Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:06,674
Lyndsey and I have decided
to live together.
2
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,243
End of an era,
huh, Charlie?
3
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,046
From now on, no brother,
no nephew...
4
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:15,749
just the sounds of the ocean
punctuated by the soft voices
5
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:19,520
of prostitutes lying about
the enormity of my sexual organ.
6
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,755
Alan, dinner's
on the table!
7
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,557
Hey, I noticed this old pipe
on the mantle.
8
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,425
It's a beauty.
9
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,194
Oh, it was my grandfather's.
10
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,961
Oh, wow, they don't make 'em
like this anymore.
11
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,363
So now that he's gone,
12
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,232
what are you gonna do
with that empty room?
13
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,367
Uh... why do you ask?
14
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,669
I was just thinking,
it might be nice
15
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:39,607
to spend the occasional
weekend here on the beach.
16
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,709
Well, from now on,
this house is your home.
17
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,254
Do you smell something burning?
18
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,630
* Men.
19
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,534
Whoo, what a day.
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,501
Mmm-hmm.
21
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,638
Who could've seen
this one coming?
22
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,945
Oh, please-- after
seven years, you know,
23
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,480
I finally move out
of your house,
24
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,816
and within two days,
I burn my new home down.
25
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,819
You can't write
this stuff.
26
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:31,559
I could if I used your skin for
paper and your blood for ink.
27
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,094
I just want you to know that as
soon as we get
28
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,729
the insurance money and repair
the fire damage,
29
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,399
Lyndsey and the boys and I will
be out of your hair for good.
30
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,801
Unless, of course, you burn her
house down again.
31
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,836
(laughs) Funny.
32
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:46,607
See? That's what we need at
times like this-- laughter.
33
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,043
(snide laugh)
34
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,314
I'm gonna take that as laughter!
35
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:56,184
Trust me, Eldridge is
a great kid,
36
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,951
and you're
gonna love Lyndsey.
37
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,421
If you can open up
your mind just a little,
38
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,790
you will really enjoy
having them here.
39
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,193
LYNDSEY: Damn it, Eldridge!
Why the hell did you try
40
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,994
to flush a washcloth down
the toilet?!
41
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,630
I'm not enjoying it yet, Alan.
42
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,732
Charlie, you got a mop?
43
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:12,833
Laundry room.
Thank you.
44
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,235
Need any help, sweetie?
45
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,304
No, but if I need my house
burned down again,
46
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,805
I'll let you know.
47
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,072
See? She is keeping
48
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,243
a sense of humor about it.
(chuckles)
49
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,778
You've ruined my entire life,
you know that?
50
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,014
You're right, I like her.
51
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,782
We've got a lot in common.
52
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:33,521
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
53
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,757
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
54
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,793
* Men.
55
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,895
What do you want me
to tell you, Chris?
56
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,331
If you want to see your son,
57
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,565
you're gonna have
to come to Malibu.
58
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,699
Oh, grow up!
59
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,068
You think I planned
to have the house burn down?
60
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,102
It was an accident!
61
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,273
It was, you know.
62
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,241
LYNDSEY:
Drop dead!
63
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,875
(phone clatters)
64
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:58,446
Whoo, I'd say she's
a little miffed with your dad.
65
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,414
I'd say she wants to
tear him a new one.
66
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,316
Hey! watch your language.
67
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,717
What'd I say?
68
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,353
New one.
69
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,521
Mmm, honey, honey,
70
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,623
uh, just a little heads up,
71
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,492
um, the boys could
hear you out there.
72
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,794
I don't give a rat's ass
what they can hear!
73
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:18,599
His father's a jerk and you
burned down my freakin' house!
74
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,200
Our house.
75
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,570
Dear God, stop talking.
76
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,577
Aw, damn!
77
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,412
Hey, Berta.
78
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:32,846
Bet you're surprised
to see me back.
79
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:36,317
It's my own fault.
I let myself believe.
80
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,319
Well, I want you to meet
my girlfriend Lyndsey.
81
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,120
And this is her son Eldridge.
82
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,456
And they're gonna be staying
with us for a little while.
83
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:45,459
What'd he do, burn down
your house? (laughs)
84
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,663
It was an accident!
85
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,002
Hello, everyone.
86
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,438
I hope you all slept well.
87
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,839
If there's anything I can do
88
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,308
to make your stay here
more comfortable,
89
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,642
please be sure to tell me.
90
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,544
Thank you, Charlie.
That is so...
