Original subtitles

Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show!

Oh, yeah!

Thank you for being here. Well, guys, this weekend, there's a historic winter

storm hitting most of the country that's bringing brutal temperatures and over

20 inches of snow.

Greenland heard and was like, well, you wanted us. You got us.

Yeah, today Southwest Airlines canceled hundreds of flights, although that had

nothing to do with the storm.

Everybody stay warm, though, okay? Stay warm, okay? This weather is rough. It's

cold. I mean, it's so cold, Al Roker walked into a Chili's and sat on the

fajitas. That's what happened.

It is free... It's freezing out there. This morning on my way to work, I saw a

Wall Street stockbroker spooning with Zoran Mandani. What?

It's freezing.

That is cold.

Let's get to some news here. Today in Switzerland, President Trump officially

launched his new group to solve international conflicts called the Board

Peace. Yeah, of course.

Trump wasted no time giving himself the inaugural Board of Peace prize.

He's like, I can't believe it.

Can't wait to win again next week.

Well, people are still talking about Trump's big speech in Switzerland. He

really relies on the teleprompter, you know. It's interesting to see what...

Trump's staff puts on it to get them to say what they want.

Watch this.

And we had a $41 billion deficit.

$41 billion with this beautiful place. There are windmills all over Europe.

There are windmills all over the place.

And they are losers without us.

Right now, you'd all be speaking German.

A little Japanese, perhaps.

And growth doesn't mean inflation. We've had tremendous growth. The United

States is keeping the whole world afloat.

Many places, I could give you six,

seven places. Just over one year ago, under the radical left Democrats, we

a dead country.

Now we are the hottest country.

I didn't know that. That's amazing.

Well, some business news. Elon Musk just said that by the end of the year, Tesla

will have a widespread network of driverless robo -taxis across the U .S.

Yep, the driverless robo -taxis will join Tesla's fleet of buyerless

Cybertrucks.

Switching gears to some big entertainment news. This morning, the

nominations were announced.

Yeah!

And Sinners got a record 16 nominations!

That's amazing. I love Sinners. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

I mean, I like that, but you know what horror movie I also love?

Paranormal Activity.

Okay, yeah, that's good. What about Silence of the Lambs? Also my jam.

Annabelle? I think it's swell.

Halloween? Everything.

Get Out?

Man, No Doubt.

Poltergeist? Saw It Thrice.

Frankenstein? Always Divine.

Final destination?

No hesitation. A quiet place?

Look at my face.

What about the ring?

Ding, ding, ding.

You like cream?

Of the crop, it's the cream. Dr. X? It's better than sex.

What about the nun?

Hell yeah, son.

Blair Witch? You know it. See?

You almost got me, man, but wait, no, no, no. I haven't seen that one. Oh,

good. You should come over and watch.

No, thanks.

Tariq Trotter, everyone, right there.

He messed it up.

Yeah, he really got into it. He's still in character, man.

What's the more movie news in a recent interview? Matt Damon said that Netflix

wants characters in their films to repeat story details three or four times

case viewers are on their phones.

Yeah, I don't know. Take a look at this Netflix rom -com. See if you can spot

it. Tara, I know this is just a fake relationship that we started to get back

our exes, but I think I'm starting to have feelings that are real.

You have feelings, Dylan? Yes, Tara.

Real Dylan feelings in our fake Dylan -Tara relationship.

Real feelings?

Yes. That you have?

Yes. For me? Yes. And you're Dylan? Yes.

And I'm Tara?

Yes. I can't do this anymore.

Do what?

The fake relationship.

No. With you. No. The relationship that we fake. No. You are Dylan. And you are

Tara. And we're conflicted about our fake relationship.

Did someone say Margarita?

Yes, we both did margaritas in the scene where we met in Mexico 45 minutes ago.

Ah, see?

Yes.

It's subtle, but you can tell. I got it.

Hey, I read that a recent Delta flight was delayed for hours after de -icing

fluid leaked into the cabin and soaked a passenger.

Delta was like, well, he's not covered in ice, is he?

On the bright side, at least they helped him find the hole in the plane.

