Original subtitles

Morning. Oh, morning.

You off to work?

Yeah, big date station today.

Really? Yeah.

Bigger than the day that you interviewed the lady with an extra thumb?

Possibly.

Hopefully.

Well, just be careful.

Those people are crazy.

Not to worry. They're more real crazy than dangerous crazy.

Well, they have to be some kind of dangerous.

You've been there for six months, and you still haven't unpacked a thing.

You know, I kind of get tired of packing and unpacking, you know?

Well, maybe it's time for this cowboy to hang up the old spurs and the thick

shooter and settle down on this ranch.

Maybe I should.

Giddy up.

Let's see what's that.

No.

Give it to me.

Uh -huh.

in Cincinnati bringing you your daily dose of rock and roll radio. Jennifer

speaking.

Mm -hmm.

Hello, Mr. Carlson.

Oh, no, he's not available right now.

Where is he?

At the doctor.

And what is he doing there?

He's getting penile implants.

Yeah, sure, thanks.

Good morning, Mr. Carlson.

Call your mother when you get a chance.

Thank you, Jennifer. Could you please send Andy into my office when he gets

here? Sure thing, Mr. Carlson.

Good morning, Jennifer. How are you doing?

Well, there's something kind of big I need to get off my chest, Andy.

I can see that.

So tell me, what's been eating you out? I mean, eating at you, Jennifer.

Well, you know, I usually only answer three phone calls a day. Since this

contest, I've been doing, like, ten.

If this keeps up, I'm going to have to ask for a raise.

Understood, Jennifer. But, uh,

have no fear. The contest is over as of today.

The finals will be in shortly, and Johnny's going to decide who's won

two front row tickets to be super tramp tonight.

Gee, what a relief.

All that extra lifting? It's a strain on my body.

Yeah, a phone receiver can be a terribly heavy thing.

Good morning, Herb. You dropped your load.

Why don't you pick it up?

Andy, Mr. Carlson wants to see you in his office.

Morning,

Andy. Jennifer.

Oh, my God.

It's Howard Cosell.

Somehow you don't look quite as hip in person.

Hardy har har, Johnny.

In fact, it's, uh...

Match my belt.

That's all class, Steven.

You look like something the Grateful Dead left in Omaha.

It was Albuquerque.

Forget about me. I just ran out of drugs.

Johnny, shouldn't you be on the air?

It's Supertrap day today.

Supertrap.

Day. Today.

Oh, well, let's not forget about Supertrap and all they did to those

people. Then, to get shot.

Wait. It's Martin Luther King Jr.

Supertramp! Oh, the band. It's on records. Yeah, well, they just served a

holiday, too.

Johnny.

Hey. Just kidding. Just kidding.

I'll take care of the finalists right now.

I'm taking care of it. I'm getting prepped.

It's a good thing.

You got a new sponsor for this ad tonight.

You're paying mucho bucks for this.

Who is it, Herb?

Steve's used coffins, and his slogan is fantastic.

Don't worry, we've cleaned them out already.

Isn't that great?

Wonderful, Herb.

Best sales guy we have.

Hey, wait a minute, Andy. I'm the only sales guy.

Hello there, Cincinnati.

Venus Flatrap here to set the mood and insert his...

Big, meaty music deep inside your soul.

It's Super Trap Day here at WKRP, when it will be announced shortly upon the

return of Johnny Fever, who will hopefully be back in about 25 minutes or

Until then, here's a couple from the super group, Funky Ass Frankenstein.

sexy. Your voice is like hot chocolate mixed with butter and it's making me

hungry and turning me on, honey.

Let me ask you a question, baby. You ever flown up to Venus?

Because Venus is about to go down on you.

to see how fucking suave.

Like the tickle flamingo?

Yeah.

It's my pussy.

Yes.

Let's go.

That position feels so fucking good.

You look so good inside this little pink pussy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah? Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you're such a perfect fucking cunt.

Catch anything yet?

Just crabs and a phone call from Mama.

