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Oh, I'm sorry.

I love those.

In fact when I was a boy,

I got a box of those for Christmas.

You would have thought I got a new bicycle or something.

But no, this is a box of cereal, which, if I'm honest,

was actually pretty great.

I'm just getting groceries.

We've got that in common.

I haven't been ignoring you.

It's okay. You can ignore me.

And there's no need to apologize.

Just call or come by the church if you ever wanna talk again.

No rush.

Have you, um, been out to see him yet?

No.

You should do that.

Is he doing okay?

Yeah, I think so.

You might wanna be more concerned.

I am concerned.

I mean, he's up there without any family

- among strangers and... - Eric killed those boys.

- I... I know. - He shot them.

You should

try and think beyond what happened.

Begin thinking about what comes next.

Okay.

I should, uh...

I'm getting taco stuff for myself.

Taco Tuesday.

Let's talk soon. All right?

Okay.

-Hi. - Hi.

Do you need some help with the groceries?

- No. -Okay.

Hey, I was talking with Lisa Graff,

and she wanted to know if we wanna come

by their house over the weekend

for, uh, dinner, maybe.

I don't think I'm up for that just yet.

No? Okay.

Well, I'll let her know tonight.

What's tonight?

Prayer group...

- at Redeemer.

She's picking me up.

Oh, she's outside.

Um, we're... we're gonna stop by Sizzling Ann's

for something to eat beforehand.

Do you wanna join? Get out of the house?

I was just out of the house.

So, no?

No, thank you.

Did... did you want a neck massage?

No.

Oh, Lisa must be in a hurry.

Um...

I'll see you later.

Hi.

When tending the hive, it's best to approach the hive

from behind or from the sides.

Choosing to meet the hive head-on

is something to avoid

since bees enter and exit via the front.

This mistake can also send an alarm of danger to the hive,

which will trigger throughout, causing every bee to react.

If one finds

they can only approach from the front,

all protection is advised

and the hive must not be jostled.

Great care should be taken for the hive to stay calm

during any sort of upheaval.

teenage girl: Yeah, it's probably good.

- What? Yeah.

teenage girl: Which one are you guys

is bringing the beer?

teenage boy 1: I can get it. Right down there.

Yeah, I have my ID, my fake one.

- Oh, you do? - Yeah!

- Oh, that's great. - Let's do it.

teenage girl: Where are we gonna go?

teenage boy 2: We can go to my place.

teenage girl: Are your parents out of town?

teenage boy 2: No, my mom's not home.

For how long?

What?

Janice?

Hi, Sheila.

You clocking in today?

Yeah, I thought it was time I got out of the house.

You sure?

I just thought you told me you'd call first.

I've, uh... I've switched some folks around

since your last day at work.

But yeah, if you want, I can put you out on the floor.

- Great. -Okay.

Just give me a second, I'll... I'll figure it out.

customer: Hey. Oh, excuse me.

Could you help me with something?

Sure.

customer: Hey.

I'm sorry. Uh, let me call someone

who works in this department.

customer: I just had a quick question.

Okay.

Which one of these would you recommend?

Which?

- customer: Yeah. -For what?

Well, you know, whatever.

I'm sorry, I really don't know.

- customer: You don't know? - No, I don't.

customer: Okay.

- What about that one? - I don't have a key.

So, if you wanna see something,

I'm gonna have to call someone else to help you.

I don't want someone else to help. I want you to help.

I don't have keys!

- You work here, don't you? - What are you doing?

I mean, can you help me or not?

Hello, sir. Uh, what... what did you need?

- Candles.

Follow me.

Trying to hypnotize your lunch?

- Oh, Lisa. Hi, hi.

I was just stretching my legs.

It's a nice walk over here from Human Resources.

Yeah, yeah.

That was a good prayer meeting at Redeemer the other night,

- huh? - Hmm.

I just could feel the spirit of the Lord

as soon as we walked in for worship.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's a good group of people, isn't it?

Oh, it... it... it really is. It really is.

Ben Estes, though.

- He's a little over-the-top...

- ...isn't he?

- I don't know. - I mean, Ben adores his coffee,

but he was bouncing off the walls.

- A little bit.

- Like hallelujah's everywhere. - Yeah. Yeah.

But everybody has their vices, though, right?

Yeah, well, I... I guess so.

- Hmm. - Oh, yeah.

- Hmm. - Hmm.

So, did you get a chance to bring up Pastor Verne's

suggestion to Janice?

Uh, not yet. Not yet.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Pastor Verne's a little anxious, you know?

- And rightly so, with all of... - Yeah.

- ...the lingering emotions. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, of course.

So, could I give him a message...

- or some kind of like... - Mm.

- ...an update, maybe? - Mm-hmm.

Uh, yeah. Uh...

Um, I... I'll talk to Janice tonight.

Yeah. We'll see what she says.

Good.

Yeah. Okay.

- Good. - All right.

Great. Thanks.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Hmm.

This is probably entirely inappropriate for work,

but I'm the human resources manager, so I make the rules.

And also, Jesus loves hugs.

Hugs are nice.

- They are. - Hmm.

A few years ago,

there was a man in our congregation

who told me he couldn't leave his house.

He was scared of plants or clouds or something.

But after a while, and after some work on himself,

he convinced himself to go outside.

Oh.

What I'm saying is,

you need to give yourself enough time to heal.

I just wanna understand why I'm feeling

the way that I'm feeling.

I'm not gonna tell you how you should be feeling.

Well, you're feeling the need to see what steps you need

to take in order to feel better.

Maybe we should talk about my suggestion.

I'm very serious about it.

And I've spoken to the principal of the high school

and a number of counselors. And...