91
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,379
Uh! He doesn't mean it.
92
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:07,915
Hey, Uncle Charlie?
93
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:08,782
Yeah?
94
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:09,883
You miss me?
95
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,690
He missed me.
96
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,728
* Men.
97
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:25,433
Honestly, I don't see why
you can't live here.
98
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,302
You're kidding, right?
99
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,403
There's no roof.
100
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,838
So wear a hat.
101
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,476
My great grandmother's
candlesticks.
102
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,511
Oh, Lyndsey, I'm sorry.
103
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,279
She smuggled these
out of Denmark
104
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,448
when the Nazis invaded.
105
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,215
Really? Where'd she hide 'em?
106
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,617
Charlie,
don't go there.
107
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,353
Oh, like I'm the only one?
108
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,588
Look at the bright side.
109
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,523
Even though we've lost
some material items,
110
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,759
the important thing is
we're all safe
111
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,327
and we've still got
each other, right.
112
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,229
You're making
my skin crawl.
113
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,866
Hey, guys... smile.
114
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,535
It's for your Christmas card.
115
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:04,137
All my stuff is wrecked.
116
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,272
Oh, I'm sorry, buddy.
117
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,407
Sorry isn't gonna bring back
118
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,808
my guitar or my X-Box
119
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,110
or the history paper
that's due tomorrow
120
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,945
that I totally had finished.
121
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,246
Where's Eldridge?
122
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,349
He's drying out his weed
in the backyard.
123
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,850
Weed?!
124
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,819
Wii.
125
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:19,887
Nintendo Wii.
126
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:20,921
I better go help him.
127
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,092
I could use a little
Wii right now.
128
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,063
Is this my Armani jacket?
129
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,565
Oh! Oh, yeah. You know,
130
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,367
I don't know how that got in
with my things.
131
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,468
I was gonna bring it back.
132
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,803
But now that you're here,
133
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,838
why don't you just take it
with you?
134
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:38,706
Saves me the trip.
135
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,008
You know what? Happy birthday.
136
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,578
Not much of a birthday present.
137
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,747
HERB:
Ding-dong.
138
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,315
Hi, neighbor.
139
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,917
We saw your cars
out front.
140
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,051
Hey, Judith.
141
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,252
Incredible, huh?
142
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:55,389
Wow, this place is a wreck.
143
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,091
But still livable.
144
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,029
What are you gonna do?
145
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,731
Well, till the place gets
fixed up,
146
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,799
we're all staying in Malibu
with Charlie.
147
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,067
Really?
148
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,469
All of you...
149
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,804
at Charlie's?
What are you
smiling about?
150
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,841
You know what
I'm smiling about.
151
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,143
Well, I hope
the repairs go quickly
152
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,011
so we get you back here
real soon.
153
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,279
Thanks. I'm gonna miss
154
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,781
your friendly face
every morning
155
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,215
when I'm getting the paper.
156
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,383
Every morning?!
157
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,685
Our schedules synch up
158
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,554
when I'm doing my power walk.
159
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,559
Power walk?
160
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,126
What are you
smiling about?
161
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,495
You know what I'm smiling about.
162
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,132
Hey! My pipe survived!
163
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,601
It's like a miracle.
164
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,606
Filthy habit.
165
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,277
* Men.
166
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:54,648
Oh, look, look, look--
The Towering Inferno ison.
167
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,689
No?
168
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:07,661
Oh! Stephen King's Firestarter.
169
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,998
No?
170
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,100
All right.
171
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:19,172
(chuckles)
How about Blazing Saddles?
172
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,012
Too soon?
173
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,247
You guys are no fun.
174
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,116
I'm gonna call a hooker.
175
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,520
Charlie, there's two
young boys in the house.
176
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,254
Let 'em get their own hookers.
177
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,923
Charlie, for God's sake.
178
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,691
Don't worry.
I'm a responsible uncle.
179
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,092
That's nice to know.
180
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,328
I promise I'll get
a quiet prostitute.
181
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,630
Believe it or not,
182
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,331
that's a real concession
on his part.
183
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:47,801
Now where is my phone?
184
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,537
Oh, right, I must've left it in
185
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:55,576
the charred-but-still-very-
livable remains of your house,
186
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,244
which he burned down.
187
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,180
You're gonna go
over there now?
188
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,583
All my hooker numbers
are in that phone.
189
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,184
So unless
you wanna have sex with me
190
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,554
for $1,000 an hour,
I need the phone.
