Original subtitles

So, what's going on? You sounded so excited in your message.

I got engaged.

Oh my god, Lil!

You're getting married!

I know!

Can you believe it? How are you?

Happy. I'm shocked.

I totally thought Dougie was going to break up with me. He's been acting so

weird. But then he goes and he gives me this.

That's why he was acting so funny. He was just nervous.

Oh, my God, Mel.

I can't believe it. You're getting married. Listen, Annie, you have to be

maid of honor.

Please say yes.

Of course I will.

We're going to have so much fun. We're going to plan everything together. We're

going to make it simple and fun, and it's going to be great. And I'm so

thrilled, Annie.

Wow.

Just got a little hot.

Are you okay?

I'm so excited for you, though.

Are you alright?

Yes, yes, yes.

I'm so excited. Of course I'll be your maid of honor. Good. I'm really

I'm really, really thrilled.

So, uh, you're next.

You're next, Annie.

We'll see.

Speaking of, where were you last night anyway?

Um, you know, uh, I, Ted called late and, you know, we had some

fun. An adult sleepover.

It was fun.

Oh, was it? Did he sleep over down your throat?

Oh, gross, Lil.

I can't believe you fucked an asshole again. You know, you feel like shit

yourself every time after you see him. And honestly, I think you do it just so

you can feel bad about yourself afterward.

He kept trying to put it in my face.

Why do guys do that? You know, suck it, stroke my balls. What are you waiting

for? It's like if we wanted to, we would offer, you know.

Can it be on my terms for a minute?

I know, and if you look it straight in the eye, it gets really aggressive.

Wait, are those supposed to be balls?

Yeah, but I have elbows.

No, but seriously, Annie, any guy would be psyched to be with you. You deserve a

good quality guy who only wants to be with you.

Enough of these assholes like Ted.

But he's so hot.

No, he told you you need dental work, for Christ's sake. He's an asshole.

I don't need dental work.

You don't?

I'd totally fuck you.

God, you're hot.

I'd fuck you.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Hey, gorgeous.

Hey, are you going to hurry up or what? You don't want me to get started without

you, do you?

I don't think you would start without me.

God, you're so sexy.

Well, women have to look good, right?

Especially when she's cheating on her husband.

God, I love married women.

Is that because we can't spend the night, Ted?

Oh, whatever.

You just sold me the honor.

Fuck,

it just feels so good.

Oh, it's so good. It's so fucking fun.

Yeah.

Sit on him.

Oh,

man.

Dougie's boss's place. His wife, Helen, is going to be in my bridal party.

She volunteered it. Isn't that awesome?

Oh, my God.

So come, let me introduce you to the rest of the bridesmaids.

Okay. Okay.

Annie, you remember my cousin Rita?

Oh, Rita!

Annie!

Oh, my God. It's so good to see you again. I haven't seen you since you

graduated high school.

Can you believe that Rita has three boys?

Three kids?

Three boys.

Yeah. They're great.

They really are. But, you know, when they get to that age, they stink.

They fart, burp, and shit all over everything. And the semen is insane.

Do you know what it is like to have semen all over your bed sheets?

On the walls? The TV?

The remote?

a bed sheet in half the other day.

Do you get where I'm going with that? I cracked it in half.

Yeah, I know.

Everything. Like a fucking cracker. A saltine cracker, Annie. I cracked it in

half. I know.

Annie, this is Becca, my friend from work.

This is my husband, Kevin.

We're newlyweds.

I love saying that. I'm newlywed. I'm married.

Oh, congratulations.

We went on a sweetheart honeymoon.

Where'd you go?

We went to Disneyland.

Disneyland. We finished each other's sentences.

Oh,

I'm sorry. This must be your husband.

No, I don't know him. I'm sorry.

You want to go for a walk later or go to a movie?

No, I can't do that ever. No, thank you. I'd rather shoot myself.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You should start over. I'm Becca.

I'm Mary. This is my husband, Kevin. You don't have anybody.

I'm sorry.

I didn't understand.

Annie, this is Dougie's sister, Megan.

Hi. Me too.

I've really got to talk to you right now.

Okay, ladies, excuse me.

So, hey, how's it going?

It's going good. It's going great. I'm on the mend. Got some pins in my hip,

I can still do this.

Yeah, I can still take the big pole right up the hoo -ha and ride it like a

bronco. Yeah, little girl's still open for business.

