Original subtitles

I'm gonna tease you a little bit.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

um um

No.

Ugh.

um um

You're going to come back, right?

Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'll be back.

I'll be back in a bit.

Michael, what are you doing in here?

I'm trying to get off again. Get out.

I know you've been watching me for years.

You should know by now I'm a chronic masturbator.

Michael,

what are you doing?

Have you ever done anything like this before?

I deal with six bucks all the time. But this is maximum security.

So, you'll be tied up.

Presumably.

That's good.

It's always better when they're tied down.

So, um...

Does this nuthouse have a history, you know, abuse, filth,

sexual transgressions, things of that nature?

First of all, this is an asylum, not a nuthouse. Second of all,

no smoking.

That's disappointing.

So, um, what do we give this guy?

Thorazine. And as much as you've got.

He won't be able to stand in front of the judge.

And he'll probably shit and piss all over himself.

That's what we want.

It's what we used last time.

He must not be allowed out into the world again.

Michael is the purest form of evil I have ever encountered.

Pure evil.

Undiluted.

Savage.

It's pith.

Smell of blood.

It's scrotum.

Wreath of the testicular odor of murder.

Well, that's just my type.

Are you sure that I can't at least lick his balls?

Do they usually look around like that? No, no, they don't. They don't. You stay

here.

I'll go investigate.

is gone.

The evil gone.

Lori, don't forget to drop off the keys at old Meyer's house.

Possible buyers.

I hate that place.

Okay.

Just be really quick.

Look, he couldn't have gone back to Haddonfield.

He's over a hundred miles away and he has irritable bowels.

He'd have to stop every five minutes to urinate.

Evil will do these things, my good doctor.

So you're saying a state trooper wouldn't notice some guy pulled over to

every five miles?

I doubt he'd stop.

So you're saying he'd piss all over himself while he's driving?

He could use a coffee cup.

The phallus is monstrous. You'd need a five -gallon bucket.

Evil will do these things.

It's in the hands of the law now. Let them do their job.

You don't understand.

He's going home to pursue his quest for pure,

concentrated evil.

Let it be, Loomis. Let the men with badges do their job.

He doesn't understand.

None of them understand.

He's gone home.

Evil has gone home.

Tell me more about this evil.

It gets on your skin.

And you wash.

And you wash.

And then you scrub.

And you scrub.

But you can't get it off.

And then it goes into your pores.

And it enters your blood system.

And then... mitosis.

It replicates itself.

Yes.

And as you enter mitosis, it simultaneously

migrates.

Down? Yes, down.

Down into the nether regions.

To the tentacles?

Yes, yes. Down into the genitalia.

And there, it mixes blood with semen.

Rivers of blood.

Rivers of semen.

Flowing.

Flowing.

The whore.

Oh, God, the whore.

Tell me, Doctor, does he masturbate daily?

Yes.

But what are we doing? We must stop him. No, we have to stop him.

Give me your penis. What?

Mmm. Oh, God.

Bite the shit out of those nipples, just like that.

Yeah.

Oh, get your fucking face deep in between them like that.

Fucking sit fucking deep like that with your bigger...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yes.

um oh

oh wow

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

That's it. Just like that. I can feel the evil rising.

It's rising.

Oh, that evil.

I must. I must.

I must.

I must.

Get out of here!

Excuse

me,

I don't know what came over me.

It's the evil.

It's the evil.

Excuse me.

I'll call you.

Do you always leave your women hanging?

Oh my God.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I don't know if I can have it over

I don't know what to

say.

Okay.

gotta pull a double shift. They caught him jacking off to Asian porn at his

computer at work.

He's being punished.

That's hot.

Why didn't he just buy a bitch? You guys could've had awesome three -way with

some chicky from Vietnam.

I don't know.

He's a fucking moron.

It's not like he doesn't have the money.

Dipshit. You know what he needs to do is ram me in the ass.

My asshole is craving cock so hard right now.