I think if we're gonna do this, we should do it right

and we should do it soon.

We don't want these wounds to get infected.

And by that I mean...

we all need to heal.

I just don't know if I'm ready yet.

How could you be ready?

Being ready implies

that you'd be prepared for the outcome.

Maybe you could talk to Ron, see what he says.

I know he hasn't been attending services here for a while.

But I don't want to lose touch with Ron or his feelings.

And I don't want Ron to feel

like I don't think what he thinks isn't important

just 'cause he's over at Redeemer.

- Okay. -It's just...

there's more than just you involved.

There's also three other mothers,

including two of the mothers who are members of this church.

I don't mean to sound confused.

You don't sound confused.

I'm just not sure I'm making any sense.

You... you just said the same thing twice,

that you think you sound confusing

and you think you're not making any sense.

Wh... Which is fine.

You can say the same thing twice,

or three times,

or however many times you wanna say it.

Saying things is why we're talking.

And this meeting I'm talking about

would also be a great place for you to do the same thing.

It's something that will help you

figure everything out.

It really will.

- I promise.

I was watching television.

You said you were gonna help me with the laundry.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Are these my old ones from the bottom drawer?

Yeah, I'm gonna box 'em up with some shirts

I got from Eric's room.

You... you went in his room?

Oh.

Okay.

I had a pop.

When I was at Redeemer the other night with Lisa Graff,

I talked to Bill Verne and his wife.

And a few other people.

Laura Gates was there.

We did a laying of hands. We prayed.

I think I'm really starting to understand more

about the Lord's path for me every day.

What are you understanding?

More about the Lord's path.

Wh... What exactly are you understanding

about the Lord's path?

Stuff...

about my life.

I wake up every morning and I put Jesus in my heart.

And I know that I can lay down my burdens

and He will carry them for me.

Do you have any more old clothes you want me to put out back?

I don't think so.

Will you check the closet?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, you know, um...

when... when, uh, Lisa Graff and I were at Sizzling Ann's

before last night's meeting,

there was this man at... at another table

who was listening to... to music on his headphones.

And he had it

- turned up so loud...

...that everyone in the restaurant

could hear him.

And... and... and Lisa, she...

she covered her ears, like... like she was in pain.

Like the man's music was causing her

to actually receive pain.

And I... I told Lisa that the man was almost done

with his hamburger.

And then I... I leaned toward her...

and I held her.

I shut my eyes...

and prayed.

I prayed

for the man to leave.

I asked God

to make the man's music stop,

make him go away.

Just shut everything out of my mind and prayed.

And then I opened my eyes...

- ...the man was gone.

Afterwards, Lisa said, "Anything can happen

with the grace of the Lord.

Through trial, you achieve grace."

A man listening to loud music at Sizzling Ann's

isn't much of a trial.

Well, anything can be a trial.

It... it doesn't have to be something horrible

- to be a trial. - Jesus isn't your bodyguard.

He doesn't exist to protect you and Lisa Graff

from annoying, loud music.

But through trial...

you achieve grace.

I talked to Pastor Calhan today.

Okay.

He wants me to meet with the other mothers.

Well, uh... Maybe, um,

you should talk to Bill Verne over at Redeemer instead.

You see, he told me he wants to meet with the mothers, too.

And it... it would be a much better meeting with Bill.

So, I...

Well, I... I think you should do that one instead.

Don't you?

Oh. Sorry.

It's a little cramped in here, isn't it?

When I first came to First Presbyterian,

I had a difficult time finding even a place for my trash can.

But... I don't know.

I like it.

It's cramped but it's comfortable.

I really appreciate you coming in today, though.

It says something. You doing that.

Have you ever played, uh, Ungame?

The Ungame game?

Um, it's a... it's a card game,

um...

where you can learn a lot about yourself.

It's a learning game.

I don't have the actual Ungame,

but I wrote down how it goes.

I just use regular cards. It's basically the same thing.

It's like a trick.

A trick that teaches.

Don't touch the cards. Oh.

Um...

Oh, okay.

Uh. Hmm. Please, go ahead and reveal your first card.

Hmm. Five of diamonds.

Okay, five of diamonds. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Describe

how you put on your shoes and socks in the morning.

I should answer that?

Yes.

Describe how you put on your shoes and socks

in the morning.

I put on my socks and then I put on my shoes.

Mm-hmm.

Do you sit down?

Yes.

Where?

On a chair, or I sit on the bed.

Hmm.

And is it right foot and then left,

or the other way around?

Uh, I guess right.

But not always the right, though.

- No. - Hmm!

Hmm.

Ten of clubs.

Clubbety, club, club, club. Ah, ten of clubs.

Ah. Describe your significant other's

hair color in detail.

Hmm.

Okay, that's more of a couple's card.

Let's do this one.

Ten of hearts. Ten of hearts, ten of hearts, ten of hearts.

So many tens.

Ten of hearts. Okay.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tell the group about your favorite vacation.

There's no group, so you can just tell me instead.

Vacation.

Favorite vacation.

Close your eyes.

Imagine it.

Imagine it

and tell me what you see.

When Eric was seven, we took a trip to Leech Lake

- in Minnesota.

Leech Lake was the name of the lake?

Yes.

Okay.

What was there to do at Leech Lake?

We brought a tent, and we went fishing.

We'd take walks through the woods,

searching for things.

That must have been nice.

On one of our walks, we came across this...

giant mushroom.

It looked like a little table.

It was cut, so it had a puddle of water in it.

I bet you didn't go swimming, though.

We did go swimming.

Weren't there leeches in the lake?

They were little.

You could get 'em off with salt.

Eric had some between his toes.

Eric was bleeding?

The leeches were attached to him.

- He bled just a little. - So, he was bleeding?

