Original subtitles

Previously on Wynonna Earp.

That's not the sheriff, where's Nicole?

- She was alone. - You alone kept the homestead safe.

- Please don't shoot. - Casey, don't be a weenie!

I don't even have my gun anymore.

How could we have been in that garden

for a year and a half?

Apparently, I haven't pooped in 18 months.

John Henry Holliday.

Amon.

I love you, Nicole Haught.

I'm sorry, I'm just so distracted.

They're back.

So good to be home.

Is this an intervention or something?

Because honestly, fair enough, you know?

I just, I would've appreciated a wardrobe change,

maybe a heeled boot situation.

Maybe no hood.

Seriously, when's this thing coming off?

Ugh!

That is bright.

Can you dim those lights, please?

I mean, where are we, at the dentist?

I don't know. Are we?

I'm Deputy Assistant Director Naomi Hycha.

Oh! I also love me a "py-jam-jam".

Black Badge?

Does that mean Black Badge is...

No longer defunct.

Well, you brought the noise,

I guess it makes sense you're bringing in defunct.

Oh, right...

Sorry about the whole

extraordinary rendition jam.

- Here let me, uh, is that... - It's on the other...

- Just give me it. - Okay.

Well, we are psyched to have you back.

- I am not back! - I am in myjam-jams!

Okay.

Babe, dial it back a notch.

We're on the same team, here.

You're just... You're just late to the party.

But we need every employee,

no matter how minor, Agent...

Agent Arp.

Jeremy?

Oh, my God!

- Hey... - Ay-ay-ay-ay!

What happened to your gorgeous little chicken limbs?

And a fond hi, former colleague.

Naomi, so sorry, I know her.

This is the Wynonna Arp.

Uh... Why does everybody keep saying it like that?

Employee of the Month, June 2016.

Uh... It was February, actually.

- Oh, so the shortest month? - Mm-hmm.

- Don't worry. - Wynonna hates demons.

Like we all do.

Hell yeah, brother. Pfft...

Despise them deems.

But she's never killed one, of course.

Nope. No.

'Cause they are a lot.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

But you are familiar with the supernatural?

I feel like I can handle it.

♪ 'Cause I gave you all I got to give ♪

♪ I know that ain't no way to live ♪

♪ So I told that devil ♪

♪ To take you back ♪

♪ I told that devil ♪

♪ To take you back ♪

You could just start?

But my Powerpoint!

They're always iconic.

I do put a lot of thought into my wipes.

I love your wipes.

And I love that you got us all notebooks, and...

Where's Wynonna and Doc?

Oh, well, they're probably off doing...

...something like that.

Meanwhile I... I came early

because I am pumped for your presentation.

We've got a whack of questions. Like...

- who's Cleo? - Yeah. Who's Holt?

- What's with the border? - Why so many demons!

- What's for dinner? - Tacos!

Delicious.

And what the hell happened to Peacemaker?

Oh!

Well, look who decided to show her face.

And in Wynonna's jacket?

Oh. Looks better on me.

Never say that to her.

So, Rachel, we were talking about

Wynonna's magic gun. Sword. Uh...

What? She lives with us.

She's gonna find out a lot worse.

- Here. - No, no, hers is the blue one.

- Okay, okay. - I'm actually about to bounce?

But... I've been here 18 months,

so I get ya.

I'll keep an eye out for... a gun-sword.

Baby, I'm sorry nobody's here.

You're sorry we're alone in the house?

Oh. No, not that.

For the government, it's unprecedented.

It's a chance to observe humans and demons,

co-existing together

in one controlled and contained ecosystem.

You put a border around the Ghost River Triangle,

you control who comes in and out.

Demons, for the most part.

Ooh! Don't want them to get out. Ever.

Deputy Assistant Director Hycha and the others

were called here after the unexplained event

18 months ago.

We arrived after it all went down.

Of course, Agent Chetri had already been in Purgatory.

Mm-hmm.

But the new mandate is to observe.

Not to interfere.

I felt pretty interfered with last night

when I was snatched from my barn bed.

Well, when we go into demon territory, we do it with oomph.

So, Naomi, before this,

you were, what, at Roswell,

wrist-deep in alien sphincter I suppose?