191
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,295
You don't really think he'd
give me $1,000 an hour?
192
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:18,265
If I were you, I'd get
the money up front.
193
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,604
* Men.
194
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,616
Ah... there we are.
195
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,718
(to the tune of "Twinkle,
Twinkle, Little Star"):
196
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:40,854
* A-B-C-D-E-F-G-...
197
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,089
* H...
198
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,324
Hookers.
199
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:48,662
Hookers, hookers, hookers...
200
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,900
Lookin' for a quiet hooker.
201
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:56,136
Ah, there we go: "Silent Betty."
202
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,207
Not a lot
of coverage in here.
203
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,275
Who the hell are you?
204
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,044
Who the hell are you?
205
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,247
You're right, let's just stay
mysterious strangers.
206
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,249
This used to be my house,
you know.
207
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,153
You the ex-husband?
208
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,354
Chris MacElroy.
209
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,355
Charlie Harper.
210
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,858
Alan's brother.
211
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,527
I don't usually
admit it, but yeah.
212
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,930
What are you doing here, Chris?
213
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,866
I wanted to see
what the damage was
214
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,234
and just, you know, sit here.
215
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,604
Try and figure out where
it all went wrong.
216
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,172
What'd you come up with?
217
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:36,509
I probably shouldn't have banged
the babysitter.
218
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,846
Yeah, that can do it.
219
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,182
I did a babysitter once.
220
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,618
My mom was furious.
221
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,689
Wouldn't drive her home and
absolutely refused to pay her.
222
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,158
Want a drink?
223
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,293
Sure, why not?
224
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,563
To babysitters.
225
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,198
(chuckles)
226
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,469
Is this a private party
or can anyone join?
227
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,938
Hey, Herb!
Come on in.
228
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,307
Hey, Chris,
long time no see.
229
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,743
Likewise.
Grab a seat, have a drink.
230
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,378
Oh, gee, I don't know.
231
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,847
I told Judith I was
taking out the garbage.
232
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,051
What the heck. I didn't say
where I was taking it.
233
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,290
So you two guys
know each other?
234
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,524
Oh, you kidding?
235
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,660
Chris is a legend in
this neighborhood.
236
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,228
What was she, like, 19?
237
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,596
Twenty-two.
238
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,699
Nevertheless, quite
an accomplishment.
239
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,769
Hey, is she still
babysitting?
240
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,305
'Cause we're looking
for somebody,
241
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,507
and everybody Judith
interviews is fat and ugly.
242
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,677
Take it from me, Herb, you're
better off with fat and ugly.
243
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,714
Oh, I hardly think so.
244
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,782
You'd really be willing
245
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,918
to risk your marriage over
a cute young babysitter?
246
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,755
I certainly wouldn't risk it
over a fat ugly one.
247
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,958
Can't argue with that.
248
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,359
* Men.
249
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,663
* Men.
250
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:04,932
I made us a snacky snack.
251
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,700
(flatly):
Swell.
252
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,369
We have onion dip
and cool ranch.
253
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,238
Always good to have
a choice of dips.
254
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,073
And I chose you.
255
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,310
Zing! (chuckles)
256
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,348
What are you doing?
257
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,583
Just gettin' comfy.
258
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,853
Snugglin' up on
the world's best pillow.
259
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:29,222
(chuckles) Mmm!
260
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,724
(farts)
261
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,398
Whoa.
That was an accident, right?
262
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,835
Sure...
263
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,904
let's call it an accident.
264
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,040
Hey, can you take me back
to Mom's?
Why?
265
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,608
Eldridge is being a tool.
266
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,244
Whoa!
267
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,245
Dad!
268
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,413
It wasn't me, it was...
269
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,584
Yeah, I'll take you
back to your mom's.
270
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,585
Hey, Alan?
271
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,586
What?
272
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,521
Try not to burn down her house.
273
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,056
Yeah, ha-ha.
274
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:06,326
You might want to light some
matches while I'm gone.
275
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,198
* Men.
276
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,000
So, Chris, what're you
up to these days?
277
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,202
Not a lot.
After Lyndsey threw me out,
278
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,204
I lost my job,
started drinking heavily
279
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,907
and I just found out
I have a lump on my groin.
280
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,776
Bad place
for a lump.
281
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:23,911
Tell me a good place.
282
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,746
Somebody else's groin.
283
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,219
Touché.
284
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,922
Boy, you make one mistake
285
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,957
and you pay for it for the rest
of your life.