Two months in the hospital, though.

Fell off a cruise ship.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, right. Oh, shit.

What happened?

Well, I was on a... Swingers cruise, getting gang banged. Had about eight

Rastafarians up in one of those hanging lifeboats. And I am bent over, taking a

12 -incher right up the shit locker.

And I'm jacking off another, and I'm blowing another, and I try to play

with another, and I lose my footing.

Jesus. Yeah, I'm pinballing over the side, knocking into this, ribs breaking,

bones busting, and it's still 80 feet to the drink.

Next thing I know, I'm looking a dolphin right in the eye. And he's talking to

me, down into my soul.

Not words, you know, telepathically, I'm assuming. And he says, Megan, I'm going

to save you. Because I have a mission for you to complete.

Oh, gosh.

Put a cock in my mouth and shut me up. This must be your man.

Hey, Smooth Jazz.

How you doing?

Um, no. He's not with me. I don't know him.

Well, it's a good thing he's single, Annie, because I am going to climb that

like a tree.

Are you interested in some menage a trois action?

Thank you.

Dougie, this is our announcement party.

Get us in the other room.

I don't care.

It's so fucking hot.

Fuck,

Dougie, you're so hard.

We are being so naughty.

I don't want to lose the ring, dear.

But now I feel like I'm cheating on you.

Well, there you go.

We're so sexy together in the mirror.

I just fell in the mirror.

Oh, fuck. Oh,

shit. Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Honey, we're peeing right now. Get that off you.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Dougie, baby.

Oh, baby.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're 50, baby.

He'll test you on the part.

Big dick.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

my

goodness.

Yeah baby.

keep it up on your face

Oh, shit.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yes.

Yeah. Fuck, I love watching you. Okay.

You like your wife's pussy, baby?

Fucking girl.

That's what my fucking wife's pussy is all day.

Oh, I'm glad to hear it.

It better be the only pussy you have all day.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah

Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

Where were you? Oh, I was just dealing with Dougie.

Okay, so you have to meet Helen.

Oh, there she is.

Hey, Helen.

Helen, this is Annie.

There she is, the maid of honor.

Hi.

It's so nice to meet one of Lillian's childhood friends.

Oh, you're so cute. Pretty.

You're so cute.

You're so sweet.

Dougie's boss, Mr.

Harris, oh, I should say Perry now, is Helen's husband, and she volunteered her

beautiful home to host my announcement party today. Isn't that nice?

Yeah, well, when you have the home as nice as this, you might as well show it

off. And both of our husbands are so close now, which is good because Lillian

and I are close now.

So glad you guys are finally meeting.

It was wonderful meeting you. I have to go check on the hors d 'oeuvres. Great

party. Yeah, enjoy the party.

Bye.

She's great, isn't she?

Yeah, she's awesome. I know.

Everybody, I'd like to make a toast.

I want to thank Dougie for becoming a part of my family.

I have to say, it would have been a little cheaper if you had just knocked

up and got married in Vegas.

We're all here now, and I'd like to thank you all for coming out.

And here's to Dougie and my little girl Lillian.

May all the happiness be to you.

Thank you, Daddy. Cheers.

Now,

enough of me.

Here's for the maid of honor, Annie.

Hi,

I'm Annie Walker. I'm so happy to be part of the celebration.

You two really deserve each other and a lifetime of happiness.

Cheers.

Thank you, Annie. That was so

sweet.

Lil, do you remember that trip we took to the Key West with the boys?

And we hung out all weekend and really bonded.

You made me realize how I could trust people again.

Lil, I just want you to know you're my best friend.

Now let's go have dessert.

I just want to say real quick, I want to thank Lillian for carefully selecting

me as her maid of honor. I know there were several choices out there, but you

chose a lifelong friend.

Thank you, Lillian.

Lillian.

You're getting married reminds me of a beautiful saying I learned in Thailand.

It means, you're a part of me,

a part I can never live without, and I hope and pray I never have to.

Aww.

Now, the dessert wine's ready. Let's go.

Spanish in high school, and I just want to say really quick.

Uno, dos, consuela, comprende, un camaro, cumpleaños,

lunes, di camaro, ay caramba.

Gracias.

I just wanted to say, I feel close and I can trust you.

I feel I can communicate to you with simply a look.

Now, let's go eat.

My sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when

skies are gray.

You never know, dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy.