Reminds me of how she owns this station. If we don't turn a profit soon, she's

going to turn this into an all -new station.

Les would like that.

Les would like nothing better than the United States to dig up in Rihanna and

make McCarthy so he could protect us from the communist threat at home.

Les is a dingbat.

Les is the best newsman we've got.

Rock and roll is the best chance the station's got of making a profit.

I know, I know.

Is that true?

Yes, sir, Mr. Carlson.

You should call Mother up. Oh, dear.

Just let Mother know we've got everything here under control. Oh, my.

Let her know it's a super tramp competition.

We've got ourselves a real moneymaker on our hands.

Super tramp? That sounds explicit.

I promise you, it's going to penetrate our market share issues and enlarge our

revenues. That sounds really explicit.

You handle Mama, and I'll handle making WKRP profitable.

Hello, Mama.

I'd like to talk to you about us penetrating a super tramp and making

enlarged.

Yep, yep, yeah, no worries. We got you covered.

Okay, I gotta go.

Andy!

I got a new sale for today's contestant. Well, that's great, Herb. Who is it?

Geeko Cat Insurance.

We got your cat covered.

Except for fire, dogs, and Koreans.

Wonderful. It's like we never had a sales guy before you.

Wait a minute.

Wasn't a sales guy before me.

Hey, Andy.

How you doing, Bailey?

I'm great, Andy. How are you doing? I'm doing fantastic, thanks to you.

That ticket promotion giveaway I did, yours was brilliant.

Aw, shucks, Andy. It was nothing.

Nothing?

And Bailey, you're just too modest. Tell you what, that's the biggest promotion

we've had at WKRP since... Well, since we dropped those turkeys out of the

helicopter for Thanksgiving.

I would have guessed that turkeys can't fly.

A disaster there, but, you know, it was big, and that's the point.

Those poor turkeys, gobbling their way down to Earth.

Until, gobble, gobble.

Bailey, you're doing a good job.

I feel a certain promotion coming on for a junior employee.

Les?

Les?

Yes, who is it?

It's Andy, Les. Can I come in?

Andy? Of course you can.

So, what can I do for you, Andy?

Well, Les, I just wanted to come by and tell you what a great job you did with

the ticket promotion giveaway on the news.

I didn't see what any good newsman would do.

Report the news.

And that's why I may even get another Buckeye News Hawk Award.

Or maybe even a Silver Cow.

Or possibly a real office.

The point is, you did a great job. Now listen, could you help get those tickets

ready with Bailey for this afternoon's giveaway?

I sure can, Andy.

Well, that's great. Thank you very much, Les.

Oh.

Make sure not to burn yourself on those tickets now.

They are hot.

It was a joke, Les.

Oh.

Sure was. That was funny, Andy.

Oh, and Andy?

Yes? You will be replacing that door that you just walked through, right?

Yes, sir. In fact, I'll get the men's guy on it right now. I bet I can even

convince him to do it for free.

So, Bailey, what'd you do with the concert tickets?

I didn't see much.

No, Bailey, I never got concert tickets from you. That's why I just asked for

them now, so I could see where the musician...

Puffer T -Ramp is gonna perform.

So how's it hanging, Jennifer?

Standing, actually.

Can I take you out to dinner, beautiful?

I don't date a man who thinks plaid is a color.

How about a man who's about to be rich?

I'm about ready to get paid for those two big accounts.

Do you know how much steak I can buy you with that?

Herb, I only dine on Kobe beef.

You're more of a hamburger helper, cheeseburger macaroni casserole.

Meat is meat, Jennifer.

Ah, what the hell. I don't have anything better to do.

Wow.

Wanna fuck, baby?

Yeah, you wanna fuck me now? Mm -hmm.

Oh. Mm.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. So good right there.

Oh.

It feels really good.

Oh,

it's so good.

Oh, you have to... Oh, we've been in this state for a long time.

Oh, yeah.

She is so good.

I love it.

Yeah, why don't you get up here so I can fuckin' ride your cock. Yeah. Yeah, I

wanna ride.

