Original subtitles

Mammuth - Comedy Drama 2010, France 92 min Dutch => English by SSTV (non native in either)

Serge, we do not know each other all that well, but you've been a valuable employee.

For 10 year you did your job taking care and never complained.

Your statistics are exemplary.

Never absent, never sick, never caused complaints.

This country ows its quality meat product to you.

Today, as you know,

and even though it hurts,

it is time to say goodbye and start enjoying your well deserved retirement.

You may not know this, Serge, and they would not tell you themselves,

but your colleagues came up with the idea for this goodbye drink.

A surprise ... and proof that your colleagues are your friends as well.

That is one of the reasons why we are market leader in pork meat.

Working, yes ... but working with friends is better, believe me.

Anything to say ?

Let the party start.

The dairyproducts arived just 5 minutes before opening!

A nightmare!

Annoyed customers everywhere, since we were still filling up the shelves.

They have to do their shopping at exactly 9 a.m.

At 9 a.m. they are standing restless in front of the shop

And another thing. As of now we have to accept all jobs.

But I said against Blondeau that I will not do fish.

A whole week smelly hands - No way!

What's that? - A jigsaw puzzle.

I can see that. Where did you get it ? - Een afscheidscadeau.

A bit lame.

Better than a microwave flatscreen. Very considerate.

We are good friends for 10 years by now.

Look at this... 917 times 702 millimeter.

917...

Yes, you guys clearly established a good connection.

What are you going to do from now on, given that you are at home the whole day?

No idea.

That will keep you busy.

Well... - 2000 pieces.

How often did I tell you not to drink after 5 p.m.?

You'll keep me up all night by taking a piss.

You know that you have prostate problems and still you keep on drnking ... put the seat up!

That's good quality

I must know, I am working in this business.

The perfect skin colour, purplely pink.

Nice texture, a bit marmorate, marinated in water.

Smoked in applewood

or Hickory, right?

I have no idea, I have no masters in ham. You have to much spare time?

Not at all. I've got a lot to do. I just thought you'd appreciate your profession.

Do you know where you can stuck the profession for minimum pay?

Stay calm, mister.

I am calm. Sod off.

Bastard. If you are lucky enough to work with ham, at least show some interest.

I would smash your ugly face in, if it wasn't for my wife.

Your wife? You have a wife? - What ?

With a face like that? Who'd be your wife? - Step forward from behind your counter.

Asshole. - I'beat you up. You and your cockface.

Asshole! - What ?

You're stupid asshole.

Asshole. - Brave, aren't you. Behind your counter.

You can count yourself lucky, asshole. Fuck off.

Sukker. - Asshole.

Sukker. With your stupid had. - There's your wife.

Asshole.

You shouldn't come here.

I am not allowed to serve family and you know that

You want them to fire me?

And then you are bying the wrong stuff.

Did you call the retirement office?

Yes, but they are closed today, they said. Because of the ...

Don't worry. I will call as soon as I am home

And the door ? - Done.

The door is done? -Yes.

Fuck.

The handle.

They gave me a warning.

And to annoy me they stuck me for a week into the fish department.

You did not buy what I told you.

I said unsalted butter and you bought salted.

The font on the pack was too small. - But the one on the icecream was OK.

The first day of retirement ...

and we already face anarchy.

Shoping was a disaster, the phonecall was a disaster

and your DIY was a disaster as well.

It can't go on like that, Serge.

I don't have much hope in my job anymore. I am lcompletely stressed out.

Just a bit more and I switch from homeopathie to tranquilizers.

You've got to do something.

What happens if I collapse? We have three mortgages.

We need money. We need an income.

Quick.

That are strong pills.

That depends. Yo have to dine early. They cause me palpitations.

Do you already have your salary papers?

According to my wife just a few are missing.

Good. Do you still know which companies?

Luckily yes. I have the memory of an elephant.

I am sorry to tell you, but there is something ...

It's huge. Wipe it away.

There. - Here?

