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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,041 --> 00:00:02,177 Previously on Wynonna Earp. 2 00:00:02,201 --> 00:00:04,401 I am a fully grown half-angel. 3 00:00:04,481 --> 00:00:06,681 - I am the guardian. - I'm sworn to protect Waverly! 4 00:00:07,081 --> 00:00:09,097 They're working on some inter-dimensional gateway. 5 00:00:09,121 --> 00:00:11,001 It's the 2005 chili cook-off all over again. 6 00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,681 I'm gonna be waiting for you 7 00:00:12,761 --> 00:00:13,761 back in Purgatory. 8 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:15,281 Ahh! 9 00:00:15,361 --> 00:00:16,961 I'm here, and we gotta get back there! 10 00:00:17,041 --> 00:00:18,201 Ahh! 11 00:00:18,481 --> 00:00:19,481 No... 12 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,321 Waverly. 13 00:00:21,881 --> 00:00:24,041 - The town... - You've been gone 18 months, 14 00:00:24,121 --> 00:00:25,681 three weeks, and four days. 15 00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:27,641 All of you have. 16 00:00:33,761 --> 00:00:36,201 Someone has been handing out hemp neckties. 17 00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:38,561 That's a clear fashion don't. 18 00:00:39,361 --> 00:00:40,481 Who the hell? And why? 19 00:00:40,561 --> 00:00:41,681 Frontier justice. 20 00:00:41,761 --> 00:00:43,241 Retribution must not only be paid, 21 00:00:43,321 --> 00:00:44,841 it must be seen to be paid. 22 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:47,361 The old-timey version of "pics or it didn't happen". 23 00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:49,881 Something here is pretty off. 24 00:00:50,281 --> 00:00:51,281 Shorty's. 25 00:00:51,361 --> 00:00:53,297 We think better with a little fire in our bellies. 26 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,521 Uh, Nedley and I were here, 27 00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:03,761 after you followed Waverly up the stairs. 28 00:01:03,841 --> 00:01:05,161 We drank your tequila, 29 00:01:05,961 --> 00:01:07,561 uh, but we did not macramé. 30 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,161 So unless this is just a surprise makeover 31 00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:11,801 by The Property Brothers... 32 00:01:12,921 --> 00:01:14,561 On occasion, I will put it on 33 00:01:14,881 --> 00:01:17,121 in the middle of the afternoon, if I have cleaning to do. 34 00:01:19,241 --> 00:01:20,321 What is this menu? 35 00:01:20,401 --> 00:01:22,721 "Gunfight At The Okra Corral." 36 00:01:22,961 --> 00:01:24,521 What the hell is a "Cock Holliday"? 37 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:27,201 It says it is chicken bone broth. 38 00:01:27,281 --> 00:01:29,481 - Is that not simply soup? - Wynonna? 39 00:01:29,561 --> 00:01:30,961 Chrissy Nedley. 40 00:01:31,041 --> 00:01:32,841 Are you a sight for sore livers. 41 00:01:32,921 --> 00:01:35,721 - How dare you?! - Hey, whoa! 42 00:01:35,801 --> 00:01:37,401 What the fig, Chrissy?! 43 00:01:37,481 --> 00:01:38,801 - Wynonna. - Ahh! 44 00:01:43,081 --> 00:01:44,081 Let her go. 45 00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:50,297 Alright, say your piece, Chrissy. 46 00:01:50,321 --> 00:01:51,737 Say your piece, Chrissy, just say your piece. 47 00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:53,761 If you wanna chat, I can chat. I'm a good listener. 48 00:01:53,841 --> 00:01:56,681 Wynonna Earp, I am placing you under citizen's arrest. 49 00:01:56,761 --> 00:01:58,681 For the murder of my father. 50 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,721 Randall Nedley. 51 00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:07,681 It's just so good to be home. 52 00:02:12,041 --> 00:02:15,001 ♪ 'Cause I gave you all I got to give ♪ 53 00:02:15,081 --> 00:02:16,841 ♪ I know that ain't no way to live ♪ 54 00:02:16,921 --> 00:02:19,361 ♪ So I told that devil ♪ 55 00:02:19,441 --> 00:02:21,641 ♪ To take you back ♪ 56 00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:24,761 ♪ I told that devil ♪ 57 00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:26,681 ♪ To take you back ♪ 58 00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:29,401 I would never hurt Nedley! 59 00:02:29,481 --> 00:02:31,201 As if we'd take the word of an Earp! 60 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:32,721 Your dad did. He trusted me! 61 00:02:32,801 --> 00:02:35,081 - Unhand her at once! - Nedley can't be dead. 62 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,400 We demand proof. 63 00:02:36,401 --> 00:02:38,281 He was last seen with Wynonna. 64 00:02:38,361 --> 00:02:40,377 And that's when she disappeared for a year and a half! 65 00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:42,721 - What a coincidence! - Your dad was helping me! 66 00:02:42,801 --> 00:02:43,921 He was hurt, 67 00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,841 but I left him safe with Mercedes! 68 00:02:45,921 --> 00:02:47,201 Wait. When did you say? 69 00:02:47,281 --> 00:02:49,201 - We were gone mere days. - You lie. 70 00:02:49,281 --> 00:02:50,281 No, no! 71 00:02:50,321 --> 00:02:51,521 We've been waiting too long. 72 00:02:51,601 --> 00:02:52,681 No! 73 00:02:56,121 --> 00:02:58,001 Doc! 74 00:02:58,081 --> 00:03:00,521 Wynonna! 75 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,281 Put the rope down and back away from the woman. 76 00:03:06,961 --> 00:03:07,961 Sheriff. 77 00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:09,921 - That's not the sheriff. - Where's Nicole? 78 00:03:12,721 --> 00:03:13,921 Miss Chrissy, 79 00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,521 your dad lived his life for the law. 80 00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:17,377 What would he think of your behavior now? 81 00:03:17,401 --> 00:03:18,841 - You didn't know him. - No. 82 00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:20,961 But I do know this is not the way we do things 83 00:03:21,041 --> 00:03:22,121 in Purgatory. 84 00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:24,321 We want justice! 85 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:28,400 Thank you. 86 00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:29,681 Yeah, this isn't right! 87 00:03:29,761 --> 00:03:31,041 Just like the criminal vermin 88 00:03:31,121 --> 00:03:33,041 we hung last Monday, 89 00:03:33,121 --> 00:03:35,201 Miss Earp shall have a trial first. 90 00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,441 Get Waverly! Get Nicole! 91 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,041 I shall get everyone. 92 00:03:49,841 --> 00:03:51,001 - Sup? - Whoa! 93 00:03:52,561 --> 00:03:54,521 Valdez. Rachel Valdez. 94 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:55,601 Hi. 95 00:03:55,761 --> 00:03:57,601 - I'm, uh... - Cold? 96 00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:01,001 Yeah. Frozen. 97 00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:02,801 I mean, I'm practically Elsa! 98 00:04:04,601 --> 00:04:06,761 - I had no idea you were... - Kombucha? 99 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,680 Pardon? 100 00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,681 - I make it myself. - And after last night, 101 00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:12,081 I bet you need some hydration. 102 00:04:12,761 --> 00:04:14,761 Mmm. 103 00:04:15,681 --> 00:04:16,841 Microbes. 104 00:04:17,761 --> 00:04:19,201 So, you're staying here? 105 00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:22,801 Batman in the microwave! 106 00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:24,401 What? What is that? 107 00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,721 - There's something in the trap. - Which one? 108 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,361 - Behind the barn. - What are we trapping? 