Original subtitles

Table 4.

Did Horatiu leave anything? It's Alice.

Thanks.

Horatiu!

- 400? - They're 350 online.

- Thanks for checking! - What the fuck did you think?

Forget it.

Hey, Alice!

- No funny games! - Relax!

- Let me know when you’ve done it. - Done what?

You little bitch!

Bye.

It’s my phone, give it back.

- Yours? - Yes, dad got it.

Then you can call him and say I took it away.

- Give it to me then, so I can call. - Use the landline.

Tell him you haven’t been to school for two weeks.

I have!

You should at least have gone in for the test on Monday.

- It’s like you’re retarded! - Charming! Thanks!

Give me that phone! Give it me!

Please!

- Stop it Alice! You’re not a baby! - She called me a retard!

Gimme!

That's the deal?

- It’s a bit expensive. - We can keep looking.

Mom, give me my phone.

Let's think about it.

Don't push your luck!

Leave her alone, Zoli. Go to your room!

- Don't fuck around with me. - Now, Alice!

Amazing!

- I’ll never forget this! - Go to your room!

Go fuck yourself, you shit!

Fucking piece of shit!

Fucking connection!

Are you pregnant?

What?

What’s that?

Cesonia sent you a stork carrying a baby.

So what? Why are you going through my messages?

- Are you pregnant, Alice? - No!

- Why are you lying? - I’m not.

Really?

Give me the password!

I’ll unlock it for you.

- So you’re not pregnant? - No.

We'll see.

- I’m going to the drugstore. - What do you need? I’ll go.

- Get a pregnancy test. - Seriously?

Who’s Horatiu?

Forget it.

You've made your mind up anyway.

Cesonia is asking if Horatiu cried.

I bet he's top of the class!

"Bummer, bitch!"

You have to put your slippers on, she smashed her phone.

- What? - Alice.

Hold it there for 5-6 seconds.

That’s enough.

That’s enough, what are you doing?

Don't fuck with me. Take it out!

Fine.

We'll stay here untill we find out the truth.

Zoli!

She threw the test down the toilet.

She thinks I’m one of her idiot friends from school.

Like Cesonia, or some other monkey.

Go get another test, please.

You’re not going anywhere. Fill this glass, we'll do another test.

I’m pregnant, OK?

Congratulations, Alice.

"Mom, I know about safe-sex, it’s the 21st century."

So I get pregnant, what's the big deal?

- I'm sorry? - Now, you care!

- Of course I care. I’m your mother! - Oh, please!

How can you talk to me like this?

Why don't you take care of that little boyfriend of yours?

Honestly, if you're feeling maternal, give him a tit to suck on.

You evil bitch!

I’ve raised a fucking whore!

That’s what I am to you,

a whore.

I'm losing my mind dealing with your bullshit.

I want to keep the baby.

Great.

Are you insane?

You don't shower without me telling you. How will you look after a baby?

That's how I feel.

You wouldn’t understand.

You don't say.

How would you know what it feels like?

Anyway you can’t stop me, so.

Right. Like you're all grown up, now! You’re a minor!

Look into it.

At 16, you get to choose to keep the baby.

You can bitch as much as you like,

I’m having this baby!

I don’t understand what you're after.

Tell me the truth. Are you pregnant or not?

You want me to pee in a jar so you believe me?

See what you're like?

You always think I’m lying or that I'm after something.

It's too much.

- Look at me, Alice! - Leave me alone.

Please, this is no way to talk.

That's how I am now. You have to understand.

That's how I feel, I'm so divided.

I tried for years to have my own baby,

but you, right now...

Please look at me!

Fucking look at me,

and stop this nonsense, you’re driving me crazy!

You can’t take care of yourself. How will you take care of a baby?

It makes no sense!

I don’t want to have an abortion.

Can you understand that?

- I believe you. - You never do!

I'm fucking leaving this place.

Let’s try and calm down.

I’ll call Mihaela. We’ll ask her to look at you.

- And then we’ll see. - I’m not going to Mihaela’s.

I know what you’re up to.

Tell me what I’m up to.

You're not making me have an abortion. I’ll go and see a doctor on my own.

You know Mihaela! What will we do? Tie you to the bed?

I’ve made my decision. Don't insist.

Enough. Calm down.

Who did you this favor?

- It was this Horatiu, wasn’t it? - The baby's mine, only mine.

This is nonsense, Alice!

Was it someone at school?

- Wait. - What happened?

I said, be on time for once.

I’m not used to this new phone yet.

- It's rude to Mihaela. - I only saw you called an hour ago.

A little higher, please.

Legs too.

She’s ready, doctor.

Let’s have a look.

Comfortable?

When did you have your last period?

I should have had it maybe two weeks ago.

Have you noticed any changes in how you feel?

Did you feel nauseous?

