Original subtitles

Yeah, baby, yeah.

Yeah, baby, that's it.

Look at those lips, baby.

Ooh, yeah.

Oh, beautiful, baby.

Smash it.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah. Yeah.

You feel it, baby? You feel the love in this room?

Yeah.

It's dirty, baby. It's dirty.

It's the dust in there.

Yeah.

Oh, you all do that.

I didn't tell your parents.

Yeah,

baby. Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

That's it.

You are nothing.

Oh, beautiful, baby. Beautiful.

Does that make you horny, baby? Yeah.

Why don't you say we go for a more organic view?

You want me to suck your dick?

Oh, behave.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

I'd like you to use all your powers.

And we will save the world.

Oh yeah!

I'll mind my shoes if you mind mine too.

Shagging. Cold shagging. And Austin's very good at it. Raw, baby!

Like a tiger! Raw!

Yeah! It's beautiful!

You are gorgeous, baby!

Gorgeous!

Don't worry, baby.

Follow my lead.

Do you mind Vanessa?

She can be a bit creepy.

Oh, wow.

What do I owe the pleasure?

It's Dr. Evil, Austin.

He's... Good heavens.

What? Is there something on my face?

If

it's

something about evil, is he trying to kill me?

You know, perhaps I should come back later after you've finished.

Does he want to kill me again?

Yes. How did you know?

He pretty much has to, love, doesn't he? I mean, it's only a matter of time

before I foil what evil plan he has cooked up.

Is he putting lasers on sharks again?

or sour attitude to odd box, what?

I'm afraid it's much more serious this time.

Apparently his number two...

Obsconded

a batch of high -grade plutonium from a fission lab in Ely. Yes.

It was smuggled into the state.

Yes, yes.

Into a lab in the Mojave. Yes. Just outside of Los Angeles.

Yes. Evil had a nuclear warhead made.

Yes, yes.

He plans to dip me. Yes. In Las Vegas.

Yeah. Unless.

Yeah. Unless. Yes. We can stop it. Yes. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Cream and sugar.

Just sugar, then.

I wonder what Dr. Evil's plans will be to kill me.

I imagine he'll send an assassin.

Perhaps one with a gun.

No, too noisy. It'll attract too much attention.

A knife would be a much better choice.

No, too messy.

It's hard to make a discreet getaway all covered in gore.

No, that wouldn't work for me.

He's just as likely as lighting himself on fire, that's it.

Best choice would be something subtle, quiet.

Something that would leave no fingerprints.

I've got it.

He can choke me with a... with a... stocking. An easily

disposable weapon that leaves no trace of fingerprints. Yeah, it's the perfect

crime.

It's no girl.

It's a man, man.

Did you know he was a man all along?

Of course not. How could I?

Where's Dr.

Evil? Where is he?

He's on the roof.

I'm going to freeze myself in space.

See you in 30 years.

Can we go do the freezing thing now?

I suppose.

I don't quite understand why you are the one to be performing Mr. Powers'

evacuation. This is a top -secret mission, Vanessa.

The fewer people who know of Austin's re -emergence, the better.

Put on your goggles.

As you know, it's been 30 years since Dr. Evil blasted off into space with a

rectal rocket jammed up his bum. It was long believed that Dr. Evil died while

in orbit, but all of that changed 10 days ago.

when a team of astrophysicists spotted what they believed to be a UFO landing

the Mojave Desert.

British intelligence determined that it was none other than Dr. Evil himself.

Soon after Dr. Evil disappeared, our best agent, his prime nemesis, Austin

Powers, came to this facility to have himself cryogenically frozen in the

eventuality of Dr.

Evil's return.

Vanessa, I'd like you to meet Austin Powers, the man who will save the world.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

There's Dr. Evil up to his old tricks again.

We'll catch up to Juggler. It'll be like old times. Yeah!

Oh, Austin, I'm afraid these days are finally well retired from field work.

My job will be to compose you over the phone while you're in Los Angeles with

Vanessa.

Vanessa? Is that your name, baby?

I was wondering what affecting little number might call herself.

I prefer Agent Kensington if it's all the same to you, Mr. Powers.

Well, if it's all the same to me, I prefer to Roger your roundly like I did

Martha. Mr. Powers?