Why are you asking me that?

I'm just trying to help you better imagine your vacation.

What does him bleeding have to do

with me imagining my vacation?

I'm sorry. I've made you angry.

- I'm not angry! -I'm sorry. I know, I know!

I'm not!

I don't wanna play this card game anymore.

- Maggie said you were here. - Oh, Pastor. I hope it's okay.

Popping over on your lunch break?

- Yeah, yeah, just for a minute.

Have a seat. What can I do you for?

Uh, well, um...

Uh, first, I... I would just like to thank you.

Thank me for?

For your guidance.

Look up a pastor's job description,

and the word "guidance" is the first thing you'll see.

Well... Still, though, it, um...

It means a lot to me.

So, thank you.

- You're welcome, Ron. But...

That can't be the only reason you came all the way down here.

- What else is on your mind?

Well, um, honestly, I... I...

I came down to say...

or to tell you...

yes.

"Yes"?

To your meeting...

with the mothers.

You say yes?

Yes. I say yes.

Yeah.

So, you talked it over with your wife,

and she says yes?

I will,

and she will say yes.

But I... I came down

to let you know that I do say yes.

Good.

Good.

Okay. Well...

Wonderful!

-That's great!

- Thank you for telling me. - No, thank you, Pastor.

Thank you.

Ron, I do need to get back

- to a few things. - Oh, sorry. Sorry.

- Of course. - No, no, no. Uh...

No worries, but...

If you don't mind, let me give you a little...

additional guidance.

Yeah.

You need to let your wife know her place in all this.

- Okay. - In the Bible,

1 Timothy says...

"Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness

and not exercise authority over man.

For if a man cannot manage his own household,

how will he ever care for God's church?"

Understand?

Yeah.

I think so.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- I think so. - Good!

- Good. Okay. - Okay.

Well...

I got to get back to it. Churches don't keep themselves

- open, do they? I suppose not.

Uh, you stay here as long as you want.

There's fresh coffee out here, too.

It's pretty good!

-Thank you again, Pastor. -Yeah.

-See you tomorrow.

Why are you sitting here in the dark?

That's better.

I wanted to talk to you.

All right.

I made a decision.

What about?

I'm going to the meeting Steve Calhan is setting up

with the mothers.

- You are? -Yes.

You just decided right now?

What about the meeting with Bill Verne at Redeemer?

I made my decision.

You know...

those other mothers...

they're just waiting to judge you.

But the Lord...

He's the only one who can judge.

And the only thing you should do is leave yourself open

- to healing and praying. - Oh, stop it!

- Stop what? - Stop talking to me like that!

I'm not in Sunday school! I'm not a child!

I don't think you understand.

I understand more than you think I do.

I don't think you know what you think.

Do you think I'm stupid?

- Jesus knows the bad things... - Oh!

...Eric did. Jesus wants Eric to ask for forgiveness.

Now, the Bible is filled with stories of people

who were unclean that Jesus lifted up

and made clean again.

And then Eric can enter the kingdom of heaven.

When he dies!

All it takes is time, and prayer,

and a group of loving individuals.

Eric took a shotgun and a handgun to school

and he shot those three boys!

Jesus was with him.

And then Eric left school, and he came here,

and he watched television on the couch!

Jesus was with him then, too.

Jesus was with Eric watching television?

- Jesus is with him always. - Oh, Jesus is everywhere!

I refuse to let you go to that meeting

with Steve Calhan.

Get out of my way.

You're going to the meeting at Redeemer.

End of discussion.

This is Steve Calhan

and you've reached my mobile voicemail.

Please leave a message. Thanks in advance.

Hi, Steve. This is Janice La...

Uh, Jan... Janice?

Just saw you're calling.

Yeah. Hi, Steve.

Good morning.

I... I wanted to let you know I think you should go ahead

and set up your meeting.

For me and the other mothers.

You want me to try and set it up?

Yes. I do very much.

Well, that's great news.

Okay.

Um, I'm in my car right now.

What's your next week look like?

Next week? That soon? Uh.

We don't wanna let these wounds

continue to get infected.

Okay.

- Fine, next week. -Great.

And congratulations on making this decision, Janice.

Sincerely.

Now, if I can just get the other mothers

as motivated as you are. Okay?

Right.

And talk soon?

Talk soon.

Bye.

Yes!

Yeah!

Take control! Come on now, I've had it!

This is a bunch of nonsense! Take control!

Snap! It's that easy.

Do it with me! Snap!

All of you now! You kids in the back, snap!

Just like that. It's that easy. Snap!

Take control of your lives. Let peace enter your heart.

Let peace flow like a river

and wash over you, wash over you.

And save you from the evils of men.

Jesus will fill your heart with light and love.

Jesus will make your life whole.

He is the love and the light of the world.

Praise His holy name.

♪ Oh, Jesus ♪

♪ He will rise ♪

♪ He will rise again ♪

♪ His light will save us all ♪

♪ Oh, hallelujah ♪

♪ His holy name ♪

♪ Will sound among... ♪

♪ Oh, hallelujah ♪

♪ Oh, hallelujah ♪

♪ His light will cleanse The world ♪

♪ Forevermore ♪

To those in pain...

Jesus will fill your hearts to overflowing.

His blood will heal you.

Come down.

Lay your burdens by the roadside

and let Jesus carry them. Forever and always.

Come down. He will carry your burdens.

Come down and be saved!

choir: ♪ Oh, Jesus... ♪

The Lord is with you. Bless you.

Come here, darling. God bless you.

Come here, son. The Lord is with you.

God bless you. Hello, dear. Bless you.

The Lord be with you.

The Lord is with you. God bless you.

The Lord is with you. God bless you, sir.