- Do your breasts feel firm? - I feel sick almost every day.

Her breasts are swollen.

This won't hurt.

If I don’t speak, it doesn’t mean anything's wrong.

It's moving and it's hard to measure.

Hey, you! Don’t move!

It’s a bit big.

What do you mean?

It’s about 9 weeks old, not 6, like you said.

- It can’t be. - It'd have been bad if it was small,

a sign of abnormality.

Let’s see the heartbeat.

- You see? - Yes.

Let’s try one more time.

This time, I’m going to ask you to hold your breath.

Like when you go scuba-diving.

It’s hiding from us. Let’s try again.

Look, you can see the hands.

Let's zoom in closer.

- Wow! The heart's really beating. - We've got it.

160 beats per minute.

- Is that good? - Perfect. Let’s get a picture.

- It’s moving! - It's waving at us.

Let’s zoom in again.

Here we have:

the head,

heart,

hand,

legs.

Let’s show Alice:

Head.

Heart.

Hand.

The other hand.

A little leg. The limbs are in bud, see?

Let’s get another picture.

Here you see both legs.

Another picture.

Another crown-rump length.

9 weeks and a day. 2,4 cm.

Perfect!

Congratulations!

To the happy couple!

You can clean up.

I'll get the pictures printed.

So, what happens next?

Normally, we'd meet in 4 weeks, with the lab results.

Give me a sec.

Let's say in 3 weeks,

my daughter's holidays start, it'll get hectic.

On the 22nd?

Fine, on the 22nd.

Good. We'll do that.

I’ll put it in the diary.

Next time your father calls, answer your phone.

I will.

- He wants you to go over and have a chat. - I’m not going there.

Then call and tell him that.

- Yeah. - Don't say "yeah".

Call him and tell him.

- What does he know? - I gave him the big picture.

- All right, I’ll call him. - Good.

He hit on me last week.

He said my skirt looked great.

You were right! They were sitting there like two love birds.

- What did I tell you? - I saw they were hanging back.

Maybe she needed help with her Physics.

Her Anatomy more like.

Please sir, help me with my anatomy!

Lighter!

How old is he, anyway?

42, 43, fuck knows.

- A granddaddy. - Or a sugar-daddy, right!

Fuck.

What?

Cris says it’s the wrong ones.

- What ones? - The pills I got.

She got Prosta - fucking - gland...

They're not the same.

I was with Nico when she took them.

It went fine.

- Tell Alice, not me! - We binged out at the mall.

- They come out top in the Google search. - What did I say?

Take one now and four, in two days.

I can ask Nico what she took.

Listen to this.

"If you’ve been through this too, just be supportive."

"Please don't fudge me."

- Bunch of losers! - Judge me, fudge me.

Who are these people?

- What’d you want? - Just looking.

- How about getting us Cokes? - What do I get?

- Give him 5 lei. - You get 5 lei. Cool?

- Say pretty please and I’ll go. - Pretty please and I’ll go.

- Weirdos! - Jerk!

"My hair stands on end

"when I think of those tiny angels with broken wings."

She should get herself waxed.

It says here if you take ketamine you feel nothing.

Then you’re as good as new.

This one paid 670 lei for the ones you got.

We could sell yours for profit.

Mifepristone.

Stop smoking! Get inside!

Yes sir!

Yes sir, sugar-daddy sir!

Give me my phone.

- Here it says, "Vitalie can help." - Who?

"If you don’t want the baby,

"it’s better to have it,

"then give it away but at least let it live."

- Who says that? - Vitalie!

Unbelievable!

"If you need help, please write to tileavitalie@yahoo.com"

- How many Cokes? - 3 or 4, one for you!

"0726 210 210. My name is Vitalie,

"I’m here to help any woman who decides to keep her baby."

Crazy, no?

You took the pill?

Olé!

- Sir. - One second.

Is Lenciu there?

- Isn’t he on duty? - Today is Modalca’s turn.

Please.

May I go home? I don’t feel well.

What's wrong?

I told my French teacher too. She let me go, I was really sick.

Have you seen Nurse?

I feel nauseous. I’ve got a bad stomach.

That’s not good at all.

I also feel dizzy.

What did Nurse say?

I just got out of class. I thought I’d ask you to let me go home.

Let’s see what Nurse says.

I don’t think that’ll help.

I called my mother. She told me to come home.

If you're unwell, we should see Nurse.

That's useless! You know what it's like.

What do you mean?

I'll get given an aspirin, that’s all.

Sometimes an aspirin does the trick.

Please! At the gate they said to see you.

Miss Tarpan,

we’ve had this discussion before.

Many medical cases are cured on the way to the nurse’s office.

I don’t understand.

What don’t you understand?

You know better than me if I’m sick?

- Please come to the nurse’s office. - Is that an order?

