Original subtitles

Arliss: For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion

remains a fantasy.

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes,

these are my stories.

♪ I don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ For you're a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For I'm a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For we are jolly good fel-lo-o-o-ows ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

(phone ringing)

Ah, shit.

Yeah, Benny.

Arliss, this is my final offer for Curt Schilling.

Two years, 25 million.

Benny, I'm gonna spare you the embarrassment of this phone call

and pretend you never made it.

But, let me know when you're ready to say 30 million, okay?

Later.

Arliss, check the cornerbacks.

They bite on play action.

Granite, you're working too hard.

Especially at your age.

My age?

I am an hour older than you are.

The key word being "older".

(phone ringing)

(groans)

Curt Schilling, how's the high priest of the high cheese?

Arliss, did you get me my 30 million?

Uh, not yet, but don't worry, Benny'll cave.

I don't know, man, Benny knows how to play hardball.

Yeah, well, I know how to play Benny.

Well, stay on top of it.

Okay, no problem.

"Stay on top of it," I'm always on top of it,

for 25 years, night and day, I've been on top of it.

Try coaching.

Look, you got four weeks training camp,

four weeks pre-season, 16 games, four post.

And then you got the combine, salary caps, the draft.

There's no off season.

You love it, what else would you do?

I don't know.

What do people do when they're not working?

Sleep?

I do know I'd be paying less alimony

if I'd stayed home more.

Yeah, but you wouldn't have a Super Bowl trophy, would you?

Sometimes, Arliss, I just, uh...

I wonder.

Well, lose a few more games

and you'll have plenty of time to ponder the meaning of life.

You're right.

Let's wrap this up, I, uh, I got work to do.

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

Swiss chocolate and Grand Marnier.

So good.

And there's a half-shot of booze in every chocolate.

That's four times the amount of any candy

in the American market.

Candy?

Hey, as long as it's wrapped in chocolate,

it's still technically a candy, so...

So, if we can get American distribution rights,

we stand to make, by my estimates,

a shitload of money.

Doing what? Putting them in liquor stores?

No, putting them in stadiums.

Stadiums prohibit the sale of alcohol after the seventh inning,

the third quarter.

But they don't prohibit the sale of candy.

Oh...

Oh, Stan, you've got to try one of these amarettos.

Multiple taste bud orgasms in your mouth.

(clears throat) No, thank you.

I'm on a sugar, yeast, alcohol free diet.

Why?

I'm having a little yeast problem.

You have a yeast infection?

Not a yeast infection, a yeast problem.

Trapplets, I've never heard of these.

Kirby, where'd you find this?

On his pillow in Switzerland scouting NFL Europe.

Von Trapp is the family that owns the company.

The old man, Ludwig, refused all offers to export.

So, we're out?

No, Ludwig is.

He choked on a fondue ball.

We're hoping the son is a little more open-minded.

He's a world-class mountaineer.

Okay, mountain climbing!

That's our in.

Rita, draft a letter.

Put in all kinds of mountain climbing shit.

People, this is a goldmine!

(phone ringing)

Arliss Michaels' office...

One moment, please.

Benny Brandt... again.

(chuckles)

Announcer 1: Oh, boy, Paul,

Granite Giles didn't like that last call.

Whoo, is he letting the referee know.

(laughs) Give it to him, give it to him.

Arliss, we've been talking for five hours now.

My family's waiting at home.

What if I defer some money till 2004?

You can defer this and defer that

Until the Jeb Bush administration,

but 26 million isn't gonna get it done.

27 million.

(auctioneering) 27, I hear 27, I got a 27, who'll give me 30?

I'm looking for 30, who'll give me 30?

I faxed the letter to Von Trapp, goodnight.

Go home.

Listen, I'm not giving you 30, Arliss,

so, if this is not gonna happen,

You're gonna have to let me know right now.

Benny, it's gonna happen, work with me.

You can...

Benny: Hello?

Hello, Arliss?

Announcer 2: Granite Giles just went down.

Arliss, are you there?

Benny, I'll get back to you.

Announcer 1: We're not sure what's going on, folks.

Announcer 2: This looks serious, Joe.

Giles has collapsed on the field.

Announcer 1: Here comes the ambulance.

Get up, Granite.

Get up...

Announcer 2: This stadium's growing very quiet very quickly.

Announcer 1: Oh, boy.