I told you I'm not drunk.

Told you.

So you mean to tell me that you're a horrible sober driver?

So funny. Am I done walking now?

You're done walking when I say you're done walking.

If I was drunk, could I do this?

Okay, please stop. That's just, that's rather disturbing. Okay, I believe that

you're not drunk, but I am going to have to give you a ticket.

What? Why?

Because your brake lights are out. You can't be driving around without any

lights. Oh, those have been out for over a year. I promise to get them back.

Please don't give me a ticket.

Pretty please with sugar on top?

License and registration.

You live on the same street I live on.

Yeah, I used to have a business there, too. A bakery.

Cake baby.

You're the cake baby.

You used to have the muffins with the cream filling.

Oh, shame it went out of business.

You used to have a real tall guy working there.

Yeah, he was my boyfriend.

He left when the business closed.

What a dick.

I'll tell you what.

I'm not going to give you a ticket, but you got to get those brake lights fixed.

And I mean it.

I will. I promise. Thank you, officer.

It's Rhodes.

I'll tell you what. I got a friend who has a body shop.

They'll take care of you, okay?

Put my number on the back.

Tell him I sent you.

His name is Bill Cosby with a Z.

But don't make a reference to it. He hates it. Takes it real personal.

Get those taillights fixed.

I will, I promise.

All right.

Annie, this place is great. I've never been here.

It's real authentic Brazilian food. I thought we'd try something different and

fun. Well, I could eat a horse.

Nice choice, Annie.

Yeah, there's even a check -cashing place next door.

So, girls, let's raise our glasses and toast.

To all my beautiful bridesmaids, I love all of you, and let's keep it real,

girls.

Cheers. Cheers.

Welcome,

ladies. Ready to come to Brazil?

Yay!

There you go. Your idea is perfect.

Right? Oh.

so good wow that is one pink piece of meat you got there

thank you

so much that is that's more than enough oh my god ernie pretty good

oh yeah it's great

it's like salty balls

Love it. Mm -hmm. Amazing, Annie.

Helen, you're not eating any meat?

It's not good to eat a big meal before a fitting.

I'm going to keep it light.

Not me.

Adam Bloat.

You're lucky.

Just a gift.

It must be so wonderful to be a mom. I can't wait.

The other night, I was slaving away in the kitchen, making a very elaborate

for my family. Aw.

And my husband's three kids.

He has three. I told you that.

One of them came into the kitchen and said, Mom, I'd like to have pizza

I said, no, I'm making a nice dinner for our family.

He said, Mom, why don't you go fuck yourself?

Oh, my God. He's nine.

Ladies, would you excuse me for just a brief moment?

So I

wanted

to talk to you ladies about the bridal shower. I was thinking it could be

-themed. Lillian has wanted to go to Paris her entire life.

We could get some expensive cheeses, some croissants, and some cute French

things, and make it really fun.

No, not a bad idea.

I don't know.

It's cute, but the whole Paris theme is really played out and boring.

Why don't we try to throw around some other ideas?

I know. We can be furries. We can dress up as animals and roll around with each

other and it'll be fun.

I like it, but let me add to this.

Fight club.

Female fight club.

We oil up.

We wait for Lillian to come in, turn on the lights, surprise, and then we beat

the living shit out of her.

She won't forget that.

I gotta say, I don't hate the idea. I would just like to add, what about the

bachelorette party?

I want to go out. You guys know I have three kids. I want to try on that new

miniskirt. Where's the adults here? What is this? We're throwing around ideas

about pillow fights and fucking furry animals and shit here. I want to fucking

balls in my face.

I want the last minute of my best friend that she's going to spend for her life

to be amazing. And I think that we need to have some fucking fun.

Look, all I know is we gotta make it great.

Lillian, that we're all here for, she's probably in that bathroom bawling her

fucking eyes out because she knows she's gonna suck one cock for the rest of her

life.

He's my brother.

I love him. But he's a fucking asshole. I think we can all agree on that. Yeah.

So let's make it good.

Excuse me, ladies. I don't know how you got past the front door, but you will

need an appointment to be in here, and we're booked for the next seven weeks.

Well, we're just shopping. Can we just look around?

No, I'm sorry. You do need an appointment.

You're going to have to go.

Whitney!

Helen Harris!

Hi! How are you? I didn't know you were here.

Yeah. Are you with this group? Yes, I am.