You can leave school premises in three ways:

with a note from Nurse, from a counselor, or at the day's end.

What if I get sicker by the day's end?

What if I faint, who’s fault will it be?

- We’ll take you to Nurse. - What if it’s too serious for Nurse?

How about you go to your class, where you ought to be?

You’ll be sorry!

- What class are you in? - What does it matter?

- Who is your counselor? - Forget it.

Surreal!

It’s not as if I can’t find out what class you are in.

Preposterous! Young lady!

Mom. No, no cramps.

Can you come and pick me up? They won’t let me go.

There's some stupid...

I told them, it doesn’t seem to matter.

Don’t stand in the hall. Go to your class or it's the staffroom.

Go fuck yourself!

Come and pick me up.

I’m not moving until my Mom arrives.

Get your hands off me!

- Go to your class immediately! - Don’t touch me.

What is going on? What is it, Alice?

I’m not going to see any nurse!

- Mr. Săceanu, what's happening? - This is too much!

I won't move till Mom comes. Then we'll see if you manhandle me again.

Come to my office, don’t yell in the hallway.

Who manhandled you?

- Mr.Saceanu, didn’t you see! - You’re exaggerating!

We’ll see who’s exaggerating when my Mom comes.

Welcome to jail!

They have no right to keep people against their will!

Not so loud! Tell me how you feel.

Better. When I called you, it was worse.

But no cramps.

Tell that stupid headmistress that if a parent agrees,

- there’s nothing she can do. - Don’t put words in my mouth.

She can’t stand me. Nor Săceanu.

- He yanked my arm. - He yanked your arm?

- What does this Săceanu teach? - Math. He’s an idiot.

I told him you allowed me to go, he tugged my arm.

I’ve had the procedures for access to the building printed.

They're in conformity with the law

on access to educational premises.

Access includes exit.

Will Mr. Săceanu be joining us?

How dare he manhandle my daughter and not let her leave?

Nobody manhandled anybody.

- He laid hands on me. - She said he yanked her.

I don't think so. Read the document.

It’s not the first time I’ve given permission by phone.

I know the rules.

I allowed her home because she wasn’t feeling well.

- I was sick, I wanted to leave. - Be quiet, let me speak!

I’ve left work, come half way across Bucharest,

because this Mr. Săceanu refused to accept that I, as a parent,

gave her my permission to leave.

The teacher thought she was lying.

- He could have asked to speak to me. - She does lie.

That's probably not news to you.

Bullshit.

She could have put anyone on the end of the phone.

"Hello, I’m Alice Tarpan’s mother, she can come home."

The teacher did what he thought appropriate and I concur.

She felt unwell; we have a Nurse.

What would Nurse have done? Put a Bandaid on my nose?

Alice, quiet!

Or you can deal with this on your own.

That's precisely the issue.

Alice is a problem student, I'm sorry to say it.

- Should I pass by later? - Yes.

That’s the truth.

You'll be surprised to hear she is close to being expelled for poor attendance.

I’m not surprised.

I’m sorry I can’t do anything.

Her grades aren’t brilliant either.

She is in danger of failing three subjects

for the second year in a row.

I’ve never denied she has problems.

It's just her.

Her class counselor, Mrs. Gaiu, who cannot be with us,

has collected a series of complaints.

One moment.

That’s not true! She’s lying!

Please, could I have Alice Tarpan’s file?

Mr. Tomescu.

Maths.

"The student travels from desk to desk during classes."

Velniceru Nicoleta, Tourisme and Commerce.

Confiscated her phone and put it on the teacher’s desk.

Alice took it back. Threatened her.

And swore at her.

On December 18th.

Mrs Ciobanu told me that if we don’t do something about Alice,

she will stop teaching that class.

- We all have a job to do. - All right.

Mr. Gogoloi.

Yes, my dear, that is his name. The one he was born with.

Complains of indecent behavior.

They all have complaints. We’ve reached a limit.

I have statements from those involved in the incident with Badea Calin.

Catalin.

In the end, you came to an agreement with the boy’s parents

for them not to file a complaint.

See for yourself.

In effect, what I am saying is that, quite frankly,

we should consider a transfer to another school.

Perhaps one closer to home,

to allow you to fulfill your role as a parent more effectively.

No offense meant.

No, Madam.

I see that you have prepared a list of charges

and that you’ve decided Alice should change schools.

I didn’t come to discuss this.

I came to pick her up, because she is unwell.

I should have thought you'd agree.

Alice won’t change schools.

I’ll take it to the Ministry if I have to.

In primary school, in secondary school and now here,

the fact that she is adopted has always come up.

- I didn’t mention it! - You did.

More or less subtly.

Every time, it’s the same thing: move her to another school.

And what do you mean my "role" as a parent?

Am I playing a role?

I’m her mother and I behave accordingly.

