All language subtitles for Big.Fat.Quiz.Of.The.Year.2019.HDTV.x264-LiNKLE

This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.

Hello and welcome to The Big Fat
Quiz of 2019.

The number one way to not have to
talk to your family

for two hours. You're welcome.

We're the biggest Christmas quiz
since Joseph said to Mary,

"What do you mean, 'God got
you pregnant'?"

Let's meet our teams.

It's beauty and the beast,

it looks like we're doing a
live-action remake of Shrek.

It's Dara O'Briain and Maya Jama!

Sorry.

I apologise for the beauty and the
beast thing,

I think Maya's actually not bad
looking.

Next up, one of them sits around all
day just doing nothing.

The other is sitcom star
Asim Chaudhry.

It's Roisin Conaty and Asim
Chaudhry!

And, finally, it almost doesn't seem
possible

but these two are both weirder
than each other.

One is a geek, the other has a beak.

It's Richard Ayoade and Noel
Fielding!

Have you worked out pub quiz team
names?

Yeah. OK. Sure.

What? Yeah.

Let's go with
"The Mayajamadararama".

What? Is that what we're doing?
That's what we're doing, yeah.

Mayajamadararama?
The Mayajamadararama.

It sounds amazing.
It does sound good, doesn't it?

It sounds like a band from the late
'60s that I would like.

You invited The Mayajamadararama.

I can extend it.

The Mayajamarama-bamalamadingdong.

I think that'd be too much.
That's a hat on a hat.

I don't want to overkill this.
Mayajamadararama.

Roisin? Asim? What you think?
What's the name?

OK, so, it's...

I'm very proud of this one,
actually.

Quiz Hurley and Huge Grant.

Come on!

Come on, guys!
It's Christmas!

Boys? Richard? Noel?

Diminishing Returns.

Yeah, that seems...

That seems apposite.
Thank you.

Are you going to be taking this
seriously at all this year?

Because, I seem to remember, last
year you were just terrible.

What do you mean?

Why do you have us back?
I never know why.

Well, because one of these years
it's going to pay out.

I feel sure.
Really?

What on earth gives you that idea?

OK. One of the biggest mobile trends
of the year was FaceApp,

which showed us how we'd all
look when we were older.

So, Dara, here's you when you're
older.

Do I own a ship and make fish
fingers?

Roisin, I can only apologise for
what we've done to you.

Oh, my God.

It's not good.

I'm in the same dress, you dickhead!

What's good is it shows that you've
really taken care of that top.

Has anyone here ever wondered what
Noel Fielding's nana

might look like?

Because here's a clue.

Oh, God.

It turns out she knew about the
crimes the whole time.

OK. Right, let's get on with the
show!

Our first round is all about
the year's top stories.

2019 is a year that's sure to go
down in history.

They all do. That's how history
works.

Extinction Rebellion dominated
the headlines.

It's incredibly important we stop
polar ice caps from melting

because, if they disappear,

where am I going to go to hunt
polar bears?

There was ANOTHER election
in December.

As a nation, over the last four
years,

we've had more elections than hot
dinners.

Although, to be fair, with
austerity,

that's not that many.

It was announced Prince Andrew will
be stepping down

from royal duties to spend more time
with his daughters,

instead of other people's daughters.

Right, let's get started. Here are
some questions for you.

Take a look at this clip.

All I want to know is, why are these
priests attending mass

wearing hard hats?

I can tell you it is not Bob the
Builder's funeral.

Oh, next up, we've got a question
from heart-throb Luke Evans.

Hello, Jimmy.

Any actor will tell you that the
most important thing on set

is the catering,

and that goes for any workplace.

But, during the US government
shutdown in January,

Donald Trump had trouble catering

for the Clemson University
football team,

who came to visit him.

Can you remember what he served?

OK, so, what did Trump serve a
football team

visiting the White House?

Are you gelling as a team, Roisin?

Er, yeah, I'd say so.
Yeah.

I think I'm going to steal his
jumper. Yeah.

What? Rather than wear that dress
again?

It wouldn't be The Big Fat Quiz Of
The Year

if we didn't have an appearance
from the children

of Mitchell Brook Primary School
performing

one of their unconventional school
plays. Take a little look.

Ooh!

Order!

I'm bored, everyone out.

That's not fair!

I don't care. I'm in charge.

What happened now?

The court can decide.

We think it's legal.

We think it's illegal.

I made my mind up.

We must open again.

Back to work!

Oh, no!

Yay!

Pretty adorable and, genuinely,
they could do a better job

than the people in charge.
Couldn't they?

OK, so, here's the question.

That was Boris Johnson being told by
Lady Hale

that his suspension of parliament
was unlawful.

Earlier this year, Boris Johnson
reassured the nation that Brexit

won't affect the things we love.

All I want you to do is fill in the
blanks

in this Boris Johnson statement.

Just fill in the blanks.

Next, all I want to know is, why did
a restaurant

get the following reviews online?

What?

I've realised that the Prince
Andrew thing

is basically a very posh version of
Shaggy's It Wasn't Me.

# Saw you dripping on the
dance floor

# I cannot sweat...

It wasn't sweat, it was grease
from the garlic dough balls.

The sweat's gone inside.

Where's the sweat coming out from?
I was...

How does he cool down? With his
tongue?

I was shot at during the war
and I cannot sweat.

But you still have to get rid
of excess body heat.

He doesn't.

# It wasn't me. #

Maybe he plans a sweat.

He just can't. He can't.

He had a traumatic experience
and he can't sweat...

..for a while. Now he's back to
sweating again.

Yeah.

For a dozen brutal years, he had to
ejaculate sweat.

That's the only way it will come
out.

I am so confused.

Can he actually not sweat?

He basically said, "I can't sweat
because I'm a war hero."

Which in terms of excuses is up
there with,

"Oh, sorry I'm late. I'm in the
SS."

Really? I mean, if we have not given
away this one,

I don't know if we're ever going to
give one away.

You've still got to write down
answers.

What's the question?
What restaurant they were in.

The question was, why did the
restaurant get those reviews?

And then we all just start talking
about it as if it's not a quiz...

..and I've fully lost control.

OK. In October, Extinction,
Rebellion protesters

hit the streets of London.

Here they are demonstrating outside
the Treasury back in October.

Those Extinction Rebellion!

The protesters hit the headlines
all over the world.

All I want you to do is draw the
Extinction Rebellion symbol.

I've got placards behind you.

You've got marker pens.

So, you've just got a draw the
Extinction Rebellion symbol.

What, from memory?

What do you mean, "From memory"?

What? Yeah. Yes, Rois.

You've got to draw their symbol from
your memory.

All right, you've all got...

Right, let's go through all the
answers. OK.

I showed you some priests attending
mass wearing hard hats.

What was going on?

We wrote, "God hates Notre Dame."

No, wait. I don't agree with that.
God loves everyone.

BUT I think...

Everyone except the hunchback.
Hates them.

Hates them.

OK, Roisin, Asim?

We just put Notre Dame.

That's it.

I mean, first question of the quiz,

I thought I'd take it seriously,
you know?

Did you get this, Richard, Noel?

What do you think?
Probably not.

What did you write?
Auditioning for Devo.

You thought... Wait, let's go back
to the priests.

And you thought they were
auditioning for Devo?

Yeah. Who our audience don't know.

Who are Devo? What's Devo's big
song?

What's Devo's big song?!

Yes. What am I, Spotify?

OK, so, points, points, no points.

OK, Luke Evans asked you what Donald
Trump served

a university football team when they
visited the White House.

Roisin? What have you written?

McDonald's and lies.

Satire!

Satire!

I like that. That should be their
name.

McDonald's and Lies.

Dara? Maya? What did you get?

We just said straight fast food.

Straight fast food.

Well, that is closer to the truth.

Richard? Noel?

He said human flesh.

You think he served them human
flesh?

And then we said satsumas.

And also dips.

And then dips.

He had some athletes that had won
a competition

come into the White House.

He served them 300 McDonald's
burgers, Burger King burgers,

Wendy's burgers.

Abraham Lincoln cannot bear
to look at him.

Points, points, no points.
Aw!

That's going to be the theme
of the evening.

Here we go.

OK. You saw the children of
Mitchel. Brook Primary School

acting out Boris Johnson's unlawful
suspension of parliament.

I wanted you to fill in the blanks
on Boris reassuring us.

Now, what did you get? Was the full
sentence, Dara?

We went for, "This country will be
amply provided for,

not only with Calpol, not only with
drinking water,

but also with European shit
we might miss."

OK, Rois, Asim?

I just wrote, "Suspending
parliament."

What? W-What have you done?

In the little box, that says, "Ample
cream."

"Not only with ample cream."

And, also, someone's written,
"Mermaid?"

That? No, "Memories."

Memories.

Memories, Jimmy.

Memories, not mermaids.

"This country will be amply
provided,

"not only with memories..."

No, "ample cream."

"..ample cream, not only with
drinking water,

"but also with memories."
"Memories."

Brine... Brine. ..and bat spray.

It was, "This country will be amply
provided for..."

Like I said, "European shit we will
miss.

No points, no points, no points.

OK. I asked you if you knew
why restaurant

got a rush of reviews in November.

What did you all put?

Prince Andrew visited there.
You got Prince Andrew.

Prince Andrew as well.
You got Prince Andrew.

Wait, hang on, Richard and Noel got
one right.

Is that... Can we double-check
the answer?

You were right. OK, points,
points, points.

OK. I just don't like Pizza Express
being brought into all this.

That's what I don't like.

I want a Pizza Express from Woking.

Have we mentioned pizza too much.
Do we need a Pizza Express?