Oh, I was... I was...

I was transferred here from the Department of Fisheries.

The Black Badge Division had been dissolved

and they were desperate for volunteers.

My supervisor was the envoy to Belize.

He's gonna teach me how to surf.

Listen...

I once lost a guy to E. Coli

after undercooked perch at the annual fry-up.

But he was back after a week.

He'd, uh, he'd thinned out around the face,

he actually looked really great.

But at BBD?

Twelve deaths so far.

You can't know what it's like to lose someone

until it happens.

Ooh!

But if it sweetens the pot,

we have really cool jumpsuits. Very Fleabag!

- I don't know what that is. - Wait, hmm?

Why don't I just show her around,

just, you know, take her on a tour.

A private tour.

Uh, ohh...

You be quick, you two.

I'd love to get this crossed off my to-do by lunch.

Here's your surveillance rock back.

I'm gonna need actual alone time with Agent Chetri.

To our new partnership.

Ravenia's lovely.

Big fan, too. I could introduce you.

I am merely here to, uh, conduct business.

Mmm... You know...

Everybody knows that you're Wynonna Earp's man.

Or is Wynonna Earp your woman?

Wynonna is no one but her own.

Besides, what is it to you?

Stand down, big boy.

All it is to me is interesting.

You are the Earps' most loyal protector,

and yet the thing that more recently

turned your body into a weapon,

most able to protect them, you deny.

Ravenia. Could you pour Mr. Holliday here

a sip of our special blend?

You know, we're demons, we all have problems.

Now, you vampires are always so melodramatic

that yours are special.

You're safe here, Doc.

To be who you really are.

There are worse people to work for

than those who see others plainly.

Well, seeing that we're being honest,

if you return empty-handed,

Ravenia here will be pouring your juices out of that jug.

Well then,

I shall try my darndest...

not to disappoint you.

Oh, and please, do say hello to Wynonna.

From the rest of us monsters.

- What do you have for me? - The holy grail.

"Bunny Loblaw for PTA!"

Billy, we said we don't dive for any more mugs.

- Nobody needs 'em. - You know what?

You're right.

Anything real from today's haul?

I don't know. Does a DVD copy of Bring It On count?

I'm sexy! I'm cute!

I found it in a boot!

It does not.

But too bad, 'cause I have the perfect trade.

A real Billy-find.

For when y'all kill squirrels at y'all ranch.

For the record, we only eat chipmunks.

But this is cool.

Thanks, Rachel.

Well, as always, good haul.

This has gone way better than when I was alone.

Same.

Oh, and uh...

I, um, thought that...

this maybe might look cool on you.

- You thinking about how I look? - No.

Yeah?

Hubcap for the vest?

I know you guys sell auto parts.

Uh, yeah.

Everything is state of the art,

as you can see, we have floors,

windows, couches, bathrooms.

Oh! And this is my favorite nook. Hey!

Whoa. You've definitely been body-snatched,

'cause you're going for a make-out sesh, but honestly,

I'm so relieved to see you, I'm kinda down.

- Still gay. - It's just...

The only place where they can't see us.

I knew Black Badge was still evil.

The old Black Badge, yes.

Naomi and co.?

Just people, scared and in over their heads.

A lot of bad stuff came into Purgatory.

They need you and your magic gun.

Okay, well, the thing about...

Uh, hey!

Agent Arp?

No.

Special Agent...

Arp.

Arp...

Well, yay.

And welcome back to BBD. Fish bump?

Oh. Ouch.

Well, enjoy the knife.

Hope the chipmunks are real good.

We eat vegan most meals, so...

I'll come over to yours for rodent sometime?

A lot of Earps back home now, huh?

- Is that weird for you? - Try insane.

But I kinda love it.

Never really had people before.

But way to dodge me inviting myself over to your house.

Yeah. That's probably not a great idea.

My place is sad.

Dude. I lived years in a place

where my toilet was also my kitchen.

It's just not really a friends-can-come-over

type situation.

My mom is like a bonafide hoarder.

I just...

Sometimes, I feel like you're keeping me a secret.

Maybe someday, okay?

If we can, like, find some foolproof reason.

I'll see you later, mug lover.