There! - Where, here?

There! - Here?

Where? Here? - There!

Is that blood? - Yes.

I used to work in a slaughterhouse.

Good.

You have to visit the companies.

If they do not exist anymore, meet with your former colleagues

and ask them to confirm in writing that they worked with you.

And then you can go to the retirement agency.

ARRCO, AGlRC, GREGRlC, in case you paid.

You collect all the papers and return, understood?

Yes. Although my wife is not here, but yes ...

Fuck.

It's easy. There are 10 papers missing for the jobs you mentioned.

You are going to get them and we are good.

I do not like driving all that much.

The windscreen is not done either.

Get that pile of junk out of the garage and get the papers.

I don't really think that will work.

Common, Serge, you have to.

A bike is like a bicycle. You never forget how to use it.

Do you have your bag? And the envelop with cash? - Yes, in my pocket.

Then go.

I will not drive too fast. - Drive like an AOP.

And do not use all the credit of my phone. - Don't you worry.

Look ... 40% of pensioners don't make it to their 65th

And you want your certificate of conduct? - Else I have to buy trimesters.

Buy trimesters? - Yes, in case I buy them,

they will be added to the ones I already contributed

and consequently ...

I will get full pension payments. That is why I have to buy trimesters.

Who wants to buy trimesters?

Help me to get the coffin out and I will sign your papers.

We'll end up in the hole in the hole, in the hole

we end up in the hole with the stupid monkeys

There we'll be lying in the dirt in the dirt, in the dirt

among the red flowers and the rags

we gonna visit Jeanne visit Jeanne, visit Jeanne

we gonna visit Jeanne the oldest lady

and drink to glory to glory, to glory

and drink to glory of all the veterans

I am calling to say that all is OK.

I am calling to say it is me. It was me.

All is OK.

Yes dear, this is daddy. Yes dear.

Yes, you know I am crazy for you, honey.

So do I. I'd be happy as well.

Yes, from me as well.

Goodevening. Tonight we serve Celderyremoulade and codfish.

Great. - Anything to drink?

Like those gentlemen. - A Saumur Champigny.

Saumur Champigny sounds good. - Excellent choice.

Yes, honey ... Yes, my love.

You know I always return to you.

Pretty warm in here, isn't it? - I always return to you.

For August, I mean.

If daddy he's gonna be there, he'll be there. Promissed.

Yes, honey. Yes. I am crazy for you, honey.

Now you're exaggerating.

You know that I have to work.

I have to, my dear.

My job is to sell fences. l have to.

How can you have fried differently?

And fishfingers? Yes, dear.

See, I know you'd understand?

O promis, dear. Yes, dear.

I know I'll be there, honey l'll be there.

I promis I'll be there.

No, a piece of bread.

Yes, honey, yes dear. Kiss, honey.

What is wrong, mister? You've got a problem?

No, nothing.

My dear. - What is it?

My dear ...

Everything OK? Are you sure? - Yes.

Hello. - Everything OK?

I am looking for the boss.

He is two weeks in Morocco. What do you need?

I was bouncer here in '77. And now I need my papers for my pension.

Bouncer? - Yes.

Pension payments for bouncers? That's new.

I am bouncer for 4 years now and am still unregistered.

I'd like to have a glass of whiskey.

Sure ... how about a double?

How is retirement? Grandchildren growing?

Say ...

didn't we meet on that cruise last year?

Yes, I did personal services.

Piss off.

Piss off!

Good. I'll come back in two weeks. - You go ahead.

Two old guys like us should be able to solve this

Piss off. - I'll be back in two weeks.

They are tough times. - Correct. Piss off.

Virginie, you are looking good. We only accept interns.

My card ... we'll talk later.

Yes, I am calling to say all is OK.

to say all is OK. I found two papers.

Routine, you know.

Are there fishbones in there? - Possible. It is a fish.

It is wild or farmed? - Wild. It is on the package.

What kind of fish is it? - Dolfin.