So, what are you doing for Halloween?

Tonight I'm reading this really good book.

Really?

Why don't you just become a fucking nun?

Seriously, when's the last time you got rammed?

Oh my god.

Are you serious?

You're a virgin?

Well... Get out!

Here I am pissed that Larry hasn't rammed my ass in a few days and you've

even had cock in your vagina before.

It's just never come up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen. Can Bob and I come over later tonight? My fucking born -again fucking

roommate is having some kiddie trick -or -treat party with the God Squad at my

house. Sure.

Hey, do you think Bob would fuck me in the ass? That would be cool.

I don't see why not. What about you, Lori?

You're going to be all alone.

Aren't you afraid of the boogeyman?

That's just a story.

I'm kidding.

Lighten up, sister.

Is there anyone living here now, Sheriff?

No.

Good, good.

There. See that window up there?

It would have been down here. You'd see her.

That's the room where it took place. That's where she was.

Okay. Now, why on God's green earth would he come back here? I mean, really,

why? It doesn't make any sense.

You don't understand the evil, Sheriff.

It's all about the evil.

The evil started here.

The evil must return here to be complete.

Well, there ain't nothing here.

You're insane.

You can't feel it.

Smell it.

It's filthy.

Stench. That odor of evil. It's in the air.

Smell, man. Smell it.

It's permeating from that building.

You don't understand the evil.

I've been studying this man, this evil, for 15 years now, and I know.

I know what it wants.

Okay. Now, pardon me for saying so, Doc, but you sound a little, um...

I'll just say this.

There's no need to get yourself all excited. But I am excited, and you

excited as well, because the evil, the living evil, is finally coming home, and

we finally... He had the chance to stop it.

And we're finally going to stop it.

Evil.

Evil all over here.

Oh, okay. Hey, okay, that's fine.

It's okay. That's good.

I'll put a few more troops, patrols into action.

And you stay here. And if he comes back, you call me, okay?

Yes. All right.

Yes, that's good, Sheriff. Thank you.

I'll stay here, and you go off with your men. All right, ma 'am. Patrol the

front, and I'll cover the rear.

So, have you read one out yet?

What?

You know, fuck yourself with your little fingers.

Come on, girlfriend.

No, I was reading King Arthur.

King Arthur?

Oh, my God, you're so hopeless.

Well, anyway, if you want to come over later, Linda said that Bob would fuck

you. You know, to break you in.

Annie! What?

I'm totally serious, he will.

He's got a great cock, and he can last for hours.

He should be a porn star or something.

No, Annie, I'm not going to come over.

Alright, you're lost.

But remember, it's Halloween night.

If the boogeyman shows up, you should give him a blowjob.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay, bye.

Lester! Shut up!

Stop barking!

Damn mutt.

You're fucking scaring me.

I thought you were doing a double.

Listen, asshole.

No more downloading that Asian porn at work, you hear me?

Next time just call me and we can go trolling Fifth Avenue for a Filipino.

Why are you just standing there?

I see.

You just want to stand there and watch?

Okay.

Then I want some anal sex.

You know, Larry, you look kind of creepy just standing there like that.

All right.

Fucking Halloween.

Okay.

Give me an idea.

Ready?

Like this?

All right.

All right.

Give me your... Cock, you fucking monster.

Alright, Larry.

You can't be a fucking bitch. You ready?

I'm chugging a fucking car.

I have to go to bed early.

on that fucking pussy.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck you, you fucking psychopath.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, you'll make me take it.

fucking pussy.

Fuck me for two days. My ass is so fucking tight.

Oh, yeah

Fucking butt stuck in your dick.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, I know you like it.

Oh, yeah, just like that.

Oh.

Oh.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, pop your dick in and out of my ass. You know I like that

thing. Oh, yeah, I want to feel the fucking head of your dick just rip my

I thought there were virgins in King Arthur.

Sucks.

What are you doing?

Probably having an orgy.