Yes.

Yeah.

This is so good.

Yeah.

Fucking good.

I'm going to make you cum.

Oh my god, I want you to cum so bad.

I'm going to make you cum bad.

I want you to cum all over my

dirty little asshole.

Come all over me fucking ass.

Oh yeah, fuck. Oh my god, yeah.

Oh yeah, fucking cum all over me, baby.

Oh yeah.

Fucking cum so much.

Oh yeah.

Cum all over my fucking dirty little asshole.

You want me to come, baby? Yeah, baby, I want you to come.

Oh, yeah, I can feel it.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Wow.

What's so important?

Les and I really... Bailey lost the concert tickets.

What?

Bailey lost the concert tickets.

I'm shocked. Not deaf, Les. I was making sure I heard you correctly. Bailey,

what happened?

I don't know, Andy. I thought I gave the tickets to Les, but he didn't have

them. I'm so sorry.

It's okay, Bailey. We'll figure something out.

I told you those were some hot tickets.

Les, not now.

Fine.

As long as we have some time before the finalists get here, we should be able to

fix this.

Too late.

You must be our contest finalist. Yeah, we're here for the Super Train ticket.

How's the contest going to work?

Listen,

girls, I'd like you to meet Dr. Johnny Fever.

I'm going to take you to his DJ booth and explain all the contest rules to

Okay.

I need you to keep them occupied.

You want me to keep these two young, beautiful, excited girls occupied?

She's been kind of steady.

Beautiful.

Oh, hi.

Okay, Andy.

I'll do this one for you, but you owe me.

Ready?

Let me tell you about Johnny Pierce.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, what's happening, baby?

Hey, Venus.

What? Do me a favor.

Tell us what takes your medicine.

So am I.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yes, I need your help on this one.

I need you to go down to the stadium.

Someway, somehow, you gotta come up with two tickets to front row seats, baby.

Fine, but you owe me.

Yeah, I've heard that one a lot today.

Les, Bailey, listen, I need you to go through this entire office and see if

can find those tickets somewhere.

Okay. Got it.

Hello, baby. The doctor is in.

This is the Dr. Johnny Fever, and I got the prescription you've been looking

for. So act crass, say yes, give me some tucking head, kiss my sticks, and let

me slide into your velvet underground.

This is the day, the big day, the day you've been waiting for. This is Super

Tramp Day.

And I've got two hot young fathers for you for me to choose. Who has won the

front row tickets to see the one, the only, Super Tramp? So what do you have

say for yourselves?

Thank you.

All right, that's what I thought. Are you girls ready to rock and roll?

Yes!

You girls are a real scream. You know that?

Yes.

Okay, okay. All right. Contestant number one.

What's your name?

Um, Bianca.

Bianca, why do you think you deserve the super tramp ticket?

Well, because I really, really love them, and I myself am a total super

Oh, excuse me?

I'm a huge super tramp.

I just love the taste of it.

Big sucks.

Thank you, contestant number one.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

All right, let's talk to contestant number two. Contestant number two.

Contestant number two, what is your name?

Simone. Simone.

And I'm a bigger super tramp than her.

I'll demolish any cock that comes in my way.

Cock in the air?

I thought you were just saying booger.

Sorry, folks, I'm having some technical difficulties.

Now, while I decide which one of these girls to give it to, which girl I decide

to give the tickets to, I'm going to play some music to keep your eardrums

throbbing. This is the doctor.

And I've got some physical to do.

Okay, ladies.

Who wants to talk about this concert?

No,

we need to talk about something different.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

Let me see those tips.

Yeah, let me see those tips.

Oh, yeah, take them off.

Yeah.

Show Johnny.

Show Johnny Peters all that. Oh, yeah, you can flip them pants off, too.

Yeah, go ahead and flip them off.

Let's see who's the super tramp here.

I'll help you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's the concept.

Undress her. Yeah.

All right, take him home.

That's a dying life. Oh, yeah.

Where are you coming from?

Truly,

this is going to be a tough contest to judge.