Dara, did you want pizza?
Yeah, if there's a chance of it?

I'll have a latte.

LAUGHTER

Latte? Caramel latte.

I'll have a tequila pineapple.

Tequila pineapple?

Yeah, it's actually my favourite
drink in the world.

It's a good drink.
Can I get an Irish coffee, then?

Yeah, OK, so, Irish coffee...

Irish coffee, extra sweat.

Extra sweat?

OK, so, Irish coffee...

Are we just ordered anything now?

We live in tele.

I'd like to get an Old Fashioned
but mixed by Don Draper.

OK. I asked you to draw the
Extinction Rebellion symbol.

What have you got?

So, I didn't actually know what it
was, so I just thought,

"Stop it now."

And then... some flags.

Dara, what have you got?

I started writing "ER", and then I
got this huge wave of pro-queen...

I don't know where it came from, for
me, an Irishman.

So I drew a picture of the queen and
the crown,

and it may look like a stamp.

That's very nice of you, Dara.

I think mine's right, and it's from
memory.

From what, sorry?
Memory.

IMITATING ROISIN: From memory.

JIMMY CARR!

You just said it in such a
weird way.

Memory.

And then you did it again!

Memory. So, hang on. Why is there a
tree and a cat?

Because they're going to be the
things that benefit.

Trees. You like trees?
AUDIENCE: Yeah.

You like cats?
Yeah.

There you go.

That's how you market this.

What does it say?

"From my memory."

What have you done there, Asim?

Everything looks better with a
beard, apparently, so...

Yeah, OK. Noel Fielding, I notice
yours isn't...

I've got one.
Yeah, sure.

That's my first attempt.

And then I thought I'd make an art
statement.

How did you do that?

I stole some gaffer off the floor
and I had a banana on me.

Richard Ayoade? Yeah, that's
correct.

That's correct. That is the correct
symbol.

This is the way they draw it.

OK. No points, points, points.

OK. So, at the end of that round,
let's take a look at the scores.

With two points, it's Richard and
Noel.

Dara and Maya have three.

In the lead, Roisin and Asim with
four points!

We'll be back in a minute to answer
more of the biggest questions of
the year.

Like, how do the people from
Extinction Rebellion

get to the protest? See you in five.

Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.

Our next round is all about
the music of 2019.

It's been an incredible year
for singer songwriter Lewis Capaldi.

He conquered the UK charts, the US
charts and embarked on a sold out

tour, making him the country's most
successful ever Cabbage Patch Doll.

Kylie's appearance was the
most-watched Glastonbury
performance ever.

3.2 million people tuned in
to see Kylie's legends slot.

Not me. I tuned in for the music.

LAUGHTER

Jesus Christ!

APPLAUSE

The Jonas Brothers got back together
this year,

which I guess means the Jonas
Brothers split up.

The Spice Girls went back
on tour this year.

Things have changed. I used to
really fancy the Spice Girls,

but these days I have trouble
deciding what order

I wouldn't want to have sex
with them in.

I actually think they all look
really good!

Yeah. Well, they do,

but the joke still gets a laugh,
so...

Right, let's have some questions.

Kanye had a great 2019.

Dropped a gospel album called
Jesus Is King,

announced his first ever opera,
Nebuchadnezzar,

and claimed to be considering
changing his name, but to what?

Brian?

Just for a quiet day.

TEAMS CONFER

For our next question, it's over to
the Channel 4 newsroom,

and the one and only Jon Snow.

He's reporting on one of the biggest
songs of the year,

but can you guess which one it is?

Take it away, Jon.

A major drinks manufacturer
has issued a recall

on all its products after witnesses
reported a number of customers

were getting loose after
consumption.

The non-alcoholic beverage is said
to be making people feel

like they are shiny and drippin'
with so much sauce,

with witness reports stating
that those who have consumed

the liquid have quickly
become incoherent, repeating,

"Ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee,"
over and over.

When questioned by reporters,
the chief executive of the company

claimed, "It ain't my fault
that I'm out here making news,"

and that she was "not the baddest
bitch involved."

The beverage is soon to be analysed
by scientists after experts

have speculated that a possible
contamination could be traced back

to the goose.

More information as we have it.

Back to you, Jimmy.

LAUGHTER

Oh. Sorry, Maya,
you're asking Dara? OK.

No, no...
LAUGHTER

That feels like it doesn't bode
well for this answer. I had to...

I know it.

Yeah, sure.

It's quite a hard game, this,
because it's not just like what

you think. It's how much space you
have. Yeah, we can't delete
or anything.

It's space management, largely.

And the pen is actually very large.

Too much girth on the pen.

There's too much girth
on the pen?!

Well, for the size we've got,
the pen's too girthy.

It's very girthy. Girthy!

OK.

Next, from The Rise of Skywalker,
it's Naomi Ackie.

Hi, Jimmy.

One of my favourite things
about Star Wars is that everyone

has their own unique style of
communicating, from droids to Jawas.

American rapper Cardi B also
has her very own style,

and this year attempted to trademark
her signature catchphrase.

Can you tell me what it is?

So what catchphrase did Cardi B
attempt to trademark this year?

I feel like you've got to do the
hand gestures to get in the spirit
of Cardi.

Like, reow-ih-oo, ih-oo...

It's gonna be one of those.

Yeah, that's what I do all the time.

Get in the spirit of Cardi.

I'm in the Cardi spirit now!

That sounded like a porno sort
of guitar music.

Ee-ow!

Oow. Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra.

That's what she does.

Why is this artist so popular?!

You all got something?

We got something.

Billie Eilish topped the charts
with her hit song Bad Guy.

In the song, what does she say
she'll do to your mama,

your girlfriend and your dad?
Point for each.

I'll take your mum to the movies
and your sister to the streets...

I didn't know you couldn't sing!

The last one was the dad.

The dad, yes. She's going to do
something to your dad.

Refuse to pay back a loan.

JIMMY SIGHS

OK, all right.

Last for this round, it's over to
music mogul Louis Walsh.

Hi, Jimmy.

You can tell a lot about a person
by their home.

For instance, Simon Cowell
has a giant sculpture of my face

in his dining room.

But this year, Ed Sheeran got
in trouble with his neighbours

for building something
on his Suffolk estate

that they weren't happy with.

Can you remember what it was?

Louis Walsh.

I presumed he said you can tell a
lot of person by their hole.

Eh, and...

And that is very true.

You all got answers for everything?
Yes.

OK. Here we go.

I asked you if you could remember
what Kanye West was going to
change his name to.

What have you got? "Get Me Off
Twitter", as a new name.

Then, what was your one? Christian?

Well, it looks like Christian
McGonigal, which I think

is far better than his actual
suggestion.

"I shall be known
as Christian McGonigal now!"

I shall only sing the sea shanties
of Scotland.

He's like Christian Billionaire
or something.

Christian Billion... Billionaire.

He's had a hard year, so he went
through many different stages.

I hated him then I liked him.

Then I felt really sorry for him.

And now I'm just a bit like,
come on, Kanye.

Now he's Christian McGonigle!

You've gone with Christian
Billionaire. Billionaire, yeah.

I can give you that.
It's Christian Genius Billionaire.

Oh, wow. What did you get, Roisin?

Pete Feet.

LAUGHTER

Basically what we thought was, you
know when you have a fashion range

but then you bring out a cheap
version that you put in Debenhams?

Instead of Yeezy, he just brings out
little trainers called Pete Feet.

You got the new Pete Feet?
Bangin', mate.

Richard, Noel, did you get it?

Richard, what's been written?

Prince Andrew.

Prince "No Sweat" Andrew.

But also, Christian Billionaire
Kanye West.

Point, point, no point. OK.

You saw Jon Snow reporting on one
of the biggest songs of the year.

Did you get what it was?

Maya, again, your area of expertise.

Yeah. So I've gone with
Lizzo, Juice.

Aw. Damn it.

Asim, what have you gone for?

Well... Fleetwood Mac.

LAUGHTER

Richard, Noel?

Brine, by Prince Andrew
and the Sweats.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Well, let's go back to Jon Snow
to see what the answer was.

# It ain't my fault that I'm out
here gettin' loose

# Gotta blame it on the Goose

# Gotta blame it on my juice, baby

# It ain't my fault that I'm out
here makin' news

# I'm the pudding in the proof

# Gotta blame it on my juice

# Ya-ya-ee... #

APPLAUSE

It's like your pissed grandad
at Christmas, isn't it?

Love him. Next up, Naomi Ackie
asked you

if you remembered what catchphrase
Cardi B was trying to trademark.

Roisin, Asim?

"Two for a pound."

LAUGHTER

IN EAST END ACCENT: Two for a pahnd!

Again, another very good team
name, that. Yeah.

Richard, Noel, what did you put?

"Nice to see you to see you..."

LAUGHTER

"..to see you nice."

You thought Cardi B tried
to catch...

She is sneaky.

That man's dead.

As soon as that man dropped,
she tried to copyright that.

She says she's never heard
him say it!

And also, she tried to copyright

"Better out than in."

Which is my catchphrase.

I do know the real answer.

OK, what's the real answer?

NOEL: Mem-or-y!

LAUGHTER

Roisin's going to be using
her "memory".

It was, erm... "Okurrr".

Okurrr. Yeah.

Oku... That's exactly right, yeah.

Nothing comes out!

If we invent a noise now,
here, as a team... Yeah.

We could get a trademark.

We could copyright "Mem-or-y".

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, points, points, no points.

Jimmy, Jimmy, why do we get
no points?!

Please, Jimmy, it's crazy!

No points!

I asked you if you knew what
Billie Eilish was going to do

to respectively, your mum,
your girlfriend

and your dad.