109 00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:32,361 Monsters. 110 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,600 Huh. 111 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,201 There's ten traps on the homestead. 112 00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:45,401 We gotta do a full circuit check every two hours. 113 00:04:45,481 --> 00:04:47,321 I thought that the curse was broken. 114 00:04:47,401 --> 00:04:48,561 Traps aren't for revenants. 115 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,417 There's all sorts of things in the woods now. 116 00:04:50,441 --> 00:04:51,761 And one of them, 117 00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:53,881 this big ugly troll, wants in here bad. 118 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,521 Oh, tarnation! 119 00:04:57,961 --> 00:05:00,001 Thank you for the exceptionally tight welcome. 120 00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:03,121 Rachel, Doc, Doc, Rachel. 121 00:05:03,201 --> 00:05:04,241 Sup? 122 00:05:04,921 --> 00:05:05,921 Don't move. 123 00:05:06,961 --> 00:05:08,881 I am rather determined not to. 124 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:12,121 Ohh! 125 00:05:13,081 --> 00:05:14,881 It is good to see you, Sheriff Haught. 126 00:05:15,761 --> 00:05:17,881 Yeah, well, these days, it's just Nicole, or... 127 00:05:17,961 --> 00:05:19,201 "that crazy ginger bitch." 128 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,160 God, it's... 129 00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:24,801 I'm so, so glad you made it, Henry. 130 00:05:24,881 --> 00:05:25,921 Ugh! 131 00:05:26,121 --> 00:05:27,881 You smell aggressively bad. 132 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,041 Yeah, we use skunk juice to bait the traps. 133 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,697 Wynonna isn't marinating in skunk juice 134 00:05:31,721 --> 00:05:32,841 in one of these, is she? 135 00:05:32,921 --> 00:05:34,881 - Wynonna is in jail. - What? 136 00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:36,121 They have framed her. 137 00:05:36,561 --> 00:05:38,401 For the murder of Randy Nedley. 138 00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:41,321 Who are you? 139 00:05:41,721 --> 00:05:42,857 You can call me the Sheriff. 140 00:05:42,881 --> 00:05:44,841 Okay, then you can call me an Uber. 141 00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:47,401 Ooh! Uh... 142 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,121 Back away from the glass, 6-1-3-3. 143 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,160 Dude... 144 00:05:51,161 --> 00:05:52,937 There's a guy in there, I'm not going in there. 145 00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:54,321 Yeah, main cell's chock-a-block. 146 00:05:54,401 --> 00:05:56,681 But believe you me, he's far from the worst of 'em. 147 00:05:59,081 --> 00:06:00,201 Uh... 148 00:06:00,521 --> 00:06:02,441 Assless chap? I want my phone call! 149 00:06:03,641 --> 00:06:05,841 - I want my phone call! - Sorry, I can't hear you. 150 00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:08,001 I demand a phone call! 151 00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:13,881 - Who are you? - Casey. You? 152 00:06:14,801 --> 00:06:16,081 Local nogoodnik, Wynonna Earp. 153 00:06:16,161 --> 00:06:17,881 Ahh! 154 00:06:18,401 --> 00:06:19,601 I thought I'd be safe in here! 155 00:06:19,681 --> 00:06:21,177 Wow. Didn't even have to steal your pudding cup 156 00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:22,641 to establish who's boss. Nice. 157 00:06:22,721 --> 00:06:25,881 From demons and famous demon hunters. 158 00:06:28,761 --> 00:06:30,161 Back up one sec. 159 00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:33,201 Pretend I haven't been here for, say, a year and a half, 160 00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:34,801 and just explain to me. 161 00:06:34,881 --> 00:06:36,177 Uh, since the town was evacuated 162 00:06:36,201 --> 00:06:38,161 - for the forest fires? - Say, I remember that. 163 00:06:38,721 --> 00:06:40,281 Oh, well, the townspeople left, 164 00:06:40,481 --> 00:06:41,521 but demons came. 165 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,337 You know when there's, like, a bush party? 166 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,121 And nobody knows who started it, 167 00:06:45,201 --> 00:06:47,121 but everybody hears about it somehow? 168 00:06:47,201 --> 00:06:48,417 They all just started showing up. 169 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:49,801 Everybody shows up for bush. 170 00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:52,201 Yeah, the townspeople were allowed to come back home, 171 00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:54,081 and there was, like, an ongoing demon rager, 172 00:06:54,161 --> 00:06:55,681 centered around the woods. 173 00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:58,561 - The stairs. - I'm not, I'm not staring! 174 00:06:58,641 --> 00:06:59,921 Also I'm only a half-demon! 175 00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:01,257 So, you know, please don't shoot! 176 00:07:01,281 --> 00:07:02,361 Casey, don't be a weenie. 177 00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:04,201 I don't even have my gun anymore. 178 00:07:04,281 --> 00:07:05,281 In here... 179 00:07:06,161 --> 00:07:07,761 Obviously, the Sheriff would've taken it. 180 00:07:08,441 --> 00:07:09,841 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. 181 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,281 So the woods are full of monsters. 182 00:07:14,161 --> 00:07:15,201 Crawling with 'em. 183 00:07:15,441 --> 00:07:18,081 These days, the only place scarier than in here... 184 00:07:18,721 --> 00:07:19,721 is out there. 185 00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,841 I have a half-knitted scarf I was making him for Christmas. 186 00:07:45,481 --> 00:07:46,961 His waders are still in the barn. 187 00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:48,201 Yeah. I know, Waves. 188 00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:50,561 It's tough to think of a world without Randy Nedley. 189 00:07:50,641 --> 00:07:53,801 How can he just... be gone? 190 00:07:54,361 --> 00:07:56,881 It was months of chaos after the evacuation ended. 191 00:07:57,001 --> 00:07:58,881 People came back, yeah, but... 192 00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:01,041 to be blunt, others just disappeared. 193 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,040 Kate? 194 00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:04,737 I saw her on one of the evacuation trains. 195 00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:05,761 But beyond that... 196 00:08:06,081 --> 00:08:07,521 But Jeremy? And Robin? 197 00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:09,081 Jeremy's getting by, 198 00:08:09,161 --> 00:08:11,001 though I haven't heard from him in months. 199 00:08:11,961 --> 00:08:12,961 Robin... 200 00:08:15,601 --> 00:08:17,017 How could we have been in that garden 201 00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:18,081 for a year and a half? 202 00:08:18,201 --> 00:08:21,201 - We were not. - Time must be differentiated, 203 00:08:21,281 --> 00:08:22,481 fluid in some manner. 204 00:08:22,841 --> 00:08:25,401 Yeah, God, it's such a mind-frog. 205 00:08:25,481 --> 00:08:27,001 I mean, how old even am I? 206 00:08:28,321 --> 00:08:29,761 I missed so many Property Brothers! 207 00:08:30,881 --> 00:08:31,881 I feel that. 208 00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:34,041 At least if we'd have lived the past 18 months, 209 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,401 it would be easier to... 210 00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,721 There was nothing easy about those months. Not a thing. 