Where is she?

Who cares? She can join us later.

You don't need to breathe.

I'm going to kill you with my pussy.

You know? Yeah? Yeah?

Oh,

fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, baby. Like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

I'll be able to get hard again in three minutes

You dork. Get over here and fuck me again.

Annie?

Linda?

You guys, no messing around.

Okay, you guys can fuck me if you want.

I'm ready.

Yes. As a matter of fact, it was.

If nowhere to be found, the evil is gone.

Are you sure the evil's gone?

Yes, I just said that. The evil is gone now.

Oh, it's okay if I take a shower now?

You're filthy.

Yes, please do.

Are you sure the boogeyman is gone for real?

Repeat after me. The boogeyman is gone

now.

Altogether, the boogeyman is gone now.

Okay?

What now?

I think I'll take that shower now.

Good. By all means. Yes. Yes.

The evil is not the only thing smelling in here now.

Okay, wait. Will you please stay with me? I don't want to be alone.

My darling, listen to me very carefully.

As much as I would love to stay here with you, I can't.

There's evil out there.

It's fine.

It can destroy you.

Stop. You go on.

I'll stay.

There's plenty of evil out there for you to fight.

Yes, yes, you're right.

The evil's out there. I can feel it.

I can smell it.

I'm not dirty anymore.

Is Eva still gone?

Um, yeah, yeah, she's not come back.

Then it's safe?

Mm -hmm.

But ma 'am, you should... Sheriff, I just need you to protect me.

You sure are beautiful.

The evil is back.

The evil is back.

Daily eyes to die for right into the wind.

Good. Start to pull them down a bit.

Good.

Good. One, two, three. And a little lower.

Lower.

Okay, hold that for two more. And one, two, three.

One more. One, two, three.

Hit pull them off completely for a couple, and we'll call it a day.

Do you like that little guy? It's okay. It's weird because it's wide.

It's better that way.

I don't think so. There you go.

Okay. Super sexy.

Legs together for now. It's good. One, two, three. Good.

Nice smile.

Nice, nice, nice.

Legs wider apart now. Really sassy with this.

Kind of almost attitude.

That's it.

Good. One, two, three. Good.

Have a seat on the bed.

Legs kind of open, so it's kind of hardcore -ish.

Good.

Okay.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Hand up to your mouth.

One, two, three.

One, two, three. Look over this way.

You're posing for boyfriend.

Good. Okay, close back on.

All right.

And I'll get a little bit lazier on the soft core, so I'll sit.

I'll end up sitting on the Apple box a lot.

When it comes to soft core, I'm a lazy director.

Just get the seat over here. In fact, pull a sofa up. Just operate from

a sofa.

All right, guys.

It's all fun.

It's all about the hard core.

Okay.

We're ready whenever you want. There's the apple box I'm getting.

Can I sit on it?

No.

All right, you get in there and suffer.

Stop talking to me.

Okay, so you're already laid back.

He's already throwing you down. Okay. All right.

That's some great soft core acting right there. All right, and action.

I just died.

Mike Myers killed me. So tell us what it was like being killed by Mike Myers.

Terrifying.

He ruined my masturbation session. What the hell's up with that?

So you were masturbating and he interrupted your session?

Yeah, he did. I was trying to get off again.

Dane did a pretty good job, but, you know,

it was always room for round two.

So which was funner to shoot today, the sex scene or the kill scene? The kill

scene was fun, only because I don't get to do it as often.

I don't know how to do it.

Here, I'll do one on my iPhone, too. Okay.

You just have to hit the center button.

Do it, guys, do it, do it.

Cool. I'll do one more. I'll tweet it for you. Are you cool to talk to us on

Twitter? Yeah, of course.

She does not look like... I don't look like high school.

You could.

How old are you?

I'll be 31.

I'll be 32 next month. You have 41.

Okay. I don't care. No, no, no, no. I'm not a high school age. Hi. You look

great.

