All language subtitles for Doctor Gabor Mate The Shocking Link Between Kindness Illness!.en

70% of the adult population is at least

70% of the adult population is at least
on one medication quarter of women are

on one medication quarter of women are

on one medication quarter of women are
on anti-depressants the rate of

on anti-depressants the rate of

on anti-depressants the rate of
childhood is going up worldwide there's

childhood is going up worldwide there's

childhood is going up worldwide there's
this epidemic of distress what can we do

this epidemic of distress what can we do

this epidemic of distress what can we do
about that so the first step would be to

about that so the first step would be to

about that so the first step would be to
Dr Gabor mate legendary thinker

Dr Gabor mate legendary thinker

Dr Gabor mate legendary thinker
celebrated speaker and best-selling

celebrated speaker and best-selling

celebrated speaker and best-selling
author highly sought after for his

author highly sought after for his

author highly sought after for his
expertise on addiction trauma childhood

expertise on addiction trauma childhood

expertise on addiction trauma childhood
development and stress people Pleasers

development and stress people Pleasers

development and stress people Pleasers
these are the people that tend to

these are the people that tend to

these are the people that tend to
develop diseases when people don't know

develop diseases when people don't know

develop diseases when people don't know
how to say no the body will say no for

how to say no the body will say no for

how to say no the body will say no for
them that niess is a repression of

them that niess is a repression of

them that niess is a repression of
healthy anger and that repression of

healthy anger and that repression of

healthy anger and that repression of
healthy anger has huge implications to

healthy anger has huge implications to

healthy anger has huge implications to
your health and when you repress your

your health and when you repress your

your health and when you repress your
immune system you're more likely to have

immune system you're more likely to have

immune system you're more likely to have
that immune system turn against you

that immune system turn against you

that immune system turn against you
people emotionally repressed are more

people emotionally repressed are more

people emotionally repressed are more
likely to have cancer and emotional

likely to have cancer and emotional

likely to have cancer and emotional
repression is one of the impacts of

repression is one of the impacts of

repression is one of the impacts of
childhood trauma we interrupt this film

childhood trauma we interrupt this film

childhood trauma we interrupt this film
to tell you we are getting reports that

to tell you we are getting reports that

to tell you we are getting reports that
the people's princess is dead here was a

the people's princess is dead here was a

the people's princess is dead here was a
traumatized child how he's told about

traumatized child how he's told about

traumatized child how he's told about
his mother's death is that it was an

his mother's death is that it was an

his mother's death is that it was an
accident your mother didn't make it his

accident your mother didn't make it his

accident your mother didn't make it his
father touches Harry on the knee and

father touches Harry on the knee and

father touches Harry on the knee and
says but it'll be okay and leaves the

says but it'll be okay and leaves the

says but it'll be okay and leaves the
room this 12-year-old nobody held him

room this 12-year-old nobody held him

room this 12-year-old nobody held him
and children can be traumatized not just

and children can be traumatized not just

and children can be traumatized not just
by terrible things happening to them but

by terrible things happening to them but

by terrible things happening to them but
just by not having their needs met by

just by not having their needs met by

just by not having their needs met by
not being seen not being heard not being

not being seen not being heard not being

not being seen not being heard not being
held those are wounding for a child but

held those are wounding for a child but

held those are wounding for a child but
my interview with Prince Harry I had a

my interview with Prince Harry I had a

my interview with Prince Harry I had a
gut feeling all along that I shouldn't

gut feeling all along that I shouldn't

gut feeling all along that I shouldn't
agree to do at the interview it really

agree to do at the interview it really

agree to do at the interview it really
got to me I lost myself what

happened

happened
[Music]

gabble there's a question we often ask

gabble there's a question we often ask
each other in flippant conversations

each other in flippant conversations

each other in flippant conversations
which we usually kind of brush away

which we usually kind of brush away

which we usually kind of brush away
because it's the convenient thing to do

because it's the convenient thing to do

because it's the convenient thing to do
yeah that question is the question I

yeah that question is the question I

yeah that question is the question I
wanted to start by asking you which is

wanted to start by asking you which is

wanted to start by asking you which is
how are you yeah

um so that question is uh for me brings

um so that question is uh for me brings
up you know two Dimensions one is how am

up you know two Dimensions one is how am

up you know two Dimensions one is how am
I at this present moment which is you

I at this present moment which is you

I at this present moment which is you
know how am I at this moment you know

know how am I at this moment you know

know how am I at this moment you know
which is all there is I'm well I'm I um

which is all there is I'm well I'm I um

which is all there is I'm well I'm I um
I'm feel rather peaceful inside um I'm

I'm feel rather peaceful inside um I'm

I'm feel rather peaceful inside um I'm
very happy to be here with you if You'

very happy to be here with you if You'

very happy to be here with you if You'
asked me two days ago I wouldn't have

asked me two days ago I wouldn't have

asked me two days ago I wouldn't have
said that I would have said I was

said that I would have said I was

said that I would have said I was
feeling somewhat anxious and uh and kind

feeling somewhat anxious and uh and kind

feeling somewhat anxious and uh and kind
of troubled you know so um as a in the

of troubled you know so um as a in the

of troubled you know so um as a in the
moment answer I'm well and I also know

moment answer I'm well and I also know

moment answer I'm well and I also know
how to keep well as long as I stick with

how to keep well as long as I stick with

how to keep well as long as I stick with
what I know and when I forget what I

what I know and when I forget what I

what I know and when I forget what I
know then I can be very not well and so

know then I can be very not well and so

know then I can be very not well and so
the last year since we've met has been

the last year since we've met has been

the last year since we've met has been
in many ways a tough year for me um also

in many ways a tough year for me um also

in many ways a tough year for me um also
one of deep learning so if the question

one of deep learning so if the question

one of deep learning so if the question
is how have I been I'd say I've been up

is how have I been I'd say I've been up

is how have I been I'd say I've been up
and down and I've had real challenges

and down and I've had real challenges

and down and I've had real challenges
that I've had to learn from how am I

that I've had to learn from how am I

that I've had to learn from how am I
right now I'm really well thank you two

right now I'm really well thank you two

right now I'm really well thank you two
days ago if IID asked you that question

days ago if IID asked you that question

days ago if IID asked you that question
your aunts would have been anxious and

your aunts would have been anxious and

your aunts would have been anxious and
troubled yeah why I gave a talk on

troubled yeah why I gave a talk on

troubled yeah why I gave a talk on
Monday night to 2100 people and uh I

Monday night to 2100 people and uh I

Monday night to 2100 people and uh I
just didn't think I did my best here in

just didn't think I did my best here in

just didn't think I did my best here in
London and I thought oh boy I could have

London and I thought oh boy I could have

London and I thought oh boy I could have
done better I let people down um I I

done better I let people down um I I

done better I let people down um I I
allowed my self judgments and self-d to

allowed my self judgments and self-d to

allowed my self judgments and self-d to
really um dominate my my thinking and

really um dominate my my thinking and

really um dominate my my thinking and
um you know as much as I think I'm

um you know as much as I think I'm

um you know as much as I think I'm
immune to that kind of self-doubt

immune to that kind of self-doubt

immune to that kind of self-doubt
evidently I'm not um so that's what

evidently I'm not um so that's what

evidently I'm not um so that's what
happened with you say um you let it

happened with you say um you let it

happened with you say um you let it
Cloud you're thinking what are this what

Cloud you're thinking what are this what

Cloud you're thinking what are this what
were the symptoms of that so you gave a

were the symptoms of that so you gave a

were the symptoms of that so you gave a
talk two days ago to 2100 people yeah

talk two days ago to 2100 people yeah

talk two days ago to 2100 people yeah
and you didn't feel you did your best

and you didn't feel you did your best

and you didn't feel you did your best
you went home that night what was going

you went home that night what was going

you went home that night what was going
on in your head what are the symptoms of

on in your head what are the symptoms of

on in your head what are the symptoms of
that feeling um constant

that feeling um constant

that feeling um constant
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
um cyclical self-criticism of I could

um cyclical self-criticism of I could

um cyclical self-criticism of I could
have been more present I could have been

have been more present I could have been

have been more present I could have been
more

more

more
grounded more attuned with the audience

grounded more attuned with the audience

grounded more attuned with the audience
perhaps but you know just all these

perhaps but you know just all these

perhaps but you know just all these
self-criticisms which then are

self-criticisms which then are

self-criticisms which then are
accompanied by certain feelings in the

accompanied by certain feelings in the

accompanied by certain feelings in the
body like kind of a a roiling in my

body like kind of a a roiling in my

body like kind of a a roiling in my
belly and so on and uh that's what I

belly and so on and uh that's what I

belly and so on and uh that's what I
went through and what was the remedy for

went through and what was the remedy for

went through and what was the remedy for
that because we can all relate yeah

that because we can all relate yeah

that because we can all relate yeah
earlier this year um also feeling in a

earlier this year um also feeling in a

earlier this year um also feeling in a
state of

state of

state of
discombobulation uh just a few months

discombobulation uh just a few months

discombobulation uh just a few months
ago I did something radical I did a two

ago I did something radical I did a two

ago I did something radical I did a two
we total sabatical from the internet no

we total sabatical from the internet no

we total sabatical from the internet no
cell phone no emails no no checking on

cell phone no emails no no checking on

cell phone no emails no no checking on
Amazon on my D books are doing you know

Amazon on my D books are doing you know

Amazon on my D books are doing you know
all the

all the

all the
self-referential uh ego enhancement

self-referential uh ego enhancement

self-referential uh ego enhancement
stuff and it just really made a

stuff and it just really made a

stuff and it just really made a
difference uh by the end of two weeks I

difference uh by the end of two weeks I

difference uh by the end of two weeks I
was a different person and so I'm

was a different person and so I'm

was a different person and so I'm
keeping it up and one of the things you

keeping it up and one of the things you

keeping it up and one of the things you
learn is you start

learn is you start

learn is you start
noticing these body states that you're

noticing these body states that you're

noticing these body states that you're
in and the

in and the

in and the
mental Hoops that you jump through but

mental Hoops that you jump through but

mental Hoops that you jump through but
you don't identify with them so what's

you don't identify with them so what's

you don't identify with them so what's
the worst case scenario I didn't do the

the worst case scenario I didn't do the

the worst case scenario I didn't do the
best possible job okay what's the

best possible job okay what's the

best possible job okay what's the
headline in the newspaper human being

headline in the newspaper human being

headline in the newspaper human being
fails to do his best on a particular

fails to do his best on a particular

fails to do his best on a particular
occasion what's the big

occasion what's the big

occasion what's the big
deal you know so it's a matter of

deal you know so it's a matter of

deal you know so it's a matter of
observing this all all this stuff and

observing this all all this stuff and

observing this all all this stuff and
not identifying with it not letting it

not identifying with it not letting it

not identifying with it not letting it
take you over as it tends to I was

take you over as it tends to I was

take you over as it tends to I was
reading something that said when

reading something that said when

reading something that said when
we vocalize or share our stress it moves

we vocalize or share our stress it moves

we vocalize or share our stress it moves
it from the emotional center of our

it from the emotional center of our

it from the emotional center of our
brain to the much more rational center

brain to the much more rational center

brain to the much more rational center
of our brain yeah where we can kind of

of our brain yeah where we can kind of

of our brain yeah where we can kind of
step outside of the video game and hold

step outside of the video game and hold

step outside of the video game and hold
the controller per se exactly yeah it's

the controller per se exactly yeah it's

the controller per se exactly yeah it's
the um um mid-frontal cortex of our

the um um mid-frontal cortex of our

the um um mid-frontal cortex of our
brain um that has insight and um um

brain um that has insight and um um

brain um that has insight and um um
social connection and uh awareness you

social connection and uh awareness you

social connection and uh awareness you
know which so often goes offline as soon

know which so often goes offline as soon

know which so often goes offline as soon
as some emotion takes over some anxiety

as some emotion takes over some anxiety

as some emotion takes over some anxiety
or anger or resentment takes over uh the

or anger or resentment takes over uh the

or anger or resentment takes over uh the
midfrontal cortex tends to go offline

midfrontal cortex tends to go offline

midfrontal cortex tends to go offline
and uh the more trauma you experience as

and uh the more trauma you experience as

and uh the more trauma you experience as
a child the more likely that is to

a child the more likely that is to

a child the more likely that is to
happen so that

happen so that

happen so that
your

your

your
insightful capacities the executive

insightful capacities the executive

insightful capacities the executive
functions get taken over by some deeper

functions get taken over by some deeper

functions get taken over by some deeper
emotional Dynamics and so um one of the

emotional Dynamics and so um one of the

emotional Dynamics and so um one of the
benefits to me of meditation is is it

benefits to me of meditation is is it

benefits to me of meditation is is it
restores

restores

restores
that executive function so that I'm not

that executive function so that I'm not

that executive function so that I'm not
taking over or too long taken over by

taking over or too long taken over by

taking over or too long taken over by
emotional dynamics that just sweep me

emotional dynamics that just sweep me

emotional dynamics that just sweep me
away for two weeks this year you said

away for two weeks this year you said

away for two weeks this year you said
you went offline yeah

you went offline yeah

you went offline yeah
why sometimes people say to me uh I I

why sometimes people say to me uh I I

why sometimes people say to me uh I I
written this book that I know that you

written this book that I know that you

written this book that I know that you
have on your desk when the body says no

have on your desk when the body says no

have on your desk when the body says no
and and my contention is when people

and and my contention is when people

and and my contention is when people
don't know how to say no the body will

don't know how to say no the body will

don't know how to say no the body will
said in the form of illness and

said in the form of illness and

said in the form of illness and
uh I can tell you hundreds of times

uh I can tell you hundreds of times

uh I can tell you hundreds of times
people have said to me your book has

people have said to me your book has

people have said to me your book has
saved my life and my response has always

saved my life and my response has always

saved my life and my response has always
been maybe I should read it myself

been maybe I should read it myself

been maybe I should read it myself
because the fact is I'm quite capable of

because the fact is I'm quite capable of

because the fact is I'm quite capable of
giving advice and dispensing wisdom that

giving advice and dispensing wisdom that

giving advice and dispensing wisdom that
I don't follow myself and that was the

I don't follow myself and that was the

I don't follow myself and that was the
case so I became quite stressed and my

case so I became quite stressed and my

case so I became quite stressed and my
relationship with my wife Ry became very

relationship with my wife Ry became very

relationship with my wife Ry became very
fraught and she said enough enough of

fraught and she said enough enough of

fraught and she said enough enough of
this gap between who we are there in

this gap between who we are there in

this gap between who we are there in
public and how you are in private so

public and how you are in private so

public and how you are in private so
that was a big incentive for me Cu

that was a big incentive for me Cu

that was a big incentive for me Cu
uh we're coming up to a 54th anniversary

uh we're coming up to a 54th anniversary

uh we're coming up to a 54th anniversary
and on the whole I'd rather stay married

and on the whole I'd rather stay married

and on the whole I'd rather stay married
than not everything else being

than not everything else being

than not everything else being
considered but also for myself I don't

considered but also for myself I don't

considered but also for myself I don't
be that I don't want to be that guy

be that I don't want to be that guy

be that I don't want to be that guy
anymore who who can

anymore who who can

anymore who who can
speak the truth a lot of people consider

speak the truth a lot of people consider

speak the truth a lot of people consider
to be a truth so

to be a truth so

to be a truth so
articulately but not follow it myself so

articulately but not follow it myself so

articulately but not follow it myself so
I just don't to be that person and that

I just don't to be that person and that

I just don't to be that person and that
takes practice and that's why we that's

takes practice and that's why we that's

takes practice and that's why we that's
why I take the to the break from the

why I take the to the break from the

why I take the to the break from the
internet and what was interesting

internet and what was interesting

internet and what was interesting
is I had my cell phone on airplane mode

is I had my cell phone on airplane mode

is I had my cell phone on airplane mode
so nobody could get through me couple

so nobody could get through me couple

so nobody could get through me couple
days a couple times a day I'd still pick

days a couple times a day I'd still pick

days a couple times a day I'd still pick
up the cell phone and I say what are you

up the cell phone and I say what are you

up the cell phone and I say what are you
doing there's nothing on it because you

doing there's nothing on it because you

doing there's nothing on it because you
it's on internet but the the

it's on internet but the the

it's on internet but the the
compulsion to try and get something from

compulsion to try and get something from

compulsion to try and get something from
the outside to fill some some Gap within

the outside to fill some some Gap within

the outside to fill some some Gap within
I just kept noticing it by the end of

I just kept noticing it by the end of

I just kept noticing it by the end of
two weeks it wasn't so strong anymore um

two weeks it wasn't so strong anymore um

two weeks it wasn't so strong anymore um
so I did it because I needed to for the

so I did it because I needed to for the

so I did it because I needed to for the
sake of my own mental health an up and

sake of my own mental health an up and

sake of my own mental health an up and
down year for you you said yeah yeah

down year for you you said yeah yeah

down year for you you said yeah yeah
yeah is that is that the the down you

yeah is that is that the the down you

yeah is that is that the the down you
were talking about well I remember a

were talking about well I remember a

were talking about well I remember a
conversation my conversation with you

conversation my conversation with you

conversation my conversation with you
and I and and I think I remember you

and I and and I think I remember you

and I and and I think I remember you
telling me that you had this goal of

telling me that you had this goal of

telling me that you had this goal of
becoming a million millionaire when I

becoming a million millionaire when I

becoming a million millionaire when I
was younger yeah when I was younger and

was younger yeah when I was younger and

was younger yeah when I was younger and
then it's when you achieve that goal

then it's when you achieve that goal

then it's when you achieve that goal
that you realize

that you realize

that you realize
that that ain't all there is that you

that that ain't all there is that you

that that ain't all there is that you
still left very much with your internal

still left very much with your internal

still left very much with your internal
demons and that's a very common lesson I

demons and that's a very common lesson I

demons and that's a very common lesson I
mean there's two ways to to wake up one

mean there's two ways to to wake up one

mean there's two ways to to wake up one
is failure where you keep asking

is failure where you keep asking

is failure where you keep asking
yourself you know but but but success is

yourself you know but but but success is

yourself you know but but but success is
even more because you think that once

even more because you think that once

even more because you think that once
you get something then you'll be happy

you get something then you'll be happy

you get something then you'll be happy
and you know so I thought okay well geez

and you know so I thought okay well geez

and you know so I thought okay well geez
that you know so this book the methan

that you know so this book the methan

that you know so this book the methan
normal you know bestseller

normal you know bestseller

normal you know bestseller
internationally and published in 35

internationally and published in 35

internationally and published in 35
languages I should be happy no the more

languages I should be happy no the more

languages I should be happy no the more
I got involved with it and the more I

I got involved with it and the more I

I got involved with it and the more I
toured with it and the more engaged with

toured with it and the more engaged with

toured with it and the more engaged with
the outside became the more Miser

the outside became the more Miser

the outside became the more Miser
miserable I became inside so the very

miserable I became inside so the very

miserable I became inside so the very
success of the book and it alled to seep

success of the book and it alled to seep

success of the book and it alled to seep
it swept me away and I lost myself you

it swept me away and I lost myself you

it swept me away and I lost myself you
know so that was one thing and I did

know so that was one thing and I did

know so that was one thing and I did
this very long exhausting tour I wasn't

this very long exhausting tour I wasn't

this very long exhausting tour I wasn't
taking care of myself and then there was

taking care of myself and then there was

taking care of myself and then there was
the my interview with Prince Harry and

the my interview with Prince Harry and

the my interview with Prince Harry and
all the um uh frer arounded before it

all the um uh frer arounded before it

all the um uh frer arounded before it
and after it and allowed that allowed

and after it and allowed that allowed

and after it and allowed that allowed
that to take me over as well really yeah

that to take me over as well really yeah

that to take me over as well really yeah
yeah yeah I mean in retrospect I can see

yeah yeah I mean in retrospect I can see

yeah yeah I mean in retrospect I can see
what happened but at the time I was too

what happened but at the time I was too

what happened but at the time I was too
caught up in it to notice you know so

caught up in it to notice you know so

caught up in it to notice you know so
what I'm saying is that it doesn't

what I'm saying is that it doesn't

what I'm saying is that it doesn't
matter what I know if I don't pay

matter what I know if I don't pay

matter what I know if I don't pay
attention rigorous attention to what's

attention rigorous attention to what's

attention rigorous attention to what's
going on inside and if I keep looking to

going on inside and if I keep looking to

going on inside and if I keep looking to
the outside to give me meaning and give

the outside to give me meaning and give

the outside to give me meaning and give
me um

me um

me um
validation then I Can Lose Myself and

validation then I Can Lose Myself and

validation then I Can Lose Myself and
that's what

that's what

that's what
happened your interview with Prince

happened your interview with Prince

happened your interview with Prince
Harry how did that cause you to lose

Harry how did that cause you to lose

Harry how did that cause you to lose
yourself well in two ways one is um I

yourself well in two ways one is um I

yourself well in two ways one is um I
had a gut feeling all along that I

had a gut feeling all along that I

had a gut feeling all along that I
shouldn't agree to doing it the way they

shouldn't agree to doing it the way they

shouldn't agree to doing it the way they
set it up because because the way it was

set it up because because the way it was

set it up because because the way it was
set up is in order to watch it people

set up is in order to watch it people

set up is in order to watch it people
have to buy a copy of Harry's book and I

have to buy a copy of Harry's book and I

have to buy a copy of Harry's book and I
thought this is not fair 4 million

thought this is not fair 4 million

thought this is not fair 4 million
people have already bought the book why

people have already bought the book why

people have already bought the book why
can't I watch this into you do they have

can't I watch this into you do they have

can't I watch this into you do they have
to buy another copy in other words I

to buy another copy in other words I

to buy another copy in other words I
believed that this should be a free

believed that this should be a free

believed that this should be a free
public

public

public
service on a part of two people who can

service on a part of two people who can

service on a part of two people who can
have a very interesting conversation but

have a very interesting conversation but

have a very interesting conversation but
out of sheer opportunism I agreed to it

out of sheer opportunism I agreed to it

out of sheer opportunism I agreed to it
so I didn't follow my gut feelings I

so I didn't follow my gut feelings I

so I didn't follow my gut feelings I
lost myself even in agreeing to the

lost myself even in agreeing to the

lost myself even in agreeing to the
format and afterwards har and I both

format and afterwards har and I both

format and afterwards har and I both
wanted it release to the public for free

wanted it release to the public for free

wanted it release to the public for free
but the lawyer said you can't do that

but the lawyer said you can't do that

but the lawyer said you can't do that
because this was advertised as a

because this was advertised as a

because this was advertised as a
one-time only event and you could there

one-time only event and you could there

one-time only event and you could there
could be a class action suit so um the

could be a class action suit so um the

could be a class action suit so um the
result was that I agreed to something

result was that I agreed to something

result was that I agreed to something
that I didn't really like not that I

that I didn't really like not that I

that I didn't really like not that I
didn't like the idea of talking with him

didn't like the idea of talking with him

didn't like the idea of talking with him
I didn't like the idea of putting this

I didn't like the idea of putting this

I didn't like the idea of putting this
behind the pay wall so I lost myself

behind the pay wall so I lost myself

behind the pay wall so I lost myself
just in agreeing to it number one number

just in agreeing to it number one number

just in agreeing to it number one number
two then there was the incredible social

two then there was the incredible social

two then there was the incredible social
media and British media re reaction to

media and British media re reaction to

media and British media re reaction to
it that was for the most part so

it that was for the most part so

it that was for the most part so
negative and so demeaning and so

negative and so demeaning and so

negative and so demeaning and so
dismissive and so distorted that I

dismissive and so distorted that I

dismissive and so distorted that I
barely even know how to talk about it I

barely even know how to talk about it I

barely even know how to talk about it I
thought by this age I would know better

thought by this age I would know better

thought by this age I would know better
but you know what it really got to me it

but you know what it really got to me it

but you know what it really got to me it
really got to me I mean uh I can give

really got to me I mean uh I can give

really got to me I mean uh I can give
you examples but um eventually what

you examples but um eventually what

you examples but um eventually what
happened was that I was really in a

happened was that I was really in a

happened was that I was really in a
negative state of mind and have you read

negative state of mind and have you read

negative state of mind and have you read
the book the um the fo the mold the hor

the book the um the fo the mold the hor

the book the um the fo the mold the hor
the boy and and the horse I bought it

the boy and and the horse I bought it

the boy and and the horse I bought it
last week it's upstairs in my bag

last week it's upstairs in my bag

last week it's upstairs in my bag
wonderful so great it's a great little

wonderful so great it's a great little

wonderful so great it's a great little
book great big book although very few

book great big book although very few

book great big book although very few
words in it mostly just these wonderful

words in it mostly just these wonderful

words in it mostly just these wonderful
drawings Charlie mcky um he's really

drawings Charlie mcky um he's really

drawings Charlie mcky um he's really
channeling wisdom in that book and the

channeling wisdom in that book and the

channeling wisdom in that book and the
horse is the most grounded of the four

horse is the most grounded of the four

horse is the most grounded of the four
characters of the four friends and he's

characters of the four friends and he's

characters of the four friends and he's
asked what's the most courageous things

asked what's the most courageous things

asked what's the most courageous things
you've ever said and the horse says

you've ever said and the horse says

you've ever said and the horse says
help so it's so difficult to ask for

help so it's so difficult to ask for

help so it's so difficult to ask for
help but I did you know in the middle of

help but I did you know in the middle of

help but I did you know in the middle of
all this frua and my upset and I called

all this frua and my upset and I called

all this frua and my upset and I called
a friend of mine a

a friend of mine a

a friend of mine a
psychiatrist

psychiatrist

psychiatrist
um and I said I'm just in a bad State

um and I said I'm just in a bad State

um and I said I'm just in a bad State
and he said what's going on for you and

and he said what's going on for you and

and he said what's going on for you and
I said well there's all this bad press

I said well there's all this bad press

I said well there's all this bad press
and all the social media Distortion of

and all the social media Distortion of

and all the social media Distortion of
who I am and my motives he said what is

who I am and my motives he said what is

who I am and my motives he said what is
the what that bothers you so much and

the what that bothers you so much and

the what that bothers you so much and
they said not being

seen not being seen is one of the needs

seen not being seen is one of the needs
of the child

of the child

of the child
but he said to me okay look gabo when

but he said to me okay look gabo when

but he said to me okay look gabo when
you were an infant you're not being seen

you were an infant you're not being seen

you were an infant you're not being seen
for who you are as a human being almost

for who you are as a human being almost

for who you are as a human being almost
cost you your life which you did as soon

cost you your life which you did as soon

cost you your life which you did as soon
as he said that I said yeah this isn't

as he said that I said yeah this isn't

as he said that I said yeah this isn't
about the

about the

about the
present this is an old unresolved not

present this is an old unresolved not

present this is an old unresolved not
yet fully resolved wound age 79 I'm

yet fully resolved wound age 79 I'm

yet fully resolved wound age 79 I'm
still upset at not being seen I don't

still upset at not being seen I don't

still upset at not being seen I don't
care if people agree with me um or they

care if people agree with me um or they

care if people agree with me um or they
refute my ideas but I want them to see

refute my ideas but I want them to see

refute my ideas but I want them to see
me and what what I'm actually saying not

me and what what I'm actually saying not

me and what what I'm actually saying not
some distorted version created by their

some distorted version created by their

some distorted version created by their
own minds and and when he said that that

own minds and and when he said that that

own minds and and when he said that that
not being seen really threaten your life