Richard and Noel, let's go straight
to you.

Wait, who's the first one?

It's your mum.

Get overly close.

Which you shouldn't do.

Girlfriend? Girlfriend...

Be passive aggressive.

The third one?
The third one was dad.

Wipe him down.

No, no and no.

Asim, what have you got?

First one, prank call.

Prank call mum. Yeah.

Fine. OK.

Girlfriend? Headbutt.

Head by a nut.

Nut your mum? No, nut your dad.
What's the second one?

Girlfriend. Girlfriend.
That's weird then.

Quite violent, yeah.

As if that would have been right
if it was in the right order.

I can't read what...

The last one, we've just written
"sex on them".

Do sex on them is right.
She might seduce your dad.

Did you get these, Maya?

Yeah, but... "I'm the mad type..."

Seduce your dad type. Yeah.
Make your...

This is why I got a bit lost.
I didn't know if it was

make your mama mad
and make your girlfriend sad

or make your girlfriend sad
to make your mama mad.

It was the first one.

It was make your mama sad,
make your girlfriend mad tight.

But I'll give you...

APPLAUSE

But presumably if you're gonna
have sex with the dad

you're going to have to
wipe him down after.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

As a courtesy. A courtesy wipe.

It's a courtesy wipe.

Let's take a look at Billie Eilish
in action.

# I'm the bad type

# Make your mama sad type

# Make your girlfriend mad tight

# Might seduce your dad type

# I'm the bad guy

# Duh... #

Three points there,
one point there, no points there.

OK, finally, Louis Walsh asked you
how Ed Sheeran upset his neighbours.

He put a swimming pool into his...

A swimming pool into his estate

or his land or his grounds,
or whatever,

but claimed it was
a wildlife pond.

Well, I think it's very clearly
a wildlife pond, Dara.

Take a look. That's a wildlife pond.
Of course it is.

And if we zoom in on that,
which we can do,

look, there's the diving board
for the wildlife.

OK. Did you get this, Roisin, Asim?

We put down a large bingo hall.

You think he built a bingo hall?

For the village.

OK, Richard, Noel?

Sex dojo.

A sex dojo?! Yeah.

RICHARD: I don't know what a dojo
is. What the hell is a sex dojo?

I don't know! Well, it's a kidney
bean shaped swimming pool.

We also put, erm...

A missile range.

And a key-cutting kiosk.

Points, no points, no points.

OK, time for a bonus round.

This is the part of the show where I
introduce a mystery guest.

All you have to do is guess
who they are and how they made
the news this year.

You can only ask them yes
or no questions.

Ladies and gentlemen,
our mystery guest.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

How are you?

So this is our mystery guest.

You can ask him yes or no questions.

MAYA: Are you a dancer?

No. OK.

How did you get here?

I don't think I can answer that.
Bicycle?

RICHARD: You can't answer?!

No, because it's yes or no
questions.

Are you Maya and Dara's kid?

Maybe.

Maybe. You don't know?

Now Jeremy Kyle's gone, you come
on here for the DNA results.

Are you regretting the decision
to come? Yes.

Have you recently, like, become
famous or been in the public eye?

Yeah, that's... I mean, I said
that in the intro!

The intro? Yes, I said he made
the news this year!

Why'd you think we brought him on?!
Sorry.

We didn't just pluck him out
the audience! Sorry!

You crazy fool. Sorry! It's my...
It's my mem-or-y!

As the only gamer here,
I'd imagine,

I'm totally excited because I know
exactly who you are

and what you did and
it's really good.

The more specific you can be,
the more points I'll give you.

Did you play video games and
win lots of money?

Yes.

What a guess!

Oh, do you play Fortnite?
I just got it!

Why is the reaction not huge?!

You have to write down your answers.
Because that's why.

I just got it!
You got it for everyone.

I know you've got it, but you got it
for everyone, so you kind of...

I'm in shock here.

And you lot could have been more
pleased for me if I'm honest.

I'll go to Dara because Dara's
a gamer, you'll know the full thing.

It was an international
Fortnite tournament.

I think you came second, didn't you,
in the group that you were in

and won more than $1 million
for doing it.

It was pretty sweet
as a thing to do.

OK. So tell us exactly
what happened. Who are you?

So I came on the news in July
this year

for coming second at the Fortnite
World Cup.

And how much money did you win?

$1.125 million.

Woo!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Wow!

I'm not sure how Fortnite
tournaments - pardon my ignorance -

but how did it work?

So you had to qualify in stages
through, like, out of the months

and ten weeks of qualifying and
then if you qualified,

came in top position in one
of the weeks, you got to go

to New York to compete
in the World Cup.

What have you done with the money?
I bought my mum a house.

Aww!

Huge. Huge!

That's the dream.

That is the dream.

That's the coolest thing
I've ever heard.

But how is it in school? Is
everyone not really jealous of you,

because being a Fortnite champion
now is basically

like being David Beckham
back in the day.

So I tried to, like, not brag at it
too much, like.

If you're trying not to brag it
too much,

it's probably a good idea
not to appear on TV shows.

A bunch of people think
you're very cool.

I think I'll be good at it.

I think I could take you.

Just a feeling.
You can keep thinking that, but...

APPLAUSE

All right, everyone, points,
points, points, right?

Everyone got this. Yeah. Yes.
Cor, everyone got this.

I'm very impressed by you,
genuinely, it is a fantastic thing.

Buying your mum a house is maybe the
greatest thing I've ever heard.

Round of applause for this guy.
Amazing.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's amazing.

Let's take a look and see
what that's done to the scores.

Richard and Noel have four,
and they're lucky to have four.

Roisin and Asim have seven.

In the lead, Dara and Maya with 11.

APPLAUSE

See you after the break for more
Big Fat questions.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a
big round of applause for Jaden.

Thanks for coming on.
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz.

Our next round... Well, I say
our next round.

We've all got drinks.

We've also, I think, got a pizza for
Dara.

Have we've got pizza for Dara?

Delicious.

I tell you what, if you're sitting
at home

and you have pineapple and tequila
in the house,

you could do a lot worse than this.

Our next round is all about science
and technology in 2019.

Goody!

Thanks to a severe power outage,
Facebook and Instagram

came to a standstill for over
14 hours in March.

On the upside, Britain's most
productive day, ever.

In July, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos
settled a 38 billion dollar divorce,

although he doesn't call it "getting
divorced."

He calls it a "robust returns
policy."

In November, YouTube heavyweights
KSI and Logan Paul

took part in a boxing match, causing
anyone over the age of 35 to ask,

"Who's Logan Paul, and what is a
KSI?"

Logan Paul eventually lost his
battle with KSI.

I assume the antibiotics
didn't work.

OK, ready for some more big fat
questions?

That was my favourite one yet,
Jimmy. I really liked that.

Thank you. You are you are a
treasure.

OK. For our first question in this
round,

it's over to one half of Bros.

It's Luke Goss!

Hi, there, Jimmy. After the release
of the Bros film,

my social media went absolutely
crazy,

with lots of people tweeting us
about conkers,

"conversation corners" and the
comeback, of course.

But, in October, Hollywood star
Jennifer Aniston

joined Instagram and she broke the
Internet

with her very first post.

But can you remember what she
posted?

There's a certain sadness to his
delivery towards the end of that.

Yeah, it was poignant.
It was quite nuanced.

Love her.

You love her?
Yeah, yeah.

Luke Goss?

No, no, no. Jennifer Aniston.

Oh, Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, OK.

What was the question, Jimmy?

The question was, how did Jennifer
Aniston break the Internet?

You can't break the Internet.
She did.

She broke the Internet.
No, you can't.

It's like a system of signals.

My favourite punchline of the night.

"It's a system of signals."

It's a lovely...

It's a really nice sentence as well.
Thank you.

In November, Elon Musk revealed his
new Tesla vehicle,

called Cybertruck.

It was described as an armoured
personnel carrier

from the future.

What went wrong at the big
unveiling?

It does look amazing.

If you're a 14-year-old boy,
wow.

OK. So, what happened at the big
unveiling of that car?

The Cybertruck.

They took, like, a blanket off it.

Why did this picture of an egg
posted online

from an unknown Instagram account in
January

make headlines around the world

and receive unprecedented
viral success?

Mind your own business.

Was it this egg?
It was that egg.

It was that picture of that egg.

Little bit of tequila and...

What flavour of pizza did you go
for?

Just some meat and veg and stuff
like that.

When am I getting snacks?

I've been really good about it.

Do you want snacks?

Course I bloody want snacks.
It's Christmas.

OK. What online challenge from this
year saw Jason Statham

do it on a rooftop, Kendall Jenner
do it on a jet ski

and Mariah Carey do it with her high
notes.

In what way is this a science and
technology round, exactly?

RICHARD: Yes.

In the way that this round...

This round and the sports round,
you'll notice...

Is this the "shit off the internet"
round?

I'd say Dara's making a very
compelling case

for this round being bullshit.

You cannot break the Internet,
Jimmy.

You can't. It's a system of signals.

I looked into it.

For the next question, please
welcome a special guest, Emma.

Oh, my God.

OK. This is Emma.

She was released in October as a
warning to the public.

But what was she warning people of?

I can tell you she has a hunchback,
red eyes,

a protruding stomach and varicose
veins.

And she is Noel's mum.

My mum watches this!

You need to take that back.

My mum likes you, you dick.

I like your mum. You know I like
your mum.

And she's standing in front of you.

OK, so, she's got the hunchback,
she's got the red eyes,

protruding stomach, varicose veins.

She was built to warn the public
about something.

What is she warning you of?

Brexit.

Is the skin tone part of the thing?