Get the fuck up!

Announcer 1: Do I hate to see something like this happen.

Our prayers are with him.

Man: Some of us knew Granite Giles as a coach,

others knew him as a friend,

but all of us knew what he stood for.

(continues indistinctly)

A shame.

Granite Giles was a great coach,

plucked from the prime of his life.

October 9th,

1955.

Well, it is the quality,

not the quantity of life that's important, don't you think?

(cell phone buzzing)

Arliss hasn't gotten back from the funeral?

Oh, he's probably stuck on the freeway.

It's weird he hasn't called.

This fax that Arliss sent is pretty great.

"Dear Herr Von Trapp,

"last year, on an ascent of K-2, your marvelous confection

"gave me the needed boost to persevere

"through bitter wind and snow, to the summit,

where I placed a Trapplet in celebration."

Oh, please!

"Since that moment, I have dreamed

"of bringing your inspirational product to America.

"I would greatly welcome the opportunity

"to discuss this with you.

Sincerely, Arliss Michaels."

How's that yeast thing working out, Stanley?

Bake any bread down there yet?

You sloth!

You'll never know the spiritual effects of detoxification.

Arliss: Hi, either leave a message, try me at the office,

or if it's an emergen...

Where the hell is he?

Howdy.

Do you need some gas?

You want gas?

I don't know.

Where you headed?

I don't know.

Mister, if you don't mind me saying so,

you need a piece of pie and a bed,

in that order.

(sighs)

Okay.

Check me in.

I'll leave the key here.

Ta-da!

This is a standard deluxe,

kind of like a small tall at the Starbucks.

Uh, don't mind the lizards

'cause every lizard you see is three less cockroaches.

This is the bathroom.

Make sure you shut the shower door

'cause the stain'll just get bigger.

What state are we in?

Well, your right brain's in California,

your left brain's in Nevada.

And the Easy Rest Inn lies square on the line.

You want a wake-up call?

Why don't you have a seat and get to work on this?

It's coconut cream, specialty of the house.

Thanks.

Get some rest, hon.

Sleep well.

(door closing)

(bagpipes playing)

(gasps)

The fuck is that?

Front door's open, come on in!

Beautiful night.

Pull up a chaise.

I don't mean to intrude.

Not at all.

In fact, you've just arrived in the nick of time.

Here, do me a favor, will you?

Hang on to that end and give it a bit of a shake.

(groans)

These new-fangled vac pacs, they do a lovely job

of cleaning out the cracks and crevasses.

You're vacuuming the desert?

Yes, cleaning up the gold.

Gold?

It's not the rocks we bust for the glittering dust,

but the journey that brings us the gold.

The journey that brings us the gold.

Well done!

Good, good, all free and clear.

(grunts)

Splendid, now, have a cup of cowboy coffee.

The grounds will probably polish your teeth.

And behold, the company cup.

You get much company?

Oh, you'd be surprised.

Oh, by the way, my name is Davey Owen Jones.

Oh, Arliss Michaels.

Nice to meet you.

Are you here on vacation?

No, I was just at a funeral.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Was it a good friend?

One of my best.

We didn't see each other that much.

Uh, we were both... too busy.

Well...

Perhaps you'll see him out here.

Well, it's so nice chattin' with you,

but work beckons.

You work at night?

Night or day.

Once you get a taste for the gold,

there's no point in sitting around.

You're a gold prospector?

As you are, I wager.

So long, now.

("For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" on bagpipes)

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

I have never, ever, never, ever, ever

not been able to get a hold of Arliss.

Coffee?

No, thank you.

Hot water and grapefruit seed extract is fine.

Well, rum and chocolate is fine with me.

I've never been out of touch with Arliss for this long.

He's called me from surgery.

To make sure the procedure was covered.

I don't think you guys understand

the seriousness of the situation.

Arliss is missing!

Lassie, lie down, chill.

(phone ringing)

Arliss Michaels' office.

I'm getting tired of talking to Arliss Michaels' office.

You know, if I want to speak to office furniture,

I can talk to my own.

I'm sorry, Mr. Brandt, he's not here.

Refusing my offer is one thing,

but refusing to take my calls is another.

Now, you tell him he's got his 30 million,

but I better hear from him by the end of the day.

(Benny hangs up)

Holy shit, he's coming tomorrow.

- Arliss? - Von Trapp.