The Lord is with you. God bless you.

The Lord is with you.

The Lord is with you. God bless you.

Oh, the little ones.

Come here. What a precious moment.

The Lord be with you. The Lord... Lord be with you.

Oh, what a treasure!

Hi, Wilma.

Hi.

Hi. It's Janice.

Janice Larue.

I... I used to live next door to you when I was a girl.

Oh, Janice!

-Hmm. - Hello.

[softly] Hi.

I, um, just wanted to stop by and see how you were.

Oh, well, I'm...

fine.

Your room looks nice.

It's not really.

I like your hair.

Oh, thank you.

It looks really pretty.

Stephanie, hi.

What are you doing here?

- Stephanie, please wait!

What are you on? Some kind of reconnaissance mission

for Pastor Steve?

No.

I spoke to him on the phone this morning

about his meeting idea.

Good.

I didn't know what to say.

I said yes.

That we shouldn't let these wounds continue

to get infected.

"Infected"?

That's what Steve said.

That's what this is supposed to do?

- Cure the infection? - Steve's just trying to help.

It's almost time for Mrs. Kentworthy's lunch.

Oh.

So, if you could leave Wilma alone?

Sure. Okay.

And don't come down here with the pretense...

I'm sorry.

But will you just think about it?

Steve's meeting?

Oh! I... I feel all like...

I mean, when I saw you holding Laura Gates...

- Yeah. Yeah. - And she spoke in tongues. I knew right then.

Right?

And when you were with Pastor Verne at the altar.

- Oh! - Accepting Jesus

- into your heart! - Yeah, it just washed,

- washed... - Washed over you?

...over me. Yeah, yeah.

- Like a... - Like a rainstorm.

Like a rainstorm. Exactly! Like a rainstorm.

-Washing away your sins! - Yeah, yeah.

I feel crazy. I... I really do. I feel Jesus crazy.

- "Jesus crazy"?

Yeah, yeah. Jesus crazy!

- Whoo-hoo!

Oh, gosh!

Thank you. Thank you so much for the ride.

I hope I didn't put your husband down.

- That's really no problem. - Okay.

Thank you for today.

You're the one you should thank.

No. You.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Always remember, Ron.

Jesus is love.

And God said,

"My grace, it's sufficient for you.

For my power is made perfect in your times of weakness."

I should go.

- Okay. - I'm sorry, that's right.

- I'll see you soon.

-Ron?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Thanks for coming down on such short notice, Janice.

This is an informal discussion,

but we thought it best as your direct supervisors

- that we should talk before... - I get that you've been

through hell lately, okay?

Okay, Jack, let's step back from the profanity.

-What profanity? - The H-word.

I... I just can't have any more surprises

in my department, right? I mean, I have enough issues

with Pam Gidding's pregnancy

and Wesley Cooper's "drug rehab,"

and Malcolm Jansen's liver thing,

- and now we... - Okay, Jack, stop.

I'm just saying, I don't think

it's a good idea having you come in...

- I'm meeting with the mothers. - ...and disrupt business.

You're meeting with who?

I'm meeting with the mothers

of the boys that Eric killed.

Seriously?

Pastor Calhan at First Presbyterian set it up.

Wow, Janice!

That's a good step.

As Gregor Steffsten says, "First step, commit to change.

Second step, change to commit."

Have you prepared yourself for what they're gonna say?

They're gonna be assholes in that meeting.

You might wanna think about that.

Janice can think whatever she wants.

And I think that if you feel better

after that meeting,

we can work on getting you your regular hours

at your normal job. How's that sound?

"If you gaze too long into the abyss,

the abyss gazes also into you."

- Friedrich Nietzsche. - Okay, Jack, really?

Somebody should put that on a goddamn poster.

It's getting so hot, isn't it?

Hmm. Humid, too.

So close to the 4th, you can feel it.

It's sort of sticky.

I remember one 4th when I was eight, or nine,

it was over a hundred degrees. You remember that year?

And my family went down to see the fireworks.

You know, it was still so hot. There was

a big bunch of people there.

They we were doing those, um...

Sparklers.

And I stepped on a... on a used one.

Oh my gosh, it hurt.

I screamed and my dad put water on my foot.

Almost completely ruined the holiday.

Still no answer.

Did either of you speak to Stephanie or Laura Gates?

They both confirmed they were coming?

- Ah, Stephanie.

Hello, Stephanie. Yes, is everything okay?

Uh-huh.

Had a dentist appointment going on.

Okay. Well, no problem. Let's reschedule.

How's tomorrow sound?

Tomorrow should work.

Janice, tomorrow?

Sure.

Okay, great.

Okay.

Okay, Stephanie, bye.

Okay. Well...

see you both tomorrow.

Sorry.

- Bye.

- Oh. Hi, Ron. - Hey.

Uh, can we chat for a moment in the conference room?

Um, what, now?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Have a seat.

So, uh, what's up?

First...

I wanted to apologize to you.

I think I did something inappropriate.

No. No, no, you... you...

you didn't do anything wrong.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself

that not everything is for everybody, right?

So...

I'm sorry.

Really.

Do you forgive me?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

No problem at all.

Great. Great.

- Thank you. -Second...

I wanted to share something with you.

Oh.

I believe something big is about to happen.

I can sense that you're special, Ron.

God has a plan for you.

And I believe it's connected to Redeemer and your son.

And the light I see around you.

I see you...

glowing with light.

Do you?

God gave me a gift,

a special gift.

The ability to see what's special about people,

to see their light.

Wow.

This all happened to you

for a reason, Ron.

I know it.

- You do? - I do.

With all my heart.

And now...

I think it's time for you to say what you believe

and to do what you feel is necessary

to walk the walk and talk the talk.