The skin tone? Yeah, part of it.
Yeah.

It does not look healthy.
OK, everyone finished?

Let's have some answers.

So, Luke Goss wanted to know,
how did Jennifer Aniston

break the Internet?

What have you all got?

I said she posted a picture...
Of her friends.

And he was like, "No, it's THE
friends."

Friends.

It's the Friends friends.
What did you get, Roisin?

Dick pic.

You think Jennifer Aniston got her
dick out?

Not hers. Not hers.

She posted a dick pic.
Yeah.

She can pay for that. She's got
loads to choose from.

Richard, what did you put?

I can't remember.

I mean, what does that say?

Well, you're on his team.

I put F-R-I-E-N-D-S...
Yes, you wrote Friends.

..over the top.

Friends. OK. Well, I can tell you,
she posted a selfie of herself

and the rest of the cast of Friends.

There it is. And, yeah, her
Instagram page crashed

as too many people were trying to
access it.

She received eight million likes
in less than 24 hours

and set a Guinness World Record for
the fastest Instagram account

to reach one million followers.

OK. I wanted to know if you knew
what happened at Elon Musk's launch

of the Cybertruck.

So, we wrote, "The bulletproof
window smashed."

"Bracket, not widow," because I
thought my handwriting

is a bit strange and it looked like
I wrote, "The bulletproof widow."

The Bulletproof Widow sounds like a
great comic book, Dara.

It sounds like the crime novel
sensation of 2019.

Asim, what have you got?

Yeah, windows broke.

They threw some stones at it
or something.

OK, and Richard, Noel, you probably
got this? Easy one.

I've got, "Elon Musk sharted."

Let's take a look at the
embarrassing moment

during the launch.

Franz, can you try to break this
glass, please?

You sure?
Yeah.

Oh, my fucking God.

Well...

..maybe that was a little too hard.

Try the other one, really? OK.

Oh, man. It didn't go through.

"It didn't go through."
Oh, my God.

But it still stopped it. That's the
point of a bulletproof...

It's not that it pings off.
It did stop the rock...

The metal ball that was being
thrown.

That's really awkward, though.
What did he expect?

Not even a shatter?

Yeah, that it would just, like,
bounce off. Doing!

Well, the idea that they put
bulletproof glass on it

is the crazy thing cos no-one
thinks,

"I need a new car, but what if I get
shot?"

There's no hope in that design.

That's a design for war.

No.

That's basically saying, "Nothing's
good's going to happen."

Imagine the music when that comes
round the corner.

It's not like, # La-la-la-la-la. #

It's like, # Eep-eep-eep-eep! #

OK. I asked why this egg made
headlines around the world

and received unprecedented viral
success?

What did you all put?

It was the most-liked picture
on Instagram at one point. No?

What? Was it not?

Yeah, it was. Yeah.
Oh.

Did you get this?

We said it released sex tape.

It leaked its own sex tape.

Two girls, one egg.
Two girls, one egg.

So, Kylie Jenner had the most-posted
thing,

and someone went online and said,
"Let's beat it."

And they did beat it.

It has got, so far, 50 million
likes.

OK. Although, I mean, it's a good
looking egg.

Richard and Noel, you got quite a
topical one here, I see.

Guess who had control of the pen?

I just put... Do you remember
Mork & Mindy?

Didn't his spaceship look like an
egg?

Jimmy, don't turn away dismissively
like that.

So dismissive.

Let the material breathe.

Let it breathe.

Look at The Irishman.

It's, like, two days long.

Let it breathe. Netflix are
doing it.

I call him Dara.

I definitely thought he was talking
about me there, yeah.

I asked you what online challenge
did Jason Statham, Kendall Jenner

and Mariah Carey all attempt this
year? What have you got?

We just wrote, "Did their tax
online."

Please. Glass house.

A good thing to remind people of.

Oh, right. That wasn't even a shot
at you.

Richard, Noel?

Jason Statham shot an egg out of his
vagina.

I wouldn't put it past him.
He's an incredible man.

Dara? Maya? No, he's got it.
Bottle cap challenge.

Bottle cap challenge.

Yeah, yeah, we said the same.
The bottle cap challenge.

Bottle cap challenge, yeah. Should
we take a look?

Yeah, see, he actually did it
properly,

but I feel like a lot of people that
were doing it

had it just lightly touched at the
top

and then we're just blowing it
off.

That's cheating.

We have a bottle top here if you'd
like to do better?

Er, no way. Please, feel free.

Can I use Noel's mum to do it?

Can you all stop referring to that
as my mum?

OK, I can't use that?
You can't use that.

You've got this.

What if I break the camera?

No-one gives a fuck.

No-one cares. If you break it,
you break it.

What should I do, a round house
thing?

Oh, do a round house thing.
Yeah.

You can do it, Asim.

Do a jumping round house, Asim.
That's what you want to do.

A jumping round house?!
Go on, Bruce Lee.

A jumping round house?

OK. Ready?

Noel, do you want to have a go?

He's got the shoes for it.

He has got the shoes for this.

It's glued down, Jimmy!

Come on.

OK, so it's not...

Oh, yeah. Here we go.

ROISIN: Yeah!

What you really need is a bit of
slow-mo, little bit slow-mo,

and some music, and then it always
looks good.

Have a look.

Does it twist off, rather than
you just kicking the shit

out of the bottle?

Well, in an ideal world. But, you
know, we were in a hurry.

Yeah.

It made you look very sort
of attractive, that kick.

Sorry? THAT did it for you?

It just... Argh!

Oh, no, no, no. At full speed you
look like an old man

mounting a stile.

Thank you.

OK. I need to know about this lady,
here.

What was she warning the public
about?

If you work in the office all your
life,

then you might end up looking like
that, I think, is what they said.

That's exactly, exactly the story.
Yeah.

Why is she challenging so many
people to arm wrestles?

Oh, I think she looks like she's
asking people to dance.

Or is she going, "Come this way...

"..to the printer."

You've never worked in an office.

You could have stopped after
"worked."

Rois, Asim, what did you write?

I didn't think it was an office.

I thought it was people looking at
their phones.

You thought looking at your phone
would give you varicose veins...

..hairy ears and nose,
a hunchback?

What are you doing with your phone?

Just sort of that stuff, really.

OK, Richard, Noel, what did you get?

I don't know what we said.

We did bad posture in the workplace.

I wrote, "Croyf Yakoff Disease"

in a really weird way.

OK.

We got a point, Jimmy!
We got it right.

You did get A point in there.
We got two!

Bad posture in the workplace, Jimmy.

What the fuck is going on?

What is this, Jimmy?

What is this?

You wheel out my mother on
Boxing Day.

What's this really about, Jimmy?

What is happening. Who's touched
you?

OK, so, Emma was designed to show
how desk-bound workers will look

in 20 years' time.

She's based on a future work
colleague report

created by fellow scientists.

Whoever the fuck that is.

Points, no points, points. OK.

Hey, hey, we got three!

Yeah, we did, well done.

What's with the no points?
We got it right.

You wrote "phones."

Yeah.

How is that right?
Screens. Same shit.

You guys have really trailed
off since "memory".

OK, let's take a look and see what
that's done to the scores.

I can tell you that Richard and
Noel are lucky to have seven.

Just ahead, Asim and Roisin
with eight.

Dara and Maya on 16.

Join us after the break.

And, remember, anyone could still
win,

especially now Russian bots have
hacked out scoring system.

See you in five.

APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz.
Our next round is all about film

and TV in 2019. Series three of
The Crown this year was huge.

I like the bit when Charles
met Diana.

I really think it's going to work
out for those two, but no spoilers.

I want to watch it.

The opening episode of
Line Of Duty series five was watched

by over 11 million people,
and for most viewers

it was the first time they'd
seen a policeman that year.

Let's remind ourselves of some of
this year's TV highlights.

'Ello, guvnors!

MUSIC: Post Malone
by Sam Feldt feat. Rani

Ashley, wake up.

So you're a cool priest, then?

You need to back off and let me
finish this job!

Let's do it!

Fire!

Bo-o-o-o-o-oring!

Tweet that.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK. Game Of Thrones came to an end
after its eighth season.

During episode four, while
celebrating the Night King's defeat

with a boozy banquet,

what mistake was spotted
by eagle-eyed viewers?

Darts.

That's my Game Of Thrones.

What have you got there?
I've got snacks.

Oh! Is that a hamper? Yeah. OK.
Does anyone actually want any bread,

meat or cheese? Don't need any...
We don't need to bring meat into it.

What about a cheese sandwich?

You want...? Um... I think
I made up the cheese.

I can see how to this... I'm in the
middle of a quiz, people!

You're like Jesus, but with carbs.

LAUGHTER

Next up, it's Adam Lambert.

Hi, Jimmy.

A personal highlight for me
this year was opening

the Oscars alongside Queen.
It was an amazing night for us,

and my favourite speech of the
night had to come from

acting queen herself,
Olivia Colman, who won Best Actress

for her role as Queen Anne
in The Favourite.

But can you remember what she did
when she was prompted to wrap

up her acceptance speech?

All right, I'll come and get my
own fucking cheese.

No, no way.

OK. Richard, you're in charge
of answering while he's doing that.

So many different ones.
Are these hot?

OK. Tidying Up With Marie Kondo
hit our screens back in January.

It was all about having a big
clear-out.

What could be more Christmasy
than that?

In the show, what does Marie Kondo
suggest an item must do

if you want to keep it?
Are you biting open cheese?

We're having a cheese party,
Jimmy.

Welcome to my cheese party.
What cheese would you like, Jimmy?

Some from my belly button?

