the beginning it felt...

[MOANING]

Holy shit!

[SQUAWKS]

[ALEX] Luke.

Hey, did you see her?

See what?

The computer.

I don't know what happened, but the computer

- totally freaked out. - Let me see.

She saw the camera and...

[ALEX] I know.

[SIGHS] It's Loch Ness Monster at best.

You... you see anything?

Mhm-mhm.

[BREATHING HEAVILY] Dammit.

What about the shower cam?

Hey, punch that up.

Um.

See, look at that.

There, did you see that?

Right there.

That mark in her chest?

I mean, they're everywhere.

They've come to the Earth to kill us all.

These women have the right to live their lives

without some pervert putting cameras

in their freaking showers.

There are laws protecting privacy, son,

and I'm pretty sure you've broken

the backs of all of them.

I needed proof!

Proof?

You need proof?

All this proves to me is that you're demented.

And don't you think that you've fallen off my murder

suspect list, pal.

This incident has just given you a promotion

to the top of the heap.

Kirk, you called?

Get him out of my sight.

Move it!

You gonna walk me all the way home?

Luke, listen.

No, look, you listen.

Things have been totally whacked out lately.

But I know one thing is true.

You cut me loose without even saying goodbye.

Say something.

I don't believe you're a murderer.

Is that enough?

Not even close.

It's so cold, my ass is frozen shut.

Are you sure you don't want my jacket?

I'm sure.

[CHUCKLES]

[MAN] Oh, baby, what's up?

- Oh. - Lick?

[MAN] Come on.

It's Chunky Monkey.

No, thanks.

I probably won't be able to keep it down anyway.

Suit yourself.

[ROGER] Hey, uh, I'm sorry I passed out on you last night.

Well, everything did kind of go limp for me after that.

What a crazy coincidence.

[LAUGHTER]

I must say, though, the evening

wasn't the same without you.

Mhm.

But I made the best of it.

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHS]

This is my stop.

Yeah.

Um, so, uh, I'll meet you after the Bio final.

The countdown's begin.

[MOANS] Bye.

Bye.

[CHUCKLES]

Where the hell is everybody?

[GIBBI ON PHONE] How you doing? You've reached Gibbi.

I can't come to the phone right 'cause

I'm all up in some business.

What's happening?

It was right in front of me the whole time.

What was?

They love the cold, right?

And that heat is their weakness.

I mean, those candles totally freaked out Lilly.

She went ballistic and she started to change.

You heard it at least, right?

Honestly, I didn't.

Of course not.

Why would you?

I'm sorry, it was dark in the monitor.

I was disoriented.

I'm trying, Luke!

Yeah, welcome to my life.

I'm a punch line at the alien roundtable.

Hey, buddy.

Oh, thanks for the campfire last night.

Lilly really digs her new third-degree burns.

Hey, what are you doing, man?

That's my shit.

I'm looking for something.

Anything!

She must have shed or something.

You know, she has scales and a black liquid?

[ROGER] Hey, knock it off.

Luke, knock it off, man.

What gives you the right to do this?

Come on.

I'm solo on this witch-hunt and nothing

is gonna stand in my way!

[ROGER] Oh, come on.

Hey, over the line, bucko.

You touched my porn.

Luke, calm down.

Will you look at yourself, man?

Last week, it was all about, uh, a PS2 and doing bong hits.

This week, cameras, man, conspiracies

and ass-kicking aliens from Hooter planet.

I got one word for you, dude, issues, OK.

Do me a favour, Luke.

Why don't you go out, find someone 10 years older

than you, maximum, go and get laid.

Screw you.

Nice.

[GROANS]

I have a confession to make.

Mhm.

I already know you're a virgin, baby.

No, it's not...

[CHUCKLES] it's not that.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Look, um, I really like you.

You're... you're smart, um, focused,

not to mention incredibly fine.

You are not so bad yourself.

But honesty... honesty is the foundation

on which every successful relationship is built, right?

Did you have a lot of sisters growing up or something?

[CHUCKLES] It's just that I don't want to hide

anything from each other, especially

if we're going to be intimate.

OK.

OK?

OK.

It's just that Luke thinks that you're a killer.

[LAUGHS] A killer babe?

A killer alien from outer space.

[LAUGHS] What?

He thinks that you and Lilly have already toasted

a bunch of guys and that you're part of some hottie invasion

force from hell or something.

I know, I know.

Look, it sounds super stupid, believe me.

It's just that I wanted to...

I wanna clear the air between us before we make love.

No secrets, OK?

Full disclosure.

I wasn't supposed to have feelings about this.

About what?

About you.

I've never met anyone like you, Roger.

You say it like it's a bad thing.

It is.

Because everything you said about Lilly and I, it's true.

Wait a minute.

You gotta be kidding me.

You're a serial killer from outer space?

Look, I knew that I couldn't go through with it.

Not with you, Roger.

I mean, the others, they were one step away from date rape.