Yeah, that's what I love.

Mugs.

And we're on the floor.

Yeah, how did that happen?

Oh, determination?

There's a notebook stuck to my butt.

Maybe don't give that one out.

Should we talk finding Peacemaker?

What we just did reminded me of how...

good you are at finding things.

Yeah. Peacemaker.

Another thing I failed at for 18 months.

Hey.

Do I need to make a Powerpoint presentation

about how amazing Nicole Haught is?

I'd call it "Haught Topics".

Why would I need that?

Or...

We could talk about

another thing that...

starts with "pro"

and ends in "posal"?

Even though the world was ending, I meant every word.

- That's a lot. - Jesus, Rachel!

- Respect the privacy of... - ...the kitchen.

- Right. - Whatever.

Do you think a junkyard would be a good place

to look for a magic sword-gun?

One man's trash is another Earp's treasure!

Yeah. Where is this junkyard?

- Easier if I show you. - But you're gonna need pants.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

None of these compare to, say, an old western Buntline

that can send revenants to hell, but...

Yeah, yeah, no, Peacemaker, she slaps for sure,

but these weapons also slap.

- I should for sure take one. - One sec.

First, you need to see my...

...masterpiece.

I call it Antoni.

Because if you want to turn something into guacamole,

you bring Antoni.

Welcome to taco night.

Okay, whoa!

Watch where you point that thing!

Seriously, do not point that at anything

unless you want it guac'd.

- Though now I do want nachos. - Is there a caf or...

So what's my first mish?

Is this about finding and rescuing Robin?

'Cause I will, Jer.

It's about a problem we're having with things

robbin' our supply trucks.

Our biggest challenge is getting provisions into Purgatory

without it getting hijacked, or worse.

Alright. So you need me to hunt down whatever's stealing

freight and killing drivers. Got it.

I need you sitting.

In the truck.

Driving?

You don't ask Cate Blanchett to be a background extra,

you make her Carol.

Forget the cover, I'm a demon hunter, man.

I am Carol.

And I'm a scientist with an empathetic crotch.

Yeah.

But BBD can't find out who we really are right now.

They don't like supernatural things, Wynonna.

Like us.

We need to get Purgatory food.

Medicine.

Booze.

Always lead with booze.

You know...

Yesterday, the good citizens of my hometown

tried to hang me for murder.

Well ya, theyjust need snacks, Wynonna.

They're kinda hangry.

Wow, look at that sign.

So, wait, this is your boyfriend's place?

No, this is my friend who is a boy's place.

Looks promising.

Unless you already checked it out?

Well, I stuck mostly to the forests.

Smart.

I'm gonna go check round back.

Classic teen.

Doesn't want to be seen at the creepyjunkyard

with her sexy gay aunts.

Hello?

Magpies?

Junk... people?

Hello?

- Waverly! - Geez.

You scared me.

Yeah, well, this is kinda Spooky Central.

So let's stick together, okay?

Hey! Get away! Do not touch!

Sorry.

Car parts in this section ain't for sale.

- Don't touch none of that. - Nobody's touching anything.

What exactly is for sale here?

I'll show you.

Come on.

- You're in my seat. - Simon.

And hurry up. I wanna get in and out of this shithole

as fast as possible.

Excuse me,

but the Purgatory shithole is a rare geothermal occurrence

and bonafide tourist attraction.

Look, okay. Hey, not driving

gives you a chance to observe, and to guard the supplies.

He talked shit about our shithole.

You need BBD resources to do your job.

Your real job.

Stupid always persuasive Jeremy.

And when I say this thing is powerful, I mean it.

Do you see that red button?

Yes.

Never use it.

Unless it's Apocalypse Now time.

And I'm not talking the movie, I'm saying the two words,

together.

What is with all the disguised GPS trackers, man?

- Oh, this... - This isn't BBD tech.

Maybe Waverly can dig something up.

Hey. Maybe just, like, never ever, ever

press that button!

God, I don't even know why I put that in there.

There's the constant panic and second-guessing I've missed.

Love you, Jer-bear!

- Love you. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

No, no, no, no.

Wynonna, please.

- I'm just kidding. - I won't do it.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Okay, yeah.

Okay, bye.