LAUGHTER

For the next question, all I want
to know is why are these people

discussing some stairs in the Bronx?

And every day when I come
down the stairs, I have to go

through a barrage of people.

You've got people coming from all
over the world to come to these
steps. This is becoming a tourist

attraction. You know, this is our
Rocky steps.

I thought I was the only
one who would be here today, so...

What's going on? Dara, , you better
be carrying this one because someone

is just eating cheese. Yeah.
Just give me a second.

For our final question in
this round, It's over to esteemed

actor Charles Dance, who's reading
an extract from a TV star's book

released in 2019.
Who is the mystery author?

Over to you, Charles.

I'm stood inside a little
white tent.

I'm sweating up.

It's so hot in here.

I'm wearing a one-shoulder,
strappy white bikini.

Thank God I sent the producers
three shit ones when they asked

what I wanted to wear for my
entrance.

I bet all the other girls wanted
to wear white, but somehow

I've managed to bag it.

Tan's looking good.

They've done my hair and make-up
really lovely.

I actually feel quite nice.

Fuck, I'm so nervous.

I need a wee and a poo!

Why did I choose the white bikini?

What if a bit of poo comes out?
No-one will pick me if

I've got skids in my swimwear.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE
Charles Dance.

Charles Dance there.

He got so much out of
that material. It's amazing.

Yeah. I mean...
You know, it's not...

There's no... There's no small
roles. Charles Dance there,

nailing it. What's the question,
though?

Whose biography was that?
How would we know?!

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We've got some answers. You ready
for answers? Yes!

We're still doing a show?!

I asked what mistake was spotted
by eagle-eyed fans watching the

final series of Game Of Thrones.
Dara, what have you got?

Episode four, it suddenly got shit.

LAUGHTER

That's absolutely true.

I reckon if you stop at episode
three, you've had a lovely time.

Yeah. I've not seen it,
but thanks for that.

LAUGHTER

Someone's hangry!

Rois? Wee went straight...
We said coffee cup. Coffee cup.

They spied a coffee cup. OK.

Richard and Noel? Coffee cup.

Yeah, well, you're all absolutely
right. OK.

Let's remind ourselves of how
prominent the offending cup

was in the scene.

I mean, it didn't ruin it.

That was the scripts.

No points, points, points.

Adam Lambert asked you what Olivia
Colman did when she was prompted

to wrap up her Oscars speech.

Threw the Oscar at the cameraman.

"I'm not finished talking!"

OK. Uh...

She did a terrible safety ad
for BA...

Hey, come on, I'm right here!

He was in that as well.
I know he was in that!

Whoa, whoa, hang on a second.
Did Richard and Noel get this right?

Yeah. Blew a raspberry
and did that.

Let's remind ourselves
of her charmingly British response

to being asked to end her speech.

I used to work as a cleaner
and I loved that job.

I did spend quite a lot
of my time imagining it...

Oh, "please wrap up". Right, OK.
SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY

And, um...

Blew a raspberry.
They got it right!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I asked you what Japanese organising
guru Marie Kondo wants an item to do

if you're allowed to keep it.

And I said, "get you off".

Put exactly the same. Yeah, same.
"Make your nips hard." Wow!

Push your T-shirt up...

Nothing. Throw it away.

Well, Richard and Noel
have, I think, the correct answer.

What do things have to do?
Spark joy or... Memories.

"Memories!"

Memories! Memories.

# Memories... #

You're exactly right.
Items have to spark joy.

Here she is explaining it.

So, when you hold an item in your
hands that sparks joy for you,

this is how your body should
react.

Ding! Do you understand?

I'm not going to translate.

It does look like she's getting
the nips! That's why we should get a
point. Legally, we...

"Legally"?! Legally. "Legally"?!

I only deal in the law.

Legal...
THEY LAUGH

How your body reacts,

and one of the ways is
boners and nips.

OK, only Richard and Noel get points
on that. What?! Yes!

# There's a turn in the tide! #

OK. You saw some people hanging out
on some stairs in the Bronx.

What were they talking about?

It's a stairway,

and you can bounce a cat off it.

You thought you could bounce
a cat off the stairs?

And that's what they were talking
about? They were all there...

And it keeps going, all the way
down. It's amazing.

Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

And you think it's stopped.

Meow!

All the way. OK.

And Roisin and Asim? We were a bit
confused, so we just put

H from Steps.

You thought they were talking
about H from Steps?

We just interpreted it in a much
more... Literal sense. ..Picasso...

Not literal! Picasso, that's
what I meant.

OK, Richard and Noel, what did you
get for this? We got it!

The Joker dance! The Joker dance.
You're exactly right. It was

from the film Joker.

Charles Dance read you an extract
from a book by a TV star.

Who do you think it was,
Richard and Noel?

David Cameron.
LAUGHTER

You think that was from David
Cameron's...?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So you think David Cameron might
have been worried about having skids

in his white bikini?

That's not the main thing
he should be worried about.

That's the thing.

What did you think, Rois?
Dot, dot, dot...

It's Rebekah Vardy.

Is it? No. It's not? OK. It's not.

And Dara, Maya?

Dame Judi Dench.

I actually thought it was somebody
from Love Island,

but he was really convinced.

Who did you think from Love Island?
Dani Dyer?

Let's go back to Charles Dance
for the answer.

That was an extract from

What Would Dani Do?,
by Love Island's Dani Dyer.

APPLAUSE

It's weird, Dara, but thinking
about it now, it does seem like that

makes more sense.

OK. And for our last question
in this round, please welcome

the stars of RuPaul's Drag Race UK,

Baga Chipz and The Vivienne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So tell me, how was it
being on RuPaul's Drag Race?

A dream come true? We had a ball,
didn't we? It's been brilliant.

I can't get rid of this one now,
though.

Why are you called Baga Chipz?

Because I'm salty. I'll batter your
sausage for 80p, and I love

to be covered Daddies sauce.

It's a hell of an answer.

APPLAUSE
A hell of an answer.

OK, now, I believe you've got
a question for us.

What's your question? We do.

Right, to be a contestant
on RuPaul's Drag Race,

you have to slay your drag slang.

Yes, we know our realness
from our shade,

so what we want you guys to do
is tell us what these three drag

slang terms mean.

That's a fucking mouthful,
wasn't it?

I bet you've had a few mouthfuls.

Which brings us onto our first word.

The word is gag.

Gag. So what does gag mean? Write
that down. We've got three words.

Gag's the first one.
What's the second one?

The second one is spilling
the tea.

So what does gag mean, what does
spilling the tea mean?

And what does...?

Fishy. The third word is fishy.

Have you any drag names for our
team? If our team were to be in
drag.... I've got a great one for

Richard. What's Richard's drag name?

Richard, you're going to be
Rachel Adahardon.

LAUGHTER

Richard Adahardon, it's amazing.

I've got one for Dara.
You're going for Dara?

OK, what would Dara be if he was in
drag? Diarrhoea O'Queen.

Diarrhoea O'Queen. I mean, it's...

I'm sure Dara O 'Queen would
work just as well without

sticking Diarrhoea in it!

It adds something, Dara, it adds
something.

I know a lot about drag, of course,
because I work a lot
with Katherine Ryan.

LAUGHTER

Richard, Noel, have you finished it?
Is Noel still...?

I'm just waiting for Noel to Google
the answers.

Noel! Noel, don't Google the
answers!

Just write down the answers!

OK, fine. Right. Well, let's see
what they got. OK.

OK, Dara and Maya. So, the first one
is gagging, like, I'm gagged!

Like if someone does something,
like, extremely crazy, amazing or

bad, you're like, "Oh, my God,
I am gagged!" Is that right?

Yeah. Yes, it's correct. OK. You put
what for gagged?

We put, like, happy, which, you
know, like you're just excited,

impressed by someone.

No. No! It's amazed or shocked -
gagged. Oh!

Richard... Richard, Noel?

We put that I's so amazing,
it's sickening.

Looks sickening? Yeah.
No, that's incorrect.

Oh, is it? Yes. OK.

Next one, what was the next one?
Spilling the tea.

So spilling the tea means, Maya?
Spilling the tea, it's when you're
like... "Oh!"

Like that, because you've got some
gossip and you're going to spill the
tea.

So, like Jimmy is actually a
vampire?!

That's the tea!
LAUGHTER

Got it. That's the correct answer.
OK. Not that I'm a vampire, I'm not
a vampire.

I just don't go out during the day.
Fuck you. And Rois?

Gossip. Gossip. Correct.

We didn't get that. We put a dot.

We just put a dot... Because you
don't approve of gossip, OK.

OK, and then the last one was...
Maya, you were doing so well.
What's the last one?

The last one, I don't know if I've
got right cos I don't...

I said dodgy, like something's
a bit weird, bit left. Fishy?

So, fishy, the definition of fishy.
So what did you get, Rois?

You know there's a documentary
called Paris Is Burning? Of course.
An amazing documentary.

Yeah. You with your references!
Yeah, that's why I watch the show
because I love that whole thing.

And then, actually, looking fishy
is looking like a woman, right?

Like a real woman. So it's who's
the most convincing, basically.

Correct. I've got that. I didn't
Google it. What did you say?

Noel got that one. Well done, Noel.

OK, so, point,

two points, two points.
APPLAUSE

OK. Let's see what that's done to
the scores. OK.

So, in last place, Roisin and
Asim... Are you joking?!

..with 11. We're losing to them?!
Yeah.

Richard and Noel have 12, and in the
lead are Dara and Maya with 18.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

See you after the break for more
big fat questions, but ladies
gentlemen, please give

it up for the wonderful
Baga Chipz and The Vivienne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.
This next round is all about sport.