Oh, okay. Well, okay, girl. It's fine. Just because it's her, you can come in.

Come on, lady. Thank you so much.

Nice. Oh, it's so pretty.

Look, ladies. It's Jar Jar Gabon.

Oh, it's so pink.

Oh, I love it.

This one's really nice, girl.

Helen, it's $800.

Ladies, it's on sale.

Isn't it a little flashy? We don't want to upstate the bride.

Well, you don't need to worry about me, because Helen here is friends with the

top dress designer in Paris, Pierre Momon.

And he's designing my dress just for me.

Isn't Helen amazing, you guys?

Helen, you're so amazing.

God, where were you when I got married?

I gotta say, that is one classy... Megan!

I'm sorry, I apologize.

I'm not even entirely confident which end that came out of.

Been there, done that.

What?

Licked the drippy slit.

Oh my. Rubbed clams.

I tried it.

But you know, I need the high hard one to get off.

You know, a big stinky man pounding my cunt hard and deep.

Dyking out is a waste of time.

Ladies, you all look wonderful.

While you guys were getting dressed, I was able to scrounge up a last year

Pierre Maman for Lillian to try on.

Oh, you girls stink.

You look great, love. Thank you so much, Rita. Are you guys okay?

You look amazing. Oh, my God.

Thank you so much. Isn't it beautiful, you guys?

You look absolutely stunning.

You all look exquisite. Just beautiful.

Love these dresses.

Megan, are you okay?

It's so fucking hot in here.

Oh, my God. You got food poisoning from that place Annie took us to.

You got food poisoning.

Lil, I honestly don't give a fuck what dress we get. I just gotta get off this

white carpet.

Okay.

Wouldn't we all have it then?

Oh. Oh.

Um, excuse me. Excuse me. Um, girls, don't go in the bathroom.

Go in the parking lot across the street. Good God.

You look so good, Annie.

No, no, I'm fine.

You sure it wasn't that gray lamb?

Or that greasy, oily chicken?

I could actually go for a burger right now.

Really? Because I have an energy bar right here.

You want it?

Go on, Annie.

Take a big bite.

You look really hot.

Hi,

Mom.

No, I haven't talked to Mr. Balcom.

mean I've been fired?

Why would he tell you first before me?

I know, but I work there.

No, the girl was an idiot. I just told her she probably would be cheated on.

I gotta go. Helen's calling me.

Hi, Helen.

Uh, yeah, I just got your email.

Uh, Lillian's dad's cabin?

That doesn't sound special.

Uh, let's do Vegas.

Vegas?

It's so expensive.

And we gotta fly there?

I was thinking we could go to Lillian's dad's cabin and just hang out.

Lillian used to love going there.

Uh, cabin?

Seriously?

We should go to Vegas. The girls will love it.

Helen, I gotta go.

Rita's calling me.

Annie! Helen says we're going to Vegas.

Fucking great.

Shut your motherfucking filthy mouth, you bastards!

Sorry. Fucking kids again.

Anyway, bald in my face.

God, I'm gonna need this.

Oh, by the way, my hairdresser might be able to get us some cocaine.

Uh, I'll call you later, Rita.

Hi, Becca.

Annie, I'm so excited. Vegas!

I want to see Criss Angel.

It's such a long trip and so much money.

I don't know.

Annie, I know you're afraid to fly, but it'll be fun.

Yeah, but it seems like... What is this?

Becca, I gotta go.

Hi, Annie. This is Lawrence and Rebecca, your roommates.

And we'd like to invite you to move out.

We think it's pretty ridiculous that a grown brother and sister would need a

third wheel living with them.

Especially one that gets mad when my sister reads your diary and wears your

clothes.

Are you fucking serious?

You email me and you're in the next room?

That was fun.

It was.

Geez, you're such a good ball trainer, Annie.

Well, thank you.

So, I was thinking that maybe you could come with me to Lillian's wedding.

Nothing serious, just fun, a good time, some drinking.

Well, I don't have to explain our relationship to all your friends, Annie.

I mean, that would suck for you, right? I mean...

Oh, hey, here's Annie. Oh, hey, we're fuck buddies.

Right?

Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, really, I'm just thinking about you here, so... You know, that's okay. I

think there's... I have someone else I can help, actually.

Oh, really?

Who?

This guy.

Who?

Joe.

Joe Glass.

Who's this Joe Glass?