Stop. We actually changed it to where it's more college -y, not high school.

Because obviously high school... No, we were talking about a different thing.

Oh, okay.

Easy A. Easy A, because she said that I would be a good Emma Stone character.

But I feel like I'm old.

But I am pretty funny.

Any pants away to Chanel's boobs.

Doesn't Emma Stone look like she's 12? Is that the same? No. You know who she

looks like is Jaden Cole.

Jaden Cole would be Emma Stone.

I don't know.

Well, whatever. I'm casting the movie. I'm taking over.

This movie's shut down. We're making an Easy A parody.

Get Jaden Cole here.

Hilarious. No,

I don't mind.

It's not that I think it's gross. It's more like when you're sucking on them,

gets stuck in your teeth.

See, I like it if the guy's like fuzzy. But I like him fuzzy here.

Yeah, but it's like he's in here.

I like to suck the dick as far as I can and then also try to suck the ball.

Yes. But I can usually only get one.

I've been doing that lately, too. It depends on the girth of the dick.

More than the length. I can take length, but sometimes girth. too much. No,

you're right.

See?

There's 3D, man.

It's not always the length that matters. It's the girth, too.

Sometimes I prefer a pencil cock.

Number two pencil.

Take it all the way and lick the balls at the same time very timely. So I'm

gonna cheat and I pull the ball. Yeah I've gotten much better at deep

I'm getting good at it. I can do it drunk.

Like when you're relaxed?

Yeah, I like this kind of thing.

That's how I got into it. Really?

Anal sex.

You know, I was watching Nip Tuck. You know that show?

Fucking awesome.

I'm just numbing my throat. You get better every day.

Get out.

Here I am, because Larry hasn't ran my ass in a few days, and you haven't even

had dick in your vagina yet?

Shit.

It's never come up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can Bob and I come over later? My fucking born -again

roommate is having some fucking kitty -trigger -treat party with a God squad

my house tonight.

We do.

Sure. Do you think Bob would fuck me in the ass?

That'd be cool.

I don't see why not.

Are you sure, Lori? You're going to be all alone.

What if the boogeyman comes to get you?

Aren't you afraid of the boogeyman? I'm sorry.

That's just a story.

I'm kidding.

Lighten up, sister.

What scene is up next?

I want to go throw some beer cans outside and then have sex.

And then get killed.

Yeah.

It's a good day. It's a good day. At least I'm having sex first.

Although the thought of getting fucked lifeless is kind of hot.

Right? Yeah.

Pens are dying.

They're dying.

Well, this isn't going to be about killing.

They're dead.

Like how dead?

Like this dead?

I'm joking.

That's so funny.

Thank you. I'm just talking.

I went on like this.

I can't work like this.

Do you want a raise?

Do you want a raise?

I'm going on some tour complaining about it and trying to charge a lot of money

for tickets.

No, I tried that one. You're still half naked.

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now? Wait.

It sounds like nipple.

Does it sound like the ocean? It can. It's still coming over you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely.

Definitely.

I'm trying to untie the flexi belt to butt hump me.

I'm scared.

Not working.

What happened, babe?

Just let your... Just let your...

So. Beat that.

Is there anyone you unfucked?

Chris Slater. No.

Oh, and Christy.

But her freak flag isn't flying high enough yet, so maybe she steps up her

Stop screaming.

Stop screaming when I'm trying to penetrate you, and maybe we'll get

done around here.

We're just doing pictures on that, right?

On that couch.

Two of you slide over to this side of this couch, and we'll get going.

There's no setup, really. She's got the blindfold on, and she's already going

down. Do you need help? Do you want me to tie it for you? I can do it. Okay,

you do it? Let me see.

I'm watching you. Let me see. Oh, boy, that's tough.

I was a Girl Scout, so I'm very familiar with knots.

And... Knots.

Knots. Outdoor cooking.

Survivalism.

and birds.

Identify what's in Mark Wood's pants.