286
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,992
You only did
the babysitter once?
287
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,962
Oh, no, that was two years,
morning, noon and night,
288
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,931
but I count it as one mistake.
289
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,869
Maybe that's where
he got the lump.
290
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,103
(knocking)
291
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,005
Did somebody order a pizza?
292
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,242
Hey, it's my favorite pizza boy!
293
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,077
I'm 38 years old, Mr. Harper.
294
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,146
I have high blood pressure
and alimony payments.
295
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,580
You got a lump on your groin?
No.
296
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,115
Then don't complain.
297
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,185
So what are
you people doing here?
298
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:08,055
Having a lonely drink in memory
of our hopes and dreams
299
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,090
that are now dead and buried.
300
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,625
Oh.
301
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:13,961
I'm in.
302
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,831
* Men.
303
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,632
If it's all the
same to you,
304
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,701
I'm gonna stay with
Mom for a little while.
305
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,003
(sighs)
Come on, Jake,
306
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,704
I know it's been
a little rocky lately,
307
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:25,906
but things'll work out.
308
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:29,076
Yeah, well, when
they do, call me.
309
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,078
Hey, Mom.
What are you doing here?
310
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,846
What is he he doing here?
311
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,681
He wasn't getting along
with Lyndsey's son.
312
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:35,916
Maybe that's because
313
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,218
Lyndsey's son is
a degenerate pothead.
314
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,252
He's not so bad.
315
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,787
He just made some
bad choices.
316
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,156
So did his mom.
317
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,461
Yeah, well, you made
the same bad choice she did!
318
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,663
Ha-ha!
319
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:54,101
(men laughing in distance)
320
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,272
So Alan's, like, I don't know,
five, six years old,
321
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,976
and I walk in his bedroom
and he's in there with the dog,
322
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,945
and I start yelling,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no!
323
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,179
Are you crazy?!
Stop that!"
324
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,915
Looks up at me
and says "What?"
325
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,017
I say, "Alan,
the dog is supposed
326
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,684
to lick the peanut butter
off you."
327
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,321
(all laugh)
328
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:19,159
To this day,
I can't eat peanut butter.
329
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,227
Hello?
330
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,496
Hey, we were
just talking about you.
331
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,465
All good, I hope.
332
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,833
Oh, yeah, it was good.
333
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,635
(all laugh)
334
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,536
So, what's going on?
335
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,670
Just having a drink
336
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,039
with a few friends.
337
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,706
Chris, I believe you know
my brother.
338
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:36,376
The man who's banging your wife
and burned down your house.
339
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,411
Hi.
340
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,215
Pull up a chair.
Have a drink
341
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,651
with your girlfriend's ex
and your wife's new husband.
342
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,921
I just brought the pizza.
343
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,223
I don't think I've slept
with anyone you know.
344
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,493
Okay.
345
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,596
Hey, you know
what I just realized?
346
00:14:56,663 --> 00:15:00,100
You three guys have
all slept with each other.
347
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,202
What?
What?
With all due respect, Charlie,
348
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,670
I think I'd remember that.
349
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,206
No, no, think about it.
350
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,076
They say that when you have sex
with someone,
351
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,577
you're basically having sex
with everyone
352
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,079
they've ever had sex with.
353
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,682
Oh. I guess you and I have done
the dirty deed.
354
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,287
Because of Judith,
not the peanut butter dog.
355
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,658
You told them?!
356
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,294
I tell everybody.
357
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,597
Wait.
358
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,799
So Herb has slept with Alan,
359
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,602
and Alan has slept with Chris,
which means that...
360
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,370
I've slept with Lyndsey!
361
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,672
(chuckles) Yes!
362
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,643
* Men.
363
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,549
(farts)
364
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,452
(phone rings)
365
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,121
Hello?
366
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,956
How could you sleep with Herb?
367
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,358
Alan, is that you?
368
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,127
Who's Herb? Where are you?
369
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,894
I'm in our house.
370
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,096
What are you doing there?
371
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,664
Because there's nowhere else
372
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,000
for me to go
'cause you won't forgive me.
373
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,968
Why won't you forgive me?
374
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,703
You're drunk.
375
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,673
Yeah, well, you farted at me.
376
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,242
Good-bye, Alan.
377
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,510
Where's Jake?
378
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,780
He left hours ago,
to get away from you.
379
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:21,914
Where's Alan?
380
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,017
He left to get away
from me.
381
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,919
Where's what's-his-name?
382
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,588
The guy who owns
the house?