He's this really nice, hot guy who would probably love to be my date.

What can Joe Glass do to you?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, boy.

Don't worry, Annie.

It's a short flight. You're going to be just fine.

Here, take a few of these.

Slam a few drinks back on the plane.

You'll be fine.

Thanks very much.

Thank

you.

I'm so excited to go to Vegas!

Kevin never takes you to Vegas?

Oh, no.

Wholesome vacations.

That's why I went to Disneyland for my honeymoon.

He likes to keep wholesome and adventure.

He'll take showers, definitely.

And then put on a cover.

And then he turns off the light.

Sounds so boring.

So, does he at least eat good pussy?

Oh, no, no. He never does that. He doesn't do that.

I'd like him to. Well, if you get me drunk enough in Vegas, maybe I'll eat

pussy. Really?

Let's start drinking on the plane.

Get this crazy bitch off the plane!

You smell like pine cones, and your face is like sunshine.

You little slut.

I'm going to eat your butt.

So my nose bleeds.

I'm going to show you things that your husband will never show you.

Get up here and face your ass towards me.

It was the luggage.

You didn't have any.

By the way, thank you for not shooting Annie. I know she was completely out of

control up there.

She shouldn't have mixed all those downers with alcohol.

Annie's very lucky she had a friend like you who tackled her so I didn't have to

shoot. I mean, she was causing a huge panic on the plane.

I mean, what kind of person steals the onboard announcement system and tells

the passengers that there's a colonial woman on the wing?

You know, she could be spending five years in federal prison for this.

That's why people like me appreciate the job you're doing for this country.

Protect and serve.

And it's a thankless job.

I just wanted to let you know I'm here to relieve a little of that stress.

If you know what I mean.

See that?

I can put it up over my head.

I was hoping we could join the Mile High Club while we were up there.

I can't be having sex in the bathroom.

I'm supposed to be looking out for terrorists.

Well, you're not in the air now, Air Marshal John.

Why don't you come on over here and park it in this garage?

Recharge.

All right here, Marshall John.

Ready for lift off.

I've been waiting for this.

I'm almost happy we got thrown off the plane, since you were going to take me

there.

Kiss those fun bags.

Just how I like it.

Prepared.

Oh yeah.

Now it's my turn to protect and serve.

You ready for me to come aboard, Air Marshal John?

I don't think you have much choice.

Come on.

Feel that heat?

Mm, fuck.

Let's eat.

so I let myself in.

God, you would never believe the day I've had.

Lillian fired me as her maid of honor, and that cunt Helen is now handling

everything.

Oh.

How the fuck do you know her?

You know you're supposed to call first, right?

And besides, this is Helen, the married woman I was telling you about. Yeah, I

know who she is.

We're fuck buddies, remember? So it's okay.

And I wouldn't be averse to a little three -way action if you took it so

Fuck you, Ted.

She has so many issues.

I had to stand in.

She was going to ruin the wedding.

Annie, I had no idea you were seeing Ted.

He said he was fucking a few tramps on the side, but I didn't know you were one

of them.

Let's just drop the whole thing.

So glad you're here. Can you believe this place? Look, they've got chocolate

waterfalls for me, expensive cheeses, croissants.

croissants, should I say, and crepes.

Get a load of this French pastry that Helen ordered for me. I mean, it's

straight from Paris.

Can you believe the lengths that she went to to make me happy?

So amazing.

It's a nice cookie.

Yeah, I can believe it.

It's more of a pastry, but cookie nonetheless.

I mean, Helen went all out. Can you believe how much she knew I loved Paris?

Oh, I can believe it.

Come.

Rita, thank you so much for the towels. I really appreciate it, sweetie.

You're going to need them.

Ooh, for this one.

I think I know who this is from.

Annie, it's all my favorite things from growing up, you guys.

Oh, I know, too. I know it was my favorite show. God, Dylan was hot.

Oh,

look at that big haircut.

Oh, my God.

Annie, this is so thoughtful. Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me.

Love it.

Love it.

Well, I have to apologize.

With all the planning I've been doing for your wedding, I didn't have time to

shopping or cut up magazine pictures, so I just got you this card.

Aw. It's okay, Helen. I understand.

You've had a lot going on.

Helen!

You guys, Helen got me two first class tickets to Paris.

This is amazing.

I can't... Hi.

Oh, Helen, this is so fun. Nice, nice.