Do let me know if you two are looking for anything

in particular.

Any vintage...

- ...silverware? - Cutlery?

Knives.

Little bigger.

- Say, swords? - Planning to storm a castle?

Got a princess to save?

- Halloween costume. - I'm going as She-Ra.

Oh, my God, I would die.

Oh, it's Wynonna.

I should probably take this.

Hey, sis. What's going on?

Did you get my text?

Nicole.

It's good to see you again.

Careful, Margo.

We've recently come into some lovely rings,

should you have a need for one.

Now that your Waverly

has been returned safely to you.

Which reminds me,

it's time for you to deliver.

Stay away from us.

Love wins, after all.

What? You're where?

Doing a thing in a truck.

Can you just peep the symbol on that rock real quick?

What truck?

Just... A white truck?

Wynonna.

Ugh. My sister. Pfft.

Apparently, this truck is also delivering wieners,

because there's a huge one right next to me.

That's an inside joke, it's not about you.

Hey, I'm actually looking for Peacemaker.

Oh, my God, thank you so much, baby girl.

Yeah, so whatever one-act play this is...

Just take a look at the symbol, okay?

I'll explain the ween-scene later.

Okay.

Yay, research!

I don't recognize it.

Uh... It could be a pictograph?

Or a rune?

I'll look into it more when I get home.

Alright, thanks Nerdely.

You're the best.

Ain't nothing out here.

It's beautiful.

Oh God, this town.

Of course.

We should check it out.

We should not get ourselves killed.

I can't believe I'm saying this

in the year of our lord...

Whatever it is, I've lost track.

It's our job.

This is demon shit.

This is a robbery!

Someone's trying to steal our booze!

And food and medicine!

Who cares about these townies?!

I care.

I actually do.

Yeah, some of them might be meatballs.

Mega meatballs, if they live here.

But they're my meatballs.

And you don't get to call them that, wiener.

I do. 'Cause I'm a Purgatorian.

What a hero.

And I'm sure they'll thank you by giving you super gonorrhea

when they're not trying to string you up,

and I ain't dying for this dirt town

and its dirt people.

You don't even have an Arby's.

We have a guy named Arby!

And the diaper is just 'cause he's busy!

Come on, sucker.

Ahh! Ooh!

- Wynonna? - Doc?

You're working for the BBD?

You're robbing stagecoaches?

So, have you seen this Fleabag thing

everyone's talking about?

Well, well.

Professor Trash himself,

putting the "man" back in "manicure".

What are you doing here?

Do I need to sing my hit single

My Toilet Was My Kitchen again? 'Cause...

You don't need to be embarrassed by this.

- Are you nuts? - Yeah. I am.

We've been over this. That's why we're... buds.

- Okay. My mom is strict. - Okay, she's like super strict.

- She's not gonna get you. - Okay. Chill, Bill.

I only came to say that...

Even if your family sucks,

you don't. I think you...

opposite of suck?

Confessing this crush is going great.

Crush?

Don't say that, alright, just not here.

You have to leave, now.

Easier ways to say you feel different.

That's not what I said.

Can we go now?

- Who's this lil' hothead? - Like, right now.

- Yeah, sure. - Whatever you want.

I'll keep an eye out for any big old knives.

You saw Jeremy, and you didn't tell me?

- Literallyjust happened. - He's fine.

He's probably a hostage,

which you just bought into Black Badge's gaslighting.

Rule number one, Wynonna,

we do not work for the enemy.

We both know that rule number one

is triple check the birth control,

and those who live in I'm-robbing-supply-trucks-houses

shouldn't throw BBD stones.

- And you are better than this. - With or without Peacemaker.

And you're better than playing petty sidekick

to some, what? Wannabe mobster demon?

Says the woman in the BBD jumpsuit,

taking orders from the same bastards

that did what they did to Dolls!

What do you want me to do?!

I want you to act like Wyatt Earp's

great-great-granddaughter.

Even if you did lose his magic gun!

Oh, balls.

Whether you like it or not,

I will be liberating this whisky.

Ha... Wrong.

Can't take me with it, can you?

Oh, do not commit such a childish act.

- Oh, you wanna see childish? - How about this...

...is childish.