383
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:32,359
He left to get away
from all of us.
384
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:37,897
Hey, this is working out
pretty good, huh?
385
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:41,568
You know,
I envy you guys.
386
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,437
You've all been married,
have kids.
387
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,573
Yeah, it didn't
end well,
388
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:50,043
but for a moment in time, each
and every one of you experienced
389
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,245
what it is to have a family,
390
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,948
to give and receive
unconditional love.
391
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,517
My marriage isn't over.
392
00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,387
Dude, you've been taking out
the garbage
393
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,722
for two-and-a-half hours.
394
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:08,195
I said it wasn't over,
I didn't say it was good.
395
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,998
Really, Charlie,
you envy us?
396
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,766
Oh, come on, look at me.
397
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,034
What do I have?
398
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,104
A big house on the beach,
399
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:20,407
more money than I know
what to do with...
400
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:24,644
and a cell phone full
of candid video of me
401
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,813
having uninhibited sex with
beautiful women
402
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,682
whose names I don't remember.
403
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,284
(chuckles)
404
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,923
(quietly): I don't think
he envies us at all.
405
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:40,093
Good catch, Herb.
406
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,728
I gotta go pee.
407
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,696
Oh, uh, bathroom's
right back there.
408
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,699
I know where it is!
I used to live here.
409
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,635
Right, right.
410
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,337
That's a classy guy.
411
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,940
Using the toilet in a house
with no plumbing.
412
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,942
Where have you been going?
413
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,377
Refrigerator.
414
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,680
I filled the vegetable crisper.
415
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:04,217
See? That's what I love
about you, Charlie.
416
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,785
You're a maverick.
417
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:09,589
I gotta start being
more mavericky-ky.
418
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,559
JUDITH:
Herb, where the
hell are you?!
419
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,227
Maybe tomorrow.
420
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:19,065
Hey, Lyndsey,
you'll never guess
421
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,734
what we figured out
about you and me.
422
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,204
JUDITH:
Herb!
See ya soon.
423
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,307
Alan, let's go home.
424
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,842
You came to get me?
425
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:30,710
Yeah.
426
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,844
You forgive me?
427
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,781
Well, I thought
about it and...
428
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:35,882
Hey, Lyndsey.
429
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:36,949
Chris.
430
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,151
What are you doing here?
431
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,787
Well, I came
to see the damage
432
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,290
and I just started
thinking about us;
433
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,991
what an idiot I was.
434
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,959
You were, you know?
435
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,196
I'd give anything to start over.
436
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,797
Really?
437
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:54,967
Uh, excuse me, but weren't you
about to forgive me?
438
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,303
Can we go out someplace
439
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,671
and have a cup of coffee
and maybe,
440
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,072
I don't know, just talk?
441
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,176
(coughs):
Babysitter.
442
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,214
Well, I guess
443
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,181
there's nothing
wrong with talking.
444
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,782
That's great.
445
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,552
I can't tell you how much
I've missed you and Eldridge.
446
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,854
He really needs
a father, Chris.
447
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,657
Uh, so I'll see you back
at the house, right?
448
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,463
She left her kid there;
she's gotta come back.
449
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,698
Would you come back
for that kid?
450
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,169
She's never coming back.
451
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,972
(muttering)
452
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,242
* Men.
453
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:38,711
* Men.
454
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,214
You know who you
remind me of, Alan?
455
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,782
Job.
456
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,050
Job from the Bible?
457
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,553
How many Jobs you know?
458
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,456
Job-- the guy God punishes
just for laughs.
459
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,325
Mm! God punishes Job
to test his faith.
460
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,126
Still funny.
461
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,995
(grunts)
462
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,364
What time is it?
463
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,865
A little after midnight.
464
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,533
(groans)
465
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,502
So much for that
30-minute guarantee.
466
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,837
Good night, fellas.
467
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,072
Good night, Gordon.
468
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,340
Night, Gordon.
469
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:12,479
So...
470
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,447
Guess it's just
you and me, huh?
471
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,750
Two guys sitting alone
in a burned-out house.
472
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,386
(knocking)
473
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,855
Hey!
474
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,757
Silent Betty! You made it!
475
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,226
See ya, Alan.
476
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:34,267
Well, sure,
half and half sounds good.
477
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,909
Huh.
478
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,444
Maybe I am like Job.
479
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,150
But I am not
gonna lose my faith!
480
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,586
(thunder crashes)
481
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,862
Aw, crap.
32562
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof