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CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

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Hello and welcome to the Big Fat Quiz Of 2018.

It's big, it's fat and it's a quiz.

And if you haven't worked that out, you might struggle

with some of the questions. AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Let's meet the teams - she's from across the pond,

he's from across the moat,

she has a nasal whiny voice that cuts straight through you,

he has a nasal whiny voice that cuts straight through you,

it's Michelle Wolf and David Mitchell!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

He's made up to be here, she's made up like a panda,

it's Mo Gilligan and Claudia Winkleman!

AUDIENCE CHEERS

And finally, one's a totally unique, one-of-a-kind comedian,

the other is basically the same but he sometimes wears a hat,

it's Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Lovely to have you all here and, how's your year been?

What's been the highlight, Noel?

This now, actually.

This, right now, looking at you, you're gorgeous face.

You've gone blonde this year, I'm loving it. I've gone blonde, that was a mistake, don't wo

rry.

Basically, Claudia's got my hair on.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Oh, my God, yeah, it looks like you swapped.

Richard, how was your year?

It's up and down.

But, you know, I'm still struggling...

NOEL LAUGHS Mentally?

Yeah, I mean... Philosophically?

Well, with the nature of being, you know me.

Michelle, David, what's been the highlight of your year?

I haven't really thought about it. I suppose...

I think, at least the whole Brexit thing's sorted out.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS That's...

At least it's taken over a year but they've sorted it out now once

and for all as we all now know and it is decided

and we can move on.

Work out how to live without electricity.

Every time I come over here, I feel better about America.

That's what we're here for!

So, Michelle presumably, your highlight was doing

the correspondent's dinner in Washington.

Um, I don't know.

I think my highlight was finding out the President

knew how to spell my name.

What did he say about you?

He called me a so-called comedian.

Well, we'll see. Yeah!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Claudia, Mo, how's your year been?

My year's been good, I travelled a lot this year.

I went in first class. Nice!

No, business class, like, the poor first-class,

that's what it is, right?

Business class - where you've got the bed? Yeah. Yeah, that was...

That's my highlight of the year.

The bed on the plane? Yeah, because, like,

I thought, yeah, when I pressed it went...

IMITATES AIRPLANE BED

And then I pressed again and that was it and I pressed it

and it came out and then the leg bit came out, this woman brought

a towel, got a hand job - no that didn't happen.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

That was one of the highlights.

That was an excellent highlight, what about you Claudia? What's been your best bit?

I've napped a lot, so I need to apologise

to you now that I won't know anything but, yeah, I'm upbeat,

springy, sprightly.

How come you nap a lot?

Oh, because I'm 46.

I'm always napping.

I'm 63 - black don't crack.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

What about team names, you got team names?

I thought we could be called Discount Fireworks.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Because I saw a sign for discount fireworks and I thought,

"I don't want to buy fireworks on discount."

I want to pay if anything more money than they're charging for fireworks

and I thought that describes probably what you would get with us

on the show.

What you would get with discount fireworks, which is something

you probably shouldn't have bought.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Discount Fireworks, it is.

Claudia, Mo?

You're in charge of our name.

Gilliwinks.

Gilliwinks. Yeah.

Mo Gilligan, Claudia Winkleman... Come on!

Gilliwinks. Gilliwinks. Gilliwinks - adorable, cute.

It sounds like a medieval term for something filthy.

"Have you seen her gilliwinks?

"Oh, my God!"

Gilliwinks. David, Michelle.

My suggestion was The Internet Is A Mistake.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Basically, it's a political slogan of mine.

It's a message I want to get across.

The Internet IS a mistake.

We shouldn't have had it.

How are you going to get it across?

On the Internet?

Well, exactly, that's the irony!

People will be watching this on the Internet

and I'd just like to say to those people, fuck off!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I like that name!

MICHELLE LAUGHS

OK, so we've got The Internet Is A Mistake, Gilliwinks,

Discount Fireworks.

Brilliant, OK. Right, let's get on with the show!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Our first round is all about the year's top stories, so let's remind ourselves what happened

in 2018.

In August, Wonga collapsed and went into administration.

If only there had been a company that could've helped consolidate

their debts into one easy monthly payment.

In July, Boris Johnson warned that we're facing a semi-Brexit,

which is not the same as what Nigel Farage got

when the referendum results came in, that was a Brexit semi.

Right, let's get started, here are some questions for you.

In May, Prince Harry married Meghan Markle at a star-studded

wedding in Windsor.

Elton John, Tom Hardy and the Beckhams were all there

but can you name three American celebrities that attended?

Other than who, can you...?

Other than Elton John, not American, Tom Hardy, not American,

and the Beckhams, not American. OK, OK!

Thank you!

In September, two men were accused of poisoning a former Russian spy

in the UK, they claimed to be tourists but what specific

tourist attraction did they claim they were here to see?

And there's a bonus point if you can get the exact measurements.

It was like the shittest bit in a Bond movie ever.

Yeah.

The ending?

You already seemed disappointed in us.

I'm thrilled you're here, I can't believe my luck.

I can't believe you came. How many years have you two

been competing together? Cos you've never...

You've never won.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I have won twice.

Was I here? Did you?!

Oh no, that was Russell!

Right, next question.

Brexit dominated the headlines confusing many,

including actor Danny Dyer,

who described it as a "mad riddle that nobody understands"

but what did he claim David Cameron had done

in the aftermath of Brexit?

This is sick, you write it on here, and it comes out...

You remember those things when you were little? # Up and around and hmm and flick!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Who's in love with Mo? Mo, don't have a go - that's the technology we're working with.

Can we rub it out? How do we rub it out?

Mo, it is not acceptable to rub one out on the show.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

In June, Donald Trump met North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un,

the first time the heads of America and North Korea have ever met.

Before sitting down to talk, what did Trump ask photographers to do?

What did he ask photographers to do? Yeah, he asked photographers to do something, I'll give y

ou a clue.

He asked them to do something that was pretty much going to be impossible,

but he asked them to do something just as they were sitting down for the summit meeting

,

he said, "Photographers...

"Can you like me?"

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

OK, lastly for this first round, why was the world transfixed to hear

the news of 13 wild boars in the summer?

B-O-A-R-S?

Yeah, wild boars.

Not just boring people... Where, where was this?

Where was it? Where were they roaring?

Well, that would give the whole thing away.

If they give you a location...

Wait, is this that Thai cave thing?

Well, if you say them out loud rather than writing them down...

MICHELLE LAUGHS

..you can sometimes give it away to the other teams, Michelle. Yeah.

Some people would say that would be more tele-visual.

You know, some quizzes, they do that, don't they, on television?

People just say the answers out loud, rather than watch footage

of them writing them down.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I'm very happy with you, Michelle.

OK, we finished the quiz.

We can go!

Night-night!

Round One, and you know it's Round One, stop it.

Right, time for the first set of answers.

First up, I asked you if you could name three American celebrities who attended Prince H

arry

and Megan Markle's wedding. Michelle, surely you got these.

Yeah, George Clooney, Oprah, Serena and Megan.

That is a very good answer, yes.

Meghan Markle was there, who is a huge celebrity.

Yeah, you guys love Suits!

Specifically, Prince Harry loves Suits. Yeah.

He used it like Tinder. Yeah.

I thought you just meant suits in general.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I was sitting here, like, "No, I don't like suits."

Claudia, Mo, what did you get?

Same - Oprah, Serena, George.

OK, Richard and Noel. Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

OK, what did you get?

Well, I put Columbo.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I followed that up with Kanye,

and then I got bored and wrote "Roger Fuck Sword".

And also, Dick Van Dyke.

Cos I don't know if he was there, was he there?

I think he's dead.

No! CLAUDIA: No, no, he's alive. He's alive. Oh!

NOEL: He NEARLY died, he got saved by dolphins, remember? On a Lilo.

What?! Dick Van Dyke.

That's a true story! Your problem is you've cried wolf too many times.

Oh, my God, can someone vouch for me? Dick Van Dyke on a Lilo,

fell asleep, woke up... Google it. ..too far out,

dolphins pushed him back to shore.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

# "Thanks, dolphins, thanks for getting me back to shore!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

No, it is true. That is a true thing that happened in the world that we live in,

but weirdly, you saying it makes it sound like it isn't true.

I think it was just him that makes it sound untrue.

It is also weird.

It's pretty weird - OK, so three points for David and Michelle,

three points for Claudia and Mo, no points for Richard and Noel.

Next, I asked you if you remembered what the two suspects accused

of poisoning the Russians spy claimed they were doing in the UK.

What did you have?

Salisbury and Stonehedge...

JIMMY LAUGHS

Salisbury Cathedral and Stonehedge?

LAUGHING: Stonehedge!

We just call stone hedges walls.

I know your president wants to build a stone hedge...

Yeah, along the border, yeah. Yeah, nice. No, it's Stonehenge we put.

Cos I think they wanted to see... they said they wanted

to see Salisbury Cathedral and Stonehenge, I thought.

And I thought Salisbury was the name of the grocery store.

That Sainsbury's I think you're thinking of. I think it is!

Claudia and Mo, what did you get?

We just got Salisbury Cathedral.

But the spire and you asked for a measurement, tall.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Richard, why did you think the Russian spies said

they were on a tourist trip to England?

They wanted to go to Asda.

They haven't got one in Russia - they'd heard it was good.

They're very competitively priced and they have a very good policy

about taking stuff back.

I took a TV back to Asda after a year.

NOEL AND AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Let's remind ourselves of their less-than-convincing reasoning

during an awkward interview on Russia Today.

REPORTER: What were you doing there?

TRANSLATION: Our friends had been suggesting for a long time

that we visit this wonderful town.

There's the famous Salisbury Cathedral, famous not only in Europe

but in the whole world.

It's famous for its 123 metres spire.

It's famous for its clock, the one of the first ever created

in the world that's still working.

LAUGHTER

I mean, who are they fooling?

They did get those jumpers from Asda, though.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Do you think when that one guy heard who did his voice,

he was really mad about it?

OK, I asked you what Danny Dyer accused David Cameron

of doing after Brexit, what did you all put?

We said he wanted, "Told him to fuck off", or he fucked off?

Yeah, he fucked off, as in he left, departed, fucked off

and that he was a twat.

I think that's worth a point. Claudio, Mo?

I put "ballsed it up". Did he say something like that?

It seems like something he'd say cos he's, like, a geezer, isn't he?

IN COCKNEY ACCENT: "He fuckin' ballsed up that Brexit.

"Fuckin' ballsed it up, didn't he? Fuckin' twats."

That's not even Cockney enough. That's not even quarter Cockney.

But we've got the word twat in there which is what he called him.

That's worth... OK, twat's good. What do you think, Richard, Noel?

Also, twat but that he "put his trotters up".

"He put his trotters up".

That was the best bit, when he said, "His trotters were up."

"He's dropped them!"

100% right.

CLAUDIA: Oh!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

OK, let's treat ourselves.

So, this is Danny Dyer on Brexit.

Who knows about Brexit?

No-one's got a... clue what Brexit is, yeah? You watch Question Time. It's comedy. Well, you k

now clearer

when Jeremy Corbyn explains...? No, I ain't got a clue.

No-one knows what it is. It's like this mad riddle that no-one knows what it is, right

?

So, what's happened to that twat David Cameron who called it on?

Let's be fair. I think you're referring to our former Prime Minister.

Yeah, but how comes he can scuttle off? He called all this on.

Yeah? He called it on. He has no regrets. Where is he?

He's in Europe in Nice, with his trotters up, yeah?

Where is the geezer?

I think he should be held accountable.

He should be held account for it.

It's a valid point. A lot of people do feel...

Twat!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

He's amazing.

How excited was that old man to be next to Pamela Anderson?

It was an incredible line-up of guests!

They go, "Right, we've got to discuss Brexit, who are we going to get?

"The A-Team!

"Jeremy Corbyn, yes, Danny Dyer, yes, Pamela Anderson, yes!"

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

OK, I asked you what Trump asked photographers to do

before his historic meeting with Kim Jong-un.

What did you put?

I thought he said "don't use flash".

Cos he might melt.

He MIGHT melt - he's certainly got an odd look about him,

it's not the right answer. Richard, Noel?

You've done your Z's back-to-front. I've done back-to-front.

I put "jizz on their tripods".

And I spelt jizz with two back-to-front Z's.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I think I might have had an aneurysm.

Michelle.

We said, "Make us look good/yummy".

That is the correct answer - let's take a look

at their excruciatingly awkward meeting.

All right, guys.

Getting a good picture, everybody,

so we look nice and handsome and thin? REPORTER: Beautiful.

Perfect!

WOMAN SPEAKING KOREAN

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

"Handsome and thin and perfect" - that's Michael McIntyre there...

AUDIENCE LAUGHS ..meeting Donald Trump.

APPLAUSE

I asked why the world was captivated

by news of 13 wild boars in the summer.

I think Michelle might have given this away.

The Thai cave boys?

Yeah, the team was called the Wild Boars. Ah.

Oh... That's what their football team was called,

so a point - you managed to write down what Michelle said? Yep.

And Richard and Noel? We didn't listen to them but we did write "Thai cave thing".

Right, 13 boys rescued.

Points all around.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

So at the end of the first round, let's take a look at the scores.

I can tell you that Richard and Noel have a very credible two. Two?!!

Claudia and Mo have six - in the lead, David and Michelle with seven.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

We'll see you after the break for more show that's all killer and no filler

just like Russian's weekend away in Salisbury.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE

Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.

Our next round is all about the music of 2018.

Let's remind ourselves.

The Spice Girls announced they are getting back together.

Victoria Beckham said she won't be singing with the Spice Girls,

so no change there, then.

And a Scary, Sporty, Posh, Ginger baby

is what Meghan and Harry are going to have next year.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK. Time for some more questions.

For our first music question, it's over to the Channel 4 News room,

where Jon Snow is reporting on one of the biggest songs of the year.

Over to Jon.

An international manhunt is under way

after a British citizen in his 20s was seen abandoning large reptiles

by the roadside south of the equator.

The creatures, which have been described as "home-grown alligators",

were reportedly left after the suspect was heard saying

that he "gotta hit the road".

He is thought to have become distressed that the architecture

around him was unfamiliar, and was confused as to the date,

saying, "Time flies by in the yellow and green".

According to eyewitnesses, the accused spoke in a gravelly baritone

and fled underneath the hot sun in a vehicle

with "two in the front and two in the back".

The man and his accomplices were said to be heading

for "a mountaintop that he was dreaming of".

The public has been asked to report any unusual sightings

of a man deep sea diving around the clock, wearing bikini bottoms.

More updates as we get them.

Back to you, Jimmy.

APPLAUSE

Well, I mean...

He's amazing, right?

Jon Snow there, reporting on one of the biggest songs of the year

so just write down the title of the song.

Um, David Mitchell will get this one, Michelle,

if it wasn't a hit in America.

Can we just skip this question, because...

It's making me unhappy.

We haven't got a clue. We don't know.

Sorry. This time, this is dead time for us

because there's no amount of thinking... No.

We could just name a song we do know.

Singing In The Rain, for example.

But I know that's not what he's referring to.

I tell you what, I'll give you the artist.

You can give me the song.

Come on! So the artist is George Ezra.

Oh...

Oh, fine!

NOEL: Let's put George Ezra. CLAUDIA: Great.

Do we get a point for George Ezra?

No, I just told you that!

Well, I'm writing it anyway. You can't stop me.

There are no crocodiles in Budapest.

Right, next question.

In May, a global audience of around 200 million people

saw Israel's Netta Barzilai win the Eurovision Song Contest with the song Toy.

What was unusual about a dance move and sound effect

featured in her performance?

Was she being an animal?

Yes.

Which one?

Hey!

This is the only one we know.

Don't help them!

Mime the animal.

Go on, you will, to me. Go on.

No! Is it a squirrel?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Squirrel is almost my favourite of all the animals.

Is it?! Yeah. Almost? When you say almost, what is?

I'm surprised you're... Giraffe. A giraffe? OK.

Giraffe, then squirrel?

That is a leap. MO: Yeah, that is, that is.

But they get on. No, they don't!

They're almost best friends.

I think they live in parallel.

I saw a giraffe kick a squirrel in the head...

..with its hoof.

How is any of this helping?

Well, I've crossed off squirrel and giraffe.

Just tell me the animal group. Arachnid?

Cephalopod?

That's not a group, is it?

It's an open-toed ungulus.

Cephalopod, what's that?

You're looking at a marsupial. We'll give you that.

Right.

Next question. In April, Sainsbury's boss Mike Coupe was caught singing

to himself whilst waiting to be interviewed.

All I want to know is, what song was he singing?

What's his name? Mike Coupe?

Mike Coupe. How are you spelling that?

Because it's a bit like Co-op.

LAUGHTER

That's got to be a problem, hasn't it?

Mike Co-op, who owns Sainsbury's.

Outside Asda. This is horrible.

Claudia? What? NOEL NIBBLES

Yeah!

OK, Kanye West met President Donald Trump at the House in October,

but what security detail did Kanye inadvertently reveal

to the world's media whilst in the Oval Office?

He gave away a massive security detail. What was it?

Where they were.

Yes!

I've got some answers for you.

Jon Snow was reporting on one of the biggest hits of the year.

Did you get what it was?

Crocodile Shoes, we put.

OK, and you put, David and Michelle?

Elton John's Crocodile Rock.

OK.

And you got, Claudia, Mo?

Shotgun.

Exactly the right answer.

Yep!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You're fans of excellent dancing, right?

I mean, you do Strictly. Of course you're a fan of great dancing.

Let's go back over to Jon Snow.

# I'll be riding shotgun

# Underneath the hot sun

# Feeling like a someone

# I'll be riding shotgun

# Underneath the hot sun

# Feeling like a someone, someone... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Love him!

How do you get him to do that?

How do we get him to do that? Yeah.

I've got some Polaroids I took in the '70s.

Netta Barzilai won the Eurovision Song contest.

What was unusual about her, her dance and sound effect?

We think she did a fart dance move.

What would the dance move be to go with the fart sound effect?

I don't know. Probably something where she's like, running away a little.

I mean, the sound effect would be crucial to the clarity

of the move, because you do a sort of movement,

possibly slightly bottomy.

But it's the noise that comes with it that makes it clear

that you're... you're supposedly representing a fart.

So you think a fart noise won the Eurovision Song Contest?

No, that's just part of the routine.

It would be amusing, wouldn't it?

Farts are funny. Yeah. OK.

What's not improved by a fart?

If she farted... NOEL: Sex.

I think you're greatly underestimating the fart.

Claudia, Mo, what did you get for this one? I don't know.

Squirrel or a fox or some sort of small, fluffy creature, like...

Ra-ca-ca!

Yeah, we led you a massive bum steer, there.

So it was a fart? No.

It was a chicken move. Chicken move.

Chicken dance.

You're absolutely right. Let's treat ourselves to a look.

# You're divine and he's about to regret

# He's a baka-mhm-bak-mhm-bak bak-bak-mhm-boy

# Baka-mhm-bak-mhm-bakbak

# I'm not your baka-mhm-bak-mhm bak-mhm-bak-mhm-bak-mhm ha

# I'm not your toy

# Not your toy

# You stupid boy

# Stupid boy... #

CLAUDIA: That's outstanding. NOEL: I know.

Yeah, it's something, isn't it? Can we... Yeah.

Whose idea was it to go to lucky cats doing that?

MICHELLE: That's what I was thinking! "I've got it!

"You've done a chicken dance.

"We'll go to loads of gold cats doing that."

I mean, well, you've got the answer. Brilliant.

One point for you. Yeah, we won at... quiz.

We'll still be losing at the end of this.

Next up, I asked you if you remembered what song

Sainsbury's CEO Mike Coupe was caught singing in an interview.

Was it Fuck tha Police?

Um... Killing In The Name Of?

It was not Killing In The Name Of, or Fuck tha Police.

I can't read what Richard's written.

It's like doctor's handwriting.

Over to you.

Man! I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain.

LAUGHTER

That would have been so much better.

Or Lithium by Nirvana.

OK, Claudia, Mo, what do you think? We didn't know.

We guessed Spice Girls... What? You think we knew?

..because you mentioned them.

I mean, you're pretty close with...

I thought we were... Aren't we right?

Um... Was it not?

No. Oh, was it Money Makes The World Go Round?

It was something about money. Yeah.

I thought it was Money, Money, Money, ABBA. Well...

Yeah, I am into music.

LAUGHTER

But was it Money Makes The World Go Round?

Oh... We're In The Money! It's We're In The Money, isn't it?

Yes. Agghh! Let's have a look.

# We're in the money

# That sky is sunny

# Let's lend it, spend it, send it rolling along

# We're in the money

# The sky is sunny

# Let's lend it, spend it, send it rolling along. #

Whatever you say about the performance, at the end of it,

he didn't go baka-mhm-bak-mhm-bak, so...

You've got to see the positive.

I think that's a brilliant performance. Yeah.

It's incredibly... I found it endearing.

I think... I wouldn't say endearing.

I think that's sort of haunting.

But can you imagine, if he's, like, playing a serial killer in a thriller.

Yeah. Oh, yes.

And he suddenly starts singing, "We're in the money..."

Yeah. Yeah.

Why is he in a medieval castle as well?

MICHELLE: I think that's just England.

LAUGHTER

That's a very good point, well made.

NOEL: He's on the Harry Potter set!

That's not medieval. That's Edwardian.

That double glazing seems post-Edwardian, though.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK. Next I asked you, what security detail has Kanye

inadvertently revealed whilst he was at the House with Trump?

What did you put?

His bike lock digits.

I wish I'd put that but I only just thought of it.

What did you put?

His phone, which I think was something like zero, zero, zero...

Or one, one, one, one. You know.

Yeah. You get where I'm going.

OK, what did Claudia and Mo...? We've got the same thing.

Password. And then I put the code.

Can we get a bonus point for that? CLAUDIA: Yeah, please.

How many zeros did you put?

There are five zeros. Five. Ah, no.

It was six zeros. I would have given you the bonus point.

OK, what did you put, David and Michelle?

You know a lot about politics.

We thought it might be his Secret Service nickname was revealed,

which is Cadaver.

Let's take a look.

And what we want to start with is...

Um... I brought a... I brought a gif with me right here.

It's a bad meeting when someone pulls out their phone

to show you ideas. Yeah.

To show you a gif. Who cares about that?

Oh, you can show me a gif all day.

I'll be happy. OK.

OK.

No points. Points, points.

OK, for our last music question, please welcome two very special guests,

Love Island finalists Megan and Wes.

APPLAUSE

Hello, Megan and Wes.

How you doing? Nice meeting you. Hi, Wes. Hi, Megan.

How you doing? All right? Very nice see you.

And you, and you. How's life been since Love Island?

It's been a whirlwind, really, like... A whirlwind?

A whirlwind, yeah, yeah. What have you been... You're still together?

Yeah, we are. NOEL: Jimmy, stop flirting!

LAUGHTER

I'm asking if they're still together cos sometimes they break up

on the Love Island, and then they get back together.

On the day they leave the studio?

We're still going strong. Still going strong?

When the career dies out,

we might break up and get back together. 100%.

OK, now, you've got a music-related question, I believe. Yeah. Yes.

What is the music-related question?

So, Love Island was one of the biggest TV events of the year

but our question is about the biggest sum of the year.

It got over 2 billion views on YouTube.

It was one of the most requested songs on Alexa,

but what was it?

The biggest song of the year, 2 billion... 2 billion?

2 billion YouTube views. Do you mean million?

Billion. Billion. Billion.

OK, I was just... You sound like Dr Evil now.

"2 million views." "2 Million."

Not that many views.

While you write down the song, I want to ask a Love Island question.

Who won the Love Island?

Jack and Dani. Jack and Dani?

DAVID: Do you actually win the island?

Is that...?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

RICHARD: How do you win?

So, you get in a couple, and then, like, other guys and girls come in.

If you're tempted, you can re-couple.

Did a few times, not gonna lie, but... NOEL: It's racy!

Do you do stuff with the other people? Yeah!

It's up to you. I mean...

MO: Have you never seen it?

Like, a lot of the guys are, like, Essex guys.

"You know what I'm saying, though, yeah?

"I like you a lot, innit, so basically, you know what I mean,

"like, I sorta talk to you like this."

APPLAUSE

Who else were you with?

Um, I was with a girl called Laura.

MO: Is that the Scottish lady? Yeah.

She's a bit older than you as well, innit? She's 29.

And then you said, "Look, it's not for me."

And she, like, she didn't...

Like, you tried to be, like, "Look, it's not for me..."

Mo, the expert! I watched it! All the way through!

Because she was the older one, innit?

She was, "I don't fucking care, anyway. I don't even give a shite".

LAUGHTER

OK, so what have you got? Let's have a look at the answers.

Jimmy, this still now looks like you've just dropped your two kids off to a party!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK. Have you all...

Let's see your answers on this.

Michelle, what was your answer?

Something that was bad.

True, but not what we were looking for. Richard, Noel?

Shark song. Oh, I'm afraid not.

Claudia, Mo? Baby Shark. WES: Correct.

OK, let's go to these two do the answer. The answer is?

Yeah, of course, it was the Baby Shark.

Let's have a quick listen to Baby Shark.

No, it's not good to start with but it gets good. Have a listen.

Does it? Yeah, it gets good.

That's the death of music.

Honestly, 2 billion views. Yeah.

CHEERING

I want to give you a point for "Shark Song".

MO: They said shark! CLAUDIA: We said Baby Shark.

The child clearly goes through the entire shark family.

It's not just about the baby shark. MO: It's called Baby Shark.

The mummy shark, the daddy shark, it goes on to the grandparents.

Baby shark's a jumping off point to get to the sharks.

Ridiculous to call it Baby Shark. Can't get a point for shark.

The whole umbrella's the shark family.

The whole song's a rip-off of Five Finger Family anyway.

Right, that's it, I've had enough. Sorry, Five Finger Family?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

RICHARD: It is!

I'm a bit OCD. I'm going to have to pick that up.

It is a rip-off of Five Finger Family.

All right, someone could get hurt, now. Rip-off.

Look what I found, a shark's tooth, everyone!

Oh, no, it's a baby shark's tooth.

Me wrong again, isn't it?

I'm just going to put this wet teabag on Jimmy's stand.

I don't think that's the first time Jimmy's had a wet teabag on his stand.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Michelle Wolf!

APPLAUSE CONTINUES

Let's have a look and see what that's done to the scores.

Richard and Noel have five.

David and Michelle have seven.

Claudia and Mo, in the lead with nine.

APPLAUSE

See you for more after the break.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause one more time

for Megan and Wes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.

Our next round is all about film and TV in 2018.

In February, Black Panther took the box office by storm.

We finally have a black superhero.

Is there anything Black Panther can't do?

Sadly, yes - walk up to an American police officer

with his hands in his pockets.

GROANS AND LAUGHTER

Let's remind ourselves of some of the year's TV highlights.

Action!

# I just got paid

# I'm broke, but I'm ballin'

# Don't know where we're going

# We go in when we go out

# I just got paid

# I'm broke, but I'm ballin'

# Don't know where we going... #

Freddie?!

Kate.

What?!

LAUGHTER

# Whoo!

# Come on!

# I just got paid... #

BLAST

CRASH

Yes, I'm ready, yeah.

CHEERING

Yeah, it's kind of special to me, that one, as well.

# I just got paid... #

It's just pure chemistry, isn't it?

That's what it is, yeah.

Well played.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, some TV and film questions.

First up, currently starring in A Christmas Carol

in the West End, Simon Callow has a question for you.

Hi, Jimmy.

Now, speaking as someone who knows a thing or two about characters,

I was very intrigued to hear that a film featuring a well-loved

British character was banned in China this year.

But can your teams tell me who it was?

The final of BBC's Bodyguard was watched by 17 million people.

Due to a misunderstanding over language,

some American viewers thought

the two leads had an inappropriate relationship. Why?

Does Home Secretary mean mother in American?

You are so... so close to the right answer there.

Ah...

Let's just put "incest".

What film, released back in February,

resulted in people worldwide making the American sign language

sign for hug and love?

OK, next, George Ezra has a question for you.

Hello, Jimmy. I've got a question for you.

So, in May, Jeremy Clarkson fronted the latest series

of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

And alongside Ask The Audience, 50-50, and Phone A Friend,

a new, fourth lifeline was introduced to the show.

Can you remember what it was called?

It's a new lifeline, right? It's a new one, yeah.

Ask The Audience...

Ask The Audience, Phone A Friend, 50-50.

75-25?

75-25 would be great.

Is it Just Tell Me The Answer?

No. Just Tell Me The Answer On This One, Please.

Time for a say what you see. Have a look at these pictures,

tell me what event from 2018

you think they're spelling out.

DAVID SIGHING: Oh, God.

Yes, and deal with that!

Have you got it already?

Claudia's got it wrong quickly.

Fuck you.

Some smug people now murmuring. Yeah. It's an easy one.

Sheep, sheep...

All right, have you all got something?

Time for some answers.

OK, so, Simon Callow asked you if you knew which British

character had been banned in China? What did you get?

Winnie the Pooh.

That is absolutely the correct answer.

What did you think was banned in China?

I thought that the teapots in Beauty And The Beast...

Had been banned?

Why did you think that had been banned in China?

I was... I panicked.

OK, now, Claudia, Mo, you went with...?

Christopher Robin.

Which is also the right answer, because the Christopher Robin movie

was banned this year because it featured Winnie the Pooh.

And there were posters everywhere. And the issue is...

Do you know what the issue is?

Winnie the Pooh ain't got no clothes. He's just got a T-shirt on.

No, but that would be a more logical reason.

That would make some sense.

Their reason is, the leader of China

looks a bit like Winnie the Pooh,

and he's quite sensitive about it. I'll show you the two pictures.

LAUGHTER

Winnie the Pooh there is on the right or left?

Right.

I didn't know Winnie the Pooh was British.

All cartoon bears are English.

Even Yogi. Yeah.

Deal with that.

I only believe that because he says pic-a-nic, and that feels

like a thing you guys would say.

Pic-a-nic?

Yeah, Yogi goes, I'm going to go on a ...

I'm taking my pic-a-nic basket.

That just sounds like there's a line-up.

Everyone's Nick and you've got to pick one.

OK, next I wanted to know why some American viewers were confused

about the relationship between two lead characters in The Bodyguard.

OK, what have you gone for, Michelle?

Uh, incest?

Dating? We said related.

They were related. That is the same idea. And you've gone with...?

We've put Baby Shark, but I said incest.

That's the strangest sentence I've said.

Yes, some Americans were confused because when he says ma'am, a lot

of Americans thought he meant mum. BOTH: Ahhh.

So, have a look at some of the tweets.

LAUGHTER

Incest's fine, it's just a tonne of incest that's bad.

When the incest becomes too heavy.

Let's have a look and see whether we think this is a valid complaint.

How long's this going to take? I can't say for certain, ma'am.

Your shirt.

Thank you, ma'am.

Want one? On duty, ma'am.

All clear, ma'am.

LAUGHTER

He did all his chores!

That would have been a great strap line, wouldn't it?

He's really done all his chores.

One final chore left to do.

And if he does it well,

we're all going on a bleeding pic-a-nic.

Also, there's far too much kind of friendliness between them

for a standard English mother-son relationship.

I mean, to be honest, I'd say if they were a mother and son,

at the start, you'd say their relationship is too formal.

It's not a healthy one. Yes.

And then it becomes affectionate but in the wrong way.

But without an intervening period of a sort of healthy family dynamic. Yes.

Yeah, sometimes you over correct and then you swing back.

Yeah. They definitely over-correct, don't they?

Last night, I overcorrected your mum.

I well overcorrected your mum last night, Jimmy.

I overcorrected her in the car park, behind the bins.

OK. I asked you if you knew what film had people making the American

sign language sign for hug and love. What did you...?

SHE LAUGHS

You said sign language, and I thought,

"Oh, blind spotting",

because I confuse sign language

with what you do to blind people.

What do you mean, what you DO to blind people?

I think Michelle thought that blind people might use sign language

to get around their disability.

Oh, that is... But very much not.

What did you put?

Why did you think people were making the sign?

Shape Of Water. You thought The Shape Of Water?

Well, there was a deaf lady in The Shape Of Water, and some signing.

But people didn't do the sign for hug and love, the American sign

for that, because... What a bunch of wankers.

It's that.

What did you put, Mo?

Black Panther.

Yeah, it was the sign for...

Yeah, Wakanda. Wakanda.

OK, George Ezra wanted to know what the new lifeline

was on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Rope attached to a tyre.

That is good.

That is a lifeline.

It's a real lifeline.

Right, so you're above quicksand or alligators and you hold on to it?

I don't want 50-50 if I'm in quicksand, I want a rope.

We said sex for an answer.

Sex for an answer?

I will give you sex for one answer.

Did George Ezra want to know and then you located him?

Which way round was it?

Did he really want to know? Did you find out that he really wanted to know and he went,

"Oh, that actually could help US out,

"cos we've got a question about that,

"and we could kill two birds with one stone."

Or did you just ask him to ask the question?

And did he have to act like he really wanted to know?

Cos I don't think he cares.

Cos I didn't buy that shit, at all.

Claudia, what do you think?

We didn't know.

At first, I said fuck it, cos I was like, if I don't know,

it's like, fuck it, isn't it?

Then Claudia was like, use your phone, like, for the internet.

Like, maybe he's allowed some sort of Google device.

Well, the answer is, you get to ask the host.

It's ask Jeremy. Really?

Let's see how Ask The Host actually went.

I'm going to ask you, Jeremy.

Would love to help you out, but I literally don't know.

I wouldn't, I just couldn't say. Right.

OK. I'll ask the host.

I'm genuinely of no use to you.

The answer's just...

LAUGHTER

Never sticks in my head.

I think I'd like to ask the host.

What I think is, obviously, I've no idea.

And despite your past performances on the show, Jeremy,

I'd like to ask the host.

I can't help you on that at all...

..as is usual.

Where's his Afro gone?

I've combined it into mine.

OK, I ask you to say what you saw.

I want an exact answer here. Claudia Winkleman...

Well, it's Jodie Whittaker...

Jo, Dee, Whittaker.

Day, bee, sheep, sheep,

the new Doctor Who.

Not Day, bee, ewes?

Debuts! That's it! Debuts!

Oh, that's so clever!

What did you get?

Jodie Whittaker day, bee, ewe, ewe, pub, Doctor Who.

Which is how I would express it. Yeah.

It was Jo, Dee, Whittaker,

Day, bee, ewes,

inn, Doctor, Who.

Ewes. That's what the baby sheeps are called - ewes?

No. No, female sheep are called ewes.

Oh, I never knew that.

Richard, Noel, what did you put for this one?

Jodie Whittaker, debut, Doctor Who.

No, no, you can't just read out what the others put.

No, it's there!

I've got very poor penmanship.

Look, Jodie Whittaker,

debuts,

Doctor Who.

No, I can see it now.

All right, they get a point. All right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Points, points, points.

Great, you've relaxed the standards.

Superb. OK, now it's time for a special bonus round.

I'm going to show you three film posters from this year

which have all been subtly improved.

All you need to do is tell me what the film is.

Never has the word "bonus" been more misused.

I mean, when you're right, you're right, David. OK.

So, I want to know the name of the film.

I'm looking for three answers on the screen.

Here's the first one.

What's that? You know what that film is?

OK, so, what film is that?

Here's the second one.

Write down the name of the film.

Oh, yeah, yeah, OK.

We've saved the best for last.

I defy anyone not to be a little bit sexually aroused

when they see this next one.

Oh, that's good!

I've got to say, the longer hair for you, David,

is really doing it for me.

OK, so, have you all got something? Let's have a look.

Oh, yeah! Too late.

No! Get away! I need the pen. You haven't said anything!

I need the pen! It's been switched off, Claudia.

I need the pen! OK, so, what have you got? David, Michelle?

Avengers: Infinity War.

Yeah. Mamma Mia 2.

Yeah. A Star Is Born.

A Star Is Born - OK. Claudia, what did you get?

Avengers: Infinity War, Mamma Mia 2,

and I wrote Love Story cos I got confused, cos

Barbra Streisand was in my head and I just got confused.

And then you took the pen away from me.

Well, I got confused when I put Money, Money, Money instead of

We're In The Money.

Why don't we just let that one go?

You've got to squash that hurt down, David.

Did you, Richard? Noel?

Mamma Mia 2, A Star Is Born,

but we've got the first one wrong.

So, two points, two points, three points.

Let's have a look at the posters.

So, that's me as Thanos in The Avengers: Infinity War.

Nice. Yeah, nice.

The second one was me, David and Noel as the cast of Mamma Mia.

Though, to be honest with you, I think we've looked better.

And finally, David and I as Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper.

So, at the end of that round, the scores are,

Richard and Noel have eight.

They're lucky to have eight, frankly.

David and Michelle, 13.

Just ahead, Claudia and Mo with 15.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us after the break for more of the show that's a bit

like England at the World Cup -

a bit of fun, no-one wins anything,

and there's a bloke in charge looks a bit of a dick in a waistcoat.

See you in five.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz.

Our next round is all about science and the internet in 2018.

If you suffer from erectile dysfunction, things are looking up.

In March, Viagra was made available over-the-counter.

Over-the-counter Viagra, that sounds powerful.

In August, YouTuber KSI and vlogger Logan Paul had a boxing match,

with the winner going on to fight Grumpy Cat.

OK, ready for some more big, fat questions?

Of course you are. First it is over to The One Show's Alex Jones.

Hi, Jimmy.

Now, this year we took steps to ensure we cut down on how much

plastic we used, and I was thrilled to hear that Chepstow

became the first town in South Wales to be awarded plastic-free status.

But, remarkably, how did they celebrate their achievements?

OK, so Chepstow became a plastic-free town.

How did they celebrate?

Oh, I know, yeah.

All I know is this.

It was something to do... Everything you know?

..with this. I actually thought that, you know.

Yeah, that's fun.

One of the biggest memes on Twitter this year was BDE.

All I want to know is what those initials stand for.

Oh, I know that.

Come on, you are 40 years younger than me.

BDE, like best day ever?

Yes, I think it probably would be.

Next question.

Kylie Jenner did something in February of this year

that caused shares of a tech company to plummet by $1.3 billion.

What did she do?

That is Kylie Jenner there in Basic Instinct, I believe.

Have a listen to this recording of Jay Aubrey Jones

discussing an online debate that he sparked back in May.

All I want to know is, what is he talking about?

I thought, well, it couldn't be that huge.

And then I heard the recording again

online and I realised

what a brouhaha this whole thing was.

So, it is basically an internet debate.

I know, but I can't remember.

How do you know you can't remember?

Because I know I knew.

That is the same as not knowing.

Last question for this round. Over to superstar DJ Jonas Blue.

Hi, Jimmy.

2018 has been a great year for me, DJing and performing

all over the world, but back in April, 11-year-old Mason Ramsey

made his Coachella debut after a video of him

performing in Walmart went viral.

But what did the video show him doing?

So, Jonas wants to know what 11-year-old Mason Ramsey

did in Walmart that went viral this year.

I have brought some snacks from home.

But let's not... You brought snacks from home?

I brought snacks from home.

NOEL: What have you got, a quiche?

Here we go.

Cheese and pineapple hedgehog.

Do cheese and pineapple go together?

Michelle, have you never had cheese and pineapple?

No. What?

You Americans don't know how to live. This is proper British food.

I want you to try one of these. That is a taste sensation, right there.

What kind of cheese is it?

It doesn't matter.

Pass those over.

It is a taste sensation, right?

Oh, we've got booze!

CHEERING

Let's all get hammered.

What's Buck's Fizz?

It's disgusting.

Alex Jones wanted to know how Chepstow celebrated

becoming the first town in South Wales to be awarded

plastic-free status. What have you put?

You don't need to know.

A plastic surgery festival.

A Plastic surgery festival is a very good answer.

Claudia and Mo, what did you put?

We are having an eating break, Jimmy.

You guys, we're having...

CHEERING

We're having a pic-a-nic.

You are having a pic-a-nic? We're having a pic-a-nic. Mo?

OK, so, bubble wrap, Claudia and Mo.

And what have you put, Richard?

Blowing up a puppy.

I can tell you they actually celebrated their plastic-free status

by... They hung up a banner made of plastic.

I asked you what the initials BDE stood for.

What did you put?

Oh!

Continue.

This is bad with all the electricals.

Is it bad with the electricals? Yes, Nana.

I wouldn't pour too much Bucks Fizz on the electricals.

Claudia and Mo, what did you put?

BDE, big dick energy.

That is the right answer.

Richard, Noel, what have you put?

Big dick energy.

I put dong first because I find

the term dick very offensive.

I've put "ick" above Dong.

I've never heard of this.

It would be a very good name for an energy supplier, innit?

Because they have got a bad reputation.

Are your bills overdue?

Then join Big Dick Energy.

I think it sounds like someone who doesn't actually have a big dick

but they just have the energy of someone that has a big dick.

You don't want anyone with big dick energy.

You want someone with gratitude,

with a miniature penis.

With small dick enthusiasm.

Thank you.

That's exactly right. APPLAUSE

Next, I wanted to know what Kylie Jenner did

that caused shares of a tech company to drop by $1.3 billion.

What did you put?

She said Snapchat was over.

She only bloody did.

She said, "Who uses Snap?"

I don't even know what that is.

That is the correct answer.

What did you think?

Oh, we put Instagram

because I thought...

..it was Instagram.

It turns out it was another thing

I don't care about.

Well, that's your mistake.

She tweeted that she didn't use Snapchat any more.

Maybe if she had DM'd me I would have got it.

Points, points, no points.

What?!

I played you a recording of Jay Aubrey Jones,

who had been discussing an online debate he was involved in.

What did you think it was?

Pineapple on pizza.

Don't blame him.

What do you mean?

Why would I blame him?

It was not a wise...

But all I remember is there was a hoo-ha

about whether you should have pineapple on pizza.

A brouhaha, not a hoo-ha.

So what did you write, Richard, Noel?

What was the question again?

About brouhahas, it was a word.

Was I not right?

It was an online debate about a word.

I made a word up.

I just put "Flumpo."

It's not Flumpo, but great guess.

It's a good word, though.

Well, it was like the same kind of controversy

as the blue and yellow dress.

Yes. And it was either...

I said, "Sheila and Lucy or something similar."

It was basically...

It was like an aural - A-U-R -

version of the dress thing.

Yes. It was actually the Laurel-Yanni debate.

Let's have a listen.

RECORDING: Laurel/Yanni.

What are you hearing, Michelle?

Yanni. I'm hearing Yanni. I am hearing Laurel.

Well, I can tell you younger people are likely to hear Yanni

because they hear higher frequencies.

Older people will hear Laurel.

He is actually saying the word Laurel.

What were you hearing, Jimmy? Laurel or Yanni?

Laurel. Me too.

RECORDING: Laurel/Yanni. It's not Laurel.

What are you hearing?

I am hearing Yanni and I'm older than all of you.

It's Yanni.

OK, so by shouting out, who's hearing Yanni?

CROWD SHOUT

Who's hearing Laurel? CROWD CHEER AND SHOUT

CLAUDIA: What?! OK, the people hearing Laurel are drunker.

That's all that told us.

He was recording the word Laurel for vocabulary.com.

What? Just that word?

It's that specialised?

He is a perfectionist. Man.

The only word he does is Laurel and he can't even do that.

What's a Yanni? I don't even know what a Yanni is!

Sorry, Noel, you have just made up the word Flumpo.

You're hearing Flumpo,

I'm hearing get on with the fucking quiz. OK.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And lastly, for the Internet round, DJ Jonas Blue asked you

if you could remember why 11-year-old Mason Ramsey

went viral earlier this year. What did you put?

Does he really want to know or is he ambivalent?

He wants to know.

He asked me to ask you.

David Mitchell, you got this right.

Did I?

I wrote down, "Singing a song.

"He got a record contract."

Well, that is technically

the right answer.

And, Claudia and Mo?

Yodel kid.

Yodel kid is the more correct answer.

What did you get?

Yodelling a Hank Williams song.

I mean, you guys are geniuses.

Let's treat ourselves to a listen.

HE YODELS "LOVESICK BLUES"

Michelle, your culture's rubbish.

He is in for a real sad awakening once puberty hits.

SHE YODELS, VOICE BREAKING

God love him.

Oh, I tell you what, it's time for a bonus round.

This is the part of the show where I introduce a mystery guest.

All you have to do is guess who they are

and how they made the news this year.

Is it the yodelling kid?!

Great question, no.

You can only ask them yes or no questions.

Ladies and gentlemen, our mystery guest.

Hello, mystery guest, how are you? Very nice to see you.

So, write down the answer as soon as you know and we'll move on.

Out of yes and no, which is your favourite word?

Yes.

Have you created something?

Yes. Musically?

No.

Did you make a robot?

No.

Are you a science guy?

No.

Are you a ghost?

No. You invented something?

Yes.

When you completed, it did you get big dick energy?

Yes.

Did you invent Viagra?

No.

Big dick is pretty close.

It's big and it's a Dick.

I know this.

Write it down!

Do you believe in Jesus?

No.

As in you don't think he existed?

Yes?

You don't believe he existed?

Yes?

Despite all the historical evidence?

No.

Is the thing you invented made of plastic?

Yes.

Oh, that's a bad year for you.

Have a guess, have a guess.

OK, so, David and Michelle, what have you got?

The thing that collects plastic

in the ocean.

Oh, that would have been good though, wouldn't it?

If you had done that, what a hero you would be.

No offence to you, but that would have been amazing.

Richard, Noel, what have you put?

Well, you said put down anything,

so I put down Toblerone.

Did you invent the Toblerone?

No.

OK, Mo Gilligan.

You done the Trump blimp thing.

This guy, this guy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I believe this is a small version of the blimp you originally made.

Would you call that an invention?

Let's bring him round.

There's a bigger one?

Yeah, there's a bigger one.

Where do you keep this stuff?

It's not inflated all the time.

But that's huge. To have that space just to make it...

You take the air out of it.

No, but like you have still got to make that.

You know what I mean, innit?

No. You take the air out of it and it's...

Have you ever been near a bouncy castle?

You leave my team-mate alone. To make a bouncy castle you've got to

get all the bits and stitch them. You stitch them together?

No-one got it right, innit, so you lot can shut up, innit?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, Leo was the man behind the Trump baby balloon

that flew over Parliament on Trump's first visit to the UK.

It was done as a protest. How did you come up with the idea

for baby Trump?

I think Trump's presidency is quite a frightening thing, really.

It is very much a laugh or cry situation,

so we felt like the thing to do...

..was to get down on his level and speak to him

in a language that he understands.

You know, personal insults. Yeah, exactly.

Those nipples aren't real.

You're sending this to protests around the world, aren't you?

Yes, wherever Trump goes, Trump baby will go too.

I think this is fantastic. Leo, everyone.

Give him a round of applause. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, let's see what that question's done to the scores.

Richard and Noel have 10,

in double digits.

David and Michelle have 17.

In the lead,

still Claudia and Mo with 19.

Join us after the break. But ladies and gentlemen,

one more hand, Leo and his baby Trump.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.

The next round is all about sport.

In May, Manchester City won the Premier League.

On their way to the title, Man City broke several records -

most points, biggest goal difference, and how little

I could give a fuck.

Serena Williams accused an umpire at the US Open of sexism,

although when he said 40-love,

it turns out that was the score.

He wasn't guessing her age and being patronising.

Time for some sports questions. Don't panic, they're easy.

First up, it wouldn't be The Big Fat Quiz

without the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School

performing one of their unconventional school plays.

Take a look.

# Lah lah lah, I'm singing my song,

# Lah lah lah, I'm singing my song. #

You are rubbish.

It's never coming home.

Ready, steady, go.

You are the winners.

THEY CHEER

It's coming home!

Oh, no, penalties.

You are the winners again.

THEY CHEER

It's definitely coming home!

Now you are the winners.

ALL: Oh, no!

It's not coming home.

I don't know if you follow British sports, Michelle,

but that was our summer.

OK, so that was the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School's

tribute to England's better-than-expected

World Cup campaign.

But can you remember who eventually knocked us out of the tournament?

Believe it or not, America didn't even make the World Cup.

Yeah, we never really make the World Series, so...

Staying on the World Cup, whose message of encouragement

to the England team after they beat Colombia

during the World Cup when viral?

Oh, Mo's got it.

Next up, I want to know why did social media users heap praise

on the Japanese supporters after each one of their World Cup matches?

I'm going to have a tiny nap.

I don't know.

A power nap during a sports round.

It doesn't seem unreasonable.

In November, Gary Anderson reached the quarterfinals

of the Grand Slam of darts.

Yeah? Now you're interested.

No.

But what was Gary Anderson forced to deny doing mid-match

after his opponent claimed it affected his performance?

It's ridiculous that he complained. Ridiculous.

Next, it's over to YouTuber and Strictly star Joe Sugg,

who has a question for you.

Hello, Jimmy.

Taking part in Strictly this year has been so exciting,

and being part of a live show every week has shown me

that everyone needs a lucky mascot at times.

Back in August, championship football team West Bromwich Albion

unveiled a new mascot to their supporters.

What was unusual about it?

So, a pretty easy question there for Michelle Wolf.

West Bromwich Albion - what was their new mascot?

What's West Bromwich Albion? I mean, it couldn't be easier.

What animal lives in that area?

Not an animal.

Think more household object.

So, there mascot was a household item?

Yeah.

In which room would you find it?

It's got its own little room. It's got its own little room?

A kid?

OK, here are some answers.

I asked you to England went out to in the World Cup.

Could you remember?

I watched it and I still couldn't.

I think Croatia. Is that right?

You can see at the top, Jimmy.

Oh, yeah, Croatia. We got it as well.

We got it. We got one right.

I see no tick, though.

Yeah, Michelle got that. I knew that one.

Points all round on that.

I asked you whose message of encouragement to the English team

during the World Cup when viral. Who did you think?

We wrote Nigel Farage.

OK. Mo? Ross Kemp.

And you've also got Ross Kemp.

OK, well, let's treat ourselves to a little look.

You will never know what that means to me.

That is everything.

Every thing!

We love you.

Boys, we f...

..love you.

Why are their daffodils in his back pocket?

That's a sunflower.

Sunflowers. All right, van Gogh.

That is so sinister.

"You don't know what that means to me!"

Do you think that's how he would propose as well?

You know, "You mean so much to me!"

"I got you daffodils.

"They didn't have them, I got sunflowers."

I wanted to know why social media had nothing but praise

for the Japanese supporters.

You just wrote Ross Kemp again. We just wrote Ross Kemp again.

I had no idea.

I don't know.

I just put, "They gave out Nintendos."

I mean, I guess they could have.

David and Michelle, what have you got?

What do you think it says?

"They furry soup from the...

"..hoist?"

Is that correct?

No... Because if that's correct, we'll take the point.

If not, I'll say what it actually says.

Which is?

"They sung songs from the shows."

No. OK.

He almost convinces you, though, like Obi-Wan.

He's like Alec Guinness.

He goes... AS ALEC GUINNESS: They sung songs from the shows, Jimmy.

"Yeah, that sounds plausible."

I can tell you, the Japanese fans in fact cleaned up the stadiums

after themselves. oh, wow.

They stuck around. There's a picture of them.

They brought their own bin bags.

I asked you if you knew what darts champion Gary Anderson denied doing

mid-match back in November.

Claudia Winkleman?

Farting.

Why are you so happy about this?

I'm so happy about it because,

of course, he needs to release.

Let it go. He's playing...

That's what the song from Frozen is about.

What do you think, Richard and Noel?

We put also that. Guff. Guff.

Defecate.

We wrote "Communist," for some reason.

No...

..that's "commit incest."

Oh, commit incest.

Did he commit incest?

Well, let's have a look.

We said fart.

This man did not defecate, and he's very clear on it

in the interview. Let's have a look.

Just spoke to Wesley.

Besides that he said you were a class player,

and you've led him alive in the first session,

he said that it was smelly on the stage.

I thought Wesley had farted on stage.

Did he?

Well, I think he thinks you did it.

You can put your finger up the arsehole

but you must smell the air.

I thought he had shit, and I went, "That's dirty."

It was bad. It was bad? It was bad.

And he thought it was you. Oh, no.

Hands up, swear on my kid's life, so help me God.

Nothing crossed.

But it was smelly anyway?

It was smelly.

Usually, if I fart on stage, I shit myself.

I mean, that's a professional sportsman right there.

I did like how he also said that if he would have farted,

he would have shit himself.

Like, this man can't fart.

Every time he's gone to fart, poop has just come out.

I don't think he's got the healthiest diet.

And that's how he proves his innocence.

All or nothing with me.

OK, lastly, Joe Sugg wanted to know what was unusual

about West Bromwich Albion's new mascot.

Richard, Noel, what have you got?

We've got giant otter.

I think we've written toast for some reason.

Toast rack. Toast rack.

And then we've got toilet blouse,

but I think that's supposed to be brush.

What do you think, Mo? Is it shower?

Well, you said it's got its own little room.

Could it be some sheets?

Or what else did we write?

As a mascot? What, some sheets as a mascot?

Imagine the meeting!

"What's the mascot going to be?

"Can it be some sheets?"

Michelle, David? Boiler.

Yeah, correct. It was a combi boiler.

Take a look. What?!

That's their new mascot. What?!

That is their mascot.

No, man, that can't be real. That is shit, you know.

That is proper shit.

So come on when they score, he goes running up the touchline

high-fiving everyone, as a boiler?

No, he heats everyone up gently.

So, points, points, no points.

It's time now to welcome our special guest.

It's the Great British Bake Off finalist, Kim-Joy.

Kim-Joy, everyone.

Hi, Kim-Joy. How are you? Thank you.

What have you brought for us, Kim-Joy?

I've done some meringues with all of you guys' faces on them,

or versions of your faces. Well, give people the meringues.

I mean, they're slightly too generous in size. That's for you.

I think I might be able to power through that.

So, that's you. Look at that.

It's a tiny, little... Look at that.

That's me on a meringue.

Noel, did you watch Bake Off?

CLAUDIA: This is so brilliant.

These are called kisses, you know that, right?

Aren't they? They are.

That's right, I'm on Bake Off, motherfuckers.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's two seasons - he's picked up a thing or two.

So, on Bake Off, when you've finished with the cakes

and the judges have a little bit, what happens to the cake?

The crew will eat it.

Yeah, because they know the ones which are the best ones,

they all descend on the bake.

Do you want a juicy bit of gossip, Jimmy? Oh, yeah.

Prue, occasionally, if there's any cakes left over,

she takes them home her pigs.

Really? For her pigs?

That's her pet name for me and Sandi.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

No, she genuinely has pigs. Bloody marvellous.

So, you've got a question for us. I do.

It's to do with food, right?

Yes, it is to do with food.

Is all right, go on, question away. Surprise.

So, now, it wouldn't be a series of Bake Off without

a few food disasters,

but whose food disaster back in February resulted in

calls to the police, people contacting their MPs,

and a public apology in the press?

This is not Bake Off-related?

Not Bake Off-related. It's to do with food.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yes.

I know. I don't know what it was.

OK, so, Richard and Noel?

KFC chicken shortage.

David and Michelle, what have you got?

KFC ran out of chicken.

Were you aware of this, Michelle?

That sounds like an American problem.

I thought this was quite a funny story, actually.

Because they had one company that had delivered all their chicken

for years and years, and another company that said,

"No, we can do it for less than that,"

and the first chicken company sort of laid off loads of staff,

and it was very sad and everything,

and then this other delivery company got nowhere close.

It was almost like they thought, "How much chicken do you need?"

"Will it be, like, one chicken per branch of KFC everyday?"

And it was just obviously, "Yeah, day one, there's a chicken.

"Super. Tell us when you need another."

"We need another 4,000 now. And then every other one."

And they said, "I can't believe it!

"It's just an unimaginable quantity of chicken we have to deliver

"to hundreds of places. Now!

"How the hell are we going to do that?

"We're used to doing parcels!"

"Chickens! Where do we get them?!"

It just... It just broke down immediately.

They turned up with five chickens, "That's your lot!"

"That's all Tesco's have got! Leave me alone!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

That is the most complete answer we've ever had.

OK, Claudia, Mo, did you get this?

Yeah, Mo got it.

"KFC ran out of chicken."

Yeah, KFC ran out of chicken. Yeah.

So, let's take a look at what that's done to the scores.

I can tell you is Richard and Noel are lucky to have 14.

David and Michelle have got 21.

Claudia and Mo still in the lead with 24.

We're going to take a quick break, but ladies and gentlemen,

give it up one more time - Kim-Joy! Thank you, Kim-Joy.

Thank you for coming on. Very nice to meet you.

Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year.

Our next round is all about people.

In January, Ukip were embroiled in a racist row... Wait, that's

actually a story from last year... and the year before, and next year.

Yeah, in January Ukip's leader's girlfriend texted racist remarks

about Meghan Markle.

She later tried to defend herself saying that some of her best friends

were also racist.

Time for some more Big Fat Questions.

OK, first up.

Over to Sheridan Smith, who has a question for you.

Hi, Jimmy!

So, I have a question for you guys, OK?

Billionaire Elon Musk in 2018 caused headlines all over the world.

He took his red Tesla Roadster out for a spin back in February,

but what was unusual about the trip?

His red Tesla Roadster.

OK.

He took his car out for a spin, why was that unusual?

All right, next.

What prompted footballer Peter Crouch to tweet

the following back in August?

And then a little picture of a fire.

Yes.

What did actor Mark Wahlberg put on Instagram in September

that was widely described as insane?

Yes!

I don't know this one.

In her book Full Disclosure, how did Stormy Daniels describe

Donald Trump's penis?

And I'm looking for the exact wording, the exact phrase,

the description of Donald Trump's penis.

What have you done?

Nothing.

Just the joy that naturally comes from thinking

about Donald Trump's penis.

OK, for our next question it's over to esteemed actor

Charles Dance, who's reading an extract from a celebrity book

released in 2018.

But who is the mystery author?

Over to you, Charles.

Chapter three, the psychology of a diva.

Another rule, clean knickers every day.

Most of you will read that and say, "Of course, what kind of girl

"do you think I am?"

But you'd be surprised.

You're in a hurry, you haven't done the washing, you're scrambling

around and find a pair under the bed.

Quick sniff.

Yep, they're OK.

No, unacceptable.

It's a slippery, unhygienic slope from there.

You cannot be a diva if you haven't got a clean gusset.

Every morning, I hear my mother in the back of my head saying,

"Do not leave the house with dirty knickers on." As if I would!

When I was little I used to ask her why.

"Because if anything happens to you,

you don't want dirty underwear on", she'd explain.

It's a lesson I've remembered all my life.

As well as my price tag paranoia, I also live in fear

of having an accident and been pulled from the wreckage

with torn clothes, only for the hunky fireman who's

just saved me, to look down with horror and say, "Jesus, love,

"you could have worn clean undies."

It's not Michelle Obama's one?

That's just come out.

It's sort of our equivalent of.

We can rule that out.

David Cameron?

No, David Cameron's actually famous for his skid marks.

I only know of one celebrity who wrote a book last year.

It's not that darts player, is it?

Guess that one.

All right so, time for some answers.

I asked you, what was unusual about Elon Musk's trip with his car?

Did it drive itself?

Did it drive itself?

It's an excellent answer,

it is 100% wrong.

Oh.

What did you get, Richard, Noel?

He was alone in the passenger's seat.

That sounds sad, somehow.

OK, drove itself alone in the passenger seat, no.

Michelle?

He sent it into space.

That is the right answer.

Here is a photo of the car.

He sent it into space on his SpaceX rocket.

People got so mad about it, they were like, it's a waste

of money but then you're like, I mean, weddings.

I asked you why footballer Peter Crouch sent a tweet that read...

What did you put?

Theresa May dancing.

Shall we treat ourselves to a lovely little look?

Oh!

You know when people use that phrase, "Oh, dance

"like there's nobody watching."

Yeah, that's what that looks like!

Don't do that.

She looks more like a puppet than you do.

I think the funniest thing about it, if you go back is, like, this guy

must be like her security chief and his face is like, "What the fuck

"are you doing, man?"

He's a right twat, look at him.

What was your answer, Noel, Richard?

Grimm's fairy tale.

OK, so you didn't write anything so just points there.

Well done, you. Well done, you.

Next, I asked you what Marky Mark put on Instagram in September

that was described as insane.

What was it?

His daily schedule.

His timetable, yeah.

Yeah, and what did you put Richard?

Daily routine. Daily routine, yeah, his daily work-out routine.

Yeah. Which is... We've got it here.

It's 2:30am, wake up, prayer time, breakfast, work-out, post work-out,

shower, golf, snack, cryo chamber, snack, family time, lunch, meetings,

pick-up, snack, work-out, shower, dinner, bedtime 7.30.

Look at 9.30.

Cryo chamber recovery, that's quite futuristic.

Then 10.30, snack.

It's so weird!

How does he play golf for half an hour?

Yeah, that's weird.

Why is he starting a work-out specifically at 3.40?

What a tool.

Breakfast, 3.15, 3.40, work-out, then a post work-out meal at 5.30

when everyone is presumably asleep.

Alone, by himself, what?

Eating a roast?

Imagine his kids get home from school and they have to have

a dinner with him because he goes to bed at 7.30.

That is ridiculous.

If he tightened up 8 to 11, he could take his kids to school.

Because he's just snacking and freezing himself

during that time.

He's crying in a chamber.

So, he could easily do the school...

"Oh, I'm sorry, can't do the school drop-off, I'm frozen.

"I'm frozen holding a Kit Kat."

Get in the car, Mark!

OK, points all-round on that one.

I wanted to know how Stormy Daniels described Donald Trump's penis?

I daren't look.

What have you gone for, Michelle?

We went with small and spotted.

We didn't know, we wrote Little Donald...

SHE GAGS

..and disappointing.

Mushroom, mushroom-like?

Mushroom-like is the right answer.

She described Donald Trump's penis as being like the mushroom character

from Mario Kart.

Charles Dance read an extract from a book by a celebrity.

Whose book?

Scary Spice.

Scary Spice, you've gone for.

Claudia, Mo?

It's not right but I read a segment of it and...

..she was the only person I could think of.

Sally Fields, the, I think Oscar-winning...

She's written an extraordinary book about her childhood...

And about having clean knickers on?

Sounds like an extraordinary book about someone's childhood.

I didn't really focus on it.

Richard, Noel? We put Lily Allen.

Lily Allen did have a book out, which was very good, but I'm afraid

it's not any of those.

Let's go back to Charles Dance for the answer.

That was an extract from

The GC: How To Be A Diva by Gemma Collins.

You ain't going to ever to get this candy.

Who is that?

Gemma Collins is on The Only Way Is Essex.

Do you know what I mean?

What? No, I was talking about the Gemma Collins meme.

Have you ever seen that? The Gemma Collins meme?

No. Yeah, people use it as like a meme.

So someone will write, like, "When everything's going wrong"

and Gemma Collin's just got like a drink, and she's like,

"I just want to be me. I'm not getting involved.

"Do you know what I mean? I'm here to enjoy meself."

You not seen that? No? No.

I like your Gemma Collins impression, what is it again?

"Oh, thanks, cheers."

Have you not seen this?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

AUDIENCE: Yeah. Yeah, it's like a popular thing for younger people.

OK, it's time now to welcome a special guest.

It's the Lord Mayor of Sheffield, Magid Magid.

Magid, very nice to have you.

You're welcome.

Now, this is some incredible bling you've got.

It is.

Made in 1857, solid gold.

Can I? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, check it.

Man, you're dripping, I love it.

Thank you.

Now, you became Lord Mayor of Sheffield this year?

Yes, this year in May.

OK, an incredible inauguration ceremony.

I believe you played two pieces of music at your inauguration?

Yes, I played two pieces of music.

So, the first one was...

I think we've got it cued up.

Yes, it was Superman.

That's how cool this guy is.

And then you actually got inaugurated?

Actually walked in, everyone stood up

and they played the Imperial March.

Sheffield's going places because of this guy.

You've got a question for us, what is your question?

Yes, so back in July, I announced that I was banning Donald Trump

from coming to Sheffield and described him as a wasteman.

But, in November, Donald Trump was unable to attend

a World War I memorial event in France.

Why?

What was the reason given?

You know, as mayor, do you drive around in one of them cars

with the flags around Sheffield?

I've got a driver who drives me around.

Do you wear the gold chain the whole time?

When I'm in bed, shower, everything.

Constantly, it doesn't come off.

Yeah, good on you.

OK, OK. Have you all got answers now?

OK, so reason given for Donald Trump not turning

up at a World War I Memorial?

Because it was raining, but then we wondered

if it was also traffic.

OK, and what did you go with, Claudia, Mo?

He said that it was bad weather, it was rain.

OK, and Richard, Noel?

He has no humanity, wind, and someone tried to put his penis

in a omelette.

OK, what was the answer, Magid?

So, the answer is, Trump failed to attend because of poor weather.

It was raining, so he didn't turn up to a World War I Memorial.

That guy is a wasteman.

Massive.

So, let's have a look and see what that's done to the scores.

Richard and Noel, hanging in there with 16.

David and Michelle, 24. Claudia and Mo, 27.

Join us after the break, and ladies and gentleman, a big hand

for our special guest, the Lord Mayor of Sheffield, Magid Magid.

CHEERING

Welcome back to the final part of The Big Fat Quiz Of 2018.

This next round is all about the talking points

and water cooler moments that defined 2018.

Kleenex announced it was no longer making man-sized tissues.

So great news, old sock, you're back in business.

LAUGHTER

Oh!