not being seen really threaten your life

not being seen really threaten your life
I said yeah that's what's going on and

I said yeah that's what's going on and

I said yeah that's what's going on and
then I could relax this so what what

then I could relax this so what what

then I could relax this so what what
somebody else says I don't live in the

somebody else says I don't live in the

somebody else says I don't live in the
British press I don't live in somebody

British press I don't live in somebody

British press I don't live in somebody
else's mind here I am you know let them

else's mind here I am you know let them

else's mind here I am you know let them
think and say what they say but it took

think and say what they say but it took

think and say what they say but it took
somebody to wake me up to that so that's

somebody to wake me up to that so that's

somebody to wake me up to that so that's
what happened

what happened

what happened
you said you could share examples of how

you said you could share examples of how

you said you could share examples of how
it got to you of yeah well oh boy um

it got to you of yeah well oh boy um

it got to you of yeah well oh boy um
they called me a Stern

they called me a Stern

they called me a Stern
overbearing Merchant of

overbearing Merchant of

overbearing Merchant of
pain you know

uh at some point in the interview you

uh at some point in the interview you
know when Harry was um and the other

know when Harry was um and the other

know when Harry was um and the other
thing was see Harry was a traumatized

thing was see Harry was a traumatized

thing was see Harry was a traumatized
child um and you when you read his book

child um and you when you read his book

child um and you when you read his book
you you can see why you know

you you can see why you know

you you can see why you know
he and people couldn't understand how is

he and people couldn't understand how is

he and people couldn't understand how is
this possible How could somebody so

this possible How could somebody so

this possible How could somebody so
privileged at the very Apex of society

privileged at the very Apex of society

privileged at the very Apex of society
and guilded palaces be traumatized total

and guilded palaces be traumatized total

and guilded palaces be traumatized total
misunderstanding of

misunderstanding of

misunderstanding of
trauma um it's true uh people have it

trauma um it's true uh people have it

trauma um it's true uh people have it
much tougher in many ways but as an

much tougher in many ways but as an

much tougher in many ways but as an
infant as a sensitive infant to be born

infant as a sensitive infant to be born

infant as a sensitive infant to be born
into um a Loveless marriage with the

into um a Loveless marriage with the

into um a Loveless marriage with the
father's having an affair even before

father's having an affair even before

father's having an affair even before
he's born but the mother is a troubled

he's born but the mother is a troubled

he's born but the mother is a troubled
very sensitive very creative

very sensitive very creative

very sensitive very creative
warm-hearted

warm-hearted

warm-hearted
but very imbalanced young woman so Harry

but very imbalanced young woman so Harry

but very imbalanced young woman so Harry
describes in his

describes in his

describes in his
book spare that he's 12 years old when

book spare that he's 12 years old when

book spare that he's 12 years old when
his mother is killed how he's told about

his mother is killed how he's told about

his mother is killed how he's told about
his mother's death is that his father

his mother's death is that his father

his mother's death is that his father
then Prince Charles comes into his room

then Prince Charles comes into his room

then Prince Charles comes into his room
early in the morning and says something

early in the morning and says something

early in the morning and says something
terrible happened there was an accident

terrible happened there was an accident

terrible happened there was an accident
your mother didn't make it then there's

your mother didn't make it then there's

your mother didn't make it then there's
a few moments of awkward silence and

a few moments of awkward silence and

a few moments of awkward silence and
finally Charles touches Harry on the

finally Charles touches Harry on the

finally Charles touches Harry on the
knee and says but it'll be okay and

knee and says but it'll be okay and

knee and says but it'll be okay and
leaves the room and this is how this

leaves the room and this is how this

leaves the room and this is how this
12-year-old was

12-year-old was

12-year-old was
told nobody held

told nobody held

told nobody held
him um Charles himself was only doing

him um Charles himself was only doing

him um Charles himself was only doing
what happened to him when when Queen

what happened to him when when Queen

what happened to him when when Queen
Elizabeth went on a International four

Elizabeth went on a International four

Elizabeth went on a International four
five month Royal tour leaving the

five month Royal tour leaving the

five month Royal tour leaving the
5-year-old kid behind when she returned

5-year-old kid behind when she returned

5-year-old kid behind when she returned
to England she greeted him by shaking

to England she greeted him by shaking

to England she greeted him by shaking
his

his

his
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
hand and

hand and

hand and
now what I said to Harry was that even

now what I said to Harry was that even

now what I said to Harry was that even
animals hold and touch their kids their

animals hold and touch their kids their

animals hold and touch their kids their
infants mammals that's what they do

infants mammals that's what they do

infants mammals that's what they do
because mother rats when the baby's born

because mother rats when the baby's born

because mother rats when the baby's born
they lick their

they lick their

they lick their
babies and the way the mother rat uh Rat

babies and the way the mother rat uh Rat

babies and the way the mother rat uh Rat
licks the baby this has been shown in

licks the baby this has been shown in

licks the baby this has been shown in
laboratory influen the brain development

laboratory influen the brain development

laboratory influen the brain development
of the child and those babies that get

of the child and those babies that get

of the child and those babies that get
the right kind of licking it's called

the right kind of licking it's called

the right kind of licking it's called
grooming they have better brains as

grooming they have better brains as

grooming they have better brains as
adults premature infants used to be put

adults premature infants used to be put

adults premature infants used to be put
in incubators and nobody used to touch

in incubators and nobody used to touch

in incubators and nobody used to touch
them then it was found out that if by

them then it was found out that if by

them then it was found out that if by
just by stroking their backs 10 minutes

just by stroking their backs 10 minutes

just by stroking their backs 10 minutes
a day that promotes healthy brain

a day that promotes healthy brain

a day that promotes healthy brain
development and the Great British

development and the Great British

development and the Great British
American uh Anthropologist Ashley monu

American uh Anthropologist Ashley monu

American uh Anthropologist Ashley monu
wrote a book called Skin the human

wrote a book called Skin the human

wrote a book called Skin the human
significance of touch so I was saying

significance of touch so I was saying

significance of touch so I was saying
that touch is important you're not being

that touch is important you're not being

that touch is important you're not being
held and not being touched was a

held and not being touched was a

held and not being touched was a
deprivation and I said mammals monkeys

deprivation and I said mammals monkeys

deprivation and I said mammals monkeys
you know what happens when a baby

you know what happens when a baby

you know what happens when a baby
elephant is born this is

elephant is born this is

elephant is born this is
fascinating the mother ele I read this

fascinating the mother ele I read this

fascinating the mother ele I read this
in a book called The evolv Nest for

in a book called The evolv Nest for

in a book called The evolv Nest for
which I wrote the preface by a wonderful

which I wrote the preface by a wonderful

which I wrote the preface by a wonderful
psychologist called Dar narz when when

psychologist called Dar narz when when

psychologist called Dar narz when when
an infant element elephant is born and

an infant element elephant is born and

an infant element elephant is born and
the mother goes into labor all the other

the mother goes into labor all the other

the mother goes into labor all the other
mother elephants stand around in a

mother elephants stand around in a

mother elephants stand around in a
circle when the infant plops on the

circle when the infant plops on the

circle when the infant plops on the
ground they all stroke them with their

ground they all stroke them with their

ground they all stroke them with their
trunks so touch and being held is so

trunks so touch and being held is so

trunks so touch and being held is so
important for mammals and I was saying

important for mammals and I was saying

important for mammals and I was saying
animals do

animals do

animals do
that this journalist who I don't know

that this journalist who I don't know

that this journalist who I don't know
what she was listening to said I said

what she was listening to said I said

what she was listening to said I said
the royal family tweets like kids like

the royal family tweets like kids like

the royal family tweets like kids like
animal I said no I wish they'd

animal I said no I wish they'd

animal I said no I wish they'd
had so I mean the Distortion is just

had so I mean the Distortion is just

had so I mean the Distortion is just
laughable if it wasn't if I hadn't taken

laughable if it wasn't if I hadn't taken

laughable if it wasn't if I hadn't taken
it so personally for the reasons I

it so personally for the reasons I

it so personally for the reasons I
already explained for you to take

already explained for you to take

already explained for you to take
it so personally which led you to call a

it so personally which led you to call a

it so personally which led you to call a
psychiatrist yeah a man like you with

psychiatrist yeah a man like you with

psychiatrist yeah a man like you with
the knowledge you have that writes books

the knowledge you have that writes books

the knowledge you have that writes books
about the mind and stress and the body

about the mind and stress and the body

about the mind and stress and the body
and all these

and all these

and all these
things you must have been in a pretty

things you must have been in a pretty

things you must have been in a pretty
dark place I was in a dark place and I

dark place I was in a dark place and I

dark place I was in a dark place and I
wasn't but look I'm a human being like

wasn't but look I'm a human being like

wasn't but look I'm a human being like
the rest and what Charlie mcki says in

the rest and what Charlie mcki says in

the rest and what Charlie mcki says in
in that book is that the most courageous

in that book is that the most courageous

in that book is that the most courageous
thing he can do is ask for help it's

thing he can do is ask for help it's

thing he can do is ask for help it's
true you know does that I don't if you

true you know does that I don't if you

true you know does that I don't if you
remember the Beatles song help I need

remember the Beatles song help I need

remember the Beatles song help I need
somebody and and John lenon sings when I

somebody and and John lenon sings when I

somebody and and John lenon sings when I
was younger so much younger than today I

was younger so much younger than today I

was younger so much younger than today I
didn't need anybody's help in any way

didn't need anybody's help in any way

didn't need anybody's help in any way
but now those days are gone I'm much

but now those days are gone I'm much

but now those days are gone I'm much
less self- assured he's actually saying

less self- assured he's actually saying

less self- assured he's actually saying
that when he was younger he believed he

that when he was younger he believed he

that when he was younger he believed he
didn't need help but the reason he

didn't need help but the reason he

didn't need help but the reason he
believed he didn't need help that he has

believed he didn't need help that he has

believed he didn't need help that he has
to make it on his own cuz he was so

to make it on his own cuz he was so

to make it on his own cuz he was so
traumatized as a child his uh father

traumatized as a child his uh father

traumatized as a child his uh father
left him when he was

left him when he was

left him when he was
born um his mother left he was bought by

born um his mother left he was bought by

born um his mother left he was bought by
an ant and Lennon Gres up feeling

an ant and Lennon Gres up feeling

an ant and Lennon Gres up feeling
abandoned that I can do this on my own I

abandoned that I can do this on my own I

abandoned that I can do this on my own I
don't need anybody you know and uh later

don't need anybody you know and uh later

don't need anybody you know and uh later
on he realizes I need help but after

on he realizes I need help but after

on he realizes I need help but after
fact we all born needing help we all

fact we all born needing help we all

fact we all born needing help we all
born uh needing to be understood to be

born uh needing to be understood to be

born uh needing to be understood to be
attuned with to be seen to have our

attuned with to be seen to have our

attuned with to be seen to have our
emotions received and validated that's

emotions received and validated that's

emotions received and validated that's
one of the essential needs of children

one of the essential needs of children

one of the essential needs of children
as I make the point in the Mython normal

as I make the point in the Mython normal

as I make the point in the Mython normal
and children can be traumatized not just

and children can be traumatized not just

and children can be traumatized not just
by terrible things happening to them but

by terrible things happening to them but

by terrible things happening to them but
just by not having their needs met by

just by not having their needs met by

just by not having their needs met by
not being seen not being heard not being

not being seen not being heard not being

not being seen not being heard not being
held those are wounding for a child

held those are wounding for a child

held those are wounding for a child
which is what the meaning of the word

which is what the meaning of the word

which is what the meaning of the word
trauma means so you don't need terrible

trauma means so you don't need terrible

trauma means so you don't need terrible
things to happen it's so difficult for

things to happen it's so difficult for

things to happen it's so difficult for
people to understand that you know they

people to understand that you know they

people to understand that you know they
they they think for trauma you need

they they think for trauma you need

they they think for trauma you need
horrific events well horrific events can

horrific events well horrific events can

horrific events well horrific events can
be very traumatic but you can wound

be very traumatic but you can wound

be very traumatic but you can wound
people sensitive people the sensitive

people sensitive people the sensitive

people sensitive people the sensitive
child or any child can be hurt just

child or any child can be hurt just

child or any child can be hurt just
because the parents are too stressed and

because the parents are too stressed and

because the parents are too stressed and
unavailable emotionally to really see

unavailable emotionally to really see

unavailable emotionally to really see
them for who they

them for who they

them for who they
are I've struggled with that in my life

are I've struggled with that in my life

are I've struggled with that in my life
especially being

especially being

especially being
um a CEO I think I've struggled to ask

um a CEO I think I've struggled to ask

um a CEO I think I've struggled to ask
for help when I need it because you kind

for help when I need it because you kind

for help when I need it because you kind
of see yourself as the helper and also

of see yourself as the helper and also

of see yourself as the helper and also
I've struggled with the idea maybe I

I've struggled with the idea maybe I

I've struggled with the idea maybe I
don't know where I got this story from

don't know where I got this story from

don't know where I got this story from
that people like me maybe because I'm a

that people like me maybe because I'm a

that people like me maybe because I'm a
man maybe because I'm

man maybe because I'm

man maybe because I'm
um the head of

um the head of

um the head of
businesses we have to figure it out on

businesses we have to figure it out on

businesses we have to figure it out on
our own and the cost of repr

our own and the cost of repr

our own and the cost of repr
repressing how I

repressing how I

repressing how I
feel has become more and more evident

feel has become more and more evident

feel has become more and more evident
over time yeah how so just like I think

over time yeah how so just like I think

over time yeah how so just like I think
I when I was younger I never experienced

I when I was younger I never experienced

I when I was younger I never experienced
anxiety before and then as I had more

anxiety before and then as I had more

anxiety before and then as I had more
difficult moments in business where I

difficult moments in business where I

difficult moments in business where I
tried to solve the problem in my mind

tried to solve the problem in my mind

tried to solve the problem in my mind
for the first times at like 25 26 27 28

for the first times at like 25 26 27 28

for the first times at like 25 26 27 28
29 30 that I experienced like

29 30 that I experienced like

29 30 that I experienced like
fully-fledged what I'd call anxiety

fully-fledged what I'd call anxiety

fully-fledged what I'd call anxiety
where I just couldn't get a thought out

where I just couldn't get a thought out

where I just couldn't get a thought out
of my head and I felt it in my body my

of my head and I felt it in my body my

of my head and I felt it in my body my
breath was short this constant state of

breath was short this constant state of

breath was short this constant state of
like angst yeah um and and yeah I just

like angst yeah um and and yeah I just

like angst yeah um and and yeah I just
thought I could deal with it myself I

thought I could deal with it myself I

thought I could deal with it myself I
thought I could think my way through it

thought I could think my way through it

thought I could think my way through it
yeah um was that the hardest the the

yeah um was that the hardest the the

yeah um was that the hardest the the
hardest moment in terms of your own

hardest moment in terms of your own

hardest moment in terms of your own
psychology in your adult life in recent

psychology in your adult life in recent

psychology in your adult life in recent
times let me answer that question a

times let me answer that question a

times let me answer that question a
moment but let me ask you a question

moment but let me ask you a question

moment but let me ask you a question
that occurs to me if I may yeah please

that occurs to me if I may yeah please

that occurs to me if I may yeah please
um it's like with beautiful women they

um it's like with beautiful women they

um it's like with beautiful women they
sometimes have a very hard time because

sometimes have a very hard time because

sometimes have a very hard time because
they can never

they can never

they can never
know that somebody want me for who I

know that somebody want me for who I

know that somebody want me for who I
really am or they just attracted to my

really am or they just attracted to my

really am or they just attracted to my
physical

physical

physical
features so for somebody who at a young

features so for somebody who at a young

features so for somebody who at a young
age becomes quite well healthy and

age becomes quite well healthy and

age becomes quite well healthy and
successful um how do you know when

successful um how do you know when

successful um how do you know when
somebody's approaching you are they

somebody's approaching you are they

somebody's approaching you are they
approaching you because they want

approaching you because they want

approaching you because they want
something from you or because they

something from you or because they

something from you or because they
really care about you I mean that must

really care about you I mean that must

really care about you I mean that must
be a problem for you I imagine 100% 100%

be a problem for you I imagine 100% 100%

be a problem for you I imagine 100% 100%
you never really know understand what

you never really know understand what

you never really know understand what
your relationships are yeah you know

your relationships are yeah you know

your relationships are yeah you know
yeah huh it must be confusing sometimes

yeah huh it must be confusing sometimes

yeah huh it must be confusing sometimes
it is and you I typically fall back onto

it is and you I typically fall back onto

it is and you I typically fall back onto
the relationships I had before yeah yeah

the relationships I had before yeah yeah

the relationships I had before yeah yeah
cuz I can trust those ones yeah so I

cuz I can trust those ones yeah so I

cuz I can trust those ones yeah so I
have the same my

have the same my

have the same my
best friends people I spend my time with

best friends people I spend my time with

best friends people I spend my time with
on my birthday there's five you know

on my birthday there's five you know

on my birthday there's five you know
five people there are the five people

five people there are the five people

five people there are the five people
that were there 10 years ago yeah unless

that were there 10 years ago yeah unless

that were there 10 years ago yeah unless
I think we get reconnected to our gut

I think we get reconnected to our gut

I think we get reconnected to our gut
feelings then our gut feelings will tell

feelings then our gut feelings will tell

feelings then our gut feelings will tell
us what is real and what isn't but the

us what is real and what isn't but the

us what is real and what isn't but the
problem for many of us is that we get

problem for many of us is that we get

problem for many of us is that we get
disconnected from a God feelings very

disconnected from a God feelings very

disconnected from a God feelings very
early in life like in a in this room of

early in life like in a in this room of

early in life like in a in this room of
2100 at the try on Monday night um I

2100 at the try on Monday night um I

2100 at the try on Monday night um I
think I asked this question I always do

think I asked this question I always do

think I asked this question I always do
uh have you had the experience of having

uh have you had the experience of having

uh have you had the experience of having
a strong gut feeling about something and

a strong gut feeling about something and

a strong gut feeling about something and
not paying attention to it ignoring it

not paying attention to it ignoring it

not paying attention to it ignoring it
and being sorry

and being sorry

and being sorry
afterwards almost everybody puts a hand

afterwards almost everybody puts a hand

afterwards almost everybody puts a hand
up that's a child sign of childhood

up that's a child sign of childhood

up that's a child sign of childhood
wounding because we're born connected to

wounding because we're born connected to

wounding because we're born connected to
our gut feelings no baby is disconnected

our gut feelings no baby is disconnected

our gut feelings no baby is disconnected
from the gut feelings something happens

from the gut feelings something happens

from the gut feelings something happens
to make us disconnect what is a gut

to make us disconnect what is a gut

to make us disconnect what is a gut
feeling from a physiological perspective

feeling from a physiological perspective

feeling from a physiological perspective
because gut feeling is used as a word to

because gut feeling is used as a word to

because gut feeling is used as a word to
describe you know an Intuition or you

describe you know an Intuition or you

describe you know an Intuition or you
know well real gut feelings really

know well real gut feelings really

know well real gut feelings really
happen in the gut uh the in the western

happen in the gut uh the in the western

happen in the gut uh the in the western
way of looking at it we tend to look

way of looking at it we tend to look

way of looking at it we tend to look
upon the intellect and and and the

upon the intellect and and and the

upon the intellect and and and the
intellectual brain is the only brain

intellectual brain is the only brain

intellectual brain is the only brain
that we have but actually our brain is a

that we have but actually our brain is a

that we have but actually our brain is a
far more complicated um structure and

far more complicated um structure and

far more complicated um structure and
our heart has a nervous system which is

our heart has a nervous system which is

our heart has a nervous system which is
connected to the brain up here and

connected to the brain up here and

connected to the brain up here and
there's a kind of knowing in the heart

there's a kind of knowing in the heart

there's a kind of knowing in the heart
sometimes people say I knew in my heart

sometimes people say I knew in my heart

sometimes people say I knew in my heart
and they

and they

and they
did if they're connected gut feelings

did if they're connected gut feelings

did if they're connected gut feelings
are what all animals possess it warns

are what all animals possess it warns

are what all animals possess it warns
them of danger or when it's safe and

them of danger or when it's safe and

them of danger or when it's safe and
when it isn't safe not in the brain um

when it isn't safe not in the brain um

when it isn't safe not in the brain um
the gut is connected to the brain right

the gut is connected to the brain right

the gut is connected to the brain right
the the gut sends more connection to the

the the gut sends more connection to the

the the gut sends more connection to the
brain than the brain sends to the

brain than the brain sends to the

brain than the brain sends to the
gut and the gut has more of the

gut and the gut has more of the

gut and the gut has more of the
neurotransmitter serotonin in it than

neurotransmitter serotonin in it than

neurotransmitter serotonin in it than
the brain

the brain

the brain
does so that the gut things are here to

does so that the gut things are here to

does so that the gut things are here to
tell us about what is safe and what

tell us about what is safe and what

tell us about what is safe and what
isn't and when the brain in the gut and

isn't and when the brain in the gut and

isn't and when the brain in the gut and
the brain in the heart and the brain and

the brain in the heart and the brain and

the brain in the heart and the brain and
up here in this in the head are

up here in this in the head are

up here in this in the head are
connected then we're grounded and

connected then we're grounded and

connected then we're grounded and
present and very alert and very aware of

present and very alert and very aware of

present and very alert and very aware of
what's going on but when childhood

what's going on but when childhood

what's going on but when childhood
trauma interferes with those connections

trauma interferes with those connections

trauma interferes with those connections
which it does then we start to just work

which it does then we start to just work

which it does then we start to just work
from up here and we can think we can

from up here and we can think we can

from up here and we can think we can
figure things just from up here but

figure things just from up here but

figure things just from up here but
actually when you think about human

actually when you think about human

actually when you think about human
beings where did we evolve we evolved

beings where did we evolve we evolved

beings where did we evolve we evolved
for millions of years out in nature how

for millions of years out in nature how

for millions of years out in nature how
long does any creature in nature survive

long does any creature in nature survive

long does any creature in nature survive
if they don't pay attention to they got

if they don't pay attention to they got

if they don't pay attention to they got
feelings so to go back to your question

feelings so to go back to your question

feelings so to go back to your question
about me I used to believe I really used

about me I used to believe I really used

about me I used to believe I really used
to believe into my 40s that I everybody

to believe into my 40s that I everybody

to believe into my 40s that I everybody
else could be stressed but I couldn't

else could be stressed but I couldn't

else could be stressed but I couldn't
be and it's like you and your anxiety

be and it's like you and your anxiety

be and it's like you and your anxiety
um I think the reason you I didn't feel

um I think the reason you I didn't feel

um I think the reason you I didn't feel
the stress CU I had coping

the stress CU I had coping

the stress CU I had coping
mechanisms like working hard and um

mechanisms like working hard and um

mechanisms like working hard and um
getting people's attention or using my

getting people's attention or using my

getting people's attention or using my
smarts and

smarts and

smarts and
and uh having status and all this kind

and uh having status and all this kind

and uh having status and all this kind
of stuff you know and then that broke

of stuff you know and then that broke

of stuff you know and then that broke
down I realized I I could be stressed

down I realized I I could be stressed

down I realized I I could be stressed
like everybody else but literally I had

like everybody else but literally I had

like everybody else but literally I had
to I I had this belief Ian it's almost

to I I had this belief Ian it's almost

to I I had this belief Ian it's almost
unbelievable to me now that I used to

unbelievable to me now that I used to

unbelievable to me now that I used to
believe that I couldn't everybody else

believe that I couldn't everybody else

believe that I couldn't everybody else
could be stressed but I couldn't be

could be stressed but I couldn't be

could be stressed but I couldn't be
that's what I

thought yeah your wife when you went

thought yeah your wife when you went
through that dark moment if I was her

through that dark moment if I was her

through that dark moment if I was her
what would I have

observed well first of all and I talk

observed well first of all and I talk
about this in the Myan normal and Reay

about this in the Myan normal and Reay

about this in the Myan normal and Reay
my wife came on stage at the troxy on

my wife came on stage at the troxy on

my wife came on stage at the troxy on
Monday night and talked about this I

Monday night and talked about this I

Monday night and talked about this I
asked her to women have 80% of

asked her to women have 80% of

asked her to women have 80% of
autoimmune disease in the society so

autoimmune disease in the society so

autoimmune disease in the society so
that

that

that
um diseases where the immune system

um diseases where the immune system

um diseases where the immune system
attacks the body happens to women much

attacks the body happens to women much

attacks the body happens to women much
more than to men things like rheumato

more than to men things like rheumato

more than to men things like rheumato
arthritis systemic lupus chronic fatigue

arthritis systemic lupus chronic fatigue

arthritis systemic lupus chronic fatigue
fom myalgia um inflammatory disease of

fom myalgia um inflammatory disease of

fom myalgia um inflammatory disease of
the gut um and and so

the gut um and and so

the gut um and and so
on why so

on why so

on why so
um those diseases tend to happen to

um those diseases tend to happen to

um those diseases tend to happen to
people not just according to my own

people not just according to my own

people not just according to my own
observation although it's very much my

observation although it's very much my

observation although it's very much my
own observation when I was working in

own observation when I was working in

own observation when I was working in
family practice and paliative Care

family practice and paliative Care

family practice and paliative Care
before I did addiction medicine I

before I did addiction medicine I

before I did addiction medicine I
noticed that who got sick and who didn't

noticed that who got sick and who didn't

noticed that who got sick and who didn't
wasn't accidental

wasn't accidental

wasn't accidental
um as the subject of my book when the

um as the subject of my book when the

um as the subject of my book when the
body says no and then again in the

body says no and then again in the

body says no and then again in the
methan normal people tended to

methan normal people tended to

methan normal people tended to
be compulsively concerned with the

be compulsively concerned with the

be compulsively concerned with the
emotional needs of others rather than

emotional needs of others rather than

emotional needs of others rather than
their

their

their
own identified with Duty role and

own identified with Duty role and

own identified with Duty role and
responsibility so their their work in

responsibility so their their work in

responsibility so their their work in
the world rather

the world rather

the world rather
than their own um true selves they

than their own um true selves they

than their own um true selves they
tended to suppress healthy anger so they

tended to suppress healthy anger so they

tended to suppress healthy anger so they
tend to be very very nice and

tend to be very very nice and

tend to be very very nice and
peacemakers and they tended to believe

peacemakers and they tended to believe

peacemakers and they tended to believe
that they're responsible other people

that they're responsible other people

that they're responsible other people
feel and then they must never disappoint

feel and then they must never disappoint

feel and then they must never disappoint
anybody two fatal beliefs so these are

anybody two fatal beliefs so these are

anybody two fatal beliefs so these are
the people that according to my

the people that according to my

the people that according to my
observation but according to a whole lot

observation but according to a whole lot

observation but according to a whole lot
of research as well that I didn't even

of research as well that I didn't even

of research as well that I didn't even
know about but have since found elegant

know about but have since found elegant

know about but have since found elegant
research these are the people that tend

research these are the people that tend

research these are the people that tend
to develop autoimmune disease now in

to develop autoimmune disease now in

to develop autoimmune disease now in
this society which gender is more

this society which gender is more

this society which gender is more
acculturated programmed to suppress

acculturated programmed to suppress

acculturated programmed to suppress
their healthy anger to be the

their healthy anger to be the

their healthy anger to be the
peacemakers to be the caregivers women

peacemakers to be the caregivers women

peacemakers to be the caregivers women
the this is a function of a reality that

the this is a function of a reality that

the this is a function of a reality that
a lot of people deny but it's a

a lot of people deny but it's a

a lot of people deny but it's a
patriarchal society which we can talk

patriarchal society which we can talk

patriarchal society which we can talk
about but it's not a conspiracy it's

about but it's not a conspiracy it's

about but it's not a conspiracy it's
just how it works so me in my marriage

just how it works so me in my marriage

just how it works so me in my marriage
expect my wife to absorve my stresses

expect my wife to absorve my stresses

expect my wife to absorve my stresses
and if I'm unhappy guess who I blame and

and if I'm unhappy guess who I blame and

and if I'm unhappy guess who I blame and
who do I take it out on so she would

who do I take it out on so she would

who do I take it out on so she would
experience somebody who's um can be

experience somebody who's um can be

experience somebody who's um can be
hostile for no reason and blaming and

hostile for no reason and blaming and

hostile for no reason and blaming and
she has to walk on neck shell no um

she has to walk on neck shell no um

she has to walk on neck shell no um
thank God she's not the type to do that

thank God she's not the type to do that

thank God she's not the type to do that
for too long and at some point she'll

for too long and at some point she'll

for too long and at some point she'll
call my bluff and then I either wake up

call my bluff and then I either wake up

call my bluff and then I either wake up
or she says thank you very much but

or she says thank you very much but

or she says thank you very much but
enough for this you know and so she

enough for this you know and so she

enough for this you know and so she
would experience somebody who was

would experience somebody who was

would experience somebody who was
irritable and um unreasonably blaming

irritable and um unreasonably blaming

irritable and um unreasonably blaming
and not taking care of their own needs

and not taking care of their own needs

and not taking care of their own needs
and then expecting her to take care of

and then expecting her to take care of

and then expecting her to take care of
them for me and

them for me and

them for me and
um we both had to grow up and she was

um we both had to grow up and she was

um we both had to grow up and she was
programmed that way as a child

programmed that way as a child

programmed that way as a child
her parents had a lot of problems and

her parents had a lot of problems and

her parents had a lot of problems and
she became The Peacemaker and a

she became The Peacemaker and a

she became The Peacemaker and a
caregiver

caregiver

caregiver
emotionally and then she cares that role

emotionally and then she cares that role

emotionally and then she cares that role
into her marriage with me and here's

into her marriage with me and here's

into her marriage with me and here's
what the bad news is for people we

what the bad news is for people we

what the bad news is for people we
always marry somebody at the same level

always marry somebody at the same level

always marry somebody at the same level
of emotional development or trauma

of emotional development or trauma

of emotional development or trauma
resolution as we are so when we met we

resolution as we are so when we met we

resolution as we are so when we met we
were too traumatized people not even

were too traumatized people not even

were too traumatized people not even
realizing it and then we played out our

realizing it and then we played out our

realizing it and then we played out our
traumas and I played it out in a typical

traumas and I played it out in a typical

traumas and I played it out in a typical
male way which is to be aggressive and

male way which is to be aggressive and

male way which is to be aggressive and
demanding and

demanding and

demanding and
resentful if she wasn't around to Mother

resentful if she wasn't around to Mother

resentful if she wasn't around to Mother
me and um that's what she would have

me and um that's what she would have

me and um that's what she would have
seen and this Dynamic can still

seen and this Dynamic can still

seen and this Dynamic can still
arise except when it does she puts a

arise except when it does she puts a

arise except when it does she puts a
stop to it right away and I have the

stop to it right away and I have the

stop to it right away and I have the
grace and the wisdom I know to

grace and the wisdom I know to

grace and the wisdom I know to
understand yeah I'm doing it again in

understand yeah I'm doing it again in

understand yeah I'm doing it again in
fact I haven't done it since then

fact I haven't done it since then

fact I haven't done it since then
because I just don't want to be that guy

because I just don't want to be that guy

because I just don't want to be that guy
you know but that's what she would have

you know but that's what she would have

you know but that's what she would have
seen and what was going on inside your

seen and what was going on inside your

seen and what was going on inside your
head were you anxious were you

head were you anxious were you

head were you anxious were you
depressed I was anxious and

depressed I was anxious and

depressed I was anxious and
um then I want her her soothing I want

um then I want her her soothing I want

um then I want her her soothing I want
her how should I say this

her how should I say this

her how should I say this
um there's an interesting sexual dynamic

um there's an interesting sexual dynamic

um there's an interesting sexual dynamic
between men and women that men very

between men and women that men very

between men and women that men very
often expect unconsciously expect their

often expect unconsciously expect their

often expect unconsciously expect their
women to Mother them to give them the

women to Mother them to give them the

women to Mother them to give them the
mothering that they didn't fully receive

mothering that they didn't fully receive

mothering that they didn't fully receive
his kids and the women take on that role

his kids and the women take on that role

his kids and the women take on that role
because they're acculturated in this

because they're acculturated in this

because they're acculturated in this
Society to do that but then what happens

Society to do that but then what happens

Society to do that but then what happens
sexually no healthy guy wants to sleep

sexually no healthy guy wants to sleep

sexually no healthy guy wants to sleep
with his mother and no healthy woman

with his mother and no healthy woman

with his mother and no healthy woman
wants to sleep with her son so that the

wants to sleep with her son so that the

wants to sleep with her son so that the
the ardor and the you know the the

the ardor and the you know the the

the ardor and the you know the the
passion kind of drains out because of

passion kind of drains out because of

passion kind of drains out because of
this unconscious Dynamic of women

this unconscious Dynamic of women

this unconscious Dynamic of women
mothering men and and men men demanding

mothering men and and men men demanding

mothering men and and men men demanding
that they do so then I become

that they do so then I become

that they do so then I become
frustrated and then who do I blame for

frustrated and then who do I blame for

frustrated and then who do I blame for
that I blame her rather than looking at

that I blame her rather than looking at

that I blame her rather than looking at
how did I contribute to how did I help

how did I contribute to how did I help

how did I contribute to how did I help
create this

create this

create this
situation so um all that stuff played

situation so um all that stuff played

situation so um all that stuff played
out in our marriage and we've had to

out in our marriage and we've had to

out in our marriage and we've had to
learn a lot from what didn't

learn a lot from what didn't

learn a lot from what didn't
work in my relationship when I was most

work in my relationship when I was most

work in my relationship when I was most
anxious it's also when my relationship

anxious it's also when my relationship

anxious it's also when my relationship
nearly

nearly

nearly
ended um with my partner because like

ended um with my partner because like

ended um with my partner because like
you said I inadvertently took it out on

you said I inadvertently took it out on

you said I inadvertently took it out on
her because I felt that she should

her because I felt that she should

her because I felt that she should
understand how I'm feeling and basically

understand how I'm feeling and basically

understand how I'm feeling and basically
adapt to me exactly and she didn't and

adapt to me exactly and she didn't and

adapt to me exactly and she didn't and
so there was conflict because I felt

so there was conflict because I felt

so there was conflict because I felt
like she was misunderstanding me yeah

like she was misunderstanding me yeah

like she was misunderstanding me yeah
and wasn't like acting in the right way

and wasn't like acting in the right way

and wasn't like acting in the right way
to meet the needs that I had like she

to meet the needs that I had like she

to meet the needs that I had like she
couldn't you know and and so that I

couldn't you know and and so that I

couldn't you know and and so that I
think I wore her down and then there was

think I wore her down and then there was

think I wore her down and then there was
kind of like as you say that

kind of like as you say that

kind of like as you say that
ultimatum moment where she's basically

ultimatum moment where she's basically

ultimatum moment where she's basically
saying listen shall I just go yeah and

saying listen shall I just go yeah and

saying listen shall I just go yeah and
what you probably didn't do and what I

what you probably didn't do and what I

what you probably didn't do and what I
did do for a long time is just to go to

did do for a long time is just to go to

did do for a long time is just to go to
her and say you know what I'm feeling

her and say you know what I'm feeling

her and say you know what I'm feeling
anxious yeah that was that's what

anxious yeah that was that's what

anxious yeah that was that's what
happened after you know you know and I'm

happened after you know you know and I'm

happened after you know you know and I'm
feeling unsettled and I realize that I

feeling unsettled and I realize that I

feeling unsettled and I realize that I
have resentful feelings towards you you

have resentful feelings towards you you

have resentful feelings towards you you
know instead of owning it we act it out

know instead of owning it we act it out

know instead of owning it we act it out
yeah and then we why don't they

yeah and then we why don't they

yeah and then we why don't they
understand us you know and actually so

understand us you know and actually so

understand us you know and actually so
what we're actually demanding is that we

what we're actually demanding is that we

what we're actually demanding is that we
can be children emotionally and they be

can be children emotionally and they be

can be children emotionally and they be
the mothers who without any effort on

the mothers who without any effort on

the mothers who without any effort on
our part will understand stand and see

our part will understand stand and see

our part will understand stand and see
us you know and this is a strong

us you know and this is a strong

us you know and this is a strong
Dynamic um in men female relationships

Dynamic um in men female relationships

Dynamic um in men female relationships
and what tends to happen is is that men

and what tends to happen is is that men

and what tends to happen is is that men
then women at some point get to the if

then women at some point get to the if

then women at some point get to the if
they're healthy enough now if they're

they're healthy enough now if they're

they're healthy enough now if they're
notal if they're not strong enough to

notal if they're not strong enough to

notal if they're not strong enough to
assert themselves you know what happens

assert themselves you know what happens

assert themselves you know what happens
they get sick and uh I know this is a

they get sick and uh I know this is a

they get sick and uh I know this is a
mouthful but a lot of women's Cancers

mouthful but a lot of women's Cancers

mouthful but a lot of women's Cancers
and auto immune diseases are precisely

and auto immune diseases are precisely

and auto immune diseases are precisely
because of the self depression and I

because of the self depression and I

because of the self depression and I
could talk about that at Great length

could talk about that at Great length

could talk about that at Great length
the physiology of it but either the the

the physiology of it but either the the

the physiology of it but either the the
body will somehow say no for them that's

body will somehow say no for them that's

body will somehow say no for them that's
why women are much more likely to be in

why women are much more likely to be in

why women are much more likely to be in
anti-depressants cuz they're taking a

anti-depressants cuz they're taking a

anti-depressants cuz they're taking a
medication for both of them you know and

medication for both of them you know and

medication for both of them you know and
so either the woman gets ill somehow or

so either the woman gets ill somehow or

so either the woman gets ill somehow or
she asserts herself and says I'm not

she asserts herself and says I'm not

she asserts herself and says I'm not
doing this anymore at which point the

doing this anymore at which point the

doing this anymore at which point the
guy will go seeking a younger mother

guy will go seeking a younger mother

guy will go seeking a younger mother
who's not yet mature enough to assert

who's not yet mature enough to assert

who's not yet mature enough to assert
herself and this happens all the time in

herself and this happens all the time in

herself and this happens all the time in
relationship

relationship

relationship
the cost of self-repression the cost of

the cost of self-repression the cost of

the cost of self-repression the cost of
sort of emotional repression I think

sort of emotional repression I think

sort of emotional repression I think
everybody is guilty at some point in

everybody is guilty at some point in

everybody is guilty at some point in
their life of repressing their emotions

their life of repressing their emotions

their life of repressing their emotions
I think men do it a lot as well I mean

I think men do it a lot as well I mean

I think men do it a lot as well I mean
if you look at the Su suicidality in the

if you look at the Su suicidality in the

if you look at the Su suicidality in the
UK among men tend to act it out on

UK among men tend to act it out on

UK among men tend to act it out on
themselves like that yeah what is the

themselves like that yeah what is the

themselves like that yeah what is the
cost of self-repression now you talked

cost of self-repression now you talked

cost of self-repression now you talked
about the physiological mechanism of

about the physiological mechanism of

about the physiological mechanism of
what's going on when we repress our

what's going on when we repress our

what's going on when we repress our
emotions and how we feel it's it's been

emotions and how we feel it's it's been

emotions and how we feel it's it's been
well studied not just by me but others

well studied not just by me but others

well studied not just by me but others
and documented that repression of

and documented that repression of

and documented that repression of
healthy anger um disturbs the immune

healthy anger um disturbs the immune

healthy anger um disturbs the immune
system now why should that be the case

system now why should that be the case

system now why should that be the case
now healthy anger is simply when

now healthy anger is simply when

now healthy anger is simply when
somebody is intruding on your

somebody is intruding on your

somebody is intruding on your
space and they won't desist you say

space and they won't desist you say

space and they won't desist you say
you're in my space get out that's

you're in my space get out that's

you're in my space get out that's
healthy anger it's in the moment one

healthy anger it's in the moment one

healthy anger it's in the moment one
it's done its job it's finished with

it's done its job it's finished with

it's done its job it's finished with
it's different from chronic Rage which

it's different from chronic Rage which

it's different from chronic Rage which
is a whole other thing no in other words

is a whole other thing no in other words

is a whole other thing no in other words
anger is a boundary

anger is a boundary

anger is a boundary
defense that's all it is animals do it

defense that's all it is animals do it

defense that's all it is animals do it
ah get out of my space you know now the

ah get out of my space you know now the

ah get out of my space you know now the
emotional system in general has the job

emotional system in general has the job

emotional system in general has the job
uh the human emotional

uh the human emotional

uh the human emotional
system in general has the role of

system in general has the role of

system in general has the role of
allowing in what is nurturing and loving

allowing in what is nurturing and loving

allowing in what is nurturing and loving
and healthy and welcome and to keep out

and healthy and welcome and to keep out

and healthy and welcome and to keep out
what isn't that's the job of the

what isn't that's the job of the

what isn't that's the job of the
emotional system

emotional system

emotional system
let me ask you a trick question what's

let me ask you a trick question what's

let me ask you a trick question what's
the job of the immune

system okay I'll answer is to keep out

system okay I'll answer is to keep out
what is unhealthy and unwelcome and

what is unhealthy and unwelcome and

what is unhealthy and unwelcome and
toxic and to let in what is nurturing

toxic and to let in what is nurturing

toxic and to let in what is nurturing
and healthy so the immune system is like

and healthy so the immune system is like

and healthy so the immune system is like
it's been called a floating brain it is

it's been called a floating brain it is

it's been called a floating brain it is
memory it is reactive

memory it is reactive

memory it is reactive
capacity and

capacity and

capacity and
um it um re allows in New nutrients and

um it um re allows in New nutrients and

um it um re allows in New nutrients and
vitamins and healthy bacteria and keeps

vitamins and healthy bacteria and keeps

vitamins and healthy bacteria and keeps
out and destroys what isn't toxins and

out and destroys what isn't toxins and

out and destroys what isn't toxins and
unhealthy invading organisms and so on

unhealthy invading organisms and so on

unhealthy invading organisms and so on
in other words the immune system and the

in other words the immune system and the

in other words the immune system and the
emotional system have exactly the same

role that's the first point the second

role that's the first point the second
point is they're not separate systems

point is they're not separate systems

point is they're not separate systems
physiologically speaking emotional

physiologically speaking emotional

physiologically speaking emotional
system the nervous system hormonal

system the nervous system hormonal

system the nervous system hormonal
apparatus and the immune system are all

apparatus and the immune system are all

apparatus and the immune system are all
one system and there's a whole new

one system and there's a whole new

one system and there's a whole new
science when I seen you 60 70 80 years

science when I seen you 60 70 80 years

science when I seen you 60 70 80 years
old called psycho neur neuroimmunology

old called psycho neur neuroimmunology

old called psycho neur neuroimmunology
that studies the unity so it's not even

that studies the unity so it's not even

that studies the unity so it's not even
that all these things are connected

that all these things are connected

that all these things are connected
they're one so therefore when you're

they're one so therefore when you're

they're one so therefore when you're
suppressing one aspect of it you're also

suppressing one aspect of it you're also

suppressing one aspect of it you're also
suppressing the other so people that

suppressing the other so people that

suppressing the other so people that
repress healthy anger they have

repress healthy anger they have

repress healthy anger they have
diminished immune activity and this has

diminished immune activity and this has

diminished immune activity and this has
been

been

been
demonstrated so so the repression of

demonstrated so so the repression of

demonstrated so so the repression of
emotions has a physiological function

emotions has a physiological function

emotions has a physiological function
and when you repress your immune system

and when you repress your immune system

and when you repress your immune system
you're more likely to have that immune

you're more likely to have that immune

you're more likely to have that immune
system turn against you or to fail you

system turn against you or to fail you

system turn against you or to fail you
when it comes to malignancy the immune

when it comes to malignancy the immune

when it comes to malignancy the immune
system like you and I have cancer cells

system like you and I have cancer cells

system like you and I have cancer cells
in our bodies probably every day because

in our bodies probably every day because

in our bodies probably every day because
nature makes mistakes that's not a

nature makes mistakes that's not a

nature makes mistakes that's not a
problem the immune system recognizes

problem the immune system recognizes

problem the immune system recognizes
them

them

them
as cancer cells don't have on their

as cancer cells don't have on their

as cancer cells don't have on their
surfaces markers that our normal cells

surfaces markers that our normal cells

surfaces markers that our normal cells
do so the immune system says this is a

do so the immune system says this is a

do so the immune system says this is a
foreigner it's an enemy I'm going to

foreigner it's an enemy I'm going to

foreigner it's an enemy I'm going to
destroy it but when you repress your

destroy it but when you repress your

destroy it but when you repress your
emotions you can also undermine your

emotions you can also undermine your

emotions you can also undermine your
immune system and our immune system will

immune system and our immune system will

immune system and our immune system will
not recognize the malignancy and not

not recognize the malignancy and not

not recognize the malignancy and not
destroy it and allows it

destroy it and allows it

destroy it and allows it
to to proliferate there was a British

to to proliferate there was a British

to to proliferate there was a British
surgeon in the 1960s who operated on am

surgeon in the 1960s who operated on am

surgeon in the 1960s who operated on am
I talking too much no you're not there's

I talking too much no you're not there's

I talking too much no you're not there's
no such thing on this podcast

no such thing on this podcast

no such thing on this podcast
okay because I just get so passionate

okay because I just get so passionate

okay because I just get so passionate
about this stuff uh and the reason I get

about this stuff uh and the reason I get

about this stuff uh and the reason I get
so passionate about it is because it's

so passionate about it is because it's

so passionate about it is because it's
so important in healing and we as

so important in healing and we as

so important in healing and we as
Physicians could do so much more for

Physicians could do so much more for

Physicians could do so much more for
people if we understood these scientific

people if we understood these scientific

people if we understood these scientific
facts but we don't as a profession

facts but we don't as a profession

facts but we don't as a profession
anyway there was a d there's a British

anyway there was a d there's a British

anyway there was a d there's a British
um thoric surgeon called David kissen in

um thoric surgeon called David kissen in

um thoric surgeon called David kissen in
the 1960s who noticed what I noticed in

the 1960s who noticed what I noticed in

the 1960s who noticed what I noticed in
my practice that um people emotionally

my practice that um people emotionally

my practice that um people emotionally
repressed are more likely to get lung

repressed are more likely to get lung

repressed are more likely to get lung
cancer

cancer

cancer
now it's true that most people who get

now it's true that most people who get

now it's true that most people who get
lung cancers are smokers but out of 100

lung cancers are smokers but out of 100

lung cancers are smokers but out of 100
smokers only about 10 or 15 gets lung

smokers only about 10 or 15 gets lung

smokers only about 10 or 15 gets lung
cancer which doesn't mean that lung

cancer which doesn't mean that lung

cancer which doesn't mean that lung
smoking isn't the major contributor to

smoking isn't the major contributor to

smoking isn't the major contributor to
lung cancer it is but he found that it

lung cancer it is but he found that it

lung cancer it is but he found that it
was those of his patients that were

was those of his patients that were

was those of his patients that were
emotionally repressed that were likely

emotionally repressed that were likely

emotionally repressed that were likely
to get the lung cancer as a result of

to get the lung cancer as a result of

to get the lung cancer as a result of
the smoking and the more repressed they

the smoking and the more repressed they

the smoking and the more repressed they
were the less smoking they had to do in

were the less smoking they had to do in

were the less smoking they had to do in
order to get lung cancer this is this

order to get lung cancer this is this

order to get lung cancer this is this
guy noticed this in the 1960s so

guy noticed this in the 1960s so

guy noticed this in the 1960s so
emotional repression has huge

emotional repression has huge

emotional repression has huge
implications physiologically and

implications physiologically and

implications physiologically and
emotional repression

emotional repression

emotional repression
is one of the uh impacts of childhood

is one of the uh impacts of childhood

is one of the uh impacts of childhood
trauma why the child is born with some

trauma why the child is born with some

trauma why the child is born with some
fundamental

fundamental

fundamental
needs one of them as I've articulated

needs one of them as I've articulated

needs one of them as I've articulated
earlier is for attachment for closeness

earlier is for attachment for closeness

earlier is for attachment for closeness
proximity unconditional loving

proximity unconditional loving

proximity unconditional loving
acceptance by um caring adults not just

acceptance by um caring adults not just

acceptance by um caring adults not just
the human child all Myan children have

the human child all Myan children have

the human child all Myan children have
that need without that they don't

that need without that they don't

that need without that they don't
survive so that that's called attachment

survive so that that's called attachment

survive so that that's called attachment
seeking of closeness and proximity for

seeking of closeness and proximity for

seeking of closeness and proximity for
the purpose of being taken care of or to

the purpose of being taken care of or to

the purpose of being taken care of or to
take care of the other and our brains

take care of the other and our brains

take care of the other and our brains
are wired for

are wired for

are wired for
attachment we have circuits in our brain

attachment we have circuits in our brain

attachment we have circuits in our brain
dedicated to the attachment

dedicated to the attachment

dedicated to the attachment
relationships and that's so important

relationships and that's so important

relationships and that's so important
all through our lives but especially

all through our lives but especially

all through our lives but especially
when we're infants and young children

when we're infants and young children

when we're infants and young children
now but we have another need we've

now but we have another need we've

now but we have another need we've
already talked about it I just haven't

already talked about it I just haven't

already talked about it I just haven't
named it the other need is for

named it the other need is for

named it the other need is for
authenticity which is to be ourselves

authenticity which is to be ourselves

authenticity which is to be ourselves
connected to our bodies and our gut

connected to our bodies and our gut

connected to our bodies and our gut
feelings

feelings

feelings
because again without access to our gut

because again without access to our gut

because again without access to our gut
feelings we don't

feelings we don't

feelings we don't
survive out there in nature where we

survive out there in nature where we

survive out there in nature where we
evolved and where we lived

evolved and where we lived

evolved and where we lived
until 15,000 years ago you and so that

until 15,000 years ago you and so that

until 15,000 years ago you and so that
authenticity is very important to be

authenticity is very important to be

authenticity is very important to be
connected to yourself so that you know

connected to yourself so that you know

connected to yourself so that you know
when you're safe and when you're not uh

when you're safe and when you're not uh

when you're safe and when you're not uh
you know what you want and what you

you know what you want and what you

you know what you want and what you
don't want you know how to say no when

don't want you know how to say no when

don't want you know how to say no when
you don't want something you know how to

you don't want something you know how to

you don't want something you know how to
say yes when you do that's authenticity

say yes when you do that's authenticity

say yes when you do that's authenticity
Auto the self being ourselves and to go

Auto the self being ourselves and to go

Auto the self being ourselves and to go
back to Harry his challenge all his life

back to Harry his challenge all his life

back to Harry his challenge all his life
was that he wasn't allowed to be

was that he wasn't allowed to be

was that he wasn't allowed to be
authentic he had to play a certain role

authentic he had to play a certain role

authentic he had to play a certain role
and fit into a certain set of

and fit into a certain set of

and fit into a certain set of
expectations of how to be and who to be

expectations of how to be and who to be

expectations of how to be and who to be
and he could never figure out who am I

and he could never figure out who am I

and he could never figure out who am I
really you know in that context but

really you know in that context but

really you know in that context but
that's so General so many of us face

that's so General so many of us face

that's so General so many of us face
that challenge of who are we really who

that challenge of who are we really who

that challenge of who are we really who
are we authentically as opposed to

are we authentically as opposed to

are we authentically as opposed to
what's expected of us now so we have

what's expected of us now so we have

what's expected of us now so we have
these two needs attachment

these two needs attachment

these two needs attachment
on the one hand authenticity in the

on the one hand authenticity in the

on the one hand authenticity in the
other ideally the two are not in

other ideally the two are not in

other ideally the two are not in
Conflict ideally you can be in a

Conflict ideally you can be in a

Conflict ideally you can be in a
relationship or I can be in a

relationship or I can be in a

relationship or I can be in a
relationship where we can be ourselves

relationship where we can be ourselves

relationship where we can be ourselves
and be accepted and connected with and

and be accepted and connected with and

and be accepted and connected with and
that's ideal all our lives but what

that's ideal all our lives but what

that's ideal all our lives but what
happens to a young child where if

happens to a young child where if

happens to a young child where if
they're authentic they're not accepted

they're authentic they're not accepted

they're authentic they're not accepted
so for example um certain psychologists

so for example um certain psychologists

so for example um certain psychologists
recommend that angry children should be

recommend that angry children should be

recommend that angry children should be
uh punished for their anger rather than

uh punished for their anger rather than

uh punished for their anger rather than
their anger being understood as to what

their anger being understood as to what

their anger being understood as to what
it's all about and the child being

it's all about and the child being

it's all about and the child being
taught different ways to express it they

taught different ways to express it they

taught different ways to express it they
just to be punished for it and by

just to be punished for it and by

just to be punished for it and by
different

different

different
ways by the way if you're a parent over

ways by the way if you're a parent over

ways by the way if you're a parent over
two-year-old and if you don't frustrate

two-year-old and if you don't frustrate

two-year-old and if you don't frustrate
your child you're probably not doing a

your child you're probably not doing a

your child you're probably not doing a
good job cuz your 2-year-old may want a

good job cuz your 2-year-old may want a

good job cuz your 2-year-old may want a
cookie before dinner and you say no

cookie before dinner and you say no

cookie before dinner and you say no
cookie before dinner I want a cookie you

cookie before dinner I want a cookie you

cookie before dinner I want a cookie you
know in a minute they're thrwing a

know in a minute they're thrwing a

know in a minute they're thrwing a
tantrum cuz what do even adults do when

tantrum cuz what do even adults do when

tantrum cuz what do even adults do when
they're frustrated they throw

they're frustrated they throw

they're frustrated they throw
Tantrums children that's just what they

Tantrums children that's just what they

Tantrums children that's just what they
do they have no self-regulation yet so

do they have no self-regulation yet so

do they have no self-regulation yet so
the 2-year-old gets

the 2-year-old gets

the 2-year-old gets
upset now you punish them you give them

upset now you punish them you give them

upset now you punish them you give them
a message you're not acceptable to me

a message you're not acceptable to me

a message you're not acceptable to me
when you're anger when you're angry you

when you're anger when you're angry you

when you're anger when you're angry you
have to be a certain way for me to

have to be a certain way for me to

have to be a certain way for me to
accept you or you mustn't be sad cheer

accept you or you mustn't be sad cheer

accept you or you mustn't be sad cheer
up what's you know what's wrong with you

up what's you know what's wrong with you

up what's you know what's wrong with you
you you know so when children are given

you you know so when children are given

you you know so when children are given
this message of conditionality that

this message of conditionality that

this message of conditionality that
you're acceptable to me only if you

you're acceptable to me only if you

you're acceptable to me only if you
behave in ways that I approve of

behave in ways that I approve of

behave in ways that I approve of
otherwise the attachment relationship is

otherwise the attachment relationship is

otherwise the attachment relationship is
threatened then the child is faced with

threatened then the child is faced with

threatened then the child is faced with
this Choice which is not a choice at all

this Choice which is not a choice at all

this Choice which is not a choice at all
do I stay attached to my

do I stay attached to my

do I stay attached to my
parents if my par if my father's an

parents if my par if my father's an

parents if my par if my father's an
alcoholic and uh the only way I can find

alcoholic and uh the only way I can find

alcoholic and uh the only way I can find
acceptance is by repressing my emotions

acceptance is by repressing my emotions

acceptance is by repressing my emotions
and not show my sadness and my fear then

and not show my sadness and my fear then

and not show my sadness and my fear then
do I show my sadness and my fear or my

do I show my sadness and my fear or my

do I show my sadness and my fear or my
anger or do I threaten the relationship

anger or do I threaten the relationship

anger or do I threaten the relationship
well there's no choice at all the child

well there's no choice at all the child

well there's no choice at all the child
will choose the

will choose the

will choose the
attachment and therefore they give up

attachment and therefore they give up

attachment and therefore they give up
connection to themselves which is the

connection to themselves which is the

connection to themselves which is the
essence of trauma that disconnection

essence of trauma that disconnection

essence of trauma that disconnection
from ourselves not in my own words in

from ourselves not in my own words in

from ourselves not in my own words in
the words of other trauma

the words of other trauma

the words of other trauma
theorists um who I agree with the worst

theorists um who I agree with the worst

theorists um who I agree with the worst
aspect of trauma is the disconnection

aspect of trauma is the disconnection

aspect of trauma is the disconnection
from ourselves and we do that for the

from ourselves and we do that for the

from ourselves and we do that for the
sake of making maintaining attachments

sake of making maintaining attachments

sake of making maintaining attachments
which means for the rest of our lives

which means for the rest of our lives

which means for the rest of our lives
we'll be afraid to be ourselves is this

we'll be afraid to be ourselves is this

we'll be afraid to be ourselves is this
what they call people pleases people

what they call people pleases people

what they call people pleases people
exactly so um cherl Crow the American

exactly so um cherl Crow the American

exactly so um cherl Crow the American
singer musician um developed breast

singer musician um developed breast

singer musician um developed breast
cancer and she said that since my breast

cancer and she said that since my breast

cancer and she said that since my breast
cancer I've been a different person

cancer I've been a different person

cancer I've been a different person
until then I was was always trying to

until then I was was always trying to

until then I was was always trying to
please

please

please
others and now and there was used to be

others and now and there was used to be

others and now and there was used to be
voices in my head that always telling me

voices in my head that always telling me

voices in my head that always telling me
that I was wrong I don't listen to them

that I was wrong I don't listen to them

that I was wrong I don't listen to them
anymore you know so that uh people

anymore you know so that uh people

anymore you know so that uh people
Pleasers are the ones who gave up not by

Pleasers are the ones who gave up not by

Pleasers are the ones who gave up not by
conscious choice but as a matter of

conscious choice but as a matter of

conscious choice but as a matter of
survival their authenticity in order to

survival their authenticity in order to

survival their authenticity in order to
stay liked and accepted and attached to

stay liked and accepted and attached to

stay liked and accepted and attached to
it but then they carry that on in the

it but then they carry that on in the

it but then they carry that on in the
rest of their lives and they're at risk

rest of their lives and they're at risk

rest of their lives and they're at risk
I always wor for the very nice people I

I always wor for the very nice people I

I always wor for the very nice people I
think this is fascinating I looked at

think this is fascinating I looked at

think this is fascinating I looked at
the back end of our YouTube channel and

the back end of our YouTube channel and

the back end of our YouTube channel and
it says that since this channel started

it says that since this channel started

it says that since this channel started
69.9% of you that watch it frequently

69.9% of you that watch it frequently

69.9% of you that watch it frequently
haven't yet hit the Subscribe button so

haven't yet hit the Subscribe button so

haven't yet hit the Subscribe button so
I have a favor to ask you if you've ever

I have a favor to ask you if you've ever

I have a favor to ask you if you've ever
watched this Channel and enjoyed the

watched this Channel and enjoyed the

watched this Channel and enjoyed the
content if you're enjoying this episode

content if you're enjoying this episode

content if you're enjoying this episode
right now please could I ask a small

right now please could I ask a small

right now please could I ask a small
favor please hit the Subscribe button

favor please hit the Subscribe button

favor please hit the Subscribe button
helps this channel more than I can

helps this channel more than I can

helps this channel more than I can
explain and I promise if you do that to

explain and I promise if you do that to

explain and I promise if you do that to
return the favor we will make the show

return the favor we will make the show

return the favor we will make the show
better and better and better and better

better and better and better and better

better and better and better and better
and better that's the promise I'm

and better that's the promise I'm

and better that's the promise I'm
willing to make you if you hit the

willing to make you if you hit the

willing to make you if you hit the
Subscribe button do we have a deal you

Subscribe button do we have a deal you

Subscribe button do we have a deal you
always worry for the very nice people

always worry for the very nice people

always worry for the very nice people
yeah you

yeah you

yeah you
talk a lot about that in when the body

talk a lot about that in when the body

talk a lot about that in when the body
says no yeah why is being nice a

says no yeah why is being nice a

says no yeah why is being nice a
potential risk to one's

potential risk to one's

potential risk to one's
Health well there's two there's two

Health well there's two there's two

Health well there's two there's two
places to be very nice from one is just

places to be very nice from one is just

places to be very nice from one is just
genuine human compassion and concern for

genuine human compassion and concern for

genuine human compassion and concern for
others but you're still grer than

others but you're still grer than

others but you're still grer than
yourself that's

yourself that's

yourself that's
great but a lot of people are very nice

great but a lot of people are very nice

great but a lot of people are very nice
because they afraid not to be because

because they afraid not to be because

because they afraid not to be because
they weren't liked who they were they

they weren't liked who they were they

they weren't liked who they were they
weren't love for who they were being

weren't love for who they were being

weren't love for who they were being
nice was their way of getting the love

nice was their way of getting the love

nice was their way of getting the love
and the attention they needed let me

and the attention they needed let me

and the attention they needed let me
tell you a story in the uh in 1870 there

tell you a story in the uh in 1870 there

tell you a story in the uh in 1870 there
was a French neurologist called Jean

was a French neurologist called Jean

was a French neurologist called Jean
martan shco who was the first one to

martan shco who was the first one to

martan shco who was the first one to
describe multiple sclerosis which is an

describe multiple sclerosis which is an

describe multiple sclerosis which is an
inflammation of the nervous system very

inflammation of the nervous system very

inflammation of the nervous system very
debilitating and Sho said in 1870

debilitating and Sho said in 1870

debilitating and Sho said in 1870
without any scientific research Arch but

without any scientific research Arch but

without any scientific research Arch but
just from his own observation that this

just from his own observation that this

just from his own observation that this
was a stress-driven

was a stress-driven

was a stress-driven
disease okay now since then there's been

disease okay now since then there's been

disease okay now since then there's been
a lot of research to show how stress and

a lot of research to show how stress and

a lot of research to show how stress and
Trauma potentiate multiple sclerosis uh

Trauma potentiate multiple sclerosis uh

Trauma potentiate multiple sclerosis uh
it's not even controversial not that any

it's not even controversial not that any

it's not even controversial not that any
neurologist knows that they don't get

neurologist knows that they don't get

neurologist knows that they don't get
taught this stuff in medical school but

taught this stuff in medical school but

taught this stuff in medical school but
the research is there and I present it

the research is there and I present it

the research is there and I present it
in in my books in any case when I was

in in my books in any case when I was

in in my books in any case when I was
writing when the body says no a group of

writing when the body says no a group of

writing when the body says no a group of
a self-help group of multiple scos

a self-help group of multiple scos

a self-help group of multiple scos
patients phoned me and said would you

patients phoned me and said would you

patients phoned me and said would you
come and talk to us cuz we understand

come and talk to us cuz we understand

come and talk to us cuz we understand
you're working on stress and and illness

you're working on stress and and illness

you're working on stress and and illness
and I said yeah sure I'll come and talk

and I said yeah sure I'll come and talk

and I said yeah sure I'll come and talk
to you and there's about 25 people in

to you and there's about 25 people in

to you and there's about 25 people in
the group this in Vancouver Canada and I

the group this in Vancouver Canada and I

the group this in Vancouver Canada and I
gave them very tentatively

gave them very tentatively

gave them very tentatively
apologetically apologetically I said

apologetically apologetically I said

apologetically apologetically I said
look I don't know this for sure but the

look I don't know this for sure but the

look I don't know this for sure but the
sense I get from my work in family

sense I get from my work in family

sense I get from my work in family
practice and paliative Care is that the

practice and paliative Care is that the

practice and paliative Care is that the
people that Des develop your condition

people that Des develop your condition

people that Des develop your condition
and other conditions tend to be people

and other conditions tend to be people

and other conditions tend to be people
be Pleasers that they that they tend to

be Pleasers that they that they tend to

be Pleasers that they that they tend to
have difficulty saying no they tend to

have difficulty saying no they tend to

have difficulty saying no they tend to
be very nice people and I I said you

be very nice people and I I said you

be very nice people and I I said you
know I'm sorry if I've offended you I

know I'm sorry if I've offended you I

know I'm sorry if I've offended you I
don't mean to I'm just giving you

don't mean to I'm just giving you

don't mean to I'm just giving you
something very tentative I haven't done

something very tentative I haven't done

something very tentative I haven't done
a research yet I'm just giving you my

a research yet I'm just giving you my

a research yet I'm just giving you my
observations they said you just

observations they said you just

observations they said you just
described

described

described
us and they all said that and there's a

us and they all said that and there's a

us and they all said that and there's a
woman who says in the group who says I

woman who says in the group who says I

woman who says in the group who says I
don't even know how to say

don't even know how to say

don't even know how to say
no I said terrific give me $100 right

no I said terrific give me $100 right

no I said terrific give me $100 right
now she says well I don't I don't I

now she says well I don't I don't I

now she says well I don't I don't I
don't have $100 with me right now I said

don't have $100 with me right now I said

don't have $100 with me right now I said
it's not a problem I said outside the

it's not a problem I said outside the

it's not a problem I said outside the
outside this building there's an ATM

outside this building there's an ATM

outside this building there's an ATM
machine we can go on after the meeting

machine we can go on after the meeting

machine we can go on after the meeting
we can go out you can get $100 and give

we can go out you can get $100 and give

we can go out you can get $100 and give
it to me she says

it to me she says

it to me she says
uh I'm not comfortable doing that I said

uh I'm not comfortable doing that I said

uh I'm not comfortable doing that I said
listen I'm just trying to get you to say

listen I'm just trying to get you to say

listen I'm just trying to get you to say
no to a ridiculous Demand by A Perfect

no to a ridiculous Demand by A Perfect

no to a ridiculous Demand by A Perfect
Stranger To whom you you owe nothing

Stranger To whom you you owe nothing

Stranger To whom you you owe nothing
whatsoever she said I can't say the

whatsoever she said I can't say the

whatsoever she said I can't say the
word because in childhood now by the way

word because in childhood now by the way

word because in childhood now by the way
when you have kids you're going to find

when you have kids you're going to find

when you have kids you're going to find
out what the word no means because age

out what the word no means because age

out what the word no means because age
one and a half all kids start saying no

one and a half all kids start saying no

one and a half all kids start saying no
they say that long before they say yes

they say that long before they say yes

they say that long before they say yes
why because that know is their boundary

why because that know is their boundary

why because that know is their boundary
defense of I'll figure out who I am I'm

defense of I'll figure out who I am I'm

defense of I'll figure out who I am I'm
not going to exceed to your demands I

not going to exceed to your demands I

not going to exceed to your demands I
need to figure out what I want put your

need to figure out what I want put your

need to figure out what I want put your
shoes on no and the parent think this is

shoes on no and the parent think this is

shoes on no and the parent think this is
something wrong there's nothing wrong

something wrong there's nothing wrong

something wrong there's nothing wrong
it's nature individuating the

it's nature individuating the

it's nature individuating the
when families punish that the child will

when families punish that the child will

when families punish that the child will
be repressed to no and the body will say

be repressed to no and the body will say

be repressed to no and the body will say
in the form of multiple sclerosis for

in the form of multiple sclerosis for

in the form of multiple sclerosis for
example Ness ALS amyotrophic lateral

example Ness ALS amyotrophic lateral

example Ness ALS amyotrophic lateral
sclerosis or known in Britain as Mor

sclerosis or known in Britain as Mor

sclerosis or known in Britain as Mor
neuron disease um Stephen Hawking was

neuron disease um Stephen Hawking was

neuron disease um Stephen Hawking was
diagnosed with that at age 21 he was

diagnosed with that at age 21 he was

diagnosed with that at age 21 he was
told he'd be dead within 10 2 years he

told he'd be dead within 10 2 years he

told he'd be dead within 10 2 years he
lived another 55 years doctors don't

lived another 55 years doctors don't

lived another 55 years doctors don't
know everything you know um but there's

know everything you know um but there's

know everything you know um but there's
been studies on ALS patients they're

been studies on ALS patients they're

been studies on ALS patients they're
extraordinarily

extraordinarily

extraordinarily
nice so um there was a from the

nice so um there was a from the

nice so um there was a from the
Cleveland Clinic in Ohio a major

Cleveland Clinic in Ohio a major

Cleveland Clinic in Ohio a major
referral Clinic two neurologists

referral Clinic two neurologists

referral Clinic two neurologists
published a paper at an international

published a paper at an international

published a paper at an international
ALS or motor neuron Congress why are ALS

ALS or motor neuron Congress why are ALS

ALS or motor neuron Congress why are ALS
patients so nice and what they describe

patients so nice and what they describe

patients so nice and what they describe
was that when people came to

was that when people came to

was that when people came to
their office for diagnosis before they

their office for diagnosis before they

their office for diagnosis before they
met the physician they had underwent edx

met the physician they had underwent edx

met the physician they had underwent edx
Electro diagnostic testing of the nerves

Electro diagnostic testing of the nerves

Electro diagnostic testing of the nerves
and the technicians who perform the test

and the technicians who perform the test

and the technicians who perform the test
would write on the side of the test this

would write on the side of the test this

would write on the side of the test this
person can't have ALS she's not nice

person can't have ALS she's not nice

person can't have ALS she's not nice
enough or I'm afraid this person has ALS

enough or I'm afraid this person has ALS

enough or I'm afraid this person has ALS
they're too nice and the Physicians the

they're too nice and the Physicians the

they're too nice and the Physicians the
neurologist Specialists said despite the

neurologist Specialists said despite the

neurologist Specialists said despite the
shortness of their contact with their

shortness of their contact with their

shortness of their contact with their
patients and the obviously unscientific

patients and the obviously unscientific

patients and the obviously unscientific
nature of their observations invariably

nature of their observations invariably

nature of their observations invariably
they turned out to be

they turned out to be

they turned out to be
right and then I called Dr Wilburn who

right and then I called Dr Wilburn who

right and then I called Dr Wilburn who
did this study and I said what did the

did this study and I said what did the

did this study and I said what did the
other what did the other neurologist say

other what did the other neurologist say

other what did the other neurologist say
when you presented this they said all

when you presented this they said all

when you presented this they said all
said yeah we all noticed this we just

said yeah we all noticed this we just

said yeah we all noticed this we just
can't explain it since then there's been

can't explain it since then there's been

can't explain it since then there's been
a study where they've asked neurologists

a study where they've asked neurologists

a study where they've asked neurologists
about their patients and the answer is

about their patients and the answer is

about their patients and the answer is
all our alist patients are extraordinar

all our alist patients are extraordinar

all our alist patients are extraordinar
nice now what the neurologists don't do

nice now what the neurologists don't do

nice now what the neurologists don't do
is they don't make the connection that

is they don't make the connection that

is they don't make the connection that
that re that that that that niess is a

that re that that that that niess is a

that re that that that that niess is a
repression of healthy anger and that

repression of healthy anger and that

repression of healthy anger and that
repression of healthy anger plays a role

repression of healthy anger plays a role

repression of healthy anger plays a role
in the onset of that disease so it's not

in the onset of that disease so it's not

in the onset of that disease so it's not
a accidental connection so why do I ever

a accidental connection so why do I ever

a accidental connection so why do I ever
about very nice people CU they're

about very nice people CU they're

about very nice people CU they're
putting themselves at

putting themselves at

putting themselves at
risk again niceness can come from

risk again niceness can come from

risk again niceness can come from
genuine concern for others but that's

genuine concern for others but that's

genuine concern for others but that's
not accompanied by an ignoring of

not accompanied by an ignoring of

not accompanied by an ignoring of
yourself you also care for yourself then

yourself you also care for yourself then

yourself you also care for yourself then
you can be as nice as you want but you

you can be as nice as you want but you

you can be as nice as you want but you
also know how to say no and you also

also know how to say no and you also

also know how to say no and you also
know how to set boundaries you know how

know how to set boundaries you know how

know how to set boundaries you know how
to and you know how to be angry if you

to and you know how to be angry if you

to and you know how to be angry if you
need to be but the niceness that comes

need to be but the niceness that comes

need to be but the niceness that comes
from self- repression that's the one

from self- repression that's the one

from self- repression that's the one
that

that

that
hurts there's clearly going to be a lot

hurts there's clearly going to be a lot

hurts there's clearly going to be a lot
of very nice people hearing that now

of very nice people hearing that now

of very nice people hearing that now
that know they're nice that know their

that know they're nice that know their

that know they're nice that know their
people pleases that know they've

people pleases that know they've

people pleases that know they've
experienced in their lives the

experienced in their lives the

experienced in their lives the
consequences

consequences

consequences
of putting everyone else before themsel

of putting everyone else before themsel

of putting everyone else before themsel
yeah I can it's funny as you were

yeah I can it's funny as you were

yeah I can it's funny as you were
talking I was thinking about the person

talking I was thinking about the person

talking I was thinking about the person
that I know who I think is nicest yeah

that I know who I think is nicest yeah

that I know who I think is nicest yeah
and that individual is sick all the time

and that individual is sick all the time

and that individual is sick all the time
yeah and I just connected that dot in my

yeah and I just connected that dot in my

yeah and I just connected that dot in my
head that I remember making a joke to

head that I remember making a joke to

head that I remember making a joke to
her about oh you're sick so like

her about oh you're sick so like

her about oh you're sick so like
whatever you're sick a lot and then also

whatever you're sick a lot and then also

whatever you're sick a lot and then also
thinking oh my God she is probably the

thinking oh my God she is probably the

thinking oh my God she is probably the
nicest nice is an interesting word

nicest nice is an interesting word

nicest nice is an interesting word
because that can be misconstrued as like

because that can be misconstrued as like

because that can be misconstrued as like
ha well like you know saying nice things

ha well like you know saying nice things

ha well like you know saying nice things
to someone else but it's really at a

to someone else but it's really at a

to someone else but it's really at a
deeper level from what I've observed in

deeper level from what I've observed in

deeper level from what I've observed in
that person putting everyone else before

that person putting everyone else before

that person putting everyone else before
them or chronically serving other

them or chronically serving other

them or chronically serving other
people's needs before their own well so

people's needs before their own well so

people's needs before their own well so
my contention is as I said earlier when

my contention is as I said earlier when

my contention is as I said earlier when
people don't know how to say no the body

people don't know how to say no the body

people don't know how to say no the body
will say no for them in the form of

will say no for them in the form of

will say no for them in the form of
illness and and for a lot of people with

illness and and for a lot of people with

illness and and for a lot of people with
serious illness the illness is the

serious illness the illness is the

serious illness the illness is the
wakeup call yeah and they actually learn

wakeup call yeah and they actually learn

wakeup call yeah and they actually learn
and when they do that can make a

and when they do that can make a

and when they do that can make a
difference to the course of their

difference to the course of their

difference to the course of their
illness sometimes not always but I've

illness sometimes not always but I've

illness sometimes not always but I've
seen examples of remarkable healing when

seen examples of remarkable healing when

seen examples of remarkable healing when
people learn to say no and stop being

people learn to say no and stop being

people learn to say no and stop being
people Pleasers and I just only wish

people Pleasers and I just only wish

people Pleasers and I just only wish
that Physicians understood this so when

that Physicians understood this so when

that Physicians understood this so when
somebody comes to them with chronic

somebody comes to them with chronic

somebody comes to them with chronic
eczema and all these other chronic

eczema and all these other chronic

eczema and all these other chronic
conditions they will not just provide

conditions they will not just provide

conditions they will not just provide
the physical treatment but they will

the physical treatment but they will

the physical treatment but they will
also talk to the person about how much

also talk to the person about how much

also talk to the person about how much
stress do they taking on it's very

stress do they taking on it's very

stress do they taking on it's very
stressful to take on everybody else's

stressful to take on everybody else's

stressful to take on everybody else's
issues and ignore on your own it's very

issues and ignore on your own it's very

issues and ignore on your own it's very
stressful that stress is a physiological

stressful that stress is a physiological

stressful that stress is a physiological
impact on the body how does someone who

impact on the body how does someone who

impact on the body how does someone who
is a people pleaser how do they turn

is a people pleaser how do they turn

is a people pleaser how do they turn
that ship around because it's they'll

that ship around because it's they'll

that ship around because it's they'll
hear that but because their niess or

hear that but because their niess or

hear that but because their niess or
their people pleasing is so deep within

their people pleasing is so deep within

their people pleasing is so deep within
them and it's started so early they're

them and it's started so early they're

them and it's started so early they're
not going to they're not going to change

not going to they're not going to change

not going to they're not going to change
most of them won't change

most of them won't change

most of them won't change
well they may change if they get sick

well they may change if they get sick

well they may change if they get sick
you know and if they learn something

you know and if they learn something

you know and if they learn something
from it I've had a lot of people tell me

from it I've had a lot of people tell me

from it I've had a lot of people tell me
that um but it is happens very early uh

that um but it is happens very early uh

that um but it is happens very early uh
but it's everybody's second nature not

but it's everybody's second nature not

but it's everybody's second nature not
their first nature that's it's a very

their first nature that's it's a very

their first nature that's it's a very
interesting phrase second nature it

interesting phrase second nature it

interesting phrase second nature it
means that a first nature now no baby is

means that a first nature now no baby is

means that a first nature now no baby is
born as a people pleaser no baby lies

born as a people pleaser no baby lies

born as a people pleaser no baby lies
there no one day old baby lies they're

there no one day old baby lies they're

there no one day old baby lies they're
thinking gosh um I'm hungry and wet and

thinking gosh um I'm hungry and wet and

thinking gosh um I'm hungry and wet and
and and and lonely but gosh Mom and Dad

and and and lonely but gosh Mom and Dad

and and and lonely but gosh Mom and Dad
have been worked so hard I better not

have been worked so hard I better not

have been worked so hard I better not
bother them you know babies will Express

bother them you know babies will Express

bother them you know babies will Express
their needs very valuably and very

their needs very valuably and very

their needs very valuably and very
articulately and very loudly that's how

articulately and very loudly that's how

articulately and very loudly that's how
we're born we're meant to be born that

we're born we're meant to be born that

we're born we're meant to be born that
way so that this suppression of that is

way so that this suppression of that is

way so that this suppression of that is
our second

our second

our second
nature and that first nature never goes

nature and that first nature never goes

nature and that first nature never goes
away we can always retrieve it but you

away we can always retrieve it but you

away we can always retrieve it but you
have become conscious of of it so and

have become conscious of of it so and

have become conscious of of it so and
when the body says no I lay out certain

when the body says no I lay out certain

when the body says no I lay out certain
principles of healing um in the myth of

principles of healing um in the myth of

principles of healing um in the myth of
normal I actually teach this exercise

normal I actually teach this exercise

normal I actually teach this exercise
ask yourself this question where in your

ask yourself this question where in your

ask yourself this question where in your
life are you not saying no where where

life are you not saying no where where

life are you not saying no where where
no wants to be said but you're not

no wants to be said but you're not

no wants to be said but you're not
saying it like let me ask give me give

saying it like let me ask give me give

saying it like let me ask give me give
you an example let's say I come to

you an example let's say I come to

you an example let's say I come to
London and and and we're friends and I

London and and and we're friends and I

London and and and we're friends and I
call you up a Stephen here I am de

call you up a Stephen here I am de

call you up a Stephen here I am de
enough coffee um but you've been up all

enough coffee um but you've been up all

enough coffee um but you've been up all
night helping a sick friend or

night helping a sick friend or

night helping a sick friend or
otherwise you're just too stressed to

otherwise you're just too stressed to

otherwise you're just too stressed to
want to meet me right

want to meet me right

want to meet me right
now your desire is to say no but what if

now your desire is to say no but what if

now your desire is to say no but what if
you suppress that no and you say yes for

you suppress that no and you say yes for

you suppress that no and you say yes for
the fear of displeasing me or

the fear of displeasing me or

the fear of displeasing me or
disappointing me or losing my friendship

disappointing me or losing my friendship

disappointing me or losing my friendship
if I say no gabo won't like me anymore

if I say no gabo won't like me anymore

if I say no gabo won't like me anymore
what's going to be the impact on you if

what's going to be the impact on you if

what's going to be the impact on you if
you keep behaving that

you keep behaving that

you keep behaving that
way physically what's going to the

way physically what's going to the

way physically what's going to the
impact I'm going to be I'm going to be

impact I'm going to be I'm going to be

impact I'm going to be I'm going to be
more time more exhausted probably going

more time more exhausted probably going

more time more exhausted probably going
to be more stressed all that yeah you

to be more stressed all that yeah you

to be more stressed all that yeah you
can be disconnected from yeah exactly

can be disconnected from yeah exactly

can be disconnected from yeah exactly
you know so so it's not this so this

you know so so it's not this so this

you know so so it's not this so this
person they need to I teach this

person they need to I teach this

person they need to I teach this
exercise in the book about where am I

exercise in the book about where am I

exercise in the book about where am I
not saying no and what is my belief

not saying no and what is my belief

not saying no and what is my belief
behind saying not saying no I don't

behind saying not saying no I don't

behind saying not saying no I don't
upset gabo if he's coming exactly and

upset gabo if he's coming exactly and

upset gabo if he's coming exactly and
and and I and I depend on gabor's liking

and and I and I depend on gabor's liking

and and I and I depend on gabor's liking
yes you know uh which means as a child

yes you know uh which means as a child

yes you know uh which means as a child
you depend on your parents liking and

you depend on your parents liking and

you depend on your parents liking and
you had to suppress your nose to be

you had to suppress your nose to be

you had to suppress your nose to be
liked thirdly where did I learn this

liked thirdly where did I learn this

liked thirdly where did I learn this
belief that if I say no I'm not likable

belief that if I say no I'm not likable

belief that if I say no I'm not likable
or I'm guilty or I'm not worthwhile you

or I'm guilty or I'm not worthwhile you

or I'm guilty or I'm not worthwhile you
know and the fourth question is um who

know and the fourth question is um who

know and the fourth question is um who
would I be without that

would I be without that

would I be without that
belief you know um and so if your friend

belief you know um and so if your friend

belief you know um and so if your friend
does this exercise regularly believe me

does this exercise regularly believe me

does this exercise regularly believe me
she can turn it around but it takes some

she can turn it around but it takes some

she can turn it around but it takes some
practice who would I be without that

practice who would I be without that

practice who would I be without that
belief yeah when I put myself in hushes

belief yeah when I put myself in hushes

belief yeah when I put myself in hushes
or I put myself in a people Pleasers

or I put myself in a people Pleasers

or I put myself in a people Pleasers
shoes I wouldn't I'm a people pleaser in

shoes I wouldn't I'm a people pleaser in

shoes I wouldn't I'm a people pleaser in
in certain environments but I wouldn't

in certain environments but I wouldn't

in certain environments but I wouldn't
say I am generally yeah um I can imagine

say I am generally yeah um I can imagine

say I am generally yeah um I can imagine
someone would respond to that and say

someone would respond to that and say

someone would respond to that and say
well I'd lose all my friends she'd find

well I'd lose all my friends she'd find

well I'd lose all my friends she'd find
out who her friends really

out who her friends really

out who her friends really
were because the real friends would

were because the real friends would

were because the real friends would
celebrate they'd say oh finally we're so

celebrate they'd say oh finally we're so

celebrate they'd say oh finally we're so
glad to see you being yourself the

glad to see you being yourself the

glad to see you being yourself the
friends that were just using her or

friends that were just using her or

friends that were just using her or
weying on her to be their supporter um

weying on her to be their supporter um

weying on her to be their supporter um
unconditionally uh will turn away and I

unconditionally uh will turn away and I

unconditionally uh will turn away and I
say this to people this contest between

say this to people this contest between

say this to people this contest between
attachment and authenticity can be a

attachment and authenticity can be a

attachment and authenticity can be a
painful one but you can decide which

painful one but you can decide which

painful one but you can decide which
kind of pain you want as a child you

kind of pain you want as a child you

kind of pain you want as a child you
have no

have no

have no
choice as an adult it's true if you're

choice as an adult it's true if you're

choice as an adult it's true if you're
authentic you might lose some attachment

authentic you might lose some attachment

authentic you might lose some attachment
relationships that's going to be painful