Mammuth, you are a nice guy, but we do not do retirement.

How big should rusthouses on wheels be?

But you have to give me that paper. - I do not have to give you anything.

We paid you, We will not pay you twice.

For the administration I do not exist. l do not leave a trace.

Where would that lead me?

I'd have to pay taxes and even electricity.

Stay yourself, they are the bastards. It is a shame.

Don't let them get you.

I love you.

I love you

Too late.

When were you here? - Five o'clock.

I arrived at four. And I collected it all already.

Because I use my brain.

Shall I tell you something? To have a future as a professional you need to be methodical.

Did you realise that nobody was lying on a towel where you were looking?

Are you gonna sunbath next to a garbage can?

Let me give you an advise.

From there till there is an imaginary line

The line of the Ice cream seller.

The people walk to that guy to buy their Ice cream.

And while they pay they lose coins.

And each day I walk along that line.

50 coins of 10 Cents and three of twenty.

Because I work methodically. Methodically.

I did not have to tell you

Yes sir, I am listening

I see your name has changed, but I worked here from '73 till '75.

My name is Serge Pilardosse.

I worked on the roll ... and the grindstone

and for the last month I was an apprentice.

I don't understand what you are talking about. - Why? Does Notri-Calvé not exist anymore?

No, we are "Funny Rabbit" specialized in 3D-storyboards'

What? The mill does not exist anymore? The turbine alone was 12 tons.

Sorry, I have no idea what you are talking about

Is there no one who kept the papers?

No, it is all on computers now.

I need my papers. Have a look in the basement or the silo.

I have to work, mister. Contact us via our site

The site? But I am there. Hello?

I want my papers! - Keep calm.

They are in the abby in La Rochelle. But that is closed until end of august.

Doesn't matter. I'll wait. I want my papers!

I want my papers!

Nice, isn't it?

What did you take?

The 6 Euro dish.

Sausage, lentils and ... the carrots.

Funny, I have the same.

There wasn't anything else.

But to be honest, it was good. - I agree.

We have a good life in France. - Indeed we do.

Go ahead and ask what happened.

Everyone is curious. I do not mind.

I had a bike accident.

Well, my room is here. Good night. - Good night.

I saw a bike outside. Is that yours?

Yes, a Münch Mammut 1973.

I had Honda 2000.

Is it OK if we talked a bit over bikes?

I'll gonna have my 17th surgery tomorrow. I am a bit scared.

It is relaxing to lye like this.

If you only knew what I have been through in all those years.

I can imagine. - The doctors gave up on me.

But I always knew I'd make it.

I have to pee.

Can you carry me to the restroom?

I find this horrible. This is not a nice situation

Thanks a lot ... thank you

Can you wait, pelase? If I feel sick I know that you are there

Yes, of course

Thanks.

That feels good

Luckily, my pelvis was not damaged.

The buttmuscles are intact, as you can see. I can contract them ... relax ...

Contract ... relax ...

Very nice.

I can contract them ... Relax ...

Very nice. - contract, relax ...

Damnit.

Stupid bitch.

Stupid bitch!

Sorry, we do not get a pension!

Damnit, my cell.

I love you

And I love you

I never thought a girl like you That I should have a girl like you

What is so special about me?

You are beautiful - Shut up

You are very beatiful

It is for the first time that I kiss a girl

You are the first. My very first girl I am in luck

That why I fell for you

My parents mustn't see me I said I am studying at a friends

You wanna go for a ride - You want to go to my place?

My parents are dining out tonight

OK. Drive fast, OK? - As fast as I can

Jean-Luc !

Jean-Luc !

Good day, Mr. burglar.

ls Jean-Luc not here?

No, he is on honeymoon - He got married? With 65?

Yes, to a French-Russian top model - When will he be back?

He didn't say

May I smell you? - Yes, you may.

You have a nice nose Like the ones for sniffing truffle.

What is your name? - Miss Ming. I am the daughter of Jean-Luc.