- I didn’t mean... - You said it. I repeat:

Alice is not changing schools.

We can continue this discussion in private.

Why? You don’t think she knows?

I didn't mean that.

You’re not helping her taking her side in front of me.

I apologize if I touched a nerve.

Is anybody going to ask me if I want to move?

I'll tell you how I see it.

We'll apply for her to have a year off.

She’s pregnant, just so you know.

She’ll be at home till the birth and probably after.

Then, she’ll finish her high school.

She’ll be 18 and an adult,

so you can talk to her directly.

Perhaps she’ll become

more responsible, more understanding.

That’s for the future.

Now, we can agree if I give her permission to come home,

you must let her go home.

Without manhandling her, if possible.

In that case,

her counselor, during their next class,

will need to inform the students about the situation.

Please announce it officially, so that her colleagues

and your colleagues know the situation.

So they can act accordingly.

- It’s a delicate situation. - There’s nothing delicate about it.

It’s the most natural thing in the world.

Very well.

Alice should write down a statement

of her version of events.

Mr Săceanu will give his statement, to clear the misunderstanding.

Statement:

I, the undersigned, what happened, in your own words.

Then, separately, we’ll examine what the regulations say

about taking a year off from school.

- Do I put the date? - Yes, today’s date.

Easy!

That’s it, I’m going on a diet.

Nonsense. You need to eat well now.

I’ll be a cow for the rest of my life.

Why can’t I be like you? Why does weight go on my hips?

Never mind what weight you put on.

We'll worry about your looks next year.

That’s nice!

- You think? - Try it on!

- I was going to put it back. - Come on, try it!

Great. You look cool.

- Really? - It looks great from behind.

Come here.

- 350 lei, not bad. - It's expensive.

Get it, it looks good on you.

Just out of curiosity, you try it.

I’ll mop the floor with it.

It’s long but it fits really well.

Even the sleeves.

How is that possible?

How can the sleeves fit, if it’s too long?

You’ve got long arms.

And a torso like a baboon. That's depressing.

- We’ll get it. - For you, I hope.

We’ll buy it.

You’ll wear for as long as it fits,

then I’ll wear it,

then you’ll wear it when it fits you again, then me.

We’ll wear it together.

The folder doesn't show on screen, why?

It says "no content".

Maybe there's an exclamation mark in the name.

Bring the laptop.

And get me my pills.

Where did I put them?

- You’re not serious! - Let me think.

They were in my pocket

with the keys.

- I'll kill you. - I don’t function under stress.

They are not in the backpack. I must have taken them out.

I don’t fucking care. Find them!

- You almost gave me a heart attack. - You were ready to kill me.

The folder is called "The Dwarf"?

What’s this?

Let me see.

We could watch my cousin’s birthday. At McDonald’s.

Why are you shpeaking like shat?

Don’t make me laugh! I have to suck them!

So what else is new!

I'll throw these away.

- I thought you said, I’m throwing up. - I am kind of dizzy.

Jeez!

Shit! It's happening!

Fucking shit!

- Why did you shut the door? - What was I meant to do?

It’s on the sofa too. It seeped through the cover.

We’ll wash it.

It's on the wall! If my mother sees that...

They're only tiles.

Bring me some underpants and tampons.

- You didn’t bring any? - That’s why I’m asking!

It looks like we killed a pig in here.

A few spots on tiles, big deal!

Clean the sofa with a wet sponge.

- You’re getting everything filthy. - Get me some underwear!

Jesus! There's water everywhere!

Put them in the washing machine.

You’re hysterical! I feel like throwing them at your head.

You’re getting me wet!

Get me those pants!

We're out of toilet paper, you didn’t bring me any tampons.

- Is it coming off? - Like hell it is.

You’re so overdramatic!

Look, I’ve grown a dick!

You’re such an asshole. Stop!

- Pants? - I got you some leggings!

You think my pants will dry?

- Hi, Dad! - How come you’re home?

Well, how come you’re home?

I came to pick something up.

Hello! How are you, Alice?

Good. We’re watching a movie.

What are you watching?

- It’s Russian. - Really?

Are there any good Russian movies?

- Have you been in my study? - No, why?

I left a folder on my desk this morning.

- I can’t find it. - Wasn’t me.

- So what class are we skipping today? - History was cancelled.

Tragic.

Cancelled? Or you skipped it?

- Alice is laughing. - Really, it was cancelled.

Can we please watch the movie?

- Maybe I should watch it with you? - Dad, seriously?

I'll sit on the sofa. Is that OK?

- OK? - Sure.

When’s Mom coming home?

I haven't heard. Why?

Just asking.

- Are you guys sticking around? - Yes, why?

I’ll tell Cerchez to drop by and pick up the folder.

- I don’t want him coming for nothing. - We’ll be here.

Good.

That’s filmed from, what do you call it...