relationships that's going to be painful

relationships that's going to be painful
but which pain would you rather have the

but which pain would you rather have the

but which pain would you rather have the
pain of being authentic and losing some

pain of being authentic and losing some

pain of being authentic and losing some
friendships that were no friendships at

friendships that were no friendships at

friendships that were no friendships at
all or the pain of of of of losing

all or the pain of of of of losing

all or the pain of of of of losing
yourself self and all this implications

yourself self and all this implications

yourself self and all this implications
and all its impacts on the body so um it

and all its impacts on the body so um it

and all its impacts on the body so um it
it would be difficult for her and true

it would be difficult for her and true

it would be difficult for her and true
some relationships that she has now that

some relationships that she has now that

some relationships that she has now that
would fade away but my God she would

would fade away but my God she would

would fade away but my God she would
also attract much more genuine and

also attract much more genuine and

also attract much more genuine and
authentic relationships and her true

authentic relationships and her true

authentic relationships and her true
friends would really celebrate her you

friends would really celebrate her you

friends would really celebrate her you
know now let me tell you something that

know now let me tell you something that

know now let me tell you something that
just occurred to me forget it there was

just occurred to me forget it there was

just occurred to me forget it there was
a um book written by an Australian nurse

a um book written by an Australian nurse

a um book written by an Australian nurse
about 12 years ago and she this nurse

about 12 years ago and she this nurse

about 12 years ago and she this nurse
like I used to work in paliative care

like I used to work in paliative care

like I used to work in paliative care
with dying people she works with in

with dying people she works with in

with dying people she works with in
hospice with dying people and these are

hospice with dying people and these are

hospice with dying people and these are
people who tend to die of of malignancy

people who tend to die of of malignancy

people who tend to die of of malignancy
and chronic illness well before their

and chronic illness well before their

and chronic illness well before their
time and she wrote a book called The the

time and she wrote a book called The the

time and she wrote a book called The the
top five regrets of dying people for you

top five regrets of dying people for you

top five regrets of dying people for you
why and uh you know what the top regret

why and uh you know what the top regret

why and uh you know what the top regret
was that I wasn't being

was that I wasn't being

was that I wasn't being
myself that I wasn't true to myself I

myself that I wasn't true to myself I

myself that I wasn't true to myself I
wasn't being authentic that's a top

wasn't being authentic that's a top

wasn't being authentic that's a top
reget of dying people and and the um the

reget of dying people and and the um the

reget of dying people and and the um the
third one was that I didn't express my

third one was that I didn't express my

third one was that I didn't express my
feelings for fear of disturbing or or

feelings for fear of disturbing or or

feelings for fear of disturbing or or
displeasing others so authenticity is

displeasing others so authenticity is

displeasing others so authenticity is
not just a new age concept it's actually

not just a new age concept it's actually

not just a new age concept it's actually
a central dynamic in staying healthy

a central dynamic in staying healthy

a central dynamic in staying healthy
human

human

human
beings oh one more thing so yesterday I

beings oh one more thing so yesterday I

beings oh one more thing so yesterday I
was in Westminster

Abby and I was looking at all these

Abby and I was looking at all these
beautifully articulately worded

beautifully articulately worded

beautifully articulately worded
monuments to all these

monuments to all these

monuments to all these
colonialists

colonialists

colonialists
to all the people that oppressed and

to all the people that oppressed and

to all the people that oppressed and
murdered and robbed and

murdered and robbed and

murdered and robbed and
despoiled native people all over the

despoiled native people all over the

despoiled native people all over the
world they're the heroes of the British

world they're the heroes of the British

world they're the heroes of the British
Empire and I think one of the reasons

Empire and I think one of the reasons

Empire and I think one of the reasons
there's such a strong push back against

there's such a strong push back against

there's such a strong push back against
the idea of trauma in this Society is if

the idea of trauma in this Society is if

the idea of trauma in this Society is if
you recognize trauma which exists not

you recognize trauma which exists not

you recognize trauma which exists not
only on the personal individual level

only on the personal individual level

only on the personal individual level
but very much on the collective level

but very much on the collective level

but very much on the collective level
the ruling Elites in this country would

the ruling Elites in this country would

the ruling Elites in this country would
have to come to turns with the fact that

have to come to turns with the fact that

have to come to turns with the fact that
their wealth is based on the

their wealth is based on the

their wealth is based on the
traumatization of forign peoples which

traumatization of forign peoples which

traumatization of forign peoples which
incidentally was one of the crimes of

incidentally was one of the crimes of

incidentally was one of the crimes of
Harry is that he pointed that out that

Harry is that he pointed that out that

Harry is that he pointed that out that
that that let's face it the royalty the

that that let's face it the royalty the

that that let's face it the royalty the
wealth that I was born into was achieved

wealth that I was born into was achieved

wealth that I was born into was achieved
at the Des spoilation and oppression of

at the Des spoilation and oppression of

at the Des spoilation and oppression of
people around the world so trauma is not

people around the world so trauma is not

people around the world so trauma is not
just a personal issue it's very much a

just a personal issue it's very much a

just a personal issue it's very much a
social and Collective and historical

social and Collective and historical

social and Collective and historical
issue what's the cure you know CU if

issue what's the cure you know CU if

issue what's the cure you know CU if
we're if we're many of us are byproducts

we're if we're many of us are byproducts

we're if we're many of us are byproducts
of generational trauma and we're seeking

of generational trauma and we're seeking

of generational trauma and we're seeking
different ways to ease our pain through

different ways to ease our pain through

different ways to ease our pain through
through the means of addiction whether

through the means of addiction whether

through the means of addiction whether
it's pornography or heroin or

it's pornography or heroin or

it's pornography or heroin or
alcohol um we can't all afford expensive

alcohol um we can't all afford expensive

alcohol um we can't all afford expensive
therapists but we exhibit those

therapists but we exhibit those

therapists but we exhibit those
self-destructive Behavior patterns maybe

self-destructive Behavior patterns maybe

self-destructive Behavior patterns maybe
every single day maybe with social media

every single day maybe with social media

every single day maybe with social media
addictions or whatever yeah what do we

addictions or whatever yeah what do we

addictions or whatever yeah what do we
do

do

do
unfortunately uh the Health Care Systems

unfortunately uh the Health Care Systems

unfortunately uh the Health Care Systems
around the world um have very poor

around the world um have very poor

around the world um have very poor
appreciation of the emotional

appreciation of the emotional

appreciation of the emotional
contribution to people's physical or

contribution to people's physical or

contribution to people's physical or
mental ill health and most Physicians

mental ill health and most Physicians

mental ill health and most Physicians
and most psychiatrists are not trained

and most psychiatrists are not trained

and most psychiatrists are not trained
in it unfortunately there's a huge um

in it unfortunately there's a huge um

in it unfortunately there's a huge um
gap between science and research on the

gap between science and research on the

gap between science and research on the
one hand and Medical Practice on the

one hand and Medical Practice on the

one hand and Medical Practice on the
other it's maddening sometimes to

other it's maddening sometimes to

other it's maddening sometimes to
contemplate it

contemplate it

contemplate it
um so the first step would be to educate

um so the first step would be to educate

um so the first step would be to educate
the the

the the

the the
caregivers just educate doctors about

caregivers just educate doctors about

caregivers just educate doctors about
the actual science of the Mind Body

the actual science of the Mind Body

the actual science of the Mind Body
Connection and the impacts of trauma

Connection and the impacts of trauma

Connection and the impacts of trauma
educate them so when you go to a

educate them so when you go to a

educate them so when you go to a
physician with um say chronic fatigue or

physician with um say chronic fatigue or

physician with um say chronic fatigue or
um inflammation of your

um inflammation of your

um inflammation of your
joints they don't just give you the

joints they don't just give you the

joints they don't just give you the
necessary medication which I'm not

necessary medication which I'm not

necessary medication which I'm not
against but they also ask you what's

against but they also ask you what's

against but they also ask you what's
going on you know so that's the first

going on you know so that's the first

going on you know so that's the first
thing thing second thing is let's

thing thing second thing is let's

thing thing second thing is let's
prevent the problem so let's support

prevent the problem so let's support

prevent the problem so let's support
young families to be really there for

young families to be really there for

young families to be really there for
their kids so that families don't have

their kids so that families don't have

their kids so that families don't have
to struggle

to struggle

to struggle
economically and their parents are so

economically and their parents are so

economically and their parents are so
stressed

stressed

stressed
um as I may have mentioned I forgotten

um as I may have mentioned I forgotten

um as I may have mentioned I forgotten
now when parents are emotionally

now when parents are emotionally

now when parents are emotionally
stressed economically stressed according

stressed economically stressed according

stressed economically stressed according
to a number of studies the kids stress

to a number of studies the kids stress

to a number of studies the kids stress
horal levels are

horal levels are

horal levels are
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
abnormal and that is a Harbinger or

abnormal and that is a Harbinger or

abnormal and that is a Harbinger or
future

future

future
disease and so let's look after young

disease and so let's look after young

disease and so let's look after young
families let's make people feel secure

families let's make people feel secure

families let's make people feel secure
uncertainty lack of control uh lack of

uncertainty lack of control uh lack of

uncertainty lack of control uh lack of
information these are some of the

information these are some of the

information these are some of the
drivers of physiological stress so let's

drivers of physiological stress so let's

drivers of physiological stress so let's
create a society where there's a more

create a society where there's a more

create a society where there's a more
sense of mutual acceptance and

sense of mutual acceptance and

sense of mutual acceptance and
communality and and and social support

communality and and and social support

communality and and and social support
you know let teachers be educated that

you know let teachers be educated that

you know let teachers be educated that
the kids who are so-called misbehaving

the kids who are so-called misbehaving

the kids who are so-called misbehaving
or kids who are actually troubled

or kids who are actually troubled

or kids who are actually troubled
troubled because of stuff at home and

troubled because of stuff at home and

troubled because of stuff at home and
that the solution is not to exclude them

that the solution is not to exclude them

that the solution is not to exclude them
or to punish them but to actually give

or to punish them but to actually give

or to punish them but to actually give
them emotional support in the classroom

them emotional support in the classroom

them emotional support in the classroom
and in the schools let the schools be

and in the schools let the schools be

and in the schools let the schools be
the human

the human

the human
brain I'm quoting a Harvard study

brain I'm quoting a Harvard study

brain I'm quoting a Harvard study
develops um from before birth it's a

develops um from before birth it's a

develops um from before birth it's a
ongoing process that begins before birth

ongoing process that begins before birth

ongoing process that begins before birth
and continues into adulthood

and continues into adulthood

and continues into adulthood
the necessary conditions for human brain

the necessary conditions for human brain

the necessary conditions for human brain
development is safe uh supportive

development is safe uh supportive

development is safe uh supportive
emotional relationship with adults let

emotional relationship with adults let

emotional relationship with adults let
everybody who deals with children from

everybody who deals with children from

everybody who deals with children from
social workers to teachers to daycare

social workers to teachers to daycare

social workers to teachers to daycare
workers to kindergarten um supervisors

workers to kindergarten um supervisors

workers to kindergarten um supervisors
to to parents understand the emotional

to to parents understand the emotional

to to parents understand the emotional
needs of kids and and provide that

needs of kids and and provide that

needs of kids and and provide that
safety uh let the justice system

safety uh let the justice system

safety uh let the justice system
so-called about which there's very

so-called about which there's very

so-called about which there's very
little just um uh in Canada

little just um uh in Canada

little just um uh in Canada
50% of the women in jail are indigenous

50% of the women in jail are indigenous

50% of the women in jail are indigenous
they make up 6% of the population 50% of

they make up 6% of the population 50% of

they make up 6% of the population 50% of
the jail population you call that

the jail population you call that

the jail population you call that
Justice you take the most traumatized

Justice you take the most traumatized

Justice you take the most traumatized
people who then act out their traumas

people who then act out their traumas

people who then act out their traumas
and then you punish them for it so let

and then you punish them for it so let

and then you punish them for it so let
the medical system let the educational

the medical system let the educational

the medical system let the educational
system let the legal system understand

system let the legal system understand

system let the legal system understand
Child Development and Trauma now in

Child Development and Trauma now in

Child Development and Trauma now in
terms of the adult to answer your

terms of the adult to answer your

terms of the adult to answer your
question more specifically so there's a

question more specifically so there's a

question more specifically so there's a
social answer mhm but then there the

social answer mhm but then there the

social answer mhm but then there the
individual

individual

individual
answer yeah a lot of people can't afford

answer yeah a lot of people can't afford

answer yeah a lot of people can't afford
good therapy it's true it's expensive

good therapy it's true it's expensive

good therapy it's true it's expensive
and and and even there's a lot of people

and and and even there's a lot of people

and and and even there's a lot of people
who are get therapy but not getting

who are get therapy but not getting

who are get therapy but not getting
appropriate therapy well if you can't

appropriate therapy well if you can't

appropriate therapy well if you can't
afford

afford

afford
therapy go to the library read some

therapy go to the library read some

therapy go to the library read some
books my own but not just my own I could

books my own but not just my own I could

books my own but not just my own I could
rattle have five other books you should

rattle have five other books you should

rattle have five other books you should
read read dick schwarz's uh book on

read read dick schwarz's uh book on

read read dick schwarz's uh book on
internal family systems called no bad

internal family systems called no bad

internal family systems called no bad
parts read Bessel Vander CO's book on

parts read Bessel Vander CO's book on

parts read Bessel Vander CO's book on
trauma called the body keep score read

trauma called the body keep score read

trauma called the body keep score read
Peter lavine's book waking the Tiger on

Peter lavine's book waking the Tiger on

Peter lavine's book waking the Tiger on
trauma read Oprah Winfrey's and BR Perry

trauma read Oprah Winfrey's and BR Perry

trauma read Oprah Winfrey's and BR Perry
book what happened to you read boo

book what happened to you read boo

book what happened to you read boo
prayers book uh called uh the boy who

prayers book uh called uh the boy who

prayers book uh called uh the boy who
was raised as a dog um I'm interviewing

was raised as a dog um I'm interviewing

was raised as a dog um I'm interviewing
pet Laine oh you have oh good oh good

pet Laine oh you have oh good oh good

pet Laine oh you have oh good oh good
wonderful I'm glad to hear that he's one

wonderful I'm glad to hear that he's one

wonderful I'm glad to hear that he's one
of my mentors and friends and we often

of my mentors and friends and we often

of my mentors and friends and we often
work together uh so there and and and

work together uh so there and and and

work together uh so there and and and
all of these books will have some advice

all of these books will have some advice

all of these books will have some advice
about how to help yourself including my

about how to help yourself including my

about how to help yourself including my
books then there's a lot of stuff on

books then there's a lot of stuff on

books then there's a lot of stuff on
internet so this uh the interview that

internet so this uh the interview that

internet so this uh the interview that
you and I had a year ago I checked this

you and I had a year ago I checked this

you and I had a year ago I checked this
morning has been seen by two and a half

morning has been seen by two and a half

morning has been seen by two and a half
million people I'm sure it's helped a

million people I'm sure it's helped a

million people I'm sure it's helped a
lot of people is a lot that you can get

lot of people is a lot that you can get

lot of people is a lot that you can get
just you know freely nobody's going to

just you know freely nobody's going to

just you know freely nobody's going to
get charged you know on the YouTube um

get charged you know on the YouTube um

get charged you know on the YouTube um
lots of my talks are available lots of

lots of my talks are available lots of

lots of my talks are available lots of
Talks by other really good people are

Talks by other really good people are

Talks by other really good people are
available do that there are self-help

available do that there are self-help

available do that there are self-help
groups of all kinds um is there a risk

groups of all kinds um is there a risk

groups of all kinds um is there a risk
here this is what the the one side of

here this is what the the one side of

here this is what the the one side of
the narrative sometimes argue that you

the narrative sometimes argue that you

the narrative sometimes argue that you
can kind of over traumatize your life in

can kind of over traumatize your life in

can kind of over traumatize your life in
terms of over overlab everything that

terms of over overlab everything that

terms of over overlab everything that
you do as a trauma so you know and I

you do as a trauma so you know and I

you do as a trauma so you know and I
mean that that always happens right when

mean that that always happens right when

mean that that always happens right when
when people become aware of something

when people become aware of something

when people become aware of something
they become over aware and they start

they become over aware and they start

they become over aware and they start
overlab and saying that's a trauma

overlab and saying that's a trauma

overlab and saying that's a trauma
response that's a trauma response that's

response that's a trauma response that's

response that's a trauma response that's
a trauma response and they kind of live

a trauma response and they kind of live

a trauma response and they kind of live
with a feeling that they are inherently

with a feeling that they are inherently

with a feeling that they are inherently
broken yeah but my point is that

broken yeah but my point is that

broken yeah but my point is that
nobody's broken um actually I talked

nobody's broken um actually I talked

nobody's broken um actually I talked
about our first nature that's always

about our first nature that's always

about our first nature that's always
there when people recover it's an

there when people recover it's an

there when people recover it's an
interesting word recovery what does it

interesting word recovery what does it

interesting word recovery what does it
mean to

mean to

mean to
recover when you recover something what

recover when you recover something what

recover when you recover something what
are you doing going back to you're

are you doing going back to you're

are you doing going back to you're
finding it oh yeah I'm true yeah that's

finding it oh yeah I'm true yeah that's

finding it oh yeah I'm true yeah that's
the definition of the word isn't it what

the definition of the word isn't it what

the definition of the word isn't it what
do people find when they recover they

do people find when they recover they

do people find when they recover they
find their true selves that's what

find their true selves that's what

find their true selves that's what
they'll tell you that two yourself never

they'll tell you that two yourself never

they'll tell you that two yourself never
went away nobody's damaged goods

went away nobody's damaged goods

went away nobody's damaged goods
nobody's broken to talk about trauma is

nobody's broken to talk about trauma is

nobody's broken to talk about trauma is
not to disempower people but to empower

not to disempower people but to empower

not to disempower people but to empower
them if I learn that my response to the

them if I learn that my response to the

them if I learn that my response to the
British media and the

British media and the

British media and the
hairy issue was actually it's nothing to

hairy issue was actually it's nothing to

hairy issue was actually it's nothing to
do with the present moment it's actually

do with the present moment it's actually

do with the present moment it's actually
some old programming oh okay now I can

some old programming oh okay now I can

some old programming oh okay now I can
drop it are you glad it happened I'm

drop it are you glad it happened I'm

drop it are you glad it happened I'm
glad that everything happened cuz

glad that everything happened cuz

glad that everything happened cuz
everything is learning nothing in this

everything is learning nothing in this

everything is learning nothing in this
this life is wasted if you know how to

this life is wasted if you know how to

this life is wasted if you know how to
use it properly and um so what I'm

use it properly and um so what I'm

use it properly and um so what I'm
saying is that to to to be aware of

saying is that to to to be aware of

saying is that to to to be aware of
trauma is not to lose power but to gain

trauma is not to lose power but to gain

trauma is not to lose power but to gain
it because it's not an excuse I can't

it because it's not an excuse I can't

it because it's not an excuse I can't
keep going to my wife and saying I'm

keep going to my wife and saying I'm

keep going to my wife and saying I'm
being resentful of you and and punishing

being resentful of you and and punishing

being resentful of you and and punishing
you because my mother didn't take good

you because my mother didn't take good

you because my mother didn't take good
care of me when I was a baby because she

care of me when I was a baby because she

care of me when I was a baby because she
was too stressed you know I mean that

was too stressed you know I mean that

was too stressed you know I mean that
that that's lack of

that that's lack of

that that's lack of
responsibility but for me to understand

responsibility but for me to understand

responsibility but for me to understand
that my demands on my wife to take care

that my demands on my wife to take care

that my demands on my wife to take care
of me me like a motherhood of a baby

of me me like a motherhood of a baby

of me me like a motherhood of a baby
actually is my trauma response then I

actually is my trauma response then I

actually is my trauma response then I
can drop it cuz I'm not a baby anymore I

can drop it cuz I'm not a baby anymore I

can drop it cuz I'm not a baby anymore I
don't need I'm not that helpless I'm not

don't need I'm not that helpless I'm not

don't need I'm not that helpless I'm not
that resourceless um I'm not that um

that resourceless um I'm not that um

that resourceless um I'm not that um
ungrounded so that when you recognize

ungrounded so that when you recognize

ungrounded so that when you recognize
trauma it's not in order to use it as an

trauma it's not in order to use it as an

trauma it's not in order to use it as an
excuse but to actually to overcome it

excuse but to actually to overcome it

excuse but to actually to overcome it
that's the whole point when we talked

that's the whole point when we talked

that's the whole point when we talked
about the suppression of our emotions

about the suppression of our emotions

about the suppression of our emotions
and anger you use the word healthy anger

and anger you use the word healthy anger

and anger you use the word healthy anger
yeah when you you know cuz there's a

yeah when you you know cuz there's a

yeah when you you know cuz there's a
there's a risk isn't there when you're

there's a risk isn't there when you're

there's a risk isn't there when you're
saying that anger can be a positive

saying that anger can be a positive

saying that anger can be a positive
thing that people will then assume that

thing that people will then assume that

thing that people will then assume that
berating someone behind a counter or a

berating someone behind a counter or a

berating someone behind a counter or a
waitress in a restaurant because they

waitress in a restaurant because they

waitress in a restaurant because they
got one item on your order wrong is

got one item on your order wrong is

got one item on your order wrong is
standing up for your boundaries I've

standing up for your boundaries I've

standing up for your boundaries I've
done

done

done
it no it's not so healthy anger is in a

it no it's not so healthy anger is in a

it no it's not so healthy anger is in a
moment and it's just the boundary

moment and it's just the boundary

moment and it's just the boundary
defense it's not outrage it's you're in

defense it's not outrage it's you're in

defense it's not outrage it's you're in
my space get out that's its purpose

my space get out that's its purpose

my space get out that's its purpose
that's its only purpose

that's its only purpose

that's its only purpose
or to protect something like a um you

or to protect something like a um you

or to protect something like a um you
want to see anger

want to see anger

want to see anger
um try and tell a mother bear not to uh

um try and tell a mother bear not to uh

um try and tell a mother bear not to uh
be close to their ba to their cubs you

be close to their ba to their cubs you

be close to their ba to their cubs you
know you'll find out what healthy mother

know you'll find out what healthy mother

know you'll find out what healthy mother
anger is all about you know that's just

anger is all about you know that's just

anger is all about you know that's just
healthy the kind of Rage you're talking

healthy the kind of Rage you're talking

healthy the kind of Rage you're talking
about have you ever had that kind of

about have you ever had that kind of

about have you ever had that kind of
Rage definitely on a spectrum I've got

Rage definitely on a spectrum I've got

Rage definitely on a spectrum I've got
I've got so the reason I struggle with

I've got so the reason I struggle with

I've got so the reason I struggle with
the answer is because I've got a friend

the answer is because I've got a friend

the answer is because I've got a friend
that's fully shown me what the that's

that's fully shown me what the that's

that's fully shown me what the that's
the extreme side of that is where we

the extreme side of that is where we

the extreme side of that is where we
used to call it the Red Mist with him

used to call it the Red Mist with him

used to call it the Red Mist with him
where he would literally lose control

where he would literally lose control

where he would literally lose control
which is incidentally what ha used to

which is incidentally what ha used to

which is incidentally what ha used to
call his anger oh really yeah yeah yeah

call his anger oh really yeah yeah yeah

call his anger oh really yeah yeah yeah
my friend so my friend um my friend one

my friend so my friend um my friend one

my friend so my friend um my friend one
of my best friends in the world he talks

of my best friends in the world he talks

of my best friends in the world he talks
about this all the time is he had you

about this all the time is he had you

about this all the time is he had you
could trigger him by saying something

could trigger him by saying something

could trigger him by saying something
usually by saying he was wrong about

usually by saying he was wrong about

usually by saying he was wrong about
something yeah or something like that

something yeah or something like that

something yeah or something like that
and then he would just lose it so I

and then he would just lose it so I

and then he would just lose it so I
remember the first the last time it

remember the first the last time it

remember the first the last time it
happened was when the pandemic rolled in

happened was when the pandemic rolled in

happened was when the pandemic rolled in
I was staying with him uh in his

I was staying with him uh in his

I was staying with him uh in his
apartment because the lockdown and I was

apartment because the lockdown and I was

apartment because the lockdown and I was
living in America at the time and we

living in America at the time and we

living in America at the time and we
were discussing the virus and I said to

were discussing the virus and I said to

were discussing the virus and I said to
him um I think people that are older and

him um I think people that are older and

him um I think people that are older and
that have certain Health um situations

that have certain Health um situations

that have certain Health um situations
are more at risk and he said to me no

are more at risk and he said to me no

are more at risk and he said to me no
people that are younger are more at risk

people that are younger are more at risk

people that are younger are more at risk
and I said and I showed it an NHS um

and I said and I showed it an NHS um

and I said and I showed it an NHS um
website which said no it's people that

website which said no it's people that

website which said no it's people that
were older at more at risk yeah and he

were older at more at risk yeah and he

were older at more at risk yeah and he
just went into this Red Mist okay where

just went into this Red Mist okay where

just went into this Red Mist okay where
he was totally triggered and lost

he was totally triggered and lost

he was totally triggered and lost
control of his emotions okay so if you

control of his emotions okay so if you

control of his emotions okay so if you
observed them then what you would have

observed them then what you would have

observed them then what you would have
noticed is remember what I said about

noticed is remember what I said about

noticed is remember what I said about
healthy anger it's in the present moment

healthy anger it's in the present moment

healthy anger it's in the present moment
once it's done his job it's gone yeah

once it's done his job it's gone yeah

once it's done his job it's gone yeah
your friend the anger he gets the anger

your friend the anger he gets the anger

your friend the anger he gets the anger
he gets yeah so the the rage just keeps

he gets yeah so the the rage just keeps

he gets yeah so the the rage just keeps
building on itself now we talk about a

building on itself now we talk about a

building on itself now we talk about a
fit of anger it's a good word you know

fit of anger it's a good word you know

fit of anger it's a good word you know
where else we talk about fits is

where else we talk about fits is

where else we talk about fits is
epileptic fits in epileptic fits certain

epileptic fits in epileptic fits certain

epileptic fits in epileptic fits certain
electrical miswiring in the brain then

electrical miswiring in the brain then

electrical miswiring in the brain then
recruits other brain circuits and it

recruits other brain circuits and it

recruits other brain circuits and it
gets more and more and more until hold

gets more and more and more until hold

gets more and more and more until hold
the whole body shaking and the person

the whole body shaking and the person

the whole body shaking and the person
may even lose Consciousness and soil

may even lose Consciousness and soil

may even lose Consciousness and soil
themselves and so on that's an epileptic

themselves and so on that's an epileptic

themselves and so on that's an epileptic
fit a fit of anger is the same that that

fit a fit of anger is the same that that

fit a fit of anger is the same that that
a fit of rage is the same so that the

a fit of rage is the same so that the

a fit of rage is the same so that the
more severe it gets the more brain

more severe it gets the more brain

more severe it gets the more brain
circuits it recruits so rather than

circuits it recruits so rather than

circuits it recruits so rather than
expending itself doing its job and then

expending itself doing its job and then

expending itself doing its job and then
being gone it actually gets worse and

being gone it actually gets worse and

being gone it actually gets worse and
worse and worse that's unhealthy anger

worse and worse that's unhealthy anger

worse and worse that's unhealthy anger
and triggering is a good word

and triggering is a good word

and triggering is a good word
because look at what the word triggering

because look at what the word triggering

because look at what the word triggering
means now if you look at a weapon how

means now if you look at a weapon how

means now if you look at a weapon how
big a part of the weapon is the

big a part of the weapon is the

big a part of the weapon is the
trigger this big for the trigger to set

trigger this big for the trigger to set

trigger this big for the trigger to set
off anything there has to be ammunition

off anything there has to be ammunition

off anything there has to be ammunition
there there has to be um explosive

there there has to be um explosive

there there has to be um explosive
material

material

material
there so your friend is carrying a lot

there so your friend is carrying a lot

there so your friend is carrying a lot
of explosive material I can tell you

of explosive material I can tell you

of explosive material I can tell you
your friend never felt understood or

your friend never felt understood or

your friend never felt understood or
validated as a child and he's still

validated as a child and he's still

validated as a child and he's still
carrying the Rage of that so you trigger

carrying the Rage of that so you trigger

carrying the Rage of that so you trigger
him and then by disagreeing with him and