He's in the Tetons.

He's flying to L.A. tomorrow

and looks forward to meeting Herr Michaels personally

to discuss Trapplets!

That's fucking great!

Great if Herr Michaels is "Herr" to meet him.

Where the hell is he?

(country music playing)

So, Mr. Michaels, check-out was at noon.

And I'm guessing you're extending your stay?

This is the first weekday I haven't worked in 25 years.

How do you feel?

You got any more of that coconut cream pie?

♪ Gonna ride the open prairie ♪

♪ With my one and only love ♪

(bagpipes playing)

Davey?!

Davey?

Davey?!

Where are ya?

Dave?

Davey?

Jesus!

What are you doing here?

I brought you something to eat.

No, I meant, what are you doing here?

I don't know.

Looking for inspiration?

Inspiration, eh?

Well, a man who spends all day looking for inspiration

doesn't get a great deal done.

Come with me.

Beautiful, eh?

And it's mine.

What do you call it?

A mine.

No, I mean, doesn't it have some kinda cool name,

like the Lost Dutchman, or Dead Man's Cave?

The Hardy Boys could do better than that.

Okay, um, how about, um...

How about Granite's Cavern?

Granite's Cavern is good.

You can find gold in granite.

Here, give it a whack.

Give what a whack?

The rock.

The gold doesn't just jump out by itself, man.

You gotta go and get it!

Look, like this.

No, no, don't, no! Cave in, cave in!

Well, lookie, lookie, here comes cookie!

Holy shit.

Is that...

The metal of monarchs.

King Tut's top hat,

the reason Cortez sailed the seas.

Let me see, let me see.

(laughs)

What'd you do with it?

Come on, we're wasting daylight.

Back to work.

Yeah, but that was gold.

(bagpipes playing)

Davey, how long you been prospecting?

Forever, it's what I do.

Well, I appreciate your commitment.

Being a workaholic myself...

A what?

A workaholic.

What hellish kind of word is that?

It sounds like some disease.

Nothing personal,

but you're out here in the middle of nowhere.

Do you ever think, maybe...

you're missing something?

What, the stars?

The dust devils?

The sound of my pickax ringing against the canyon walls?

No.

No, I mean friends,

family.

Oh, I got friends.

Here...

Ah.

Me and my buddy, Willis.

When was this taken?

Oh, you ask too many questions.

I love my work.

Ready to climb back into civilization?

I guess so.

God, you must've been wiped out.

I've never known anyone to sleep like you.

Anyone alive, that is.

Here you go, for the road.

Oh.

Hey, do you know how old that Davey Owen Jones is?

You mean how old is the legend of Davey Owen Jones.

What legend?

The story goes that Jones worked harder than a one-armed paper hanger,

day and night, night and day, digging, panning,

searching for gold.

And then one day, the mine that he was in collapsed,

and he was buried alive.

He was buried alive?

Yep, but what makes it a legend

is that when they dug him out,

He was still alive, grinning from ear to ear,

pickax in hand, rarin' to go.

How long ago was that?

October 9th, 1955.

And no one's seen Davey since.

In these parts,

he's become the patron saint of lost prospectors.

Thanks.

Sure.

Hey, uh, who told you about Davey Owen Jones?

Arliss: Life is full of mysteries.

Every time you think you've got it all figured out,

something comes along to prove otherwise.

- (phone ringing) - Arliss Michaels' office.

I got a brief message for Mr. Arliss.

You tell him that I retract my offer,

and you tell him to go fuck himself!

Certainly I will, Mr. Brandt...

(dial tone)

(phone ringing)

Arliss Michaels' office.

- Kirby: Rita! - Kirby, you find him?

Nope, looks like he hasn't been home.

I'm calling the police.

Don't!

It'd be really bad P.R. if Arliss was reported missing.

He wouldn't like it.

Well, he'll like it

if he's being tortured in someone's basement!

(phone ringing)

Hold on.

Arliss Michaels' office.

This is Curt at the desk downstairs.

Pierre Von Trapp is here to see you.

Oh, my God, he's early.

Um, send him up.

Uh, 12th floor, gentlemen.

Ah, danke.

- Kirby, Von Trapp is here. - Now?

He was supposed to come at five!

- What do I do? - Stall him till I get there.

Okay.

Stanley, Von Trapp is on his way up.

You have to be Arliss!

Okay.