A shooter's angle.

The whole movie is like this?

Pretty much.

He'll be here in about an hour.

The folder is on my desk.

- Dad’s caught on. - Don’t be stupid.

I hope you didn’t leave anything in the bathroom.

Your underwear!

I threw it away.

Good.

Tell him you’re having your period.

You tell him you’re having your period.

My mom will be home soon.

Yeah sure. And your grandma I bet.

I don’t want problems.

What about me?

- It really hurts. - Where?

The cramps are worse than period cramps.

Don't get blood everywhere again.

- How long till it gets flushed out? - I don’t know.

Maybe it already is.

Let’s see what the forums say.

Look here!

"48 hours..."

I’m off, girls.

Bye.

Tell me how it ends!

OK, bye.

Behave yourselves!

"48 hours after I took the second one, my belly hurt,

like two days before my period,

my legs went wobbly,

blah-blah-blah, clots of blood." So that’s it.

Hey. Can I come over?

Now.

Otherwise I wouldn’t ask.

You can go, I just need to hide for a bit.

How do you know?

Fuck Simona!

I’m at Cesonia’s right now, so in about an hour.

Fucking stupid cow!

What? Simona?

I told you about that idiot!

She went and told everyone I took the pills.

I’m sorry, I didn’t know my dad would come home.

Did you turn the washing-machine on?

It's on a short cycle.

Take everything out. Give me a plastic bag.

Is Horatiu letting you stay at his place?

I can’t stay at Horatiu’s, he’s with that bitch of his.

Listen, Cesonia: if my mother calls...

I’ll tell her you were here and you left.

- When did I leave? - When did you leave?

"She left just ten minutes ago, Ma'am."

It's not funny!

If my mother finds out because of you, I’ll stab you in the throat with nail scissors.

Did Roxana leave?

She took the money off the counter,

she said you’re out of dishwashing sponges.

Right.

Did you manage?

- Just fine. I helped myself. - I can see that.

Is that lady always outside the building, sitting on that bench?

Mrs. Sandi? Yes.

I’ve passed her three times, she didn’t move once.

- You’d think she was dead. - She lives on the second floor.

What are your plans?

I have to get home before my mom,

so she doesn’t get pissed.

I’m gonna jump in the shower.

I won’t be leaving till 7. Synapse is coming by.

And?

And what?

What's on your mind?

You just said you have free time and you'll grab a shower.

I'm sorry, I'm just too messy down there.

- Fuck me! - What's wrong? Are you OK?

Just great!

Mom?

Mom?

Listen,

we need to do something about this shitty phone,

Either it doesn’t get a signal,

or it turns itself off.

I only just got your messages.

Shut the door, please.

Are you OK?

I didn’t want you to worry.

I just had stuff to deal with.

I was too embarrassed to pick up the phone.

I had a fight with Horatiu. We broke up.

Then I went for a walk.

I wanted to send you a message,

but I needed to be with myself.

Get out. Shut the door behind you. And leave me alone!

I'm sorry.

You don't have to get mad.

Well, good night.

Go see why the hell’s she’s not coming out!

- You sent her a message? - Are you going or not?

It wasn't me, I swear!

You fucking bitch!

What I do is none of your fucking business!

If I catch you saying stuff again, I’ll smash your ugly bitch face!

- What did she do to you? - She knows.

Next time, I’ll knock your fucking teeth out!

"Are you serious, John Know-Nothing?, asked The Lens with a laugh.

"If a chunk of the Sun came loose and fell on you, you'd die crushed

"because the Sun is huge,

"bigger than the entire Earth."

I’ve never heard this crap before.

- Oh, come on! With Screwdriver and Mr Bolt? - Never!

"You only think that,

"because the Sun is so very, very far away."

The Sun!

Do you even know how often I read it to you?

"If only a little chunk did come loose..."

- Maybe this bit about the little chunk. - Seriously?

I’m pulling your leg.

Oh, stop it. Leave me alone.

Sabina will love it.

"How big is the sun? Bigger than the entire Earth."

You have so many!

5! Look, this one glows in the dark.

What’s the flashlight for?

You shine it on the playdoh, till it glows.

Let me see!

- Does it glow? - It's so cool!

Sabina’s playdoh. Try it.

That's great!

- Does it last? - You flash the light on it, it recharges.

You want Mom to get you playdoh?

I have a magnetic one that attracts metal.

Really? Let me see.

- Hey, good to see you! - Happy birthday, youngster!

What have we here?

Stefana, where are my glasses?

This is for drinking, not for reading!

- You really did break it! - Come on, I'm hungry.

Somebody give me a pen so I can sign his cast.

How’s my little brother?

- We could have picked you up. - Grandma!

Here’s our fallen woman. You look great!

Congratulations!

A good Cabernet Sauvignon gives you an instant hard-on.