So long!

Yes, I saw you when you were little

I am Serge. Jean-Luc is my brother.

I am your uncle. Do you understand?

I do not know He never talked about you

Yes, we had a fight about a stupid inheritage

I do not know whether it was him who was stupid or me

But we lost each other You grew up.

Very stupid - Stupid, yes.

Is cousin Pierre still there?

He lives next door, doesn't he?

In priciple he is always there. - Alright.

Serge! - Hello, cousin.

How long has it been?

Since the funeral of uncle Benoit. That's right! At least 20 years!

You didn't change a bit! Please do come in.

Now I am tired ...

What a finish.

It is 45 years ago.

I have to get out of here.

It was nice to see each other again, wasn't it?

Star. - Can you repeat that?

Star. - Can you repeat that

Star! - Choose a service

Decisionmaking, employment law - Employment law.

I do not understand you. - Employment law.

I do not understand you. - Employment law! Employment law!

Department for Employment law What is your name, please

Pilardosse. - Can you repeat that

Pi-lar-dosse. - I do not understand you. Can you repeat?

Pilardosse !

I am retired, but I miss one or two documents

With the name of Graingrain.

And then they came ... - So kind of proofs.

Or two.

Pilardosse ! What do you want now?

That is exactly the point.

Graingrain ...

Do they still exist? I can't find it. Where is it?

On my desk ...

I had ...

I had a thick dictionary.

I have a sore hip.

L... - I do not understand you. Can you repeat?

L... - P-L, next letter'

A. - P-I-L-A, next letter'

R. - P-I-L-A-L'''

No, A. - P-I-L-A'''

R. - I do not understand you. Can you repeat?

R ! - I do not understand you. Can you repeat?

R ! - P-I-L-A-R' nextletter'

D. - P-I-L-A-R-D' nextletter'

OS. - P-I-L-A-R-D-O-S'

Are you there?

May I come with you?

Is it cold or warm? - Cold.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

Do you still remember? - Yes, everything.

It was a cold evening. - Yes.

But we had it warm.

We always had it warm.

Nothing could happen to us. - But still it happened.

Don't you worry, I am here.

I am doing fine. - Me as well.

Hello, mama ?

There is a man sleeping in the busstop.

What should I do? Should I call the police?

He is fat and smells

OK. Bye mom.

l have a problem. My money is gone and my cousin makes me depressed.

Can I stay here for a few days?

Sure, little homeless.

I still going to collect a few pension documents and then I will return.

You just go, little illegal. Go search for your past life.

And ... how do you like it? - Good.

No. It is cat-piss.

I chose the worst year for you. 1982. Completely tasteless.

I do not think it is that bad.

Why do you think we did not enroll you in agricultural classes?

Think well about it.

Because I am not a farmer?. - And why are you no farmer?

Because I do not have a high school diploma? - And why don't you have a high school diploma?

Because I did not finish school.

And why not?

Because I hated school.

And why did you hate school? - Well ...

Because teachers were crap. - And why were the teachers crap?

Because I did not understand shit.

And why did you not understand shit? - Why not?

Well, because ... because ...

One word is enough.

I do not know. No clue.

Let me help you. Because you are stupid.

Easy. I did not enroll you, because you are stupid.

Uterly stupid.

Is that all you ar egoing to buy? - Yes

What do you want to do with that knife? - I want to finish it

Put it back. We can talk about this. My shift ends in 5 minutes

Alright - See you soon

Thank you - Catherine. My name is Catherine. And yours?

Serge - You shouldn't do things like that

Life sucks but you have to learn to live it

Awesome.

Mammuth! - Fat Bertha!

You still have your old Mammuth. Unbelievable. That thing is worth a fortune by now.

Really? - Yes.

Come with me for a drink. - Go ahead, I'll follow.

Giacomo Agostini, on the MV4.

Mack Helmut. Do you hear that? Honda, six cilinders.

And Barry Sheene. Suzuki twostroke.