- Okay. - Trust me.

- Okay. - Trust me, I see it.

You have the light.

You can do...

anything.

- Whoo-hoo!

Okay. Hmm. Okay.

- Okay. - We better get back to work.

Jill Yardling was nice to me today.

- Oh, yeah?

Stephanie Grazer couldn't make it,

so we're going to postpone.

Well, that's probably for the best.

Why?

Well, Steve Calhan is going through a lot right now.

A lot of what?

Well, he's divorced.

That makes him distracted.

Possibly even hostile.

Steve Calhan...

is not hostile.

I'm just saying, maybe the meeting

is too much for him to handle right now.

I can't talk about this with you anymore.

Okay.

- Then let's talk about Eric. -No.

- Criminals... - Criminals?

Not criminals, but...

Eric didn't have anything else in his room.

The police, they... they took everything out of the closet.

They cut open his mattress. They...

- That's what they do, though. - To criminals?

No, I mean...

What do you mean, Ron? Please tell me, Ron.

I would love to know exactly what you mean.

There was this time when Eric and I went to go fishing...

when he was ten. And, um...

on the way there, I... I was gonna explain to him

about...

men and women.

Uh, nature, you know?

But I got so nervous.

So, I... I couldn't... I... I ended up...

I ended up just listening to the news on the radio instead.

Why did you just tell me about that?

You're trying to understand things about Eric.

And so am I.

I don't wanna hear any explanations.

I'm... I'm not explaining.

I don't wanna be shown anything.

That's... that's not what I'm doing.

I like my First Presbyterian!

- I never said you didn't. - I like Pastor Calhan!

Everyone at Redeemer loves each other.

I don't want love!

I didn't mean love. I meant... I... I meant...

Jesus raising a joyful noise to the Lord!

Everything okay?

Yes.

We praise Your holy name, Lord Jesus.

And thank You for our time together this evening.

Let us now

go out into the world as brothers and sisters,

bringing Your light with us.

Shining Your light into the darkness...

and helping give shelter to all who need it.

In the Lord's name...

all praise and glory to You.

Amen.

- group: Amen. - Amen. Praise to Jesus.

- Alrighty.

Ron.

Thanks so much for coming tonight.

I know this all must be very difficult for you,

but you're doing great.

- Thank you, Pastor. - And I know, I've been there.

Accepting Jesus Christ into your heart, it's like...

It's like He moved into your house,

but your house is crammed with all sorts of old stuff.

Mm-hmm.

My advice is trust Jesus

and us here at Redeemer to help you...

- Yeah. - ...do the heavy lifting.

Okay.

And, hey, why don't you go talk to Laura?

I bet she could use some help with her heavy lifting.

Yeah. Thank you.

- Laura, hi. - Hi, Ron.

Hi.

That was a...

- It was a good meeting. Yes, it was.

Yeah.

And...

I, uh...

Oh gosh. No, it's all right, Ron.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

It's not all right.

My son killed your boy.

My son, Nathan, is with Jesus, Ron.

- Nathan is smiling.

He's protected from pain.

He's living with Him in paradise.

- How do I know?

Nathan told me.

He spoke to me from his place in heaven among the stars.

- He tells me he loves me,

that he's bathed in Christ's eternal light,

and I will see him again soon.

Oh, stop. Please don't. Stop crying and be happy.

Be happy for Nathan. Be happy for me.

It's all right. Really.

- Oh. - Really, it's all right.

I just...

I just wish there was something I could do for you.

Oh, it's okay.

Something that would... something that would help.

It's okay.

- It's all right. - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

It's all right, Ron.

Would... would you like a neck massage?

- A neck massage? - Mm-hmm.

Sure. That sounds nice.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you, you two, for being here.

I know getting together at night...

can be difficult.

Fixing dinner, finding a sitter and...

We should start.

What about Laura Gates?

I've attempted to reach out to her,

but I haven't been able to get a hold of her.

How about then we just start?

Oh, uh...

- Okay. -Sure.

So, how's everyone doing?

I don't have a set of rules for this...

so I'm just gonna try and do my best.

I'm not sure which way is best, though,

when you're talking about what we plan on

talking about. It's... it's a...

It's a sensitive situation.

Being sensitive, maybe that would be a good place to start.

Does everyone feel like they're feeling sensitive?

Hmm?

I guess I've been feeling sensitive,

or more sensitive.

Mm-hmm. I don't mean emotional.

I mean sensitive,

like overly sensitive.

Janice, how about you?

Maybe.

It might be a good idea

if we could be as clear as we can

when verbally expressing ourselves.

Are we still talking about being sensitive?

Yes.

Janice, I... I've been wanting to, um,

tell you that I'm... I'm trying to understand

and...

...forgive your, uh,

family for what your son has done.

That's great.

What have you been doing in order to reach that?

I'm sorry.

Stop there.

Apologies don't create discussions, they end them.

At home, I can think of all these things to say, but...

right now, I'm a blank.

Just say whatever you wanna say.

I'm saying at home I can think like I'm talking to someone...

but it gets too specific when there are...

others in the room.

"Specific" how?

Specifically, there's the mother of the boy who...

killed my son.

Just say what's on your mind.

Nothing's on my mind. That's what I'm saying.

I guess I miss Matt's friends.

We should try to keep to topics that include all of us.

Matt was shot in the face.

He was shot in the...

in the side of the face, and... and...

half his jaw and his cheek were shredded.

I don't wanna talk about that. I don't know.

I don't even know why I said that.

It's good that you said that.

Your son did that.

But Janice didn't.

I don't wanna talk about what happened to my son.

I don't know where Eric got the guns.

The police said that he got the guns

from someone in our neighborhood.