What about Zoli, where is he?

- He couldn’t get the day off. - He's not worthy to be here.

He's in his testing period.

Go kiss your uncle Nelu!

Don’t kiss him Sabina, he’s a bad man!

I’ve given up.

Good girl!

Does your Dad know you smoke?

I’m only allowed to smoke when he’s not around.

- Isn’t that the dumbest thing ever? - I've seen dumber.

- How come you started? - At a tragic time.

- Meaning? - I had a fight with my girlfriend.

So I took up smoking to annoy her.

What a rebel!

Totally.

Is it kicking?

How can it, stupid?

- It’s as big as a meatball. - So what? Can't it kick?

Right, sure!

- Bugsy! - I’m having a smoke!

Come here!

- Oh man... - It would be a pity to waste it.

- You stopped, huh? - Cut it out!

Yes?

A while ago.

How should I know?

Granpa... It's Dad.

- Who? - Dad!

It’s Sorin, he wants to wish you a happy birthday.

Good to hear from you, Sorin!

He says you don’t answer your phone.

He asked if you’d let me go to the seaside with them.

Where?

Navodari.

- Do you want to go? - Not really.

Well then.

Hey, Sorin,

When it comes to drinking, I wouldn’t trade me for two of you.

Come again?

The party is tomorrow. Today we’re just warming up.

You owe us a round of drinks,

you’re going to be a grandfather!

It’s good news!

Hugs from us too!

Is this me?

You were a little older when we got you.

That's cousin Angela’s daughter.

That is quite a hairdo.

- It's like Nena. - Who?

Nena, she was a singer.

You look a lot younger.

You guys grow up quicker.

- Did you have the lizard yet? - No, not yet.

- I had it done in college. - What lizard?

A toy. I've had for ages.

She doesn’t know.

Hold this for a sec!

Close to your face!

I’m posting you on Instagram.

- So your friends can have a laugh. - Shut up and smile!

What’s up, honeybuns, not sleepy?

Grandma, how did you find out Mom wasn’t a virgin?

- Did she tell you? - Stop it.

They don’t have to tell you, because you just know.

Oh come on, tell me!

You get this sixth sense. You’ll soon see.

Please, I’ll give you 10 lei.

Enough already!

How did she tell you I found out?

Your grandma caught me in bed with him.

Him who?

His name was Tudor, my high school boyfriend.

He was so embarrassed, his ears turned bright red.

He was terrified, poor guy.

And what did you do?

I sat him down for a chat.

She asked what his intentions were.

How old were you?

Maybe 18.

17.

Quite a spring chicken.

You’ve got some nerve.

"Mrs. Chirilescu, please don’t tell Dad!"

It was my sister I was afraid of running into.

I came home early, there was a strike.

You didn't hear her come in?

She was as sneaky as a cat. I only heard her at the door.

- It was in this very bed? - Where else?

Alice in Wonderland!

Hello Alice.

- Do I know you? - You checked in here.

- I did? - Yes.

Will you come and join us?

My mom won’t let me.

I know she lets you on Tinder!

What else do you know about me?

You’re from Bucharest.

And I have a boyfriend.

He’s not here now, is he?

I don't know, maybe he’s checked in.

How about I buy a girl from Bucharest a drink?

Your pizza’s ready.

If he's not checked in, will you come over?

I’m too scared. He could catch us.

What would he do if he did?

Cut your head off, stick it in the freezer.

So you don’t want to come over.

You upset me.

Then you stirred it like this,

making sure that it didn’t spill,

then you turned upside down on the plate.

You left it to dry, 5 minutes.

See how interested she is?

- So how does that tell you the future? - She read it the boiling coffee foam.

And in the patterns formed by the grounds on the cup.

- Do you see a hill there? - No.

Seeing a hill meant money,

Seeing a valley meant losing money.

Can I have a look?

I don’t see a hill or a valley.

If it was important, like a special family situation,

she would prepare the coffee herself.

Didn’t she always make you drink from just one side of the cup?

Of course. Then she’d say,

"Sabina, I see a wavy line and a flower:

"you’ll be going to summer camp,

"and you're going to have a great time."

I don’t like summer camp.

"Alice, I see a circle with a dot in it: you’re going to have a baby."

Genius!

She was able to foretell my ulcer.

She told me my husband was cheating on me.

Easy to guess. She’d see me all puffy-eyed from crying.

The truth is you were always, like, how shall I put it,

in a bad mood.

That's his gift, putting us in a bad mood.

But you're getting along better now?

Sure, except when he calls us total retards.

- How so? - Just like that.

Or was it idiots?

- Both idiots, that’s what he said! - How rude.

Because we don’t obey him.

"You’re both irresponsible idiots! I'm out of here.

"Don’t come crying, because you can’t afford to raise the baby.

"Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

"Get real, Alice! You got shit for a brain."