In June, Liverpool beat Tottenham
in the Champions League final.

If you didn't see the match,
don't worry.

Just talk to any Scouser
for more than five seconds

and they'll tell you about it.

Anthony Joshua reclaimed his title
in December.

Joshua said before the fight,

"The gloves are coming off",
which was a problem

because the rules clearly state that
the gloves have got to stay on.

OK, time for some more questions.
Take a listen to this.

What sporting event from the summer

is this man singing
rather badly about?

And I would warn you,

if you're susceptible to cringing,
this is difficult.

TO TUNE OF CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA
BY OASIS:

# How many special dreams were made?

# How many lives forever changed?

# Where were
you on the 14th of July?

# The agony, the ecstasy

# Available to watch for free

# For the first time
since back in '05... #

OK. So what event
from the world of sport

was that poor imitation
of Noel Gallagher singing about?

First of all, I just want to say
I liked it.

Is he going through to boot camp?

He's going through to boot camp!

Next, it's over to world
champion Dina Asher-Smith.

Hi, Jimmy. 2019 has been
a great year for me.

I became a world champion in Doha

and brought home a gold
and two silver medals.

Yay!

It was also a brilliant year
for England

at the Women's World Cup,

and it was great to see the nation
get behind the Lionesses.

Their semifinal game was
against the USA.

An American player, Alex Morgan,

caused a stir with her goal
celebration

against the English team.

It was described as masterful
trolling, the ultimate power move

and bordering
on a declaration of war.

Can you remember how she celebrated?

OK. So how did Alex Morgan cause a
stir

when she celebrated a goal
against England?

Back in August,
a young Liverpool fan

met his hero, Mo Salah.

His stepdad said of the meeting,

"The face is a bit sore, but he is
great. He can't stop smiling".

What happened?

Is that...

THEY CONFER

Really?

That's not right, is it?

Oh, was it? Have you not read
the Metro?

OK, here's a new pair
of Adidas Kicks.

What I want to know is,

who have Adidas got to model
these specific shoes?

Why is there an orange slice
on the top of the trainer there?

For half-time.

After undergoing hip surgery
in January,

tennis legend Andy Murray

shared one of his x-rays
on Instagram.

Eagle-eyed followers saw that
the image contained

what in medical parlance is known
as a negative Throckmorton sign.

I've given you all x-rays there
on your desk

and all you've got to do is,
with your Sharpies,

draw a negative Throckmorton
sign.

Couldn't be easier, really.
It's that classic pub quiz question.

OK. Are you ready for some answers?

Totally ready for answers.

I played you an unusual
rendition of Champagne Supernova.

It was about a sporting event
this summer.

What do you think it was about?

The storming of the Bastille.

This summer.

Oh, OK. That bit it wasn't made
clear to me.

He just said,
"Where were you on 14th July?"

Well, I was storming the Bastille

along with the rest
of the French peasants.

That is maybe the classiest answer

we've ever had on the
Big Fat Quiz, Dara. Well played.

Roisin, Asim, what did you put?

We're going to take
it more serious now

because we're coming last.
Champions League final?

No. Right.

Richard, Noel, what did you put?
Cricket. The Cricket World Cup?

Yeah. Well, I can tell you, that is
exactly the right answer, yeah.

A point to them.
A point to these two.

APPLAUSE

World champion Dina Asher-Smith
asked you if you knew

what American player Alex Morgan did

to celebrate scoring a goal.

Ultimate trolling.

She revoked Article 50.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

These are the best wrong answers
we've ever had.

Roisin, Asim?

We've got the correct answer. Yeah,
we're taking it very seriously.

She did that, like, have a cup of
tea, like she's drinking the tea.

Richard? We also gave
that unfunny correct answer.

Well, that is the unfunny
correct answer, yeah, OK.

There she is, drinking tea.
It's bullshit, though,

because she hasn't got a saucer,
the fucking dick.

Why was that so rude? I think
because English people drink tea.

Oh. You're all doing that.

You're always drinking it.

We all talk about that
behind your back.

Jimmy, control the Irishman.

JIMMY LAUGHS

OK, I asked you what happened

when a young footballer met Mo
Salah. What did you think?

I put, "Mo beat
the shit out of him".

Something in my head is telling me
that's not the correct answer.

OK, what have you got? We said
Mo Salah hit him with a welly.

OK. Not the case.

What do you think, Richard Ayoade?

Wrong time in the quiz
to try and be funny, lads,

because he broke his nose running
to meet him.

That's the correct answer.
He broke his nose.

That is the exact correct answer.

He saw Mo Salah and then he ran,

he ran alongside the car and ran
into a lamp-post

and broke his nose. There he is.

There he is with Mo Salah
and a broken nose. Oh, my God.

11-year-old Lewis Fowler there.
God love him.

That's not where Mo Salah lives,
surely.

I showed you some new trainers.

I asked you who Adidas had
got to model them.

Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding,
you've probably got this.

Just couldn't help ourselves.

APPLAUSE

If you want to keep that shoe dry,

and you want it actually to stay
dry,

who better to model it

than a man who cannot sweat
because he's so brave?

OK, Roisin, Asim?

We just wrote Charles Dance.

We didn't know the answer,
we were being silly.

OK. Well, not as silly
as the actual answer. Dara?

I wrote Dame Judi Dench.

I would argue it is a worse choice
for Adidas than Dame Judi Dench.

The model for those trainers
is Alan Titchmarsh. No!

At the launch of something called
the Gardening Club.

Why's he wearing a flak jacket?

Who's shooting at Titchmarsh?

Why has he got one little foot
and one big foot?

Oh, that's such a good point.
One is tiny.

They're different-sized shoes.
That's why he got the deal.

Well, that's why he's
such a versatile model,

he can show what it looks like
for children and grown-ups.

Exactly. OK.

Finally, I asked you to draw

a negative Throckmorton
on Andy Murray's x-rays. OK.

This is the negative
Throckmorton sign.

It's a sign saying Throckmorton
is -17 miles back.

JIMMY LAUGHS

That's very good. Richard and Noel,

I notice you've just written
"lost keys".

What? How dare you. OK, so did
you draw the negative Throckmorton?

Let's have a look. Yes, it's there.
It's like a tennis racket.

There's Ed Sheeran's lost keys.

He's been looking for them,
he'll get them back soon.

There's his swimming pool. Richard
did a gun. I don't know why.

Why did you do a gun?
Ed Sheeran's Gun Range,

that's the fourth album.

Ros, Asim, we're relying on you.

Just a dick pic, unfortunately.
No, no, hang on.

There's a hip there that's
being operated on. Right.

And a negative Throckmorton

is a shadow of the penis pointing
away from the injury.

OK, so that's what you're looking at
now,

what you just described.
Well, you get the point, then.

Thank you!

I'll take that.

So in medical parlance,

a positive Throckmorton points
towards the injury

and a negative points away.

OK, good to know.

So Andy's is a negative
Throckmorton sign.

He bust that hip. Time for
a bonus round. Say what you see.

I'm going to show you some pictures
that spell out news stories

from the year that were frankly
too boring to write questions about.

All you have to do is guess
what story they're spelling out.

OK, here's the first one.
Write this down.

Couldn't be easier. OK.

Tom, Tom?

When you get it, I'll know when
you've got it

because there'll be a "Ah!"
from the audience.

Yes!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Bust...

OK, what have you got, Richard
and Noel? Thomas Cook go bust.

Tom-ass-cook-go-bust.

OK, that's the correct
answer.

Ros, Asim, what have you got?

Thomas Cook goes bust (tits up).

Correct. And Thomas Cook goes bust.
Everyone got it. OK. Right.

Next one. OK.

Who's the name of the guy...
John Bercow. I've done it again.

Your brain only works syllabically!

OK, yeah...

ALL CONFER QUIETLY

OK, let's have a look
and see what you got.

What do you think it is?
John Bercow stands down as Speaker.

John bear-cow stands down
as Speaker.

I think you're overusing
the ass motif.

You are, if I may say,
hammering that ass.

Not the first time it's been said.
OK, so what have you got?

John Bercow seat fluff ass.

As a protest for the overuse
of the ass

because that animal has dignity.

OK, nil points. Roisin and Asim?

John Bercow...
Stands down as Speaker.

I mean, that is bullshit there,
right? I can see John Bercow.

Points,

no points, no points.

Let's see what that's done
to the scores.

I can tell you, in last place,
Roisin and Asim have 15.

Ahead of them, Richard and Noel with
17.

In the lead, Dara and Maya with 21,
not that far ahead.

It's all still to play for.

Join us after the break because
some people are already saying

this is the biggest and best
quiz we've ever done,

and those people work at the Channel
4 press office. See you in five.

Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz
of the Year.

Our next round is all about people
in May.

Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg's book
suffered terrible reviews

and poor sales.

The problem was it was way
too wordy and had no spine.

And then it wrote a terrible book.

Rees-Mogg should really go back
to doing what he does best.

Haunting the nightmares
of Victorian children.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Oh!

Whilst promoting his book
in October, David Cameron called

Boris Johnson a greased piglet,
which I think means he likes him.

In September,
Pope Francis got stuck in a lift.

When the Pope was finally released
he was made up,

just like God.

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS

OK, time for some more
big fat questions.

Take a look at this clip of a man
who went viral in January.

Here he is talking about the fuss
that broke out around him.

What did he do?

I'm blown away with the response
for the document.

When someone reached out last
weekend and said, "You're trending",

and I'm like, "I don't even
know what trending means."

"People are talking about you."
I'm like, "Oh, my gosh!"

And then, yesterday, someone's
saying, "Yeah, you're a me-me".

I'm like, "What's a me-me?" They're
like, "No, Andy, it's a meme."