You are a super champ.

Johnny likes it.

She's winning.

She's winning right now.

Fuck it up!

Come

on.

Up to the desk.

Give me that fucking cock.

That's what you want.

Fuck a fucking cock in my pussy.

I want it.

Give it to me.

How about you want it?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm fucking over with my fucking car. I'm fucking

kicking on my fucking car. Oh, my fucking God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Give her that big dick.

Johnny loves you, baby.

Where's Milo from, Johnny? Oh, yeah.

He's coming right back.

You fucking take my...

Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Fuck this.

Oh, yeah.

Almost there.

Almost there. One more time.

Yeah, one more. I'm running around. There you go. Stick it in. A couple

here. And back up.

Mother will be fuming mad when she finds out about this.

Yes, sir, I do believe she will. No tickets for a ticket giveaway?

When she gets angry, oh, she makes Stalin look like a heavily mustached

pussycat.

Maybe she won't find out. Oh, she will. She finds out about everything.

She found out about the mayor's interview fiasco. She found out about

promotion fiasco. The fiasco when we hired a dog to do a show. Oh, she'll

out. There's a lot of fiascos.

And those are just the ones lately.

Oh, yeah, she'll find out.

Well, if she finds out, I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and go over

there for myself and try to smooth things over with her.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're going to have to bite a lot more than that to smooth this

over.

I don't

see them anywhere.

Me either.

I think we should speak quietly, just in case it's a communist plot.

I read the KGB uses bugs now.

If we're quiet, we may hear the buzzing.

What? Could be the flies, the mosquitoes, the beetles.

Any bugs whatsoever.

Sneaky red.

Bless, I don't think it was the Russians. And I don't think those

even in this office anymore.

Did you check the filing cabinet?

No, not yet.

Yes, ma 'am.

Once again?

Sir.

I think I got something.

Me too.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Aha.

So that's my puppy.

Take that shit off my pussy, baby.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck yeah. Give me that cock.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, baby. Fuck that pussy, baby.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Oh,

no.

Just a little harder.

No. Oh.

Baby, I need your big hug inside me.

Nice and deep like that.

Thank you.

You're a bad little girl.

Oh, yeah, I have. Fuck yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. You like that? Yeah, baby, I like that.

Fucking beautiful.

You know I like it fucking hard and dirty.

Yeah, I know I do.

Dirty little whore that I am. Fucking dirty little whore.

See you there.

Yeah.

We cannot find them. Not even one of them.

One of what?

The tickets, of course.

Hey, baby.

Those girls are crazy.

I can only hold them off a bit longer.

Then one of you is going to have to find Johnny's dealer and tell him Johnny's

running late.

Hold them off from what?

From asking about those tickets, of course.

Has Mama called yet?

Anybody have any luck with those tickets?

No, no luck.

Not us, Andy. We tried.

Well, I could probably handle both of those problems if I get someone to come

the studio and make sure my jizz is flowing by 2 .30.

Now,

will someone please tell me what's going on?

Well, we can't find our front row tickets to Supertramp anywhere. We've

contest finalists waiting in the other room over there. Mother Carlson's going

to be calling any second now wanting to know what's going on.

That's what our problem is.

Why didn't you just say something?

Hi, it's Jennifer calling.

I miss you too.

How's the tour going?

I see.

Well, okay, so I know you're in Cincinnati. Do you think I could get two

row tickets for tonight's show?

Great. Do you think you could leave them at will call?

Perfect. Maybe I'll come by and see you later. Give you a little something, you

know.

Bye.

Voila. Like that? Just like that.

We have our ticket. You have your ticket.

What's everyone standing around for?

I'm glad you're all here. I got a big announcement to make.

I got a new sponsor for today's show.

Tony's Trumpet Emporium. Guess what you sold me?

Blow it, and you'll taste the difference.

Good, huh?

Huh, guys? Yeah, right.

What?

What?

I think I'm going to have to make you WKRP's senior sales manager.

Wait a minute.

I am the senior sales manager.

Andy!