Garbage, that two stroke.

Mammuth ...

You did not have it easy since back then.

What I want to say ...

I will always have a can of oil for you. - No ...

Well. That is me. But not only oil.

That is very kind of you.

Come with me, uncle potatohead. I have a gift for you.

Close your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Look.

That is you.

A giant from the outside and soft from within.

An elephant is your heart The rabbits are your hands.

And an ape is your penis.

HVery well done. - Yes, because you deserve it.

Come. I will dress you. And then we will go to my friends.

Hey girls! Wanna play golf?

Sixteen! Just two more! - I got them! I got loads!

Wait!

You know how to enjoy yourself, Serge'

No, I did not touch her. She is my cousin.

I did not envy you I just said that you enjoy yourself

But that is good spirit I find it horrible should you befoul yourself.

You are a virgin. You are beautiful.

You have to stay like this

How did you do it?

I am methodical ... and methodical.

This is the only place where the girl can sunbath naked

without being seen.

I can imagine it.

She is walking here, unfolds her towel, lays down ...

after 15 minutes she takes off the bracelet to not have a tan line.

She is chatting, reading her glossy paper,

and leaves, forgetting about the bracelet. Methodical.

You were just lucky.

Yesterday I found a watch.

A Jean-Pierre Cardin.

Sukker.

Sorry ... Sorry.

Get in!

I am not part of this group. Sorry, I am not part of the group.

Sorry.

Get in. - I am not part of the group.

Please! l do not want to ... Sorry.

I do not belong to the group!

Is your pensioner back? - No, I am starting to worry.

Can I borrow your phone?

Sure. I have credit again.

Afterwards, press the green button.

Gosh, look at my hair ...

Hello, Serge ?

No, Serge is not here. l stole his phone.

He is stupid enough to not block the number

I have to go. There is work to do.

Hello. - Got problems?

I ran out of fuel. Can you give me a ride?

No problem ... with pleasure.

What is your name? -Jean-Luc.

Nice name.

Fucking bitch.

What is going on? - My phone, my camera,

MP3-thingy and Micro-SD card. - Yes.

Danielle, you are a friend ... - Yes.

A real friend? - Of course.

We will see.

Will a skinny bitch fit into a 160 liter bag?

I think so.

Get a shovel, I'll get some acid.

ls a rake also OK? - No, a shovel.

Alright, we got it all.

Is something wrong? - Yes.

The social service of the municipal

They already proposed three different jobs, but I did not qualify.

Now they claim to have found somethin, but I do not qualify and am scared.

You shouldn't.

You have got to go.

You have to work.

Slower, Sonia. Slower.

Sonia.

One moment please.

Yes, come in please.

I come for the job offer.

Sit down. Are you Miss Pilardosse ?

Yes, but you can call me Miss Ming if you want to.

Good.

As you know we are collaborating with the mayors office ...

where we execute some cleaning jobs on a daily basis.

I am talking about the municipal, but we are also working for the private sector.

Do you have any experience in this profession? I mean, as a cleaning operator?

No, never. But I like cleaning at home.

If I expect guests for dinner,

which is quite normal, they are friends,

I like it to be clean. - Very good. Are you a quick worker?

No, not really. I prefer thinking first.

I like to empty myself

That is how I got the idea to write a CV

on toilet paper using the blood of my menstruation

And also to create a food tree

with the intestines of my pigs.

It was actually the idea of my uncle Serge who is visiting at the moment.

Alright. Good.

Do you know how much ytou would like to earn?

Let me consider this.

Let's say 3000. That is my lucky number.

3000.

Good. We are interested in your application.

I am still a bit hesitant.

May I ask you to wait outside, please?

I'll be right with you and give you the final decision.

Is that OK with you? - Good, mister. I'll leave, mister.

You can come out now, Sonia. She is gone. She is mental.

And?

Not good. - Why is that?

He thought my profile to be interesting,

but he is afraid I will not get up on time

How come?