He said he got the guns from some guy he didn't know.

And I just can't think of anyone in our neighborhood

who would sell him guns.

You don't need to explain.

We all understand your involvement.

My involvement?

That you weren't involved.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

My... my daughter is throwing up.

Um, the... the sitter is there, but...

but...

I... I should, um...

So what? We're... we're... we're supposed to...

Well, since Laura isn't here, I mean,

to be continued.

Janice.

You gave Janice a ride?

Well, she didn't have her car.

- That's weird. - How's that weird?

Well, it seems unfair, both of you in your car.

It's like you formed some kind of game plan for the meeting.

That is wholly untrue.

And I suppose, full disclosure, Janice and I have met

before this meeting, but...

I'm here if anyone ever wants to talk to me.

Janice came to me a while ago, because she needed to talk.

If either of you had ever wanted to talk to me before tonight,

you could have done so, but you didn't.

So, I put this together so all of us could talk.

I... I want all of us to begin healing.

To begin talking and healing.

I swear, we are going to manage this thing...

together.

Just, unfortunately, not right now.

Sorry. Come on, Janice.

And you can let yourself... I'm...

I'm sorry. I... I have to go.

Thanks for driving.

I hope your daughter feels better.

Me, too. Fingers crossed. Janice, wait.

I want you to know you can count on me

through this whole thing.

You're gonna come through the other side of this

and everything is gonna be better.

- Okay. - Do you believe me?

Yes. I believe you.

Good night.

Good night.

Janice, I needed to talk to you

- before you went in. - I'm late for work, Jack.

What? I'm your boss, so, yeah,

I'm aware that you're late, but we need to talk.

Sheila and I have been talking about you

and things in my department, and customer service,

and, you know, what went on the other day,

and... and well, we've decided...

Well, we... we decided we need to extend your leave.

But I'm not on leave anymore.

That was a mistake.

We need to correct that mistake and put you back on leave.

- Why? - Geez, come on! Really?

I don't mind working in the stockroom.

There's this thing that happens

when you're here at work, Janice.

This weird, disconcerting vibe that takes over everything.

And, hey, I'm only thinking of... of your mental state.

All of our mental states.

Things aren't cool as of yet with you coming down here.

Now, that's just facts.

And, look, I'm not telling you

that you need to stay away forever.

I mean, an extra two months maybe or four months?

And I... I promise I will do my best

to save your spot in the department

for when you come back, okay?

Please don't do this.

I know how you must be feeling,

but you... you need to go home and take care of yourself.

My pastor told me about a man

who wouldn't come out of his house,

because he was afraid to leave

until one day he finally came out.

Inside, outside, it... it doesn't matter to me

what you do, but you just can't come here.

-Maybe read a book.

Or meditate.

You'll figure it out.

-Hello?

Hi.

Why aren't you at work?

Well, it's 5:30. I just got home.

What are you doing?

Uh.

Finishing up.

Where were you this morning? I... I couldn't find you.

A few weeks ago, they had a hayride

for the youth group at Redeemer.

I think Eric would have liked to have gone on that.

I drove the van up to this place that has hayrides

and the kids all sang hymns.

When they got there, they piled into this trailer full of hay

that was being pulled by a tractor.

The kids, uh, just sat in the hay.

Well, everyone had a... everyone had a great time.

I need to finish.

When's your next meeting with Steve?

Soon.

Bill Verne has set up his meeting

with the mothers for next week.

Laura Gates has already committed to going.

It will be a much better meeting at Redeemer.

Pastor Verne, he will get out the anointed oil.

He'll do a laying of hands.

And then... then you can all give your burdens

over to Jesus.

- I don't wanna do that. - But all of the pain,

all of the... the... the confusion,

everything that... that was making us feel bad,

sick to our stomach even,

all of that will be gone.

Gone forever.

It is...

It... it's like you're dying in the desert

and then, suddenly, you're given an... an endless cup of water,

and you can just drink, and drink, and drink,

and never be thirsty again.

- That sounds terrible. - No.

Actually, it's the opposite of terrible.

How does handing over my burdens help?

Because... because Jesus takes your burdens from you.

- But when does he give 'em back? - No, he... he keeps them.

Why?

Because he doesn't want you to have them anymore.

Well, what if I still need them?

What do you need your burdens for?

I'm still trying to understand because they're my burdens!

Don't... don't get angry.

- I'm not angry. - You're shouting.

I'm not shouting.

- Yes, you are. You are. - No, I'm not.

I need to... Can you leave me alone?

No.

- Go. - I'm trying to help you see

that things could be better with Jesus in your heart.

It's not such a bad thing.

You will have immediate peace.

I don't want immediate peace.

I can help you.

- Let's pray. Yes, you do. - I don't wanna pray.

- No, no, no. - Let's pray.

- Fucking back away from me. Fucking get away! - Don't talk like that.

- Stop cursing. - You're not helping me!

Janice, calm down! Calm down!

- Janice! - Back the fuck up!

- Janice! - Get away!

Okay, let's go, Steve.

How about we talk about some of the things

we've been thinking about since the trial?

Um, I've been thinking about,

uh, this time that Matt was home from the hospital

after he had his tonsils out.

He was sick and he had to stay home in bed.

My son had a burst appendix when he was 13.

Oh.

I don't wanna talk about hospitals.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

I'm so sorry. I'm...

I keep bringing up things I don't even wanna talk about.

It's fine.

Everything is just so...

mixed up.

Um...

Everything I think is so unclear and... and mixed up.

I feel the same way.

My son is gone

and I'm not sure what that means.

I feel the same.

- I'm not sure you do. - Your son isn't gone, Janice.