him and then by disagreeing with him and

him and then by disagreeing with him and
all the pain of invalidation and All the

all the pain of invalidation and All the

all the pain of invalidation and All the
Rage of not being understood now gets

Rage of not being understood now gets

Rage of not being understood now gets
triggered and recruits more and More's

triggered and recruits more and More's

triggered and recruits more and More's
brain circuit now I can tell you

brain circuit now I can tell you

brain circuit now I can tell you
something healthy anger is essential for

something healthy anger is essential for

something healthy anger is essential for
our physical Integrity that rage in the

our physical Integrity that rage in the

our physical Integrity that rage in the
Abode in the in the aftermath of a rage

Abode in the in the aftermath of a rage

Abode in the in the aftermath of a rage
episode your risk of a heart attack or

episode your risk of a heart attack or

episode your risk of a heart attack or
stroke doubles for for the next two

stroke doubles for for the next two

stroke doubles for for the next two
hours according to studies because what

hours according to studies because what

hours according to studies because what
happens your blood pressure goes up your

happens your blood pressure goes up your

happens your blood pressure goes up your
blood vessels narrow and the clotting

blood vessels narrow and the clotting

blood vessels narrow and the clotting
factors in your blood increase so of

factors in your blood increase so of

factors in your blood increase so of
course you're at more risk so the

course you're at more risk so the

course you're at more risk so the
repression of anger can lead to chronic

repression of anger can lead to chronic

repression of anger can lead to chronic
illness but so can rage lead to uh heart

illness but so can rage lead to uh heart

illness but so can rage lead to uh heart
attacks and uh and strokes and so on so

attacks and uh and strokes and so on so

attacks and uh and strokes and so on so
anger is a delicate thing should I tell

anger is a delicate thing should I tell

anger is a delicate thing should I tell
you something about my friend that we

you something about my friend that we

you something about my friend that we
found out because he then went to a

found out because he then went to a

found out because he then went to a
childhood psychologist oh good

childhood psychologist oh good

childhood psychologist oh good
understand himself and that's why I said

understand himself and that's why I said

understand himself and that's why I said
that was the last time so you can

that was the last time so you can

that was the last time so you can
imagine that was three years ago the

imagine that was three years ago the

imagine that was three years ago the
pandemic two three years ago he went to

pandemic two three years ago he went to

pandemic two three years ago he went to
a childhood psychologist and what they

a childhood psychologist and what they

a childhood psychologist and what they
uncovered through their work was that as

uncovered through their work was that as

uncovered through their work was that as
a kid he he was not only um a foot

a kid he he was not only um a foot

a kid he he was not only um a foot
shorter than all the other kids yeah but

shorter than all the other kids yeah but

shorter than all the other kids yeah but
he was both dyslexic and struggled a lot

he was both dyslexic and struggled a lot

he was both dyslexic and struggled a lot
intellectually so um the people around

intellectually so um the people around

intellectually so um the people around
him and on his report card basically

him and on his report card basically

him and on his report card basically
called him stupid as a child and then he

called him stupid as a child and then he

called him stupid as a child and then he
actually found a I think he found a text

actually found a I think he found a text

actually found a I think he found a text
message at some point between his mom

message at some point between his mom

message at some point between his mom
and his Nan where they were diminishing

and his Nan where they were diminishing

and his Nan where they were diminishing
his chances of success and he grew up

his chances of success and he grew up

his chances of success and he grew up
with this deep sense of like I am not

with this deep sense of like I am not

with this deep sense of like I am not
intelligent a deep deep sense of it and

intelligent a deep deep sense of it and

intelligent a deep deep sense of it and
it's come out in all of these ways as an

it's come out in all of these ways as an

it's come out in all of these ways as an
adult and that you're right that's what

adult and that you're right that's what

adult and that you're right that's what
was coming out in that moment I was

was coming out in that moment I was

was coming out in that moment I was
challenging I was taking him back

challenging I was taking him back

challenging I was taking him back
probably well and you know what again to

probably well and you know what again to

probably well and you know what again to
come back to Harry that's what happened

come back to Harry that's what happened

come back to Harry that's what happened
to him they called him stupid and

to him they called him stupid and

to him they called him stupid and
thickle and

thickle and

thickle and
naughty and he was none of none of those

naughty and he was none of none of those

naughty and he was none of none of those
things he just had trouble of

things he just had trouble of

things he just had trouble of
concentrating and paying attention

concentrating and paying attention

concentrating and paying attention
because of all the

because of all the

because of all the
stress my friend has ADHD as well yeah

stress my friend has ADHD as well yeah

stress my friend has ADHD as well yeah
yeah and and so in his book he describes

yeah and and so in his book he describes

yeah and and so in his book he describes
that he''s been told he had

that he''s been told he had

that he''s been told he had
post-traumatic stress I didn't diagnose

post-traumatic stress I didn't diagnose

post-traumatic stress I didn't diagnose
him with all this stuff it's in this

him with all this stuff it's in this

him with all this stuff it's in this
book I said you know what but I think

book I said you know what but I think

book I said you know what but I think
given the how you you were distracted as

given the how you you were distracted as

given the how you you were distracted as
a kid you trouble paying

a kid you trouble paying

a kid you trouble paying
attention um they called you

attention um they called you

attention um they called you
stupid this is ADD and um I wasn't

stupid this is ADD and um I wasn't

stupid this is ADD and um I wasn't
saying he's got a disease I was saying

saying he's got a disease I was saying

saying he's got a disease I was saying
you actually that was a normal response

you actually that was a normal response

you actually that was a normal response
that you had to an abnormal situation

that you had to an abnormal situation

that you had to an abnormal situation
where you under a lot of stress and they

where you under a lot of stress and they

where you under a lot of stress and they
made you wrong for it they call you

made you wrong for it they call you

made you wrong for it they call you
naughty they call you stupid they called

naughty they call you stupid they called

naughty they call you stupid they called
you thicko you're not any of that now

you thicko you're not any of that now

you thicko you're not any of that now
the whole bunch of British psychiatrists

the whole bunch of British psychiatrists

the whole bunch of British psychiatrists
got their knickers tied in a knot CU I

got their knickers tied in a knot CU I

got their knickers tied in a knot CU I
made that diagnosis you know um my God

made that diagnosis you know um my God

made that diagnosis you know um my God
people I was saying to the guy you don't

people I was saying to the guy you don't

people I was saying to the guy you don't
have a disease you have a normal

have a disease you have a normal

have a disease you have a normal
response to have no circumstances you

response to have no circumstances you

response to have no circumstances you
were not stupid ever but but children

were not stupid ever but but children

were not stupid ever but but children
and undergo this character assassination

and undergo this character assassination

and undergo this character assassination
like you offended and imagine the rage

like you offended and imagine the rage

like you offended and imagine the rage
inside him so when when you disagree

inside him so when when you disagree

inside him so when when you disagree
with him you're triggering all

with him you're triggering all

with him you're triggering all
that it's just that's just how it works

that it's just that's just how it works

that it's just that's just how it works
now interestingly enough people calls me

now interestingly enough people calls me

now interestingly enough people calls me
stupid that's not a trigger for me yeah

stupid that's not a trigger for me yeah

stupid that's not a trigger for me yeah
it's not for me because I know I'm not

it's not for me because I know I'm not

it's not for me because I know I'm not
you know I I always grew up with a sense

you know I I always grew up with a sense

you know I I always grew up with a sense
of my own intelligence not to overstate

of my own intelligence not to overstate

of my own intelligence not to overstate
it but I know never had any doubt about

it but I know never had any doubt about

it but I know never had any doubt about
it but certain things you can do yeah

it but certain things you can do yeah

it but certain things you can do yeah
like not see me and that'll trigger me

like not see me and that'll trigger me

like not see me and that'll trigger me
and for context for anybody that doesn't

and for context for anybody that doesn't

and for context for anybody that doesn't
know why you not being seen triggers

know why you not being seen triggers

know why you not being seen triggers
you well look I was born you know may

you well look I was born you know may

you well look I was born you know may
have mentioned this last year so I was

have mentioned this last year so I was

have mentioned this last year so I was
born two months before the Nazis

born two months before the Nazis

born two months before the Nazis
occupied Budapest then they started

occupied Budapest then they started

occupied Budapest then they started
Exterminating all the Hungarian Jews so

Exterminating all the Hungarian Jews so

Exterminating all the Hungarian Jews so
literally my life was under threat

literally my life was under threat

literally my life was under threat
because they didn't see me as a human

because they didn't see me as a human

because they didn't see me as a human
being they saw me as Vermin you know now

being they saw me as Vermin you know now

being they saw me as Vermin you know now
not that I knew that directly but my

not that I knew that directly but my

not that I knew that directly but my
mother can you imagine what it was like

mother can you imagine what it was like

mother can you imagine what it was like
for her to have a two-month-old and

for her to have a two-month-old and

for her to have a two-month-old and
living under the risk of death all the

living under the risk of death all the

living under the risk of death all the
time for a whole

time for a whole

time for a whole
year and then as I mentioned before she

year and then as I mentioned before she

year and then as I mentioned before she
gave me to a stranger to save my life

gave me to a stranger to save my life

gave me to a stranger to save my life
and I didn't see her for five weeks well

and I didn't see her for five weeks well

and I didn't see her for five weeks well
that's not being seen and my father's

that's not being seen and my father's

that's not being seen and my father's
not there to see me cuz he's in forc

not there to see me cuz he's in forc

not there to see me cuz he's in forc
labor so literally not being seen

labor so literally not being seen

labor so literally not being seen
threatened my life so no wonder when

threatened my life so no wonder when

threatened my life so no wonder when
people uh when that happens now you know

people uh when that happens now you know

people uh when that happens now you know
that for me is the trigger no the of

that for me is the trigger no the of

that for me is the trigger no the of
course the answer is

course the answer is

course the answer is
is to see

is to see

is to see
myself if I fully see myself it doesn't

myself if I fully see myself it doesn't

myself if I fully see myself it doesn't
matter whether you see me or not you

matter whether you see me or not you

matter whether you see me or not you
know so if you see

know so if you see

know so if you see
me if you're not seeing me if you're

me if you're not seeing me if you're

me if you're not seeing me if you're
distorting who I am in your mind and in

distorting who I am in your mind and in

distorting who I am in your mind and in
your words bothers me it's only because

your words bothers me it's only because

your words bothers me it's only because
I'm still on

I'm still on

I'm still on
you uh at other people to see me because

you uh at other people to see me because

you uh at other people to see me because
I don't know how to see myself if I'm

I don't know how to see myself if I'm

I don't know how to see myself if I'm
fully confident in myself I say gee it's

fully confident in myself I say gee it's

fully confident in myself I say gee it's
too bad you know uh Stephen doesn't see

too bad you know uh Stephen doesn't see

too bad you know uh Stephen doesn't see
me well maybe could talk it talk about

me well maybe could talk it talk about

me well maybe could talk it talk about
it or maybe he'll never understand it

it or maybe he'll never understand it

it or maybe he'll never understand it
but I don't live in his mind how do I

but I don't live in his mind how do I

but I don't live in his mind how do I
fully see myself it's hard to do right

fully see myself it's hard to do right

fully see myself it's hard to do right
it's it's it's hard to do

it's it's it's hard to do

it's it's it's hard to do
because when you were seen it's not hard

because when you were seen it's not hard

because when you were seen it's not hard
to do because you children see

to do because you children see

to do because you children see
themselves through their parents' eyes

themselves through their parents' eyes

themselves through their parents' eyes
yeah but when you were not seen then you

yeah but when you were not seen then you

yeah but when you were not seen then you
have to learn it this is one of the

have to learn it this is one of the

have to learn it this is one of the
things to go back to meditation that's

things to go back to meditation that's

things to go back to meditation that's
not the only way first of all notice all

not the only way first of all notice all

not the only way first of all notice all
the ways that you're not seeing yourself

the ways that you're not seeing yourself

the ways that you're not seeing yourself
like two days ago when I had this

like two days ago when I had this

like two days ago when I had this
anxiety about how I may I didn't give my

anxiety about how I may I didn't give my

anxiety about how I may I didn't give my
best talk on Monday evening you know

best talk on Monday evening you know

best talk on Monday evening you know
what I did my best may not have been

what I did my best may not have been

what I did my best may not have been
perfect but I prepared for it I put

perfect but I prepared for it I put

perfect but I prepared for it I put
myself out there for two hours and um I

myself out there for two hours and um I

myself out there for two hours and um I
spoke a lot of

spoke a lot of

spoke a lot of
Truth might have been the best but so

Truth might have been the best but so

Truth might have been the best but so
what but but but at that moment I wasn't

what but but but at that moment I wasn't

what but but but at that moment I wasn't
seeing myself you know I can still lose

seeing myself you know I can still lose

seeing myself you know I can still lose
it so

it so

it so
meditation which is really the form of

meditation which is really the form of

meditation which is really the form of
meditation that at least I am learning

meditation that at least I am learning

meditation that at least I am learning
is about just noticing and seeing what's

is about just noticing and seeing what's

is about just noticing and seeing what's
going on inside without

going on inside without

going on inside without
judgment so being aware so it's practice

judgment so being aware so it's practice

judgment so being aware so it's practice
and do you also

and do you also

and do you also
suggest removing the things from your

suggest removing the things from your

suggest removing the things from your
life that will stop you from seeing

life that will stop you from seeing

life that will stop you from seeing
yourself like social

yourself like social

yourself like social
media well because that can be a lot of

media well because that can be a lot of

media well because that can be a lot of
I can't remove social media from my life

I can't remove social media from my life

I can't remove social media from my life
but what I can remove is my attachment

but what I can remove is my attachment

but what I can remove is my attachment
to

to

to
it for example I don't have to look at

it for example I don't have to look at

it for example I don't have to look at
the comments on all my Talks on YouTube

the comments on all my Talks on YouTube

the comments on all my Talks on YouTube
who says what who likes it who doesn't

who says what who likes it who doesn't

who says what who likes it who doesn't
like it you know I'm not on Facebook I

like it you know I'm not on Facebook I

like it you know I'm not on Facebook I
don't have a I have a professional

don't have a I have a professional

don't have a I have a professional
Facebook page but I don't administer it

Facebook page but I don't administer it

Facebook page but I don't administer it
um but people go on Facebook and who

um but people go on Facebook and who

um but people go on Facebook and who
says what who likes me who doesn't like

says what who likes me who doesn't like

says what who likes me who doesn't like
me you know they can wean themselves off

me you know they can wean themselves off

me you know they can wean themselves off
that so we may not be able to stay off

that so we may not be able to stay off

that so we may not be able to stay off
social media um to write my books thank

social media um to write my books thank

social media um to write my books thank
God for the internet but I don't have to

God for the internet but I don't have to

God for the internet but I don't have to
be attached to it so it's it's it's it's

be attached to it so it's it's it's it's

be attached to it so it's it's it's it's
using it but not letting it use

using it but not letting it use

using it but not letting it use
you which is very hard a new podcast

you which is very hard a new podcast

you which is very hard a new podcast
sponsor that I'm super excited to talk

sponsor that I'm super excited to talk

sponsor that I'm super excited to talk
about with all of you is LinkedIn jobs

about with all of you is LinkedIn jobs

about with all of you is LinkedIn jobs
hiring as I would know is one of the

hiring as I would know is one of the

hiring as I would know is one of the
most important steps in your business

most important steps in your business

most important steps in your business
without good people there is no company

without good people there is no company

without good people there is no company
trust me I found out along the way that

trust me I found out along the way that

trust me I found out along the way that
your business is nothing without good

your business is nothing without good

your business is nothing without good
people you want to be 100% certain

people you want to be 100% certain

people you want to be 100% certain
though that you have access to the best

though that you have access to the best

though that you have access to the best
candidates available and that's why you

candidates available and that's why you

candidates available and that's why you
have to check out LinkedIn jobs LinkedIn

have to check out LinkedIn jobs LinkedIn

have to check out LinkedIn jobs LinkedIn
jobs helps you to find the right people

jobs helps you to find the right people

jobs helps you to find the right people
for your team faster and for free so

for your team faster and for free so

for your team faster and for free so
when I'm expanding my team LinkedIn is

when I'm expanding my team LinkedIn is

when I'm expanding my team LinkedIn is
my first Port of Call I'd highly

my first Port of Call I'd highly

my first Port of Call I'd highly
recommend it on LinkedIn jobs posting a

recommend it on LinkedIn jobs posting a

recommend it on LinkedIn jobs posting a
job is super easy and you can add a

job is super easy and you can add a

job is super easy and you can add a
purple hash hiring frame around your

purple hash hiring frame around your

purple hash hiring frame around your
LinkedIn profile to spread the word

LinkedIn profile to spread the word

LinkedIn profile to spread the word
LinkedIn jobs helps you find the

LinkedIn jobs helps you find the

LinkedIn jobs helps you find the
qualified candidates you want to talk to

qualified candidates you want to talk to

qualified candidates you want to talk to
faster post your job for free at

faster post your job for free at

faster post your job for free at
linkedin.com

doac that's linkedin.com

doac that's linkedin.com
doac to post your job for free terms and

doac to post your job for free terms and

doac to post your job for free terms and
conditions apply as you may know this

conditions apply as you may know this

conditions apply as you may know this
podcast is sponsored by hu if you're

podcast is sponsored by hu if you're

podcast is sponsored by hu if you're
living under a rock you might have

living under a rock you might have

living under a rock you might have
missed that I discovered hu's RTD about

missed that I discovered hu's RTD about

missed that I discovered hu's RTD about
four years ago hueles RTD is basically a

four years ago hueles RTD is basically a

four years ago hueles RTD is basically a
meal in a bottle it is nutritionally

meal in a bottle it is nutritionally

meal in a bottle it is nutritionally
complete it contains 26 of your

complete it contains 26 of your

complete it contains 26 of your
essential vitamins and minerals it's got

essential vitamins and minerals it's got

essential vitamins and minerals it's got
your protein in there 20 gram of prot

your protein in there 20 gram of prot

your protein in there 20 gram of prot
protein it's got slow relase energy in

protein it's got slow relase energy in

protein it's got slow relase energy in
there in the form of those slow relase

there in the form of those slow relase

there in the form of those slow relase
carbs it's just nutritionally complete

carbs it's just nutritionally complete

carbs it's just nutritionally complete
not only have I got a good relationship

not only have I got a good relationship

not only have I got a good relationship
with it in terms of health but it saves

with it in terms of health but it saves

with it in terms of health but it saves
my life in terms of those busy days

my life in terms of those busy days

my life in terms of those busy days
where there's a higher probability of me

where there's a higher probability of me

where there's a higher probability of me
reaching for something I might regret if

reaching for something I might regret if

reaching for something I might regret if
you haven't tried heels RTD you could

you haven't tried heels RTD you could

you haven't tried heels RTD you could
probably seen it in a couple of

probably seen it in a couple of

probably seen it in a couple of
supermarkets but you can order it online

supermarkets but you can order it online

supermarkets but you can order it online
and the link is in the description below

and the link is in the description below

and the link is in the description below
let me know which flavor is your

let me know which flavor is your

let me know which flavor is your
favorite and also tell me if it ends up

favorite and also tell me if it ends up

favorite and also tell me if it ends up
adding value to your life in the form of

adding value to your life in the form of

adding value to your life in the form of
making you nutritionally complete on

making you nutritionally complete on

making you nutritionally complete on
those difficult days the other so social

those difficult days the other so social

those difficult days the other so social
media and all of these things these

media and all of these things these

media and all of these things these
stimuli they I feel like they've I'm

stimuli they I feel like they've I'm

stimuli they I feel like they've I'm
concerned that many of us are living in

concerned that many of us are living in

concerned that many of us are living in
a state of chronic stress

a state of chronic stress

a state of chronic stress
mild background stress yeah and I say

mild background stress yeah and I say

mild background stress yeah and I say
that a lot because the amount of times

that a lot because the amount of times

that a lot because the amount of times
that I catch myself I spoke to James

that I catch myself I spoke to James

that I catch myself I spoke to James
Nester who talks a lot about breathing

Nester who talks a lot about breathing

Nester who talks a lot about breathing
in breath um and the amount of times

in breath um and the amount of times

in breath um and the amount of times
that I now catch myself very shallow in

that I now catch myself very shallow in

that I now catch myself very shallow in
breath after just looking at my my phone

breath after just looking at my my phone

breath after just looking at my my phone
or thinking about

or thinking about

or thinking about
something yeah get my SK SM back into me

something yeah get my SK SM back into me

something yeah get my SK SM back into me
in bed at 1:00 a.m. as I'm trying to

in bed at 1:00 a.m. as I'm trying to

in bed at 1:00 a.m. as I'm trying to
sleep Catch My Breath being shallow

sleep Catch My Breath being shallow

sleep Catch My Breath being shallow
during this podcast when I start

during this podcast when I start

during this podcast when I start
thinking about something my breath gets

thinking about something my breath gets

thinking about something my breath gets
really shallow looking at my phone my

really shallow looking at my phone my

really shallow looking at my phone my
breath gets really shallow I live in

breath gets really shallow I live in

breath gets really shallow I live in
this I feel like I'm living in this

this I feel like I'm living in this

this I feel like I'm living in this
state of like constant subtle background

state of like constant subtle background

state of like constant subtle background
stress yeah well I'm I'm glad you

stress yeah well I'm I'm glad you

stress yeah well I'm I'm glad you
mentioned breath because um it's one of

mentioned breath because um it's one of

mentioned breath because um it's one of
the to go back to the question of what

the to go back to the question of what

the to go back to the question of what
people can do for themselves they can

people can do for themselves they can

people can do for themselves they can
learn to breathe and eart to was a

learn to breathe and eart to was a

learn to breathe and eart to was a
spiritual teacher um he said says that

spiritual teacher um he said says that

spiritual teacher um he said says that
um rather than go to Retreats and

um rather than go to Retreats and

um rather than go to Retreats and
therapists just take a few conscious

therapists just take a few conscious

therapists just take a few conscious
breaths several times a day if I mean

breaths several times a day if I mean

breaths several times a day if I mean
not that not to dismiss the other but

not that not to dismiss the other but

not that not to dismiss the other but
that's more important than anything else

that's more important than anything else

that's more important than anything else
and interestingly enough the Buddha when

and interestingly enough the Buddha when

and interestingly enough the Buddha when
he was teaching his monks in fact one of

he was teaching his monks in fact one of

he was teaching his monks in fact one of
the Buddha's assistants Ananda asked him

the Buddha's assistants Ananda asked him

the Buddha's assistants Ananda asked him
um oh holy one do you still meditate and

um oh holy one do you still meditate and

um oh holy one do you still meditate and
he said yes and what kind of meditation

he said yes and what kind of meditation

he said yes and what kind of meditation
do you practice says

do you practice says

do you practice says
and and uh Buddha says observing the

and and uh Buddha says observing the

and and uh Buddha says observing the
breath so in Buddhist Meditation I'm not

breath so in Buddhist Meditation I'm not

breath so in Buddhist Meditation I'm not
here to advocate for any particular

here to advocate for any particular

here to advocate for any particular
pathway and I'm not a practitioner of

pathway and I'm not a practitioner of

pathway and I'm not a practitioner of
any religion but hey this this this is

any religion but hey this this this is

any religion but hey this this this is
very wise

very wise

very wise
man um he thought awareness of breath is

man um he thought awareness of breath is

man um he thought awareness of breath is
the most important portal into into

the most important portal into into

the most important portal into into
reality what do you think the the

reality what do you think the the

reality what do you think the the
antidote is for the way we've designed

antidote is for the way we've designed

antidote is for the way we've designed
Our Lives to be con Conant in this sort

Our Lives to be con Conant in this sort

Our Lives to be con Conant in this sort
of stressful stimulation and cuz we're

of stressful stimulation and cuz we're

of stressful stimulation and cuz we're
clearly I was just wondering if human

clearly I was just wondering if human

clearly I was just wondering if human
beings are supposed to enjoy this much

beings are supposed to enjoy this much

beings are supposed to enjoy this much
constant stimulus and stress in their

constant stimulus and stress in their

constant stimulus and stress in their
lives and with you know chronic

lives and with you know chronic

lives and with you know chronic
inflammation and all these kinds of

inflammation and all these kinds of

inflammation and all these kinds of
things are now killing people at

things are now killing people at

things are now killing people at
alarming rates that the you know the the

alarming rates that the you know the the

alarming rates that the you know the the
diseases that are caused by

diseases that are caused by

diseases that are caused by
inflammation what can we do about our

inflammation what can we do about our

inflammation what can we do about our
stress and is is it okay maybe it's

stress and is is it okay maybe it's

stress and is is it okay maybe it's
okay well um it's the norm so you can

okay well um it's the norm so you can

okay well um it's the norm so you can
say it's normal is it okay well the the

say it's normal is it okay well the the

say it's normal is it okay well the the
question question is to be answered by

question question is to be answered by

question question is to be answered by
looking at what the impacts are and what

looking at what the impacts are and what

looking at what the impacts are and what
are the impacts you know the impacts are