That's my 20 19 highlight, of the
most shocking shit I've ever seen.

Oh, don't give it away,
don't give it away.

Do you want us to say
what he did or just what...?
What he did, what he did. OK.

In August this year, the president
of Brazil suggested some rather

unusual methods
for saving the planet.

One was to eat less.
Can you tell me what the other was?

I mean, eating less would help
with the second one, I believe.

In April, Kim Kardashian announced
she was studying for a new career.

All I want to know is,
what's her new vocation?

Dentist.

Don't give it away. Get it down.

What tabloid story of the year
garnered tweets saying

that it was like a modern day
episode of Desperate Housewives,

and prompted Netflix to say,

"We're going to have to make a
documentary about this, aren't we?"?

Oh, I know this. What was it?
What was it then?

"I know this"
was what you just said.

Followed by, "What was it then?"

I couldn't get in touch
with my memory!

Even you're doing it now!

I had to wake it up.

She's back in the room.

Take a look under your desks
and you'll find a cocktail in a can.

This specific cocktail
hit the news back in April,

when someone broke the rules
by drinking one.

Can you remember who it was and why
they were in trouble for doing so?

Bonus point, if you can also
identify the cocktail.

OK, Dara, have you got an answer
to this last one? I know.

I know my cocktails. I mean,
you could just taste it.

You don't need
to swig back half a can.

OK, all right,
I've got some answers for you.

Have you all got answers? All right.
First up, I wanted to know

how this man went viral back
in January.

So what do you think happened?

Maya, this is your favourite?
An absolute icon.

He went viral because he was ready
to suck some dick for water.

I just can't believe
that's a real thing.

I can't believe you would
ever be in a position in life

where someone says, "Look,
we're not getting the water sponsors

"unless you suck someone's dick."
That is crazy.

But it happened.

In the Fyre Festival.
I should explain it was
the Fyre Festival that went wrong.

And then he wanted water.
This isn't post-Brexit Britain?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Exactly a story from next year.
Yeah, OK.

Roisin, Asim, did you get it?
Yeah. Yeah.

We just were
a bit more brand specific.

Suck dick for Evian.

Live young, Evian, suck dick!

OK. And Richard, Noel?
Yeah. Fyre Festival.

He said he would accommodate
someone's girth.

Thank you, Richard.
Really nicely put. Thank you.

A little touch of class there
from Aoyade. Thank you. OK.

Next I asked you what the president
of Brazil suggested

as a method for saving the planet.
What did you get?

We wrote, "Fuck off to Mars."

OK. Richard, Noel,
what have you put?

Originally,
de-forest Leonardo DiCaprio.

But, erm, I think he said
only use the toilet every other day.

And you've gone, Roisin and Asim?
Shit less! We were joking!

Is that the right answer,
cos we were literally joking?

That is the right answer. No!
Oh, my God. Wow!

He suggested that people poop
every other day.

Poop dissolves, no?
It goes into the, erm, mud.

Yes, poop dissolves
into the mud, sure.

It does dissolve into the mud.
Why don't people poop in the mud?!

Dara's also interested in science!

As a leading scientician
poop does dissolve into mud.

Maya, what do you mean by that?
Do you know what I mean?

I do not know what you mean.

If you shit it's going to like,
melt into the mud.

Like, it doesn't stay.
Where are you shitting?!

No points. Points, points.

Question three. I wanted to know
what new job Kim Kardashian

has announced she's training for.
Plumber.

You think she's a plumber?
I don't give a fuck.

Roisin, Asim, what have you got?
She's a lawyer, like Roisin.

OK. Could I add that she is dressed
rather like a plunger?

Dara, Maya, what have you got?
We also said... A lawyer, yeah.

Her dad was a lawyer as well,
wasn't he? Yeah.

Her dad defended OJ,
so that's a wonderful heritage.

I'm going to say points,
points, no points. OK.

We went for the joke, Jimmy!

OK. I asked you what tabloid story
of the year prompted Netflix to say,

"We're going to have to make
a documentary about this."

What did you all put? It's...

Rebecca Vardy. Rebecca Vardy.
Rebecca Vardy.

Wagatha Christie.
Wagatha Christie.

Rebecca Vardy.
It looks like everyone got it.

Roisin, can you explain
this story to me?

Why?

Cos I think you're good at
explaining stuff. It makes me
giggle. What happened?

Coleen put up lots of photos
on Instagram

and they kept appearing
in the newspapers.

On her close friends'. Yeah,
on her close friends' Instagrams.
So it was only pri-,

it was a private Instagram page.
They put them in the newspapers.

So then she got into a head -
this is the bit we don't know
about the case,

why she suspected
Rebecca Vardy upfront.

I thought she narrowed it down
to Rebecca Vardy? No. She probably
had her suspicions.

And then she took everyone off
and left Rebecca Vardy...

Slowly, she had a process,
didn't she? No, she didn't.

Just Rebecca Vardy. She went
straight for, boom, everybody,
Rebecca Vardy?

Yeah. You can sense it though.
You know when there's a snake?

She caught her in the nip!

Rebecca Vardy's the only person
with viewing access to this
Instagram page.

And then, the great bit is,
she puts fake stories up

like, oh, my teeth fell out,
or whatever!

Great fake stories.

I have a bionic arm.
Yeah, pretty much like that.

she put that, and that appeared
in the Daily Mail.

I've got to say, for legal
reasons, Rebecca Vardy denies

all the accusations.
Of course she does.

Of course. I think that's
the most genius plan ever, though.

And also, how embarrassing
that you got caught out that way,

if she did get caught out that way.
She might not have did it.

I think that should be your tag line
as the law cop.

She might not have did it!

Objection!
She might not have did it!

Finally, I give you a cocktail
in a can, which Dara nailed.

I wanted to know,
why did someone get in trouble

for drinking that cocktail
and what was it? What did you put?

Pope Benedict. Erm...

That's what we thought.
He thought it was a gin and tonic,

but with...
Her super cocktail smells.

Yes. Which is why I love this girl!

You guys are an item, right?
Yeah. Yeah. It works, yeah?
We met in the pub.

I sensed the mint in it,
which gave away the fact

that it was, in fact, a mojito.
We think a mojito.

Mojito is correct.
Pope Benedict is not correct.

Eh, Roisin? We thought it was
gin and tonic, but - which is wrong.

But who do you think got
in trouble? Diane Abbott. Yeah.

Richard? We've got Labour MP Abbott.

And we thought it was gin and tonic,
but we...

Actually, I read
it was an M&S cocktail

and it didn't specify.
It was a mojito, I can tell you.

Diane Abbott was on the overground
smashing a mojito, when you can't
drink on the trains.

But Diane Abbott is right.
So points all around.

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS

Time now for a special bonus round.

I'm going to show you three film
posters, which have all been subtly

improved. All you have to do
is tell me what the film is.

Here's the first one.
Write it down as soon as you see it.

What is the film?

I loved it. I look pretty great.

I look pretty great.
Here's the second one.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I don't see
why there's laughter for that.

That took hours in makeup.

OK, Dara? Sorry, what?
Sorry, I was just practising

my Irish accent He said it's quite
good, actually. That's really good.
It's not bad, is it?

It's because I act casual about
and just say, "Right, don't fucking

"look at me like that, you twat."

Wow!
How long have you guys been dating,

cos you've really
picked that up fast?

We kind of turn into each other
after a while. Yeah, yeah.

He's got some extensions backstage.

So she now speaks like you
and you'll be shitting in a hole,
presumably?

My mum always tells me, be classy
on telly, and it never happens.

Talk about shits this time.
Oh, your mum is great though.

Tell them the story about the time,
eh...

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS

He looks quite sexy like that. OK.

All right. And then the third one...

Oh, my God!

Be still my beating heart.
Look at that!

What? Just laughing at me and you.

All right. We dressed like that
in your house before now!

I had to get changed into this!
OK. Have you all got answers?

OK, here's the first one.
What did you all put?

Rocketman! Rocketman!

Rocketman. Rocketman.
OK. You're absolutely right.

That was Taron Egerton
in Rocketman.

OK, points all round
on that first one.

OK, what's the next one?

What have you got?

We've got Freaky Fever Dream,
because... You think that's
what it is?

It's so weird, that thing,
that whole thing is weird.

I don't want to give it its name,
it's awful. Roisin, Asim?

Yeah, cats. It's weird
cos the cats have tits.

That's not that weird -
cats have tits!

No, but not like breasts.
They have nipples. They have nips.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

Noel, have you got this?
This are Page Three cats.
Yeah, we have cats. OK.

Let's have a look.
But I think I look better.

Jimmy, you look good as a cat
with tits. Yeah!

I figure. What's the famous song
from the film,

from the musical cats?
I can't remember, Dara.
Roisin, do you remember

what the famous song
from the movie is? Yes, I do.

What is it?
Cos I have a great memory!

Cats don't look weird
not wearing bras.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Well, we've got the trailer
for the show.

Last one.
Dara, what do you think this was?

Blade Runner 2049.

So close, Dara!
Was it really, was it?!

So very close! It looks like it?

Roisin, Asim?
Eh, Downton Abbey, maybe?

OK. And Richard and Noel?
The weirdest episode of Poirot ever.

No, we got Downton Abbey.
OK. It is Downton Abbey,

not Blade Runner 2049.
Oh! So close!

Let's see what that's done
to the scores.

I can tell you that in last place
currently, Roisin and Asim
have 23 points.

Just one point ahead,
Richard and Noel with 24.

Only two points ahead of them,
Dara and Maya.

It's all still to play for!

Join us after the break when this
lot will be answering more questions
than

Rebecca Vardy on Twitter.