To prove a very adult point, though.

Very grown up...

...sexy point.

Wynonna, give me the keys.

My wiener has them.

Simon. The driver.

Speaking of wieners, I bet you this crate has condoms.

I got some tools in my car.

It is up the road.

I shall grab them.

And I suppose I shall liberate you too.

With the wind blowing east,

you can really smell the shithole.

I thought you'd have better taste.

You brought Earps onto our land.

Rachel isn't even an Earp.

Earp lover though, ain't she?

You connected her to us.

That's on you. You know what's gotta happen.

Please. I'll make it right.

I found that photo of you two in your bunk.

Should come in handy if you don't.

Don't make me reap that girl.

Another one?

Okay, okay.

You are not a piece of GPS tech.

You... are...

definitely evil and creepy as hell.

And I respect you.

Let's just go our separate ways.

Not footsteps. Just wind.

So much wind you could poop your pants.

Doc?

Doc!

♪ Oh what a thrill ♪

♪ Thrill, thrill ♪

♪ Ooh wee ♪

♪ What a thrill ♪

I know you.

And you know me.

Shit.

♪ Yet such a thrill ♪

♪ Is a passing thing ♪

Doc!

Ahh!

Doc!

Oh stretch, you stupid bitch!

Oh, you're gonna regret that!

Oh, you brought claws to a guac fight.

Ahh!

Aren't you cold?

Decided against layering up with the suede vest

some dick gave me.

Well, leather jacket's cooler anyway.

It's not even mine.

Just like everything else in this place.

Okay.

I came to tell you that we can't hang out anymore.

And you wanted me to hold your hand

through dumping me?

Not like we were anything.

"Were" being the important part.

You've been marked.

By a rock with a big "C"?

It was just in the pocket of myjacket.

She marked you. But...

But, I said I was gonna make it right.

I want to make it right!

What the fucking fuck?

Geological?

A fossil?

Are you from the Badlands?

Rocks R Us?

Old west.

Cattle brand?

It is a cattle brand!

This infamous family of cattle rustlers

were on the opposing side of the Earps

during the shootout at the O.K. Corral.

"C" for Clantons.

The Clantons are in Purgatory!

Do you see the Reaper?

If it's coming for you, you can see it!

What are you talking about, a Reaper?

- Stay back, for your own good! - Stay back!

It's here, it's gotta be here!

And it's not gonna stop 'til it shreds her!

What the hell is this place?

It's the killing floor.

It led me right to the killing floor.

There was blood at the truck!

Doc!

- Shoot it! - Shoot what?

- There's only you! - Shoot!

Right there! Shoot!

I cannot see it!

I don't have my gun!

You have me, and mine.

There!

There! No!

Now!

It didn't work.

It's still coming!

It is high time we leave this place!

No! No, it's not gonna like that!

Yeah, well, I do not like it!

Stay the hell away from her!

No! Don't hurt him!

There's something wrong with him!

What's wrong is my family.

Clanton. You're a Clanton.

We're poison, cursed.

Always have been.

But I'm not going to hurt you.

What is he doing?

What are you doing? Billy!

Please, help him!

Billy, what are you doing?!

Oh, my God!

A soul for a soul.

My soul for her soul.

We are rooted together, enemies and kin.

But I sever that root, and I offer myself.

We must keep moving.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's gone.

It hated me, Doc.

It hates me so much.

I am here, my love.

I got you.

I got you.

What did you do?

Idiot, what did you do?

I have one covenant.

I used it for you.

You're safe now.

- From what? - What is she safe from?

The black sheep in a family that I don't wanna be a part of.

How many of you are there?

My brother, Holt, sister, Cleo. And Mam.

Oh God, Mam.

And the others.

They'll never stop coming for you.

I don't understand.

I think that you opposite-of-suck too.

Bye, Rachel.

Okay, shh shh, it's okay.

Okay, so...

we have more questions than ever,

but thanks to Billy, some answers.

The hunter, that only Wynonna could see,

it is under the sway of Wyatt Earp's

greatest enemies.

"C" For Clantons.

I always knew they were a plague

for which there is no cure.

Yeah, a disease that's already spread all over town.

The town they're running.