are the impacts you know the impacts are

are the impacts you know the impacts are
very serious for um you can see it on

very serious for um you can see it on

very serious for um you can see it on
the individual level in terms of mental

the individual level in terms of mental

the individual level in terms of mental
health conditions as I said earlier are

health conditions as I said earlier are

health conditions as I said earlier are
burgeoning

burgeoning

burgeoning
internationally um a imun conditions are

internationally um a imun conditions are

internationally um a imun conditions are
uh but if you look at on also on the

uh but if you look at on also on the

uh but if you look at on also on the
social level there's more conflict

social level there's more conflict

social level there's more conflict
there's more um division there's more uh

there's more um division there's more uh

there's more um division there's more uh
intolerance in our culture than it has

intolerance in our culture than it has

intolerance in our culture than it has
been for quite a while these are the

been for quite a while these are the

been for quite a while these are the
impacts of the stressful culture that we

impacts of the stressful culture that we

impacts of the stressful culture that we
live in so is it okay yeah if you want

live in so is it okay yeah if you want

live in so is it okay yeah if you want
if you want this it's okay but if you

if you want this it's okay but if you

if you want this it's okay but if you
don't it's not okay it depends what you

don't it's not okay it depends what you

don't it's not okay it depends what you
want relationships yeah romantic

want relationships yeah romantic

want relationships yeah romantic
relationships yeah um thought a lot

relationships yeah um thought a lot

relationships yeah um thought a lot
about the role that our trauma plays in

about the role that our trauma plays in

about the role that our trauma plays in
our ability to form relationships

our ability to form relationships

our ability to form relationships
obviously society's changed quite

obviously society's changed quite

obviously society's changed quite
profoundly in the last couple of decades

profoundly in the last couple of decades

profoundly in the last couple of decades
different sort of gender transformation

different sort of gender transformation

different sort of gender transformation
have caused certain mismatches and

have caused certain mismatches and

have caused certain mismatches and
difficulties with people connecting the

difficulties with people connecting the

difficulties with people connecting the
world has gone very digital now so

world has gone very digital now so

world has gone very digital now so
dating apps run run a lot of dating I

dating apps run run a lot of dating I

dating apps run run a lot of dating I
think 50% of people originally meet

think 50% of people originally meet

think 50% of people originally meet
online that's their first point of

online that's their first point of

online that's their first point of
contact dating is very very hard for

contact dating is very very hard for

contact dating is very very hard for
people and there's a lot of people that

people and there's a lot of people that

people and there's a lot of people that
are kind of giving up on it um

are kind of giving up on it um

are kind of giving up on it um
attachment dating trauma um I've come to

attachment dating trauma um I've come to

attachment dating trauma um I've come to
learn that we are mirrors I think I

learn that we are mirrors I think I

learn that we are mirrors I think I
found love in my life when not when I

found love in my life when not when I

found love in my life when not when I
discovered anything externally but when

discovered anything externally but when

discovered anything externally but when
I did a lot of work to figure out the

I did a lot of work to figure out the

I did a lot of work to figure out the
the barriers that were standing in my

the barriers that were standing in my

the barriers that were standing in my
way of connection well you just answered

way of connection well you just answered

way of connection well you just answered
your own question oh really yeah we

your own question oh really yeah we

your own question oh really yeah we
can't form proper relationships until we

can't form proper relationships until we

can't form proper relationships until we
have the capacity to be

have the capacity to be

have the capacity to be
alone and be comfortable with ourselves

alone and be comfortable with ourselves

alone and be comfortable with ourselves
you know and the more comfortable you

you know and the more comfortable you

you know and the more comfortable you
can be alone which is different from

can be alone which is different from

can be alone which is different from
being lonely by the way um the more

being lonely by the way um the more

being lonely by the way um the more
capacity to be at you to be to be allow

capacity to be at you to be to be allow

capacity to be at you to be to be allow
to be with yourself and to gr yourself

to be with yourself and to gr yourself

to be with yourself and to gr yourself
in your own truth the more likely able

in your own truth the more likely able

in your own truth the more likely able
to form meaningful and positive

to form meaningful and positive

to form meaningful and positive
relationships and rather than asking the

relationships and rather than asking the

relationships and rather than asking the
a lot of people run into relationships

a lot of people run into relationships

a lot of people run into relationships
to solve their problems then there's the

to solve their problems then there's the

to solve their problems then there's the
initial in love phase where everything

initial in love phase where everything

initial in love phase where everything
is just ideal you know and then reality

is just ideal you know and then reality

is just ideal you know and then reality
hits and then all of a sudden that

hits and then all of a sudden that

hits and then all of a sudden that
person who you're so infatuated with

person who you're so infatuated with

person who you're so infatuated with
becomes your enemy and you hate them so

becomes your enemy and you hate them so

becomes your enemy and you hate them so
much you know I mean I've experienced

much you know I mean I've experienced

much you know I mean I've experienced
such hatred for my wife over the years

such hatred for my wife over the years

such hatred for my wife over the years
and uh when I've been disappointed or

and uh when I've been disappointed or

and uh when I've been disappointed or
dissatisfied you know because I was

dissatisfied you know because I was

dissatisfied you know because I was
looking to her to fill me with and

looking to her to fill me with and

looking to her to fill me with and
nobody can fill you from the

nobody can fill you from the

nobody can fill you from the
outside so so once you no longer need it

outside so so once you no longer need it

outside so so once you no longer need it
um once you no longer are dependent on

um once you no longer are dependent on

um once you no longer are dependent on
it then you can enter into a healthy

it then you can enter into a healthy

it then you can enter into a healthy
relationship or to put it more

relationship or to put it more

relationship or to put it more
positively a relationship can be a real

positively a relationship can be a real

positively a relationship can be a real
ground for Mutual growth both so you can

ground for Mutual growth both so you can

ground for Mutual growth both so you can
enter into a

enter into a

enter into a
relationship you're not going to be

relationship you're not going to be

relationship you're not going to be
perfect you're never going to be perfect

perfect you're never going to be perfect

perfect you're never going to be perfect
um Carry certain degree of trauma

um Carry certain degree of trauma

um Carry certain degree of trauma
certain degree of dysfunction certain

certain degree of dysfunction certain

certain degree of dysfunction certain
things that trigger you as we said

things that trigger you as we said

things that trigger you as we said
earlier but you but if both people are

earlier but you but if both people are

earlier but you but if both people are
committed to the truth which my wife Ray

committed to the truth which my wife Ray

committed to the truth which my wife Ray
and I have been I mean that's one thing

and I have been I mean that's one thing

and I have been I mean that's one thing
you can say about ourselves you know for

you can say about ourselves you know for

you can say about ourselves you know for
all the stuff that we've been through

all the stuff that we've been through

all the stuff that we've been through
ultimately the truth mattered more than

ultimately the truth mattered more than

ultimately the truth mattered more than
who's right and who's wrong so if you're

who's right and who's wrong so if you're

who's right and who's wrong so if you're
committed to the truth and working it

committed to the truth and working it

committed to the truth and working it
out and if the fundamental love is there

out and if the fundamental love is there

out and if the fundamental love is there
then you can grow together and so for me

then you can grow together and so for me

then you can grow together and so for me
the relationship has been the most

the relationship has been the most

the relationship has been the most
important growth growing ground of my

important growth growing ground of my

important growth growing ground of my
life not the therapy that I've had or

life not the therapy that I've had or

life not the therapy that I've had or
the reading that I've done uh not that

the reading that I've done uh not that

the reading that I've done uh not that
I'm dismissing any of that but the

I'm dismissing any of that but the

I'm dismissing any of that but the
actual relationship has been my um most

actual relationship has been my um most

actual relationship has been my um most
important

important

important
schooling in in in in how to become

schooling in in in in how to become

schooling in in in in how to become
authentic there's no real chance of a

authentic there's no real chance of a

authentic there's no real chance of a
good relationship if one or more parties

good relationship if one or more parties

good relationship if one or more parties
in that relationship aren't committed to

in that relationship aren't committed to

in that relationship aren't committed to
truth and they're committed to being

truth and they're committed to being

truth and they're committed to being
right or to Victory or it happens all

right or to Victory or it happens all

right or to Victory or it happens all
the time as I said earlier people always

the time as I said earlier people always

the time as I said earlier people always
meet at the same level of of of of um

meet at the same level of of of of um

meet at the same level of of of of um
emotional development or trauma

emotional development or trauma

emotional development or trauma
resolution so that water finding its own

resolution so that water finding its own

resolution so that water finding its own
level but when one person starts growing

level but when one person starts growing

level but when one person starts growing
and the other doesn't it becomes

and the other doesn't it becomes

and the other doesn't it becomes
impossible either the person that does

impossible either the person that does

impossible either the person that does
the growing gives it up and goes back to

the growing gives it up and goes back to

the growing gives it up and goes back to
their previous selves which is almost

their previous selves which is almost

their previous selves which is almost
impossible or the other person is

impossible or the other person is

impossible or the other person is
challenged to start growing themselves

challenged to start growing themselves

challenged to start growing themselves
or they're going to

or they're going to

or they're going to
split that that's just what's going to

split that that's just what's going to

split that that's just what's going to
happen and again to go back to the

happen and again to go back to the

happen and again to go back to the
situation between men and women this is

situation between men and women this is

situation between men and women this is
what tends to happen and I've seen

what tends to happen and I've seen

what tends to happen and I've seen
it in my own marriage I've seen it in as

it in my own marriage I've seen it in as

it in my own marriage I've seen it in as
a physician as an observer of human

a physician as an observer of human

a physician as an observer of human
beings the couple are kind of getting

beings the couple are kind of getting

beings the couple are kind of getting
along but then the children come along

along but then the children come along

along but then the children come along
now the mother's caring energy has to go

now the mother's caring energy has to go

now the mother's caring energy has to go
towards the children

towards the children

towards the children
where it needs to

where it needs to

where it needs to
go the father may feel now a bit of a

go the father may feel now a bit of a

go the father may feel now a bit of a
their NOS is a bit out of joint cuz now

their NOS is a bit out of joint cuz now

their NOS is a bit out of joint cuz now
they're not getting the attention and

they're not getting the attention and

they're not getting the attention and
now the woman has a decision to make do

now the woman has a decision to make do

now the woman has a decision to make do
I look after the 3-day old baby or the

I look after the 3-day old baby or the

I look after the 3-day old baby or the
three-month old baby or do I look after

three-month old baby or do I look after

three-month old baby or do I look after
the 35y old baby and to the extent that

the 35y old baby and to the extent that

the 35y old baby and to the extent that
the mother chooses to look after the 35y

the mother chooses to look after the 35y

the mother chooses to look after the 35y
old baby she's depriving the 3-month-old

old baby she's depriving the 3-month-old

old baby she's depriving the 3-month-old
a lot L of women then make a choice that

a lot L of women then make a choice that

a lot L of women then make a choice that
I need to look after my kids and I can't

I need to look after my kids and I can't

I need to look after my kids and I can't
put all this caring energy mothering

put all this caring energy mothering

put all this caring energy mothering
caring energy into my husband anymore

caring energy into my husband anymore

caring energy into my husband anymore
and then relationships get into trouble

and then relationships get into trouble

and then relationships get into trouble
because the guys can't stand it I've

because the guys can't stand it I've

because the guys can't stand it I've
seen this over and over and over I'm not

seen this over and over and over I'm not

seen this over and over and over I'm not
saying it's Universal but it's very

saying it's Universal but it's very

saying it's Universal but it's very
common sex in your practice I imagine

common sex in your practice I imagine

common sex in your practice I imagine
you've come across this quite quite

you've come across this quite quite

you've come across this quite quite
often where there's a sexless

often where there's a sexless

often where there's a sexless
relationship and that's causing issues

relationship and that's causing issues

relationship and that's causing issues
what is typically

what is typically

what is typically
the true cause of that um that

the true cause of that um that

the true cause of that um that
disconnect in the in the with intimacy

disconnect in the in the with intimacy

disconnect in the in the with intimacy
with sex in the bedroom because a lot of

with sex in the bedroom because a lot of

with sex in the bedroom because a lot of
people are struggling with that yeah

people are struggling with that yeah

people are struggling with that yeah
well first of all I think um today we

well first of all I think um today we

well first of all I think um today we
jump into sexuality way too early in

jump into sexuality way too early in

jump into sexuality way too early in
other words um we talk about intimacy

other words um we talk about intimacy

other words um we talk about intimacy
but intimacy really means the

but intimacy really means the

but intimacy really means the
innermost and we tend to have physical

innermost and we tend to have physical

innermost and we tend to have physical
intimacy before we have emotional

intimacy before we have emotional

intimacy before we have emotional
intimacy so that um people jump to bed

intimacy so that um people jump to bed

intimacy so that um people jump to bed
rather quickly I'm not being PR I'm not

rather quickly I'm not being PR I'm not

rather quickly I'm not being PR I'm not
being prudish here I'm not prescribing

being prudish here I'm not prescribing

being prudish here I'm not prescribing
that you should only get have sex when

that you should only get have sex when

that you should only get have sex when
you get married or anything like that

you get married or anything like that

you get married or anything like that
but when we enter into sexuality early

but when we enter into sexuality early

but when we enter into sexuality early
without the emotional intimacy and

without the emotional intimacy and

without the emotional intimacy and
emotional

emotional

emotional
authenticity then the sex become divorc

authenticity then the sex become divorc

authenticity then the sex become divorc
becomes divorced from our uh our real

becomes divorced from our uh our real

becomes divorced from our uh our real
needs and especially for

needs and especially for

needs and especially for
women who tend

women who tend

women who tend
to I can't speak of everybody but in

to I can't speak of everybody but in

to I can't speak of everybody but in
general women tend want to have more

general women tend want to have more

general women tend want to have more
intimacy

intimacy

intimacy
emotionally um that becomes very hard

emotionally um that becomes very hard

emotionally um that becomes very hard
and if the emotional intimacy doesn't

and if the emotional intimacy doesn't

and if the emotional intimacy doesn't
follow sex becomes rather mechanical

follow sex becomes rather mechanical

follow sex becomes rather mechanical
becomes mechanical yeah um so that's one

becomes mechanical yeah um so that's one

becomes mechanical yeah um so that's one
big reason the other reason we already

big reason the other reason we already

big reason the other reason we already
talked about this sort of parenting

talked about this sort of parenting

talked about this sort of parenting
dynamic between the genders yeah uh no I

dynamic between the genders yeah uh no I

dynamic between the genders yeah uh no I
know we're only talking about the two

know we're only talking about the two

know we're only talking about the two
major genders now there's all kinds of

major genders now there's all kinds of

major genders now there's all kinds of
gender variations these days and uh but

gender variations these days and uh but

gender variations these days and uh but
these Dynamics exist in all kinds of

these Dynamics exist in all kinds of

these Dynamics exist in all kinds of
contexts so that when my partner is

contexts so that when my partner is

contexts so that when my partner is
doing all the emotional caring or most

doing all the emotional caring or most

doing all the emotional caring or most
of the emotional caring this is parent

of the emotional caring this is parent

of the emotional caring this is parent
child relationship that really deadens

child relationship that really deadens

child relationship that really deadens
the sexual drive you know Marissa Pier

the sexual drive you know Marissa Pier

the sexual drive you know Marissa Pier
sorry Marissa Pier she's a a

sorry Marissa Pier she's a a

sorry Marissa Pier she's a a
psychologist she actually said to me the

psychologist she actually said to me the

psychologist she actually said to me the
other day never call your partner mommy

other day never call your partner mommy

other day never call your partner mommy
or daddy yeah for this very reason yeah

or daddy yeah for this very reason yeah

or daddy yeah for this very reason yeah
well oh good that's that's a good way to

well oh good that's that's a good way to

well oh good that's that's a good way to
put

put

put
it I I think it's because we um we put

it I I think it's because we um we put

it I I think it's because we um we put
sexuality um in this Society of course

sexuality um in this Society of course

sexuality um in this Society of course
just glorify

just glorify

just glorify
sexuality you know and if you look at

sexuality you know and if you look at

sexuality you know and if you look at
some of the most famous sex symbols who

some of the most famous sex symbols who

some of the most famous sex symbols who
were they um Abused Women you like a

were they um Abused Women you like a

were they um Abused Women you like a
Marilyn Monroe deeply traumatized child

Marilyn Monroe deeply traumatized child

Marilyn Monroe deeply traumatized child
and

and

and
abused as an adult by President Kennedy

abused as an adult by President Kennedy

abused as an adult by President Kennedy
and just about everybody and she was the

and just about everybody and she was the

and just about everybody and she was the
the woman every want to sleep with you

the woman every want to sleep with you

the woman every want to sleep with you
know so that this really distorted

know so that this really distorted

know so that this really distorted
sexuality here here and for women

sexuality here here and for women

sexuality here here and for women
especially uh safety is so important for

especially uh safety is so important for

especially uh safety is so important for
sexuality yeah um we talk about frigid

sexuality yeah um we talk about frigid

sexuality yeah um we talk about frigid
women um but when do people freeze it's

women um but when do people freeze it's

women um but when do people freeze it's
a fear response it's nobody's true

a fear response it's nobody's true

a fear response it's nobody's true
nature it's just a response and usually

nature it's just a response and usually

nature it's just a response and usually
something happened to them or something

something happened to them or something

something happened to them or something
is happening now so that that unmelting

is happening now so that that unmelting

is happening now so that that unmelting
can happen in a condition of safety and

can happen in a condition of safety and

can happen in a condition of safety and
then the intimacy the emotional intimacy

then the intimacy the emotional intimacy

then the intimacy the emotional intimacy
is there which creates the safety for

is there which creates the safety for

is there which creates the safety for
the sexual opening and that's the

the sexual opening and that's the

the sexual opening and that's the
dynamic in my marriage as well you know

dynamic in my marriage as well you know

dynamic in my marriage as well you know
uh you know what my wife what my wife

uh you know what my wife what my wife

uh you know what my wife what my wife
says she says truth is

sexy such a good point yeah is there

sexy such a good point yeah is there
anything in your practice that you're

anything in your practice that you're

anything in your practice that you're
increasingly being confronted with in

increasingly being confronted with in

increasingly being confronted with in
the last couple of years that you

the last couple of years that you

the last couple of years that you
weren't seeing as much as when you first

weren't seeing as much as when you first

weren't seeing as much as when you first
started what I see out there is

started what I see out there is

started what I see out there is
increasing distress in this society and

increasing distress in this society and

increasing distress in this society and
and people are more confused and young

and people are more confused and young

and people are more confused and young
people are just so challenged and uh in

people are just so challenged and uh in

people are just so challenged and uh in
the United States the the rate of

the United States the the rate of

the United States the the rate of
childhood suicide is going up you know

childhood suicide is going up you know

childhood suicide is going up you know
uh suicide you know um more and more

uh suicide you know um more and more

uh suicide you know um more and more
kids are being medicated for all kinds

kids are being medicated for all kinds

kids are being medicated for all kinds
of conditions

of conditions

of conditions
um in the US 70% of the adult population

um in the US 70% of the adult population

um in the US 70% of the adult population
is at least on one

is at least on one

is at least on one
medication um um quarter of women at

medication um um quarter of women at

medication um um quarter of women at
least in the US or on anti-depressants

least in the US or on anti-depressants

least in the US or on anti-depressants
or anti-anxiety

or anti-anxiety

or anti-anxiety
medications those numbers are growing

medications those numbers are growing

medications those numbers are growing
Europe in Britain as well from all the

Europe in Britain as well from all the

Europe in Britain as well from all the
statistic that I see so I see is a a

statistic that I see so I see is a a

statistic that I see so I see is a a
growing um manifestations of of of

growing um manifestations of of of

growing um manifestations of of of
distress what I call a toxic culture I

distress what I call a toxic culture I

distress what I call a toxic culture I
see that all the time and look uh I mean

see that all the time and look uh I mean

see that all the time and look uh I mean
the fact that this book The Mython

the fact that this book The Mython

the fact that this book The Mython
normal is being published in North

normal is being published in North

normal is being published in North
Macedonia and Thailand in Vietnam and in

Macedonia and Thailand in Vietnam and in

Macedonia and Thailand in Vietnam and in
northern Europe and in Eastern Europe

northern Europe and in Eastern Europe

northern Europe and in Eastern Europe
and it just worldwide there's this

and it just worldwide there's this

and it just worldwide there's this
epidemic of distress that's what I'm

epidemic of distress that's what I'm

epidemic of distress that's what I'm
seeing and I'm saying saying people

seeing and I'm saying saying people

seeing and I'm saying saying people
either we can look upon this as some

either we can look upon this as some

either we can look upon this as some
unexplainable Misfortune and bad luck or

unexplainable Misfortune and bad luck or

unexplainable Misfortune and bad luck or
we can actually look for the actual

we can actually look for the actual

we can actually look for the actual
causes of it in the way that relate to

causes of it in the way that relate to

causes of it in the way that relate to
each other in a way that we raise our

each other in a way that we raise our

each other in a way that we raise our
children in a way that we approach

children in a way that we approach

children in a way that we approach
ourselves and I'm saying that Solutions

ourselves and I'm saying that Solutions

ourselves and I'm saying that Solutions
are possible but yeah the world is

are possible but yeah the world is

are possible but yeah the world is
getting more and more difficult for a

getting more and more difficult for a

getting more and more difficult for a
lot of people I do see that and I don't

lot of people I do see that and I don't

lot of people I do see that and I don't
think it's going to get better anytime

think it's going to get better anytime

think it's going to get better anytime
soon you're not

soon you're not

soon you're not
optimistic so

optimistic so

optimistic so
n Chomsky once said that uh when he was

n Chomsky once said that uh when he was

n Chomsky once said that uh when he was
asked if he's optimistic or pessimistic

asked if he's optimistic or pessimistic

asked if he's optimistic or pessimistic
he says uh he says strategically I'm an

he says uh he says strategically I'm an

he says uh he says strategically I'm an
optimist and tactically I'm a pessimist

optimist and tactically I'm a pessimist

optimist and tactically I'm a pessimist
which means that in the long term I do

which means that in the long term I do

which means that in the long term I do
believe in people I mean and I

believe in people I mean and I

believe in people I mean and I
understand the same way I do believe in

understand the same way I do believe in

understand the same way I do believe in
human beings I do believe in the human

human beings I do believe in the human

human beings I do believe in the human
capacity to to grow to transform to to

capacity to to grow to transform to to

capacity to to grow to transform to to
come to a deeper grounded sanity in

come to a deeper grounded sanity in

come to a deeper grounded sanity in
themselves both on individual and a

themselves both on individual and a

themselves both on individual and a
social level I do believe in that that

social level I do believe in that that

social level I do believe in that that
if I didn't believe that I would just

if I didn't believe that I would just

if I didn't believe that I would just
stay at home and read books and listen

stay at home and read books and listen

stay at home and read books and listen
to music um I do believe in that I'm

to music um I do believe in that I'm

to music um I do believe in that I'm
optimistic in that sense but at the same

optimistic in that sense but at the same

optimistic in that sense but at the same
time I think in the short term it's

time I think in the short term it's

time I think in the short term it's
getting darker and darker and you can

getting darker and darker and you can

getting darker and darker and you can
see that Sony manifestations of that so

see that Sony manifestations of that so

see that Sony manifestations of that so
yeah I am optimistic I believe in

yeah I am optimistic I believe in

yeah I am optimistic I believe in
humanity and human beings and I think we

humanity and human beings and I think we

humanity and human beings and I think we
have a hard road to to travel before

have a hard road to to travel before

have a hard road to to travel before
we get to

we get to

we get to
our better sense of

our better sense of

our better sense of
self and I have to close this

self and I have to close this

self and I have to close this
conversation by seeking some solutions

conversation by seeking some solutions

conversation by seeking some solutions
you use the word Solutions there and you

you use the word Solutions there and you

you use the word Solutions there and you
talked about this better sense of self

talked about this better sense of self

talked about this better sense of self
on we've talked about this from a social

on we've talked about this from a social

on we've talked about this from a social
level what governments can do to change

level what governments can do to change

level what governments can do to change
education systems and on an individual

education systems and on an individual

education systems and on an individual
level on a family

level on a family

level on a family
level what can what can I

level what can what can I

level what can what can I
do well um first of all you you need to

do well um first of all you you need to

do well um first of all you you need to
Define what your actual goals are okay

Define what your actual goals are okay

Define what your actual goals are okay
so let me

so let me

so let me
try I want to be I want to do work that

try I want to be I want to do work that

try I want to be I want to do work that
serves others I want to do work that

serves others I want to do work that

serves others I want to do work that
I um I find fulfilling and that keeps me

I um I find fulfilling and that keeps me

I um I find fulfilling and that keeps me
challenged yeah and I want to which

challenged yeah and I want to which

challenged yeah and I want to which
incidentally serves your health because

incidentally serves your health because

incidentally serves your health because
it's been shown that people that live a

it's been shown that people that live a

it's been shown that people that live a
life of purpose and meaning they're

life of purpose and meaning they're

life of purpose and meaning they're
physiologically healthier I want to be

physiologically healthier I want to be

physiologically healthier I want to be
healthy because I want to do all of

healthy because I want to do all of

healthy because I want to do all of
these things for longer yeah um I want

these things for longer yeah um I want

these things for longer yeah um I want
to have relationships that are full and

to have relationships that are full and

to have relationships that are full and
true and raw and

true and raw and

true and raw and
honest okay um and I want

honest okay um and I want

honest okay um and I want
to I think that's it that's the work in

to I think that's it that's the work in

to I think that's it that's the work in
personal and then I want to raise a

personal and then I want to raise a

personal and then I want to raise a
family that is beautiful and pure and

family that is beautiful and pure and

family that is beautiful and pure and
free of as much trauma as I can possibly

free of as much trauma as I can possibly

free of as much trauma as I can possibly
make them be and I want to be close to

make them be and I want to be close to

make them be and I want to be close to
my children in a way that I wasn't close

my children in a way that I wasn't close

my children in a way that I wasn't close
to my parents yeah well then the

to my parents yeah well then the

to my parents yeah well then the
question you're going to you have to ask

question you're going to you have to ask

question you're going to you have to ask
yourself

yourself

yourself
is um what factors in your life support

is um what factors in your life support

is um what factors in your life support
those goals and what don't what

those goals and what don't what

those goals and what don't what
activities are you engaged in that will

activities are you engaged in that will

activities are you engaged in that will
support those aims what will undermine

support those aims what will undermine

support those aims what will undermine
them and uh seek to diminish or

them and uh seek to diminish or

them and uh seek to diminish or
eliminate the ones that are undermining

eliminate the ones that are undermining

eliminate the ones that are undermining
your goals and uh and and strengthen the

your goals and uh and and strengthen the

your goals and uh and and strengthen the
ones that are supporting it you know

ones that are supporting it you know

ones that are supporting it you know
that's what it is and um you

that's what it is and um you

that's what it is and um you
know and your intentions by the way are

know and your intentions by the way are

know and your intentions by the way are
not only superficially the ones you

not only superficially the ones you

not only superficially the ones you
articulate if I want to know your real

articulate if I want to know your real

articulate if I want to know your real
intentions I have to look at how you

intentions I have to look at how you

intentions I have to look at how you
live your life not what you say about it

live your life not what you say about it

live your life not what you say about it
so when I was a young parent if you had

so when I was a young parent if you had

so when I was a young parent if you had
asked me what is your goal what's your

asked me what is your goal what's your

asked me what is your goal what's your
intention I would have said it's the

intention I would have said it's the

intention I would have said it's the
happiness of my children and I would

happiness of my children and I would

happiness of my children and I would
have said that totally

have said that totally

have said that totally
sincerely if you have looked at how I

sincerely if you have looked at how I

sincerely if you have looked at how I
live my life as a workolic doctor not

live my life as a workolic doctor not

live my life as a workolic doctor not
available to my kids always out there

available to my kids always out there

available to my kids always out there
looking for being important and serving

looking for being important and serving

looking for being important and serving
others and and and and and you know

others and and and and and you know

others and and and and and you know
being at the center Center of people's

being at the center Center of people's

being at the center Center of people's
lives because I was so essential to them

lives because I was so essential to them

lives because I was so essential to them
my actual intention was self-importance

my actual intention was self-importance

my actual intention was self-importance
my stated

my stated

my stated
intention the the the happiness of my

intention the the the happiness of my

intention the the the happiness of my
children as much as I would have meant

children as much as I would have meant

children as much as I would have meant
it

it

it
sincerely did not jve with how I was

sincerely did not jve with how I was

sincerely did not jve with how I was
living my life so what you need to ask

living my life so what you need to ask

living my life so what you need to ask
yourself is what anybody needs to ask

yourself is what anybody needs to ask

yourself is what anybody needs to ask
themselves

is look at your intentions both the

is look at your intentions both the
conscious ones and also the ones show up

conscious ones and also the ones show up

conscious ones and also the ones show up
when you look at how you actually live

when you look at how you actually live

when you look at how you actually live
your life and bring the two into

your life and bring the two into

your life and bring the two into
alignment so look at again what serves

alignment so look at again what serves

alignment so look at again what serves
your intentions and what undermines it

your intentions and what undermines it

your intentions and what undermines it
and look at that seriously that would be

and look at that seriously that would be

and look at that seriously that would be
my answer it's so difficult to

my answer it's so difficult to

my answer it's so difficult to
distinguish between the two sometimes

distinguish between the two sometimes

distinguish between the two sometimes
because I mean on the surface the the

because I mean on the surface the the

because I mean on the surface the the
the system you gave there are actually

the system you gave there are actually

the system you gave there are actually
looking at how I'm allocating my time

looking at how I'm allocating my time

looking at how I'm allocating my time
and is my time being allocated towards

and is my time being allocated towards

and is my time being allocated towards
things that would further what I'm

things that would further what I'm

things that would further what I'm
saying my intent are it's a very useful

saying my intent are it's a very useful

saying my intent are it's a very useful
exercise to run but you know as I said

exercise to run but you know as I said

exercise to run but you know as I said
those things that I said as my stated

those things that I said as my stated

those things that I said as my stated
goals I do find a disconnect I think I

goals I do find a disconnect I think I

goals I do find a disconnect I think I
think those things have been handed to

think those things have been handed to

think those things have been handed to
us when we when you ask them when

us when we when you ask them when

us when we when you ask them when
they're goals they will say things that

they're goals they will say things that

they're goals they will say things that
will make the person asking the question

will make the person asking the question

will make the person asking the question
think well of them because there's one

think well of them because there's one

think well of them because there's one
goal that you didn't

goal that you didn't

goal that you didn't
state which is I stayed away from the

state which is I stayed away from the

state which is I stayed away from the
selfish goals no what's what what's the

selfish goals no what's what what's the

selfish goals no what's what what's the
one I didn't say inner peace

because without inner peace you're not

because without inner peace you're not
going to be able to serve any of those

going to be able to serve any of those

going to be able to serve any of those
goals properly or if you were you do it

goals properly or if you were you do it

goals properly or if you were you do it
at some risk to yourself and so um how

at some risk to yourself and so um how

at some risk to yourself and so um how
would that be for you as a goal inner

peace and then if running around serving

peace and then if running around serving
others in the name of this so-called

others in the name of this so-called

others in the name of this so-called
higher goal undermines you ear a

higher goal undermines you ear a

higher goal undermines you ear a
peace then you're not on the right track

peace then you're not on the right track

peace then you're not on the right track
and you know I'm talking to I'm talking

and you know I'm talking to I'm talking

and you know I'm talking to I'm talking
to myself MH talking to me as well yeah

to myself MH talking to me as well yeah

to myself MH talking to me as well yeah
yeah yeah inner peace is not a selfish

yeah yeah inner peace is not a selfish

yeah yeah inner peace is not a selfish
goal uh it's from position of safety

goal uh it's from position of safety

goal uh it's from position of safety
sorry a position of inner peace that we

sorry a position of inner peace that we

sorry a position of inner peace that we
can speak compassionately and truthfully

can speak compassionately and truthfully

can speak compassionately and truthfully
to others that we can um serve our other