Welcome back to the final
part of the Big Fat Quiz 2019.

In January, McDonald's was forced
to apologise after chicken was

found in their veggie wraps.

The trouble is, if chicken finds
its way into one of those veggie

wraps, there's a small chance
it might end up being delicious,

and the vegetarians
would not like that.

Emma Watson has announced
she is self-partnering,

which sounds like she's
going to spend more time

getting to know her
chamber of secrets.

Best vagina joker in the business.

Thank you, thank you.

There is no-one who finds more
comic mileage in the vagina than

Jimmy Carr.

Thank you, my friend. OK...

Four stars.

OK. As a treat, for the
last round, I've got a snack.

I've got snacks for everyone.

You've just got to tell
me why this snack made the news.

Get involved.

One each. Piers
Morgan spat these out.

Can I eat it really? Yeah.

Why do these make the news?

Are they veggie? You'll be fine.

Well, that may be the answer,
Roisin, so, I don't know...!

Mmm, but with this cold stuff,
you really spoil us, ambassador!

OK, so, they're sausage rolls that
were sold earlier this year,

and they made the news - why?

OK. The Royal Air Force
relaxed their rules this

year by allowing personnel
to alter their appearance.

Do you remember what
the rule change was?

WHISPERS: I don't.

A report released this
year stated that more

than 320,000 Britons
can be labelled slashies.

Idris Elba is a slashie,
Victoria Beckham is a slashie,

Maya, you're a slashie -
what is a slashie?

Oh...

I can tell you it is not somebody
that shits in a hole outside.

OK, next.

I want to know what audacious
theft at Blenheim Palace rocked the

art world and left the police with
nothing to go on back in September.

I'll need the specifics here.

..left the police with
nothing to go on.

In March, a fashion item
made from denim hit the headlines.

They were called janties

and were described as the "ugliest
thing I've ever seen in my life".

Underneath your desks
are some denim jeans,

you've got some scissors, all
I want you to do is cut the denim to

make them into what do you think
a janty would look like.

OK, so, janties.

I'm making, I don't know about you
lot but I'm making a bra for a cat.

Might start doing this
after a hard day in court.

Just to wind down, you know,
get the grime out of my mind.

Get the grime out of your mind?
You know, criminals...

As she's cutting it.

"She may not have did it."

Everyone finished,
let's have some answers.

OK, I wanted to know what was
unusual about the delicious

sausage roll I gave you.

Vegan.

It was a vegan sausage roll,
sold by Greggs.

Richard, Noel,
what did you write?

Vegan!

Vegan, Jimmy, we wrote "vegan"
and then I put "cats with tits".

What did you get, Roisin?

Vegan. Sausage rolls.
OK, great, all right.

So, points, points, points.

Dara, what did you think the change
was that the Royal Air Force

brought in this year?

Er, you can fly a plane in drag.

OK, Roisin, Asim?

You're allowed to wear wigs?

OK. Richard, Noel?

Beards. Beards.

They're going for the win,
they're going for the win late,

you know they are.

You sneaky little...
No fun, no fun from now on.

It is beards.

The Royal Air Force allowed beards
for the first time this year.

I asked you if you knew what a
slashie was, what is a slashie?

Well, we know what it is, but...
Yeah. ..they shit in the woods.

They shit... in the woods.

In the woods.

Yeah, it's double jobbers,
like herself.

Double jobs, OK,
I'll give you that.

Roisin, Asim? Yeah,

Renaissance people,
do lots of different things.

OK, perfect. Good answer.

Richard, Noel?

Multiple careers/jobs.

No funny answers from you now,
all business. All business.

It is dry over here.

OK, points all round.

It will be the miracle
of Christmas if we win.

OK, I asked you what audacious
theft at Blenheim Palace rocked

the art world. What did you all put?

Gold toilet.
Let's go through, gold toilet...

Gold toilet. Keep it moving.

Gold toilet,
not even messing around.

No, let's move on. Roisin, Asim,
you've just written toilet,

but you had to have
"gold" to get the point.

Why did I have to have gold?

Because it was a gold toilet
that was stolen.

It was really real?
Oh yeah, here's the picture.

That's a solid gold toilet.

Just a little bit of business here -

they didn't match up the toilet
holder, so...

A little bit embarrassing there,
they went for a chrome.

A little bit embarrassing.

That is a little bit
embarrassing, yeah.

That toilet was worth £4.8 million.

Wow. Dara, did you get this?

We got big, gold toilet, yeah.

Big gold toilet is sold.

Artist called Kitana - they
stole his toilet, £4.8 million.

OK, you got that entirely right,
well done you.

OK, I then asked you
if you could fashion a pair of what

I like to call janties. Noel,
did you make some janties?

Yep.
Let's have a look at your janties.

Pretty happy with that. They are...

Oh, there he is, he's up there.

Those are some janties.

He's rocking it.

Everybody wants a pair of janties,

I'll give you a point for that.

Here's a model
wearing some janties.

I think they're quite nice,
though.

I'd actually object and say
that those weren't actually janties,

those are more of a hot pant.

I mean, he's cut them very high.

This is a janty.
No... That's a janty.

A point for that.
..THIS... is a janty.

That is a hell of a janty.
You've got to get the cheeks out.

What's that, a shark attack,
Roisin?

If you're busy and you've only had
time to shave one leg.

Asim, have you got anything?

I didn't know what they were
but I just thought, like, you know

how ladies have cleavage,
I thought, us boys should be able

to have a bit of ball
cleavage now and again, so...

One ball that's popping out.

I love that.
Maya, you've already got a point.

Richard, Noel, you've got a point.

Guys, I can't give you
a point for that.

Whereas I went for much more, this
seems like I'm ready for business...

He did his own thing. ..but
I'm also ready for the night.

Can I see...?
Turn around. Oh, my God.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC PLAYS

Well, I said it earlier.

I said earlier, I said your team
was called Beauty and the Beast,

and I was right - Dara,
you're a fabulous figure of a man.

OK, let's check in on the
scores before we do our big fat

question, OK.

With 25, way behind,
Roisin and Asim have 25 points.

Oh! Injustice!

Richard and Noel have 29 points,
just one in the lead,

Dara and Maya.

Will they hold on to the lead?

APPLAUSE

Finally,
time for the big fat question.

Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome the star of this year's

Strictly Dome Dancing,
Mike Bushell!

MUSIC: "Apache (Jump On It)"
by The Sugarhill Gang

# Tonto, jump on it

# Jump on it, jump on it

# Kemosabe, jump on it,
jump on it, jump on it

# Custer, jump on it,
jump on it, jump on it... #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Wow, yeah, I mean, that is...

Mike Bushell, everyone.

Jesus, could you
please have some dignity?

I loved it, he's jealous,
I loved it, it was great.

OK, so, you've got
our big fat question.

Tell us, what is the question?
What is the question? Well...

So, what I want to know is,

what was the biggest selling film at
the UK box office, the most watched

sports event and the bestselling
single in the UK this year?

Two points for each, 10 bonus
points if you get them all right.

Sporting event on telly?

On telly, British television.

British television,
biggest sporting event

and the biggest single of the year.

How was it on Strictly,
did you have fun?

Oh, it was the best
experience I've ever had.

I mean, to slide down the biggest

pole in Strictly history,
what an honour.

And you got through to eight weeks,
right? Yeah, I was surprised.

And I think your marriage
survived it, so, well done.

That normally doesn't happen,
that's the real victory, that the

marriage survives!

APPLAUSE

Were there any nerves at home,

because I imagine if I came home
and went, "I'm going on Strictly,"

it would be the same as me going,
"I want a divorce?"

No, we talked about it before,
and Emily, my wife, met Katya

they got on better
than we did, actually.

They talked more than I did.
Really? Yeah, they were great.

Well, I'm going to interpret
that in a very different way.

All right,
so, have you all got answers?

OK, so, the biggest movie at the box
office this year in the UK.

You've got, Dara, Maya?
Avengers: Endgame.

Absolutely correct. Roisin, Asim?

Avengers: Endgame. Richard, Noel?

Avengers.

Endgame.

Not messing around at all.

OK, the most watched sporting event
in the UK, what do you think, Dara?

Champions League final? Incorrect.

Oh! Cricket.

Incorrect.
What, cricket was incorrect?

Cricket was incorrect,
what did you guys get?

It was rugby.

The rugby was the most watched
sporting event.

My spelling is shocking, Jimmy.

OK, the biggest song of the year,
Richard, Noel?

Billy Eilish?

No. Roisin?

Lizzo Juice? So, you think

it's an answer that we had
earlier we might be doing again.

I'm sorry, you can
use the same name twice

in a show over nine hours!

OK, Maya, Dara?

I felt so under pressure
with this because obviously

I should know, but first of
all I went for Old Town Road

but then I realised it was UK

and I always remember Lewis Capaldi
being at the top of the charts

for a long, long, long, long time,
so we went with Lewis Capaldi.

I went for Old Time Road,
that was my big...

Well, Maya got it
absolutely bloody right.

Lewis Capaldi.
Yeah! Legend! Well done!

Well, let's see what
that's done for the scores.

So, in last place, and rightly
so, Roisin and Asim,

27 points.

The runners-up, Richard Ayoade

and Noel Fielding.
But the worthy winners of the

Big Bad Quiz of the Year 2019,
Dara and Maya,

there's your trophy!

There you go, look at that.

Thanks to our amazing panel,
our special guests,

thanks to all of you for watching,
this has been the

Big Fat Quiz for 2019,
I've been Jimmy Carr, goodnight!

MUSIC PLAYS

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Subtitles by Red Bee Media