Why, I never... Your mother did?

Yeah!

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Mr. Yes!

Oh, excuse me. Get right to it, yeah.

oh oh

Let's get those balls.

Oh,

God.

I love that sound.

Shag ever.

Yes, it was. Oh, yes, it was. It was.

So what's next?

Next, you fly to Los Angeles to infiltrate Evil's sex toy company.

It's believed he's using it as a current base of operations.

Dr. Evil is holding auditions for his new sex toy line, where you will pose as

model, with Vanessa posing as your agent.

Vanessa. Good evening.

After a long and painful defreezing process, I am ready to go back to work,

though I believe some pleasantries are in order.

So let's get them out of the way as quick as we can, okay?

Number two, how are the kids?

Number three and four?

Very well, thank you.

Great.

And Frau Underwarren, how are the twins, Taki and Whitey?

So good, Herr Doctor. Danke schön.

Wunderbar. Mr.

Horkenfisch, how's every last little thing?

Fine. I knew that it'd look well, considering... Considering what?

That I've had that large piece of junk rammed up my laundry chute for the past

30 years?

That painful hunk of junk that you invented, if memory serves?

Doctor, please.

I'm aware that you have some difficulties during your orbit.

But I assure you, I did the best that I could do, given the technological

limitation of the time.

Difficulties? Why?

What could you be referring to? Do you mean this?

Oh.

My biggest apologies, Doctor.

Mr. Horkenfisch, I cannot hear you over your screams.

I'm not screaming.

You will be.

Quark and Fritz, will you prove yourself?

Did you invent this?

Yes. That's why it doesn't work.

Charles Underwater, will you fuck him to death, please?

Jawohl, mein Doktor.

Schnell. No.

No.

I'm going to have my fun with you.

So how's my plan to build a giant drill in the shape of a dildo, drop a few

megaton of nukes to it as it burrows a hole into the center of the earth where

it explodes,

causing all the volcanoes on the planet to erupt in the biggest gargantuan

ejaculation of fire and lava we have ever seen, laying waste to the earth as

know it.

How's that going? Good?

Alana and I are holding auditions for the cock molding process in the morning.

Then we'll be good to go.

Are you hungry?

I'm always hungry.

Let's go eat.

Okay.

Yes,

you'll eat me? Yes?

You suck, then I suck.

Yes, he gets the pussy ready for the cook.

Yes. Mm -hmm.

Oh, yes.

Yes, suck it. Suck it all out. Mm -hmm.

Yes.

Ah,

that's good. Yes.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Suck it all. Suck it all. Yes. Yes. Just like that.

And what do you have for me?

Yeah.

Very good, thank you.

How's Austin?

Asleep. Asleep?

You did it, Vanessa.

Mother, I assure you.

Well, I'm sure he won't stay on the sofa for long. Mother.

He certainly didn't stay online. Mother, I'd rather not think about that.

Shagging, dude. It's called shagging. And Austin's very good at it.

You could do worse, you know.

I'd rather not think about his penis, Mother, if it's all the same to you.

Is everything all set up for the toy company?

Yes, dear.

I faxed you directions to the company's headquarters.

It should be there.

Call me afterwards with whatever you find out.

And above all else, be careful, dear.

Okay. Kisses, dear. Kisses.

Morning, Vanessa.

Good morning, Austin.

Is that Mrs. Kensington?

Mm -hmm.

So what's this for again? We make a drill to go down, down into the ground.

And I want it giant, or you say organic.

But I want big, like grande, grosso.

So when it goes down, all the way into the ground, I make boom.

Everything goes on fire everywhere.

Comprende? Yeah, I guess.

Let's just hurry and get this over with.

It's not good, what do you say? Piccolo, piccolo?

Too small.

It's not good.

Ciao.

A presto, what do you say? Next.

I'll just have to take your word on that now, won't I? Yeah.

And you all... My name's number two.

We're your parents' mathematicians.

No, actually they worked in sewage. Why?

You look awfully familiar, Mr. Baggeray. I feel like we've met before.

Do you want to see my pepperoncini?

Probably okay, si.

Can I get a little music, baby? A little mood lighting? Yeah!

It's that kind of audition.

Okay.

Ah, si.

Bene, bene.

Numero due. Si, bene due.