He killed my son, Jill's son, and Laura Gates's son,

but your son is sitting in a prison cell.

Your son is alive.

- I know he's... -Alive.

I know he's alive.

I know he's alive.

You haven't been to visit him yet, though.

So...

- You haven't been to see him? - I have.

Let's not lie to each other.

I told you that in private.

There's a difference between those families

that your son affected and your own family.

I know there is a difference.

Then know that I blame you...

Okay.

Your family, as well as your son.

Wait, let's stop.

I told Janice that this discussion

would not be about blame.

And this is very frustrating.

No, don't be frustrated.

I only wanna say what's on my mind.

I just wanna understand what I am supposed to be feeling now,

just like what you're doing.

- Go to hell. -None of that.

None of that.

This is an open discussion,

but we... we're not gonna say things like that.

Goddamn it.

Stop right there. No language like that.

- No language like that. - You're telling us what to say!

I'm not telling you what to say.

Maybe we should just start over.

"Start over"? What does that mean, start over?

I just mean I know what Steve's saying,

and he's right.

-He is? -Yes.

Last summer...

when Eric was at church camp, your two boys were there.

Eric was taking a shower in a shower stall

and your boys threw toilet paper over the top of the stall door

onto Eric's head.

They also sprayed shaving cream over the stall door.

They also sprayed his towel with shaving cream.

He told me he waited till everybody left

because he was so scared and upset.

I never heard about that incident.

Are you saying that our children were killed

because of some kind of prank?

No.

Janice is saying that her son was provoked!

This isn't about provoking anyone!

How long have you been going to this church?

Four years.

And why did you come to this church?

I was Presbyterian growing up.

Yeah, but why this Presbyterian church?

I always wondered why you came here.

It's a Presbyterian church!

Didn't you feel out of place?

No one is out of place here.

You don't have any friends here.

You all sat alone.

You sat alone with your family.

Did you wanna go to another church?

I remember your husband asking me

if I wanted a neck massage.

Don't you think that's inappropriate?

Asking someone after church,

having a donut and coffee in the basement,

if they wanted a neck massage? I didn't know what to say.

You could have said, "No, thank you!"

When you go home at night,

with your son in prison and your neck-massage husband,

are you happy?

No.

Are you alone?

No.

You understand what I'm getting at?

- You're alone. - And why am I alone?

Because my son shot your son.

Your son murdered my son

in cold blood without provocation.

Nobody talked to him.

- Doesn't matter. -Nobody.

Nobody at school talked to him.

My son, 14 other boys, who cares?

Could have beat the crap out of him

and it wouldn't have mattered!

Every day, he came home crying.

He was a teenager! He came home crying every day!

Why didn't you stop him from crying?

- I tried to! - You didn't try hard enough!

This is ridiculous.

- Wait, what are you doing? -I'm done.

Laura Gates still might come.

Laura Gates goes to fucking Redeemer, Steve!

But the meeting isn't over yet!

Is she okay?

I should check on her.

How are you?

-Stephanie had to go. - I'm gonna go, too.

Oh, well,

- just think about some of the things we talked about. -Bye.

Uh, I'll call you about the next meeting.

I'm not coming to any more meetings.

I got sick when I got here.

I had food poisoning and threw up in my cell.

Are you feeling better?

The guards take their time getting someone up

to take care of you.

You get sick in your cell and you have to let it sit

if you don't make it to the toilet in time.

I sat up all night next to the toilet

so that I wouldn't get sick in bed.

Then they take their time getting a doctor

and some stomach medicine for you.

They used to have a problem here

with the prisoners and the guards.

The prisoners would run the prison

and the guards were just here with no control.

Now, it's the other way around.

Last year, there were 125 stabbings.

This year, there have only been four.

They should have taken these off.

They don't actually think I'm going to do anything.

They told me outside, you'd be wearing

arm and leg restraints.

Oh.

They told me you were supposed to stay seated.

I am supposed to remain seated.

I'm only outside 15 minutes a day,

and it's when the yard is clear,

because I could be injured by another inmate.

I was going to call you.

It's okay.

Inmates make phone calls all the time.

The warden staff monitors the calls,

but people can talk to almost anyone they want to,

as long as they're not consorting

with criminals over the telephone.

Sometimes, inmates try to use code words or certain phrases

that can be used as messages for use in criminal activity.

But because the phone lines are monitored so closely,

the warden staff can almost always figure out when

someone is attempting illegal conversation.

I've been having a really hard time.

- That's a weird thing to say. -I'm sorry.

It's a weird thing to say to someone in prison.

You're right.

I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong.

I did something very wrong.

But it's very bad in here.

I was just telling you something about how I was doing.

I want everyone to know that I have remorse

for what I did.

I want you to make sure that people know

that I feel remorse.

Who would I tell that to?

People don't ask you questions?

Sometimes.

Well, tell them I have remorse when they ask, all right?

And I'm not just saying

that I have remorse for legal reasons.

I really do have remorse.

I've been thinking about what I did

and I feel like what I did...

was very wrong.

I don't talk to that many people.

I'm not asking you to find people to talk to.

Only if you do.

I will.

It sounds so stupid to say that I've been

thinking a lot in here.

Everyone says that, I guess,

or it sounds like something an inmate would say.

But I have been thinking about what I did

and I have remorse for the classmates I killed.

Things got out of control in my mind.

And I screwed up.

I was packing up some of your clothes.

I was putting away some of your father's things

and I was putting away

some of your things along with them.

When the police were in your bedroom...

they...

took your hanging clothes out of the closet.

That's where I told them I'd hid the guns.

There's nothing much else in my closet.

You can pack up everything in my room if you want.

I was only gonna pack up your clothes.

You can put it all away.