211 00:08:37,921 --> 00:08:39,521 No, I didn't mean it like that. 212 00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:42,201 Not like that at all. 213 00:08:42,681 --> 00:08:43,961 There's no almond milk. 214 00:08:44,161 --> 00:08:46,601 It's still hard to get some things. Sorry. 215 00:08:47,161 --> 00:08:49,961 Please don't say you're sorry anymore, okay? 216 00:08:50,481 --> 00:08:51,601 You don't need to be. 217 00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,401 What you have done, Sheriff... 218 00:08:57,321 --> 00:08:58,321 Nicole... 219 00:08:59,001 --> 00:09:00,201 is nothing short of heroic. 220 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,177 In the face of all adversity, 221 00:09:02,201 --> 00:09:04,081 you alone kept the homestead safe. 222 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,081 I had Rachel. 223 00:09:07,441 --> 00:09:08,801 And the Earp shotguns. 224 00:09:10,241 --> 00:09:12,401 And Wynonna still hasn't come home. 225 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,521 They have to let us see her. 226 00:09:15,961 --> 00:09:18,521 Wynonna said she last left Nedley with Mercedes. 227 00:09:19,081 --> 00:09:21,161 - What is the news on her? - It's not good. 228 00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:23,057 There's a new demon bar out on Horsehead Trail. 229 00:09:23,081 --> 00:09:25,441 And though, given the circumstances, 230 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:26,761 it is but a trifle... 231 00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:30,401 is there word of my Charlene? 232 00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:32,201 ♪ Tell your mama ♪ 233 00:09:32,881 --> 00:09:33,881 ♪ Tell your pa ♪ 234 00:09:34,521 --> 00:09:37,081 ♪ Tell your daddy what you never saw ♪ 235 00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:38,921 ♪ You can run out ♪ 236 00:09:39,521 --> 00:09:40,521 Woo-hoo! 237 00:09:40,601 --> 00:09:42,201 ♪ Run out that door ♪ 238 00:09:50,681 --> 00:09:52,841 Vacation is over, assholes. 239 00:09:54,321 --> 00:09:57,241 It is time for a Holliday. 240 00:10:00,081 --> 00:10:01,481 The club is members only. 241 00:10:02,521 --> 00:10:03,761 Well, here are my dues. 242 00:10:06,521 --> 00:10:08,361 Salutations, Patrons of... 243 00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:10,401 The Glory Hole? 244 00:10:11,881 --> 00:10:13,921 Is that really the name of this latrine? 245 00:10:14,241 --> 00:10:16,481 "Why should I obtain by force 246 00:10:16,561 --> 00:10:19,321 that which I can obtain by cheating?" 247 00:10:20,281 --> 00:10:22,721 John Henry Holliday, 248 00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:25,401 born 1851, Griffin, Georgia. 249 00:10:26,241 --> 00:10:27,241 Amon. 250 00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:30,801 I'm the proprietor of this latrine. 251 00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:33,561 You sure you wouldn't rather cheat than force your way in? 252 00:10:33,921 --> 00:10:35,361 Bring me Ms. Gardner. 253 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,321 Unless you fancy kissing hardwood too. 254 00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:39,401 Hmm, well... 255 00:10:40,281 --> 00:10:41,801 There were parts of that scenario 256 00:10:41,881 --> 00:10:44,201 which I found enticing. 257 00:10:46,841 --> 00:10:48,921 Big fan, Mr. H. 258 00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:52,481 It's a demon bar. 259 00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:56,921 You think we're not thrilled to welcome an undead legend? 260 00:11:00,161 --> 00:11:01,881 Not the worst thing I've been called. 261 00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:06,921 Welcome to my Glory Hole. 262 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,921 That's right, bonbons. 263 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,121 It's time for your nicest vice, 264 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,721 the mistress of the ruthless. 265 00:11:15,921 --> 00:11:17,121 Portia Control. 266 00:11:17,201 --> 00:11:19,721 ♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪ 267 00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:22,321 ♪ See the city lights, it's the red light district ♪ 268 00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:25,281 ♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪ 269 00:11:27,681 --> 00:11:30,041 If they think they're gonna lock up my sister 270 00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:32,361 for the maybe murder of my favorite Sheriff, 271 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,121 present company excepted, of course. 272 00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:35,521 Present company not the Sheriff. 273 00:11:35,681 --> 00:11:37,681 Yeah, and what the hell's that about?! 274 00:11:37,761 --> 00:11:39,481 Yeah. You haven't met the "they" yet. 275 00:11:39,881 --> 00:11:41,601 Nicole. I am gonna go to town 276 00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,441 and I am gonna kick so much ass, 277 00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:44,881 I might go up a shoe size. 278 00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:47,921 God, I've missed you, Waverly Earp. 279 00:11:49,721 --> 00:11:51,521 Though how do I, an adult woman, 280 00:11:51,601 --> 00:11:53,321 own this many fuzzy garments? 281 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,561 It's only cause I organized it by fabric. 282 00:11:55,921 --> 00:11:57,801 I did faux fur, flirty florals, 283 00:11:57,881 --> 00:11:59,041 feminine flannels... 284 00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:01,841 You saved it all. 285 00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:04,041 So carefully. 286 00:12:04,521 --> 00:12:05,777 Yeah, everything I could, anyway. 287 00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,241 A little help here, please! 288 00:12:07,321 --> 00:12:09,961 Geez. Hey, Rachel! 289 00:12:10,441 --> 00:12:12,161 Not like that! 290 00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:14,881 Honestly, it's like this girl has never milked a skunk before. 291 00:12:16,481 --> 00:12:18,641 You're saying all these words like they make sense. 292 00:12:19,241 --> 00:12:20,681 I gotta go save her from herself. 293 00:12:21,721 --> 00:12:23,441 Come back safe, okay? Again. 294 00:12:24,601 --> 00:12:26,161 And with Wynonna this time. 295 00:12:26,241 --> 00:12:27,761 I just need your juice! 296 00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:28,921 Okay. 297 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,121 What are you in for? 298 00:12:36,201 --> 00:12:37,881 I splatowed one of my customers. 299 00:12:38,241 --> 00:12:39,481 I thought she was a Medusa. 300 00:12:39,561 --> 00:12:42,161 - 'Cause of how high you were? - No, because she was a Medusa. 301 00:12:45,241 --> 00:12:47,921 If Purgatory's such a hellhole now, why stay? 302 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,441 Wait... How'd you get around the problem of the border? 303 00:12:51,881 --> 00:12:53,121 What problem with the border? 304 00:12:53,161 --> 00:12:54,961 Oh, did I not mention that? 305 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,441 Okay... 306 00:12:56,521 --> 00:12:58,281 After all the demons moth-to-a-flamed 307 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,001 the Ghost River Triangle, some government dickpickle 308 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,321 set up, like, a quarantine around the place. 