This is amazing.

I can't... Helen, this is so generous of you. We're going to have so much fun.

You guys, I'm so excited. I've always wanted to go...

Are you fucking kidding me?

What the fuck?

Annie? I mean, seriously, what kind of woman gives another woman a trip to

Paris? Can anybody say lesbian?

Levin! Annie, have you lost your fucking mind?

Lillian, this whole Paris idea, she stole from me.

Little rich cunt decided to steal the whole French idea. She didn't know about

it until I told her about it.

Now look at this cookie.

Do you think any of us can finish this whole fucking cookie?

We haven't even tasted it yet.

Damn it. All this shit. She stole the whole fucking idea. She wouldn't have

idea about any of this if it wasn't for me.

Annie. You know, ever since you got engaged, my whole life has turned to

And maybe if you would have pulled your head out of her perfectly bleached

asshole, you maybe would know what's going on right now. Annie, for your

information, her asshole is perfectly bleached. And I know that because I went

with her and had mine bleached too. And I gotta tell you, Annie, I love my new

asshole.

Enjoy your asshole.

You know what? If you leave now, you're not getting a toy poodle, and they're my

party favors to everyone.

That's fine. Bye.

You know what, Annie? If you're going to be like this, don't even bother coming

to my wedding because you are no longer invited. You are no longer my maid of

honor. Bye.

I'm proud of you, Lillian. Shut the fuck up, Helen.

Does anybody else have anything to say?

I took two dogs already. They're in the back of my van.

Wanna grab a drink?

I can't. I'm on the clock.

Okay.

Wait. I have an idea.

That's amazing, Annie. Truly amazing. You're like the maid of dishonor.

Ever since Lillian told me she's getting married, my life's gone to total shit.

It's like she's moving ahead and I'm going nowhere.

Everything's going to work out fine, Annie.

Being a maid of honor is difficult for everyone.

My cousin was a bridesmaid for my sister's wedding.

She got so stressed out, her hair started falling out.

Falling out in big clumps.

By the time the wedding started, she looked like Sinead O 'Connor.

It was truly disgusting.

I'm getting kind of buzzed.

Come on, let's go pull some fucker over.

Okay. You got shotgun.

a breathalyzer.

Let's check this off.

Where should I come?

That's what we're here for.

To protect and serve.

You're nice.

Hmm.

I think you should go to the wedding, honey.

What?

After what happened?

You gonna let that cunt Helen keep you from seeing your best friend get

Come on, honey.

You're better than that.

Hello?

I'm in bed.

I'm hiding out.

Lil, what are you doing?

I left the rehearsal dinner last night.

I just came home. I'm in bed in my apartment.

Lil, you're getting married today.

I don't want to do this without you, Annie.

I want you to be my maid of honor and I want you in my wedding. You're my best

friend. My dad can't even afford all this nonsense that Helen is creating.

I don't even know how this happened. I wanted to plan this wedding with you and

all of a sudden everything just got out of control.

Helen is a total cunt. I really miss you.

Okay, hold on. Let me get ready and I'll be right over.

Fucking roommate.

Now what? You want to wear my clothes now too?

God. She's a runaway bride.

Did you look at her apartment?

I don't know where she lives.

Wow. And you're her best friend.

I just talked to her. Calm down.

She's at her apartment. I'm about to go get her.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Now what?

that's so much drama.

He says to go back to my husband.

My husband's always gone because he doesn't want to be around me.

I like this look on you.

Why are you smiling?

Because you cry ugly.

No, I don't.

Yes, yes, you.

No.

And by the power vested in me, in the state of California, I now pronounce you

man and wife. And kiss the bride.

I feel your pain.

You keep it bundled up in the haze.

No one can whip it out like you do.

There's no point to keep your balls so blue.

Open your mind, unzip your fly.

Ain't it hard when it's hard to keep it inside?

Today somebody's gonna stick it like a ticket to the county fair.

Hold on, baby.

Gonna stick it out and give it some air.

If you want, I can make the first big advance.

You get that hard -on out of your pants.

Hard -on out of your pants.

Your cock is my new car.

Here we go.

This is tape 17, Air Marshal John and the

Hungry Bear.

Let me have it open. Oh, you ready, Air Marshal John, for my big sandwich?

I heard there was a hungry bear in here.

I need a big bite of this big bear sandwich.

Go on, take a big bite.

Oh, yeah.