- Didn't you have anything to say back? - Of course, I did!

We were both going to end up sponging off him, like parasites.

- It wasn’t quite like that. - Yes, it was!

He was sarcastic from the start.

"Be so kind as to tell me who the lucky winner is."

- I told him to piss off. - Enough already!

I told him, it’s her decision. We have to respect that.

What winner?

He meant, "who's the father?"

Funny, right?

Why are you arguing on my birthday?

Dad!

What?

- Do I have to stay like this much longer? - Yes, as you are.

Roll it to the right then back to the middle.

Oops, sorry!

That’s right, smash it!

Red on the left.

This one has a bigger delay, be gentle.

You have to anticipate a little.

Easy does it.

- If you panic and tug, it’ll drag you. - I’m not the panicking type.

You’re strong enough,

but don’t let your arms cross over.

Try to keep steady.

I know, Dad told me.

Hold it there.

- Why are you whistling? - Whistling?

I'm not.

Stop it!

Why? Maybe it helps, let’s see.

- See, it obeys you. - It knows its master.

Elbows down, relax.

Keep at it for another 15 minutes, then I’ll show you other stuff.

Put some sun screen on or you’ll burn.

- You put it on for me. - Eyes up!

I won't burn, I’m a gypsy.

Seriously. They found me on the street.

For fuck’s sake! Did you hurt yourself?

- My knee. - I’ll get a Bandaid.

Does it hurt anywhere else?

- Is she hurt? - See for yourself.

It’s just a scrape. Dodo, find some disinfectant.

First thing I said this morning, let go the damned handle!

- I did. - You almost crashed into there.

Don't bug her. Can’t you see she's hurt?

No more kites: the season is over.

It's only a scare.

The whole beach is full of crap.

- They cut down the bushes over there. - Right, and dumped them over here!

Fuck them and their dirty beach!

Keep falling over, you’ll get rid of that other problem too.

- Still bleeding? - Blood!

- Pack her up and send her home! - Get out of here, tough guy!

Chicken!

Always let go the handle when you lose control.

- You’ve been doing this for a long time! - I have. Hold this!

You’re better than dad.

Your dad is pretty good, too.

Dodo! Look!

Amazing! You’ll have to teach me.

Come on in!

Come in the water!

I have a customer, I can’t right now.

Are you coming tonight? Dad’s having a barbecue.

- Where? - At the apartment.

I might have other plans.

Then take me with you. Don’t be an asshole.

Yeah sure. Mr Tarpan will skin me alive!

Where you going?

Princess club.

Maybe I can come too. Can you take me?

Dodo, can you launch my kite?

Nadia, I can help you!

When your eyes

are lost

in the night,

I’ll be out of your sight.

It’s in A Minor, Mita.

Or something like:I gave you a ring.

As big as my heart. As big as my heart

She sings almost as badly as Mom.

- Mita is worse. - Debatable.

Remember when Mom used to sing Ribbit the Frog?

It used to make my ears bleed.

- I can sing it. - Don't be shy.

What a loud party by the pond for all the little frogs!

They’re eating cake and lots of hotdogs.

Poor Alexis.

That’s why you can’t get him off to sleep before midnight.

I can hear the tune in my head.

Leave it in your head.

That’s my beer!

Mine’s warm.

Yours is alcohol free, love, because you fooled around.

- Give it a rest! - I was bringing you your glass.

Come to papa! She's so well-raised!

- That's how well-raised she is. - You pig!

Leave her alone! Want me to resume singing?

Have mercy. She can have the beer.

Watch me jump off the balcony!

Hey!

15 knots, over 15 minutes, Sir!

Don't send me anymore messages, OK?

- Why? - I was with my girlfriend last night.

It was only a joke. I didn't mean to cause trouble.

I wanted to show you I did get sunburnt.

Never send me messages. No jokes, nothing.

From now on, ask Platon for lessons. He’ll be here soon.

Jesus!

God, it was funny.

I pretended I was packing up my kite, so he wouldn’t see me laugh.

You don’t do kite stunts when you weigh 100 kilos.

My uncle got into downhill biking,

he broke his arm in two places.

The coffee’s cold and the water’s warm.

"The fridge can’t cope."

Want something colder?

So that’s how you keep fit.

I really don’t feel like it.

Do you have a personal trainer?

I go with a girlfriend who’s a fitness fanatic.

You’ll meet her, she comes round often.

What?

Sorin said to order so you don’t get hungry!

I'll finish my beer first.

When he comes, tell him it’s yours, or he’ll get annoyed.

He knows I don’t like beer.

Tell him it's a craving. He'll think your pregnant.

No chance! He knows that’s not possible.

Have you ever been pregnant?

I didn’t want kids.

I mean, accidentally.

I’ve been very careful.

- Oops, sorry. - It’s fine!