In October, a man tried to steal the Magna Carta

from Salisbury Cathedral, although to be fair, it's not even

the third worst thing to have happened in Salisbury this year.

LAUGHTER

OK. Final set of questions for you.

Why did CCTV footage of a suspected thief in Blackpool make headlines

around the world in October? Oh, yeah. Oh. Yep.

'K. Next up, it's over to the delightful Emma Willis,

who has a question for you.

Hi, Jimmy. My question's all about dancing.

One dance craze went viral this year

due to its inclusion in the game Fortnite,

and it was even banned in a UK school.

Can your teams remember what it was?

Pow. Do you get a point if you can do the dance?

You do get a point if you can do the dance. Yes!

If you can demonstrate the dance rather than writing it down... OK.

..I will accept that.

Why did an advert for a Mother's Day afternoon cream tea

cause controversy back in March? Nuh.

LAUGHTER

Also, who let the seagull in the room? Claudia,

you're talking in your sleep.

For our next question, it's over to Toff from Made In Chelsea.

Hi, Jimmy. Like most of us, I love a bargain.

But this year, one sale particularly caught my eye.

An iconic piece of art reportedly increased in value by 50% to 100%

within minutes of it selling at auction. Why?

Why? Mh-hm.

Oh, dear.

Piers Morgan attracted more criticism than usual this year

when he mocked Daniel Craig on Twitter using the hashtag

emasculated bond.

What was he criticising?

Yeah? Is that what it was?

All right. Time for some answers.

I want to know why the suspected robber in Blackpool made headlines

all around the world. What did you put?

He looked like David Schwimmer.

Ah, that was it! Yeah.

OK. Claudia, Mo?

Yep. Yeah. Schwimmer. Schwimmer.

And Richard, Noel? I just put, "Jimmy touches me".

LAUGHTER

CONTESTANTS CHUCKLE

OK, so points, points, no points.

And let's take a look at him. AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

That's... That's the suspected robber.

And then we've got...

LAUGHTER

David Schwimmer, I mean, God bless him, went and made a little film

in New York.

We met up for lunch, you know? Me and David.

When I went to New York this year.

I'm not 100% sure you did.

I think you might have met that other man in Blackpool.

LAUGHTER

No, no, seriously, seriously.

Cos he came on, he came on The Big Narstie Show.

And then I said to him, I was like,

"Look, I'm going to go to New York next week,"

and he was like... He's, like, such a nice guy and he's, like,

"Yeah, sure, like, when you come, like, we'll go for lunch."

And there was a part of me, I was just like,

"I'm not going to text him. He's not going to reply back".

And then, yeah, we just had lunch. Yeah, yeah, he's a really cool guy.

That's awesome. You've become friends with a Friend. Yeah.

OK. Emma Willis asked you what dance craze went viral this year.

A demo, please, Mo. Let me get this one.

# Mummy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,

# Mummy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,

# Mummy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,

# Mummy shark. #

I mean, that's your credibility gone, now.

Is that, is that what...? What's that called? The floss? The floss.

Yeah, flossing. Oh, flossing. It's the wrong area to floss.

I was going to demonstrate, but... What's...? You would have done

the same, wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah. Well, please.

I don't even know if I can do it. Well, let's...

Do it! I've never done it before.

Well, let's see. # Mummy shark, doo, doo

# Doo, doo, doo, doo # Mummy shark, doo, doo. #

What... What are you doing? No, no, don't stop. Don't ever stop doing...

You know, the flossing.

LAUGHTER

That went a little bit Theresa May at the end.

The whole time I was thinking, "I know why Theresa May did it."

Someone was like, "We'll give you points."

I think points, points, no points. Oh, man. What do you mean?

We got flossing. We got flossing. Oh, yeah. Hang on.

Points all around. You're just so in the habit of not giving us points.

I'm so surprised you got one right. That's just a...

LAUGHTER

OK. I asked you why an advert for a Mother's Day cream tea

caused controversy.

What have you got?

It featured incest.

LAUGHTER

We had a point. We were close, again.

What did you get, David, Michelle?

They look like boobs? AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

They look like boobs? Oh!

I mean, you need to see a doctor.

I mean right now. You need to go right now... Is that the advert?

..and see a doctor cos that's not how boobs...

I mean, however, whatever gets me out of here.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Uh, Claudia, Mo, I think you've got this.

I think there was a debate whether... what goes first,

cream or jam?

Uh, the offending picture reignited the debate between Cornwall

and Devon over whether the cream or jam should be on top.

All right, so Toff from Made In Chelsea wanted to know...

She wanted to know... She didn't want to know!

LAUGHTER

Sorry, Mo, are you aware that you're not watching this show,

you're on this show? Oh, sorry!

You're eating crisps, giggling away.

No, this is... You're in this.

It's been a right fucking laugh, I'm not going to lie.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Toff wanted to know why a piece of art increased in value

by at least 50% as the hammer dropped at auction.

What did you think?

Was that when the Banksy painting shredded?

That's the right answer. You've got it as well? Yep.

You've got it as well? Let's take a look.

And selling for 860,000.

BIDDERS CHEER

FRAME BEEPS

Yeah, if you could maybe get one of the technicians quickly over there.

Quite quickly, if you can...

CHATTER

Sorry, can I have your attention?

I mean, he's a genius. Dramatic. He's a genius.

OK. Well, I asked you why

Piers Morgan criticised Daniel Craig.

What did you put? Wore a papoose.

A little, a little baby carrier.

Well, that's exactly right.

Here's Daniel Craig wearing a little baby carrier.

OK. And... Claudia and Mo?

Baby carrier, we wrote. Near enough. OK, points all round.

Finally, it's time for the Big Fat Question,

and as a salute to the late, great Stan Lee,

we've got some very special guests to help ask it.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a very big welcome to Thor,

Black Widow, Spider-Man,

Black Panther and the Incredible Hulk.

CHEERING

Yes, I'm definitely starting to hallucinate now.

LAUGHTER

OK. These guys have all had a massive year at the box office.

Half the top ten grossing movies worldwide

had Marvel characters in them,

but how well do you know them all?

All I want you to do is write down their real name.

Oh, fucking hell!

LAUGHTER

OK, two points for each correct answer. Olaf...

We've got Thor, Black Widow, Spider-Man, Black Panther

and the Incredible Hulk. I want their real names.

The Doctor. So essentially you want the Clark Kent?

Yes. Superman is Clark Kent.

Yeah.

Can I have a chat with Hulk outside? No. You can't have a chat with him.

He can't talk. Look at him.

Hulk had... Banner. Banner.

LAUGHTER

Who is the sexy lady in the black outfit?

Don't stare me out with your boobs.

Make them jiggle.

CHEERING

I've just written down some names. I... Yeah.

Michelle's also done that.

We're ready to leave.

LAUGHTER

OK. Well, let's have a look and see what you've got.

So, what did you all put for Thor?

Theodore Roosevelt.

Theodore Roosevelt is not the right answer.

What did you put, Claudia, for Thor?

Thor.

I mean, you're pretty close.

Jake Olson? Jake Olson.

So, for Thor, this is a bit of a trick question,

he's actually called Thor. Or Thor Odinson. He is.

I'd also accept Dr Donald Blake.

So Thor's real name is Thor, or Thor... Hold on.

Why would you also accept Dr Donald Blake? That's insane.

His real name is Thor, but I would, because everything is fucking crazy,

also accept Dr Donald Blake.

Well, because... Will you accept Dr Donald Blake for all of them?

Jimmy, we've got Odin's son.

Yeah, I'll have that. Good.

Black Widow. What was Black Widow's real name?

Scarlett Johansson!

That is not the right answer and I happen to know you know that

that is not the answer I was looking for.

I've gone for Sam.

Sam? OK. Very close. Um... Oh! Richard, Noel?

We put Susan. Susan.

LAUGHTER

It's Natasha Romanoff. Natasha Romanoff? Close.

Spider-Man, did you all get this?

Peter Parker. Yes, this was easy.

Yes. Peter Parker. Peter Parker.

Everyone got that. Yeah.

OK, points all round on that. Black Panther.

Did you get Black Panther? Uh...

We've put David Davis.

LAUGHTER

He is wearing the costume this evening. Right.

That's what confused me.

I could tell that was David Davis.

LAUGHTER

We put Graham. Graham?

Ian T'Challa.

LAUGHTER

T'Challa? T'Challa, we've put.

That's the right answer. OK.

Susan T'Challa! No, Ian...

The Ian's on its own.

It's not with the T'Challa. No.

Well, what's the Ian doing?

That was a joke. Oh, OK.

Well, I suppose there should be one in the recording. And...

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

OK.

And the Incredible Hulk, did you all get this?

David Banner. Bruce Banner.

Oh, of course!

I've written Professor.

What did you say? David Banner. You...

He was David in the TV series.

He's Bruce Banner in the films, but we'll accept it.

So Bruce Banner, Bruce Banner, no Bruce Banner.

All right, so that's end of the quiz.

OK, let's have a look and see what that's done to the scores.

So in last place, and rightly so,

Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding, 27 points.

CHEERING

In second place, with a very respectable 32,

David Mitchell and Michelle Wolf.

But the winners, with 36 points,

Claudia Winkleman and Mo Gilligan. Yes! Yes!

CHEERING

I've got an award for them. You can go and take it over.

Yeah, yeah, go and take it over.

OK.

HULK SCREAMS

Look! No! LAUGHTER

Thanks to all our amazing panel, our superheroes,

and thank you for watching at home.

This has been The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year.

I've been Jimmy Carr. Goodnight.

HULK SCREAMS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media