Finally, guys, earlier this week, the Indiana Hoosiers made history, winning

their first college football national championship ever. They had an

season. And, of course, they were led by quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner

Fernando Mendoza.

What are you talking about?

Yo, what's up?

Fernando, what are you doing here?

Jimmy, everybody knows that tonight shows where champions go. So here I am.

That's right.

Come on.

That's where you are.

Since you're here, I have to ask, how does it feel to win Indiana's first ever

football championship?

Well, we finally got our coach to ignite his smile.

So that was the biggest accomplishment.

No, but for real, Indiana's been predominantly a basketball, and

in purgatory for the longest time. And our team...

with Coach Lignetti and a whole bunch of under -recruited guys, guys who have

already been down in their entire lives, now finally marked as national

champions, it means the world to all of us.

It was the most exciting game.

It was the most exciting game ever, and I remember I was watching it in the

fourth quarter when you dove in for that touchdown.

What were you thinking? First of all, look at this.

Look at this. That's you.

Bing! Bing!

That's a good impression. That's a good impression.

Were you like, no one's open, I got to do this?

So it's a running play, and I'm a quarterback. I'm a passer. So at first

like, okay, here we go.

And I'm supposed to run left.

And all of a sudden, some instinct tells me, let's run right. So it's like when

you missed your exit on maps, and you're like, oh, shoot.

You're like, oh, shoot, here we go. But luckily it was the exit to a touchdown.

And then like you said.

Legendary. And then like you.

And then, like you said, I saw these huge football players in front of me,

was like a human pinball machine. I was like, boom, boom, bang, getting banged

up. And all of a sudden, I'm in the air. I'm like, might as well reach for the

touchdown because I'm so banged up. I don't know if I'll be able to get up

after. So here we go. And you got banged up. And you got banged up as well.

Congratulations on a record -breaking season. And actually, since you're here,

how about we break more records?

Let's do it. All right. Here we go. All right.

All right, here's what we're going to do.

Okay, I'm going to throw these records in the air.

Okay, and you're going to throw footballs at them and see how many you

in 30 seconds.

Okay, 30 seconds. It's like my combine.

Yeah, no, you already got the job, bud. Don't worry about it. All right, let's

break some records. We have 30 seconds on the clock.

Okay, now start throwing the records.

Ready? On your mark, get set, go.

Did you see, like, the lasers come out of his eyes?

Amazing.

Guys, we have a great show for you tonight. He's the host of the new Star

series, which airs live, live, live on Netflix Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 9 p

.m. Anthony Anderson is here tonight.

Funny dude, talented dude.

He is a multi -platinum selling artist.

is out at midnight tonight.

Louis Tomlinson is joining us to talk and perform.

Louis, it's out tonight.

It's so good.

Also, you know her as Holly Wheeler in Stranger Things. She is so good.

All episodes of season five are streaming now on Netflix.

Nell Fisher is here tonight.

Fun, fun, fun show. Guys, it's the end of the week, and that's usually when I

catch up with some personal stuff.

You know, I check my inbox. I return some emails.

Of course, I send out thank you notes.

And, well, thank you.

Well,

I was running a bit behind today, so I thought if you guys wouldn't mind, I'd

like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that okay?

James, can I get some thank you note writing music, please?

He's in a great mood.

I'll see you, Jane.

Thank you, AirPod I just dropped, for either landing right next to my foot or

catapulting six miles away down a sewer's drain and into the It Clown's

Thank you, lobsters, for being shrimp with mitten.

I saw you thinking of that one. That was good.

Thank you, January 22nd, for being the day when Ozempic looks at your New

resolution and goes, okay, I'll take it from here.

You tried. You tried.

You tried. Roll cue.

Roll cue.

Roll. Roll, roll, cute.

Oh, that's roll cute.

Thank you, Trump's upcoming State of the Union address, for

reminding us what a long four years the past year has been.

Wowie.

Wowie. One year.

Thank you.

GameStop shutting down over 400 stores, or as customers put it, great, guess

I'll now have to buy my weed at Lids. There you have it, everybody.

Those are your thank you notes, Sarah. We'll be right back with Anthony and his

big phone bag.