I've been pregnant before.

Really?

I took some pills to get rid of it. I thought I was going to die.

When?

Neither of my parents know this.

I got the pills off the Internet. I took them at a friend's house.

The bleeding was bad.

My friend threw a fit, I got blood on her couch.

So how did you sort it out?

I went round to a boy's, who lives on his own.

Then it started again. I thought I was going to faint.

The dude was scared shitless!

I didn’t want to take a taxi, in case it started again,

the driver would have taken me straight to hospital.

It sucked.

It’s good you were able to tell them this time.

- What do you mean? - Tell your parents.

That you wanted to keep the baby.

Yeah.

I’m going to the bathroom.

What are you making?

- Cookies. - Yummy.

- Want to help? - Sure.

Excellent. Keep it up.

Which do you prefer, raisins or cranberries?

Cranberries.

Sugar.

Your back cracked.

It’s loosening up.

- How many do you do? - 60 of these.

Knees together!

All the way down!

It cracked!

- This one’s hard. - Higher!

Hold it for 3 seconds.

Keep your body straight, can’t you see you’re going to collapse?

- You’re tickling! - Are you going to do it, or not?

Are you out of your mind?

Leave me alone!

- What happened? - She attacked me.

I was just playing, he started shouting like I was murdering him.

- Find someone else to play with, OK? - You’re overreacting.

She put me in a leg lock!

So what's the big deal?

Kick her in the belly while you’re at it!

Can you hear what I say?

- I didn’t do anything! - OK, I’m sorry!

You’re not treating her nicely, I don’t like it.

- She said she was sorry! - Unbelievable.

You put raisins in, after all.

I couldn’t find the cranberries.

Drama queen!

You bring out the big guns.

I like it when you tickle my forehead.

That how you used to massage me when you were little.

It was ticklish.

It was lovely.

Like this?

If the menopause starts, I hope I won’t lose my mind like...

- What was that teacher of yours called? - Try and remember.

Her nickname was Veranda,

so her name was Bereanda.

Correct!

I hope I won’t start wearing mini skirts and dyeing my hair purple.

Her voice changed too. She sounded like a plucked chicken.

No laughing.

It’s like my brain is rattling inside my head.

It’s not the menopause!

Right.

It’s the last bell before the menopause.

The menopause is welcome, as long as my periods stop.

They were torture for nothing.

You’ll save on tampons and you’ll wear jeans without underwear.

I’m curious,

do you think of me as young?

No idea.

You’re Mom.

When where you supposed to go out?

Not now, later.

Simona invited Cesonia and me to her grandmother’s.

- When? - Saturday, for a couple of days.

Saturday we have our appointment with Mihaela.

Not this Saturday, next.

That's OK then.

Done.

Know what else she’s called?

Vanessa. Nadia-Vanessa, with a hyphen!

Vanessa?

Sounds like a porn star.

And your dad, does he call her Vanessa?

Nadia.

Actually, I don’t know, in private.

That, we will never know.

But she’s nice, this Nadia hyphen Vanessa?

She’s very nice.

Except maybe a bit...

superficial, I guess.

- How do you mean? - I can’t think of an example.

For example, whenever we were on the beach,

she'd eye up the instructors, topless.

Have you seen what those boys look like?

I’d give them the eye too.

She went surfing topless a few times too.

So?

I think her boobs are fake.

Very nice job, you can hardly tell, still fake.

She seems like your Dad’s kind of girl.

I think he told her to get them done.

- How are you feeling? - Good.

A little too good!

She’s put on almost 3 kilos already.

It’s hungry, the little thing.

Let’s find the lab-tests.

I know you sent them right away.

We’ll check the results then have a look at it.

- I’m nervous! - Don't you worry!

You can get ready.

I’m on my own today. Iulia asked for the day off.

That’s not necessary.

We’ll do it directly on the belly, it’s bigger now.

- Is this good? - Yes, just undo your shorts.

You did the tests immediately?

Yes, 3 weeks ago.

What was that sound?

It’s my app. Reminding me to drink some water.

- Really. - Yes, I forget to drink water.

Here they are.

HCG levels are okay.

Her calcium is a little low, but that’s normal.

All good!

Let’s see.

- What's wrong? - I’m so nervous.

What’s the matter, honey?

Who would have thought it?

We’ll see it right away. Don't worry.

Calm down.

You want it to hear you crying?

- Where is it? - Gone.

How is that possible?

Alice, did you do anything?

Wait here. Calm down.

I’ll have a word with your mother.

Bogdana!

Mom, don’t leave!

I just don’t understand!

How can it be?

- You saw it last time. - Let’s leave the room.

Should we try the other probe?

It's no use.

If there was something to see, we would see it with this one.

It’s very clear.

I don’t understand.

I’ll explain. Let’s go outside.

Come on.