And Bobby, I mean, who was going to miss him?

His parents?

He beat his last girlfriend within an inch of her life.

Still.

We're not murderers!

[SIGHS] My sisters and I have come here out of desperation.

We needed a new frozen planet with an abundant supply of

male DNA to save our species.

OK.

But why? Why us?

Why here?

Why St. John's College?

[CONSTANCE] We found this college on your wireless internet,

and we were particularly attracted to this.

[ROGER] Icequeen. ca, huh?

Our scout came here two years ago to prepare,

and she confirmed what your website advertised...

ice-cold hormones.

What was left of our female race started

to arrive six weeks ago.

In Canada.

People are awfully nice.

Yeah, except your victims.

Getting the incubation temperature just right

has been a little bit tricky.

The truth is if you and I were to make love tonight,

you would almost certainly die.

Sure takes the edge off getting laid.

We are getting closer with each host.

I mean, we're adapting.

I must be the first breeder.

What if... what if I'm like the first guy it works on?

I could be like, um, alien dad or something.

[LAUGHS]

That'd be kinda cool.

Although it would be the highest honour

imaginable to be the first one to spawn,

I will not take that chance with you.

Let's wait.

[GROANS]

That should hold them.

Oh, I'm just an innocent sorority girl

trying to get a B in physics.

Well, that's crap and you know it.

OK, Lilly, you're gonna spill now.

Luke, you're scaring me.

[KETTLE WHISTLING]

Oh, you hear that?

That's the sound of good old H2O reaching a cruising altitude

of 212 degrees Fahrenheit.

Kinda gets under your skin, doesn't it?

Please don't do this.

Can I, um...

can I see it?

What?

Your... your... your...

your... [ROARS]

[LAUGHTER]

Uh, no.

I don't think it's a good idea.

It's all about trust, right?

Where is your belly button?

[CHUCKLES] Give me your hand.

Next time, I'm gonna supersize my fire.

[GROANS]

It's OK.

Hey, hey, I'm gonna start with a simple question, OK.

What do you and the intergalactic bikini team

want, world domination, one dick at a time?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Please let me go.

Please.

How do you like your alien, Luke?

Medium rare, thanks.

What the hell is ongoing on down here?

[GROANS] I know who you are, and I know what you're doing!

And you will never get away with this!

You're the one with the reputation, pal.

Meltdown man.

No.

Peeping Tom from around the way.

No.

We are just trying to have some good clean fun.

Right, sister?

[LILLY] That's right, Vikki.

[BREATHES DEEPLY] Where are the rest of you?

Where's Constance?

She's with Roger.

Duh!

Oh, shit!

Are you sure that you're ready for this?

Definitely.

[GROANING AND MOANING]

Whoa, it's getting cold in there.

But it's kinda nice.

Come to Papa.

That was something.

[COUGHS]

You were unbelievable.

I'm finally in the club, huh?

[COUGHS] It's a very unique club.

We're in the club.

How long until...

Three days.

[DOOR OPENS]

Back off, bitch!

Luke.

Back off!

Luke, it's cool, buddy.

Hey. Hey, come on.

Everybody's happy when they're getting laid, man.

[GROANS]

What did you do to him?

Nothing.

Look, we made love.

I really think that everything is gonna be OK this time.

Bullshit!

Rog, you OK?

[COUGHING AGGRESSIVELY]

- Rog. - Oh, no.

Oh, God. [LUKE] Rog.

No, no.

No, Rog.

No!

Don't even think about it.

OK, buddy, hold on.

You're gonna be OK.

Holy shit, this hurts.

Hey, Luke, do you have that thing that I was...

Alex, call 911.

Call 911!

I am so sorry.

I'm sorry!

What the?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I love him.

I love him.

Why don't you suck on this?

[SCREAMS]

Get outta the way!

We're almost there, buddy.

What you done this time, Callahan?

OK, hang on.

Stay with us, OK.

Stay with us.

OK.

Family members only, kid.

I am his family.

Oh God, my legs are cold.

OK.

Ah, here.

All right, how's that?

OK, just breathe, bro.

Just breathe.

Sirens, that's cool.

Just like in the movies, huh?

[LAUGHS]

It'll be all right, man.

It'll be all right.

Pumping and humping, huh, man?

Right.

I love you, Rog.

I believe you, man.

[MUSIC - FISHER, I WILL LOVE YOU]

[SINGING] Till my body is dust.

[MACHINE FLAT LINING]

No, Rog.

He's in V-tach!

We gotta move!

[LUKE] Roger, please stay with me!

Please don't... don't leave me.

Stay!

Clear!

Fuck!

Please don't go!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING] Til the sun starts to cry and the moon turns to rust,

I will love you, love you.

But I need to know will you stay for all time,

forever and a day?

Then I'll give my heart till the end of all time.

Forever and a day.

Hey.

He's gone.

Did you wanna be alone?

I am alone.