Sheriff Holt and Cocaine Cleo are Clantons?

Billy's brother and sister.

And that creature answers to them.

They sent it after me, specifically.

That's why only I could see it.

It hated me a lot.

Our bullets did nothing.

No, what stopped it was what happened here,

with Rachel's... friend.

He thought it was coming for me.

I found a rock in myjacket.

You mean...

You mean, myjacket.

Billy ceremonied and sacrificed something for me.

And I wasn't even really the target?

His emergency dental work somehow called off

the Clantons' pet.

- Reaper. - Billy called it a Reaper.

He saved you. We have to save him.

No, we will. Eventually.

But for now, everyone stay the hell away from them

until we come up with a plan.

I got a plan. Stab and stab until I make his family pay.

We will get him,

help him. Okay?

Yeah, but we do things here as a team.

- I work better alone. - Always have.

- You don't work at all. - You're 17 years old.

- Wait. - Hey.

Just let her go, guys.

She's earned the right to be that pissed.

But we have bigger things to worry about.

Like, we work as a team and part of our team is missing.

Let's get our nerd back.

Okay. So...

How do we get Jeremy away from the border,

- and Black Badge? - We tell the truth.

Then we beg.

Argh!

Look what you've done to yourself.

My sweet baby boy.

All for an Earp lover. What a waste.

Stop! You don't have to do this, okay?

Just let the old ways die.

If we do not honor our past,

we lose our future.

Don't kill her, Mam, please.

- For that whore? - Death would be a mercy.

But I'm not going to kill Rachel.

You are.

Billy's a kid.

He's impulsive.

He'll thank me for this one day.

Yeah, Mam, I mean, Billy messed up.

But we can teach him, you know, to respect tradition.

Because, dear daughter, you're so loyal to tradition.

Shall we begin?

While he's still out there?

Oh, come on. Why do we even still say this stuff?

It's not like it helped any other Clanton.

Ah! Ow!

Ow! You're hurting me!

Billy's not the only one who's impulsive.

Mam...

Mam, easy. Easy!

You needed some Clanton blood for something?

Those reapers are not attack dogs.

They're our ancestors!

You sent Uncle Ike after her?

Wynonna is weak. It is time!

Time?

- To go against me? - No, no.

Do you all forget who the Clanton heir is?

You are, Mam.

- Who? Who? - You! You are! You are!

You are!

And I alone dictate

when we unleash hell on the Earps.

Yes, Mam. Yes, Mam.

My plan is already in motion.

Ow, ow, ow!

Now, who's hungry?

We thank our kin for this feast,

and for the sin that roots us.

The power of vengeance will damn our enemies.

In the name of Clanton,

we vow to never forsaken.

Never forget.

And never forgive.

You can't just barge in, Arp!

Earp. Wynonna Fucking Earp.

I am the best damn demon hunter that Black Badge ever saw.

I'm Carol!

Look, Wynonna, you don't get it...

- No, you don't get it. - I'm done lying.

I'm done hiding.

But I just got beat by something...

...extremely balls-deep scary.

You okay?

Jeremy, I don't have Peacemaker.

Oy. That ain't kosher.

All I have is my people.

I need you back, Jeremy.

You, and Robin if he's here.

- He's safe. - Just keep him out of this, okay?

I need everybody.

So here's what's happens next, Blue Tang Jan.

- Wait, is that a fish joke? - I leave here with Jeremy.

Together, we take back the Black Badge offices

in Purgatory, we reinstate my posse of dipshits,

and we hunt some goddamn demons.

It's just, it's not that simple.

It can be.

Think of me like a goldfish.

Dumb and determined.

Agent...

Agent Earp.

Our bosses expect results.

And if you think I'm afraid of demons,

just wait until you meet upper management.

This is your call, Agent Chetri.

They can get it done.

With my help.

This team of yours must be pretty special.

The best.

Came to your senses in the nick of time.

- Mm-mm. - You bring what's due?

- I'm giving it back. - Because I owe you nothing.

Ha-ha! Is that how you figure it?

Doc and Waverly got themselves out of the garden. Not you.

Come on.

You may be dumbstruck for that Earp tart,

but you're not an idiot.

It's over.

Oh, honey.

It's just beginning.