309 00:13:03,401 --> 00:13:05,321 Whoa, whoa, whoa, so, people can't get out now? 310 00:13:05,361 --> 00:13:07,161 Demons can't. Reg peeps can. 311 00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:08,521 Good. 312 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,201 Wait. Not criminals! 313 00:13:10,281 --> 00:13:12,321 There's no way in Herojuana they're lettin' you out. 314 00:13:12,361 --> 00:13:14,841 This is a Russian doll of suckage. 315 00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:17,681 Inside an arbitrary border, there's a hellmouth, 316 00:13:17,761 --> 00:13:19,121 inside that's a demon bush party, 317 00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:20,721 inside that is a jail, 318 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,041 and inside that, 319 00:13:22,121 --> 00:13:24,001 I'm at the mercy of a Dukes of Hazzard reject 320 00:13:24,081 --> 00:13:25,841 who wouldn't know justice if it splatowed him 321 00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:28,001 in his butter sculpture face. 322 00:13:28,081 --> 00:13:29,841 Ms. Earp? You have a visitor. 323 00:13:29,921 --> 00:13:30,921 Good. 324 00:13:31,921 --> 00:13:33,081 Give me a heads up next time. 325 00:13:33,241 --> 00:13:34,241 You were in the zone. 326 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,201 My client has the right to a trial. 327 00:13:36,281 --> 00:13:37,841 Your sister will get one. 328 00:13:38,161 --> 00:13:39,577 That's the whole reason I brought her in, 329 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,041 instead of letting the town hang her. 330 00:13:42,161 --> 00:13:43,881 I'm issuing a writ of habeas corpus. 331 00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:45,241 No! 332 00:13:45,321 --> 00:13:47,297 These dickpickles are gonna have to show us a body. 333 00:13:47,321 --> 00:13:49,721 That is literally what "habeas corpus" means. 334 00:13:49,801 --> 00:13:51,617 You two wanna let me know when you're done slap-fighting 335 00:13:51,641 --> 00:13:53,121 'cause I've got a hell of a backlog. 336 00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:54,281 Oh, you've got a backlog? 337 00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:56,361 Buddy, apparently I haven't pooped in 18 months. 338 00:13:57,201 --> 00:13:58,201 I have a backlog. 339 00:13:59,761 --> 00:14:01,137 Motion to strike that from the record. 340 00:14:01,161 --> 00:14:02,161 Motion denied. 341 00:14:02,921 --> 00:14:04,841 Nice of you to join us, Magistrate. 342 00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,721 - Mm-hmm. - Magistrate? 343 00:14:08,201 --> 00:14:09,897 The family member here would like to register 344 00:14:09,921 --> 00:14:11,481 a judicial complaint, Your Honor. 345 00:14:11,561 --> 00:14:12,601 Yeah, I don't do those. 346 00:14:12,681 --> 00:14:14,321 I just like the part where I'm all judgy. 347 00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:16,321 It's regarding the Earp case. 348 00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:22,281 That's her? 349 00:14:23,121 --> 00:14:24,121 That? 350 00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:26,041 Uh, "that" can hear you. 351 00:14:26,121 --> 00:14:28,161 Um, we need to manage this one carefully. 352 00:14:28,561 --> 00:14:30,481 There was an incident downtown, and... 353 00:14:30,561 --> 00:14:33,041 - people are watching. - Ooh, fun. 354 00:14:33,121 --> 00:14:35,801 Uh, can we not refer to the attempted execution 355 00:14:35,881 --> 00:14:37,481 of my client as "fun"? 356 00:14:38,601 --> 00:14:40,321 Can I speak to you for a moment privately? 357 00:14:40,561 --> 00:14:41,561 In my office? 358 00:14:43,361 --> 00:14:44,521 Cute outfit. 359 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,457 Is this our plan? Is this our entire plan? 360 00:14:50,481 --> 00:14:51,681 No, of course not. 361 00:14:51,761 --> 00:14:53,577 Wynonna, we're gonna prove you didn't kill Nedley. 362 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,520 - Yeah. - Yeah. 363 00:14:54,521 --> 00:14:56,041 Doc's all over it. 364 00:14:58,801 --> 00:15:01,521 ♪ Do you wanna go downtown ♪ 365 00:15:04,281 --> 00:15:05,801 Behave, bunnies. 366 00:15:06,441 --> 00:15:07,441 Or don't. 367 00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,041 What a dame. 368 00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:14,761 Do you want another Brandy Alexander? 369 00:15:15,841 --> 00:15:17,681 I wish I could offer you something different, 370 00:15:17,761 --> 00:15:21,401 but my supply trucks keep getting eaten by the woods. 371 00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:25,881 And what with this county technically dry these days... 372 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:30,881 Doc! 373 00:15:31,441 --> 00:15:32,881 What a relief it is to see you. 374 00:15:33,521 --> 00:15:36,001 And a let-down to smell you. 375 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:38,680 Well, careful now. 376 00:15:38,681 --> 00:15:40,321 You will make your bunnies jealous. 377 00:15:40,681 --> 00:15:42,161 Theyjust love when I serve them up 378 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,521 all that bloodsucker realness. 379 00:15:45,041 --> 00:15:47,281 Who turned you? Was it Kate? 380 00:15:47,761 --> 00:15:49,361 What? I'm not a vamp! 381 00:15:50,481 --> 00:15:51,721 Realness means faking it. 382 00:15:51,801 --> 00:15:53,561 God. Keep up! 383 00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:56,161 Wait, so you are not actually a demon? 384 00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:57,841 I just let them think that I am, 385 00:15:57,881 --> 00:15:59,561 because it's safer that way. 386 00:16:00,121 --> 00:16:02,321 What does that tell you about what this town has become? 387 00:16:03,201 --> 00:16:04,881 Please tell me everyone's okay, Doc. 388 00:16:04,961 --> 00:16:07,361 - Waverly is fine. - Wynonna is in jail. 389 00:16:07,881 --> 00:16:09,881 Frick. I was worried about that. 390 00:16:09,961 --> 00:16:11,401 What really happened to Nedley? 391 00:16:12,881 --> 00:16:14,521 When Wynonna left him with me, 392 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,161 I tried my best to Meredith Grey 393 00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,881 that magnificent old bitch back to health. 394 00:16:17,961 --> 00:16:20,081 But eventually, he did a runner on me. 395 00:16:20,241 --> 00:16:21,241 Why? 396 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,921 He was oozing. And he smelled. 397 00:16:24,321 --> 00:16:26,641 Like a teen boy's feet, coated in blue cheese. 398 00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:27,721 Worse than you! 399 00:16:28,841 --> 00:16:30,281 You paint quite a picture, Portia. 400 00:16:30,361 --> 00:16:31,561 I tried my best. 401 00:16:32,721 --> 00:16:34,161 But this place was getting real. 402 00:16:34,241 --> 00:16:36,001 And after a few days, he just... 403 00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:38,241 he took off into the woods. 404 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,161 Where the monsters are. 405 00:16:44,161 --> 00:16:46,081 You must come and attest to that. 406 00:16:46,161 --> 00:16:48,081 Doc, this isn't the world that you all left. 407 00:16:48,161 --> 00:16:49,921 We must produce Nedley, 408 00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:51,961 either alive or dead, we must find him. 409 00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:55,361 I can tell you where the people-eater is, 410 00:16:56,481 --> 00:16:57,601 it's out at Grizzly Flats. 411 00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,681 Maybe you'll find something to show them. 412 00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,417 Doc, they say it's claws are like if Wolverine 413 00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:02,801 impregnated a chainsaw. 414 00:17:04,321 --> 00:17:05,321 Thank you, Mercedes. 