Oh, that's a chowder snake for sure.

I'm in a chowder right now with my bandana on. You are?

Hey! How are you?

How are you?

Let's see.

We're looking at how tan Mark Wood is.

Let's see how tan he is. Look.

Damn, he did get a tan. Look at that.

You've got to stop putting all that sunscreen on your face, dude.

Yeah. She doesn't want to get wrinkles on the face.

His hair is shedding everywhere. You guys get situated. I don't need a

transition. So when you're ready, you do your thing and I'll start. Oh, I'd love

some lube. That would be so. Where does that lube go? Where does your little

lube go? Do you know where it went?

Mm -hmm. Okay.

Can we go this way? I'm going to fix your hair. We need to go this way.

shedding. Sorry.

I'm falling over. Okay.

I think I have vertigo right now. Okay.

I just, I always wanted to do this to Mark Wood.

Hey, what about me?

What do you have going on in there?

Let me see.

That's nice.

Wait, where's Mark Wood's hair?

No, no, no.

No fiberglass in my butt.

What does that hair even mean?

I'll allow that. We were actually showing sex.

The boogeyman is gone.

I have a prescription for ADHD.

You need it.

Okay. I think I'll take that shower now.

Please. No, wait.

Will you stay? I don't want to be alone.

Just behave.

I have to find more evil. There's more evil out there.

I could smell it.

It's either the evil or it's her.

I could smell it.

Keep going, Doc. I'll stay behind. There's plenty of evil out there.

Thank you.

Are you sure?

Guys, we have to... Okay, roll audio.

I don't know what it says.

I got 21.

Thank you.

21 what?

Roll audio.

Scene 21, take 1.

Okay. One last time.

Give me more. When you click it on, move the remote closer to you like this.

Click it on. Not quite so far. Oh, okay.

Closer to you. And when you watch it, like really watch it, like try to love

this piece of garbage. Okay.

I need to see your eyes really reacting. Okay. What you did this last time is

you kind of like looked down a little bit and you were looking kind of just

tunnel vision on this. Like you cannot believe what a bunch of... Okay.

pile of shit this thing is and why it's on fiction on broadcast television.

When you set this down, say it.

I'm trying to pick up your voice and then it drops.

comes up and attacks her, grabs her keys.

Now, where is she going to have keys? Because she doesn't even have pockets.

She'll have them in her hand. And then the other one you're holding, the

cigarette's already lit.

Yeah, I can do that. Yeah, the cigarette's better than the cigar, of

Because you just never know.

One, two, three.

Good.

One, two, three.

Good.

One, two, three.

Good.

One, two, three.

Good.

One, two, three.

Good.

One, two, three.

Nice. And one more.

One, two, that's it. If you will still. One, two, three.

Good. Okay. Good.

One, two, three.

Good.

One, two, three. Good.

Don't squat quite so much. Stay more up.

One, two, three. Eyes to camera.

One, two, three.

Good. One, two, three.

Good. Okay.

Cool. All right.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir. James to the rescue.

Dr. Loomis. Thank you.

Okay.

You wouldn't interrupt us if they're done and she's walking back to go to the

room. That sounds like a good thing. So remember not to pop on. Yeah, that could

be accurate.

Stand right there if you want to the whole time. It doesn't matter to me.

important. You do what you got to do. As long as you're nice and quiet while

we're doing this part, that's all.

Fuck it out.

Fuck it out.

Oh, just trade on the evil out of me.

What the fuck?

That was great. Okay, what we have to do, because that was super. When you

doing the crazy bouncing, that was a riot.

Okay, we're going to work it out now to the fake. Well, I was also going, you're

knocking that out of my head. No, but I was doing it. I was adding it in myself,

and I was going cross -eyed.

It was good. Yeah, I was there for it.

Okay, so what we're going to do now is I want approximately two -minute build

-up to your final conclusion.

Go ahead and conclude. Mark, be ready for me to cue you.