to others that we can um serve our other

to others that we can um serve our other
goals but you know echar toally talks

goals but you know echar toally talks

goals but you know echar toally talks
about our inner purpose and our external

about our inner purpose and our external

about our inner purpose and our external
purpose and you stated a bunch of

purpose and you stated a bunch of

purpose and you stated a bunch of
external purposes and that's why there's

external purposes and that's why there's

external purposes and that's why there's
the dis I believe if I the diagnosis but

the dis I believe if I the diagnosis but

the dis I believe if I the diagnosis but
or the analysis but but that's why that

or the analysis but but that's why that

or the analysis but but that's why that
disconnect that you mentioned cuz the

disconnect that you mentioned cuz the

disconnect that you mentioned cuz the
goals that you stated were largely

goals that you stated were largely

goals that you stated were largely
external mhm and what are the internal

external mhm and what are the internal

external mhm and what are the internal
goals in a pieace very good yeah now you

goals in a pieace very good yeah now you

goals in a pieace very good yeah now you
have to put that into the mix and once

have to put that into the mix and once

have to put that into the mix and once
once you do I don't believe that now

once you do I don't believe that now

once you do I don't believe that now
nobody handed that to

nobody handed that to

nobody handed that to
you I just I think this is the issue

you I just I think this is the issue

you I just I think this is the issue
with Workaholics is we think that the

with Workaholics is we think that the

with Workaholics is we think that the
path to Inner Peace is just by aiming at

path to Inner Peace is just by aiming at

path to Inner Peace is just by aiming at
the external goals like I think I think

the external goals like I think I think

the external goals like I think I think
maybe at some level that's what I

maybe at some level that's what I

maybe at some level that's what I
believe Workaholics think they can work

believe Workaholics think they can work

believe Workaholics think they can work
their way or validate external validate

their way or validate external validate

their way or validate external validate
or trophy their way or number one book

or trophy their way or number one book

or trophy their way or number one book
their way too in a piece because

their way too in a piece because

their way too in a piece because
temporarily when your book shows up as

temporarily when your book shows up as

temporarily when your book shows up as
number one on the bestsellers list or

number one on the bestsellers list or

number one on the bestsellers list or
shows up at all you feel some inner

shows up at all you feel some inner

shows up at all you feel some inner
peace but it's addictive and uh there's

peace but it's addictive and uh there's

peace but it's addictive and uh there's
a wonderful physician and researcher

a wonderful physician and researcher

a wonderful physician and researcher
Vince fiti um who studied childood

Vince fiti um who studied childood

Vince fiti um who studied childood
trauma quite a bit and um showing its

trauma quite a bit and um showing its

trauma quite a bit and um showing its
relationship to adult negative outcomes

relationship to adult negative outcomes

relationship to adult negative outcomes
and he said it's hard to get enough of

and he said it's hard to get enough of

and he said it's hard to get enough of
something that almost

something that almost

something that almost
works and uh so yeah you can get that

works and uh so yeah you can get that

works and uh so yeah you can get that
temporary inner peace but look at the

temporary inner peace but look at the

temporary inner peace but look at the
long-term consequences of the work

long-term consequences of the work

long-term consequences of the work
holism it's not inner peace I can tell

holism it's not inner peace I can tell

holism it's not inner peace I can tell
you that you know I can tell you after a

you that you know I can tell you after a

you that you know I can tell you after a
long experience doesn't matter even how

long experience doesn't matter even how

long experience doesn't matter even how
successful you are there we started to

successful you are there we started to

successful you are there we started to
conversation with this it's never going

conversation with this it's never going

conversation with this it's never going
to give you inner peace inner peace

to give you inner peace inner peace

to give you inner peace inner peace
doesn't come from the outside that's not

doesn't come from the outside that's not

doesn't come from the outside that's not
a goal anybody have handed to you that's

a goal anybody have handed to you that's

a goal anybody have handed to you that's
something that you have to come to

something that you have to come to

something that you have to come to
yourself you know this how are you

yourself you know this how are you

yourself you know this how are you
acting in line with what you know are

acting in line with what you know are

acting in line with what you know are
you are you doing it well you know

you are you doing it well you know

you are you doing it well you know
what um I'm not going to give myself

what um I'm not going to give myself

what um I'm not going to give myself
100% by any means I mean just look at

100% by any means I mean just look at

100% by any means I mean just look at
this week but I'm doing so much better

this week but I'm doing so much better

this week but I'm doing so much better
than I ever did and I'm so much more

than I ever did and I'm so much more

than I ever did and I'm so much more
comfortable about it and so much more

comfortable about it and so much more

comfortable about it and so much more
comfortable about the future as well you

comfortable about the future as well you

comfortable about the future as well you
know I am what is the uh one thing that

know I am what is the uh one thing that

know I am what is the uh one thing that
we didn't discuss that maybe is the most

we didn't discuss that maybe is the most

we didn't discuss that maybe is the most
important thing for my audience that are

important thing for my audience that are

important thing for my audience that are
listening right

now

now
that not that we should impose suffering

that not that we should impose suffering

that not that we should impose suffering
on any children or anybody in order to

on any children or anybody in order to

on any children or anybody in order to
teach them anything life will bring its

teach them anything life will bring its

teach them anything life will bring its
own

own

own
suffering but when suffering comes along

suffering but when suffering comes along

suffering but when suffering comes along
there's two things we can do with it um

there's two things we can do with it um

there's two things we can do with it um
we can try and just get rid of it not to

we can try and just get rid of it not to

we can try and just get rid of it not to
feel it to numb ourselves

feel it to numb ourselves

feel it to numb ourselves
or we can actually learn from it so

or we can actually learn from it so

or we can actually learn from it so
suffering and pain can be big teachers

suffering and pain can be big teachers

suffering and pain can be big teachers
if we know how to relate to them so when

if we know how to relate to them so when

if we know how to relate to them so when
illness comes along when a crisis comes

illness comes along when a crisis comes

illness comes along when a crisis comes
along in your life you might notice that

along in your life you might notice that

along in your life you might notice that
the Chinese word for for crisis is made

the Chinese word for for crisis is made

the Chinese word for for crisis is made
up of two character letters meaning uh

up of two character letters meaning uh

up of two character letters meaning uh
danger and opportunity really so when

danger and opportunity really so when

danger and opportunity really so when
there's a crisis there's danger but

there's a crisis there's danger but

there's a crisis there's danger but
there's also opportunity to learn and to

there's also opportunity to learn and to

there's also opportunity to learn and to
grow and um there's such a thing as

grow and um there's such a thing as

grow and um there's such a thing as
growing older in other words not just

growing older in other words not just

growing older in other words not just
getting older but actually growing

getting older but actually growing

getting older but actually growing
older and actually still keep growing as

older and actually still keep growing as

older and actually still keep growing as
you get older and that growing older

you get older and that growing older

you get older and that growing older
actually has to do with becoming more

actually has to do with becoming more

actually has to do with becoming more
and more authentic to yourself so

and more authentic to yourself so

and more authentic to yourself so
sometimes I do that successfully

sometimes I do that successfully

sometimes I do that successfully
sometimes I don't but that's really the

sometimes I don't but that's really the

sometimes I don't but that's really the
journey and I'd recommend that journey

journey and I'd recommend that journey

journey and I'd recommend that journey
to everybody you can actually grow older

to everybody you can actually grow older

to everybody you can actually grow older
in in other words you don't have to

in in other words you don't have to

in in other words you don't have to
shrink you can actually

shrink you can actually

shrink you can actually
grow when you said the word growth there

grow when you said the word growth there

grow when you said the word growth there
it reminded me of something you said in

it reminded me of something you said in

it reminded me of something you said in
a topic we haven't actually talked about

a topic we haven't actually talked about

a topic we haven't actually talked about
which I did want to speak to you about

which I did want to speak to you about

which I did want to speak to you about
which was

which was

which was
vulnerability yeah I remember you making

vulnerability yeah I remember you making

vulnerability yeah I remember you making
this interesting connection I saw it

this interesting connection I saw it

this interesting connection I saw it
somewhere online between vulnerability

somewhere online between vulnerability

somewhere online between vulnerability
and and growth yeah and vulnerability is

and and growth yeah and vulnerability is

and and growth yeah and vulnerability is
a risk for a lot of people it's always

a risk for a lot of people it's always

a risk for a lot of people it's always
felt like a risk for me so vulnerability

felt like a risk for me so vulnerability

felt like a risk for me so vulnerability
comes from the Latin word vulnerary to

comes from the Latin word vulnerary to

comes from the Latin word vulnerary to
wound to wound yeah that's vulnerary to

wound to wound yeah that's vulnerary to

wound to wound yeah that's vulnerary to
wound and so as human beings or is any

wound and so as human beings or is any

wound and so as human beings or is any
living creature we're all profoundly

living creature we're all profoundly

living creature we're all profoundly
vulnerable from the moment that we're

vulnerable from the moment that we're

vulnerable from the moment that we're
conceived to the moment we die we can be

conceived to the moment we die we can be

conceived to the moment we die we can be
wounded we can be wounded physically we

wounded we can be wounded physically we

wounded we can be wounded physically we
can wounded emotionally that's just a

can wounded emotionally that's just a

can wounded emotionally that's just a
given

given

given
um when children

um when children

um when children
are safe and seen and

are safe and seen and

are safe and seen and
understood they can accept their

understood they can accept their

understood they can accept their
vulnerability because they have the

vulnerability because they have the

vulnerability because they have the
confidence that they can um deal with it

confidence that they can um deal with it

confidence that they can um deal with it
but when children are traumatized or um

but when children are traumatized or um

but when children are traumatized or um
not understood not

not understood not

not understood not
seen the vul and they're alone

seen the vul and they're alone

seen the vul and they're alone
emotionally the vulner becomes too

emotionally the vulner becomes too

emotionally the vulner becomes too
painful to bear so be shut down our

painful to bear so be shut down our

painful to bear so be shut down our
sense of vulnerability you know not to

sense of vulnerability you know not to

sense of vulnerability you know not to
feel the pain but when you look at life

feel the pain but when you look at life

feel the pain but when you look at life
nothing Gres without vulnerability so a

nothing Gres without vulnerability so a

nothing Gres without vulnerability so a
tree doesn't gr where it's hard and

tree doesn't gr where it's hard and

tree doesn't gr where it's hard and
thick does it it goes where it's tender

thick does it it goes where it's tender

thick does it it goes where it's tender
and soft and there's these shoots that

and soft and there's these shoots that

and soft and there's these shoots that
are very vulnerable they can be eaten by

are very vulnerable they can be eaten by

are very vulnerable they can be eaten by
animals or insects a a a crustacean

animals or insects a a a crustacean

animals or insects a a a crustacean
animal like a crab cannot grow inside a

animal like a crab cannot grow inside a

animal like a crab cannot grow inside a
hard shell what does it have to do when

hard shell what does it have to do when

hard shell what does it have to do when
it needs to grow it mols and becomes

it needs to grow it mols and becomes

it needs to grow it mols and becomes
this soft creature that's very

this soft creature that's very

this soft creature that's very
vulnerable but without that

vulnerable but without that

vulnerable but without that
vulnerability there's no growth without

vulnerability there's no growth without

vulnerability there's no growth without
emotional vulnerability there's also no

emotional vulnerability there's also no

emotional vulnerability there's also no
growth and so much of our culture is

growth and so much of our culture is

growth and so much of our culture is
designed to deny vulnerability and to

designed to deny vulnerability and to

designed to deny vulnerability and to
shut it down or to somehow distract

shut it down or to somehow distract

shut it down or to somehow distract
ourselves from it and what's the cost

ourselves from it and what's the cost

ourselves from it and what's the cost
and the cost is that we we stay immature

and the cost is that we we stay immature

and the cost is that we we stay immature
and that we lose ourselves that's what

and that we lose ourselves that's what

and that we lose ourselves that's what
the cost is so I also think

the cost is so I also think

the cost is so I also think
vulnerability is the is and I've just

vulnerability is the is and I've just

vulnerability is the is and I've just
learned this from doing this podcast

learned this from doing this podcast

learned this from doing this podcast
that vulnerability is a great connector

that vulnerability is a great connector

that vulnerability is a great connector
yeah when I much of the reason why I

yeah when I much of the reason why I

yeah when I much of the reason why I
have good conversations on this podcast

have good conversations on this podcast

have good conversations on this podcast
I think is because I'm willing to be

I think is because I'm willing to be

I think is because I'm willing to be
open myself yeah which which then allows

open myself yeah which which then allows

open myself yeah which which then allows
your client your your your guest the

your client your your your guest the

your client your your your guest the
safety to open up themselves and in your

safety to open up themselves and in your

safety to open up themselves and in your
personal life with your friends I mean

personal life with your friends I mean

personal life with your friends I mean
what's more I you can talk about

what's more I you can talk about

what's more I you can talk about
the scandal of Newcastle beating

the scandal of Newcastle beating

the scandal of Newcastle beating
Manchester City in the in some game

Manchester City in the in some game

Manchester City in the in some game
recently by one to nothing which is not

recently by one to nothing which is not

recently by one to nothing which is not
I don't say to talk about it if that's

I don't say to talk about it if that's

I don't say to talk about it if that's
interesting to you but which is more

interesting to you but which is more

interesting to you but which is more
meaningful to you that or when you

meaningful to you that or when you

meaningful to you that or when you
actually share share a struggle struggle

actually share share a struggle struggle

actually share share a struggle struggle
in you and what's going on for you I

in you and what's going on for you I

in you and what's going on for you I
mean it's no contest but so much of this

mean it's no contest but so much of this

mean it's no contest but so much of this
culture is designed to distract

culture is designed to distract

culture is designed to distract
ourselves from our

ourselves from our

ourselves from our
vulnerability

G we have a closing tradition on this

G we have a closing tradition on this
podcast where the last guest leaves a

podcast where the last guest leaves a

podcast where the last guest leaves a
question for the next guest not knowing

question for the next guest not knowing

question for the next guest not knowing
who they're going to leave it for Yeah

who they're going to leave it for Yeah

who they're going to leave it for Yeah
question that's been left for you it's

question that's been left for you it's

question that's been left for you it's
quite a long one

quite a long one

quite a long one
um today is your last day on Earth

um today is your last day on Earth

um today is your last day on Earth
yeah you're allowed to make two phone

yeah you're allowed to make two phone

yeah you're allowed to make two phone
calls one phone call to the person you

calls one phone call to the person you

calls one phone call to the person you
love the most and the second phone

love the most and the second phone

love the most and the second phone
call to the entire

call to the entire

call to the entire
world what you say on both of those

world what you say on both of those

world what you say on both of those
phone

calls what John lenon Sang all those

calls what John lenon Sang all those
years ago All You Need Is

Love and the phone call to the person

Love and the phone call to the person
you love the

you love the

you love the
most to the person I love the most I

most to the person I love the most I

most to the person I love the most I
don't have to say anything at

knows but if you were calling her on

knows but if you were calling her on
that last day I say thank you what

that last day I say thank you what

that last day I say thank you what
for for

for for

for for
everything and uh you know what I may

everything and uh you know what I may

everything and uh you know what I may
even say that to the

even say that to the

even say that to the
world I might even say thank you you

world I might even say thank you you

world I might even say thank you you
know I mean for um for all the struggles

know I mean for um for all the struggles

know I mean for um for all the struggles
and the trails and troubles and

and the trails and troubles and

and the trails and troubles and
tribulations of childhood and adulthood

tribulations of childhood and adulthood

tribulations of childhood and adulthood
and parenting and career and all this

and parenting and career and all this

and parenting and career and all this
thank you you you've given me so

thank you you you've given me so

thank you you you've given me so
much that's what I would

much that's what I would

much that's what I would
say I mean if if I wasn't giving you

say I mean if if I wasn't giving you

say I mean if if I wasn't giving you
advice which is all you need is love

advice which is all you need is love

advice which is all you need is love
which is advice no forget that I'd say I

which is advice no forget that I'd say I

which is advice no forget that I'd say I
just say thank you how do you want to be

just say thank you how do you want to be

just say thank you how do you want to be
remembered as somebody who did his best

remembered as somebody who did his best

remembered as somebody who did his best
to make a

difference and who made a difference

difference and who made a difference
which I know I have by the way so um not

which I know I have by the way so um not

which I know I have by the way so um not
that everybody agrees with me but I also

that everybody agrees with me but I also

that everybody agrees with me but I also
know I've made a difference what

know I've made a difference what

know I've made a difference what
difference do you think you've

difference do you think you've

difference do you think you've
made how to say this without Sonic

made how to say this without Sonic

made how to say this without Sonic
egotistical

egotistical

egotistical
um but I get so many messages from

um but I get so many messages from

um but I get so many messages from
around the world I mean literally from

around the world I mean literally from

around the world I mean literally from
around the world that reading my books

around the world that reading my books

around the world that reading my books
have transformed people's relationship

have transformed people's relationship

have transformed people's relationship
to themselves have made them understand

to themselves have made them understand

to themselves have made them understand
themselves um I think um I mentioned

themselves um I think um I mentioned

themselves um I think um I mentioned
maybe in a different interview that the

maybe in a different interview that the

maybe in a different interview that the
best review I ever had of the myth of

best review I ever had of the myth of

best review I ever had of the myth of
normal was that um some young guy said

normal was that um some young guy said

normal was that um some young guy said
to me thank you I read that book and I

to me thank you I read that book and I

to me thank you I read that book and I
remembered myself so um my work for

remembered myself so um my work for

remembered myself so um my work for
those who are open to it really helps to

those who are open to it really helps to

those who are open to it really helps to
connect them to themselves and to see

connect them to themselves and to see

connect them to themselves and to see
themselves clearly and that's that's a

themselves clearly and that's that's a

themselves clearly and that's that's a
gift in a world where it's increasingly

gift in a world where it's increasingly

gift in a world where it's increasingly
hard to see who we really are yeah and

hard to see who we really are yeah and

hard to see who we really are yeah and
it's hard for people to see themselves

it's hard for people to see themselves

it's hard for people to see themselves
and so people don't see themselves as

and so people don't see themselves as

and so people don't see themselves as
broken or as irretrievably damaged but

broken or as irretrievably damaged but

broken or as irretrievably damaged but
actually they can begin to see their

actually they can begin to see their

actually they can begin to see their
capacity for wholeness which

capacity for wholeness which

capacity for wholeness which
incidentally is the root of the word

incidentally is the root of the word

incidentally is the root of the word
health is wholeness and uh so um that's

health is wholeness and uh so um that's

health is wholeness and uh so um that's
the difference I'm making is that people

the difference I'm making is that people

the difference I'm making is that people
can see themselves not as broken damaged

can see themselves not as broken damaged

can see themselves not as broken damaged
but as actually fundamentally whole with

but as actually fundamentally whole with

but as actually fundamentally whole with
some stuff to work through that's it we

some stuff to work through that's it we

some stuff to work through that's it we
can learn so much from children can't we

can learn so much from children can't we

can learn so much from children can't we
so much of your work brings us back to

so much of your work brings us back to

so much of your work brings us back to
the first nature as you describe it of

the first nature as you describe it of

the first nature as you describe it of
children yeah

children yeah

children yeah
well a lot of parents will tell you and

well a lot of parents will tell you and

well a lot of parents will tell you and
you'll find out is that the greatest

you'll find out is that the greatest

you'll find out is that the greatest
teachers are your are your children if

teachers are your are your children if

teachers are your are your children if
you're willing to

learn Gabel thank you thank you so much

learn Gabel thank you thank you so much
I it's a difficult question to ask

I it's a difficult question to ask

I it's a difficult question to ask
someone else about the impact they've

someone else about the impact they've

someone else about the impact they've
made on the world but I but even what

made on the world but I but even what

made on the world but I but even what
you said I think is a huge

you said I think is a huge

you said I think is a huge
understatement because the people that I

understatement because the people that I

understatement because the people that I
know close to me like my partner who um

know close to me like my partner who um

know close to me like my partner who um
like my partner who just I mean her life

like my partner who just I mean her life

like my partner who just I mean her life
I think has

I think has

I think has
been changed personally but also

been changed personally but also

been changed personally but also
professionally much of the reason she

professionally much of the reason she

professionally much of the reason she
does the work she does she's the reason

does the work she does she's the reason

does the work she does she's the reason
why she's not here to meet you because

why she's not here to meet you because

why she's not here to meet you because
she would have FL she would have got on

she would have FL she would have got on

she would have FL she would have got on
the next flight to fly here is because

the next flight to fly here is because

the next flight to fly here is because
she's doing a retreat in the south of

she's doing a retreat in the south of

she's doing a retreat in the south of
France with a big group of women and

France with a big group of women and

France with a big group of women and
much of the work she does there is built

much of the work she does there is built

much of the work she does there is built
on the work that you've written about in

on the work that you've written about in

on the work that you've written about in
your books and taught online um so not

your books and taught online um so not

your books and taught online um so not
only have you impacted people personally

only have you impacted people personally

only have you impacted people personally
but you've impacted the next generation

but you've impacted the next generation

but you've impacted the next generation
of teachers and

of teachers and

of teachers and
therapists um which is going to be a

therapists um which is going to be a

therapists um which is going to be a
generational it's like a Domino's effect

generational it's like a Domino's effect

generational it's like a Domino's effect
it's was counteracting the generational

it's was counteracting the generational

it's was counteracting the generational
trauma is the generational healing that

trauma is the generational healing that

trauma is the generational healing that
has come about because of people like

has come about because of people like

has come about because of people like
you um who are Wizards in our culture

you um who are Wizards in our culture

you um who are Wizards in our culture
and that are willing in the face of

and that are willing in the face of

and that are willing in the face of
often great um you know adversaries who

often great um you know adversaries who

often great um you know adversaries who
take a different stance to persist with

take a different stance to persist with

take a different stance to persist with
truth but thank you and and one of the

truth but thank you and and one of the

truth but thank you and and one of the
things that most enhearten me is that

things that most enhearten me is that

things that most enhearten me is that
when I go about London or any city in

when I go about London or any city in

when I go about London or any city in
the world just about these days it's all

the world just about these days it's all

the world just about these days it's all
kinds of young people coming up to me

kinds of young people coming up to me

kinds of young people coming up to me
thanking me it's not people my I mean

thanking me it's not people my I mean

thanking me it's not people my I mean
people of all ages but I'm just so

people of all ages but I'm just so

people of all ages but I'm just so
enthused by how young Generations that

enthused by how young Generations that

enthused by how young Generations that
people one quarter of my age are coming

people one quarter of my age are coming

people one quarter of my age are coming
up to me to thank me well that shows me

up to me to thank me well that shows me

up to me to thank me well that shows me
that it's making a difference 100% if

that it's making a difference 100% if

that it's making a difference 100% if
she could have been here she was so

she could have been here she was so

she could have been here she was so
annoyed she realized she'd booked a

annoyed she realized she'd booked a

annoyed she realized she'd booked a
retreat on the same day that you were

retreat on the same day that you were

retreat on the same day that you were
coming to to London cuz she didn't get

coming to to London cuz she didn't get

coming to to London cuz she didn't get
to meet you last time cuz she was in

to meet you last time cuz she was in

to meet you last time cuz she was in
barley so oh well some of the time

barley so oh well some of the time

barley so oh well some of the time
she'll be watching this trust me

she'll be watching this trust me

she'll be watching this trust me
probably watching live right now but but

probably watching live right now but but

probably watching live right now but but
thank you so much Gabor again for your

thank you so much Gabor again for your

thank you so much Gabor again for your
generosity and your wisdom it's changed

generosity and your wisdom it's changed

generosity and your wisdom it's changed
my life and it continues to change many

my life and it continues to change many

my life and it continues to change many
other people that are listening to this

other people that are listening to this

other people that are listening to this
but all around the world so thank you

but all around the world so thank you

but all around the world so thank you
thanks so

thanks so

thanks so
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
much as you guys may know this podcast

much as you guys may know this podcast

much as you guys may know this podcast
is sponsored by one of my favorite

is sponsored by one of my favorite

is sponsored by one of my favorite
brands in all the world which is whoop

brands in all the world which is whoop

brands in all the world which is whoop
AI is a topic I've spoken about various

AI is a topic I've spoken about various

AI is a topic I've spoken about various
times on this podcast and it's a topic

times on this podcast and it's a topic

times on this podcast and it's a topic
that I'm pretty obsessed with but we

that I'm pretty obsessed with but we

that I'm pretty obsessed with but we
don't often talk about how it could be

don't often talk about how it could be

don't often talk about how it could be
used as a force to make our lives even

used as a force to make our lives even

used as a force to make our lives even
better whoop is using the power of AI to

better whoop is using the power of AI to

better whoop is using the power of AI to
drive meaningful positive change my

drive meaningful positive change my

drive meaningful positive change my
whoop doesn't leave my wrist and their

whoop doesn't leave my wrist and their

whoop doesn't leave my wrist and their
new feature which is called whoop coach

new feature which is called whoop coach

new feature which is called whoop coach
uses the power of advanced AI to

uses the power of advanced AI to

uses the power of advanced AI to
synthesize all of your health and

synthesize all of your health and

synthesize all of your health and
fitness data and to provide you with

fitness data and to provide you with

fitness data and to provide you with
personalized recommendations to support

personalized recommendations to support

personalized recommendations to support
you on your health and fitness journey

you on your health and fitness journey

you on your health and fitness journey
you can literally ask it questions like

you can literally ask it questions like

you can literally ask it questions like
why am I so tired or can you help me

why am I so tired or can you help me

why am I so tired or can you help me
build a strength training program and

build a strength training program and

build a strength training program and
it's Advanced AI system will provide you

it's Advanced AI system will provide you

it's Advanced AI system will provide you
with answers that are unique to you so

with answers that are unique to you so

with answers that are unique to you so
if you would like to check it out and

if you would like to check it out and

if you would like to check it out and
love up your health and fitness journey

love up your health and fitness journey

love up your health and fitness journey
in the process go to join. whoop.com

in the process go to join. whoop.com

in the process go to join. whoop.com
CEO to get a free months whoop

CEO to get a free months whoop

CEO to get a free months whoop
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
membership