Yo, Gibbi, it's Luke.

Where the hell are you, man?

Look, some serious shit has gone down, OK.

I've gotta talk to you as soon as possible.

Call me back on me cell.

[SIGHS]

Gibbi's, um... he's dead.

What?

I'm sorry.

[LUKE] Let me take a wild-ass guess.

Frozen?

Yeah.

They clawed their way out of Roger, Amanda,

out of his freaking throat.

They're spreading like a god damn sickness.

I wanna help.

Well, it's better late than never.

Thank you, Melody.

This is off the hook.

VIKKI: We have come from great distances,

and have met challenges that have tested each of us.

But tonight is a night of rebirth, of the promise

of a new tomorrow.

A holiday feast we will always treasure with our new friends

from foreign lands.

Raise your glasses, everyone.

- Merry Christmas. - Cheers.

Merry Christmas.

Cheers.

Entertainment. Yay!

[CLAPS]

You!

Luke.

He's alone.

Baby got back-up.

[GASPS]

That's it, ladies.

Show me your navels!

When I am done with you, there won't

be anything let to cry about.

[SCREAMS] Are you out of your fucking mind?

[CRYING]

Oh, shit!

Natasha, this is for Gibbi!

[SCREAMING AND GROANING]

No.

Luke.

Belt of Orion, huh?

Uh-huh.

I was telling you the truth.

I was.

Please don't do this, Luke.

How's about the Belt of O'Fryin!

No!

[SCREAMING AND GROANING]

Whoa.

Got it.

[SOBBING] Don't shoot.

I'm from Rosedale.

Roger says hello!

Not good.

Don't shoot.

She's mine!

[POLICE AND EMT CHATTER]

[MAN] Somebody talk to the neighbours right away.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

We did it.

We saw it, you saw it.

They're real.

Yeah, real dead.

[ALEX] Luke!

Thank you.

Alex!

Oh, my god, Luke, are you OK?

Now I am.

You never gave up on me.

Never.

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SPEAKS, AIR PLANE SONGS]

[SINGING] When I saw my reflection in her eyes,

that's when I knew it was time.

Yeah.

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SPEAKS, AIR PLANE SONG]

[SINGING] I leaned over and kissed her cheek and softly

said goodbye.

Against the glass I heaved a sigh,

followed the fading it's light.

Watched the plane...

What the...

[CLEARS THROAT] what the hell happened here, Callahan?

Why don't you ask them.

Tell us what you saw.

There were these reptilian alien women everywhere.

And then... at first, they... they were hot.

Then... then... then they were not.

And they showed their vicious claws

and attacked in the steam, man!

[GROWLING]

REPORTER: You heard it here first.

I'm Kelly Knoxville for WMAT, Action News.

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SPEAKS, AIR PLANE SONG]

[SINGING] Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh, why, oh, why?

With miles between us...

[CLEARS THROAT]

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SPEAKS, AIR PLANE SONG]

[SINGING] How could love have seen us

and given us this chance?

And I hear it whisper, could you not have

kissed her and showed her you're a man Who

wants nothing more in life...

All this time, and I never noticed.

Sometimes your destiny can be so close,

it's practically impossible.

Your eyes are so beautiful.

It's because they're looking at you.

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SPEAKS, AIR PLANE SONG]

[SINGING] Who couldn't even tell her as she

begged me with those eyes.

Give her a reason not to fly.

And it haunts me on the highway, heading back to my place.

Why oh, why, oh why, oh, why oh why?

What the hell is going on?

Alex!

You're early.

Oh, God.

[SCREAMING] No!

[MUSIC - MATT HASTINGS, SILENT NIGHT]

[SINGING] Holy night.

All is kind, all is bright.

Round yon virgin oh, mother...

mother and child.

Holy infant so tender...

tender and mild.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Sleep in heavenly peace, yeah.

Talking about silent night.

La, la, la.

[MUSIC - BOOTS RILEY, UNTIL FOREVER'S GONE]

[SINGING] Love comes crashing in,

lose you in then feed again.

If only I can make you see.

Stumble out of innocence, walls come down

and you pretend with every smile you send to me.

'Cause every time you fall, I'll wrap you in my arms.

The wonder of it all is I'll be around.

Someday, someway until the last forever is gone.

I'll still be holding on.

Somehow, right now, they say that I should move along.

But I'll still be holding on until forever's gone.

Until forever is gone.

Wait at night like a firefly.

You're the flame burning up my mind, so when will

you and I become we?

Run around town, will you ever know

you decide how the story goes, and how I hope it ends with me.

'Cause every time you follow, I'll wrap you in my arms.

When reaching out for you is all I can do.

Someday, someway until the last forever is gone.

I'll still be holding on.

Somehow, right now, they say that I should move along.

But I'll still be holding on.

Someday, someway, until the last forever is gone.

I'll still be holding on.

Somehow, right now, they say that I should move along.

But I'll still be holding on until forever is gone.