415 00:17:11,641 --> 00:17:13,441 Oh! 416 00:17:13,521 --> 00:17:14,721 Can we try a jailbreak? 417 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,617 No! They've got a lot of guys working for them, 418 00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:17,801 - whatever they are. - Yeah. 419 00:17:17,881 --> 00:17:19,441 - What if they're all demons? - Exactly, 420 00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:21,361 and I don't have my... 421 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,241 ...shiny thing that makes with the peace. 422 00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:24,881 - Shit. - Ahem! 423 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,641 I have an announcement to make! 424 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:28,921 So! 425 00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:33,841 You think that our jails 426 00:17:33,921 --> 00:17:36,401 are too crowded, and our courts are too slow? 427 00:17:36,481 --> 00:17:39,001 Think there's nothing to do in this lame-ass town? 428 00:17:39,081 --> 00:17:41,641 Think we need a little bit more junk in our trunks? 429 00:17:41,721 --> 00:17:43,801 - Is she asking me? - And as always, 430 00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:45,441 we aim to please, 431 00:17:45,521 --> 00:17:47,401 and we're here to fix any problem 432 00:17:47,481 --> 00:17:49,881 you guys think you might have. So... 433 00:17:50,121 --> 00:17:53,121 lock up your daughters, and lube up your saucepans! 434 00:17:53,561 --> 00:17:56,801 All of our jailbirds will be competing for one, 435 00:17:56,881 --> 00:17:59,481 yes, one, get-out-of-jail-free card. 436 00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:01,081 - In the first ever... - What? 437 00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:04,241 ...Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off 438 00:18:04,641 --> 00:18:06,601 For Freedom! Yay! 439 00:18:08,641 --> 00:18:11,321 Is... Is this real life? 440 00:18:11,961 --> 00:18:13,721 - Might be for you. - But I'm dead. 441 00:18:22,921 --> 00:18:25,481 Hope you're ready to stumble! 442 00:18:25,841 --> 00:18:28,281 'Cause this tummy is starting to grumble! 443 00:18:28,721 --> 00:18:29,801 Woo! 444 00:18:29,881 --> 00:18:32,881 She is Grade A, USDA certifiable. 445 00:18:32,961 --> 00:18:34,297 Hey, just be glad you weren't here 446 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:37,561 for the Tops-Off-Dance-Off For Freedom! 447 00:18:37,801 --> 00:18:38,841 Every month or so, 448 00:18:38,921 --> 00:18:41,201 the Magistrate manages to out-whackadoo herself. 449 00:18:41,281 --> 00:18:42,921 - I don't get it. - What's her endgame? 450 00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:45,681 Ugh, classic bread and circuses, brah. 451 00:18:45,881 --> 00:18:47,841 Keep the populace fed and entertained, 452 00:18:48,081 --> 00:18:50,401 and you can get away with all kinds of devilry. 453 00:18:50,481 --> 00:18:52,617 Yup. Okay, your trash talk is a little all over the place. 454 00:18:52,641 --> 00:18:54,561 Hey, they set people free after these contests. 455 00:18:55,081 --> 00:18:56,081 I've seen it. 456 00:18:56,121 --> 00:18:58,201 What if this is the only chance for us to get out? 457 00:19:00,161 --> 00:19:01,161 Wynonna! 458 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:02,601 Hi. 459 00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:04,321 Haught. 460 00:19:07,401 --> 00:19:08,761 Thanks for getting her home. 461 00:19:09,201 --> 00:19:10,801 I only did it for me. 462 00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:12,801 Yeah, like everything you've ever done. 463 00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:15,201 It's been a while. 464 00:19:16,761 --> 00:19:18,041 A long while, apparently. 465 00:19:19,081 --> 00:19:20,401 - How you holding up? - Peachy. 466 00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:23,001 Hey. I brought a few things from home. 467 00:19:23,401 --> 00:19:24,441 Is that against the rules? 468 00:19:24,481 --> 00:19:25,697 Uh, I feel like the only rule 469 00:19:25,721 --> 00:19:27,561 is don't tell the Empress she's got no clothes. 470 00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,761 Well, she's def got no panties. 471 00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:33,361 What? She jumped up on a desk. I couldn't help it. 472 00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:35,441 Is she waxed? 473 00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:37,041 - Fudge! - And that's the first toot 474 00:19:37,121 --> 00:19:40,161 of the Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off For Freedom! 475 00:19:40,521 --> 00:19:42,121 With a lot more toots to follow. 476 00:19:42,521 --> 00:19:43,881 Now, get cooking, left-swipes! 477 00:19:44,881 --> 00:19:47,041 - Cook! - Do I put the cheese in first? 478 00:19:47,121 --> 00:19:48,401 - Probably, right? - No... 479 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,000 - Okay. - Okay. 480 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:51,961 - Yup. - Yup. 481 00:19:51,962 --> 00:19:53,042 We're on it. We're on it. 482 00:20:26,521 --> 00:20:27,681 Ohh... 483 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,201 Oh, sweet honey-lamb. 484 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,241 Come closer, now. 485 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:53,441 It is time we met. 486 00:20:58,361 --> 00:20:59,841 Woo! You want a t-shirt?! 487 00:20:59,921 --> 00:21:00,921 You want a t-shirt? 488 00:21:00,961 --> 00:21:03,041 And you get a t-shirt! Oh! 489 00:21:03,121 --> 00:21:04,401 In the nads! 490 00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:06,121 Now they're also XXL! 491 00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:07,977 Probably better not to be Sheriff 492 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,337 while she's got her hands on that thing. 493 00:21:09,361 --> 00:21:10,521 Imagine the lawsuits. 494 00:21:11,401 --> 00:21:13,481 I never imagined you giving up the star, 495 00:21:13,761 --> 00:21:15,201 power-hungry fiend you are. 496 00:21:15,281 --> 00:21:17,041 - I didn't give up. - Cleo showed up, 497 00:21:17,121 --> 00:21:19,041 reincorporated the town, made herself magistrate, 498 00:21:19,081 --> 00:21:21,601 - and elected her own Sheriff. - So nobody stopped her? 499 00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:24,361 - Who had time for politics? - I had Rachel, and the homestead, 500 00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:25,761 and people to look for. 501 00:21:26,441 --> 00:21:27,961 And I did look. Hard. 502 00:21:28,041 --> 00:21:29,457 - Where'd you look? - Up Bunny Loblaw's... 503 00:21:29,481 --> 00:21:31,017 Don't come at me about it, okay, Wynonna? 504 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,161 I know I let everybody down. 505 00:21:33,361 --> 00:21:34,561 Nicole, I would never say... 506 00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:36,881 - Are you two chatting? - I need those onions, stat! 507 00:21:37,481 --> 00:21:38,801 Yes, chef! Coming. 508 00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:41,081 Okay. Now, for the pressed seitan. 509 00:21:41,161 --> 00:21:43,681 What?! Who's President Satan? 510 00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:46,201 - No. Seitan. - As in vital wheat gluten. 511 00:21:46,361 --> 00:21:47,897 It's the secret to a hearty vegan chili. 512 00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:49,361 We're making vegan chili?! 513 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:50,937 Baby, how's she supposed to win anything 514 00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:52,161 with vegan chili?! 515 00:21:54,561 --> 00:21:56,201 Not today, seitan! 516 00:21:57,361 --> 00:21:58,641 Afternoon, Ms. Haught. 