Pretty good.

Of course.

Hold it. Right away. I'll call Dr. Ewell to give him the good news.

Mr. Backdrag, thank you.

Uh, Mr. Two, might you show me through the restroom on your way out?

Of course.

Follow me.

Oh, yeah, baby, yeah.

It's magnificent.

A lot was molding it now.

As soon as she's finished, we'll have the lab fashioned into the dildo drill.

Then they'll fill it with nucs and hoist it into the mine shaft.

All you've got to do then is you've got to call the UN and demand the ransom.

Make sure you don't forget.

Goodbye, Doug.

Yes, I love you too.

Uh, Mr. Sue, this is the ladies' room. So it is.

What's this?

Oh, it's, um, it's... Why do I get the feeling you're trying to

distract me, Miss... Kensington.

Kensington?

That's not the name you gave me at the audition.

Relax.

I don't bite, as long as you don't.

Big shit.

home.

Oh, that feels good. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Here we go.

Oh.

Oh, fun.

Yeah. See, baby, see?

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

oh oh

Cool.

Well, that really hit the spot. Business awaits.

Good day.

Oh, by the way, how's your mother?

My mother?

Agent Kensington?

She's, um... She's... Uh -oh.

The jig is up, Mr. Baccarat. Or should I say, Mr. Powers.

Austin Powers?

Oh, not that beautiful, groomy cat.

My name's Chuck.

First name, Judo. That was a close one, eh?

Austin, look out!

Hello,

Austin Bowers.

How does it feel to be my prisoner?

Take a look at the screen above you.

That is Operation Poop Shoes.

What? Why do you laugh at me? Stop it.

Operation Poop Shoes is no joke.

It's time for you two to die.

Please give a warm welcome to your assassins of the evening.

The ten bots.

You'll never get away with this, people.

What do we do?

Don't worry, baby. Follow my lead.

Oh, fuck yeah. Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

I was under the impression you were going to call. Remember?

I told you not to forget.

Hmm.

Yeah, really.

I wish you would have told me harder.

What do we do?

What's he do to it?

He's powering the pop shot.

Yes, and they've activated the blue shoot.

I mean, the pop shot. What are we going to do?

If only there was a sign that if Dr.

D will play it this way, we could find him.

Austin! Vanessa, not now. Thank you.

Okay,

we should go.

Austin! Vanessa, please. Unless you're going to tell me there's a sign that if

Dr. D will play it this way, I'm trying to find him. Austin!

Ow.

Do you have to come with me? I can't, Austin. It's so much exhausting me.

have to go on your own.

I can't leave you here.

Three minus four minutes.

Wait, did they just say two minutes like 30 seconds ago?

I suppose, but you have to hurry, Austin.

Well, I mean, it's not really fair.

They're going to build a drill in the shape of my penis and destroy the world.

They can at least build an accurate clock to tell time. Don't you think?

Two minus two minutes.

See, that was the name of 30 questions. Austin!

Right.

Well, that's really easy.

Conveniently place the board button in the evil lair.

Not so fast, Austin Powers.

Do not touch that conveniently place the board button or I will shoot you.

You don't really think your bullets are faster than my hands, do you?

I'm just looking at it. Don't look at that.

I didn't touch it. Look at me. How do you touch it?

Right here.

I didn't look. No.

Right here.

Stop it.

Don't touch it. You're so close. Don't touch it.

Don't touch it. Stop doing that. Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop. You're a bully.

Don't do that.

only one person that could stop us. Vanessa, I'd like you to meet Austin

The Doctor Evil loves his old tricks.

Austin Powers.

Austin Powers!

Ow!

Did I chip a tooth?

No, Austin, on the contrary.

Your beautiful smile saved the world.

No, Austin, we have to go.

I'm not going to lie, Vanessa, I kind of have an erection right now.

Okay, well, hurry up.

I'm just going to stay here for a minute.

Oh, yeah.

We don't need to get into Austin Powers.

Our operatives are disarming the giant penis as we speak.

I don't know if it's giant, but it definitely does the job.

Sorry Dr. Evil got away.

We'll find him.

Now, have a glass of champagne and enjoy the night you two. You've earned it.

Thank you, Mother.

And for God's sake, have a shag.

Oh, mother.