I said that I am writing poems between midninght and 4 a.m. and he thought that to be a problem.

That bastard. Where is he?

That is him. - Is that him? Wait here and do not leave.

What I wanted to say ...

That was not polite.

I also lost my phone once. I know how it feels.

It is as if you lost your life. - Yes, your whole life.

How am I supposed to get all my contacts back?

And that is not even the worst of it All my fotos ...

Serge, who kisses me in front of the Eiffel tower when we went to Paris

You've been there long? - 5 days. But very busy.

I can tell you ... Serge and me did things ...

This is worse, Catherine. This is theft. Just imagine.

Some stupid bitch is looking at your private life with Serge

Perhaps she is laughing at you.

I'll smash her pelvis. - And I'll record it on my phone.

I gonna teach that bitch a lesson! - Dirty bitch.

Bitch. - Don't you worry.

Do you know what she told me when I called her? - l do know.

Calling Serge an idiot. I am the only one who may do that.

And Serge is not an idiot. - Of course not.

It is not going to be her best day ...

We will not hurt her ... just scare her.

adn break both her legs!

I gonna push her to the ground and hit her with the shovel

OK!

And I will say: "Give me my phone, girl, and appologize!"

We will humiliate her! - Yes! And I will say:

"I did not hear your appology. Say it again!

And if you are gonna do it again, girl, we know where to find you."

Now taht you mention it ... where do we find her?

Shit, yes.

You know what, Danielle ? We will not say anythig.

OK.

I will just block my number.

Don't worry ...

I will not let that get to me.

Sure.

That is beautiful. What is it?

A pool. - It looks like a bean.

It is a pool.

The sun is shining nicely.

Yes, the sun is shining nicely.

I don't often have the chance to sunbath.

Doing nothing is nice.

Yes, I don't often have the chance to do nothing.

Do you see the clouds over there?

It looks like a Stradivari.

I've never been here before. Thanks to you I am here. Thank you.

Thanks to you, I feel good.

It is for the first time that I have the feeling to be able to breathe.

Open your eyes!

Open your nose!

Open your arms!

Open your ass! - Yes!

Open youself!

Open youself! - Oh, that feels good.

Hello, Fat Bertha ? Mammuth here.

How much do you think my bike can sell for?

That much?

Are you going to buy trimesters?

Is that it?

I have to go back. - Whereto?

Home. - Why?

You brought me back to life. But I am not 40 anymore.

This is not the place for me, I will have to leave.

OK, go ahead. But it is stupid.

Look.

A present for you.

A snippet of paper, a piece of ham.

A snippet of paper, a piece of ham.

So called paper snippet art. Here yo go.

It is nice When will you write your first poem?

Fly, lucky bird, fly.

I have to tell you something

Do you see the giant vulture in my garden? - Yes.

That is where daddy lies burried.

He wanted me to get his pension. You see, he wasn't all that greedy.

Choukran, my love. - Yes.

A kiss.

Thank you for the flowers

I never saw you that happy

I do not know

Sometimes I ask myself, whether I should do something differently

Stop your bickering. Get off it, goddamnit!

Go ... and be happy!

Without me

Catherine...

I love you. I love you, sweetheart.

Yes, I do love you ... I love you.

I love you.

For all of you that are not awake yet, this is your final exam in Philosophy.

No phones, no documents, you have 4 hours.

Turn your sheets.

Work

The Pixies told me my whole life

I counted the hours my whole life

I worked so hard my whole life

What I collected in winter

I spent in summer

Year after year

Thats what they call paid vacation.

I worked like crazy among simpletons

just to forget

I worked witout listening

just to provide

Imagine that I tell you now

my life was hell

But thanks to the pixies

I realize now

as of now I only will work

to love

like a last stand

Serge Pllardosse

I love you, my manatee

Stars in your eyes

Impure, but you are my pure hero. My uncle.

My stepfather, my step uncle I love you so much

Go on your search

for youth and impurity

After you