517 00:21:58,801 --> 00:21:59,801 Sheriff Clayborn. 518 00:22:00,401 --> 00:22:02,001 Makes a change to see you back in town. 519 00:22:02,201 --> 00:22:04,041 I hope that means there's no hard feelings. 520 00:22:04,881 --> 00:22:06,001 About the election. 521 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,121 Well, I didn't have as much time to campaign. 522 00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:10,361 Or your other rumored advantages. 523 00:22:11,241 --> 00:22:12,721 Nice to afford a break now, though. 524 00:22:13,721 --> 00:22:14,721 I mean, that is, 525 00:22:14,761 --> 00:22:16,481 if you feel the homestead is safe with a... 526 00:22:16,801 --> 00:22:18,241 teenage girl on the case. 527 00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:21,001 Good luck with the chili. 528 00:22:29,241 --> 00:22:30,881 Aw, you have your little worry wrinkle. 529 00:22:31,041 --> 00:22:33,361 There are things, Waverly, every night, in those traps. 530 00:22:33,881 --> 00:22:35,481 The monster really wants inside. 531 00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:37,121 You're worried about Rachel. 532 00:22:38,841 --> 00:22:39,881 Why don't you go home? 533 00:22:40,201 --> 00:22:41,281 You sure you don't mind? 534 00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:42,961 No. 535 00:22:51,601 --> 00:22:53,057 I'll give you 20 bucks for half your bacon. 536 00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:55,001 You don't have 20 bucks. 537 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,041 Wynonna! 538 00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:02,681 For Randy Nedley. 539 00:23:21,361 --> 00:23:22,441 Rachel?! 540 00:23:22,921 --> 00:23:25,521 - Valdez?! - Nicole! I'm okay! 541 00:23:25,921 --> 00:23:27,481 Okay. You're okay? 542 00:23:27,761 --> 00:23:29,217 Don't make it more painful by mommying me. 543 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:30,521 What happened? 544 00:23:30,601 --> 00:23:32,377 I'm out re-baiting trap seven, by the poplars, 545 00:23:32,401 --> 00:23:35,161 and you scared away the skunks earlier, so I used kombucha. 546 00:23:35,601 --> 00:23:36,937 What? It kills all kinds of things, 547 00:23:36,961 --> 00:23:38,921 you know, like intestinal parasites, and... 548 00:23:39,281 --> 00:23:40,321 Ow, ow! 549 00:23:40,681 --> 00:23:41,961 So I'm filling up the trap, 550 00:23:42,241 --> 00:23:44,241 and it runs in, you know, the big, crusty one. 551 00:23:44,481 --> 00:23:46,721 But then, you know that old-timey cowboy dude? 552 00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:48,041 Daddy Blue Eyes? 553 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:49,440 - Doc? - Yeah! 554 00:23:49,441 --> 00:23:50,977 He's on the hill, and he's yelling at it 555 00:23:51,001 --> 00:23:52,361 to come get him instead. 556 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:54,561 - Did he kill it? - No, but he shot it. 557 00:23:54,841 --> 00:23:57,041 Okay. You are coming inside. 558 00:23:57,121 --> 00:23:58,721 And that is my mommy voice. 559 00:24:01,601 --> 00:24:02,857 - Oh, my God. It's edible. - Try it! 560 00:24:02,881 --> 00:24:04,577 You threw stolen beef and a can of anchovies 561 00:24:04,601 --> 00:24:06,361 into my vegan masterpiece! 562 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:07,640 Ahh! 563 00:24:07,641 --> 00:24:08,641 Damn. 564 00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:11,001 I'm gonna shove that thing up her canned anchovies. 565 00:24:11,361 --> 00:24:13,321 Criminal, take it. 566 00:24:14,441 --> 00:24:15,481 And this. 567 00:24:16,401 --> 00:24:17,681 Criminal chiliheads! 568 00:24:18,001 --> 00:24:21,001 As you all know, I excel at having opinions. 569 00:24:21,281 --> 00:24:22,881 And I was going to decide today's winner 570 00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:24,241 all by my lonesome, 571 00:24:24,441 --> 00:24:25,961 but a little voice in my head was like, 572 00:24:26,081 --> 00:24:27,961 don't be such a greedy skank's toilet, Cleo! 573 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,160 - Cleo? - Toilet? 574 00:24:29,161 --> 00:24:31,161 So I asked the second... 575 00:24:32,401 --> 00:24:34,041 prettiest girl in all of Purgatory 576 00:24:34,121 --> 00:24:35,401 to come help me out. 577 00:24:35,481 --> 00:24:38,441 So slap your bits together for your Miss Kidney Bean: 578 00:24:38,521 --> 00:24:40,121 Chrissy Nedley! 579 00:24:48,241 --> 00:24:50,441 Oh... You weren't kidding. 580 00:24:50,841 --> 00:24:52,801 She really does think you killed her dad. 581 00:24:53,641 --> 00:24:55,481 Yeah, I don't think you're gonna win. 582 00:24:56,241 --> 00:24:58,721 I'm gonna turn out the lights in case it's attracted to them. 583 00:25:01,681 --> 00:25:02,681 It's here. 584 00:25:06,361 --> 00:25:08,321 Nicole! Let me in! Let me in! 585 00:25:08,761 --> 00:25:10,961 It's Dr. Mustache, we have to save him! 586 00:25:11,281 --> 00:25:12,561 I'm going out front! 587 00:25:14,001 --> 00:25:15,361 It's gonna break the glass! 588 00:25:15,481 --> 00:25:16,641 Open up! 589 00:25:16,881 --> 00:25:18,401 Nicole, you have to let him in! 590 00:25:18,641 --> 00:25:19,921 Nicole! 591 00:25:20,001 --> 00:25:21,921 Nicole! 592 00:25:24,161 --> 00:25:25,201 Wake up! 593 00:25:27,761 --> 00:25:31,241 Please! 594 00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:33,601 That felt like it took forever. 595 00:25:33,681 --> 00:25:35,361 - Yeah, I bet. - Move! 596 00:25:45,121 --> 00:25:47,401 You carried a bottle the whole time you were running? 597 00:25:47,681 --> 00:25:49,401 - You are goals. - No, he is not goals, 598 00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,841 - he needs water. - Or maybe he needs... 599 00:25:51,921 --> 00:25:53,161 Don't say kombucha. 600 00:25:53,801 --> 00:25:55,697 Thanks for distracting the crusty booger beast. 601 00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,561 - Right, Haught? - Yeah. Thanks, Doc. 602 00:25:57,681 --> 00:25:59,457 Do not let me set here for more than ten minutes. 603 00:25:59,481 --> 00:26:01,401 I am fixing to return to the woods. 604 00:26:01,481 --> 00:26:02,881 - For what? - Complete the job. 605 00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:05,561 - That is a host animal. - For the little puffballs! 606 00:26:06,001 --> 00:26:07,321 I saw it leaking from the wound. 607 00:26:07,841 --> 00:26:09,481 I believe it has slowed a little. 608 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:11,481 Then it's time we strike back. 609 00:26:12,761 --> 00:26:14,561 It might be okay. 610 00:26:15,521 --> 00:26:16,737 - I'll never get used to that. - So... 611 00:26:16,761 --> 00:26:18,881 Clearly some of you didn't want it bad enough. 612 00:26:18,961 --> 00:26:20,401 Seriously, four of those chilis 613 00:26:20,481 --> 00:26:21,921 was just hot diarrhea with beans. 614 00:26:22,001 --> 00:26:23,001 - Certainly mine. - Ew. 615 00:26:23,601 --> 00:26:25,601 So, thank you for attending 616 00:26:25,681 --> 00:26:28,281 the first Randall Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off. 617 00:26:28,361 --> 00:26:30,177 If you leave off the "For Freedom", so help me, 618 00:26:30,201 --> 00:26:32,201 I will treat you to an actual bowl of hot diarrhea. 619 00:26:32,361 --> 00:26:33,361 For Freedom! 620 00:26:33,881 --> 00:26:36,521 My father had a complicated relationship with this cook-off. 621 00:26:36,601 --> 00:26:38,601 If he were here today, he would say... 622 00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:40,681 God, no one cares, Pissy, who won?! 623 00:26:41,921 --> 00:26:44,041 And today's winner of our get out-of-jail-free card 624 00:26:44,121 --> 00:26:45,281 goes to... 625 00:26:45,361 --> 00:26:46,761 Please, please, please, please. 