Go into Arliss's office and pretend it's yours.

Uh-huh.

Rita: Oh, my God.

You're drunk!

No, no...

I only had a couple.

(sighs)

(stomach grumbling)

- Uh-oh. - What?

(vomiting)

(gasping)

(loud vomiting)

Holy shit.

Guten tag.

Ah, guten tag.

I'm Pierre Von Trapp.

My attorney, Franz Huber.

We're here to see Arliss Michaels.

I'm Arliss Michaels.

Vilkommen.

You are Arliss Michaels?

Well, I'm surprised.

Because I'm a woman?

No, that you have bagged K-2.

Oh, well, that's what they said when I bagged Fuji.

This way, please.

I hope you don't mind my arriving early.

I'm leading a climb in two days.

Have you done the Matterhorn?

With my niece.

Your niece?

Excellent.

- We should get down to business. - Ah, yeah.

Herr Von Trapp is concerned that Trapplets will be marketed

in a manner that America will embrace.

I understand.

Herr Pierre...

Please, my friends call me Pi.

Herr Pi,

by introducing Trapplets into the stadiums,

they will become as American as...

♪ Peanuts and Cracker Jack ♪

Uh, Miss Michaels...

Call me Rita.

Uh, Arliss Rita.

What is most important,

Arliss Rita,

is that I can trust the people that I work with.

That you understand the planning, the teamwork,

and the level of commitment needed to summit K-2,

makes me believe that I can trust you.

Can I?

As sure as my name is Arliss Michaels.

Good!

Then I'm sure we will have a deal.

Sorry, I'm late, I was being outfitted for Everest.

Arliss Michaels, nice to meet you.

You are Arliss Michaels?

I thought...

Rita, if my sherpa calls,

tell him that I will meet him at the base camp

in the Himalayas.

The north face, of course.

I'm confused.

The south face?

Captain Von Trapp?

Arliss Michaels.

Your candy is fucking great!

How many Arliss Michaels are there?

All: One.

Well, which one is it?

All: Me.

(speaking German)

There's nothing to discuss.

I think I'm being made a fool of.

Franz, let's go!

(Stanley) So long, farewell.

- Wait!, wait! - No, no, no!

I'll bet your niece has never even seen the Matterhorn.

(Stanley blows raspberry) Matterhorn?

Fucking lines at Disneyland'll kill you.

(chuckles) What?

- Oh! - God!

I had that deal.

I had them eating out of my hands.

Oh, please, please, no eating.

Oh, God, all I know is Arliss is gonna be so pissed when he finds...

If he...

I think it's time we call the police.

I think you're right.

No!

Kirby, Kirby, we have to be prepared for the worst.

No, no, no, he's not missing!

He's just... fuck.

It's okay, it's okay.

I know, it's weird, not hearing his voice around here,

ranting and raving.

Yes.

Yelling and screaming.

Screaming.

Bitching and moaning.

Moaning!

(sobbing)

What the hell is going on here?

I said, what's going on?!

Where have you been?

Grieving for my friend

who died too young and worked too hard.

At least that's what I thought.

But you know what?

Granite lived a full life doing exactly what he wanted to do,

and died doing exactly what he loved.

And that's not such a bad thing.

I should be so lucky.

Now, what did I miss here?

Any word from Von Trapp?

- Oh... Yeah. - Oh! Uh...

(overlapping chatter)

- He called... - He called!

- The Trapplets... - He can't fly.

Rita: They're pressurized.

He's not interested!

Shit!

And you just let it drop at that,

son of a bitch!

I'm gone from the office a day and a half

and it goes to hell in a handbasket!

(phone ringing)

I'll get it.

- (scoffs) - Him yelling...

You know, sometimes I wish there was more than one of me.

Arliss Michaels.

Michaels, I know what you're doing with Curt Schilling.

I know that you're shopping him around.

So... look... 35 million.

Deal?

(mouths words)

Deal.

Except for a few small points.

Benny: I just gave you 35 million, I mean, for that kind of money...

Arliss: In Webster's Dictionary,

work is defined as labor, toil, drudgery, grind.

That wouldn't be my definition.

For me, work is a joy.

Through my work, I've made great friends

with whom I've shared many special moments.

I've learned to relish those moments,

because they don't last forever...

(bagpipes playing)

Or maybe they do...

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

(bagpipes continue)

(bagpipes continue)