Your father said that there was a hayride at his church.

That you would have liked to have gone.

I don't know.

I talked to the mothers of the boys you killed.

I thought you said you didn't talk to anyone.

Pastor Calhan set up a meeting for the mothers.

All three of them?

Just me, Stephanie Grazer, and Jill Yardling.

Where was Nathan Gates's mom?

She just didn't come.

Maybe she was too upset.

Pastor Calhan set up the meeting so we could talk to...

talk about what happened and how we were doing.

What were some of the things that people said?

They were short meetings.

- You had more than one? - Not really.

Are you going to have more meetings?

No.

Why not?

We don't need any more meetings.

There's probably more to talk about.

There isn't.

Did they ask if you'd come to see me?

What else did they ask you?

What did you tell them about me?

I wish I could talk to them.

I'd like to tell them some stuff.

I've talked to some people here and...

I have my own therapist.

I'd like to tell them how I feel now.

I wanted to tell you how I've been.

You already told me.

I wanted to tell you what I think.

-About what? - About what happened.

You should call it murder.

It was different than that.

No, it wasn't different.

I walked into my gym class,

and I murdered Derek Grazer and Nathan Gates with a pistol.

Then I walked down the hall, I found Matt Yardling,

and I... I murdered him with a shotgun.

Three murders.

I'm your mother.

I understand why.

-Why what? - Why you did it.

At the time...

I thought I had no choice. Now, that makes no sense.

-It does. - It doesn't.

Those women are hateful, awful women,

and their children were hateful, awful children.

What I did was very wrong.

- I shouldn't have shot anyone. - But you did. You shot them.

I shouldn't have shot them.

You shot them. You killed them.

- Stop. - They treated me very badly.

Your son killed their children.

You did it. You killed their children.

I know it was me.

You were protecting yourself.

- I wasn't. - You had no choice.

Yes, I did. I had lots of choices.

I could have chosen literally anything else.

But you didn't.

No person should take another person's life.

People thought you were retarded.

When you were a baby...

your head was small and your eyes were so large.

You would stare blankly and you rarely cried.

People thought you were retarded.

- They didn't like you. - I didn't like them either.

They did and said awful things to you.

They pushed you to do what you did.

- No one made me. - They made you feel awful.

They humiliated you. They hated you.

They still hate me.

Then what you did didn't change how they feel.

It only changed how you feel.

You didn't see what I saw.

It was like a war or a car accident.

Stephanie Grazer says that it didn't matter

that you came home crying from school.

-It didn't matter. - Yes, it did.

It's not a part of anything that exists anymore.

Yes, it is. It's a part of me.

It was me crying, not you.

- It's a part of me.

I was just a kid.

- You're a strong boy. -Don't say that.

You're a strong boy. Stop crying.

I think you should go.

They'll tell me when my visit is over.

You can tell them you'd like to leave.

Your father wants me to let Jesus in my heart.

I can't. Not the way he wants me to.

Maybe you should.

He also says that praying can help,

that you can get even the smallest things you need

through prayer.

That's great.

I mean praying can't give you things.

Not like that.

I don't know either way.

Maybe God is helping me.

- God didn't want this. - But it still happened.

I wish you could have seen those boys die.

Then you would understand how I feel.

I saw the inside of those boys.

I shot Matt Yardling in the face.

- I know. - I saw his head explode.

I saw Matt's blood all over the hallway.

-That's enough! - I'm explaining something!

Yeah, I know you're explaining something.

I'm trying to get you to understand how awful it was.

I know it was awful. I know about the blood,

and the children lying on the ground,

and the officers, and the teachers,

and everything else! It is a part of me now.

Those deaths are a part of me!

I know what happened.

- No, you don't. - I know what happened to me.

Go away.

I will.

Don't come back.

I won't.

Please...

tell them I feel remorse.

♪ You've got a lotta nerve ♪

♪ To say you are my friend ♪

♪ When I was down ♪

♪ You just Stood there grinnin' ♪

♪ You've got a lotta nerve ♪

♪ To say you got A helpin' hand to lend ♪

♪ You just want to be On the side that's winnin' ♪

♪ You say I let you down ♪

♪ You know it's not like that ♪

♪ If you're so hurt ♪

♪ Why then don't you show it? ♪

♪ You say You've lost your faith ♪

♪ But that's not where it's at ♪

♪ You have no faith to lose ♪

♪ And you know it ♪

♪ I know the reason ♪

♪ That you talked Behind my back ♪

♪ I used to be Among the crowd you're in with ♪

♪ Do you take me For such a fool ♪

♪ To think I'd make contact ♪

♪ With the one Who tries to hide ♪

♪ What he don't know To begin with? ♪

♪ You see me on the street ♪

♪ You always act surprised ♪

♪ You say, "How are you?" "Good luck" ♪

♪ But you don't mean it ♪

♪ When you know as well as me ♪

♪ You'd rather See me paralyzed ♪

♪ Why don't you Just come out once ♪

♪ And scream it ♪

♪ Oh No, I do not feel that good ♪

♪ When I see the heartbreaks You embrace ♪

♪ If I was a master thief ♪

♪ Perhaps I'd rob them ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I know you're dissatisfied ♪

♪ With your position And your place ♪

♪ Don't you understand ♪

♪ It's not my problem? ♪

♪ I wish That for just one time ♪

♪ You could stand Inside my shoes ♪

♪ And just for that one moment ♪

♪ I could be you ♪

♪ I wish That for just one time ♪

♪ You could stand Inside my shoes ♪

♪ You'd know what a drag it is ♪

♪ To see you ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ You'd know what a drag it is ♪

♪ To see you ♪

♪ You'd know what a drag it is ♪

♪ To see you ♪