626 00:26:46,841 --> 00:26:48,561 Wynonna Earp! 627 00:26:48,961 --> 00:26:50,921 What? 628 00:26:56,161 --> 00:26:59,681 Winner, winner, chili dinner! I win! 629 00:26:59,761 --> 00:27:01,817 - Glad it was you, Cell-y! - Listen, you can have the rest 630 00:27:01,841 --> 00:27:03,481 - of my chili if you want. - Ah, I'm good. 631 00:27:05,281 --> 00:27:06,281 What? 632 00:27:06,321 --> 00:27:07,321 Ah... 633 00:27:08,721 --> 00:27:10,401 - No way, right? - Okay! 634 00:27:11,521 --> 00:27:12,521 Bye! 635 00:27:13,041 --> 00:27:15,481 Pound it. No? No? 636 00:27:16,041 --> 00:27:18,161 It tastes like peppermint butt. 637 00:27:18,361 --> 00:27:19,681 - Hey, hey! - So why? 638 00:27:19,761 --> 00:27:21,841 Unhand your Chili Queen! 639 00:27:23,881 --> 00:27:24,881 That's why. 640 00:27:26,681 --> 00:27:28,801 Where are those keys? 641 00:27:29,641 --> 00:27:31,121 To my new car? 642 00:27:31,201 --> 00:27:33,081 Wow, this contest has everything! 643 00:27:33,401 --> 00:27:35,641 Holt, or "Sheriff Clayborn," 644 00:27:35,721 --> 00:27:37,641 doesn't like it when I drive department vehicles, 645 00:27:37,681 --> 00:27:39,561 but he can have a big old gag of my gavel. 646 00:27:39,641 --> 00:27:41,961 Did you forget the "freedom" part? 647 00:27:42,041 --> 00:27:43,641 Yeah, not 'til you get to the border. 648 00:27:43,721 --> 00:27:45,201 - I'm not leaving town. - Don't worry, 649 00:27:45,281 --> 00:27:46,281 I can get you out. 650 00:27:46,361 --> 00:27:47,777 - I know people. - No, I mean, I won't. 651 00:27:47,801 --> 00:27:49,241 Do you know how many Purgatorians 652 00:27:49,321 --> 00:27:51,241 would have murdered for this prize? 653 00:27:51,321 --> 00:27:53,281 Oh, weird... 654 00:27:53,361 --> 00:27:55,681 I just realized that that's exactly what you did! 655 00:27:58,001 --> 00:27:59,841 You acted like you knew who I was. 656 00:28:00,441 --> 00:28:01,521 When we first met. 657 00:28:02,001 --> 00:28:03,241 But you're not a revenant. 658 00:28:04,521 --> 00:28:06,601 And if you were really powerful, you'd just kill me. 659 00:28:09,841 --> 00:28:10,841 Yay! 660 00:28:12,001 --> 00:28:13,041 Keys! 661 00:28:13,121 --> 00:28:14,537 I wish I knew what we were up against, 662 00:28:14,561 --> 00:28:16,561 so we could prep a silver bullet or a wooden stake. 663 00:28:16,921 --> 00:28:18,441 - Sorry, Doc. - Understood. 664 00:28:18,521 --> 00:28:20,321 Okay, don't yell at me, but... 665 00:28:20,601 --> 00:28:22,601 the creature did make a Chewbacca howl 666 00:28:22,681 --> 00:28:24,217 when it stepped in the puddle of kombucha. 667 00:28:24,241 --> 00:28:25,921 For the last time, home brewed mold juice 668 00:28:25,961 --> 00:28:27,201 will not defeat pure evil. 669 00:28:27,281 --> 00:28:28,961 It smelled like pure evil. 670 00:28:29,281 --> 00:28:32,361 When it was leaking? Like blue cheese and boy feet. 671 00:28:32,441 --> 00:28:34,041 Did you hear someone say that? 672 00:28:34,441 --> 00:28:36,161 - It dealt it. - I simply smelt it. 673 00:28:36,681 --> 00:28:39,321 Look, I am not suggesting we refrain from hunting it... 674 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,400 Like hell I would. 675 00:28:40,401 --> 00:28:42,577 ...but I looked into its eyes and I remain unconvinced 676 00:28:42,601 --> 00:28:43,921 it is our enemy. 677 00:28:44,001 --> 00:28:45,761 This thing wants to take Waverly's home, 678 00:28:45,841 --> 00:28:47,881 and our ability to think of anything else. 679 00:28:48,681 --> 00:28:50,121 I found this in the trap. 680 00:28:50,201 --> 00:28:51,561 Last year, when you guys were... 681 00:28:51,641 --> 00:28:52,961 Gone for too long. 682 00:28:54,321 --> 00:28:55,657 At first I thought it was irrelevant, 683 00:28:55,681 --> 00:28:56,721 but then I figured it out. 684 00:28:57,881 --> 00:28:59,041 It's a Hawaiian shirt, Doc. 685 00:28:59,121 --> 00:29:01,321 It's... It's Nedley's shirt. 686 00:29:03,081 --> 00:29:04,521 That thing killed him, 687 00:29:04,601 --> 00:29:06,161 and now we need to kill it. 688 00:29:07,001 --> 00:29:08,921 The ballpuffers are parasites, 689 00:29:09,001 --> 00:29:10,481 and they took over something. 690 00:29:11,321 --> 00:29:12,321 Someone. 691 00:29:13,681 --> 00:29:16,881 Someone that always comes back to you, Nicole. 692 00:29:16,961 --> 00:29:18,081 No. 693 00:29:18,161 --> 00:29:20,161 What if the ogre didn't eat Nedley? 694 00:29:20,761 --> 00:29:22,961 - What if the ogre... - ...is Nedley? 695 00:29:27,161 --> 00:29:28,201 People will find out... 696 00:29:29,201 --> 00:29:31,881 about the contest, about you not keeping your word. 697 00:29:32,081 --> 00:29:34,121 One, how are they gonna find out? 698 00:29:35,201 --> 00:29:38,241 And two, what does an Earp know about keeping their word, huh? 699 00:29:38,601 --> 00:29:40,081 That is priceless. 700 00:29:40,521 --> 00:29:41,521 You are hilare. 701 00:29:41,601 --> 00:29:42,921 So this is personal. 702 00:29:52,041 --> 00:29:53,041 No. 703 00:29:53,241 --> 00:29:54,241 See this... 704 00:29:54,841 --> 00:29:57,721 This is hereditary, daughter of Earps. 705 00:30:01,481 --> 00:30:03,081 Besides, we have to keep 706 00:30:03,161 --> 00:30:05,281 feeding something to this monster, 707 00:30:05,681 --> 00:30:07,481 whatever it is, to keep it out of town. 708 00:30:08,161 --> 00:30:09,441 See, Sheriff Holt and I? 709 00:30:09,921 --> 00:30:11,361 We know what it takes 710 00:30:11,641 --> 00:30:13,161 to get dirtyjobs done. 711 00:30:14,521 --> 00:30:16,281 And if that dirtyjob... 712 00:30:18,321 --> 00:30:19,761 happens to be you? 713 00:30:21,481 --> 00:30:22,481 Bonus. 714 00:30:23,161 --> 00:30:25,161 - Now, scream. - Argh! 715 00:30:26,201 --> 00:30:27,881 Eat my vegan seitan. 716 00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:29,921 See, they lied. 717 00:30:30,401 --> 00:30:31,441 You're not even fun. 718 00:30:35,841 --> 00:30:37,601 Beastie boy! 719 00:30:38,121 --> 00:30:39,561 Come and get it! 720 00:30:43,201 --> 00:30:44,321 Where are you going? 721 00:30:44,401 --> 00:30:46,081 Oh, to sit in my car. 722 00:30:46,481 --> 00:30:47,681 Take a few pics! 723 00:30:48,001 --> 00:30:50,841 Maybe buff my muff, if the mood strikes. 724 00:30:51,281 --> 00:30:52,401 You are so weird. 725 00:30:55,801 --> 00:30:56,801 Previews are over. 726 00:30:56,881 --> 00:30:58,601 Looks like the creature feature is starting. 727 00:30:58,641 --> 00:31:00,281 Get away from her, skank toilet! 728 00:31:00,361 --> 00:31:01,561 Ahh! 729 00:31:01,641 --> 00:31:03,137 For the record, I don't believe in skank shaming, 730 00:31:03,161 --> 00:31:04,201 but you said it first. 731 00:31:07,441 --> 00:31:08,441 Sis, you okay? 732 00:31:08,881 --> 00:31:10,081 We need a knife or scissors. 733 00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:11,641 I have... teeth? 734 00:31:12,681 --> 00:31:14,441 Ugh! She's got a weapon! 735 00:31:15,721 --> 00:31:17,001 Friggin' skanks always do. 736 00:31:17,361 --> 00:31:18,881 Wait, I gotta stop saying that. 737 00:31:18,961 --> 00:31:19,961 Okay, stay there! 738 00:31:25,401 --> 00:31:27,601 No, no, no! 739 00:31:40,841 --> 00:31:42,041 Waverly! 740 00:31:44,161 --> 00:31:45,561 Waverly! 741 00:31:46,761 --> 00:31:48,281 - Hold your fire! - It's Nedley! 742 00:31:51,241 --> 00:31:52,361 Doc, flank him on the back! 743 00:31:52,441 --> 00:31:53,921 Waverly, find your position! 744 00:32:22,201 --> 00:32:26,561 ♪ I used to take on the world on my own ♪ 745 00:32:27,001 --> 00:32:29,961 ♪ Thought I was so strong ♪ 746 00:32:33,761 --> 00:32:35,361 ♪ As long as I'm here ♪ 747 00:32:35,921 --> 00:32:38,241 ♪ By your side ♪ 748 00:32:38,321 --> 00:32:41,121 ♪ Ten times as strong together ♪ 749 00:32:41,481 --> 00:32:44,321 ♪ We're amplified ♪ 750 00:32:47,921 --> 00:32:48,921 Idiots. 751 00:32:54,721 --> 00:32:57,801 ♪ And I'm here by your side ♪ 752 00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:05,721 Wynonna? 753 00:33:06,441 --> 00:33:07,441 What did I do? 754 00:33:07,761 --> 00:33:08,961 You survived, Nedley. 755 00:33:09,681 --> 00:33:10,681 That's what you did. 756 00:33:11,001 --> 00:33:12,121 You made it home. 757 00:33:15,241 --> 00:33:16,241 Fuck yeah. 758 00:33:22,001 --> 00:33:24,441 Nedley, I'm not coming any closer 759 00:33:24,521 --> 00:33:25,641 until you put this on. 760 00:33:27,481 --> 00:33:28,801 There's been enough crime today. 761 00:33:30,641 --> 00:33:31,641 Hey. 762 00:33:34,801 --> 00:33:37,121 - Nicole, what's going on? - I... 763 00:33:37,321 --> 00:33:39,481 You were not in possession of your own faculties. 764 00:33:42,401 --> 00:33:43,561 Why do I taste skunk? 765 00:33:43,801 --> 00:33:45,001 That may be me. 766 00:33:46,961 --> 00:33:48,601 That's some intense, brother. 767 00:34:04,601 --> 00:34:05,681 - Dad. - Chrissy! 768 00:34:05,761 --> 00:34:07,441 Oh, my God. Dad! 769 00:34:08,321 --> 00:34:11,201 Shh, shh. 770 00:34:15,041 --> 00:34:16,681 They told me you were dead. 771 00:34:17,801 --> 00:34:20,601 This stubborn mule? Not yet. 772 00:34:22,401 --> 00:34:24,681 Where were you? What happened? 773 00:34:24,761 --> 00:34:25,961 I really don't remember. 774 00:34:26,281 --> 00:34:28,801 - Ah, might be for the best. - Might be? 775 00:34:29,241 --> 00:34:31,121 Look, um, we think he'll be fine. 776 00:34:31,481 --> 00:34:33,761 But just for fun, maybe keep him away from small game. 777 00:34:37,361 --> 00:34:39,121 Wynonna. I don't even know what to say. 778 00:34:39,441 --> 00:34:40,441 I know. 779 00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:43,161 It's just, since the evacuation, I... 780 00:34:43,241 --> 00:34:45,921 this place... it got to me and I... 781 00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:47,961 Needed us and were hurt when we weren't here? 782 00:34:50,361 --> 00:34:52,201 - Yeah. - It won't happen again. 783 00:34:55,641 --> 00:34:56,641 Hey, you. 784 00:35:01,001 --> 00:35:02,121 It's good to have you back. 785 00:35:12,001 --> 00:35:13,001 Nicole. 786 00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:15,657 You should get Chrissy out of here. 787 00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:16,681 While you still can. 788 00:35:28,361 --> 00:35:30,081 You did the chili cook-off without me? 789 00:35:30,481 --> 00:35:32,241 Dad... 790 00:35:38,441 --> 00:35:41,081 Here I thought all my flirting was getting me nowhere. 791 00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:43,961 There is more where that came from. 792 00:35:44,721 --> 00:35:47,521 That would get my slacks off in a snap. 793 00:35:47,601 --> 00:35:49,361 'Cause that would be a challenge. 794 00:35:50,401 --> 00:35:52,161 I paid for that truck, and its contents, 795 00:35:52,241 --> 00:35:53,521 and I'll be french-fried 796 00:35:53,601 --> 00:35:55,841 if you're going to sell my own property back to me. 797 00:35:56,281 --> 00:35:59,121 Except I know where it is and you do not. 798 00:35:59,201 --> 00:36:01,241 But I suppose I could sell said contents 799 00:36:01,321 --> 00:36:02,881 to the human bar in town... 800 00:36:03,561 --> 00:36:05,281 Let's not get off on the wrong foot. 801 00:36:07,041 --> 00:36:08,961 I also suggest that you acquire 802 00:36:09,041 --> 00:36:11,281 protection for your next order and that would be, 803 00:36:12,441 --> 00:36:13,881 well, yours truly. 804 00:36:14,281 --> 00:36:16,201 An experienced hand with local knowledge, 805 00:36:16,281 --> 00:36:20,361 who can then safely convey said truck right to your... 806 00:36:21,281 --> 00:36:22,321 back door. 807 00:36:23,561 --> 00:36:25,361 What would you require in return? 808 00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:29,441 Something to quench that vampiric appetite? 809 00:36:30,721 --> 00:36:32,161 When was the last time you fed? 810 00:36:32,801 --> 00:36:33,801 My hunger... 811 00:36:34,521 --> 00:36:35,561 is none of your concern. 812 00:36:35,641 --> 00:36:38,881 What I require is something more... tangible. 813 00:36:39,521 --> 00:36:40,521 A future favor. 814 00:36:41,601 --> 00:36:42,881 And two thousand a load. 815 00:36:43,521 --> 00:36:45,801 That's highway robbery. 816 00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:47,881 - Precisely. - And at a reasonable cost. 817 00:36:47,961 --> 00:36:50,841 But I assure you, I am the best. 818 00:36:51,921 --> 00:36:52,921 Mm-hmm... 819 00:37:01,001 --> 00:37:02,361 You smell like heaven. 820 00:37:02,761 --> 00:37:03,761 I know. 821 00:37:12,361 --> 00:37:17,681 ♪ If you could love me completely ♪ 822 00:37:19,761 --> 00:37:24,401 ♪ If you could show me a sign ♪ 823 00:37:26,961 --> 00:37:30,041 Having trouble remembering where you like these lips. 824 00:37:30,321 --> 00:37:32,241 You seem to be figuring it out. 825 00:37:34,361 --> 00:37:36,401 You know, the garden tried to fool me. 826 00:37:37,881 --> 00:37:39,041 With a fake you. 827 00:37:40,161 --> 00:37:41,161 You didn't... 828 00:37:41,321 --> 00:37:42,961 No. Not even close. 829 00:37:44,361 --> 00:37:46,041 But I would've known in a second. 830 00:37:47,641 --> 00:37:48,841 I know every curve... 831 00:37:50,721 --> 00:37:51,841 every sigh... 832 00:37:53,401 --> 00:37:54,641 every taste... 833 00:38:00,121 --> 00:38:02,361 Wynonna, her midnight snack, and the pantry door. 834 00:38:03,481 --> 00:38:05,161 She never met a thing she couldn't slam. 835 00:38:08,081 --> 00:38:09,401 Yeah. I guess I'd forgotten. 836 00:38:11,481 --> 00:38:12,841 I love you, Nicole Haught. 837 00:38:13,561 --> 00:38:15,921 And I can't wait for the rest of our lives to unfold. 838 00:38:21,281 --> 00:38:23,121 Can you tell me about your year and a half? 839 00:38:25,281 --> 00:38:27,601 I'm sorry, I'm just... distracted. 840 00:38:27,681 --> 00:38:29,001 I gotta go check those traps. 841 00:38:29,601 --> 00:38:30,601 Oh. 842 00:38:31,081 --> 00:38:32,561 Yeah. Okay. Uh... 843 00:38:33,521 --> 00:38:34,521 Can I come with you? 844 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,280 Always. 845 00:38:50,081 --> 00:38:51,961 - Expected date of return? - Never. 846 00:38:52,801 --> 00:38:55,321 My Dad's birthday is in August. Might surprise him. 847 00:38:55,441 --> 00:38:56,961 I have to get my supervisor. 848 00:39:07,641 --> 00:39:09,121 You're cleared to go. 849 00:39:12,081 --> 00:39:13,321 They're back. 850 00:39:27,321 --> 00:39:29,801 I'll move out to the barn, now that everyone's back. 851 00:39:31,121 --> 00:39:32,561 - Which is good. - Take the bed. 852 00:39:33,761 --> 00:39:34,761 You've earned it, kid. 853 00:39:35,481 --> 00:39:36,481 Besides... 854 00:39:37,801 --> 00:39:38,921 I'm better in the cold. 855 00:39:40,721 --> 00:39:42,521 Okay, Jon Snow in a B cup. 856 00:39:43,801 --> 00:39:45,161 And I'm not a kid, Wynonna. 857 00:39:48,001 --> 00:39:49,361 Why'd you leave Monument? 858 00:39:50,801 --> 00:39:52,697 When you're a person who's gone through some stuff, 859 00:39:52,721 --> 00:39:55,081 and you see somebody else, who's a good person, 860 00:39:55,161 --> 00:39:56,721 also going through some stuff... 861 00:39:58,361 --> 00:39:59,481 How bad is Nicole? 862 00:40:00,921 --> 00:40:03,441 She was alone for a really long time. 863 00:40:06,681 --> 00:40:08,257 Well, thanks for taking care of my friend, 864 00:40:08,281 --> 00:40:09,281 Rachel Valdez. 865 00:40:10,641 --> 00:40:12,921 Thank you for noticing, Wynonna Earp. 866 00:40:13,561 --> 00:40:14,841 Oh, the Earp heir. 867 00:40:22,041 --> 00:40:23,321 Listen. My bed, yeah. 868 00:40:23,401 --> 00:40:25,081 My leather pants, no. 869 00:40:26,001 --> 00:40:27,001 Pfft, please. 870 00:40:27,281 --> 00:40:29,761 I wouldn't be seen wearing these in front of the skunks I milk. 871 00:40:32,081 --> 00:40:33,921 Your fringed leather jacket, though... 872 00:40:35,721 --> 00:40:37,561 Don't push your luck, Smalldez. 873 00:40:39,241 --> 00:40:41,041 - Good night. - Good night, Wynonna. 874 00:40:48,961 --> 00:40:51,281 - Hello, chaps! - Hands up. 875 00:40:52,321 --> 00:40:54,281 Like I said: so good to be home. 60885

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